Ep. #366 - Deep Water

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss deep water.

Stuart Wellington

[0:03] A perfect example of why rich people should have jobs.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:37] I am Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:39] Thanks for saying that, Dan.

[0:40] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:42] I appreciate both of you laying the groundwork for my entrance as Elliot Kalin,

[0:47] starring as himself in the role of Elliot Kalin.

[0:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[0:51] Now, if you're tuning in, this is a podcast.

[0:53] Yeah.

[0:54] Can you help me with the next part?

[0:56] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[0:56] And what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[0:58] Well, we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[1:00] And I want to address, over the years, the definition of a bad movie.

[1:06] Let's just say we wear the mantle lightly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09] Sometimes—

[1:10] We should just change it.

[1:10] We should officially change it to we watch a movie, and then we talk about it.

[1:13] Yeah.

[1:14] You know what?

[1:15] I'm going to submit that motion.

[1:16] Guys, I propose a motion.

[1:18] This is what we would normally do at our weekly parliamentary meetings at Flophouse Business.

[1:22] I'd like to introduce some new business.

[1:24] I'd like to introduce that we officially change the motto from we watch a bad movie, and we talk about it, to we watch a movie, and we talk about it.

[1:31] I'm looking for a second.

[1:32] Who would like to second that motion?

[1:33] I'll second it.

[1:34] Okay.

[1:34] So second it.

[1:35] That goes to a vote.

[1:36] All in favor, say aye.

[1:39] Aye.

[1:39] I do think it confuses me.

[1:41] Okay.

[1:41] Okay, Stuart, I was worried you were just putting me out there just to flap in the wind.

[1:44] Okay, Stuart.

[1:45] Yeah.

[1:45] Oh, God.

[1:46] And all opposed, say nay.

Dan McCoy

[1:48] This really tricked me by surprise.

[1:49] I guess I'm not going to oppose it.

[1:51] I just think it does.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52] So that's two in favor, no against.

[1:54] Motion passes.

[1:54] That's a perfect time to seize power from Dan is in the middle of the episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:58] It was.

[2:00] Look, I personally think that not saying anything about bad movies kind of muddies the premise a bit.

[2:06] But I will.

[2:07] I just.

Elliott Kalan

[2:07] Dan, you had.

[2:08] Dan, we.

[2:09] Debate was opened and closed.

[2:11] You had your chance to vote against the motion.

[2:13] And you decided to abdicate your responsibility.

[2:17] The whole point.

Dan McCoy

[2:18] This is just prelude to say that sometimes we watch a movie that got middling reviews that we're kind of interested in.

[2:25] We're like, oh, we're curious about that.

[2:27] Let's see it.

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] Now, it's interesting, Dan, that you used the term muddied because the movie we watched is called Deep Water, a thing that can sometimes be muddy.

[2:34] As it is later in the movie, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] Deep Muddy Water.

Stuart Wellington

[2:38] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[2:39] Deep Muddy Waters, the blues musician.

[2:41] Yeah, yeah.

[2:42] His book of poetry.

Stuart Wellington

[2:45] So, Dan, you did all the research and background on this movie.

[2:47] Did I?

[2:48] It was directed by Adrian Lin, correct?

[2:50] A man known for, a boy known for making bangers.

[2:54] Want to list some of the credits.

Elliott Kalan

[2:55] Former Academy Award nominee for Fatal Attraction for directing.

[2:58] He made Nine and a Half Weeks.

[3:00] He made Indecent Proposal.

[3:01] He made Flashdance, right?

[3:02] He made Jacob's Ladder.

[3:03] Jacob's Ladder.

[3:04] He had a real, he was a real major director of the 80s and early 90s.

Stuart Wellington

[3:08] And his last movie was like 20 years ago, right?

[3:11] Yeah, this is his first movie in 20 years after Unfaithful.

[3:14] Unfaithful, a certified grade A hot movie.

Dan McCoy

[3:18] Yeah, it was like a minor hit.

[3:20] I mean, like, in so much as any movie of that nature can be one these days.

[3:24] So, it's kind of weird that he-

[3:25] Of a sexual nature?

[3:26] Well, I mean, just like adult dramas, let's call them.

Elliott Kalan

[3:30] So, Adrian Lin is known for making steamy movies.

[3:34] That's why they call him Steamy Lin.

[3:36] And that's what he's known as if you ever meet him.

[3:39] Like, the same way Charles Schultz was known as Sparky.

[3:41] Adrian Lin is known as Steamy.

[3:42] And they used to hang out together as Sparky and Steamy, a jazz combo.

Dan McCoy

[3:45] Mm-hmm.

[3:47] Okay.

[3:47] Well, this is all important background.

[3:49] It's Stuart.

[3:49] Yeah.

[3:50] So, Charles Schultz would play the marimbas.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] And Adrian Lin would play the vibraphone.

Dan McCoy

[3:55] So, classic steamer.

[3:57] As long as we're kind of going in the background.

[3:59] I think it's fun.

[3:59] So, this was a movie that was originally going to have a theatrical release.

[4:04] It got delayed a bit.

[4:05] And then it finally got dumped to Hulu.

[4:07] And it was funny to me that the-

[4:10] I read a couple of articles, like, on this to see sort of what the process was.

[4:15] Why this happened this way.

[4:17] And in more than one-

[4:18] I think once they saw the movie, they said,

[4:20] We can't release this in theaters.

[4:22] What do you say, Dave?

[4:22] There's certainly been way worse movies released in theaters.

[4:24] And you said-

Stuart Wellington

[4:25] No, no.

[4:26] Yeah, Weekend Morbius comes out.

[4:29] So, but you say dumped to Hulu as if Hulu isn't arguably the best movie-based streaming service.

Dan McCoy

[4:36] Yes, I still think that to-

[4:39] This movie escaped the streaming trap in that it did get a fair amount of, like, talk about it.

[4:46] But I feel like-

[4:46] Well, and they advertised it, which is usually what doesn't happen.

[4:48] Yes, I feel like dumped to streaming only in so much as, like,

[4:52] movies get released on streaming by the crateful every week.

[4:57] And so many of them just get lost.

Elliott Kalan

[4:59] I think Netflix released 4,000 movies this weekend.

[5:02] Yeah.

[5:03] And many of them are science fiction action movies that normally would have gotten a theatrical release.

[5:08] Now they're just getting dumped.

Dan McCoy

[5:09] Let me quickly circle around to the point, though.

[5:11] In more than one article, they were like,

[5:14] Oh, you know, the studio looked at the failure of other adult programming, like West Side Story,

[5:21] and was like, I think we should put this on streaming.

[5:24] And it's a real sign of our times that went unnoticed by me at first.

[5:33] I'm like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

[5:35] And then I'm like, what world do we live in where, like, adult-themed movies, like, meaning, like, non-franchise films,

[5:44] are so rare that we can put West Side Story and Deep Water under the same umbrella.

[5:49] And initially I'm like, yeah, yeah, sure, of course.

[5:52] The failure of West Side Story makes sense.

[5:54] Like, anyway.

[5:56] That was the point.

[5:57] That was the point.

Elliott Kalan

[5:57] Yeah.

[5:58] I mean, it's a good point that we do live in this strange theatrical dystopia where only movies that appeal to, I guess—

[6:07] All quadrants.

[6:08] All quadrants, aka teenagers.

[6:10] Not even all quadrants.

[6:10] Only movies that appeal to teenage dudes are basically, like, that's the test.

[6:16] And I don't think—I think if you went to see Deep Water in the theaters, you would have been like,

[6:19] that was not a movie I should have seen in a movie theater.

[6:22] That was—there's not a lot of movie theater, but—

Dan McCoy

[6:24] I should have rented and watched Late at Night at Home.

[6:27] I should have.

[6:27] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[6:28] I should have gone to my friend Tracy Letts' personal screen room and watched it with Tracy Letts and his beautiful wife Carrie Coon.

Elliott Kalan

[6:33] I do love that this is now the second in an unofficial Tracy Letts month, basically after Ghostbusters Afterlife.

[6:40] Yeah.

[6:41] That Tracy Letts is now the superstar of the Fluff House.

[6:44] But I will say, but Dan—

Stuart Wellington

[6:45] If only Tracy Letts brought the same energy to Ghostbusters Afterlife that he brings to this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[6:50] Tracy Letts, he does have my favorite scene in the movie.

[6:53] This movie takes a hard right turn into farts at the end of it.

Stuart Wellington

[6:56] He has two really great scenes, one of which takes place over a dinner table and involves yelling at Goldie quite a bit.

[7:03] And the other one involves him awkwardly running.

Elliott Kalan

[7:05] One takes place over the dinner table where he and his family are eating in their backyard cemetery somehow.

[7:10] And the other one is—we'll get to it.

[7:14] There's also a scene where he gets showed snails.

[7:17] Let's not forget that one.

[7:18] He does.

[7:18] Well, this movie—okay, I'm going to warn the audience ahead of time.

[7:22] This movie is going to sound more bonkers than it is when we go through the plot because there are a few bonkers moments in it.

[7:29] And there are a few moments where I was like, movie, you should have run with this.

[7:32] Like, the first time Ben Affleck goes down to his snail basement and goes into a fugue state watching snails have sex, that's what the movie should have followed.

[7:40] Like, the movie should have followed that path.

[7:42] And instead, it keeps coming up for air for too long to keep the deep water metaphor going.

[7:46] Okay.

[7:47] So the movie—wait.

[7:48] This movie is—I didn't find out until the credits rolled that this movie is based on a Patricia Highsmith novel.

[7:54] And when we get to the end, maybe we'll talk about how the novel ends very differently than the movie.

[7:58] And it makes it a very different story.

[8:01] And I think changing the ending may have thrown a lot of the buildup to it out of whack, out of proportion.

[8:08] But we'll see.

[8:09] We'll get to that, if I remember.

[8:10] Which I might not.

Stuart Wellington

[8:11] So the movie opens with Vic Van Allen, played by Ben Affleck, riding his bike around Little Wesley, Louisiana.

[8:21] And he gets home and takes his shoes off.

[8:24] And we realize he was doing this whole bike ride without socks on.

[8:27] Madness.

[8:29] And then he strips his clothes—

[8:30] Yeah, that's why they call him Blisters Van Allen.

[8:32] Yeah.

[8:33] He strips his clothes off on the porch while his wife, Melinda, played by Anna DeArmas, watches.

[8:39] And then she goes off to her separate bedroom.

[8:43] There seems to be trouble in paradise.

[8:45] They also have a daughter named Trixie.

[8:48] That's about it.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] The daughter Trixie seems to exist and not exist when the movie needs her to not exist.

[8:54] That's a perfect child.

[8:56] During one of the many party scenes, you see that Trixie is with them at the party.

[9:00] And then they're driving home in a car that has no Trixie in the backseat.

[9:03] And they start doing sexual things.

[9:06] And my wife and I are watching, and all we could say was, where's your daughter?

[9:09] What's going on?

Dan McCoy

[9:11] You know, she's hanging out with Tracy Letts overnight there.

Elliott Kalan

[9:14] Trixie and Tracy, they were a jazz combo, Trixie and Tracy.

[9:18] Trixie would play the marimbas, and Tracy Letts would play the vibraphone.

[9:21] But Anna DeArmas, I do want to say, I really liked her in—what was it?

[9:25] No Time to Die?

[9:26] Everything.

[9:26] What was that last movie?

[9:26] You probably liked her in everything because she's great.

[9:29] I feel like she's a little in over her head in this movie.

[9:32] But she's very good as like a cute, charming lady firing guns at people in that last James Bond movie.

[9:40] So, but in this I feel like she was not—

Stuart Wellington

[9:42] I mean, the thing is that she gets by on like her almost endless supply of charisma.

[9:48] She is very charming.

[9:50] And the real issue here is not—

[9:51] You don't quite know what these characters are doing.

[9:54] Yeah, I would say the issue is not with her.

Elliott Kalan

[9:56] It's with the way the character is written.

[9:57] Ben Affleck.

[9:58] I think it's the way the character is written, but I also think it's the issues with Ben Affleck.

[10:02] And we'll get it—we may be getting into like they have very little chemistry together.

[10:05] And it's one of these movies where it's a married couple that is unhappy, and you're like, were they ever happy?

[10:11] Yeah.

[10:11] It's hard for me to imagine them even dating, let alone getting married.

[10:16] Like it's—

[10:16] Yeah.

[10:16] So Ben Affleck, he kind of stumbles through this in what I would call a sort of Fred Flintstone-esque like feel.

[10:24] It's just kind of like—

[10:25] He's gone full into a kind of a sad act.

[10:27] Ben Affleck, I would say.

Stuart Wellington

[10:28] Before we get into like the full details of the plot, just to give a little bit of the background of the characters,

[10:34] we'll eventually learn that Vic is retired.

[10:38] He developed microchips that are used in drones primarily for drone warfare.

[10:42] But he is now retired, and he makes a photographic magazine, and he cares for his snail.

[10:48] Called Xenophon.

[10:49] And then he—which sounds like a fucking sick pinball machine.

Elliott Kalan

[10:52] Yeah, Xenophon is—that's Socrates' wife, right?

Stuart Wellington

[10:56] Was Xenophon?

[10:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[10:57] Inspiration of pinball.

Elliott Kalan

[10:59] I'm sorry.

[11:00] I'm sorry.

[11:01] Xenophon was a philosopher.

[11:02] Who was Socrates' wife?

[11:03] I got to look it up.

Dan McCoy

[11:06] Is Socrates married?

[11:07] Xanthippe.

[11:08] I'm sorry.

[11:09] Yeah, yeah.

[11:09] I'm sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[11:09] Xanthippe was Socrates' wife.

[11:14] Xenophon was just a philosopher.

[11:15] Yep.

[11:16] So—

Dan McCoy

[11:16] And the xenomorph isn't from Alien.

Elliott Kalan

[11:18] He is from Alien.

[11:19] That was Socrates' Alien.

[11:20] Well, that's how—that's it.

[11:22] In Plato's Alien Resurrection, that's when Socrates is put on trial, and they're forced to shove an alien egg down his throat, and then it bursts through his belly, executing him for corrupting the youth of Athens.

[11:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:33] Yeah.

[11:34] So Vic is—

[11:35] Don't worry, Dan.

[11:36] He comes back in the later sequel.

Elliott Kalan

[11:38] Okay.

[11:38] I was worried.

Stuart Wellington

[11:39] So Vic is like a wealthy, retired daddy-type character.

[11:43] He's got a daughter, and he's a good dad.

[11:45] He drives her to school, and he lets her play—

[11:46] He's a great dad.

[11:47] —lets her play, what, the—

[11:49] Old McDonald.

[11:50] Old McDonald all the time on their Alexa.

Dan McCoy

[11:53] I don't know about that.

[11:54] That was the point where I'm like, maybe you should—I know that you're having these psychosexual games with one another.

[12:00] Maybe you should present a unified front of no Old McDonald playing all the time to your daughter.

Stuart Wellington

[12:05] And his wife, Melinda, is unsatisfied in their relationship.

[12:09] She drinks heavily, and as we'll see—

Elliott Kalan

[12:12] Is constantly fucking every guy she needs.

Stuart Wellington

[12:13] That's true.

[12:15] Yeah.

[12:15] So they go to a fancy party.

[12:19] This whole movie takes place in what looks to be like a wealthy, recently gentrified suburb of New Orleans.

Elliott Kalan

[12:27] Yes.

[12:27] And now they go to a series of wealthy parties.

[12:30] This one is, I believe, hosted by their friend Lil Ray Howery.

[12:34] But could anyone figure out what the purpose of this party was?

[12:37] At first, it's so fancy, and there's a caterer and a bartender.

[12:40] I assumed it was like a corporate event, but I think it's just a house party.

Stuart Wellington

[12:42] Yeah, it almost looks like a New Year's Eve party or something.

Elliott Kalan

[12:46] Yeah.

[12:46] It was like a holiday party with no holiday attached.

[12:48] And then as the movie went on, it just became clear.

[12:50] These people's lives are an endless round array of parties.

[12:52] That's the thing.

[12:52] Rich people need jobs, you know?

[12:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:56] So yeah, everybody's very wealthy.

[12:58] And then midway through the party, a blonde, young, handsome guy, Joel, shows up.

[13:05] And he and Melinda kind of run off and canoodle.

[13:10] I feel like that's the easiest descriptor.

[13:13] And I don't look.

[13:14] While Vic watches on.

Dan McCoy

[13:16] I don't want to.

[13:17] You cannot.

[13:19] It is cruel to say anything about anyone's appearance.

[13:23] I know that this character is styled so that you are like, this guy's a doofus.

[13:27] But I took an immediate dislike to this first person that Ana de Armas was sleeping with.

[13:32] I'm like, why this guy?

[13:34] Like everyone else in the movie, I'm like, yeah, sure, why not?

[13:36] Sleep around.

[13:36] He's a real himbo type, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[13:39] He's a real himbo.

[13:40] Yeah, Dan, come on.

[13:41] And it seems like.

[13:42] Dan, I was speaking for himbos.

Elliott Kalan

[13:44] Yeah, okay.

[13:45] Yeah, yeah.

[13:45] So talk for your people.

[13:46] Stuart can represent the himbos in the audience.

[13:48] I think the movie is making a case at a certain point, starting with him, that she is choosing

[13:52] these guys for maximum irritation of her husband.

[13:55] Yeah.

[13:55] Like the candidates that she chooses for her rendezvous are guys that she knows her husband

[14:01] is going to be really pissed off that she's seeing.

Stuart Wellington

[14:03] Every single guy, when they're like, when they go off together, he like looks around.

[14:09] Every guy looks around the house like he's worried the parents are going to show up.

[14:13] Yes.

[14:14] Like it immediately to me is the least attractive thing in the world because it makes them

[14:18] seem like their little baby boys.

Elliott Kalan

[14:20] They all.

[14:20] Yeah.

[14:21] He especially looks like a little baby.

[14:22] It's like she's dating like a 16 year old.

[14:24] And I'm like, what is this?

[14:25] Licorice pizza?

[14:26] Anyway.

[14:27] So keep bringing it up.

[14:29] I should mention at this point that this is a movie about sexual mind games and it is

[14:33] also Hasbro's first erotic films.

[14:35] Hasbro, the toy company, owns the entertainment company that made this movie.

[14:39] So I was waiting for Mr. Potato Head to show up.

[14:41] He doesn't.

[14:43] But how funny would it be?

[14:44] Later on, Tracy Letts comes up as like a, he comes in as like someone who doubts Ben Affleck

[14:50] is above board.

[14:51] But how great would it have been if Mr. Potato Head just played that role?

Stuart Wellington

[14:53] And it was like, Mr. Potato Head is like, I don't know, Vic.

[14:56] I don't trust you.

[14:57] Okay.

[14:58] So, so Vic watches his wife, you know, kiss and hang out with this guy and she's doing

[15:04] it in full view of their friends.

[15:06] And meanwhile, I have my notes say, really cool band is playing rock music by the pool.

[15:13] It's like, it feels like the kind of thing that my parents would be like, we went to this

[15:17] party and the coolest band was playing.

[15:20] And the band gets a lot of screen time.

[15:21] Yeah, it's great.

[15:22] They get a lot of, a lot of attention.

[15:23] So Vic's friend, Mary.

[15:25] I was like, is this Adrian Lin's band?

[15:27] Yeah.

[15:27] Yeah, it probably is.

[15:28] He's, well, he just works the merch table.

[15:31] So Vic's friend, Mary takes him aside and expresses his concern.

[15:36] Over the course of the movie, multiple friends of theirs will take Vic aside and express their

[15:40] concerns that Melinda is basically making a public cuckold of Vic.

Elliott Kalan

[15:45] And now guys, I was wondering, his friends are very openly discussing this with him.

[15:50] And I was, and almost casually like, hey, you gotta, you gotta keep an eye on your, you gotta

[15:54] keep your wife on a tighter leash.

[15:56] She's really making a fool out of you.

[15:58] Is that, would you feel comfortable saying that to a friend of yours?

[16:01] Well, I certainly wouldn't put it that way.

Dan McCoy

[16:04] Like, I mean, it's kind of how they're saying it.

[16:06] No, I know.

[16:07] I know.

[16:07] I mean, like, I, I don't think I would butt in because here's the thing.

[16:12] Like, it's never quite clear to what degree Ben Affleck is saving face or what degree this

[16:19] is true.

[16:20] But like later on, it was indicated that he's like, okay, well, like, this is our arrangement,

[16:25] you know?

[16:26] Like whether or not it infuriates him, it's their arrangement.

[16:29] And, and the, the problem, I guess, in so much as it is, is that like, she is so visibly

[16:38] doing this, you know, in front of all their friends in a way that like.

Elliott Kalan

[16:44] They say she's got it.

[16:45] So she's flaunting it.

Dan McCoy

[16:47] Yeah.

[16:47] Which is like working him up now, like to, to a degree and we'll get into it.

[16:52] This just seems to be their sex game.

[16:54] Like to some degree or another.

Elliott Kalan

[16:55] I kept waiting for the moment where it was revealed that this was their sex game and it

[16:59] just kept not happening.

[17:00] And I was like, oh, they're really holding off on this reveal for a long time.

[17:03] And then the movie ended and I was like, oh, okay, I guess that's not their sex game.

Stuart Wellington

[17:06] I mean, I feel like with all relationships, this one suffers from a lack of clear communication.

[17:12] Well, I mean, like, cause I think.

Elliott Kalan

[17:14] Yeah, I think that's fair.

Stuart Wellington

[17:15] Between both them and with their friends.

[17:17] Like if, if you're going to bring your, I guess, poly lifestyle around your friends, you

[17:22] might want to inform them.

Elliott Kalan

[17:24] Yeah.

[17:25] Yeah.

[17:25] And if you're bringing your polyostring cheese around your friends, bring enough to share.

[17:28] And inform them about that.

Dan McCoy

[17:30] There's cheese to share.

[17:31] But no, I mean, cause it is like, it is like they love each other in their way.

[17:36] And like Ana de Armas seems definitely doing this because of Ben Affleck.

[17:41] Like she's always like seeking out his eyes in the party.

[17:44] It's not like she's like, so like these people are fine.

[17:47] She likes them.

[17:48] But like the main point to her seems to be to provoke her husband and her husband is like

[17:56] sexually provoked by it quite a bit and seems to like it until the, until a certain point.

[18:01] And then it switches from horny to I'm going to kill people.

[18:05] We called the murder point.

Elliott Kalan

[18:07] He gets hangry, which is a combination of horny and angry.

Stuart Wellington

[18:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[18:10] Yeah.

[18:10] So Melinda gets drunk.

[18:12] Horn-gry?

[18:13] Would horn-gry be better?

[18:14] Yeah.

[18:15] And she plays the piano for the party and sings a song.

[18:18] It's great.

[18:19] Then this is where, this is where things start getting a little serious.

[18:23] Vic bumps into Joel at the bartender and he tips the bartender 20 bucks.

[18:28] Really big dick in Joel here.

[18:30] And then, and then he, then there's a scene of him sinister, of some sinister hand washing

[18:36] where he explains that there's a missing man, Martin McRae, who was a, was a potentially

[18:42] past lover of Melinda's who was missing.

[18:45] And that Vic suggests that he's the one who killed him to Joel.

[18:49] And Joel takes him a little while to wrap his little noggin around it.

[18:52] But when it gets there, when it gets there, he bounces out of that party pretty fast.

Elliott Kalan

[18:56] Watching, watching the idea, watching the understanding of this threat unfold in his mind is like

[19:00] watching a semi-time-lapse of a chicken hatching out of an egg.

[19:03] Yeah.

[19:04] Where you're like, okay.

[19:05] I will say that this is the most.

[19:06] It pokes a little hole.

[19:07] Okay.

[19:07] He's, okay.

[19:08] He's pushing farther.

[19:09] Okay.

[19:09] Finally.

[19:10] Okay.

[19:10] Oh, okay.

[19:11] He's out.

Dan McCoy

[19:11] That's the most likable Joel is in the movie.

[19:13] I think because he, he, he seems so like winningly naive that he's just like, oh, you couldn't

[19:21] be a murderer.

[19:22] And the thing is.

Elliott Kalan

[19:23] Joel, there are two, there are two moments that make him kind of likable and it's that.

[19:26] And it's also later on when with childish lack of guile, he, he compliments a cheese

[19:31] sandwich that he's eating.

[19:33] That he's been made a grilled cheese sandwich by Vic.

[19:35] And he's just like, this honestly is fucking awesome.

[19:37] Like he's just so genuinely enjoying this cheese sandwich.

Stuart Wellington

[19:41] And the thing is like, and Joel, you know, despite the threat, Joel comes back and other

[19:47] men fall into the same trap.

[19:48] And the thing is, I kind of understand.

[19:50] Cause you know what?

[19:52] I'd probably get killed by the species lady too, is what I'm trying to say.

[19:56] Yeah.

[19:57] I'm an idiot.

[19:59] Okay.

[19:59] So, uh, Joel leaves.

[20:01] Melinda gets mad.

[20:02] They, uh, they, they drive home and there's some sensual apple eating where Melinda pulls

[20:07] out a already partially eaten apple out of her kid's lunch and then eats it and shares it

[20:12] with Ben.

[20:13] And it's pretty hot.

Elliott Kalan

[20:14] It's a little on the nose that, that the lady takes a bite out of an apple and then

[20:17] gives it to her husband to take a bite out of.

[20:19] I'm like, Adrian Lynn, come on.

[20:22] Is there, is there a way to get a more obvious metaphor into this movie?

[20:26] I'm not sure.

[20:26] And like, all he needed later was like a train going through a tunnel while someone's having

[20:30] sex, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[20:31] And you know, and he's a little, uh, he's a little shaken.

[20:34] So he needs to calm down.

[20:35] So he goes down and checks out his, can we all agree?

[20:39] Awesome snail collection.

[20:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:40] Before that, before that, I just want to mention, she goes home and starts making coffee, coffee

[20:44] topless while the babysitter is still at the, in the house.

[20:47] And he's like, he's like, can you wait till the babysitter leaves to start taking your

[20:52] clothes off?

[20:53] And she's like, wow, God, you're such a, I hate you.

[20:55] You're such a prude.

[20:56] So yeah, he has to, he has to, he has to cool off by going to his amazing snail.

[21:00] Yeah.

[21:00] Snail cave.

[21:00] Can you, yeah.

[21:01] Can you describe it?

Stuart Wellington

[21:03] It's like a garage with, uh, like plastic flaps.

[21:06] Like you would see in like a walk-in cooler.

[21:07] There's a mister.

[21:09] There's all these like tanks, uh, filled with snails.

[21:12] They're like, it's all over.

[21:14] There's snails all over the place.

[21:15] You know, I gotta say.

Elliott Kalan

[21:16] And those snails are having a hell of a good time.

[21:19] Those snails are all over each other.

[21:20] They're going crazy.

[21:21] And you know.

[21:21] Snail orgy.

[21:22] As somebody who's recently started.

[21:24] Or snorgy.

[21:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:24] As somebody who's recently started including, uh, snail essence into their skincare routine.

[21:30] Oh yeah.

[21:30] I was so excited.

[21:31] I was like, oh, give me some of that snail grease.

[21:33] I thought you were going to say snails in your love play.

[21:36] Oh yeah.

[21:36] Yeah.

[21:36] I mean, that was long.

[21:38] I mean, that's not new.

[21:39] I've been doing that forever.

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] There's a part where he's, where he's like rubbing lotion on, uh, on Melinda's legs.

[21:45] And I was like, oh, he wants her to be covered with mucus like one of his snails.

Dan McCoy

[21:48] Now, the existence of the snail cave and Batman himself, Ben Affleck in this role makes me wonder if, you know, this could do, there could be a spinoff here of snail man and how snail man, I don't know.

[22:05] He avenges against, uh, cheaters, I guess is what he would do.

Elliott Kalan

[22:09] Yeah.

[22:09] So what, and so what would snail man's powers be?

[22:11] Snail man, obviously he, yeah, he goes after, uh, he goes after those who have cuckolded other men and what, and what are his powers?

Dan McCoy

[22:18] Well, based on, based on Audrey's research into snail sex that she was doing during the movie, uh, he, he, he would, uh, he would be able to, you know, lure a mate with his snail trail.

[22:32] And, um, during intercourse, he would have two penises.

[22:37] Okay.

[22:38] These aren't really crime fighting powers.

[22:40] You say snail trails if you don't know it's a euphemism, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[22:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[22:46] All right.

[22:46] We're getting into a weird area.

[22:47] What's next in this movie?

Elliott Kalan

[22:48] We're getting into a weird area and talking about this sex movie that involves Ben Affleck gazing longingly on snails.

[22:54] And again, this is the, when this happened, I was like, all right, movie, you're getting weird.

[22:58] I like this.

[22:58] This is going to get weird, but then it pulls back almost instantly.

Stuart Wellington

[23:02] So, uh, yeah, so he's a good dad.

[23:04] His friends are still trying to convince him to confront his wife.

[23:07] Melinda finds out that he's scared off Joel with this, like, everybody's talking about him, you know, saying he murdered Martin.

[23:14] Like, all his friends.

[23:15] It's the talk of the town.

[23:16] Like, if you look at the, the little Wesley Tadler, that's the fucking front page story.

Dan McCoy

[23:20] It's definitely like the sort of town, A, where there's always a party and B, where everyone knows Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas' business.

[23:29] Now, I can believe the second one more because it is so public and they're like, you know, two hot people in town with very public problems.

[23:37] He's got a face built for paparazzos.

[23:39] Who's been, like, claiming that he killed someone.

[23:42] But then again, it also does feel like, it just feels very old-fashioned, which in a way that's weird since they've modernized the setting of this story.

Elliott Kalan

[23:50] It definitely feels more like a novel from the 50s.

[23:53] Yeah.

[23:54] Which it is.

[23:54] Mm-hmm.

[23:55] And also that, like, nobody, does anyone use the internet ever?

[24:01] No.

[24:01] In this movie?

[24:02] No.

[24:02] I don't think so.

Stuart Wellington

[24:03] I think once you get to a certain point of wealth, I mean, you would think that maybe if they had the internet, they would be like, oh, yeah, I mean, I don't have to do all these weird psychosexual games.

[24:12] I can play fucking Elden Ring.

[24:15] Yeah, yeah.

[24:15] We'll get some cooking porn.

[24:16] We'll get some fucking OnlyFans or, like, a sunroom or some shit.

Elliott Kalan

[24:20] Yeah.

[24:21] Oh, you know what?

[24:21] I guess Trixie uses her Alexa to play Old McDonald's.

[24:24] That's the one time someone uses the internet.

[24:26] Yeah.

[24:26] In the – but, yeah, you'd think the internet would be helping them with a lot of this.

[24:30] They wouldn't have to live so openly or people might be able to, like, research stuff.

[24:33] I don't know.

[24:34] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[24:34] Although I guess a smartphone is a pretty important plot point later on in the movie.

[24:38] But we'll get to that.

[24:39] How can I forget the best scene in the movie?

[24:41] Yeah, yeah.

[24:41] We'll get to it.

[24:41] How can I forget the best scene in the movie involves a smartphone?

[24:43] So she found out that he scared off Joel and she needs him to apologize.

[24:49] Seems weird, but okay.

[24:50] Yeah.

[24:50] Because at this point, we still don't really know what their arrangement is.

[24:53] Yeah.

[24:54] So they invite Joel over for a nice dinner.

[24:57] We find out that he's allergic to shellfish.

[24:59] You know what else has shells?

[25:00] Snails.

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] Yep.

[25:02] And he can't eat Ben Affleck's famous family lobster bisque, which Melinda says, I hate

[25:06] lobster bisque.

[25:07] So he has to make him like a little baby boy grilled cheese.

Dan McCoy

[25:10] Yeah.

[25:11] Sorry.

[25:11] Oh, sorry.

[25:12] No, it's okay.

[25:14] No, I was just thinking about how like there are a couple times in the movie where the movie

[25:17] sets up that various things are poisonous to people and nothing comes in.

[25:23] No one gets poisoned.

Elliott Kalan

[25:24] Yeah.

[25:24] I mean, they talk later.

[25:25] They talk about, yeah, how, oh, if you don't starve a snail and make sure its intestines

[25:29] are empty when you cook it, then you'll poison yourself.

[25:31] And you're waiting for him to sacrifice his snails to kill someone and it doesn't happen.

Stuart Wellington

[25:36] But he makes that statement so that people don't just eat his snails.

[25:40] Despite him saying they're not for eating, this fucking nutsack is like, no, you won't

Elliott Kalan

[25:44] miss a handful of them.

[25:45] I'm like, come on, I'll just, why don't I just scoop up a bunch of your pets and throw

[25:49] them in a pot of water and we'll eat them.

[25:51] It's like, I don't know why you won't let me just eat your snails, man.

Dan McCoy

[25:54] Don't be weird about it.

Elliott Kalan

[25:54] And you know, why don't I, why don't I just take your daughter and butcher her and make

[25:58] hamburgers out of her?

[25:59] We can do that too.

[26:00] It's like everything in your house is edible, right?

[26:02] Why don't I take this chair and we can take bites of them?

[26:04] It's all mine.

[26:05] Everyone in town.

[26:05] Why would you ever murder me?

Dan McCoy

[26:07] There's like the odor of snails that are coming like cartoon hobos.

[26:11] Like, why don't you eat your snails?

Elliott Kalan

[26:14] He puts his snails out on the, on the windowsill to get some fresh air and all the townspeople

[26:19] come by and snatch them up, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[26:21] Okay.

[26:22] So we find out that he's allergic to shellfish.

[26:23] So he makes him a little grilled cheese.

[26:25] Anna D'Armas eats the grilled cheese.

[26:27] And honestly, at that point, I'm like, I want a grilled cheese too.

Elliott Kalan

[26:30] Yeah.

[26:30] And they make it sound great.

[26:31] They're both really, they enjoy this grilled cheese so much more than I think anyone in

[26:35] the movie enjoys the sex that they're having.

[26:37] Like, it's just real, real satisfaction, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[26:39] Uh, so they have, uh, Vic and Melinda have a fight in front of Joel and then she makes

[26:44] him take their daughter upstairs to read bedtime stories while she seduces him.

[26:49] And the, the obviousness of the seduction here is like more extreme.

[26:55] Like I've seen more careful, uh, interactions in a cuckold, like Brazzers production, right?

[27:02] Like, like, like I've seen better sneaking around in one of, in an actual porno movie.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] In, in the porns you watch where people are having sex behind a kitchen island and the other

[27:11] person fails to see it.

[27:12] It's more believable than, than this one.

Stuart Wellington

[27:14] The whole time when I see those, I'm like, man, I wish I had a bigger kitchen.

Dan McCoy

[27:18] Not for the sex.

[27:19] It's so much more cheating if I, if I, if I had a big enough island.

[27:23] An island big enough for someone to hide behind.

Elliott Kalan

[27:26] Like somebody, somebody, somebody giving me a blowjob could never hide behind this butcher's

Stuart Wellington

[27:30] block.

[27:31] I need an island.

[27:31] Yeah, yeah.

[27:32] When I'm checking, when I'm checking out the listing, I'm like, uh, I'm going to need

[27:35] to bring this dummy in.

Elliott Kalan

[27:39] You sit over there where the dining room, you sit over there where the dining room table

[27:43] is going to be.

[27:44] Can you see the dummy behind the aisle?

[27:45] You got to get the sight lines right on this.

[27:47] Can you?

[27:48] All right.

[27:48] Now from the bedroom.

[27:49] Okay.

[27:49] Now we're, now we're going to need to go into the bedroom and see if the door, if I can

[27:52] open the door just enough that you can see my face, but not the person behind me.

[27:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:57] Okay.

[27:58] Okay.

[27:58] Now let's do the same thing with the shower curtains.

[28:00] I need every, every room I need to do this.

Stuart Wellington

[28:04] Yeah.

[28:05] And you said how many glory holes are in this house?

[28:08] None.

[28:08] Well, the listing really should have said.

Elliott Kalan

[28:12] Well, there's two of what you would normally call a glory hole.

[28:15] And then this, this room has a hole in the wall that could function as a glory hole.

[28:18] That's why we said three in the listing.

Stuart Wellington

[28:20] Or it's where Brom the boy lives.

[28:24] Who knows?

[28:25] Okay.

[28:25] Uh, it's Brahms, right?

[28:27] Not Brom.

[28:27] I'm an idiot.

[28:29] Oh man.

[28:29] Edit that.

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] I like leaving all the gross shit.

[28:33] Wait, like, so wait, Brom is the fantasy painter.

[28:35] Broms is the boy who lives in the walls.

[28:37] Okay, great.

[28:37] Yeah, we got it.

[28:38] Okay.

[28:39] And, and, and Crom is, uh, Conan's God.

Stuart Wellington

[28:41] Um.

[28:41] Yeah.

[28:41] It's.

[28:43] So, uh, Melinda hangs out with Joel and then she, she makes Vic serve him a drink.

[28:50] At which point Vic is like, here's your drink.

[28:52] Okay.

[28:52] I called you an Uber.

[28:53] And Joel's like, I didn't call an Uber.

[28:56] And he's like, well, you should, cause I'll murder you.

[28:58] So he gets in the car and leaves.

Elliott Kalan

[28:59] He goes, by the way, I did kill that other guy.

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:01] McRae.

[29:02] What?

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] So, uh, next scene.

[29:05] We got, we're at a, we're at a, we're at another party.

[29:07] This time Tracy Letts shows up.

[29:09] Hell yeah, baby.

[29:10] Finally.

[29:10] And he's playing like a, like a novelist or a screenwriter or some kind of a writer working

[29:14] on a modern noir.

Elliott Kalan

[29:15] He's a writer who writes noirs and he has a screenplay going on and he, he tells them

[29:20] about a screenplay that just of his that's getting produced and he describes it.

[29:23] And it sounds like the most boring story ever.

[29:26] It's like, yeah, it's kind of autobiographical.

[29:28] A young writer, uh, gets caught up in a mystery and it turns out there's secrets and a shadowy

[29:34] whatever.

[29:34] And it's like, do you even like your story?

[29:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:37] Well also like, so this is, this could be an angel investor.

[29:39] He could be talking to the fucking sharks right now.

[29:42] Yeah.

[29:42] Like he's talking to Vic.

[29:43] Vic has money to burn.

Elliott Kalan

[29:45] Like, and he, and he also, he goes out of his way to piss, to, uh, to point out that

[29:49] Vic's invention kills people all the time.

[29:51] And Vic goes, uh, could the drones that I, my chip is used for could deliver food to poor

[29:56] children.

[29:57] And he goes, but they don't.

[29:58] And he goes, no, they don't.

[29:59] It's just funny for a bit of like that moment where he admits like, no, it only kills people.

[30:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:03] And I, so let's, the moment he shows up knowing that he's a writer of mysteries or thrillers,

[30:08] you're like, okay, well here's the fly in the ointment.

[30:10] And he turns out to be like a, this is the thing that

[30:13] that feels most like classic Patricia Highsmith to me.

[30:16] Cause I read, you know, all like the Ripley books as well as a couple of the other.

[30:19] And like this guy who is not dumb, like, but sort of like blunders into the story, takes

[30:27] a dislike to the murdering hero and is not as smart as he thinks he is.

Elliott Kalan

[30:33] Let's call him protagonist.

[30:34] A hero is a stretch.

[30:36] Let's say protagonist.

[30:37] Okay.

[30:37] Yeah.

[30:38] The protagonist.

[30:38] Well, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:39] Okay.

[30:40] Anti-hero.

[30:41] But like.

[30:41] Okay.

[30:42] Anti-hero.

[30:42] Sure.

[30:42] They think, you know, they think that they're smart enough to tangle with this person and

[30:46] they're not as smart or as desperate and, you know, we'll see what happens.

[30:51] But like, it feels very high.

Elliott Kalan

[30:52] I've never read anything by Patricia Highsmith, but I read stuff under her pseudonym Patricia

[30:56] Lowsmith, but that's mostly a lot of like knockabout farce.

[30:59] Oh, I knew he was going to go there, guys.

[31:02] He did it.

[31:02] It's a lot of, it's a lot of handicap fan fiction.

[31:05] It's not.

[31:05] Oh, yeah.

[31:06] I love it.

[31:06] Don't.

[31:07] Oh, baby.

[31:07] Never say Elliot doesn't know about antonyps.

[31:09] Just kidding.

Stuart Wellington

[31:11] Oh, man.

[31:12] Once it gets rolling.

[31:13] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[31:13] Now, I've also read a book by Patricia Blacksmith, but that was just about making horseshoes.

[31:17] Oh, okay.

[31:17] Cool.

Stuart Wellington

[31:17] Yeah, yeah.

[31:18] And Patricia Silversmith, who wrote Johnny Tremaine.

[31:21] So.

[31:21] Yeah.

[31:23] I'm in the game too, boys.

[31:25] Yeah, yeah.

[31:25] Put it on the scoreboard.

[31:26] Stuart is on the board.

[31:27] Stuart has entered the game.

[31:28] Dan's still trailing.

[31:30] Okay.

[31:30] So, this is where things get a little bit spicy.

[31:35] Vic decides.

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] Spicy, like a good Nolens gumbo.

[31:38] Oh, yeah.

[31:39] Danielle kept, my wife and I, we were watching this, she kept saying, no one in this movie

[31:42] is Southern.

[31:43] Yeah.

[31:43] Like, it's so clearly Louisiana, but no one is Southern.

[31:46] They're all, I guess, transplants.

[31:48] No one has a Southern accent.

[31:48] That's why it feels like it's a gentrified suburb.

Stuart Wellington

[31:50] Like, it's all those people that are like, I love Jazz Fest.

[31:54] What if we could live?

[31:55] Burn on my parents.

[31:56] Burn on both of them.

[31:57] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] What if we could live at Jazz Fest all year round?

[32:00] Oh, wow.

[32:00] It's a beautiful dream, but maybe it's a reality.

Stuart Wellington

[32:03] Yeah.

[32:03] So, it's called Treme.

[32:05] You can just watch those DVDs all the fucking time.

[32:08] So, Vic does, this is where Vic does a little bit of a change-em-up.

[32:13] He decides to dance with Tracy Letts' wife, Kelly, played by Kristen Connelly, the star

[32:19] of Cabin in the Woods, a movie I remember liking.

[32:22] And he decides to dance.

[32:24] Did it strike you?

Elliott Kalan

[32:24] And did either of you, it feels like, it struck, at first I wasn't sure if that was Tracy Letts'

[32:29] wife or secretary or daughter, because she's much younger than him.

[32:33] But Anna DeArmas is much younger than Ben Affleck.

[32:35] Yeah.

[32:35] So, maybe they're just setting up.

[32:36] It's a world where men with means marry much younger women, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[32:39] Yeah.

[32:40] And everybody's like, oh my God, I didn't know he could dance.

[32:43] And by dancing, he just takes her and spins her around a bunch.

[32:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:46] It's hilarious.

[32:48] Like, over and over again.

Stuart Wellington

[32:49] I'm like, he still doesn't.

[32:50] He doesn't know how to dance.

[32:51] It's great.

[32:52] And then he, like, grabs her head.

[32:53] And then they, then Vic...

Elliott Kalan

[32:57] He really doesn't know how to dance.

Stuart Wellington

[32:58] And throws her in the air like a pizza pie.

[33:00] Yeah.

[33:01] Then Vic and Melinda, they drive home, and she grills him about dancing with her.

[33:07] And then she gives him a car blowjob, and then she pulls his pube out of her mouth,

[33:13] and then they have sex.

[33:14] Hooray, their marriage is saved, right?

Elliott Kalan

[33:16] But they have kind of, like, an argument in the car.

[33:18] Like, she gives him a car blowjob, but I think she bites him or something.

[33:20] Yeah, she bites him twice.

Dan McCoy

[33:21] And she's like...

[33:22] Yeah.

[33:22] And he's like, stop it.

[33:23] And he's like, well, say that I'd be better...

[33:25] I'm better in bed, or whatever.

[33:26] Like...

[33:27] She's like, do you think she's better at sex with me?

[33:29] It's like, I just met her.

Stuart Wellington

[33:30] I haven't tried yet.

[33:31] It's classic brat, brat tamer behavior.

[33:34] It's fine.

[33:35] That's how it works.

[33:36] I'm not familiar with...

[33:37] Stuart has a pamphlet that he'll send out afterwards.

[33:39] Yeah, yeah.

[33:39] Just fill out a little thing on bdsm.org.

[33:42] It'll explain it all.

[33:44] Don't worry about it.

[33:44] So it's a charitable website?

[33:48] It is.

[33:48] It's not for Broadway.

[33:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:49] So, we're there...

[33:51] And all of their sexes hate sex.

[33:53] They don't seem to ever have love sex.

[33:55] Yes.

[33:55] The two of them.

Elliott Kalan

[33:55] Yeah, there's a fair amount of animosity.

Stuart Wellington

[33:59] Yeah, it's always taunting.

[34:00] And I'm not talking about the rule that the orcs and goblins used to suffer from in the

[34:03] old Warhammer fantasy battle days.

Elliott Kalan

[34:05] And is this the sex scene where she goes, kiss my butt?

[34:08] And he starts kissing her butt.

[34:09] And I thought it was such a funny way to command it.

[34:11] It's like a kid.

[34:12] Like a kid's idea of sex talk.

[34:14] Kiss my butt.

Dan McCoy

[34:14] Uh-huh.

[34:15] Yeah.

[34:15] Well, I...

[34:16] Yeah.

[34:17] To me, it was just like...

[34:18] Just the outside.

[34:19] Just the outside.

[34:20] What arguments did Adrian Lyne have with Disney and Hasbro who were like, you cannot have

[34:27] eat my ass in your film?

[34:30] Yeah.

[34:30] You can't have it.

[34:30] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[34:30] What about lick my ass?

[34:31] No.

[34:32] No.

[34:33] No.

[34:33] What about kiss my butt?

[34:35] Okay.

[34:36] I guess...

Elliott Kalan

[34:37] It feels creepier somehow.

[34:39] Yeah.

[34:40] So his was...

[34:41] He suggested...

[34:42] The screenplay, he suggested eat my ass.

[34:43] He didn't write the screenplay, but they suggested smooch my hinder.

[34:49] And he was like, well, let's find someone in the middle.

[34:50] Eat my shorts.

[34:52] And I will say...

Dan McCoy

[34:53] Yeah.

[34:54] Have you guys seen...

[34:54] Don't have a cow, man?

Elliott Kalan

[34:56] You guys have seen Jacob's Ladder, right?

[34:58] Yeah.

[34:59] There's this scene where they're at a party and his girlfriend is dancing with a man who's

[35:04] turning into like an alligator.

[35:06] And the tail is wrapping around her.

[35:08] That scene I found is...

[35:09] I was like, where's the sexiness of that scene where this woman is dancing orgasmically

[35:13] with an alligator's tail or a tentacle or whatever it is.

[35:16] Like this movie was missing that kind of passion.

[35:20] And kiss my butt just wasn't doing it for me in the passion department.

Stuart Wellington

[35:23] So later on, they're at a kid's soccer game and Vic gets a call from the bank that his

[35:29] wife's bank account didn't have sufficient funds to cover a $3,000 check that she had

[35:34] written for piano lessons.

[35:37] So I guess he like maintains her account and gives her an allowance.

[35:40] But like, that feels like he left it pretty low.

[35:43] That's kind of weird.

[35:44] Yeah.

[35:44] That's not a lot of money.

[35:45] But who's she taking piano lessons from?

[35:46] Ray Charles?

[35:47] $3,000.

[35:47] True.

[35:47] Well, we find out that there's something else going on.

[35:50] So he's trying to track down Charles...

Elliott Kalan

[35:52] Let's just say there's another word that sounds like pianist.

[35:56] Oh, fuck.

Stuart Wellington

[35:57] Oh, man.

[35:58] He's on.

[35:59] He's on today.

[35:59] There is one.

[36:00] Okay.

[36:01] So this next scene was great because for me, it kind of answered a question because he

[36:07] then goes and he just starts calling every single bar and lounge in the city asking, do you

[36:14] have live music?

[36:15] And you know what?

[36:16] I have gotten that call so many times at a fucking bar.

[36:19] And I'm like, who is this insane person who needs live music?

[36:22] The thing is, it's these guys who are trying to track down their cheating wife's lovers.

Elliott Kalan

[36:26] Yeah, that's what it is.

[36:27] They're trying to track down the lovers.

[36:28] And Little Wesley, of course, is a party town.

[36:30] So there's a lot of bars.

[36:32] Probably multiples have live music.

[36:33] But he manages to track down the right one.

Stuart Wellington

[36:35] He manages to track down the right one.

[36:36] He catches his wife at a lounge visiting a young piano player played by a tall young fella from

[36:44] Euphoria.

Elliott Kalan

[36:45] Now, Stuart, have you ever considered having live music at your bar?

Stuart Wellington

[36:49] Well, I don't think we – I think it's a stipulation in our lease that we're not allowed

[36:53] to.

[36:53] Oh, thank God.

[36:54] I see.

[36:54] Okay.

[36:55] And also, I would prefer not to.

[36:57] Okay.

[36:58] Let's see.

[37:00] The police end up finding the body of Martin McRae, but it was – and they have arrested

[37:06] a man for shooting him, and it is not Vic.

[37:08] So maybe Vic's off the hook.

[37:09] Maybe he is a killer.

[37:11] Oh, no, he probably still is because we'll get to that.

[37:14] He and his daughter get a dog.

[37:14] Not much of a movie if he's not.

[37:17] They get a dog.

[37:19] We watch him give a snail a bath.

Elliott Kalan

[37:22] He rinses off a snail while imagining his wife having sex with this pianist in a car.

[37:28] And it is – he is so lovingly rinsing the snail, and he doesn't explain what he's

[37:33] doing.

[37:33] I don't know why the snail's getting cleaned, but, you know, I wanted more of that, like

[37:37] I said.

Stuart Wellington

[37:38] And, yeah, like his imagination, it's pretty hot.

[37:41] You know, it's like – you know, it's – does it reach the heights of like Tom Cruise's

[37:47] imagination in Eyes Wide Shut?

[37:49] Probably not.

[37:50] Yeah.

[37:51] But, you know, who cares?

[37:52] Who cares?

Elliott Kalan

[37:53] Does it reach the heights of the imagination of your average Zootopia art fan?

[37:58] Of course not.

[37:59] No.

[38:00] No, you're right.

[38:02] It doesn't get quite that hot or that extreme, you know, but –

Stuart Wellington

[38:05] So Melinda stays out all night.

[38:08] They – she comes home.

[38:09] They get in a fight, and she's apparently still drunk because he says, you're drunk.

[38:14] You don't know how unattractive it is.

[38:15] And I'm like, I don't know, dude.

[38:16] She's still pretty attractive.

[38:18] I mean, it's hand and arm.

[38:18] It's come on.

[38:19] Chill out.

[38:20] And she tries to seduce him, but mainly it's just like – it's a mixture of seduction and like – and like being shitty to him.

[38:28] Again, it's like a weird sexual dominance game.

[38:31] She has another – I think this is –

[38:32] It's one that he doesn't seem like he wants – like she wants to play one type of way, and he clearly doesn't want to play that way.

[38:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:39] Yes.

[38:40] And she's like, do you want to know if he makes me come, how I make him come?

[38:46] And I just thought that was so funny because I was like –

[38:47] Much hotter when you say it, by the way.

Dan McCoy

[38:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:49] Just the way she said it, I was like, how many ways are there?

[38:51] Like how many –

Dan McCoy

[38:52] I mean, there's a lot of ways.

[38:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:55] I mean, there's a lot, but like does it involve construction equipment?

[38:58] Like what's so amazing about it?

[38:59] Sometimes I would love –

[39:00] I need to know how.

Dan McCoy

[39:01] If he asks, okay, how do you make him come?

[39:03] And she goes, the usual way.

Elliott Kalan

[39:06] The usual way.

[39:07] Good night.

[39:08] I touch his penis a bunch.

[39:09] And then she like –

Stuart Wellington

[39:10] I show him pictures of fucking Grimace while licking his butthole.

[39:14] The usual.

Elliott Kalan

[39:16] You know it's horrible.

[39:17] So is that so he can imagine that it's Grimace doing it?

[39:22] That's the thing.

[39:22] He doesn't know at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[39:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:24] At this point, a fetish object becomes just that, Elliot, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[39:28] He doesn't know if he wants Grimace or if he wants to be Grimace.

[39:32] Okay.

[39:33] Because there's already a Grimace that has sex.

[39:35] His name is Gritty, and he's available.

[39:37] Yeah, that's true.

[39:38] So another big party gets thrown.

[39:40] There's a ton of fun drinking games.

[39:42] Everybody's having a great time until that piano player shows up again.

[39:47] Not again.

[39:48] This is the first time he shows up.

[39:49] She flirts with Vic.

[39:50] She sneaks off with Charlie, the piano player.

[39:54] They end up hooking up in the pool while Vic watches with his friend Lil Ray Howley.

[40:01] Howley?

Elliott Kalan

[40:02] Howley?

[40:02] Howley.

[40:03] There's a real funny moment here where she's like, I have this friend who's a pianist.

[40:06] And he's like, let me just play a little something.

[40:08] And he starts playing this hot boogie woogie music, and everyone's dancing.

[40:11] And she backs her butt into Vic's crotch.

[40:15] And it's like the Soyuz capsule docking with a space station.

[40:18] It's so deliberate and slow.

[40:21] And it was so funny.

[40:22] It was like, beep, beep.

[40:25] And engaging.

[40:26] And butt has touched crotch.

[40:28] We did it, everybody.

[40:29] And mission control all applauds and cheers.

[40:31] It was just very funny the way they did it.

Stuart Wellington

[40:33] Okay, it starts to rain.

[40:35] Everybody goes inside to make cookies.

[40:37] And then they realize Charlie's not here.

[40:41] And they find him face down, drowned in the pool.

[40:44] And Vic was the last person in the pool with him.

[40:47] Uh-oh.

[40:48] Did Vic kill this guy?

[40:49] We'll find out that yes, he did.

[40:52] The police arrive.

[40:54] Melinda immediately accuses Vic of murdering Charlie.

[40:58] They kind of interrogate him.

[41:00] But he plays it cool as a cucumber.

[41:03] Everybody seems pretty happy with what's going on.

Elliott Kalan

[41:06] At this point, you're probably wondering,

[41:08] what happened to their child who was at the party earlier in the day?

[41:11] We don't know.

[41:12] Doesn't matter.

[41:12] Don't care.

Stuart Wellington

[41:14] But the child also thinks,

[41:17] Trixie also thinks that he killed Charlie.

Elliott Kalan

[41:19] Yeah, she's taking a bath and she's like,

[41:21] so how'd you drown him?

[41:22] He's like, please don't say that.

Dan McCoy

[41:24] She's like, I think you're lying.

[41:26] And he's like, yeah, well, let's keep that between the two of us.

[41:29] It's pretty cute, actually.

[41:31] It is pretty cute.

Stuart Wellington

[41:32] It's a funny scene.

[41:32] Is that one of the cuter ways that a kid can accuse their parent of murder?

[41:35] Yeah.

[41:36] They, I mean, that's the innocence of a child.

[41:38] You should know this, Elliot.

[41:38] You have them.

[41:39] Yeah.

[41:40] How do they accuse you of murder, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[41:43] Well, the way they do it is I say,

[41:45] hey, put that thing down that you just picked up at the playground.

[41:48] Don't put it in your mouth.

[41:49] And they go, you're trying to kill me really loudly.

[41:52] And I have to go, shh, shh, shh, shh.

[41:54] I am not trying to kill him.

[41:58] There's probably the roughest thing in the movie is they're trying to pull Charlie's body out of the pool.

[42:04] And it slips out of their hands and hits the side of the pool and falls back in.

[42:08] And it's both comical and also horrific, the sounds that they put on it.

Stuart Wellington

[42:12] So there is a moment where Vic confronts Melinda.

[42:17] And though she thinks he killed Charlie, she doesn't think that he'll kill her.

[42:22] He thinks that he kills because of her.

[42:25] And I'm like, darling, you got to be more careful.

[42:27] Like that line gets crossed pretty quickly these days.

[42:31] Okay.

[42:32] These days.

[42:33] These days.

Elliott Kalan

[42:34] Murderers don't have the same social manners that they used to have.

Dan McCoy

[42:38] Restraints they were vaunted for.

[42:41] In the old days.

[42:42] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[42:42] In the old days, murderers knew when to stop.

[42:44] They would write a letter when they're going to murder you.

[42:47] In the old days, murderers wear hats when they went outside.

Dan McCoy

[42:51] I gave you all the clues as a courtesy.

Elliott Kalan

[42:56] Mr. Police, please find enclosed all the clues.

Stuart Wellington

[42:59] So he's riding his bike around Lil Wesley.

[43:03] And he's having visions of murdering Charlie.

[43:06] Or is it a memory?

[43:07] Who knows?

[43:08] We know.

[43:09] He murdered him.

[43:12] He sees that somebody is tailing him.

[43:14] We'll find out that that's a private investigator later on.

[43:18] Tracy Letts' wife, Kelly, catches Vic and warns him that Tracy Letts has been talking about Vic behind his back.

[43:27] So while they're – oh, yeah.

[43:29] They have Tracy Letts and his wife over for dinner.

[43:32] And that's when Tracy Letts and Ben Affleck have a really cool confrontation in the snail cave.

[43:37] And he describes him as, you're a weird guy, which is true.

Dan McCoy

[43:43] Yeah, and I like the way that Ben Affleck wearily is like, yeah, I've been told that or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[43:48] Yeah, I got a big tattoo of a phoenix on my back or whatever it is.

Stuart Wellington

[43:53] Later on, Vic catches – he finds that car that's been tailing him.

[43:56] It's clearly a private investigator based on the camera equipment that's just left in the backseat.

[44:01] Like, that would get stolen.

[44:02] But not in Lil Wesley.

[44:03] It's a nice town.

[44:05] No, Lil Wesley, the only crime is –

[44:07] Yeah, the only crime is the consecrate of murders.

Dan McCoy

[44:11] Welcome to town, folks.

[44:13] Yeah, don't worry about locking up your doors unless, of course, you're adulterers, in which case lock those doors tight.

Elliott Kalan

[44:21] The only – this is the kind of community where people trust each other until they murder each other.

[44:26] It's a little bit like – it's a little bit – the town has gone from Fargo the movie to Fargo the TV show where the number one industry in town is murder.

[44:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:36] So, after finding the car, Vic then catches Melinda at a restaurant with a man, which we'll find out is the private investigator.

[44:45] But at first, I was like, man, she's on another date?

[44:48] Yeah.

[44:49] Like, Jesus, chill.

[44:51] I mean, but she does go on another date like the next day.

Elliott Kalan

[44:53] Yeah, she's – man.

[44:55] Wow.

[44:56] Yeah.

[44:56] Okay.

[44:57] She really – she tears through the guys.

[44:59] That's the other thing.

[44:59] She also tears through the guys.

[45:00] This town is full of eligible bachelors and she is just – she can't get enough of them.

Stuart Wellington

[45:06] Okay.

[45:06] So, armed with this knowledge, Vic then crashes – this is my – probably my favorite scene in the movie – where he crashes the Wilson's dinner.

[45:14] That's Tracy Letts and his wife and their daughter, Goldie.

[45:17] And he confronts Tracy Letts about hiring a private investigator with his wife.

[45:25] Tracy Letts' wife, Kelly, apologized to him and Don gets angry.

[45:28] He's like, don't apologize to him.

[45:30] And they're like, go inside, Goldie.

[45:33] Go inside.

[45:34] Like, everyone's shouting at Goldie.

[45:36] And then they're like, who didn't lock the gate?

[45:38] He's just like – it's great.

[45:39] It's a great scene.

[45:40] I love it.

Dan McCoy

[45:41] It's funny how quickly Ben Affleck just, like, dismantles him.

[45:45] Like, it seems like this guy's going to be more of a threat and he just, like, shuts him down.

[45:50] Although, I will say that, like, this is, like, the one last great Tracy Letts scene we get before the ending, which we'll get to.

[45:57] But it feels –

[45:59] The ending, which is the greatest Tracy Letts scene.

Elliott Kalan

[46:02] Because this guy is the king of unforced errors.

[46:04] He is constantly stumbling over his own feet.

Dan McCoy

[46:07] But it feels like – it does feel – I don't know.

[46:11] Having seen other movies of this type, this is low on the sort of cat and mouse shenanigans I was expecting.

[46:17] I thought there would be a little bit more of, like, a battle of wits between the two of these guys.

[46:22] And Tracy Letts is so overmatched in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[46:25] Yeah, it's more like man and half-dead cockroach.

[46:29] Like, it's already half – it's already lying on its back.

[46:32] It's legs just wiggling.

[46:33] Out of mercy, you might just leave it there, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[46:36] Okay, then we see Vic is tailing Melinda and she's with yet another man.

[46:41] This time it's Tony Cameron, her college boyfriend, played by Han Solo himself, Harrison Ford.

[46:48] No, I'm just kidding.

[46:49] It's Finn Whitrock.

[46:50] Yeah, he played – it was the guy who played Han Solo in Solo, right?

[46:56] Finn Whitrock?

[46:56] No.

Dan McCoy

[46:57] Wait.

[46:58] It's Alden Ehrenreich played Han Solo.

[46:59] So wait, what did Finn Whitrock do?

Elliott Kalan

[47:01] I have no idea.

[47:02] I mean, are you remembering Finn Whitrock for his run on All My Children, my mom's favorite soap opera?

[47:06] Maybe.

[47:07] What am I thinking of?

[47:08] A bunch of American Horror Stories?

[47:09] I don't know who you're – he's in a lot of like – what's his name?

[47:13] Is his American Horror Story in the American Crime Story?

[47:14] I thought he was Han Solo this whole time.

Stuart Wellington

[47:15] No, he's not Han Solo.

[47:15] That's why Disney acquired it, so they could have a lock on Finn Whitrock.

[47:19] He was in the big short.

[47:21] What?

[47:22] He was in –

Elliott Kalan

[47:22] And guys, I hate to say it.

[47:24] I hate to say it.

[47:25] I did see him on Broadway in Death of a Salesman when Philip Seymour Hoffman was playing Billy Loman.

Stuart Wellington

[47:30] Dude, if you say he was in an episode of Harry's Law, I'm going to lose my shit.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] I'm trying to see where you might know him from.

[47:36] He was in an episode of Harry's Law.

[47:37] He played Jimmy Cormac on the episode New Kidney on the Block.

[47:40] So yes, that's where you know him from is Harry's Law.

Stuart Wellington

[47:43] Yes.

[47:43] Oh my god.

[47:44] In 2012.

[47:46] Oh my god.

[47:47] It happened so much.

Dan McCoy

[47:51] That's where you know him from.

[47:54] This made it – this all made that mistake worthwhile.

[47:57] Oh my god.

[47:58] I can't believe it.

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] So we know where we saw Finn Whitrock.

[48:03] I saw him on Broadway as Happy Loman.

[48:06] Yeah.

[48:06] You saw him in Harry's Law.

[48:08] And I just was like, oh, here's another guy.

[48:10] I don't care.

[48:11] Oh, fuck.

[48:12] Not just – and definitely another guy because he's playing Guy Gardner in the upcoming Green

[48:16] Lantern series.

[48:17] Oh.

[48:17] Oh my god.

Dan McCoy

[48:18] According to Wikipedia.

[48:19] Fucking Harry's Law again.

[48:20] And in Strangers on a Train, one of the characters is named Guy and that's based on a Patricia

[48:24] Highsmith book.

Elliott Kalan

[48:25] Patricia Highsmith novel.

[48:26] It all comes full circle and all because Stu for some reason thought that he was playing

[48:31] solo.

Stuart Wellington

[48:33] He does look a little bit like Alderman, right?

[48:35] I'll say that.

[48:36] A little bit.

[48:37] He's a white guy with brown hair.

[48:38] Yeah.

[48:40] Okay.

[48:41] Woo.

[48:42] Okay.

[48:42] Let's dock this butt against the crotch.

[48:46] Okay.

[48:48] Okay.

[48:49] So Vic overhears Melinda on the phone talking about running away to Brazil and taking Trixie

[48:55] with her.

[48:56] Tony Cameron shows up and wanders into Vic's snail lair and then they have an awkward dinner

[49:03] conversation and that's when he's like, oh, you're making dinner.

[49:07] Why don't you cook up some of those fucking snails?

[49:09] And he's like, no.

[49:10] And then they're like, yeah, let's do it.

Elliott Kalan

[49:13] Yeah.

[49:13] His wife is like, mm, with garlic butter?

[49:15] It's like, wait a minute.

[49:16] You don't like lobster bisque, but you do like snails?

[49:19] Yeah.

[49:19] Hold on a second.

[49:20] I'm not buying it.

[49:21] At this point, she's just fucking – again, it's all part of the game.

[49:25] He's like, you know what you used to eat all the time in between scenes on Harry's Law

[49:28] was snails.

[49:29] Maybe we should fry up some of those.

Stuart Wellington

[49:32] I told you to stop bringing up Harry's Law.

[49:35] You know what affects me, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[49:38] Yeah, sorry.

[49:39] All these years later.

[49:40] Okay.

[49:41] So –

[49:42] I love – somebody someday is going to make the Venn diagram of things Stuart watches

[49:46] and it's like Gossip Girl, Harry's Law, Bratz, and like –

Stuart Wellington

[49:51] We haven't even talked about this season of fucking RuPaul's Drag Race, guys.

[49:55] Oh, in RuPaul's Drag Race.

[49:57] That's right.

[49:57] I just want to explain to you the madness of a season of television where on the first

[50:02] episode, all the contestants are given a chocolate bar like in Willy Wonka's fucking

[50:09] chocolate factory, okay?

[50:11] They're all given a chocolate bar.

[50:12] Okay.

[50:12] And when they are eliminated, they have to open up this chocolate bar that we are led

[50:18] to believe they're carrying around this whole time.

[50:21] And one of them is gold and will give that person, that queen, a chance to shantay and

[50:28] stay instead of sashaying away.

[50:30] And so the entire season is filled with queens getting eliminated, having this like the emotional

[50:36] weight of learning that they have to go home.

[50:38] And then they have to, in front of everybody, open up this fucking chocolate bar and they

[50:42] all go, it's just chocolate.

[50:44] And then they have to leave.

[50:45] And it's so ridiculous.

[50:47] This is the whole season of television.

[50:49] It's like the wildest thing.

[50:51] And halfway through, I'm like, can they just get – can they just stop?

[50:55] Can they just go?

[50:57] Oh, that's great.

[50:58] Man.

Elliott Kalan

[50:58] Okay.

[50:58] Now, should I mention – did we mention already – I think we forgot.

[51:02] Sorry.

[51:03] That this – something I wanted to mention is that this house that they're in has appeared

[51:06] in another Flophouse movie, which is something that I think Dan discovered.

[51:10] Or no, or is it Stuart who discovered it?

[51:11] That the movie A Little Bit of Heaven, also part of this movie was shot in.

[51:16] So this – not just Tracy Letts returning to the Flophouse, but the house that the movie

[51:19] is set in is also returning to the Flophouse.

[51:22] It puts the house in Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[51:23] I sent you the paragraph, but I'll admit I didn't notice that there was another Flophouse

[51:28] movie in that paragraph until you pointed it out.

[51:31] Oh, wow.

[51:31] I just sent it because we were having a discussion over, like, where this was shot, and I thought

[51:35] it was interesting.

[51:36] But then – but no, this is a famous Flophouse house.

Stuart Wellington

[51:40] So Vic sees Melinda hooking up with Tony out on the veranda.

[51:46] Vic then surprises – the next day, Vic surprises Tony with a wilderness hike to his favorite

[51:52] gorge.

[51:55] There's a – he's driving kind of erratically up to this gorge, and there's a really cool

[51:59] fake driving shot of him driving crazy and them talking.

[52:03] It's great.

[52:03] At one point, he brought their new dog, Roger, along, and Roger's watching this whole thing.

[52:09] And at one point, he hits a bump and, like, a bunch of snail shells fall out of a bag, and

[52:13] I'm like, what is happening?

[52:14] Is he going to feed him all those poison snails?

Dan McCoy

[52:17] Nope.

[52:17] It doesn't matter.

[52:18] There's no –

[52:18] I think those are just supplies for his snails.

[52:21] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:22] So then Tony's walking around being like, what are we doing here?

[52:25] And then Vic immediately kills him with a rock attack.

Elliott Kalan

[52:29] He just starts throwing rocks at him so clumsily.

[52:32] It's really funny.

[52:32] It's great.

[52:33] Not even like – not even I'm going to take a rock and two hands and slam it into your

[52:36] head.

[52:36] He's just throwing them at him from a distance.

[52:39] Yeah.

[52:39] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[52:40] Yep.

[52:40] The Beantown bad boy himself.

[52:41] Biblical style.

[52:41] Doing a little Boston Red Sox throwing.

[52:44] Okay.

[52:45] And he knocks him down into the gorge.

[52:49] He hits his head.

[52:50] He dies.

[52:51] And then Vic hides the body in the river with rocks and belts and, like, a dog leash and

[52:57] tries to sink the body.

[52:59] And he does, as we will find out, a terrible job.

Elliott Kalan

[53:02] He does a poor job, and he just covers him with stuff that you could trace back to Vic.

[53:06] He's like, what do I have with me?

[53:07] My dog's leash?

[53:08] Great.

[53:08] Take that off the dog.

[53:09] Put it on this.

Stuart Wellington

[53:10] Yeah, I don't – like – and Roger's watching the whole time.

[53:13] It was a perfectly staged, like, accident.

[53:14] Oh, yeah.

[53:14] The dog is a witness.

Dan McCoy

[53:16] It was so strange to me that he's like, okay, there's nothing that shows that this was

[53:21] anything other than him falling down, and now I'm like, now I got to move the body.

[53:27] And take his wallet and hold on to it.

[53:30] It's madness.

[53:30] Just leave the wallet with him.

Elliott Kalan

[53:32] Like, wait, I don't – it's not going to look like a –

Stuart Wellington

[53:34] It's not like he yanked out all the teeth or some shit.

Elliott Kalan

[53:37] It would be so funny if he's then, like, using his snail saw to cut his hands off and cut

[53:41] his feet off and his head, you know.

[53:43] But he's – yeah, it's – he makes a lot of big mistakes.

[53:46] And I think it's what it is, is he got lucky with that first murder.

[53:49] He is not the – he's not the mastermind that we might have thought he is.

Dan McCoy

[53:53] No, definitely – like, even at the time with that first murder, I'm like, I mean, everyone

[53:57] does know that you were the last person in the pool with this guy.

[54:00] It is a good setup.

[54:01] Pools are dangerous.

[54:02] He was drunk, you know, on drugs.

[54:04] Like, I get it.

[54:05] But, man, you know, pick another time.

Stuart Wellington

[54:08] Yeah.

[54:09] Or don't murder.

[54:10] I mean, that's another –

[54:10] Or just don't murder.

[54:11] Well, that's the thing.

[54:11] Maybe he was just planning on doing, like, a little bit of catch with rocks.

Elliott Kalan

[54:16] I mean, when he said heads up, he expected him to notice, and he just didn't – now,

[54:21] here's a – guys, this is a continuity goof in Deepwater.

[54:23] Listen to IMDb, and I wanted to see if you thought this was a real goof.

[54:26] This is at around 52 minutes.

[54:28] When Charlie is playing the piano and Melinda is touching Vic's genitals, his mouth is open,

[54:33] then shut in the next shot while the song is playing.

[54:35] Yeah, yeah.

[54:35] Now, I feel like it doesn't take much time for someone to open and shut their mouths.

[54:40] I don't think that's a continuity mistake.

[54:41] Sorry, IMDb.

[54:42] Several times.

[54:42] That's not like Gandalf wearing a wristwatch or some shit.

[54:45] Yeah, remember when – that was so funny that last season of Game of Thrones where it was just like,

[54:50] do they care anymore?

[54:51] There's just Starbucks cups and bottled water all over the sea.

[54:54] Yeah, that's great.

[54:55] So –

[54:56] There was that one scene where Jaime Lannister was riding a Segway.

Stuart Wellington

[55:00] I mean, come on, guys.

[55:01] What are you doing?

[55:02] Vic celebrates by giving his daughter some wine, and then the next day,

[55:06] they all go up to that very same gorge for a picnic.

[55:10] They end up doing a little bit of manual stimulation.

[55:14] You said you want to make a joke about Vic exploring his own favorite gorge, right?

[55:18] I –

[55:19] Dan?

[55:20] You don't want to do that joke?

[55:21] I don't know why.

[55:22] Okay.

[55:23] I guess we'll pass.

[55:24] Assigning that to me.

[55:25] And then he gives her his magazine of photos.

[55:28] What's that?

[55:29] Zanthippe?

[55:30] Is that the name of the magazine?

[55:31] Xenophon.

[55:32] Xenophon.

Elliott Kalan

[55:32] He made like a – yeah, he made like a personalized magazine of photos and poems about her, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[55:39] Yeah, it's – you know, maybe a little creepy because we know he's a murderer, but whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[55:45] Yeah, but I mean that's – it's how he expresses affection.

[55:47] He doesn't do it through emotions, but instead through laboriously produced self-publishing.

Stuart Wellington

[55:53] Yeah.

[55:53] So he then goes to check on his daughter.

[55:56] He sees that the dead body is still – didn't get weighed down properly.

[56:00] So he's like, I'm going to have to go back –

Elliott Kalan

[56:02] He hid the body in a two-inch deep stream, but the body didn't disappear without a trace.

Stuart Wellington

[56:07] You would think that a movie named Deep Water would feature some fucking deep water, right?

[56:12] This is some shallow water for deep water, yeah.

[56:15] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[56:16] So they had home –

[56:18] Look, there's deeper water in A Star is Born, a movie with a song called Shallow.

[56:24] Oh, boy.

Stuart Wellington

[56:25] When you're right, you're right.

[56:26] You know, it's right here, Dan.

[56:28] Yeah, I guess I got to give it to –

[56:29] All right, I'll write it down in the book.

[56:31] Write it down.

[56:32] I was right once.

[56:33] Okay.

[56:34] So they head home, and Melinda realized that she forgot her scarf.

[56:38] So Vic's like, don't worry about it.

[56:39] I'll go up tomorrow first thing and pick up that scarf of yours and hide the body.

[56:45] They reconnect a little bit.

[56:45] Did I say that last part out loud?

Elliott Kalan

[56:47] And she lets him –

[56:48] Wait, you said something about hiding a body?

[56:49] No, no, just finding the one to find a scarf and hide a body.

[56:51] No, wait.

[56:52] You said the find a body thing again.

Dan McCoy

[56:53] You know how scarf sounds like body.

Stuart Wellington

[56:57] And then they reconnect, and she lets him stay the night in her room.

[57:01] I think things are looking up for this couple.

[57:03] Yeah.

[57:05] Next day, she finds Tony's wallet.

[57:07] Hey, guess what?

[57:07] You'll have to sleep with the snails tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] Yeah.

[57:10] And he's like, but can I still by choice?

[57:12] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[57:13] Is it okay that I put a couple in my pants anyway?

[57:15] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[57:16] Yeah, he likes to sleep down there covered in them like he's some kind of villain from a fucking Soulsborne game.

[57:22] That would be so funny, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[57:23] If he's like, don't worry, got some with me, and he just jiggles his pockets, and you hear the clink clink of snail shells.

Stuart Wellington

[57:29] So while he's out riding his bike up to the gorge, she finds Tony's wallet in his snail collection.

[57:36] Uh-oh.

[57:37] What's she going to do?

[57:38] So she packs up a bag that her daughter immediately pushes into the pool.

Elliott Kalan

[57:42] This is so – yeah, her daughter throws it down the stairs and then pushes in the pool and goes, we're not going.

[57:48] It's just – this kid is a force.

[57:50] It's a hurricane, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[57:52] So he bikes up to the gorge, and he tries to better hide the body.

[57:54] He does a terrible job, and Tracy Letts shows up, and he finds the scarf, and he – it's a very awkward confrontation, and then he sees that Vic is trying to hide a body.

[58:06] So he stumbles up – he stumbles up the lip of the gorge.

Elliott Kalan

[58:11] Vic is like, hey, hey, hey, Don.

[58:14] How's – your family?

[58:16] How's your family?

[58:16] Like, it is not since Wahlberg in The Happening has someone sounded so guilty while talking.

Dan McCoy

[58:23] Yeah, we had to rewind a couple times to take a look at Affleck's face because he's just, like, looking behind him down at the water.

Elliott Kalan

[58:30] And now, did you think this was a trap that was set by Melinda?

[58:34] Maybe.

Stuart Wellington

[58:35] That would make sense.

[58:36] Okay.

[58:36] It's possible.

[58:37] Yeah.

[58:38] I mean –

[58:38] So he runs – Tracy Letts runs away super awkwardly, and he, like, takes him a little while, but he gets in his car, and he peels out.

[58:46] Vic chases him on his bike.

[58:48] Don, while driving away, talks mad shit.

[58:52] Like, he talks the amount of shit where you're like, bro, you are going to die.

[58:55] You can't talk this much shit without knowing you're going to get your comeuppance.

Elliott Kalan

[58:58] He's like, catch me, you fucking fuck, you sick freak.

[59:00] What do you think now, you shit?

[59:02] I'm going to live forever.

[59:04] And he's so flush with victory that he, while driving madly down Forest Roads to get to the police station in town, pulls out his phone and begins texting his wife, I was right.

[59:15] And it comes out as, like – autocorrect is trying to change it.

Stuart Wellington

[59:19] He goes, I fucking autocorrect.

[59:21] It's so funny.

[59:22] Yeah, yeah.

[59:23] He's, like, trying to throw a tweet up real quick just so everybody knows.

Elliott Kalan

[59:27] It's like Larry David is suddenly trying to report a murder on his phone while driving.

[59:31] Like, that's what it feels like.

Stuart Wellington

[59:32] Oh, man, it's so funny.

[59:33] And, yep, so Don, in his rush to text his wife, drops his phone.

[59:41] Vic takes a shortcut through the – down the hill, and he ends up crashing his bike in front of the path of Don's car.

[59:50] Don sees him swerves to avoid Vic's body and instead immediately drives off the car and dies like a Toons' cartoon or a Toons' sketch.

Elliott Kalan

[59:59] It's hilarious.

[1:00:01] It is so – and Vic cannot take credit for this kill.

[1:00:05] This is entirely Don's mistake every step of the way.

[1:00:09] This is – if everyone in Lil Wesley is making it this easy for Vic to murder them, then Vic should just do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:16] If Tracy Letts had just driven at a normal speed, been inside the car, waited to text until he was safely at the police station, all this –

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:25] It's silly enough that I assumed somewhere in Tracy Letts' past, he fucked over Tony Todd in a Final Destination movie.

[1:00:32] And he's finally getting that comeuppance.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:34] He was supposed to die in a cruise ship crash, you know, three years before, and Tony Todd's been tracking him down ever since.

[1:00:41] But the – it feels like – it makes you rethink the pool murder because you're like – so what if – it makes me think Charlie was just like, hey, Vic, how much water do you think I can drink before I can't breathe anymore?

[1:00:53] And then he's just going – oh, I'm just swimming around with his mouth open.

[1:00:56] Like everyone is – people are walking into bullets at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:00] And we're misinterpreting his like memories of wrestling with Charlie at this point because we're like – he must have been trying to save him.

[1:01:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:08] He was like, get out of the pool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:09] And he's doing it angrily because he's like, why are these people trying to kill themselves in front of him?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:14] Why are people – like it makes me think that maybe he was like, oh, let me take these rocks out of the way.

[1:01:21] Someone might trip on them and he accidentally throws them and hits Tony in the head.

[1:01:24] Yeah, yeah.

[1:01:24] Oh, okay.

[1:01:25] It's just so funny that he decides to text while driving in this moment.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:31] So Vic rides his bike home, crime perfectly hidden.

[1:01:36] He gets home.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:38] I would be so much more shaken by that experience than by anything else that happened in the movie up until then.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:44] And he rides his bike up to his front porch.

[1:01:47] He starts stripping off his clothes.

[1:01:49] He looks up.

[1:01:50] Melinda is sitting in the same spot.

[1:01:52] She was sitting at the very beginning of the movie.

[1:01:55] And they have the exact same interaction.

[1:01:58] But she knows what he's done.

[1:02:00] And she covers for him.

[1:02:01] She burns Tony's wallet and identification.

[1:02:04] And that's the end of the movie.

[1:02:06] Wait, we got some bloops.

[1:02:07] We got video footage of Trixie singing in the back of the car.

[1:02:11] Yeah.

[1:02:11] It's a great way to end this movie.

[1:02:13] You make me feel like dancing.

[1:02:14] Yeah.

[1:02:14] It is.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:15] Like this – you know, I – you know, child actors are children, which means that –

[1:02:21] Okay.

[1:02:22] All right.

[1:02:22] Story checks out.

[1:02:23] The math, I think, is solid there.

[1:02:24] They're very up and down erratic in like whether it's a good addition to a movie or not.

[1:02:30] I like this child performance very much because, I don't know, it is precocious without seeming false.

[1:02:36] Like it is just funny to – and like to have this like upbeat song from the kid as we get our credits after the movie was a nice touch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:44] The – I think that the fact that she's so extraneous to the plot.

[1:02:49] Yeah.

[1:02:49] That she doesn't really – it allows them to do scenes with her where they're just kind of playing around with her.

[1:02:53] Yeah.

[1:02:54] Which are – yeah.

[1:02:54] She – that kid is super, super funny and cute.

[1:02:59] And like it makes – she brings a little bit of life to her scenes that is missing from a lot of the grown-up scenes.

[1:03:06] Now, here's the thing.

[1:03:07] The original novel ends differently.

[1:03:08] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:08] You want to hear how it ends?

[1:03:09] According to Wikipedia.

[1:03:10] And Wikipedia, which also states that Dan's friend, Gillian Flynn, that this is one of her favorite novels.

[1:03:17] Yeah.

[1:03:17] Of course.

[1:03:18] It also – that apparently at the end of this, Don gets away, calls the police, Vic comes home, strangles his wife, and then the police arrive to arrest him.

[1:03:28] So a very different ending.

[1:03:29] So in this –

[1:03:30] And significantly less funny.

[1:03:32] Yeah.

[1:03:32] Yes, much less funny.

[1:03:33] So this version – the original version – this version has allowed it to play out a little more ambiguously with Melinda buying into the – like aiding in Vic getting rid of Tony.

[1:03:43] Yes.

[1:03:43] And Vic escaping, it seems, unpunished by it for his crimes.

[1:03:48] And maybe their marriage strengthened as a result.

[1:03:50] So how do you feel about this change?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:51] Well, that's what I was going to say about it.

[1:03:54] I had actually – yeah, I checked the Wikipedia page for how the book ended.

[1:03:58] I saw that.

[1:03:58] And I have not read the book.

[1:04:01] I'm sure in context with the tone of the book, that is the ending that makes sense.

[1:04:07] For this adaptation, like just in the abstract, I like this better because instead of it just being a thriller about a murderous husband, it then becomes a kind of dark comedy about these two's weird fetishes or weird relationship.

[1:04:27] And the way that becomes murderous and the way that murder then sort of becomes marriage therapy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:34] Yeah, it's kind of like the later seasons of You, but less fun.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:39] Yeah, yeah.

[1:04:40] I don't know.

[1:04:41] What do you guys think about that issue?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:44] Yeah, I mean I would say that the chosen ending makes it a more interesting movie than simply a – because like if the purpose of the – I mean I feel like the movie doesn't do enough to really explicitly explain the character's motivations.

[1:05:02] But I think that is a more interesting avenue to go down than trying to focus on the murdering part, which like the mystery of the murders because that's not interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:11] Yes, yeah, I think the – it would be a better ending if the movie could get its – like if the movie could – if the movie was a sexier movie.

[1:05:18] Like it's not a – it's like a movie that should like – should be a steamy, sexy movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:22] So what are you saying? Like more toe rings?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:24] Yeah, yeah, more – yeah, exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:27] More songs by Crazy Town, Butterfly Sugar Baby?

[1:05:31] Yeah, exactly.

[1:05:34] It's the sexiest song.

[1:05:35] Yeah.

[1:05:36] As chosen by – I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:38] As chosen by America's parents.

[1:05:40] Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards.

[1:05:41] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:43] Nickelodeon's – you know what?

[1:05:43] They should really get rid of that sexiest song category for the Kids' Choice Awards.

[1:05:47] Yeah, it's off-brand.

[1:05:48] The night that kids get to decide what songs are sexy.

[1:05:51] It's part of a say yes day, you know?

[1:05:53] Yeah.

[1:05:54] A lot of people have talked about how movies have gotten less sexy over the past 10, 15, 20 years.

[1:05:59] And how as people in movies have gotten buffer, they've gotten less sexual.

[1:06:06] You know, they're just kind of objects to look at, but they don't actually have sexual urges.

[1:06:09] And this movie, it's like – it feels like a – the last gasp of the idea of sex in movies where it's like, you know, it just doesn't have the strength or the energy anymore.

[1:06:20] And it's trying for a moment and then it collapses.

[1:06:22] And so – I mean –

[1:06:24] But I think that ending would – I think that ending would work better if up to this point the movie had had like a real sexual passion behind it or sexual chemistry.

[1:06:30] Sizzle.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:31] I mean that's like –

[1:06:31] Sizzle, yeah.

[1:06:33] Like I keep finding more and more that if a movie has any amount of like sexual chemistry in it, I'm like, oh, this movie's great.

[1:06:41] Yeah.

[1:06:43] Just because I'm like, I'm so used to seeing everything else at this point.

[1:06:47] Like –

[1:06:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:48] It is weird how infantilizing that is for like the movies to just have decided like, no, no, no, no.

[1:06:54] You don't get sex.

[1:06:56] That's not a – it's not a thing you're allowed to have in your movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:59] Well, but it's also – I mean it's – culture in general is – we're going through a period that's like very pro-sex on the internet and on TV and very anti-sex in movies.

[1:07:10] And I wonder why that is – and I'm sure someone has an answer and that someone is named Dan McCoy.

[1:07:15] Why do you think, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:07:16] Yeah, Dan.

[1:07:18] It's got something to do with –

[1:07:22] Target demos.

[1:07:25] Saturn.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:26] Oh.

[1:07:26] Okay.

[1:07:26] Interesting.

[1:07:27] Bringing astrology into it.

[1:07:28] Yeah, thank you.

[1:07:29] Stuart has the answer for this.

[1:07:30] There's a lot of –

[1:07:30] Thanks.

[1:07:31] Let's just – let me just pull up co-stars.

[1:07:34] Let's co-stars have to say.

[1:07:36] I guess –

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:37] Probably something fucking mean about me.

[1:07:39] I guess there was a period – there was a time for most of movie history when like the idea of something in a movie being sexy was like a drawing point.

[1:07:47] Like this is – people are going to watch this.

[1:07:49] And especially after the 60s.

[1:07:50] But like Jessica Rabbit?

[1:07:51] Yeah.

[1:07:52] Jessica Rabbit.

[1:07:52] But like after the 1960s, it was like this movie has nakedness in it.

[1:07:57] And now nakedness is so – at this point, it's hard to avoid.

[1:08:01] You know?

[1:08:01] Yeah, that's true.

[1:08:01] So it's no longer the draw it once was.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:03] It has been devalued.

[1:08:05] Yeah.

[1:08:05] The supply has gone up and the demand has fallen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:08] That's what Joe Biden was having a meeting the other day with the Strategic Sex Reserve.

[1:08:13] And he's like, gentlemen, we have a problem with the devaluing of the American boob.

[1:08:17] It used to be much more valuable.

[1:08:19] But due to inflation, it is now extremely not valuable.

[1:08:24] Inflation.

[1:08:26] Okay.

[1:08:27] Well –

[1:08:28] We're dealing with an economic problem that economists call boobflation.

[1:08:32] It's when boobs are getting bigger but they're valued less as a result.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:36] Wow.

[1:08:36] You guys are fucking really throwing out your national lampoon pitches.

[1:08:39] Yeah.

[1:08:40] So let's do some final judgments, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:42] Yeah, let's do some final judgments whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, a movie you kind of like.

[1:08:48] I will say this is – I liked this movie.

[1:08:51] I mean like I don't think it all works but it is in the upper echelon of like genuinely liking a movie I watched for this dumb podcast.

[1:09:02] I enjoyed that it had like this weird sex games.

[1:09:09] A while back on Twitter I opined that the perfect caption for all New Yorker cartoons is have our sex games become too elaborate.

[1:09:21] And I feel like if they adapted that caption into a movie, they might make deep water.

[1:09:26] Yeah.

[1:09:27] It feels a little slight.

[1:09:29] Like it seems like there should be a little more movie in this movie but otherwise –

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:33] Yeah, it's kind of a – well, I'll get to mine.

[1:09:35] Otherwise I enjoyed it.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:36] But there's a lot of movie in the movie.

[1:09:37] What do you say, Stu?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:38] Yeah, I'm in the same boat.

[1:09:39] I mean anytime I get to see a bunch of like a bunch of hot dumb hunks hanging out with Ana de Armas.

[1:09:49] Like it's a lot of fun.

[1:09:50] Then they all get murdered.

[1:09:50] It's great.

[1:09:52] Yeah, I mean it's slow and kind of boring but also that's part of the charm.

[1:09:57] And I don't know.

[1:09:59] Like and then it gets crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:01] Thumbs up.

[1:10:02] Yeah, I'm calling this a bad movie.

[1:10:06] At times it's a good bad movie to me but at times I found it just very – I didn't enjoy it as much as you guys did.

[1:10:10] I found it really boring a lot of the time and I wanted it to get weirder and just more out there and more like – and sexier.

[1:10:19] Like Naked Lunch?

Dan McCoy

[1:10:21] I mean yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:22] Sexy like Naked Lunch.

[1:10:23] No, I mean –

[1:10:25] I mean it's in the title.

[1:10:28] Lunch.

[1:10:28] Well, that's the Simpsons when they go to see it and they walk out and go –

[1:10:31] I can think of two things wrong with that title.

[1:10:34] Hey, Bart, we're going to go see an R-rated movie, Bart and Fink.

[1:10:38] Bart and Fink.

[1:10:41] I wanted the movie to be like either sillier or sexier and the movie was taking itself serious without being able to back it up with like real passion.

[1:10:50] And Ben Affleck is kind of a non-entity for a lot of the movie which leaves Anna de Armas kind of like high and dry without someone to like play off of, you know.

[1:11:03] But, you know, it's not the worst movie in the world.

[1:11:05] It's just not a very good movie.

[1:11:07] And I wish that – I wish there was more in it of – on the level of Ben Affleck gazing lovingly upon his snails or Tracy Letts texting while driving and getting mad at all the things.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:18] I feel like if they had cast somebody that was less attractive as the Ben Affleck character.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:24] Well, this was something – this was an argument I was having with my wife is that if they – it feels like the part was written for someone – yeah, someone who is not as like movie star, handsome,

[1:11:36] or known to be like a movie star romantic lead or an action lead than Ben Affleck.

[1:11:41] Like throw Paul Giamatti in that shit.

[1:11:43] He would have crushed it.

[1:11:45] Or you know what?

[1:11:47] We haven't seen Zach Woods in a movie like this before.

[1:11:49] Let's throw him in.

[1:11:50] But like somebody where I'm like, oh, I believe this is someone who like feels like he got – he's married to a woman who is in some ways out of his league

[1:11:59] and is willing to put up with her dallying because he doesn't want to lose her and – but doesn't like it.

[1:12:05] It makes him feel emasculated.

[1:12:06] Whereas Ben Affleck, I just – at times I felt like he was – he's just not – it wasn't – it was too much of a matchup in terms of like this is someone that's a movie star.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:17] Yeah.

[1:12:18] I mean I can see that point of view.

[1:12:19] I will stand up a little for Ben Affleck.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:21] I also don't buy Ben Affleck as like a brilliant computer scientist who designed an amazing chip that he got rich off of.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:28] I will stand up for Ben Affleck and say that I think that as he gets older and sadder – and I don't want him to be sad in his personal life.

[1:12:37] I don't want that – Ben Affleck, I hope –

[1:12:40] He's not an upswing dude.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:41] Only nice things for you.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:42] But as he gets older and sadder, he is a more interesting actor and I liked him in this, I thought.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:47] That's true.

[1:12:48] But I kind of feel like – this is being more insulting than I mean it to be.

[1:12:51] But I feel like George Clooney has the lock on like handsome sad guy in movies.

[1:12:56] And Ben Affleck starts to feel kind of like the direct-to-video or direct-to-cable version of George Clooney.

[1:13:01] Man, I just watched Out of Sight the other day.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:02] What a fucking movie.

[1:13:04] Oh, well, that's a great movie.

[1:13:05] You know, they're great in it.

[1:13:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:08] Well, hey.

[1:13:09] Now imagine that movie with Ben Affleck instead of George Clooney.

[1:13:11] It's Gigli.

[1:13:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:14] Okay.

[1:13:15] Oof.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:19] Hey, did grad school ruin your reading habits?

[1:13:22] Oh my God, all those books you had to read for grad school.

[1:13:25] Did becoming a parent destroy your ability to focus on a book?

[1:13:29] Did the pandemic tank the number of novels you can get through in a year?

[1:13:33] Ugh, that happened to everyone and we're reading glasses and we're here to help.

[1:13:38] We'll get you out of a book slump, dismantle all that weird reader guilt.

[1:13:43] Which we know you have a lot of, but most importantly, we'll help you fall back in love with reading.

[1:13:48] Reading glasses every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:52] Congratulations.

[1:13:54] You've won a ticket to attend an exclusive opportunity in a relaxing environment with two lovers.

[1:14:01] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:01] Well, this sounds like a sort of proposition of sorts, but really it's an ad for our podcast.

[1:14:07] Wonderful.

[1:14:08] It's a show we do here on Maximum Fun where we talk about things that we like and things that we're into.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:13] I'm Rachel McElroy and you just heard Griffin McElroy and we are excited for you to join us as we talk about movies and music and books.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:20] Things like sneezing or the idea of rain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:25] Can you get news or information you can use?

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:28] Absolutely you cannot.

[1:14:30] Because we're here to talk to you about pumpernickel bread.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:32] You can find new episodes on Wednesdays.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:34] Catch the wave.

[1:14:37] Hey, we've got sponsors.

[1:14:40] Don't say that we don't because we do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:42] So we do have ads.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:43] We do have ads.

[1:14:45] And we do have sponsors.

[1:14:46] We do have sponsors.

[1:14:48] We do have sponsors.

[1:14:49] And one of them is Squarespace, which is, you know, websites.

[1:14:55] You've seen them on the internet.

[1:14:56] You know what?

[1:14:58] They got to be built.

[1:14:58] They got to be constructed.

[1:14:59] They don't just come out of the air.

[1:15:01] And Squarespace is the all-in-one platform for building your brand and growing your business online.

[1:15:08] You can stand out with a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything.

[1:15:13] Your products, content you create, and even your time through Squarespace.

[1:15:19] And I actually, I made a website for myself.

[1:15:24] I think it's called danmccoywriter.com.

[1:15:26] I use Squarespace.

[1:15:29] Danmccoyrideordie.com?

[1:15:30] No, writer.

[1:15:32] Oh.

[1:15:32] My job is writing, not writing or dying.

[1:15:35] Can you change it?

[1:15:36] I could.

[1:15:38] Why don't one of you listeners can do danmccoyrideordie.com?

[1:15:43] And we'll see what happens.

[1:15:46] But now I'm scared to see what happens, to watch what happens live.

[1:15:52] The point is…

[1:15:53] It's because of Andy Cohen.

[1:15:54] I use Squarespace.

[1:15:56] I found it very easy to use.

[1:15:58] I put together a site I was happy with, you know, in the course of an afternoon.

[1:16:02] And it looks like I spent a lot more time on it than that.

[1:16:06] And so I heartily endorse Squarespace.

[1:16:10] You can display posts from your social profiles on your website.

[1:16:14] You can automatically push website content to your favorite social media channel so your followers can share it too.

[1:16:19] That makes life a lot easier.

[1:16:21] Sell your products on an online store.

[1:16:24] Whether physical or digital, Squarespace has the tools you need to sell online.

[1:16:29] And you can use insights to grow your business.

[1:16:32] You can learn where your visits and sales are coming from.

[1:16:35] Use that info to analyze which channels are the most effective.

[1:16:38] Improve your website.

[1:16:39] And build a marketing strategy based on your top keywords or most popular products and content.

[1:16:45] Sounds like a boon for smart marketing.

[1:16:49] So you can go to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial.

[1:16:54] And when you're ready to launch, use offer code flop, F-L-O-P, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:04] Now, Dan, I had an idea for a website.

[1:17:06] And I was wondering if Squarespace could help me.

[1:17:07] It's called danmccoyrideordie.com.

[1:17:09] Okay.

[1:17:10] Yeah.

[1:17:10] And it's just a way to get you to ride different things or you'll die.

[1:17:15] So it could be anything from a giant pig to a John Deere tractor.

[1:17:18] Sounds like a threat.

[1:17:19] I'm not sure.

[1:17:19] You know, on top of a jumbo jet or maybe just like a big snake or a dolphin.

[1:17:26] So can Squarespace help me with setting up that website?

[1:17:28] It can.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:30] It kind of scares me.

[1:17:32] I don't know about it.

[1:17:33] Although this sounds like a great like sort of…

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:35] Trying new things can be scary, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:36] It's like a speed style movie where someone is like it's called ride or die where you have to ride various things or those things explode.

[1:17:44] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:45] It's like Brewster's Millions.

[1:17:46] They're like you have to…

[1:17:47] You can't use your feet for a whole day.

[1:17:49] You've got to ride things.

[1:17:51] Yeah.

[1:17:51] It's got…

[1:17:52] Yeah.

[1:17:52] Brewster Cogburn's Millions.

[1:17:53] That's when John Wayne dies and he says, well, partner, if you can spend a million dollars in a week with nothing to show for it, then I'm going to give you 30 more million dollars.

[1:18:04] That was Tom Brokaw as John Wayne.

[1:18:06] Yeah, yeah.

[1:18:07] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:08] Oh, I love it.

[1:18:09] I love it when the stars come out.

[1:18:09] What other sponsors have we got?

[1:18:11] Hey, this podcast, The Flop House, is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[1:18:15] Now, if you're anything like me, you are going through it.

[1:18:19] Woo!

[1:18:19] Whether it's doom scrolling, staying up too late, body pains, headaches, all the symptoms of stress just wearing you down.

[1:18:29] And I have to say, getting some regular therapy has been a really big help for me.

[1:18:35] It's helped me kind of sort through things.

[1:18:38] And I've been seeing positive effects in basically every aspect of my life.

[1:18:45] BetterHelp provides customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist.

[1:18:53] So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to.

[1:18:56] That is up to you.

[1:18:58] And it's also much more affordable than in-person therapy.

[1:19:01] So if you're thinking about giving therapy a go, this might be a good way to dip your toe into that pool because therapy can be a little intimidating.

[1:19:09] There's a lot of choices.

[1:19:11] So you can try and see if online therapy is for you.

[1:19:14] And maybe it'll help lower your stress.

[1:19:16] So what you need to do is, if you're a Flop House listener, you can get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash flop.

[1:19:27] That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash flop.

[1:19:34] Now, would BetterHelp help Dan to ride stuff that he might be afraid of riding?

[1:19:38] It'll certainly help him deal with why he's frightened of riding things.

[1:19:41] I'm guessing it's the death part?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:44] Yeah.

[1:19:44] Yeah, yeah, probably the death part.

[1:19:46] Anyway, we have some Jumbotrons too.

[1:19:49] What's this all about?

[1:19:50] Let's open up the Jumbotron mailbag and see what people want to say.

[1:19:53] Well, here's a message.

[1:19:55] It's promotional and it goes like this.

[1:19:56] Bodega Box Office is a podcast about movies and the rappers who make them.

[1:20:00] With over 100 episodes, Bodega Box Office has only scratched the surface of the rap film canon.

[1:20:06] From classics like Juice to new stuff like T.I. and Marvel's Ant-Man to weird shit like the movie where E-40 and Big Daddy Kane fight vampire zombies.

[1:20:14] Oh, wow.

[1:20:14] We've got something for everyone.

[1:20:15] Bodega Box Office is available wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:20:19] Bonus question for the Peaches.

[1:20:20] Got a favorite rapper who acts?

[1:20:23] Absolutely.

[1:20:23] Her name's Debbie Harry.

[1:20:25] Uh-oh.

[1:20:25] Favorite MC.

[1:20:27] Was an early rap song.

[1:20:29] I'll give it to you.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:30] You sound so uncool by saying that though.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:33] I'll technically give it to you.

[1:20:35] Visit bodegaboxoffice.com or search Bodega Box Office in your podcast.

[1:20:39] Dan, what about you?

[1:20:40] Rapper who acts?

Dan McCoy

[1:20:41] I was going to say Mo Steph, although these days he doesn't rap that much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:44] Okay.

[1:20:45] And you know me.

[1:20:46] It's got to be Cool As I Star, Vanilla Ice.

[1:20:49] And now we've got another Jumbotron.

[1:20:51] This is a personal Jumbotron.

[1:20:53] This is for Graham and it's from Rachel.

[1:20:55] And the message is, if you are wondering if your sister wants to wish you a happy birthday

[1:20:59] as you become the answer to life, the universe, and everything, then the words of the dad

[1:21:03] from Totoro, well, it looks that way to me.

[1:21:05] Maybe if we are lucky, the Peaches will discuss how good the wrong guy is, even if neither

[1:21:09] Shelly nor Rob were impressed by it.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:13] And that's a nice birthday message.

[1:21:14] I like the wrong guy.

[1:21:15] It's got some very funny scenes.

[1:21:18] Is that the one with the bear where he wakes up in the hospital and he like makes up,

[1:21:22] Yeah, that's great.

[1:21:24] It's a good show.

[1:21:25] Yeah.

[1:21:25] That's a funny movie with Mr. Dave Foley.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:30] I wanted to mention, I have a, I just want to mention also a personal, this is almost like

[1:21:34] a personal Jumbotron.

[1:21:35] Hey Dan, actually, if people want to purchase Jumbotrons, where do they go to?

Dan McCoy

[1:21:39] They go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron.

[1:21:44] Makes sense to me.

[1:21:45] And all the instructions are there.

[1:21:46] They make it real easy for people.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:48] Excellent.

[1:21:48] And here's a personal Jumbotron from me.

[1:21:50] My second Maniac of New York series has now come to a close.

[1:21:54] Maniac of New York, the Bronx is Burning number four, is on comic book store shelves now.

[1:21:57] So if you're waiting for all the issues to come out to pick them up, see if you can find

[1:22:01] them and go pick them up in comic stores now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:04] Is there anyone still alive in New York?

[1:22:07] Has the Maniac left anybody alive?

[1:22:09] Oh, there's a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:10] New York's a big city.

[1:22:11] There's lots of people left alive.

[1:22:12] We'll see if they survive, if there's a future series.

[1:22:15] Uh-oh.

[1:22:18] It'll have to become Maniac of Newark.

[1:22:22] He'll get on the train and go from New York Penn Station to Newark Penn Station.

[1:22:27] Almost as good.

[1:22:28] What's going to happen?

[1:22:29] It's a massacre down at the NJ Pack.

[1:22:31] That's the Performing Arts Center.

[1:22:33] Hey, here's the thing that we do.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:36] Yep.

[1:22:37] We get letters from listeners.

[1:22:40] Listeners like you, listening right now.

[1:22:42] Here's the thing that we do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:44] We get letters from listeners.

[1:22:47] Just a little thing that we do.

[1:22:49] Let's check our to-do list.

[1:22:51] There it is right there, getting letters.

[1:22:54] Let's cross it off.

[1:22:55] What's after that?

[1:22:56] Take out the garbage.

[1:22:58] We'll do that when the episode's done.

[1:23:00] Or maybe I'll do it now before I forget.

[1:23:03] Let's pull this bag out of the larger garbage can and we tie it up.

[1:23:07] Oh, it's dripping.

[1:23:08] Put it outside.

[1:23:09] Oh, gross.

[1:23:10] Oh, disgusting.

[1:23:11] Oh, the bag broke.

[1:23:12] Oh, there's garbage all over the floor.

[1:23:14] You know what?

[1:23:15] I'll clean this up later.

[1:23:16] Let's get to the letters.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:18] This happens so infrequently now.

[1:23:20] It's almost a treat.

[1:23:24] This is from...

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:25] Dan, should I have done a sexier letters song for the sexy movie we did today?

[1:23:29] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:29] I don't think it's possible that you could have done a sexier one than that.

[1:23:32] Correct answer.

[1:23:33] This is from Chris, last name withheld.

[1:23:36] Oh, it's not for Chris.

[1:23:39] Chris writes, dear floppy boys.

[1:23:41] Yep.

[1:23:41] I recently watched a 2020 movie called The Marksman.

[1:23:46] In it, Liam Neeson helps a boy who crossed over the Mexican border after his mother was killed by the cartel because she had their money.

[1:23:53] He has to help him get to his relatives while being chased by the cartel.

[1:23:56] It's a serious movie and not a bad one either, but one detail just kept bothering me and took me out of the story.

[1:24:04] Liam Neeson's character is named Jim Henson.

[1:24:07] I kept hoping I was mishearing his name, but it was repeated enough times that I'm sure it's right.

[1:24:14] From then on, I could only imagine Liam Neeson and Gonzo on a road trip to Chicago trying to escape the Mexican cartel and shooting bad guys in the head.

[1:24:23] I watched that movie.

[1:24:24] Have you ever seen a movie like this?

[1:24:26] A movie that had just one strange character name or some other detail like this that takes you out of the movie?

[1:24:33] Also, which Muppet do you think could most easily avoid being hunted by the cartel?

[1:24:37] Thanks for making the show.

[1:24:39] It keeps me laughing through the hard times.

[1:24:41] Stay floppy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:43] Well, I'll tell you who would have the hardest time to hide from the cartel is New Zealand because he's just easy to find.

[1:24:49] He's throwing fish all the time.

[1:24:50] You just follow the trail of fish.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:52] Yeah, but they come back to him.

[1:24:55] Like he throws them.

[1:24:55] Yeah, you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:56] Let me change my answer.

[1:24:58] He'd be the easiest one.

[1:24:59] He'd get away from that cartel, New Zealand, because there's no trail of fish after him.

[1:25:03] Smack him with fish.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:04] I feel like Sam the Elliot would have a tough time.

[1:25:06] Sam the Elliot?

[1:25:07] Sam the Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:11] Famous Muppet character, Sam the Elliot.

[1:25:13] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:15] Alex, you got to edit this whole chunk out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:18] No, no, no.

[1:25:19] You keep it in.

[1:25:21] You all remember every Muppet scene ends with Sam the Elliot coming out and going,

[1:25:25] you are not real cowboys.

[1:25:27] That's not how we did it.

[1:25:28] Yeah.

[1:25:29] Stop it.

[1:25:30] I feel like such a moron.

[1:25:31] Stop kissing each other.

[1:25:33] Stop it right now.

[1:25:36] Real cowboys don't hang out with snouts and sing the Monomena song.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:41] So Sam the Eagle.

[1:25:42] Yeah, I'm done.

[1:25:43] I'm giving it on it.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:45] Let's answer the real question.

[1:25:48] Sure.

[1:25:49] I don't, like there's no, I am sure, there are definitely times when this happens specifically

[1:25:55] with names in movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:56] Well, there's, I was going to say that in the movie, in the movie, Nothing Sacred, which

[1:26:02] is a very funny screwball comedy, there's a character named Oliver Stone and his name

[1:26:06] gets mentioned a lot.

[1:26:08] And so it's like, obviously they weren't, they did not know there was going to be a famous

[1:26:11] director named Oliver Stone.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:12] I know you mentioned Homer Simpson in the past with, was that Day of the Locust?

[1:26:16] The Day of the Locust.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:17] Yeah.

[1:26:17] Day of the Locust, one of the main characters is named Homer Simpson.

[1:26:20] And he's such a sad, sad character.

[1:26:23] And at times it's hard not to imagine Homer Simpson from the Simpsons in that role.

[1:26:26] But it's not, he's not like a, he's not like a loud, dumb guy.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:30] Speaking of the Muppets, of course, in It's a Wonderful Life, they have the characters

[1:26:34] Ernie and Bert, who like talk, they're like cops, or at least one of them's a cop.

[1:26:38] And they're like hanging out together, they're buddies.

[1:26:41] And there's the urban legend that that inspired the names of the Muppets.

[1:26:45] It's not true.

[1:26:48] They're unrelated, but it does make it hard to watch It's a Wonderful Life now without

[1:26:52] thinking of those Muppets.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:54] Yeah.

[1:26:55] And playing the Star Wars Jedi Knight games and you're playing a character named Kyle,

[1:26:59] that seems weird.

[1:27:00] Kyle?

[1:27:01] Yeah.

[1:27:01] Just like a bad name for a Star Wars thing?

[1:27:03] Yeah, Kyle Katarn seems like a funny name for a fucking Jedi.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:07] I just thought it was weird that Kyle Katarn became a Jedi when I know him from the Dark

[1:27:11] Forces game.

[1:27:11] And it seemed a little convenient that this guy who before was just kind of a rebel soldier

[1:27:16] and were like mercenary or whatever, is now a Jedi Knight.

[1:27:19] Hmm, interesting.

[1:27:20] That's what people want to do, though.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:21] You don't want to, you want to play a Jedi.

[1:27:22] You don't want to play just some chump.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:24] Yeah.

[1:27:25] Okay.

[1:27:25] I don't know.

[1:27:25] That game, I loved that game, Dark Forces, and I especially liked that.

[1:27:28] There's this one level where you're planting bombs and a big robot comes out to kill you.

[1:27:34] And I didn't know that you're supposed to defeat that robot.

[1:27:37] And every time I played it when I was a teenager, I just ran the hell out of the board and just

[1:27:41] went back through the entire level before the bombs went off.

[1:27:44] And I won.

[1:27:45] Oh, that's great.

[1:27:45] You didn't have to fight that robot.

[1:27:46] Oh, that's great.

[1:27:46] You could just run away.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:48] There's also a level in Dark Forces 2 Jedi Knight where you're on like a ship that is

[1:27:53] slowly crashing and the whole level like shifts a bunch.

[1:27:57] It's pretty cool.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:58] That's a cool idea.

[1:27:59] You know, those are great games.

[1:27:59] I'm glad he's a Jedi.

[1:28:00] Anyway, Kyle, great name for a Jedi.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:02] Yeah, and in Dark Forces 2 Jedi Knight, it's technically a movie because it has live action

[1:28:06] cut scenes.

[1:28:07] I don't think that makes it a movie.

[1:28:09] It's technically a movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:11] Technically.

[1:28:13] Let's move on to the next and final letter.

[1:28:16] This is from Rue, last name withheld.

[1:28:19] McClanahan.

[1:28:22] Well, it's spelled like Rue from Winnie the Pooh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:26] Oh, that's who it is then.

[1:28:27] Yeah.

[1:28:28] Dearest Floppers.

[1:28:29] I apologize.

[1:28:30] I didn't hear the spelling when you said it.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:32] I want Rue to get proper credit.

[1:28:36] Dearest Floppers, I understand that I'm pretty late to respond here.

[1:28:39] But some things are important enough that they need to be addressed no matter the delay.

[1:28:44] In episode number 317, fellow listener Willie L, parentheses Loman, who admittedly never

[1:28:53] lived in the city, had some pretty negative things to say about the city of Topeka.

[1:28:57] In the episode, Dan chuckled about how mad listeners from Topeka must be, while Elliot

[1:29:01] posited that the letter was a little uninformed.

[1:29:04] Well, as someone who does, in fact, live in the city, let me clear up some misconceptions.

[1:29:08] Oh, great.

[1:29:10] Elliot is completely off base.

[1:29:11] This letter writer knew exactly what they were talking about.

[1:29:14] There is no good side of Topeka.

[1:29:17] Dan was also wrong with this assessment that Topeka listeners would be upset.

[1:29:21] In fact, once the letter brought up the terrible city that I call home and proceeded to tear

[1:29:25] it to shreds, I was laughing as hard, if not harder, than Dan.

[1:29:29] Once this email is finished, I'm going to figure out how to snag a soundbite of just the letter

[1:29:33] and send it to all my friends and family that are stuck here with me and we can have a good

[1:29:37] laugh together.

[1:29:39] Stuart is the only one who was headed in the sort of right direction, as is so often the

[1:29:43] case with Stuart.

[1:29:45] He hypothesized that Topeka is where tapioca pudding is produced, and there are a lot of

[1:29:50] food product factories in the area.

[1:29:52] A good handful of them are pet food, but one brand in particular does produce refrigerated

[1:29:57] desserts that are ostensibly for humans.

[1:29:59] It's not tapioca, but rather Reeser's Pistachio Delight.

[1:30:04] Quote, a unique dessert featuring nuts, pineapple, and marshmallows in a creamy whipped dressing.

[1:30:11] Picture attached so you can appreciate the uniqueness more fully.

[1:30:13] I'm putting it up to the...

[1:30:14] Let me see what sounds horrifying.

[1:30:16] I'm putting an ambrosia salad that's pistachio-centered.

[1:30:20] And that's not Topeka.

[1:30:21] That's...

[1:30:22] Or wait, tapioca?

[1:30:23] It's not tapioca.

[1:30:24] What did I say?

[1:30:25] Hmm.

[1:30:25] I mean, it's from Topeka.

[1:30:27] It's not tapioca.

[1:30:29] Tapioca is the pudding, the thing that's in pudding.

[1:30:31] It's not...

[1:30:32] That's a place where people live?

[1:30:34] No, Topeka is the place...

[1:30:34] And Topeka is where they have the bodega.

[1:30:37] Oh, God.

[1:30:37] What did I say?

[1:30:38] From the acting vocal exercise.

[1:30:39] You said...

[1:30:40] Anyway, thanks so much for your time.

[1:30:44] It's all...

[1:30:45] I always enjoy listening.

[1:30:46] And it's helped me find some great good bad movies to make my brother watch with me.

[1:30:51] But even more importantly, it's wonderful that you're using your platform to share important

[1:30:55] truths with any possible travelers through the American Midwest.

[1:30:59] To paraphrase Willie L, if you find yourself in Topeka, I recommend the following activities.

[1:31:05] Just keep driving until you reach Lawrence.

[1:31:08] Seriously, rue.

[1:31:09] Last name withheld.

[1:31:09] Topeka citizen.

[1:31:11] So that was a...

[1:31:12] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:13] Ripped from the headlines.

[1:31:14] Important public service announcement.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:17] I don't know why my fortune teller, when I went to see her, didn't predict that this

[1:31:21] year, the Flophouse would become the site for a battle between those who love and those

[1:31:26] who hate Topeka.

[1:31:27] Yeah.

[1:31:28] Seems unlikely.

[1:31:29] Well, do you have hot takes or cold takes on Topeka?

[1:31:32] Let's call them Topeka takes or take pikas.

[1:31:34] Write into the Flophouse and tell us your take on Topeka because that's apparently what

[1:31:38] we do now.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:39] Take a peek at Topeka takes.

[1:31:42] Tapioca.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:43] In fact, I'm going to introduce a motion.

[1:31:44] I'm introducing a motion.

[1:31:45] I know the meeting is over, but I'm reconvening the meeting.

[1:31:48] I'm going to introduce a motion at the beginning.

[1:31:49] We say, this is a podcast where we talk about how people feel about Topeka.

[1:31:53] Who would like to second that motion?

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:54] I'd like to second.

[1:31:56] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:56] Okay, great.

[1:31:57] All in favor of adopting that as the new opening motto.

[1:32:00] Say aye.

[1:32:01] Aye.

[1:32:02] Okay.

[1:32:03] All against.

[1:32:03] Say nay.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:05] Wow.

[1:32:05] I, you know what?

[1:32:06] I'm always going to lose because there's a voting block here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:09] You're always going to lose if you, if you don't vote with the, with the winners.

[1:32:12] It happens when you're on the wrong side of history.

[1:32:14] Okay.

[1:32:15] Voting is now closed.

[1:32:15] I'm trying.

[1:32:16] The motion has passed.

[1:32:17] The opening motto is now welcome to Flophouse, a podcast where we talk about what people think

[1:32:21] about Topeka.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:22] I am working for the good of the institution.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:27] You didn't even vote, Dan.

[1:32:29] Yeah.

[1:32:29] You threw your vote away.

[1:32:31] Yeah.

[1:32:31] You didn't even make a protest vote.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:32] Classic Congress move.

[1:32:33] Okay.

[1:32:34] Okay.

[1:32:34] So what do we do now, Dan?

[1:32:36] Now we're going to do recommendations of movies that we liked.

[1:32:41] I mean, you know, Stu and I liked this one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:42] Maybe you got all fucking horned up watching Deepwater and you want to watch another movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:45] Watch one of these shits.

[1:32:46] So here's my recommendation.

[1:32:48] I actually made a few notes because this is a little different.

[1:32:52] Oh.

[1:32:52] Okay.

[1:32:53] So.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:54] Can't wait to find out what it is.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:56] An experience?

[1:32:57] Listeners have heard me reference that I do a bad movie online streaming thing with friends,

[1:33:09] some of whom internet friends who I hadn't met in person.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:12] Yeah, dictates our podcasting schedule.

[1:33:14] Every.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:15] No, that's a different thing.

[1:33:17] No, that's his trivia night.

[1:33:18] That's my trivia night.

[1:33:18] That's Dan's trivia night, which is sacrosanct and cannot be interrupted

[1:33:22] or moved.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:22] I mean, it all seems to have worked out fine.

[1:33:26] But anyway.

[1:33:27] So, no, I have a group that watches bad movies.

[1:33:31] And one of the members of this group, Lindsay Dinenberg, directed a movie called Video Diary

[1:33:38] of a Lost Girl.

[1:33:39] And she was, I can't remember whether she lives in town already.

[1:33:45] I think she flew in.

[1:33:47] She, like, the co-writer definitely flew in.

[1:33:51] Like, people from out of town were here for this screening at the Nighthawk Prospect Park.

[1:33:56] A bunch of people who are in this group who are in the New York area came out.

[1:34:00] I got to meet a lot of people for the first time in person.

[1:34:03] So, it was nice.

[1:34:04] We're all there to support Lindsay.

[1:34:08] And this was being screened in large part because it was our, it's 10th anniversary of screening

[1:34:13] in New York City at the 92Y Tribeca years ago where it was programmed by Christina Cacioppo.

[1:34:20] Christina Cacioppo.

[1:34:22] Is our friend.

[1:34:22] Super star.

[1:34:23] Who used to program us at the 92Y Tribeca as well.

[1:34:27] And if you ever see mostly Stu and me now, since Elliot's not in town, present movies, it's

[1:34:33] because Christina has asked us to come out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:35] If you see somebody frustratedly trying to explain how to use a microphone to us, it's

[1:34:39] probably Christina.

[1:34:40] That's Christina.

[1:34:40] That's Christina, yeah.

[1:34:41] But somebody who has a look on her face like that she does not have one second for these

[1:34:48] shenanigans.

[1:34:50] She, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:51] Yeah, a look that says enough with the bits.

[1:34:53] We have a schedule to keep.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:54] Yeah.

[1:34:55] But she loved Video Diary of the Lost Girl when she saw it first, uh, 10 years ago.

[1:34:59] She programmed it at the Nighthawk, uh, recently.

[1:35:03] If you, uh, subscribe to Screen Slate, uh, she did an interview with the director and co-writer,

[1:35:09] same person, Lindsay.

[1:35:10] Uh, and, um, so if you, you can look that up on Screen Slate if you're curious about it.

[1:35:16] But it's a horror romance.

[1:35:18] It's about a succubus.

[1:35:19] It's done in this kind of, like, video collage sort of fake style.

[1:35:25] If, um, you know, uh, what's-his-face, uh, Guy Madden, instead of, like, drawing on old

[1:35:30] movies, was drawing on, like, straight to video.

[1:35:34] It feels kind of like Pee Wee Herman and Liquid Television collaborated on a remake of Liquid

[1:35:38] Sky.

[1:35:40] Uh, it's kind of like Forbidden Zone, but, uh, not Betty Boop cartoons, old horror movies.

[1:35:47] Uh, anyway, if that gives you kind of an idea, it's a very unique style.

[1:35:51] There's a lot of clips online, including the trailer, if you want to look up Video Diary

[1:35:55] of Lost Girl, that would give an idea of the look of the movie.

[1:35:59] Uh, we all enjoyed it a heck of a lot, not just because, you know, this is someone that

[1:36:05] we've socialized with.

[1:36:06] It was a really entertaining, unique, uh, movie that does not have distribution currently.

[1:36:13] So I'm, for whatever it's worth, this podcast and my recommendation in particular, if anyone

[1:36:21] out there works for a distribution label, a curated streaming service, anything that could,

[1:36:26] uh, put this movie out, I would be happy to connect you with, uh, Lindsay.

[1:36:31] I couldn't find her website before this, but I can, uh, or else I just point you at it.

[1:36:36] But, um, if you write the Flophouse podcast at gmail.com, I can connect you up with a subject

[1:36:43] line referencing Video Diary of a Lost Girl.

[1:36:46] Uh, I, she also, I wasn't able to get in touch with her before taping today, but there's also

[1:36:52] like, uh, a, um, what do you call it?

[1:36:57] Uh, a mailing list for if news comes out about where you can see it.

[1:37:01] So I will put that in the notes for the show once I get that information.

[1:37:07] But, uh, it's a very interesting movie.

[1:37:09] That's a, so that's my answer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:11] I like that Dan's tipping his toe into activism a little bit.

[1:37:14] Making a difference.

[1:37:14] Film, film activism.

[1:37:16] Film activism.

[1:37:17] Factivism.

[1:37:17] He's like John Oliver.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:19] Yeah, that's, that's a lot of what, I think they're very similar people.

[1:37:22] Um, I'm going to recommend.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:25] Dan does spend a lot of time yelling at, at fake people that he's created that just exist

[1:37:30] in one still image.

[1:37:31] Wow.

[1:37:34] Man.

[1:37:34] Yeah.

[1:37:35] Game, set, match, Elliot, Kalen.

[1:37:37] I guess that was a burn.

[1:37:38] I don't even know.

[1:37:39] That's not, not just a, just a descriptive comparison.

[1:37:42] Uh, but Stuart, you have a movie to recommend.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:44] I am going to recommend, I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:37:46] I don't think there's a cause unless the cause is watching this movie.

[1:37:49] I'm going to, uh, stick with the trend of thrillers that have a slightly erotic angle.

[1:37:55] I'm going to recommend an animated movie called Perfect Blue, uh, directed by, uh, Satoshi

[1:38:02] Khan.

[1:38:03] Um, it is a, uh, movie from the nineties.

[1:38:07] Uh, and it is about a young pop star who decides to give that up, uh, so that she can pursue

[1:38:14] a career in acting, um, but her fan base does not want her to, her agent does not want her

[1:38:20] to, and she kind of struggles with her decision all the while, uh, some, uh, mysterious murders

[1:38:27] seem to be, uh, occurring around her and she can't tell, uh, if, if she's to blame or involved

[1:38:34] in some way.

[1:38:34] Uh, it's gorgeously animated.

[1:38:37] It perfectly predicts how creepy dudes will use the internet to harass women.

[1:38:43] Uh, it's, uh, a great thriller and I recommend it.

[1:38:47] Perfect Blue.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:49] I'm going to recommend a movie that's kind of the opposite of a thriller.

[1:38:54] Uh, this is a movie that I mentioned in our last mini, uh, and, but I, and I was like,

[1:38:59] I think I might recommend this and I'm going to, and it's called, I was a simple man.

[1:39:01] Uh, and it's directed by Christopher Makoto Yogi, uh, and, uh, stars mostly, uh, not super

[1:39:09] well-known people, but, uh, but Constance Wu is in it, uh, from many things.

[1:39:14] But, uh, it's a movie about a, uh, an old man lives in Hawaii and he has in many ways

[1:39:21] kind of wasted his life.

[1:39:23] It's misspent.

[1:39:24] He has children and he has a very bad relationship with him, with them.

[1:39:27] Uh, his wife who plays, is played by Constance Wu, Constance Wu died, uh, when they were relatively

[1:39:33] young and ever since then he's still left, lived in this kind of haze of kind of wasting

[1:39:40] himself out of grief.

[1:39:41] And this movie takes place kind of over the last week or few weeks of his life as he knows

[1:39:48] he is dying, his family knows he's dying, and they're all kind of processing that information

[1:39:53] in different kind of partly realistic and partly poetic ways and almost experiencing their memories

[1:40:00] as if they're happening all around them at the same time and interacting with past people

[1:40:04] in their lives and the ghost or the memory of his, of his long lost wife, uh, in, in the

[1:40:11] real time that they're living in right now.

[1:40:12] And it's a very, like, it's a, I'll warn you ahead of time, it is a slow movie.

[1:40:17] It's a mostly very tranquil movie, but it's gorgeously beautiful.

[1:40:21] And I found it really, really moving.

[1:40:23] Uh, and there was a sort of cumulative effect to it where, um, it felt like the movie was

[1:40:29] kind of unfolding in its own kind of slow way and, uh, revealing different things to me

[1:40:34] if I was paying close attention to it.

[1:40:36] And there are some very, um, almost surreal images in it.

[1:40:40] And there's some very, uh, moving scenes in it.

[1:40:43] Uh, and just seeing how, how people, uh, move through the end of their lives or experience

[1:40:48] the end of someone else's life.

[1:40:49] And, uh, I thought it was really great for people of the Criterion channel.

[1:40:52] It's on there right now, or I'm sure it's on, uh, DVD came out last year in 2021.

[1:40:58] Uh, and it's called, I Was a Simple Man.

[1:41:01] Sounds great.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:03] That's three recommendations, all thrillers.

[1:41:06] All.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:07] No, I mean.

[1:41:08] Super sexy.

[1:41:10] Again, it's kind of, for a movie about a man who's dying and there's a ghost in it, it

[1:41:13] is very much not a thriller, but.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:15] Mm-hmm.

[1:41:16] Uh, hey guys, that brings us to the end of another episode of The Flophouse, which is

[1:41:21] the thing that you're listening to.

[1:41:23] Yep.

[1:41:24] How do you like my sentence constructions?

[1:41:25] I love it.

[1:41:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:27] The sentence construction is less worrying than the, than the delivery.

[1:41:30] It really feels like you're pushing real hard to get to the end of each of those

[1:41:33] sentences.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:34] If you have a moment, why not go to iTunes?

[1:41:36] Leave us a review to help spread the word about the show.

[1:41:39] You know, uh, tell people.

[1:41:40] Yeah, remember the good times.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:41] Do, do, you know.

[1:41:43] Focus on the positive.

[1:41:44] And remember, if you've got thoughts about Topeka, write to us, share them with us, tweet

[1:41:49] at us.

[1:41:49] That's what we're here for.

[1:41:50] Yeah, that's our new, that's our new pivot.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:52] I wouldn't say that's what we're here for, but it's, it's one of the many things.

[1:41:56] I mean, it's in the show notes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:57] That's why we're on this earth, Dan.

[1:41:59] Yeah.

[1:41:59] That's our place in God's plan.

[1:42:00] I guess so.

[1:42:01] Ever learned it, but now we know what ours is.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:03] Evangelize about Topeka not being good, apparently.

[1:42:07] Hey.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:07] Or if it is good.

[1:42:08] Yeah.

[1:42:09] I mean, other people might feel differently.

[1:42:10] Follow the Flophouse pod on Twitter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:13] We're going to have to do a live show in Topeka at some point.

[1:42:15] Bring this to a head and find out for ourselves.

[1:42:17] Yeah.

[1:42:17] Do some fact finding.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:18] We're also, and we'll see whether we're welcomed at the train station or run out of town

[1:42:24] on the rail.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:24] Wait, so we're taking the train to Topeka?

[1:42:26] Because you're coming from New York.

[1:42:27] I'm a man.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:28] I mean, like, I saw, I saw the Music Man recently, the revival, and I guess I just sort of, I'm

[1:42:34] imagining, yeah, rolling into Topeka, you know, like we're in the opening number of the Music

[1:42:39] Man, talking about how he doesn't know the territory.

[1:42:43] The Flophouse podcast on Instagram is another place you can find us.

[1:42:47] Also, youtube.com slash the Flophouse podcast.

[1:42:51] If you want merch, it's at Flophouse podcast.com.

[1:42:55] There's a merch tab there.

[1:42:56] We're a member of Maximum Fun.

[1:42:58] Go to MaximumFun.org to check out the other great podcasts on the network.

[1:43:02] And lastly, thank you to our producer, Alex Smith.

[1:43:06] He is at HowellDotty on Twitter.

[1:43:09] You probably don't know how to spell that, but if you Google it, I bet you'll get it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:14] He's the best in the biz.

[1:43:15] See what he's up to.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:16] He's got a good band, a funny band, as well as our thing and a podcast, a lot of stuff.

[1:43:22] Yeah, he's great.

[1:43:24] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:25] Don't give the names of any of those things, Dan.

[1:43:28] We're not providing free advertising.

[1:43:29] Just hint enough that the audience needs to seek about.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:32] Is this a podcast recently?

[1:43:33] Is this true?

Dan McCoy

[1:43:34] It was fast track.

[1:43:35] Now is it like track explosion?

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:38] We're going to find out when he writes us an angry text message.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:41] He says, thanks for the support, not.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:44] Thanks for the plug, kinda.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:49] Thanks for the advertisement, confused emoji.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:54] I mean, if you go to at HowellDotty on Twitter, as I suggested, all of this will be laid forth before you.

[1:44:02] But anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:02] It's like Easter eggs in a movie.

[1:44:05] You want your audience to really have to put the legwork in.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:07] If the audience works for it a little bit, then they appreciate it more.

[1:44:11] Yeah, that's true.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:12] I get it.

[1:44:13] I get it, dude.

[1:44:14] You're cool.

[1:44:15] Guys, guys, real quick.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:16] Dan's cool.

[1:44:17] Okay, chill out.

[1:44:18] Yeah, it's real cool.

[1:44:18] Chill the fuck out.

[1:44:19] This is why whenever my kids have a question, I only answer in the form of a rebus.

[1:44:23] Yeah.

[1:44:23] So they gotta earn that answer.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:25] If anyone ever tries the Socratic method on me, I am so angry right away.

[1:44:29] I'm like, just tell me.

[1:44:31] Do not put it in a form of a question, please.

[1:44:33] Anyway.

[1:44:34] Don't try to engage me.

[1:44:35] Just deliver information to me.

[1:44:37] Just give me the information.

[1:44:37] I will do my best.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:38] Just pour the information into my ears or eyes.

[1:44:40] Yeah.

[1:44:41] Yeah, I'm like a function of a Monta Bank.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:44] Hey, thanks for listening.

[1:44:46] For the Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:48] Oh boy, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

[1:44:51] Apologizing from the bottom of my heart, it's Elliot.

[1:44:53] Kalen.

[1:44:55] And boom, nailed it.

[1:44:56] Best episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:03] I remember the first time I came in contact with the phrase, cream my jeans.

[1:45:07] I'm glad you finished that sentence.

[1:45:09] It was an ad for like porn in the back of an old national lampoon.

[1:45:13] It had the phrase, cream your jeans.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:16] I feel like that's a very Dan situation to be perusing the porn ads in the back of an old

[1:45:21] Harvard lampoon.

[1:45:22] Whereas mine would probably be like Googling like Myrna Loy stag film to see if that existed.

[1:45:28] Yeah.

[1:45:28] And me was finding some...

[1:45:30] All boys, we'll make it cream of jeans.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:31] Me was finding a discarded dirty magazine by the train tracks out in the woods.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:36] Yeah.

[1:45:37] Sorry.

[1:45:37] Cream your dungarees.

[1:45:39] Dungarees.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:40] Well, people didn't even wear dungarees that much then unless they were farmers.

[1:45:43] So it'd be kind of like, what, whacking your slacks?

Dan McCoy

[1:45:45] Okay.

[1:45:46] Yep.

[1:45:46] Let's...

[1:45:47] And now we're...

[1:45:49] Wowsery.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:49] Come on, boys.

[1:45:50] This will make you wowsery in your trousers.

[1:45:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:54] Premiumfun.org.

[1:45:56] Comedy and culture.

[1:45:57] Artist owned.

[1:45:59] Audience supported.

Ep. #366 - Deep Water

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