FH Mini 65 - The Goofs About Charlie

[0:00] Hey there, Flophouse fans or casual listeners.

[0:07] You'll be a fan by the end of this episode, maybe, I don't know.

[0:10] My name's Elliot Kalin.

[0:11] Love that confidence.

[0:12] Thank you.

[0:13] My name's Elliot Kalin and this is another Flophouse Mini.

[0:15] I'm joined today by my regular co-hosts slash sidekicks.

[0:18] Name yourselves, guys.

[0:20] Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington.

[0:23] Those are my boys.

[0:24] Anyway, this is a Flophouse Mini.

[0:26] Normally on this show, we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[0:29] I say normally even though it's literally half the time.

[0:31] Half the time.

[0:32] There's as much claim to the minis being the normal episodes.

[0:35] You are running into the same problem I do every time I try to introduce a mini, how

[0:40] to explain a concept that should be, by all accounts, very simple.

[0:43] Yes.

[0:44] I don't have a tough time doing it, guys.

[0:46] I don't know why you guys struggle so much.

[0:48] I don't know, because we're weirdo literalists who think of problems with every version of

[0:55] an explanation we get halfway into saying the sentence.

[1:00] I think I have two answers.

[1:01] One is that Dan and I tend to fall on kind of formulaic announcer television type ways

[1:07] of introducing things.

[1:08] And you don't, Stu.

[1:09] You're an American original.

[1:10] And two, you have what John Keats...

[1:12] You're more of an Ira Glass.

[1:13] Yes.

[1:14] Exactly.

[1:15] You have what John Keats...

[1:16] Yeah, very fragile.

[1:17] What if Ira Glass was the enemy of Unbreakable all this time?

[1:21] Of Sixth Sense.

[1:22] Of Sixth Sense, who is not part of the Unbreakable universe.

[1:25] Or is he?

[1:27] He's the exact opposite of Bruce Willis' character in Unbreakable, in that he's very breakable.

[1:30] He's already broken when the movie starts.

[1:32] Anyway, the second thing is that Stuart possesses what John Keats...

[1:35] Yeah, for that 30-year-old movie.

[1:37] No, sorry, 23-year-old movie.

[1:39] Stuart possesses what John Keats terms negative capability, which is kind of the ability to

[1:43] live in ambiguity and between comprehensive meanings, you know, and a kind of abstraction.

[1:49] Anyway, we're here to talk about...

[1:51] I'm like the Molly Bloom of this podcast, is what you're trying to say.

[1:55] And only in that you say yes a lot.

[1:57] Yeah, I do that.

[1:59] Yeah, yeah.

[2:00] Classic Stuart.

[2:01] That's me.

[2:02] Two a T.

[2:03] Dead or right.

[2:04] So, yeah, you can't spell Stuart without two Ts.

[2:05] Guys, how did this show get popular?

[2:06] Can you...

[2:07] Define popular, Dan.

[2:08] Define popular.

[2:09] I mean, enough.

[2:10] Enough.

[2:11] Popular enough.

[2:12] Yeah.

[2:13] That it has papered over a few holes in my career lately.

[2:14] That's what I tell my kids.

[2:15] I'm like, you know what?

[2:16] You know what?

[2:35] Yeah, that's what I tell my parents.

[2:36] Yeah.

[2:37] When they ask me what I'm doing with my life these days and I

[2:38] say, look at these great kids.

[2:39] Aren't they cute?

[2:40] And then I run away.

[2:41] Speaking of my grand, my, speaking of my parents, grandkids.

[2:42] Okay.

[2:43] Today, when we're recording this episode, not when it's released, but

[2:44] when we're recording this episode today on October 11th, it is my

[2:45] nephew Charlie's birthday.

[2:46] Hey, Charlie.

[2:47] Happy birthday.

[2:48] Charlie, Charlie.

[2:50] Charlie is turning seven.

[2:51] I want to say.

[2:52] Anyway, I always forget that he's not the same exact age as my oldest

[2:53] son, who is almost nine because they get along so well.

[2:54] Anyway, Charlie is a great kid.

[2:55] He lives in England with my sister, who is his mother, and

[2:56] today's his birthday.

[2:57] And I, and I wanted to, one, he's, I just want to celebrate what a

[2:58] wonderful child he is.

[2:59] He's super smart.

[3:00] He's super funny.

[3:01] He's very sweet.

[3:02] He has a hilarious and adorable English accent.

[3:03] It's very funny to me because my mom, my dad, my dad, my dad,

[3:04] my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my

[3:05] dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad,

[4:37] your opinions

[4:38] on whether you agree or not.

[4:40] So, okay, I'm gonna share my screen.

[4:42] I'm gonna show you my, uh, my Charlie, uh, my Charlie's.

[4:43] So you'll notice it says, like,

[4:44] they're top movie, Charlie.

[4:45] Yeah.

[4:46] Put a PowerPoint together for this, which I mean I retroactively

[4:47] feel guilty about the amount of work I put into the last many.

[4:48] So let's, uh, let's just move along.

[4:49] No, no, I mean, it's not the best PowerPoint cause I know the

[4:50] you guys are watching it.

[4:51] The audience can't see it.

[4:52] This is an audio medium.

[4:53] So don't worry about it.

[4:54] Absolutely not, because I can't see the work you put into

[4:55] the PowerPoint.

[4:56] So don't worry, audience.

[5:07] It's not the most, uh, bells and whistles PowerPoint.

[5:09] If you've ever seen a live show, I put a lot more work and a lot more

[5:12] visual flare and joke flare into those PowerPoints.

[5:15] By the way, top movie, Charlie's, let's start guys.

[5:17] You ready to go on this, uh, this Charles venture through the, through

[5:21] the world of Charlie's.

[5:22] Yeah, sure.

[5:23] Yeah, I'm ready for a trial.

[5:26] Guys, feel free to disagree, agree heartily, however you feel about it.

[5:31] I'm going to open the debate.

[5:32] That's what this is really about is I'm not some, I'm not some movie

[5:35] God handing down the 10 Charles amendments on high for one, it's 11.

[5:38] Charlie.

[5:38] So the 11 Charles amendments on high, I'm starting to open the debate.

[5:41] I'm just like when Marty Scorsese was like, Marvel movies, aren't cinema.

[5:44] Boom.

[5:45] Drop the grenade, discuss it, everybody.

[5:47] And then walked out of the room.

[5:48] I'm kind of like that.

[5:49] Yeah.

[5:49] You're kind of like Joseph P Buzzfeed, the inventor of the Buzzfeed quiz.

[5:53] Yeah.

[5:53] You want, you want someone to be so, uh, hurt by your offhanded comment about

[6:00] films that aren't for you that later on, they'll write a clickbait piece

[6:05] that will set the internet aflame.

[6:07] The point of a listicle is not to actually make a definitive list, but

[6:11] to get people talking about the elements of the list.

[6:14] Exactly.

[6:15] That's my Joseph P Buzzfeed impression.

[6:17] I am ready.

[6:19] Joseph Fonseville Buzzfeed was ahead of his time.

[6:21] That's true.

[6:23] I'm ready to Charles my own Charles venture.

[6:26] You know, you know, Stu, I'm sure, you know, this being someone who speaks

[6:29] German, that his, his, the family's original name was burst first during the war.

[6:33] Yeah.

[6:34] Yeah.

[6:34] So anyway, so top 11 movie, Charlie's let's start with number 11.

[6:38] Let's start at the bottom and move up to the top because if you do

[6:40] otherwise it would be anticlimactic.

[6:41] Why would you do it that way?

[6:43] Number choice, but yeah.

[6:45] Wow.

[6:45] Number 11, Charles Xavier at number 11, this isn't the lowest you could get

[6:52] I left off the list, Charles Xavier at number 11.

[6:55] Why is he on the list?

[6:56] Well, let me tell you, he's the founder of the X-Men.

[6:57] We all know that he labeled it with his own first initial.

[7:00] Although they'll tell you officially at Marvel, that's because they have an

[7:03] extra X factor that gives them powers, but we all know it's named after him.

[7:06] Why is he at number 11?

[7:07] Well, to be honest, he's not a very good teacher.

[7:10] The number of students he has that die in battle is fairly horrendous.

[7:14] I I'd say it stacks up against any other teacher.

[7:16] He's essentially taking young mutants and training them to be a sort of power

[7:20] paramilitary terrorist vigilante group.

[7:23] I'm not okay with that, Charles.

[7:24] Sorry, but you're burnt.

[7:26] Is that a teaching issue?

[7:27] The fact that his students keep getting hurt or is that just sort of a side

[7:32] effect of them being persecuted as mutants?

[7:35] No, no, they're usually, they usually die in fights with other mutants, Dan.

[7:38] It's not like they are.

[7:39] They're not, he's, he says, I'm going to teach you how to protect

[7:42] yourself and defend yourself.

[7:44] But then he puts a costume on them, sends them into battle against

[7:47] Magneto or, you know, Phoenix or whatever.

[7:50] Those, uh, those costumes feature an X somewhere on them, usually placed

[7:55] over a vital part of the body.

[7:56] It looks a lot like a target.

[7:58] Exactly.

[7:59] Very, very good point.

[8:00] He's both, he's as bad a costume designer as, or tactical gear

[8:04] designer as he is a teacher.

[8:05] If he was a better teacher, his students might be, I don't know, going to college.

[8:10] Instead of putting, putting on leather and getting into fights.

[8:13] Now I had assumed that he was so low on the list that because he was primarily

[8:17] known as Charles and not Charlie, but I assume that this means if that's not

[8:22] one of the reasons, then that Charles and Charlie's will appear, uh, randomly

[8:27] throughout the rest of the list that you're not, uh, Dan, you're going to

[8:29] like number nine, if you're interested in a variety of ways that the name

[8:32] Charles can be represented, but not number 10, because number 10, we're

[8:36] going to Charlie Kaufman and adaptation.

[8:38] That's right.

[8:40] Well, he's the only Charlie I could find played by Nicolas Cage.

[8:43] So he had to be here somewhere.

[8:45] Why is he not number 10?

[8:46] Well, uh, he, he's a portrayal of screenwriters is kind of like anxious,

[8:51] nervous, shy, non-confident, uh, messed up kind of, uh, weasely kind of, uh,

[8:58] um, just emotionally, uh, um, not destructive exactly, but emotionally

[9:03] messy people, and I relate to that too much.

[9:05] So it made me feel bad.

[9:08] Sure.

[9:08] Painfully accurate.

[9:10] Uh, he, and also he just could not seal the deal with waitress, Judy Greer in

[9:15] and, you know, she seems so friendly.

[9:17] Just say, hi, Charlie.

[9:18] That's all you got to do.

[9:20] You know, be friendly or, or otherwise just go away.

[9:25] Just leave her alone and just, and just don't talk to her at all.

[9:27] Don't fantasize about her.

[9:28] You know, this, uh, this adaptation poster with, uh, Nicolas Cage's

[9:33] head as the flower pot that is broken.

[9:36] Cause it was the orchid in it.

[9:37] Cause of course, as we all know, adaptation based very closely on

[9:41] the orchid thief, uh, by Susan Orlean.

[9:44] Uh, I was just, it's the co-stars, Meryl Streep as Susan Orlean.

[9:48] It has a spiritual kinship with the Dan in real life poster, which is, you know,

[9:52] something that I feel very close to depressed head on its side.

[9:56] Yeah.

[9:57] Of course that is lying on pancakes.

[9:59] That is that.

[10:00] There's no pancakes.

[10:01] The comical...

[10:02] No.

[10:03] The whimsy in that poster as opposed to being a potted plant.

[10:06] Now Dan, here's my question about that, and you must get this a lot because people think

[10:09] you're the Dan in real life that the movie is based on.

[10:12] Well I am a Dan in real life, I'm not the Dan in real life.

[10:15] I'm sure you have to tell people that a lot when they stop you outside the Applebee's

[10:18] in Times Square and ask if you're the Dan in real life.

[10:21] But Dan, how did you...

[10:22] And Dan's like, yep, pictures are five bucks, get out your pancakes.

[10:26] Provide your own pancakes, BYOP.

[10:28] And I get to eat the pancakes afterwards, that's non-negotiable.

[10:32] If Dan is so desperate for attention that he walks around, he's like Bob Crane in autofocus

[10:39] putting his own show on the TV in the bar, that Dan brings his own plate of pancakes

[10:42] to a bar and lays his head on it so that someone will recognize him and go, wait, are you Dan

[10:46] in real life?

[10:47] And then I have to go, no, but I am a Dan in real life, as stated before, legally.

[10:55] The question I imagine they ask you is how did you wash all that butter and syrup out

[10:58] of the side of your face and your sideburns?

[11:02] I imagine you just get, you know, like a hungry dog to lick it off.

[11:05] I mean, I assume for the poster, I'm assuming for the poster, they just took a picture of

[11:10] Steve Carell and then Drew Struzan fucking painted that shit on there, right?

[11:14] Painted some syrup on him.

[11:16] Yeah.

[11:17] Yeah.

[11:18] That's because he's the syrup guy.

[11:19] He's the guy Hollywood calls when you need syrup.

[11:21] Would it be interesting if it turned out all of Drew Struzan's kind of hazy, kind of glossy

[11:25] or not glossy, but you know what I mean?

[11:28] Kind of glossy images.

[11:29] It's because he's always imagined the characters with maple syrup all over them.

[11:33] So how it gets the shine.

[11:34] Yeah.

[11:35] Drew, what's your secret?

[11:36] Here's my secret.

[11:37] Don't let it out.

[11:38] I imagine what the stars of the movie would look like if they had maple syrup on their

[11:43] faces.

[11:44] Really?

[11:45] Yeah.

[11:46] That's it.

[11:47] And then and then the muse speaks to me and my hand does its work.

[11:50] Anyway, so that's number 10, Charlie Kaufman.

[11:53] I'm glad we could talk about Dan and the pancakes because that was very, it was very

[11:56] relevant.

[11:57] Number nine, Dan, you're wondering about other iterations of the name Charlie.

[12:03] It's Chucky.

[12:06] It's Chucky.

[12:07] Why on the list?

[12:08] He's got one.

[12:09] He's iconic, but also humble.

[12:11] Look, he's he's an icon to this day.

[12:14] But you know what?

[12:15] He doesn't brag about it.

[12:16] He just he goes in every day.

[12:17] He does the work.

[12:18] He occasionally gets married.

[12:19] He occasionally has a seed, but he's always there for him.

[12:23] You know, you can rely on Chucky.

[12:24] Guys.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] Why is he only at number nine?

[12:27] Well, he's a murderous doll.

[12:28] So that's part of it.

[12:29] And also, he was one of the first things that I really remember being scared of when I was

[12:33] a kid in the Video Town video store in Millburn, New Jersey, where I grew up.

[12:37] There was a at one point a huge cardboard standee of Chucky to advertise Child's Play.

[12:42] And I thought it was very scary and did not want to go in that part of the video store.

[12:46] So sorry, Chucky, you got to be at number nine.

[12:48] You did your job too well.

[12:49] That's what I would say.

[12:50] And what are your feelings about the Chuckster?

[12:52] Uh, well, you know, he is he is and he isn't a good guy.

[12:57] You know, he is.

[12:58] I mean, how is he?

[12:59] How is he a good guy?

[13:00] Well, he's pretending to be a good guy.

[13:01] Well, literally.

[13:02] Doll.

[13:03] Yeah.

[13:04] He says good guy on his front.

[13:05] Yeah.

[13:06] But I mean, you know, I mean, he seems to he seems to love his his wife, even though

[13:11] he also wants to kill her later on.

[13:15] So that's well, that's kind of like a Gomez and Morticia thing.

[13:17] Gomez and Morticia kill each other.

[13:19] And you know, they love each other.

[13:20] Mm hmm.

[13:21] It's made very clear.

[13:22] Now, I wonder.

[13:23] So Chucky was originally voiced by Brad Dourif.

[13:26] Was it challenging for him to voice a character with tiny eyebrows as a man with enormous

[13:32] eyebrows?

[13:33] Yeah, I think he had to spend a lot of time talking to people with smaller eyebrows.

[13:37] He did ride alongs with, you know, hey, he could have come with trim alongs.

[13:44] He could have come see see me.

[13:46] That was, you know, you missed that part of the pre-show talk, Stuart, but I was talking

[13:49] about I was complaining about how my eyebrows have thinned.

[13:53] So, Brad, if you need to if you need to brush up on how to play that, do that, do that come

[13:58] to light because you're do that come to light because you're planning a Halloween costume

[14:02] to go as Peter Gallagher and he said, no, no, no.

[14:09] This is going to be my secret.

[14:10] I think I think Dan is Dan.

[14:12] It's me.

[14:13] It's one of the most first world problems I think I've ever heard.

[14:15] It's right up there that he's like, well, I guess my eyebrows aren't as bushy as they

[14:18] once were.

[14:19] Are you are you are you worried George Whipple is going to steal your girl?

[14:23] I mean, they're just, you know, it looks a little unusual.

[14:27] I thought, you know, the amount I you know, look, I know he's got a lot of other things

[14:32] going for him.

[14:33] He's Peter Gallagher.

[14:34] You know, the man has.

[14:35] Oh, I thought you're talking about Chucky.

[14:36] Effortless charm.

[14:37] But he can sing, too.

[14:40] You know, women look at those or gay men or whoever likes Peter Gallagher looks at

[14:45] those everybody luxurious eyebrows.

[14:48] They just want to run their fingers through those those monster caterpillars above his

[14:53] ass.

[14:54] Yeah.

[14:55] Yeah.

[14:56] I imagine it must be hard for both him and his brother Gallagher, who has that big mustache

[14:59] that that everybody wants a piece of.

[15:01] Yeah.

[15:02] Yeah.

[15:03] Yeah.

[15:04] OK, so that's Chucky.

[15:05] We really we really made a good point about their point.

[15:08] Sorry.

[15:10] You've got two versions.

[15:11] No, we're moving on.

[15:12] OK, we're moving on.

[15:13] We don't have time to talk about two versions.

[15:14] Don't don't don't pretend you're interested.

[15:16] Number eight.

[15:17] We got to do.

[15:19] Charlie Croker.

[15:20] Michael Caine in the Italian job.

[15:21] OK.

[15:23] He's Michael Caine.

[15:24] Well, unless he's been canceled by the time this episode is released, he is.

[15:27] He's great.

[15:28] He's beloved by all.

[15:29] I don't know yet.

[15:30] Why is he only at number eight?

[15:31] Well, he's not that good at being a robber.

[15:33] It turns out if you've seen the Italian job and the movie ends with him in a truck or

[15:39] a bus that's teetering over a cliff, he probably dies as soon as the credits roll.

[15:43] So that's why Charlie Croker only gets to number eight on the list.

[15:46] But, you know, he's Michael Caine.

[15:47] He's just he's just so suave and cool.

[15:49] And he told them just to blow the bloody doors off.

[15:52] But they couldn't help it.

[15:53] It's Michael Caine.

[15:54] They had to blow the whole thing up.

[15:55] Guys, what do you think about this?

[15:56] And Dan, could Michael Caine.

[15:57] Do you think you might be visiting us in a moment?

[16:01] I don't know if I could remember that much about being in the Italian job.

[16:05] Hello.

[16:06] I'm Michael Caine.

[16:07] Wow.

[16:09] The thing is, your friend, Dan, he got in touch with me beforehand.

[16:14] He had a premonition that I might be needed for some reason.

[16:18] He didn't know why, which is kind of more amazing when you think about it.

[16:23] It is.

[16:24] Well, thank you for providing that in-universe explanation for what is otherwise not necessary

[16:28] to go into the backstory of it.

[16:30] Elliot, I am delighted.

[16:33] Thank you for thanking me.

[16:36] Well, OK.

[16:37] So tell us a little bit about what do you remember about the Italian job?

[16:41] What drew you to the role of Charlie Croker?

[16:43] Well, of course, there were in the script, they talked about having these mini Coopers.

[16:49] These mini Coopers.

[16:51] And I thought, oh, I thought it was Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years, a television

[16:58] show that would be on the air many years later.

[17:01] There was not X-Men at the time, but I had read various treatments for it, of course.

[17:11] So it had been floating around.

[17:12] So you're saying by the Italian job, which is a movie from what, the late 60s, mid 60s,

[17:17] that at a TV show about that was about a child growing up in the 60s that was floating around

[17:21] for a while.

[17:22] It was heavily rewritten.

[17:23] It was about a young lad's experience as of the Flapper era before.

[17:33] It just time shifted to the to the to the 60s over over many rewrites.

[17:40] I mean, that makes sense because, yeah, Italian Job came out in 1969, I'm looking at.

[17:43] But it makes sense that, yeah, that would be about someone in middle age looking back

[17:46] at their their day, their youth in the roaring 20s.

[17:49] And yet by the 80s, when that movie, when the show was finally made, then, yeah, the

[17:53] the character would have been, you know, I guess at that point, I guess all the math

[17:56] checks out, guys, why Michael Caine would be available and why you would be familiar

[18:01] with The Wonder Years.

[18:02] OK, yeah.

[18:03] Well, and also The Wonder Years, I imagine everything about Vietnam and The Wonder Years

[18:06] is probably originally about the Great War and everything about rock and roll was originally

[18:11] about jazz and ragtime and everything that was about losing your virginity.

[18:17] Well, that is eternal throughout all of human history.

[18:19] So that's not, you know, listen, let's not having having explained everything logically

[18:26] and with no flaws whatsoever, I I have to return to my home that just the revenge built

[18:35] for me.

[18:36] But it was always great to talk to you.

[18:39] Well, he had help anyway.

[18:43] Tata.

[18:44] Oh, that was so cool.

[18:48] Michael Caine's famous catchphrase, Tata.

[18:51] That's what he says.

[18:52] Yeah.

[18:53] I don't think we can top that, which is why we got to go to number seven on the list.

[18:57] Dan, I knew you knew this.

[18:58] Who do you think is going to be the next Charlie?

[19:00] Just do a prediction.

[19:02] The Charlie of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fame or Willy Wonka in movies.

[19:07] Is that OK?

[19:08] And and Stuart.

[19:09] Who do you think is going to be a Charlie from The Truth About Charlie?

[19:15] OK.

[19:16] You're both half right.

[19:17] It's Charlie Allnut from The African Queen.

[19:20] Humphrey Bogart's character.

[19:22] He's kind of a crusty, musty, sweaty, grimy riverboat guy.

[19:27] And he's all nuts.

[19:29] He's well, we'll get to that, actually, because why is he on the list?

[19:33] Hey, if he's OK with Catherine Hepburn, he's OK with me.

[19:36] I'm sure I'll say it again.

[19:37] She's a queen among among everyone.

[19:39] Catherine Hepburn, just a just a huge favorite of mine.

[19:42] Why number seven?

[19:43] We actually never see him eat any nuts, I don't believe.

[19:45] So his last name is a lie.

[19:47] He actually is no nuts, zero nuts in the movie.

[19:49] I mean, I assume he probably has a couple.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:52] But anyway, Charlie Allnut, you've got to have Humphrey Bogart on there because of all

[19:58] his famous roles in in.

[20:00] in, you know, the Maltese Franklin, and let's not forget Casablanca, and there's, let's

[20:08] see, The Big Sneak, The Big Sneaks, and what are some other Humphrey Bogart movies, let's

[20:14] see, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's To Have and Have Nuts, that one he does have

[20:20] nuts in, and of course, let's not forget Eat the Devil, so anyway, have you stopped naming

[20:29] nuts? No, and now we're naming fake versions of Humphrey Bogart movies, yeah, so I guess,

[20:36] okay, but guys, okay, there's another Charlie, you're probably wondering, why hasn't he mentioned

[20:41] this Charlie yet? It seems like a pretty famous Charlie, why hasn't he mentioned this Charlie?

[20:45] Okay, I'm getting to it, you know who this Charlie is, that's right, it's Charlie Gordon

[20:48] from the movie Charlie, Cliff Robertson's Academy Award winning role, again, Charlie,

[20:54] why is he on the list? Well, you gotta give him credit for his guts, he took an experimental

[20:59] drug that made him a genius, and then the drug wore off, and he never looked back, and

[21:02] you gotta admire somebody who can roll with those punches, why is he only at number six?

[21:06] Well, he was really mean when he turned smart, he turned into kind of a mean dude, and he's

[21:10] also not that good at working at a bakery, as you can see from the picture on the left,

[21:13] Dan, can you describe that picture, what we're seeing there? Well, he kinda looks like, you

[21:18] know, one of the characters in Ghostbusters at the very end of the movie, where they're

[21:21] covered in blown up marshmallow man, he's got like goo on top of his head, I don't know

[21:29] I guess this is dough, I don't know why that'd be on top of his head, let alone, he's also

[21:33] sitting on a bigger bunch of goo that he's pulling up with his hands, as if to say, why?

[21:40] Yeah, I made this. I think it's a prank that his mean coworkers pulled on him, but it does

[21:47] look like, but it also looks like he took the dough and decided to make himself kind

[21:51] of a royal crown, and royal robes to be kind of like a king of dough. Yeah. So like, he's

[21:57] got the golem's hair. So he like, yeah, so as he got smarter, he became meaner. And he

[22:07] did he get like cool, like cyberware powers? And did he? Yeah, he does ride a motorcycle.

[22:13] Did he? Did he ride a lawnmower? Is he trying to get revenge against the spaceship that

[22:18] didn't pick him up when he was marooned? Basically, is he the hero from Stars, My Destination?

[22:24] No, he is not. He's not the stars. My destination who? Yeah, similarly, similarly gets a an

[22:30] intelligence upgrade. No, but the but that's okay, guys. That's the first half of the list.

[22:38] We went through 11 through six, we got a bunch more Charlie's left to see just to run through

[22:42] again. Number 11, Charles Xavier. Sure. 10. Charlie Kaufman. Number nine, Chucky eight,

[22:47] Charlie Croker, seven, Charlie Allnut, six, Charlie Gordon, aka Charlie, the name of the

[22:52] movie is Charlie. And before we get to number five, Dan, I believe we have a sponsor. Please

[22:56] tell me it's from someone named Charlie. Well, our sponsor today is a microdose gummies or

[23:02] show sponsored by microdose gummies, which deliver a perfect entry level doses of THC

[23:07] that help you feel just the right amount of good. Look, ideas like this. Well, here's the thing.

[23:15] Ideas like this. Some people are like, hey, what were you? What were you taking when you

[23:19] came up with that Charlie idea? And the thing is, you know, professional comedy writers

[23:24] rarely use the microdose gummies on the job, but they do use them after work to enjoy podcasts

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[24:02] flop. That's FLOP to get free shipping and 30 percent off your first order. Links can be found

[24:08] in the show description. But again, that is microdose dot com code flop. Stewart, I believe

[24:13] you have a jumbotron. I do have a j-j-j-jumbotron calling on all fellow Max Funsters looking for an

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[25:07] check out GM Andrew dot com. Well, well, well. Well, perhaps we'll do that. Maybe we will.

[25:18] Dan's going to just load up on micro gummies and log right in and jack into the Matrix. Yeah.

[25:29] And now a live reading from Rachel's Poetry Corner,

[25:33] Elephants, Theremin's Clifton, Neopets, Porstrips, Jepson, Pine Smell, Jelly Beans,

[25:38] Goalie Goals, Skittles, Squirrels and the Mole, Celery Chopsticks, Pumpernickel,

[25:44] A Case of You by Joni Mitchell, Lullabies, Tie-Dye, The More You Know,

[25:49] all of these things on our wonderful show. All these things and more wait for you on

[25:55] Wonderful every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.

[26:00] Did your neighbor back into your car? Bring that case to Judge Judy. Think the mailman

[26:08] might be the real father? Give that one to Judge Mathis. But does your mom want you to

[26:14] flush her ashes down the toilet at Disney World when she passes away? Now that's my jurisdiction.

[26:20] Welcome to the court of Judge John Hodgman, where the people are real,

[26:24] the disputes are real and the stakes are often unusual.

[26:28] If I got arrested for dumping your ashes in the Jungle Cruise, it would be an honor.

[26:33] I don't want to be part of somebody getting a super yacht.

[26:35] I don't know at what point you want to go into this, but we've had a worm bin before.

[26:39] Available free right now at MaximumFun.org. Judge John Hodgman, the court of last resort

[26:45] when your wife won't stop pretending to be a cat and knocking the clean laundry over.

[26:49] Those were some great sponsors, Dan. Are we ready to get back into the Charlie-verse?

[26:53] Let's get into the Charlie-verse. Let's see what happens.

[26:56] I definitely have one Charlie I need to be in the top half of this list,

[27:00] but I'm not going to say who until Elliot disappoints me.

[27:03] We'll see. I don't think it's going to be there, but maybe it will be. This is the MCU,

[27:07] the movie Charlie universe. I just want to mention before we move off of Charlie Gordon

[27:10] that looking at the poster here, I forgot the screenplay is by Sterling Siliphant,

[27:15] who I've always liked to assume was just a silly elephant who wrote screenplays and said,

[27:20] oh, this will be hilarious. That kind of thing. Okay, so that's a silly elephant. Okay, guys.

[27:27] Okay, thanks. We're up to the first half of the list. This is where the really heavy hitters,

[27:31] the big Charlies are coming up. So get ready. Hold on to your pants. Or should I say,

[27:37] hold on to your candy because number five is Charlie Bucket. That's right.

[27:42] It's Charlie Bucket from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I'm specifically saying the

[27:46] 1970s version, not the Johnny Depp one, which is a movie that I know I saw it and I barely

[27:53] remember it. And I'm amazed. I was amazed the other day while doing research for this to find

[27:57] out that that movie is 17 years old when it feels like it hasn't come out yet. I remember it so

[28:02] little. Anyway, Willy Wonka, The Chocolate Factory. It's a great movie. We watch a lot at home. Charlie

[28:07] Bucket. Why is he on the list? Well, he's heir to the greatest candy company in the world. And I

[28:12] want free candy. So Charlie Bucket, if you're listening to this free candy, please. I mean,

[28:17] actually, I should correct that. Send me chocolate. I don't want no candy. No, not at all.

[28:22] Don't send me like a big, a big candy mushroom with white glop cream in it that you scoop out

[28:27] with your hands. No, thank you. Or like a or like a giant gummy bear that hangs from a tree. Don't

[28:32] want it. No, thanks. Send me just chocolate. Nothing fruit flavored. Okay, but why is Charlie

[28:37] Bucket on the list at number five? Why so low? He didn't really do that much to earn his gifted

[28:44] position. He's kind of like the top chef competitor who lays back and lets the other contestants knock

[28:49] themselves out trying really hard and occasionally failing. But he never produces anything bold or

[28:53] imaginative. That's right. I'm saying he's the Hosea Rosenberg of movie Charlies. Wow. I'll do

[28:58] you one better. He's no better than the other kids. And it's because he drinks the damn fizzy

[29:04] lifting drink in the movie version of the story. Doesn't make any sense to me. Like, oh, I guess

[29:10] because he got to be burped his way out of trouble. He gets to make his way to the end and claim the

[29:15] prize, even though he too failed Mr. Wonka's test. And I would say every time every time I try to

[29:23] burp my way out of trouble, I get thrown out of that apple piece. Yeah, that will be the

[29:29] Dan is outside of with a yes. And I bump into Dan and then he gets mad that I ruined his photo.

[29:36] So that's but it's true. None of the other kids ever had a chance to give back that everlasting

[29:40] gobstopper. Exactly. And win the prize. And you know that Willy Wonka planned for Charlie to get

[29:46] his head chopped off in those blades the way the same way that Violet Beauregard is dead.

[29:50] Let's just face it. Veruca Salt, she fell into the furnace. She's definitely dead. And Augustus

[29:55] Bloop, he drowned in chocolate. You know, he's dead. What a way to go. And my TV.

[30:00] Dead, but he is miniaturized. He's the size of a troll doll, so his life is effectively. Yeah,

[30:05] and you know that's not gonna look good. I was, I had a tweet about this recently,

[30:08] that at the end of the book, there's a scene where all the kids come out and it's like,

[30:12] oh, they're okay. My TV's all stretched out and Violet Beauregard is still purple,

[30:16] but she's no longer the size of a berry and everything. But in the movie, it's just like,

[30:19] fuck it. Those kids are candy. Forget about them. You'll never see them again. Who cares?

[30:24] Leave them behind you. So that's why Charlie Bucket's at number five. Charlie,

[30:28] try a little harder, okay? Talk about privilege. Anyway, so I'm real mad about him now. Why is he

[30:32] not at number 10? Anyway, let's go to number four before I get even angrier. Let's talk about

[30:37] somebody who did earn everything that they accomplished with no help from anybody else,

[30:43] except for the fine people at Federal Express. That's right. It's number four, Chuck Noland

[30:47] from Cast Away. Tom Hanks's beloved character of Chuck Noland. We all know his name. His name is

[30:52] Chuck Noland. Everyone's favorite. The famous name. It's not Cast Away. It's Chuck Noland.

[30:58] Everyone's like, did you see that movie, Chuck Noland? And I'm like, you mean Cast Away?

[31:01] And so why is he on the list? Talk about a guy who can do everything. Make fire, spear a fish,

[31:06] home dentistry with an ice skate. He is the best all around Charlie when it comes to skills.

[31:13] Why is he on at number four? Look, it's a tough competition. Maybe he would have made it farther

[31:18] if he hadn't insisted on bringing that gross, filthy volleyball with him everywhere. It's

[31:22] off-putting. It's just not. It's not nice. It's not OK. It's weird. Guys, what do you think about

[31:27] Chuck Noland in Cast Away? You're looking at a picture of Tom Hanks right there. He's in great

[31:32] shape, long beard. He looks like Charlton Heston at the end of Planet of the Apes. What do you guys

[31:36] think? Yeah, ideal body. I, you know, guys, I gotta I gotta admit to something. I've never

[31:43] seen Cast Away. Oh, Cast Away is I haven't seen it in years. I think it's a I think it's a good

[31:49] movie. It's like if you're going to see a movie about a guy on a deserted island, that this is

[31:53] the movie to see. I'm sure I just for whatever reason, I missed it when it first came around.

[31:58] And then I just never was like, fuck it. I want to watch Cast Away. I understand that. And it's

[32:04] directed by Robert Zemeckis. You know that eventually he's going to do a remake where

[32:07] Tom Hanks has motion capture all over him. And it's just going to be a CGI guy on a CGI

[32:13] desert desert island with a CGI volleyball. Dan, what's your opinion about Cast Away and

[32:16] Chuck Noland? Are you surprised he's so high on the list? Well, keep in mind it's Tom Hanks.

[32:22] I mean, look, Tom Hanks, America's dad, the one competent man left in the world.

[32:28] We've dreamed him up for movies, but he went he went from being you look at Tom Hanks where he

[32:33] went from being America's wacky, lovable son. Yeah. America's like older brother to America's

[32:37] dad. And someday he's going to be America's grandpa and then America's ghost. And we're

[32:41] going to love him every step of the way. I mean, he's already kind of America's grandpa.

[32:47] Yeah, that's true. Actually, he is. He probably is a grandpa. He's so I imagine of

[32:52] Parker because because that's true. He is the most lovable grandpa of all the snowman himself.

[32:59] Colonel Tom Parker, the highest compliment. I said once the highest compliment that American

[33:04] can bestow on you is to have Tom Hanks play you in a movie. And the worst insult is that Al Pacino

[33:10] play you in an HBO original movie. That's that's when you know you're really you're truly one of

[33:14] the dregs of society. Dan, what do you say about T. Hanks? Oh, I mean, like he's the consummate

[33:20] professional. He delivers a package, albeit, you know, four years late. But that's not his fault.

[33:28] He got the job done. And usually people say that a man who does his own dentistry has a

[33:33] fool for a dentist. But this man, I think, you know, handled it. It is a famous saying. Yeah.

[33:43] Look, you miss 100 percent of the teeth you don't hit. Yeah. So there you go.

[33:48] So, yeah, he's he's anyway, that's why he's at number four. You can't you can't get any

[33:52] better than Chuck Nolan's. Or can you? Because he's number four. It's kind of

[33:55] going to number three. You can. Any other predictions? You guys have any

[33:59] predictions for what the next Charlie is? Have you is there anyone that you're missing,

[34:04] Stuart? Yeah. He hasn't said Charlie from the Critters franchise.

[34:10] Stuart, that could be the next one. Survey. Show me,

[34:14] Charles. Charlie from the Critters franchise. Oh, no, it's Charles Foster Kane.

[34:17] I'm sorry, Stuart. Number three, Charles Foster Kane isn't a like like a local yokel

[34:26] who becomes an alien bounty hunter, right? No, he's a local yokel kid who becomes a millionaire

[34:32] and the power goes to his head. He eventually becomes a recluse who just lives in a in a

[34:36] castle with a menagerie around him. So close. Yes. Very close. So Charles Foster Kane,

[34:42] wise analyst. He's so charismatic that he's so historically important and he built an opera

[34:47] house. And how how many of us can say we built an opera house in our lives?

[34:51] Fitzcarraldo probably could say it. Oh, barely. He tried to pull a boat over a mountain and it

[34:57] did not work. So Fitzcarraldo. Sorry. Sit down. Yeah, Fitzcarraldo. I want to do it.

[35:03] Fitzcarraldo. Yeah, I would. I want to do it. I wanted to do it. David Spade style. I go,

[35:08] everyone who everyone who built an opera house, take one step forward. Not so fast. Fitzcarraldo.

[35:15] I know I didn't build an opera house. Sure. Did he do it for the wrong reasons? Possibly. He was

[35:21] trying to create an opera career for his second wife, Susan Alexander Kane, who was not not a

[35:25] great singer. But look, it's a great movie. It's in deep focus. Why is he at number three?

[35:31] I know. I know. Why is it number three? Because Orson Welles was in the fucking third man.

[35:36] That's a great reason. And I'll go with it. It wasn't my original reason. Yeah,

[35:41] perfect. Because Orson Welles was the third man. I know. Susan Kane. Yeah. And that's also why

[35:46] Charles Buster Kane is is my evilest touch. I just want to point out that if everybody

[35:52] who's listening just thought I was a dummy like critters, I also know the third man.

[35:58] Stewart knows two things. He knows 80s monster gross out movies and he knows

[36:04] zither soundtracks. That's right. A hot piece of beef. This guy.

[36:09] He also knows his post-war noir, his post-war Vienna set noir. Okay, guys. Also, I want to say

[36:17] to him every time I watch the movie, Charles Buster Kane, if you want to sled, just go down

[36:21] to the basement and get it. Come on, guy. You can go sledding. Don't make fun of you. You're rich.

[36:25] Okay. Number two, guys, this is going to be a shocking upset. I'm looking at the results here.

[36:31] I don't know how the audience is going to take this. We actually have a tie for number two.

[36:36] Who could have foreseen it coming? That's right. Charlie and Uncle Charlie from the movie Shadow

[36:41] of a Doubt. That's right. It's it's. Hold on. It's Charlotte, Charlie Newton and Uncle Charlie

[36:48] Oakley. Of course, Charlotte is Charlie. Teresa Wright and Uncle Charlie is her uncle.

[36:55] Also, Citizen Kane fame. That's right. That's right. It's a Citizen Kane two for number three

[36:59] and number two. So only one of them is a character for Citizen Kane. Why is why the list? Well,

[37:04] they're the stars of my second favorite movie, Shadow of a Doubt. First favorite movie. Everybody

[37:08] knows it. Taking a pill. One, two, three. My second favorite movie is Shadow of a Doubt.

[37:11] I made my wife go with me to the shooting locations because they're in Santa Rosa,

[37:15] California, near her hometown. Yeah. And how'd she like that? It was early enough in the relationship

[37:21] that she found it charming. Now I think she would she would be annoyed by it, especially because

[37:24] we'd have to bring the kids with us. And of course, my number three favorite movie,

[37:28] The Miracle of Morgan's Creek, I don't think has anyone named Charlie in it. So it was ineligible

[37:32] for this competition. Yeah. But for your Morgan's list. Oh, oh, it's top top. Yeah. And then. Yeah.

[37:39] What else you got for that? Like, there's a did you hear about the Morgans? That's got to be on

[37:44] there. And who can forget? There's that. Oh, something Morgan. It's like a it's like a it's a

[37:53] kid teen movie from like the 80s or 90s. What am I thinking of?

[37:58] O.J. and Stig's. Yeah, I was thinking of O.J. and Stig's.

[38:02] What is it? Oh, is that the name of the movie or is it something else? I forgot.

[38:05] Morgan Stewart's Coming Home starring John Pryor. That's what I was thinking of that one.

[38:10] So why was he coming home? Why was it such a big deal? Let's see. It was this before or after

[38:15] Roxy Carmichael was welcome home. According to IMDb, the plot of this is a free spirited teenager

[38:22] attempts to get back in touch with his overly conservative parents after returning home from

[38:27] years away at a boarding school. Oh, and I'm remembering just now it's O.C. and Stig's. O.J.

[38:31] and Stig's is, of course, O.J. Simpson, when he was briefly going to star in that movie.

[38:35] Briefly friends with Stig's. Yeah. The other character.

[38:39] That's what really drove him, drove O.J. to the wrong to the down the wrong side of the

[38:43] tracks as it was Stig's. Yeah. So wait, the creek is number one in your Morgan's presentation.

[38:50] The creek itself. And then so a man should beat out Helen Mirren as Morgana from Excalibur.

[38:59] She's that's number two. Number three, of course, is the one everyone Dan just mentioned.

[39:05] There's a movie called Girl Slaves of Morgana Lafay. I don't know how that would play.

[39:10] No, not so. I mean, there's already one Morgana Lafay on the list that's Helen Mirren in Excalibur.

[39:16] So anyway, why are Charlie and Uncle Charlie on here? Well, it's my second favorite movie.

[39:19] They've got a telepathic uncle niece connection, which that goes out saying it's pretty amazing

[39:23] in my book. Why are they not in the top spot? Well, we've seen it so many times in this kind

[39:29] of competition, lack of teamwork after Charlie learns that Uncle Charlie is a murderer. He tries

[39:34] to kill her a couple of times. That's not the way to win, folks. You got to you got to work together.

[39:38] Look, you got to be uniters, not dividers. This America, we've got enough problems. Let's not go

[39:42] killing our nieces just because they found out that we are the merry widow murderer.

[39:47] Spoilers for the movie Shadow of a Doubt. You should still watch it. It's an amazing movie.

[39:50] Thornton Wilder worked on the screenplay. Come on, everybody. One of one of America's greatest

[39:55] playwrights, maybe the greatest. That's a controversial statement. So let's move on to

[39:58] number one, guys.

[40:00] Who could be at the number one spot?

[40:03] What Charlie in the movies could be...

[40:06] And again, and Stuart, I hate to burst your bubble, it's not Charlie from...

[40:09] It's not Charlie in the Scooters franchise?

[40:12] Is it restricted to...

[40:13] Fucking bullshit.

[40:14] ...character names?

[40:15] Like, not actor names?

[40:17] It is only character names.

[40:18] That's why Charlie Chaplin's not on the list.

[40:20] Yeah, that's...

[40:21] Otherwise, I mean...

[40:22] Now, knowing Elliot's taste, it might be Dane Cook from the movie Good Luck Chuck.

[40:29] It's a huge guess that is, of course, my zeroes favorite movie, and I'm taking a pill

[40:34] of one, two, three.

[40:35] It could be...

[40:36] Is it Charlie Brown?

[40:37] It could be...

[40:38] Is it Charlie Brown from A Boy Named Charlie Brown?

[40:40] Oh, that's a good one.

[40:41] Dan, it's Charlie Brown from Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown.

[40:44] Oh, okay.

[40:45] It's the same Charlie Brown, it's okay.

[40:46] Yeah, I know, but...

[40:47] Wow, Dan got so bummed.

[40:48] Dan, I'll say it with you on this, Dan, when I said it's Charlie Brown, he started pumping

[40:53] his fist, and then I said, from Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown, he lowered his fist.

[40:56] It's a lesser...

[40:57] He got up and he started doing that weird sideways dance that the kids do in Peanuts

[41:02] cartoons.

[41:03] Yeah.

[41:04] I just feel like it's a lesser iteration of the character, but, you know, it's still fun.

[41:09] Dan, I thought you'd be excited, but I didn't realize I would ruin your day by choosing

[41:12] the wrong Charlie Brown movie.

[41:15] Please forgive me.

[41:16] Why did I choose Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown?

[41:19] Dan, I've got a good reason.

[41:20] It was the one I could find the best high-res image of to put on the slide.

[41:25] So if you want it to be from a boy named Charlie Brown, go ahead.

[41:28] Could I talk about the fact that, so, they're about to, like, the poster has the Peanuts

[41:32] gang is about to go over a waterfall, and Charlie Brown is yelling out, and his word

[41:37] balloon, what he's yelling out is, it's my new wilderness adventure.

[41:41] The entire Peanuts gang faces everything...

[41:44] Peanuts in quotes.

[41:45] The entire Peanuts gang faces everything, from bullies to rampaging rapids.

[41:51] Quote, good grief, will you have fun?

[41:54] So in his last moments, Charlie Brown wants to promote his latest film, yeah.

[42:02] Got to push that promise.

[42:03] Got to put, ABH, always be hustling, you know, got it out there.

[42:06] You'll notice also that Snoopy does not seem at all bothered, he's about to go over a waterfall.

[42:10] And you know, yeah, Charlie Brown is really the model for the modern grind set.

[42:16] That's it, yeah.

[42:17] Always hustling.

[42:18] Always hustling.

[42:19] And why is he on the, why is he on the list?

[42:21] Come on, he's iconic.

[42:22] Yeah.

[42:23] He's got great animals.

[42:24] He's got a great shirt.

[42:25] Cool hairstyle.

[42:26] He's not afraid to just, and he's not afraid to just tell the universe what he wants.

[42:29] He never gives up.

[42:31] You've got to admire a boy who can manage his dog to being the mascot of an entire insurance

[42:36] company.

[42:37] Again, I've never built an opera house.

[42:39] My dog was never the mascot of an insurance company, and I tried.

[42:42] Lord, how I tried.

[42:43] And so that's, he's got to be the number one Charlie.

[42:46] Dan, tell us a little bit about your relationship with Charlie Brown, and talk to us about a

[42:50] boy named Charlie Brown.

[42:51] Why not?

[42:53] I mean, Charlie Brown, I feel.

[42:57] Defend your, defend your disappointment, Dan.

[42:59] Come on.

[43:00] I mean, I don't think it's any surprise that I feel a certain personal connection to Charlie

[43:05] Brown, both because I am a fan of comics, but specifically old, you know, newspaper

[43:15] strips done by people who have long since passed.

[43:20] That's why you're always, he's always texting me pictures he took of Barney Google comics,

[43:26] and he's like, check out what the goog got up to this time.

[43:29] Great googly woogly.

[43:31] This goog is good.

[43:34] And the number, the number of times when Dan and I've been, I've been like, Dan, what's

[43:37] wrong?

[43:38] You seem really down.

[43:39] And he's like, I was just thinking how the strip went down downhill when Snuffy Smith

[43:42] took over.

[43:43] And I'm like, yeah, but I mean, that happened, Dan, that happened like 100 years ago.

[43:48] Why are you mad about it now?

[43:51] Nancy, I liked it better when it was Fritzy Ritz, a flapper.

[43:56] Now, Stuart, what are your thoughts about Charlie Brown at number one?

[43:59] Are you surprised?

[44:00] Are you excited?

[44:01] Do you feel like I mean, it's possible now?

[44:03] I obviously I think my thoughts on who should have been on this list have been made pretty

[44:09] clear based on what I've already said.

[44:11] However, I feel like Charlie from the Critters franchise has a lot in common with Charlie

[44:15] Brown.

[44:16] He has a lot of lovable losers who keep trying and they keep hoping for something better.

[44:22] And Charlie Brown's iconic, even though as a kid, when I would read Peanuts comics, I

[44:27] was mainly looking forward to the more Snoopy forward stuff, Red Baron or the occasional

[44:33] appearance of Joe Cool.

[44:35] I mean, it's just Snoopy.

[44:37] It's just that Snoopy what I hate to break it to you the same way that some I had to

[44:42] break it.

[44:43] I mean, like it's a dog with sunglasses on Snoopy doesn't have sunglasses.

[44:48] I, Stuart, I know you're shocked Snoopy can occasionally put on sunglasses to become his

[44:54] alter ego.

[44:55] It's I recently had this is this is this is true.

[44:59] I recently had to explain to a coworker that Steve Urkel and Stefan Raquel were the same

[45:03] character.

[45:04] Really?

[45:05] Yeah.

[45:06] They thought that it was like his cool cousin or something like that.

[45:08] And they're like, they couldn't come up with another name.

[45:10] It's the same.

[45:11] Look, it's the same guy.

[45:13] I'm assuming, though, that this is a person who had heard about these family matters characters,

[45:18] you know, like the second or third hand rather than someone who had seen Family Matters and

[45:23] been confused.

[45:24] Dan, Dan, I shouldn't be saying this in public.

[45:27] It was Jaleel White that I was talking about.

[45:30] If anyone should know, if anyone I wonder, do you think Snoopy had to go into Urkel's

[45:35] cool machine to come out as Joe Cool or was it when he put on the sunglasses that cool

[45:40] part of him just came out?

[45:41] You know, actually, Professor Style, it's yeah, it's it's tough.

[45:44] I mean, I think, yeah, that it's some kind of like a magical fetter or something that

[45:49] like a talisman that allows him to kind of change shape and charisma, all these things.

[45:55] Yeah.

[45:56] What's amazing is that Snoopy could act so cool when the sunglasses were showing him

[45:59] that everyone except Charlie Brown was an alien and that all their houses were plastered

[46:03] with signs that said consume, obey, all that kind of stuff.

[46:07] You know, Marcy and Sally were both we're all we're both agents from the from the aliens

[46:12] that are taken over.

[46:13] Yeah.

[46:14] Eventually, anyone who understands what we're talking about will die.

[46:17] Dan, look, that's I mean, we're all going to die of anybody, but hopefully our number

[46:23] one based on a carpenter who's listening will never die.

[46:27] Yeah.

[46:28] Yeah.

[46:29] Hopefully not.

[46:30] I'll never forget his movie.

[46:31] They Live Charlie Brown, which is so much fun.

[46:36] Now I want someone, a fan, some fan out there, please make me some kind of image for They

[46:40] Live Charlie Brown.

[46:43] It can be Snoopy trying to get Charlie Brown to put on those sunglasses and they got a

[46:46] long fight.

[46:47] It could be it could be Schroeder as the as the homeless guy turned rich man at the end

[46:54] is trying to convince Charlie Brown to join up with the aliens.

[46:56] It could be anything.

[46:57] Just yeah.

[46:58] Lucy as an alien holding the football, you know.

[47:00] Yeah.

[47:01] Yeah.

[47:02] Linus is it is the alien having sex with the lady going, what's wrong, baby, at the very

[47:05] end.

[47:06] See, now I had to come up with I had to look up movie titles that start with it's for Charlie

[47:13] Brown.

[47:14] It's a mad, mad, mad world.

[47:15] Charlie Brown.

[47:16] It's alive.

[47:18] Oh, that's great.

[47:19] Yeah.

[47:20] It's such a beautiful day.

[47:21] Charlie Brown, of course.

[47:22] It's a wonderful life.

[47:24] There you go.

[47:26] I mean, that's if there's any character who is Charlie Brown in the movies, though, it's

[47:27] Jimmy Stewart.

[47:28] And it's a wonderful.

[47:29] Yeah.

[47:30] It's all gone.

[47:31] Pete Tong.

[47:34] And then, of course, there's also it's the great pumpkin, Roxy Carmichael, which is Charlie

[47:40] Brown.

[47:41] It's a gift.

[47:44] Just like staring at a like a wrapped box on the cover.

[47:48] And I don't know, Frida has to explain.

[47:51] It's a gift.

[47:53] He's never got one because he's, you know, Sean follows Charlie Brown.

[48:00] It follows Charlie Brown.

[48:01] Oh, and then, of course, just it part to Charlie Brown, which is a confusing title.

[48:07] Well, yeah, Dan, what were you saying?

[48:13] You have another.

[48:14] I just imagine, you know, that's just someone showing it to Charlie Brown.

[48:20] There's got to be again.

[48:21] There's got to be a Charlie Brown it mashup where the kids in that movie are Charlie Brown.

[48:26] It's it's don't they hit him with a baseball bat at the end and everything like that's

[48:31] all about baseball.

[48:32] I mean, that's too big for that not to be a thing.

[48:35] Yeah.

[48:36] The Internet's too big.

[48:37] There's there's room enough on the Internet for both the it Charlie Brown and they live

[48:41] Charlie Brown to co-exist.

[48:42] I'm sure that now that you, dear listener, are listening to us talk about this shit,

[48:47] your Facebook algorithm is going to suggest T-shirts that are mashups of it and Charlie

[48:51] Brown.

[48:52] Yeah.

[48:53] Yeah.

[48:54] Well, everybody, thanks for joining us on this amazing tour of Movie Charlie's the eleven

[49:00] best movie Charlie's.

[49:01] I want to give a special thanks to my nephew, Charlie.

[49:04] Happy birthday.

[49:05] Of course, he is in England.

[49:06] So by the time we were recording this, it's actually the day after his birthday since

[49:09] we're recording this at night.

[49:10] So sorry for being a day.

[49:12] And of course, this will be released several days after his birthday.

[49:14] So but, you know, they may be in the middle of their, you know, post-birthday blues and

[49:19] this will cheer up Charlie.

[49:21] I mean, oh, that's very sweet of you.

[49:23] That's that's a good yeah, that's a good reference to the to the song.

[49:26] He is way too young to listen to this.

[49:28] He should know.

[49:29] He hasn't even seen Critters yet.

[49:30] I don't want to spoil anything.

[49:31] Yeah.

[49:32] Yeah.

[49:33] But thanks to you, the listener, for listening.

[49:36] We are, of course, a product of the Max Fund Network.

[49:38] There's lots of great shows on the Max Fund Network.

[49:40] Go listen to them.

[49:41] Why not become a pledger if you want?

[49:43] You don't have to wait till Max Fund Drive.

[49:44] You could do it right now if you want to.

[49:46] I also want to thank our editor, Alex Smith, a.k.a.

[49:49] Howell Dottie, and go check out his Fast Track podcast.

[49:54] It's super fun.

[49:56] And Dan, do we have anything else that we usually know?

[50:00] promoters people I think all right until then until then I haven't even said what

[50:04] we're doing next week with a quote regular unquote episode of the flop

[50:10] house where we'll be talking about another Shocktober horror classic

[50:14] question mark until then now until then makes sense now that I've said a thing

[50:18] that's happening until then I've been your special driver for tonight

[50:24] Elliot Kalin I've been your baby driver for tonight Dan McCoy and I've been your

[50:29] drive-angry Stuart Wellington I thought you were gonna be our mini driver I

[50:34] apologize everyone at home you did not get a mini driver this episode thanks

[50:40] for listening and happy birthday Charlie goodbye

[50:48] maximum fun org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported

FH Mini 65 - The Goofs About Charlie

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