FH Mini 73 - The 73rd Flop House Mini

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] Ladies and gentlemen, live from the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, welcome to the 73rd bi-weekly Flophouse Mini!

[0:18] Hello everyone, this is the Flophouse Mini, a celebration of film, fun, and whatever we happen to want to talk about at the moment.

[0:25] Normally on this podcast we watch a bad movie, but tonight we're bringing you all the glitz and glamour of the Academy Awards.

[0:32] I'm your host for this evening, Elliot Kalin, and joining me are my co-hosts...

Dan McCoy

[0:37] Dan McCoy. Sorry, I was looking to make sure that it was in fact the 73rd as advertised.

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] Okay, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:46] I appreciate, Dan, your lack of faith in me that I wouldn't look up the number on the website.

Dan McCoy

[0:51] I didn't know whether it was some kind of joke I didn't quite understand or whether it was accurate, and I was just curious.

[0:55] Nearly an accurate number.

Elliott Kalan

[0:57] Well, thank you both for joining me today on this celebration of the Academy Awards.

[1:02] You know, the Academy Award nominations were just announced, and all of Hollywood is a flutter over who will take home Best Picture.

[1:09] Will it be the surreal family comedy of Everything Everywhere All at Once?

[1:12] The masochistic mind trip of Tar, or such original visions as the Top Gun sequel, the Avatar sequel, or the remake of All Quiet on the Western Front?

[1:22] Looks like we've got a lot of big new ideas in Hollywood these days.

[1:26] This guy's not pulling any punches.

[1:27] No.

[1:28] Wow.

[1:29] Oh, you just keep listening as we go through the episode.

[1:32] Every movie wants to win the Academy Award for Best Picture because it instantly enshrines them in immortality.

[1:40] Just look at such film greats as Citizen Kane, Singing in the Rain, Strangers on a Train, and of course, Being John Malkovane.

[1:48] Now, hold on.

[1:48] Wait a second.

[1:49] Dan, what's wrong with this picture?

[1:52] The titles I listed all have one thing in common.

[1:54] What is that thing?

Dan McCoy

[1:55] Didn't win the Best Picture Oscar?

Elliott Kalan

[1:58] That's right.

[1:58] None of those iconic classic films won the Best Picture Oscar.

[2:02] The last three weren't even nominated because we live in a nightmare world where Singing in the Rain is not nominated for Best Picture.

[2:09] It turns out you don't need to be Best Picture to be a great movie.

[2:12] And the fact is a number of movies were named the Best Picture of the Year and then promptly forgotten, laid to rest in the tomb of the unknown Oscar winner, which you can visit in beautiful Hollywood, California.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] So this person actually won an Oscar, but we don't know who they were or for what.

Elliott Kalan

[2:29] The movie won the Oscar and then was promptly deleted from the collective consciousness of the world.

[2:35] Yeah, I'm following.

Dan McCoy

[2:35] Now, so we normally bury movies in tombs?

Elliott Kalan

[2:39] In this reality that I'm creating, yes, movies are buried in tombs and they are not identified.

[2:46] They're actually running out of unidentified movies thanks to DNA technology.

Stuart Wellington

[2:50] I mean, if they don't bury the mummy movies in a tomb, what the fuck are they even doing?

Elliott Kalan

[2:55] That's a very good – well, that's in the tomb of the known mummy movies, which everyone knows what's in there.

[2:59] It's written on the cenotaph.

[3:00] Now, tonight we're going to play a little game called Name the Ten Most Forgettable Best Picture Winners.

[3:06] Now, I know that that title is promising a bit much.

[3:09] Don't worry.

[3:10] It's purely for hyperbolic advertising purposes.

[3:13] These are just ten forgettable Best Picture Winners, not necessarily the ten most forgettable, but for the purposes of this episode, they are the ten most forgettable Best Picture Winners.

[3:22] So here's how it's going to work.

[3:24] I'm going to name the star of the movie and the genre.

[3:27] I'm going to name two stars from each movie, in fact, and the genre.

[3:30] If you can't guess the Academy Award, I'll also give you the year of the movie – sorry, I'll give you the year of the movie you won, the Best Picture, and the director's name.

[3:38] And if you still can't guess it – and this is not a game where you are competing against each other.

[3:42] This is a cooperative game.

[3:43] You can work together.

[3:44] If you still can't guess it, then you lose your movie snob license and cannot mansplain anything movie-related to your significant other until Todd Field makes another movie.

[3:53] And he just made one.

[3:54] So we've got as long as possible to wait for the next one.

[3:57] It's going to be a good six or seven years at least on your hands.

[4:00] So don't get these wrong because you won't be able to movie-splain to anybody or mansplain to any movies.

[4:05] Now, here's what I'm also going to say.

[4:07] I'm not saying these are necessarily bad movies.

Dan McCoy

[4:09] What a segue.

[4:11] These are not necessarily bad movies.

[4:12] Here's what I will also say.

Elliott Kalan

[4:14] Love it.

[4:15] Now, I mean, it's okay to have a segue that's not like a clever segue.

[4:18] You can say, now another thing I'm going to tell you is, or furthermore.

[4:23] I'm mansplaining that one to the movies.

[4:24] I didn't get the questions wrong.

[4:27] I'm allowed to mansplain to you guys my significant others.

[4:30] Now, I'm not going to say these are necessarily bad movies.

[4:34] Some of them are very good movies.

[4:35] They're merely movies that, despite winning Best Picture, have somewhat slid out of the minds of mainstream culture.

[4:41] You probably do remember these movies.

[4:43] But when you think of the great Oscar-winning movies, these might not be the movies that come to mind.

[4:48] When you think of the great films of cinema, they're almost certainly not the movies that come to mind.

[4:53] They're not bad movies.

Stuart Wellington

[4:55] We're not like reinvigorating the Avatar has no cultural blueprint or footprint argument, right?

Elliott Kalan

[5:03] We might have if Avatar had won Best Picture, but it didn't.

[5:06] Perhaps Way of Water will win Best Picture this year.

[5:08] It won't.

[5:09] But if it did, I mean, it's not that these movies have no cultural footprint.

[5:13] It's more that when you think of what are the great films, what are the great iconic films of history?

[5:18] Mad Max Fury Road.

[5:19] Well, yes.

[5:20] These are not the movies that come to mind.

[5:22] These are not the movies that you see in montages of the most amazing iconic movies.

[5:27] I mean, Casablanca, it won Best Picture.

[5:30] That's legitimately a movie that is enshrined iconically in people's minds.

[5:34] Other movies like, what other Best Pictures winners are there?

Stuart Wellington

[5:38] There's a couple good ones recently.

[5:40] Moonlight and Parasite were both great.

Elliott Kalan

[5:41] Yeah, those are great movies.

[5:42] It's still a little soon to see if they, as opposed to like Nomadland, which won Best Picture the year before last.

[5:48] And I feel like has already been relatively forgotten by humanity at large.

Dan McCoy

[5:53] Just, so, wait.

[5:54] Does Casablanca literally mean White House?

[5:57] Yes, it does.

[5:58] And that's a good question, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[5:59] It's very germane to what we're talking about today.

Dan McCoy

[6:01] The name of the town is Casablanca.

[6:03] It's White House.

[6:05] No, it's just odd to think that, like, the city has the same name as the seat of government in our country.

[6:11] That's all.

Elliott Kalan

[6:12] Wow, Dan is fucking blazed tonight.

[6:15] Dan is full of hot takes.

[6:17] And that's good.

[6:17] Hide your munchies.

[6:18] It's all about hot takes.

[6:19] Now, for instance, there's some movie.

[6:21] For instance, let's take a for instance.

[6:23] Rocky won Best Picture.

[6:24] Do I think that was the best movie of that year?

[6:26] No.

[6:27] But indisputably, it is an iconic movie with many moments that live on in people's memory.

[6:32] True.

[6:32] As opposed to a movie like Million Dollar Baby, a very good movie that I forgot existed until I started researching this episode.

[6:40] Even though I remember going to see it and liking it in the theaters.

[6:43] So, that's what we're talking about today.

[6:45] Now, again, I also want to say for the listeners at home, maybe these are some of your favorite movies.

[6:49] I don't know.

[6:50] It's possible I live in a bubble and everyone's always watching their DVD copies of Million Dollar Baby or Chicago or whatever.

[6:55] But these are the movies where you're liable to not either have heard of them recently or to be like, oh, right, I forgot that one Best Picture.

[7:02] So, are you guys ready to test your best picture knowledge with some movies that you may have not thought about in a little while?

Dan McCoy

[7:08] I'm raring to go.

[7:10] This is –

[7:11] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[7:11] I have nothing else on my calendar tonight.

[7:13] So, why?

[7:13] That's great.

Dan McCoy

[7:14] You're free tonight?

[7:15] This time period has been blocked off to talk to both of you guys.

[7:19] So, it's convenient that you have a topic for us.

Elliott Kalan

[7:21] Excellent.

[7:22] That's great.

[7:23] Now, for the listeners at home who can't see, I am wearing black tie.

[7:27] They can attest to this.

[7:28] And I'm a little disappointed that you guys didn't dress up for the occasion.

[7:32] But I also didn't tell you ahead of time what we were doing tonight.

[7:35] So, that's why.

[7:36] Okay.

[7:37] Now, for the beginning of the game, our first one.

[7:39] So, this is a drama starring Dev Patel and Frida Pinto.

Dan McCoy

[7:43] This is your million-dollar baby is what this is.

Elliott Kalan

[7:48] No.

[7:48] Incorrect.

[7:49] This is not million-dollar baby.

[7:49] Nope.

[7:50] Slumdog Millionaire.

[7:51] Slumdog Millionaire.

[7:51] Yes.

[7:52] Stuart is right.

[7:52] I guess I think it shows you just how –

[7:55] Snick that shit.

[7:55] Again, you're cooperating.

[7:56] It's not – there's no points.

[7:57] You know, I'm sorry.

[8:00] The word millionaire and million-dollar.

[8:02] It shows how forgettable the movie is that I mentioned another movie with million in the title.

[8:06] That's what it was.

Dan McCoy

[8:07] And you incepted it into my sleepy mind.

[8:10] And I was like, I'm sorry.

[8:13] I apologize for that lapse.

Elliott Kalan

[8:14] So, Slumdog Millionaire, what are your –

[8:15] Apologize to Danny Boyle.

[8:17] I know.

[8:18] Yeah, apologize.

[8:18] Exactly.

[8:19] And Lovely and Tandon, who's also credited as co-director.

Dan McCoy

[8:22] I mean, I'm not going to apologize to him for that movie.

[8:26] Like, if I had forgotten.

[8:27] Oh, okay.

[8:28] If I had gotten, like, I don't know, Sunshine wrong, an underrated favorite of mine, or, you know, one of his Shallow Grave, Trainspotty, early classics.

[8:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] Well, I bet again, just so when you think Danny Boyle, you aren't like, oh, yeah, the director of Slumdog Millionaire.

[8:42] No, you think the director of Trainspotting.

[8:44] That's what you think.

[8:45] Yeah.

[8:46] So, this is the kind of thing we're talking about.

[8:48] Well, Stuart, nice job.

[8:49] Dan, please remember that sometimes the same word can appear in multiple movie titles, and they aren't almost the same title.

[8:56] In multiple forms.

[8:58] Yes.

[8:59] Also, Millionaire Million Dollar.

[9:01] They mean the same thing.

Dan McCoy

[9:02] You know, they share a root, but, yeah, I apologize.

Elliott Kalan

[9:06] It's interesting you say that, because here's our first musical break.

[9:08] Ladies and gentlemen, it's The Roots.

[9:11] Thank you, The Roots.

[9:12] Wow.

[9:12] We're back.

[9:14] So, this next movie.

[9:15] This next movie.

[9:16] This is a romance starring Juliette Binoche and Kristen Scott Thomas.

Dan McCoy

[9:21] Is this The English Patient?

Elliott Kalan

[9:23] It's The English Patient, which won in 1996, beating Fargo.

[9:27] Now, if you were to ask me what is the more iconic of the two films, I might say Fargo.

[9:32] I might not say The English Patient.

[9:34] Again, not a bad movie, but a movie that I know I saw in the theaters, and all I remember is that a plane crashes at one point.

Stuart Wellington

[9:40] Wouldn't you say something like, oh, it's Fargo, eh, or something like that, right?

[9:45] Oh, don't you know?

[9:46] Yeah, wouldn't you?

[9:47] Say something like that.

Elliott Kalan

[9:48] What situation would I say that?

[9:51] I don't know if you're auditioning for a role in Fargo.

[9:54] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[9:56] You go to your local fucking video store or gas station.

[9:59] I don't know what you have access to.

[10:02] And I would, what, rent the movie?

[10:04] Yes, you go up to your fucking red box, and you start slapping it and talking in fucking Wisconsin voice.

[10:10] In Fargies.

[10:11] Okay, sure.

Dan McCoy

[10:12] Also, Ali doesn't even go, like, his local gas station doesn't even rent videos.

[10:17] He just has to buy those, like, three movie collections that they always have in gas stations.

[10:21] Three packs.

[10:21] Yeah.

[10:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:23] What pair is best with minute work?

Dan McCoy

[10:25] Yeah.

[10:26] He's got Fargo's on the same disc as minute work, and also, I don't know, Fled, let's say.

[10:32] Fled is on there.

[10:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:33] I wanted the Manchurian Candidate.

[10:35] I guess I also have to take Chill Factor for a night of thrillers.

[10:40] Sure.

[10:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[10:41] A Nick of Time.

[10:43] Oh, interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[10:43] Oh, interesting.

[10:44] Okay.

[10:45] A Nick of Time.

[10:47] It's, yeah, those are, that's one of the, maybe one of the greatest inventions Man ever

[10:51] had was those random packs of movies where they're like, make it an action night.

[10:55] Oh.

[10:55] The Great Escape.

[10:57] Condor Man.

[10:59] Tangling Cash.

[11:00] And let's not forget, Chain Reaction.

Dan McCoy

[11:03] Oh, this horror night.

[11:05] Has two of the Hellraiser movies on it, and for some reason, Wes Craven's Shocker is

[11:10] also on there.

Elliott Kalan

[11:13] Yeah.

[11:13] Well, you guys are doing great.

[11:14] You're two for two, kind of.

[11:16] I'm going to give you one and a half, since Dan answered incorrectly for the first one.

[11:19] I'm going to give you one and a half points.

[11:20] There are points, it turns out.

[11:21] Okay, this next one.

[11:22] Okay, this can get a little harder.

[11:24] Now, one of the rules I made for myself is I wouldn't just use very old movies, because

[11:28] that felt like it was a little unfair to me.

[11:30] There's certainly a number of movies from the 30s that I can't expect you to remember.

[11:35] But that's what this one is.

[11:36] This is a Western starring Richard Dix and Irene Dunn.

[11:40] Richard Dix and Irene Dunn in a Western.

Dan McCoy

[11:42] Richard Dix and Irene Dunn.

[11:44] It's a funny name.

[11:45] Dix and Dunn.

[11:46] The classic pairing.

Elliott Kalan

[11:47] The classic duo of Dix and Dunn.

[11:49] Yep.

[11:50] Dunn and Dix.

[11:50] They broke up because she wanted it to be Dunn and Dix.

Dan McCoy

[11:53] What is that?

[11:53] It's Dix and Dunn, and Dix and Dunn is a third person.

[11:58] Yeah, yeah.

[12:00] Sorry.

[12:01] So there are other clues that we can get at various times.

[12:04] Are you kidding?

[12:05] So you don't?

Elliott Kalan

[12:05] So you can't name this?

[12:06] You can't name this best picture winning Western starring Richard Dix and Irene Dunn.

[12:10] I'll remind you.

[12:11] This is one of the less than 100 greatest movies ever made in Hollywood, according to the Academy

[12:16] Awards.

Stuart Wellington

[12:16] Yeah.

[12:18] Do you have anything else that can give us?

[12:21] Do you have any other?

[12:22] I do.

[12:22] Can't you have a clue?

[12:22] And I think this is going to help you.

Elliott Kalan

[12:24] One best picture in 1931, and it was directed by Wesley Ruggles.

[12:28] Oh, wow.

[12:29] Yeah.

[12:29] You're a big Ruggles fan.

[12:31] It's a different Ruggles than the one of Red Cap, although that is also a Western, but

[12:35] that's a Western comedy.

[12:36] This is a Western drama.

[12:38] This is a historical pageant, this movie.

Dan McCoy

[12:40] What a magical world we live in that has multiple Ruggles in it.

Elliott Kalan

[12:44] And some Wiggles.

[12:45] And let's not forget Ruggles, which have ridges.

[12:48] Yeah.

[12:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:50] Okay.

[12:51] I'm going to say I have no fucking idea.

[12:55] Okay, Dan, do you have any fucking idea?

Elliott Kalan

[12:57] I still have no fucking.

[12:59] How about this?

[12:59] This does not.

[13:00] You've officially lost.

[13:01] This is a bonus.

[13:02] This is just to get it.

[13:03] Bonus.

[13:03] Okay.

[13:04] This just makes me feel better.

[13:05] The title of the movie can be found in this box office animated bomb, Spirit of the

[13:11] Blank.

[13:12] Beehive.

[13:15] It's an animated movie about a horse.

[13:17] Oh, Stallion of the Cimarron?

[13:20] Cimarron?

[13:20] Yes, that's what it is.

[13:21] Yeah.

[13:21] That was a Stallion of the Cimarron.

[13:23] I probably just, it's Cimarron.

[13:24] Yes, Cimarron, the epic tale of the birth of the state of Oklahoma, which won Best Picture

[13:28] in 1931.

[13:30] So, again.

Stuart Wellington

[13:31] It's crazy because, Dan, you watch that movie all the time.

[13:34] I see it on your letterbox.

[13:38] I mean, you're talking to a man.

[13:40] It just has that little, like, it has that little arrow thing that shows that you watched

[13:43] it a second time.

Dan McCoy

[13:44] I'm a man in my 40s who can't spell cinnamon, let alone Cimarron.

Elliott Kalan

[13:49] Yeah, that's true.

[13:50] So, did you actually see a movie called Cinnamon and you accidentally wrote Cimarron?

[13:53] Yeah, that's right.

Dan McCoy

[13:54] And then I watched the Cimarillion.

[13:56] Is that how it's spelled?

[13:57] Yeah.

[13:57] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[13:59] Cimarillion?

[13:59] Yeah, sure.

[13:59] Why not?

[14:00] Yeah.

[14:01] Did they make a movie of that?

[14:02] Of course they did.

[14:03] Not yet.

[14:04] Someday.

[14:05] Someday.

[14:06] Someday.

[14:06] Okay, we have one more question before it's time for us to take a short commercial break.

[14:12] This one, this one, I bet you're going to get this one.

[14:14] Yeah.

[14:14] This is a circus movie starring Charlton Heston and Betty Hutton.

[14:17] Is this the greatest show on earth?

[14:20] It is the greatest show on earth as seen in The Fablemans.

[14:23] Hey, no fair, Steven Spielberg.

[14:25] No fair trying to win a Best Picture by putting another Best Picture movie right inside your movie.

[14:30] Uh-uh-uh, Stevie.

[14:31] Have you seen this, Elliot?

[14:33] Dan, I'm not done.

[14:34] Oh, you're doing yours.

[14:34] Uh-uh-uh, Stevie.

[14:35] Uh-uh-uh-uh.

[14:36] Yeah.

[14:36] Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

[14:37] I see what you're doing.

Dan McCoy

[14:39] Yes, Dan?

[14:39] I'm scolding.

Elliott Kalan

[14:40] Well, here's a question.

[14:41] That is generally pointed to-

[14:42] The Fablemans, more like The Cheatermans.

[14:44] Yes, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[14:44] That is pointed to as one of the worst Best Picture winners.

[14:49] But the part that I saw in The Fablemans looked pretty cool.

[14:52] What, was it a train crash?

[14:54] Yeah, well, yeah.

[14:55] Crash into a car.

[14:56] Have you seen this movie?

[14:57] What's your feeling about this film?

Elliott Kalan

[14:59] I have not seen it since I was a teenager.

[15:01] I remember being underwhelmed.

[15:02] I think I would like it more.

[15:04] But it is certainly not a-

[15:06] It's ambitious in terms of scope.

[15:08] It's a big adventure.

[15:09] But certainly when it won Best Picture in 1952, it was really more of a thank you, Cecil B. DeMille for being one of our great showmen.

[15:17] It was not- Considering that year it beat The Quiet Man and High Noon, I would say The Greatest Show on Earth was not the best picture of that year.

[15:24] Since, again, High Noon, an iconic Western.

[15:26] Not my favorite Western, but an iconic Western.

[15:28] And The Quiet Man, wait a minute, is in E.T.

[15:31] Directed by Steven Spielberg.

[15:33] Steven Spielberg, why are you stealing so many movies?

[15:35] What are you doing?

Dan McCoy

[15:36] Ellie, you said it was a big adventure.

[15:38] But is it an awfully big adventure?

[15:43] An awfully big adventure?

[15:45] I don't know what you're getting at it.

[15:46] That's another movie title.

[15:48] Oh, is it?

[15:48] Yeah.

[15:49] You just put me in the place of remembering movie titles.

[15:53] Which one is an awfully big adventure?

[15:54] What movie is that?

[15:55] I think maybe Hugh Grant is in it.

[15:58] I'll look it up while you do other more important things.

Elliott Kalan

[16:01] I mean, it certainly was not an excellent adventure like our friends William and Theodore had.

Stuart Wellington

[16:05] So you said that High Noon isn't your favorite Western.

[16:09] Your favorite Western is still How the West Was Fun starring the Olsen twins, right?

Elliott Kalan

[16:14] You got it.

[16:14] Because finally the West is fun.

[16:16] I've been waiting all these years for the West to be fun.

[16:18] I'm just going to guess Martin Mull's in that one too.

[16:22] He's probably it.

[16:23] If not Martin Mull, then some other classic comedy star who needs a paycheck.

[16:28] For the record, my real favorite Western is The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

[16:32] Yes, Dan.

[16:32] That's a good one.

[16:34] Number two, The Gunfighter.

[16:36] Anyway, you're saying?

Dan McCoy

[16:36] That's also great.

[16:38] A movie that I saw, you know, Elliot style.

Elliott Kalan

[16:40] Yeah, it's got good taste in Westerns, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[16:42] The Gunfighter movie I saw Elliot style and I'm just like, oh, Turner Classic Movies has several stars at its star rating of this film.

[16:51] I'll record it.

[16:52] And then I enjoyed it very much.

Stuart Wellington

[16:55] Watching a movie Elliot style involves wearing like a little outfit and needing a big bag of red vines or something, right?

[17:00] Yeah.

[17:01] I hate red vines.

Elliott Kalan

[17:02] Dan, you need to –

Dan McCoy

[17:02] Sout all over yourself.

[17:06] I just wanted to say, number one, I was so glad that I went back in time in the episode to do that awfully big adventure joke.

[17:15] Referring to something that Elliot had said like at least a minute earlier by that point because of the huge reaction it got.

[17:22] And not only that, cutting off Stuart, you know, whose road was a lot more fruitful than mine.

[17:29] But, you know, sometimes you got to follow your muse.

[17:33] But I just want to say that an awfully big adventure does star Hugh Grant and Alan Rickman.

Elliott Kalan

[17:40] Okay.

[17:40] And Mike Newell directed it.

[17:42] Yeah, the man who was bitten by a radioactive Rick.

Dan McCoy

[17:44] Yeah.

[17:46] So there you go.

Elliott Kalan

[17:47] So do you think if Alan Rickman and Alan Ruck shook hands, they would explode?

[17:52] Yep.

[17:53] A Rickman and a Ruckman?

Stuart Wellington

[17:55] They'd become Alan Ruckman.

[17:57] Oh.

[17:58] And wait, isn't that what they call Mega Man in Japan?

[18:00] It's like a Gundam.

[18:01] Yeah, that's what they do call Mega Man in Japan.

Elliott Kalan

[18:05] Well, we've been having a lot of fun tonight at the 73rd Flophouse Mini and we'll return with more fun after these messages.

John Hodgman

[18:17] They can be anywhere.

[18:18] They can be anywhere.

[18:18] At your office.

[18:19] In your car.

[18:20] And they are wrong.

Dan McCoy

[18:22] My mom says that the Greyhouse didn't exist.

John Hodgman

[18:25] But she's wrong.

[18:26] He just does it wrong.

[18:27] Someone in your life is wrong about something.

[18:30] Something small.

[18:32] Something weird.

[18:33] Something vitally important.

[18:35] Only one person has the courage to tell them just how wrong they are.

Stuart Wellington

[18:39] You know what you did was wrong.

[18:41] But your daughter is a liar who eats garbage.

John Hodgman

[18:45] They call me Judge John Hodgman.

[18:47] Listen to me on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[18:50] If someone in your life is doing you wrong, don't just take it.

[18:53] Take it to court.

[18:54] Submit your case at MaximumFun.org slash JJHO.

[19:00] Hi, I'm Alex Schmidt.

[19:02] And I'm Katie Golden.

[19:04] And we make Secretly Incredibly Fascinating.

[19:06] A podcast about why seemingly ordinary stuff is actually the title of the podcast.

[19:11] Using tons of research, we take a joyful look at history and science and stories.

[19:17] And jokes.

[19:17] About the ordinary stuff in your life.

[19:20] Because that's what makes those things amazing.

[19:22] Also jokes.

[19:23] So get excited about paperclips.

[19:25] Get thrilled about pigeons.

S5

[19:28] Get all psyched up and running around the room about the imperial system of weights and measurements.

John Hodgman

[19:32] For real, there's whole episodes about that stuff.

[19:34] Hear them anytime and hear new episodes Mondays at MaximumFun.org.

Stuart Wellington

[19:40] Hey, you're looking at me and you're probably thinking, hey, that guy's a cat boy.

[19:45] And you'd be right because I am a cat boy.

[19:47] I love my kitty cats and I love getting them fed.

[19:49] The thing is when I feed them, and I like to feed them wet cat food, partly because of teeth issues,

[19:55] I always have to feed them pate.

[19:57] And I got to say, that term is charitable at best.

[20:01] That's why I switched to Small's Cat Food.

[20:04] That's right, Small's Cat Food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients you'd find in your fridge.

[20:12] And it's delivered right to your door.

[20:15] Small's was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys home-cooking cat food in small batches for their friends.

[20:20] Now you can be one of their friends.

[20:22] A few shortly years later, they've served millions of meals to hungry kitties all around the world.

[20:28] You know, your cat needs fresh protein-packed meals to be at their best.

[20:32] You know, you want their coat to be shiny.

[20:34] You want their breath to smell good.

[20:36] And that's what Small's will provide.

Dan McCoy

[20:38] Stuart, you know about, you know, packing protein into your meals.

[20:42] I'm all about packing protein.

[20:43] Shiny and your hair.

Elliott Kalan

[20:46] My coat is luxurious.

[20:47] Wait, his hair and his coat are two different things, Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[20:51] Yeah.

[20:51] My pelt.

[20:53] So yeah, my cats like Small's.

[20:55] They, as soon as the box arrives, they start clawing at that cardboard.

[20:59] That's partly because they love clawing cardboard and partly because they like the delicious smells contained within.

[21:04] The smells of Small's.

[21:05] They can smell it because it's not like they can read the Small's brand logo on the side of the box.

[21:09] That's the thing.

[21:10] I don't think they can read, but if they can, I feel like that's a bigger story than this Small's had.

Elliott Kalan

[21:16] Yeah, I mean, step aside Mrs. Frisbee.

Stuart Wellington

[21:19] There's some cats of Nim.

[21:21] Oh, my favorite movie of all time.

[21:23] Okay, so higher quality ingredients mean a healthier and happier life for your kitty.

[21:28] So head to smalls.com slash flop and use promo code flop at checkout for 50% off your first order.

[21:37] Plus free shipping.

[21:40] That's the best offer you'll find.

[21:42] But you have to use our code.

[21:44] And our code is flop for 50% off that first order.

[21:48] One last time.

[21:48] I don't want anyone to get this shit twisted.

[21:51] That's promo code flop for 50% off your first order.

[21:54] Plus free shipping.

Elliott Kalan

[21:56] We've also got a Jumbotron message.

[21:59] It's a Jumbotron.

Stuart Wellington

[22:04] Okay, I was going to have to hit him.

Elliott Kalan

[22:06] Thank you.

[22:07] I almost got stuck in a loop.

[22:08] Yeah.

[22:08] Do you love trying to predict what TV show will win best drama at the Emmys or what movie walks away with the best picture Oscar?

[22:15] Then you'll love awardtheory.com.

[22:18] Awardtheory.com allows you to place predictions on who will win movie or TV show awards.

[22:23] You can set up groups to compete against friends or compare your predictions on a global leaderboard and see how you measure up.

[22:30] It's fast, simple, fun, and free.

[22:32] Visit awardtheory.com.

[22:35] Make your predictions and invite your friends.

[22:38] Awardtheory.com.

[22:40] Great ads, everybody.

[22:41] And we now return to the 73rd Flophouse Mini.

[22:45] Okay, we're back, guys.

[22:47] And we're ready for more questions.

[22:48] I think you've been doing great.

[22:49] I think you're actually going to guess a lot of these.

[22:51] I think maybe these movies are less forgettable than I thought they were.

Stuart Wellington

[22:54] You know, having had a really solid therapy session earlier today, this is just the kind of affirmation I need today, Elliot, is you telling me how good I'm doing at your game.

Elliott Kalan

[23:04] That's why I'm so glad we could be here because it's time for the next question.

[23:07] Can you name this comedy drama starring Jeanne Desjardins?

[23:13] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[23:14] Okay.

[23:16] This is the best picture.

[23:18] This is the best picture.

[23:18] Yeah, it's the artist, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[23:21] Oh, yeah.

[23:22] I love how you tossed to Dan and then didn't let him think his way through it.

[23:27] It's the artist's best picture for 2011 directed by Michelle Hazan of Jesus.

[23:32] Now, where were you the last time?

[23:35] Man, I'm loving this game.

[23:37] Yeah, because, yeah, Stuart, you're dominating.

[23:38] Now, where were you the last time you thought about the movie The Artist?

Dan McCoy

[23:43] I don't know where I was, but I do remember that the thought was, oh, yeah, The Artist won best picture.

Elliott Kalan

[23:50] I feel like The Artist is, for me, the definition of this kind of movie where I'm always like, oh, yeah, I'll see it listed somewhere suddenly in best picture.

[23:57] I'm like, oh, yeah, The Artist.

[23:58] I remember that movie.

[24:00] That was my – I wish I had – you know what?

[24:01] This is what I should have done.

[24:02] I should have said comedy drama co-starring John Goodman and seeing what you guys came up with.

[24:06] Oh, yeah, that would – yeah.

[24:10] Aragnophobia.

[24:14] Yeah, that's The Artist.

[24:15] Okay, let's move on.

[24:16] Guys, this is going to be a little harder because it's a 30s movie.

[24:18] Okay, this is a biographical film starring Paul Muni.

Dan McCoy

[24:23] Oh, is this I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang?

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] Oh, that's a good guess.

[24:31] That was nominated for best picture in a different year, but it lost.

[24:35] So, this is a different movie with Paul Muni.

[24:37] That was also a biographical film.

[24:39] This is a biographical film starring Paul Muni.

[24:41] Would you like another hint?

Dan McCoy

[24:42] Yeah, give another hint unless Stuart suddenly knows a lot about 1930s movies.

Elliott Kalan

[24:47] Stuart, what Paul Muni movies?

[24:48] Can you name a Paul Muni movie?

[24:52] I thought you were going to give me another hint.

[24:54] Okay, well, here's the hint.

[24:55] It won Best Picture in 1937.

[24:57] It was directed by William Dieterle.

[25:02] And it's a biographical picture, you say, starring Paul Muni.

[25:04] It's a biographical film starring Paul Muni, not the mass transit Muni, but in fact the man, Paul Muni.

Dan McCoy

[25:10] Can you tell us –

[25:11] Is it Dr. Detroit?

Elliott Kalan

[25:12] It's not Dr. Detroit.

[25:14] And you know what?

[25:15] That's not a terrible guess because Paul Muni also starred in The Story of Louis Pasteur in which he was a doctor.

[25:20] But this is not that movie.

[25:21] This is a different movie than that.

Dan McCoy

[25:22] Can you tell us what sort of person the – it is a biography of what manner?

Elliott Kalan

[25:28] It is a biography of a French person.

Dan McCoy

[25:30] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[25:32] Very famous French person.

Dan McCoy

[25:34] Uh-huh.

[25:35] And –

Elliott Kalan

[25:35] A French writer.

[25:37] A very famous French writer.

Dan McCoy

[25:38] Is it about Voltaire?

Elliott Kalan

[25:41] Nope.

[25:42] It is not about Voltaire.

Dan McCoy

[25:43] Who are some French writers?

Elliott Kalan

[25:45] It's about a very famous French writer who took a stand against anti-Semitism in the French military.

Dan McCoy

[25:50] Ah, well, that didn't help me.

[25:52] Did it help you, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[25:55] No, I'm just kind of waiting for this one to end.

Elliott Kalan

[25:58] And so this is about the – so it's about the life of the author who wrote Jacques Hughes, which I know you think of as the thing that French Columbo says.

[26:07] Yeah.

[26:08] But it's actually –

[26:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:09] Or French Phoenix Wright, I feel like.

[26:11] Yeah.

[26:12] Okay.

[26:13] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[26:15] Wow.

[26:15] I mean I – I feel like I know a lot about literature and I have no idea who wrote Jacques Hughes.

[26:21] I don't know that I – this is a book that I –

Elliott Kalan

[26:24] Okay.

[26:25] So I'm going to give you another hint.

[26:26] I'm going to give you another – well, it's more of an essay than a book.

[26:27] Okay.

[26:28] I'm going to give you another hint.

[26:29] This is a famous – oh, yes, it was a book.

[26:31] Yeah.

[26:31] This is a – I think of it as a – anyway, never mind.

[26:33] This was a famous French author who wrote Jacques Hughes, took a stand against anti-Semitism, and his last name is the same as the name of a movie about a stripper who goes on a wild adventure.

Dan McCoy

[26:46] Oh, what?

[26:48] A stripper who – Nomi Malone?

[26:52] No.

[26:53] Who goes on a wild adventure.

Elliott Kalan

[26:55] It's one of the first movies ever based on a Twitter thread.

[26:59] Oh, right.

Dan McCoy

[27:01] Oh, right.

[27:02] Oh, Emile Zola.

[27:04] Yeah, okay.

[27:05] The life of Emile Zola.

Elliott Kalan

[27:07] Yeah, right.

[27:07] The life of Emile Zola.

[27:08] We finally got there.

[27:09] We finally got there.

[27:10] Just for your knowledge, that movie beat The Awful Truth for Best Picture.

[27:14] Honestly, I like it.

[27:14] One of the greatest of all screwball comedies.

Dan McCoy

[27:16] I like this game more the more hints were allowed.

[27:19] I think that –

[27:19] Yeah, that's – of course you would.

Stuart Wellington

[27:20] Of course you would.

[27:21] No, but I think it's also –

[27:23] Bowling's more fun if you just fill the fucking alleys with like pillows or some shit.

[27:29] With cement.

Elliott Kalan

[27:29] If you just fill the gutters with cement.

[27:31] And the ball can be guided by remote control.

[27:34] You know what?

[27:34] You just walk along next to it.

[27:36] Yeah.

[27:37] It's making me wish that I had done more old movies now that I think about it.

[27:40] Maybe if you guys want to stop for like 15 or 20 minutes, we'll come back.

[27:45] Actually – oh, I'm sorry.

[27:46] Before we go to the next question, we are being interrupted by a special tribute.

[27:51] Here at the Flophouse Mini, we have a special tribute that we are going to be playing for you.

[27:58] Oh, wow.

[27:58] Guys, you know, as I know, some of America's most unforgettable roles have been portrayed by that humblest of birds, the chicken.

[28:07] And so we now present a tribute to hens on film and those lovable performing poultry.

[28:13] Dan, Stu, feel free to narrate the tribute for our listeners.

[28:16] I'm sure you won't foul it up.

[28:18] All right.

[28:18] Well, right now there's a cursor going over my movie.

[28:21] Maybe two.

Stuart Wellington

[28:22] Yeah.

[28:23] Okay.

[28:24] Oh, I love that one.

[28:26] Lady Cluck from Robin Hood.

[28:29] Bolina from Return to Oz.

[28:30] Bolina from Return to Oz.

[28:31] Okay.

[28:32] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[28:33] Hey, Hey from Moana.

[28:34] Moana.

Elliott Kalan

[28:35] Yeah, that's a good one.

[28:37] Chicken Run.

[28:38] Yeah.

[28:39] So this is Chicken No. 3 from The Egg and I from 1947.

[28:41] Yeah, sure.

[28:42] And, of course, one of Stuart's favorites.

[28:44] Rock-a-doodle.

[28:45] Not to clear from Rock-a-doodle.

[28:46] Rock-a-doodle.

[28:47] Oh, the questionable Panchito Pistoles from The Three Cavalieros.

[28:51] And, of course, Chicken Little.

[28:53] I know Dan, you sympathize with that.

[28:54] The eponymous, yeah.

[28:54] Eponymous Chicken Little, yeah.

[28:55] You all remember Running Chicken from Rocky II.

[28:59] And, of course, Chicken Arrow from Hot Shots Part II.

[29:01] Yeah, that's a good one.

[29:03] There's Miss Prissy from the cartoon of Rice and Hen.

[29:06] Yeah.

[29:07] And the artificial chicken from Eraserhead.

[29:09] From Eraserhead, yeah.

[29:10] Oh, and up.

[29:11] The biggest show at the end.

[29:12] Camilla.

Elliott Kalan

[29:12] You have to win.

[29:13] Camilla, yeah.

[29:13] Camilla.

[29:14] Wait, she passed away?

[29:15] The fucking body on that one, right?

[29:17] She did 1976 to 2022.

[29:18] Dan, you forgot we lost Camilla?

[29:20] Last year?

Dan McCoy

[29:22] Is that true?

[29:23] Is there, like, a particular Muppeteer?

[29:26] Yes, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[29:26] Yes, it's true.

[29:26] The puppet chicken died last year.

Elliott Kalan

[29:28] Yeah, the puppet chicken.

[29:30] Yeah, Dan.

[29:31] That's why Gonzo's been wearing all black in all his public appearances in the past year.

Dan McCoy

[29:37] You know, one of my most popular tweets was just pointing out about how, like, you know, Kermit and Piggy get all the press.

[29:43] But meanwhile, Gonzo has quietly been dating the same chicken for decades.

[29:49] For decades since 1976, at least.

[29:50] They've had a great relationship.

Elliott Kalan

[29:51] I mean, until she passed.

[29:52] But he was at her side the entire time.

[29:54] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:56] Surrounded by loved ones.

[29:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:58] So, Dan reminds me, I will put my chicken and film tribute up on Twitter, I guess.

[30:03] And I'll send it to him.

[30:04] He can put it on the website.

[30:05] The Flophouse website.

[30:07] Okay.

[30:07] Thanks, everybody, for that humble tribute.

[30:09] I appreciate that you didn't applaud during it.

[30:11] It's unfair to applaud for some of the chickens.

[30:13] That's true.

[30:13] Because others won't get as much applause.

[30:15] That artificial chicken from Racerhead, you knew it was going to get thunderous applause.

[30:19] Which is just not fair to chicken number three from The Agonite from 1947, I believe it was.

[30:24] Okay.

[30:24] So, here's our next question.

[30:25] We're back to the game.

[30:27] Okay.

[30:27] This next movie is a drama starring Diana Winyard and Clive Brooke.

[30:32] And if you know this movie, I will, I don't know.

[30:37] I don't know what I could possibly do to express my eyes.

Stuart Wellington

[30:40] Can you give us, like, a decade?

[30:42] Is this from the 1930s?

[30:44] No good.

Dan McCoy

[30:46] A drama from.

Elliott Kalan

[30:49] Starring Diana Winyard, Winyard, and Clive Brooke.

[30:52] I'm going to give you another hint.

[30:53] It won Best Picture in 1933.

[30:55] It was directed by Frank Lloyd.

[30:57] Not Frank Lloyd Wright and not his evil twin, Frank Lloyd Wrong.

[31:00] His medium twin, Frank Lloyd Unaligned.

[31:05] Frank Lloyd Law Neutral.

[31:07] Chaotic Frank Lloyd.

[31:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:12] Yeah.

[31:12] I'm imagining chaotic Frank Lloyd.

[31:15] Frank Lloyd, there's falling water all over this house.

Elliott Kalan

[31:19] And the water's supposed to fall under the house, not over it.

[31:24] Frank Lloyd Wright, this Guggenheim is supposed to go, wait a minute.

Dan McCoy

[31:27] The Frank Lloyd Wright version is the weird version of the Guggenheim.

Elliott Kalan

[31:30] Wow.

[31:30] This Frank Lloyd Wrong version is actually stable.

[31:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:34] It's a normal building.

Elliott Kalan

[31:35] We sit the wrong one back to the other dimension.

[31:38] And Frank Lloyd Wright is like, shoot him.

[31:40] He's the clone.

[31:41] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[31:44] Kills both, Spock.

Elliott Kalan

[31:45] Okay.

[31:46] So here's another hint.

[31:47] This movie, it's the story of a family from 1899 to 1933.

[31:50] And it's based on a play by Noel Coward.

[31:52] I'm sure you know what it is now.

Dan McCoy

[31:53] A play by Noel Coward.

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] This is the best picture in 1933.

[31:59] Wait, is that?

[32:00] No.

[32:03] It's not any Noel Coward play you remember.

Stuart Wellington

[32:07] Yeah, that's the thing.

[32:07] Is it?

[32:09] Our Town.

[32:10] Tuck Everlasting.

[32:12] No, that's not.

[32:12] No.

[32:12] That one's not a play.

Elliott Kalan

[32:14] Neither of those are Noel Coward.

[32:16] But it keeps naming titles and you'll eventually get to it.

[32:19] Bridge to Corbithia.

[32:21] No.

Stuart Wellington

[32:22] Now you're just naming Wyoming novels.

[32:25] My Father the Hero.

[32:27] No, that one's a picture of a later year.

Dan McCoy

[32:29] The only thing I can think of that Noel Coward wrote right now is Blood Spirit.

[32:33] And I know it's not that.

Elliott Kalan

[32:35] That was when he collaborated with Cormac McCarthy, right?

[32:38] Yeah.

[32:40] Look how Blood Spirit is.

[32:43] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:44] Blood Spirit, Stallion and the Cimarron.

Elliott Kalan

[32:46] I thought we might write something a little twisted.

[32:49] That's what he said.

Stuart Wellington

[32:51] And Cormac is all about that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[32:53] Okay, guys.

[32:53] This movie, so it beat 42nd Street and I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang.

[32:58] And also The Private Life of Henry VIII, which is another great, not as well-remembered movie,

[33:02] but it's a great Loughton performance, Charles Loughton performance.

[33:05] This movie is called Cavalcade.

[33:07] Cavalcade.

[33:08] The best movie of 1932 slash 1933.

[33:12] That's how they did the years back then.

[33:13] Guys, there have only been so many Academy Awards.

[33:16] And this is one of the best, okay?

[33:18] So, right there.

[33:20] It's one of the best movies ever made.

[33:21] You should know it should be very memorable.

[33:22] It's Cavalcade.

[33:23] One of our top movies.

[33:24] Here's another one.

[33:25] Okay, what about this?

[33:26] It's a drama starring Morgan Freeman.

[33:28] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[33:29] One best picture.

[33:30] Is this Driving Miss Daisy?

Elliott Kalan

[33:32] You're right.

[33:33] It's Driving Miss Daisy.

[33:34] There you go.

[33:34] I actually left out Miss Daisy's name because I wanted to say Shawshank Redemption or something.

[33:40] But you were too smart for me.

[33:42] And you knew it was Driving Miss Daisy starring Morgan Freeman and Jessica Tandy.

[33:45] And in a rare dramatic role, Ghostbuster himself, Daniel Aykroyd.

[33:50] One best picture in 1989.

Dan McCoy

[33:52] A movie that one would think would be wild if it were made today.

[33:56] But then Green Book happened.

[33:59] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:59] Who knows?

[34:00] Oh, Dan Aykroyd was in that.

[34:01] He had a cameo in that scene where he drives Miss Daisy into Vulcanvania.

Elliott Kalan

[34:07] He drives Miss Daisy into Vulcanvania and Judge, what's his name, shows up.

[34:11] Judge, what was his name?

[34:13] I don't remember.

[34:14] I don't remember.

[34:15] The one with the sausage penis for his nose.

[34:17] Anyway, directed by Bruce Beresford who also directed Breaker Morant, a movie I'm going to mention.

[34:22] In the next full-length episode of The Flophouse.

[34:25] So that's a little.

[34:26] Wow.

[34:26] Put that in the cinema movie connections.

[34:29] Yeah.

[34:29] IMDb listing or something.

Dan McCoy

[34:30] Yeah, put it in trivia for this episode.

Elliott Kalan

[34:32] Okay, guys.

[34:33] Here's another one.

[34:34] Okay, the next one.

[34:34] This is a drama starring Russell Crowe that won Best Picture.

Dan McCoy

[34:38] Beautiful mind.

[34:39] Well, there's a few of them.

Elliott Kalan

[34:41] But Stuart got it right away.

[34:43] It was a beautiful mind.

[34:44] Nailed it.

[34:45] Dan, were you thinking of Gladiator?

Dan McCoy

[34:47] Yeah, I mean, I think that still counts.

Elliott Kalan

[34:49] In the previous year's Best Picture.

[34:51] Yeah.

[34:51] Because Russell Crowe starred in two Best Picture winning movies in a row.

[34:56] Something I don't think any other actor has ever done before.

[34:59] And those two movies are fine.

Dan McCoy

[35:01] Yeah.

[35:02] And speaking of connections with our next episode.

[35:05] That's true.

[35:05] The next episode is also Russell Crowe.

Elliott Kalan

[35:07] So a beautiful mind.

[35:09] You know, Best Picture winner.

[35:10] Yeah.

[35:11] Yeah.

[35:11] Yes, of course.

[35:12] Guys, looking back now 20 years later, what are your feelings about Gladiator and A Beautiful Mind?

Dan McCoy

[35:21] I gotta admit, I didn't actually like Gladiator that much at the time.

[35:26] Me neither.

[35:28] I thought it was fine, but it was like a very standard sort of revenge action story with some cool visuals.

[35:35] But they also look kind of cheesy, like of the time.

[35:39] And A Beautiful Mind.

[35:40] Like the time when he goes snowboarding?

Elliott Kalan

[35:42] When he goes, he takes that Roman shield and he just snowboards on it?

[35:45] Yeah.

[35:45] That's pretty cheesy.

[35:46] Pretty cheesy of the time, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[35:48] Well, it was, and there was a time when like action sequences were, the action sequences in that movie are so like hard to follow.

[35:57] And the camera is like covered in mud and like, it feels like it's smeared in Vaseline and kicked around a hill.

Elliott Kalan

[36:05] Unfortunately, there were no other good action movies that year.

[36:08] It merely beat Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon for Best Picture that year.

[36:12] Wow.

[36:13] So a movie whose action sequences I know we never think about.

Stuart Wellington

[36:17] What did Beautiful Mind beat out?

[36:20] Oh, you're gonna be mad, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[36:21] Like fucking Monsters Ball and A Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring?

[36:24] It beat out Gosford Park, In the Bedroom, Moulin Rouge, and yes, Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring, Stuart.

[36:31] That's fucking crazy.

[36:33] You'd have to wait two more years for a Lord of the Rings movie to win Best Picture.

Dan McCoy

[36:36] I can't remember all of them, but I think that I would have been happier with any of those winning over A Beautiful Mind.

Stuart Wellington

[36:42] Yeah, didn't Two Towers lose to fucking Chicago the next year?

Elliott Kalan

[36:47] It did lose to Chicago the next year, yes.

[36:51] So this is the thing about, I mean, the fact that-

[36:54] The next year also, like, a Roman Polanski movie was what was nominated for Best Picture.

[37:00] It was a different time.

[37:01] It was a different time back then.

[37:02] But, so here's the thing about A Beautiful Mind.

[37:05] I don't think it's a bad movie.

[37:06] I merely find it a morally offensive movie.

[37:09] No, I agree.

[37:09] Because of the way it treats mental illness.

Dan McCoy

[37:11] Yeah, that you can just decide one day, like, you know what?

[37:14] I'm not gonna see my imaginary friend Paul Bettany anymore, who, by the way, is my favorite part of A Beautiful Mind.

Elliott Kalan

[37:19] I'm tired of being a person with mental illness.

[37:21] I'm just going to stop.

[37:23] Yeah.

[37:23] And it is, yeah.

[37:24] Oh, why didn't we think about that?

[37:25] That's the best part.

Stuart Wellington

[37:26] If you're gonna make a movie with those two dudes, Oceans better be fucking Battlefields.

[37:31] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[37:32] Yeah, and you'll be unhappy to know, Stuart, that that also lost Best Picture, although to The Return of the King.

[37:37] Yeah.

[37:38] Which is fair.

[37:40] It's fair.

[37:40] I mean, if-

[37:41] It's tough.

[37:41] That's stiff.

[37:42] Stiff competition right there.

[37:43] Let's say, Stuart, it's 2003.

[37:44] You're an Academy Award voter.

[37:45] You can choose between Master and Commander of the Far Side of the World or Lord of the Rings Return of the King.

[37:50] Which do you choose?

[37:51] Yeah.

[37:51] Pop quiz, hot shot.

Stuart Wellington

[37:53] Yeah.

[37:53] That's-

[37:54] Stuart slowly reaches for, I don't know, the reforged shards of Narsil to skewer himself with.

Elliott Kalan

[38:02] Yeah, because it's too hard a decision.

[38:03] But then when you're doing that, your blood accidentally spatters on the ballot and marks off Seabiscuit as your win.

[38:08] Oh, no.

[38:09] Dan's favorite movie?

[38:09] That's why you don't do something with it.

[38:11] It would ask for me.

[38:13] Seabiscuit?

[38:14] Yep.

[38:14] I'm the world's most popular horse.

[38:17] Did you remember you were nominated for Best Picture?

[38:20] I was?

[38:20] That seems weird.

[38:23] No one remembers much about that.

[38:26] Well, don't worry.

[38:27] You didn't win, so don't worry about it.

[38:28] Gotta go!

Elliott Kalan

[38:30] Oh, man.

[38:31] He's gone again.

[38:32] He's so fast.

[38:33] That's what a horse.

[38:33] Seabiscuit is so-

[38:35] Yeah, you can't catch him.

[38:36] Can't catch that horse.

[38:37] So, we have one last question for you since this was the 10 most forgettable, although you've proven me wrong.

[38:43] You guys have remembered almost all of these movies.

[38:45] Yeah, we're over it.

[38:45] All the ones that you were alive to see, you pretty much remembered.

[38:48] This one, okay.

[38:50] This is a romance starring Robert Redford and Meryl Streep.

Dan McCoy

[38:54] This is Out of Africa.

Elliott Kalan

[38:56] It's Out of Africa, directed by Cindy Pollack, which won Best Picture 1985.

[38:59] Here's a question, guys.

[39:01] Have you seen Out of Africa?

[39:02] I have not seen Out of Africa.

[39:03] No.

[39:03] I have also never seen Out of Africa.

[39:05] I've seen the VHS box.

[39:06] I've never seen Out of Africa, and I'm willing to bet it is not a real movie and that we have elaborately been gaslit to believe there was a movie called Out of Africa.

Stuart Wellington

[39:13] Yeah, like if I go and pick up the box, I open it, and it's just full of fucking spiders, and I'm like, what?

[39:19] There's no VHS tape?

[39:20] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[39:21] I know that not to be true because I did not see Out of Africa, but I do have memories of being in the room briefly when my parents were watching Out of Africa and thinking this is boring and going and doing something else.

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] Dan, you – okay.

[39:35] I just – you could have told us what the movie was about or what was so good about it because I've never seen it, and as far as I know, nobody I've ever met has ever seen it because they've never mentioned it to me.

[39:44] Ever.

[39:45] It's never been mentioned to me.

[39:46] Yeah, I think there was a lion or something.

[39:48] I mean, that was –

[39:49] I was bored during lions.

[39:50] I mean, if it's got Africa in the title and you guess there's a lion in it, that's not that – I'm not giving you points for getting that one.

[39:56] Fair enough.

Stuart Wellington

[39:57] When I go to my gym, there's always one TV that's playing FX, and if I know one thing about FX, it's that they got the movies.

[40:04] And you know what movie I never see on that shit?

[40:06] Out of Africa.

[40:07] Never.

Dan McCoy

[40:08] Never ever.

[40:09] That's a scientific proof.

[40:10] I see Wanted all the time.

[40:12] Yeah.

[40:12] The most in existence movie that there is.

Elliott Kalan

[40:16] I mean, according to FX, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[40:19] I see Wanted.

[40:20] I see Deadpool.

Elliott Kalan

[40:22] And neither of them won Best Picture.

[40:23] So what's going on here, guys?

[40:25] Yeah.

[40:25] It's crazy.

[40:26] As we've seen, winning Best Picture doesn't make your movie immediately immortal.

[40:30] And losing Best Picture or not even being nominated doesn't mean your movie stinks.

[40:34] So I think we've learned a little something about movies in that we shouldn't just judge them by awards, but by the content of their characters and whether they're on FX since FX has the movies.

[40:45] Similar to how Arby has the meat.

[40:47] If Arby doesn't have it, it's not meat.

Dan McCoy

[40:50] I mean, and I bet that, you know, every once in a while they got to get together and have a barter situation because Arby's needs some entertainment every once in a while.

[40:58] Yeah, yeah.

[40:58] And the other one needs to eat.

[41:01] FX.

[41:02] FX.

[41:02] You already forgot.

[41:04] The other one.

Stuart Wellington

[41:05] You know, they're pals.

[41:06] Yeah, the one with two letters.

[41:08] I mean, they both have two letters.

[41:10] Yeah.

[41:11] Well, no.

[41:11] Arby's doesn't.

[41:13] It's just RB, bitch.

[41:14] Dinner and a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[41:15] They get together for dinner and a movie.

[41:17] Dinner and a movie.

[41:18] Meat and a movie.

[41:20] Yeah.

[41:21] Hank, Arby, and Jenny FX.

Dan McCoy

[41:24] They're like, you can have any of these meats.

[41:27] It's like, all right, I'll take that meat.

[41:28] And they're like, all right, here's Shrek in return for that.

Elliott Kalan

[41:33] Yeah.

[41:33] So, well, then you got to figure out what movie equals how much meat and all that kind of stuff.

[41:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:37] Well, that's how money started.

[41:39] Did Shrek win Best Picture?

Elliott Kalan

[41:42] Shrek did not win.

[41:43] I think, and it didn't win Best Animated Feature, I don't believe, which was a, let's take a look.

[41:50] Let's take a look.

[41:50] Okay, maybe it did.

[41:51] Okay, it is, I'm looking it up right now.

[41:55] Let's go to, let's see.

[41:57] Because it's, we're talking about Shrek now.

[41:59] It was, it was not, oh, it did win for Best Animated Feature.

[42:02] I'm sorry.

[42:03] No fucking shit it did.

[42:04] It did win for Best Animated Feature.

[42:05] I'm sorry, I should have remembered that Shrek won the inaugural Best Animated Feature award.

[42:10] Yes, Stuart.

[42:11] Pick for the pinnacle of human art.

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] I heard a rumor that they made up the Best Animated Feature category just to prevent Shrek from winning Best Picture.

Elliott Kalan

[42:21] That was probably it, because it was Shrek versus a beautiful mind.

[42:25] And we know what we would have won in that one.

[42:27] Yeah.

[42:27] And then we would have had to.

[42:28] Shrek was going to roll a beautiful mind.

[42:31] Because they basically have the same moral, which is that you shouldn't judge the outside by the beautiful mind on the inside, whether it's an ogre or a mathematician.

[42:40] Shrek, of course, followed up the next year by the winner, Spirited Away.

[42:44] Same level as Shrek, Spirited Away.

[42:46] They're both Academy Award winners.

[42:48] Just as good as Shrek.

[42:49] And Spirited Away, what movie did it?

[42:51] And what nominee did it defeat for that award?

[42:54] Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron.

[42:56] Wow.

[42:56] A little piece of Oscars history.

[42:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:59] Well—

[42:59] Can you imagine how many cigarettes Miyazaki would smoke while watching Shrek?

Elliott Kalan

[43:06] It's just like, fuck.

[43:08] Yeah.

[43:08] Well, there are so many other forgettable best pictures I'd love to talk about.

[43:14] The Broadway Melody, Around the World in 80 Days, Tom Jones.

[43:17] Gosh, now that I'm really here, I'm getting so flustered.

[43:20] There's just so many movies to mention.

[43:21] Chicago.

[43:22] I have to mention Chicago.

[43:23] And the King's Speech.

[43:24] Oh, no.

[43:25] They're playing me off.

[43:26] Okay.

[43:26] Well, I guess—I know.

[43:27] That's my time.

[43:28] I won't get too much busier.

[43:30] All right.

[43:30] I apologize.

[43:31] Look, I'm an elite Kalen, and joining me are my co-hosts.

Dan McCoy

[43:34] Also, not getting too much busier.

[43:35] Dan McCoy.

[43:36] And Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[43:38] Okay.

[43:38] We're part of the MaxFun Network.

[43:39] I better say it quick.

[43:40] Oh, the music's getting louder.

[43:41] Our producer and editor is Alex Smith.

[43:43] Hopefully, he put some music in here.

[43:44] Find him online under the name Howell Doughty.

[43:46] And please consider leaving us a positive review wherever you download your podcasts.

[43:50] Remember, we're doing a live show April 2nd in Brooklyn at the Bell House.

[43:53] Sunday, 730, April 2nd.

[43:55] Go to thebellhouseny.com for tickets there.

[43:57] Okay, okay.

[43:58] All right.

[43:58] I get it.

[43:59] I'm done.

[43:59] Goodbye, everybody.

[44:00] Good night.

[44:05] MaximumFun.org.

John Hodgman

[44:13] Comedy and culture.

[44:14] Artist owned.

[44:16] Audience supported.

FH Mini 73 - The 73rd Flop House Mini

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