Episode #391 - Critters, with Steven Kostanski

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Critters!

[0:03] The second best movie featuring Critters!

Dan McCoy

[1:30] Specifically, his friendship is the greatest gift of all.

[1:33] That's what Stu says, yeah.

[1:35] Hey, what Stu says goes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37] Yeah, it's Stu's rules.

[1:39] And my therapist is all about helping me establish Stu's rules, a.k.a. boundaries.

[1:44] A.k.a. stools.

[1:45] He wants healthy stools.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47] Stools, stools, yeah.

[1:49] Stu's stools.

[1:50] They're healthy.

[1:50] They're firm, but not too firm.

[1:53] It's everything you need in a stool.

[1:55] Stu's stools.

[1:55] They're cool.

[1:56] Not for fools.

[1:56] They're appropriately long.

Dan McCoy

[1:58] Slide out easy.

[1:59] Find them in school.

Stuart Wellington

[2:01] Oh, wow.

[2:02] So what do we do on this here podcast, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[2:04] This is mostly a double entendre podcast, but it is also a podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] Guys, how has there never been a James Bond lady named Double Entendre?

[2:13] How has that not been the name of a character?

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] I mean, it must have been on the fucking whiteboard for one of the Austin Powers sequels, right?

[2:20] Yeah, you're right.

[2:20] Probably.

[2:21] Probably.

[2:22] And they just didn't get to it.

[2:23] And they're like, fuck.

[2:24] Okay, next one for Austin Powers.

[2:26] And there never was the next one.

[2:27] There's going to be, right?

[2:28] It's going to get a, like a.

[2:31] A reboot?

[2:31] Yeah, like a legacy sequel where it's like not a sequel of the second or third one, but the first one only.

[2:39] So they can bring back Liz Hurley.

Elliott Kalan

[2:41] No, they're going to do the thing.

[2:42] First, they're going to do the thing where it's Austin Powers Jr. and it's a kid, like a kid prequel character.

S4

[2:48] People are going to fucking hate him.

[2:49] Yeah, a real James Bond Jr. scenario.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] Exactly.

[2:52] Yeah, James Bond Jr., of course, was James Bond's nephew.

[2:56] So the junior aspect is a strange thing.

[2:57] Yeah, it's a mystery.

Stuart Wellington

[2:59] Yeah.

[2:59] It's because James Bond famously was celibate, right?

Dan McCoy

[3:02] James Bond's brother's wife is like, I would like to name our son James Bond Jr.

[3:08] And the husband's like, I don't feel comfortable with that.

[3:14] I'm not sure I understand what's going on.

[3:17] Just go with it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:19] And the kid had a drinking problem too, right?

[3:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] In James Bond Jr., yeah, yeah.

[3:23] He also had a drinking problem, yeah.

[3:25] And he was horrified by the things he'd seen and the things he'd done.

Dan McCoy

[3:28] Well, I was about to explain the show and none of these things are related really to the show.

Elliott Kalan

[3:33] Well, this is mostly a James Bond Jr. kind of retcon podcast where we do a gritty reboot of James Bond Jr.

S4

[3:40] Just a deep dive into James Bond Jr., yeah.

[3:43] That's what I came to think.

Dan McCoy

[3:44] We are more of a digression podcast into things we sort of remember.

Elliott Kalan

[3:50] Now, here's the only reason I wish James Bond Jr. had been more successful.

[3:54] Because then it could have gotten silly.

[3:55] It would have gotten Pappy Bond, the old man James Bond, who would tag on a tangalong for adventures.

[4:01] Yeah.

[4:01] It was not a secret agent.

[4:02] He would just go with them on adventures.

[4:04] That's my guess.

[4:04] But we never got to see that.

Stuart Wellington

[4:05] And then there'd be like a super gritty old man Bond thing where like it's like super like X-rated and shit.

[4:12] And you see his dong.

[4:14] Yeah, yeah.

[4:15] Like Logan.

[4:16] And I was going to say we'd go in the other direction.

[4:18] Is he just dong and Logan?

[4:19] No, you don't.

[4:20] They couldn't.

[4:22] He was so dehydrated.

[4:23] It would look like a little raisin.

[4:25] Is that what happens when you're dehydrated?

Dan McCoy

[4:28] Yeah.

[4:28] You get raisins up?

Elliott Kalan

[4:29] Is it like –

Dan McCoy

[4:30] I thought he got small in the pool though.

[4:32] So wait a minute.

[4:33] That male – that's a temperature thing.

[4:35] It doesn't add up.

Elliott Kalan

[4:36] That male anatomy is like one of those like water snake tubes that kids can play with.

Dan McCoy

[4:41] Yes.

[4:42] Uh-huh.

[4:42] I mean, I guess in a certain sense it's true since it's filled with bladders of liquid.

[4:48] The liquid being blood in this case.

[4:49] Not bladders.

[4:49] I think your bladder is in the shower.

[4:51] A bladder is a term that can be used for – like, you know, you use a bladder in like special effects.

[4:57] Anything that's –

[4:57] No, no, I know.

[4:58] I know what you mean.

[4:59] I know what you mean.

[4:59] This is what I talk about.

Elliott Kalan

[5:01] I want to hear Dan.

[5:03] Dan's playing special effects to Steve Kostanski a little bit more.

[5:05] There's not pee bladders in the – anyway.

Dan McCoy

[5:09] Oh, that's how they work.

[5:11] Well, we've gotten far enough a field that I can announce.

[5:12] Dan, tell him what a squib is.

[5:14] Make sure he knows what a squib is.

[5:16] Yeah.

[5:16] I wasn't telling him what it was.

[5:18] I was telling you who seemed to be confused about my usage of the word bladder.

[5:21] Mm-hmm.

[5:22] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[5:23] You know that sometimes the blood in movies is fake.

[5:26] Uh-huh.

[5:27] Only sometimes.

[5:28] Only sometimes.

[5:29] Sometimes.

[5:29] It's a bit of movie trivia.

Elliott Kalan

[5:31] It's usually – the old-time fake blood, it was made out of Robert – it was Robert Caro syrup.

[5:35] That's Caro syrup made out of the blood of Robert Caro.

[5:38] Yeah.

[5:38] Oh, that's terrible.

[5:38] Robert Caro, of course, one of America's great biographers.

Dan McCoy

[5:42] Thank you for giving us due respect at the end of that.

Stuart Wellington

[5:46] Yeah, because he's listening and is about to get pissed off.

Elliott Kalan

[5:48] I didn't want him to get mad.

[5:49] And suddenly he'd be yelling at his wife, Ina.

[5:51] Ina, I need to write an angry letter to the Flaw Powers.

[5:54] Robert.

[5:54] He's got a heavy accent.

Dan McCoy

[5:55] Get back to writing about LBJ.

[5:58] Don't waste time with us.

[5:59] Please.

[6:00] So what do we do on this podcast, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[6:01] Wait, I just want to say, if Robert Caro, if you are listening, please stop listening and finish that last book on LBJ.

[6:05] I want to read it so badly, and I want you to finish it before you can no longer write books.

[6:09] Dan, what do we do on this podcast at StuSed?

Dan McCoy

[6:12] This is a podcast where – well, normally we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[6:16] In this case, we watch a movie that I think – I think it's fair to say ahead of time.

[6:22] I don't know where everyone's going to land on this reviewing, but we all have affection for this movie of some kind.

[6:28] It's called Critters.

[6:29] We're watching it because of a contest winner who has been tweeting at us under the handle, do Critters next for years.

[6:37] And finally got their dream by winning a Flophouse contest and forcing our hand, forcing us to do Critters next, which is now.

Elliott Kalan

[6:46] This Twitter Critter finally got their dream.

Stuart Wellington

[6:49] I can only assume this Twitter Critter also used the same handle for his OnlyFans account that he messaged his various performers.

Dan McCoy

[6:57] So, yeah, we watched the movie Critters from the 80s.

Elliott Kalan

[7:01] From 1986 specifically.

[7:03] Let's narrow it down.

[7:04] It didn't get released every year.

Dan McCoy

[7:06] Real stars.

[7:07] D. Wallace.

[7:09] That kid who became Scott Grimes.

Elliott Kalan

[7:12] No, no.

[7:12] Wait, wait.

[7:13] The way you said that, Dan, it makes it sound like D. Wallace was the kid who became Scott Grimes.

[7:16] No.

Dan McCoy

[7:17] Those are two separate people.

Elliott Kalan

[7:19] This is D. Wallace continuing her—

[7:22] Scream Queen?

[7:23] Scream Queen.

[7:24] And kind of like—

[7:24] Distraught 80s mom?

[7:26] Kind of like scream mom performances.

[7:27] That's what I was saying.

[7:28] Like scream mom.

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:29] Scream mom style of character.

[7:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:31] Oh, what a good idea for a TV show.

[7:33] Scream mom?

[7:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:36] So, we mentioned that this movie came out in 1986, and it's time for Stuart to make a little

[7:40] bit of online on-air apology.

[7:43] Okay.

[7:43] Because a few episodes ago, I mentioned that the Iron Maiden album, Somewhere in Time,

[7:47] came out in 1987.

[7:49] It actually came out in 1986 as some very, let's say, helpful people on the internet were

[7:54] reminding me.

[7:55] Totally cool dudes.

[7:56] Everybody's cool.

[7:57] Yeah, Stu, to be fair—

Elliott Kalan

[7:58] Not annoying.

[7:59] To be fair to them, Stu, you did create a unique injustice in the world.

[8:05] A huge injustice by misnumbering the year of that Iron Maiden album.

[8:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:10] Uh-huh.

[8:10] Yeah.

[8:10] Well, they were all very cool, chill about it, cool dudes.

[8:14] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[8:15] Oh, of course.

[8:16] Now—

[8:16] I want to say something about Critters to return to the subject.

[8:20] Wait, before we do that, I will say—

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] No, Dan just pulled out his phone, so buckle up.

Elliott Kalan

[8:24] I also want to apologize for an Iron Maiden-related mistake I made on a different podcast, on our

[8:28] sister Maximum Fun podcast, Be Potting You.

[8:30] I mentioned that Iron Maiden had written a song about the TV show The Prisoner.

[8:33] As a genuinely helpful person on Twitter who was very polite about it reminded me,

[8:37] they had two songs, at least, about The Prisoner, the TV show.

[8:40] Wait, there's two?

[8:41] There's The Prisoner, and there's Back in the Village.

[8:43] And I had forgotten The Prisoner.

[8:44] Oh, that makes sense.

[8:45] I'd only remembered Back in the Village.

[8:46] But anyway—

Dan McCoy

[8:46] Inside us all, there are two Iron Maiden songs about The Prisoner.

Elliott Kalan

[8:50] One good.

[8:51] They're both pretty good, actually.

[8:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:53] No, I just wanted to say that the director of Critters, Stephen Herrick, has kind of

[8:58] an interesting career because he came out of the gate strong with Critters.

[9:01] Yeah.

[9:02] Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead.

[9:07] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[9:07] Getting weaker, but often—

[9:09] Still fucking bangers.

[9:11] Still memorable.

Dan McCoy

[9:11] Still a—

[9:12] We got—

Stuart Wellington

[9:12] I don't know if I'd say cut classic, but a fondly memorable film.

[9:14] Guys, I can't stress this enough.

[9:16] In Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, that babysitter dies in like the first five minutes.

[9:20] Yeah.

[9:20] That's incredible.

Dan McCoy

[9:21] Cut to the chase and the chase being—the chase across the river sticks.

[9:25] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[9:25] Well, but that's the thing is I really appreciate when a movie does that.

[9:28] For instance, while watching Critters, I was like—and we'll get to this one in the movie.

[9:32] They spend a lot of time hiding what the critters look like when the poster just shows a critter

[9:37] standing right there.

[9:38] Yeah.

[9:38] That was a weird move.

[9:39] It's edging, dude.

[9:41] And I just love that in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, they're like, you know the

[9:44] babysitter's gonna die.

[9:45] Let's just get it over with.

Stuart Wellington

[9:46] Yeah, like in Drive My Car, this dude's in a car like immediately.

[9:49] Boom.

Dan McCoy

[9:50] Sorry to quickly wrap up the filmography portion.

Elliott Kalan

[9:54] As in Golden Eye, James Bond just shoves that gold right in his eye in the first scene.

Dan McCoy

[9:59] The Mighty Ducks, a big hit.

[10:02] The Disney Chris O'Donnell, Three Musketeers, lesser.

[10:06] Ooh, okay.

[10:06] But then a bid for respectability with Mr. Holland's Opus.

[10:10] A lot of people fond of that.

[10:12] I mean, that's a big—

[10:12] 101 Dalmatians was a big hit.

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] Just to have done Critters and Mr. Holland's Opus in One Career.

[10:19] It's kind of like, I mean, it's like Wes Craven doing Nightmare on Elm Street and also

[10:21] that Violin of the Heart movie or whatever.

[10:24] It's called Music of the Heart.

[10:25] You know the one I'm talking about with the violins.

[10:27] Sure.

[10:27] Freddy's in that one, right?

[10:28] Yeah.

[10:29] It's called Freddy's Recital.

S4

[10:31] And it's got Shocker in it, too.

Dan McCoy

[10:32] That's sort of when post-101 Dalmatians, a bit of a downturn.

[10:38] You got Holy Man, Rockstar, and Man of the House all one after another.

[10:44] So that kind of seemed to have killed off his sort of major motion picture career.

[10:49] But, you know, still has a lot of credits.

Elliott Kalan

[10:51] And unfortunately, Rockstar, I think, killed off for a while at least the chance of getting

[10:55] a real biopic about Judas Priest, which is too bad because that's something I'd love to see.

Stuart Wellington

[10:59] Mm-hmm.

[10:59] Yeah.

[10:59] Now, yeah.

[11:01] I mean, I feel like this—well, as we go through the movie, I'm sure we'll mention some

[11:04] of the cast.

[11:06] I mean, we got Billy Zane.

[11:07] We have Lynn Shea, who's been in, like—I think she's been in the most movies out of

[11:11] anyone in this movie.

S4

[11:13] Well, because it's a New Line Cinema movie.

[11:15] So, obviously, Bob Shea's going to put her in there.

Stuart Wellington

[11:17] And the thing is—

[11:18] But she's awesome.

[11:19] You know it's a New Line Cinema movie because, at least the version I watched, you get both

[11:24] New Line logos.

[11:25] The current one and the awesome one.

[11:26] And the old one.

[11:27] Yeah.

[11:28] That was nice.

S4

[11:28] The one I watched just had the old one.

[11:30] Oh, okay.

[11:31] Oh, I love that logo.

[11:32] It's so spooky.

Stuart Wellington

[11:33] You're watching, like, a steelbook or something, right?

[11:36] You're watching, like—

S4

[11:36] No, I got my friend Pierce to stream it last night so we could all watch it and chat while

[11:41] watching it.

[11:41] So, I guess he found a copy that was just the original logo, which is the best New Line logo.

Stuart Wellington

[11:47] Now, Steve, before we get into the plot of the movie, do you have any particular attachment

[11:52] to Critters?

[11:53] Do you have all the—did you have Critters dolls growing up?

[11:55] What's up?

S4

[11:56] I mean, it's the same attachment that I have to, like, any other small monster movie from

[12:01] that era.

[12:03] I mean, it came out the year I was born, so I wasn't—

Stuart Wellington

[12:06] Like, ghoulies, munchies, gremlins.

[12:09] Yeah, all that stuff.

S4

[12:10] It all was just kind of, like, orbiting around me in the video store growing up as a kid.

[12:14] I remember my friend Kieran pushing it on me and being like, oh, you're going to love

[12:19] this movie.

[12:20] And, like, he was really hyping up the, like, Bounty Hunters, like, subplot.

[12:26] Like, that's something you'd be into.

[12:28] And, yeah, I just remember as a kid watching it and being really confused why they were

[12:35] leaning so hard into that one song for, like, the first half of the movie.

[12:39] What is it?

[12:39] Power of the Night?

[12:40] Power of the Night?

[12:41] Yeah, Power of the Night.

[12:42] And upon rewatch, still kind of a baffling choice.

[12:46] I love it.

[12:46] I can't get enough.

[12:47] Yum, yum, yum.

Elliott Kalan

[12:48] It seems like they're trying very hard to make a hit song out of this movie.

S4

[12:52] But what's crazy, though, is that they push it so hard for the first, like, 30 minutes,

[12:58] where it's even to the point where Dee Wallace is watching the music video on the TV.

Elliott Kalan

[13:02] They're building it up like he is the, Johnny Steele is the biggest star in the world.

[13:07] And then nobody recognizes him until the kid.

[13:09] And it's like, well, what was the point of that even then?

S4

[13:12] Yeah.

[13:12] And then also, they drop it and then pick up the actual, like, Critters theme partway through

[13:18] the movie.

[13:19] Yeah.

[13:19] And then the movie ends with that.

[13:20] So it's almost like they had, like, a falling out with that Power of the Night song partway

[13:25] through.

[13:25] And we're like, you know what?

[13:26] We're not even going to put you in the credits because we don't like you anymore.

[13:29] It's a very weird choice.

Stuart Wellington

[13:30] It's a leitmotif for when the bounty hunters leave, they no longer play Power of the Night

[13:36] because that song represents the bounty hunters.

[13:39] Ah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:40] Very, yeah, very Vogue.

[13:41] Here's the thing.

[13:42] That tracks.

[13:43] We should mention this is part of the craze of 80s small monsters.

[13:47] It was the Reagan era.

[13:49] Big government and big monster were out.

[13:51] Small government and small monster was in.

[13:53] We know how Reagan pushed the, you know, he deregulated monsters and then we had all these

[13:57] smaller monsters to proliferate.

[13:58] Slipping, yeah.

[13:59] People wanted these small monsters.

[14:00] And I think it's very funny that, so, like, this movie came out two years after Gremlins.

[14:04] Everyone is like, this is a ripoff of Gremlins.

[14:06] And the makers of the film are like, we had this script before Gremlins came out.

[14:09] But the script is essentially, it's basically the story of what E.T. was originally going

[14:14] to be when it was still called Watch the Skies.

[14:16] So the Dee Wallace connection is very funny to me there because it's like, it's more a

[14:20] ripoff of the unproduced script for the early version of E.T. than it is a Gremlins ripoff.

S4

[14:25] Yeah.

[14:25] Well, and they've also used that excuse for Ghoulies as well because I believe, did that

[14:29] come out like around the same time as Gremlins or maybe just after?

[14:32] But people label it as a ripoff, but actually it was written before, apparently.

Elliott Kalan

[14:37] So it's also one of those things that's such a, it's not a real excuse because it's not

[14:40] like when a movie is released, that's the first time anyone hears about it.

[14:43] Like, movie makers know what kinds of movies are being made.

[14:46] And if they know a big company is making a movie about a certain topic, they may suddenly

[14:49] take interest in a script that maybe they weren't that interested in before.

[14:51] Well, that's the other thing.

Dan McCoy

[14:52] Like, it may not have been a ripoff, but it can still be a cash-in if they're like, oh,

[14:57] we have this unproduced script that is a bunch of little monsters in a small town.

[15:02] Speaking of which-

Elliott Kalan

[15:03] Now, little monsters, ironically, the monsters are not that little.

Dan McCoy

[15:06] No.

[15:07] They're human-sized.

[15:08] They're human-sized monsters.

Elliott Kalan

[15:09] They're Howie Mandel-sized.

[15:10] They're taller than the human character who's a child.

Dan McCoy

[15:12] I just wanted to say, because Munchies has been invoked twice, I found that the daughter

[15:18] character, the teen daughter of that actress was also in Munchies.

[15:21] So she has two of these small monster-

[15:26] Yeah, yeah.

[15:26] Hits under her belt.

[15:27] She's a pro, yeah.

[15:28] Hits might be a little strong for Munchies.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] She was in Munchies, or Munchie, because they're two different movies.

[15:34] Yeah, because they're very different.

Dan McCoy

[15:35] I think Munchies, Munchie is the cute one, right?

S4

[15:39] I mean, cute is an interesting way to describe it.

[15:41] Well, it's pretty cute.

[15:43] He flies around on a pizza.

[15:45] It's pretty cute.

Elliott Kalan

[15:46] Munchie is the one where, it's what, Dom DeLuise doing the voice?

[15:48] Yeah.

[15:49] Oh, yeah.

[15:49] That's a great movie.

Dan McCoy

[15:50] She's in the Harvey Korman one.

Stuart Wellington

[15:53] Yeah, yeah.

[15:53] The one where it's the little monsters looking up a lady's skirt right on the box.

Elliott Kalan

[15:57] The monsters in these posters, they're always doing things that are, except for gremlins,

[16:03] that the gremlins do amazing stuff.

[16:04] The monsters are always doing things that are so much more goofy and movement-based than

[16:08] they actually do in the films.

Stuart Wellington

[16:10] Except for critters, which is just, he's just like doing a star pose, right?

[16:14] He's just standing there looking amazing.

Dan McCoy

[16:16] He's just like, I'm a critter, gotta love me.

[16:18] Looking incredible.

Stuart Wellington

[16:19] You get to, yeah, you see every inch of him.

[16:21] He's amazing.

Dan McCoy

[16:22] When we're talking about the look of the critters, I just want to say, is it, Stephen, maybe

[16:27] you know, is it Chiodo Brothers?

[16:29] How is that pronounced?

Stuart Wellington

[16:30] I believe it's Chiodo Brothers, yes.

Dan McCoy

[16:32] Yeah.

[16:32] They, so they, you know, known amongst cult film favorites for killer clowns from outer

[16:38] space.

[16:38] Yes.

[16:39] But like, they designed the critters, the krites.

[16:44] Yes.

[16:44] And supposedly, they're supposed to be like the Tasmanian devil from Looney Tunes was kind

[16:49] of the inspiration for the look.

S4

[16:50] I mean, I will, I will give them a lot of credit for their, uh, kind of like in world

[16:57] way of making the move with them balling up and like basically turning into a sonic ball

[17:03] and ripping around because it's such an easy way to just get them from point A to point

[17:08] B, literally just throwing a fur ball.

[17:10] Yes.

[17:11] Like down a hallway.

Elliott Kalan

[17:12] It's such a brilliant production solution.

[17:13] Yeah.

[17:13] That you don't have to try to make a puppet walk anywhere.

Stuart Wellington

[17:16] It is.

[17:17] It's very hard to make a puppet walk and not look like Tilda Swinton in old man makeup

[17:21] in Suspiria.

[17:22] Yeah.

S4

[17:24] It's a funny coincidence that we're talking about this movie right now because I am literally

[17:29] in the thick of building so many puppets and trying to figure out this exact thing.

[17:34] And so watching Critters last night, I was like, oh yeah, they like really don't.

Stuart Wellington

[17:37] Just make them all balls.

[17:39] Yeah.

S4

[17:39] Or just, yeah, I was thinking like maybe I'll make the guys ball up and shoot around.

[17:44] Cause yeah, making a puppet walk is, it is a very frustrating thing.

Elliott Kalan

[17:48] Because you're working on a Popples movie, right?

[17:50] So they should just ball up into little balls, you know?

[17:52] You would think that, yeah.

[17:54] But it really made me.

Stuart Wellington

[17:55] We're talking about these little aliens.

[17:57] Sorry to cut you off, Steve, but I think we need to go into outer space.

[18:00] Yes, this movie begins in outer space.

Elliott Kalan

[18:02] Oh, I guess we're going, that was a very abrupt entry into the summary segment.

[18:06] Oh, I love it.

Dan McCoy

[18:06] Stuart was tired of all her shenanigans.

Stuart Wellington

[18:08] Too many shenanigans, not enough plot.

[18:10] That's what I always say.

[18:12] That's why you've walked out of so many Terrence Malick movies.

[18:15] Too many shenanigans, not enough plot.

[18:16] Too many shenanigans, yep.

[18:18] Yeah, so we open on a maximum security prison asteroid.

[18:22] We overhear communications that there are some new prisoners being transferred.

[18:29] It is eight Krites who immediately cause an explosion and they escape.

Dan McCoy

[18:36] I'd like to take a moment to say there's supposed to be 10 Krites,

[18:38] but apparently they just killed two along the way because they were eating too much stuff,

[18:44] which is interesting to me in this intergalactic prison system where I guess you're just allowed to kill prisoners.

[18:51] It's still terrible, just like our prison system.

[18:53] Yeah.

[18:54] I mean, they're on an asteroid.

Elliott Kalan

[18:55] The big question of the whole movie is why are they bothering to take the critters to a prison?

[18:59] Because the solution to it, the rest of it is just to blow them up.

Dan McCoy

[19:02] Yeah, they seem to be treated more like invasive pests than sentient beings.

S4

[19:07] Yeah, the mythos around them is very hazy where sometimes they seem to have personality

[19:11] and are treated like sentient beings and then, yeah, other times they're like bugs that need to be exterminated.

Dan McCoy

[19:17] I mean, they get subtitles so they can talk to one another.

[19:20] So I guess, yeah.

[19:21] So anyway, I don't know whatever this intergalactic federation is,

[19:26] but they also seem to be criminals in my moral.

Elliott Kalan

[19:30] Yeah, and they hire bounty hunters.

[19:33] They don't seem to have actual guards or a police force.

S4

[19:35] It's just, you know.

[19:36] That was their first solution was bringing the bounty hunters.

[19:39] Bringing the bounty hunters.

Elliott Kalan

[19:40] So I want to admit something that I, this movie, it's been so long since I saw it as a kid

[19:44] that I might as well have not even seen it.

[19:45] I remember it so, I remember it so little.

[19:47] And so I had no memory of the prison warden and how bonkers that costume looks and how great it looks.

[19:54] And I was like, hold on a second.

[19:55] I forgot this was in here.

S4

[19:57] Oh, yeah.

[19:58] This whole opening to me, I just want to say is like probably the, my favorite part of the movie.

[20:03] I would argue probably the best executed sequence in the movie.

[20:06] It really starts strong and it checks all the boxes of things that I want in a movie,

[20:11] which is like weird intergalactic, like universe building.

[20:16] Like we were coming into a story like partway through where they're escaping.

[20:21] We don't really see like how they get there.

[20:22] And also having an establishing shot of the asteroid with a really cartoony,

[20:27] like prison door shutting sound over top.

[20:30] Like basically when that happened, I was like, okay, you have my attention critters.

[20:33] Here we go.

Elliott Kalan

[20:34] And then when the warden comes out and it's like a, I would say like a,

[20:38] It's like mojo without legs.

[20:39] Yeah, kind of, yeah.

[20:40] Like mojo, like a, like a, the, an embryonic dolphin man in a chair and the chair is part of its body.

[20:46] Like it's, yeah, it's a fantastic design.

[20:48] Mm-hmm.

[20:49] Uh, yeah.

[20:50] So.

[20:50] And here's the thing.

[20:51] Wait, I should point this out.

[20:52] The critters, super hairy.

[20:54] This guy, super smooth and hairless.

[20:56] That's called, that's just, that's called dynamics.

[20:58] That's when you juxtapose two different textures.

[21:00] Yeah.

[21:00] It's dynamics.

[21:01] That's just beautifully done.

S4

[21:02] Hair is chaos and smoothness is justice.

Elliott Kalan

[21:04] That's what the movie's saying.

[21:05] The, uh, the Krites escape in the fastest ship.

[21:08] Hair is chaos is a good, is a good logo for a, like an oppressive alien race in a movie.

Stuart Wellington

[21:12] Yeah.

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:13] That's like post-apocalyptic, uh, like graffiti sprayed on the walls.

[21:17] Yeah.

[21:17] Uh, where you're like, wow, this is really extensive.

[21:20] Normally graffiti is just like one word, all crazy style.

Elliott Kalan

[21:24] Okay.

[21:24] Just bubble letters.

[21:25] Yeah.

[21:25] But they've got a whole ideology behind this graffiti.

[21:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:28] Uh, so the warden who we've already talked about, who looks amazing, uh, brings in a pair of

[21:33] bounty hunters.

[21:34] And these bounty hunters look super cool.

[21:36] They got like cool leather dusters and these weird long extendo guns that hang from their

[21:41] hips.

[21:41] And they are like weird blanks.

[21:43] Like their faces are like, like blank, uh, like rubber masks.

[21:49] Because they're sort of blank men.

[21:50] Yeah.

[21:50] Because they're, wait a minute.

[21:52] They're, uh, because they're shapeshifters.

S4

[21:54] Um, they're like, uh, what's it?

[21:56] No face and Dick Tracy.

Stuart Wellington

[21:58] Exactly.

[21:58] Like no face and Dick Tracy.

[21:59] Thank you.

[22:00] But they also like glow a little bit, which is cool.

[22:02] I like that effect.

[22:03] Um, and they are given the mission to kill the Krites before the Krites can feed and spread.

[22:08] And, uh, we, uh, we later on see these, uh, they get, uh, the bounty hunters have their

[22:14] own ship and the warden is like, oh yeah.

[22:17] One thing I forgot to tell you.

[22:18] Uh, don't cause much destruction as last time.

[22:21] And, uh, they're heading to this planet earth here.

[22:24] You can learn about it.

[22:24] And so the bounty hunters watch, uh, footage of earth.

[22:29] And one of them, uh, happens upon the music video by popular recording artist, Johnny Steele.

[22:35] Really fixates on this music video.

[22:37] Yeah.

[22:38] Fixates.

[22:38] And then, uh, we have this great sequence of the, uh, the bounty hunter transforming his face,

[22:43] like melting and reforming to form an exact likeness of Johnny Steele, uh, played by, uh, an actor who I only know him from what?

[22:53] Like, uh, he was like, uh, he was like Michael Douglas's major domo in the movie chorus line.

[22:59] Uh, and, uh, yeah, he's got that, like, that, like hair metal kind of femme, uh, energy that, but he's also like the baddest dude in the universe, which I really like, I really key into.

[23:10] It's probably why I like anime so much.

Elliott Kalan

[23:12] So that's, so that's like a real Sephiroth guy.

Stuart Wellington

[23:16] Oh yeah.

[23:17] He's got anime hair for sure.

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] Yeah.

[23:19] So that's, that's Terrence Mann.

[23:20] And he's mostly, he's mostly a Broadway performer.

[23:23] Like he played Rum Tum Tugger and Cats on Broadway.

[23:26] Oh, well.

[23:26] I mean, I guess it wasn't that reason.

[23:28] But the Addams Family Broadway show.

[23:30] And he's a, he's a, he's been a lot of Broadway shows.

[23:32] Yeah.

[23:32] And he's also been in Big Top Pee Wee.

[23:34] So like there's that too, but you know.

Dan McCoy

[23:35] So show him some goddamn risk.

Elliott Kalan

[23:37] I think he's great.

[23:39] I like him a lot.

[23:40] Oh, right.

[23:40] And I forgot, I'm looking up now.

[23:41] I forgot he was in Solar Babies also.

[23:43] Ooh.

[23:44] There you go.

Stuart Wellington

[23:45] Okay.

[23:46] So we then, we get this amazing title card of like, like a neon Critters logo with like

[23:52] bites or claw marks on it.

[23:54] It's great.

[23:55] I feel like so many like retro nostalgic attempts to like capture this vibe do not capture correctly.

[24:02] This is perfect.

[24:03] I love it.

S4

[24:04] Great title card.

Stuart Wellington

[24:05] Yeah.

[24:06] Meanwhile on Earth, we're in Grover's Bend, Kansas, where things move a little bit slower.

[24:11] And people with Dan's background think a little bit better.

Dan McCoy

[24:15] But let me tell you about the honey we make.

[24:20] Pure clover honey made from the clovers out of old Mrs. Anson's farm.

[24:27] Here at Grover's Bend, we believe that honey is a way of life.

[24:32] And to bring our damn bees back, we have to murder you.

Elliott Kalan

[24:37] No, no.

[24:37] The bees.

[24:38] Killing me will bring back your damn honey.

[24:41] No.

Dan McCoy

[24:41] You can taste all the murder in every bite.

Elliott Kalan

[24:44] Oh, actually.

[24:46] You know what?

[24:46] Now that I'm dead, the honey is better.

[24:48] You're right.

Stuart Wellington

[24:49] Yeah.

[24:50] So we are introduced to the Brown family.

[24:52] The father is Jay.

[24:54] He's a traditional farmer, kind of an asshole, kind of a jerk to everybody.

[24:59] Helen is the housewife.

[25:01] That's Dee Wallace, right?

[25:02] The eldest daughter is April.

[25:04] She's a bit boy crazy and recently started dating Steve, the dork from New York, played by Billy Zane.

[25:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:12] Billy Zane, really, shockingly small part in this film.

S4

[25:18] Shockingly small part, but pretty charming for the little bit that he's in it.

[25:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:21] Although his hair is wild in this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[25:24] Yeah.

[25:25] Yeah, he's got that little weird rat tail thing on the back.

[25:28] And as a bald man now, do you think he looks back on that wild hair fondly and wishes?

[25:34] Oh, I thought you were going to say that he looks back and be like, when I had it, I wasted it.

Elliott Kalan

[25:38] Oh, okay.

[25:39] Yeah, that's what I thought.

[25:39] I didn't know what I had.

[25:40] I didn't use it properly.

[25:41] He doesn't get too much to do in this, which is weird because he plays her boyfriend, and she really wants to sleep with him.

[25:51] And he's a little anxious about it.

[25:53] Yeah.

[25:54] But it feels like knowing Billy Zane's persona as an actor, not in real life, I assume, but he should be a creepy guy who's trying to seduce her with his fancy New York car and everything, right?

[26:04] But instead, and that gives us a reason to root when the critters bite his fingers off.

[26:08] Yeah.

[26:09] But instead, he's just kind of a almost realistically anxious and uncertain of himself guy.

[26:16] And there's a part where he's sitting eating dinner with the family, and he's like, oh, well, this is the best food I've ever tasted.

[26:23] And it's so funny to me because it's like, it's such an over-the-toply insincere compliment.

[26:28] And you can tell he's not being smarmy or slimy about it.

[26:31] He just has no idea what to say in this moment.

[26:33] Yeah.

[26:33] And he goes to a compliment that is just way too big.

[26:36] Yeah.

[26:36] This corn on the cob you served me in this farmhouse in Kansas, this has got to be one of the best foods in the history of the world.

[26:42] Sweetest ambrosia, better fit for the gods of Olympus, ma'am.

S4

[26:45] Well, it's weird that they even push it as far as to have that little beat where he's in the barn, and he's climbing up to that top level in the barn, and he sneezes, and then announces, like, oh, I'm allergic to hay.

[26:57] Like, it's just such a, like, weird, like, added bit of character to him that you wouldn't expect that makes him seem vulnerable in a way that that character should not be.

Stuart Wellington

[27:07] You'd expect that hay fever to pay off in the end with it, like, protecting him from the crates.

Elliott Kalan

[27:12] Or he sneezes, and it blows the crates away, or they're hiding from the crates, and he sneezes, and it gives away their location.

[27:19] But instead, it's just a really one-off joke.

[27:21] And it's like, did Billy Zane just ad-lib that on set?

[27:24] Possibly.

[27:24] Probably.

Dan McCoy

[27:25] Yeah, makes sense.

[27:26] Well, I like, that's one of the things I like about this movie, though, is, like, it's mean-spirited in one way, in the sense that it has a lot of fun unleashing, you know, evil little critters on this small town.

[27:37] But it's not mean-spirited in any other way, you know?

[27:40] Like, it's, like, only a couple people end up dying in this movie.

[27:44] It's mostly just, you know, it's like, it's a retro throwback in a similar way.

[27:48] I mean, I can see why.

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] I mean, it's not even a retro throwback.

[27:50] It just is.

[27:52] Beyond.

[27:52] Yeah.

[27:53] It's just from the time it was made.

Dan McCoy

[27:54] Well, but no, no, I mean, like, beyond the small monster similarities to Gremlins, it has that same feeling of, like, drawing on older horror traditions.

[28:08] Yeah, that's true.

[28:08] Like, a creature feature from, like, the 50s or something.

Elliott Kalan

[28:11] I mean, I'd even go as far as to say that Gremlins is a more mean-spirited movie than this, which was the knock-on at the time.

[28:16] Although I love Gremlins, obviously.

[28:17] Yeah.

[28:18] I mean, obviously, because it's fantastic.

[28:19] But, like, Gremlins feels harsher than Critters does, which is weird.

[28:22] Yeah.

[28:23] That the big-budget version is kind of rough-up.

Stuart Wellington

[28:24] There's that whole Santa Claus story.

[28:26] That's...

Elliott Kalan

[28:27] And there's nothing as, when they're destroying the Critters, there's nothing as gruesome as the microwave scene in Gremlins or the, like, mixer scene or whatever.

[28:35] It's Blender in Gremlins.

[28:36] Like, or when you see Stripe melting at the end and you're like, whoa, what the fuck?

[28:41] Like, this is disgusting.

[28:42] Like, is that what happens to me when I die?

[28:44] That I have to stay inside all the time and just play video games and never see the sunlight.

[28:50] That's what I decided, anyway.

S4

[28:51] Yeah, Critters is, like, weirdly tame.

[28:55] Yeah, yeah.

[28:55] Like, as a kid, I remember it being more intense.

[28:57] But watching it this time, I was like, oh, it really isn't, like...

[29:00] Like, there's no big showpiece of, like, gore effects or anything.

[29:05] It's, like, just a little bit of blood and not much else.

[29:08] Really?

[29:08] The greatest thing...

Stuart Wellington

[29:09] They save that for the sequel, I think.

[29:11] The sequel is a little more excitement and invention.

Elliott Kalan

[29:13] In a strange way, the goriest scene in it is when the bounty hunter's face is turning into Johnny Steeles.

[29:20] Because you see his face essentially melt down to the skull and then fill with muscle goop and things like that.

[29:26] That's the...

[29:26] I'm surprised I didn't remember that from being a kid.

[29:29] Because I could have seen that really horrifying me as a kid.

[29:32] When the rest of the movie is just not that rough in a good way.

Stuart Wellington

[29:35] Horrifying you because you're like, I'll never make anything as awesome as this sequence.

[29:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:40] I'm like, wait, this is what plastic surgery is?

[29:43] Sign me up.

[29:44] Yeah, melt my whole face off and then put a new one on.

Stuart Wellington

[29:46] And so, the...

[29:48] And then the youngest child in the Brown family is Brad.

[29:51] He's a real goonie.

[29:53] You know, he makes his own fireworks.

[29:55] He doesn't...

[29:56] He doesn't want to go to school.

[29:58] That sort of thing.

[29:58] And, of course, my favorite member of the family is Chewy the cat.

S4

[30:03] Chewy the cat who they put in peril a lot and then repeatedly remind the audience,

[30:09] no, no, Chewy's okay.

[30:10] Chewy's okay.

[30:10] I think I counted three instances of there being concerned about Chewy and then having...

[30:15] Making a point of showing, like, somebody pick up Chewy and be like, Chewy's fine, guys.

[30:19] It's okay.

Dan McCoy

[30:20] It works.

[30:20] I appreciate that.

[30:22] As a cat owner, a cat lover, I was like, I can't remember Critters.

[30:26] Is the cat gonna have something bad happen to it?

[30:29] I don't like it.

[30:31] I don't like...

[30:31] You know, like, it's...

[30:32] Look, I get it, guys.

[30:34] Don't tweet at me about how I should be upset about all the humans that die in horror movies.

[30:39] Do people tweet at you?

Elliott Kalan

[30:40] Be upset about all the humans that die in real life.

[30:43] Don't worry about the horror movie humans.

[30:44] Well, but...

Dan McCoy

[30:45] I just feel like any time that anyone expresses a sensitivity to, like, animal cruelty in a film or television show,

[30:54] someone always shows up to be like, but humans are, like, you don't have a problem.

[30:57] It's all fake.

[30:58] And I'm like, yeah, I know, whatever.

[31:00] Like, don't tell me how to feel.

[31:02] Yeah.

[31:03] What triggers me?

[31:04] Like, what's your problem?

Elliott Kalan

[31:06] You really took down that straw man, Dan.

[31:07] I'm proud of you.

[31:08] You gave him a...

[31:08] No, I mean...

[31:09] He beat the shit out of me.

Dan McCoy

[31:10] I would say a straw man would imply...

[31:12] You said, how about a fire scarecrow in the New York City?

Elliott Kalan

[31:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:14] I would say that a straw man would imply an entirely made-up person that I'm inventing for the sake of winning an argument,

[31:21] whereas this is just a composite character, if you will.

[31:27] Like a disclaimer at the end of a biopic.

[31:29] You know, this is, like, a lot of people mixed together.

Elliott Kalan

[31:31] It's a composite.

[31:32] Now, if it helps at all to take some of the heat off of Dan,

[31:36] people dying in a movie, that affects me, yeah.

[31:38] Animals dying, sure.

[31:40] But if someone leaves a faucet running in a movie,

[31:42] I cannot deal with it.

[31:44] I am sorry.

[31:45] You better cut to another scene,

[31:46] because I cannot be there while water is running in the background.

Stuart Wellington

[31:48] There's that shot where Timothee Chalamet in Call Me By Your Name,

[31:52] like, opens up the fridge and then partially closes it,

[31:55] and the shot just lingers on this open door,

[31:58] and I'm like, what is going on?

[32:00] Stop.

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] That triggers me hard.

[32:02] That triggers me deeply, yeah.

[32:04] Yeah, because you're a dad.

[32:05] Yeah, exactly.

[32:06] That's the kind of real-life situation I've got to deal with every damn day.

[32:09] Yeah, yeah.

[32:10] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[32:10] Elliot's getting up.

[32:11] Elliot's leaving.

[32:12] Elliot came back.

[32:14] Okay, we're podcasting again.

[32:16] That was a quick tantrum.

[32:18] So we have, and then we also have kind of another, like,

[32:21] de facto member of the family,

[32:22] and that's Charlie, who's kind of, like,

[32:24] a local drunk who works as a farmhand for the Browns.

[32:28] And we, that morning, he is waking up,

[32:32] sleeping off a drunk in the drunk tank in the local police station.

[32:37] And who's the sheriff?

[32:38] Who plays the sheriff?

[32:39] Is it, what, Emmett Walsh?

Elliott Kalan

[32:41] Emmett Walsh, who is clearly, like, the biggest star in the movie.

[32:45] He's not in it a lot.

[32:46] And they save him for kind of big moments.

[32:48] And it's just very exciting to see a movie where Emmett Walsh is, like,

[32:51] the big name.

[32:52] That they have to really, like, shepherd and ration how they're going to use him.

[32:56] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[32:56] Do you think when he showed up on set, he's like,

[32:58] so am I going to be playing one of the critters?

[33:00] And they're like, no.

Elliott Kalan

[33:02] I was really practicing getting into one of those Krighton costumes.

[33:06] I just took, like, a big comforter,

[33:08] like a big furry comforter off of my bed,

[33:10] and I just wrapped it up in me and practiced rolling around on the floor.

[33:13] Am I going to have to do that a lot?

[33:15] I got a little bruised, but I'm game for it.

S4

[33:17] I mean, we don't know.

[33:18] He could have been in that big critter suit at the end.

[33:20] Spoiler alert.

[33:21] There's a big critter.

Stuart Wellington

[33:22] Yeah, yeah.

[33:23] It's similar, again, to Tilda Swinton being the old man.

[33:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:27] It doesn't need to be.

[33:30] Okay.

[33:30] Yeah, they asked if they could make a big critter.

[33:33] They didn't ask if they should make a big critter.

[33:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:36] Okay.

[33:37] So, yeah.

[33:38] That night, I mean, we get a bunch of, you know,

[33:42] character establishing stuff.

S4

[33:43] Well, we also get a very, sorry, not to cut you off,

[33:46] but I want to point out there's a very stressful moment of them

[33:50] blowing up a Y-Wing spray-painted silver that I did not enjoy watching.

[33:56] That's a classic toy that they're exploding.

[33:59] I just wanted to play with that Y-Wing.

[34:01] And we learned something important stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[34:03] Is there any way about the stuffed E.T. doll that gets ripped up later on or no?

[34:07] A little less.

S4

[34:09] It was more about the Y-Wing.

[34:10] Fair.

[34:11] I can, E.T., I can take it or leave it, to be honest.

[34:13] Hot take on E.T. from Steve.

[34:15] Wow.

[34:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:17] So, we learned that Charlie is a drinking problem

[34:19] because he thinks that aliens are invading.

[34:23] He also is a former, was going to be a major league pitcher.

[34:27] Luckily, both drinking and pitching pay off in the end for him.

[34:31] And just as he did for Ted Danson in Cheers.

Elliott Kalan

[34:35] That's right.

[34:35] He wasn't a pitcher in that, I guess, but.

[34:38] Wasn't he?

Dan McCoy

[34:38] He was a relief pitcher.

[34:39] Yeah.

[34:39] He was a pitcher.

[34:40] It's the same thing.

Elliott Kalan

[34:41] He also, he's been driven to drink because he gets messages through his tooth fillings

[34:44] that he thinks are aliens talking to him.

S4

[34:46] Right.

[34:47] So, my question is, why did the dad hire him as like a farmhand?

[34:52] Was there, I wanted there to be some moment that explained like an obligation to hire him,

[34:57] but I didn't really see that being one.

Dan McCoy

[34:59] I think, yeah, just like a general pity, except for he also doesn't seem to really like Charlie.

S4

[35:04] Well, he doesn't like anyone.

[35:05] He doesn't like him, but Charlie, like when we like, you know, see him messing around,

[35:11] like blowing shit up, it's like, I don't know, it seems like a pretty useless guy to have

[35:16] around your farm.

Stuart Wellington

[35:17] Especially considering he's effectively like the hero of the Critters series, the franchise.

[35:22] Like he shows up in the other movies.

[35:24] Well, it's a redemption arc.

Dan McCoy

[35:25] You know, it's like Hoosiers.

[35:27] Like he overcomes.

[35:28] Yeah.

[35:28] So, what kind of monsters were Hoosiers?

Stuart Wellington

[35:30] What kind of little monsters were Hoosiers?

[35:32] Oh, man.

[35:33] Someone.

[35:34] I'll tell you what kind of monsters.

[35:35] I prefer you to guard your tongue, sir.

Elliott Kalan

[35:40] I think that Charlie is hired because they need a farmhand and also the farmer wants

[35:45] better for his kids than he had.

[35:47] He doesn't want them to grow up to be farmers.

[35:48] Right.

S4

[35:49] They keep him around as a, like a bad example.

[35:52] Exactly.

[35:52] He wants someone to look down on.

Elliott Kalan

[35:54] Yes.

[35:54] They can say, you're better than this.

[35:55] You're better than this.

[35:56] Expect more.

[35:57] Yeah.

[35:57] Okay.

[35:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] That tracks.

[36:00] Mm-hmm.

[36:01] Yeah.

[36:01] So the, yeah, we get, we get a little bit of character stuff.

[36:05] And then that night, the critters land their spaceship in the pasture behind the Browns

[36:11] farm.

[36:12] They eat one of the cows and then they also eat a passing police patrolman and drag him

[36:17] under his car.

[36:18] Now, there's a-

[36:19] Still at this point, we have not seen the critters at all.

Elliott Kalan

[36:21] We've not seen critters.

[36:22] And it's just, and that, that happens about a half hour into the movie.

[36:24] Like it's, they really set up the family for a while.

Stuart Wellington

[36:28] A wonderfully long 85 minute movie.

[36:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:32] It is.

[36:33] So we're almost halfway through the movie before the critters have done much of anything.

[36:36] Perfect.

[36:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:37] Yeah.

[36:37] No, I, I looked at, I looked at, I think that the first time we see, get a good look at

[36:43] a critter is something like 36 minutes in, which, yeah, it's, it's, it's less than 90

[36:50] minutes.

[36:50] So that's like over a third of the way through before our titular monsters.

Elliott Kalan

[36:56] Unless of course you walked into the theater or looked at the VHS box, in which case you

[37:00] saw the critter immediately before the movie started.

[37:02] Yeah.

S4

[37:03] But Steve, I mean, it was something that I clocked this time and have realized every time I've

[37:08] watched this movie, I drift like partway through where my, my mind wanders because it is such

[37:14] a weirdly structured movie.

[37:16] Like I, this, on this rewatch, I was comparing it to Halloween and how that has, you know, it's

[37:21] like two parallel storylines that ultimately collide at the end.

[37:25] You've got like, you know, Laurie and her story and then Dr. Loomis and Myers and it all

[37:32] like meets and all works together.

[37:35] But in critters, I feel like the bounty hunters kind of just messing around doing their own

[37:39] thing and the family on their own doing their own thing.

[37:42] Like there's like the siege sequence in the house and then we're cutting to the bounty

[37:46] hunters, like messing things up.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] Yeah.

[37:48] The bounty hunters are almost more of a comedy runner than they are an actual subplug.

[37:52] Yeah.

[37:52] And I realized.

[37:53] They just kind of show up in a place and go, give us the krites.

[37:55] Don't explain what a krite is.

[37:57] Blow things up and then leave multiple times.

Stuart Wellington

[37:59] They also, they show up and they look comedic for these small town yokel types.

[38:04] Yeah.

[38:04] Oh, it's not Halloween.

Elliott Kalan

[38:05] They say that, which I'm like, oh, thank goodness.

[38:07] The line you have to have.

S4

[38:09] But I realized like when they're, when the kid hops into the car with them, like later

[38:14] in the movie and they're like going to go after the krites.

[38:18] Like I, at that moment it really felt like, oh, this is like the movie that I want to watch.

[38:23] And it's like, why didn't that happen like 25, 30 minutes into the movie where it's like

[38:29] we have our stories meet up and, and that's the central conceit or push it all back and

[38:36] have them not meet till like the very, very end.

[38:38] It's just, I've really bumped on the structuring of this.

Elliott Kalan

[38:42] I think that because, because like people, people peg like blockbusters, the beginning

[38:48] of the big blockbusters to like the late seventies and into the eighties, I think it's always

[38:52] a surprise to me when I go back and watch those movies, kind of how slowly paced they are compared

[38:57] to just how many, how much space there is between lines of dialogue, how, how much time they

[39:02] take unfolding plots.

[39:04] And it reminds me of like, um, the last time I watched Carrie with somebody where they're

[39:09] like, oh, there's not a lot of like horror stuff in this movie because it, because most

[39:13] of the movie is just the, just high school stuff until the prom at the end.

[39:16] And it feels like when that works really well, like in a movie like Carrie, I feel like it

[39:21] gives you this rich kind of like character world that gets torn apart.

[39:26] But in Critters, they're trying for it, but it's like not, they do an okay job of it, but

[39:29] they don't quite, quite get all the way there to where I'm loving being with these characters.

[39:34] So there's one of me that's like, come on, look at the bounty hunters in here.

[39:36] Like, look at the Critters.

[39:37] Come on, what's going on?

S4

[39:38] I don't feel like it's ratcheting up the tension really in any way.

[39:42] Either like, whereas something like Carrie, I feel like it is like slowly building and

[39:46] building to a big climax.

[39:47] Whereas this, yeah, I just kept hitting these moments where I was like, what is it?

[39:53] What are they even doing right now?

[39:54] Like, what is, what's the driving force in the story at this moment?

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] I definitely had trouble keeping track of where everybody in the Critters were and what they

[40:02] were doing at certain points.

Dan McCoy

[40:04] I do respect this movie for sort of like taking the time to try and develop things, but it

[40:11] is, yeah, I, you know, maybe, maybe 10 minutes too much of that.

[40:17] Like a more ideal version of this is like.

Stuart Wellington

[40:19] 75 minutes long is what Dan says.

[40:21] Yeah, full moon.

Dan McCoy

[40:21] I think in Poltergeist, you get such a quick and solid feeling of like place and like this,

[40:29] you know, suburban cul-de-sac and I don't know, I don't know that Critters gives you all that

[40:35] much for the time it takes.

Elliott Kalan

[40:36] No, but I will say though, I do enjoy this more.

[40:38] Maybe it's just because it's nostalgic for me.

[40:40] Then what the modern version of this I assume would be, where it would be like five minutes

[40:44] in, everybody's dead except for the kid.

[40:46] Yeah.

[40:46] He's with the bounty hunters.

[40:48] And then the story gets incredibly complicated and huge in scale until suddenly it's like,

[40:54] well, the Critters are, they're getting into the antimatter Negatron.

[40:57] We've got to shut down the Boozleport drive and you're the only one who can get to it.

[41:01] But meanwhile, like the way that at the end of the first Black Panther movie, I was like,

[41:04] there's too much stuff going on right now.

[41:06] There's too many things going on.

[41:07] I can't keep track of them all.

S4

[41:08] Well, and I think specifically for little monster movies, there needs to be a cozy element

[41:12] to it where the plot itself feels kind of small and contained.

[41:17] And I do think a modern version would blow out of that and go into space way too quickly.

Elliott Kalan

[41:26] Do you think that like, because they're little, the threat has to be kind of, yeah, has to

[41:30] be that kind of intimate small scale as opposed to a giant monster movie.

[41:33] You need it to be on a big, like Godzilla can't attack a house, you know, like Godzilla has

[41:38] to attack a city.

Stuart Wellington

[41:39] But can Critters attack Godzilla?

[41:42] All right.

[41:43] Now we're talking.

[41:44] Let's hear about it.

[41:45] I mean, if they combine into that ball, they could.

Dan McCoy

[41:48] That big blue ball in two.

[41:50] Part of the pleasures of what you're talking about is like, they're small enough that they

[41:53] can like infiltrate a space.

[41:55] You like see a small town as it slowly like gets infiltrated by Critters or Gremlins or

[42:01] let's say some spiders and arachnophobia or whatever, you know?

[42:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:07] But, uh.

[42:08] So should we talk about the plot some more?

[42:10] I guess so.

[42:10] Yeah, sure.

[42:11] Yeah, yeah.

[42:11] So the bounty hunters arrive.

[42:13] One of the bounty hunters is having trouble morphing until he finds a dead.

[42:17] But everyone's morphing these days.

[42:18] Yeah.

[42:18] He finds.

Elliott Kalan

[42:19] Another Dan reference to a video that we used to watch in the writer's room at the Daily

[42:23] Show of an impressionist's act from 15 years ago, at least.

[42:28] It's just stuck in my head so much.

Dan McCoy

[42:30] It's true.

Elliott Kalan

[42:31] Every time I hear the word morph, that's what I think of is that line.

[42:34] Everybody's morphing these days.

Dan McCoy

[42:35] What a clumsy way of introducing, I'm going to do some impressions now.

Stuart Wellington

[42:40] Anyway.

[42:41] Yeah, so this one bounty hunter, he morphs into the dead policeman.

[42:46] He also later on morphs into a, it seems like he has no control over this morphing.

S4

[42:50] Yes.

[42:51] Can we just go back to that dead policeman real quick?

[42:53] Did you guys clock that that was Neelix from Voyager?

[42:56] I did not.

[42:57] Oh, I knew I recognized him and I couldn't remember who he was.

Stuart Wellington

[43:00] Okay.

S4

[43:00] It was his voice for me.

[43:02] I was like, huh, I know that.

[43:04] I could see an annoying character in my head.

[43:08] I was like, I know who this guy is.

[43:10] Yeah, as he was getting dragged under the car, I was like, all right, it's Neelix, of course.

Dan McCoy

[43:15] So, Stuart, you think he can't control it.

[43:17] I registered it as like maybe he was indecisive.

[43:20] Like he's just like, oh, I like this body better, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[43:23] Well, they seem to be saying early on that like they had to like jive with the thing that they were morphing into.

[43:29] And so the first one, he-

[43:30] Like Johnny Steele, yeah.

[43:31] Johnny Steele, he just felt it.

[43:32] He jives so hard with Johnny Steele.

[43:33] Yeah, he was like, oh, God, that's what I always wanted to be is Johnny Steele.

[43:37] And it was like this guy was, it was in a weird way of like, it's love at first sight over and over again with different forms that he can be taking.

[43:46] But yeah, he's like unstable.

Stuart Wellington

[43:47] Obviously, fans of the second Critters movie will remember the amazing morphing scene where the bounty hunter morphs into the Playboy centerfold.

[43:56] Classic.

[43:56] Complete with giant staple in her stomach, which is hilarious.

[44:01] Which is a good way to turn just a boob shot into a joke.

Dan McCoy

[44:06] Yep.

[44:06] Yeah, modern screenwriters learn from that.

[44:08] Learn from that, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[44:10] Turn a boob shot into a rim shot.

Stuart Wellington

[44:12] Uh-huh.

[44:13] Okay.

[44:14] Okay, so the, let's say, the bounty hunters take over the police cruiser.

[44:20] Now they're tooling around town.

[44:21] They end up getting into chaos in various places, and we'll touch on that as the movie progresses.

[44:26] The Critters bite through the power and phone lines back at the farm.

[44:29] Then they ambush Jay when he goes down to the cellar to check on things, ruining that bowling shirt of his.

[44:37] We get a lot of shots of this bowling shirt.

[44:39] He and his bowling team, like they make a point of saying that his bowling shirt is clean and ready.

[44:44] We see, we get multiple shots of his other bowling team members.

[44:48] It's basically a Ghostbusters logo, but with a pin instead of a ghost.

[44:52] Mm-hmm.

[44:53] Yep.

[44:53] Which, by the way, if anyone wants to buy me that, just send it to the bar.

[44:56] I'll wear that shit.

[44:58] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[45:00] You're just getting closer and closer to that only fan.

[45:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[45:03] But I only accept Critters merchandise.

Elliott Kalan

[45:07] Buy me Critters merchandise.

[45:08] I'll wear it online.

[45:09] You can tell me what to do with it.

[45:12] Only screen used.

[45:12] I'll take my shoes off while wearing it.

[45:14] Screen used.

[45:15] No replicas, please.

Stuart Wellington

[45:17] So we, yeah, we see the, this is kind of the first time we really see the Critters.

[45:21] They mainly attack by jumping and like biting the neck and shoulder.

[45:26] I think that's probably because it's easiest to hold the puppet right there.

S4

[45:31] Well, yeah, because you could just have a guy standing behind.

Stuart Wellington

[45:33] Yeah.

[45:34] And it's great.

[45:35] We also learned that they have a ranged attack.

[45:38] They can fire spines or darts that have some kind of a toxic paralytic element from their backs.

[45:45] That's great.

[45:46] It means that they can compete in the close combat phase as well as the ranged attack phase.

[45:50] It's very important.

[45:51] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[45:51] Now, what would be the, what would they have to, what's their ability modifier for that?

Stuart Wellington

[45:57] Well, so of course we're talking, there would be an amazing scout unit in Warhammer 40,000.

[46:02] They would easily have, I feel like based on their accuracy, that's at least hitting on a three plus.

[46:07] Okay.

[46:08] Close combat.

[46:08] They got a lot of attacks.

[46:10] Maybe only hit on a four plus because they miss a lot.

[46:13] Don't have much of an armor save, obviously.

[46:15] But maybe they have some kind of like a ward save based on how quickly they can turn into a ball and roll away.

[46:20] They probably also have the ability to retreat and charge in the same phase.

[46:24] Dan, do you have any other feedback about?

[46:26] No.

Elliott Kalan

[46:26] Yeah, Dan, I want to get your take on this.

[46:29] Thanks for answering, Stu.

[46:30] This question really was for Dan.

Dan McCoy

[46:31] I went into my email and was looking at how I could pick up the pottery that Audrey and I made for our pottery class, our three pottery class.

[46:41] Like a critter shaped piece of pottery?

[46:44] Mm-hmm.

[46:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[46:45] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:45] Cool.

[46:46] So, yeah, so the Browns, the Bounty Boys, the Bounty Hunters show up at the church.

[46:52] The Bounty Boys.

[46:53] They cause some chaos.

[46:54] It's really funny because it's like they just show up in places, immediately start blowing crap up.

[46:59] It's pretty awesome.

[47:01] And they blow up most of the church and then drive away.

[47:04] The Browns.

S4

[47:05] Quick question about the Bounty Hunters.

[47:07] Their guns, those like the tubes on the end of their guns extend what?

[47:12] Like a few inches when they get ready to shoot?

[47:15] What do you think that accomplishes?

[47:16] That's a good question.

Stuart Wellington

[47:18] I mean, that's the sort of thing that like when I was a kid and watching this movie, I'm like, oh shit, he's extended the barrel.

[47:23] It's probably more powerful now.

S4

[47:25] Yeah.

[47:26] Yeah, I remember thinking that as a kid for sure.

[47:28] But watching it now, it's like, oh, I guess it's just.

[47:31] It's an erection metaphor.

[47:32] A little added bit of flair.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] Yeah, just a little something to make them look more outer space future-y, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[47:38] So, up in the hayloft, April and Steve are getting it on.

[47:45] A little review.

Elliott Kalan

[47:46] Up in the hayloft.

[47:48] Starring the Ritz Brothers.

[47:48] All of Grandmama's favorite songs.

[47:52] Surely you remember.

Dan McCoy

[47:56] Whisk in the milk.

[47:58] Horse in the stable and I got mine.

[48:01] And of course, Bobby's got a dirty face.

Stuart Wellington

[48:08] So, none of that happens.

[48:10] Instead.

[48:11] What movie was I watching?

[48:13] Yeah, I don't know.

[48:13] I was watching Critters 1986.

[48:15] So, April and Steve are getting it on in the hayloft.

[48:19] Critters attack and kill Steve.

[48:20] And honestly, guys, you know, if I was going to go, that's how I'd want to go.

[48:23] Right in the sack.

[48:24] And then eaten by critters.

Elliott Kalan

[48:26] Having an allergy attack to hay.

[48:28] Yeah.

[48:28] Sounds great.

[48:29] Feeling unsure of myself as I potentially lose my virginity to a girl, even though I'm

[48:34] from the big city and I feel like I should be experienced one.

[48:36] And I'm having a hay fever attack and then a monster bites off my fingers and then kills

[48:40] the rest of me.

Dan McCoy

[48:41] Yeah.

[48:42] That's the way I'd want to go.

[48:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:43] Bites off my fingers while I am changing the cassette tape on the radio that's set up

[48:48] in the hayloft.

[48:49] Yeah.

S4

[48:49] I mean, he did just have the best meal he's ever had.

[48:52] So, that helps.

[48:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:54] With a wonderful, delicious, filling meal in my tummy as I roll around in the hayloft.

Stuart Wellington

[49:00] Yeah.

[49:00] That's why the Critters go right for his tummy, if you didn't notice.

[49:03] It's because they're trying to get a delicious meal.

[49:05] And he's like, go for my tongue first.

[49:07] I don't want to taste anything else.

[49:09] That's why he was so hesitant to kiss or go to other bases with April.

[49:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:15] Because it would erase the taste of what were they eating for dinner?

[49:17] I know the corn on the cob.

[49:18] There was something else.

Stuart Wellington

[49:19] There was some mashed potatoes, I believe.

[49:21] Yeah.

[49:21] A lot of starches.

[49:22] This feels like a starch-heavy family.

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] Yeah.

[49:25] Well, living on the farm, you need a lot of energy.

[49:27] There's a lot of big calories.

[49:28] Yeah.

[49:28] That's just what you don't understand.

Dan McCoy

[49:30] You get these country breakfasts at Denny's or whatnot.

[49:33] Those people were out there in the fields working all day.

[49:37] They needed two biscuits.

[49:39] Like 10,000 calories.

[49:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:40] You needed all the energy to blow up those Y-wings or else you weren't going to get

[49:43] through the day.

[49:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:44] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[49:45] So April screams while her boyfriend's being eaten and then Brad shows up and feeds the

[49:52] offending critter a M80 or something, a homemade M80, and it blows it up and it dies.

Elliott Kalan

[50:00] In a silly way because it eats it and then they wait and then it goes, boom, and its mouth

[50:06] kind of goes out a little bit and then smoke comes out of it and then it falls over.

[50:09] It's also a silly movie.

S4

[50:11] The critter tipping over the way that it did I think was my favorite crit moment in the

[50:17] movie.

[50:18] It was very charming how it's just clearly a static puppet being tipped over.

Elliott Kalan

[50:22] I feel like that's on the – my two favorite moments were that for genuine and then also

[50:28] just for the chutzpah of it when the critters start getting blown up and one of them says

[50:31] something and the subtitle just says, fuck, and they just start running away.

[50:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:35] They're like, they got weapons and then it gets shot with a shotgun.

[50:38] Oh, it's great.

Dan McCoy

[50:39] No, I did really enjoy the understatement of this critter being blown up.

[50:45] Like in a different movie, yeah, it would be a full explosion.

[50:49] As later in the movie it is, but yeah.

[50:51] It's like a comical puff of smoke and then they just sort of tip over.

Stuart Wellington

[50:55] So after kind of taking stock of their situation, the Browns decide to make a run for it, but

[51:01] the critters have disabled all the vehicles, which is ironic since Charlie just fixed the

[51:05] carburetor in one of them.

[51:07] Yeah.

[51:07] And they also destroy Steve's like new sports car.

[51:11] They destroy all the vehicles.

[51:12] So they end up having to like fight their way back to the farmhouse.

[51:15] This is where we see the critters method of chasing them is basically just rolling along

[51:20] the ground, which I got to say, I think it's pretty impressive that the movie manages to

[51:24] make that like kind of tense, like kind of maybe scary.

[51:28] It's surprisingly effective.

Elliott Kalan

[51:30] These should not be scary monsters when you can't see their mouths full of teeth, but they

[51:35] do manage to pull it off.

[51:36] I mean, the one thing that would be the scariest is if like four or five critters attacked one

[51:41] person at one time.

[51:41] They can't do this because there's only so many puppets you can hold to your body and pretend

[51:45] they're attacking you, but they do a good job.

[51:47] Yeah.

[51:47] With making it at least up till this point before I, before the movie started to like

[51:51] feel repetitive up to this point, I was like, yeah, they're doing a good job of making me

[51:55] kind of, you know, this, this, this feels like a real menace.

[51:57] It feels like a threat to these people.

Stuart Wellington

[51:59] You know?

[51:59] Yeah.

[51:59] So, uh, Jay gets bitten again.

[52:01] Like he is, he's basically out of action.

[52:04] He's like, uh, he's the heavy, he's the bullet sponge.

[52:06] He's taking all the damage.

[52:07] He can't help anymore.

[52:09] Helen, Helen blows one of the critters away.

[52:11] We get a, we get a bunch of laughs.

[52:12] It's great.

[52:13] They kind of barricade themselves in the farmhouse.

[52:15] Uh, the bounty hunters then show up at the bowling alley, uh, which it was a big bowling

[52:20] tournament night.

[52:21] I guess everybody's really excited.

[52:22] We get a bunch of laughs.

[52:24] There's a fight.

[52:24] There's a little bit of a bar fight.

[52:26] Charlie's there.

[52:27] One of the bounty hunters turns into Charlie.

[52:29] Uh, it's great.

[52:31] Uh, let's see the, uh, the critters kind of lay siege to the farmhouse.

[52:35] Uh, they force the family to retreat upstairs.

[52:37] Helen gets shot with, uh, one of those poison darts and she is not feeling good.

[52:42] We get a couple of gags here where like, uh, a ceiling fan falls and bonks one of the critters

[52:48] on the head.

[52:49] Uh, one of them catches on fire and has to jump into a toilet thinking that's going to

[52:53] save him.

[52:54] Uh, I don't think that's going to work, my friend.

Dan McCoy

[52:56] Yeah.

[52:57] And in another film, the monster would bite someone's butt.

[53:02] This movie, I don't know.

[53:04] The critter just takes refuge in a toilet and then is immediately shot in, in the toilet.

Stuart Wellington

[53:09] Because you think one of the bounty hunters should have gone in the house to be like, oh man,

[53:13] I got to take a wicked dump.

[53:14] Before we stop these crates, I got to, I got to lay off some, I got to lay some prisoners

Elliott Kalan

[53:17] off at the asteroid prison.

[53:18] Hold on a sec.

Dan McCoy

[53:19] The thing that, uh, that brings us to my mind is, uh, my friend Rich Duncan, uh, in the

[53:25] comedy world, you know, he went to, uh, Earlham as well, uh, Earlham College before.

[53:30] Where did he go in the college?

[53:31] He was on the show years ago.

Elliott Kalan

[53:32] Where did he go to the college before he was in the comedy world?

Dan McCoy

[53:35] Anyway.

[53:36] Um.

Elliott Kalan

[53:36] Since you said in the comedy world, he went to Earlham College.

Dan McCoy

[53:38] Okay.

[53:39] Anyway, the point is, I mentioned critters on.

Elliott Kalan

[53:42] Look, I'm just putting Dan through my communication skills seminar.

[53:45] It's every now and like, much like, uh, Inspector Clouseau and Cato, I attack Dan's communication

[53:51] skills randomly whenever necessary.

[53:52] Just to keep him on his toes.

Dan McCoy

[53:54] Yeah.

[53:54] Well, I had tweeted about, uh, critters.

[53:59] It was a little critter Twitter.

[54:01] Uh, and, uh, he was like, I, you know, is this a movie where, um, you know, someone gets,

[54:08] I had avoided it in the past because I thought that this would be a movie where, you know,

[54:13] a monster hides in a toilet and bite someone's butt or something.

[54:16] I'm like, no, no, you got to, you got yourself a ghoulie there, my friend.

S4

[54:19] But even in ghoulies, that doesn't actually happen.

[54:21] It just is in the poster.

[54:22] No, because that was shot after the fact.

[54:25] I believe it was like, wasn't it after the initial release of Ghoulies, people were complaining

[54:29] that there wasn't a shot of a ghoulie in a toilet in the movie.

[54:33] So they went back, shot a nice animated shot of that.

[54:36] Because the poster promises it says, they'll get you in the end.

Elliott Kalan

[54:37] They'll get you in the end.

[54:38] And it's sticking out of a toilet.

[54:39] I'm sorry.

[54:40] Maybe I'm the asshole.

[54:40] It was the.

[54:41] But I assumed it meant that a ghoulie was going to bite someone in the butt.

[54:44] It seemed like all the clues were there.

[54:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:46] It was the Ana de Armas, uh, lawsuit of its day.

[54:49] A bunch of fans.

[54:51] Uh, you haven't heard about this?

[54:52] No, I didn't hear about that.

[54:53] Huh?

[54:54] They, they, they, people sued.

[54:55] Which movie was it?

[54:56] That like, it had Ana de Armas in the trailer.

[54:59] And then of course, as often happens, uh, the trailer is not based on a final version

[55:04] of the film.

[55:05] Uh-huh.

[55:05] Ana de Armas was not in it.

[55:07] And the fans of Ana de Armas sued that you, they saw this movie under false pretenses.

[55:16] And they won, my friend.

[55:18] They won.

[55:19] Setting a weird president for the future.

[55:21] What damages?

Dan McCoy

[55:21] What possible damages could they have claimed on that?

[55:23] Well, they, the damages, I guess, of buying the ticket.

Elliott Kalan

[55:26] Buying one ticket?

[55:27] This is, like, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[55:28] This is, you know, it's a, what do you call it?

[55:31] A civil, like, a.

Elliott Kalan

[55:33] This becomes the, this becomes the premise of.

[55:35] Class action suit.

[55:36] Yeah.

[55:36] It's a civil action to Ana de Armas rising, you know.

Dan McCoy

[55:40] I'm just saying, as a class action suit, I'm sure they all got five cents.

[55:43] Whoever entered into this Ana de Armas.

[55:47] But, you know what?

[55:48] It's the principle of it.

[55:49] It's the principle of it.

[55:50] They've taught Hollywood that they cannot be fucked around with when it comes to the

[55:53] promise of Ana de Armas.

S4

[55:55] This sets a good precedent, though.

[55:57] Does this mean that I can now sue for renting Highlander Endgame because I watched the trailer

[56:04] and it had a bunch of wacky special effects in it that aren't in the actual movie?

[56:08] Because they were shot specifically.

[56:10] You could, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[56:10] My guess is that the statute of limitations has probably, it's probably run out on that

[56:14] one, but maybe not.

[56:16] Yeah.

[56:16] You know, I'm going to go for it.

Stuart Wellington

[56:18] Dan's given me some confidence.

[56:20] Is that the one with Mario Van Peebles in it?

S4

[56:22] No, that's three.

[56:23] The Sorcerer.

[56:24] Okay.

[56:24] Or the Final Dimension.

Stuart Wellington

[56:25] Final Dimension, yeah.

[56:26] I feel like I remember that trailer a lot because I just remember the narration being,

[56:30] saying, his name is Kane.

[56:32] And I'm like, I'm in.

[56:34] Oh, yeah.

[56:34] That's the one where, like, yesterday.

[56:35] Yesterday.

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] He, like, turns a truck invisible or there's an illusion truck.

[56:40] Yeah, yeah.

S4

[56:40] He's a magic man.

[56:42] He, like, gets split in half and his bottom half runs away and then comes back.

[56:46] You got to understand, Steve.

Elliott Kalan

[56:46] Try to understand.

[56:48] Try, try, try to understand.

[56:49] He's a magic man.

Dan McCoy

[56:51] Yeah.

[56:52] All right.

[56:52] Well, now that that's done, it was yesterday, the Danny Boyle movie about the Beatles not

[56:56] being here.

[56:57] The movie came out yesterday?

[56:58] I'm Mr. Beatle now.

Elliott Kalan

[56:59] How did they have time to file the lawsuit if it was just yesterday?

Dan McCoy

[57:02] Oh, boy.

[57:02] Wow.

[57:03] They worked fast.

[57:04] The listener knows what I'm saying.

[57:05] God, we're so fucking funny.

[57:05] Who is she going to play in that movie?

[57:06] We're so fucking funny.

[57:09] Someone who is not integral to the plot, apparently.

[57:12] I guess, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:14] That kind of thing.

[57:15] I mean, that happens from, like, the, I, it reminds me of the story of the movie Dangerous

[57:19] Minds, where Andy Garcia was in that movie and they just removed his plot entirely.

[57:23] And he's just, I guess they did it early enough that they didn't advertise it as an Andy Garcia joint.

[57:28] You know, but still.

Stuart Wellington

[57:29] Interesting.

[57:30] Okay.

[57:30] So, Jay and Helen are too injured to escape.

[57:33] So, Brad decides to go for help.

[57:36] But there's a, when he goes over to his bike, there's a critter just standing there, like,

[57:41] waiting for him and then pushes his bike over.

[57:44] It's hilarious.

[57:47] And then he witnesses one of the critters is growing to a much larger size.

[57:51] That probably won't come into play later.

Elliott Kalan

[57:54] And no, now, no reason is ever given for that, right?

[57:58] Or did I just miss it?

[57:59] Well, they mentioned from, like.

[58:00] They ate a lot, I guess.

[58:01] Yeah, they were eating a lot.

[58:02] But that's not how eating works.

[58:04] I mean, maybe it is for critters.

[58:06] But all the critters are eating.

[58:07] My nutritionist would say otherwise.

[58:09] But your nutritionist is like, Stu, you're not eating enough to grow three more feet within

[58:12] minutes.

[58:14] Yeah, I'm sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[58:15] These weird little alien balls don't fit to your normal human logic, Elliot.

[58:19] You're right.

[58:20] It's better when they don't explain.

[58:21] Okay.

[58:22] So, Brad runs into the street and he bumps into the bounty hunters who were riding around

[58:28] in a police cruiser.

[58:28] And he convinces them to come back to the farm and help him save his family.

Elliott Kalan

[58:33] Now, this is when, this is, okay.

[58:34] He is the first person.

[58:35] Now, this movie has gotten away up to this point with the fact that every species in the

[58:40] universe speaks English except for the critters, that the bounty hunters speak English, the

[58:45] prison warden speaks English, everyone who works at the prison speaks English.

[58:48] And yet somehow when they say Krites.

[58:50] Galactic Common, they say.

[58:53] Galactic Common.

[58:54] Yeah, Galactic Common.

[58:55] Yeah, sure.

[58:55] Yeah, basic.

[58:56] That they, this is the first character, Brad, who recognizes that this bounty hunter looks

[59:04] like a famous musician or pieces together that Krites might be critters and therefore

[59:09] a thing that they are looking for that he can ask them questions about.

[59:13] And up to this moment, it's like the who's on first routine where everyone is going out

[59:16] of their way to avoid asking questions that might shed light on any scenario.

Dan McCoy

[59:20] I believe that what happens is he comes in, he's like, you know, he's like, you gotta

[59:24] help me, you gotta help me.

[59:25] He doesn't know that these are aliens.

[59:26] It's like, there's all these critters.

Stuart Wellington

[59:28] Yeah, he says critters and they go like Krites.

Dan McCoy

[59:29] And then they say Krites because they know, they know that like this is, they're, they're

[59:33] here for the critters.

[59:34] So finally there's someone who is mentioning monsters.

Elliott Kalan

[59:37] But I think it's also, it's the coincidence of them being called Krites, which sounds like

[59:42] critters.

[59:42] That breaks the illusion for me that English is galactic basic and everyone speaks it.

[59:47] It's just a little too easy for me.

Stuart Wellington

[59:49] Yeah.

[59:49] I mean, I think it's also to show that the kid is the real hero and that adults are dumb.

[59:55] Yeah.

[59:56] Which as a child watching this movie, I'm like, this makes perfect sense.

Elliott Kalan

[59:59] The one sympathetic moment really for the dad is when Brad is like, I've got to go.

[1:00:03] I've got to go help the family.

[1:00:05] And you can tell the dad is like proud of Brad for doing this.

[1:00:08] But he says, okay, do it.

[1:00:09] And he doesn't say I'm proud of you or I love you because like, that's the thing a wuss

[1:00:12] would say, I guess.

[1:00:13] But you can tell the pride in his eyes.

[1:00:15] That's good work by Billy Greenbush in that moment.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:18] I think communicating.

[1:00:18] So the family decides to fight their way out of the barricaded bedroom.

[1:00:23] They blow up one of the critters again.

[1:00:24] It's hilarious.

[1:00:26] They take another shot at a critter and it rolls away.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:28] The critters are also incredibly, once the movie decides the critters have to go, they

[1:00:31] are incredibly easy to destroy.

[1:00:33] Great.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:34] I love it.

[1:00:34] She takes a shot and one of the critters rolls away.

[1:00:37] And she's like, the mom is like, can I have another shell?

[1:00:40] And he's like, we're all out.

[1:00:41] And I'm like, you gotta, come on.

[1:00:43] You have to let me know how much ammo is left.

[1:00:45] It's like I'm playing a fucking video game.

[1:00:48] So she goes, you know, they're like about to make a last stand at like the top of the

[1:00:54] stairs.

[1:00:54] There's critters coming up the stairs.

[1:00:55] When the front of the house explodes, the bounty hunters have arrived.

[1:00:59] They start blowing them all away.

[1:01:01] It's great.

[1:01:03] The family escapes.

[1:01:05] The sheriff shows up.

[1:01:06] Brad runs back inside to go save Chewy the cat, which I totally understand.

[1:01:11] And I would do the same thing.

[1:01:12] At this point, the bounty hunters are like going room to room.

[1:01:15] They go into the bathroom.

[1:01:16] They blow up the critter in the toilet.

[1:01:17] It's hilarious.

[1:01:19] Uh, Brad goes to find Chewy the cat.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:23] I don't know.

[1:01:23] Hilarious.

[1:01:24] Yeah.

[1:01:24] It seems like some, someone's butt could have gotten bitten or something.

S4

[1:01:27] It's true.

[1:01:28] Yeah.

[1:01:28] Let it go.

[1:01:30] No, no.

[1:01:30] Let's stay on this for at least one more minute.

[1:01:33] Is there a movie where a monster comes out of the toilet and bites a person's butt?

Dan McCoy

[1:01:38] Like, does that actually, actually accomplish it?

[1:01:41] Cause there's a snake that comes out of the toilet in hard ticket to Hawaii, but.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:44] And there's a snake that comes out of a toilet in snakes in a plane, but it bites a guy's

[1:01:48] dick.

[1:01:49] It doesn't bite his butt.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:51] What does he say when he realized there's a snake?

[1:01:54] I believe I'm quoting when he says, ah, get off my dick.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:58] Which is my favorite line in that whole movie.

[1:02:00] Cause it's like, that is a very understated reaction to a snake biting your penis.

[1:02:04] Yeah.

[1:02:04] This guy's pretty chill.

[1:02:05] This is not his first time getting a snake on his penis.

[1:02:08] He is tired.

[1:02:09] He is tired.

[1:02:09] He's tired.

[1:02:09] He's motherfucking snakes biting his motherfucking penis.

[1:02:12] This is the mummy three of snake penis bites.

[1:02:14] Now in dream catchers, do the aliens go up through the toilet in that?

[1:02:18] Am I remembering that correctly?

[1:02:19] Oh yeah.

[1:02:19] I guess.

[1:02:20] Yeah.

S4

[1:02:21] Cause yeah, one does go into a guy from the toilet.

[1:02:24] And this is trapped in the toilet.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:25] Okay.

[1:02:25] And isn't, isn't climbing into a guy's butt to control his body.

[1:02:29] Isn't that the, that counts as biting, right?

[1:02:33] Well, let's hear some more about the situation.

[1:02:36] I mean, I feel like if the shit weasel is a dream catcher, that counts.

[1:02:39] That's the same as a bite.

[1:02:39] He's certainly biting his style.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:41] Incidental biting going on.

[1:02:43] Like whether or not biting is the main activity, there's some biting that happens in the process

[1:02:47] of getting up there.

[1:02:48] Yeah.

[1:02:48] To get up there.

[1:02:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:49] Is it possible that the old, I think now out, now gotten rid of, Coppertone label is

[1:02:56] the most accurate rendition of a monster biting someone in the butt?

[1:02:59] I mean, that's just a dog pulling the back of a girl's bathing suit down, but it seems

[1:03:04] more accurate than ghoulies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:05] Which a dog performing some kind of assault is truly a monster.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:11] That is a bad dog.

[1:03:12] Let's just say that's a bad dog.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:14] Yeah.

[1:03:15] All dogs may go to heaven, but it's a technicality.

[1:03:18] It's only because of the mystery of the Lord's forgiveness.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:21] It has nothing to do with the individual acts of the dog.

[1:03:23] Yeah.

[1:03:24] Yeah.

[1:03:25] John Calvin's dog was like, I wish that God hadn't decided when you were born that you

[1:03:30] were already one of the elect because you certainly shouldn't go to heaven for pulling that bathing

[1:03:33] suit.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:34] So most of the bounty hunters kill off most of the critters, except for a big old critter

[1:03:39] that beats up Brad a little bit and then gets scared off.

[1:03:43] It escapes and in the process of running away, it manages to snare April and take April with

[1:03:49] it.

[1:03:49] Now, why is this large critter not merely eating this girl?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:56] To get even bigger, potentially.

[1:03:59] Yeah.

[1:04:00] This is the one point at which a kidnapping happens.

[1:04:05] The only reasons I can think of are upsetting reasons.

[1:04:09] So I guess I shouldn't dwell on it, but it just seems odd.

[1:04:11] Yeah.

[1:04:12] Sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:12] I'm just quickly adding this to the goofs section of Critters IMDb page.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:16] I mean, the real reason is because this is the motivation for Act 3.

[1:04:21] Yeah.

[1:04:21] The saving of April by Brad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:24] But also to have like a snack later, like they're about to go on a little spaceship ride.

[1:04:28] They want some meat later.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:29] He's probably full already.

[1:04:31] He's not hungry right now, but he knows he's going to be hungry later.

[1:04:33] So he's just taking it.

[1:04:34] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:34] That's the thing.

[1:04:34] The bigger you get, the hungrier you're going to get, Elliot.

[1:04:37] That's how, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:38] So if you're the smaller you get, the less hungry you can get.

[1:04:41] So if I'm the size of a thimble, I'll never have to eat again.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:44] Never have to eat again.

[1:04:46] I think they cover that in Ant-Man Quantumania, right?

[1:04:48] I don't know.

[1:04:49] Mm-hmm.

[1:04:50] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:52] Dan said that as if – he said that very professionally.

[1:04:54] So yeah, the big critter –

[1:04:56] But just a touch of a sassy neighbor in a sitcom.

[1:04:59] Just a touch.

[1:05:00] Just a little bit of disdain.

[1:05:02] Just a bit.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:03] So the big critter and a couple of his buddies drag April back to the spaceship.

[1:05:07] They're going to get out of here.

[1:05:08] They're taking too much heat from these bounty boys.

[1:05:11] So they fire up the ship.

[1:05:13] Charlie – Brad runs after them.

[1:05:17] He bumps into Charlie.

[1:05:18] The two of them go find the alien ship.

[1:05:21] They climb aboard.

[1:05:22] They wake up April.

[1:05:23] They get her off.

[1:05:24] They drop a pipe bomb unlit on the critter ship.

[1:05:29] They escape.

[1:05:30] Charlie then uses his pitching and his drunkness to make a firebomb that he perfectly checks through the closing hatchway, which then catches fire, sets fire to the pipe bomb.

[1:05:43] The fleeing ship then explodes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:46] First, but not until the ship, just out of spite, shoots lasers to blow up the family farmhouse.

[1:05:52] Which is insane.

[1:05:53] The big – go ahead.

[1:05:54] Can you hear – am I wrong that you can hear the aliens laughing right after they did it?

[1:05:58] Yeah, they laugh.

[1:05:59] Yeah.

[1:05:59] Critters are hassles.

S4

[1:06:00] That's part of the joy of them.

[1:06:02] It's such a throwaway gag.

[1:06:04] It's crazy that it's the biggest effect in the entire movie.

[1:06:08] Yeah.

[1:06:08] That's the thing they commit to.

[1:06:10] It's like, yeah, just them blowing up the house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:11] But I love that because it's the critters just doing it out of anger or just to be dicks.

[1:06:16] There's no reason for them to do it.

[1:06:18] But you're right.

[1:06:18] It's a huge explosion.

[1:06:19] They blow up the whole house.

S4

[1:06:20] It's great.

[1:06:20] It's legit.

[1:06:21] And they repurpose it a little bit when they blow up the critter ship too.

[1:06:27] There's that first shot where it's like clearly a composite.

[1:06:30] explosion.

[1:06:31] I think it cuts to a reaction.

[1:06:32] Then it comes back.

[1:06:34] And it's like the tail end of the house exploding they're showing again.

[1:06:37] Like they just really wanted to get their mileage out of that house explosion.

[1:06:41] I understand.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:42] Do they do something similar in one of the Phantasm movies where like the same house explosion

[1:06:45] is two different houses?

S4

[1:06:47] So that one, it's the same house.

[1:06:48] They blew up once, but they had one scene playing out on one side and another scene playing

[1:06:53] out on the other side.

[1:06:54] And it doubled as two houses.

[1:06:55] So they had Tall Man doing one thing on one side and then Mike and Reggie on the other side.

[1:07:00] To get the most out of one house explosion.

[1:07:04] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:04] That's just good filmmaking.

[1:07:05] You got to double your-

[1:07:06] There's your Phantasm facts from Steve.

[1:07:09] Phantasm facts.

[1:07:09] Very fruitful.

[1:07:10] I can't wait for that to be a regular part of the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:12] Brought to you by Tall Boys.

[1:07:14] When the tall man wants to relax, he reaches for a tall boy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:19] So the bounty hunters who are friends with the family now give Brad a little space gizmo.

[1:07:25] Charlie wanders off of them.

[1:07:26] Not gizmo from Gremlins though.

[1:07:28] No.

[1:07:28] Is he from space?

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:30] I mean, who knows where gizmo's from?

[1:07:32] I guess we'll find out when the Gremlins TV show eventually premieres on HBO Max.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:35] So the gizmo starts to bleep and Brad pushes the button and then we see the house rebuild itself.

[1:07:46] It's basically just played backwards, but it's great.

[1:07:48] It's great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:49] Now, this really doesn't make any sense because he hands it to him and says, call me.

[1:07:53] Like it's a communicator.

[1:07:55] Then it starts beeping and when he presses it, it brings the house back together.

[1:07:58] It's just, I guess it's magical realism.

[1:08:00] I guess this is when Gabriel Garcia Marquez was brought onto the set after the last minute script rewrites.

[1:08:04] Yeah.

S4

[1:08:05] Did you guys also clock how distraught Dee Wallace seemed about the house being blown up?

[1:08:11] Like she seemed just really torn up about it.

[1:08:15] It's like I would just be happy to be alive, I think, at that point.

[1:08:18] I don't know.

[1:08:19] That's our whole house.

[1:08:20] She's a homemaker, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:22] Yeah.

[1:08:23] She's been through a tough night.

[1:08:24] She's still got critter venom in her veins.

[1:08:26] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:26] She's probably extra emotional from the drugs, whatever those are.

[1:08:29] That's true.

[1:08:30] But Chewie's okay.

[1:08:31] And that's what happens.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:32] Chewie gets sucked up into the house as well.

[1:08:34] And then we find Chewie is actually in the mailbox.

[1:08:37] It's adorable.

[1:08:39] And you're like, oh, at least the nightmare is over.

[1:08:41] Camera pan's over to the barn.

[1:08:43] We got critter eggs.

[1:08:44] And then the critters giggle.

[1:08:45] End of movie.

[1:08:47] And I'm like.

[1:08:47] So question.

S4

[1:08:48] Do we set up critter eggs at any point leading up to that moment in the movie?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:53] It is never mentioned that critters lay eggs.

[1:08:56] So those could be any eggs.

[1:08:57] And the critters are just laughing about something else.

S4

[1:09:00] Well, that was my thinking was they did that shot of the eggs.

[1:09:04] They left it as is.

[1:09:05] And they realized like, oh, we haven't set up these eggs.

[1:09:07] Let's put a critter laugh over top.

[1:09:09] Yeah.

[1:09:09] To like really.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:10] Make sure the audience knows what we're looking at.

[1:09:13] And the movie.

S4

[1:09:13] That's very likely.

[1:09:14] I don't know.

[1:09:14] It's a good like summary of like my issue, I think, with this movie where it's like they

[1:09:20] don't really know what they want to do with the critters specifically.

[1:09:24] And I feel like it's part of like the movie's tone issues and making the critters funny at

[1:09:31] one point and then kind of scary at another, making them capable, but then also making

[1:09:36] them like feral creatures.

[1:09:38] It just seemed like a lot of jumping around and a lot of, I'm sure it was a lot of like

[1:09:42] too many cooks in the kitchen throwing ideas into a pot and being like, let's just make

[1:09:47] them all the things.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:48] Well, you know what?

[1:09:50] We're there already.

[1:09:51] So let's get into the final judgments of whether we thought it was a good, bad movie, a bad,

[1:09:57] bad movie, a movie we kind of like.

[1:09:59] Look, I'm a simple man.

[1:10:00] And if you give me.

[1:10:02] Very.

[1:10:04] If you give me a movie with a bunch of small monster puppets running around, I'm basically

[1:10:10] going to be happy.

[1:10:10] I think that critters, there's a reason it has endured as much as it has.

[1:10:17] Like there's like, there were, you know, this kind of thing to some degree was a dime a dozen,

[1:10:23] but there were a couple that pushed through because they had a little extra charm.

[1:10:27] And I would say critters has a little extra charm.

[1:10:29] It is a little extra charm.

[1:10:32] Critters 2 is probably the stronger Critters movie.

[1:10:35] Without question.

[1:10:37] Oh, 100%.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:38] But.

[1:10:38] I mean, there's a lot, a lot is said about the work of Mick Garris because he's done a

[1:10:42] lot of up and down things.

[1:10:44] But like you can tell when he, Critters 2 I remember much better when I was younger.

[1:10:48] I think it's because he brings another level to it that the first Critters doesn't have.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:51] Yeah, there's a little more gleefulness to what's going on.

[1:10:55] But anyway, I, you know, I like this movie is what I have to say.

[1:11:00] Who else wants to weigh in?

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:01] Yeah, I mean, I, I clearly like Critters.

[1:11:04] Uh, I, I don't know.

[1:11:06] There's, there's something about how this, like this movie does have a lot going on and it doesn't

[1:11:11] quite know what it wants to be.

[1:11:13] But I think that for me is part of the charm.

[1:11:15] It's short.

[1:11:16] It feels kind of like the perfect, like VHS movie.

[1:11:19] Like this, like short little thing.

[1:11:22] You get some little monsters, a couple of gags.

[1:11:24] Uh, you get some, uh, you know, like, I don't know, a lot of performers who you were like,

[1:11:30] oh yeah, I know them from something else.

[1:11:31] I don't know.

[1:11:32] Uh, yeah.

[1:11:33] Thumbs up.

[1:11:33] And all the bounty hunter crap.

[1:11:35] Like I love all that stuff.

[1:11:36] I love all the monster effects.

[1:11:37] It's a lot of fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:38] Yeah.

[1:11:38] I, it's a movie I kind of like, uh, but I have to admit it is while watching it.

[1:11:43] And while thinking about afterwards, I just keep thinking about even if it's not a Gremlins ripoff

[1:11:47] or, you know, whatever it, there's so much in it that I feel like Gremlins does better

[1:11:53] in terms of the tone of it being both funny and scary.

[1:11:57] The monsters being kind of intelligent, but also kind of beasts that, that are just driven

[1:12:02] by their, you know, appetites and setting up the hat, the town and the family.

[1:12:06] Now, again, this is no, it's no insult to critters to say that it is not as good as a

[1:12:11] movie that Joe Dante and Steven Spielberg worked on, you know, but, uh, that the, that, and

[1:12:17] that has, I think probably still what the best puppet creatures I can think of in a, in a

[1:12:22] movie, seriously.

[1:12:23] So those in Gremlins and Gremlins too.

[1:12:25] Uh, so there's part of me that's like watching it and being like, oh, this is making me really

[1:12:28] want to watch Gremlins.

[1:12:29] But that being said, I agree that it's like a, it's like a really good kind of like 80s

[1:12:33] VHS movie.

[1:12:34] Like it's a movie that if you're at that stage in your life where I was, when I was renting

[1:12:38] 80s VHS is when you're like an adolescent or a teen or something.

[1:12:41] And you've already watched Tremors a hundred times.

[1:12:45] You've watched Tremors.

[1:12:46] You watch Gremlins.

[1:12:47] For some reason, you watch Ghoulies before Critters, which is weird.

[1:12:50] I don't know why you would do that.

[1:12:50] That is weird.

[1:12:51] But, uh, that it's, you know, it's totally fine.

[1:12:53] It's super short.

[1:12:54] Uh, I wish that they just, it's just, there's a, there's a bunch of things in the movie I

[1:12:58] wish they did more with.

[1:12:59] Like the bounty hunters, I kept being like, oh boy, these bounty hunters.

[1:13:03] And they just don't kind of do a lot with them.

[1:13:06] But again, Critters 2 kind of, it's, it's worth skipping Critters to go straight to Critters

[1:13:10] 2, you know?

S4

[1:13:11] Yeah.

[1:13:11] I mean, I'm realizing that I was flagging a bunch of issues with this movie as we're talking

[1:13:17] about it.

[1:13:17] And, uh, don't want it to seem like I don't like this movie because I do actually really

[1:13:22] enjoy it.

[1:13:23] And I have a lot of nostalgia for it.

[1:13:24] Uh, I do find it like a bit meandering at times and the like, yeah, I get hung up on

[1:13:31] like the logic of the Critters.

[1:13:33] Um, but, and like what Elliot was saying, it's like, it's hard not to compare it to, uh,

[1:13:40] like gremlins or better movies.

[1:13:42] So that definitely like, uh, gives marks against it, but I still kind of liked it and yeah,

[1:13:49] loved watching it as a kid.

[1:13:51] The Bounty Hunters kick ass.

[1:13:52] That opening scene, uh, is amazing and it's everything I like.

[1:13:57] Um, and the Critter effects are great too.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:00] So yeah, the movie, I think in a weird way it suffers because the opening scene promises

[1:14:05] so much.

S4

[1:14:06] Yes.

[1:14:06] I think it over promises for sure.

[1:14:08] You think like, oh, we're going to come back to this weird, smooth, uh, floating man,

[1:14:13] uh, and this like prison asteroid.

[1:14:16] And it gets, the movie gets very small, very quickly, uh, which isn't necessarily a bad

[1:14:20] thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:21] Do you think the movie would have been improved if the Bounty Hunters were like routinely checking

[1:14:25] in with a hologram of that smooth guy and like, I mean, like giving him like bad reports and

[1:14:31] he's getting angrier and angrier.

S4

[1:14:33] I mean, I do like that idea.

[1:14:35] I think it would have helped.

[1:14:36] And, and yeah, like we're all basically saying the same thing that, uh, Critters 2, uh, I

[1:14:42] think is the superior execution of this premise.

[1:14:45] So I would definitely recommend that one first, but if you got a beat up old VHS tape of Critters

[1:14:52] to put on an old CRT TV, uh, that is, that sounds like a good night to me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:58] I was having, I was having a conversation with my wife and my older son about sequels that

[1:15:03] are better than the original movies and I didn't bring up Critters and now I'm going to have

[1:15:06] to, and then I'm going to have to explain what Critters is to them.

[1:15:08] Call them up right now.

[1:15:10] Okay, hold on.

[1:15:10] While we're recording.

[1:15:11] Let me get them into the room.

[1:15:13] Sammy, come in.

[1:15:14] Daddy has a lesson for you.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:16] It's time for you to learn about the Critters.

[1:15:19] Stop crying.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:19] I don't want you to hear about Critters on the playground or on the streets.

[1:15:22] I want to be the one to tell you about Critters so you know all the right words.

S5

[1:15:29] Oh, I hope they've got the bread bowl.

[1:15:32] Have you seen the bread bowl at this place?

[1:15:34] Good evening.

[1:15:35] Welcome to Maximum Fun.

[1:15:36] Have you been here before?

[1:15:37] It's her first time.

[1:15:38] Very good.

[1:15:39] Might I recommend our special?

[1:15:41] Oh, please.

[1:15:42] Can I interest you in the Max Fun Drive?

[1:15:44] I'm told they're cooking up something quite extraordinary this year.

[1:15:48] I've heard about this.

[1:15:50] With limited time thank you gifts for new and upgrading members?

[1:15:53] That's right.

[1:15:54] We'll take it.

[1:15:55] How would you like your episodes?

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:57] Can I get them excellent with new boco on the side?

[1:16:00] Oh, are there live stream events?

S5

[1:16:02] Absolutely.

[1:16:03] You know, if you're interested in events, Meetup Day is returning.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:06] What?

[1:16:07] Oh, you're going to love Meetup Day.

[1:16:09] It's the best.

S5

[1:16:10] Okay, let me make sure I have everything.

[1:16:11] Max Fun Drive 2023 with limited time thank you gifts, live stream events, Meetup Day, excellent episodes, and of course, new bonus content.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:20] Sounds perfect.

S5

[1:16:21] Great.

[1:16:22] We'll get it started and it'll be ready in two weeks, March 20th.

[1:16:25] Oh, can we also get a couple of waters?

[1:16:28] Of course.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:29] Where am I?

[1:16:31] On Maximum Fun.

[1:16:32] What do you want?

[1:16:33] A podcast miniseries about The Prisoner.

[1:16:36] Whose side are you on?

[1:16:38] That would be telling.

[1:16:39] But okay, I'm on my own side.

[1:16:40] It's one of my favorite ever TV shows.

[1:16:42] We want a podcast on it.

[1:16:44] A prisoner podcast.

[1:16:46] You won't get it.

[1:16:47] By hook or by crook, we will.

[1:16:49] Who are you?

[1:16:50] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:16:51] Who is number one?

[1:16:52] Jesse Thorne.

[1:16:53] But you are John Hodgman.

[1:16:55] I am not a prisoner podcaster.

[1:16:58] I am a free man.

[1:16:59] Are you okay?

[1:17:05] Elliot, are you all right?

[1:17:06] Okay, I'll watch it.

[1:17:08] All four episodes of Be Podding You are out now.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:13] Before we move on, I just want to mention that Maximum Fun Drive, Max Fun Drive is coming up at the end of this month.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:23] Wait, Dan, the time when Max Fun listeners get to show their support for their favorite shows in the form of money.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:30] Yeah, the money that keeps particularly me and Elliot afloat during this time when perhaps we don't have the normal career that we have been relying on for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:40] I cannot emphasize enough.

[1:17:42] Your pledge dollars keep a roof over my head.

[1:17:44] Yeah.

[1:17:45] And a song in my heart.

[1:17:46] And that song goes, hey, get ready for Max Fun Drive.

[1:17:49] Dan's got an announcement right now.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:51] Yeah.

[1:17:51] So that'll be the last couple of weeks of March.

[1:17:54] And we're going to do a few special things for Max Fun Drive.

[1:17:58] And we'll have more announcements about that coming up.

[1:18:00] But right now, I am mentioning it to get you guys to write in to theflophousepodcast at gmail.com if you want us to recommend a personalized movie for you.

[1:18:16] A personalized movie recommendation from the Flophouse is what is on offer.

[1:18:20] What you have to do is email theflophousepodcast at gmail.com and just tell us a couple of what you think might be pertinent facts about yourself and your tastes.

[1:18:31] Don't go overboard.

[1:18:33] Maybe try to keep it to like three to five bullet points.

[1:18:37] And then we will, you know, recommend movies.

[1:18:41] We'll compete with one another, in fact, to recommend some movies for a few of those listeners who write in.

[1:18:48] We probably can't accommodate everyone who might be interested.

[1:18:51] But this will be one of our many.

[1:18:53] We'll do personalized recommendations for you, the listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:59] And I want to say, we're going to be saying this a lot during the Max Fun Drive, but thank you ahead of time to all of our pledgers.

[1:19:05] Thank you during the time because you're pledging throughout the year with your money that supports us.

[1:19:10] But thank you ahead of time for those who will be joining or upgrading.

[1:19:14] We'll talk to you more about it during Max Fun Drive.

[1:19:16] And we'll be saying thank you a lot because it really means a lot to us.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:18] And while we are in large, large, large, overwhelmingly large part supported by listeners like you, we also have a couple of sponsors.

[1:19:28] One of which I will tell you a little bit right now.

[1:19:31] You've probably heard about microdosing.

[1:19:33] If not, just know that all sorts of people are microdosing daily to feel healthier and perform better.

[1:19:39] Our show today is sponsored by microdose gummies.

[1:19:42] Microdose gummies deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good.

[1:19:48] You know, if you don't have experience with THC, sometimes edibles can be overwhelming.

[1:19:52] These are calculated to be just, you know, enough to make you feel a little looser, more pleasant, maybe chill out.

[1:20:01] I find that for me, it's good that it, I don't know, I just feel more flexible on them.

[1:20:08] I can sometimes be a guy who gets grumpy when things change and it takes me a while to turn my ship around.

[1:20:15] And yet, when I have a microdose gummy, I feel just a little more open to the world.

[1:20:22] So, microdose is available nationwide.

[1:20:25] To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code FLOP, that's F-L-O-P, to get free shipping and 30% off your first order.

[1:20:34] Links can be found in the show's description, but again, that is microdose.com, code FLOP.

[1:20:39] Elliot, I believe you have a little more Flophouse-specific business for the listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:45] You better believe it.

[1:20:46] Thanks for finishing that sentence.

[1:20:47] I wasn't sure if you were done yet.

[1:20:48] I can see it in your eyes.

[1:20:49] It's just a pause.

[1:20:51] We have a live show coming up.

[1:20:52] I've been saying it on episodes and I'm going to keep saying it until it happens.

[1:20:55] Then maybe I'll keep saying it afterwards.

[1:20:56] We'll be appearing before your very eyes if you live in Brooklyn, New York, and you are at the Bell House in Brooklyn Sunday, April 2nd, 7.30 p.m.

[1:21:04] You don't have to live in Brooklyn.

[1:21:06] You just have to be in Brooklyn at the Bell House when we're there.

[1:21:09] And you will see us in person, our first live show of the year.

[1:21:13] We'll be talking about, that's right, Battlefield Earth, a longtime fan-requested favorite, the John Travolta, Forrest Whitaker, aliens with nose rings and dreadlocks, epic mess that really ruined a lot of careers for a while.

[1:21:25] So that's Sunday, April 2nd, 7.30 p.m. at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

[1:21:28] It's going to be a lot of fun.

[1:21:29] We're going to be doing new PowerPoint presentations beforehand.

[1:21:32] You can come ask questions and have them answered.

[1:21:34] As always, we'll be sticking around afterwards to sign merchandise and take pictures or whatever people want to do.

[1:21:39] This is your chance to breathe the same air, and I promise we're not sick, so it's okay to breathe that air, as the Flophouse guys, and just have a good time.

[1:21:49] It's time to have fun again.

[1:21:51] America, let's have fun again.

[1:21:53] Let's just have fun, and we're going to have fun.

[1:21:54] We can promise you fun.

[1:21:55] We can't promise you that you will leave this show smarter or more enlightened, but we can promise that you'll have had a good time.

[1:22:01] So that's Sunday, April 2nd, 7.30 p.m. at the Bell House.

[1:22:04] If you want to buy your tickets ahead of time, and I recommend it because these shows almost always sell out.

[1:22:08] That's thebellhouseny.com.

[1:22:11] Thebellhouseny.com.

[1:22:13] We hope to do more live shows this year, but this is the only one we have on the calendar at the moment.

[1:22:18] So if you'd like to see us live, you should come to this show.

[1:22:21] And I thank you.

[1:22:22] Daniel?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:23] All right.

[1:22:23] Well, let's move on to some letters from listeners.

[1:22:26] Letters.

[1:22:27] Listeners like you, maybe if one of these letters is from you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:31] Only one way to find out, write in and tell us, did Dan read one of your letters?

[1:22:36] Knowing our backlog of letters, you'll find out in a few months, or rather we'll find out.

[1:22:40] You'll know right away when you hear Dan say it.

[1:22:42] But when you send the message to us, it'll take a while for us to read it online.

[1:22:45] Dan will probably see your letter, put it in a bucket somewhere on his computer, forget about it,

[1:22:50] and then pick it at the last minute before we record.

[1:22:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:53] Nothing could be clearer than that.

[1:22:55] So this is from Matt, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:23:00] Hey, floppy boys, love what you do on the pod.

[1:23:03] Been thinking recently, for no reason, about movie or book titles and how a bad one can distract

[1:23:09] or even detract from the overall experience.

[1:23:12] Like, What's Eating Gilbert Great?

[1:23:14] Live, Die, Repeat, Slash, Edge of Tomorrow.

[1:23:16] Take your pick.

[1:23:18] Or Cinderella Man.

[1:23:20] I also have a few title pet peeves that are grinding my gears.

[1:23:23] Uh-oh.

[1:23:24] Specifically, the use of gerunds.

[1:23:25] You gotta get those gears looked at.

[1:23:27] The use of gerunds as the first word.

[1:23:30] Like in Gerund's Game?

[1:23:32] Finding Forrester.

[1:23:32] Saving Private Ryan.

[1:23:33] Driving Miss Daisy.

[1:23:37] Also, the use of the word combo, the good in the title, i.e. the good doctor, the good wife,

[1:23:42] the good bad movie, etc.

[1:23:44] But not the good, the bad, the ugly, which is a fantastic title and a great movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:48] Although, based on those other names, does that mean that, like, because normally when

[1:23:52] they say something's the good, it's like an implication that they're actually not that

[1:23:55] good.

[1:23:56] Like the good son.

[1:23:57] Yeah.

[1:23:57] Do you think the good, the bad, and the ugly, they actually mean the bad, the bad, and the

[1:24:00] ugly?

[1:24:01] Or the bad, the good, and the beautiful.

[1:24:03] Oh, interesting.

[1:24:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:05] And finally.

[1:24:05] Although there is a movie called The Bad and the Beautiful.

[1:24:07] So does that movie mean the good and the ugly?

[1:24:09] I gotta watch these movies again.

[1:24:10] Hold on.

[1:24:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:12] And finally, I'm also tired of movie titles having the same title as parts of the same

[1:24:16] franchise, i.e.

[1:24:18] Halloween, 79, and 2018.

[1:24:20] Scream, 1996, and 2022.

[1:24:23] Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Take Your Pick, and even Rambo slash John Rambo or Rocky slash Rocky

[1:24:28] Babel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:29] Would The Fast and the Furious and Fast and Furious fall under that?

[1:24:32] Yeah, I believe so.

[1:24:34] Yes, yes.

[1:24:34] Okay.

[1:24:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:36] Like, just put a number behind it or add the word Requiem or some shit and come up with

[1:24:41] a cooler title.

[1:24:42] Protocol.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:43] There's no, there's no, we're gonna get to, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you, I guess,

[1:24:46] what, what word I don't like in titles, but the word Requiem, I always find hilarious

[1:24:49] because it never really means what, like, it's just something to try to class it up in

[1:24:53] so much.

[1:24:54] Yeah.

[1:24:54] Sounds fancy.

[1:24:56] Yeah.

[1:24:57] Class up those predators in those movies.

[1:24:59] You might have also called Alien vs. Predator Overture or something like that.

[1:25:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:03] Well, Requiem is a, is a, specifically a mourning, like a song for the dead, like.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:09] But how does that play, other than the fact that they kill people, how does that play,

[1:25:12] is it the end of the species?

[1:25:12] No, that's how it plays.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:13] No, it's like Requiem.

[1:25:15] Yeah.

[1:25:15] Fast and Furious Requiem.

[1:25:17] You know, is Requiem for a Dream.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:19] No, Requiem for a Dream is a title that makes sense, Dan.

[1:25:22] No, I know, but at least in the, anyway.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:25] I don't like it either.

[1:25:26] Can we throw Covenant at the end of titles?

[1:25:28] I'm just saying, it makes a little more sense than Overture, which would be like, okay,

[1:25:31] this is the thing that's gonna happen before any of the story happens.

[1:25:34] Because it's the prologue.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:35] It's a prequel, yeah.

[1:25:37] Yeah.

[1:25:37] Meet the Fockers Requiem.

[1:25:39] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:41] Did you hear about the Morgans Requiem?

[1:25:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:44] Wondering if you guys have any title pet peeves or bad titles for good movies that come

[1:25:47] to mind.

[1:25:48] Keep up the good work.

[1:25:49] Floppy yours, Matt.

[1:25:51] I, you know, like mine actually was said in the letter.

[1:25:53] I, the weird gerund thing.

[1:25:55] We didn't even talk about, you got your, what, the Saving Silverman and your Feeling Minnesota.

[1:26:02] Feeling Minnesota, what a dumb title.

[1:26:04] What does that mean that I'm feeling Minnesota?

[1:26:06] Never having seen it, I can't tell you.

[1:26:08] Is it an attitude that I have?

[1:26:10] Like, I'm feeling kind of Minnesota today.

[1:26:12] Or is it telling me, is it about that?

[1:26:14] Have you seen the movie?

[1:26:16] Are we wandering to Dan's Tight Five on Minnesota?

[1:26:19] And just feeling the ground?

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:22] I mean, who's with me?

[1:26:23] Who here works out?

[1:26:24] You, Stu, you look like you work out.

[1:26:25] Oh, yeah, I do.

[1:26:25] You ever notice how at the gym, there's.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:28] I'm feeling Minnesota's always playing on those little TVs.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:31] I don't know about that.

[1:26:32] The gerund thing doesn't bother me that much.

[1:26:33] I like being John Malkovich as a title.

[1:26:35] I like Saving Private Ryan as a title.

[1:26:36] Like, I like that it is, what they're, what they're doing is they're telling you this story.

[1:26:41] You're going to, you're going to experience it.

[1:26:43] It isn't something that happened and it's over and we, and it's history.

[1:26:46] This is something that is alive.

[1:26:47] This is a living thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:48] You picked a couple of the better examples of it.

[1:26:52] I think that, I guess, but I guess that you do point out that the problem with something like Feeling Minnesota is more the meaninglessness of it than the inherent quality of the articles of speech.

[1:27:03] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:04] Or like Finding Forrester when really that movie should have been called, who's the man now, dog?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:11] You got anything, Stuart?

[1:27:13] Or.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:13] I mean, I hate it anytime they try and put in a name for comedic effect.

[1:27:18] Like, I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.

[1:27:21] But I, I guess I just hate that name because that movie sucks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:27] I'm, I'm a big, this is after, after defending gerunds, this might seem hypocritical, but I'm a really, I'm tired of the word rise in movie titles.

S4

[1:27:35] That was going to be mine.

[1:27:37] That's what I was going to bring up.

[1:27:38] I feel it's a word that.

[1:27:38] I hate it so much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:40] Yeah.

[1:27:40] And it often means nothing.

[1:27:41] It's not really, it does not, the thing.

[1:27:44] Are you, what about the rise of Taj?

[1:27:45] Yeah.

[1:27:46] Are you telling me Groot does not rise?

[1:27:48] In the previous movie?

[1:27:50] Or, or whenever a sequel has rise in it and it's like, so the last time was not when they rose to prominence?

[1:27:57] Yeah.

[1:27:57] Like, that, like the Dark Knight rises is not a star.

[1:28:00] I feel like that kicked it off.

[1:28:01] That's the worst one to me.

[1:28:01] That, that, that kicked off and that was the worst one.

[1:28:03] But like that G.I. Joe, the rise of Cobra is about the downfall of Cobra and the rise of Skywalker is a meaningless phrase.

[1:28:10] Like it's a, there's only one movie where I like the title rise and that's the David LaChapelle dance documentary rise about the history of crumping, where you just see a lot of crump and clown dancing.

[1:28:19] But the.

[1:28:20] Challenge accepted.

[1:28:21] I'm going to find one.

[1:28:21] It's the title that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:22] What about, wait, is Rise of the Planet of the Apes, is that one of them?

[1:28:25] That's one of them, but it also doesn't.

[1:28:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:27] When you've already had, because Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, I think comes before Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

[1:28:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:31] Which, yeah, wait.

[1:28:33] I thought it was Rise, Dawn, War.

[1:28:36] Minions.

[1:28:36] Yes.

[1:28:37] Which is kind of wild.

[1:28:39] That's a wild choice.

[1:28:40] Do you think Dawn would happen first?

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:42] Then, yeah, Rise should be Dawn and Dawn should be Rise.

[1:28:44] It's just, it's that it's a word that is used without much paying attention to the meaning of the word Rise.

S4

[1:28:49] It feels like a, like last minute decision made by a bunch of studio execs sitting around a board.

[1:28:56] Like, especially Dark Knight Rises where they're like, okay, Dark Knight, we did this cool thing where we came up with a title that wasn't just Batman.

[1:29:03] And so, you know, they're all riding high on that.

[1:29:06] And they're like, well, we need to do that again.

[1:29:07] But how do we do it?

[1:29:08] And it's like, you know, Friday at four o'clock and they got to deliver something.

[1:29:12] So they're like, well, let's just do Dark Knight again and throw Rise.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:14] How are people going to know it's a Batman movie if it doesn't have Batman or Dark Knight in the title?

[1:29:19] I mean, the fact that it's the same star and the same director and he's in a bat costume.

[1:29:23] I mean, how are people going to know?

[1:29:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:24] I just discovered a title from 2022, which is Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles colon the movie.

[1:29:32] Oh, shit.

[1:29:33] What?

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:34] Maybe.

[1:29:34] Based on the novel, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:36] I guess there was maybe some preexisting material called Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that they're going off of.

[1:29:43] Or like, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:45] It's also, I think part of it is it is a, it is a.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:49] No, the original title was just Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

[1:29:52] So somewhere along the line.

[1:29:53] Oh, I see.

[1:29:53] Someone came along, came.

[1:29:55] No, no, no.

[1:29:56] That's the official title.

[1:29:57] The one with the movie.

[1:29:59] I'm just saying that.

[1:30:00] Yeah, yeah.

[1:30:00] Okay.

[1:30:00] I'm not arguing with you.

[1:30:01] At some point.

[1:30:02] It's okay.

[1:30:03] Some producer was like.

[1:30:04] Dan, I'm not going to see you because Anna DeArmas wasn't in the title the first time.

[1:30:07] We got to throw the movie in there to make it clear to everyone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:11] Well, as we talked about on the podcast before, the same thing happened to Hot Dog.

[1:30:14] Where they were like, we can't have people showing up at the theater expecting to buy

[1:30:17] free, buy hot dogs.

[1:30:18] Yeah, this is a restaurant.

[1:30:20] Hot Dog.

[1:30:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

S4

[1:30:21] Special things.

[1:30:22] I will say that's a thing that I miss is having stuff being designated as the motion picture

[1:30:27] or the movie.

[1:30:28] Yeah.

[1:30:28] I think it's, I don't know.

[1:30:30] It's just classy.

[1:30:32] Yeah, it classes it up a little bit.

[1:30:34] Yeah.

[1:30:34] Hot Dog.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:35] It's also funny how like the numeral with a, using a Roman numeral at the end of a title

[1:30:40] was also a way to like class it up.

[1:30:42] And then they were like, eh, that's, we'll just use a number.

[1:30:44] Eh, we're not even going to use numbers anymore.

[1:30:47] Well, maybe we'll stick the number in a word.

[1:30:48] And it's like, you had something so beautiful.

[1:30:51] You could have used those Roman numerals forever.

[1:30:52] You know?

[1:30:53] Yeah.

S4

[1:30:53] Phantasm IV Oblivion.

[1:30:55] Yeah.

[1:30:55] With the Roman numeral IV in it.

[1:30:57] Exactly.

[1:30:57] The Super Bowl understands.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:58] They're like, how do we class up this thing where a bunch of guys just slam into each other

[1:31:01] and get real brain injuries that destroy their lives forever?

[1:31:05] Well, just put a Roman numeral on it.

[1:31:06] Oh yeah.

[1:31:07] Classy.

[1:31:07] Great.

[1:31:07] Now it's an American institution.

[1:31:09] Yeah.

S4

[1:31:10] I just have one more thing about that letter.

[1:31:11] It's funny that they mentioned What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

[1:31:14] Because I was just complaining about that title yesterday.

[1:31:18] I find it very annoying.

[1:31:20] I don't know why.

[1:31:20] I've never seen the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:22] You expect it's going to be that a ghoulie is going to jump out of the toilet and take a bite out of him.

[1:31:26] Yeah, exactly.

S4

[1:31:28] And I'm sure it doesn't deliver on that.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:30] It wasn't until years later that my full hatred of the title Good Will Hunting bloomed.

[1:31:36] Because at the time I just sort of accepted it.

[1:31:38] And then somewhere along the line I'm like, wait a minute.

[1:31:41] No, wait.

[1:31:41] His name is Will Hunting.

[1:31:44] And he's good.

[1:31:45] And he's good.

[1:31:46] And he's hunting for Good Will.

[1:31:48] But he's also hunting for Good Will.

[1:31:50] This movie won a fucking Oscar for Best Screenplay.

[1:31:54] It did win the Oscar for Best Title.

[1:31:56] I know.

[1:31:57] But they made the decision to write that Screenplay and then put that title on it.

[1:32:00] And nothing's eating him, so I'm fine with it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:02] Yeah.

[1:32:02] Dan, can I ask you a question?

[1:32:03] It doesn't count as a gerund, though.

[1:32:05] That's the thing because it's his name.

[1:32:06] Oh, sorry.

[1:32:06] What were you saying?

[1:32:07] I was just asking Dan if he likes apples.

[1:32:09] And then I was going to hold up a poster that says Academy Award winning for title Good Will Hunting.

[1:32:17] And I'd say, how do you like these apples?

[1:32:19] And then Dan would be like, fuck.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:20] I don't really like normal apples all that much as fruit goes.

[1:32:24] Then I would go drink a shitload of donkeys.

[1:32:26] I don't like those apples either.

[1:32:27] The answer would have been, no, I don't like those apples.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:29] Am I the only one?

[1:32:30] I haven't seen Good Will Hunting since I saw it in the theaters when it came out.

[1:32:32] But I remember it being a very good movie.

[1:32:34] Like, I remember being a good movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:35] I liked it just fine.

[1:32:36] I thought it was good.

[1:32:37] Yeah.

[1:32:37] But I just, you know, years later, I'm like, what a fucking stupid title.

[1:32:42] It is a dumb title.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:42] I mean, can you consider it was the directorial debut of Stevie Van Zandt?

[1:32:45] Like, he's got this amazing career as a musician.

[1:32:47] And then he decides to make a, hold on, let me do some research.

[1:32:49] Hold on.

[1:32:50] Oh, oh, never mind.

[1:32:51] I see what you're doing.

[1:32:52] Never mind.

[1:32:52] It's a different base.

[1:32:53] Yeah.

[1:32:53] Sorry.

[1:32:54] I spell differently and pronounce differently.

[1:32:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:57] Yeah, it is.

[1:32:58] A totally different name.

[1:32:59] So, one more letter from listeners.

[1:33:03] A specific listener.

[1:33:04] This one's...

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:05] Not all the listeners didn't get together for a class action letter.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:08] Named Tony.

[1:33:09] One of the spellings from Tony, Tony, Tony.

[1:33:11] I'll let you decide which one.

[1:33:13] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:14] A letter from a Mr. Tony T. Tiger.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:19] Tony writes, hey, peaches, I recently discovered your podcast and have been working my way through

[1:33:23] the back catalog in between new episodes.

[1:33:26] Thank you for listening.

[1:33:27] Anywho, here's my entry for the freeform contest described in episode 20, 10,000 BC.

[1:33:34] I told my mom about the Flophouse and we listened to the first episode together.

[1:33:39] When I asked her what she thought, she said, I hope the levels get better because I couldn't

[1:33:42] hear that one guy.

[1:33:43] I told her that the levels do eventually get better, but she seemed skeptical.

[1:33:47] So, I'm not sure that the Flophouse has gained another loyal listener, but you can add one

[1:33:51] more listen to episode one.

[1:33:53] Thank you for your consideration.

[1:33:55] ROCK in the USA.

[1:33:57] Now, I can only assume that back in those days, we were encouraging people to listen to those

[1:34:02] episodes.

[1:34:02] Now, I would like to discourage them.

[1:34:05] We were stupider.

[1:34:07] Elliot wasn't on the show.

[1:34:09] Yeah, which meant you guys were much stupider.

[1:34:10] Oh, boy.

[1:34:11] The sound was bad.

[1:34:12] You wouldn't have to reassure your mom that the sound would get better if you just played

[1:34:16] her one from a recent.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:17] I mean, maybe his mom is a big fan of stealth.

[1:34:20] And that's why they had to listen to that.

[1:34:21] That makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:22] We shouldn't make gender pronouns assumptions anyway.

[1:34:26] But it is Tony with an I.

[1:34:28] So, I don't.

[1:34:28] Anyway.

[1:34:30] I solved the mystery that I said before about Tony Tony.

[1:34:33] Yeah, that makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:34] So, it's too late for me to guess and win the contest?

[1:34:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:39] Elliot, if you win the contest, you get to decide what movie we cover on the Flophouse.

[1:34:43] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:44] That's amazing.

[1:34:46] Stealth?

[1:34:46] Have we done that one?

[1:34:47] Oh, right.

[1:34:47] I guess I'll go listen to it.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:49] You can go back to that.

[1:34:50] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:51] This is just a word of advice.

[1:34:52] If you want to share the Flophouse with somebody, I would say please do.

[1:34:55] Please help spread the word.

[1:34:57] You know, we've been doing this for a long time, but we're going to keep doing it.

[1:34:59] So, you might as well help us out with it.

[1:35:01] But maybe don't go to the earliest episodes.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:03] And we live in fear of it tanking because by now it's an important part of our income.

[1:35:07] Very much so.

[1:35:08] And our self-worth.

[1:35:09] Let's not deny that.

[1:35:11] Well, yeah.

[1:35:11] Okay.

[1:35:12] Stuart is now in a real turnaround.

[1:35:16] Stuart is the –

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:17] I'm doing my heel turn in this episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:20] I'm in thrive mode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:21] Main business.

[1:35:23] Thriving vice magnate Stuart Wellington doesn't need the podcast anymore.

[1:35:26] But now that he's made a deal with the Colombians, right?

[1:35:30] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:30] I just keep chasing my magazine dreams over here.

[1:35:33] Trying to get bigger and wider.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:37] Ever since you saw Younger, you've wanted to get into the publishing world, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:40] Yeah.

[1:35:41] That's what that movie's about.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:42] Magazine dreams.

[1:35:44] Oh, okay.

[1:35:45] That's the thing that we do after letters.

[1:35:46] We make recommendations.

[1:35:47] Oh, shit.

[1:35:48] That we've seen usually recently.

[1:35:51] It doesn't have to be.

[1:35:52] I'm going to say one that I saw recently, though.

[1:35:54] I was in Manhattan.

[1:35:57] Feeling Minnesota.

[1:36:00] You know, sometimes when you have a flexible schedule and you live in New York, which is – New York City is made up of five boroughs, guys.

[1:36:11] A bunch of stories.

[1:36:12] A bunch of people whining about whenever they have to go to a different borough.

[1:36:16] So, like, that's me in this story, me who lives in Brooklyn, having to go into Manhattan for a couple of doctor's appointments.

[1:36:22] And so I built a whole day around it, which included some free time, time to kill.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:28] Yeah, because it's going to take you a few hours on your horse to get to Manhattan and Brooklyn.

[1:36:31] Are you recommending time to kill?

Dan McCoy

[1:36:35] I'm recommending No Time to Die.

[1:36:37] No, I am recommending – I went to the Drafthouse Lower Manhattan and I saw a rep screening of Twin Peaks, Fire Walk With Me, a movie that I rejected when it first was out, as many people did, who wanted more of the Twin Peaks they'd seen on their televisions.

[1:36:56] It's not this horrifying sadness.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:01] We wanted more of the James Hurley goes off on his own and gets in a murder mystery, right?

[1:37:05] We all wanted it.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:07] But it's a movie that now – I mean, certainly with the return and also just with time and knowing what to expect out of it, I don't have the same preconceived notion problems with it.

[1:37:18] And I can see it for what it is, which is a movie that, I'll be honest, there's stuff in it I still am not as wild about as other Lynch movies.

[1:37:25] I think it goes a little hard into his tendency for, like, let's just throw some stuff on here that's not going to be explained at the beginning of the movie.

[1:37:36] But I do think that it's a movie that really centers the character of Laura, gives Cheryl Lee a lot to play.

[1:37:45] It's a very sad movie about horrific trauma, so it's not like a movie that's fun to watch.

[1:37:51] But it is interesting how it takes, you know, like this character from Twin Peaks who prior to this was just sort of a motivating factor, kind of the stereotypical, like, dead girl that takes everything off and puts her at the center of her own story.

[1:38:04] And gives some sort of catharsis to that.

[1:38:08] And, you know, there was utter silence in the theater after it ended.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:14] You were expecting people to cheer and toss homemade confetti.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:24] Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Twin Peaks fire a walk with me.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:28] Kind of in the middle of my personal, like, Lynch rankings, but still, I mean, he's a genius, so that's still saying something.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:35] What's bottom?

[1:38:36] What's the bottom of your Lynch rankings?

Dan McCoy

[1:38:38] Well, I mean, I don't think it's fair to Inland Empire, which I didn't really give a fair shake.

[1:38:44] I just kind of, like, was like, I can't watch this, and I turned it off.

[1:38:48] Maybe if I saw it in the theater, I would like it better.

[1:38:51] But, you know, I know that you love Wild at Heart.

[1:38:57] I cannot get through Wild at Heart.

[1:38:59] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:00] Yeah, I mean, it only won the Palme d'Or.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:02] I mean, well, I have to agree with the can.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:07] They've never got it wrong, Dan.

[1:39:09] I mean, like, Titane won the Palme d'Or, right?

[1:39:11] And that was one that didn't quite work for me.

[1:39:13] So, I get it.

[1:39:14] Oh, okay.

[1:39:14] Well.

[1:39:15] I know you loved it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:15] Guess I'm talking to babies on this podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:18] This is the segment where we shit on movies that Stuart Loves and the Cannes Film Festival also loved.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:23] Our guest is Owen Glyberman, and he's here to complain about bones and all.

[1:39:29] Hey, I'm going to recommend another Sloppy Gorefest.

[1:39:34] That's right.

[1:39:35] I'm going to recommend.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:36] Sloppy Gorefest sounds like a horror movie host for kids.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:39] Yeah, Sloppy Gorefest.

[1:39:40] I'm recommending a movie from 1995 titled Before Sunrise.

[1:39:48] Written and directed by Richard Linklater, starring Ethan Hogg and Julie Delphi.

[1:39:52] Wall-to-wall blood.

[1:39:53] Wall-to-wall blood on that one.

[1:39:55] Sloppy.

[1:39:56] Strap on your barf bags.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:58] Yeah, this is a movie that...

[1:40:00] Strap them on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:01] Just strap them on.

[1:40:02] We do have a nurse.

[1:40:03] Don't worry.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:03] We have a nurse in the lobby for tonight's screening of Before Sunrise.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:07] If your hands get too weak from vomiting, you'd want them strapped on.

[1:40:11] You don't have to...

[1:40:11] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:12] Well, you don't want to get barf on your hands.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:15] I mean, your hands aren't on the inside of the bag.

[1:40:17] You hold the bag.

[1:40:18] They're going to...

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:19] Wait, what?

[1:40:21] Wait, you're going to have to draw your barf bag design for me before I back it, because

[1:40:26] this is our episode of Shark Tank.

[1:40:28] Oh, wow.

[1:40:30] Yeah, so I'm going to recommend this movie.

[1:40:32] It's a movie that I missed years ago, and I don't know why, like,

[1:40:37] I feel like Richard Linklater is one of the best at doing just, like, hangout movies,

[1:40:41] and I feel like this is no different.

[1:40:44] It really captures the feel of being, like, young and in love in Vienna, which I was living

[1:40:50] in Vienna around the time of this movie.

[1:40:53] And, yeah, it's great.

[1:40:55] I loved it.

[1:40:56] Recommend if...

[1:40:57] I recommend if you, you know, you're kind of a romantic, or you just want to see young

[1:41:02] Ethan Hawke.

[1:41:03] Yeah.

[1:41:04] Who wouldn't want to see that?

Dan McCoy

[1:41:06] I don't know.

[1:41:06] Give me an answer.

[1:41:08] I need to know.

[1:41:09] Maybe old Ethan Hawke would look at it and be like, oh, my lost youth.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:12] That makes sense, because I have pictures of young Ethan Hawke.

[1:41:14] I have just enough for everyone in the United States except for one person.

[1:41:16] So I need to figure out who to not send one to.

[1:41:18] Oh, yeah.

[1:41:18] I mean, he probably already has a bunch of them, too.

[1:41:21] Yeah, probably his family has some, and his...

[1:41:23] Yeah.

[1:41:23] That makes sense.

[1:41:24] Anyway, I'm going to recommend a movie, too.

[1:41:26] Yeah, I'm going to recommend another...

[1:41:27] Another...

[1:41:28] Another...

[1:41:29] Gross out door fest.

[1:41:31] ...extremist slatter fest.

[1:41:32] Yeah.

[1:41:33] I'm going to recommend the movie Girlfriends from 1978.

[1:41:37] This is a kind of slice of life, street-level view comedy drama directed by Claudia Weil, written by Vicky Plon.

[1:41:45] And it stars Melanie Mayren as a young woman who is at that point in her life where she needs to start kind of taking her life seriously and figuring out what she was doing.

[1:41:55] She wants to be a photographer.

[1:41:57] She's mostly a bar mitzvah and wedding photographer because she can't get her career together.

[1:42:02] Her roommate has just left her in order to get married, and she has to face the fact that what does she want in her life?

[1:42:08] Does she want to be by herself or does she want to be with other people?

[1:42:10] And I really liked it a lot.

[1:42:12] It's a very...

[1:42:13] I was mentioning it to a friend of mine, and she described it as being kind of like Francis Ha for that time period, which I think it's very similar.

[1:42:20] It has a similar sort of episodic structure.

[1:42:23] And there's a lot of actors in small roles that are...

[1:42:26] Like, Eli Wallach is in it.

[1:42:27] He's really good.

[1:42:28] Young Christopher Guest and young Bob Balaban show up.

[1:42:31] So if you ever wanted to see Bob Balaban as, like, the hunky young husband of a character...

[1:42:36] I do, yeah.

[1:42:36] It's something you don't get to see too much.

[1:42:38] And I thought it was just...

[1:42:41] It's both a kind of gentle and sweet movie, but also a real-feeling movie.

[1:42:47] And took me back to periods in my life when I was younger where it's like, oh, yeah, when I was newly married and my friends would come over who were not married.

[1:42:54] Like, the kind of...

[1:42:56] The awkwardness of those moments that I hadn't thought about in a long time, that our lives were different now.

[1:43:01] And it's just...

[1:43:02] It's really good.

[1:43:03] And it's on the Criterion channel right now, if you're listening to this during a time when it's still on the Criterion channel.

[1:43:08] So go ahead and try it out.

[1:43:10] Or it's also on HBO Max in their Criterion section.

[1:43:13] Try it out on HBO Max so that HBO Max doesn't cut it from their service.

[1:43:16] Or maybe it's when you watch it, they cut it from your service because they have to pay for it.

[1:43:19] I'm not sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:20] Anyway, anywho.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:21] So that's Girlfriends.

[1:43:24] Steven?

[1:43:25] Wow.

S4

[1:43:25] Three very classy recommendations.

[1:43:28] I'm going to have to disrupt this by recommending Ghoulies 3, Ghoulies Go to College.

[1:43:34] Yeah.

[1:43:35] I don't know if you guys have ever heard of Tubi, but it is the ultimate streaming service that is basically a late 90s, early 2000s video store in streaming form.

[1:43:49] So Ghoulies Go to College is readily available on there.

[1:43:53] I mean, it's definitely a movie of its time.

[1:43:56] A lot of stuff in it that probably wouldn't fly now.

[1:43:59] I mean, it's typical like college hijinks.

[1:44:04] People pulling pranks on each other.

[1:44:06] Though in this movie, they're called Yanks.

[1:44:08] So I think that was a very clever bit of world building that they do.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:12] Pranks yanked?

[1:44:13] Because that could explain why.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:15] What about manks?

S4

[1:44:16] Are any manks yanked?

[1:44:17] Is the mank crank yanked?

[1:44:19] I think a mank comes out of the toilet at one point.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:21] I mean, this is also a classy movie because it's got Kevin McCarthy from Invasion of the Body Snatchers as the professor who brings those Ghoulies back.

S4

[1:44:34] Yeah.

[1:44:34] Well, and he was just like the quintessential bad guy, like kind of comedy bad guy in that era.

[1:44:40] Right.

[1:44:40] So like, I don't know.

[1:44:42] I just think it's a super fun movie.

[1:44:44] It's directed by John Buechler, who did Jason.

[1:44:51] Was it part seven?

[1:44:52] Was it New Blood?

[1:44:53] Ooh, part seven's a fave of mine.

[1:44:56] Yeah.

[1:44:56] So he's an effects artist turned director.

[1:44:59] And yeah, I'm like really deep in the little monster genre right now because of this movie I'm prepping.

[1:45:06] And so, yeah, I've been watching basically everything that's available.

[1:45:09] And I've watched Ghoulies go to college a few times now.

[1:45:12] It is thoroughly entertaining.

[1:45:15] It's a fun ride.

[1:45:16] Lots of laughs.

[1:45:18] Lots of fun creatures.

[1:45:19] Highly recommend it.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:20] Now, speaking of being an effects artist director, is there anything you would like to plug before we all go away?

S4

[1:45:27] I mean, I wouldn't mind.

[1:45:29] Forever.

[1:45:29] Into the cornfield.

[1:45:32] I have not officially announced this movie yet.

[1:45:35] So maybe this will be like kind of a soft announcement right here.

[1:45:39] Whoa, a flop house.

[1:45:40] Some hot news for you guys.

[1:45:41] Very rare for us.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:42] Yeah, this is like when Lin-Manuel Miranda was on My Brother, My Brother, and me was like,

[1:45:46] yeah, I'm working on this thing about rapping presidents.

[1:45:49] And they're like, good luck, dude.

S4

[1:45:53] And so, yeah, I'm in prep right now on another feature film.

[1:45:57] It's called Frankie Frico.

[1:46:00] And it's basically, like, pictured to you this way.

[1:46:06] Have you ever watched a late 80s, early 90s erotic thriller and thought, I wish this had more Ghoulies in it?

[1:46:14] And that's the movie.

[1:46:14] Yes, I can say yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:16] I think what I just described is what Dan fervently wished for as a child every night,

[1:46:20] as he prayed to God before going to bed.

S4

[1:46:23] So, yeah, it's basically a guy, yuffie in his house being terrorized by little monsters for 80 minutes.

[1:46:29] It's very much my love letter to the exact kind of movie we've been talking about today.

[1:46:35] So, yeah, this timed out perfectly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:38] You showed me some of the concept work on this.

S4

[1:46:42] Oh, yeah.

[1:46:43] It looks incredible.

[1:46:45] There's some pretty wild creatures in this.

[1:46:47] There's some, yeah, full creature suits.

[1:46:49] I'm deep in teaching myself animatronics right now.

[1:46:53] Awesome.

[1:46:54] Because how I approach making movies is I just kind of dive in headfirst and I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll figure this out.

[1:47:00] And now I'm stuck with the task of figuring it out.

[1:47:03] So, yeah.

[1:47:05] We'll see how it pans out.

[1:47:06] But I'm very excited.

[1:47:07] I'm looking forward to seeing it.

[1:47:08] Go to camera April 3rd.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:10] Yeah, that's so great.

[1:47:11] Obviously, you haven't recommended, you haven't plugged it, but obviously everyone should go watch Psycho Goreman.

[1:47:17] Not just because Steve made it and it's great, but also because I have a very small vocal role in it.

[1:47:22] And you guys love me, right?

[1:47:23] You want to support me.

[1:47:25] Dan, support me.

S4

[1:47:26] Yeah, and I mean, and like, who knows?

[1:47:30] Maybe I'll enlist your guys' vocal talents in this project.

[1:47:35] Support us.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:37] That would be amazing.

[1:47:39] Okay, so the thing that's great about this podcast is that it's on Maximum Fun Network.

[1:47:43] Oh.

[1:47:44] And very soon we're going to be doing our pledge drive.

[1:47:46] The Max Fun Drive is coming up.

[1:47:48] Get excited, folks, because we are excited, too.

[1:47:50] We got some cool stuff planned.

[1:47:53] Do we – oh, yeah.

[1:47:54] Obviously, this show is going to be heavily edited and made perfect and great sounding by Alexander Smith.

[1:48:00] He's the best.

[1:48:00] You can find him doing a variety of different things under the name Howell Toddy.

[1:48:04] Some of them legal.

[1:48:06] Some of them questionable.

[1:48:07] Yeah, yeah.

[1:48:07] I don't endorse everything he does.

[1:48:11] For the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:13] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:48:14] Happy to not be doing this part of it.

[1:48:16] I'm the rise of Elliot Kalin.

S4

[1:48:18] And I'm Steve Kostansky, remembering to say his name at the end of the podcast.

[1:48:23] Nailed it.

[1:48:23] You did.

[1:48:24] Right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:25] You did.

[1:48:25] Nothing but name.

[1:48:28] Bye.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:28] And just to let you know, Steve, we record the Zoom video as well because we use it to, like, do promotional clips.

[1:48:41] I'm assuming you're okay with that.

S4

[1:48:43] Yeah, yeah.

[1:48:43] Well, I was going to ask, am I allowed to get a screenshot of this?

[1:48:47] Yeah, yeah.

[1:48:48] Oh, please.

[1:48:49] You know, when times are dark, I can look at this and feel good.

[1:48:52] I know exactly what Elliot's going to do.

[1:48:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:54] Just me and my best friends.

[1:48:56] And Dan knows what I'm going to say, which is, please just let us know so that, because Dan has a habit of tweeting out screenshots where I'm like this.

[1:49:04] And Dan and Stuart are both like.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:06] In your defense, that's kind of how your face always looks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:09] Because I'm talking most of the time.

[1:49:12] I'm talking most of the time.

[1:49:13] So Dan knows to take a picture during the 90% of the podcast that's me.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:16] I've already told him several times I'm sorry and I won't do it anymore.

[1:49:20] And yet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:21] So now I'm making sure that our guest, our esteemed guest, understands that that's my rider for any photograph.

[1:49:27] Yeah.

S4

[1:49:27] So I could just do it right now.

[1:49:29] Yeah.

[1:49:30] Like three, two, one.

[1:49:33] Nice.

[1:49:35] Perfect.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:37] Maximumfun.org.

S6

[1:49:38] Comedy and culture.

[1:49:40] Artist owned.

[1:49:40] Audience supported.

Episode #391 - Critters, with Steven Kostanski

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