Episode #395 - The Pope's Exorcist

[0:00] on this episode we discuss the pope's exorcist it's kind of like if you were to cross evil dead

[0:08] with Columbo

[0:34] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy no i'm steward wellington it's

[0:39] elliot galen sorry let's ride a unicycle down a flight of stairs yeah a couple of crusties

[0:46] in here i think so you shouldn't do that on mic but that's okay um hey guys good to see

[0:54] you again this is a podcast in case you didn't know oh cool where we watch just for the record

[0:59] we can't see you if it's the listeners you're talking to we actually can't see them so don't

[1:02] don't worry except for you gary i'm looking at you right now somewhere guys gary's so freaked

[1:10] out right now yeah you really gave him the business so what do we do on this podcast

[1:14] other than spy on gary this is the podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it or

[1:20] a movie that maybe look no judgments until the end it could be who knows if it's a thumbs up for me

[1:28] better than me but we've heard things why would you rub it into that dog's face too that you have

[1:32] thumbs and he doesn't yeah well he knows what he did we heard some things usually about the movies

[1:38] that we chose that might suggest that maybe a humorous dissection of these films would be

[1:45] enjoyable for you the audience the aggressive twitter campaign that russell crowe personally

[1:50] was doing of posting pictures of his character uh father gabriel amorth writing a fucking vest

[1:55] i don't know if it was russell crowe himself but certainly all of the people who sent us that

[2:02] trailer to the film the pope's exorcist saying you guys are doing this right there was a lot of

[2:08] excitement about and so we got off our fucking asses and we went we took our lazy butts to the

[2:16] theater and then and then got on them again it was really fun because dan and i were like dan

[2:22] and i are like okay we got to go see this fucking movie uh our usual places to go is like the alamo

[2:28] draft because usually we don't go see movies in the theater that's the like for personal use we

[2:33] usually go to the first draft because we like to get fucked up in the movies movie is only for

[2:37] public use please be careful be clean with it wipe it down when you're done well like normally we

[2:42] like to get a little bit twisted on a couple of cocktails uh you know you know we're bad boys uh

[2:47] so we uh so uh i was looking and the only draft house it was playing in new york was staten island

[2:54] so hell yeah we got to see a turkey on the road we did see a big fat turkey on the road we're

[3:00] driving as i mentioned on a previous mini i was super bummed that the menu wasn't all gabagool

[3:04] and spaghetti but that's fine i can live also because of the subject matter of the movie

[3:10] you know sure yeah what italians in the movie so we uh still thinking about that turkey we saw

[3:16] it was huge it was a fucking big boy turkey and it fluffed itself up at the traffic as we drove by

[3:22] he saw dan clocking him and he's like keep on moving buddy see on the east coast they're all

[3:27] there's a turkey in the road on the west coast we're all there's a peacock in the road oh wow

[3:35] so we so we uh headed over there and we fired up the movie and you know what let's get it we

[3:43] fired it up because again we saw in the theater the projectionists meanwhile i was not a part of

[3:49] this staten island road trip which is the saddest to go from brooklyn to staten island is not the

[3:53] most exciting road trip in the world but you would have loved it i know but i got to do something i

[4:00] almost never get to do these days which i was so excited to which is go to a sleepy movie theater

[4:04] that has more staff than attendees at the moment and sit in the middle of the day and watch a movie

[4:09] with three old people who the same three old people that i think are always when i see horror

[4:13] movies in the middle of the day yes yeah i love that that's yeah that's that's the best feeling

[4:19] that was like when i would skip school in high school that's i will say my crew you make you

[4:25] make fun of it as a road trip and right rightly so i'm not saying that you shouldn't you didn't

[4:29] even leave the city you were in psychologically it did have an effect like it was like oh stewart's

[4:35] picking me up in the car and we're like driving someplace else it was yeah yeah it was great it

[4:43] was like all the time so uh the movie and you drove right onto the ferry and then that's how

[4:50] we did it yeah uh so the the movie begins in a flashback uh doesn't the movie begin with a quote

[4:57] sorry i didn't take particularly good notes because i was in a movie theater yeah so the

[5:00] movie begins with a quote from our main character father gabriel a moth a real person who they're

[5:07] quoting a real person who's played by russell crowe a fictional movie yeah i was shocked to

[5:11] learn that at the very end that was the biggest twist of the movie at the end based on the books

[5:16] by yeah i'm like i was like this was purported to actually happen this thing's pretty cool

[5:23] wow there was a cgi portal in real life

[5:29] and now of course i think this name's cool because it sounds like the band amanah marth

[5:33] uh viking metal band but let that has no impact in the movie itself so we get a quote from him

[5:39] talking about like the devil being excited when we don't pay enough attention or something we

[5:43] don't believe in him the devil gets excited because hell yeah wreck his mischief unchecked

[5:48] which we're pretty aware of the devil the whole movie so it's pretty everyone keeps talking about

[5:54] there is that one moment we'll get to where that where the youngest cardinal in the history of the

[5:58] church i guess he's like the the um uh what's his name that horrible young man in the trump

[6:02] administration uh oh yeah uh we all know little lizard guy yeah yeah the one who looked like mr

[6:09] burns but the mr burns had been de-aged but not enough uh that it's like him in the vatican is

[6:15] like people are tired of demons the church needs to be more relevant and i thought it was it was

[6:21] it's just such a fake and we'll get to it's such a fake conflict for the head exorcist of the

[6:26] vatican to have to overcome partly because it's the church like it's not supposed to be like new

[6:32] and cool you know but also the pope so the pope played by franco nero uh which was great so has

[6:39] the exorcist's back that it's like are we really supposed to think he's going to lose his job

[6:42] because this young cardinal doesn't like him

[6:45] give us your fucking badge and gun and he's like i don't think so

[6:52] i answered only one guy before we get to that scene first uh uh father gabriel he's got he's

[6:58] got his james bond first mission of the movie prologue to deal with right like cold open

[7:04] it's set in the 80s he goes to a little village where there's a d a little boy who's possessed

[7:09] well he's like a grown man they keep calling him a boy but he's like he's like at least a

[7:12] teenager he has a beard so the first the first line of the movie is russell crowe complimenting

[7:18] a pig by telling it it's beautiful and i thought that was really nice yeah well what he does

[7:25] i mean outside the pilot of black mirror this is just about the worst thing i've

[7:28] seen done to a pig in a tv show or movie so he uh so he you know he he calms everybody down

[7:36] he talks to the possessed guy possessed guy obviously a demon is doing demon stuff

[7:42] and uh russell crowe does a little bit of banter he tells some jokes and he may he like he basically

[7:47] tricks the demon into possessing proving that it's powerful by possessing a pig instead of the

[7:53] like leaving the boy's body and going into a pig in which case as soon as the pig gets possessed

[7:58] they blow its head off yeah the farmer who brought the pig and just just blows the pig's head off

[8:02] i got a couple of questions well i mean if your question is was that boy kid really possessed

[8:07] well that's the the answer is no well yes i wanted to i wanted to get into that yeah they

[8:13] didn't really they didn't call up the devil and say like devil are you free on this day to possess

[8:17] our actor what's your day right well you really should go through my reps uh you know i haven't

[8:23] talked to them much lately but they'll be excited that i'm getting some work wow kevin spacey doing

[8:27] a new accent no i wanted to get into it because you know stewart's telling the story as if he was

[8:35] possessed but the movie then has russell crowe being like oh that kid you know like he had

[8:40] psychological problems he just needed a little theater yes so he doesn't think he's possessed

[8:45] anymore now i i've got a couple issues with this number one the kid you know had all sorts of like

[8:53] i'm possessed makeup on so if he wasn't really possessed he still needs like a doctor not just

[8:59] like also so he but he hasn't eaten in days they've said he's been in this kind of state for

[9:03] days and you see russell crowe do a series of tests on him and we don't know but we find out

[9:08] later we does those same tests on the really possessed character that he is asked he is

[9:13] ascertaining from that that there is no demon inside he has that magic charm that he waves in

[9:17] front of his eyes and he doesn't get demon eyes and the real sad part is that that pig still has

[9:22] to die even though there was no demon in there like he just well that's i mean that's another

[9:27] question of mine like do if it were real would that maybe it was a stunt pig that had had

[9:35] if that were real would it kill the demon like is the demon attached to that pig this is an issue

[9:40] i've always had i have the same issue with the exorcist too where the demon uh possesses a body

[9:46] and then the body kills itself the demon should just be able to hop into another body like it

[9:51] shouldn't really hurt the demon that badly but it always seems but when the it's all these movies

[9:56] when the spirit hops into the right body and then that

[10:00] body gets killed, then the demon is defeated.

[10:03] Real quick guys, so by calling your movie The Pope's Exorcist, is that like one-upping

[10:08] The Exorcist?

[10:09] Like, it's a little bit better?

[10:10] Yeah.

[10:11] Is the next step up like The Universe's Exorcist?

[10:14] This is the Pope's guy.

[10:15] Well, and what I want is the sequel where he has been fired, and it's called The Ex-Exorcist.

[10:20] Oh, yeah.

[10:21] And he's got to figure out what his next step is.

[10:23] I want to talk about the title, The Pope's Exorcist, but I do want to get back to this

[10:27] just briefly about the-

[10:29] The title also implies that the Pope has been possessed, and the exorcist-

[10:32] Well, thank you for stepping on the thing I wanted to get back to.

[10:35] So let's say it now.

[10:36] Why not just say it now, Dan?

[10:37] Well, because we were- I don't want to get too far away from what we were talking about

[10:41] before we go down a whole nother-

[10:42] Okay, so let's put a pin in that.

[10:43] Let's put a pin in misperceptions about the title, and we'll just go back into the movie.

[10:47] I'm sorry that I stole that from your mind, Dan, much as in the last episode, an idea

[10:51] was stolen from the mind of Stephen King.

[10:54] No, no, I just- With the kid, the- I feel like there's stuff about like, oh, you know,

[11:00] like, the kid only had a mental issue, like we need to- Like, most of the time, I don't

[11:09] actually need to exercise things.

[11:10] Like, this is like stuff that the filmmaker is putting in to be like, you know, this is

[11:16] a modern- Like, this- The Pope's Exorcist, even though he's an exorcist, let's be clear,

[11:22] he's a modern, reasonable man who recognizes that, for the most part, exorcism is not a

[11:29] thing that needs to happen.

[11:30] Well, I don't know, I feel like- But except for this one tiny bit.

[11:33] Well, hold on, let me say my thing- Okay.

[11:35] Before you jump in.

[11:36] You don't know what I'm- It's just like, in real life, this guy, he's like the quote-unquote

[11:44] real life of this exorcist.

[11:46] He wrote these books about, yeah, yeah, man, I exercise like hundreds of thousands of demons,

[11:52] and so I feel like the fact that this exists in the movie is here to be like, hey, man,

[11:58] we all want to sympathize with like a guy who knows that this is nutty, right?

[12:04] Okay.

[12:05] So, what I was gonna say, I think- I'm not quite sure I agree with that.

[12:08] I think what he's in there for is more- To me, at least, what he was saying was, this

[12:11] guy is a professional.

[12:12] Like, he knows what he's doing.

[12:14] He can tell the difference between a real demon and a fake demon.

[12:16] He has that secret knowledge that a professional needs to have.

[12:19] And maybe there is a little bit of- I mean, he's also constantly drinking.

[12:22] And I don't know if the real exorcist was like taking shots of whiskey from a flask.

[12:27] Well, not even shots.

[12:28] He just pours it down as if he's drinking lemonade out of a flask.

[12:31] Like, I don't know if that was- If he was really doing that.

[12:34] And those moments where I was like- Yeah, he's drinking like he's shooting a fucking

[12:38] commercial for it.

[12:39] Yeah.

[12:40] He's like turning into James Woods from Vampires, where they're like the hard living, you know,

[12:43] vampire killers from the Vatican.

[12:45] But I think it was partly there because it's them showing us that he knows what he's doing

[12:51] and he's not going to get fooled.

[12:52] You know, he's a pro.

[12:53] He knows the tricks, you know?

[12:55] Yeah, no.

[12:56] I know, but I guess I chafe against like the fact that this is purported to be- Obviously,

[13:03] it's not.

[13:04] Based on reality.

[13:05] Of course, the demons don't exist.

[13:07] Whatever they did.

[13:08] I think we're fine.

[13:09] No, I know.

[13:11] Whatever the original books are like, I'm sure that this is like a measure of madness

[13:17] even further beyond it.

[13:19] But the fact that this movie tries to be like, no, no, guys, this is a reasonable exorcist

[13:24] who's a pro.

[13:25] Like, I guess I chafe on that just like- Look, let me- Don't try and hornswoggle me.

[13:32] I don't believe in demons, but I'm watching a horror movie, so I'm going to go with you.

[13:37] Stop trying to like- You're saying you would have rather he was

[13:39] like a straight out and out like Fire and Brimstone kind of, you know-

[13:43] Oh, I don't know.

[13:44] I don't know if I would rather that.

[13:45] I really like the way that this character is personified by Russell Crowe.

[13:49] We'll talk about it.

[13:50] Because then you start getting into the more worrying issue to me is if it's like, your

[13:54] son, you think he's possessed?

[13:55] Yes, he's possessed by the devil.

[13:57] Does he have sex with other men?

[13:59] Because that's one of the big symptoms, and that's not a character I want to sympathize

[14:02] with at all.

[14:03] Like, I do want him to be a little modern where he's like, well, of course I believe

[14:06] in primordial forces of good and evil, but like, come on, let's all agree.

[14:09] Some of this stuff is a little old-fashioned.

[14:11] I guess it is just sort of a general dislike of this idea of like, I don't know.

[14:17] Like, I'm letting too much of the real world fold into my thinking.

[14:21] I've got to say, I thought this opening scene was pretty fun.

[14:23] I liked it.

[14:24] To me, this was like, it's like the library scene in the Ghostbusters where you get a

[14:28] sense of like, you get a sense of how good this person is at their job.

[14:31] In Ghostbusters, you're learning that they're terrible at it.

[14:34] They're there to find a ghost, and when they do find it, they run away screaming.

[14:37] But in here, you get a sense that like, oh, he knows what he's doing.

[14:40] Like, he can handle – this exorcist can handle any situation, or can he?

[14:44] Because the movie is about to throw a challenge in his face.

[14:47] Look, in the context of a movie, I liked it.

[14:50] I'm just like, let's not pretend there are good exorcists and bad exorcists.

[14:53] It's just dumb stuff.

[14:55] But what about sexorcists, Dan?

[14:56] How do you feel about them?

[14:57] Are they good or bad?

[14:58] That's a white zombie album.

[15:00] I can't remember.

[15:02] So yeah, so flash forward a little bit.

[15:05] It's still the 80s.

[15:06] We're in Spain.

[15:08] Cue up She Sells Sanctuary by The Cult.

[15:11] It's like, hell yeah.

[15:12] This is a fucking rocking movie.

[15:14] We are introduced to a family who are moving into a Spanish abbey that they've inherited

[15:19] from their recently deceased father.

[15:23] It is the mother, her daughter, like teenage daughter, and her young son who already looks

[15:30] kind of creepy.

[15:31] This kid is the number one special effect in this movie.

[15:34] Well, I don't want to make fun of this kid.

[15:37] And he has refused to talk since witnessing the death of their father.

[15:40] But the movie makers are giving us...

[15:42] I'm not making fun of him.

[15:43] It's like fucking Doug Jones, dude.

[15:45] He's amazing.

[15:46] This kid's got a big career ahead of him.

[15:48] He looks awesome.

[15:49] The kid is really good.

[15:50] But it's your standard Spielberg's assortment of single mom, older kid, younger kid.

[15:55] And the younger kid gets involved in some kind of fantastical thing.

[15:59] That's your basic family, yeah.

[16:01] Yep, yep.

[16:02] Spielberg, I believe, took it from the diary of Dr. Father Gabriel Morse, actually.

[16:07] Yeah, yeah.

[16:08] Originally, E.T. was called...

[16:09] Credit where credit's due, yeah.

[16:10] E.T. was exorcist terrestrial.

[16:12] And over time, they took all the exorcism stuff.

[16:15] Yeah, yeah.

[16:16] That's a shame.

[16:17] Skittles.

[16:18] Demons love them.

[16:19] Or no, Rhesus pieces.

[16:20] What?

[16:21] Rhesus pieces, no.

[16:22] Stuart, wow.

[16:23] I fucked up that joke.

[16:24] I fucked it up.

[16:25] And you're right.

[16:26] Demons do love Skittles because they want to taste the rainbow.

[16:29] Well, that's the thing.

[16:30] Aliens love Rhesus pieces.

[16:32] Demons love Skittles.

[16:33] Yeah.

[16:34] Oh, thank you, guys.

[16:35] You're making me feel so much better.

[16:36] I feel like such an asshole.

[16:37] I mean, I know that Elliot believes that because they're all fruit-flavored.

[16:40] And to him, fruit is the demon's food.

[16:44] Fruit is evil.

[16:45] I mean, what was the original sin that cast Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?

[16:49] It wasn't eating meat.

[16:50] You know what?

[16:51] It all tracks.

[16:52] It wasn't eating chocolate.

[16:53] It was eating fruit.

[16:54] No, you're right.

[16:55] And it was eating Skittles.

[16:57] God said, Thou tree is the rainbow, and thou shalt not taste the rainbow.

[17:01] And the serpent came up and was like, Eve, you want to taste that rainbow.

[17:05] You know you do.

[17:06] That'd be a wild-ass Skittles commercial.

[17:07] Right.

[17:08] You know what?

[17:09] I think it would work.

[17:11] This is a Skittles commercial.

[17:12] God says – it's almost all told without dialogue.

[17:16] God points at the tree to Adam and Eve and finger over the – wagging his finger.

[17:20] No, no, don't do that.

[17:21] And then they look at it, and the snake nods his head.

[17:24] And then they eat it.

[17:25] And the next shot is them walking up, being cast out with handfuls of Skittles.

[17:28] And Adam just turns to Eve with his mouth full of Skittles and goes, worth it.

[17:31] And then it says, Skittles, taste the rainbow.

[17:33] Done.

[17:34] Oh, man.

[17:35] TM that shit.

[17:36] TM it.

[17:37] We did it.

[17:38] That's a better version.

[17:39] I was envisioning sort of like a very 90s version of the commercial where it's all

[17:43] sort of like cut out, brightly colored animation.

[17:46] It looks like a Trapper Keeper.

[17:48] There's like a no, no, no where like God is like the parents telling the kids they

[17:54] can't have the delicious treat.

[17:56] And then like there's like a cool snake with like sunglasses.

[18:00] And then they taste the rainbow.

[18:02] And then there's like a guitar riff.

[18:05] Yeah, triangles everywhere.

[18:06] Yeah, sure.

[18:07] No, that's cool.

[18:08] And like Adam and Eve are like totally naked.

[18:10] Like you see a dong just flapping around.

[18:12] Oh, yeah, full frontal.

[18:13] Just like in 90s commercials.

[18:14] Yeah, just like in the 90s when all those commercials for candy had full frontal nudity.

[18:17] It's going to push the envelope a little bit.

[18:19] But I feel like that would play in Europe.

[18:21] We all remember the famous campaign.

[18:23] Give me a break.

[18:24] Give me a break.

[18:25] Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar on your dick.

[18:27] It's a wild one.

[18:29] And then the guy would take it and he would slap it against his erect penis and it would

[18:32] snap into pieces.

[18:33] Yeah.

[18:34] Wow.

[18:35] That man blayed.

[18:38] So, yeah.

[18:40] So the family has just inherited this like crumbling Abbey that is like Moss and Ivy

[18:47] choked.

[18:48] A perfect location for a Ravenloft D&D adventure.

[18:52] There are tradesmen that are trying to fix it up, but they keep having problems.

[18:57] Tradesmen.

[18:58] Contractors.

[18:59] I love calling them tradesmen.

[19:01] There's a blacksmith.

[19:02] There's a Cooper.

[19:03] There's a Fletcher.

[19:04] Yeah, maybe.

[19:05] There's a Fletcher.

[19:06] There you go.

[19:07] They're all right.

[19:10] So they're fixing it up, but they're having some issues.

[19:14] The son has not spoken since his father's untimely passing.

[19:18] And the teenage daughter is kind of a rebel.

[19:22] She smokes cigarettes and wears revealing clothing.

[19:25] Meanwhile, and this is around when the teenage daughter puts on her headset on her Walkman

[19:33] and is listening to We Care A Lot by Faith No More, which cuts to Father Gabriel Morse

[19:39] riding his Vespa around the streets of Rome.

[19:41] It's amazing.

[19:42] Let me say this.

[19:43] Russell Crowe is loving being in this movie.

[19:46] I feel like he is enjoying every frame that he is on screen.

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:51] He's gobbling it.

[19:52] He's gobbling every ounce of the screen.

[19:54] And part of the thing that makes this movie a lot of fun, honestly, to me, at least, like

[19:59] it feels like.

[20:00] Like the most sort of it feels like very like early 2000s like horror movie complete with

[20:08] like later on there's like a CGI like puddle of fire and stuff that like, but in the middle

[20:15] of it you have Russell Crowe like giving this genuinely kind of great performance whereas

[20:20] like he is imbuing it both with like a certain gravitas and realism and he is slicing ham

[20:27] all over the scene.

[20:29] I say this not just because he has a beard and is clearly overweight in the movie but

[20:34] there's a, I felt like there's a real like Orson Welles-y feeling to it.

[20:38] I said that later on.

[20:39] Dave Turden told me during the movie.

[20:41] Well like there's that scene where he's on his Vespa and he has like his long black like

[20:45] robes on and he has like sunglasses and a black hat and he looks for all the world like

[20:51] Orson Welles riding a Vespa around.

[20:53] Yeah, all he needs is a big cigar in his mouth and like a scarf flapping on him.

[20:56] If this movie had been called Orson Welles colon The Pope's Exorcist, I'd have been into

[21:01] it too.

[21:02] And you wouldn't have had to change a single thing about it because I would be Orson Welles

[21:05] going around doing this made up weird Italian accent.

[21:08] Or if it was The Pope's Exorcist and then in ellipses Orson Welles.

[21:12] They don't do that in movie titles that often these days but I feel like it would work in

[21:18] this case.

[21:19] Oh yeah.

[21:20] So he is going up in front of a like a like a tribunal, a jury, what do you call it, a

[21:26] council?

[21:27] Yeah.

[21:28] I think a tribunal is a good way to put it.

[21:29] It's a group of cardinals, one of whom is a friend of his that he's clearly on his side

[21:32] but they're all humping and harrumphing about the very existence of The Pope's Exorcist

[21:37] opposition.

[21:38] Yeah.

[21:39] They want his badge and gun basically.

[21:41] But it's not really for anything he's done.

[21:43] It's just for the idea of it.

[21:45] Well they do bring up that there was there was one exorcism that went bad and they and

[21:50] the young woman killed herself.

[21:52] And also he does write articles about it which I've got to assume that's some kind of conflict

[21:56] of interest that he likes.

[21:57] And books.

[21:58] And he does this work for the Vatican that just writes tell all the books.

[22:01] You read the books?

[22:02] The books are good.

[22:04] But it's all run by this by this by this real weaselly you know young cardinal who.

[22:08] American cardinal.

[22:09] American cardinal.

[22:10] And he's just and part of me is like how did he get the seniority to be on this council?

[22:15] But then again like I said in the Trump administration it was all these young evil people who had

[22:19] no business being in a government position.

[22:21] But that's also like the not so sub subtext of it is just like this is the new young buck

[22:30] you know and like you like bringing in like new reforms to the church and like he's not

[22:33] a cool young pope like the Jude Law young pope.

[22:36] Yeah.

[22:37] Russell Crowe and the Pope know that like evil exists and like you need him on that

[22:42] wall.

[22:43] Yeah.

[22:44] It's like the thing.

[22:45] I mean we've alluded to it before.

[22:46] Like Stuart said this is like a badge and gun thing like this like the movie is the

[22:52] exorcist plus a buddy cop movie.

[22:55] Yeah.

[22:56] Really.

[22:57] Very much so.

[22:58] Yes.

[22:59] Russell Crowe is essentially the grizzle old veteran cop who plays by his own rules.

[23:02] Plays by his own rules and is going to show the young cop.

[23:05] I mean the young cop is not necessarily a straight arrow so much as he's kind of like

[23:08] naive and and the young priest.

[23:12] But yeah he is.

[23:13] This is one of those movies where a new person is coming in and saying your old ways of doing

[23:17] things are bad and he goes I'm going to show you why they're not.

[23:19] Why you need me.

[23:20] You need me on that soul.

[23:21] Who are you.

[23:22] You need that.

[23:23] You need me on that soul.

[23:24] Keep shooting people.

[23:25] So things are looking a little bit grim for Father Amorth.

[23:29] But then while praying he gets he gets some time to spend with his boss.

[23:34] That's right.

[23:35] The Pope played by Frank O'Neill.

[23:37] Played by Django himself Frank O'Neill.

[23:41] Who's like it's this the Pope is so funny in this.

[23:46] Yes.

[23:47] The whole time that every scene with him and at first I was at first I didn't I was like

[23:51] I know who this is.

[23:52] It took me a while to recognize that it was Frank O'Neill because I I wasn't getting good

[23:55] looks at those blazing blue eyes.

[23:57] But the but like he is a hilarious Pope of this.

[24:00] It is not the entire time I was like I do not believe this guy is the Pope at all.

[24:04] And he spends his whole day in the in a church at the at the just sit either sitting in a

[24:09] pew or kneeling.

[24:10] And I'm like so the Pope just works out of a church and I have an office or like and

[24:14] I expected him.

[24:15] I expected him at any moment to be like Father Amorth.

[24:19] You need this special crossbow that shoots laser.

[24:23] If this Pope had shown up at the exorcism site and then pulled two guns out of his head

[24:27] of his robes and started firing I would not have been surprised.

[24:31] He does come very close to being like Russell Crowe's Q character because like they keep

[24:35] cutting back to him like looking through the old books back.

[24:40] And when things go bad for him even though they are separated by multiple countries he's

[24:45] like no Gabriel.

[24:47] Yeah they do all have they do seem to have some kind of force level link.

[24:50] But I guess that's I guess that's the connection you get when you're part of the Catholic family.

[24:54] You know you're all you're all part of one soul and you're all in the in the brotherhood

[24:58] of in that of Jesus or something like that.

[25:01] So meanwhile back in Spain Jews we do it our own way.

[25:04] We're all independent free agents just living it up anyway.

[25:07] Meanwhile back in Spain the the young son find like finds a hole in the wall in the

[25:13] basement and he looks at a door that has a crack in it and something happens.

[25:18] Then shortly afterwards some these aforementioned contractors are downstairs.

[25:24] They try to get a better look at this hole in the wall.

[25:26] They light a flare which explodes and burns them.

[25:30] The contractors are having none of this.

[25:31] They leave the job site.

[25:32] They walk off.

[25:33] I wonder if there's they had a good contract with them.

[25:36] We'll find out later.

[25:37] I mean it is it is in those postscripts I'm sure in the in the I don't know if you say

[25:42] for the mid credit scene and their lawyers dealing with enforcing the contract.

[25:46] Yeah yeah.

[25:47] The the son almost immediately starts doing possessed person stuff.

[25:53] He you know he his mom shows up and he's like Mommy Mommy you're all going to hell and then

[25:58] he grabs his mom's breast.

[25:59] He talks about breastfeeding.

[26:01] It was pretty intense actually.

[26:03] That's the most intense part.

[26:04] That's it.

[26:05] That's the only part where it felt like it started getting into the territory that for

[26:08] me that the exorcist gets into where it's like oh this is genuinely upsetting to see

[26:12] a kid doing these things because most of it is him just going like you're all going to

[26:16] die.

[26:19] Let's take a moment because it's been invoked a couple of times.

[26:21] Let's just briefly talk about the exorcist in that there's nothing that this demon does

[26:26] that you have not already seen.

[26:28] It's very specifically like all of the exorcist stuff whether it's turning someone's head

[26:33] around or having writing come up on the belly or walking around like a spider when when

[26:40] it takes over the daughter's mind and she drops to the ground like a spider.

[26:44] I was like movie.

[26:46] Come on.

[26:47] Like you know I've seen this before.

[26:49] I both agree with you and I felt like it was kind of hilarious.

[26:53] How close it hewed towards like like like the writers like they looked up like well

[26:58] I guess this is our monster manual of what demons do well it doesn't feel like they didn't

[27:03] want the nerds on the internet to be like oh those aren't powers demons have.

[27:07] Well that but it feels that happens sometimes where like a movie it's like with like the

[27:12] wolf man invented all the stuff about like wolf's bane and things like that.

[27:16] It's all made up.

[27:17] And then later where wolf movies were like that's what we're I mean I mean as in it's

[27:21] not real traditional folklore like that.

[27:24] Obviously werewolves are also like as opposed to the real werewolf stuff why lock your doors

[27:29] everybody that the but that that people were like I guess that's just part of being a werewolf

[27:34] or like there's vampire stuff that that happens with.

[27:36] We're like it'll get invented in the story and people just do it but it is very funny

[27:40] that they're like they're like oh the exorcist must be based on is they also supposedly based

[27:44] on fact so we'll just do all that stuff.

[27:46] Yeah.

[27:47] But it's also if they saw the exorcist and they were like why does it have to have such

[27:51] a downer ending.

[27:52] Why couldn't the exorcist end with Father Karras and the other priest raring to go for

[27:56] more adventures and more escapades.

[27:59] Yeah.

[28:00] I mean I like what I like walking on a theater with a little bit of a high.

[28:03] So the so the the the possessed child for it says bring me the priest.

[28:10] So of course they bring in the local priest understandably who immediately gets demolished

[28:16] and they're like we're going to have to call in a bigger it's wrong priest.

[28:20] I meant Christopher Priest the comic book writer not the author of the prestige.

[28:24] That's a different writer named Christopher.

[28:26] Oh interesting.

[28:27] Cool.

[28:28] OK.

[28:29] I was actually confused for a second.

[28:30] So thank you for clarifying two different writers with one of them was one of them his

[28:33] birth name I believe is Christopher Priest the other the comic writer.

[28:35] That was not his birth name.

[28:36] He took on later.

[28:37] But anyway.

[28:38] Great writer though.

[28:39] Great.

[28:40] Great.

[28:41] This is like gag editing where like the priest is like don't worry like it'll be fine.

[28:45] He walks in and he immediately is blasted through the door which is also funny because

[28:49] later on like I don't know the demon doesn't seem to be as powerful later you can't just

[28:54] blast everyone around.

[28:55] But this is one of my issues that I have a joke exorcist movies.

[29:00] The power levels of the demons always seem to fluctuate based on what the movie wants.

[29:04] And it's always like this demon is so strong.

[29:06] I'm saying Jesus Christ's name and it's not stopping him until the end of the movie when

[29:10] it's important to stop the demon and then a prayer usually kind of pushes the demon

[29:13] away.

[29:14] And it's yeah.

[29:15] So I never can quite understand the rules of is it that you have to say the prayers

[29:18] louder or you have to say them more intensely.

[29:21] I think it's a power of belief thing.

[29:23] So clearly like obviously this priest is no Russell Crowe but it still is.

[29:28] I don't know.

[29:30] I have the same problem you do.

[29:31] Yeah.

[29:32] Holy shit.

[29:33] So I'm just looking at the stats of this demon.

[29:35] Yeah.

[29:36] He's really he's really tough.

[29:39] Technically it's a devil actually.

[29:40] Let me.

[29:41] Oh crazy.

[29:42] Is Asmodeus in the monster manual.

[29:44] Yeah.

[29:45] Yeah.

[29:46] Asmodeus.

[29:47] Yeah.

[29:48] Yeah.

[29:49] Yeah.

[29:50] Yeah.

[29:51] Yeah.

[29:52] Yeah.

[29:53] Yeah.

[29:54] Yeah.

[29:55] Yeah.

[29:56] Yeah.

[29:57] Yeah.

[29:58] Yeah.

[29:59] It's a famous a famous old demon.

[30:00] Also the also of course the evil snake from Red Wall but that's you know not the same

[30:01] character.

[30:02] Armor class armor class 30.

[30:03] Well that explains.

[30:04] Good luck.

[30:05] Good luck.

[30:00] How many experience points do you get for taking him down?

[30:02] Oh, to check. That's a lot though.

[30:04] I'm trying to find his challenge rating real quick.

[30:06] I mean, that's the thing. Russell Crowe was out there grinding with all of these fake demons

[30:10] just to build up his powers and then he...

[30:12] Yeah, yeah, that's what he had to get up his levels, yeah.

[30:14] Because this is also...

[30:16] This is what's going on behind...

[30:18] 155,000 XP.

[30:21] Wow.

[30:22] Take that to the bank.

[30:24] To the experience bank.

[30:26] My older son just got the Monster Manual as a gift recently.

[30:29] And so he's just walking around quizzing me on the experience points

[30:33] and armor classes of monsters I've never heard of.

[30:36] That was...

[30:37] Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. Just tell me.

[30:39] That was also my relationship to the Monster Manual.

[30:42] Like, I didn't want to play Dungeons & Dragons as a kid.

[30:45] Like, I didn't have friends who did it, but I also...

[30:47] It sounded like it was going to be boring to me.

[30:50] But I loved reading the Monster Manual.

[30:52] Sure, yeah. Just pictures of monsters and their stats and stuff.

[30:55] Anyway, so this demon, he's...

[30:57] He's just doing normal demon stuff.

[30:59] He calls for the other priest.

[31:00] I don't know how they make the connection to go all the way...

[31:03] That they're just like, let's just go to the top of the organization.

[31:05] Let's just get the Pope's expertise.

[31:06] Well, the next scene is like the Pope being like...

[31:09] He's like, there's a situation in Spain.

[31:11] I think it's very dangerous.

[31:14] I have a very special demon for you.

[31:17] It's pretty great.

[31:19] It's good.

[31:21] We don't always have this demon.

[31:23] It's going to be real nice.

[31:24] I was really happy with all these interactions.

[31:29] And we get to see the secret Vatican library,

[31:32] where all the librarians wear black robes with the hoods over their heads,

[31:36] which makes it harder to read.

[31:37] No, but it looks dope.

[31:39] It looks amazing.

[31:40] It looks so cool.

[31:41] So, of course, Father Immorth gets dispatched.

[31:45] He drives the whole way on his Vespa.

[31:48] Seems like quite a trip, but you know, he's the man.

[31:51] From Italy to Spain.

[31:52] It seems like a lot of Vespas.

[31:54] Also, let's set it aside.

[31:56] This is a possessed boy who's causing trouble.

[31:58] People have died in an explosion.

[32:00] It's going to take him a long time to ride a Vespa from Italy to Spain.

[32:03] He's got to stop to get fuel.

[32:04] It's mostly just, you know, for zipping around in Rome.

[32:07] That's the thing.

[32:08] You know what would have been even better is if he flew there,

[32:11] but he's riding the Vespa up and down the aisle of the plane the entire flight.

[32:15] Yep.

[32:17] Make friends with everyone because that's what he does.

[32:19] I'm trying to sleep.

[32:21] This gentleman.

[32:22] I mean, that's a short flight.

[32:23] If you're going to sleep on that flight, that's wild.

[32:26] You must be so tired.

[32:27] Yeah.

[32:28] So he arrives.

[32:30] They're not even serving a meal on that flight.

[32:31] Yeah.

[32:32] He arrives at the Abbey.

[32:33] He investigates a little bit.

[32:35] Like there's a courtyard with a mysterious well with a seal over it.

[32:39] He drinks some whiskey.

[32:41] He wanders around.

[32:44] I think he meets the family.

[32:46] Yeah.

[32:47] This is the point-and-click part of the adventure.

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:50] The mom is very quick to accept that this could be an exorcist situation

[32:54] and that he knows.

[32:56] This is the weird thing, Dan, where you're saying like –

[32:59] It was a popular movie, Elliot.

[33:00] Of course.

[33:01] It wasn't that old when this came out.

[33:03] They set up like he's an exorcist of the modern world,

[33:06] but everyone else in the movie seems to have no trouble being convinced

[33:10] that there's a demon on the loose inside a boy's body,

[33:12] and it felt like I just wanted a little bit more pushback from –

[33:15] I mean they do take the boy, I guess, to a doctor who's like,

[33:18] everything seems fine, but the MRI caught a demon in his body or something.

[33:21] Yeah.

[33:23] Oh, man, that would be great if there's like a demon face in the MRI.

[33:27] This dark spot right there, let me turn it to the side.

[33:29] Ah, a demon face.

[33:30] Yeah, that's Asmodeus.

[33:31] That'll happen.

[33:32] All the symptoms are flying up with Asmodeus.

[33:33] Whoa, he's like flicking me off.

[33:37] He's holding two six-guns, and he's pointing them at me.

[33:41] Inside.

[33:42] Get him inside.

[33:43] He's badass.

[33:44] This demon in here, it seems to be trying to sell me some deviled ham.

[33:50] Oh, my son did swallow a can of red devil paint.

[33:53] That might be why that's in there.

[33:54] He's holding up some hot sauce?

[33:58] Wait a minute.

[33:59] So here's the kind of demon you want.

[34:01] They're not as much trouble.

[34:02] He's got a goatee and like a nose ring, and he's really into like ska music

[34:05] and stuff like that.

[34:07] But you don't have that kind of demon, unfortunately.

[34:09] This is the kind that wants to sell you ham.

[34:11] That's the kind you don't want.

[34:12] You want a demon like Coop would draw.

[34:17] So, yeah, let's see.

[34:19] So he meets the Possessed Boy, and this is where things get a little bit

[34:25] different, guys, because we had already seen him.

[34:29] We'd already seen his exorcism style before, and it was pretty potent,

[34:33] but the demon seems to kind of resist all of his efforts,

[34:39] even though when he flashes this medallion in the demon's face,

[34:42] we see his pupils separate to demon pupils and normal pupils.

[34:47] That was pretty cool.

[34:49] That's a cool effect.

[34:50] That's a good medallion, too.

[34:51] Can you get those at the Vatican gift shop?

[34:55] Probably, yeah.

[34:56] It's a claw machine game, yeah.

[34:58] You have to be good at it.

[35:00] Yeah, that's the thing.

[35:01] They can't just let everybody have those.

[35:03] You've got to prove that God has chosen you by winning the claw machine,

[35:06] which is very difficult.

[35:08] Unless you pay for Vatican blue, in which case you get it for free.

[35:12] Yeah, but who's going to do that?

[35:14] You look like such an asshole when you pay for Vatican blue.

[35:16] What dipshit is going to do it, right?

[35:18] The thing is when you don't want Vatican blue, but they give it to you anyway,

[35:22] and you're like, I don't want people to think that I paid for this.

[35:24] No, thank you.

[35:25] Yeah, exactly.

[35:26] I'm like, why must I be punished for having so many followers?

[35:29] Yeah, but that's also how you become Pope is you use the claw machine

[35:32] and you get the medallion with a P on it.

[35:34] Oh, that's cool.

[35:35] That makes sense, actually.

[35:37] I don't want the medallion with P on it.

[35:39] Dan, you knew not to go there, and you went there anyway.

[35:42] You knew what I meant.

[35:43] You were very clear on it.

[35:44] I am shutting down this improv right now, you little stinker.

[35:47] So Father Morth is like, there's something up here.

[35:52] This is a for realsies.

[35:54] There's something up in the Savoy.

[35:56] It seems like it might be a demon.

[35:58] So he brings the local priests in as well.

[36:02] They kind of hang around.

[36:05] We kind of get to know all the characters a little bit.

[36:08] Kick back with some brews.

[36:10] Yeah.

[36:11] I mean, Father Morth is kicking back with booze.

[36:14] Yeah.

[36:15] He's like the three ninjas in that he's kicking back.

[36:19] So this is where things get a little fuzzy because this is like the midpoint

[36:22] of the movie.

[36:23] So this is where we get a little bit of scares.

[36:25] A little bit of scares, and also the demon is talking about how their sins

[36:29] will find them out.

[36:30] And that ends up meaning both personally and culturally.

[36:34] And Father Morth, he's getting flashbacks to his service as a partisan in

[36:39] World War II fighting the Nazis in Italy.

[36:42] And it turns out his sin was essentially not dying during the war.

[36:46] It's also tied in with – there's also like it's mixed in with his sin of

[36:51] failing the young woman.

[36:54] Yes.

[36:55] What, like Rosalyn?

[36:56] Yeah.

[36:57] There was another possessed young woman who he didn't take seriously as a

[37:02] case, right?

[37:03] And she ended up jumping off of a bell tower right in front of him.

[37:07] That's the – so look.

[37:11] I mean, like I guess that, you know, these are the – like this is obviously

[37:15] something that would haunt you as a person if you felt like you didn't –

[37:18] someone died because you didn't take them seriously enough.

[37:20] But it is one of these movie sins where it's like, well, it's not really –

[37:24] like they don't want him to actually have done much of anything.

[37:27] So like his sin I guess is like he said she didn't need an exorcism but they

[37:33] didn't like refer her to psychiatric help.

[37:35] It's more like a sin of not doing enough rather than a sin of actually doing

[37:40] something wrong.

[37:41] And even the younger priest, his sin is that he had – there was a woman he

[37:44] was in love with and he wouldn't leave the priesthood for her.

[37:47] And so did she also take her own life?

[37:50] Is that what happened?

[37:51] She died somehow.

[37:52] I missed that.

[37:54] She died in such a way that she – it's impossible for her ghost to wear a top

[37:58] unfortunately.

[38:01] So you're right that there's the sins.

[38:03] But the sins they have are fairly minimal compared to the sins of the Catholic

[38:06] church.

[38:07] Yeah.

[38:08] Were you expecting his sin to be like, yeah, there was – I was drinking and I

[38:12] like ran over a guy.

[38:14] I didn't tell anyone.

[38:15] I hit him with my Vespa and then I just buried him and he was still alive.

[38:18] His hand was reaching up to the dirt but I just kept piling it on until he

[38:21] couldn't get out.

[38:22] Look, I'm the pope's exorcist.

[38:23] This is going to be all over the tabloids.

[38:25] I'm a famous writer.

[38:26] I can't let this happen.

[38:27] Great.

[38:28] And then the guy who's getting buried is choking on the dirt and going like, the

[38:33] pope's exorcist?

[38:34] The pope needs to be exorcised because there's a demon inside?

[38:37] And Father was like, no, you're misunderstanding.

[38:39] That's not actually what I do.

[38:41] I don't exorcise the pope although he could use a little exercise.

[38:44] He mostly just kneels and sits.

[38:46] He doesn't move around a lot.

[38:47] I like that you've turned into Chicken Marks.

[38:50] He's burying this guy alive and he's thinking to himself, this is no good,

[38:54] boss.

[38:55] This is no good, boss.

[38:56] The thing is, these bits are kind of like Russell Crowe's mumbling the whole

[39:00] time.

[39:01] It's true.

[39:02] It is Orson Welles as Chicko Marks as the pope's exorcist.

[39:06] Well, our friends on Blake Check have what they call putters and murmurs

[39:10] performances and Griffin, at one point, Stewart invited him to come along on

[39:15] this thing but he had other stuff.

[39:17] I was like, who do I know who would like to road trip to Staten Island to go

[39:21] see the pope's exorcist with us?

[39:23] I texted him afterwards.

[39:24] I'm like, man, you missed some puttering and some murmuring because that's what

[39:27] this is.

[39:28] And then later growling when he gets possessed.

[39:31] He really throws himself into the possession part which is, and I'm like,

[39:34] this was the insider and he's not above doing this stuff.

[39:37] Speaking of deviled ham.

[39:39] Now, I'm going to skip ahead slightly just to say that we eventually found out

[39:43] that this is all part of it.

[39:45] It's the demon Asmodeus and the real sin that is being exercised, well has to be,

[39:50] is the Spanish Inquisition which the movie lays at the feet of demons that took

[39:55] over priests and made them do all those bad things.

[39:57] That explains it.

[39:58] That was the part in the movie.

[40:00] where i was like movie that's a step too far like i'm sorry like this is a step too far in kind of

[40:05] like in uh in sin washing the catholic church where they're like all that bad stuff we've done

[40:10] for a thousand years that wasn't us there was a demon inside of us but it does mean we get to

[40:15] see a bunch of cool skeletons so that was okay we do get to see cool skeletons so yeah we get

[40:20] we get another like exorcism sequence uh that doesn't again doesn't go well uh the same stuff

[40:27] where like the demon is playing on both their minds uh at one point this the important thing

[40:32] is that father father morth needs to learn the demon's true name because that's going to give

[40:37] him power over it allowing the exorcism to be completed yes uh but we don't know that the demon

[40:43] won't give up that information much like knowing the true name of comic book writer christopher

[40:47] priest gives me power over him should i ever yep yeah so uh father morth is like uh he knows

[40:54] something's up with this abby uh he finds he goes back to the well that has the seal of the vatican

[41:00] on it and he pulls the lid off of the well and he finds a bunch of cool skulls uh it looks it's very

[41:06] resident evil um and he's like oh okay so this was like spanish inquisition stuff uh and these were

[41:12] people who wouldn't submit or convert they wouldn't convert they were the spanish inquisition for

[41:16] anyone who's listening who's not familiar is the catholic church decided that they were not so happy

[41:20] about other people not being catholic and killed them or tortured them into converting it was

[41:24] pretty bad luckily as the movie tells us it was just demons that did that so everyone was just

[41:28] demons uh so they they go down into the basement they're like there's still something up so uh the

[41:33] two priests go down into the basement and they find the hole in the wall and find the door and

[41:38] they push the door down and inside is a really cool chamber that's like totally something out

[41:44] of dark souls that has a bunch of uh like skeletons and in the middle of the room there's like this

[41:50] cage with another skeleton and let's not forget there's built-in bookcase bookcases and i'm like

[41:55] that's nice those are great built-ins why would you hide them behind that door like take advantage

[41:59] of it yeah and they need to get through another door and the only way they can do that is they

[42:03] need to find the key which in perfect resident evil logic means they have to dig through a corpse's

[42:07] tummy to find yeah here's here's the thing that oh sorry what we say too i was gonna say so it

[42:12] turns out that the corpse was a uh an exorcist uh or an inquisitor i don't know which one it

[42:18] was he was he was like the last line of defense to keep this demon inside this wall he was a priest

[42:23] of some kind or a cardinal or something here's the thing this i i love it i love a scene in a

[42:27] movie where someone has to dig through a gross thing to get the thing that they need but there's

[42:31] like squishy sounds and stuff when he puts his hand in this corpse this corpse is 500 years old

[42:35] there should be nothing wet in it at all it should be just a skeleton elliot we're there's this is

[42:41] pausing in a universe with demons okay i can allow for a little bit of squishy corpse i'll suspend

[42:46] my disbelief about demons it's hard for me to spend my disbelief that like somehow this this

[42:51] cellar chamber has the right conditions to preserve soft tissue i'm sorry they should

[42:56] be hanging salamis in there that's what they should be doing there's a portal to hell like

[43:00] next door that's a good point as indicated that keeps a lot of moisture in the atmosphere yeah

[43:06] yeah as indicated this is as video gamey as this movie gets because it is like yeah okay well we

[43:12] get the secret key out of the stomach and then later on like they fought they get like the book

[43:18] that has not only like as modious his real name but it has the handy map for like challenge

[43:24] really other demons in the world i guess who have been all these sleeper cell demons yeah yeah that's

[43:29] the premise is that the that when god cast the lucifer and his buddies out that there was 200

[43:36] of them and they split they like spread out around the universe the thing is i'll accept

[43:42] i'll accept wild bullshit if it's war hammery stuff but this church stuff i don't really care

[43:48] what i loved about just a minute just because i'm worried i'm gonna forget at the end they set up

[43:52] there's all these demons on earth and the end of the movie is like these two guys are gonna go

[43:55] stopping demons one by one and i was like are they gonna make 200 movies this would be amazing

[44:01] i mean we can only hold one a year like two a year at least yeah it goes for 50 years

[44:07] hey they'll they can do it i mean maybe this whole thing's a backdoor pilot for a tv show now

[44:11] that's a little more realistic to be honest it does feel like a tv movie that's meant to be a

[44:15] pilot for a tv show yeah so and man i'm i'm in yeah who's i'd watch that show for sure i feel

[44:21] like this i feel like this fits with hbo's model hbo's model of take that don't have television

[44:28] take all the things off of your streaming service oh yeah moving stuff over for from discovery to

[44:34] so yeah so they find hbo's model of saying remember hbo not anymore so they find this

[44:40] hidden chamber behind the wall that has uh like a liquidy portal to hell there's a throne with

[44:46] uh an exorcist body on it that that exorcist has this dead body has a book that has asmodeus's

[44:53] name and a map to all the demons it also is like surrounded by like there's like an iron maiden uh

[45:00] radical there's like uh men here's or whatever like there's like a cold symbol i mean they

[45:05] basically walked into a mike mignola comic like at this point mm-hmm that monkey's got a gun uh

[45:11] so they uh or mignola i can never know how to pronounce his last name i've never heard

[45:14] mignola

[45:20] i make a nice a hell boy for you this is to be real good

[45:24] because you're such a good customer i throw in a sum of bprd no that's just extra you know

[45:29] so they now that armed with uh i was talking i was talking to a sapien himself

[45:35] a doug himself and he was saying that anyway so so armed with uh asmodeus's true name they're

[45:40] like let's go exercise this demon so they go up there already the demon's starting to possess

[45:46] everybody isn't that like literally a part where they like the two of them plus the family like

[45:52] walk in formation slowly towards the demon too yeah because they mean it for real this time

[45:58] and is this around that is it by now has the pope started having his attacks or no yeah i think

[46:03] you're right the pope has started having his attacks for a while a lot of the times it would

[46:06] cut back to the pope and he's like pouring over ancient tomes redacted tomes and he's like oh no

[46:12] this is a terrible it's great i love it it's so it's so awesome he's like like he's like

[46:18] sweating on the pages it's really great somebody a scribble all over the book oh no

[46:25] it's awesome um they over illuminated this a manuscript

[46:30] you're supposed to put it a pictures next to the words not a top of the words i cannot read it all

[46:35] it's called a marginalia super cool he's got a margin all right in the name what are you doing

[46:41] uh so he uh the the pope the pope like is uh reading these books and it's all redacted and

[46:46] he reads the like the you know your past sins of a hunter or something and then he has an attack

[46:51] and they have to take him to the hospital where he then vomits up a bunch of blood and we're like

[46:56] is that magic what's going on here for the pope's general general practitioner to take a look at him

[47:00] and the pope's internist yeah yep so uh yeah he's not doing so good um there is a it is very

[47:07] funny the part where the young cardinal is like this is outrageous and then the pope just spews

[47:12] blood i love it i love it i think it was at that point where i was like okay movie i've

[47:17] gotten your full measure now this is a this is a goofy movie again not the goofy movie i don't

[47:22] think goofy is possessed by asmodeus in that i i won't know till we watch it for our goof movie

[47:27] spectacular that we do but uh but it is this movie does get sillier as it goes on so yep so

[47:33] now we have the big showdown exorcism now that they have asmodeus's name and this is where the

[47:39] demon unleashes its full strength uh sending russell crowe's character into like you know

[47:46] sending him all kinds of visions we also the what's the young priest's name i want to say like

[47:51] gabriel no that's the old priest yeah so it's like i'll look it up hold on yeah it's something

[47:57] uh but he starts sending him visions of a uh a naked woman which i was like wow this is pretty

[48:04] late in the movie to see a naked person what is it what is this the devil's advocate it's like the

[48:11] parrot squawking citizen kane they're like wake them up wake the audience up throw some boobs at

[48:15] them so and then yeah so the daughter father escobel is that it's the other one right yeah

[48:21] yeah i think by daniel zavato yep so the the daughter turns into like a crab lady or a spider

[48:27] lady and starts climbing all over the walls and she starts attacking her mother um the priest

[48:32] starts getting uh throttled by his own uh his own scarf and we're like oh man things are looking good

[48:38] for our heroes so dr father morth is like you know what there's only one option here and he

[48:45] holds on to the child and he's like coming to me so uh he takes the demon asmodeus into himself

[48:54] thus freeing the child from possession all the other demon stuff kind of stops so everybody

[48:59] runs away but like father morth is like really holding on to it he's like oh man get this cross

[49:04] out of my hands and this is where we get some serious russell crowe hamming it up he's like

[49:08] full-on demonizing he's like throwing himself around he's uh arching his back in ways that

[49:14] are challenging for an older actor um well also the the camera's spinning around him while he

[49:19] stands and plays yeah yeah i i wanted to mention like the reason that like they specific the demon

[49:25] specifically wanted this guy was to be like a sleep like a sleeper within the catholic church

[49:30] and there was part of me like once russell crowe got um you know possessed i was like are we going

[49:37] to get one of those endings where it's like it seems like everything's okay and then the pope

[49:42] turns to the camera and he's got cat's eyes like yeah exactly like or russell crowe's eyes gleam

[49:48] you know you're like oh no he really was still possessed but you know it's not that kind of movie

[49:52] no it's it's the sillier option it is where everything turns out happy yes it's one of the

[50:00] It was one of those demon exorcist movies that ends on an upbeat,

[50:03] fuck yeah, here we go, type note.

[50:05] Yeah, guitar is too much of that.

[50:06] So at one point he tries to hang himself, but it doesn't work because the demon ain't

[50:11] going out like that.

[50:13] So he drags himself down into the basement, and the other priest follows him.

[50:19] He wanders into the chamber with the pool to hell, and a Virgin Mary

[50:29] type figure floats up out of the pool, and then morphs into the woman that he was unable

[50:35] to save, now like totally demonified, and she attacks him.

[50:41] That was a disappointment to me because I was like, when the Virgin Mary showed up,

[50:44] I was like, if this movie goes all the way and has the Virgin Mary appear and save him

[50:50] at the end, then I'd be like, movie, you've got the courage of your convictions.

[50:53] It's Catholic characters, go all the way, just do it.

[50:56] But they don't.

[50:57] Or they duke it out.

[50:59] The Virgin Mary's like punching the demon right out of him.

[51:03] Uh-huh, yep.

[51:06] If I see a religious thing, I either want it to be not really religious.

[51:09] What do you think her fighting style is?

[51:11] Is she like a zoner?

[51:12] Is she a brawler?

[51:13] Is she kind of like a Chun-Li, like Rebecca Ferguson type?

[51:17] I'm imagining a lot of kickflips.

[51:18] A lot of kicks, like a Vega type who's jumping around a lot.

[51:22] Yeah, yeah.

[51:23] I think Virgin Mary's a lot of kickflips.

[51:23] She's not a trap character, yeah, that makes sense.

[51:25] She's not going to bear hug the devil and then crush him like Zangief.

[51:29] She gets her hits in, she moves away.

[51:31] She gets her hits in, she moves away.

[51:33] Yeah, yeah, rush down, yeah.

[51:34] From different angles, yeah.

[51:35] A lot of combos, a lot of super combos.

[51:37] That's cool.

[51:38] That's a pretty cool character.

[51:39] I'd be terrible with her, but she sounds like a pretty cool character.

[51:42] An interesting addition to the roster, yeah.

[51:44] Cradling her enemy's head like it's the baby, but then there's a moment of sweetness and

[51:52] then it gets crushed.

[51:53] Yeah, miracle man style.

[51:55] Yeah, she's got a command grab, yeah, that makes sense.

[51:59] When I see a thing that's religious, I either want it to be not that religious, because

[52:03] I don't believe in Catholicism, or I mean, I believe it exists, but I'm not a follower

[52:06] of it, or I want it to go all the way and be so totally religious.

[52:11] So I kind of want to see now a movie that is out and out, totally Catholic, believes

[52:16] all this, and the Virgin Mary shows up at the end and saves the day.

[52:19] Not in a superhero, not as we just talked about.

[52:21] Obviously, I would also like it to bear classic imagery, where the devils all are like a floating

[52:30] head with goat's legs flying around it.

[52:32] Oh yeah, he's got three mouths and each one is chewing on a famous traitor.

[52:36] Yeah, of course, definitely.

[52:37] Yeah, that sounds great, that sounds great.

[52:40] But it's all a trick, but then another lady comes out too, right?

[52:43] Yeah, so she attacks him, and then when the other priest arrives, now Russell Crowe is

[52:48] seated in the throne.

[52:50] At this point, you're like, oh no, is he completely lost?

[52:53] And so this is where the priest tries to win Father Morth back.

[52:58] He tries to win him back a little bit, and in the process, that brings back the demon

[53:03] lady, and out from the Iron Maiden Springs, the blood-covered woman that he had slept

[53:11] with and betrayed.

[53:12] His lover, who he wouldn't leave the priesthood for.

[53:15] Okay, and she's beating the shit out of him, okay?

[53:17] She's like chucking him around like he's, she's folding him up like laundry.

[53:21] He's not that.

[53:22] And it is, there is something really scary about being attacked by a naked person.

[53:28] Yes, it's terrifying.

[53:28] They should seem more vulnerable, but they don't, and there's a video I'll always remember

[53:32] from, there was a naked man who was having some kind of a mental break on a subway platform,

[53:38] and people are around him, and it's like a lion is loose on the subway platform.

[53:42] He's kind of like moving towards people, and they're jumping back, and if he was in clothes,

[53:46] I don't think they'd be as scared.

[53:47] There's something about nudity that can be very scary.

[53:49] That's way sadder than what I imagined when I laughed at the beginning of you saying there's

[53:53] a video, like a naked person.

[53:55] Like, I was like, Elliot, no.

[53:57] At first, I thought you had seen some sort of like wrestling porn, but like, no, that's

[54:02] not.

[54:03] Yeah, it's supposed to be scary, but it's supposed to be arousing.

[54:05] It's very weird.

[54:08] That was basically a Black Mirror episode, right?

[54:10] So, yeah, so we have two fights going on.

[54:16] We have Russell Crowe fighting one lady.

[54:18] We have the other priest fighting another lady.

[54:20] The other priest pulls out- And there's nothing problematic, of course,

[54:23] about a movie where ultimate evil is represented by the only two women in the movie who are

[54:28] not a mother or a daughter, and they're covered in blood, which, of course, represents menstrual

[54:33] blood, the source of all evil, and so there's nothing problematic about that at all.

[54:37] Funny you should say covered in blood, because the other priest takes out a magical priest

[54:41] coin, and he presses it against the flesh of the lady fighting him, which bubbles, and

[54:45] then she immediately bursts like a blood balloon, covering him in blood, which caused me to

[54:50] cackle in theater.

[54:52] That was such a great moment.

[54:54] One, because it was like, oh, I guess it wasn't that difficult to get rid of her.

[54:56] You had your magic coin.

[54:57] I guess you can use it once, but also the effect of her body bubbling up and exploding

[55:02] was not what I was expecting from that moment.

[55:04] Yes.

[55:04] Well, and I like that it just happened.

[55:06] It didn't, like, it didn't cut to him be like, uh, and say something sassy like, uh,

[55:13] sorry to burst your bubble or something.

[55:15] Here's blood in your eye, you know?

[55:16] Yeah.

[55:18] It wasn't even going, sank to sangre, you know, or something like that.

[55:21] He just does it, and she just blows.

[55:24] I was so caught up in it.

[55:26] I don't even remember how Russell Crowe beats the other one.

[55:29] Well, they just toss the coin over, and it's a twofer.

[55:34] Yeah, they should have been using this coin.

[55:36] Oh, yeah, and he pushes her back, and she falls into the lake of lava, which is like

[55:43] a hundred percent.

[55:44] I'm like, is Spawn going to come out of this shit?

[55:46] It's like old-timey Spawn movie.

[55:48] Yeah, it was like virtuosity.

[55:51] Yeah, it's real lawnmower man stuff.

[55:53] What was the movie with Jeff Goldblum?

[55:56] Hideaway.

[55:56] Yeah, it's like hideaway effects.

[55:59] And they're just shouting prayers until the demon sinks into the lava.

[56:04] Yeah, you know exactly what I wanted from that.

[56:07] Because even though shouting prayers did not work earlier, it does work.

[56:10] They didn't shout it.

[56:11] Well, shouting works now.

[56:12] Shouting plus lava.

[56:13] Yeah, that's true.

[56:14] Maybe it's the lava.

[56:15] They're just taking credit for the lava at that point.

[56:17] Yeah.

[56:17] So now we get a little bit of wrap up.

[56:19] They head back to the Vatican.

[56:21] Now they're a team.

[56:22] They're like, hey, with all the information you gathered, here's a map of all the 199

[56:28] other demons we have to defeat.

[56:29] Yeah.

[56:29] And they're like, are you up for it?

[56:30] I got 199 problems, and a demon is all of them.

[56:33] Yep.

[56:34] And they're like, I guess, yeah, it's very much like, hey, here's the next step on our adventure.

[56:39] You got a new job.

[56:40] I think they literally say, let's get to work or something like that.

[56:44] But also, it shows you where this movie's heart is, that the family that is being

[56:50] inflicted with all this trouble, they don't really get that much time, ultimately.

[56:54] And they're just like, yeah, so the family went home, and they're fine now.

[56:57] We don't even get to see a scene of them being healthy.

[57:00] It's just on to the priests.

[57:01] We don't care about those people.

[57:04] Yeah, what's the next priest adventure?

[57:05] Rock music.

[57:07] I mean, it should have ended with the two of them, two electric guitars riding

[57:12] twin Vespas through the streets of Rome onto their next adventure.

[57:16] That would have been an amazing ending.

[57:17] I mean, the last shot should have been like a new possession, and then all of a sudden,

[57:21] two Vespas blew up.

[57:23] But the last shot was, in fact, it's like a still of Russell Crowe walking away or him

[57:29] walking away or whatever.

[57:30] And then they have the text on screen saying the thing about he went on to do this many

[57:37] more exorcisms or whatever.

[57:38] Until he died, yeah.

[57:40] And I'm like, wait a minute, what?

[57:42] You're telling me this is a real guy movie?

[57:45] And then it's immediately based on the books by father.

[57:49] And I'm like, what?

[57:52] Liberally adapted, I would assume.

[57:54] Yeah, I had trouble reading all that because the movie left me on such a high note.

[57:58] I was literally buzzing in my chair.

[58:00] It was amazing.

[58:02] So let's final judgment.

[58:03] Yeah, it's a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie or movie kind of like I didn't even kind of

[58:08] like I liked this movie.

[58:10] It's your favorite movie now.

[58:12] Well, you know, it doesn't look nothing can reach the heights of cats, but it has some

[58:19] of the same quality of like, I don't know whether it's good or it's bad.

[58:24] It's good.

[58:25] Qualities are inseparable from its quote, unquote, bad qualities.

[58:29] Like would I like a better, objectively, quote, better version of this movie as much as I

[58:37] like this version?

[58:38] Probably not.

[58:39] And it's not like it's the most zany in terms of what happens in the movie because in a

[58:47] lot of ways, like it hits on Barry wrote like plot points, but they are plot points

[58:55] of like three different types of movies that have been jammed together.

[59:00] The movie definitely it sets you up for a certain type of movie and then abruptly swerves

[59:05] to a different but related type of movie and then abruptly swerves again.

[59:09] And exactly.

[59:10] It kept me on my toes, not in a like, oh, who knows what's going to happen?

[59:14] So many twists and turns, but more a sense of like, where are you going movie?

[59:18] Like, what do you even know?

[59:19] Are you driving blindfolded?

[59:21] And that turned into like, you get like a giddy feeling at a certain extent.

[59:26] Here's the metaphor I'll give.

[59:27] It's like if three different songs were playing at the same time and yet, you know, that sort

[59:35] of cacophony and yet that somehow was delightful because in the middle, there was one man dancing

[59:41] to that music and he was doing the most beautiful dance.

[59:45] You're talking about Russell Crowe's performance, the most beautiful dance.

[59:48] I mean, it certainly is a movie that gains so much from his, how full, like all in his

[59:54] performances and that he is not trying to, he knows what kind of movie this is, or at

[59:58] least he knows how to have fun.

[1:00:00] with it, you know, and so he's at that level.

[1:00:04] It's really highlighting how this kind of later career Russell Crowe, where he is, he

[1:00:10] might not have the like the power to pull some like bigger movies.

[1:00:15] So he's doing these B movies, but he's bringing a really good at like a really high level

[1:00:19] of energy between like this and Unhinged, which he's fucking great.

[1:00:24] I feel bad that I like that.

[1:00:26] I feel like I was harder on Poker Face than the movie that we did, then I would have been

[1:00:32] if I knew he was saving all that energy for this movie.

[1:00:34] That's why he was so like so down and so glum and lifeless in that that he's he's like gotta

[1:00:40] save it for the Pope's Exorcist.

[1:00:42] That's going to be the fun one, you know, and I think also maybe maybe some of my joy

[1:00:46] is like this is a type of thing that used to be more common and isn't anymore of just

[1:00:52] like a movie that's really unabashed in its schlockiness, but they have managed to afford

[1:00:59] one really good actor who's like, yeah, sure, I'll do it, you know, and I'll say I feel

[1:01:05] like the rest of the cast is also serving, especially the little kid.

[1:01:10] The little kid is great.

[1:01:11] Yeah, I feel like nobody is bad in it.

[1:01:13] No one.

[1:01:14] No one is.

[1:01:15] Franco Nero is perfect.

[1:01:16] Franco Nero is just like it's such a it's such a it's such not the way you would expect

[1:01:20] the Pope to be played normally, you know, and it's so fun.

[1:01:24] Like, this is also when I think I'm going to put it more in kind of like territory because

[1:01:28] I don't want people to I want to save my actual like for for movies where I'm like fully on

[1:01:33] board.

[1:01:34] But I think you're right that like there's a good version of this.

[1:01:38] There's a quote unquote good version of this movie, a quality version of this movie that

[1:01:41] would not be as enjoyable, not as good as this.

[1:01:43] And we already have the exorcist like we have an exorcism story told as well from a serious

[1:01:48] point of view as it's going to be done.

[1:01:50] So like, why not make your exorcist movie like like silly, you know, yes, and not silly

[1:01:56] in the not silly like was it disposed to repossess?

[1:02:00] Thank you.

[1:02:01] Repossessed, which is not which is a bad a bad version of a funny version of that.

[1:02:05] Yes.

[1:02:06] A movie that I was as I was telling Dan last night, a movie that I mainly remember from

[1:02:10] the nude scenes.

[1:02:12] Yeah.

[1:02:14] Thumbs up.

[1:02:15] I've got to say, this is definitely a movie I liked.

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[1:05:03] He's got two little furballs and two cats.

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[1:05:28] am I, you know, impeding their health by giving them a little something they'll like

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[1:05:33] I have some of these small treats.

[1:05:35] Smalls treats, it always feels good.

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[1:05:37] In fact, they even work when I don't give them to them, but rather, while I'm asleep,

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[1:05:48] Muscles and meatball, the Marinara brothers at it again.

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[1:06:17] I'm sorry that I undercut the copy earlier.

[1:06:21] You know, it was all that talk of Orson Welles.

[1:06:23] You know, I started thinking like him, rewriting the Green Peas or whatever it was.

[1:06:31] Yeah.

[1:06:32] You can't start a word with in.

[1:06:34] Yeah.

[1:06:35] You can't say a sentence with in.

[1:06:36] I'm also going to talk about our other sponsor today, and we're also sponsored by Babbel.

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[1:08:53] Language for life.

[1:08:54] So, let's go on to letters from listeners.

[1:08:57] Let's do it.

[1:08:58] Why not?

[1:08:59] Oh, wait, Dan, can I mention one more thing, actually?

[1:09:00] Sure, why not?

[1:09:01] Dan, you're allowed.

[1:09:02] Thank you.

[1:09:03] Before we go on, I'd just also like to mention that Housebroken, the Fox animated show that

[1:09:06] I've worked on for the past couple years, has a new season.

[1:09:09] New episodes are airing on Fox on Sunday nights and also appearing on Hulu.

[1:09:12] Take a listen to it.

[1:09:13] Take a watch of it.

[1:09:14] It's really good, and it's really funny.

[1:09:15] It's got an all-star cast.

[1:09:17] It's all about animals that talk and have therapy together.

[1:09:19] I think you'll enjoy it.

[1:09:20] Back to you, Dan.

[1:09:22] Thanks, Elliot.

[1:09:24] Letters from listeners.

[1:09:25] That's the thing we do, and we're going to do it now.

[1:09:26] This one's from Rachel.

[1:09:29] Last name not withheld.

[1:09:30] You'll see the rest of the letter for the details on that one.

[1:09:32] So, it's not Rachel G. Married, and the middle initial G is forgetting.

[1:09:36] It's not that I can tell.

[1:09:39] So, it starts like this.

[1:09:41] Dan mentioned in the recent episode, Your Place or Mine, that he'd like to see a film

[1:09:44] based on the book Arthur and George by Julian Barnes.

[1:09:47] I thought he'd like to know that there's a UK TV miniseries based on it.

[1:09:51] I can't.

[1:09:52] Seen it.

[1:09:53] I haven't seen it, but I remember it was pretty well-received at the time.

[1:09:55] Sidebar, I think I did say that I knew that it had been adapted.

[1:10:00] but just not as a movie, and I specifically wanted the story made.

[1:10:04] Take the satisfaction of having taught you a new thing away from our listeners.

[1:10:07] No, no, no, no, no.

[1:10:08] I appreciate, there are multiple people who told me about this.

[1:10:11] I appreciate it from everyone.

[1:10:13] I did see that when I was looking into it.

[1:10:16] So this is you subtweeting, stop telling me about it to people.

[1:10:19] No, I'm reading a letter that's going to get to a better point later on

[1:10:25] that we can talk about, not better.

[1:10:27] You can just say thanks.

[1:10:28] Thank you for...

[1:10:31] So Dan, what else did the letter say?

[1:10:33] I'm just reassuring everyone that I know that this exists.

[1:10:36] I haven't seen it myself.

[1:10:37] Our national nightmare is over.

[1:10:38] Dan is familiar with the adaptation.

[1:10:40] He hasn't watched it, but he knows it exists.

[1:10:42] Orange alert over.

[1:10:44] We no longer need to consider ourselves living under orange alert.

[1:10:47] Moving on to the next paragraph that is related,

[1:10:49] so I concluded the beginning setup, but anyway.

[1:10:53] Excellent.

[1:10:54] I realize that it's contrary to the tradition of the show to share last names,

[1:10:59] but I also thought Dan might like to know that there's a Flophouse listener

[1:11:03] whose last name is Sherlock.

[1:11:06] And what's more, I share an apartment with a friend of mine whose surname is Watson.

[1:11:11] What?

[1:11:12] Although we live in Dublin rather than London and we solve very few mysteries,

[1:11:17] we still get a lot of enjoyment out of the coincidence anyway.

[1:11:20] They live at 221D Butcher Street.

[1:11:23] And a Mrs. East River is there.

[1:11:30] I also wondered if you had any thoughts on the future of Sherlock Holmes in cinema.

[1:11:36] The Enola Holmes movies seem to be his current iteration,

[1:11:39] but are there any more avenues left unexplored?

[1:11:43] Has his reign as the most portrayed screen character left the well dry at this stage?

[1:11:48] Should he be left alone with his bees for a bit?

[1:11:51] Regards, Rachel, last name not withheld, Seba for further details.

[1:11:57] What's the deal with Enola Holmes?

[1:11:59] What's the deal there?

[1:12:00] That's Millie Bobby Brown's series, and I say series.

[1:12:04] There's two of them.

[1:12:05] Is it like Sherlock Holmes' sister or something?

[1:12:07] Netflix films, yes.

[1:12:08] It's his sister who had previously been written out of the stories.

[1:12:13] She's very charming in them.

[1:12:14] She does a lot of talking to the audience

[1:12:17] and the person who either wrote or directed them directed the Fleabag episodes.

[1:12:25] So it's got some of the talking to the audience has that same kind of breezy feel.

[1:12:30] They're fun.

[1:12:32] They're entertaining movies.

[1:12:35] I like them.

[1:12:36] Okay.

[1:12:37] But let's get back to the question then.

[1:12:39] Yeah.

[1:12:40] I mean, I think any long running character obviously needs to go to space.

[1:12:46] Yeah.

[1:12:47] We haven't had that yet.

[1:12:49] And Jason.

[1:12:50] Sherlock Holmes hasn't gone to the hood either.

[1:12:52] We've had a gender-swapped punk rock 80s one from Guy Davis' Baker Street Comics.

[1:13:00] So here's something – oh, wait.

[1:13:02] Sorry, Dan.

[1:13:03] What were you going to say?

[1:13:04] Well, I mean, since we mentioned Sherlock Holmes in space, I was going to say I guess the closest we got

[1:13:08] is when Data would dress up as Sherlock Holmes on the holodeck and have adventures.

[1:13:14] I always thought that was kind of funny that they were like, hey, by the way, we're tired of doing Star Trek shows.

[1:13:18] We're going to do something else.

[1:13:20] So here's – this is a real idea that I've been trying to develop, and I don't know what I'm going to do with it.

[1:13:26] Dan, has there ever been a story where Moriarty is the hero and Sherlock Holmes is the bad guy?

[1:13:32] Because I was thinking a while ago about something where Moriarty, rather than just being like a crime kingpin,

[1:13:37] he's portrayed that way, but that he is an anti-imperialist,

[1:13:40] and Sherlock Holmes is working for the government in order to shut him down,

[1:13:44] where Sherlock Holmes is a cat's paw of imperial Britain basically.

[1:13:49] I can't think of a specific one, but I can almost assure you that that has happened.

[1:13:54] Probably, yeah.

[1:13:56] Yeah, I feel like that's the problem with a character.

[1:13:58] Like trying to find a new spin on that kind of a character is a challenge.

[1:14:02] Well, okay.

[1:14:03] What if it's a kid and he's like Sherlock Holmes Jr.?

[1:14:07] What if it's a doctor played by Hugh Laurie?

[1:14:11] I feel like without putting a big spin on it, have there been a lot of animated Sherlock Holmes?

[1:14:18] Like maybe a traditional Sherlock Holmes story, but just animated?

[1:14:21] There was a Sherlock Gnomes.

[1:14:23] No, I said traditional, not a twist on it.

[1:14:26] In that one, Sherlock Holmes, instead of being a man, was a gnome.

[1:14:30] Basil of Baker Street is basically a mouse Sherlock Holmes, but again, not a traditional.

[1:14:36] Yeah, like basically the – I mean –

[1:14:38] It's a straight forward Victorian England.

[1:14:42] I'm amazed there wasn't a Saturday morning cartoon in the 80s or 90s that was called like Sherlock Holmes 2079,

[1:14:48] where he's like it's Sherlock Holmes in the future.

[1:14:50] Maybe there was.

[1:14:51] I know they did that with The Phantom.

[1:14:52] Maybe they did do that with Sherlock Holmes actually.

[1:14:54] Let me take a look.

[1:14:55] I'm going to find out.

[1:14:56] Hold on.

[1:14:57] Google those exact numbers too.

[1:14:59] Oh no, portal to hell.

[1:15:01] See if it – well, Elliot's doing that.

[1:15:07] I think there's a –

[1:15:08] You know what?

[1:15:09] There was an animated show called Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century.

[1:15:12] Okay, never mind.

[1:15:13] There goes that idea too.

[1:15:14] They've done everything.

[1:15:15] Dan, has Sherlock Holmes ever investigated the Jack the Ripper murders?

[1:15:18] Because it feels like there's a possibility there.

[1:15:20] Many.

[1:15:21] Okay, well what about Dracula?

[1:15:22] Uh-huh.

[1:15:23] Yeah.

[1:15:24] All these things.

[1:15:26] Was he ever part of a character – like a league of characters who are extraordinary in some way?

[1:15:31] Was he technically part of the league?

[1:15:33] No, he wasn't.

[1:15:34] He's dead when – he shows up in the flashbacks, but the idea is they think he's dead.

[1:15:38] Yeah, his shadow looms large in them.

[1:15:40] Exactly, yeah.

[1:15:41] His brother shows up.

[1:15:42] I don't know.

[1:15:43] Maybe he does need to take a break with his bees for a little bit.

[1:15:47] But the thing is like most –

[1:15:49] Has Johnny Lee Miller ever played him?

[1:15:51] He's such a strong character that most of the versions work in some way or another.

[1:15:56] That's the thing.

[1:15:58] Anyway.

[1:15:59] He is a character who is so much stronger than most of the material he's in, including, in my opinion, the original – many of the original stories.

[1:16:05] Like he's such a strong character that I'm sure he'll come back.

[1:16:08] I feel like he's right up there with like Frankenstein where it's like even if there's a lot – a string of bad ones, there's going to be a good one eventually because they – you can't put them down forever.

[1:16:19] This next letter from Derek and Clara.

[1:16:23] Wait, Dan.

[1:16:24] What if Sherlock Holmes was a fox and his sidekick was a mouse?

[1:16:27] Yeah, Dan.

[1:16:29] Sorry.

[1:16:30] I don't know.

[1:16:31] Oh, it's a Slylock fox.

[1:16:32] That's – of course.

[1:16:33] And Max Mouse.

[1:16:34] Yeah, I don't want to – I give Max Mouse his props.

[1:16:39] What if instead of Max Mouse it was Dodgers star Max Muncy?

[1:16:42] So this one is titled – this letter, that is, is titled Jumbotron Engagement.

[1:16:48] I never thought it would happen to me, but here I am almost a year and a half after paying for a Jumbotron proposal and finally writing back to say that she said yes.

[1:16:57] Oh, good.

[1:16:59] Admittedly, she said yes the day we listened to the episode back on – what's this?

[1:17:04] January 29th, 2022.

[1:17:07] But since then, we have said to ourselves weekly, we should really get back to them and tell them we got married.

[1:17:12] Well, 64 episodes later, here we are.

[1:17:15] So thank you very much for the assist and keep up the good work.

[1:17:18] Cheers, Derek and Clara.

[1:17:20] We did something, guys.

[1:17:22] Thank you so much for writing it.

[1:17:23] Yep, that was all us.

[1:17:24] I've been on the edge of my seat ever since we first announced it, and now I can finally use the whole thing because I'm paying for the whole chair, but I'm just using the edge.

[1:17:32] Yeah.

[1:17:33] Thank God.

[1:17:34] The chair paid for by that lovely Jumbotron.

[1:17:36] Treat your butt to a full seat.

[1:17:42] Jennifer Convertibles, treat your butt to a full seat.

[1:17:46] Well, congratulations.

[1:17:47] We're so excited and we hope that you're happy together.

[1:17:49] Yeah, congratulations.

[1:17:51] So let's round out this episode in the traditional way by recommending movies.

[1:17:58] I'd like to recommend a little movie called The Pope's Exorcist, the film that has been the most joy recently.

[1:18:10] You know what?

[1:18:11] If you need something that's not the Pope's Exorcist.

[1:18:13] Sorry, there's no other movies.

[1:18:15] I finally saw Dungeons and Dragons, which was also a lot of fun.

[1:18:19] But, you know, that doesn't need my help.

[1:18:21] Obviously the best part of that Dungeons – I don't know.

[1:18:23] It's not playing in that many theaters anymore.

[1:18:25] You think it didn't?

[1:18:26] I mean, I'm sure it did well.

[1:18:27] It's great.

[1:18:28] It's a lot of fun.

[1:18:29] Movies just don't last that long.

[1:18:30] I mean, Super Mario Brothers has been a huge movie, but even that is starting to leave theaters.

[1:18:34] It's no Avatar 2.

[1:18:35] Obviously, I think Dan's favorite part of the Dungeons and Dragons movie was the PSA beforehand where they made the whole cast come out and tell us that we're the real heroes for going to the movies.

[1:18:46] And Hugh Grant looks so unhappy.

[1:18:49] I've never seen a man look less happy to be anywhere.

[1:18:53] I literally just tweeted about how unhappy Michelle Rodriguez looks in that.

[1:18:57] Go back.

[1:18:59] Spin the tape back, Dan, and look at Hugh Grant's face.

[1:19:01] He looks like he is witnessing his children getting a little short.

[1:19:04] The whole thing is kind of a hostage video feel.

[1:19:07] It shows you how much Nicole Kidman really loves the movies.

[1:19:11] She's genuinely delighted by how heartbreak feels good in a place like this.

[1:19:16] Yeah.

[1:19:17] Yeah, it's incredible.

[1:19:19] And that was a fun movie.

[1:19:20] It was a blast.

[1:19:21] Yeah.

[1:19:22] So recommendations from either of you or both?

[1:19:25] Yeah.

[1:19:26] Preferably.

[1:19:27] I'm going to recommend two fucking movies because they're both movies in a series.

[1:19:31] They are Korean films.

[1:19:34] They are directed by the guy who wrote the screenplay for I Saw the Devil.

[1:19:38] It is – the first movie is called The Witch semicolon – no, wait, colon, part one, The Subversion.

[1:19:47] A semicolon would have been a pretty baller move to use a semicolon.

[1:19:52] It would have been crazy, right?

[1:19:53] These movies aren't that crazy.

[1:19:56] And then the sequel, of course, is The Witch, part two.

[1:20:00] the other one, which feels like they ran out of gas on that title, but that's okay.

[1:20:04] Throw a semicolon in there, get the juice back in.

[1:20:06] I mean, these are pretty straightforward horror action movies about children who have been

[1:20:14] experimented on to be turned into superpowered beings, and of course, some of those children

[1:20:21] get loose, and then they have to send other superpowered beings after the young girl who

[1:20:28] is now grown up to being a superpowered teenager, and the movie kind of spins off from there,

[1:20:35] adding more superpowered people, and they're really violent and gory, and they're a little

[1:20:43] bit too long, but if you're looking for a fun, gory action series, check them out.

[1:20:50] The Witch Part One, The Subversion, and The Witch Part Two, The Other One,

[1:20:54] and maybe they'll make a third one.

[1:20:56] They're setting it up.

[1:20:57] The Witch Part Three, Yet Another Witch.

[1:21:02] I would like to go, just like Dan was breaking all the rules by recommending the movie from

[1:21:05] this episode, I'm going to break a little bit of the rules.

[1:21:07] I'm going to recommend a short, this is not a full-length feature, this is a short movie.

[1:21:11] Dan, check the rulebook real quick.

[1:21:13] Yeah, am I allowed to do that?

[1:21:14] Is there a rule against it?

[1:21:15] There's nothing in the rulebook that says you can't do it.

[1:21:18] All right, I'm going to recommend, this is a movie that I'm shocked that I was not aware of before.

[1:21:22] This is a movie called The Appointments of Dennis Jennings, and this is the movie that

[1:21:26] Stephen Wright won an Academy Award for, which I was, for some reason, was not familiar with.

[1:21:30] It stars Stephen Wright, Rowan Atkinson, and Laurie Metcalf.

[1:21:32] So I'm like, what was this blind spot that I wasn't aware of this?

[1:21:36] Because I love all those people.

[1:21:37] And it feels like, it's only a half hour long, and it really feels like it is a fictional

[1:21:44] movie version of essentially Stephen Wright's act in a lot of ways.

[1:21:47] And he delivers a lot of Stephen Wright jokes, and he plays a kind of like a paranoid guy who

[1:21:52] has a girlfriend, but is paranoid about losing her.

[1:21:55] And he has appointments with a psychiatrist, played by Rowan Atkinson, who clearly openly

[1:21:59] hates him and does not like listening to him when he talks.

[1:22:02] And it's one of those things where watching it, I was like, oh, so that show, Louis, in

[1:22:08] addition to being made by a creep, also ripped everything off, not just from Woody Allen,

[1:22:13] but from this short film.

[1:22:14] It really feels like this is the proto version of that, that I really enjoyed a lot.

[1:22:18] I mean, I'm a huge fan of Stephen Wright as a comedian, and it feels like you're watching

[1:22:23] his act in movie form.

[1:22:25] So that's The Appointments of Dennis Jennings.

[1:22:27] It's all up on YouTube.

[1:22:28] You just watch the whole thing.

[1:22:29] You don't even have to pay anything for it.

[1:22:30] I don't know if that's legal, but you know what, man?

[1:22:32] Comedy wants to be free.

[1:22:34] That's Elliot's life hack.

[1:22:36] That's my life hack.

[1:22:37] Watch it on YouTube.

[1:22:41] Okay, well, you know what?

[1:22:43] This has been great.

[1:22:44] I really enjoyed going out to see a movie in the theater.

[1:22:48] We always say, maybe we should do that more often.

[1:22:51] Maybe we should do it more often, especially because it gives Elliot an excuse to go see

[1:22:55] movies that maybe he wouldn't normally.

[1:22:57] Just to get out of my house.

[1:22:58] Any excuse.

[1:22:59] I'd love to leave my house more often.

[1:23:00] Look at the smile on his little face, man.

[1:23:02] It's amazing.

[1:23:05] It's amazing that it fits on my little face, my itty bitty face.

[1:23:09] That little doll's face.

[1:23:11] A Doll's Face by Henry Gibson.

[1:23:14] A Doll's Face, yeah.

[1:23:15] And A Doll's Face Part Two starring Laurie Metcalf.

[1:23:18] Yeah.

[1:23:18] A Doll's Face Two, the subversion.

[1:23:22] A Doll's Face Two, the other one.

[1:23:23] Which is another doll, or the doll has another face.

[1:23:26] That's what I don't know.

[1:23:28] And Ibsen is like, you gotta see the play, they'll find out.

[1:23:30] I'm Italian now.

[1:23:36] We went down a little cul-de-sac there, but now we're turning to the highway.

[1:23:40] Less a rabbit hole and more of a sinkhole.

[1:23:42] Yeah.

[1:23:43] I'll say thanks for listening.

[1:23:46] Go over to MaximumFun.org to find other great podcasts on the Maximum Fun podcasting network.

[1:23:55] Thank you to Alex Smith.

[1:23:57] He is known as HowlDotty on various socials.

[1:24:01] He produces and edits the show and does a lot of other great stuff.

[1:24:06] Check out his own work.

[1:24:10] Thank you for listening.

[1:24:11] For The Flop House, I have been Dan McCoy.

[1:24:14] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:24:15] I've been Elliot Kalin.

[1:24:17] Uh, bye!

[1:24:20] What?

[1:24:23] Oh, I hate it.

[1:24:29] Hello?

[1:24:30] Hello?

[1:24:31] Hello?

[1:24:32] Is it me you've been waiting for?

[1:24:34] Is it me you're looking for?

[1:24:37] Let the bodies hit the floor.

[1:24:39] That Peppa Peppa song?

[1:24:41] I think it might have come out before, uh, the Rod Stewart song.

[1:24:46] Oh, interesting.

[1:24:47] So I'm gonna do some research on that.

[1:24:49] And maybe blow that whole Rod Stewart situation wide open.

[1:24:52] Stealing this, stealing Hallie's Brazilian song.

[1:24:56] That was so funny when she just started doing that.

[1:24:58] I'm like, what is happening?

[1:25:05] MaximumFun.org.

[1:25:07] Comedy and culture.

[1:25:08] Artist owned.

[1:25:09] Audience supported.

Episode #395 - The Pope's Exorcist

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