Episode #395 - The Pope's Exorcist

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the Pope's Exorcist.

Stuart Wellington

[0:05] It's kind of like if you were to cross Evil Dead with Columbo.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:36] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] It's Elliot Kaylin.

[0:42] Sorry, I was riding a unicycle down a flood of stairs.

[0:45] Yeah, a couple of crusties in here.

[0:47] That makes sense.

Stuart Wellington

[0:48] You shouldn't do that on mic, but that's okay.

Dan McCoy

[0:52] Hey, guys, good to see you again.

[0:55] This is a podcast, in case you didn't know.

[0:57] Oh, cool.

[0:58] Where we watch a bad movie.

[0:59] Just for the record, we can't see you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00] If it's the listeners you're talking to, we actually can't see them, so don't worry.

Dan McCoy

[1:05] Except for you, Gary.

[1:07] I'm looking at you right now.

[1:09] Somewhere, guys, Gary's so freaked out right now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] Yeah, he's freaked out.

[1:12] Yeah, you really gave him the business.

[1:13] So what do we do on this podcast other than spy on Gary?

Dan McCoy

[1:15] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[1:20] Or a movie that maybe, look, no judgments until the end.

[1:24] It could be good.

[1:25] Who knows if it's a thumbs up for me, dog?

[1:28] Other than me.

[1:29] But we've heard things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] Why would you rub it into that dog's face, Stu, that you have thumbs and he doesn't?

[1:34] Yeah.

[1:34] Well, he knows what he did.

Dan McCoy

[1:36] We heard some things, usually about the movies that we chose, that might suggest that maybe

[1:40] a humorous dissection of these films would be enjoyable for you, the audience.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47] The aggressive Twitter campaign that Russell Crowe personally was doing of posting pictures

[1:51] of his character, Father Gabriel Amorth, riding a fucking Vespa on the streets of Italy.

Dan McCoy

[1:55] I don't know if it was Russell Crowe himself, but certainly all of the people who sent us

[2:01] that trailer to the film, The Pope's Exorcist, saying, you guys are doing this, right?

[2:06] Yeah.

[2:07] There was a lot of fan excitement about The Pope's Exorcist.

[2:10] We got off our fucking asses and we went, we took our lazy butts to the theater.

Stuart Wellington

[2:17] And then got on them again.

[2:19] It was really fun because Dan and I were like, Dan and I are like, okay, we got to go see

[2:23] this fucking movie.

[2:24] Our usual places to go is like the Alamo Draft House.

Dan McCoy

[2:28] Because usually we don't go see movies in the theater.

[2:30] That's the...

Stuart Wellington

[2:31] Well, like for personal use, we usually go to the Alamo Draft House because we like to

[2:35] get fucked up in the movies.

Elliott Kalan

[2:36] This movie is only for public use.

[2:38] Please be careful.

[2:39] Be clean with it.

[2:40] Wipe it down when you're done.

Stuart Wellington

[2:41] Well, like normally we like to get a little bit twisted on a couple of cocktails.

[2:45] You know, you know, we're bad boys.

[2:48] So we...

[2:48] I don't know if that's...

[2:49] So I was looking and the only Draft House it was playing in New York was Staten Island.

[2:54] So hell yeah, we got to see a turkey on the road.

Dan McCoy

[2:57] We did see a big fat turkey on the road while we were driving.

Stuart Wellington

[3:00] As I mentioned on a previous mini, I was super bummed that the menu wasn't all gabagool

[3:04] and spaghetti.

[3:06] But that's fine.

[3:07] I can live.

[3:08] Also because of the subject matter of the movie, you know.

[3:11] Sure, yeah.

[3:12] A lot of Italians in the movie.

[3:13] So we...

[3:14] Still thinking about that turkey we saw.

[3:16] It was huge.

[3:17] It was a fucking big boy.

Dan McCoy

[3:18] Big turkey.

[3:19] It fluffed itself up at the traffic as we drove by.

[3:22] He saw Dan clocking him and he's like, keep on moving, buddy.

Elliott Kalan

[3:26] See, on the East Coast, there's a turkey in the road.

[3:28] On the West Coast, there's a peacock in the road.

[3:31] Oh, wow.

[3:31] That's cool.

[3:32] That's the difference between New York and LA.

Stuart Wellington

[3:34] On tough times.

[3:35] So we headed over there and we fired up the movie.

[3:40] And you know what?

[3:42] Let's get into that shit.

[3:42] I don't think we fired it up because, again, we saw it in the theater.

Dan McCoy

[3:46] The projectionists.

Elliott Kalan

[3:47] Meanwhile, I was not a part of this Staten Island road trip, which is the saddest.

[3:52] To go from Brooklyn to Staten Island is not the most exciting road trip in the world.

[3:56] But I saw it.

[3:56] Although...

[3:57] You would have loved it.

[3:58] It was amazing.

[3:59] I got to do something I almost never get to do these days, which I was so excited to,

[4:02] which is go to a sleepy movie theater that has more staff than attendees at the moment

[4:07] and sit in the middle of the day and watch a movie with three old people who...

[4:11] The same three old people that I think are always when I see horror movies in the middle

[4:14] of the day.

[4:15] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[4:16] Yeah, I love that.

[4:17] Yeah.

[4:18] That's the best feeling.

[4:19] That was like when I would skip school in high school.

[4:21] That's my crew.

Dan McCoy

[4:23] You make fun of it as a road trip, and rightly so.

[4:28] I'm not saying that you shouldn't.

[4:29] You didn't even leave the city you were in.

[4:32] Psychologically, it did have an effect.

[4:34] Like, it was like, oh, Stuart's picking me up in the car and we're like driving to see

[4:38] a movie someplace else.

[4:41] It was, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:42] Yeah, it was great.

[4:43] It was awesome.

[4:44] Like all times.

[4:44] So, the movie began...

[4:46] You drove right onto the ferry, and then...

[4:48] Yep.

[4:49] That's how I did it.

[4:51] Yeah.

[4:52] So, the movie begins in a flashback.

[4:55] Doesn't the movie begin with a quote?

[4:57] Sorry, I did not take particularly good notes because I was in a movie theater.

[5:00] Yeah, you can.

[5:00] So, the movie begins with a quote from our main character, Father Gabriel Amorth.

Elliott Kalan

[5:05] A real person who...

[5:07] They're quoting a real person who's played by Russell Crowe in a fictional movie.

Dan McCoy

[5:10] Yeah, I was shocked to learn that at the very end.

[5:12] That was the biggest twist of the movie at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[5:15] When it said, based on the books by...

Dan McCoy

[5:17] Yeah.

[5:18] I'm like, wait, this was purported to actually happen?

[5:21] This thing that this movie has shown me.

[5:23] It's pretty cool.

Stuart Wellington

[5:23] He's like, wow, there was a CGI portal in real life?

[5:28] Anyway.

[5:29] And now, of course, I think this name's cool because it sounds like the band Amon Amarth,

[5:33] Viking metal band, but that has no impact in the movie itself.

[5:37] So, we get a quote from him talking about like the devil being excited when we don't pay

[5:42] enough attention or something.

Elliott Kalan

[5:42] When we don't believe in him, the devil gets excited because that means he can wreck his

[5:46] mischief unchecked.

[5:48] Which, we're pretty aware of the devil the whole movie.

[5:51] So, it's pretty...

[5:52] Everyone keeps talking about it.

[5:54] There is that one moment we'll get to where the youngest cardinal in the history of the

[5:58] church, I guess.

[5:58] He's like the...

[6:00] Oh, what's his name?

[6:01] That horrible young man in the Trump administration.

Dan McCoy

[6:04] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:06] We all know.

[6:06] Little lizard guy?

[6:08] Yeah.

[6:08] The one who looked like Mr. Burns, but...

[6:10] Mr. Burns had been de-aged, but not enough.

[6:12] Oh, yeah.

[6:14] It's like him in the Vatican is like, people are tired of demons.

[6:18] The church needs to be more relevant.

[6:20] And I thought it was...

[6:20] It's just such a fake...

[6:22] We'll get to it.

[6:23] It's such a fake conflict for the head exorcist of the Vatican to have to overcome.

[6:28] Partly because it's the church.

[6:30] Like, it's not supposed to be like new and cool, you know?

[6:33] But also, the Pope, played by Frank O'Neill...

[6:37] Which was great.

[6:38] So has the exorcist's back that it's like, are we really supposed to think he's going to

[6:41] lose his job because this young cardinal doesn't like him?

[6:44] The young cardinal loves him.

Dan McCoy

[6:45] Give us your fucking badge and gun.

Stuart Wellington

[6:47] And he's like, I don't think so.

[6:52] I answered only one guy.

Elliott Kalan

[6:54] Before we get to that scene, first, Father Gabriel, he's got his James Bond first mission

[7:00] of the movie prologue to deal with, right?

Stuart Wellington

[7:02] Like, cold open.

[7:04] It's set in the 80s.

[7:05] He goes to a little village where there's a little boy who's possessed.

Elliott Kalan

[7:09] Well, he's like a grown man.

[7:10] They keep calling him a boy, but he's like at least a teenager.

[7:13] He has a beard.

Stuart Wellington

[7:14] So the first line of the movie is Russell Crowe complimenting a pig by telling it it's beautiful.

[7:20] And I thought that was really nice.

[7:21] Yeah, well...

Elliott Kalan

[7:22] What he does to the pig after it is...

[7:23] It's the least he could do.

[7:24] He doesn't do anything.

[7:25] I mean, outside the pilot of Black Mirror, this is just about the worst thing I've seen done

[7:29] to a pig in a TV show or movie.

Stuart Wellington

[7:31] So he calms everybody down.

[7:36] He talks to the possessed guy.

[7:38] Possessed guy, obviously a demon, is doing demon stuff.

[7:42] And Russell Crowe does a little bit of banter.

[7:44] He tells some jokes.

[7:45] And he basically tricks the demon into possessing...

[7:50] Proving that it's powerful by possessing a pig instead of leaving the boy's body and going into a pig.

[7:57] In which case, as soon as the pig gets possessed, they blow its head off.

[8:00] Yeah, the farmer who brought the pig in just blows the pig's head off.

Elliott Kalan

[8:03] I got a couple of questions.

[8:04] Well, I mean...

[8:05] If your question is, was that kid really possessed?

[8:07] Well, that's the...

[8:08] The answer is no.

Dan McCoy

[8:10] Well, yes.

[8:11] I wanted to get into that.

Elliott Kalan

[8:13] Yeah, they didn't call up the devil and say, like, devil, are you free on this day to possess our actor?

[8:18] What's your day rate?

[8:20] You really should go through my reps.

[8:23] You know, I haven't talked to them much lately, but they'll be excited that I'm getting some work.

[8:26] Wow, Kevin Spacey doing a new accent.

Dan McCoy

[8:30] No, I wanted to get into it because, you know, Stuart was telling the story as if he was possessed.

[8:36] But the movie then has Russell Crowe being like, oh, that kid, you know, like he had psychological problems.

[8:41] He just needed a little theater.

[8:43] Yes.

[8:43] So he doesn't think he's possessed anymore.

[8:46] Now, I've got a couple of issues with this.

[8:48] Number one, the kid, you know, had all sorts of, like, I'm possessed makeup on.

[8:55] So if he wasn't really possessed, he still needs, like, a doctor.

[8:59] Not just like a...

Elliott Kalan

[8:59] Well, so...

[9:00] But he hasn't eaten in days, they've said.

[9:02] He's been in this kind of state for days.

[9:04] And you see Russell Crowe do a series of tests on him.

[9:07] And we don't know, but we find out later when he does those same tests on the really possessed character,

[9:11] that he is ascertaining from that that there is no demon inside of him.

[9:15] He has that magic charm that he waves in front of his eyes.

[9:18] Yeah.

[9:18] And the guy doesn't get demonized.

[9:20] And the real sad part is that that pig still has to die even though there was no demon in there.

[9:24] Like, he just...

[9:25] Well, that's...

Dan McCoy

[9:26] I mean, that's another question of mine.

[9:28] Like, if it were real, would that kill...

[9:31] You think maybe it was a stunt pig that had a fake pig that they will...

[9:35] If that were real, would it kill the demon?

[9:37] Like, is the demon attached to that pig?

Elliott Kalan

[9:39] This is an issue I've always had.

[9:41] I have the same issue with The Exorcist, too.

[9:43] Where the demon possesses a body and then the body kills itself.

[9:48] The demon should just be able to hop into another body.

[9:51] Like, it shouldn't really hurt the demon that badly.

[9:53] But it always seems...

[9:54] But when the...

[9:55] It's...

[9:55] All these movies, when the spirit hops into the right body and then that body gets killed,

[10:01] then the demon is defeated.

Stuart Wellington

[10:02] Real quick, guys.

[10:03] So, by calling your movie The Pope's Exorcist, is that, like, one-upping The Exorcist?

[10:09] Like, it's a little bit better?

[10:10] Yeah.

[10:11] Is, like, the next step up, like, The Universe's Exorcist?

[10:14] This is the Pope's guy.

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] Well, and what I want is the sequel where he has been fired, and it's called The Ex-Exorcist.

[10:20] Oh, yeah.

[10:21] And he's got to figure out what his next step is.

Dan McCoy

[10:23] I want to talk about the title, The Pope's Exorcist, but I do want to get back to this just briefly.

[10:28] It also...

Elliott Kalan

[10:28] The title also implies that the Pope has been possessed.

Dan McCoy

[10:31] Well, thank you for stepping on the thing I want to get back to.

[10:34] So, let's say it now.

Elliott Kalan

[10:35] Why not just say it now, Dan?

[10:36] Well, because we were...

Dan McCoy

[10:37] I don't want to get too far away from, like, what we were talking about.

[10:40] Okay, so let's put a pin in that.

Elliott Kalan

[10:42] Let's put a pin in misperceptions about the title, and we'll just go back into the movie.

[10:47] I'm sorry that I stole that from your mind, Dan, much as in the last episode.

[10:50] An idea was stolen from the mind of Stephen King.

Dan McCoy

[10:53] No, no.

[10:55] I just...

[10:55] With the kid, the...

[10:57] I feel like this stuff about, like, oh, you know, like, the kid only had a mental issue.

[11:06] Like, we need to...

[11:07] Like, most of the time, I don't actually need to exercise things.

[11:10] Like, this is, like, stuff that the filmmaker is putting in to be, like, you know, this is a modern...

[11:16] Like, this...

[11:17] The Pope's Exorcist.

[11:18] Even though he's an exorcist, let's be clear.

[11:21] He is a modern, reasonable man who recognizes that, for the most part, exorcism is not a thing that needs to happen.

[11:30] Well, I don't know.

[11:31] I feel like...

[11:31] But except for this one tiny bit...

[11:33] Well, hold on.

[11:33] Let me say my thing.

[11:34] Okay.

[11:35] Before you jump in.

[11:36] You don't know what I'm...

[11:37] It's just, like, in real life, this guy, he's, like, the quote-unquote real life of this exorcist.

[11:45] Like, he wrote these books about...

[11:47] Yeah, yeah, man.

[11:48] I exercised, like, hundreds of thousands of demons.

[11:52] And so I feel like the fact that this exists in the movie is here to be, like, hey, man.

[11:57] We all want to sympathize with, like, a guy who knows that this is nutty, right?

[12:04] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[12:05] So here's what I was going to say.

[12:06] I think...

[12:06] I'm not quite sure I agree with that.

[12:07] I think what it's in there for is more...

[12:09] To me, at least, what it was saying was, this guy is a professional.

[12:12] Like, he knows what he's doing.

[12:14] He can tell the difference between a real demon and a fake demon.

[12:16] He has that secret knowledge that a professional needs to have.

[12:19] And maybe there is a little bit of...

[12:20] I mean, he's also constantly drinking.

[12:22] And I don't know if the real exorcist was, like, taking shots of whiskey from a flask.

[12:27] Well, not even shots.

[12:27] He just pours it down as if he's drinking lemonade out of a flask.

[12:31] Like, I don't know if that was...

[12:32] If he was really doing that.

[12:33] And those moments where I was like...

Stuart Wellington

[12:35] Yeah, he's drinking like he's shooting a fucking commercial for him.

Elliott Kalan

[12:39] Yeah, he's, like, turning into James Woods from Vampires, where they're, like, the hard-living, you know, vampire killers from the Vatican.

[12:45] But I think it was partly there because it's them showing us that he...

[12:50] That he knows what he's doing and he's not going to get fooled.

[12:52] You know, he's a pro.

[12:53] He knows the tricks, you know.

[12:55] Yeah, no, I...

Dan McCoy

[12:56] I know, but I...

[12:58] I guess I chafe against, like...

[13:00] The fact that this is purported to be...

[13:03] Obviously, it's not.

[13:04] Based on reality.

[13:05] Like, it's like...

[13:05] Of course, because demons don't exist.

[13:07] Whatever they did...

[13:07] I think we're fine.

[13:08] No, I know.

[13:09] It's like, whatever they did...

[13:11] Whatever the original books are like...

[13:13] I'm sure that this is, like, a measure of madness even further beyond it.

[13:18] But the fact that this movie tries to be, like...

[13:22] No, no, guys.

[13:22] This is a reasonable exorcist.

[13:24] He's a pro.

[13:25] Like, I guess I chafe on that.

[13:27] Just, like...

[13:27] And then, like...

[13:28] Look, let me...

[13:29] Don't try and hornswaggle me.

[13:31] Like, I don't believe in demons.

[13:33] But I'm watching a horror movie.

[13:35] So I'm going to go with you.

[13:36] Stop trying to, like...

Elliott Kalan

[13:37] You're saying you would rather he was, like, a straight out-and-out, like, fire-and-brimstone kind of, you know...

[13:42] Oh, I don't know.

[13:43] I don't know if I would rather that.

Dan McCoy

[13:44] I really like the way that this character is personified by Russell Crowe.

[13:48] Because I feel like...

[13:49] We'll talk about it.

Elliott Kalan

[13:50] Because then you start getting into the more worrying issue to me as if it's, like...

[13:53] Your son, you think he's possessed?

[13:55] Yes, he's possessed by the devil.

[13:56] Does he have sex with other men?

[13:58] Because that's one of the big symptoms.

[14:00] And that's not a character I want to sympathize with at all.

[14:02] Like, I do want him to be a little modern where he's like...

[14:05] Well, of course, I believe in primordial forces of good and evil.

[14:07] But, like, come on.

[14:08] Let's all agree.

[14:09] Some of this stuff is a little old-fashioned.

Dan McCoy

[14:10] I guess it is just sort of a general, like, dislike of this idea of, like...

[14:16] I don't know.

[14:17] Like, I'm letting too much of the real world fold into my opinion.

Stuart Wellington

[14:21] I gotta say, I thought this opening scene was pretty fun.

[14:23] I liked it.

Elliott Kalan

[14:24] I thought, to me, this was like...

[14:25] It's like the library scene in the Ghostbusters.

[14:27] Where you get a sense of, like...

[14:29] You get a sense of how good this person is at their job.

[14:31] In Ghostbusters, you're learning that they're terrible at it.

[14:33] Yeah.

[14:34] They're there to find a ghost.

[14:36] And when they do find it, they run away screaming.

[14:37] But in here, you get a sense that, like, oh, he knows what he's doing.

[14:40] Like, he can handle...

[14:41] This exorcist can handle any situation.

[14:43] Or can he?

[14:44] Because the movie's about to throw a challenge in his face.

Dan McCoy

[14:46] I mean, I...

[14:47] Look, in the context of a movie, I liked it.

[14:50] I'm just like, let's not pretend they're good exorcists and bad exorcists.

[14:52] Yeah, they're all bad.

[14:53] It's just dumb stuff.

[14:55] But what about sexorcists, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[14:56] How do you feel about them?

[14:57] Are they good or bad?

Stuart Wellington

[14:58] That's a white zombie album.

[14:59] I can't remember.

[15:01] So, yeah.

[15:03] So, flash forward a little bit.

[15:05] It's still the 80s.

[15:06] We're in Spain.

[15:08] Cue up She Sells Sanctuary by the cult.

[15:11] It's like, hell yeah, this is a fucking rocking movie.

[15:13] We're introduced to a family who are moving into a Spanish abbey that they've inherited from their recently deceased father.

[15:22] It is the mother, her daughter, like teenage daughter, and her young son who already looks kind of creepy.

Dan McCoy

[15:31] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[15:31] Like, he is...

[15:31] This kid is the number one special effect in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[15:34] Well, I don't want to make fun of this kid.

[15:36] And he has refused to talk since witnessing the death of their father.

[15:40] But basically, the movie makers are giving us...

[15:42] I'm not making fun of him.

Stuart Wellington

[15:43] It's like fucking Doug Jones, dude.

[15:45] Like, he's amazing.

[15:46] This kid's got a big career ahead of him.

Elliott Kalan

[15:48] He looks awesome.

[15:48] The kid is really good.

[15:49] But it's your standard Spielberg's assortment of single mom, older kid, younger kid.

[15:55] And the younger kid gets involved in some kind of fantastical thing.

[15:59] That's your basic family.

Stuart Wellington

[16:01] Yep, yep.

[16:02] Spielberg, I believe, took it from the diary of Dr. Father Gabriel Morse, actually.

Elliott Kalan

[16:07] Yeah, originally E.T. was called...

[16:09] Credit where credit's due, yeah.

[16:10] E.T. was exorcist terrestrial.

Stuart Wellington

[16:13] And over time, they took all the exorcism stuff.

[16:16] Yeah, yeah.

[16:16] That's a shame.

[16:18] Skittles.

[16:19] Demons love them.

[16:20] Or no, Reese's Pieces.

[16:21] Reese's Pieces, no.

[16:23] Stuart, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[16:23] I fucked up that joke.

[16:24] I fucked it up.

[16:25] But you're right.

[16:26] Demons do love Skittles because they want to taste the rainbow.

Dan McCoy

[16:29] Well, that's the thing.

[16:29] Like, aliens love Reese's Pieces.

[16:32] Demons love Skittles.

[16:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:34] Oh, thank you guys.

[16:35] You're making me feel so much better.

[16:36] I feel like such an asshole.

Dan McCoy

[16:37] I mean, I know that Elliot believes that because they're all fruit flavored.

[16:40] And to him, fruit is the demon's food.

[16:44] Fruit is evil.

Elliott Kalan

[16:44] I mean, what was it that...

[16:46] What was the original sin that cast Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?

[16:49] It wasn't eating meat.

[16:49] You know what?

[16:49] It all tracks.

[16:50] It wasn't eating chocolate.

[16:52] It was eating fruit.

[16:52] No, you're right.

[16:53] It was eating Skittles.

[16:55] God said, thou tree is the rainbow.

[16:59] And thou shalt not taste the rainbow.

[17:02] And the serpent came up and was like, Eve, you want to taste that rainbow.

[17:04] You know you do.

Stuart Wellington

[17:05] That'd be a wild ass Skittles commercial.

[17:07] Are you?

Elliott Kalan

[17:08] You know what?

[17:09] This is the Skittles commercial.

[17:10] I think it would work.

[17:11] This is the Skittles commercial.

[17:12] God says...

[17:13] It's almost all told without dialogue.

[17:16] God points to the tree to Adam and Eve and finger over the...

[17:19] Wagging his finger.

[17:20] No, no, don't do that.

[17:21] And then they look at it and the snake nods his head.

[17:24] And then they eat it.

[17:24] And the next shot is them walking out, being cast out with handfuls of Skittles.

[17:28] And Adam just turns to Eve with his mouth full of Skittles.

[17:30] It was worth it.

[17:31] And then it says, Skittles, taste the rainbow.

[17:33] Done.

[17:33] Oh, man.

[17:33] TM that shit.

Stuart Wellington

[17:34] TM it.

[17:35] We did it.

Dan McCoy

[17:36] That's like...

[17:36] That's a better version.

[17:37] I was envisioning sort of like a very 90s version of the commercial where it's all like

[17:42] sort of like cut out, brightly colored like animation.

[17:46] Like it looks like a trapper keeper.

[17:48] There's like a no, no, no.

[17:49] Where like God is like the parents telling the kid that he can't have the delicious tree.

[17:56] And then like there's like a cool snake with like sunglasses.

[17:59] Oh, it's just sunglasses.

[18:00] Yeah.

[18:00] And then they taste the rainbow.

[18:02] And then there's like...

[18:02] Like a guitar riff.

[18:05] Yeah, triangles everywhere.

[18:06] Yeah, sure.

[18:06] No, that's cool.

Stuart Wellington

[18:06] And like Adam and Eve are like totally naked.

[18:09] Like you see a dong just flapping around.

[18:12] Oh, yeah.

[18:12] Full frontal.

[18:12] Just like in 90s commercials.

Elliott Kalan

[18:14] Yeah, just like in the 90s when all those commercials for candy at full frontal nudity.

Stuart Wellington

[18:17] It's going to push the envelope a little bit.

[18:19] But I feel like that would play in Europe.

Elliott Kalan

[18:21] We all remember the famous campaign, give me a break, give me a break, break me off a

Dan McCoy

[18:25] piece of that Kit Kat bar on your dick.

[18:28] It's a wild one.

Elliott Kalan

[18:29] And then the guy would take it and he would slap it against his erect penis and it would snap

[18:32] into pieces.

[18:34] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[18:36] That man, Blade.

[18:40] So, yeah.

[18:42] So, the family has just inherited this like crumbling abbey that is like moss and ivy choked.

[18:49] A perfect location for a Ravenloft D&D adventure.

[18:53] There are tradesmen that are trying to fix it up, but they keep having problems.

[18:58] Tradesmen.

[18:59] Contractors.

Elliott Kalan

[19:00] I love calling them tradesmen though.

[19:02] There's a blacksmith.

[19:03] There's a cooper.

[19:04] There's a Fletcher.

Stuart Wellington

[19:06] Yeah.

[19:06] There you go.

[19:07] A barrel right.

[19:10] So, they're fixing it up, but they're having some issues.

[19:14] The son has not spoken since his father's untimely passing.

[19:18] And the teenage daughter is kind of a rebel.

[19:22] She smokes cigarettes and wears revealing clothing.

[19:26] And this is around when she, the teenage daughter, puts on her headset on her Walkman and is listening to We Care A Lot by Faith No More, which cuts to Father Gabriel Morse riding his Vesper around the streets of Rome.

[19:41] It's amazing.

[19:42] Let me say this.

Elliott Kalan

[19:43] Russell Crowe is loving being in this movie.

[19:46] I feel like he is enjoying every frame that he is on screen.

Stuart Wellington

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:50] He's gobbling it.

[19:51] He's gobbling every ounce of this screen.

Dan McCoy

[19:54] And part of the thing that makes this movie a lot of fun, honestly, to me at least, it feels like the most sort of, it feels like very early 2000s horror movie complete with later on there's a CGI puddle of fire.

[20:11] And stuff that like, but in the middle of it, you have Russell Crowe like giving this genuinely kind of great performance, whereas like he is imbuing it both with like a certain gravitas and realism and he is slicing ham all over the scene.

Elliott Kalan

[20:29] I say this not just because he has a beard and is clearly overweight in the movie, but there's a, I felt like there's a real like Orson Welles-y thing to it.

[20:38] Yes, I said that later on.

Dan McCoy

[20:39] Dan turned and told me during the movie.

[20:41] Well, like there's that scene where he's on his Vespa and he has like his long black like robes on and he has like sunglasses and a black hat and he looks for all the world like Orson Welles riding a Vespa around.

Elliott Kalan

[20:53] Yeah.

[20:54] All he needs is a big cigar in his mouth and like a scarf flapping behind it.

Stuart Wellington

[20:56] If this movie had been called Orson Welles colon the Pope's Exorcist, I'd have been into it too.

Elliott Kalan

[21:01] And you wouldn't have had to change a single thing about it because I would believe Orson Welles going around doing this made up weird Italian accent.

Stuart Wellington

[21:07] Or if it was the Pope's Exorcist and then in ellipses, Orson Welles.

[21:14] They don't do that in movie titles that often these days.

[21:16] Not often.

[21:16] But I feel like it would work in this case.

[21:18] Oh, yeah.

[21:19] So he is going up in front of a – like a tribunal, a jury, what do you call it, a council?

Elliott Kalan

[21:26] Yeah.

[21:26] I think a tribunal is a good way to put it.

[21:28] It's a group of cardinals, one of whom is a friend of his that is clearly on his side.

[21:32] But they're all humping and harrumphing about the very existence of the Pope's exorcist opposition.

[21:39] Yeah.

[21:39] They want his badge and gun basically.

[21:41] But it's not really for anything he's done.

[21:43] It's just for the idea of it.

Stuart Wellington

[21:44] Well, they do bring up that there was one exorcism that went bad.

[21:49] Yes.

[21:50] And the –

[21:51] Wendell killed herself.

[21:52] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[21:52] And also he does write articles about it, which I've got to assume that's some kind of conflict of interest that he like –

[21:56] And books.

[21:57] And he does this work for the Vatican and then just writes tell all the books.

[22:01] You read the books?

[22:02] The books are good.

[22:03] But it's all run by this real Weasley young cardinal who –

[22:08] American cardinal.

[22:09] American cardinal.

[22:10] And he's just – and part of me is like how did he get the seniority to be on this council?

[22:14] But then again, like I said, in the Trump administration, it was all these young evil people who had no business being in a government position.

Dan McCoy

[22:21] Well, but that's also like the not-so subtext of it.

[22:27] It's just like this is the new young buck.

[22:30] You know, and like bringing in like new reforms to the church and like –

[22:33] He's not a cool young pope.

[22:34] But Russell –

[22:34] Like the Jude Law young pope.

Stuart Wellington

[22:36] Yeah.

[22:36] Russell Crowe and the pope –

Dan McCoy

[22:38] That pope fucks.

[22:38] Know that like evil exists and like you need him on that wall.

[22:42] Like the thing is like –

[22:43] Yeah.

[22:44] I mean we've alluded to it before.

[22:46] Like Stewart said, this is like a badge and gun thing.

[22:49] But like this – like the movie is the exorcist plus a buddy cop movie.

[22:55] Yes.

[22:56] Like really –

[22:56] Very much so.

[22:57] Yes.

[22:58] Russell Crowe is essentially the grizzled old veteran cop who plays by his own rules.

Elliott Kalan

[23:03] He plays by his own rules and is going to show the young cop – I mean the young cop is not necessarily a straight arrow so much as he's kind of like naive and new.

[23:10] The young priest.

[23:11] But yeah, he is – this is one of those movies where a new person is coming in and saying, your old ways of doing things are bad.

[23:17] And he goes, I'm going to show you why they're not.

[23:19] Why you need me.

[23:20] You need me on that soul.

[23:22] You need me on that soul.

[23:23] Keeping – shooting people and stuff like that.

Stuart Wellington

[23:25] So things are looking a little bit grim for Father Amorth.

[23:29] But then while praying, he gets some time to spend with his boss.

[23:33] That's right.

[23:34] The Pope.

[23:35] Played by Frank O'Neill.

[23:37] Maybe you've heard of him.

[23:38] Played by Django himself, Frank O'Neill.

[23:41] Who's like – it's – the Pope is so funny in this to me.

[23:45] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] It is.

[23:47] The whole time that – every scene with him – and at first I was – at first I didn't – I was like, I know who this is.

[23:52] And it took me a while to recognize that it was Frank O'Neill because I wasn't getting good looks at those blazing blue eyes.

[23:57] But the – but like he is a hilarious pope of this.

[24:00] It is – the entire time I was like, I do not believe this guy is the pope at all.

[24:04] And he spends his whole day in a church at the – just either sitting in a pew or kneeling.

[24:10] And I'm like, so the pope just works out of a church.

[24:13] He doesn't have an office or like a house.

Stuart Wellington

[24:14] And I expected him at any moment to be like, Father Amorth, you need this special crossbow that shoots legs.

Elliott Kalan

[24:22] If this pope had shown up at the exorcism site and then pulled two guns out of his robes and started firing, I would not have been surprised.

Dan McCoy

[24:31] He does come very close to being like Russell Crowe's Q character because like they keep cutting back to him like looking through the old books.

[24:39] Yeah, that's true.

Stuart Wellington

[24:40] And when things go bad for him, even though they are separated by multiple countries, he's like, no, Gabriel.

Elliott Kalan

[24:47] Yeah, they do all have – they do seem to have some kind of force level psychic link.

[24:51] It rules.

[24:51] But I guess that's the connection you get when you're part of the Catholic family.

[24:54] You know, you're all part of one soul.

[24:57] And you're all in the brotherhood of Jesus or something like that, right?

[25:00] Yeah, something like that.

[25:01] So meanwhile, back in Spain –

[25:02] I'm not a Christian.

[25:03] We're Jews.

[25:03] We do it our own way.

[25:04] We're all independent free agents just living it up.

[25:06] Anyway, continue.

Stuart Wellington

[25:07] Meanwhile, back in Spain, the young son finds a hole in the wall in the basement and he looks at a door that has a crack in it and something happens.

[25:18] Then shortly afterwards, these aforementioned contractors are downstairs.

[25:24] They try to get a better look at this hole in the wall.

[25:26] They light a flare which explodes and burns them.

[25:30] The contractors are having none of this.

[25:31] They leave the job site.

[25:32] They walk off.

[25:33] I wonder if they had a good contract with them.

[25:36] We'll find out later.

[25:37] I mean, that all gets sorted out later.

Elliott Kalan

[25:38] It is in the –

[25:39] It's in the postscripts, I'm sure.

[25:41] Yeah, in the –

[25:42] I don't know if you stayed for the mid-credit scene where it's them and their lawyers dealing with enforcing the contract.

[25:46] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:47] The son almost immediately starts doing possessed person stuff.

[25:53] He – you know, his mom shows up and he's like, mommy, mommy, you're all going to hell.

[25:58] And then he grabs his mom's breast.

[25:59] He talks about breastfeeding.

[26:01] It was pretty intense actually.

[26:03] That's the most intense part.

Elliott Kalan

[26:04] That's the only part where it felt like it started getting into the territory that – for me – that the exorcist gets into where it's like, oh, this is genuinely upsetting to see a kid doing these things.

[26:13] Because most of it is him just going like, you're all going to die, Gabe.

[26:17] Well, and let's take a moment because it's been invoked a couple times.

Dan McCoy

[26:21] Let's just briefly talk about the exorcist in that there's nothing that this demon does that you have not already seen in the exorcist.

[26:28] It's very specifically like all of the exorcist stuff, whether it's turning someone's head around or having writing come up on the belly or walking around like a spider.

[26:39] Like a spider.

Elliott Kalan

[26:40] When it takes over the daughter's mind and she drops to the ground like a spider, I was like, movie, come on.

[26:46] Like, you know I've seen this before.

Dan McCoy

[26:48] I both agree with you and I felt like it was kind of hilarious how close it hewed towards like –

[26:54] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[26:55] Like the writers, like they looked up like, well, I guess this is our monster manual of what demons do.

[27:01] This is what demons do.

Stuart Wellington

[27:02] Well, it does feel like that –

[27:03] Yeah, they didn't want the nerds on the internet to be like, oh, those aren't powers demons have.

Elliott Kalan

[27:08] Well, but it feels – that happens sometimes where like a movie – it's like with like the Wolfman invented all the stuff about like wolf's bane and things like that.

[27:16] It's all made up.

[27:17] And then later werewolf movies were like, that's what – I mean as in it's not real traditional folklore or something like that.

[27:24] Obviously werewolves are also made up.

[27:26] Like as opposed to the real werewolf stuff, lock your doors, everybody.

[27:30] But that people were like, I guess that's just part of being a werewolf or like there's vampire stuff that that happens with where like it'll get invented in a story and people just –

[27:39] But it is very funny that they're like, oh, the Exorcist must be based on – is also supposedly based on fact, so we'll just do all that stuff.

[27:46] Yeah.

[27:46] But it's also as if they saw the Exorcist and they were like, why does it have to have such a downer ending?

[27:52] Why couldn't the Exorcist end with Father Karras and the other priest raring to go for more adventures and more escapades?

Stuart Wellington

[27:59] Yeah.

[28:00] I mean I like walking out of the theater with a little bit of a high.

[28:03] So the possessed child says, bring me the priest.

[28:10] So of course they bring in the local priest.

[28:12] Very understandably.

[28:13] Who immediately gets demolished and they're like, we're going to have to call in a bigger gun.

[28:18] It's like such a gag.

Elliott Kalan

[28:19] It was wrong priest.

[28:20] I meant Christopher Priest, the comic book writer, not the author of The Prestige.

[28:24] That's a different writer named Christopher Priest.

Dan McCoy

[28:26] Oh, interesting.

[28:26] Cool.

[28:27] Okay.

[28:27] I was actually confused for a second.

[28:29] So thank you for clarifying.

[28:30] Thank you.

[28:30] There are two different writers.

Elliott Kalan

[28:31] One of them, his birth name I believe is Christopher Priest.

[28:34] The other, the comic writer, that was not his birth name.

[28:36] He took it on later.

[28:37] Great comic writer though.

Dan McCoy

[28:38] Great writer.

[28:39] This is like gag editing where like the priest is like, don't worry.

[28:43] Like it'll be fine.

[28:45] He walks in.

[28:46] And he immediately is blasted through the door.

[28:48] Which is also funny because later on like, I don't know, the demon doesn't seem to be as powerful later.

[28:54] He can't just blast everyone around.

[28:56] This is one of my issues that I have.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] For the sake of a joke.

[28:59] With exorcist movies, the power levels of the demons always seem to fluctuate based on what the movie wants.

[29:04] And it's always like, this demon is so strong.

[29:06] I'm saying Jesus Christ's name and it's not stopping him.

[29:09] Until the end of the movie when it's important to stop the demon.

[29:11] And then a prayer usually kind of pushes the demon away.

[29:14] And it's, it's something I never can quite understand the rules of.

[29:17] Is it that you have to say the prayers louder?

[29:19] Or you have to say them more intensely?

Dan McCoy

[29:20] I think it's a power of belief thing.

[29:23] So clearly, like obviously this priest is no Russell Crowe.

[29:26] But it still is, I don't know.

[29:29] I have the same problem you do.

[29:31] Yeah.

[29:31] Holy shit.

Stuart Wellington

[29:33] Sorry, I'm just looking at the stats of this demon.

[29:35] Yeah, he's really, he's really tough.

[29:38] Technically he's a devil actually.

[29:40] Let me, I'll correct myself.

[29:42] Is Asmodeus in the monster manual?

Elliott Kalan

[29:44] Yeah, yeah, Asmodeus.

[29:45] I mean, yeah, Asmodeus is a.

[29:47] He's the prince of Beator, yeah.

[29:48] He is a famous, a famous old demon.

[29:49] Also the, also of course the evil snake from Redwall.

[29:52] But that's, you know, not the same character.

Stuart Wellington

[29:54] Armor class, armor class 30.

[29:57] Oh, well that explains.

Elliott Kalan

[29:58] Good fucking luck, dude.

[30:00] How many experience points do you get for taking him down?

Stuart Wellington

[30:02] Oh, to check.

[30:03] That's a lot though.

[30:04] I'm trying to find his challenge rating real quick.

[30:06] I mean, that's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[30:07] Russell Crowe was out there grinding with all of these fake demons just to build up his powers.

[30:11] And then he.

Elliott Kalan

[30:12] Yeah, yeah, that's what he had to get up his levels.

[30:13] Yeah.

[30:14] So, because this is also, this is, this is what's going on.

Stuart Wellington

[30:17] A hundred and fifty five thousand XP.

[30:21] Wow.

[30:22] Take that to the bank.

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] To the experience bank.

[30:26] My, my older son just got the monster manual as a gift recently.

[30:29] And so he's just walking around quizzing me on the experience points and armor classes of monsters I've never heard of.

[30:36] That was.

[30:37] Yeah, I don't know.

[30:37] I don't know.

[30:38] Just tell me.

Dan McCoy

[30:39] That was also my relationship to the monster manual.

[30:42] Like, I didn't want to play Dungeons and Dragons as a kid.

[30:45] Like, I didn't have friends who did it.

[30:46] But I also, it sounded like it was going to be boring to me.

[30:50] But I loved reading the monster manual.

Elliott Kalan

[30:52] Sure, yeah.

[30:53] Just pictures of monsters and their stats and stuff.

[30:55] Anyway, so this demon, he's, yeah, like we're saying, he's just doing normal demon stuff.

[30:59] He calls for the other priest.

[31:00] I don't know how they make the connection to go all the way that they're just like, let's just go to the top of the organization.

[31:05] Let's just get the Pope's exorcist.

Dan McCoy

[31:06] Well, the next scene is like the Pope being like.

[31:09] He's like, there's a situation in Spain.

Stuart Wellington

[31:11] I think it's very dangerous.

[31:13] We got a, I have a very special demon for you.

[31:17] It's pretty great.

[31:18] You're going to like it.

Elliott Kalan

[31:19] It's good.

[31:20] It's good.

[31:21] We don't always have this demon.

[31:22] It's going to be real nice.

Stuart Wellington

[31:24] I was really happy with all these interactions.

Elliott Kalan

[31:29] And we get to see the secret Vatican library where all the librarians wear black robes with the hoods over their heads, which makes it harder to read.

[31:37] No, but it looks dope.

[31:39] It looks amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[31:40] I thought it was so funny.

[31:40] It looks so cool.

[31:41] So, of course, Father Amorth gets dispatched.

[31:45] He drives the whole way on his Vespa.

[31:48] Seems like quite a trip, but, you know, he's the man.

[31:50] From Italy to Spain.

Elliott Kalan

[31:51] Yeah, that does seem like a lot of Vespa.

[31:54] Also, let's step aside.

[31:56] This is a possessed boy who's causing trouble.

[31:58] People have died in an explosion.

[32:00] It's going to take him a long time to ride a Vespa from Italy to Spain.

[32:03] He's going to stop taking fuel.

Dan McCoy

[32:04] It's mostly just, you know, for zipping around in Rome.

[32:07] That's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[32:08] You know what would have been even better is if he flew there, but he's riding the Vespa up and down the aisle of the plane the entire flight.

Dan McCoy

[32:16] Yep.

[32:17] Making friends with everyone because that's what he does.

[32:19] Calling the attention.

[32:19] I'm trying to sleep at this gentleman.

Stuart Wellington

[32:22] I mean, that's a short flight.

[32:23] If you're going to sleep on that flight, that's wild.

[32:26] Yeah, you must be so tired.

[32:27] Yeah.

[32:28] So he arrives at the –

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] They're not even serving a meal on that flight.

[32:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:32] He arrives at the Abbey.

[32:33] He investigates a little bit.

[32:35] Like there's a courtyard with a mysterious well with a seal over it.

[32:39] He drinks some whiskey.

[32:41] He wanders around.

[32:44] I think this – he meets the family.

[32:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:47] This is the point and click part of the adventure.

Elliott Kalan

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:49] The mom is very quick to accept that this could be an exorcist situation and that he knows – like there's – this is the weird thing, Dan, where you're saying like –

Dan McCoy

[32:59] It was a popular movie, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[33:01] Of course.

[33:02] Yeah.

[33:02] It wasn't that old when this came out.

[33:04] That they set up like he's an exorcist of the modern world.

[33:07] But everyone else in the movie seems to have no trouble being convinced that there's a demon on the loose inside a boy's body.

[33:13] And it felt like I just wanted a little bit more pushback from – I mean they do take the boy I guess to a doctor who's like everything seems fine but the MRI caught a demon in his body or something.

Stuart Wellington

[33:23] Yeah.

[33:23] The MRI – oh, man, that would be great if there's like a demon face in the MRI.

Elliott Kalan

[33:27] This dark spot right there.

[33:28] Let me turn it to the side.

[33:29] Ha!

[33:29] A demon face.

[33:30] Yeah, that's asmodeus.

[33:31] That'll happen.

[33:32] All the symptoms are –

[33:32] Whoa, he's like flicking me off.

Stuart Wellington

[33:37] He's holding two six guns and he's pointing them at me.

[33:42] Inside – get him out.

[33:43] He's badass.

[33:44] He's badass.

Dan McCoy

[33:44] This demon in here that seems to be trying to sell me some deviled ham.

Elliott Kalan

[33:50] Oh, my son did swallow a can of red devil paint.

[33:53] That might be why that's in there.

Dan McCoy

[33:54] Yeah, he's holding up some hot sauce.

Elliott Kalan

[33:58] Wait a minute.

[33:58] So here's the kind of demon you want.

[34:01] They're not as much trouble.

[34:02] He's got a goatee and like a nose ring and he's really into like ska music and stuff like that.

[34:07] But you don't have that kind of demon unfortunately.

[34:09] This is the kind that wants to sell you ham.

[34:11] That's the kind you don't want.

Stuart Wellington

[34:12] You want a demon like Coop would draw.

[34:17] So yeah, let's see.

[34:19] So he meets the possessed boy and this is where things get a little bit different, guys.

[34:27] Because we had already seen him – we had already seen his exorcism style before and it was pretty potent.

[34:33] But the demon seems to kind of resist all of his efforts even though when he flashes this medallion in the demon's face, we see his pupils separate to demon pupils and normal pupils.

[34:48] That was pretty cool.

[34:49] That's a cool effect.

Dan McCoy

[34:50] That's a good medallion too.

[34:52] Do they – can you get those at like the Vatican gift shop or the –

[34:55] Probably, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:56] It's a claw machine game, yeah.

[34:58] Yeah, yeah.

[34:58] Like you have to be good at it.

[35:00] Yeah, that's the thing.

[35:01] It's a game of skill.

[35:01] I see.

Elliott Kalan

[35:02] They can't just let everybody have those.

[35:03] You've got to prove that God has chosen you by winning the claw machine, which is very difficult.

Stuart Wellington

[35:08] Unless you pay for Vatican Blue, in which case you get it for free.

Elliott Kalan

[35:12] Yeah, but who's going to do that?

[35:13] Who's going to – you look like such an asshole when you pay for Vatican Blue.

[35:16] What dipshit is going to do it, right?

[35:16] Yeah, it's like you look so – the thing is when you don't want Vatican Blue but they give it to you anyway and you're like, I don't want people to think that I paid for this.

[35:24] No, thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[35:24] Yeah, exactly.

[35:25] I'm like, why must I be punished for having so many followers?

Elliott Kalan

[35:29] Yeah.

[35:29] No, but that's also how you become pope is you use the claw machine and you get the medallion with a P on it.

Dan McCoy

[35:34] Oh, that's cool.

[35:35] Yeah.

[35:35] That makes sense actually.

[35:36] That makes a lot of sense.

[35:37] With the P on it?

[35:38] I don't want the medallion with P on it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:39] Dan, you knew not to go there and you went there anyway.

[35:42] You knew what I meant.

[35:44] You were very clear on it.

[35:45] I am shutting down this improv right now, you little stinker.

Stuart Wellington

[35:49] So Father Morth is like, hmm, there's something up here.

[35:53] This is a for realsies exorcism.

[35:54] There's something up in this boy.

Elliott Kalan

[35:56] It seems like it might be a demon.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] So he brings the local priest in as well.

[36:02] They kind of hang around and like they kind of get to – we kind of get to know all the characters a little bit.

[36:09] Kick back with some bruise.

[36:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:11] I mean, Father Amort is kicking back with booze.

[36:15] Yeah.

[36:16] So he then –

[36:17] He's like the three ninjas in that he's kicking back.

Stuart Wellington

[36:20] So this is where things get a little fuzzy because this is like the midpoint of the movie.

[36:23] So this is where we get a little bit of scares.

[36:26] We get some scares.

[36:26] Yeah, it's scares.

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] And also the demon is talking about how their sins will find them out.

[36:31] And that can be – that ends up meaning both personally and culturally.

[36:35] And Father Amort, he's getting flashbacks to his service as a partisan in World War II fighting the Nazis in Italy.

[36:43] And it turns out his sin was essentially not dying during the war.

Stuart Wellington

[36:46] It's also tied in with – there's also like it's mixed in with his sin of failing the young woman.

[36:55] What, like Rosalyn or –

[36:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:56] There was another – there was another possessed – there's a possessed young woman who he didn't take seriously as a case, right?

[37:03] And she ended up jumping off of a bell tower right in front of him.

Dan McCoy

[37:07] That's the – so, look.

[37:12] I mean, like I guess that, you know, these are the – like this is obviously something that would haunt you as a person if you felt like you didn't – someone died because you didn't take them seriously enough.

[37:20] But it is one of these movie sins where it's like, well, it's not really – like they don't want him to actually have done much of anything.

[37:28] So, like his sin, I guess, is like he said she didn't need an exorcism but then didn't like refer her to psychiatric help.

Elliott Kalan

[37:36] It's more like a sin of not doing enough rather than a sin of actually doing something wrong.

[37:41] And even the younger priest, his sin is that he had – there was a woman he was in love with and he wouldn't leave the priesthood for her.

[37:48] And so did she also take her own life?

[37:50] Is that what happened?

[37:50] She died somehow.

Dan McCoy

[37:51] I missed that.

[37:52] I think I was peeing during that sequence.

Elliott Kalan

[37:54] She died in such a way that she – it's impossible for her ghost to wear a top.

[37:58] Unfortunately.

[38:00] So, you're right that there's the sins.

[38:03] But the sins they have are fairly minimal compared to the sins of the Catholic Church.

Stuart Wellington

[38:07] Yeah.

[38:07] Were you expecting his sin to be like, yeah, I was drinking and I like ran over a guy and didn't tell anyone.

Elliott Kalan

[38:15] I hit him with my Vespa and then I just buried him and he was still alive.

[38:18] His hand was reaching up to the dirt but I just kept piling it on until he couldn't get out.

[38:22] He goes, look, I'm the Pope's exorcist.

[38:24] This is going to be all over the tabloids.

[38:25] I'm a famous writer.

[38:26] Like I can't let this happen.

Dan McCoy

[38:27] Great.

[38:28] And then the guy who's getting buried is choking on the dirt and going like, the Pope's exorcist?

[38:34] The Pope needs to be exorcised because there's a demon inside?

[38:37] No, this is a common –

[38:38] And Father was like, no, you're misunderstanding.

Elliott Kalan

[38:40] This is a – yeah, that's not actually what I do.

[38:42] I don't exercise the Pope.

[38:43] Although, you know, he could use a little exercise.

[38:44] You don't get a lot.

[38:45] He mostly just kneels and sits.

[38:46] He doesn't move around a lot.

Dan McCoy

[38:47] I like that you've turned into chicken marks.

Elliott Kalan

[38:49] The thing is –

[38:50] Yeah, that's – and he's burying – he's burying this guy alive.

[38:53] He's thinking to himself, eh, this is no good, boss.

[38:55] This is no good, boss.

Stuart Wellington

[38:56] The thing is, these bits are kind of – like Russell Crowe's mumbling the whole time.

[39:01] Yeah.

[39:01] It's true.

[39:02] He is kind of –

Elliott Kalan

[39:03] It is Orson Welles as Chico Marx as the Pope's exorcist, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:06] Well, our friends on Blake Check have what they call putters and murmurs performances.

[39:12] And Griffin, at one point, like Stuart invited him to come along on this thing, but he had other stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[39:17] Yeah, because I was like, who do I know who would like to road trip to Staten Island to go see the Pope's exorcist with us?

Dan McCoy

[39:23] But I texted him afterwards.

[39:24] I'm like, man, you missed some puttering and some murmuring.

[39:27] Because that's what this is.

[39:29] And then later growling when he gets possessed.

[39:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:31] Oh, he really throws himself into the possession part, which is – and I'm like, this was the insider, and he's not above doing this stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[39:37] Yeah, speaking of deviled ham.

Elliott Kalan

[39:40] Now, I'm going to skip ahead slightly just to say that we eventually found out that this is all part of it.

[39:45] It's the demon, Osmodeus, and the real sin that is being exercised – well, it has to be – is the Spanish Inquisition, which the movie lays at the feet of demons that took over priests and made them do all those bad things.

[39:58] That explains it.

[39:59] And that was the part in the movie where I was like, movie, that's a step too far.

[40:02] Like, I'm sorry.

[40:03] Like, this is a step too far in kind of like – in sin washing the Catholic Church where they're like, all that bad stuff we've done for a thousand years, that wasn't us.

[40:13] There was a demon inside of us.

[40:14] But it does mean we get to see a bunch of cool skeletons.

[40:16] So that was okay.

[40:17] We do get to see cool skeletons.

Stuart Wellington

[40:19] So we get another, like, exorcism sequence that doesn't – again, doesn't go well.

[40:26] The same stuff where, like, the demon is playing on both their minds.

[40:30] At one point – so the important thing is that Father Amorth needs to learn the demon's true name because that's going to give him power over it, allowing the exorcism to be completed.

[40:41] Yes.

[40:41] But we don't know that.

[40:42] The demon won't give up that information.

Elliott Kalan

[40:44] Much like knowing the true name of comic book writer Christopher Priest gives me power over him should I ever need him.

[40:50] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[40:50] Yep.

[40:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:51] So Father Amorth is like – he knows something's up with this abbey.

[40:56] He finds – he goes back to the well that has the seal of the Vatican on it, and he pulls the lid off of the well, and he finds a bunch of cool skulls.

[41:05] Uh-huh.

[41:05] And it looks – it's very Resident Evil.

[41:07] And he's like, oh, okay, so this was like Spanish Inquisition stuff, and these were people who wouldn't submit or convert or whatever.

[41:14] They wouldn't convert.

[41:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:16] The Spanish Inquisition, for anyone who's listening who's not familiar, is the Catholic Church decided that they were not so happy about other people not being Catholic and killed them.

[41:23] Yeah.

[41:23] Or tortured them into converting.

[41:24] It was pretty bad.

[41:25] Luckily, as the movie tells us, it was just demons that did that, so everyone was cool.

[41:28] Just demons.

Stuart Wellington

[41:29] Yeah.

[41:29] So they go down into the basement.

[41:31] They're like, there's still something up.

[41:32] So the two priests go down into the basement, and they find the hole in the wall, and they find the door, and they push the door down.

[41:40] And inside is a really cool chamber that's like totally something out of Dark Souls that has a bunch of skeletons.

[41:48] And in the middle of the room, there's like this cage with another skeleton.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] And let's not forget there's built-in bookcases, and I'm like, those are great built-ins.

[41:57] Why would you hide them behind that door?

[41:59] Like, take advantage of it.

[41:59] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:00] And they need to get through another door, and the only way they can do that is they need to find the key, which in perfect Resident Evil logic means they have to dig through a corpse's tummy to find it.

[42:09] Yeah.

[42:09] Here's the thing that—oh, sorry, what were you going to say, Stu?

[42:11] I was going to say, so it turns out that the corpse was an exorcist or an inquisitor.

[42:17] I don't know which one.

Elliott Kalan

[42:18] He was like the last line of defense to keep this demon inside this wall.

[42:22] He was a priest of some kind or a cardinal or something.

[42:25] Here's the thing.

[42:26] I love a scene in a movie where someone has to dig through a gross thing to get the thing that they need.

[42:31] But there's like squishy sounds and stuff when he puts his hand in this corpse.

[42:34] This corpse is 500 years old.

[42:36] There should be nothing wet in it at all.

[42:38] It should be just a skeleton.

Stuart Wellington

[42:39] Elliot, this is pausing in a universe with demons, okay?

[42:43] I can allow for a little bit of squishy corpse.

Elliott Kalan

[42:46] I'll suspend my disbelief about demons.

[42:48] It's hard for me to suspend my disbelief that somehow this cellar chamber has the right conditions to preserve soft tissue.

[42:55] I'm sorry.

[42:55] If that's the case, they should be hanging salamis in there.

[42:58] That's what they should be doing.

Stuart Wellington

[42:59] There's a portal to hell next door.

Elliott Kalan

[43:02] That's a good point.

[43:03] As indicated.

[43:04] That keeps a lot of moisture in the atmosphere.

[43:06] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:07] As indicated, this is as video gamey as this movie gets because it is like, yeah, okay, well, we get the secret key out of the stomach.

[43:14] And then later on, like, they get, like, the book that has not only, like, Asmodeus' real name, but it has the handy map for all the other demons in the world, I guess, who have been.

Stuart Wellington

[43:27] All these sleeper cell demons.

[43:28] Yeah, so that's the premise is that when God cast Lucifer and his buddies out, that there was 200 of them.

[43:37] And they, like, spread out around the universe.

[43:41] The thing is, I'll accept wild bullshit if it's Warhammer-y stuff, but this church stuff, I don't really care.

Elliott Kalan

[43:47] No, what I loved about it, just because I'm a real, I'm going to forget it at the end.

[43:51] They set up, there's all these demons on Earth.

[43:53] And the end of the movie is, like, these two guys are going to go stopping demons one by one.

[43:56] And I was like, are they going to make 200 movies?

[43:59] Like, this would be amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[44:01] I mean, we can only hold one a year, like, two a year at least.

[44:04] Yeah.

[44:05] So it goes for 50 years.

[44:07] Hey, they can do it.

Dan McCoy

[44:08] I mean, maybe this whole thing's a backdoor pilot for a TV show.

[44:11] Now, that's a little more realistic.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] To be honest, it does feel like a TV movie that's meant to be a pilot for a TV show.

[44:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:17] So, and man, I'm in.

[44:19] Yeah, who's going to produce it?

[44:20] I'd watch that show, for sure.

[44:21] I feel like this fits with HBO's model.

Elliott Kalan

[44:25] HBO's model of don't have television, take all the things off of your streaming service.

Dan McCoy

[44:30] Yeah, of moving stuff over from Discovery to...

Elliott Kalan

[44:34] So, yeah, so they find...

[44:36] HBO's model of saying, remember HBO?

[44:38] Not anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[44:39] So they find this hidden chamber behind the wall that has, like, a liquidy portal to hell.

[44:45] There's a throne with an exorcist body on it.

[44:49] That exorcist has this dead body, has a book that has Asmodeus's name and a map to all the demons.

[44:55] It also is, like, surrounded by, like, there's, like, an Iron Maiden.

[45:00] Yeah.

[45:00] Radical.

[45:01] There's, like, Menhirs or whatever.

[45:03] There's, like, a cult symbol.

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] I mean, they basically walked into a Mike Mignola comic, like, at this point.

[45:08] Uh-huh.

[45:08] Mm-hmm.

[45:09] That monkey's got a gun.

[45:10] Yeah.

[45:11] So they...

[45:12] Or Mignola.

[45:13] I can never know how to pronounce his last name.

[45:14] I've never heard his name.

[45:15] Mignola.

Stuart Wellington

[45:15] Mignola.

[45:16] M-I-K-A-M-I-N-O-L-A.

S4

[45:18] But I'm a-make-it-a-hell-boy.

[45:20] I'm a-make-it-a-hell-boy for you.

[45:21] This needs to be real good.

Elliott Kalan

[45:23] So they...

[45:24] Because you're such a good customer, I throw in a sum of BPRD.

[45:26] No, that's just extra.

[45:28] You don't need to pay for that.

[45:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[45:29] So they...

[45:30] Now that...

[45:30] Armed with Asmodeus is...

[45:32] I was a-talking...

Elliott Kalan

[45:32] I was a-talking to Ava Sapien himself.

[45:35] A dog himself.

[45:36] And he was a Saiyan that...

[45:37] Anyway, so...

Stuart Wellington

[45:38] So armed with Asmodeus' true name, they're like,

[45:40] let's go exercise this fucking demon.

[45:43] So they go up there already.

[45:45] The demon's starting to possess everybody.

Dan McCoy

[45:47] Isn't there, like, literally a part where they, like,

[45:50] the two of them plus the family, like,

[45:52] walk in formation slowly towards the demon, too?

[45:56] Yeah, they do.

[45:56] Yeah, because they mean it for real this time.

Elliott Kalan

[45:58] And is this around the...

[45:59] Is it by now?

[46:00] Has the Pope started having his attacks?

[46:02] Or no?

Stuart Wellington

[46:02] Yeah, I think you're right.

[46:03] The Pope has started having his attacks for a while.

[46:05] A lot of the times it would cut back to the Pope

[46:07] and he's, like, pouring over ancient tomes.

[46:09] All these redacted tomes.

[46:10] And he's like, oh, no, this is a terrible...

[46:13] It's great.

[46:14] I love it.

[46:14] It's so awesome.

[46:16] He's, like, sweating on the pages.

[46:19] It's really great.

Elliott Kalan

[46:21] Somebody will scribble all over the book.

[46:23] Oh, no.

[46:25] It's awesome.

Dan McCoy

[46:27] They're over-illuminated.

[46:28] It's a manuscript.

Elliott Kalan

[46:30] You're supposed to put in the pictures next to the words,

[46:33] not on top of the words.

[46:33] I can't read it all.

Stuart Wellington

[46:35] It's called a marginalia.

[46:36] It's super cool.

Elliott Kalan

[46:38] He's got a margin.

[46:39] I'll write in the name.

[46:40] What are you doing?

Stuart Wellington

[46:41] So he, the Pope, like, is reading these books and it's all redacted.

[46:46] And he reads the, like, the, you know, your past sins will haunt you or something.

[46:50] And then he has an attack and they have to take him to the hospital where he then vomits

[46:55] up a bunch of blood.

[46:56] And we're like, is that magic?

Elliott Kalan

[46:57] What's going on here?

[46:58] For the Pope's general practitioner to take a look at him and the Pope's internist to, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:02] Yep.

[47:03] So, yeah, he's not doing so good.

Elliott Kalan

[47:06] There is a, it is very funny, the part where the young Cardinal is like, this is outrageous.

[47:10] And then the Pope just spews blood out of his mouth.

[47:13] I love it.

[47:14] I love it.

[47:14] It was at that, I think it was at that point where I was like, okay, movie, I've got your

[47:17] full measure now.

[47:18] This is a, this is a goofy movie.

[47:20] Again, not the goofy movie.

[47:21] Not the goofy movie.

[47:21] I don't think goofy is possessed by Asmodeus in that.

[47:24] I won't know until we watch it for our goof movie spectacular that we do.

[47:28] But, but it is, this movie does get sillier as it goes on.

Stuart Wellington

[47:32] So, yep.

[47:33] So now we have the big showdown exorcism now that they have Asmodeus' name.

[47:38] And this is where the demon unleashes its full strength, sending Russell Crowe's character

[47:44] into like, you know, sending him all kinds of visions.

[47:48] We also, the, what's the young priest's name?

[47:50] I want to say like Gabriel.

[47:52] Gabriel is the old priest's name.

[47:53] Yeah.

[47:54] So it's like.

[47:55] I'll look it up.

[47:56] Hold on.

[47:56] Yeah.

[47:56] It's something.

[47:58] But he starts sending him visions of a, a naked woman, which I was like, wow, this

[48:04] is pretty late in the movie to see a naked person.

[48:07] What is it?

[48:08] What is this?

[48:09] The devil's advocate?

Elliott Kalan

[48:10] It's like the parrot squawk in Citizen Kane.

[48:12] They're like, wake them up.

[48:13] Wake the audience up.

[48:15] Throw some boobs at them.

Stuart Wellington

[48:16] So, and then, yeah.

[48:18] So the daughter turns.

Elliott Kalan

[48:19] Father Escobel.

[48:20] Is that it?

[48:20] That's the other one, right?

[48:21] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:21] Yeah.

[48:22] I think so.

[48:22] Daniel Zavato.

[48:23] Yep.

[48:24] So the, the daughter turns into like a crab lady or a spider lady and starts climbing all

[48:29] over the walls and she starts attacking her mother.

[48:32] The priest starts getting throttled by his own, his own scarf.

[48:37] And we're like, oh man, things are looking good for our heroes.

[48:40] So Dr. Father Amorth is like, you know what?

[48:42] There's only one option here.

[48:44] And he holds onto the child and he's like, come into me.

[48:48] So he takes the demon Asmodeus into himself, thus freeing the child from possession.

[48:56] All the other demon stuff kind of stops.

[48:58] So everybody runs away.

[48:59] But like, Father Amorth is like really holding onto it.

[49:03] He's like, oh man, get this cross out of my hands.

[49:05] And this is where we get some serious Russell Crowe hamming it up.

[49:08] He's like full on demonizing.

[49:10] He's like throwing himself around.

[49:12] He's arching his back in ways that are challenging for an older actor.

Elliott Kalan

[49:16] Well, also the camera's spinning around him while he stands in place.

[49:20] Yeah.

[49:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:21] I wanted to mention like the reason that like the demon specifically wanted this guy

[49:26] was to be like a sleeper within the Catholic church.

[49:30] And there was part of me, like once Russell Crowe got, you know, possessed,

[49:37] I was like, are we going to get one of those endings where it's like,

[49:39] it seems like everything's okay.

Elliott Kalan

[49:41] And then the Pope turns to the camera and he's got cat's eyes like at the door.

Dan McCoy

[49:44] Yeah, exactly.

[49:46] Or Russell Crowe's eyes gleam, you know, and you're like, oh no,

[49:49] he really was still possessed.

[49:51] But, you know, it's not that kind of movie.

[49:53] No.

[49:53] It's the sillier option.

[49:55] Yeah.

[49:55] Where everything turns out happy.

Elliott Kalan

[49:58] Yeah.

[49:59] It's one of those, it was one of those demon exorcist movies that ends on an

[50:02] upbeat, fuck yeah, here we go type note.

[50:05] Yeah.

[50:05] Guitar squeal.

[50:06] See too much of that.

[50:06] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:07] So he, at one point he tries to hang himself, but it doesn't work because

[50:10] the demon ain't going out like that.

[50:13] So he drags himself down into the basement.

[50:17] And the other priest follows him.

[50:19] He wanders, he wanders into the, he wanders into the chamber with the,

[50:25] like the, the pool to hell and a, like a Virgin Mary type figure floats up out of

[50:31] the pool.

[50:32] Um, and then morphs into the woman that he was unable to save.

[50:36] Now, like a totally demonified.

[50:38] And she like, uh, she attacks him.

Elliott Kalan

[50:41] That was a disappointment to me because I was like, when the Virgin Mary showed up, I was

[50:45] like, if this movie goes all the way and has the Virgin Mary appear and save him at the end,

[50:50] then I'd be like, movie, you've got the courage of your convictions.

[50:53] Like it's Catholic characters go all the way, just like do it.

[50:56] But they, or they duke it out.

Dan McCoy

[50:58] That was like, that, the Virgin Mary is like punching the, punching the devil.

Elliott Kalan

[51:02] The demon right out of them.

[51:03] Uh-huh.

[51:03] Yep.

[51:04] Like, uh.

[51:05] If, if I, if I see a religious thing, I either want it to be.

[51:09] Not really religious.

[51:09] What do you think her, what do you think her fighting style is?

Stuart Wellington

[51:11] Is she like a zoner?

[51:12] Is she a brawler?

[51:13] Is she like, kind of like, like a Chun-Li, like Rebecca Ferguson?

[51:16] I'm imagining a lot of kickflips.

Elliott Kalan

[51:19] A lot of kicks, like a Vega who's like jumping around a lot.

[51:22] Yeah.

[51:23] Yeah.

[51:23] I think Virgin Mary is a lot of kickflips.

[51:24] She's not a trap character.

[51:25] Yeah.

[51:25] No, no.

[51:25] She's not going to like bear hug the devil and then like crush him like Zangief.

[51:29] She gets her hits in, she moves away.

[51:31] She gets her hits in, she moves away.

[51:33] Yeah.

[51:33] Rushdown.

[51:34] Yeah.

[51:34] From different angles.

[51:35] Yeah.

[51:35] A lot of combos.

[51:36] A lot of super combos.

[51:37] That's cool.

[51:38] That's a cool game.

[51:38] That's a pretty cool game.

Stuart Wellington

[51:39] I'd be, I'd be terrible with her, but she sounds like a pretty cool character.

Dan McCoy

[51:42] An interesting addition to the roster, yeah.

[51:44] Cradling her enemy's like head like it's the baby, but then like there's a moment of

[51:51] like sweetness and then it gets crushed.

[51:53] Yeah.

[51:53] Oh, yeah.

[51:54] Yeah.

[51:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:55] She's got a, she's got a command grab.

[51:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:58] But I really, when I see a thing that's religious, I either want it to be not that religious because

[52:03] I don't believe in Catholicism or, I mean, I believe it exists, but I'm not a follower

[52:06] of it.

[52:07] Or I want it to go all the way and be so totally religious.

[52:11] And so I kind of want to see now a movie that is out and out, totally, totally Catholic,

[52:16] believes all this.

[52:16] Yeah.

[52:16] And the Virgin Mary shows up at the end and saves the day.

[52:19] You know, not in a superhero, not as we just talked about.

Stuart Wellington

[52:21] And obviously I would also like it to bear like classic imagery where like the devils

[52:28] all are like a floating head with like goat's legs flying around it.

Elliott Kalan

[52:33] Oh, yeah.

[52:33] Well, he's got, he's got three mouths and each one is chewing on a famous traitor.

[52:37] Yeah, of course.

[52:37] Definitely.

[52:37] Yeah.

[52:37] That sounds great.

[52:38] That sounds great.

[52:39] Okay.

[52:39] But she, but it's all a trick.

[52:41] And then, but then another lady comes out too, right?

[52:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:43] So, well, she, so she attacks him.

[52:45] And then when the other priest arrives, now Russell Crowe is seated in the throne.

[52:50] At this point, you're like, oh no, is he completely lost?

[52:53] And so this is where the priest like tries to, you know, tries to win Father Morth back.

[52:58] He tries to win him back a little bit.

[52:59] And in the process that brings back the demon lady and out from the Iron Maiden springs the blood covered woman that he had slept with him betrayed.

[53:12] His lover who he wouldn't leave the priesthood for.

[53:15] Okay.

[53:15] And she's beating the shit out of him.

[53:17] Okay.

[53:17] She's like chucking him around like he's, like he's, she's folding him up like laundry.

Elliott Kalan

[53:21] He's nothing.

[53:22] And it is, it is, there is something really scary about being attacked by a naked person.

[53:28] Yes.

[53:28] It's terrifying.

[53:28] They should seem more vulnerable, but they don't.

[53:30] And there's a video I'll always remember from, there was a naked man who was having some kind of a mental break on this, on a subway platform.

[53:38] And people are around him and it's like a lion is loose on the, on the subway platform.

[53:42] Like he's kind of like moving towards people and they're jumping back.

[53:45] And it's just, and if he was in clothes, I don't think to be as scared.

[53:47] There's something about nudity that can be very scary.

Dan McCoy

[53:49] That's, that's way sadder than what I imagined when I laughed at the beginning of you saying there's a video, like a naked person.

[53:55] Like I was like, Elliot, no, at first I thought you had seen some sort of like wrestling porn that, like, no, that's not.

[54:03] Yeah.

[54:03] It's supposed to be scary.

[54:04] This street fight, I imagine, it's very weird.

Stuart Wellington

[54:08] Uh, that was basically a Black Mirror episode, right?

[54:10] Um, so the, uh, yeah.

[54:14] So we have, we have two fights going on.

[54:16] We have Russell Crowe fighting one lady.

[54:18] We have the other priest fighting another lady.

[54:20] The other priest, uh, pulls out.

Elliott Kalan

[54:22] And there's nothing problematic, of course, about a movie where ultimate evil is represented by the only two women in the movie who are not a mother or a daughter.

[54:30] And they're covered in blood, which of course represents menstrual blood, the source of all evil.

[54:34] Uh, and so it's, there's nothing problematic about that at all.

Stuart Wellington

[54:37] Funny you should say covered in blood because the other priest takes out a magical priest coin and he presses it against the flesh of the demon lady fighting him, which bubbles.

[54:45] And then she immediately bursts like a blood balloon, covering him in blood, which caused me to cackle in the theater.

Elliott Kalan

[54:52] That was such a great moment.

[54:54] One, because it was like, oh, I guess it wasn't that difficult to get rid of her.

[54:56] You had your magic coin.

[54:57] I guess you had, you can use it once.

[54:58] But also the effect of her body bubbling up and exploding was not what I was expecting from that moment.

[55:04] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[55:04] Well, and I like that it just happened.

[55:06] It didn't like, it didn't cut to him be like, uh, and say something sassy like, uh, sorry to burst your bubble or something.

[55:14] Yeah, here's blood in your eye.

[55:16] You know, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:17] Or also him, it wasn't him going, sancta sangre, you know, or something like that.

[55:21] He just does it and she just explodes.

Stuart Wellington

[55:24] I was so caught up in it.

[55:26] I don't even remember how Russell Crowe beats the other one.

[55:29] Well, they just toss the, I don't think they just toss the coin over and it's a twofer.

[55:34] Yeah.

[55:34] They just use the coin.

[55:35] Like they should have been using this coin from the beginning.

[55:37] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[55:37] And then he pushes her back and she falls into the, the, the, like.

[55:40] The lake of lava.

[55:42] Yeah.

[55:42] The lake of lava, which is like a hundred percent.

[55:44] I'm like, is Spawn going to come out of this shit?

[55:46] Is like old timey Spawn movie a fast?

[55:48] No, yeah, it was like virtuosity was.

[55:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[55:51] Yeah, it's real lawnmower man stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[55:52] What was, what was the, what was the movie with Jeff Goldblum?

[55:56] Hideaway.

Elliott Kalan

[55:56] Yeah.

[55:57] It's like hideaway effects.

[55:58] It's really great.

[55:59] And, and they're just shouting prayers until, until the demon sinks into the, into the lava.

[56:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[56:04] It, it, you know, exactly what I wanted from it.

Elliott Kalan

[56:07] Because even though shouting prayers did not work earlier, it does work.

[56:10] They didn't shout at lava.

[56:11] It works now.

[56:12] Shouting plus lava.

[56:13] Yeah, plus lava.

[56:14] Maybe it's the lava.

[56:15] They're just taking credit for the lava at that point.

Stuart Wellington

[56:17] Yeah.

[56:17] So now we get a little bit of wrap up.

[56:19] They, you know, they head back to the Vatican.

[56:21] Now they're a team.

[56:22] Uh, they're like, Hey, with all the information you gathered, here's a map of all the, the

[56:26] nine, 199 other demons we have to defeat.

[56:29] Yeah.

[56:30] And they're like, are you up for it?

[56:31] I got 199 problems and a demon is all of them.

[56:33] Looks like.

[56:33] Yep.

[56:34] And they're like, I guess, uh, yeah, it's very much a like, Hey, this, here's the next

[56:38] step on our adventure.

[56:39] It's like, you got a new job.

Elliott Kalan

[56:40] I think they literally say, let's get to work or something like that.

[56:43] Yeah.

[56:43] It's, but also it shows you the, the, the heart where this movie's heart is that the family

[56:49] that is being inflicted with all this trouble, they don't really get that much time ultimately.

[56:54] And they're just like, yeah.

[56:56] So the family went home and they're fine now.

[56:57] We don't even get to see a scene of them being healthy.

[57:00] It's just onto the priests.

[57:01] We don't care about those people, you know?

Dan McCoy

[57:03] Yeah.

[57:04] What's the next priest adventure?

[57:05] Rock music.

Elliott Kalan

[57:07] I mean, it should have, it should have ended with the two of them, two electric guitars

[57:11] riding twin Vespas through the streets of Rome onto their next adventure.

[57:16] That would have been an amazing ending.

Stuart Wellington

[57:17] I mean, the last, the last shot should have been like a new possession.

[57:20] And then all of a sudden two Vespas pull up.

Dan McCoy

[57:23] No, but the last shot was in fact, it's like, it's like a still of Russell Crowe walking

[57:29] away or him walking away or whatever.

[57:30] And then they have like the, the, the text on screen saying the thing about like, you

[57:35] know, he went on to do this many more exorcisms or whatever.

[57:38] And I'm like, wait a minute, what?

[57:41] You're telling me this, this is a real guy movie.

[57:45] And then like, it's like immediately based on the books by father.

[57:49] And I'm like, what?

[57:52] Liberally adapted.

[57:53] I would, I would assume.

[57:54] Yeah.

[57:54] I had trouble.

Stuart Wellington

[57:55] I had trouble reading all that because the movie left me on such a high note.

[57:58] I was literally buzzing in my chair.

[58:00] It was amazing.

[58:01] Well, so let's final judgment.

[58:03] Yeah.

[58:03] Final judgment.

Dan McCoy

[58:04] This is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie or movie.

[58:07] Kind of like, I didn't even kind of like, I, I, I liked this movie.

[58:10] It's your favorite movie now.

[58:12] Well, you know, it doesn't look, nothing can reach the heights of cats, but it, it, it has

[58:18] some of the same quality of like, I don't know whether it's good or it's bad.

[58:23] Like it's good qualities are inseparable from its quote unquote bad qualities.

[58:29] Like would I like a better objectively quote better version of this movie as much as I like this

[58:37] version?

[58:38] Probably not.

[58:39] And like, it's not, it's not like it's the most zany in terms of what happens in the movie,

[58:46] because in a lot of ways, like it hits on very wrote like plot points, but they are plot

[58:55] points of like three different types of movies that have been jammed together.

Elliott Kalan

[59:00] The movie definitely, it sets you up for a certain type of movie and then abruptly swerves

[59:05] to a different but related type of movie and then abruptly swerves again.

[59:09] And exactly.

[59:10] It kept me on my toes, not in a like, oh, who knows what's going to happen in this movie?

[59:14] So many twists and turns, but more a sense of like, where are you going movie?

[59:18] Like, what, do you even know?

[59:19] Are you, are you driving blindfolded?

[59:21] And that turned into like a, you get like a giddy feeling at a certain extent.

Dan McCoy

[59:26] Here's the metaphor I'll give.

[59:27] It's like if three different songs were playing at the same time and yet, you know, that sort

[59:35] of cacophony and yet that somehow was delightful because in the middle there was one man dancing

[59:41] to that music and he was doing the most beautiful dance.

Elliott Kalan

[59:45] You're talking about Russell Crowe's performance.

[59:47] The most beautiful dance.

[59:48] I mean, it certainly is a movie that gained so much from his, how, how full, like all in

[59:54] his performances and that he is not trying to, he knows what kind of movie this is, or at

[59:59] least he knows how to have fun with it, you know?

[1:00:01] And so he's, he's at that level.

[1:00:03] I definitely.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:04] It's really highlighting how this kind of later career Russell Crowe, where he is, he might

[1:00:10] not have the, the, like the power to pull some like bigger movies.

[1:00:14] So he's doing these B movies, but he's bringing a really good at like a really high level of

[1:00:20] energy between like this and unhinged, which he's fucking great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:24] I feel bad that I like that.

[1:00:26] I feel like I was harder on poker face than the movie that we did.

[1:00:31] Then I would have been if I knew he was saving all that energy for this movie.

[1:00:34] And that's why he was so like, so down and so glum and lifeless in that, that he's, he's

[1:00:39] like, gotta save it for the Pope's exorcist.

[1:00:42] That's going to be the fun one, you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:44] And I think also maybe, maybe some of my joy is like, this is a type of thing that used

[1:00:49] to be more common and isn't any more of just like a movie that's really unabashed in its

[1:00:56] schlockiness.

[1:00:56] But they have managed to afford one really good actor who's like, yeah, sure, I'll do

[1:01:02] it, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:04] And I'll say, I feel like the rest of the cast is also serving, especially the little

[1:01:09] kid.

[1:01:10] The little kid is great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:11] Yeah.

[1:01:11] I feel like nobody is bad in it.

[1:01:13] No one, no one is.

[1:01:14] Franco Nero is perfect.

[1:01:16] Franco Nero is just like, it's such a, it's such a, it's such not the way you would expect

[1:01:20] the Pope to be played normally.

[1:01:22] I know.

[1:01:22] And it's so fun.

[1:01:23] Like, this is also one, I think I'm going to put it more in kind of like territory.

[1:01:26] Because I don't want people to, I want to save my actual like for, for movies where

[1:01:32] I'm like fully on board.

[1:01:34] But I think you're right that like, there's a good version of this.

[1:01:38] There's a quote unquote good version of this movie, a quality version of this movie that

[1:01:41] would not be as enjoyable, not as good as this.

[1:01:43] And we already have The Exorcist.

[1:01:45] Like we have an exorcism story told as well from a serious point of view as it's going to

[1:01:50] be done.

[1:01:50] So like, why not make your Exorcist movie like, like silly, you know?

[1:01:55] Yes.

[1:01:55] Yeah.

[1:01:56] And not silly in the, not silly like, what is it?

[1:01:58] Dispossessed?

[1:01:59] Repossessed.

[1:02:00] Repossessed.

[1:02:00] Thank you.

[1:02:00] Repossessed, which is not, which is a bad, a bad version of a funny version of that.

[1:02:04] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:05] You know?

[1:02:05] A movie that I was, as I was telling Dan last night, a movie that I mainly remember from

[1:02:10] the nude scenes.

[1:02:14] Yeah.

[1:02:14] Thumbs up.

[1:02:15] I'm going to say this is definitely a movie I liked.

[1:02:17] The following pro wrestling contest is scheduled for one fall.

S4

[1:02:27] Making their way to the ring from the tights and fights podcast are the baddest trio of audio,

[1:02:33] the hair to beware, Danielle Radford.

[1:02:36] It really is great hair.

[1:02:40] The Brit with a permit to hit, Lindsay Kell.

[1:02:44] The queen is dead.

[1:02:45] Long live the queen.

[1:02:47] And the fast-talking, fist-clocking, Hal Upland.

[1:02:51] See, I can wrestle and be an announcer.

[1:02:53] Get ready for tights and fights.

[1:02:57] Listen every Saturday or face the pain.

[1:03:00] Find us on Maximum Fun.

[1:03:02] Now ring the bell.

S5

[1:03:04] Hey, when you listen to podcasts, it really just comes down to whether or not you like

[1:03:09] the sound of everyone's voices.

[1:03:12] My voice is one of the sounds you'll hear on the podcast Dr. Game Show.

[1:03:16] And this is the voice of co-host and fearless leader, Joe Firestone.

S6

[1:03:20] This is a podcast where we play games submitted by listeners and we play them with callers over

[1:03:26] Zoom we've never spoken to in our lives.

[1:03:28] So that is basically the concept of this show.

[1:03:31] Pretty chill.

S5

[1:03:32] So take it or leave it, bucko.

[1:03:34] And here's what some of the listeners have to say.

S7

[1:03:37] It's funny, wholesome, and it never fails to make me smile.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:40] I just started listening and I'm already binging it.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:43] I haven't laughed this hard in ages.

[1:03:45] I wish I discovered it sooner.

S5

[1:03:46] You can find Dr. Game Show on MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:50] Well, we have a couple of sponsors we should take a moment to thank and acknowledge.

[1:03:57] And the first one is Smalls.

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Elliott Kalan

[1:04:10] Keep undercutting the sponsor.

[1:04:11] Good job, Dan.

Dan McCoy

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[1:04:15] Well, you know, like back in the Middle Ages, you know, what you fed your cat was probably

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Elliott Kalan

[1:04:21] I mean...

[1:04:21] No, Dan, cats have been eating the same Purina food since saber-toothed tigers were walking

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Dan McCoy

[1:04:25] I mean, colloquially, in the colloquial sense of forever, cat food, yeah, it's been the

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[1:05:22] So, yeah, it's nice to have, like, treats I can give to my cats without thinking, like,

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[1:05:33] I have some of these small treats.

[1:05:35] Small treats, as always, feels good.

[1:05:36] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:36] In fact, they even work when I don't give them to them, but rather, while I'm asleep,

[1:05:41] they fish the bag out of the cupboard and drag it out and tear into it.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:46] What a couple of little rascals.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:47] Muscles and meatball, the marinara brothers, have it again.

Dan McCoy

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[1:06:17] I'm sorry that I undercut the copy earlier.

[1:06:21] You know, it was all that talk of Orson Welles.

[1:06:23] You know, I started thinking of, I started thinking like him, rewriting the green peas or whatever

[1:06:29] it was.

[1:06:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:32] You can't start a word within.

[1:06:34] Yeah.

[1:06:34] You can't say a sentence within.

[1:06:36] I'm also going to talk about our other sponsor today, and we're also sponsored by Babbel.

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Stuart Wellington

[1:08:09] But down with up with people.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:10] But down with up with people.

[1:08:11] Up with people, down with AI.

[1:08:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:13] Which, Elliot, means Alex Incorporated.

[1:08:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

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Dan McCoy

[1:08:54] So, let's go on to letters from listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:57] Let's do it.

[1:08:57] Why not?

[1:08:58] Oh, wait, Dan, can I mention one more thing, actually?

[1:08:59] Sure.

[1:08:59] Why not?

[1:09:00] Dan, you're allowed.

[1:09:02] Before we go on, I'd just also like to mention that Housebroken, the Fox animated show that

[1:09:06] I've worked on for the past couple years, has a new season.

[1:09:08] New episodes are airing on Fox on Sunday nights and also appearing on Hulu.

[1:09:12] Take a listen to it.

[1:09:13] Take a watch of it.

[1:09:14] It's really good, and it's really funny.

[1:09:15] It's got an all-star cast.

[1:09:16] It's about animals that talk and have therapy together.

[1:09:19] I think you'll enjoy it.

[1:09:20] Back to you, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:22] Thanks, Elliot.

[1:09:22] Letters from listeners.

[1:09:24] That's the thing we do, and we're going to do it now.

[1:09:26] This one's from Rachel, last name not withheld.

[1:09:30] You'll see the rest of the letter for the details on that one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:32] So, it's not Rachel G married, and the middle initial G is forgetting.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:37] It's not that I can tell.

[1:09:39] So, it starts like this.

[1:09:40] Dan mentioned in the recent episode, Your Place or Mine, that he'd like to see a film

[1:09:44] based on the book Arthur and George by Julian Barnes.

[1:09:47] I thought he'd like to know that there's a UK TV miniseries based on it.

[1:09:51] I can't see it.

[1:09:52] I haven't seen it, but I remember it was pretty well received at the time.

[1:09:55] Sidebar, I think I did say that I knew that it had been adapted, but just not as a movie,

[1:10:01] and I specifically wanted the story.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:04] Take the satisfaction of having taught you a new thing away from our listeners.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:07] No, no, no, no, no.

[1:10:08] I appreciate – there are multiple people who told me about this.

[1:10:11] I appreciate it from everyone.

[1:10:13] I did see that when I was looking into it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:16] So, this is you subtweeting.

[1:10:17] Stop telling me about it to people.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:19] No.

[1:10:20] I'm reading a letter that's going to get to a better point later on that we can talk about.

[1:10:26] Not better.

[1:10:26] You can just say thanks.

[1:10:28] Thank you for –

[1:10:30] So, Dan, what else does the letter say?

[1:10:33] I'm ensuring everyone that I know that this exists.

[1:10:36] I haven't seen it myself.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:37] Our national nightmare is over.

[1:10:38] Dan is familiar with the adaptation.

[1:10:40] He hasn't watched it, but he knows it exists.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:42] No.

[1:10:43] Moving on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:43] We're going to be on the alert over.

[1:10:44] We no longer need to consider ourselves living under orange alert.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:47] Moving on to the next paragraph that is related, so I concluded the beginning setup.

[1:10:52] But anyway.

[1:10:52] Excellent.

[1:10:53] I realize that it's contrary to the tradition of the show to share last names, but I also

[1:10:59] thought Dan might like to know that there's a Flophouse listener whose last name is Sherlock.

[1:11:06] And what's more, I share an apartment with a friend of mine whose surname is Watson.

[1:11:11] What?

[1:11:11] Although we live in Dublin rather than London and we solve very few mysteries, we still

[1:11:17] get a lot of enjoyment out of the coincidence anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:20] They live at 221D Butcher Street.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:25] And a Mrs. East River is there.

[1:11:31] I also wondered if you had any thoughts on the future of Sherlock Holmes in cinema.

[1:11:36] The Enola Holmes movies seem to be his current iteration, but are there any more

[1:11:41] avenues left unexplored?

[1:11:43] Has his reign as the most portrayed screen character left the well dry at this stage?

[1:11:48] Should he be left alone with his bees for a bit?

[1:11:51] Regards.

[1:11:52] Rachel.

[1:11:52] Last name.

[1:11:53] Not withheld.

[1:11:54] Seba for further details.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:57] What's the deal with Enola Holmes?

[1:11:58] What's the deal there?

Dan McCoy

[1:11:59] That's Millie Bobby Brown's series.

[1:12:03] And I say series, there's two of them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:04] Is it like Sherlock Holmes' sister or something?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:06] Netflix films.

[1:12:07] Yes.

[1:12:08] It's his sister who had previously been written out of the stories.

[1:12:12] She's very charming in them.

[1:12:14] She does a lot of talking to the audience.

[1:12:17] And the person who either wrote or directed them directed the Fleabag episodes.

[1:12:25] So it's got some of the talking to the audience has that same kind of breezy feel.

[1:12:31] They're fun.

[1:12:33] They're entertaining movies.

[1:12:35] I liked them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:36] Okay.

[1:12:36] But let's get back to the question then.

[1:12:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:40] I mean, I think any long-running character obviously needs to go to space.

[1:12:46] Yeah.

[1:12:47] As we learned from the leprechaun and Jason.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:50] Sherlock Holmes hasn't gone to the hood either.

[1:12:52] We've had a gender-swapped punk rock 80s one from Guy Davis' Baker Street Comics.

[1:13:00] Mm-hmm.

[1:13:00] Oh.

[1:13:01] So here's something.

[1:13:02] Oh, wait.

[1:13:02] Sorry.

[1:13:03] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:03] What were you going to say?

[1:13:03] Well, I mean, since we mentioned Sherlock Holmes in space, I was going to say I guess the

[1:13:07] closest we got is when Data would dress up as Sherlock Holmes on the holodeck and have adventures.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:14] I always thought that was kind of funny that they were like, hey, by the way, we're tired

[1:13:17] of doing Star Trek shows.

[1:13:18] We're going to do something else.

[1:13:21] So this is a real idea that I've been trying to develop, and I don't know what I'm going

[1:13:25] to do with it.

[1:13:26] Dan, has there ever been a story where Moriarty is the hero and Sherlock Holmes is the bad guy?

[1:13:32] Because I was thinking a while ago about something where Moriarty, rather than just being like

[1:13:36] a crime kingpin, he's portrayed that way, but that he is an anti-imperialist and Sherlock

[1:13:41] Holmes is working for the government in order to shut him down.

[1:13:44] Where like Sherlock Holmes is a cat spa of imperial Britain, basically.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:49] I can't think of a specific one, but I can almost assure you that that has happened.

[1:13:54] Probably, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:56] Yeah, I feel like that's the problem with a character.

[1:13:58] Like trying to find a new spin on that kind of a character is a challenge.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:02] Well, okay.

[1:14:03] What if it's a kid and he's like Sherlock Holmes Jr.?

[1:14:07] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:07] What if it's a doctor played by Hugh Laurie?

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:11] I feel like without putting a big spin on it, have there been a lot of animated Sherlock

[1:14:17] Holmes?

[1:14:18] Like maybe a traditional Sherlock Holmes story?

[1:14:20] There was a Sherlock Holmes.

[1:14:22] There was a Sherlock Holmes.

[1:14:23] There was the great mouse detective.

[1:14:24] I said traditional, not a twist on it.

[1:14:26] In that one, Sherlock Holmes, instead of being a man, was a gnome.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:30] I mean, Basil of Baker Street is basically a mouse Sherlock Holmes, but again, not a traditional.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:36] Yeah, like basically the, I mean.

[1:14:38] It's a straight forward.

[1:14:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:39] I mean, I am amazed that there, I'm amazed there wasn't a, like a Saturday morning cartoon

[1:14:44] in the 80s or 90s that was like, oh, like Sherlock Holmes 2079, where he's like, it's Sherlock

[1:14:49] Holmes in the future.

[1:14:50] Maybe there was.

[1:14:51] I know they did that with the Phantom.

[1:14:52] Maybe they did do that with Sherlock Holmes, actually.

[1:14:54] Let me take a look.

[1:14:55] I'm going to find out.

[1:14:56] Hold on.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:56] Yeah.

[1:14:56] Google those exact numbers too.

[1:14:59] Oh no.

[1:15:00] Portal to hell.

[1:15:01] See if it, well, well, Elliot's doing that.

[1:15:07] I think there's a tough one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:08] You know what, there was a show, there was an animated show called Sherlock Holmes in the

[1:15:11] 22nd century.

[1:15:12] Okay, nevermind.

[1:15:13] There goes that idea too.

[1:15:13] They've done everything.

[1:15:15] Yeah.

[1:15:15] Dan, has Sherlock Holmes ever investigated the Jack the Ripper murders?

[1:15:18] Because it feels like there's a possibility there.

[1:15:20] Many.

[1:15:20] Okay, well, what about Dracula?

[1:15:22] Uh-huh.

[1:15:23] Yeah.

[1:15:24] All these things.

[1:15:25] Was he ever part of a character, like a league of characters who were extraordinary in

[1:15:30] some way?

[1:15:31] Was he technically part of the league?

[1:15:33] No, he wasn't.

[1:15:33] He's dead when the, he's, he's, he's, he shows up in the flashbacks, but the, the

[1:15:37] ideas they think he's dead.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:38] Yeah, his shadow looms large in them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:40] Exactly, yeah.

[1:15:41] His brother shows up.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:42] I don't know, maybe he does need to take a break with his bees for a little bit.

[1:15:47] But the thing is, like, most.

[1:15:49] Has Johnny Lee Miller ever played him?

[1:15:50] It's such a strong character that most of the versions work in some way or another.

[1:15:55] That's the, that's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:58] Anyway.

[1:15:58] He is a character who is so much stronger than, than most of the material he's in, including,

[1:16:02] in my opinion, the original, many of the original stories.

[1:16:05] Like, he's such a, he's such a strong character.

[1:16:07] Then I'm sure he'll come back.

[1:16:08] I feel like he's right up there with, like, Frankenstein, where it's like, even if there's

[1:16:12] a lot, a string of bad ones, there's going to be a good one eventually, because they,

[1:16:16] you can't put them down forever.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:19] This next letter from Derek and Clara.

[1:16:23] Wait, Dan, what if Sherlock Holmes was a fox and his sidekick was a mouse?

[1:16:27] Yeah, Dan.

[1:16:29] Sorry, I don't know.

[1:16:30] Oh, it's a slylock fox.

[1:16:31] That's, of course.

[1:16:32] And Max Mouse.

[1:16:33] Yeah, I don't want to, I, uh, give Max Mouse his props.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:38] What if instead of Max Mouse, it was Dodgers star of Max Muncy?

Dan McCoy

[1:16:42] Yeah, Dan.

[1:16:42] So this one is titled, this letter, that is, is titled Jumbotron Engagement.

[1:16:49] I never thought it would happen to me, but here I am almost a year and a half after paying

[1:16:52] for a Jumbotron proposal and finally writing back to say that she said yes.

[1:16:57] Oh, good.

[1:16:59] Admittedly, she said yes the day we listened to the episode back on, uh, what's this, uh,

[1:17:04] January 29th, 2022.

[1:17:06] But since then, we have said to ourselves weekly, we should really get back to them and tell them

[1:17:11] we got married.

[1:17:12] Well, 64 episodes later, here we are.

[1:17:15] So thank you very much for the assist and keep up the good work.

[1:17:18] Cheers, Derek and Clara.

[1:17:20] We did something, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:21] Thank you so much for writing in.

[1:17:22] Yep, that was all us.

[1:17:23] I've been on the edge of my seat ever since we first announced it and now I can finally

[1:17:28] use the whole thing because I'm paying for the whole chair, but I'm just using the edge.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:32] Yeah.

[1:17:33] Thank God.

[1:17:34] Your chair paid for by that lovely Jumbotron.

[1:17:36] Treat your butt.

[1:17:36] Yeah, thank you.

[1:17:37] Treat your butt to a full seat.

[1:17:42] Jennifer Convertibles, treat your butt to a full seat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:46] Well, congratulations.

[1:17:47] We're so excited and we hope that you're happy together.

[1:17:49] Yeah, congratulations.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:53] So let's round out this episode in the traditional way by recommending movies.

[1:17:58] If you insist.

[1:17:58] I'd like to recommend a little movie called The Pope's Exorcist.

[1:18:02] The film that has brought me the most joy recently.

[1:18:09] You know what?

[1:18:10] If you need something that's not The Pope's Exorcist.

[1:18:13] Sorry, there's no other movies.

[1:18:15] I finally saw Dungeons and Dragons, which was also a lot of fun.

[1:18:18] But, you know, that doesn't need my help.

[1:18:20] People like it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:21] Obviously the best part of that Dungeons.

[1:18:22] I don't know.

[1:18:22] It's not playing in that many theaters anymore.

[1:18:24] You think it didn't?

[1:18:26] I mean, I'm sure it did well.

[1:18:27] It's great.

[1:18:28] It's a lot of fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:29] Movies just don't last that long.

[1:18:30] I mean, Super Mario Brothers has been a huge movie, but even that is starting to leave theaters.

[1:18:34] It's no Avatar, too.

[1:18:35] It just doesn't stay in the theaters that long.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:36] Obviously, I think Dan's favorite part of the Dungeons and Dragons movie was the PSA beforehand,

[1:18:42] where they made the whole cast come out and tell us that we're the real heroes for going to the movies.

[1:18:46] And Hugh Grant looks so unhappy.

[1:18:48] I've never seen a man look less happy to be anywhere.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:53] I literally just tweeted about how unhappy Michelle Rodriguez looks in that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:57] Go back.

[1:18:58] Go back.

[1:18:59] Spin the tape back, Dan, and look at Hugh Grant's face.

[1:19:01] He looks like he is witnessing his children getting rid of her.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:03] The whole thing is kind of a hostage video feel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:07] It shows you how much Nicole Kidman really loves the movies, that she's genuinely delighted by how heartbreak feels good in a place like this.

[1:19:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:17] Yeah, it's incredible.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:18] And that was a fun movie.

[1:19:20] It was a blast.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:20] Yeah.

[1:19:21] So, recommendations from either of you?

[1:19:24] Or both?

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:25] Yeah.

[1:19:25] Preferably.

[1:19:26] I'm going to recommend two fucking movies because they're both movies in a series.

[1:19:31] They are Korean films.

[1:19:34] They are directed by the guy who wrote the screenplay for I Saw the Devil.

[1:19:39] It is – the first movie is called The Witch, semicolon – no, wait.

[1:19:44] Colon, part one, The Subversion.

[1:19:47] A semicolon would have been a pretty baller move to use a semicolon.

[1:19:51] It would have been crazy, right?

[1:19:53] These movies aren't that crazy.

[1:19:56] And then the sequel, of course, is The Witch, part two, the other one, which feels like they ran out of gas on that title, but that's okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:05] Throw a semicolon in there.

[1:20:06] Get the juice back in.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:07] I mean, these are pretty straightforward, like, horror action movies about, like, children who have been experimented on to be turned into, like, superpowered beings.

[1:20:19] And, of course, some of those children get loose, and then they have to send other superpowered beings after the young girl who has now grown up to being a superpowered teenager.

[1:20:33] And the movie kind of spins off from there, adding more superpowered people.

[1:20:38] And they're really violent and gory, and they're a little bit too long.

[1:20:44] But if you're looking for, like, a fun, gory action series, check them out.

[1:20:50] The Witch, part one, The Subversion, and The Witch, part two, the other one.

[1:20:54] And maybe they'll make a third one.

[1:20:56] They're setting it up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:57] The Witch, part three, yet another witch.

[1:21:02] I would like to go, just like Dan was breaking all the rules by recommending the movie from this episode, I'm going to break a little bit of the rules.

[1:21:07] I'm going to recommend a short.

[1:21:08] This is not a full-length feature.

[1:21:10] This is a short movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:11] Dan, check the rulebook real quick.

[1:21:13] Yeah, am I allowed to do that?

[1:21:15] Is there a rule against it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:15] There's nothing in the rulebook that says you can't do it.

[1:21:18] All right.

[1:21:19] I'm going to recommend.

[1:21:19] This is a movie that I am shocked that I was not aware of before.

[1:21:23] This is a movie called The Appointments of Dennis Jennings.

[1:21:25] This is the movie that Stephen Wright won an Academy Award for, which I was, for some reason, was not familiar with.

[1:21:30] It stars Stephen Wright, Rowan Atkinson, and Laurie Metcalf.

[1:21:33] So I'm like, what was this blind spot that I wasn't aware of this because I love all those people?

[1:21:38] And it feels like it's only a half hour long, and it really feels like it is a fictional movie version of essentially Stephen Wright's act in a lot of ways.

[1:21:47] And he delivers a lot of Stephen Wright jokes, and he plays a kind of like a paranoid guy who has a girlfriend but is paranoid about losing her.

[1:21:56] And he has appointments with a psychiatrist played by Rowan Atkinson who clearly openly hates him and does not like listening to him when he talks.

[1:22:02] And it's one of those things where watching it, I was like, oh.

[1:22:07] So that show, Louie, in addition to being made by a creep, also ripped everything off not just from Woody Allen but from this short film.

[1:22:14] Like it really feels like this is the proto version of that.

[1:22:17] But I really enjoyed it a lot.

[1:22:18] I mean, I'm a huge fan of Stephen Wright as a comedian, and it feels like you're watching his act in movie form.

[1:22:25] So that's The Appointments of Dennis Jennings.

[1:22:27] It's all up on YouTube.

[1:22:28] You can just watch the whole thing.

[1:22:29] You don't even have to pay anything for it.

[1:22:31] I don't know if that's legal, but you know what, man?

[1:22:32] Comedy wants to be free.

[1:22:34] That's Elliot's life hack.

[1:22:36] That's my life hack.

[1:22:37] Watch it on YouTube.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:41] Okay.

[1:22:41] Well, you know what?

[1:22:43] This has been great.

[1:22:44] I really enjoyed going out to see a movie in the theater.

[1:22:48] Yeah.

[1:22:48] We always say, like, maybe we should do that more often.

[1:22:51] Maybe we should do it more often, especially because it gives Elliot an excuse to go see it.

[1:22:55] Maybe we should see movies that maybe he wouldn't normally do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:57] Just to get out of my house.

[1:22:59] Any excuse.

[1:22:59] I'd love to leave my house often.

[1:23:00] Look at the smile on his little face.

[1:23:03] It's amazing.

[1:23:04] He's beaming.

[1:23:05] It's amazing that it fits on my little face, my hitty-bitty face.

[1:23:09] That little doll's face.

[1:23:11] A doll's face by Henry Ibsen.

[1:23:14] A doll's face, yeah.

[1:23:15] And A Doll's Face Part 2 starring Laurie Metcalf.

[1:23:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:18] A Doll's Face 2, The Subversion.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:22] A Doll's Face 2, The Other One.

[1:23:24] Demonic toys.

[1:23:24] A doll or the doll has another face.

[1:23:26] That's what I don't know.

[1:23:28] And Ibsen is like, you gotta see the play, they'll find out.

[1:23:31] I'm Italian now.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:33] Oh, cool.

[1:23:36] We went down a little cul-de-sac there, but now we're turning to the highway.

[1:23:40] I'm going to say.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:41] Less a rabbit hole and more of a sinkhole, but yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:44] I'll say thanks for listening.

[1:23:46] Go over to MaximumFun.org to find other great podcasts on the MaximumFun Podcasting Network.

[1:23:55] Thank you to Alex Smith.

[1:23:57] He is known as Howell Dottie on various socials.

[1:24:01] He produces and edits the show and does a lot of other great stuff.

[1:24:06] Check out his own work.

[1:24:10] Thank you for listening.

[1:24:11] For the Flophouse, I have been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:14] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:24:16] I've been Elliot Kalin.

[1:24:18] Uh, bye.

[1:24:19] Oh.

[1:24:20] What?

Dan McCoy

[1:24:23] I hate it.

[1:24:29] Hello?

[1:24:30] Hello?

[1:24:31] Hello?

[1:24:32] Is it me you've been waiting for?

[1:24:34] Is it me you're looking for?

[1:24:37] So Dan, that pep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:37] Let the bodies hit the floor.

[1:24:39] That pep pep pep song, I think it might have come out before the Rod Stewart song.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:46] Oh, interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:47] So I'm going to do some research on that and maybe blow that whole Rod Stewart situation

[1:24:51] wide open, stealing Hallie's Brazilian song.

[1:24:56] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:56] That was so funny when she just started doing that.

[1:24:59] I'm like, what is happening?

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:05] MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:07] Comedy and culture.

[1:25:08] Artist owned.

[1:25:10] Audience supported.

Episode #395 - The Pope's Exorcist

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