Flop House Classic - Stolen

[0:00] Hey, this is Stuart Wellington, one of the hosts of the Flophouse podcast.

[0:04] In honor of our 400th episode, we have decided to re-release some of our classic older episodes

[0:12] to kind of highlight what makes the Flophouse special to us.

[0:17] This episode, Stolen, starring Nicolas Cage, is a lot of fun for us.

[0:24] We do a lot of goofy voices.

[0:27] We get to do Nicolas Cage impressions.

[0:29] I think there's a couple of bits that I've remembered fondly over the years.

[0:35] So if you're interested in checking it out, I would recommend Stolen, episode 124, I think.

[0:43] Okay, bye!

[0:46] We may watch other movies, baby, but you know we love you best.

[0:50] We discuss Stolen, starring Nicolas Cage.

[1:19] Hey, everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:20] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:22] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:24] And I'm Elliot Kalin, in the number three spot, but first in America's hearts.

[1:28] Uh, I don't know if you have any reason to call me that.

[1:31] While I've spoken, I looked up our Q ratings.

[1:33] Wait, wait, is there a Flopper's Choice Awards that I'm not aware of?

[1:37] Stuart checked his phone and he said he'd allow it.

[1:39] Hey, enough goofing around, guys.

[1:41] It's time to make the donuts.

[1:43] Okay, is that what we're doing this time, Dan?

[1:44] Suddenly, you're a cruel taskmaster.

[1:47] Welcome back to the Flophouse, a podcast where we watch a movie, perhaps a bad movie, and

[1:53] then we discuss it.

[1:54] Yes.

[1:55] Perhaps, yep.

[1:56] I just don't, I feel bad.

[1:57] You don't want to rush to judgment.

[1:58] Yeah, every now and then we throw a Seventh Samurai in there, just to throw off the listeners.

[2:04] The Seventh Samurai.

[2:05] We throw floating weeds in the mix.

[2:07] Yeah, every now and then we just throw a, uh, other Japanese movie in there.

[2:12] Dead or Alive 2.

[2:16] I mean, that is a bad movie.

[2:18] That's a great movie, where they turn into angels and have the montage of killing people

[2:22] and giving money to happy African kids.

[2:25] So, this evening we watch a little movie called Stolen.

[2:30] Stolen.

[2:31] Starring Nicolas Cage.

[2:33] We haven't seen a Nicolas Cage movie in a while, so we're excited about this one.

[2:38] Like three months without a cage.

[2:42] So, should we explain why we're mispronouncing Nicolas Cage's name?

[2:45] Well, I think listeners to the past episodes are familiar with this story.

[2:48] That was pre-EW.

[2:49] So, we should, yeah.

[2:50] Or Pew.

[2:51] P.E.W.

[2:52] Post-EW.

[2:53] And if somebody's picking this podcast up for the first time, we don't actually want

[2:56] them to get the joke, right?

[2:57] Exactly.

[2:58] No, yeah, yeah.

[2:59] It's all about forcing people out and making them not enjoy it by feeling they're not cool

[3:03] enough to get these inside jokes.

[3:05] So, buckle on your headphones, folks.

[3:07] We're going to talk about this movie.

[3:10] It's going to be a bumpy year.

[3:12] So, we should explain that.

[3:14] This movie, Stolen, we saw the trailer last year, and it looked fantastic.

[3:19] And it's a Nicolas Cage film that, for some reason, in the trailer, the voiceover guy,

[3:24] who has a perfectly normal voice, announces the name of the star as Nicolas Cage.

[3:32] He throws an extra syllable in there.

[3:35] Yeah, and otherwise, semi-professionally, I would say, produced trailer.

[3:41] Not the most slick trailer.

[3:43] It could have easily been a direct-to-DVD film.

[3:46] Did we ever resolve that?

[3:48] According to Wikipedia, it was released in the theaters.

[3:51] This is a movie that, in America, made a little bit over $300,000.

[3:55] Hot dog!

[3:56] And worldwide box office gross was a little over $2 million.

[4:00] Okay, so it's probably on top, right?

[4:02] No, it's a budget of $35 million.

[4:05] Which is still very cheap for this type of movie.

[4:08] I mean, this is a Nicolas Cage action thriller.

[4:11] Danny Houston doesn't come cheap.

[4:13] All those hats he wears.

[4:15] Malin Ackerman.

[4:16] Very expensive.

[4:18] They shot it in New Orleans.

[4:20] So, you know, that's expensive.

[4:22] The Big Easy.

[4:23] Home of 12 rounds, as I believe they renamed it.

[4:26] They renamed the city Home of 12 Rounds.

[4:29] They gave the key to the city to John Santa.

[4:32] Yeah, and then he bent it in half.

[4:34] And then he ate it. He thought there was chocolate inside.

[4:36] He didn't care. He just thought it was something.

[4:38] He just ingests matter.

[4:40] And it becomes muscle.

[4:42] He's a matter eater, man, is what you're saying.

[4:44] So, this is a movie that doesn't look expensive.

[4:48] It's a suspense thriller.

[4:50] It doesn't look like a movie that...

[4:52] $35 million on the screen, right?

[4:54] It's kind of all up there.

[4:56] But it doesn't look bad.

[4:58] Yeah, it looks more expensive than movies that we've seen that cost a lot more.

[5:03] That's My Boy, last week, which was a $70 million movie,

[5:07] where you saw none of the money on screen.

[5:09] Yeah, not once did they do a shot of just a big pile of money.

[5:12] I mean, this was a competently directed...

[5:14] You never saw it on screen.

[5:16] This was a competently directed action film from Simon West,

[5:19] who you may know as the director of Tomb Raider,

[5:23] and more recently, The Mechanic.

[5:26] The brother of Simon East.

[5:28] And probably gone in 60 seconds, right?

[5:30] No, he didn't do that.

[5:33] Oh, right.

[5:35] Which is a very enjoyable, stupid movie,

[5:38] in which the audience is supposed to cheer for a child killer being on the loose at the end,

[5:43] when Steve Yosemite is not only on the loose,

[5:47] has money in his pocket,

[5:49] and a crowd of people around cheering him.

[5:51] This is a character who, throughout, has been treated as the worst murderer in the world.

[5:55] But to the audience, it's like, yeah! Our cute buddy!

[5:59] A friend, Mr. Pink!

[6:01] Back in the game!

[6:02] I thought he was all chopped up in that wood chipper,

[6:04] but nope, he's okay, I'm the Con Air!

[6:07] All the same character.

[6:08] I tried to book a flight on Con Air,

[6:10] and it was much more expensive than I thought it would be.

[6:13] Only movie they show? The Rock.

[6:15] Weird.

[6:16] So weird, yeah.

[6:18] But they show the version that stars The Rock,

[6:20] where he plays all the parts,

[6:22] and he just performed it in his basement.

[6:24] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6:25] Should we talk about what this movie is about?

[6:27] I guess.

[6:29] So, Nicolas Cage plays the best bank robber in the world.

[6:32] Of course he is, he's Nicolas Cage.

[6:34] And in the beginning, he and his gang,

[6:36] made up of Malin Ackerman,

[6:38] She's the hottie.

[6:39] Who else was in it?

[6:40] Josh Lucas.

[6:41] MC Ganey.

[6:42] MC Ganey was the body.

[6:43] Who you know as Mr. Friendly from Lost.

[6:45] Or you know him from...

[6:47] Swamp Thing from Con Air.

[6:50] That was the character's name, and he was the pilot.

[6:52] And he was in another Flophouse movie.

[6:54] Yeah, you told me earlier, and I've already forgotten.

[6:56] I forgot it too.

[6:58] Like 10,000 BC or something.

[7:00] He played one of the Manics.

[7:01] No, it's Wild Hogs.

[7:02] Oh, Wild Hogs, he was like a biker or something,

[7:04] and maybe a sheriff.

[7:05] He's a guy who looks like a biker.

[7:06] And he's also a rapper, MC Ganey.

[7:09] Master of Ceremonies, Ganey.

[7:11] Now, so they have a bank robbing crew.

[7:14] They're the best bank robbers, and they're in New Orleans.

[7:17] Which is how you say New Orleans,

[7:19] if you're in New Orleans.

[7:20] So they're in New Orleans,

[7:22] and they're gonna rob, it looks like...

[7:24] A bank!

[7:28] It looks like they're gonna rob the Gagolin's Diamond Exchange.

[7:31] And there's all these FBI agents around,

[7:33] led by Danny Houston, who is not yet wearing a hat.

[7:36] He is hatless.

[7:37] He is hatless.

[7:38] The subject is hatless.

[7:39] I repeat.

[7:40] Okay, don't engage until he puts the hat on.

[7:42] Watch him.

[7:43] Move, move, move.

[7:44] Is he putting a hat on?

[7:45] No, no, he's just scratching his head.

[7:46] Okay, hold back, hold back.

[7:49] So it looks like they're about to rob a diamond exchange,

[7:51] which involves drilling through a Toy Story wall...

[7:54] A Toy Story wall.

[7:55] Drilling through a Toy Store wall,

[7:57] and going into the diamond building.

[7:59] That sounds right.

[8:00] The FBI rushes in.

[8:01] They were double-hatched.

[8:03] Double-crossed.

[8:04] They're not robbing the diamond exchange,

[8:06] they're robbing the bank!

[8:08] They break through a safe.

[8:10] They rob it of $10 million in cash bucks,

[8:13] wrapped in plastic.

[8:14] And unfortunately,

[8:16] Nicholas Cage and...

[8:17] What's his name?

[8:18] Lucas.

[8:19] Josh Lucas.

[8:20] They're leaving the bank.

[8:21] Who looks like a normal guy at this point in the movie?

[8:23] He looks like a handsome, blonde man.

[8:26] And Josh Lucas is very sad to leave behind a bunch of gold.

[8:29] Of course.

[8:30] He's looking at it.

[8:31] There's big piles of gold.

[8:32] He's like, gold has never been worth zero.

[8:34] Like, I could sell this gold to William Devane for big bucks,

[8:37] but they've got to leave it behind.

[8:38] If anyone's watching news channel networks during the day,

[8:41] you'll get that joke.

[8:42] But he says,

[8:43] I love shiny things,

[8:44] and gold is the shiniest!

[8:46] And Nicholas Cage,

[8:47] Hey, we've got $10 million right here.

[8:49] Let's just go, okay?

[8:51] And they're rushing out of the bank,

[8:52] and a janitor or somebody sees them.

[8:56] Hey, where are you guys going?

[8:58] Why are you running with that bag full of money?

[9:00] And Josh Lucas hits that guy and is about to shoot him.

[9:03] And Nicholas Cage is like,

[9:04] We're not killers, okay?

[9:05] Don't kill him.

[9:06] And they fight.

[9:07] They're literally,

[9:08] the people in the getaway van can see them down an alley.

[9:11] They get in a fight,

[9:12] and in the middle of it,

[9:13] Nicholas Cage shoots Josh Lucas in the knee to get him to stop.

[9:16] He throws him in the van.

[9:17] Again, I'm not in support of that.

[9:19] Any sort of knee injury.

[9:21] It's like we watch movies in a row guaranteed to infuriate.

[9:25] It's like every time a bad guy in a movie gets hit in the crotch,

[9:28] I'm like, hey, come on.

[9:29] That's smart.

[9:30] Because of your giant penis.

[9:31] Yeah, like at the end of the Power Rangers movie,

[9:33] when they knee the giant monster in the balls.

[9:38] I would be lying if I said I had seen the Power Rangers movie.

[9:41] Okay, well, continue.

[9:43] Or like whenever a guy gets his foot stepped on in a movie,

[9:47] and I'm like, alright, okay.

[9:49] Foot stuff.

[9:51] You're into foot play?

[9:52] Not really, but it's a popular fetish.

[9:55] I thought I'd jump on the foot fetish bandwagon.

[9:57] You want to try it out?

[9:59] Yeah.

[10:00] I was actually talking about this today, how I'm disturbed that, like, if you put any actress's

[10:04] name into Google, immediately feet will pop up behind it, which is apparently, like, foot

[10:10] fetishism is much larger than I expected, because that is the number one result.

[10:16] You know what's even larger than foot fetishism?

[10:17] What?

[10:18] Big foot fetishism.

[10:19] What?

[10:20] Bigger feet, bigger fetish.

[10:21] Look at the size of those footprints!

[10:24] For some guys, that's like an enormous boob print.

[10:27] There's a guy somewhere masturbating to the idea of a big foot and some Manolo Blahnik.

[10:35] Just masturbating to Harry and the Hendersons.

[10:38] There's a guy who has cut out pictures of shoes from a magazine, and he watches Harry

[10:41] and the Hendersons and holds it up to the TV screen, yeah.

[10:44] Oh yeah.

[10:45] That's the stuff.

[10:46] Oh yeah, old man of the forest.

[10:49] Those pumps look pretty good.

[10:50] You've got the biggest feet.

[10:51] The biggest feet.

[10:52] Anyway, so...

[10:53] So, we're going to talk about the movie some more?

[10:57] What's going on?

[10:58] So, we're about five minutes into the movie, too.

[11:01] Nicolas Cage can't get on the getaway van, so he gets into a police car, he beats up

[11:06] a police officer and gets into his car and takes the police on a high-speed car chase.

[11:12] A surprisingly exciting chase, I would say.

[11:13] It's a pretty good car chase through a parking garage and all that, but finally he gets caught

[11:18] and they say, come out with the money, and he's got a duffel bag with $10 million wrapped

[11:22] in plastic, and he's in a building with a barrel fire that some homeless people were

[11:26] warming their hands around.

[11:27] Yeah, because hobos love barrel fires.

[11:29] And because it gets so cold at night, New Orleans, known for its rough, cold nights,

[11:35] New Orleans, he throws a...

[11:38] Maybe they're putting some crawdads in that barrel fire.

[11:41] You're going to get up a car crash.

[11:45] You're going to have some gumbo.

[11:49] So he and Nicolas Cage walks out with the money and says, I threw the money in the fire.

[11:53] I threw it in the fire.

[11:54] He's got...

[11:55] They've got...

[11:56] No evidence.

[11:57] No evidence.

[11:58] Well, he doesn't tell them that at that time, but that's what he does.

[11:59] Burned with the heat of a thousand suns.

[12:01] And he gets...

[12:02] No, just fire.

[12:03] He gets a reduced sentence because they can't find the evidence, even though there's no

[12:07] way that $10 million in bills wrapped in plastic is going to burn up in one of those barrels

[12:14] so they're not going to figure out what happened.

[12:15] I don't know.

[12:16] Maybe it was like an atomic barrel.

[12:18] Okay, sure.

[12:19] Well, I'll accept it.

[12:20] I'll accept it for the purposes of stolen.

[12:22] For the purposes of stolen, that barrel has atomic fission technology.

[12:26] For the purposes of stolen, that barrel shines as bright as the sun.

[12:29] Yeah, exactly.

[12:30] Just like Nicolas Cage's smile.

[12:33] It is brighter than the sun that Cage's smile cut to eight years later.

[12:37] Nick Cage is getting out of jail as a free man.

[12:40] First off, he's at a newsstand to buy a ratty blue teddy bear for his now-grown daughter.

[12:45] Semi-grown.

[12:46] She's, like, 15.

[12:48] Yeah, sure.

[12:49] And then he gets picked up by...

[12:50] It's like a perpetrator number two over here.

[12:51] Yeah, exactly.

[12:52] Grown at 15.

[12:53] Huh?

[12:54] Huh?

[12:55] I'm just trying to get this started.

[12:56] That's all.

[12:57] I'm about to burn.

[12:58] No, it's not working.

[12:59] It doesn't stick.

[13:00] I'm the guy with the Bigfoot fetish, okay?

[13:03] And he gets picked up by the FBI by Danny Houston, who is now wearing a hat.

[13:08] You know what?

[13:09] A pork pie hat.

[13:10] A pork pie hat, because that's what cops wear when they reach a certain age.

[13:13] Yeah, in the intervening eight years, he got way into wearing a hat.

[13:17] Can you blame him?

[13:18] It looks great on him.

[13:19] No, of course.

[13:20] He's starring in Police Detectives of a Certain Age, and he wears a pork pie hat.

[13:24] Him, Ed O'Neill, and some other guy who played a cop at some point.

[13:29] Sure.

[13:30] Let's just recycle Andre Brauer.

[13:31] Andre?

[13:32] Andre Brauer?

[13:33] Andre Brauer.

[13:34] And Ray Brauer.

[13:35] That's Andre Brauer's...

[13:37] Anyway, so it's eight years later.

[13:38] There's a hat.

[13:39] I think we got the hat down.

[13:40] They drop him off at his daughter's house.

[13:41] We never see the daughter's mother, so I guess she's just a 15-year-old.

[13:42] She's got to be beautiful.

[13:43] And it doesn't go well, his first meeting with his daughter.

[13:44] He gives her the teddy bear.

[13:45] She's a little old for him.

[13:46] Takes the teddy bear initially, though.

[13:47] Takes it initially to make him feel better, but the conversation doesn't go well.

[13:48] So he goes to his daughter's house.

[13:49] She's a 15-year-old.

[14:25] So Nicholas Cage goes to visit his old pal Malian Ackerman, who's now a bartender, and

[14:29] he's...

[14:30] Eight years looks great.

[14:31] Yeah.

[14:32] Has not aged a day.

[14:33] Nobody in the movie has aged a day except for Nicholas Cage's daughter, I assume.

[14:37] And the movie attempts to hang a lantern on that by having Nicholas Cage say, you're aging

[14:43] younger, but still.

[14:44] Eight years later and you're still... and you look younger than you did before.

[14:47] Yeah.

[14:48] There's no Dice movie.

[14:49] We get what you're selling.

[14:50] We're not buying.

[14:51] I mean, MC Ganey looks like, what, 95 years old at this point?

[14:56] And so, but he also...

[14:58] MC Scat Ganey.

[15:01] Remember what he did?

[15:02] The German porn version.

[15:03] Yikes.

[15:04] Of MC Ganey.

[15:05] You really are not doing a great job of keeping this perversoid title off of you.

[15:11] All right.

[15:12] Well...

[15:13] I was talking about Bigfoot porn earlier and now you seem like the pervert.

[15:16] Anyway, so we're barely into this movie.

[15:20] So, he got a package and it starts ringing while he's talking to Malian Ackerman.

[15:24] Opens it up.

[15:25] It's a phone from an unknown caller.

[15:27] That's weird.

[15:28] He picks it up.

[15:29] That's because this movie's called Unknown, right?

[15:31] No, it's not.

[15:32] It's called Stolen.

[15:33] Did he steal the phone?

[15:34] I don't get it.

[15:35] No, he's going to steal some...

[15:36] He stole $10 million.

[15:37] He's going to steal some other stuff.

[15:38] But wait, I thought he burned it, so he didn't really steal it.

[15:40] No, you can still steal something even if it's destroyed.

[15:42] Okay, continue.

[15:43] And now she told him that Josh Lucas has died and that MC Ganey is just an old man now.

[15:49] He gets a phone call on this new, brand new phone.

[15:54] It's his old bank robbing partner, Josh Lucas.

[15:57] Uh-oh.

[15:58] A ghost from beyond the grave?

[16:00] No, you'd think.

[16:01] But actually, he's become a horrid, gross shell of himself, a golem of a man.

[16:06] And I don't mean golem, the good kind of golem.

[16:08] I mean the bad kind of golem.

[16:10] Somehow, in the intervening years, he's grown long, ratty blonde hair.

[16:14] I mean, in eight years, I believe he can grow long, ratty blonde hair.

[16:19] It looks like the wig that Jeff Daniels was wearing in Dumb and Dumber.

[16:24] And he's got yellowed teeth.

[16:26] Impossible.

[16:27] He's lost his leg, the one that he got shot in.

[16:31] The lower half of his left leg.

[16:33] That's one of those Blade Runner-style spring legs.

[16:37] Yeah, the kind of thing that a robo-pirate would have.

[16:39] That Brugger Hauer from Blade Runner wears.

[16:41] No, the guy who killed his girlfriend.

[16:43] Oscar Pistorius, who allegedly killed his girlfriend.

[16:45] Allegedly, thank you.

[16:46] Until proven guilty, which he will be, allegedly.

[16:49] Thank you for not getting the flop house suit, guys.

[16:52] Thank you for being a friend.

[16:53] Travel down the road and back again.

[16:55] Your hearts are true, your pals and confidants.

[16:58] You know, if you two threw a party together for some reason,

[17:01] invited everyone you knew,

[17:03] I think you'd see the biggest gift, maybe a monetary value, not in size,

[17:06] because we're not going to give you a giant teddy bear or something.

[17:08] It would be from me.

[17:09] And the card attached would say,

[17:11] thank you for being a friend.

[17:13] Dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun.

[17:15] Now we're going to get sued for another reason.

[17:18] So, wait, it says, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun?

[17:21] I wrote out the music.

[17:23] So it's his old, supposedly dead, criminal buddy,

[17:27] who's now got a mean man on.

[17:29] Looks like a crazy old voodoo master now.

[17:31] He looks like a gross kind of rat wizard of a man.

[17:36] He crawled out of hell to take his revenge.

[17:40] I mean, that would be interesting.

[17:41] It turns out he didn't do that.

[17:42] It turns out he faked his own death,

[17:44] partly by chopping off half of three of his fingers.

[17:47] So he's an onion knight, if you will.

[17:50] And he has...

[17:51] I won't, by the way.

[17:53] You won't?

[17:54] Don't associate that thing with this other thing.

[17:56] With Sir Davos?

[17:57] He didn't carry his fingers around with him in a pouch.

[17:59] I mean, come on.

[18:00] Oh, no, he didn't.

[18:01] He used them to fake his own death in a pouch.

[18:03] Now, he...

[18:04] Uh-oh, he's a taxi driver now.

[18:06] He picked up Nicolas Cage's daughter in his taxi,

[18:08] and now...

[18:09] His daughter?

[18:10] Nicolas Cage's daughter.

[18:11] I'm sorry, Nicolas Cage's daughter in his taxi.

[18:16] And he says to him,

[18:18] I want that $10 million or else your daughter's dead.

[18:20] I'll give you 12 hours.

[18:21] And Nicolas Cage is like,

[18:23] but I burned that money.

[18:25] I burned it.

[18:26] He's like, yeah, sure you did.

[18:27] I don't believe you.

[18:28] My leg doesn't believe you.

[18:29] The audience doesn't believe that happened.

[18:31] Give it to me in 12 hours.

[18:32] I'm gonna spend that time just driving the streets of New Orleans.

[18:36] During Mardi Gras.

[18:37] During Mardi Gras.

[18:38] Fat Tuesday.

[18:39] And with your daughter in my trunk,

[18:41] and get me the money, or she's dead.

[18:45] By the way,

[18:47] he did put a bunch of glow-in-the-dark stars in the trunk

[18:49] to make it more homey for her as he drove around.

[18:51] So that was a nice move.

[18:52] There are a couple little touches in the movie,

[18:54] like Danny Houston's hat,

[18:56] and the little glow-in-the-dark stars he puts in the trunk.

[18:58] I like that they made the bad guy look like a weird, ratty monster.

[19:03] I mean, you like weird, ratty monsters in general.

[19:05] Yeah, in general.

[19:06] Like your castle freaks.

[19:07] Yeah, your snake mans.

[19:09] He is kind of what I imagine the Judas Priest song,

[19:11] Nightcrawler, to be about.

[19:12] That's the guy who crawls into the town in the middle of the night

[19:16] with a beast on flesh and blood.

[19:18] Or he's just like a ratty taxi driver, too.

[19:20] I don't know.

[19:22] So Nicolas Cage is at a loss.

[19:25] He's got to find this money that doesn't exist.

[19:28] But what he really has to do is find his old partner

[19:31] so he can get his daughter back.

[19:32] One last heist, sure.

[19:34] Yeah, well, but not one last heist yet.

[19:36] He's going to heist his daughter back from this jerk.

[19:38] Yeah, it's called Daughter Heist.

[19:42] One man has to steal one daughter.

[19:45] This movie could be called Catch That Cab, Catch That Cash,

[19:47] or Catch That Kid, or Catch That Cage.

[19:53] So he tries to get the FBI's help.

[19:55] They don't believe him.

[19:56] Sure, your dead buddy is around,

[19:58] and that's why you want to help him.

[20:00] are helping you it doesn't they don't believe that's why you're violating your

[20:02] parole so he had her you burned all that money even though we couldn't find any of

[20:06] it whatever tell it to my hat do you believe him no I don't my hat doesn't

[20:11] believe you so he asked he can't get their help he breaks some laws to get

[20:16] some information he tracks down their old friend MC Ganey MC Ganey he knows

[20:21] what's going on but he doesn't want to help him he's mad that he burned that

[20:24] money too and he's mad they made him drop his lunch he had a big paper sack

[20:29] with his lunch in it Nicolas Cage made him drop it for some reason and I wish

[20:34] that it when it fell it made up like a like a really cartoony squish sound or

[20:38] even like a boing but doesn't chili just a bag of chili just dripping through

[20:46] this paper bag but the police the FBI come in there's a fight out by the way

[20:51] bag of chili is now a copyright flop house any attempt to make a restaurant

[20:55] based on a bag of chili it's you always bought a flop house brand bag of chili

[20:59] from the makers of bag of coleslaw it's a garbage bag full of coleslaw stick

[21:05] your hand in it pull some out eat it well we didn't even really try on that

[21:10] slogan it's more user instructions the diagram for a poster I think I see the

[21:21] problem and why our coleslaw business didn't take off well also the mask it is

[21:24] the mascot is Garby the garbage bag not appealing or appetizing stick your face

[21:32] in me celebrity endorsement by emcee come on down to bag of coleslaw it's

[21:40] full of mayonnaise II goodness so they have a big fight in the shootout MC

[21:46] Ganey gets killed Nicolas Cage goes on the run and the police are just shooting

[21:49] guns at him they're just firing semi-automatic weapons that's what team

[21:53] guy just makes a jumping shooting machine gun man and at this point his

[21:57] crimes are breaking his parole and accessing FBI files and they're just

[22:01] firing automatic what semi-automatic it's all around it this is like a

[22:04] residential area they're just shooting up now it's New Orleans it's in bad bad

[22:08] shape anyway after after John Cena got through after there's still yeah they're

[22:11] still recovering from the damage done by 12 rounds Hurricane Cena Nicolas Cage is

[22:17] on the run fine he's gonna do this by himself he's gonna track down his old

[22:20] partner he almost does it he takes a cab driver hostage uses the radio to track

[22:26] down his old partner's cab there's a lot of car chasing the partner almost gets

[22:32] caught by a cop because the girl in the trunk has broken one of the one of the

[22:37] brake lights one of the taillights and tries to escape she almost breaks

[22:40] through and gets a phone left by an Australian passenger that Josh Lucas

[22:44] beats the shit out of there's a lot of really unappealing Australian guy here

[22:49] kind of happy to see you get these it's a tourist there to get laid I don't know

[22:52] looking for Sheila's talking about Sheila's billabongs you know some roomie

[22:56] all sorts of stuff wombats and what-have-you the dingo it is baby

[23:01] everything else is sympathy so anyway Nicolas Cage I'm just gonna cut it as

[23:05] quick quick as I can sure because it's it's actually not bad there's a lot of

[23:10] little incidents and things like that finally Nicolas Cage he can't track he's

[23:14] been double-tricked again and he can't find the taxi cab the taxi the taxi guys

[23:18] switch out his GPS with another taxi so there's no way of tracking this guy no

[23:24] way he's just gonna have to meet him at the rendezvous spot in abandoned

[23:27] amusement park with money in hand but he doesn't have the money but what does

[23:31] this guy love more than money g-o-l-d he only loves gold he loves only gold so

[23:39] sounds like Nicolas Cage is gonna have to steal himself some gold he takes

[23:44] Malene Ackerman in she doesn't say just when I thought I was done or like you

[23:48] know something like that but she should I'm getting too old for this shit even

[23:51] though I haven't aged in eight years but she doesn't say that so but they have

[23:54] kind of an interesting plan to get the gold they're gonna go beneath the floor

[23:58] of the gold vault melt through it and then melt the gold and it's gonna fall

[24:03] into sewer water and cool in big lumps that look like gold poop and they'll

[24:08] just put that in the duffel bag and carry it around like gold poop or rocks

[24:11] that have been spray-painted gold I mean have you ever seen gold it looks like

[24:15] rocks that have been spray-painted gold fair enough and it looks like dragon

[24:19] poop basically so they got this bag full of dragon poop the police are chasing

[24:25] after him they narrowly escaped the police by switching trucks and there's

[24:30] some more there's a bunch of good car flip stunts throughout the movie

[24:33] actually but uh all about flipping cars with you yeah I just love car flipping

[24:37] movies flip I'm always disappointed when I watch flip this house because the

[24:41] house never actually flips over it's like hello the title promised it

[24:46] there's no Springs no kind of a big lever nothing but show flip this pancake

[24:52] is a little better no it's not that stimulating I mean I could do that at

[24:59] home and I do that's your fetish Nicolas Cage yes pancake flipping the motion of

[25:08] a pancake flipping in midair oh that's real nice flip the other sides getting

[25:12] all toasty now you evenly distribute the heat on both sides put chocolate chips

[25:19] in there are you going in my belly

[25:26] they meet at the abandoned amusement park okay Nicolas Cage finally can run

[25:31] fight Josh Lucas face-to-face leg stump and they have a big fight and he's much

[25:38] crazier than you would expect Nicolas Cage gets shot in the gut and then Josh

[25:42] Lucas just jams his fingers into Nicolas Cage's bullet hole meanwhile crazy

[25:46] because it's not like a real good fight it's just really kind of gross it's more

[25:50] brutal than you expect it's more brutal silly movie like cuz meanwhile also

[25:55] Nicolas Cage's daughter is locked in the trunk of the car we can Josh Lucas has

[25:59] poured gas all over and then on fire with a road flare yeah so she's like

[26:04] Nicolas Cage's arm gets in the fire he pushes Josh Lucas his face into the fire

[26:08] and then he gets in the cab drives it into the river and then is about trying

[26:14] to let her out of the trunk trying to let her the truck which by the way like

[26:16] I don't know what is I mean I understand the first step of this plan we put out

[26:20] the fire this car fire priority one two is get my daughter out of the trunk of

[26:26] this locked car before she drowns and he doesn't have the keys I don't know

[26:30] exactly what another key is still in the trunk but he can't open it he like he's

[26:34] not like he's been shot in the stomach turning the key at any point he just

[26:39] seems like he's trying to open this lock he assumes that moment he gets super

[26:45] strength yeah cuz the stress my only weakness is a lot but then Josh Lucas

[26:53] like back for one final skin like your favorite horror movie monster bursts out

[26:58] of the water yeah face all scarred up all melty face and they're fighting and

[27:03] fighting Nicolas Cage beats him up and runs him through with a cross with a

[27:08] crowbar right yeah yeah that like a pry bar yeah and then prize open the trunk

[27:13] and we're then Josh Lucas comes back again we were all saying that it would

[27:17] have been better if he pried open the trunk with Josh Lucas's his leg if he

[27:21] had torn the fake leg off and then use that to pry that why introduce a fake

[27:24] leg if you're not gonna use it to pry open the trunk exactly exactly that

[27:28] Chekhov did say that exactly how he phrased it after stabbing Josh Lucas

[27:34] through the stomach and pushing him into the the sinking trunk he then closes the

[27:38] top of the trunk on him case closed literally he should have said case

[27:44] closed or case closed the end but but Nicolas Cage has this bullet wound he's

[27:52] already said earlier in the movie a bullet to the belly hurts a lot and you

[27:56] die slower it's his greatest weakness and his one vulnerability bullets to the

[28:01] belly and but the police helicopter arrives cop in a hat is there cop and a

[28:07] half cop and a half is it's Burt Reynolds with a little kid on his

[28:10] shoulders wearing a hat that's my worst nightmare a kid with a badge they take

[28:16] him away and then we don't know did he survive I also love like the daughters

[28:22] like he's not going back to jail is he and Danny Houston's like no no the other

[28:27] guy stole the money like it's like the other guy stole that gold oh you mean

[28:31] the guy whose body is drowned in a trunk right now he stole the gold and then he

[28:35] got in the trunk and killed himself Danny Houston gets very protective of

[28:40] Nicolas Cage a man who yes he did this for justifiable reasons but it's like

[28:46] broken as for parole many times over well around stealing things you have the

[28:50] idea they're being people even before the army he's oh Mac yeah you get the

[28:55] idea that Danny Houston likes Nicolas Cage a little bit no he has affection

[28:58] for it but but and by the end he saved his daughter you know he all only did

[29:02] what he did to save his daughter is it's the it's the point at the end where the

[29:05] bad guy says you know what this good guy's been reformed I'm gonna it's a lot

[29:08] of covering up that has to be done oh yeah I mean at least one cop has been

[29:13] killed so MC Ganey also not to mention tons of cars flipped over yeah Mardi

[29:19] Gras ruins it's called off you know Ray Nagin is like you know what cancel it

[29:25] forget it but uh dr. John is crying just crying into his beard I assume he has

[29:34] then weeping muttering a twat takes his doctorate down from the wall tears it

[29:43] up why did I study why did I study for seven years for this so he's basically

[29:54] gambit at this point yeah Mon Cheri anyway

[30:00] Aron tease it so anyway the

[30:02] Then it cuts to Maylene Ackerman and the daughter are driving in a truck past a cemetery

[30:06] Oh, no, are they gonna go visit Nicolas Cage's grave? No

[30:12] His grave

[30:13] Is he molder in a tomb?

[30:15] No, they he is cooking up shrimp the most half-hearted fake out

[30:19] You can it's because it barely less and it's not even like they show him them driving up

[30:23] It literally just cuts to Nicolas Cage walking out of a trailer. Hey guys, they can't be alive, right and not dead

[30:29] Which is what I'm not

[30:30] They go, but it turns out Maylene Ackerman still has one of the lumps of dinosaur turd gold in the back of her truck

[30:38] Nicolas Cage picks it up and we see that he's being watched from a boat

[30:41] Yeah by Danny Houston and Danny Houston second-in-command

[30:44] Psychic played by TV's Human Target and wait a minute. What's Danny Houston doing here?

[30:49] Wait, we're in a really cool like a different a different hat

[30:53] And also rooting for Nicolas Cage there what they're under surveillance and Nicolas Cage sees the lump of gold and if he throws it away

[30:59] Then they don't have any evidence to catch him

[31:01] But if he keeps it, they'll be able to throw him in jail and he's just like

[31:04] Throw it away and the other and Human Target's like don't throw it away. Don't throw it away

[31:07] What are they gonna arrest him for throwing gold?

[31:11] Last time I checked this is America

[31:16] You make it rain gold

[31:18] You need gold and poop it and

[31:21] I hope you're watching the screen because you might not know you might not catch that for about four seconds

[31:26] There's a shot that it shows that there's a big stone like acorn sculpture or pine cone sculpture on the table

[31:33] Gold lump shaped pine cold on the table. What pine cold?

[31:38] It's like pine solvent. It makes things cold instead of sweet-smelling

[31:42] It's what they spray pine trees with when they get too warm. The pine cold lady is like mrs. Freeze

[31:49] Freeze

[31:50] Which he's trapped in a thing. So mr. Freeze has to try and get her out. Yeah. Yeah trapped in the thing

[31:56] It's the thing that keeps her cold, right? So she doesn't turn into a dead body and an abandoned refrigerator

[32:01] She's playing in it and she got stuck inside. She didn't see that episode of different strokes, I guess

[32:06] Yeah, or that GI Joe the more you know about abandoned fridges

[32:10] Anyway, Nicolas Cage finally decides to get rid of it throws it the gold in the water and Danny Houston's like, all right now

[32:16] I came back to my room my regular life

[32:19] and

[32:20] But no throws had away at this point

[32:22] I wish he had then picked up his hat and lit it on fire and then threw it away

[32:25] Threw it over to the air like Mary Tyler Moore the hat flies away says my work is done

[32:38] My wife had my we're gonna hat around the world

[32:42] With my hat pension

[32:44] But then it turns out wait a minute Nicholas Cage through that big pine cone in the water and he still has the gold

[32:53] Stolen is now over

[32:56] Lalo Schifrin style cop show now, here's the thing. This is a movie. I'm just gonna tell you about I like this movie a lot

[33:03] It was super goofy and silly, but it had some genuinely fun

[33:07] Actiony scenes and the score was great. It was like they lifted it wholesale from some 80s cop show including there's like parts was like

[33:21] Dollars Elliot most of that went to hats

[33:24] fake gold

[33:25] Nicholas Cage, I assume most that money went straight to Nicholas Cage's Castle broker

[33:32] And the IRS but anyways the original Castle Freak

[33:38] A

[33:45] New way to talk about Nicholas Cage and a new way to talk about Castle Freak. We're episode what 708

[33:55] Giant Zardoz beard

[34:01] It's like the shining there's a picture from the 20s of us doing this

[34:07] Radio show

[34:09] Every time we walk out we see another version of us walking in. Oh, yeah, it's like a looper

[34:15] You got a whole primer situation going on here

[34:19] So but I would just to say the music is adorably cheesy

[34:23] It's just so cop show cheesy and the characters are all it like this felt like an hour and 30 minute episode of either the Danny

[34:31] Houston cop-in-a-hat show or the Nicholas Cage greatest bank robber show

[34:35] It was like it was like if there was a hat cop show and there was a bank robber show and they did like a

[34:40] Sweep sweeps crossover movie of the week

[34:50] Like this is a movie TV movie CBS would make so they could try to spin it off into a show

[34:55] If you've got a big like the way they did with Kojak

[34:58] I don't know CBS the way Kojak was done. So like in Columbo was the same way

[35:02] So like

[35:13] There's a bunch of regular people like high society types and a Cylon in the room and detective Galactica

[35:20] Detective be Galactica. I think I know who did it

[35:24] I

[35:26] Just couldn't understand one more question. Mr. Cylon. So you're a killing machine robot. Oh, yes. I am a case closed

[35:35] You say you're a human being now, uh, why do you why are your eyes one red light that goes back and forth?

[35:42] Oh, I have a condition. Oh, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense

[35:45] I just one more question if you're a regular poison, why do you have big metal claws for hands?

[35:51] And why are you a robot?

[35:54] And the Cylon tries to jump out the window but a cop leaps out of an ambush and tackles him

[36:01] How did you know the Cylon was the one who did it let's just say I had a hunch

[36:05] Oh, he's also a hunchback. So that time so it's always a pun at the end of the episode

[36:10] Let's say I had a hunch looks at the camera. It says, okay, it's closed

[36:16] It's called Battlestar Galactica hunchback detective stars the late Peter Falk and

[36:22] A Cylon it's always a Cylon who did it

[36:27] And he talks like the guy from the stolen trailer

[36:44] I mean does anyone have anything else to say the movie is like we all went into this movie

[36:48] I think hoping we would like it a little bit and I don't know about you guys

[36:51] But I certainly did so I'm gonna I'm gonna if we're doing final judgments. I'm gonna say this is a movie. I kind of liked

[36:56] The official categories are a good bad movie bad bad movie movie. I kind of like this hovers

[37:00] I feel a little bit between good bad movie movie. Yeah, I mean, it's not it's like a good

[37:05] I would say it's a good like TV movie is thriller

[37:08] It's not as good a jet like a b-movie type quality movie as like premium rush or something like that for instance

[37:13] But it's still a lot of fun. I mean the characters are just running around flipping cars over

[37:17] There's stuff in it that genuinely works and then there's stuff in it that's like super silly

[37:24] It's it's a bizarro world where

[37:26] Nicolas Cage can beat up two trained FBI field agents and a one-legged guy can beat up a young fit Australian guy

[37:34] Yeah, it's it's takes place in this. Yeah backwards place where where the weak overpower strong and strong is weak

[37:42] So there is a scene where Nicolas Cage is like with two to FBI agents in an elevator and then escapes and the elevator opens

[37:48] up and FBI agents

[37:49] I guess wake up from their blackout and our handcuffed to the to the art that the handrail in the elevator

[37:55] It's like there's no way that Nicolas Cage is what like 55 at this point. Maybe a little bit younger than that

[38:00] There's no way he'd beat up these two guys

[38:02] But like Nicolas Cage breaks his own thumb to get us some handcuffs at one point

[38:06] He is there this is Nicolas Cage like as an action star, which shouldn't work

[38:11] But it kind of works just through sheer force of him

[38:15] He's been an action star for quite a while, but he should

[38:18] He's an action star that any scene requires him to run. It's like a stutter step

[38:23] But also he's not the he's not like he's not like a Jean-Claude Van Damme action star who that's right beats people up in fights

[38:30] He's like a jumping from explosions action star. Yeah, he's not even a Bruce Willis normal guy action star

[38:35] He's like, you know, if Adrian Brody was an action star, which I guess he is

[38:41] But there's something movie about child bro, there's something about Nicolas Cage's

[38:47] There's something about Nicolas Cage's sheer

[38:51] Dedication to not giving a shit about most of the movie that sells it to me as an action star

[38:56] He's very mumbly, but in a fun way in this. Yeah, so what you do you guys gonna give your your final judgments?

[39:01] Here to gave his oh, that's right. I think I'll agree with Dan

[39:04] I think it's I think it's a hair above a hair below a movie. I kind of liked and four hairs above

[39:12] Good bad, I didn't realize it was just five hairs separating. Yeah, it's so close

[39:18] Like a gypsy's whisper

[39:21] Such a thin line between sanity and insanity good and evil. We're two sides of the same coin you and I

[39:28] So it's a novelty got all the time in the world a novelty coin that I put our faces on I got it at the

[39:35] carnival

[39:37] This

[39:39] Things that villains say to each other boy

[39:42] This is the part of the podcast where we answer letters from listeners, it's called the flop house mailbag

[39:50] Segment for letters from you the viewers to us the flop house in a bag mailed to us for the podcast

[39:57] No, so all the flop house

[40:00] No songs allowed, but I'll find some way to delay the letters segment rated R number one

[40:08] April 8th 2013

[40:10] ad

[40:11] 2.0 dot-com

[40:15] Etc

[40:16] I'm halfway through the name of the segment. Oh, all right. This letter is titled flop house TV

[40:24] Well, we have tuberculosis it's from Ronnie last name withheld

[40:28] He writes when he does Stewart Elliot house cat and Al Madrigal who I assume is screening all these emails after his hostile takeover

[40:34] Yeah, yeah

[40:35] Well, I was sitting right there glaring at us while I was sitting on the toilet and reading the latest entertainment weekly

[40:40] Which is too much, which is how I receive all of my entertainment and weekly news. I noticed a new MTV show listing

[40:48] It's a talk show co-hosted by no none other than flop house guest host Sarah Schaefer

[40:52] Episode 22 vantage point, that's true. Nikki and Sarah live on MTV on MTV Tuesday nights at 11 p.m

[40:59] I recommend it highly this made me wonder why have the original peaches not penetrated the boob tube keep in mind

[41:05] I don't consider mr. Kalin and mr. McCoy's cameos on The Daily Show full penetration

[41:10] We although although mr. Wellington's video drum experience does count. Oh, yeah

[41:16] When you went it when you had that videotape in your belly, yeah, and you had sex with Debbie Harry

[41:20] I did all those things. So I further you said goodbye to the old flesh. Yeah. Why do I need that flesh anymore?

[41:25] I've become one with a greater consciousness

[41:28] So I further wondered what kind of shows would be best tailored to you guys here a few suggestions

[41:32] Joey's tail and the whole thing old-timey movies. I would learn classic movie. That's a job

[41:36] I would I would definitely love stew and house cats story time on Nick jr

[41:41] Which would be summarily canceled after one episode for its Frank sexual content

[41:45] Dan McCoy would certainly be the third most popular newsman in the New York City area market

[41:51] And I mean, it's one of the two biggest media markets in the country. Sure

[41:57] Along with Davenport and Ronnie. There's a postscript. He says in a recent episode

[42:02] Elliot pronounced John Constantine's name as Constantine. So the actual correct pronunciation see it's not only Dan who gets words wrong

[42:10] PPS, but it's still mostly Dan look as long as I'm Jewish. I'm gonna pronounce it. John Constantine properly pronounced

[42:17] Constantine wait, that didn't sound like cage that sound like it goes to sing it

[42:21] odd

[42:23] Constantine as you guys have already acknowledged we've already been through

[42:28] Stewart's ideal television vehicles. Yes. Yep, but I what was it called Stewart's sex watching part pirate show

[42:36] describes he describes

[42:41] I don't have a lot of words. So I have to use saxophone sounds

[42:47] But it seemed worth pursuing

[42:50] You know, like what what our television vehicles should be. Yeah, sure. Well, mine would probably be a tricked-out ambulance like ecto-1

[42:58] But with the TV in it, that'd be my TV vehicle

[43:01] What would yours be Dan? What would your show be? I'll tell you what my show is afterwards

[43:06] I

[43:07] Thought we were casting each other. Oh, well, I see. Oh, well Dan's would be called the Psy guy

[43:12] It's about us

[43:12] It's about a single guy who also has a wife and a cat somehow

[43:15] Who just can't seem to get it together, even though he has a high-paying television job

[43:20] So it's like the single slice of life

[43:23] Yeah, basically an earnest boring the late earnest 49 plays Manny the doorman weird thing though

[43:27] You're also psychic thus the name the double meaning of Psy. It's spelled PSY guy

[43:32] But whenever you get a psychic message you go

[43:36] Not again, and then you got to do an adventure, it's probably how I react but it's all you just don't do the adventure

[43:45] And you just watch TV and there's a sweep sweep storyline where your knee gets hurt and then isn't invaded by the

[43:51] Spirit of a killer and your knee is sneaking out at night and killing people and then coming back to your leg

[43:57] So what pretty good? So what would my show be? It's called the Psy guy

[44:03] Rated R rated R. It's a rated R show. It's on Spice Channel a

[44:08] Lot of hardcore sex, but you don't get to do any of it

[44:11] What about your knee does Ellie could be like a doctor who style show? We're like a

[44:18] criminologist a mentalist

[44:20] What yeah, like dr. Phil metal is criminal. I'm not a doctor is no. I'm imagining him traveling through time

[44:27] I like it

[44:28] Wait, I don't get it. He's a doctor that travels through time

[44:31] So I can sleep with all my favorite star crushes who have been dead for years and I'm the purpose

[44:37] But I mean, he's just talking about sleeping with dead bodies. No, no, no, they were living people

[44:43] I'd go back to when they were still alive. So you're gonna make them live again. No, I'm going back. It's called Elliot Cailin starfucker

[44:50] Each week I have sex with this different star old Hollywood Clark Gable Spencer Tracy Rita Hayworth

[44:58] Clark Gable again, cuz he was that good

[45:02] I'm a straight man, but these are the stars of old Holly. Come on. I'm not gonna pass if Clark Gable comes on to me

[45:08] That's the story. I'm gonna eat dinner out with for a long time

[45:11] Wait, did you just say eat out?

[45:14] Yeah on that story. Okay, and no it would go like this Ingrid Bergman Myrna Lloyd Teresa, right?

[45:19] That would be my order

[45:20] So then we get start throwing some other stars. How about your Louise Brooks? Yeah, Louise Brooks. Sure

[45:26] Old anime Wong definitely Elliot Gould you got it, but no mustache

[45:38] George Siegel with mustache

[45:43] What's the name it's called starfucker

[45:47] This next letter is titled help me get revenge. Okay, I like the sounds like Stewart Sally

[45:53] I'm gonna have trouble press the first one practice hugging people but frowning while you do it. I

[45:59] Apologize for mispronouncing this

[46:02] Adjahar last name withheld

[46:05] so this is a

[46:06] He says recently my best friend invited me to a ceremony

[46:10] Yes, where he took command of a naval of a Navy SEAL team. Oh, wow. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself

[46:16] However during the ceremony, he took several thinly veiled jabs jabs at me and my green beret brothers

[46:23] Since he was at the podium and I was standing at attention super intimidated

[46:28] The fact that this is a Navy SEAL and a green beret with it in it with an ari with the beef is really more

[46:33] Than we can handle outnumbered 50 to 1 by seals. I was completely helpless

[46:37] I have since been plotting against him conducting covert reconnaissance of his house while seemingly babysitting his children

[46:43] Studying his weaknesses of character

[46:45] He seems to drink a lot of beer and weaknesses of body definitely balding, but how can I use that against him?

[46:51] Alas, I was have him in the head

[46:56] The hair would cushion the blow

[46:59] Alas, I was should protect him crust. What is it your hair Dan? So you would describe it as a crust?

[47:06] At last I was shift officer

[47:08] Afghanistan before I could deliver a devastating blow to his solar plexus

[47:11] But also before he could inflict further emotional harm against me more. So I thought

[47:17] Last week I was forced to watch act of valor

[47:20] Truly one of the worst movies ever made and competent boring surprisingly on really unrealistic

[47:24] I can't prove it, but I think my friend forced his men to film this monstrosity

[47:29] Just so I'd be tortured by it later

[47:31] Not the first movie that would be made just to torture somebody else with it

[47:34] You may be thinking we can't make fun of seals

[47:37] They're American heroes. Surely that does not include anyone involved in the making of act of valor or Andre

[47:42] Pete, please movie about a seal. Yeah

[47:49] Please help out a battle-hardened Special Forces operator who does not have the ability or which to effectively make fun of his friend

[47:55] You must fight my fight for me. I believe in you. Please trash act of valor for America and Jesus and 9-eleven

[48:02] Wow

[48:04] That's a lot of pressure, but I think we may have to take that him up on that

[48:07] I mean you do put your finger on the the problem, which is we would feel bad making fun of non

[48:15] Professional actors if I'm gonna make fun of a seals, I'm gonna make fun of a former soldier

[48:19] I'm gonna make fun of that guy in battleship that knocks that aliens teeth out

[48:25] Yeah, he didn't lose him

[48:28] Shooting his legs off real sensitive Dan. No, but it's true

[48:32] We would feel bad making making fun of especially the acting of guys who are not

[48:36] Actors who are there for other skills? So I think so. This is my idea

[48:40] I don't know if we can do active valor because we're just civilians and we would get beat up

[48:45] The years classic revenge never goes wrong ever

[48:50] Rigid so your friends elected prom queen then when she get he gets up on the stage dump a bunch of pigs blood on him

[48:56] Never goes wrong

[48:59] We all watch Carrie and we pause the tape when that happened and like we high-fived each other

[49:07] Yeah, then credits roll or like the show revenge you could be something I never watch and therefore don't know anything about

[49:18] So we'll let we'll think about active valor

[49:21] But we would we would have to get a letter from the president that said it's okay for us to make fun of Navy

[49:25] Obama the balls in your court. So

[49:28] President Obama is your ball is your president court?

[49:32] This next letter is from but thanks for listening even from overseas. Appreciate it this next letter from L Kennedy

[49:40] And she writes I actually I absolutely adore you guys whenever I'm in deadline hell the podcast cheers me right up

[49:47] Oh, and I think it would be a good movie about a newspaper

[49:51] Run by the devil. Okay. I like it deadline. Hell starring Meryl Streep as the deadline

[49:58] Yep, and Paul Rubin

[50:00] as the hell so she writes

[50:02] uh... all of them again

[50:05] out of a child that shows a dinosaur

[50:07] that's it

[50:09] a sour dinosaur that tells the dinosaur

[50:14] uh... l continues to write

[50:16] well i think the case is blind you to the gym that is going on

[50:20] you've got to do and i was aiming at the same page

[50:23] only a week well we should do another thing moving and she says check out

[50:26] survival ireland

[50:28] it's a real treat sounds like a porno and the main chick shows her boobs anyway

[50:32] well there you go

[50:34] well who's the main chick though

[50:36] the main chick has a name her name is kelly brooke

[50:38] oh okay well that's certainly a fine woman's boobs and we're all familiar with her boobs from

[50:42] piranha the movie that uh... we saw

[50:46] per elliot's uh... bachelor party no it was the day of my wedding yeah literally the day

[50:51] that we saw

[50:53] he was thinking about that movie when he said his vows yeah they're called yeah

[50:57] well they're prayers technically on the morning of my wedding all of us went to

[51:02] see piranha 3d and true story at this very moment i still keep the ticket stub

[51:06] in my wallet because it was the best day of my life number one because of the wedding

[51:10] number two piranha 3d with my pals

[51:13] and also i had popeyes for lunch

[51:15] and to this moment i keep the memory of kelly brooke naked in my brain

[51:19] you know there's that too there's that too i mean the wedding you've forgotten yeah

[51:23] oh man i gotta make room for other stuff

[51:25] there are other boobs to think about uh... but uh... i gave al kennedy's full name though

[51:30] because i wanted to say

[51:32] she uh... in her signature she says she's the author of the killer instincts

[51:37] and out of uniform series

[51:39] what? now uh...

[51:41] mentioning navy seals before i went to her website

[51:45] the tagline for the out of uniform series of romance novels that she wrote

[51:50] is uh...

[51:51] give a seal an inch

[51:53] and he'll take your heart

[51:54] oh

[51:55] and uh... are you sure it's not about andre the performing seal?

[51:59] some of the titles to these uh... these novels uh... you got your hot and heavy

[52:03] okay classic

[52:04] hot and bothered

[52:06] feeling hot

[52:07] well the hot

[52:08] getting hotter you should take those uniforms off if they're so hot all the time i think that's what they're gonna do

[52:12] and hotter than ever

[52:14] and i have a picture of uh...

[52:16] one of the covers

[52:18] i got the cover of getting hotter here that guy is shredded like lettuce

[52:21] look at the fucking cum gutters on that guy shredded like a ninja turtle

[52:27] that guy has super abs so if you're a flop house lady fan who's looking for some sweet

[52:32] navy seal romance action or a navy seal who's fantasizing about their fellow navy

[52:36] seals they'd repeal don't ask don't tell or equal opportunity

[52:39] sure or if you just want to read about some of the thing that somebody else

[52:42] would be reading if they're fantasizing about you if you're a navy seal

[52:46] if you're a navy seal and you want to project yourself into the story

[52:50] what turns you on is the idea of someone else being turned on by you

[52:54] and who is not turned on by that

[52:57] then go to l kennedy dot com check out these series of uh... romance novels

[53:02] maybe we'll get a set and give it away as a gift pack for uh... the latest flop house

[53:06] contest winner which one's that? do we have a contest going on? dan you remember what's that contest?

[53:10] no we don't have a contest going on

[53:12] although i was thinking that we should have another one where the uh... let's make it up on the spot

[53:16] uh... name the movie that we review we haven't done one of those in a while

[53:19] oh that's right we should do another one of those

[53:20] uh... she reminded me of those titles reminded me of my favorite ever romance

[53:24] title that i saw when i worked at barnes and nobles

[53:26] it was called

[53:27] millionaire cop and pregnant mom to be

[53:32] and i thought

[53:33] perfect everything i need is right in the title

[53:36] right up there with the billionaires and babies series

[53:39] so uh... this last letter what was the url for that website again? it's l

[53:43] kennedy

[53:44] l the letter or e l l e? e l l e as in like uh... like the magazine

[53:50] well okay sure

[53:51] okay there's also an l magazine in new york city

[53:54] uh... like elwood star of uh... legally blonde let's say

[54:00] uh...

[54:01] her name was just l period

[54:05] e l l e kennedy like the president for romance novels

[54:10] uh... for all your romance novels needs

[54:13] thanks for everybody for writing in oh are there more letters? there's one more letter for the evening

[54:16] and it's titled good directors bad movies it's from andrew last name withheld he

[54:21] writes zimmern

[54:22] of bizarre foods

[54:23] dear house cat

[54:25] et al

[54:26] listening to the paperboy episode got me thinking about one of my favorite

[54:29] directors

[54:30] no not lee daniels

[54:32] daniel lee

[54:33] i'm a huge pedro almodovar fan and the idea of him almost directing a trashy

[54:38] american knockoff of his other work is really upsetting to me

[54:42] i feel like an almodovar paperboy would have been so bad it could have made me

[54:45] love all those movies a lot less

[54:47] suddenly i'd be re-watching bad education or talk to her and i just

[54:51] imagine the whole thing in english with mumbly accents weird camera dissolves

[54:54] and gail garcia bernal getting peed on

[54:57] that would have been a much better scene

[55:00] has a director ever made a movie or run of movies that such a grotesque self

[55:04] parody

[55:05] that made his or her earlier

[55:07] better films

[55:08] seem so much worse to you in retrospect

[55:10] a common example of this might be wes anderson before he won most people back

[55:13] with moonrise kingdom or woody allen at various points in his career

[55:17] i feel like what he owns a go-to in another one is steven spielberg

[55:20] where some of his recent movies have just been not he set such a high

[55:23] standard with

[55:25] a lot of his earlier movies and his more recent ones are so mixed

[55:29] and uneven

[55:30] yeah i mean i don't know that there's i don't know that i'd like to add like his

[55:33] older ones less as a result

[55:34] it's hard to think of a director where

[55:36] the problem is that his

[55:38] movies are such a grotesque parody of themselves so that they

[55:42] make you like his earlier movies less i mean i don't have that feeling with us

[55:46] wes anderson i can understand that kind of criticism

[55:50] more with him it's more that

[55:51] often

[55:53] you know directors only have a certain number of good movies in them sometimes

[55:57] like no one bats

[55:59] you know one hundred percent

[56:01] that was a terrible i don't know how to use sports metaphors

[56:04] that one hundred percent

[56:06] but no one you know i don't know what's the best record possible thing to have

[56:10] is that a

[56:11] a hundred percent of something that was a great man i don't even think that's

[56:14] likely i mean like i've tried to watch uh...

[56:16] alfred cox topaz recently and i could not get through a little one that's

[56:21] something that it's not very it's the rest of my brain

[56:24] nobody i mean there's

[56:25] the only directors you could say have all the movies are the ones that like

[56:29] died young basically yeah

[56:31] uh... but even like

[56:33] you guys like francis ford coppola who made some of the best movies that like

[56:36] the godfather is arguably

[56:38] the best movie

[56:40] and the conversation is amazing

[56:43] apocalypse now is amazing but they made a lot of movies like jack

[56:46] that are not so amazing bram stoker's dracula bram stoker's dracula

[56:50] which is a lot of work into to let us know to work for a higher job but also

[56:54] move like the directors like tim burton who

[56:56] uh... like

[56:57] have their work has come here that's my answer tim burton timberley he's the

[57:01] thing with timber that's maybe you're right that's the one where

[57:04] the deficiencies of his later work show up the weaknesses of his earlier work

[57:09] as he's such an he's such a good visual stylist he's not a great storyteller

[57:12] and so when his style got boring

[57:15] it will not allow them in it

[57:17] now that uh... sort of breathtaking visual style is so easy to achieve with

[57:21] cgi and it becomes

[57:23] all like what what what was once idiosyncratic as mainstream and he

[57:27] hasn't moved past it by something like alice in wonderland

[57:30] is nothing but

[57:32] visuals but they're all kind of like

[57:34] ugly samey cgi visual line especially when you've influenced so many young

[57:39] directors yeah

[57:41] with a little bit much of the government feels like it comes

[57:44] at his designs you know yet

[57:47] like robert smith and timber pretty much yeah i feel like

[57:50] i'd be like robert smith and edward scissorhands basically where that comes

[57:54] and like once everything looks like that you know it's

[57:58] it loses its its uniqueness

[58:02] but a lot of his earlier stuff like beetlejuice is still great

[58:05] you look back and look like the batman movies he did are not very good you know

[58:08] but the best stuff from his early career i think is the craziest the stuff where

[58:13] there is no kind of rational design to it is really just his brain spilling out

[58:18] in a movie like beetlejuice or

[58:22] i mean like this is less tim burton necessarily as the auteur of it but like

[58:27] pb's big adventure is a is a great clash between his sensibility and paul rubin's

[58:31] sensibility and that's it works really amazing

[58:34] and for a long time i would have said that the cone brothers had pretty much

[58:37] as close to a perfect record as anybody else

[58:39] then they kinda had a run of stinkers

[58:41] just a couple in a row and that was enough to throw it off you know

[58:45] but they're still

[58:46] as as they're still

[58:48] got one of the higher averages i think yeah

[58:51] uh... probably the highest average would be john v go

[58:56] sure says it is a steward gordon

[58:58] uh... or your sources were going to i mean

[59:01] mean that's a thousand percent

[59:03] but like guys who made like a movie three movies

[59:07] or like which i think it was basically like

[59:10] one full movie and a couple of short couple shorts like that's a pretty good

[59:13] way to keep your

[59:14] your savages to make a bunch of good movies like that and i

[59:18] uh... so this is the last segment of the podcast where we recommend something

[59:22] that you might like to watch you know about the one where we can't print and

[59:25] contrast what we watched what about the segment where we had create a resolution

[59:29] to become better people

[59:30] for the next episode in the next episode report on it

[59:33] and that's been cut

[59:34] uh... voice or just jerks again

[59:38] you're on the chain elliot off the chain star fucker

[59:42] elliot unchanged coming this may

[59:44] star fucker rated r

[59:46] rated nc seventeen

[59:48] uh... they brought back the x rating for it

[59:51] oh wow

[59:51] and it's on

[59:52] t v it's on a b c family and okay

[59:55] it's very strange but you know they they put up i think it's weird uh... do they

[59:58] say a b c family because

[1:00:00] They want the whole family to be there or because it's it's actually the original name of the channel was ABC head of the family

[1:00:09] But unfortunately too many people messed with the head and you know what happens then

[1:00:13] There's too much new general of L and the FCC shut it down and too much new Jack London

[1:00:18] Yeah, anyway, so what's the second about this?

[1:00:21] movies we like is

[1:00:22] recommendations usually a contrast will be watched but in a turn off your list a week where we watched stolen

[1:00:30] There's a better movie that we can't recommend, but we'll try I think yeah, we probably can find

[1:00:35] Stu rat, what do you have? Okay, this might be a little contentious

[1:00:41] You guys all know me I'm a bit of a what they might call a gore hound

[1:00:47] I'm actually I'm gonna recommend a movie titled

[1:00:51] Universal Soldier

[1:00:53] Day of reckoning I think the like seventh movie in the Universal Soldier

[1:00:58] Series based on the song of the I am already expecting big fans of the Unisol mythos to be writing in as we speak

[1:01:05] Unisol it sounds like it is cleaner. I know right, but that's what it's called

[1:01:10] So Universal Soldier Day of Reckoning, it's a later

[1:01:13] Later sequel it does have Jean-Claude Van Damme Dolph Lundgren and some other dudes in it

[1:01:20] Just the two of them wait real quick. This is a movie that

[1:01:24] Let's see

[1:01:26] Uptal Doss a user of IMDb

[1:01:30] Describes as not Universal Soldier avoid at all costs and another one Dan Cardozo

[1:01:36] Underscore 22 says let me just say this is in fact the worst Universal Soldier movie ever

[1:01:43] Lowing recommendation, uh, it's no it's actually pretty good

[1:01:46] It it's a movie that like plays around with the like, I guess the background

[1:01:52] It's

[1:01:53] Surprisingly, well, it's very violent. It's always the original Universal Soldier was kind of a fun sci-fi

[1:02:01] Action almost horror movie and this romp. Yeah

[1:02:05] With a with a breakout performance by a young kid named Dolph Lundgren

[1:02:11] But um this this latest Universal Soldier movie it kind of feels a little bit like if Universal Soldier

[1:02:19] May be one a lost highway or another David Lynch movie and the raid colon redemption

[1:02:26] managed to have some kind of weird, baby the actions really horrific and violent and

[1:02:32] There's a lot of weird slow moments that take on almost a dreamlike quality and it's got a very very low budget

[1:02:40] But it manages to be if anything kind of interesting and for me it works almost like a metaphor for

[1:02:46] Violent action movies in general. So check it out if you're looking for a super weird super gory and violent movie

[1:02:54] I'm gonna break with the rules because I haven't seen movies that I enjoyed

[1:02:59] Since our last taping so I'm just gonna say because they were bad movies because you are a curmudgeon probably both

[1:03:06] Okay, but I watched a couple of pilots that I enjoyed so I'm gonna recommend a couple of television shows

[1:03:13] I don't know whether they're gonna maintain

[1:03:15] But I enjoyed the the first episodes I watched

[1:03:20] Hannibal, okay

[1:03:22] Everyone's mad about Mads. Everybody is mad about Mads

[1:03:26] It's hard not to be look at him with those chiseled Danish looks

[1:03:30] It had a lot of the sort of serial killer bullshit that normally bothers me

[1:03:35] namely a profiler who walks into a scene of the crime and

[1:03:40] Basically knows what happened immediately, but somehow this is some kind of Valhalla rising in here

[1:03:45] but somehow made that character work by making him more of a

[1:03:51] Damaged live wire

[1:03:54] like empathetic to the point of

[1:03:57] having trouble

[1:03:58] surviving in the world character

[1:04:01] and

[1:04:02] It genuinely felt creepy in the way that a serial killer entertainment hasn't done in a while

[1:04:07] And I also enjoyed a BBC American show by the name of orphan black about a woman

[1:04:14] who encounters a

[1:04:16] Her exact double on a subway platform right before she commits suicide

[1:04:20] The double or her the double commits suicide and she steps into the devil's life because of problems in our own

[1:04:28] existence and soon finds that she's at the center of

[1:04:32] Some sort of weird conspiracy and she has twice the problems she had before

[1:04:38] And it's a fun show. So those are the two that I would recommend. So Hannibal and Orphan Black

[1:04:42] Yeah, and I'm going to recommend a movie that I saw in light because this is a movie podcast

[1:04:48] Thanks for clarifying. Although this was what the boob do the two guests the tube house

[1:04:54] Which is actually about tube tops, dude

[1:04:57] We love them. You wear them. Let's talk the tube house

[1:05:01] Their shoulders thumbs up I'm gonna recommend a

[1:05:06] Documentary movie. This is a real-life movie. Okay, kind of it's called room 237 and it's gotten a little bit of buzz

[1:05:13] It's a documentary about the movie about bees. It's called a bee story. It's called a bee movie room 237

[1:05:21] It's a documentary about the shining

[1:05:23] But not about the making of the movie. It's about

[1:05:27] There's five different people whose interpretations of the film are gone into in great detail and

[1:05:34] Their interpretations are to say the least wrong

[1:05:38] then they range from the

[1:05:40] semi-plausible that the movie is a metaphor for either the Holocaust or the killing of the Native Americans by the American government to the

[1:05:47] very implausible that this is the movie that Stanley Kubrick made to

[1:05:51] Reveal to the world that he faked the moon landing or this one woman who just kind of says stuff about minotaurs and children that

[1:05:58] Don't really make any sense

[1:06:00] But what the movie is really about and you don't there's no narrate

[1:06:03] The only narration in this movie is from the people talking telling their theories

[1:06:07] You don't see them on screen all the footage from the movie is either taken from the shining or other movies

[1:06:13] And there's a little bit that I think was shot for this film, you know in a movie theater, but for the most part it's all

[1:06:19] Footage that's been edited and slowed down or reversed or looped

[1:06:24] and it's a really fascinating movie about how people can take a

[1:06:28] movie like The Shining and read so much into it and devote so much of their time and energy to

[1:06:33] Puzzling out what they assume are very deliberate hidden meanings put there by this godlike director Stanley Kubrick who has control over

[1:06:41] Every detail on screen at any given moment and

[1:06:45] Every single instance of anything in the movie and just kind of a fascinating look at how people wrap themselves up in a film and

[1:06:50] Get lost in it and the way that it's edited

[1:06:53] I thought was really interesting and seems to me one of the few

[1:06:56] documentaries I've seen in a movie theater that felt like it had taken the lessons of the documentaries you see on like YouTube where they

[1:07:02] Will replay footage where they all zoom in on things where they'll like create

[1:07:08] Computer models that fit the footage like all sorts of different things and the music in it

[1:07:12] Sounds like the kind of music that John Carpenter writes for his movies with like a lot of keyboard and stuff and synthesizer

[1:07:19] So the whole thing it's really good and it creates this kind of hypnotic spell all around the Shining this movie

[1:07:25] That is basically like a good kind of high-class horror movie

[1:07:28] and at the end it feels like these people are trying to rationalize themselves why they like this movie that like

[1:07:33] They can't like a movie that has a bunch of skeletons in it and an elevator full of blood

[1:07:37] There must be some deeper meaning to it and they seem to be kind of fooling themselves and ever-descending circles

[1:07:43] Well, they just ask Stanley Cooper to explain it. Well, he died about 20 years ago

[1:07:48] and

[1:07:49] everyone who knew Stanley Kubrick who isn't

[1:07:51] Yes, and everyone since then since the movie came out everyone who is involved in the Shining seems to be saying this is total crap

[1:07:57] None of these things these people are saying are true

[1:07:59] But the point of it is not whether these theories someone got to them. Yeah, Stanley Kubrick's ghost. Stanley Bubrick

[1:08:07] Wait a minute

[1:08:11] He's a ghost he's not

[1:08:13] Not the chestiest ghost around. No, but it's it's a really fascinating movie and a really hypnotic and it made me really want to watch

[1:08:20] The Shining again, which honestly is not a feeling I've had in

[1:08:23] 11 years, so

[1:08:25] It was really good. I recommend it room 237

[1:08:28] Guys so a couple of solid of recommendations. Yep

[1:08:33] You mean you guys right?

[1:08:35] No, no, we're not mad. I mean, it's maybe a little mad about you

[1:08:39] We are mads about you down not as mad as we are about mads

[1:08:42] But we're mads about McCoy. Yep, same way

[1:08:47] Helen Hunt was mads about Paul Reiser except, uh, let's just keep going. Well, you know

[1:08:56] Whenever we talk about a Nicolas Cage film, it's like Christmas, but Christmas has to end and so does the flop house

[1:09:15] From now on I'm in love with how did this get made? Wait, what is this a bit?

[1:09:21] For the flop out I've been Dan McCoy

[1:09:25] Okay, I guess I'm Stuart Wellington, and I'm Elliot Kalin the end question mark. Good night, everyone

[1:09:32] I

[1:09:49] Didn't know you had the hazing on DVD

[1:09:54] That is an awesome purchase also lovers of pumpkin butts and Brad Dourif

[1:10:00] from a James Bond movie, Awesome Purchase.

[1:10:02] Ah, you mean Pumpkin Butt.

[1:10:04] We haven't talked about Tiffany Shepard's Pumpkin Butt in a long time.

[1:10:06] Aw, Pumpkin Butt.

[1:10:08] Ha! Pumpkin Butt, I knew you were behind this.

[1:10:12] I detected your foul stench when I got on the way to work.

[1:10:16] No, why is James Bond talking like Princess Leia?

[1:10:19] The game's over, Pumpkin Butt.

[1:10:24] Is that what they call me?

[1:10:26] That's so hurtful.

[1:10:30] You

Flop House Classic - Stolen

Transcript

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