Ep. #400 - Troll 2

[0:00] On this episode we discuss Troll 2 for our 400th episode.

[0:08] We've wasted our lives!

[0:10] Woo-hoo!

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to The Flop House. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:42] And I'm Elliot Kaelin, loving that Stuart took his sunglasses off in the middle of his introduction.

[0:47] A purely visual joke for a purely audio medium.

[0:51] Yeah, what a great way to start off the 400th episode, an episode that I assume people might be dipping in on

[0:59] Hey, 400 episodes! Cheers!

[1:01] Okay, Stuart's interrupting me with congratulations, but I was just saying that perhaps less sticking around up top

[1:09] because there are new people listening, we hope.

[1:12] Yeah, because they're like, oh wow, I've never heard this show before, but I'm going to listen to episode 400.

[1:18] Let me start with the 400th one. Well, this is a perfect jumping on point for new listeners, just as every episode is.

[1:24] Yeah, I want to make it clear to anyone who is daunted by a long back catalog, you don't need to listen to them.

[1:32] Many of them you probably shouldn't. Early on we said dumber things and the audio was worse.

[1:38] Jump in now, it's fine. It's a big, beautiful Flop House world and we're glad to have you.

[1:45] We don't do inside jokes, regular jokes.

[1:51] Any jokes. 400 episodes, guys, did you ever think you'd make it this far when you first started the podcast,

[1:56] before you brought me in to be the star of the show? Did you ever think you'd be doing it a decade and a half later?

[2:01] 400 episodes, how do you feel?

[2:03] I thought we'd be doing it for maybe another year or two until Stuart got bored and we stopped.

[2:10] And I'd just wander off into the woods to pick berries.

[2:15] And I assumed we were going to stop doing it because Dan was going to get a high-powered TV writing job.

[2:21] And I did and I kept hanging on.

[2:24] And then he doesn't have that job and he still kept hanging on.

[2:27] And now no one has any high-powered TV writing jobs and we're still doing it. Amazing, everybody.

[2:32] You know what? Before we get into the meat of this episode, I wanted to thank you, the listener.

[2:37] I don't know how many episodes you've been with us. Maybe this is your first episode, which thank you, that's fantastic.

[2:41] Maybe you've been with us for 100 episodes. Maybe you've been with us for 200 episodes.

[2:44] Maybe you've been with us since episode number one, all those years ago.

[2:48] Still? In which case, hello to my brother, John.

[2:52] Thank you so much for being with us. Thank you for sharing this podcast with us.

[2:57] Thank you for making it possible for us to do this and for giving us a reason to do it.

[3:02] Because without the listeners, why would we do it? We must be insane to do it without listeners.

[3:08] And yet we did for years.

[3:14] But we really appreciate it. Guys, what are we going to do that's special today for this 400th episode?

[3:20] Well, I think we got some calls from some of our famous friends.

[3:25] Why, here's Jimmy Stewart.

[3:28] Well, folks, I love this Flophouse show.

[3:31] 400 episodes, that's pretty amazing.

[3:34] And, well, I've been dead for years, so I should go now.

[3:37] I'm a ghost. That ended the way a Dan McCoy tweet joke does.

[3:42] Well, we all know that he's dead. We don't want anyone confused.

[3:46] We just specify that he's a ghost.

[3:49] We've got another celebrity caller in, another celebrity caller.

[3:52] Yeah, yeah, what an amazing achievement. Yeah, 400 episodes.

[3:55] Yeah, yeah, Flophouse, yeah.

[3:58] Congratulations. All the most relevant impressions.

[4:01] From your boy, Edward G. Robinson, yeah.

[4:06] What's the G for?

[4:08] Dankster?

[4:10] He played a lot of them.

[4:12] To be honest, it was probably for his real last name, Goldenberg.

[4:14] His real last name, I think, was Emanuel Goldenberg, but I'm not sure.

[4:17] Nice to know. I learned something.

[4:20] So this can be filed under factual?

[4:23] It might have just been Goldberg.

[4:26] So now this podcast can finally be filed under informational and pop culture historical.

[4:31] Set aside...

[4:33] Self-help, parenthesis, sexuality.

[4:36] That part comes later.

[4:38] Later in the episode, yeah.

[4:40] Okay, so what do we normally do on this podcast?

[4:43] So this podcast is one where we watch a bad movie,

[4:46] or one that, you know, critically has been not accepted, let's say,

[4:51] and we talk about it.

[4:54] Or just the movie we wanted to talk about.

[4:56] Sometimes, guys, we just talk about movies we want to talk about.

[4:59] Yeah, you know, don't take us too seriously.

[5:02] You know what? And don't take life too seriously,

[5:05] because it ain't permanent know-how.

[5:08] Dan's turning into a Pogo character, yep.

[5:11] My younger son wants me to read Pogo to him,

[5:14] and I've been reading him Pogo,

[5:16] and I have to do so much cleaning up the dialect just for it to be comprehensible to him.

[5:20] But you do like an accent, right?

[5:23] I still do it, oh, I'll guarantee, Albert the Alligator, oh, yeah.

[5:27] My brother gave me, for my birthday,

[5:31] a couple of collections of Pogo retellings of old stories,

[5:38] and I can't tell whether they're old comics that have added panels

[5:44] to make it more like a storybook, which they would do sometimes,

[5:47] or whether it was an entirely new book.

[5:51] But I'm reading it, and I'm like, I still enjoy this,

[5:54] but I found this really funny when I was a kid.

[5:57] Was I wrong? Have I changed?

[6:00] Or is it these specific comics that aren't joke-filled?

[6:05] Only one way to find out. You've got to read the entirety of the Pogo comic series.

[6:08] Great way to introduce a new listener to our show.

[6:11] A long digression about Pogo.

[6:14] Not a comic strip nobody remembers.

[6:18] The creator of which had died by the time I was on the scene,

[6:22] and it was written by someone else.

[6:25] Watch out, folks, Dan is on the scene.

[6:28] Walt Kelly, move aside, because baby Dan is here.

[6:32] A comic strip that, if you read it not with a welcoming eye,

[6:40] does seem racist, because the dialect is so thick.

[6:44] They are all using dialect.

[6:47] The only thing I can say about it is none of them are caricatures of black people.

[6:51] They're all animals.

[6:54] They're just animals, so you can sort of be like,

[6:57] okay, I guess this is just general weird storybook southern dialect.

[7:00] But it's hard. It's hard to know where that line is.

[7:03] Anyway.

[7:06] Now that's out of the way, what do we normally do on this podcast?

[7:09] So now that it's our 400th episode, we have all these new listeners.

[7:13] Guys, I'm not sure this is going to bring in the people like I was hoping.

[7:17] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[7:19] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and talk about it.

[7:21] Okay, we're starting over. On today's episode, we discuss Troll 2.

[7:24] Trolls World Tour, blah, blah.

[7:26] Welcome to the Flop House. It's our 400th episode.

[7:28] Dan, what do we do on this show?

[7:30] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[7:32] And because it is our 400th episode on Milestone,

[7:37] we decided to watch one of the canonical good-bad movies.

[7:42] Some would say the best-worst movie.

[7:45] Yes, a particular documentary made by the kid.

[7:48] The star of the movie.

[7:50] The star of the movie would say that.

[7:52] So you're saying he's not an impartial judge. Hold on a second.

[7:55] He's got a steak in this movie being the best-worst movie.

[7:58] Not just a steak, a whole steak dinner.

[8:00] I've seen the documentary.

[8:02] It is a fun documentary, yeah.

[8:04] I dare him no ill will other than as a child,

[8:07] and this is true of a lot of children and a lot of child actors,

[8:10] he was a little irritated.

[8:12] Wow.

[8:14] But we all were, probably.

[8:16] New listeners, just get ready for Dan to go on the rampage

[8:18] against children many times in many episodes.

[8:20] He's going to go on this whole fucking Scrappy-Doo thing

[8:23] where I'll clap and I'll just sit here with our heads in our hands.

[8:27] That's the weird thing when Dan is like,

[8:29] you couldn't make a character like Scrappy-Doo these days.

[8:31] That's the culture we're living in.

[8:33] Scrappy-Doo? Impossible.

[8:35] It's like, Dan, they don't have to make Scrappy-Doo.

[8:37] They made him already. He exists.

[8:39] Where are the new Scrappy-Doos going to come from?

[8:42] New generation of kids have to be enraged by a new character

[8:46] being introduced late to a Scrappy-Doo.

[8:48] Scrappy-Doo was first introduced in Blazing Saddles, right?

[8:50] That's why we couldn't do it.

[8:52] That's why you can't do it today, yeah.

[8:54] Dan's like, they introduced Scrappy-Doo.

[8:56] Good. New blood, finally.

[8:58] And then they're giving me this pup named Scooby-Doo shit?

[9:01] No, no, no, no, friends. There's already a little kid pup.

[9:03] His name's Scrappy-Doo.

[9:06] Look, the kid is fine, I'm sure.

[9:08] They don't call him Scrappy-Don't.

[9:10] They call him Scrappy-Doo.

[9:12] I defy you to find a line reading in Troll 2

[9:14] from the child lead

[9:16] that couldn't have the parenthetical whiny in front of it.

[9:21] That's true.

[9:23] Some of that can be laid on the doorstep of the director, I'm sure.

[9:26] Almost certainly.

[9:27] It's not a well-directed movie.

[9:29] This is a real classic of bad movies.

[9:32] This is a movie I've seen.

[9:34] I hadn't seen it in years, but I had seen it several times.

[9:37] When I watched it as a kid,

[9:39] because it was like HBO in the middle of the day filler,

[9:41] when I watched it as a kid, there were parts that genuinely scared me,

[9:44] including the opening of the film.

[9:46] Should we start in about what this movie is like?

[9:48] We shall.

[9:49] Shall we summarize it?

[9:50] And lead the audience through the experience of watching it,

[9:52] through our experience.

[9:54] You just pulled up Wikipedia's exhaustive plot summary, I hope.

[10:00] I own exhaustive parts of it.

[10:01] But Wikipedia is pretty detailed.

[10:03] It's intense.

[10:04] Yeah.

[10:05] And it says, what I like is that it says Troll 2

[10:07] on Wikipedia says,

[10:08] for the 2020 animated film, see Trolls World Tour.

[10:11] So other people have been making the same mistakes too

[10:13] that you made.

[10:14] So Troll 2, which is not actually a sequel

[10:17] to the film Troll.

[10:18] Let's get that right off the bat.

[10:19] This was a movie being made on its own

[10:21] under the name Goblins or Goblin.

[10:24] Maybe not Goblins,

[10:24] because they didn't want to be sued by the band Goblins.

[10:27] But the-

[10:28] No, the band's called Goblin.

[10:30] Goblins would be the sequel.

[10:31] Oh, that's right.

[10:32] The sequel to the band.

[10:33] To the band.

[10:34] That's right.

[10:35] Yeah.

[10:36] James Cameron came in and put a dollar sign after Goblin.

[10:40] And everyone was like, why are you here, James Cameron?

[10:44] Yeah.

[10:44] At this recording session for Goblin.

[10:47] For this recording session

[10:48] for the Dawn of the Dead soundtrack.

[10:50] Then he climbed into his submersible and traveled away.

[10:54] Guys, we can't do submersible humor right now.

[10:56] It's a little too soon.

[10:57] I should mention there's a lot going on in the world.

[10:59] We're recording this right before the 4th of July,

[11:01] although you'll hear it later.

[11:02] And submersibles are all the rage

[11:04] as for the recent submersible tragedy.

[11:05] So let's avoid submarine and submersible humor.

[11:07] Even submarine sandwiches we shouldn't talk about.

[11:10] Yeah.

[11:10] It's gonna be hard.

[11:11] It's gonna be tough.

[11:12] Yeah, you should talk about the invisible maniac, Stuart.

[11:13] Oh, what?

[11:15] Because new-

[11:15] I can find a way.

[11:16] New listeners, you may not know that Stuart,

[11:17] who are just coming on,

[11:18] Stuart has a character he likes to do

[11:19] called the Old Sea Hand,

[11:21] who's kind of like a crusty old salt

[11:24] who talks about submersibles.

[11:25] And so, Stuart, if you could just lay off.

[11:27] Well, maybe give him a taste, Stuart.

[11:28] Give him a taste of what that character's like.

[11:30] You're probably a character of the old,

[11:31] the crusty old sea salt.

[11:33] Crusty old sea salt.

[11:35] Let me, ahem.

[11:36] They call me Captain Nemo, the Techno Pirate,

[11:40] Scourge of the Seven Seas and the British Empire.

[11:44] How they will rue the day that they sent me

[11:47] and my Nautilus down to check out the Titanic.

[11:50] Oh, too, again, too soon, too topical.

[11:53] I would say that Stuart's performance

[11:55] was largely a change in his physical demeanor

[11:59] and no change in his voice.

[12:00] Yeah, very little, very little.

[12:02] I'm like a Kevin Costner-type actor in that way.

[12:05] One last question, I guess.

[12:07] One last question for your character.

[12:11] In the Napoleonic Wars, what had oceans become?

[12:14] Always battlefields, baby.

[12:16] They had become battlefields.

[12:18] Okay, so Troll 2.

[12:19] So this, again, this is a movie that was originally called.

[12:22] The way you did that was like,

[12:24] that fill-in-the-blank trivia before movies.

[12:29] Master and Companion.

[12:31] Commander.

[12:34] Master and Companion, a story of friends.

[12:36] Because it is a story of friendship, right?

[12:37] The Aubrey Matoran novels?

[12:38] Yeah, sure.

[12:40] Two best friends, yeah.

[12:42] Man, I miss those movie trivias

[12:43] that started off as actual movie trivia

[12:46] and then quickly just became a,

[12:48] have you seen the movies that are playing right now?

[12:51] Well, instead of now where you have a series of,

[12:53] I guess, fake influencers who come on and they go,

[12:55] let me tell you about my picks for the movies

[12:58] I can't wait to see this fall.

[13:00] Ant-Man, Quantumania, is gonna be amazing.

[13:03] And it's like, wait, so your pick is the big movie

[13:05] that they're advertising right now?

[13:07] Come on, come on.

[13:08] Yeah, what a coincidence.

[13:09] What a coinkydink.

[13:10] Okay, so again, this movie was not originally part

[13:12] of the Troll franchise and it should not be confused

[13:15] with the Trolls' current animated franchise

[13:18] in which they take old pop songs and they troll them up,

[13:21] leading to the moment, the horrifying moment

[13:24] when my younger son said, oh yeah,

[13:24] I like that song, Barracuda.

[13:26] It's from Trolls World Tour.

[13:27] And I had to say, it is not from Trolls World Tour.

[13:29] It is the original of the song, which he also loves.

[13:32] So this was, they made a movie called Troll

[13:34] and a different movie called Goblin was being made

[13:36] and it was released as Troll 2.

[13:38] But as you'll see-

[13:38] The original Troll starred Sonny Bono.

[13:40] Am I correct in saying that?

[13:43] The unrelated original-

[13:44] He played the Troll?

[13:46] He played the Troll, yeah.

[13:47] I think he was-

[13:47] It was where he premiered his song, I Got You Troll.

[13:50] They say our love can't be because you're a troll,

[13:53] but I say I love you like butter on a roll.

[13:59] I got you troll.

[14:01] Are you looking to see if we can just edit that?

[14:03] Michael Moriarty was in it.

[14:04] Oh, Michael Moriarty.

[14:06] Yeah, and Sonny Bono was in-

[14:08] So my- Low battery warning.

[14:09] James has got a low battery warning, everybody.

[14:12] It's a race against time.

[14:13] But so my parody was accurate is what you're saying.

[14:15] Yes.

[14:16] I got you troll.

[14:17] Anyway.

[14:18] Hey, Mr. Troll-berine man, sing a troll for me.

[14:21] Not even a Sonny chair.

[14:23] They did a cover of it.

[14:24] Oh, did they?

[14:25] Okay.

[14:26] Yes.

[14:26] So, Troll 2.

[14:27] So we begin in the spookiest scene in the whole movie,

[14:29] to be honest.

[14:30] Grandpa, Grandpa Seth, an old man with a beard,

[14:32] is telling a bedtime story to his grandson, Josh,

[14:35] the whiny child that Dan took such offense at.

[14:39] And he tells the story of-

[14:40] Our hero, yeah.

[14:41] He tells the story of Pete.

[14:43] And it's right, we're in Princess Bride territory.

[14:45] Grandpa telling a story to a kid in bed.

[14:48] He tells the story of Peter,

[14:49] a man who's dressed in a combo of clothes

[14:51] that's like his hat says the Renaissance,

[14:53] but his other clothes say 19th century businessman.

[14:57] And he's bedeviled by an evil forest of goblins.

[15:01] And the goblins, how do you want to describe their look, guys?

[15:04] Because we see them pretty early on.

[15:06] They don't waste time not showing us the goblins.

[15:10] Well, I would say that they look kind of like

[15:13] a bunch of Ewoks wearing rubber spirit Halloween masks.

[15:20] Yeah, they're like Ewoks wearing sweatsuits

[15:22] to go trick-or-treating in Halloween masks.

[15:24] Yeah, and they don't really,

[15:28] some of them look wildly different than the others.

[15:30] Like there's kind of a Unistreet to the Trolls look,

[15:32] but then every once in a while,

[15:33] you'll get one that's like really bug-eyed

[15:34] when all the other ones-

[15:35] Yeah, I like that guy.

[15:36] Yeah, he's the best.

[15:38] And so these kind of Ewoks and Troll masks are,

[15:42] goblin masks, I'm sorry.

[15:43] They chase after Peter,

[15:44] and the opening credits is just showing them

[15:48] the Trolls in the forest.

[15:50] And the opening theme song, I really like a lot.

[15:52] I have to admit.

[15:53] It's full of synth, it rocks.

[15:55] It's very up-in-time.

[15:56] What would we do, baby, without Trolls?

[15:59] Yeah, but there's a time for Trolls

[16:01] and a time for Grandpa.

[16:03] What's it gonna be tonight?

[16:05] Go make me juice.

[16:09] Thank you for being a Troll.

[16:12] After the opening credits, we see the story.

[16:14] Peter gets seduced by a Troll

[16:17] pretending to be a beautiful woman.

[16:19] And when he eats some food,

[16:20] she gives him green slime,

[16:21] pours from his face,

[16:22] and he turns into a plant,

[16:24] and the goblins eat him.

[16:24] And I said Troll, I meant goblin.

[16:26] I'm gonna keep making this mistake.

[16:28] So that's one of the main powers of the goblins.

[16:31] They can transform into anybody.

[16:32] They can transform into anybody.

[16:34] And if they give you food to eat,

[16:35] it will turn you into a plant

[16:37] after you bleed green from your forehead.

[16:39] And they eat plants.

[16:40] Does it look like normal food?

[16:41] Yeah, it does, mostly.

[16:43] I mean, here it doesn't.

[16:44] Here it looks like a bunch of ooze,

[16:46] but usually it looks like normal food, I think.

[16:49] I don't wanna kill the momentum too early,

[16:52] but I think this is a little bit of a place

[16:53] where it might be interesting to talk about

[16:55] the people behind this movie

[16:57] because the wife of the director who wrote it

[17:01] talked about how this is her response

[17:04] to a bunch of her friends becoming vegetarians

[17:07] and getting pissed off at them

[17:09] for being vegetarians.

[17:10] So this wasn't just a movie made to make money.

[17:13] This was a movie made out of spite.

[17:15] Yeah.

[17:16] Yeah, that's why they're trying to-

[17:17] Often the best motivator.

[17:17] That's why they have to turn people

[17:19] into vegetable matter before eating them,

[17:22] which I would argue sort of goes against

[17:25] one of the ideas behind vegetarianism,

[17:27] which is to not kill a sentient beast.

[17:31] So the understanding of vegetarianism

[17:34] that is being critiqued here is faulty from the start.

[17:37] Also, the trolls live, the trolls,

[17:39] the goblins live in a forest.

[17:41] They're surrounded by plants.

[17:42] The idea that they have to go through the process

[17:44] of making a person into a plant or to eat the plant,

[17:48] it just seems wasteful.

[17:49] The same way I was talking to God once

[17:51] and I was saying to him,

[17:53] why waste time with the caterpillar stage?

[17:55] Why not just have them be born as butterflies?

[17:57] It's just a waste.

[17:57] It's just taking up time.

[17:58] It's inefficient.

[17:59] And he was like, where were you

[18:01] when I sunk the foundations of the earth

[18:03] and chained Leviathan and Bammoth to the whatever.

[18:06] And I was like, dude, don't try to change the subject.

[18:09] Don't try to change the subject.

[18:10] We're talking about butterflies here.

[18:12] Yeah, yeah.

[18:13] A sparrow doesn't fall if I don't see them.

[18:15] Well, we're not talking about sparrows, dude.

[18:16] We're talking about butterflies.

[18:17] He just couldn't.

[18:18] And that's why caterpillars don't exist anymore

[18:20] because I defeated him.

[18:21] I said, debate me, Lord, debate me.

[18:23] And he couldn't debate.

[18:24] He couldn't win, yeah.

[18:25] Yeah, this was when you were Kratos, right?

[18:27] Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah.

[18:29] I do want to mention, sorry, a couple,

[18:32] I mean, as long as we're in a couple

[18:33] of other behind the scenes things,

[18:34] Claudio Fragasso.

[18:35] As long as we're in the thing that you introduced.

[18:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[18:37] Claudio Fragasso, or Fragasso, I don't know,

[18:41] Italian director, here he is directing

[18:44] under an Americanized pseudonym,

[18:47] but he's an Italian director.

[18:49] Tweedley Scott.

[18:50] Who made, I've seen another movie by him.

[18:53] I saw Monster Dog starring Alice Cooper,

[18:56] which is also not that good,

[18:58] but kind of just in a more boring way,

[19:00] although it has a couple of good music videos,

[19:03] sequences in it.

[19:05] But this has been mulling.

[19:06] Monster Dog is Dan's recommendation for this episode.

[19:09] Yeah, better than Prince of Darkness

[19:11] when it comes to Alice Cooper's movies,

[19:12] says Dan McCoy.

[19:14] Interesting.

[19:14] No, I'm just, like, the reason that this movie

[19:17] has kind of a weird vibe,

[19:18] one of them is it was a largely Italian crew

[19:22] and director and writer who did not speak English well,

[19:27] directing local non-actors.

[19:29] Like, the one person who did speak English well on set

[19:31] is apparently the costume designer, Laura Gimser,

[19:35] who is, you may know as Black Emanuelle,

[19:37] even though she's actually from Indonesia and Dutch descent.

[19:42] And we should also mention this

[19:44] according to the trivia online,

[19:45] that most of the cast came to audition

[19:48] to be extras in the film,

[19:50] because they were locals,

[19:51] and they said, no, you're the stars of the movie now.

[19:54] And so it's a mostly amateur cast dealing,

[19:59] who are Americans.

[20:00] and working in English with a crew and director

[20:02] who don't speak English that well

[20:03] and are from the Italian cheapy tradition.

[20:07] Even a movie like The Visitor,

[20:10] where it's a big budget movie,

[20:12] or a bigger budget movie,

[20:13] with an Italian director working on it.

[20:14] It's all on the screen.

[20:15] Even that comes off as a strange

[20:17] kind of hallucination of a film.

[20:19] There are so many, honestly,

[20:21] really fun, bad movies of this period

[20:24] that are in this tradition of Italian crews

[20:27] and directors coming to America,

[20:29] trying to make a cheap exploitation movie here,

[20:31] but not really understanding

[20:33] how to make it feel like it's actually America.

[20:36] Yeah.

[20:37] But, anyway.

[20:39] Okay.

[20:40] Yeah, this is great,

[20:41] because we find out that,

[20:42] this is where we find out that Grandpa's a ghost, right?

[20:45] Thanks for spoiling it, Stu.

[20:48] Yeah, this is where we find out that.

[20:50] So, Grandpa's telling the story,

[20:52] and he's saying,

[20:53] goblins still exist.

[20:54] They still exist.

[20:56] And his mom comes in and goes,

[20:58] Joshua, why are you still awake?

[20:59] And he goes, I was just talking to Grandpa.

[21:01] Grandpa, the rocking chair he was in,

[21:03] is empty and rocking back and forth.

[21:05] His grandfather has left the room.

[21:07] He's been dead for months,

[21:08] and Joshua still sees him.

[21:09] And I have to say,

[21:10] the moment when I was,

[21:11] I was watching this when I was a kid,

[21:12] there were two moments that really scared me.

[21:14] And this one, where it's revealed that Grandpa was a ghost.

[21:16] I was not familiar with movies like this

[21:19] when I was seeing this.

[21:20] And there's something about,

[21:20] it's very eerie the way he's like,

[21:22] but he's right.

[21:23] And the chair is still moving.

[21:25] Look, watching it now, it's silly.

[21:27] But as a kid, I found it very eerie.

[21:29] I do love the mom's line delivery,

[21:31] where she's like, everyone misses Grandpa.

[21:33] Your sister, your dad, and me, his daughter.

[21:39] Yeah, that's pretty funny.

[21:40] The dialogue is heavily expository.

[21:43] And you'll notice,

[21:44] you'll notice they pan Josh's room a few times,

[21:46] and he's got a lot of DC

[21:47] and Warner Brothers merchandise in his room.

[21:49] Like, it's mostly furniture.

[21:50] Is that a Killing Joke poster on the wall?

[21:51] It is a Killing Joke poster,

[21:53] and he should not be reading the Killing Joke.

[21:54] He is too young.

[21:55] I was just watching that Alan Moore BBC Maestro course,

[21:58] and he mentions offhandedly

[22:00] that as soon as he wrote the Killing Joke,

[22:02] he immediately forgot about it.

[22:06] Well, I'll tell you who didn't forget about it.

[22:07] Josh, the main character of Troll 2.

[22:10] The next day, the whole family,

[22:11] they're leaving for a month's trip in the country.

[22:13] They're doing a house swap with a farm family.

[22:16] They will be farmers for a month,

[22:18] and the dad is so excited about that.

[22:20] That's a normal thing, people, too, right?

[22:22] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[22:23] What are you just-

[22:23] It's like a movie, The Holiday, yeah.

[22:25] Oh, yeah, what a movie.

[22:27] I mean, in The Holiday, they swapped houses,

[22:28] but it's not like they swapped professions for the time,

[22:31] right?

[22:32] Like, hey, we've never farmed before.

[22:34] What do we need to know to keep your farm alive

[22:36] while we're there?

[22:37] Don't even bother telling us.

[22:38] And you'll come into my house,

[22:40] and you'll be a claims adjuster.

[22:43] Just show up to work and tell everybody you're me.

[22:45] They're going to a town called Nilbog

[22:47] that only has 26 residents.

[22:50] And so, meanwhile, that night,

[22:52] Josh's sister, Holly, she's a real gym rat.

[22:55] She's lifting weights in her teen girl room,

[22:57] which is, it is such a teen girl room

[23:00] in that there's some grown-up stuff in it

[23:01] and some, like, a poster of Mickey and Minnie Mouse

[23:04] like, canoodling.

[23:05] Like, there's some little kid stuff in it.

[23:06] They did a really good job of furnishing

[23:09] this teen girl room.

[23:10] It seems like someone who has grown up in that room

[23:12] and is now getting older, but still has her kid stuff.

[23:14] I'm just going to say,

[23:16] whoever art directed that room did a fantastic job.

[23:17] It's great.

[23:18] And I love that she's wearing her, like,

[23:20] little workout outfit plus a weight belt.

[23:23] And she is, she's bench pressing

[23:26] in the middle of her room.

[23:28] No back arch, no nothing.

[23:30] She's just cranking that shit out.

[23:32] She's got to be on the juice.

[23:33] Yeah.

[23:34] I will say, it does make me uncomfortable.

[23:36] Like, this movie, like, sexualizes a few of the women

[23:40] in, like, a way that is very weird feeling,

[23:43] including this initial introduction

[23:45] where she's in, like, this very small, like, leotard

[23:47] and they focus on her sweating,

[23:49] where they also keep cutting to stuffed animals

[23:51] around the room, reminding her, you, like,

[23:54] she's really young.

[23:55] She's the young daughter.

[23:56] You know, like, I felt like that was, like,

[23:58] an odd thing in this movie.

[24:00] If Dan, if you're made uncomfortable-

[24:01] Well, you had the right reaction, by the way, Dan.

[24:02] Yeah, I think, I mean-

[24:03] What?

[24:04] You had the right reaction.

[24:05] You got uncomfortable.

[24:06] If you're made uncomfortable by that moment of change,

[24:08] that liminal space when a girl becomes a woman,

[24:10] which happens to every woman in their life,

[24:11] then sure, Dan, be uncomfortable by that.

[24:14] I'm comfortable with the movie sexualizing it.

[24:16] I'm not uncomfortable with it happening in the world.

[24:18] All right, that's fair.

[24:19] That's fair.

[24:20] In Italy, things work a little differently.

[24:22] Yeah, yeah.

[24:23] Yeah, of course.

[24:24] And meanwhile, the dad, he can't wait to be a nilbog

[24:26] and live like their ancestors-

[24:27] Stork lives earlier.

[24:28] That's what you're talking about, right?

[24:29] Everyone smokes.

[24:30] So the dad, he just loves the idea

[24:32] of living like their ancestors.

[24:34] He's so enamored with the idea of being a farmer.

[24:36] And mom is worried about Josh,

[24:38] understandably, since he has been seeing her dead father

[24:41] talking to him.

[24:43] Josh, he gets out of bed.

[24:44] He's scared by a noise.

[24:45] And he goes to the window.

[24:46] It's just a teen boy, Elliot, who's looking for his sister.

[24:49] Elliot is his sister's kind of boyfriend.

[24:53] And they have the funniest relationship,

[24:55] which I'll explain to you.

[24:56] He sneaks in and she's like, my dad hates you.

[24:59] If he knew you were here, he would cut your nuts off.

[25:01] But I like you.

[25:02] And it's so clear that she wants to have sex with him,

[25:05] but only if he stops bringing his friends around.

[25:09] It is impossible for him to take a moment away

[25:11] from his friends.

[25:12] Even when she is so openly like,

[25:14] I wanna take your virginity.

[25:16] I don't wanna be a virgin anymore.

[25:17] I don't want you to be a virgin.

[25:18] I want us to have sex,

[25:19] but you have to stop bringing your friends

[25:21] to my house at night.

[25:22] And he's like, sure.

[25:24] And then his friends pop up and they're like,

[25:25] wanna get a pizza?

[25:26] We're all getting pizza.

[25:27] And it's like, just spend a night away from your friends.

[25:30] Also, then in the very next part,

[25:33] she makes it very clear.

[25:34] She's like, I would love you to come with me

[25:36] on this vacation.

[25:37] You cannot bring your friends.

[25:39] And it's like, got it.

[25:41] No friends.

[25:42] And then the next time we see him,

[25:43] he's in an RV driving with his friends.

[25:46] I love this guy.

[25:49] I mean, it's like a regular four musketeers here,

[25:51] these four guys.

[25:52] But she's like, come with me on this family trip.

[25:54] We're gonna go off into the woods

[25:56] and be alone and have sex.

[25:57] And he's like, but my friends?

[25:58] Can I bring my friends along?

[26:00] I think it's a Cyrano thing

[26:01] where he needs to have somebody give him tips.

[26:05] That'd be so funny if Cyrano was not helping out the guy,

[26:08] but he just loved having Cyrano around.

[26:11] And his girlfriend was like,

[26:12] can you stop bringing Cyrano around?

[26:13] I wanna do you.

[26:14] And he's like, yeah, but my buddy's hilarious.

[26:18] Anyway, the next morning they leave.

[26:20] Elliot did not show up on time.

[26:22] Not accurate.

[26:23] I'm very punctual.

[26:24] And so they left without him.

[26:25] Yeah.

[26:26] Did we skip over the line from the mom

[26:29] where she's like, tell me about the goblins

[26:32] or something like that.

[26:34] Because the kid had this bad story about the goblins.

[26:39] And then she's like, oh, there's no such thing.

[26:40] And then later on,

[26:41] she just brings it up to her husband as if.

[26:44] Oh yeah, that's pretty awesome.

[26:46] Yeah, and then it just cuts.

[26:47] And then it cuts away as if this,

[26:49] and it leads you to believe that this is a secret

[26:51] that the husband is aware of.

[26:52] In the trailer.

[26:53] Or that he's a cryptozoologist or something like that.

[26:56] Tell me about the goblins.

[26:57] And it just cuts.

[26:58] We don't know what.

[26:59] Kind of depends on which goblin cosmology you're using.

[27:02] In like Warhammer, they're like a micro orcs.

[27:05] In D&D, I think they're like troll based.

[27:08] So this is what you would say.

[27:09] So if your wife sat you down, Stuart,

[27:10] and said, tell me about the goblins,

[27:12] this is what you would start with.

[27:13] We'll be more specific about the goblins.

[27:14] By the end, she would look like the guy

[27:16] who drank from the wrong goblet in Last Crusade.

[27:19] No, drank from the wrong goblet

[27:20] or drank from the wrong goblin.

[27:22] Because you don't want to drink from any goblin,

[27:24] let alone the wrong one.

[27:25] That's true, especially if they give you some green stuff,

[27:27] which turns out, turns you into a plant they can eat.

[27:30] You do not want that.

[27:31] Anyway, Holly, she is very mad

[27:33] that they left without her boyfriend.

[27:34] And the mom is uncomfortable with all the arguments

[27:36] because she demands that Josh sing.

[27:38] Goes, Josh, sing that song.

[27:39] That song I like so much.

[27:41] And I thought, what is this song gonna be?

[27:43] It's Row Your Boat, that's what it is.

[27:45] That song I like so much.

[27:47] One of the, like, there's two great, hilarious times

[27:52] that Row, Row, Row Your Boat shows up in the movies.

[27:54] The other one being, of course,

[27:56] at the beginning of Star Trek V,

[27:57] when they're like, oh, let's sing that old classic song,

[28:01] and they sing Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

[28:03] Which at least, you know, makes a certain amount of sense,

[28:07] you know, if we're so far in the future

[28:08] that it's divorced from, I don't know,

[28:11] the fact that it's the most ubiquitous

[28:12] childhood song possible.

[28:15] But this mom's demanding, like,

[28:16] oh, I love hearing that song.

[28:18] And then they immediately try to do it Madrigal style

[28:21] and fuck it up right away.

[28:22] They don't, do not do it well.

[28:24] Now, this was around the moment.

[28:26] Around, but that's what I was looking for.

[28:29] You asked me before, but I'd seen this movie,

[28:32] I feel like only once prior, at a bad movie night.

[28:35] And watching this again, I was really struck

[28:38] by how this is like the pure, good, bad movie shit.

[28:42] Like, this is the stuff that I'm always,

[28:44] this is the reason why I watch,

[28:45] this is the reason why I do this podcast, guys.

[28:48] This is why you get into it.

[28:48] This is what makes it all worth it.

[28:50] It's like pure, uncut, bad movie.

[28:53] It rules, oh, love it.

[28:55] Yeah, and something about, sing that song I like so much.

[28:59] It's a public domain song, everyone knows.

[29:00] I don't know why she wouldn't name it by,

[29:02] why she can't call it by name.

[29:03] But anyway, it's, meanwhile.

[29:05] It's part of the test.

[29:06] She wants to know that her son pays attention to her.

[29:08] Yes, that makes sense.

[29:09] And meanwhile, Elliot and his friends,

[29:11] they're heading to Nilbog in an RV.

[29:13] He has promised them that there's a lot of loose women

[29:16] that are in Nilbog.

[29:17] This is based on nothing.

[29:19] I don't know what his plan is gonna be

[29:21] when they get to Nilbog and there's no women.

[29:23] Like, he's just lied to his friends.

[29:25] They're going to the middle of nowhere.

[29:26] And it is not helping him because his,

[29:29] I assume his goal is to have sex with his girlfriend.

[29:31] Maybe it's not, I don't know.

[29:32] I don't think so.

[29:33] He gets there, he's like, oh man, Nilbog?

[29:35] Oh, I was thinking of LA.

[29:37] I'm sorry, guys.

[29:38] Well, as long as we're here, then.

[29:41] Oh, you mean the money ranch isn't in Nilbog?

[29:44] But then he could do that somewhere else.

[29:46] I feel like he's only hanging out with her

[29:49] as a way to like raise his status among his friends.

[29:53] Oh, that's possible.

[29:54] But he actually just wants to spend more time

[29:55] with his buddies.

[29:56] That's possible.

[29:57] I mean, there's nothing wrong with spending time

[29:57] with your buddies.

[29:58] So in the car, Joshua has a nightmare about.

[30:00] into a plant as his family turns into goblins and the car passes grandpa he's standing on

[30:06] the side of the road holding a sign that says stop them and joshua goes uh stop the car i have

[30:10] to go and mom goes and mother goes do you have to throw up and he goes yeah i do and he gets out

[30:14] and runs over to grandpa and grandpa's like you have to go back get them to go back and then

[30:19] grandpa turns out to be a filthy hitchhiker who says so you're going to give me a ride or what

[30:24] and joshua goes oh and runs back into the car and and i have to assume the rest of the ride

[30:29] is his parents being like why did you run out to talk to that that guy what are you doing but

[30:35] your kid wanted to talk to a hitchhiker would you be like yeah this is a good learning moment

[30:41] let's do it yeah i mean i'm just i'm glad that they're open to hearing the stories of our of

[30:46] others our elders or perhaps the those less represented in our normal daily life so i'd

[30:51] be like yeah go talk to that hitchhiker spend a couple weeks with him i'll come back it'll

[30:56] inspire you screenplay in case you want to become a hitchhiker considering an internship and then

[31:01] you can use the hitchhiking skills you picked up to get back home this will be a great learning

[31:05] experience uh and the i the i feel like this is one of many this is maybe the first of them the

[31:11] first of the moments in the movie where grandpa seth is putting a lot of pressure on joshua to

[31:16] do something that grandpa seth could easily do himself which is warn the rest of the family

[31:20] because who are you going to listen to about goblins a kid or a ghost if a ghost tell it's

[31:25] like if in hamlet if hamlet's dad was like hey hey tell everybody i'm a ghost and i'm back they

[31:31] would think he's crazy and they do that's what happens in the plot of hamlet and hamlet's dad

[31:36] could easily say to everybody hey claudius and gertrude killed me but instead he puts it all

[31:41] on hamlet to do it which is unfair pressure here's my what if grandpa can only appear to the kid

[31:50] because the kid is the one who killed him oh that's actually a pretty good thing that's the

[31:54] backstory there's nothing there's nothing in the movie that fights that interpretation so

[31:58] no matter what roger ebert says i'm gonna go with it that's my official explanation for now on

[32:03] now was it an accidental death or was it or was it oh no very premeditated and and what's his

[32:09] motive how did he do it tell me he's the master of the flying guillotine get the uh i didn't realize

[32:14] that josh again there's nothing in the movie that tells us he's not a master of the flying guillotine

[32:18] so we have to take that so yes so you're saying he threw a circle blades at grandpa's head and

[32:23] then yanked it back thus removing joshua was upset because they were gonna move to a different town

[32:29] because they didn't have money and they knew and he knew that if he bumped off grandpa his parents

[32:33] would inherit grandpa's money he could stay in town with his buddies so he uses flying guillotine

[32:38] powers or guillotine sorry apologies thank you apologies to the inventor dr guillotine yeah

[32:44] and now they're together forever when dr guillotine and professor flying worked together

[32:50] to create the flying guillotine it revolutionized martial arts movies now dan now where did grandpa

[32:55] make his money again there's nothing in the movie that tells us it can be anything and i'll believe

[33:00] he was a war profiteer it's that's why they don't talk about it wow so he's so quick with that

[33:05] molotov cocktail yeah that's he's so quick to put it together he's not so quick in lighting it or

[33:10] the man literally walks up and yanks it out of joshua's hand but let's later on we'll get to

[33:15] that so um so grandpa said he's referring so joshua is his herald on earth and he can he's

[33:20] the only one he can speak to because again joshua murdered him in a very poorly edited moment uh

[33:25] the sister sees elliot and his friends stranded on the side of the road and gives them the finger

[33:29] and she must have eagle eyes because they appear to be at least a thousand feet away or or longer

[33:35] and there's a hill in between them and yet it's just edited together kuleshov experiment style

[33:40] did you guys buy this moment yeah i mean it's very like baron munchasini where you're like

[33:45] you're seeing over vast distances yeah yeah i was just i mean i i don't remember the cut you're

[33:51] saying i think because i was just so angry at this guy bringing his buddies along oh you're so angry

[33:58] getting away with the murder of his grandfather yeah they're like well we found a flying guillotine

[34:02] with grandpa's head and joshua's fingerprints are all over it but as far as we know joshua

[34:07] has never studied with the ancient masters of the flying guillotine and joshua's like

[34:13] the perfect crime they never suspect the butterfly i just have to hope that the one-armed boxer

[34:18] doesn't try to stop me uh so uh the family gets to nilbog the town is abandoned dad says well

[34:24] everyone here's asleep this time of night it is clearly daytime the sun is not out uh the they

[34:30] drive to reveal there's a and they drive past a bar and it revealed it's revealed that a bunch

[34:34] of creepy locals are just staring out the windows of their car going by um but it's good to know

[34:39] there's kind of like a cheers type location in town where everyone feels comfortable to go uh

[34:43] they arrive at a that's what i tell my customers to do whenever whenever they're sitting at the

[34:48] bar is to stare at people who drive by in order to entice them to come into the bar yeah yeah uh so

[34:56] the creepy farm family is there they are dressed like they stepped right out of a dorothy lang

[35:00] photograph like it is they went back in time they got to go back in time to nil bogg uh and the farm

[35:07] family is very quiet and brusque a little uh charmless and josh notices that they all have

[35:12] scars in the shape of what a four-leaf clover each of them on a different part of their body yeah

[35:17] yeah yeah lucky got to them yeah the dad keeps talking to them like you know giving

[35:23] an airbnb style like spiel of like oh you know we got all that we got you know air conditioning

[35:28] you can do whatever you need as as the farm family is leaving he's just he's just calling

[35:33] out to them the names of the different appliances they have in their house yeah with no response

[35:39] no and he forges ahead i i want to say look these are all amateur actors i'm not going to be too

[35:46] hard on any of them i'm not going to you know speak up too highly in favor of any of the

[35:54] performances per se they're all enthusiastic but i do like of the performances i like the dad

[36:00] the best and he has so much energy he has so much energy he has like a certain charisma there's

[36:04] something about him that like really like actually pops a bit on screen and it i think if you watch

[36:11] the best worst movie thing like he was just a dentist he i would say just a dentist i say

[36:17] yeah i'll say it for that too i'd say that in that he was not a scum of the earth just he was

[36:22] not an actor he was a dentist and just a dentist the just is only in relationship to his acting

[36:31] no the hierarchy of jobs goes number one actor number two president of the united states number

[36:37] three dental hygienist number four dentist in the acting region uh at least movie wise he was a

[36:44] dentist he did this movie he seemed in the documentary to be the one a little like hurt

[36:50] the most by like you know hoping he might have like a bigger career or whatever and but then

[36:56] by the end i think you know he seems to like sort of come to terms and be like happy about the uh

[37:02] the attention the movie's got and if you look he's done you know some work not like a lot of work but

[37:07] like he's been acting yeah yeah i mean he hasn't he he wasn't becker on the show becker for six

[37:12] years no no but he's uh no you know had a little bit of a happy ending in terms of like getting to

[37:17] do more which he seemed to want to see he lobbied hard to be the new voice of dr teeth from dr teeth

[37:23] and the electric mayhem and he's like i am a doctor of teeth i'm a tooth doctor i'm dr teeth

[37:28] and then they were and they were like okay give us your best line reading aurora borealis shining

[37:33] and they're like sorry it's not he's not close enough we apologize he's like well i thought there

[37:37] may be something new for dr teeth maybe he doesn't have to sound like jim henson and rolf and the

[37:42] other jim henson characters all the time and they said no we really want to stick on model wow

[37:48] burning the late jim henson he's no he's great like all of them they their voices all kind of

[37:53] sound a little similar because the same person you know the same way miss piggy is clearly yoda

[37:57] in drag we can all admit that now it's okay no judgment welcome to the comedy central roast of

[38:03] jim henson and frank oz yeah it was the roast of jim henson and friends uh now it's time for

[38:08] the roast of garfield and friends u.s acres more like u.s who cares here's an inconvenient truth

[38:17] no kid who was watching the show realized that this was based on a comic strip just like why

[38:24] is garfield being interrupted for these losers take that jim davis jim davis more like jim save

[38:30] this trash all right so that was that you'll see those comedy central roasts never uh so they uh

[38:38] they they get to the end to the farm and as the farm family is leaving the son throws a baseball

[38:44] to throws a baseball to joshua on which is written in green ooze eat before we eat you

[38:50] which seems like a good warning let's not stay at this house yeah the goblins are not doing a great

[38:56] job of hiding their ulterior motive of eating them uh in the house they find a table like the goblins

[39:03] go all the way through with this plan though they're like okay i guess we're gonna go be go

[39:07] to their house and check out their appliances okay man well as we see later in the film they

[39:13] they either don't or they went and they checked them out and they came back so we see that farm

[39:16] family again uh but they they find what i like is they're like like the riddler or arcade they're

[39:22] like there has to be a little chance that they can escape so let's warn them of our plan but

[39:27] we'll only warn joshua or perhaps grandpa seth has been like goblins this is going to be hilarious

[39:33] tell joshua the plan no one's going to listen to it yeah this is just like a team up between the

[39:39] two of them being like this kid is not equipped to deal with this i mean no no blame he's a kid

[39:48] it's gonna be so funny not even a particularly smart kid he is he is in a real bind it's not

[39:53] like when god said to jonah jonah this is gonna be hilarious go to nineveh and tell them they're

[39:58] sinful and he's like what they're not gonna listen

[40:00] and to me, go do it. You know what? And if you try not to do it, I'm going to have a fish eat you.

[40:05] You should have seen your face when that fish ate you.

[40:09] You couldn't see it. It was dark inside that fish. Anyway, so they go in the house.

[40:13] I'm enjoying this so much. What is this? The fucking VeggieTales?

[40:19] It's like VeggieTales and Punk'd got put together. Yeah.

[40:23] It's like Jonah fucking Cucumber.

[40:26] Which was the Cucumber. Yeah, he walks into church.

[40:29] What is this? Show me the Cucumber.

[40:32] Which tell me, don't tell me that story about the fish that eats a Cucumber,

[40:35] because it's like, why not? It's a Cucumber. I'm not impressed.

[40:39] It doesn't need to be that big a fish. Yeah.

[40:42] And now imagine all the people who went to see the Tim Burton film, Big Fish,

[40:45] thinking it was the story of Jonah, and they were so disappointed.

[40:48] And they said, show me the Cucumber.

[40:50] I feel like you need a pretty big fish to eat a whole Cucumber.

[40:54] Yeah, but it doesn't have to be like a whale-sized fish.

[40:56] Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man.

[40:59] Certainly a minnow can't eat a whole Cucumber unless you give him a lot of time.

[41:02] Maybe he doesn't swallow it. Maybe he eats it a little bit at a time.

[41:04] Oh, yeah. Piranhas do that thing, right?

[41:06] Is that, or what about the fish that swims up your wiener?

[41:11] Oh, the penis piranha?

[41:13] Yeah, the penis piranha.

[41:14] Oh, the penis piranha.

[41:16] Swims up your wiener.

[41:19] Oh, the penis piranha? Yeah, yeah.

[41:22] Or the Archimedes fish that said, give me a lever and a place to stand,

[41:25] and I can eat that whole Cucumber.

[41:28] That's what that fish said.

[41:29] Is that Aristotle?

[41:30] No, that was Archimedes, yeah.

[41:31] That was Archimedes, yeah.

[41:33] Yeah, you have to imagine that fish that swims up people's wieners.

[41:35] The star of the dialogue.

[41:37] He does it, and then he's like, where am I?

[41:39] Did I do it again?

[41:40] Did I accidentally swim up a stream of penis to someone's wiener?

[41:43] Well, I guess I'll just put my spikes out and become a parasite.

[41:46] Anyway, so in that side of the house, they find a house laden with food,

[41:49] and the grandpa is like, Joshua, don't let them eat it.

[41:52] He's knocking on windows.

[41:54] He's a ghost who has to stand outside, which I think is also very funny.

[41:56] And the family is so excited about this food, which does not look good.

[42:01] It's a farm feast.

[42:02] It's like a collection of indifferently green-frosted baked goods, I think,

[42:09] is basically what it is.

[42:11] But they have been in a long car ride, so their stomach is really primed

[42:14] with heavy pastries.

[42:16] Yeah, yeah.

[42:18] Hand me that biscuit with a bunch of frosting on top of it, they say.

[42:21] Yeah, because my tummy is in its peak situation after sitting in the back seat

[42:27] of a car, a hot car, for hours.

[42:29] So grandpa's like, Joshua, stop them from eating it, or they'll be doomed.

[42:33] And Joshua's like, I need your help.

[42:34] And grandpa goes, I can't stop them myself.

[42:37] All I can do is stop all time for 30 seconds for everyone except you.

[42:42] I can use my godlike power to give you 30 seconds to think of a way to do it.

[42:46] I can't say, use my power to disappear the food or anything like that.

[42:50] Yeah.

[42:51] And he's giving Joshua a puzzler here.

[42:57] He's giving him a little brain teaser.

[42:59] Oh, yeah, a little brain teaser.

[43:00] I have 30 seconds.

[43:02] How are you going to keep them from eating the food?

[43:04] Now, the solution he comes up with.

[43:06] Well, before we get to the solution, I just want to say this is similar.

[43:08] Again, I don't want to bring cucumbers back up, but it is like I hate to go back to that

[43:12] Jonah story because, you know, it is late to give notes.

[43:14] The story is thousands of years old.

[43:16] God, instead of this is like a caterpillar thing.

[43:19] God, instead of going to Jonah and telling him to tell Nineveh, why don't you just tell

[43:22] Nineveh?

[43:23] Do the work, dude.

[43:24] Were you busy?

[43:25] I don't think so.

[43:26] If this is caterpillars all over again, skip the step.

[43:28] Anyway, cut out the middleman, who in this case is Jonah.

[43:31] Anyway, so that this.

[43:32] So Josh walks around as everyone stands there and sits there frozen in place, but not doing

[43:37] a great job of staying frozen.

[43:38] So does he just like tip over the table or something?

[43:42] Well, would you do the thing now that comes up with?

[43:45] Would that be one of the first?

[43:46] Because because no, I would get stage fright.

[43:50] I would say first thing I would do is not in the water off the table really quickly.

[43:54] But instead, Dan, what does he do?

[43:55] What is his solution?

[43:56] He pees all over the food, which we don't.

[43:59] We don't see that.

[44:01] It's a pretty clever.

[44:02] I'm standing on the table about to unzip hard cut to food being thrown away and hard cut

[44:08] to the food being thrown away and him being taken up to his room.

[44:11] Now, his mom is being like, don't beat him to death, Michael.

[44:14] No promises.

[44:16] Yeah, and that's what farmers do.

[44:18] Some of the food is already in his family's hands.

[44:21] One and almost in their mouths.

[44:22] Yes.

[44:23] Was he just spraying urine all over their faces and hands?

[44:26] Was he that good?

[44:27] Is he that good with his with his aim?

[44:29] The daughter was about like she had a corn cob up with some green butter spread all over it.

[44:36] Yeah, you'd have to.

[44:38] That's what that's what we call Amish butter, by the way, is.

[44:40] Oh, is it really green butter?

[44:42] Oh, yes.

[44:43] I feel like he's.

[44:44] Yeah, because the Amish are really jolly.

[44:47] Ho, ho, ho.

[44:48] Green butter.

[44:49] Sorry.

[44:50] The secret of the ooze.

[44:51] I covered up a perfectly good secret of the.

[44:53] No, no.

[44:53] And when it comes to me, it's not really a joke, just a reference.

[44:56] When it comes to pop culture references that our audience is really in the wheelhouse.

[45:00] Ninja Turtles, too, is not at the same level as the old jingle for the Green Giant.

[45:06] And, you know, most I think probably it was mostly in my head

[45:09] from its use in a Firesign Theater album.

[45:11] So also, I mean, as much as I love them, again, not quite in our forefront.

[45:17] Yeah.

[45:17] For new listeners, we tend to operate in mostly an 80s and 90s culture context.

[45:22] But if you want to maybe you know what?

[45:24] I want my Mapo.

[45:25] Why don't we bring in that stuff?

[45:26] It's usually saying, yeah, if you're, you know, an aging Gen X or elder millennial.

[45:34] Yeah.

[45:35] This shows, you know, going to be great for you.

[45:38] You're younger than that.

[45:39] We have a lot of younger listeners.

[45:41] I can only assume that this is some sort of anthropological study that they're all doing.

[45:45] Yeah.

[45:45] Like what references do I need to connect to grandpa?

[45:48] What can I be using or.

[45:50] And they come away thinking that like Denver, the last dinosaur was a huge hit show.

[45:54] You know, everyone's talking about it.

[45:58] And so he beats on the food.

[45:59] Dad angrily yells at Josh about how you can't be on hospitality.

[46:02] And he starts removing his belt.

[46:04] And it turns out, no, he's tightening it.

[46:06] So he doesn't feel hunger pains.

[46:07] And he has a moment here with a good bit.

[46:09] And he goes, he goes, I'm tightening it.

[46:11] So I don't feel hunger pains.

[46:12] But he says, he says something.

[46:14] I've been hungry.

[46:14] You don't know what it's like.

[46:15] And suddenly I feel like we get a real look into the past of this dad.

[46:19] He didn't grow up with money.

[46:20] And so to see his son pee all over food to him is really a real outrage.

[46:25] And so it's a little moment of backstory or hinted backstory.

[46:29] Now, obviously, Dan loves backstory.

[46:31] He wished that the dad would just talk about where he grew up, what his parents did for

[46:35] a living, how hard it was.

[46:37] New listeners need to know Dan loves backstory.

[46:39] He always wants to hear backstory.

[46:40] Yeah, he was hoping for the scene where grandpa says like, well, the origins of goblins come

[46:45] from, uh, these are all lies.

[46:49] And there's a Druid priestess with a weird name.

[46:52] I mean, we will hear that.

[46:54] So Josh looks around his room, which is decorated with, I think they're Hildebrandt brothers,

[46:58] paintings of trolls and goblins from fantasy stories.

[47:01] So like, that's like the C grade Brian Froud, right?

[47:05] Uh, I don't, I mean, I would say more like a lateral, uh, a lateral Boris Vallejo in some

[47:11] ways.

[47:12] I mean, no, where Boris Vallejo does a lot of like muscle men, uh, the, uh, Hildebrandt

[47:17] brothers do a lot of like kind of rounder, cuter fantasy characters.

[47:20] Yeah.

[47:21] Yeah.

[47:21] Boris Vallejo does, man, he does cheeks better than anyone.

[47:25] That is true.

[47:26] Nobody paints cheeks the way he does.

[47:28] Did you know that the baby in labyrinth was Brian Froud's kid?

[47:31] Yeah.

[47:31] And, uh, I think he grew up to be a puppeteer.

[47:34] Oh, that's cool.

[47:34] That's fantastic.

[47:35] Yeah.

[47:36] Anyway, so, uh, fantastic artwork or, you know what?

[47:40] I would say the Hildebrandt brothers, maybe they're kind of like slightly above Joe Jusko,

[47:44] who did the Marvel masterpieces card series years ago.

[47:47] Uh, so again, this is the kind of reference you're going to have to understand.

[47:51] If you listen to this podcast, new listeners, you're going to hear a lot about fantasy and

[47:54] science fiction painters in the 1990s.

[47:56] I will say we haven't even talked about Wayne Barlow.

[47:59] My favorite of all those painters.

[48:01] We can't, we can't, we don't have time to get into it.

[48:03] Not just because we would annoy the listeners, but because this is a sweat box that Stuart

[48:07] and I are in.

[48:08] I forgot that you don't have air conditioning here.

[48:10] I am in my luxurious air conditioned in-laws house.

[48:12] Stu's having a schvitz, but I'm going crazy.

[48:15] Yeah.

[48:15] So meanwhile, in the RV, Ellie and his friends are doing what they will do through much of

[48:19] the movie, watching the weirdest fucking television shows on TV.

[48:23] And I need to know, were those made for this movie or it was, are those existing shows?

[48:27] Because they are bonkers.

[48:29] The little snippets of television that we get to see.

[48:30] And not baby Billy's Bible bonkers as featured in this season of, uh, Righteous Gemstones.

[48:35] Or the cartoon bonkers.

[48:38] The kind of bonks adventure or the candy bonkers.

[48:42] Yeah.

[48:42] No, it is.

[48:43] It is just, it is the strangest local access children's level stuff.

[48:48] And I want to know what it is.

[48:50] But Arnold, when their friends, just friends, Arnold just immediately goes, I'm tired of

[48:54] this.

[48:54] Where are the horny girls?

[48:55] He basically says, and goes outside.

[48:57] A girl runs by her clothes torn.

[48:59] She's clearly in distress.

[49:00] He runs after her.

[49:01] She's being chased by goblins.

[49:03] He jumps on her at one point and is like, Hey, what's going on?

[49:06] And she's like, goblins, goblins.

[49:08] And I thought for a while that this was a trap, but it's not.

[49:10] He, the goblins show up.

[49:12] He threatens them.

[49:12] He's like, watch the way I do this.

[49:14] And they are there.

[49:15] Even if they're just regular people, there's a lot of them and they seem scary.

[49:18] And he's like, I mean, I, I understand from the attitude of like, let's imagine that.

[49:24] In real life, these, uh, goblins outfits look exactly as they do to us.

[49:29] The viewer fake.

[49:31] But even if, even if a bunch of children in masks, even if she's being chased by a bunch

[49:35] of children in masks, I would still be a little scared, especially when one of them,

[49:38] then one of them, he goes, okay.

[49:41] And they just hurls a spear into, into the, into Arnold's chest.

[49:44] And this is one of the moments you see on, uh, there are two moments this guy has that

[49:47] you would see as, as gifts a lot.

[49:49] This one where the spear just goes into his chest and he just goes, ah, just staring at

[49:55] his face.

[49:56] And then later on his immortal line, they're going, they're eating her and then they're.

[50:00] Eat me, oh my God!

[50:02] Which happens later.

[50:03] So we'll get to that one.

[50:05] They run into, the beer stabbing doesn't hurt him too much.

[50:07] They run into a house that has kind of like

[50:09] a dungeon lab in it.

[50:10] And it is overseen by my favorite character in the movie.

[50:14] A character that, her performance is great.

[50:16] Aside from her weird, gross teeth,

[50:18] I find her genuinely attractive in a way

[50:20] that weirds me out a little bit.

[50:22] That I'm so aroused by this weird lady.

[50:26] You're like, why are her lips so chapped?

[50:28] Well, aside from the chapped lips and the teeth,

[50:30] the fact-

[50:31] Oh, I thought that was part of the appeal.

[50:31] It's the fact that she looks like a crazy,

[50:33] creepy librarian, which really is my type, you know?

[50:36] That's a thing.

[50:37] Her, she's got this like metallic sheen on her teeth.

[50:40] And I have to admit, you know,

[50:41] like back in the days I was watching this,

[50:44] the days I was watching this.

[50:46] Like it happened all the time.

[50:46] Back in the days.

[50:47] Yeah, back in the days.

[50:48] John Mellencamp, write us up a ditty, please.

[50:50] It's been a long time since I've seen Troll 2.

[50:53] Although I, you know, was someone

[50:55] who would screen it as a bad movie.

[50:56] But like back in the day,

[50:59] I think I was watching on a low resolution enough television

[51:02] that I was like-

[51:03] That you couldn't see the teeth and the chapped lips.

[51:04] I was like, is she wearing braces?

[51:07] Is that like Druid Witch wearing braces?

[51:10] I also-

[51:11] It's tough.

[51:12] I mean, we were watching it this time

[51:14] through the streaming high def of Tubi.

[51:18] Tubi, perhaps the best streaming service there is.

[51:22] Oh, so much stuff.

[51:23] But so it does look like she just has braces at first.

[51:26] So at first she just seems like a goth librarian

[51:27] with braces.

[51:28] And I'm like, yeah, finally, finally a heartthrob for me.

[51:32] Seeing as my wife is a librarian,

[51:34] she doesn't have braces.

[51:35] Yeah, you already started packing up a bag

[51:36] to go move to Nilbok.

[51:37] I was just like-

[51:38] I hear there's a bunch of hot ladies there.

[51:41] This teenage kid told me.

[51:43] Yeah, and so she takes a lot of time

[51:47] with this incredibly over the top performance

[51:49] that I really love.

[51:50] She has the worst fake accent.

[51:52] She is so melodramatic.

[51:55] It's like she's in a silent movie.

[51:56] Her actions are so big.

[51:58] That she is the queen of the goblins.

[52:00] She's Credence Leonora Gildgood,

[52:03] or Gil-gild, Gil-gold?

[52:05] Gil-good.

[52:06] Gil-good.

[52:07] And she's a descendant of Stonehenge druids.

[52:09] She makes that very clear.

[52:11] And she gives them a healing broth to drink,

[52:14] which is obviously something you shouldn't drink,

[52:17] but she just keeps saying,

[52:18] have your broth, have your broth.

[52:20] It's goblin transformation poison.

[52:22] Sap starts flowing from the girl's forehead.

[52:24] Arnold just stands there eating his broth, watching this,

[52:27] until she transforms into a plant.

[52:29] And it becomes, as Credence says,

[52:31] one with the vegetable world.

[52:32] And it's food for the goblins.

[52:34] And they run and eat her,

[52:35] leading again, as I said, to that immortal line.

[52:37] They're eating her.

[52:38] And then they're going to eat me.

[52:39] Oh my god!

[52:42] And cut to that night.

[52:45] Holly practices a dance routine

[52:46] in her room in front of her mirror.

[52:48] Again, I love this dance routine.

[52:49] It starts with her holding her curved fingers

[52:52] in front of her eyes like goggles.

[52:54] It's an amazing move to start a dance routine with.

[52:54] She looks like Nomi Malone seeing Crystal,

[52:59] Gina Gershon, for the first time,

[53:01] and doing those little hands in front of her face

[53:03] that she does.

[53:04] That like, wah, wah, like that, that move, yeah.

[53:07] And she, it's just, it's a great dance routine.

[53:10] And again, I totally believe this teenage girl character

[53:15] in scenes like this.

[53:16] This is the kind of stuff I assume

[53:17] teenage girls would do all the time.

[53:19] In her oversized Garfield shirt that she's going to sleep in

[53:22] doing a dance routine.

[53:23] But then her grandpa appears in the mirror

[53:26] and startles her.

[53:27] And, cause he's looking for Josh,

[53:29] but he got the wrong room.

[53:30] Josh agrees to switch rooms with her.

[53:32] Oh, sorry, wrong number.

[53:33] And grandpa's like, I got the wrong room.

[53:35] It's a new house.

[53:36] What's that, Demolition Man?

[53:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

[53:38] Yeah, or the movie, Sorry, Wrong Number,

[53:40] which is not, doesn't apply to this situation.

[53:43] Kind of like Demolition Man.

[53:44] Yeah.

[53:45] It's like the Demolition Man of its day.

[53:46] Sorry, wrong number.

[53:48] It was advertised as the Demolition Man of its day,

[53:51] but you have to wait 50 years for that to make sense.

[53:54] And then as people were waiting for so long

[53:57] and then Demolition Man came out and they're like, what?

[54:00] They're not like at all.

[54:01] It's not like that movie at all, yeah.

[54:02] And then Ashton Kutcher jumped out from behind a car

[54:05] and is like, punked.

[54:07] And they're like, wait, you weren't even born when,

[54:10] I don't understand how any of this was set up.

[54:12] Punked, old man.

[54:13] Now go to Nineveh and tell them they're being sinful.

[54:15] You're a cucumber.

[54:16] And they're like, what?

[54:17] How did I, I became a cucumber?

[54:19] Ashton Kutcher, you have a biblical power

[54:21] of transfiguration?

[54:22] I do.

[54:23] That's why anytime somebody tries,

[54:25] anytime somebody uses AI to recreate biblical descriptions

[54:29] of angels, it just looks like Ashton Kutcher every time.

[54:32] Yeah, yeah, punking someone.

[54:34] So grandpa is like, hey, Josh,

[54:37] you gotta get everybody to leave.

[54:38] I can't do it because your parents never take my advice.

[54:41] I told your mom not to marry your dad because I hate him

[54:43] and she didn't do that.

[54:45] So I'm not even gonna bother anymore.

[54:46] And again, this is, I love-

[54:48] Wow.

[54:48] I love the backstory.

[54:50] I love the backstory.

[54:51] It's so funny to me that the grandpa's like,

[54:53] I know that now I'm a ghost

[54:54] and I'm trying to save their lives,

[54:56] but they wouldn't take my advice when I was alive

[54:58] so they can go to hell.

[54:59] I'm not even gonna bother to talk to them.

[55:01] Well, also, I'm totally, I have no problem.

[55:04] Now that I'm dead, I will bad mouth your dad

[55:06] straight to your face.

[55:07] Right to you.

[55:08] I mean, that's a very, I don't know.

[55:10] This is something my grandparents

[55:11] had no convunctions about.

[55:13] I don't wanna play with ethnic stereotypes,

[55:16] but Seth does sound like a Jewish grandpa to me.

[55:19] It's very possible.

[55:21] I mean, okay, well, do you know what?

[55:22] The mom doesn't seem Jewish,

[55:23] but it's very possible that the mom is Jewish,

[55:26] the dad is not.

[55:27] This is a cross-cultural thing.

[55:28] And that grandpa was like, you're a goy, a Gentile.

[55:32] Oh, no, no, no.

[55:32] What a Chandra.

[55:33] As long as we're making up backstory.

[55:35] Backstory.

[55:36] They got married.

[55:37] Grandpa Seth immediately said the mourner's Kaddish

[55:39] because his daughter was dead to him now.

[55:42] You're right, the names, the names.

[55:44] And of course, Judaism has a rich folklore of goblins,

[55:47] I guess.

[55:48] What a great Flophouse book project.

[55:50] If, look, if there's a literary agent out there

[55:54] that can sell this, we, the Flophouse,

[55:57] novelize Troll 2.

[55:59] Oh, yeah.

[56:00] And we try and make it all make sense.

[56:02] We fill in the backstory.

[56:03] With our elaborate backstories.

[56:04] I feel like while watching this, I'm like,

[56:06] I feel like if Ari Aster had made his own A24 version

[56:10] of Troll 2, it wouldn't necessarily be better than this.

[56:14] But it would be, it probably would be

[56:15] a little more Jewish at times.

[56:17] And I will say, guys, I know there's goblins in Judaism

[56:20] because the book, Herschel and the Hanukkah Goblins,

[56:22] my favorite Hanukkah book, because it's about Hanukkah

[56:24] and it's scary and the art is gorgeous.

[56:26] So you know what?

[56:27] Let's do it, guys.

[56:28] Let's make a Jewish goblin movie.

[56:29] Let's do it.

[56:30] And finally, the fact that Jews have been stereotyped

[56:33] as goblins, JK Rowling, we can finally own that

[56:37] by making, you know what?

[56:38] We're gonna do it.

[56:39] We're gonna change the way people think

[56:40] about Jews and goblins.

[56:42] In my new movie, Troll 3, there's trolls now?

[56:47] Troll 3, no, so there's trolls?

[56:51] Okay, I mean, I kind of zoned out for a second

[56:53] so I didn't think that we agreed to this,

[56:54] but apparently we did.

[56:55] No, we did it.

[56:56] We took a blood oath.

[56:57] We're already signed up.

[56:58] We're making that Jewish novelization of Troll 2.

[57:01] Well, L.A. had sent over the email that has the docu-sign

[57:04] and you just lazily scrolled through the tracks

[57:07] and you're signing everything

[57:08] that people put in front of me.

[57:09] I've got so many wheelings and dealings.

[57:12] Yeah, you're a business boy.

[57:13] Put a piece of paper in front of me.

[57:14] Dan McCoy, business boy.

[57:15] That's gonna be your new podcast, right?

[57:16] Where you talk about all your business ideas?

[57:17] Business boy, Dan McCoy, that's what it's called.

[57:20] Baby boy, business boy, Dan McCoy.

[57:21] That's where you record most of the podcast,

[57:24] laying back on a couch with sunglasses on.

[57:28] And you mainly are just listing the various cars you own.

[57:32] I am, of course, in a robe from a hotel,

[57:37] even though I'm in my own home.

[57:38] Yeah, a hotel robe, yeah.

[57:38] And I'm somehow, again, eating room service,

[57:42] even though I'm in my own home.

[57:43] That's how you made so much money in business

[57:45] is by not paying for your own clothes

[57:47] and said you steal them from hotels.

[57:49] That was the secret.

[57:50] By not paying for a hotel room,

[57:51] but just getting all the amenities.

[57:53] Just sneaking into the hotel room,

[57:55] stealing the robe and all the Toblerones,

[57:56] and then leaving the bill

[57:59] for whoever was actually staying in that room, yeah.

[58:01] You're like a regular Miami Blues or whatever,

[58:05] just a con man sneaking into places, yeah.

[58:07] Talented Mr. Ripley.

[58:10] The less talented Mr. Ripley, it was called.

[58:12] He couldn't con people,

[58:13] but he could sneak into hotel rooms, yeah.

[58:17] The adequate Mr. Ripley.

[58:20] The more talented than you, technically, Mr. Ripley, yeah.

[58:23] So, the talented but not professional Mr. Ripley,

[58:26] that's what he was originally called.

[58:28] And it was like, you go to his house and he plays piano,

[58:31] and you're like, you're really good.

[58:33] I wouldn't pay to see you play,

[58:34] but you're really good for someone

[58:35] who's technically just a dentist,

[58:37] it's Dan McCoy would say.

[58:38] Yeah, you are local, regional Mr. Ripley.

[58:41] Yeah.

[58:43] Public access Mr. Ripley.

[58:44] Touring Mr. Ripley.

[58:47] Plays in church basements, Mr. Ripley,

[58:50] in old folks' homes.

[58:50] Okay, so, grandpa's like,

[58:53] Josh, they never take my advice,

[58:54] you gotta get them out of here.

[58:55] The next morning, Elliot's friends foolishly left

[58:58] without bringing any food with them, or no supplies.

[59:01] So, one of their more-

[59:02] That actually tracks, honestly.

[59:04] One of the friends whose name, he comes up later,

[59:08] it's like Gus or something.

[59:09] He has to run through the woods to go shopping for supplies.

[59:12] I will say that aside from Arthur,

[59:15] the guy with the glasses-

[59:16] Arnold.

[59:17] Arnold, these guys all look alike.

[59:19] I feel like the perfect friend group.

[59:20] You need one big guy, you need a little guy,

[59:23] you have a guy with glasses.

[59:25] They should have mixed it up, that's all I'm saying.

[59:27] I agree, I agree.

[59:29] And the dad noticed at the farmhouse,

[59:31] there's no food except old, gross milk

[59:33] that's been there for weeks.

[59:34] So, Josh and dad leave to also get groceries.

[59:36] Are they gonna run into each other, these characters?

[59:39] We'll see.

[59:39] The friend gets a lift into town-

[59:41] What about all the piss-soaked food in the garbage?

[59:44] I think they've decided that-

[59:45] You're suggesting they eat it, or?

[59:47] I mean, if you're really hungry.

[59:49] That's true.

[59:50] They have not yet gotten to the point

[59:51] where they're gonna eat the pissed-on garbage food.

[59:53] Okay, okay.

[59:54] Since they do believe there's a general store.

[59:55] Yeah, for the most part, it is sterile,

[59:57] but there are, you know,

[59:59] it's like-

[1:00:00] for the most part.

[1:00:01] Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

[1:00:02] Previous.

[1:00:03] Josh's cleanliness ritual.

[1:00:04] Yeah, previous claims that urine is entirely sterile.

[1:00:09] So if I step on a jellyfish.

[1:00:12] Then you're gonna break your mother's back.

[1:00:13] Okay, that makes a lot of sense actually.

[1:00:15] One of two reasons not to do it,

[1:00:17] the other being that the jellyfish doesn't enjoy it either.

[1:00:19] Unless the jellyfish is paying you to step on a clown.

[1:00:23] They never bring that up.

[1:00:24] What kind of shoe is Stuart wearing?

[1:00:26] That's true.

[1:00:26] Good point, good point, yeah.

[1:00:28] Only red bottoms, baby.

[1:00:30] So the friend gets a lift into town from the local sheriff

[1:00:34] who gives him a roll to eat.

[1:00:36] It's wrapped in plastic.

[1:00:37] So he figures it's okay.

[1:00:37] Or maybe it's a sandwich, I couldn't tell.

[1:00:40] Then the friend goes to the creepy general store

[1:00:42] where the creepy general store keeper

[1:00:44] only has milk on sale.

[1:00:45] Only Nilbog brand milk, nothing else.

[1:00:47] And he's like, he goes,

[1:00:49] I thought maybe you could have some meat.

[1:00:51] Meat, ugh, bleh.

[1:00:53] He's disgusted by the very idea.

[1:00:55] And he gives him some milk for free.

[1:00:58] And the friend is already stumbling away in a daze.

[1:01:00] Well, he also-

[1:01:01] It's like if you go into 11 Madison Park.

[1:01:03] Yeah.

[1:01:04] And Dan, tell us a little more about this storekeeper.

[1:01:06] Because what I learned after the fact

[1:01:08] was this storekeeper was an inmate from a local sanitarium

[1:01:11] who had a day pass for the day.

[1:01:13] And was not necessarily acting.

[1:01:16] And was stoned at the time, yeah.

[1:01:17] Yes, no, I read that as well.

[1:01:20] No, he's, I mean, I think if you hear that story

[1:01:25] and you imagine a man,

[1:01:26] you've imagined the exact correct man for the scenario.

[1:01:30] I do think it's funny that he's like, ugh, meat, ugh.

[1:01:34] And he's like, we're all, everyone in Nilbog's a vegetarian.

[1:01:37] Which like, I know that this other,

[1:01:38] this kid is in the process of changing into vegetable matter.

[1:01:42] But I feel like still that raises a lot of questions

[1:01:45] where you're like, okay, is this,

[1:01:47] was this a planned community then?

[1:01:49] Is this like our, you know,

[1:01:51] is this like some sort of organization?

[1:01:54] How is it true that everyone in town is a vegetarian?

[1:01:56] I mean, it's possible that the vegetarian,

[1:01:59] I mean, because they're all goblins, that's why.

[1:02:01] But is it possible, it's possible that-

[1:02:02] No, I know, Elliot, as a viewer, I'm just saying.

[1:02:05] It's possible this was one of the many towns in America

[1:02:07] that were started as kind of like

[1:02:08] vegetarian utopian communities in the 19th century.

[1:02:12] Eventually they became a lot of anger about sex

[1:02:15] and who wasn't sleeping with who

[1:02:17] and who was sleeping with who.

[1:02:18] And then they became regular towns.

[1:02:20] But it could be one of those,

[1:02:21] one of those kind of like free living,

[1:02:23] free loving vegetarian communities.

[1:02:25] Like a road to Wellville type thing.

[1:02:27] Exactly, or like an Oneida or something like that,

[1:02:30] you know, and maybe, and then the goblins came in

[1:02:32] and took over the town and-

[1:02:34] Yeah, again, this is all grist for our book.

[1:02:37] Get in touch with us for the-

[1:02:39] For the whole book.

[1:02:40] Or, I mean, I feel like this is-

[1:02:41] I mean, you'll also have to buy the rights to Trolls 2,

[1:02:44] that's the one book.

[1:02:45] No, you don't, as long as you buy a book

[1:02:47] with the storyboards for Troll 2,

[1:02:49] you can just make it into whatever you want.

[1:02:51] I learned that from that Dune book launch.

[1:02:52] Oh, that makes sense, actually.

[1:02:54] Yeah.

[1:02:55] That's why Dune 2 is owned by those guys.

[1:02:58] Yeah, that's why it's produced and directed by,

[1:03:00] it just has credits, the guys, you know.

[1:03:03] And so, but here's the thing,

[1:03:06] we don't have to write Troll 2,

[1:03:07] as long, it's what we're really writing

[1:03:09] in our, is kind of like a Troll Meridian,

[1:03:11] kind of like the backstory and the creation

[1:03:13] of the Troll universe or Trolliverse.

[1:03:16] Yeah, so-

[1:03:17] Yeah, it could just be an annotation.

[1:03:19] Yeah, I see where you're going.

[1:03:20] Yeah, Martin Gardner's the annotated Troll 2.

[1:03:23] It's a brilliant book.

[1:03:24] So, the creepy general storekeeper, he gives him milk,

[1:03:28] but he's already stumbling away into the farce in a daze.

[1:03:30] And the locals are like,

[1:03:31] hey, your friends came to tell us

[1:03:33] they want you to go to the old house

[1:03:34] that looks like a church.

[1:03:35] He's like, well, okay, okay.

[1:03:37] Meanwhile, back in that old house

[1:03:39] that looks like a church, Credence, the witch lady,

[1:03:41] she is talking to her new plants

[1:03:42] about a pudding she made

[1:03:44] that she's gonna give to the family.

[1:03:47] And she talks about how she's gonna-

[1:03:48] Is she doing it normal style or big into the back seats?

[1:03:52] Very big into the back seats.

[1:03:55] Lots of hand movements, lots of,

[1:03:57] well, this will purify the intestines

[1:04:00] and bring them closer to nature.

[1:04:03] A lot of that kind of stuff.

[1:04:04] Yeah, it's a performance that is a lot of like this,

[1:04:07] I'm stealing this for every role-playing bad guy ever.

[1:04:10] I don't know why she needs plants to eat,

[1:04:11] because she is chewing up that scenery, something fierce.

[1:04:14] Oh!

[1:04:16] And there's-

[1:04:17] The scenery doesn't have a lot of nutrients in it, Elliot.

[1:04:19] But it's probably made out of vegetables.

[1:04:21] I don't know, if you make the scenery

[1:04:22] out of like tofu or something

[1:04:23] and you put like a-

[1:04:24] That's true, everything's like seitan these days.

[1:04:27] Dan, Dan, you keep trying to get me to worship seitan,

[1:04:30] and I will not do it.

[1:04:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:04:32] I was gonna suggest tempeh,

[1:04:33] but you would not wanna go to Arizona right now.

[1:04:36] Not if I'm gonna pronounce it that way, that's for sure.

[1:04:41] So the new plant she's talking to

[1:04:43] is Elliot's friend Arnold.

[1:04:44] Sorry, I gotta take a moment to appreciate

[1:04:47] that that was one of the moments

[1:04:48] we've gotten closer to being the Marx Brothers.

[1:04:51] Yeah, that's true, that's a good point.

[1:04:52] I wanna appreciate it.

[1:04:54] Okay, anyway, go on.

[1:04:55] Unfortunately, the Marx Brothers

[1:04:56] were usually the most likey zeppo,

[1:04:59] looking uncomfortable, being a little awkward,

[1:05:00] and then eventually leaving the group.

[1:05:03] So, outside the closed-

[1:05:04] Is there like a Marx Brother that's like-

[1:05:07] Cool.

[1:05:08] Really into weightlifting and stuff?

[1:05:09] Like a hot, cool Marx Brother?

[1:05:11] Yeah, must love, must love the weightlifting Marx Brother.

[1:05:15] Ball, ball, too.

[1:05:17] Swolo, there's the five Marx Brothers,

[1:05:20] Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, and Swolo, yes.

[1:05:23] You would never know Swolo.

[1:05:25] Is he super vascular?

[1:05:26] That's kind of what I'm shooting for.

[1:05:28] I love the idea of, now, it's like Harpo gets his harp solo,

[1:05:31] Chico gets his piano solo, Swolo gets the solo

[1:05:35] where he just lifts weights on screen

[1:05:37] for five straight minutes.

[1:05:39] Audiences at the time loved it

[1:05:40] because in Vaudeville, you gave them a full show.

[1:05:42] It was just comedy.

[1:05:44] You also do some weightlifting in there.

[1:05:46] Yeah, well, you do the anvil chorus,

[1:05:47] but he's lifting up actual anvils

[1:05:50] while the shenanigans are going around.

[1:05:52] Yeah, yeah.

[1:05:53] Pretty good.

[1:05:54] Yeah.

[1:05:56] Now, I just want to think of other Marx Brothers

[1:05:58] that don't add that much to the act, you know?

[1:06:03] Oh, that's Accanto.

[1:06:04] Well, he's the one who just makes sure

[1:06:06] the books are in order while they're doing this.

[1:06:09] Makes sure every brother gets there on time-o.

[1:06:13] That's a really long-

[1:06:15] It's a long name.

[1:06:16] He wasn't very good at his job, apparently.

[1:06:17] So, outside the now-closed General Store,

[1:06:20] it's been closed in the few minutes

[1:06:21] since the friend got his free milk,

[1:06:23] Josh's dad, he finds a vegetable cookbook

[1:06:25] and a rocking chair, and he just sits in it

[1:06:28] and starts reading it until he falls asleep.

[1:06:29] Classic dad move, though, right?

[1:06:31] I love it.

[1:06:32] And Josh-

[1:06:33] That sounds pretty good right now.

[1:06:34] I feel like, I'm like, man,

[1:06:35] that would be like catnip to Dan.

[1:06:37] They got Dan locked at the door.

[1:06:39] This town has a rocking chair I can fall asleep in

[1:06:43] and free vegetarian cookbooks?

[1:06:46] Yes, sign me up.

[1:06:47] Well, how do I get to Nilbog?

[1:06:48] Yeah.

[1:06:50] Yeah, later on, we have like a basic cable erotic dance,

[1:06:53] and I'm like, man, they're kicking all the danger boxes here.

[1:06:56] Oh, man.

[1:06:57] Yeah, they should call it Danilbog.

[1:06:59] Anyway, so, but Josh looks in a mirror

[1:07:02] and sees that a street sign, realizes Nilbog

[1:07:05] is goblin backwards.

[1:07:06] Oh, no.

[1:07:07] What?

[1:07:08] Wait, what?

[1:07:09] Which is a weird way to figure it out.

[1:07:10] I mean, honestly, just looking at the word

[1:07:12] is probably just as easy

[1:07:13] than seeing the letters fully reversed.

[1:07:15] Especially when he's heard the word goblin

[1:07:17] so many times at this point.

[1:07:19] Yeah.

[1:07:19] He's like, well, I just assumed it was named

[1:07:21] after Jedediah Nilbog, the founder of the town.

[1:07:24] No, it's not.

[1:07:25] It's a coincidence.

[1:07:26] It was founded by Jedediah Nilbog.

[1:07:27] It's in honor of how many bogs are in the town,

[1:07:29] which is Nil.

[1:07:30] Which is none, yeah.

[1:07:32] Founders were like, we shall call it Nilbog

[1:07:35] in honor of the most important geographical feature

[1:07:40] that we look for in a town.

[1:07:42] The lack of bogs.

[1:07:44] Yeah, I mean, it sounds, honestly,

[1:07:46] if there was a Nilbog, New Jersey, I would not be shocked.

[1:07:49] But there are bogs in New Jersey.

[1:07:50] Yeah, and there also are goblins in New Jersey.

[1:07:53] But what if they were like, we'll call it Nilbogs

[1:07:56] because there are no bogs skags in this town.

[1:07:59] Well, there are no bogs also.

[1:08:00] You're right.

[1:08:01] Let's call it Nilbog.

[1:08:02] But then bogs skags came.

[1:08:03] But then it showed up.

[1:08:04] They wanted bogs skags to come for the,

[1:08:06] yeah, the town fair.

[1:08:07] They're like, I gotta change things.

[1:08:09] Well, they said his name three times into a mirror,

[1:08:11] so he showed up.

[1:08:12] Yeah, that's what happens with bogs skags.

[1:08:14] Yeah.

[1:08:15] Bogs Nass, however, if you say his name,

[1:08:17] he just holds up a glowing oar.

[1:08:19] Say it as many times as you like.

[1:08:21] Bogs Nass is too busy.

[1:08:25] He's a big time.

[1:08:26] And sketches by bogs,

[1:08:27] I'm sure you can find a copy of it somewhere, yeah.

[1:08:30] I'm halfway through reading it,

[1:08:32] and I have been for a long time.

[1:08:35] You can take your time with those sketches.

[1:08:36] Because you thought they were actual sketches,

[1:08:37] and you opened up and you went, words, oh no.

[1:08:40] So Josh does whatever you do

[1:08:44] when you realize the town is full of goblins.

[1:08:46] He leaves his dad sleeping on the street

[1:08:48] and just skateboards away to explore.

[1:08:51] And the shopping friend, he's wandering through the woods.

[1:08:53] His head is bleeding green.

[1:08:55] He tries to drink the milk, but it's so gross,

[1:08:57] and he throws it on the ground.

[1:08:58] Meanwhile, we're cutting between these scenes so fast.

[1:09:00] Credence shows up at the family's house

[1:09:02] with her welcome pudding, which is clearly a cake.

[1:09:05] It's clearly a cake.

[1:09:06] It's not a pudding.

[1:09:08] Isn't that what they call puddings

[1:09:08] in like England or something?

[1:09:10] Well, there's a certain type of pastry

[1:09:11] that they call a pudding.

[1:09:12] Like a Yorkshire pudding is really like a pastry.

[1:09:13] I was asking our resident fucking bakery boy, Elliot.

[1:09:17] Don't ask me, who was just in England

[1:09:19] eating Yorkshire pudding.

[1:09:20] Go ask him.

[1:09:20] No, I also was just in England.

[1:09:21] Yeah, this bitch was in England too.

[1:09:22] Yeah, that's true, that's true.

[1:09:23] Eating Yorkshire pudding.

[1:09:24] I did have Yorkshire pudding.

[1:09:25] You guys all went to England with Alex, without me.

[1:09:28] And honestly, I'm like,

[1:09:29] are they doing a fucking live show?

[1:09:30] We didn't go together.

[1:09:31] I didn't see either of those other people.

[1:09:33] I almost saw Alex,

[1:09:34] but we couldn't get it together at the last minute, yeah.

[1:09:36] So tell me about Yorkshire pudding.

[1:09:38] I mean, like that's kind of like a popover batter.

[1:09:40] You know, it's baked often with the drippings from the meat.

[1:09:45] Yeah.

[1:09:46] Extra delicious.

[1:09:46] Yeah.

[1:09:47] Yeah, but like when Pink Floyd gets all worked up

[1:09:49] about you can't, you know,

[1:09:51] you can't have your pudding until you eat your meat.

[1:09:53] What do they mean?

[1:09:54] They mean like a little, like a little Jell-O pudding pack?

[1:09:58] Yeah, it's Go-Gurt.

[1:09:59] They call Go-Gurt pudding.

[1:10:00] They do, I think that's not all savory talking about the wall is a wall in a grocery store filled with

[1:10:09] The pudding is

[1:10:11] We don't need no tubes of go-gurt

[1:10:16] Bamp-bamp-bamp-bamp on second thought actually we would like that go-gurt

[1:10:21] Dan was gonna explain

[1:10:23] Go-gurt, please give me some

[1:10:25] I

[1:10:35] Still be a treat is like just for me. I don't know about you, but yeah, okay, like I like me

[1:10:40] But you know, it sounds even better than meat some batter that's been cooked in some meat juice

[1:10:46] Good to me. Yeah, let's do it sold. Let's do it. Okay, that's our new job. We're gonna be

[1:10:52] Okay

[1:10:57] Sellers yeah, I mean that shit looked really good. Didn't you want to eat those cakes? Uh, I'd be honest. I still haven't seen it. Oh

[1:11:10] Josh has

[1:11:12] He stumbles onto a town kind of religious revival meeting

[1:11:15] There's a preacher there who's talking all about how bad meat is

[1:11:18] He discussed the parishioners by talking about meat and the farm family who was supposed to be at their house

[1:11:23] Enjoying all the modern appliances that you don't have in a farm like refrigerators and radios

[1:11:27] They're at the meeting and they catch Josh spying on them. Meanwhile, Holly

[1:11:32] It's funny you say meeting because later on they're gonna have Joshua eating

[1:11:38] And they don't like meat they're really taking the meat out of meeting

[1:11:42] So Holly goes up to Elliot and says here's the choice

[1:11:45] Fuck me or hang out with your friends. That's the choice. You cannot do both. Yeah, we're left wondering. What's it gonna be?

[1:11:52] He loves hanging out with this and she like punches them, right? Yeah

[1:11:56] That was my favorite part of the movie. I'm like, yeah, this kid needs to be smacked around

[1:12:01] You know what? Maybe he's not ready. Maybe it's not okay for her to be prepping him

[1:12:06] We're adding rich backstory, maybe he's a closeted man

[1:12:09] I shouldn't be upset that he doesn't want to have sex with his girlfriend

[1:12:13] Yeah, you know, but he shouldn't be stringing her along like this. Yeah, clearly clarity is kind of clearly ready to go

[1:12:19] Yeah, it's but yeah, exactly. So the parishioners are trying to force Josh to eat some nil bog ice cream

[1:12:24] They're like children love ice cream have some ice cream and they're serving it by both goblins and townspeople

[1:12:30] Some of them are just goblins now and they keep chanting open your mouth my little friend

[1:12:35] Open your mouth my little friend, please open it. It is so awkwardly phrased

[1:12:40] But that's when dad dad runs and he woke up from his

[1:12:46] Future this is going to be

[1:12:50] Yeah

[1:12:51] One of the worst movies ever you can choose to continue going knowing that or not

[1:12:56] But if you continue to make this movie turn to page 47 if you decide not to make this movie turn to page 62

[1:13:03] Mm-hmm

[1:13:05] And you can't put your finger on this page, no, no, no, no like the results you can just go back

[1:13:11] You gotta go with it. No, what if I die?

[1:13:13] I don't want to have to go to the whole rest of the book again if I die

[1:13:16] Look, that was the agreement you signed when you bought this choose your own adventure the making of troll to book that you were gonna

[1:13:22] Play it like real life like real life Dan

[1:13:25] Like Dan in real life, you know a stack of pancakes if I can't have integrity in my smallest moments when no one's watching then

[1:13:33] If you want to put your head on a stack of pancakes go to pace

[1:13:40] Dan show up to your date sticky

[1:13:43] Way the way we act when nobody's watching that decides who we are because you know, who's watching

[1:13:49] Ashton Kutcher prank God, you know, he's gonna turn you into a cucumber and make a fish eat you

[1:13:53] He's gonna be like if Dan goes if Dan puts his finger in there, so he cheats

[1:13:57] I'm so sending him to Nineveh to tell them that they're being sinful. It's gonna be hilarious

[1:14:01] Anyway, yeah, so I can't believe this shit's gonna be like this episode is gonna be labeled under like filed under Bible Studies

[1:14:11] Ecumenical

[1:14:13] We're trying to diversify here in our 400th episode at all the quadrants. Yeah

[1:14:24] Humor

[1:14:25] Goblins religion insulting dentists, we've got it all

[1:14:30] On that so dad saves Josh and he's like they're monsters and dad is like don't insult

[1:14:34] I get our our hosts that were force-feeding you ice cream and on the drive home dad

[1:14:38] They pass Holly argue with Elliot Elliot says go with him leaving his last friend alone at the RV perhaps never to be seen again

[1:14:45] Meanwhile shopping friend. He finally gets that evil house plant Arnold is there and he's like

[1:14:50] Oil can oil can help me and drew us to tear the bark off his mouth

[1:14:55] So Arnold can talk and Arnold's like drag me out of here because his feet are in a pot and a potted plant pot

[1:14:59] And he asked it. He's dragging this potted plant with his friend planted in it and it is genuinely hilarious

[1:15:04] Watching him trying to drag this thing out of the house in a subtle way. And of course goth librarian

[1:15:10] the you know

[1:15:12] She interrupts do Gil good or whatever name. Yes. She knocks out drew and then

[1:15:17] Chainsaws Arnold to make him into a smoothie, which it's a drew is the friends. That's right

[1:15:22] But we learned his name is drew this way. She knocks it and she chainsaws Arnold weird cuz she's a druid and he's a dream

[1:15:29] Yeah, and they follow

[1:15:32] Make it work and they're both fans of the Wizard of Id but they don't like Johnny Hart's other work. They find it too preachy

[1:15:39] So the others arrived back at their rental house. They find that all the townspeople are throwing a welcome party

[1:15:45] There's food everywhere

[1:15:46] If you said to yourself is this

[1:15:48] Scarier than the scene in Southern Comfort when they end up at the Cajun town and everyone's dancing and singing

[1:15:53] Yes, very much

[1:15:54] So as off-putting as that scene is there's a real folk joy to it

[1:15:58] Not everyone there wants to kill these soldiers just a few of the people there

[1:16:01] But here they all want to eat these people

[1:16:03] So it is not a party that you want to be at unless you're a goblin and Josh is like don't eat it

[1:16:07] don't eat it and dad is like go to your room you are being inhospitable and

[1:16:12] He calls for his grandpa in the mirror

[1:16:13] but who in the peers in the mirror but

[1:16:15] Credence and she jumps out of the mirror as a troll and attacks him and the mirror shatters and that's when grandpa appears with

[1:16:21] an axe and chops Creedence goblins hand off and the goblin in what I think I've seen a

[1:16:26] Fantastic effect the goblin leaps back through the mirror and the mirror reforms and Credence appears in her house

[1:16:31] And I thought that was a really good at it. That was really cool

[1:16:33] that was the one time when the movie almost becomes a phantasm film like it almost reaches the level of

[1:16:40] Almost almost elegantly effortless kind of surreal

[1:16:44] Cheap effectness that that Don Castro Ellie pulls off so well in phantasm. I want to go back to before this

[1:16:51] Credence clear mirror revival and say that

[1:16:57] iTunes right now give us five stars just for that

[1:17:00] no, the

[1:17:03] This really underlines what you're saying like about why doesn't the grandpa just do it all if they if you can appear with

[1:17:09] an axe and

[1:17:10] physically fight a

[1:17:13] Influence the physical world. Anyway, I mean, I think he also

[1:17:17] Yeah, he has some resentment toward his family

[1:17:21] Old man, I mean, I probably feels like I've done enough. Yeah, you know someone else should take a massive expenditure of his soul

[1:17:29] Energy to do that. It's possible cuz later he later. He's only up a little bit. Yeah

[1:17:33] This reminds me of that old song, of course old man, look at my life. I'm a ghost like you

[1:17:42] Yeah, yeah, I'm grandpa through the desert on a horse with with a ghost with no name not a person but

[1:17:53] Anyway, I remember about that song. Oh, yeah

[1:17:56] I'm a bigger fan of the Crosby stills Nash and ghost songs

[1:18:03] On this harvest ghost, and of course, I've been searching for a heart of ghost. That's a big thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

[1:18:11] So great so Creedance back at the hot at the at her house

[1:18:15] She uses the power of the stones of Stonehenge, which she has in her house

[1:18:19] To regrow her hand as grandpa

[1:18:22] Gleefully hands Josh a Molotov cocktail to throw to burn the whole house down and grandpa could not be more excited

[1:18:28] The house

[1:18:31] Burn in with the ghost. Yeah, get on the action. Did you see how fun it is to just insert a little bit of song?

[1:18:38] After so much, it's you know after 400 episodes just nice to raise our voices together song and praise

[1:18:47] Where we sing mix them up karaoke song just do it. I've been doing we mix them up

[1:18:54] Stewart cup. Uh-huh. Yep. Yeah

[1:18:58] From them. Yeah

[1:19:01] In the ghost. Yeah, he's intangible

[1:19:05] Right through him. So that should have gotten rid of all the new listeners. We've

[1:19:10] So he has a Molotov cocktail. He immediately uses it and burns all the goblins, right? No, I'm unfortunately

[1:19:15] Well, even though the nil boggins are clapping to music for the family for a long time as the other family members sit in the circle

[1:19:22] looking awkward the as the nil as the

[1:19:25] Goblin humans clap grandpa is about to light the fuse when the preacher who hates meat shows up

[1:19:30] Just plucks the Molotov cocktail out of Josh's hand and cast a spell that hurts grandpa's ghost form so hard

[1:19:36] So, you know somehow and grandpa casts a spell back

[1:19:40] That causes the preacher to burst into flame

[1:19:43] Yeah, like a bolt of lightning flies from the sky and sets the Molotov cocktail off

[1:19:47] Yes, and the and it seems to be like that

[1:19:50] He uses up the last of his ectoplasmic energy to do that or something like that

[1:19:53] Like he has to leave after that dad runs out extinguishes the fire revealing a burnt-up goblin body now

[1:20:00] Everyone sees the truth and the sheriff declares that the family must die, but instead of doing anything

[1:20:06] We haven't we haven't even talked about this. Okay, but we're introduced the sheriff earlier and his name is sheriff gene freak

[1:20:13] And if I came up with that name, I would have saved that shit for a better movie

[1:20:17] Yeah, yeah fair every every even a bad movie can have a stroke of genius in the middle of it

[1:20:22] Yeah gene freak. Yeah, and so like it sounds just felt. Yeah, exactly

[1:20:27] The same slur you would hurl at a mutant in an x-men comic

[1:20:32] That's his birth name

[1:20:34] And so, uh, he's he's uh, well the original last name of the family was mind freak, but we changed it at ellis islands

[1:20:42] I changed it to sound less criss angel. Uh, so they know they're goblins and the sheriff goes this is my uh, this is

[1:20:49] He's all right. My wife, uh, she of course is a superintendent at the school super freak. Uh, yeah, these are my brothers

[1:20:55] They're fabulous and fury

[1:20:57] Did I say fury or

[1:21:00] Alex make it sound cooler

[1:21:02] Don't correct it to furry just make it sound cool. Yeah, yeah

[1:21:06] Throw some like laser beams. We all remember when when bruce lee was in fists of furry freak freak brothers. Yeah

[1:21:12] They made a little bit of changing a little bit of changes to the original source material

[1:21:16] But you know it like as much as when when uh, when jet lee started that mr

[1:21:21] B natural movie and it was like so that's why mr

[1:21:24] B natural is extending his leg so far to do a roundhouse kick. That's why

[1:21:29] Yeah, it's called keep on fighting. Anyway, uh, so

[1:21:32] Uh, the sheriff says you must die, but then the goblins don't really do anything

[1:21:36] They just stand there and stare at the family as the family runs back into the house credence back at stonehenge

[1:21:41] She casts a spell and the moon goes away and she's transformed

[1:21:45] into a

[1:21:46] More mainstream beautiful woman. She loses her gray teeth and ultra chapped lifts

[1:21:51] But she also loses her glasses and loses her general kind of like

[1:21:54] She's still kind of a goth librarian vibe, but not as much of one and so

[1:21:58] I really missed that

[1:22:00] She's a more conventional sex object at this point. The family is under siege just not under siege

[1:22:06] Uh in that they are dark territory

[1:22:08] Yeah, as in they're a chef who was a marine and now he's on a train and eric bogosian is there

[1:22:12] Uh, or that he is a chef who's on a battleship and gary bucey is there but in fact, they understand erica laniacs

[1:22:21] Yeah in one of the most famous scenes involving a cake ever committed to film

[1:22:25] uh

[1:22:26] As a kid, I watched that scene so many times

[1:22:31] Yeah, it's it's uh, this reminds me recently

[1:22:33] I was driving to a writer's guild strike rally with star of the flop house. Hallie hagglund and for some reason

[1:22:38] She brought up the movie just one of the guys and brought up the the topless scene at the end as if I wasn't familiar

[1:22:44] With it as if it was something that have you heard about this? Yeah, she's like walking you through it. Are you aware?

[1:22:49] I was like, uh, don't worry. I was 11 years old with hbo

[1:22:53] I am aware of just one of the guys in the topless shot

[1:22:55] They're in it was like me

[1:22:57] when I was like I caught part of that at least that scene on hbo and I remember going to the video store and

[1:23:04] Trying to explain to my mom

[1:23:06] What movie I wanted to rent but without tipping my hand?

[1:23:10] Like so there's a woman who dresses as a man she's like did you see victor victoria?

[1:23:15] I don't think so. Mom. Was it 12th night? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah

[1:23:22] There's a lot of similarities are you talking about the unreleased yet? She's the man that's not going to come out for several years

[1:23:29] You ended up with katherine hepburn and sylvia scarlet and you're like, all right, I guess i'll watch this not the same

[1:23:35] Uh, so they uh, they're under siege, but it's mostly just the goblin people

[1:23:39] People just standing around outside but the sheriff

[1:23:41] He throws a bag of sandwiches at the door and says eat this or we'll kill you violently

[1:23:45] Uh, they decide instead to hold a seance for grandpa

[1:23:48] Holly is like why don't we hold a seance and joshua's like holly you're a genius

[1:23:52] It's another moment of real bonding between these siblings who have had their troubles in the past, you know

[1:23:56] There are different points in their life

[1:23:57] They argue a lot but you can tell that when they grow up and they have their own families

[1:24:01] They're going to really bond with each other. It's going to be a real connection again more grist for the troll 2 novelization

[1:24:07] Uh

[1:24:08] So elliot's final friend the novelization is going to be like the waves where we just kind of go back and yes

[1:24:14] Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah or to the lighthouse something like that. Yeah. Yeah, and uh the so

[1:24:19] Elliot's final friend he's sitting at the rv watching more inexplicable television when credence appears in her new guise as a sexy seductress

[1:24:28] She has an ear of corn with her and he's so hungry

[1:24:31] He doesn't know what he wants more sex or eating and so he she beckons him to join her and then he does

[1:24:37] And then they go back inside they some of the least sexy keyboard music i've ever heard is playing in the background of this

[1:24:43] It's like it feels like game show music and it's very funny that it plays throughout the scene. It's uh

[1:24:49] She seduces him in a way where they are both

[1:24:52] Taking bites out of opposite sides of the cob of the corn cob at the same time as if they're going to eat their way

[1:24:57] Through it lady in the tramp style. There's no way they're just going to crunch through a corn cob. That would be insane

[1:25:02] Come on, they can't do that and suddenly

[1:25:05] And he goes he's like, yeah, I like popcorn and everything's getting so hot and heavy that suddenly popcorn is just exploding off of the corn

[1:25:11] Cob everywhere. Yeah, and it is maybe everybody remembers their first time, you know

[1:25:15] It is maybe the funniest metaphor for sex i've ever seen in a movie just that popcorn exploding between people's faces

[1:25:21] And he later on is drowned in that popcorn. Yes after the fact the um

[1:25:26] the screenwriter and director like

[1:25:29] Would claim that this movie was always meant to be comic and

[1:25:33] to some degree

[1:25:35] That's the sort of like shaving face thing that people always say when it's what tommy was always said about the room

[1:25:40] Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's meant to be a comedy when it's clearly not

[1:25:43] I mean on the other hand there are scenes like this in here where you can like yeah, no I can I can

[1:25:48] See where some of this was meant to be comedic. Yeah. Yeah, but it still doesn't work on that

[1:25:54] It feels like they're going for like a critters type thing where it's like there are jokes in it, but it's also meant to be like

[1:26:01] a scary little

[1:26:02] You know movie or an exciting movie or like ghost, you know

[1:26:06] Ghostbusters is like the best version of that where it's a comedy, but there's also like genuine

[1:26:10] It's not necessarily scary, but it's like you do get wrapped up in the supernatural story. I mean the librarian

[1:26:17] I mean if ever there was a librarian that I was scared by

[1:26:20] In a non-sexy way, it was the librarian ghost in uh in uh ghostbusters, you know, so

[1:26:25] Although now that I think about it

[1:26:27] Maybe yeah, maybe who knows maybe she just needs the right up to the right. Maybe you could change, you know

[1:26:33] What's her at maybe i'll reach out. I think it's at library ghost from ghostbusters

[1:26:37] Oh, that actually makes a lot of sense, but she but she's only on she's only on a parlor

[1:26:42] Unfortunately, let me let me pull it up. Oh, yeah. Yeah link tree interesting

[1:26:47] Is that a tree that grows links from legend kind of kind of so on raya because she's a celebrity, yeah

[1:26:54] We'll have to get we'll have to get our friends that are on raya to check her out

[1:26:58] Yeah, raya is a is a dating site. That's just for celebrities and last dragons. So anyway, the uh,

[1:27:03] So, uh the townspeople they're standing around ominously

[1:27:06] The sheriff is like enough of this and fires his shotgun in the air

[1:27:10] The family's holding the seance grandpa's up here via light just amazing light and voices

[1:27:15] He's like we don't see his face on this one says and he says he can only appear for a few 10 more minutes

[1:27:19] They have to concentrate and they'll use goodness to destroy the magic stone

[1:27:24] That gives credence the queen of the goblins her power and at this point

[1:27:27] I felt maybe troll 2's mythology is a little too complicated as much as I love the family backstory

[1:27:31] We're putting together perhaps. It's a little too slapdash and patched together that it's like

[1:27:36] Oh, yeah druids have their descendant and she somehow rules the goblins using a cutting of stonehenge. That's a magic stone

[1:27:43] Anyway, joshua passes out and the trolls invade the house and the family runs away and joshua wakes up somehow

[1:27:49] Magically transported to the witch's lair and he's attacked by a troll and that's when grandpa appears

[1:27:57] Attacked by a goblin and grandpa appears and punches that goblin and gives joshua

[1:28:01] Of course a bag of supplies that he can use to destroy the stonehenge magic stone

[1:28:05] And what I don't remember what was in there. Is it just stuff? I know it's no I know

[1:28:09] He says he can only use it in times of like great emergency

[1:28:12] Yes, and he later on reaches into that bag and pulls out a triple decker baloney sandwich. That's right. That's right and that thing can

[1:28:20] defeat vegetarian goblins

[1:28:23] like

[1:28:24] baloney

[1:28:29] My baloney has a first name

[1:28:31] And the grouch and then oscar the grouch comes out with a fucking

[1:28:35] Machine gun shoots all the goblins. This is the most animated i've seen dan in a while

[1:28:40] I love trash, but i'll take out this trash for free

[1:28:47] Yeah, uh, I mean he hates everything he's oscar the grouch

[1:28:50] Yeah, so sully throw him in the can add a bunch of goblins. They fall down like my baloney has a first name

[1:28:56] It's oscar. My baloney has a second name. It's leva levant oscar lefant. That's right

[1:29:02] Famously moody piano player

[1:29:06] Uh elliot's last friend we just briefly see credence leave the rv leaving him buried in popcorn, but not quite dead yet

[1:29:12] And he just goes no more no more popcorn and I guess he's been popcorns to death. Uh, yeah

[1:29:19] Uh credence leaves the rv and screams at how she looks in the mirror and sees that she's lost her

[1:29:24] conventional beauty and she's back to having the weird lips and and teeth and uh

[1:29:29] She zapped the trolls say their queen is calling them trolls

[1:29:33] Damn it

[1:29:33] The goblins in the house say their queen is calling them and they zap away leaving the family confused

[1:29:39] Grandpa disappears forever and tells joshua only the power of goodness can defeat the goblins

[1:29:43] So credence the goblins show up and they start threatening him

[1:29:46] But he horrifies them exactly by pulling out of the stack a a triple decker baloney sandwich and is he eating it?

[1:29:52] Yeah, he's just eating in front of them, right?

[1:29:54] His family runs in like you could be anti-vegetarian without being pro

[1:30:00] bologna made bologna processed plastic meat yeah anyway his family runs in they all put

[1:30:05] their hands on the stone and concentrate as credence and the goblins scream and they drool

[1:30:09] gook and they explode it's really gross they all fall down a bunch they're all dead and

[1:30:14] the family god that bug i'd got one he's not his eye explodes right yeah yeah and now we

[1:30:21] cut to the family arrives back at home uh there i guess they're gonna change the sheets

[1:30:26] again like they did before uh they're drained mom starts eating an apple because she just

[1:30:30] is so hungry and joshua's well she pulls a crystal like fucking bowl out of the fridge

[1:30:37] that has a bunch of apples in it yeah yeah and she just starts going to town and it's

[1:30:43] you know you know immediately this yeah just like just like eve in the garden and you know

[1:30:47] the movie's not that something bad's gonna happen because otherwise the movie would be

[1:30:50] over and joshua's whispering voices and finds a baseball with yummy mom is so good written

[1:30:55] on it in green muck she goes to the shower because mom's like i'm gonna have an apple

[1:30:59] and take a shower goes to the shower it's full of green muck oh no his mom turned into

[1:31:03] a plant in the shower the kitchen is full of goblins they're eating the slime that used

[1:31:08] to be his mom and they go do you want some joshua and joshua screams smash cut to credits

[1:31:14] and this is all too creepy to use a kid because like i remember seeing this on tv and this

[1:31:19] was the part that genuinely creeped me out this was another part that genuinely frightened

[1:31:23] me and and it's such a nihilistic unexpected ending for like this goofy movie before like

[1:31:32] he's like nope nope we ate your mom not since the ending of the goofy movie in which goofy

[1:31:37] has a double suicide pact with his son has there been a bleak ending to a goofy movie

[1:31:41] like this a nihilistic ending like this there's no escape from the goblins they they eat his

[1:31:45] mom is it implied that the rest of the family have turned into goblins or is it and i or

[1:31:50] these just goblins just hard to say they just followed behind their car in another

[1:31:54] car and whenever the parents looked in the rearview mirror the goblins would duck i honestly

[1:31:58] thought that this was the family that they'd swapped houses with but i guess they were

[1:32:02] back in the other place yeah no no that family clearly left the apples but i don't think

[1:32:07] yeah they left those apples yeah and because that only a only a farm family would leave

[1:32:11] a crystal cut glass bowl yeah i feel like this movie just reinforced elliot's choice

[1:32:17] to not eat any vegetables or fruit yeah i'm not a goblin i don't want to be a goblin

[1:32:22] and i don't want to i just i don't want to turn into a into plant food i mean we'll all

[1:32:26] become plant food eventually uh because and our roots will uh our bodies will become nourishment

[1:32:31] for the roots of the plants that will then go on to feed the birds the birds will go

[1:32:35] on to feed larry bird the famous basketball player and he will go on of course to feed

[1:32:40] a whale when god tells him to go tell nineveh that they've been sinful and he refuses to

[1:32:44] do it falls overboard in a ship the whale eats him that whale will then become food

[1:32:48] or larry bird that whale will then become food for millions of japanese school children

[1:32:53] although the whale was killed as a scientific experiment and then those japanese school

[1:32:56] children will as they grow up and become old become nourishment for the plants and the

[1:33:00] cycle of life oh that makes sense actually yeah yeah yeah let's give final judgments

[1:33:06] for this movie we do it every episode we decide whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad

[1:33:11] movie or a movie that we actually kind of liked i will say you know this is this is

[1:33:18] a classic good bad movie right guys this is like i uh yeah dan rope us into pre pre pre

[1:33:25] sell our emotions yeah now i look i was one of the people in not literally in a best worst

[1:33:36] movie but the people referenced by best with worst movie who saw this as a kid uh roped

[1:33:43] others into it being like you gotta see this bad movie this was before i professionally

[1:33:49] talked about uh movies that maybe weren't all their creators meant them to be uh for

[1:33:55] a podcast i was just a bad movie aficionado on my own and i would have parties and be

[1:34:01] like hey watch this thing and people would watch it and be amused uh you know watching

[1:34:06] it re-watching it again today i was like uh this is always better when people are around

[1:34:13] and no one else is here to experience this with me it's still it's still pretty funny

[1:34:17] but pretty fun but it's still pretty fun this is uh you know a top tier good bad movie yeah

[1:34:24] it's kind of like sex it's ideal with other people but still fun by yourself true but

[1:34:30] a lot easier when there's not other people around oh wow okay so much easier when i'm

[1:34:34] watching troll 2 without other people i don't have to worry about their pleasure or what

[1:34:38] they're getting out of it i can just focus on my own enjoyment of the movie okay yeah

[1:34:42] but i will say yeah this is i was a little worried at that this movie i hadn't seen in

[1:34:46] a few years or and i was a little worried that i was like oh what are we doing like

[1:34:51] this thing's been raked over the coals so many times this is a real vanilla bad movie

[1:34:55] and then watching it again it was like yeah this is a special good bad movie this is something

[1:34:59] i don't know if it's the best worst movie but it is up there it's a it's i think partly

[1:35:04] because it is it lives in that space of it is so and not it's it's fairly clumsily made

[1:35:13] but it is not so incompetently made that you can't just sit back and watch it you know

[1:35:18] like yeah like you're not puzzling out what the hell is going in this like what's going

[1:35:22] on in this what's what's happening you can tell it's clear that what's happening is ridiculous

[1:35:27] and pretty dumb uh but it's being done in a way that is i know and until that ending

[1:35:33] until that bleak ending there's a certain like kind of innocence about the whole thing

[1:35:37] yeah you know yeah i mean it's such a like it moves it a good clip uh it's every every

[1:35:44] line delivery feels like it's like the weirdest take possible yeah i think it's i think it's

[1:35:51] a really fun it's a really special bad movie it's definitely a like a perfect good bad

[1:35:56] movie yeah i i think the to play off some of what you guys have said i think that if

[1:36:02] i was to offer a unified theory of good bad movies let's hear it yeah one thing would

[1:36:07] be that a movie that makes all of the wrong decisions you know a movie that doesn't do

[1:36:14] anything right would be just unwatchable like a good bad movie is one that there's something

[1:36:22] to it that makes it watchable but it also is utterly baffling yeah and this has has

[1:36:30] that yeah and and it has like kind of a weird like it's not scary but it does have like

[1:36:35] this weird dreamlike power where it's like none of this makes sense but it is sort of

[1:36:40] like if you're trying to explain what what happened when you slept last night to somebody

[1:36:47] it's the witch coming out from behind the dumpster in mulholland tribe for an hour and a half

[1:36:51] yeah it feels to me a little bit like a horror movie for kids made by kids like they who don't

[1:36:58] really have a full grasp of storytelling and don't and are like just throwing some things in

[1:37:04] and don't have a grasp of adult behavior or and so it's a there's a but you're right there's

[1:37:10] it's like a good bad movie is one that uh is made just good enough that you can focus on the

[1:37:16] fun bad stuff of it and you're not distracted by the the bad bad stuff of it yeah it's not painful

[1:37:22] uh what a joy troll two best picture of the year say the floppers yeah uh all around stewart i

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[1:37:59] you can feed your pets you can feed your pets using smalls cat food which is protein packed

[1:38:04] recipes made from real ingredients not just uh not just you know not just pate garbage uh smalls

[1:38:11] made by real people uh it was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys cooking food cat food from

[1:38:18] home and giving it to friends and now they feed cats around the world and personally uh as a fan

[1:38:24] of my cats i like it when my cat muscles climbs onto my chest and sticks his mouth right over my

[1:38:30] nose and face i'm glad that his breath doesn't smell quite as bad as it used to it used to be

[1:38:36] in the old days when you would feed him plants that you made by giving goblin food to people

[1:38:41] thank you that's a whole tie-in so what i would recommend you do is you should get your cats

[1:38:50] higher quality ingredients uh from smalls healthier cat food so head to smalls.com

[1:38:57] slash flop and use promo code flop at checkout for 50 off your first order plus you get free

[1:39:05] shipping now that's the best offer you're going to find anywhere but in order to get that you're

[1:39:10] going to have to use our promo code and that is flop to get 50 off your first order one last time

[1:39:16] for everybody in the back row promo code flop for 50 off your first order plus free shipping so you

[1:39:23] can feed your kitty boys uh elliot do you want to tell a little bit about flop tv i certainly do i

[1:39:30] would love to hey 400th episode listeners we're very excited to be announcing not for the first

[1:39:36] time but let's pretend it's the first time because it's our 400th episode and we want to

[1:39:39] have a big announcement that we are doing a series of six once a month live streaming shows we're

[1:39:46] calling it flop tv what is flop tv you ask well it's kind of like this except you can see us and

[1:39:52] it is a tight kind of more streamlined tv-ish version of the show it's going to be like our

[1:39:58] live virtual shows or our live break

[1:40:00] We're going to have a presentation at the top, we're going to talk about a movie, we're

[1:40:03] going to answer a couple of questions, it's going to be really fun.

[1:40:07] And here's the thing, we're going to do the movies that have been most requested, or most

[1:40:12] talked about, or just most heralded in bad movies other than Troll 2, which we just did

[1:40:17] in this episode.

[1:40:19] But some Troll 2 level stuff, so that's six episodes once a month for six months, usually

[1:40:25] the first Saturday in each month, except for September.

[1:40:27] And let's talk about the movies that we're going to be talking about.

[1:40:29] In August, we're doing Beastmaster 2 through the portal of time, the only movie where a

[1:40:35] Beastmaster goes through a portal of time, and I just found out that someone I know is

[1:40:39] neighbors with the Beastmaster himself.

[1:40:41] So I'm going to ask for some more inside info.

[1:40:44] In September, you know it, Hollywood if she could, it's Cool World, everybody's favorite

[1:40:50] movie that doesn't really work about live action people having sex with cartoons.

[1:40:54] In October, it's an all-American meat double feature, Hamburger, the motion picture, and

[1:41:00] Hot Dog, the movie.

[1:41:01] What are these movies about?

[1:41:02] I don't know.

[1:41:03] I've never seen them.

[1:41:04] Ketchup and mustard.

[1:41:05] I've always been curious.

[1:41:06] Ketchup and mustard, they're cops.

[1:41:08] And in November, it's Sports Month, that's right, over the top, the best arm wrestling

[1:41:12] movie ever made, featuring one of our patron saints of the flop house, Sylvester Stallone.

[1:41:16] In December, it's Ballistic, X versus Sever, the movie that introduced America to the lovable

[1:41:21] characters X and Sever.

[1:41:23] Put them against each other and made them ballistic.

[1:41:26] It's a title we never understood what it means, and now we're finally going to find out.

[1:41:29] And in January, yeah, in January, we're going to do the movie New Key, the second worst

[1:41:34] movie ever made, a movie I have seen, seen and wish I could unsee.

[1:41:40] Now, Elliot, Slow Bullet, that's your pick for the worst movie you've ever seen?

[1:41:45] Slow Bullet is the worst movie I've ever seen, and New Key, an E.T. ripoff about an alien

[1:41:49] who's always crying and so snot is always coming out of his nose and is trapped in Africa.

[1:41:55] That is the movie we'll be doing in January.

[1:41:57] So do you want to see these shows?

[1:41:59] I bet you do.

[1:42:00] Is this your first time listening to this podcast?

[1:42:01] Well, I think you're going to like these TV versions of it and even more.

[1:42:04] Tickets are available for individual shows.

[1:42:06] If there's an individual movie you really want to hear us talk about, then you can buy

[1:42:09] a ticket for that episode or you can get a discounted season pass for all six episodes.

[1:42:14] That's right.

[1:42:15] One season pass gets you to every episode and it costs less than if you bought each

[1:42:19] episode individually.

[1:42:20] So just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com to buy your tickets today.

[1:42:25] Again, that's theflophouse.simpletics.com.

[1:42:28] Unless I'm misunderstanding it, this will also be like our live virtual shows where

[1:42:31] even if you can't watch them live, getting a ticket will give you access to that recording

[1:42:35] for a limited amount of time.

[1:42:37] So go.

[1:42:38] These tickets have been selling really well.

[1:42:39] People are really excited.

[1:42:40] It's the Internet, so there's lots of tickets available.

[1:42:43] So go buy them.

[1:42:44] Go get tickets.

[1:42:45] Go.

[1:42:46] Theflophouse.simpletics.com for a new era in Flophouse programming.

[1:42:50] And you know, while we're in plugs, I just want to say Stuart came back into the room.

[1:42:55] We had a little to pull the curtain back.

[1:42:58] We had a little bathroom break earlier on and also to air out this sweltering hot room

[1:43:02] that Stu and I are in.

[1:43:03] We're in a sweatbox right now and I'm starting to see colors and sounds.

[1:43:09] But Stuart...

[1:43:10] I mean, seeing colors is something you could do before it was really hot, right?

[1:43:13] Not a lie.

[1:43:15] Stuart returned with an ALF sticker from my refrigerator.

[1:43:21] He wanted to fact check this sticker.

[1:43:23] He was mad that it said Shumway 67 on the front of it.

[1:43:28] You should mention ALF is wearing a football jersey.

[1:43:30] He's wearing a football jersey.

[1:43:31] That's correct.

[1:43:32] And that's on the front of the jersey that says Shumway 67.

[1:43:34] Yeah.

[1:43:35] Yes, yes.

[1:43:36] Yeah, because they have like traditional American football on Melmac or...

[1:43:40] Stuart was mad that that was the place that the name of the football team would be.

[1:43:46] But instead, ALF has his last name.

[1:43:48] Or the mascot.

[1:43:49] There.

[1:43:50] But this all reminded me to just, I would like to extend a little free advertising to

[1:43:57] my friend and my wife's friend, my friends Jeff and Phoebe, who have just started a small

[1:44:07] toy store slash museum for vintage toys called the Museum of Nostalgia in Astoria, Queens.

[1:44:15] So they had their grand opening recently.

[1:44:18] It was really cool.

[1:44:19] And also, if you're in the area, check out...

[1:44:21] And what area would that be?

[1:44:23] Astoria, Queens is again, where everyone can find it.

[1:44:26] I also kind of want to point out that ALF's player number is 67, and I think they knew

[1:44:32] what they were doing there.

[1:44:34] What's that?

[1:44:36] Two away from, you know, that number.

[1:44:38] Okay, so...

[1:44:39] 65.

[1:44:40] Yeah, because they were in the Adam Driver movie of the same name.

[1:44:43] Yeah.

[1:44:44] You said the same thing when I was like, I'm number one.

[1:44:46] And you're like, Dan, I know what you're doing.

[1:44:48] I know what you're doing.

[1:44:49] That's 68 numbers away from a very funny number.

[1:44:53] Hey, MaxFun listeners, this is Cameron Esposito.

[1:45:01] I'm a standup comic, actor, writer, bestselling author, and podcaster.

[1:45:06] I got a great show called Queery, where I interview LGBTQ plus luminaries across, oh,

[1:45:11] a bunch of fields.

[1:45:12] People in entertainment, astronauts, musicians, rock stars.

[1:45:17] I am bringing the show to Maximum Fun.

[1:45:19] You can listen right now.

[1:45:21] And I am so happy to be on this network.

[1:45:24] We have new episodes out every Monday.

[1:45:27] You can listen at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1:45:36] It's official.

[1:45:38] MaxFun has become a co-op.

[1:45:40] We're now a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.

[1:45:44] Thanks to supporters and listeners like you, MaxFun will always be a place where employees

[1:45:49] have a say.

[1:45:50] Thanks to you, shows can continue to partner with an independent, values-driven network.

[1:45:55] Thanks to you, we're able to carry on our commitment to our shows and the community

[1:45:59] we've grown together.

[1:46:00] Learn more about what becoming a co-op means for us and you at MaximumFun.org slash co-op.

[1:46:06] That's MaximumFun.org slash c-o-o-p.

[1:46:14] Hey, let's answer a couple of letters from listeners.

[1:46:17] This first one, oh, geez, Louise, I don't know who this is from.

[1:46:22] And it's the most important one to know who this is from.

[1:46:24] Hold on.

[1:46:25] Man, did you really think I'd let you get to the letters without a song?

[1:46:30] On this, our 400th episode, 400th episode, 400 episodes, 400 years.

[1:46:36] We've been doing this podcast since 1623.

[1:46:40] It all began 400 years ago when our ancestor Jebediah Flophouse started the Flophouse.

[1:46:46] He came to this country with a dream, a dream of burning down forests and building farms.

[1:46:52] And he did that, too.

[1:46:53] But then afterwards, what would he do?

[1:46:55] He'd invent the Bad Movie Podcast with the Flophouse.

[1:46:59] And 400 years later, 400 episodes, because it's an episode a year in this version of the story.

[1:47:07] We came here to Stuart and Dan and Elliot doing the podcast for 400 years.

[1:47:14] Four, zero, zero.

[1:47:15] Don't add up those numbers together, because four plus zero plus zero just makes four.

[1:47:19] But we've done 100 times as many episodes as four.

[1:47:22] 400, that's the number of episodes so far, if you don't count the minis or the movie minutes.

[1:47:29] In actuality, we hit this milestone a while ago.

[1:47:32] How long ago?

[1:47:33] I don't know.

[1:47:35] I don't know.

[1:47:37] I don't know.

[1:47:38] But a while ago.

[1:47:39] I was turning to Bohemian Rhapsody there for a second.

[1:47:40] Thank you for—

[1:47:41] But 400 episodes, we'll call it today.

[1:47:48] 400 episodes, like the movie 300.

[1:47:53] If there were 100 more guys, 100 more Spartans, would that have saved the day?

[1:47:58] Would they have been able to carry Thermopylae from Xerxes and his goons on the big battle day?

[1:48:04] Again, shedding any new listeners we've made.

[1:48:06] 400, 400, 400.

[1:48:07] Find out in the sequel to 300.

[1:48:09] It's called 400.

[1:48:10] 100 guys go back in time to help the 300 Spartans.

[1:48:13] Please stop this.

[1:48:16] Thank you, though.

[1:48:17] Thank you for stalling for a while.

[1:48:19] While I looked up, I had somehow—

[1:48:22] Anytime you need it, you got it.

[1:48:25] Someone to stall with a song, you got it.

[1:48:28] Because you didn't look up the name ahead of time, you got it.

[1:48:34] The name—I had actually cut off the name to this first letter, and I really wanted to give this person credit because they did a nice thing for us.

[1:48:42] This is from Kevin, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:48:46] Hi, I'm a longtime listener to The Flophouse.

[1:48:48] I love the show.

[1:48:49] I look forward to it every Saturday.

[1:48:51] Listening to the latest episode, I realized that having two different URLs for the live TV call to action could be confusing.

[1:48:57] You're right.

[1:48:58] It could be.

[1:48:59] I wanted to help prevent this confusion if I could, so I bought http://flophouselive.com, the URL flophouselive.com,

[1:49:10] which I would be more than happy to transfer to you all for free if you want it.

[1:49:14] It redirects to theflophouse.simpletix.com, so you can just give out the URL, flophouselive.com.

[1:49:22] This gentleman has done a nice thing for us on the occasion of our 400th episode,

[1:49:30] which is to account for the clumsy way in which we run some of our business

[1:49:37] and provide a simple solution that we can just give out, flophouselive.com.

[1:49:42] That's great.

[1:49:43] I don't feel like we do things that are that clumsy around here.

[1:49:46] Hey, everybody, did you hear the tale about the guy who bought a URL for The Flophouse?

[1:49:53] He really helped us out.

[1:49:55] For The Flophouse, a teapot has a spout.

[1:50:00] You want to pour the tea out of the tea pot, you got to use the spout.

[1:50:04] In fact, if I was going to throw spin a hypothetical scenario in which I was a

[1:50:09] tea pot, I would say here is my spout.

[1:50:15] So what you're going to do is the water.

[1:50:18] So I'm going to keep going.

[1:50:21] This one's from Nolan.

[1:50:22] Last name withheld.

[1:50:23] Who writes Christopher Nolan, last name withheld.

[1:50:27] Hello.

[1:50:28] For years, I've listened to podcasts at 1.5 speed and with shortened silences.

[1:50:33] That way I can get to all the podcasts I'm subscribed to.

[1:50:36] Recently, I found myself even more in awe than usual at how quickly the

[1:50:39] peaches, that's us, we're coming up with bits besides remembering your

[1:50:43] skilled editing and genuine quickness.

[1:50:45] I found that slowing back down to one time speed has made me feel less inadequate.

[1:50:50] I've also gotten to the habit of turning on subtitles when watching movies or

[1:50:54] TV helps me catch all the dialogue.

[1:50:56] Recently, I noticed that the subtitles often ruin the timing of jokes.

[1:51:00] So I started turning subtitles off for comedies and my

[1:51:03] enjoyment has been restored.

[1:51:05] Do any of you have any watching habits that inadvertently lessen your

[1:51:07] enjoyment of what you're watching?

[1:51:09] Thanks for making my favorite podcast.

[1:51:10] Nolan, last name withheld.

[1:51:11] I would, before we get into this, I would argue that the lesson that you learned

[1:51:15] about, uh, uh, subtitles ruining comedy can be applied to maybe the timing, uh,

[1:51:22] and removing pauses from a comedy podcast isn't necessarily listening to it the

[1:51:27] best, although we are glad that you listen to, as someone who listens to all

[1:51:31] his podcasts at double speed, I disagree.

[1:51:34] I like it fast.

[1:51:35] And whenever I took it back to single speed, everyone sounds old and slow and

[1:51:42] then I put double speed and I'm like, Oh, they're so fast on their feet.

[1:51:45] They're so smart and young.

[1:51:46] This is what I want to hear.

[1:51:47] And I put down a single speed and I'm like, Oh, they're just reminding me now

[1:51:51] that we're all slowly shuffling off this world coil.

[1:51:54] You put on normal speed and it's like, no dogs allowed.

[1:52:00] Um, yeah, I, I have this habit called looking at my phone and that ruins

[1:52:07] everything, including my mental health.

[1:52:11] That's what I mean.

[1:52:12] Like I, you know, Elliot being someone who has no free time and, um, thus lashes

[1:52:20] out at those of us who do, uh, makes fun of me for, I wouldn't say lashes out.

[1:52:26] I'm going to hit you with a whip or a writing.

[1:52:29] He makes fun of me for how many movies I've seen in the theater.

[1:52:32] But, you know, part of that is I enjoy forcing myself to pay attention

[1:52:37] because I do know that at home, a lot of what I watch, like, you know, and it

[1:52:41] plays so much better if I'm actually paying attention, you know, in the

[1:52:46] along with other people enjoying it rather than me at home with my phone.

[1:52:52] Uh, just wiling at the way that I still death.

[1:52:55] I really loved the first season of yellow jackets and the second season.

[1:52:58] I didn't like as much, but it was also probably because I

[1:53:01] had to work while watching it.

[1:53:02] So it would be like, there'd be times when, uh, not on TV or film projects.

[1:53:07] Don't worry.

[1:53:07] But we're at times where my wife would be sitting, watching it.

[1:53:09] And I'd be kind of like half watching it because I'm busy typing something up.

[1:53:12] And I wouldn't be surprised if it's not the show's fault that I

[1:53:15] didn't enjoy it as much, but my fault.

[1:53:17] Yeah.

[1:53:18] Yeah.

[1:53:19] I think I find similarly, uh, when I, when I binge television shows, it hurts

[1:53:24] my enjoyment of those shows that I find that it just becomes kind of like a.

[1:53:28] Endless TV sludge as opposed to like, and I get tired of it faster

[1:53:32] than if I like space things out.

[1:53:34] I certainly, um, I've been trying to catch up on, I think you should leave.

[1:53:37] And that is a show that benefits from a little bit of time between episodes,

[1:53:40] since the sketches are so similar.

[1:53:43] Yeah.

[1:53:43] I mean, I watched it all in one big glop, but I did watch it at a watching

[1:53:47] party with a bunch of people.

[1:53:49] And that was watching that show with a big group is really fun.

[1:53:52] Yeah.

[1:53:53] Uh, this all reminds me, of course, we, well, Josh's celebrity

[1:53:57] dog breathes heavily the whole time.

[1:54:00] We, we would be remiss to not take this opportunity to make fun of our friend.

[1:54:07] You've been praying, sure.

[1:54:09] We complained that the movie alien wasn't scary enough.

[1:54:12] And then we learned that he was watching it at two times speed or whatever.

[1:54:16] Well, I don't know if the two things are related.

[1:54:18] So Xubin who has joined us for our flop tales, uh, role-playing episodes.

[1:54:21] Uh, he, we found out that he watches movies at two times speed with the

[1:54:25] captions on because he doesn't have time for all that he was complaining about alien.

[1:54:28] He was like, how am I supposed to know it's scary when there's

[1:54:31] scenes with no music in the background?

[1:54:33] How am I supposed to know how I'm supposed to feel during those moments?

[1:54:35] And I'm like, are you a monster?

[1:54:37] Like, I don't understand, but, uh, but yeah, he, he would want that.

[1:54:40] He'd be like, oh yeah, I watch everything at two times speed with the captions on.

[1:54:43] So I don't actually listen to it.

[1:54:43] I'm like, when I go to a restaurant and I look at all the menu items, if nobody

[1:54:47] tells me that they're yummy, I don't know if they're going to be yummy or not.

[1:54:51] And I need it at two times speed.

[1:54:52] I want a conveyor belt to just like drop it into my mouth.

[1:54:55] Well, I don't have time to eat.

[1:54:56] So you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to take the actual food and I'm

[1:54:59] going to put it into like a trash compactor.

[1:55:01] And so it becomes like a little Wally cube nugget.

[1:55:04] And then I'm just going to throw that in my mouth.

[1:55:06] You know, that's a, this, this cube is pheasant under glass and, uh, a

[1:55:10] raspberry rhubarb compote.

[1:55:13] Ooh, that sounds good.

[1:55:14] Let me have a single bite.

[1:55:16] Is the glass in the cube?

[1:55:17] It's still in there.

[1:55:17] It got crushed when it got turned into a cube.

[1:55:20] I know.

[1:55:20] Cause I, right now I don't, I don't, uh, feel the need to.

[1:55:23] Look, the pieces are like the cube, the pieces are so small at this point.

[1:55:26] You're not even going to taste that glass.

[1:55:27] No, I mean, if now, normally when I have to kill the creepy crawlies in my tummy,

[1:55:30] I'd, I'd swallow that glass down.

[1:55:32] But right now I don't, I think that's not what I need.

[1:55:34] So can I get the pheasant in the glass without the glass?

[1:55:36] All right.

[1:55:36] I mean, sure.

[1:55:37] Yeah.

[1:55:37] I don't know if we do subs, three hours, let me talk to the chef.

[1:55:42] Outrageous.

[1:55:42] Let me talk to him.

[1:55:44] Don't come into my restaurant and ask for substitutions.

[1:55:47] Now this next one has cyanide in it.

[1:55:49] Can I get it without the cyanide?

[1:55:50] Get out of my restaurant.

[1:55:55] He put some salt in the cyanide.

[1:55:56] Worst, worst of all, um, he didn't even take a bite of the cyanide

[1:56:02] before he put salt on it.

[1:56:03] That shows a distrust of the show.

[1:56:05] Let's, uh, let's recommend movies.

[1:56:07] The last time we were doing this, we're not doing that anymore.

[1:56:12] Real break with tradition.

[1:56:13] It's been 400 episodes.

[1:56:15] Enough of this.

[1:56:17] How many movies are going to, are we going to recommend these people?

[1:56:19] That's why we can't have the extra salt because Ellie gets too salty.

[1:56:22] Um, no, this is the part.

[1:56:24] When I was a teenager, they called me a salt teen.

[1:56:28] And if I was an Angelina Jolie movie, that's right.

[1:56:30] I would be Gia.

[1:56:32] You know, you have not lost a step.

[1:56:38] You can't lose what you don't have.

[1:56:40] Dan, let me do it.

[1:56:41] This part of the podcast is where we recommend a movie that we maybe

[1:56:45] liked unironically in this case.

[1:56:48] Uh, often if it's a movie, we didn't enjoy it.

[1:56:50] Although we covered the movie that we would say, watch instead.

[1:56:53] Uh, in this case, we're saying do it as a double feat.

[1:56:56] Yeah.

[1:56:57] Yeah.

[1:56:57] Cue up some troll too.

[1:56:59] And then watch one of our recommendations.

[1:57:01] I'm going to recommend a little indie movie called Indiana

[1:57:04] Jones, the dial of destiny.

[1:57:06] No, that is an indie movie.

[1:57:08] That was a good joke.

[1:57:09] That Stewart, I love that.

[1:57:11] Dan just, just pushed his way through a Stewart's interruption.

[1:57:14] He had to get it out there.

[1:57:16] Uh, no.

[1:57:17] What were you going to say?

[1:57:19] I was going to say you can watch all three of our recommendations

[1:57:22] and troll too, as like a classic Dan McCoy movie day.

[1:57:25] Yeah.

[1:57:26] Yeah.

[1:57:27] He's got so much damn time on his hands.

[1:57:29] Obviously not worth fucking up your pond, Dan.

[1:57:32] I'm sorry.

[1:57:32] Now Dan, this is Indiana Jones and the dial of destiny.

[1:57:35] Yeah.

[1:57:36] I wanted to say, look, turn that dial to fun.

[1:57:40] Um, normally I try to not recommend like brand new things that are presumably

[1:57:50] going to, you know, do okay over the course of their time, but this movie

[1:57:52] is not actually doing that well.

[1:57:54] And I liked it.

[1:57:55] I liked it.

[1:57:55] I thought it was, it had a lot of like bad, uh, word of mouth before it came

[1:58:00] out and reviews have been middling, but I really enjoyed it and I, I know that

[1:58:07] a certain part of it is my love for the Indiana Jones series and growing up with

[1:58:16] them and growing up with Harrison Ford as the man I alternately, uh, you know,

[1:58:22] wanted to be my gruff dad.

[1:58:24] I wanted to be myself.

[1:58:26] Maybe there's something sexual.

[1:58:28] I don't know.

[1:58:28] He's very handsome.

[1:58:29] He is.

[1:58:30] Ransom.

[1:58:30] Now, Dan, I don't, I don't mean to interrupt this very, what you're

[1:58:32] saying is actually kind of poignant.

[1:58:34] I did.

[1:58:34] I don't want to interrupt, but it did sound like you said McGruff dad.

[1:58:37] And I'm just saying, if someone wants to do a TV show where McGruff, the

[1:58:39] crime dog is the dad, we will write that show to play McGruff.

[1:58:42] We'll do it.

[1:58:43] Continue.

[1:58:44] The party was born to play.

[1:58:45] No, I look, I know that part of it was born.

[1:58:48] They said, well, his mom said, is it a boy or a girl?

[1:58:51] And the doctor said, better.

[1:58:52] It's a McGruff.

[1:58:53] Mm-hmm.

[1:58:54] I know part of it is nostalgia.

[1:58:55] And part of it is like, there are those who will argue that, you know,

[1:59:00] crystal skull with all its wackiness, like, you know, it has more like

[1:59:04] Verve than this, which is like the kind of feel a little bit along the

[1:59:09] safe sort of force awakens path of like, okay, you don't like the other one.

[1:59:13] Let's make one that you're going to like, uh, that being said, well,

[1:59:18] man, gold is no Spielberg.

[1:59:20] And like the F the most fun parts of crystal skull have more

[1:59:24] Verve than like dialed destiny.

[1:59:27] I found this to be like, I don't know.

[1:59:30] I just didn't like crystal skull left a bad taste in my mouth.

[1:59:33] And this movie, I was like, yeah, that was the taste of crystal light.

[1:59:37] It was nice for it to be 2023 and God damn.

[1:59:41] And I'm seeing my old pal Harrison Ford, you know, whipping around up

[1:59:47] there on the silver screen, just whipping around and I, I think it's,

[1:59:53] I think it's, you know, it's not perfect.

[1:59:56] I see the flaws, but I think it's a pretty good.

[2:00:00] Indiana Jones adventure that I was happy to see Indiana Jones

[2:00:04] the secretary from Edmund

[2:00:10] Yeah

[2:00:12] Okay. So on the other end of the spectrum, I'm gonna recommend a movie that's doing pretty well at the box office

[2:00:17] That's also in the theaters. I'm recommending a movie called no hard feelings. That's right

[2:00:21] The movie where Jennifer Lawrence Oscar winner is trying to fuck a kid

[2:00:26] That's the premise of the movie

[2:00:28] And it's a sex comedy it's

[2:00:33] Relatively like light and how old is the kid? He's like, yeah

[2:00:37] He's like he's graduating high school, right? Okay, and his parents are Matthew Broderick and Laura Benanti. So it's okay

[2:00:49] So it's got a lot of fun performances

[2:00:51] The yeah, it's it's funny and Jennifer Lawrence is amazing. Like she throws her her whole self into this movie

[2:00:58] It's silly. It's funny. It's a little bit sweet

[2:01:02] But I feel like it doesn't necessarily go in the exact direction. They expect it to or maybe you do. I don't know

[2:01:07] I'm not a genius

[2:01:08] but yeah, if you're looking for if you're interested in watching a

[2:01:12] comedy that is

[2:01:15] for adults, I guess

[2:01:17] It's it's fun

[2:01:19] It's it's fun. Come on. It's a sex comedy. Come on. It's fun

[2:01:24] Come on. No, it's not really. It's no Elliott's

[2:01:28] Check your balls at the door and just go see the movie. Yeah

[2:01:31] The I'm going to I'm gonna see both of those movies

[2:01:34] I may not see them both in the theaters, but off your recommendations. I'm Dina Jones

[2:01:37] I was already gonna see and the other one. What is it up? No hard feelings. Oh, yeah, no hard feel

[2:01:42] I can never remember the name of it. I referred to in conversation recently a sorry not sorry, which is a good name for a movie

[2:01:47] It's an erection pun that's all you have to remember

[2:01:52] Yeah, there you go, I get it I get it I get okay movie I see what you're doing

[2:02:05] Like a lot of comedies the marketing is not particularly good for it

[2:02:09] I think it's yeah, and the trailer would make you believe. Yeah

[2:02:13] So these are hard to market you recommended some new movies I'm gonna recommend an old movie so we're recording this yeah shock-cale surprise

[2:02:21] The we're recording this just a few days after the passing of Alan Arkin

[2:02:26] This will be old news when you finally listen this episode

[2:02:28] We're recording ahead of time, but uh, it is new news for us

[2:02:31] And so I wanted to recommend my favorite new news is good news Elliot

[2:02:35] New news is good. Yeah, it's it's just

[2:02:38] Most people will have already forgotten about

[2:02:41] market is until they do a sequel to Little Miss Sunshine where they have a like a CGI version of Alan are I mean the

[2:02:49] Character dies in Little Miss Sunshine, but so I don't know how he's really sequel. Yes

[2:02:54] Littler Miss Sunshine

[2:02:56] It's called Big Miss Sunshine

[2:02:59] Yeah

[2:03:00] Okay, sorry. So but it's interesting you bring it up because this movie also has the word little in it

[2:03:05] It's my favorite Alan Arkin movie is only in one scene. It's called Little Murders

[2:03:08] This is a movie Alan Arkin directed and he has one scene that I think is great as a as a paranoid police detective

[2:03:15] Little Murders for 1971. It's based on the Jules Feiffer play of the same name same name. Also, it's the same name and same name

[2:03:23] It's based on Bill Nye. I'm the science guy and so

[2:03:26] It stars Elliot Gould and Marsha rod and it is the darkest of dark comedy

[2:03:33] It's the satire that is I find very funny, but it is also very bleak in its ending

[2:03:38] so it is hard-hitting satire all about life in New York, especially but in America in general in the

[2:03:44] Late 60s early 70s when it seems like all hope had been lost by by humans living in the United States

[2:03:50] You think our times bad? It was bad back then too. And it is it is it is also a love story

[2:03:56] it's a in some ways a tragic love story, but otherwise a satirical love story and

[2:04:01] It is just one of the I feel like one of these classic

[2:04:04] New York is collapsing movies and I think Alan Arkin did a great job directing it

[2:04:09] It feels in many ways very of its time but of its time in a in a really good solid way

[2:04:15] And so to remember that he was not just a great performer not just adept to both comedy and drama

[2:04:21] But also it could be a really good director. I would say take a look at Little Murders

[2:04:25] I would say do not read a

[2:04:27] Descript a plot summary of the movie because I found that plot summaries of the movie for some reason give away a thing that happens

[2:04:32] Two-thirds of the way through the film and is a big plot moment

[2:04:36] So just if you want to watch a kind of bleak satire of life in New York in the 70s

[2:04:41] Then Little Murders is the one for you

[2:04:44] Well speaking of things like troll to that scarred me as a young person

[2:04:48] I think I saw Little Murders on a knee when I was like 12 or 13 and very much disturbed

[2:04:54] Yeah, that is this is a rub

[2:04:55] This is one I think if somebody else wrote to my kids when maybe they're in their 20s

[2:04:58] Like this is not one to watch in a this way

[2:05:01] If someone's old enough that Jennifer that you're hiring general for Lawrence to have sex with them

[2:05:05] Then they can watch Little Murders younger than that

[2:05:10] Thing around the amusement park ride, yeah

[2:05:13] You must be tall enough that your parents are hiring general for Lawrence to get you out of your shell

[2:05:17] And if you are old enough that using a dial of destiny to de-age yourself, you might be too old for this movie, you know

[2:05:24] Well

[2:05:26] That's been it. That's 400 guys. Well, here is you know

[2:05:30] To 400 more or when we all hate each other, whichever comes well, you know, there's more than 400 more

[2:05:36] I lately I've gotten very

[2:05:38] Sentimental in episodes where I talk about how excited I am that we own this that this is our show that we own we can do

[2:05:43] Whatever we want with it. It is just us

[2:05:46] unfiltered unfortunately

[2:05:48] To the rest of the world and there's nothing stopping us from doing this for another 400 or more episodes

[2:05:52] We can do this until the day. I dropped dead with a microphone in my hand

[2:05:56] Talking about a song presumably singing a song about the topless shot and just one of the guys when I you know

[2:06:02] I'm in my 90s when it's no longer cute anymore. And this is kind of weird and creepy. Although it probably already is

[2:06:08] So, thank you so much before Dan says his official. Goodbye

[2:06:11] I want to say thank you again to the listeners who have been with us for so much of this time whether you've been with

[2:06:16] us for a month or

[2:06:17] 16 years

[2:06:18] We really appreciate you and we love that you're there for us and we're gonna keep doing this as long as you want to keep

[2:06:24] Hearing it. So thank you very much for keep us keeping us going all this time and being there for us

[2:06:29] Yes, I echo those things and I also want to thank

[2:06:33] Our producer Alex Smith for making us sound good on this episode. I want to thank our network

[2:06:41] Maximum fun which helps us out in myriad ways if you want to check out the other

[2:06:47] podcasts on the network go to maximum fun org and

[2:06:52] Wow

[2:06:53] We did it. Whatever it was. It was done. You can't argue that it happened. It was it. Yeah, and now it we're here

[2:07:02] For the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy

[2:07:04] Yeah, so I want to thank Dan McCoy for being my rock in times of trouble

[2:07:09] I want to thank Elliot Kalin for always, you know

[2:07:12] Always forcing me to like look a little bit beyond myself. I want to thank all my haters out there for

[2:07:19] Yeah, so I've been Stuart Wellington and I always will continue to be and I'm Elliot Kalin and next episode

[2:07:26] We're gonna have some new rebranding on me. I think that the second 400 episodes. I'm gonna be a new character with a new name

[2:07:32] So stay tuned and see if I remember this bit when we record the next episode and have a new character to bring up

[2:07:40] Boy

[2:07:55] So Dan I brought this elf magnet off of your

[2:07:59] Now what is all else football uniform because he's dressed up as a football player

[2:08:03] What is this a shumway on the front of his jersey like that's his team?

[2:08:09] well, maybe he's

[2:08:12] Maybe it's a family. Yeah, but like so the team he's on is called shumway plays for the shumways

[2:08:18] He plays for the shumways and he is a shumway

[2:08:22] Go your way we can go shumway. There's a right way to do it

[2:08:29] Maximum fun a work road network of artists own shows supported directly by you

Ep. #400 - Troll 2

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