FH Mini 90 - Cruising Along, with Jonathan Coulton and Paul Sabourin

[0:00] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:06] Mini? What?

[0:08] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:10] I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm sorry. I got thrown off.

Dan McCoy

[0:13] Stuart was so delighted, by the way I said that.

Stuart Wellington

[0:15] Yeah, I'm surprised that we're doing a mini.

[0:17] I thought we were doing a real episode.

Elliott Kalan

[0:19] And I'm Elliot Kalin, being professional for a moment to say that later on in the show,

[0:23] I'm going to tell you how to see our next episode of Flop TV,

[0:26] our online broadcast show. October 7th is our next episode.

[0:30] We're going to be talking about the American Meat double feature of Hot Dog the Movie

[0:33] and Hamburger the Motion Picture.

[0:35] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com for tickets.

[0:37] And I'll also tell you later more about our live shows at Vidiot's in Los Angeles,

[0:42] Thursday, October 19th, vidiot'sfoundation.org for tickets or information.

[0:46] But I'll tell you about that later.

[0:47] First, Dan, what's going on?

[0:48] I think we have some special guests, or maybe you wanted to wait to announce them.

[0:50] I don't know. You didn't tell us what you were doing on this mini.

Dan McCoy

[0:54] On this mini, we have two special guests.

[0:56] We have Jonathan Colton, who you may know from songs.

[1:03] And also...

[1:03] What an intro.

[1:04] That's why Dan won an intro.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] Dan won an entry last year for best intros.

[1:08] Now you see what wowed the judges.

[1:10] It's very kind of you to say, Dan.

[1:12] Thank you very much.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] And we also have Paul Saborent, who you may also know from songs.

[1:17] From other songs.

[1:18] Other songs.

[1:18] And occasionally Jonathan's songs.

[1:20] Yep.

[1:21] And, you know, from, I don't know, Justin McElroy yelling at him to get him some...

[1:27] What does he drink?

[1:28] Corvozier?

[1:28] What does he have?

S4

[1:29] Well, for a long time, he drank white wine, which was white claw and wine mixed together.

[1:34] That sounds awful.

Dan McCoy

[1:36] We're getting all the behind-the-scenes secrets.

[1:38] Yeah.

[1:40] And they're on in part because they do a cruise.

[1:47] The JoCo cruise, as I mentioned before.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] I like, Dan, you mentioned they do a cruise as if we have mentioned cruises already, which we have not yet.

Dan McCoy

[1:55] I'm sorry, Elliot.

[1:56] I was distracted by the ghost arm that appeared behind you in your virtual background.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] Yeah, that was the arm of my ghostly wife appearing in the room to get something and puncturing through my background.

S4

[2:08] Don't forget you have to pick up the kids at three.

[2:13] Well, I do have to pick up one of my kids at three.

Elliott Kalan

[2:15] Get out of my life.

[2:16] Get out of my life.

[2:18] Stop watching me.

Dan McCoy

[2:19] Well, we should ask you a bit about what this cruise is.

[2:22] But because of this cruise, we're talking about cruise movies.

[2:28] Movies set on boats.

Stuart Wellington

[2:31] And movies with Tom Cruise.

Dan McCoy

[2:32] Well, that was going to be the final joke of the show.

[2:36] But we can put it up here.

[2:38] Yeah.

[2:39] So we're going to talk about movies set on boats.

[2:42] But specifically cruise ships.

[2:43] Not just like, you know, I don't know.

[2:45] Not like Dead Calm.

[2:46] Yeah.

[2:47] Or White Squall.

Elliott Kalan

[2:49] White Claw.

[2:50] Which is White Squall mixed with white wine.

[2:53] Or Dead Squall.

S4

[2:55] Any combination of those six words.

Elliott Kalan

[2:57] Or Calm Squall.

[2:58] Calm Squall.

[2:58] Which is not much of a squall.

S4

[3:00] Or Squall Squall.

[3:02] Which is the sequel to one of them, but I'm not sure which.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] Yeah.

[3:05] Or Squally.

[3:06] Which is about a robot who has a boat, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[3:11] Let's, you know, let's start.

[3:12] Let's jump right into it, actually.

[3:13] Let's do it that way.

[3:15] So.

Elliott Kalan

[3:16] Do we want to say anything more about the Joko cruise?

Dan McCoy

[3:18] Well, I was going to go through a couple of the movies.

[3:21] You know, Ellie.

[3:22] Can I mention a couple of my songs?

[3:24] Can I mention some of my songs?

[3:25] Yeah, please.

[3:26] I mean, you know, there's nothing more helpful than second guessing, Elliot.

[3:29] I want to tell you that right up front.

[3:31] I feel like there hasn't even been a first guess yet.

[3:33] I was saying, why don't we do it this way?

[3:35] Oh, okay.

[3:36] Maybe we would go through a couple of movies and then be like, now, how does this compare

[3:40] to the cruise?

[3:41] What happens on your cruise?

[3:42] Sounds great.

S4

[3:43] I'd also like to say, since we're at a stopping point, as a longtime fan of the show, to literally

[3:48] have a front row seat to be derailing of Dan is kind of exhilarating.

[3:53] I mean, the thing is, I did.

[3:54] I heard it in my car so often or just through my earbuds to have it like here in my presence.

[4:01] 4D.

[4:02] It's in Cents Around.

[4:03] Yeah, 4DX.

Dan McCoy

[4:05] The funny thing is, it sounds like there's no preparation at all.

[4:07] I did spend most of the morning taking notes for this specific mini.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] You can't do more preparation than that, than to take notes in the morning before the recording.

[4:22] So continue, Dan.

[4:23] Get us back on track.

Dan McCoy

[4:24] I'm just pointing out, it doesn't have to be this way.

[4:27] There is another way.

Elliott Kalan

[4:29] Just like Sparks said on their newest album, it doesn't have to be this way.

Dan McCoy

[4:31] So let's talk about, oddly, the most Oscar-nominated film we will talk about.

[4:38] And that is The Poseidon Adventure, 1972, which I was shocked to learn was nominated for a total of eight Academy Awards.

[4:47] Yeah.

[4:48] Winning for Best Song and Best Visual Effects.

[4:51] Now, this is...

Stuart Wellington

[4:52] Can you hum a couple of bars of that song for us, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[4:56] The Poseidon Adventure.

[4:59] Exciting and new.

[5:00] I don't even know how the...

[5:01] I believe the song was There's Got to Be a Morning After.

[5:03] There's Got to Be a Morning After.

[5:05] Yeah.

[5:05] Now Dan is known for songs, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[5:08] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[5:09] Oh, we've got three songsters on the show today.

[5:12] Three-minded songsters.

S4

[5:13] You may know Dan from song.

[5:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:16] Welcome aboard, Dan.

[5:17] I will say, you guys did get a fuller intro than when Joe Bob brings it on the show and Dan goes,

[5:23] I'll let our guest introduce himself.

Dan McCoy

[5:24] And I was like, what are you doing?

[5:30] You know what?

[5:31] That song is factually true, though.

[5:32] There does have to be a morning after.

[5:34] So it wins on the merits of the case.

Elliott Kalan

[5:37] That was the category was outstandingly factual song.

[5:41] Right.

[5:41] Songs that cannot possibly be false.

[5:43] Truist song.

[5:45] He was up against I'm Blue, which ended up being disqualified because turned out the singer was not blue.

[5:50] He was just taking on the character of a blue guy who lives in a blue house, has a blue car.

[5:54] He was Dabu D, but he was not Dabu D.

[5:56] And that disqualified him.

[5:57] It was a huge scandal.

[5:58] It's really impressive.

Dan McCoy

[6:01] So this film, just a short summer, it's a disaster film.

[6:07] It's about a boat that overturns on New Year's Eve due to a tsunami.

[6:12] Probably a ship.

[6:13] A ship, sure.

[6:15] And then they have to make their way to the top of the boat, which is what was formerly the bottom of the boat.

[6:21] And this is based on a novel.

[6:23] It was directed by Ronald Neame.

S4

[6:24] It was sort of a Freaky Friday situation where the top of the boat and the bottom.

[6:27] Yeah, they swish places.

Dan McCoy

[6:29] They wished on a magic skull to take each other places.

[6:31] They'd eat in a fountain at the same time.

[6:33] Ronald Neame was the director.

[6:35] He also directed the films Hopscotch, Scrooge, and the Prime of Miss Jean Brody.

[6:39] And was a writer of David Lean's early films.

[6:44] Great Expectations was one of them.

[6:45] Lean and Neame, the famous team.

[6:48] You know them from songs.

[6:52] I had never looked into what the sequel was.

[6:54] There's a sequel beyond the Poseidon Adventure about a salvage team going to the original ship and getting trapped.

[7:01] And that has Michael Caine in it.

[7:02] It's supposed to be awful.

[7:04] There was a Wolfgang Peterson, Kurt Russell remake.

[7:07] You may know that one, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[7:09] I was going to say, do you think the sequel should have been just called Poseidon Adventures?

[7:14] Mm-hmm.

[7:15] Or do you think Beyond is enough?

[7:18] Because I'm not a big fan of Beyond.

[7:19] Because that's just setting expectations too high.

[7:22] Yeah, you think you're going to go to space.

Dan McCoy

[7:23] Yeah.

[7:24] It both sounds very like—

[7:26] Or it's going to be vegan.

[7:27] You know, exciting and extreme, like beyond.

[7:31] But it also is the most vague thing you can say.

[7:33] It's like, yeah, you know, just all beyond that is another thing.

S5

[7:37] You don't want to say Poseidon Adventure again.

[7:40] That doesn't really—

[7:40] Yeah, yeah.

[7:42] What about Poseidon's Adventure?

[7:43] Were there like two chips?

[7:44] More Poseidon adventures.

Elliott Kalan

[7:46] There's two Poseidons, two gods of the ocean?

[7:48] I would have loved it if—

[7:49] Look who's upside down now.

S4

[7:52] If the sequel had started by like the group of people finally reach the bottom slash top of the boat

[7:58] and then another rogue wave comes and re-flips the boat or tips it sort of on end

[8:03] so that they're going to get to the nose, back to the top, to the bow, as they say.

Dan McCoy

[8:08] Have you guys seen this movie?

[8:09] I saw this movie.

[8:10] I remember enjoying it basically.

[8:13] It is, you know, over long, like a lot of those 70s disaster films.

[8:17] And star-packed, star-studded.

S4

[8:19] It is star-studded.

[8:20] That was in Irwin Allen.

Dan McCoy

[8:22] It has five Oscar winners in the cast.

[8:25] Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Jack Albertson, Shelley Winters, and Red Buttons.

[8:30] Red Buttons?

[8:30] Red Buttons.

Elliott Kalan

[8:31] What did Red Buttons win in Academy Award for?

[8:32] Sayonara?

[8:32] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] That was beyond—

[8:34] I'll look it up.

Elliott Kalan

[8:35] I think it was for Sayonara, but I'm going to double check.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] His role was originally supposed to be Gene Wilder, but Gene Wilder dropped out.

Elliott Kalan

[8:42] The character was named Gene Wilder?

[8:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:47] Red Buttons was playing Gene Wilder in Poseidon, the Gene Wilder story.

Elliott Kalan

[8:51] Did we talk about this on the podcast yet?

[8:53] I read a while back that Gene Wilder was supposed to star in the movie Magic that Anthony Hopkins

[8:58] ended up starring in.

[9:00] Imagine about the crazy ventriloquist.

[9:02] Imagine how much better that movie would have been.

[9:04] It would have been amazing.

[9:05] That would have been crazy.

[9:06] There's that scene where Anthony Hopkins is using his magic tricks to seduce a woman

[9:12] and make her fall in love with him, and I was like, this doesn't quite work, but Gene

[9:15] Wilder would have been able to pull it off amazingly well.

[9:18] Yes, that was right.

[9:19] It was Sayonara that Red Buttons won his Academy Award for a sporting actor.

S4

[9:23] Perhaps if Anthony Hopkins was still playing the same role, but Gene Wilder was playing

[9:28] the role of the ventriloquist dummy.

[9:31] Yeah, sure.

[9:32] But they play it totally straight, like nobody breaks the kayfabe that it's cheap.

Elliott Kalan

[9:36] Like on a Darm and Greg when Teller would play a cat, and there's one character that noticed

[9:41] it was a man in a cat costume.

[9:44] A Darm and Greg.

Stuart Wellington

[9:46] That wacky pair.

[9:48] Did they ever get it together?

[9:50] It was almost comical how mismatched they were.

[9:52] I've never actually seen magic, but I think Alan Moore talks about it on that.

[9:58] Alan Moore talks about it in his Maestro course as an example of the translation from fiction

[10:06] to written fiction to film didn't quite work because the initial reveal doesn't make, like

[10:12] isn't the shock that it was when you're reading about it because you can see that it's a dummy

[10:18] basically.

Elliott Kalan

[10:19] That makes sense.

[10:20] I haven't gotten to that lesson yet.

[10:21] Stuart and I were going to take the Alan Moore Maestro course together, and Stuart raced

[10:26] ahead of me, and I'm still stuck in like the first 30 minutes.

[10:28] Now he's more of a Maestro than you.

Stuart Wellington

[10:30] I have no children time.

Dan McCoy

[10:34] Yeah, that's the difference for sure.

[10:36] Yeah, it's pretty sweet.

S4

[10:37] Recommitting to Dan's original bit, I will say that the JoCo crew spends far less time

[10:43] upside down than the Poseidon Adventure does.

[10:46] Okay.

[10:46] That's one difference.

[10:47] I don't want to overpromise that it spends absolutely no time upside down.

[10:51] It has been upside down zero times to date.

[10:55] Well, we do a quick roll, but we roll all the way.

[10:57] Yeah, we do Eskimo rolls.

Elliott Kalan

[10:59] I mean, every cruise does an Eskimo roll.

[11:00] For the most part, it is the individual cruisegoer's decision to be upside down or not, and they

[11:06] can do that on their own.

[11:08] It's an opt-in.

Dan McCoy

[11:09] As long as we're recommitting to things that I said, have any of you seen the Poseidon Adventure?

Elliott Kalan

[11:16] I haven't seen it since I was a kid.

[11:17] I used to play a lot on like TNT when I was a kid, and I think I saw it in pieces, but

[11:22] I don't think I've ever actually sat down and watched it from beginning to end.

[11:25] I'm the same as Elliot.

S5

[11:27] Yeah, I have a similar relation.

[11:28] I vaguely remember seeing it, and Gene Hackman plays a priest.

[11:33] Yes.

[11:34] Is he a priest who's lost?

[11:35] A very muscular priest.

[11:36] Has he lost a bit of faith?

S4

[11:36] He's like kind of a disillusioned priest.

[11:38] Yeah.

[11:39] He's a no bullshit priest.

Dan McCoy

[11:41] He's a cool Gene Hackman priest.

[11:43] Yeah.

S5

[11:44] Yeah.

[11:44] I remember there's one scene where he's trying to save, he has to do something to save everybody.

[11:48] He jumps onto a platform.

[11:52] He's got to turn off a steam pipe.

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:54] He hangs from the wheel, and he's turning it, and it's burning his hands.

[11:58] Oh, wow.

[11:58] American Gladiators.

Stuart Wellington

[11:59] Yes, just like that.

S5

[12:01] Yeah.

[12:01] And then he finally has to, he's closed the steam valve, and then he can't get back, and

[12:06] so he just lets go and falls into the water and dies.

[12:09] And I remember watching that as a kid.

[12:10] I was like, why didn't he even try to get back to the platform?

[12:13] That was dumb.

[12:15] Did he at least give up?

[12:16] He's going to give up?

Stuart Wellington

[12:16] Like a sick can opener or something?

[12:18] He figured.

Elliott Kalan

[12:19] Yeah, he yelled, belly flop.

Stuart Wellington

[12:21] Yeah, he said, mommy, watch me.

[12:22] Mommy, mommy, watch me.

Elliott Kalan

[12:24] And his mommy was Shelly Winters, right?

[12:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:26] As a priest, he figured, you know, like, oh, greater love hath no man.

[12:29] So if I die right now, I am guaranteed to get where I want to go.

S5

[12:34] Actually, in some ways, it's a little selfish.

[12:36] It's kind of a selfish move.

S4

[12:37] It is.

[12:37] Actually, I've watched the movie probably the most recently.

[12:41] A couple years back, I came across it on TNT, as I do with all things.

Elliott Kalan

[12:48] They took a break from hearing Shawshank Redemption to start showing you a side dimension?

[12:51] Yeah.

S4

[12:51] They were contractually obligated to spend two hours not showing Shawshank.

[12:56] But in that last scene, he is spending that time shutting off the valve, basically screaming at God, like really pissed at God.

[13:05] No more.

[13:06] Stop it.

[13:07] Because they were like almost at the top and then the Steve valve went off and it killed one last person.

[13:11] I can't remember who.

[13:11] Oh.

[13:12] And so maybe he's not going straight.

[13:15] So he died faithless.

[13:16] Yeah.

[13:16] And he actually, like, the water he falls into is like, it's got an oil fire across the top of it.

[13:22] It's fire water, yeah.

[13:23] It's fire water, which is, you know, not the subtlest of symbolism.

Stuart Wellington

[13:27] Wow.

[13:28] If you did a splash, though, we'd probably put those flames out.

[13:31] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[13:32] It's not really how oil on water works necessarily, but it could be, yeah.

[13:36] I'm not a biologist.

[13:39] I like the idea that Gene Hackman dies saving other people but also faithless, and so it goes to heaven's court to figure it out.

[13:46] And you're like, this is a tough one.

[13:47] This is complicated.

[13:48] This is toughie.

[13:49] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:50] That should have been beyond the Poseidon adventure.

[13:52] There it is.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] Yeah.

[13:53] It's him and Albert Brooks defending their lives in heaven, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:58] Well, let's move on to an equally lauded film, Boat Trip, from 2002.

S4

[14:05] And how many Oscars was Boat Trip nominated for, and how many did it win?

Dan McCoy

[14:10] It was nominated for a Razzie but lost to Gigli.

Elliott Kalan

[14:15] And, of course, we all know the Razzies are nonsense.

Dan McCoy

[14:18] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[14:19] Even more nonsense than the Oscars, which is somehow possible.

Dan McCoy

[14:21] That was something I pointedly didn't put in my notes, but, you know, Paul set me up for it well enough that I'm like, eh.

[14:27] Yeah.

[14:28] It stars Cuba Gooding Jr., Horatio Sands, Vivica A. Fox, Lin Shay, Roger Moore.

[14:33] What a cast.

[14:35] Directed and co-written.

Elliott Kalan

[14:36] So that's at least one Oscar winner.

[14:38] How many Oscars are in that one?

[14:39] Cuba Gooding Jr.

[14:40] Yeah, I guess Horatio Sands is yet to win this.

Dan McCoy

[14:43] Roger Moore won an Oscar for gold, right?

S4

[14:44] For best-

[14:45] For best-

[14:46] He was nominated for folks, and then he won for gold.

Elliott Kalan

[14:49] It was a big mix-up, yeah.

[14:51] Yeah.

[14:52] Also, wow, I'm looking at the cast list now.

[14:54] Also in it, Thomas Lennon, Richard Roundtree, Will Ferrell.

[14:58] Yeah.

[14:59] But lots of stars in smaller roles.

[15:01] Yeah, well-

[15:02] The sum of comedy.

S4

[15:03] It was-

[15:04] That well-known comedy duo of Will Ferrell and Richard Roundtree.

Dan McCoy

[15:09] It was directed and co-written by Mort Nathan, who in the plus column wrote a bunch of Golden

[15:15] Girls and the film Kingpin.

[15:17] And the minus was creator of the Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer.

Elliott Kalan

[15:21] Oh, Desmond Pfeiffer, Dan.

[15:23] It's pronounced Pfeiffer.

Dan McCoy

[15:24] Is it pronounced Pfeiffer?

Elliott Kalan

[15:26] What an interestingly misbegotten show that was.

[15:30] Are you guys familiar with that show?

S4

[15:31] Is that the one where, was it Chee McBride or someone is the president's-

Elliott Kalan

[15:36] Yes, he's Abraham Lincoln's butler during the Civil War.

[15:39] And the idea is that this is the true story of it, that Abraham Lincoln, everyone in the

[15:42] White House, they're all bumbling idiots.

[15:44] And it was basically Benson.

[15:45] And like the Black Butler is the only character who's keeping things afloat.

[15:48] But also, there were so many like Abraham Lincoln gay jokes and things like that.

[15:52] And it was, oh, it was not a-

S4

[15:54] Perchance, was this a sitcom in the early to mid-90s?

[15:57] It certainly was.

[15:58] Was it on UPN?

[16:00] I believe so.

Dan McCoy

[16:02] Yeah, yeah.

[16:03] So, similarly tasteful concept here.

[16:07] It's two straight men on the make looking for ladies are booked on a gay cruise because

[16:12] their gay travel agent was mad at them.

[16:16] So, this was filmed in 2001 but released in 2003.

[16:22] It has an 18 out of 100 on Metacritic.

[16:24] And the IMDb trivia says, Sir Roger Moore did this movie for the money and for a free

[16:30] vacation.

[16:32] He didn't do it for the love of a gay.

[16:37] So, have any of you seen Boat Trip 2002?

[16:40] Because I have not seen Boat Trip.

S5

[16:42] I have not seen it.

[16:43] I feel like I got the gist from the preview that I watched this morning in preparation for

[16:47] this podcast.

[16:48] Yeah.

[16:48] I will also say, when I looked it up on, I don't know what it was on, what it was available

[16:53] on, but it had a little tag.

[16:56] Criterion Channel probably, right?

[16:57] Yeah, yeah.

[16:58] Well, I don't know.

[16:59] Yeah.

[16:59] Probably Criterion.

[17:00] It had a little tag that said LGBTQ.

[17:03] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[17:04] Yeah.

[17:05] So, you're welcome.

[17:06] You have to assume there's some face-saving moment at the end where the characters learn

[17:09] something about, I don't know, about gay people or maybe not.

Dan McCoy

[17:13] That is what Wikipedia told me, that, yes, they turned around their opinions.

[17:19] But I remember that even at the time, even at the different era of 2002, this was widely

[17:24] decried.

[17:25] It's like, what is this homophobic nonsense?

[17:29] What is this thing?

S4

[17:30] I cannot believe that we've been let down by Cuba Gooding Jr.'s famous ability to choose

[17:36] quality films.

Elliott Kalan

[17:40] What's amazing to me is this came out five years before I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,

[17:45] which it's like, the idea that five years later they were still making movies kind of like

[17:52] this, you know, in a way.

S5

[17:54] Yeah.

[17:54] They've probably been on the drawing board for a long time.

[17:57] You don't want to let go of an idea, even if it becomes an increasingly bad idea over

[18:00] time.

[18:01] Yeah, that's a good point.

[18:01] That's how I work anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[18:05] So, I'm going to go ahead and say I did not see this movie.

Dan McCoy

[18:08] Yeah.

[18:09] You're going to go ahead and say that?

[18:10] I'm going to go ahead and admit that.

[18:11] I feel like at the risk of my reputation, I didn't rush to the theaters and throw them

Elliott Kalan

[18:16] a bag full of money and say, I don't care how much it costs.

[18:18] Get me on the boat trip.

Stuart Wellington

[18:20] I feel like, Dan, you watch bad movies as just part of your lifestyle.

[18:27] Yeah, sure.

[18:27] Of all of us, you're the one most likely to have watched this one.

[18:30] I was born in the dark.

[18:31] You merely adopted it.

[18:33] That's what you're saying.

Dan McCoy

[18:35] No, I mean, that's true.

[18:37] But bad comedies, obviously just painful, not fun most of the time.

[18:42] Yeah.

[18:43] And stuff that I find morally repugnant in some way, I usually avoid.

[18:47] There's bad and then there's misbegotten.

[18:49] Yeah.

[18:51] But I have not seen it yet.

Stuart Wellington

[18:52] I think what happened is Dan checked to make sure there weren't any sexual situations.

Dan McCoy

[18:58] I'm sure that there are plenty of sexual situations.

Stuart Wellington

[19:01] Isn't that the tag that you look for on your Cinemax movies?

Elliott Kalan

[19:05] Well, that's in the TV guide.

[19:07] For anyone who is not a perverted teenager in the 1990s, when you look at the TV guide

[19:11] to see what late night movies were worth watching, if it said nudity, no, that's not going to

[19:16] be great.

[19:16] That's not going to turn out good.

[19:17] That's a butt.

[19:18] That's one butt, exactly.

[19:20] It might be, who knows?

[19:22] It might be an animal's butt.

[19:22] You don't know.

[19:23] But if it said sexual situations, oh boy, that's where the real nudity lies.

Dan McCoy

[19:27] Well, I disagree on this one because I, you know, like I swear.

[19:30] You can't disagree with science, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[19:32] You can swear this flat all day long.

Dan McCoy

[19:34] Teach the controversy, Dan.

[19:35] I'm with you.

[19:36] There are a lot of movies that have quote unquote sexual situations that didn't have

[19:40] any nudity, which is what I was looking for.

[19:42] So what you want is you want to stack them.

[19:44] You want nudity and sexual situations.

S4

[19:45] What you really want, especially on that HBO listing, is strong sexual content.

[19:49] Yes, that was that.

[19:49] Yeah, that's what you would want.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:51] That's the caviar of.

Elliott Kalan

[19:54] That's the caviar of teenage boys looking for nudity in their homes.

[20:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:01] I feel like such an old man saying this, but really, wow, what a lost experience.

[20:08] Okay.

[20:08] The Lady Eve.

Elliott Kalan

[20:09] In my day, I had to stay up till 2 a.m. and make sure my parents didn't hear me to see

[20:14] pornography.

[20:14] Now it's on your phones.

Dan McCoy

[20:16] I had to suffer through some arty art house bullshit.

[20:21] It was boring.

S4

[20:22] Back in the day, we used to go to the vaudeville and sit through 64 acts before we got to the

[20:27] strong sexual content oleo.

[20:29] We had to find our magazines in the woods.

Stuart Wellington

[20:33] Or a rail yard.

[20:34] Or a rail yard.

Dan McCoy

[20:38] Let's move on to one that perhaps is better loved.

Elliott Kalan

[20:42] Well, I'll just mention, so Boat Trip, is it similar to the Joko Cruise?

[20:45] Is there a lot of homophobia and stuff like that?

S4

[20:49] There's very little, we like to think, implied or explicit homophobia or ill-conceived concepts.

[20:58] It's a more resuming place.

S5

[20:59] The one overlap is that the Joko Cruise is essentially like one long Three's Company episode.

[21:05] It is a trip on a boat.

S4

[21:07] And to that extent, it is very much like Boat Trip.

[21:09] Right.

[21:10] Exactly.

[21:10] Okay.

[21:11] And what's the over-under on Roger?

[21:13] A lot of misunderstandings.

Stuart Wellington

[21:14] What about Roger Moore?

[21:16] Is he going to show up on the Joko Cruise?

[21:18] Not yet.

[21:20] I'd love to get him.

[21:21] I'd love to get him.

[21:21] He's a tough book.

S4

[21:22] Has he passed?

[21:23] I believe so, Roger Moore has passed.

[21:25] He has.

[21:25] Oh, that's why.

[21:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:27] That's why he's so hard to get.

[21:28] I mean, in some ways, it would make it easier for him to get.

[21:30] He doesn't need to want to be there.

[21:31] He's not going anywhere.

[21:33] Yeah.

[21:33] You know where to find him.

[21:35] He doesn't have anything else booked.

[21:36] He finally tanned enough.

[21:36] And I'll tell you where to find him.

[21:37] Monaco Cemetery.

[21:39] Okay.

[21:40] That's where he's buried.

[21:41] Alongside Anthony Burgess, Josephine Baker.

[21:44] Go visit them all.

[21:45] And Roger Moore.

[21:46] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[21:47] What a great neighborhood.

[21:48] Okay.

[21:48] The Lady Eve.

Elliott Kalan

[21:49] Some would say, isn't Josephine Baker in the Pantheon?

[21:52] No, no, no, no, no.

[21:52] She has been celebrated in the Pantheon in Paris, but her body is still in Monica.

Dan McCoy

[21:58] Thank God you corrected that because I was fuming.

[22:03] The Lady Eve, 1941.

[22:04] Of course, written and directed by the great Preston Sturges and starring Barbara Stanwyck and Henry Fonda.

[22:10] It's about a con artist who meets her next mark on an ocean liner and begins to fall for him.

[22:16] I did not know it was loosely based on a 19-page short story by Moncton Hoth called Two Bad Hats.

S4

[22:24] Very loosely based.

[22:25] Very loosely based.

[22:25] Originally going to be the title.

[22:27] That is the best.

[22:28] You can't make up a name like Moncton Hoth with an E at the end.

Dan McCoy

[22:32] Yeah.

[22:34] Moncton Hoth.

[22:36] Please, call me Monkey.

Stuart Wellington

[22:39] Moncton Hoth is my father.

[22:40] Moncton Hoth.

Dan McCoy

[22:44] The plot was recycled in 1956 for the film The Birds and the Bees starring George Goebel, Mitzi Gaynor, and David Niven.

[22:52] Have you seen that movie, Elliot?

[22:54] You seem like you might know this sort of thing now.

[22:56] No, I haven't seen that one.

[22:57] What's it called again?

[22:58] The Birds and the Bees?

[22:59] The Birds and the Bees.

[23:01] You haven't completed the Goebel cycle?

[23:04] No, I haven't.

Elliott Kalan

[23:05] I mean, if you have any questions about either of David Niven's memoirs, I've read both of those.

[23:09] Oh, they're the best.

[23:10] The first one, The Moons of a Balloon, is a great book.

[23:13] It's really good.

[23:14] The second one is so-so, but I highly recommend David Niven's first memoir.

[23:19] It's really good.

S4

[23:19] The Moons of a Balloon.

[23:20] Especially if you want to hear somebody talking a whole lot of dirty laundry about Errol Flynn.

[23:25] Yes, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:26] Oh, I do want that.

[23:29] The one piece of trivia that I singled out was it was hibernation season during the shoot, so Emma the Kingsnake was always sleeping.

[23:39] Is that a euphemism?

[23:41] Yeah.

[23:42] That's what Henry Fonda called his penis.

[23:46] Emma the Kingsnake.

[23:48] Never work with snakes or children.

[23:50] That's what they say.

[23:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:51] Or Henry Fonda's penis.

[23:52] Or Henry Fonda's penis.

[23:54] Henry Fonda's penis was originally cast in Gideon's Trumpet, but it wasn't working out, so Henry Fonda was like, I'll take the role.

[24:01] That's fine.

[24:01] But they got the title.

[24:02] That was his second nickname.

[24:04] That was the penis's name for himself.

[24:06] Yes.

[24:06] It was Gideon's Trumpet.

Dan McCoy

[24:08] Now, Elliot, I know you have strong Preston Sturges opinions.

[24:12] This is one of my one or two faves.

[24:14] I recently read a whole book about him.

[24:15] Yeah.

[24:16] This is definitely top three, probably top two for me.

[24:20] What do you think?

[24:21] I have to say, this is just my opinion.

Elliott Kalan

[24:23] The Lady Eve, I like it, but it's never been one of my favorites.

[24:27] Ooh, hot take.

[24:28] One of his movies is my third favorite movie of all time, The Miracle of Morgans Creek, and I love that one.

[24:34] I love the Palm Beach story.

[24:36] I love –

[24:37] Did he direct Torque?

[24:42] Yeah, yeah.

[24:43] He went on – just like Roger Moore, they dug him up and they brought him in.

[24:46] He was in the room when they were making Torque.

[24:49] But so technically –

[24:50] It was kind of a film shoot at Bernie's situation.

S4

[24:53] Funny enough, you mentioned Torque because actually the Joko Cruise is basically Torque at sea.

[24:59] That's how we've been marketing it.

[25:00] Wow.

[25:01] There's a lot more motorcycles than you would expect.

Elliott Kalan

[25:04] For a cruise ship, yeah.

[25:05] Usually, they have no motorcycles.

[25:07] Yeah.

[25:08] But the Lady Eve is very good.

[25:09] For some reason, it just never quite makes me laugh as much as some of the other ones.

Dan McCoy

[25:13] Yeah, I mean, it's – I would agree with that.

[25:16] It's not necessarily like one of the funniest, but like it is very funny and combined with I think one of the – being one of the best constructed, like – I don't know.

[25:27] It's a sweet love story.

[25:28] It's extremely charming.

[25:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:29] It is very charming.

[25:30] And there's a – I mean like everyone in it is – it's a great movie to spend time with, you know.

[25:35] Any movie where you get Eugene Pallett in it, I'll watch it, you know.

[25:40] And he's in it, William Demarest.

[25:41] You got a lot of people from the Sturgis stable who are really good at it.

[25:45] And of course, Sturgis stable plus Stanwyck.

[25:48] How can you go wrong?

Dan McCoy

[25:49] Now, I say this without any insult intended.

[25:51] I'm assuming Stuart has not seen the Lady Eve.

[25:54] Yeah, I don't watch that kind of shit.

[25:56] Paul.

[25:57] Paul.

[25:58] Sorry, not Paul.

[25:59] Jonathan, have you seen it?

S5

[26:01] I have not seen it.

[26:02] This is one of those black and white type films, right?

[26:04] No thanks.

[26:04] Yeah.

[26:05] It's a full color.

[26:06] No thanks.

[26:08] Old fashioned.

[26:10] What color is everything even?

[26:12] I can't even tell.

[26:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:14] There's no possible way of imagining.

[26:17] It's very hard.

S6

[26:23] Hi.

[26:24] This is Laurie Kilmartin.

[26:26] And I'm Jackie Cation.

[26:27] And we have a podcast called The Jackie and Laurie Show on Max Fun.

[26:30] And it's very exciting because what do we talk about?

[26:32] Comedy.

[26:33] Stand-up comedy.

[26:34] We both do stand-up comedy and have since the dawn of Christ.

[26:37] Well, Jackie.

[26:38] Is that offensive?

[26:39] It is offensive to me because you've aged me.

[26:43] We started in the late 80s and we're still here.

[26:47] You can't kill us.

[26:49] So go to The Jackie and Laurie Show on Max Fun and listen to that.

S5

[26:54] The Jackie and Laurie Show.

[26:55] New episodes Monday.

[26:56] Only on MaximumFun.org.

Elliott Kalan

S4

[27:04] Greatest Trek is the podcast for all your modern Star Trek needs.

S7

[27:08] It's funny, informative, and now it's all so timely.

[27:11] That's because every Friday right after the release of a new episode of Strange New Worlds, Picard, Lower Decks, Discovery, or Prodigy, we bring you a review of that episode.

S4

[27:20] There's some great new Star Trek coming up and we're going to cover all of it.

S7

[27:23] You'll like our show because we're both former video producers, so we bring a lot of insight into the production and filmmaking aspects to these episodes.

S4

[27:30] And we also have a very refined sense of humor, so we make lots of delightful fart jokes along the way.

S7

[27:35] So come see why Greatest Trek is one of the most popular television recap podcasts on all of the internet.

Dan McCoy

[27:42] Subscribe to Greatest Trek at MaximumFun.org or in the podcast app you're using right now.

[27:48] The Flophouse is sponsored in part by Babbel.

[27:51] Hey, wouldn't you call a person who speaks three languages?

[27:54] Trilingual.

[27:55] Someone who speaks two?

[27:56] Bilingual.

[27:57] Someone who speaks only one?

[27:59] American.

[28:02] Only 22% of Americans speak a language other than English at home.

[28:07] Start being, start learning a new language.

[28:09] Or being, if you want to.

[28:13] Start learning a new language this fall and be the exception, not the rule.

[28:16] With Babbel, you start speaking a new language in just three weeks.

[28:21] Instead of paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor or fooling yourself with language apps that are little more than games.

[28:29] I'm not going to name any names.

[28:30] I've had bad experiences with these ones.

[28:34] Babbel's quick.

[28:34] Dan, you can't learn a language from Fruit Ninja.

[28:36] I'm sorry.

[28:37] I know.

[28:39] But I did learn what a lot of different fruits look like, especially when you slice them apart.

[28:43] Babbel's quick 10-minute lessons are designed by over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks.

[28:52] And one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college.

[29:00] So, look, do you have time for a full semester at college?

[29:04] I certainly don't.

[29:04] Not at this time in my life.

[29:06] I got bills to pay.

[29:08] I got cats to feed.

[29:09] I can't be learning French at some hoity-toity ivory tower university.

[29:14] I got to get myself this Babbel.

[29:16] Here's a special limited time deals for our listeners to get you started.

Elliott Kalan

[29:20] It's not the ivory tower university, but it is named after the most famous tower in history.

[29:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:27] For our listeners, to get you started right now, you can get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash flop.

[29:37] Get 55% off at babbel.com slash flop spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash flop.

[29:46] Rules and restrictions may apply.

[29:48] Also, sponsored in part by The Big Flop.

[29:53] Huh.

[29:54] It's another thing that has flop in the title.

[29:58] Every big moment starts with a big dream, but what happens when that big dream turns out to be an even bigger failure.

[30:04] Each week on Wondery's new podcast, The Big Flop, host Misha Brown is joined by comedians to chronicle some of the biggest failures in pop culture history,

[30:13] from box office flops like Cats the Movie to Action Park, New Jersey's famous theme park that had countless injuries,

[30:19] many lawsuits, and rides so wild it became known as Class Action Park.

[30:24] I went there.

[30:25] Each episode will have you thinking to yourself, why in the world did this get made?

[30:30] Seems similar to...

[30:31] Anyway, listen to The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Stuart Wellington

[30:37] And we also have some Jumbotrons.

[30:39] We got a couple of them.

[30:40] And here's how the first one goes.

[30:42] This message is for Dale.

[30:44] The message is from Nora.

[30:46] Happy almost big birthday to my best friend and soulmate.

[30:50] Thank you for introducing me to the peaches, even though I usually fall asleep during movies.

[30:54] I love having so many things to laugh about with you.

[30:57] Doing bits featuring Crawdaddy or the Tan Tan Lady gives us the added bonus of annoying the children.

[31:04] Here's to many more fun birthdays.

Elliott Kalan

[31:07] How sweet.

[31:07] We've got another Jumbotron.

[31:11] This message is for Kelly, and it is from Colin.

[31:14] So it's not from Justin to Kelly.

[31:16] It's actually from Kelly to Colin.

[31:18] And it goes like this.

[31:19] Happy birthday to my amazing wife who is such a fan of the podcast and can find solace and laughter in it always, no matter what life throws at us.

[31:26] Also, thank you for your patience when I acted confused while asking you to explain why a pin saying Ding Dong Gate showed up in the mail.

[31:33] It's for a good cause.

[31:34] It was not the response I was expecting.

[31:37] It was for a good cause, though.

[31:38] Thank you for getting that pin.

[31:41] We also, in addition to those Jumbotrons, those are two sweet Jumbotron messages, we have some of our own messages that I'm going to tell you about.

[31:46] Remember how I teased this at the top of the show?

[31:48] Well, guess what?

[31:49] Flop TV, our monthly one-hour television version of the Flophouse, continues apace.

[31:55] We've had two great episodes, Beastmaster 2 and Cool World.

[31:59] And our next episode comes up on October 7th.

[32:02] And as I mentioned, it's an all-American meat double feature, Hot Dog the Movie and Hamburger the Motion Picture.

[32:08] That's at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific on October 7th.

[32:11] But guess what?

[32:12] If you can't make it, your ticket gets you access to the episode recording.

[32:16] And those episode recordings are going to stay up through the entire length of the series.

[32:21] And if you get a season pass, which gives you a discounted rate for all the episodes, all six episodes in the season, you get to watch those recordings again and again until the whole series is over.

[32:32] That's at theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[32:35] That's theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[32:38] Let me just tell you, this weekend I watched both of these movies and we are going to have some things to talk about.

[32:43] Because, and here's a little preview, I now consider Hamburger the Motion Picture a crime.

[32:49] Moving on.

[32:50] You'll hear more about that on October 7th at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

Dan McCoy

[32:57] Did I do a presentation for this episode that I'm worried about how many slides I put in this thing?

[33:05] Indeed I did.

[33:06] Okay.

[33:06] So see how that turns out.

Elliott Kalan

[33:07] Let's see if Dan suffers from TMS, too many slides.

[33:10] We've also got some in-person shows coming up.

[33:13] That's right.

[33:14] You can watch us online from the comfort of your home, broadcasted over your computer internet.

[33:18] Or you can come see us in person if you live in the Los Angeles area.

[33:22] That's Thursday, October 19th at Vidiot's.

[33:25] Vidiot's is a great independent video store slash movie theater.

[33:28] It's a really comfortable space.

[33:30] It's really fun.

[33:30] And we're going to be there live Thursday, October 19th at 6 p.m.

[33:34] Talking about Speed 2 Cruise Control.

[33:36] And at 8.45 p.m. talking about Three Men and a Baby with a special mystery guest.

[33:41] I'll give you some hints.

[33:42] She's a champion union contract negotiator.

[33:45] She's the star of the show.

[33:46] And your third hint, she's Hallie Haglund.

[33:47] That's right, Hallie's going to join us in person.

[33:49] These guys didn't know.

[33:50] This is a prize for Dan and Stuart.

[33:53] Hallie is going to join us for our Three Men and a Baby show at 8.45.

[33:56] But we're also going to have fun at 6 p.m. talking about Speed 2 Cruise Control.

[33:59] So go to vidiot'sfoundation.org.

[34:01] And that's V-I-D-I-O-T-Sfoundation.org.

[34:05] And go to the October 19th page on the calendar to get tickets for either or both those shows.

[34:11] There are going to be two all-original shows.

[34:13] Different presentations, different movies we're talking about, different questions.

[34:16] It's going to be amazing.

[34:17] Now, I just want to round this out with some good news but also with a call for your help still.

[34:23] As we're recording this episode, it appears that a deal has been reached between Dan and Maya's union, the Writers Guild of America, and the studio bosses over the AMPTP.

[34:32] This is wonderful.

[34:33] It appears that the long-lasting Writers Guild strike may finally be ending.

[34:38] We won't know until later this week for sure.

[34:41] But that doesn't mean we still don't need help and that many other writers and entertainment workers will still need help.

[34:47] It's going to take time for work to start up again.

[34:49] It's going to take time for projects to continue.

[34:51] The Writers Guild of America.

[34:52] The Writers Guild of America are still on strike.

[34:53] SAG-AFTRA is still on strike, and we support them entirely in their demands, in their striking efforts, and in their labor action.

[35:00] We want them to get the agreement they deserve.

[35:02] So if you can help us, help the entertainment communities survive again during this time, please continue thinking about making a donation to entertainmentcommunity.org.

[35:10] We've talked about it before.

[35:12] Just because our strike is over doesn't mean people don't need help.

[35:15] There's another strike going on, and there's a whole entertainment community that has been suffering because of these studio bosses holding their money like, I don't know, what's something that holds on to something else really tightly?

Dan McCoy

[35:25] A money clip.

Elliott Kalan

[35:27] Yeah, holding their money like a money clip.

[35:29] Perfect.

[35:29] No notes.

[35:30] 100%.

[35:31] So please consider making a donation at entertainmentcommunity.org.

[35:35] Thank you very much for your support during this time.

Dan McCoy

[35:38] Okay.

[35:38] Moving on to another famous cruise movie.

[35:44] Of course, when you say cruise, everyone thinks of it.

[35:47] It's Hotel Transylvania 3, Summer Vacation from 2018.

[35:52] The monsters all go on vacation on a cruise from the hotel where presumably most of the guests are already on vacation.

[36:01] I mean, I've seen –

Elliott Kalan

[36:03] It is – yeah, it is a hotel.

[36:04] It's not a residential hotel, you know, or a place for single monsters who are looking for husbands or anything like that.

Stuart Wellington

[36:09] Do they own and operate the Hotel Transylvania?

[36:12] Is that the crazy shit?

Dan McCoy

[36:13] I have seen the first Hotel Transylvania because our pal –

Elliott Kalan

[36:18] And you've seen Transylvania 6, 5000, of course.

Dan McCoy

[36:20] Of course.

[36:21] Of course.

[36:21] Our pal Griffin Newman over at Blank Check.

[36:23] What about Saturday the 14th?

[36:26] Let's stay on one top.

[36:27] Richard Benjamin joint.

[36:28] I'm not going down this road because I'm in the middle of the sentence.

[36:33] Our friend at the Blank Check podcast, Griffin Newman, who is a big animation fan, speaks highly of the Hotel Transylvania series because in CGI, it does a lot more like cartoon goofiness.

[36:48] Yes.

[36:48] Because it's Ginny Tarkovsky is the director.

[36:51] Yeah, from Dexter's Lab and Samurai Jack.

[36:54] Yeah.

[36:55] So, yes, I've seen it.

[36:57] And the original premise is Adam Sandler, Dracula.

[37:02] The Sandman.

[37:03] Owns this hotel.

[37:05] Right.

[37:05] He has a daughter who Andy Samberg, a normal human, romances.

[37:10] Who other Sandman.

Dan McCoy

[37:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] I mean, it's ironic because he becomes Adam Sandler's son-in-law when he already played Adam Sandler's son in That's My Boy, right?

[37:18] Yeah.

[37:19] Right.

Elliott Kalan

[37:19] Boy, yeah.

[37:20] Typecasting.

[37:21] Typecasting.

[37:21] Two Jewish guys.

[37:23] They have to be father and son.

S4

[37:25] They're the only two Jewish guys in Hollywood, so they have to work together a lot.

[37:28] Certainly in comedy.

[37:30] The only two.

[37:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:31] Ellie, you sound like you've maybe seen this because of having children.

[37:34] Is this true or not?

Elliott Kalan

[37:35] That's exactly why I've seen it.

[37:37] Actually, I haven't seen the third one.

[37:38] I've seen the first and the second.

[37:40] And my kids have shown no interest in the third one, which is surprising because they like the first one and the second one a lot.

[37:45] Very strange.

[37:46] Perhaps it's cruise ships.

[37:47] Maybe they don't like cruise ships.

[37:49] And I tell them cruise ships are great.

[37:50] You should go on a cruise.

[37:51] It'll be really fun.

[37:52] Maybe early next year.

[37:54] A cruise ship full of comedians, full of music.

[37:56] It'll be great.

[37:57] It'll be wonderful.

[37:58] And they say, eh, no thanks.

[38:00] But they're kids.

[38:01] They don't know what they're talking about.

[38:02] Because they're a bunch of funny.

[38:03] Yeah.

[38:04] They go, eh, no thanks, Doc.

S4

[38:06] Walk away chewing on a carrot.

Elliott Kalan

[38:08] They do.

[38:09] They do walk around chewing on carrots a lot.

[38:10] That's very fair.

[38:12] And dressing up like ladies and arguing with a duck over who should be shot today.

[38:19] Elliot, are your kids mad because they're like, on a cruise?

Dan McCoy

[38:22] Like, where are the vampires going to go?

[38:25] Like, the sun, the sun.

[38:27] Is that their objection?

Elliott Kalan

[38:29] We've never gotten to the stage of actual objections.

[38:32] But it is something that I'm confused about.

[38:34] I've never seen it.

[38:34] I assume they have some kind of super sunblock that protects them or something like that.

S5

[38:37] Does the sun figure into this particular Dracula incarnation in the world of?

Elliott Kalan

[38:44] Somebody call Griffin Newman and ask him to explain himself.

[38:46] He'll have to find out.

[38:47] Yeah, this is our phone-a-friend.

[38:48] Griffin Newman.

[38:49] Hey, is the Dracula in Hotel Transylvania?

[38:51] Two hours later.

[38:53] Or is he a daywalker-like blade?

[38:56] That could.

[38:56] Yeah, this episode suddenly becomes three and a half hours long.

Dan McCoy

[38:59] I think I have seen maybe Dracula with an umbrella in pictures.

Elliott Kalan

[39:07] That makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[39:07] So maybe it's some sort of parasol situation.

[39:09] That's possible.

Elliott Kalan

[39:09] I mean, the first Hotel Transylvania movie, I think it all takes place during night anyway.

[39:14] So I think the sun does affect him, but I don't know.

[39:16] Certainly the sun-in-law affects him.

[39:18] First with frustration and then eventually with familial acceptance and love.

S4

[39:22] That must have been real hard filming that animated movie when it was all night shoots.

[39:27] Very tough.

[39:28] The animators were all night.

[39:29] It was all shot day for night.

[39:30] Oh, Paul.

Elliott Kalan

[39:31] Well, the thing is, the deadlines given to animation companies are so tight that they probably

[39:35] were working all night on it.

[39:37] So, yeah, it probably was very tough.

Dan McCoy

[39:38] You sweet, stupid man.

S5

[39:41] How is Adam Sandler's Dracula?

[39:43] What's his Dracula like?

Elliott Kalan

[39:45] He just sounds like an old Jewish man.

[39:48] I mean, he's doing kind of Dracula as Jewish grandpa, basically.

[39:53] Right, right.

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:55] It's Dracula by way of Uncle Leo from Seinfeld, you know, so with a little, with more of the

[39:59] old country in it.

Stuart Wellington

[40:00] Do you think, do you think Adam Sandler signed up to do that movie because they're like, it's

[40:04] called a Hotel Transylvania.

[40:05] He's like, perfect.

[40:06] All my movies are an excuse to go on vacation with my friends.

[40:09] They're like, oh, nobody tells me.

Elliott Kalan

[40:10] It's like, I'll go on a trip to Transylvania with Kevin James, David Spade, and Chris Rock.

[40:14] And they're like, um, well.

S4

[40:16] They took, they took an eight person trip to a recording studio in Maui.

[40:21] I mean, that makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[40:23] Yeah.

[40:24] How many monsters are on the JoCo cruise?

S4

[40:26] More than you would think.

[40:28] There is a, there is a good deal of cosplay.

[40:30] It's got the, one of the ways, the, the, one of the catchphrases I use to try and sell

[40:36] it is it's a comedy music festival stuffed together with a Comic-Con dropped onto a cruise ship.

[40:44] So there is, you know, it's, it's, it's a bunch of happy nerds on a boat having fun.

[40:48] And so as such, there is a lot of cosplay, uh, people, I'm trying to think if there are any

[40:53] particular monsters.

[40:54] We have had a couple of, couple of years running.

[40:56] We've had a zombie lurch, like from, from the, uh, upstairs buffet down to like a dance,

[41:04] uh, a dance floor, several decks down.

[41:07] So it's interesting to see this.

[41:08] Some zombies taking the, uh, elevator versus some lurching down the stairs.

S5

[41:12] Yeah.

[41:13] It is fun.

[41:13] It is fun to watch the zombies lurch around.

[41:15] I will say, I will say this.

[41:16] I probably shouldn't mention cruises and COVID in the same sentence, but I'm going to,

[41:19] because we had a cruise right on the, on the eve of COVID.

[41:23] And this is back when everybody thought that it was just all about washing your hands.

[41:27] And that was all you had to worry about.

[41:29] And so everybody was obsessively washing their hands on this cruise.

[41:32] And all the staff had was stationed basically at every doorway with a little pump bottle of

[41:37] hand sanitizer.

[41:38] And my favorite, my favorite moment from that was watching the zombie lurch happen.

[41:42] And as they lurched into the dining room, they would all stop.

[41:46] Their zombies would all stop in front of the hand pump and get their hands in.

[41:50] And sanitize their hands and keep going.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] Because they're very compliant.

[41:53] Very compliant.

S4

[41:55] Don't want infection.

Elliott Kalan

[41:57] It's like in a Dawn of the Dead.

[41:59] They seem to do what they did while they were alive.

[42:01] It brings them some comfort.

Dan McCoy

[42:05] Hey, speaking of Adam Sandler and boats, our next film is also an Adam Sandler movie.

[42:11] His first, his film debut.

[42:14] It's Going Overboard from 1989.

[42:17] Also featuring Billy Bob Thornton and King of Boats, Billy Zane.

[42:22] Whoa.

[42:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:23] Yeah.

[42:23] You're insane in the membrane.

[42:26] According to IMDb, a struggling young comedian takes a menial job on a cruise ship hoping

[42:32] for his big chance to make it in the world of cruise ship comedy.

[42:36] The director and co-writer Valerie Bryman didn't do much, but her next film was Bikini Squad.

[42:43] Sounds good.

[42:44] And I just wanted to highlight that apparently, originally this was released regionally as

[42:50] The Unsinkable Shecky Moskowitz.

[42:54] That was in 89.

[42:55] It remained in second-run theaters until 90 when it made its TV debut in June on Up All Night.

[43:01] Shout out Ronda Shear.

[43:02] Yeah.

[43:03] Under the title Babes Ahoy.

[43:07] And then it was released on video on the US in 95 as Going Overboard right after Billy

[43:14] Madison was released.

[43:16] So, cashing in those checks.

[43:20] Have any of you seen Going Overboard?

S4

[43:23] I have not seen the movie.

[43:24] I went and perused the IMDb entry and watched the trailer.

[43:29] And it is absolutely as atrocious as you would imagine this movie would be.

[43:35] I read, you know, in the famously accurate IMDb trivia section.

[43:39] Yeah.

[43:40] That apparently this movie was three months from initial conception to completion.

[43:44] And they said it was filmed in something like six days and then two days of reshoots.

[43:51] Guys, we can just do that sometime.

[43:52] Yeah.

[43:53] We could just do that.

Elliott Kalan

[43:55] We can make our own bikini adventure or whatever it's called.

[43:58] I mean, to be honest, we could do that.

[43:59] I don't know that we should, but that is, you say it like it's a crazy dream, but we certainly

[44:05] could do that if we needed to.

S5

[44:07] We could make a shitty movie in a very short amount of time.

[44:11] Yes, yes.

[44:12] It is possible.

S4

[44:13] We could walk down the middle of the street and challenge a Mack truck to a joust.

Elliott Kalan

[44:18] Yeah, it's not a great idea, but I'm looking at this cast list now and also more stars that

[44:24] this movie also features Peter Berg, who would go on to make Friday Night Lights and things

[44:30] like that.

[44:30] And Battleship.

[44:31] Battleship, yeah.

[44:32] And also Stuart in a, I assume a small role, Adam Rifkin, creator of The Invisible Maniac.

Stuart Wellington

[44:40] No, that's great.

[44:41] Yeah, yeah.

[44:41] And is he going by Adam Rifkin or is he going by, what's his, it's like, oh man, he has

[44:47] like, he has a nom de gore.

[44:50] Oh, a Riff Coogan?

[44:51] Yeah, Riff Coogan.

[44:52] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[44:53] I'm with me, it just says Adam Rifkin, so I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[44:56] I knew it wasn't right, but I was like, Dex McCool.

Stuart Wellington

[45:00] Which is not a million miles off.

Dan McCoy

[45:03] Yeah, going overboard.

[45:05] I haven't seen it.

[45:06] So is Joko Cruz also Adam Sandler's first?

S5

[45:10] The Joko Cruz, let's just say everybody wants to break into cruise ship comedy.

[45:15] That's like the pinnacle of being a comedian, a successful comedian is doing it on a cruise

[45:20] ship.

Elliott Kalan

[45:20] They've said many times, you become a headliner, then you go on Carson, then you get your one

[45:25] hour special, then you get to be on a cruise.

S4

[45:28] I will say that the Joko Cruz lasts longer than principal photography for the movie Going

[45:36] Overboard.

Dan McCoy

[45:40] So, moving on to Ghost Ship, 2002.

Stuart Wellington

[45:43] Ooh, great opening that one.

Dan McCoy

[45:45] Great opening where a bunch of people get sliced.

Stuart Wellington

[45:48] That was like peak era where horror movies like to slice people in half and then you slowly

[45:54] watch them fall apart.

[45:56] Like nobody, nothing was more popular.

[45:59] They broke the mold after that one.

[46:01] Yeah, they picked it up and cut it in half.

Dan McCoy

[46:03] It's about some people who find a ghost ship.

[46:06] It's directed by Steve Beck, who previously did 13 Ghosts and was a visual effects art director

[46:13] for ILM, where he did work on The Hunt for Red October, Indiana Jones, The Last Crusade,

[46:17] and The Abyss.

Elliott Kalan

[46:20] And he was also known from songs, right, Beck?

[46:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:25] I mean, Scientology.

[46:28] Oh, quit reminding me.

[46:30] It's got Gabriel Byrne and Julianna Margulies.

[46:34] Here's a fascinating bit of trivia from the web.

[46:38] Warner Brothers, in association with Hollywood.com, sponsored a sweepstakes to promote the film.

[46:45] Applicants can enter for the chance to win the grand prize dubbed the Ghost Ship Prize Package

[46:50] of promotional merchandise containing one Ghost Ship baseball hat, one spinning skull mug,

[46:56] one Ghost Ship shower CD player, and the Ghost Ship soundtrack.

[47:01] The runners-up would receive just the hat and mug.

Stuart Wellington

[47:06] So Gabriel Byrne just got a hat and mug.

[47:09] Yeah.

[47:10] Poor guy.

S4

[47:12] Now, here's my question.

[47:13] Poor guy.

[47:13] He's the star of Cool World, Dan.

[47:15] That's true.

[47:16] I was going to ask if anybody here had seen Ghost Ship, but maybe more accurately, the question is,

[47:23] does anybody here remember anything about Ghost Ship beyond that opening five minutes?

[47:28] No.

[47:28] Not really, no.

[47:29] Does anyone?

[47:29] Not really.

[47:30] I question whether actually the remaining 85 minutes of that movie actually exist.

[47:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:36] I mean, yes, I definitely watched all of it, and I can only remember that very memorable opening.

S5

[47:43] It feels like once you've launched that, once you've cut everybody in half, it feels like

[47:48] that's the punchline to the joke that is the movie.

[47:51] And then, I don't know, what else is there to talk about?

[47:53] Then they start seeing the ghosts, and then they say, I wonder why there are ghosts.

[47:56] And then one of the ghosts is like, we were all cut in half.

[48:00] And that's pretty much it.

Stuart Wellington

[48:02] I think we can all agree the opening should have been, they get sliced in half, and right

[48:06] before they slip apart, one of the people is like, pretty sticky situation, huh?

[48:10] You're probably wondering how I got it.

[48:13] Back in time.

[48:14] It's a meeting.

Elliott Kalan

[48:15] I will say this, guys.

[48:16] I have seen, I remember more of the 1943 movie, The Ghost Ship, which was a Val Lewton-produced

[48:23] movie, which also is not really much of a horror movie.

[48:27] And it's just more about like a crew going mad on a ship, and there's not really ghosts

[48:31] on it.

[48:32] But there's this one character who can't talk.

[48:34] He's mute.

[48:35] And he has these voiceovers that are dubbed over him where he's like, they say everything

[48:40] they wish.

[48:41] But I, I cannot speak.

[48:42] For I am mute.

[48:44] I cannot communicate.

[48:45] And it's just overwrought writing on and on about the curse that he suffers under.

[48:51] So it could be worse, I guess what I'm saying.

Stuart Wellington

[48:52] And during those narrations, is he like throwing himself on all the nearby scenery and bouncing

Elliott Kalan

[48:58] about?

[48:59] No, he's just kind of looking at things.

[49:01] Oh, and then he gets cut in half.

[49:02] Did I mention that?

[49:02] Oh, then he gets cut in half.

[49:04] No.

[49:04] I think someone does get crushed by a giant chain in it.

[49:07] I don't think anyone, I don't remember if anyone gets cut in half or not.

Dan McCoy

[49:11] So I've got one last famous cruise ship movie.

S4

[49:15] Very quickly before you do that, nobody gets bisected by a wire or any other means on Joko

[49:21] Cruise.

[49:21] I'm glad you said that.

[49:22] Oh, thank goodness.

S5

[49:23] I made a mental note before even starting this podcast that I was going to point that out.

[49:27] I'm glad you brought it up.

Elliott Kalan

[49:28] If anyone does get cut in half, it takes them so long to realize it, that it's days or weeks

[49:32] late.

[49:32] They're not even on the ship anymore.

[49:33] Yeah, it's the slowest.

[49:34] They fly it apart a week later.

Stuart Wellington

[49:37] Plenty of time to use staples, super glue, et cetera.

Elliott Kalan

[49:40] There was that one time when you had the samurai sword expert and he accidentally cut someone's

[49:46] head off, but they didn't even realize it until later when they turned their head and it fell

[49:49] right off their body.

Stuart Wellington

[49:50] Yeah.

[49:50] And at that point, they're like, they've always wanted to see a cut like that for it to happen

[49:54] from their own head.

[49:55] It's how ironic.

[49:56] Yeah, yeah.

[49:56] Et cetera, et cetera.

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] The best way to die was for their head to turn around in midair and see the cut as

[50:01] it fell to the ground and then consciousness left it.

[50:04] So cool, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:06] There's one last movie that I'm going to give us maybe a last thought discussion question

[50:11] to tie it up, but we got here.

[50:15] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[50:15] It's been a pretty focused conversation up till now.

Dan McCoy

[50:18] Alvin and the Chipmunks, colon, Chipwrecked, 2011.

[50:24] Classic.

[50:25] It's a great, you know, you go to the series for great sequel subtitles.

[50:30] You got the squeakquel and you got Chipwrecked.

[50:32] What more do you need?

[50:33] Actually, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:35] I'm a little bit of a hater, but I got to, you know, give credit where it comes.

[50:38] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:41] IMGB summarizes it thusly, playing around while aboard a cruise ship, the Chipmunks

[50:46] and Chipettes accidentally go overboard and end up marooned in a tropical paradise.

[50:52] And this is directed by Mike Mitchell, but not that Mike Mitchell.

[50:56] No.

[50:56] Not Mike Mitchell from the Doughboys?

[50:57] Not that guy.

[50:58] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[50:58] This is the director of Deuce Bigelow, Mel Gigolo, and The Lego Movie Part 2.

Stuart Wellington

[51:03] Yes.

[51:03] Mike Mitchell featured actor on Peacock's Killing It?

Dan McCoy

[51:06] Not that guy, no.

[51:07] He's great on.

[51:08] This is the director of, since you said the Deuce Bigelow, Mel Gigolo, I want to balance

[51:14] out by saying that he also directed Sky High, which is pretty good.

[51:18] I like Sky High.

Elliott Kalan

[51:19] I've actually never seen it.

[51:20] I've heard good things about it.

Dan McCoy

[51:22] Ginny Slate's film debut is Chipwrecked, by the way.

[51:24] That's the other piece of trivia I have down here.

Elliott Kalan

[51:27] That was back when she just played kind of like weirdos who would show up in things.

[51:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:31] As opposed to –

Elliott Kalan

[51:32] As opposed –

[51:34] Now she plays weirdos who have larger roles in the movies.

[51:38] And continued David Cross's commitment to the Alvin and the Chipmunks franchise.

[51:43] Yeah.

[51:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:44] He's quoted as saying this was like the worst experience in his career.

[51:49] And like on the one hand, that may be true.

[51:53] And like I sympathize that even within like a great career, you know, you can have painful

[51:59] things and people shouldn't like scoff at that.

[52:01] On the other hand, I'm like, yeah, but you're getting paid Alvin and the Chipmunks money.

[52:05] Like what do you want?

[52:06] Like, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[52:06] I'm sure he gave the money back afterwards.

[52:09] Yeah, yeah.

[52:09] He said, I didn't enjoy this and therefore I didn't give the performance the fans deserve.

[52:13] So I shouldn't –

[52:13] I don't deserve to be paid for it.

[52:14] Yeah.

[52:15] Right.

[52:15] That's exactly right.

Dan McCoy

[52:16] I have not seen any of these Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.

[52:20] Have any of you seen any of these?

S5

[52:22] I haven't seen it.

[52:22] I assume it's – I mean it's basically a triangle of sadness but with Chipmunks.

Elliott Kalan

[52:26] Yeah.

[52:26] Well, now I want to see it.

[52:28] Yeah.

[52:29] I have not seen them.

[52:31] Here's the thing though.

[52:32] When a person gets shipwrecked on a deserted island, it's terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[52:36] Wait.

[52:36] What happens when they get shipwrecked on a deserted island?

[52:38] Yeah, shipwrecked.

Elliott Kalan

[52:39] When they get shipwrecked, it's even worse.

[52:42] Oh, wow.

[52:43] When chipmunks get shipwrecked on an island, it doesn't bother me quite as much because they're

[52:48] already wild animals.

[52:49] I mean there's plenty of food and whatever.

[52:51] Right, right, right.

[52:52] Well, these are domesticated chipmunks.

[52:53] Yeah.

[52:54] They're not able to fend for themselves.

[52:56] They wear clothes in their wrap.

Stuart Wellington

[52:56] Yeah.

[52:56] They do form a new societal structure based on skill set and it gets pretty brutal.

Elliott Kalan

[53:02] You have to imagine that half the movie is them trying to kill Theodore to appease their

[53:07] new god that they've invented on the island.

[53:10] And they've stolen Simon's glasses to light fires with and things like that.

S4

[53:14] They're arguing over who gets to talk, who's holding the conch.

[53:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:17] And the conch is huge.

[53:18] None of them can hold it.

[53:19] They're chipmunks.

S4

[53:21] They can't hoist the pig head onto a stake because it's too much for them to lift.

[53:24] No, they live in it.

Elliott Kalan

[53:25] It's a house.

[53:26] Yeah.

[53:26] They live in a pig head house.

Dan McCoy

[53:29] So I just want to ask before we leave this stuff behind.

Elliott Kalan

[53:32] Pig head house sounds like an animal house ripoff from like the early to mid 80s.

[53:36] Yeah, that's true.

[53:37] Like the Asylum Productions.

S4

[53:40] Oh, it's also a real good like Cookie Monster Metal album title.

[53:44] Yeah.

[53:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:45] Frog Rock, but yeah.

[53:46] I've already got that one.

[53:49] I wanted to ask, so thinking about all these movies together, is there something that makes

[53:53] something a cruise ship?

[53:56] Is there a cruise ship genre or is it merely a location?

[53:59] Are there elements that you think reoccur in these things?

S4

[54:02] Well, usually, I mean, the canon states that in order for it to fall within the genre,

[54:10] there has to be-

[54:11] Do cruise ships have cannons?

[54:12] They do, yes.

[54:13] The good ones do.

[54:14] They do.

[54:14] Yeah, only the ones that don't want to be attacked by pirates.

[54:16] Pirates.

[54:16] Yeah.

[54:17] In order for it to be truly a proper cruise ship piece of entertainment, there has to

[54:21] be love.

[54:23] It has to be exciting and new.

[54:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:26] Do they have to be expecting us?

S4

[54:29] Well, yeah.

[54:29] You have to be expected.

[54:32] And it's always making another run.

[54:34] Like, that's the thing.

[54:35] Like, every week they just turn over, no matter what fabulous stories have happened, no matter

[54:39] how many times Charro is aboard the next week.

[54:43] Another run.

[54:44] Another run coming down the pike.

[54:45] Years ago, we went on a cruise.

Stuart Wellington

[54:48] Years ago, I went on a princess cruise to Alaska, and there was a channel that just constantly

[54:53] played love boat episodes.

[54:55] Yeah.

[54:55] Because I guess that's like a connection there.

Elliott Kalan

[54:56] I want to see a love boat episode now where Charro is aboard just like there's an infestation.

[55:03] Like, she's in the vent.

[55:04] She's in the ducts in the vents.

[55:05] They can't get her out.

[55:06] The tribbles of the love boat.

[55:09] The ship has Charros.

[55:11] The passengers cannot know that we have Charro on board.

[55:14] Like, they cannot know.

[55:16] They have to clean up her scat and things like that, you know.

[55:19] She's getting into the pantry and chewing holes in bags of flour and stuff like that.

S5

[55:24] Her saliva just melts through the metal hull.

[55:27] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:27] They follow it straight down deck after deck after deck.

[55:30] Straight down deck, deck, deck, yeah.

S4

[55:31] No, run.

[55:32] What?

[55:32] Coochie, coochie.

Elliott Kalan

[55:34] I would argue, Dan, that cruise ships are kind of a genre, but maybe more a family of related genres.

[55:43] It feels like there are comedy cruise ship movies.

[55:46] There are disaster cruise ship or, you know, like danger cruise ship movies.

[55:50] And there's romance cruise ship movies.

[55:53] And I feel like those are the three, in my mind, the three types of cruise ship movies.

[55:56] Either a cruise ship is a place where dangerous things will happen because you are far from land and far from hell.

[56:03] Or it is a place that exciting and funny or sexy things will happen similarly because you're in the water away from land.

[56:10] The rules don't apply the same way.

[56:12] People are in close quarters.

[56:13] It's kind of similar to spaceship movies in a way.

Dan McCoy

[56:16] I also think that, you know, trying to answer the question a little more seriously too, like I – class elements are often in cruise ship films.

Elliott Kalan

[56:29] I mean certainly in the most famous cruise ship ever made movie that you didn't mention at all, Titanic.

[56:33] You mean The Abyss?

[56:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:35] Cruise ship movie, The Abyss.

[56:37] They're all working.

[56:38] The underwater cruise ship.

Elliott Kalan

[56:39] It's a working trip.

Dan McCoy

[56:42] Titanic, Triangle of Sadness.

[56:44] You know, I mean like I think it's interesting because, you know, in this modern world, like cruise ships aren't like sort of the vastly unattainable vacation they once were.

[56:55] But like I think certainly, you know, like if you're talking about a high-end cruise or the, you know, like older films, a lot of these issues come up.

S4

[57:04] There's certainly a luxury aspect to a lot of the classics like – and especially with the romance-tinged ones like A Fair to Remember or Lady and such.

Elliott Kalan

[57:13] There's a certain amount of time spent kind of just letting the audience live the dream of being on a fabulous – like Gentleman Prefer Blondes has a bunch of cruise ship stuff on it too, right?

[57:25] Because there's that great moment when – I think it's on a cruise ship when they sit next to the kid and he makes some comment and she goes, how old are you?

[57:31] And he goes, old enough to appreciate a beautiful woman.

[57:35] It's just a funny line coming out of like an eight-year-old or something like that.

Dan McCoy

[57:40] Well, before we let you do some final plugs, I want to make a couple of plugs, which is that for whatever reason, we're also doing more boat content.

[57:52] In Shocktober, one of our movies is going to be Jason Takes Manhattan, which is mostly actually a cruise ship movie.

[58:00] Mostly Jason takes a boat on its way to Manhattan, yeah.

[58:04] Yeah, and, you know, one of our L.A. live shows is going to be about Speed 2, the Misbegotten Speed sequel.

[58:12] So there's links on our show page for that.

Stuart Wellington

[58:16] Can't be that Misbegotten.

[58:18] Keanu Reeves came back for it, right?

Dan McCoy

[58:19] Let's do what I've done for you.

[58:22] Oh, boy, bad news.

[58:23] Uh-oh.

[58:25] We've got something just as good for you.

Elliott Kalan

[58:28] Keanu Reeves was like, it's time for me to be a little selective in my career.

[58:32] I'm not doing Speed 2.

[58:33] What's this script?

[58:34] Johnny Mnemonic.

[58:35] Okay, I'll try it.

Dan McCoy

[58:40] But yes, before we go, would you like to do a more full plug?

[58:45] More formal plug?

[58:46] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

S4

[58:48] I'll start.

[58:49] Jonathan, jump in at whatever point you feel I'm doing it wrong.

[58:52] Okay.

[58:52] So Joko Cruz is a week-long-

[58:54] Stop.

[58:55] Stop.

[58:55] Yeah.

S5

[58:56] Just kidding.

[58:57] Go ahead.

S4

[58:58] No, I don't want to now.

[59:00] No, no.

[59:00] Go ahead.

[59:01] It's a week-long music and comedy and creativity-themed cruise.

[59:07] It's a lot of happy nerds on a boat.

[59:10] There's music performances.

[59:12] Happy nerds?

[59:13] Happy nerds, yes.

[59:14] Not the sad, angry, incel type.

[59:16] Okay.

[59:17] There's music, there's comedy, there's podcasters, there's authors, there's a whole bunch of self-run events, everything from crafting to dance lessons to meetups in bars to compare tattoos.

[59:35] See, there's tattoo nerds.

[59:36] There's lots of different types of nerddom, Dan.

[59:38] In any case, it's happening-

[59:40] As days anyone can be a nerd.

[59:41] The next one happens March 9th through 16th, 2024.

[59:46] It's a great time, and I'm not just saying that because I'm one of the people in charge of it, and I have to go no matter what.

S5

[59:56] It is.

[59:57] It is a great time.

[59:58] And you mentioned this a little bit.

[1:00:00] One of my favorite aspects of it is it's a thing we call the shadow cruise, where we have enough programming.

[1:00:06] We have more programming than there are hours in the week that's official programming.

[1:00:10] And then we give spaces over to the community who build their own stuff.

[1:00:15] And it's crazy to watch what they put together.

[1:00:19] And just very exciting.

[1:00:20] I've seen handbell choirs and ad hoc acapella groups and knitting circles and ad hoc Hamilton the musicals sing-alongs.

[1:00:32] And you just walk down the hallways of the ship and overhear all these things going on in all these rooms.

[1:00:40] It's just-

[1:00:41] How many hours, Paul, was it?

[1:00:43] I think we did a calculation one year.

[1:00:44] How many hours of entertainment were there on a week?

S4

[1:00:46] There were, I don't remember which year this was.

[1:00:51] It was either this past year or the year before.

[1:00:53] We had peaked at something like 580-something hours of actual programming.

[1:01:00] If you don't count things like, you know, lunch and dinner.

[1:01:04] But of actual events, of official events and shadow cruise events on board, I think it was that high.

[1:01:11] It's a lot of stuff going on all over the ship pretty much at all times.

[1:01:15] And also very few vampires, though.

S5

[1:01:17] Oh.

[1:01:18] No?

[1:01:18] Well, not zero.

[1:01:19] Not zero.

[1:01:20] Not zero.

[1:01:21] Not zero.

[1:01:22] I mean, it's the Caribbean.

[1:01:23] You're going to run into a couple of vampires.

[1:01:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:24] But they're going to be those fun vampires.

[1:01:26] They're not the dour Eastern European vampires.

[1:01:29] These are vampires.

[1:01:29] No, no.

[1:01:29] They're not afraid to kick back, let loose, you know.

[1:01:32] Yeah.

[1:01:32] They know how to party.

[1:01:33] Soak in some rays.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:34] Yeah.

[1:01:34] Combust.

S4

[1:01:35] They're Jewish grandpa vampires.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:37] These are Jewish grandpa vampires.

[1:01:38] Yeah.

[1:01:39] Jewish grandpires.

[1:01:41] I mean, which literally is, I guess, Grandpa Al Lewis from the Munster.

[1:01:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:47] We've reinvented the wheel.

[1:01:50] Well, I'd like to thank you guys for being here.

[1:01:54] Thank you, Paul.

[1:01:55] Thank you, Jonathan.

[1:01:57] Our pals from songs.

[1:02:01] And boats.

[1:02:02] And many more songs to come.

[1:02:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:05] And many more boats to come, I hope.

[1:02:06] And many more boats.

[1:02:07] Yes, indeed.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:08] And for the...

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:10] What an amazing scoop that would have been if Jonathan would be like, I'm retiring from

[1:02:13] songs.

[1:02:14] I'm announcing it now.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:17] Thanks to our producer, Alex Smith.

[1:02:19] You can find him under the name Howell Dottie online.

[1:02:22] Thanks to our network, Maximum Fun.

[1:02:24] Check out their other great shows.

[1:02:26] But for the Flophouse, I have been Dan McCoy.

[1:02:29] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:31] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:02:32] And we've been joined by...

[1:02:34] Jonathan Colton.

[1:02:35] Oh, we screwed up.

[1:02:36] Damn it.

[1:02:38] They're so close, they finish each other's name sentences.

S4

[1:02:40] We're not part of the well-oiled machine that is the Flophouse.

[1:02:44] That's right.

[1:02:45] That's right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:45] The error-free extravaganza.

[1:02:48] I was expecting a bird.

[1:02:49] But instead, he gave us a really nice compliment.

[1:02:52] Thank you, Paul.

S4

[1:02:53] In any event, I'm still Paul Saborin.

[1:02:56] Bye.

[1:02:56] And I'm still Jonathan Colton.

[1:02:57] Oh.

[1:02:58] I ruined it again.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:59] Well-oiled.

[1:03:00] Wellest-oiled machine.

[1:03:02] Stuck the landing.

[1:03:03] Yeah.

[1:03:03] Signing off.

[1:03:04] Oil can.

[1:03:05] Bye.

FH Mini 90 - Cruising Along, with Jonathan Coulton and Paul Sabourin

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