The Flop House: Episode #103 - One For the Money

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss Katherine Heigl's most honestly named film, One for the Money.

[0:06] And before we start, a reminder for New York area fans, come see our screening of Quiet

[0:11] Cool with live commentary this coming Friday, June 8th at 92Y Tribeca.

[0:16] More details on the website, www.flophousepodcast.com.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:50] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:51] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] And who's this over here with you guys?

[0:55] It's Ellie Kalin.

[0:56] Knock, knock, who's there?

Stuart Wellington

[0:57] Thank God, he identified himself.

[0:59] How did you know?

[1:00] You're wearing a wire?

[1:02] Ellie with two Ts, right?

[1:04] Yeah, you better believe it.

[1:05] Okay, what happens if I do one T?

[1:08] The other T is your tombstone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10] It's crossing your grave.

[1:11] Can I get pepperoni and cheese on it?

[1:13] Yes.

[1:14] Okay, Dan, what are you doing here?

[1:16] The man with the pizza-shaped T.

Dan McCoy

[1:18] Yeah, let me reset, as they say in the radio business.

[1:21] Why are we starting over?

[1:22] This is a show.

[1:23] I don't understand.

[1:24] A show that you listen to through your ear holes.

[1:27] So what do we do on this show, Dan?

[1:29] And it's...

[1:30] So wait, people aren't watching us right now?

[1:32] No.

[1:33] So take your pants off.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34] I thought we made like a hundred of these videos and people are watching it.

[1:35] In your case, put your pants back on.

Dan McCoy

[1:37] All of the hilarious visual gags you're doing right now are lost to the sands of time.

[1:41] Oh, good one.

[1:42] I'll take off these wacky glasses.

[1:44] I like those.

[1:46] This is a show where we watch a movie, probably a bad movie.

[1:51] Almost always.

[1:52] And then we discuss it afterwards.

[1:53] Spoiler alert.

[1:53] And what's the name of this show?

[1:55] It's called The Flophouse.

[1:56] Podcast.

[1:57] It's...

[1:57] That's a pun on the idea of a flop and also the concept of a flop house, which is where...

[2:03] Like cowboys and shit would go hang out.

[2:04] Well, I mean like drunks of old times.

[2:06] It's where cowboys would hang out and also shit.

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] It's a house where shit hangs out.

Dan McCoy

[2:12] It's more like it's the old version of a crack house.

[2:16] Okay.

[2:16] Well, that's not entirely accurate.

[2:17] I don't know.

[2:18] I mean, they were legal, right?

[2:19] All right, history, man.

Elliott Kalan

[2:19] A flop house is more like a halfway house.

[2:21] Oh, for crack addicts.

[2:24] No.

Stuart Wellington

[2:25] For old timey crack addicts.

[2:27] You're going the other direction.

[2:28] You're halfway the other.

Dan McCoy

[2:28] That's crack spelled with a Q-U-E at the end.

[2:31] Yeah.

[2:31] And an E at the end.

[2:33] Yeah.

[2:34] By the way, apologies if there's any ambient noise.

[2:38] We're all on ambient right now.

[2:39] Summer has come upon New York City very quickly.

[2:42] It's a hot time.

Elliott Kalan

[2:43] Summer in the city.

[2:44] In the back of my neck.

[2:46] It's not gritty, I'd say.

[2:47] No.

Dan McCoy

[2:48] That'd be weird.

[2:49] But the windows are wide open.

[2:51] It's raining.

[2:52] I have not put the air conditioner in.

[2:54] Just to set the stage.

[2:55] A little ambience.

[2:56] And also, I'm walking in the snow.

Elliott Kalan

[3:00] And there's a crackling fire.

[3:02] Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle.

[3:04] Yeah.

[3:04] And the wait over there, guys.

[3:05] And the wolf.

Stuart Wellington

[3:06] There's a flop house house cat over there, right?

[3:10] Get it?

[3:10] Rawr!

[3:11] That's hilarious, right?

[3:12] What's that house cat doing so far in the woods?

Dan McCoy

[3:14] Yeah.

[3:14] I can do sound effects.

[3:16] It's a house cat.

[3:17] I mean, specifically, it's in the name.

[3:19] Yeah.

[3:19] It's not a wild cat.

[3:19] It should not be in the woods.

[3:20] Well, the house cat, though, is a wild cat.

Stuart Wellington

[3:22] So, moving on.

[3:24] We all just did some sound effects, guys.

[3:26] Yeah.

[3:26] That's free.

[3:27] So, we warmed up.

[3:28] Yeah.

[3:28] High five.

Elliott Kalan

[3:29] That's free.

[3:30] Now, you've got to pay for it.

[3:32] Actually, to get the...

[3:32] You may...

[3:33] Dave, you heard the sound effect of Stuart and Dan high-fiving.

[3:36] It's actually the sound of a man punching a side of beef.

[3:39] That's how they make that sound on the radio.

Dan McCoy

[3:41] That's some Flophouse Foley magic.

[3:44] Yep.

[3:44] Dave Foley magic.

[3:45] Mm-hmm.

[3:46] He's over in the corner drinking sadly to himself.

[3:48] And doing close-up magic tricks.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] I didn't know that was something that Dave Foley was known for.

[3:53] All you need is a pack of cards and one coin.

[3:55] Entertain for hours.

[3:56] Okay.

[3:57] Well, we watched a movie tonight called...

[3:58] What's amazing is he can entertain himself because he's so drunk he forgets the tricks.

[4:03] He doesn't know how they're done, even as he's doing them.

Dan McCoy

[4:05] A man who is a great comedy hero of mine.

[4:07] Mine, too.

[4:08] That's been destroyed now.

[4:09] Yeah.

[4:10] Well, I know what's destroyed.

[4:11] We shouldn't laugh.

[4:12] He's down on his lap.

[4:13] Was it like through gaslighting or something or...

[4:15] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:15] Someone wanted to steal his jewels.

[4:17] Kevin MacDonald?

[4:18] Mm-hmm.

[4:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:19] We can only assume Kevin MacDonald wanted to steal Dave Foley's jewels.

[4:22] So we watched a movie tonight.

[4:23] It was called One for the Money with Katherine Heigl.

[4:28] I've never heard of this movie.

[4:29] Rated R.

Elliott Kalan

[4:32] Was it rated R?

[4:33] I don't think so.

[4:34] He was a movie phone guy.

Dan McCoy

[4:36] Probably not.

[4:37] PG-13, there was a scene where Katherine Heigl clutched her arm in front of her naked breasts.

[4:43] You saw her naked side.

[4:44] Mm-hmm.

[4:44] Side boob, but I think that's...

[4:46] Side butt and boob.

Elliott Kalan

[4:46] Okay.

[4:47] So mark that down, Mr. Skin, if you're listening at home.

[4:49] Mr. Reginald Skin.

Dan McCoy

[4:52] You better believe that Mr. Reginald Skin bought One for the Money on Blu-ray.

[4:56] Dr. Skin.

[4:57] Please, that's Dr. Skin.

[4:59] I didn't go to skin school for six years to be called Mr.

[5:03] He has a degree in skin.

[5:04] You don't think Mr. Skin got a screener for this?

[5:07] I'm sure he did.

[5:08] At this point.

[5:09] An academy screener.

[5:10] He's an academy voter.

[5:10] Yeah, he got an academy screener.

[5:12] By the way, do you know that the reason that Mr. Skin can operate is that technically he's a review site?

[5:18] That's why he can put up all that copyrighted material is because he's nominally a review site.

[5:24] So he can quote-unquote review the movie while showing clips from it.

[5:27] He's reviewing nudity.

[5:28] Yeah.

[5:29] Yeah, but that's why he's not in trouble with copyright law.

[5:32] That's why the founding fathers put that law in.

Stuart Wellington

[5:33] Listeners at home, Elliot and I have completely non-shocked expressions on our faces.

[5:38] Yeah, we are in no way.

Dan McCoy

[5:38] I just think that's an interesting fact.

[5:40] I think that's an interesting way to skirt copyright law.

[5:40] How is it related to our movie tonight?

[5:42] How is it related?

[5:43] Well, it's related in that that's probably the same reason I can put posters up on the Flophouse

[5:46] site without getting...

Stuart Wellington

[5:48] Because we're nominally a review site, but actually a boob site.

Dan McCoy

[5:52] It's more of a sound effects site.

[6:02] It's Misty on the Moors tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[6:05] We're on a night like this on the docks on the Moors.

[6:08] That's not even a sound effect.

Stuart Wellington

[6:10] Caw, caw, caw.

Elliott Kalan

[6:11] Oh, you bagged yourself a wolf-batross.

[6:17] Like a seabird that's also a wolf.

[6:20] Did we paint an ear picture for you guys?

[6:22] We hope we did.

[6:22] We painted a picture of an ear.

[6:23] Yeah.

[6:24] So, One for the Money, starring Katherine Heigl of Huge Cast, Fisher Stevens, John Leguizamo.

Dan McCoy

[6:29] Don't get attached to Fisher Stevens, I'm weak.

[6:32] Jason Mara of the failed television shows Terra Nova and Life on Mars.

[6:38] Yeah, I think and related to Rooney Mara, right?

[6:41] I hope so.

Elliott Kalan

[6:42] David, write in and correct us.

[6:43] David Kalen, write in.

[6:45] Debbie Reynolds?

[6:46] Now this...

[6:46] Debbie Reynolds?

[6:47] Oh, how could I forget?

[6:48] The biggest star in the movie is Debbie Reynolds.

[6:48] The screen star, yeah.

[6:50] This movie is based on the first of the Stephanie Plum...

[6:52] The guy who played Jimmy Barrett on Mad Men, isn't it?

[6:56] Oh, yeah.

[6:56] Based on the first of the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Ivanovich.

[7:00] This series is a particular favorite of my mother, or was for a while.

[7:03] There's 23 of them now.

[7:05] Yeah.

[7:06] And I think my mom got tired around 16 or 18.

Dan McCoy

[7:09] Yeah.

[7:09] Well, that reminds me of the Sue Grafton mysteries, where she set out the alphabet mystery novels.

[7:17] And it's like, okay, well, there's going to be 26 of these.

[7:19] I am going to check out around N, maybe?

[7:23] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[7:23] Yeah.

[7:24] And she got lazy after a while.

[7:25] I think V was for the letter V.

[7:29] X was for xylophone, which is weird.

[7:31] W is for whatever, something mystery related.

[7:34] By Sue Grafton.

[7:37] You make up the rest.

[7:39] But this is a series about Stephanie Plum, who is a young woman down on her luck.

[7:44] She doesn't have a job.

[7:45] She's in danger of losing her apartment.

Dan McCoy

[7:46] I don't understand how she can be so down on her luck when she owns the patent to plums.

[7:50] That's the weird thing.

[7:51] Moving along.

Elliott Kalan

[7:53] Ladies and gentlemen, if you look to your right, you'll see a stupid joke.

[7:56] Moving along.

[7:58] So, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[7:59] Our character is Stephanie Plum.

[8:01] Is that she?

[8:02] We learn that she is divorced.

[8:04] She's divorced.

[8:05] Is that last name from...

[8:06] The daughter of Professor Plum.

[8:07] Is that last name her...

[8:08] Is that her original last name, or is that...

[8:10] If we didn't need you to do the tech, Dan.

[8:14] Is that last name from her ex-husband?

[8:16] I don't remember.

[8:16] I'm only wondering because...

[8:18] She has this large, very boisterous, very loud vocal...

[8:23] You're saying Italian.

[8:24] Italian family, yes.

[8:25] It's New Jersey.

Elliott Kalan

[8:26] And Plum doesn't sound...

[8:27] Unless...

[8:27] Maybe it was Plumalino before they came to Ellis Island.

[8:30] Or as it was known before it came to Ellis Island, Ellis Island Alini.

Stuart Wellington

[8:33] Okay.

[8:34] They changed the name of Ellis Island at Ellis Island.

[8:37] Okay, so wait.

[8:38] We're just going to come up with variations on the name Plum?

[8:40] On how to Italianize it up?

[8:43] Plum-a-re-ti.

[8:43] Okay.

[8:44] Plum-a-re-ti.

[8:45] I like that one.

[8:48] So let's go on.

[8:49] She's a new...

Elliott Kalan

[8:50] But you read this book, right?

[8:51] I read this book years ago because my mom was a big fan of it.

[8:54] And she was like, you should read this.

[8:55] You'd enjoy it.

[8:55] And was Elliot Loves there?

[8:57] Was there a sexy babe on the cover?

[8:59] No.

[8:59] This is one of those series where the title is just in big letters on the cover.

[9:03] So it just says Janet Ivanovich won for the money.

[9:05] There's no illustration.

[9:06] Now I'm sure on the book there's probably a picture of Janet Ivanovich.

Dan McCoy

[9:08] Because Janet Ivanovich is a selling point in that scenario.

[9:11] Yes.

[9:12] Just like James Patterson.

[9:13] And also numbers.

Elliott Kalan

[9:14] She's going to be a changefully holding a pair of handcuffs or something.

[9:17] Handcuffs over her butt.

[9:18] Yeah.

[9:18] Like in the poster.

[9:20] Because she's going to handcuff her butt, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[9:22] That seems like a bad idea.

[9:24] Two cuffs, two butt cheeks.

[9:25] That's how it works out.

[9:26] That's math, Stu.

[9:27] Okay.

[9:27] Let's go.

[9:28] Let's move on.

Elliott Kalan

[9:29] Moving on.

[9:30] So she's a down on her luck woman.

[9:32] She's divorced.

[9:32] I have more plum material.

[9:34] Do you want to hear that?

[9:34] She's out of work.

[9:36] She's about to lose her apartment and her car gets towed.

[9:38] She's got this boisterous family that's trying to set her up with a schlubby guy who's not a bad guy.

[9:42] And she's got a crazy wacky grandma played by Hollywood legend Debbie Reynolds.

[9:47] You may remember from the best Hollywood musical ever, Singing in the Rain.

[9:50] I mean, she hams it up a little bit in this performance.

[9:52] She hams it up a lot.

[9:53] This is a movie where...

Stuart Wellington

[9:54] And I think the director was frightened to tell her to tone it down.

Elliott Kalan

[9:58] Well, yeah.

[9:58] She had a loaded gun in one scene.

[9:59] She's just waving around.

[10:00] There is one dinner scene where Debbie Reynolds' character is just waving a loaded gun around that she's found in Katherine Heigl's bag.

[10:07] People seem very unconcerned.

[10:08] They're like, put it down, ma.

[10:11] Come on, ma.

[10:11] Put it down.

[10:12] But they're not frightened as they should be because she shoots a turkey and meat goes everywhere,

[10:15] which leads to the one good line in the whole movie, which is...

[10:19] I guess there's more than one.

[10:20] There's a couple good lines.

[10:21] But the best line, which is the guy they're trying to set her up with, turkey flies everywhere all over him.

[10:26] And he's wiping his glasses off and he goes, it's like fireworks made of meat.

[10:31] Yeah.

[10:31] Great line.

[10:32] There you go.

[10:33] But anyway...

[10:34] Money in the bank.

Stuart Wellington

[10:35] So you guys probably...

[10:36] We should probably pause for a minute for our listeners to totally crack up because that was hilarious.

[10:41] Yeah.

[10:41] Anyway.

[10:41] Just sew their sides back together because they have split.

Elliott Kalan

[10:44] They're going to want to ice their knees after they slap them so much.

Stuart Wellington

[10:48] Adjust their wigs because they've just been flipped off.

[10:51] Oh, wait.

[10:51] No, that's a surprise.

Elliott Kalan

[10:53] Yeah, that's...

[10:54] And gather up their socks because they have been knocked off.

[11:00] And so she decides she's going to go into business with her cousin Vinny, who is a bail bondsman.

[11:06] And the line, My Cousin Vinny, is actually said at one point.

[11:09] Yeah, but it's not Joe Pesci from My Cousin Vinny.

[11:11] No.

[11:11] It's actually...

[11:12] So cool down.

[11:13] Who plays him?

[11:14] It's the guy who plays Jimmy Barrett on Mad Men.

[11:16] And he was in Lost, I think.

[11:17] Irritating comedian Jimmy Barrett from Mad Men.

[11:19] You may remember him as the Utz Nuts guy whose wife, Bobby, Don Draper, attacked the vagina of with his hands in a restaurant.

[11:28] Attacked the vagina of?

[11:29] Yeah.

[11:29] Like the vagina was coming towards him?

[11:31] Well, he had to threaten her.

[11:32] He grabbed her vagina really hard.

[11:33] Oh, really?

[11:34] You remember that episode?

Dan McCoy

[11:35] Oh, but she was...

[11:36] I mean, they were in a carnal relationship, the two of them.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] Yeah, but he did it.

[11:40] It wasn't out of lust.

[11:41] That was to...

[11:42] I know, but it attacks the vagina.

Dan McCoy

[11:43] It sounds like he's got some nunchucks or something, and he's just whacking at it.

Stuart Wellington

[11:47] I'm like...

[11:48] Go on, Dan.

[11:50] Oh, I don't...

[11:51] Keep talking about...

[11:52] No, no, no.

[11:52] You shouldn't be interested in...

Elliott Kalan

[11:53] Oh, Stuart's turned on by the nunchucks part of this equation.

Stuart Wellington

[11:56] Now, I'm Michelangelo, the Ninja Turtle...

[11:58] No, I don't...

Dan McCoy

[11:59] I'm not writing erotic fanfic for you.

Elliott Kalan

[12:03] You should write erotic Ninja Turtle Mad Men crossover fanfic between Bobby Barrett and Michelangelo.

[12:09] You finally found my niche.

[12:12] So, she decides to become a bounty hunter for her cousin, the bail bondsman.

[12:16] This is taken by everyone.

[12:19] Everyone is like...

[12:19] Takes the first ten minutes of the movie.

[12:21] The first ten minutes of the movie, but also like...

[12:22] She just eases into this job of bounty hunter, and when she tells people, they're like,

[12:26] a bounty hunter, in the same way as if I told people, like, I'm gonna try to become a model.

[12:31] People would be like, a model.

[12:33] Like, they'd be kind of...

[12:34] I mean, you know, I'd be in trouble.

[12:36] Like, I'd be down with it.

[12:37] I think you could do it.

[12:37] But if I told people, I'm gonna be a bounty hunter, they'd be like, what are you talking

[12:40] about?

[12:41] You're gonna be killed.

Stuart Wellington

[12:42] You don't have a ponytail.

Dan McCoy

[12:44] Karate chops aren't strong enough.

[12:46] You're not sassy.

[12:47] You don't wear cleavage-bearing tops.

[12:49] You're not a dog.

[12:50] Okay.

[12:51] Or have the name dog.

Stuart Wellington

[12:53] Sure.

[12:53] No, it's right.

[12:55] She basically walks into the, what, the bail bondsman office and says, oh, I'm here for

[13:00] the filing job.

[13:01] And they're like, oh, yeah, that doesn't exist anymore.

[13:02] And she's like, uh, you have another job?

[13:05] And they're like, oh, yeah, be a bounty hunter.

[13:07] And she's like, okay.

[13:08] Mm-hmm.

[13:08] And that's it.

[13:09] Case closed.

[13:11] She did.

[13:12] If only, Dan.

[13:13] But it went on for another hour and roughly 15 minutes.

[13:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:17] She gets, as her case, this guy, uh, was named Morelli?

[13:21] Morelli.

[13:22] Morelli.

[13:23] Officer Morelli.

[13:23] Like the mushrooms.

[13:24] A cop who's been accused of murder and is on the run.

[13:27] Also the man she lost her virginity to when she was 17.

[13:30] And then he didn't call her back, so she rammed him in the leg with her car and broke it.

[13:35] But that's all water unter die Brücke, as the Germans would say.

[13:40] That's correct, by the way.

[13:41] Thank you.

[13:42] Uh, where was I?

[13:45] I was so busy figuring out.

Stuart Wellington

[13:46] You would think that this would be a difficult first case for a first-time bounty hunter, right?

Elliott Kalan

[13:50] Yes, especially since every other bounty hunter seems to be on this case because it's so difficult.

[13:54] Yet she finds him almost instantly.

Dan McCoy

[13:55] Yeah, this is a midnight run style, uh, case where it's a high-profile, big reward case.

[14:01] A lot of people.

[14:01] Yeah, she's going to get 50,000 buckaroos.

Stuart Wellington

[14:03] I mean, I'd have been up for it if it was, like, a whole bunch of wacky bounty hunters all trying to catch this guy.

[14:06] Like Smoking Aces?

[14:07] Mm-hmm.

[14:08] No, but, like, wackier.

[14:09] Like Empire Strikes Back?

[14:10] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[14:12] Look, it doesn't get any wackier than a robot, a lizard man,

[14:15] A bug robot and another robot.

[14:18] A really thin robot.

Dan McCoy

[14:19] And a guy in a turban, right?

[14:21] And a guy wearing ace bandages all over his body.

[14:25] Yeah.

[14:26] Like a space mummy.

Elliott Kalan

[14:30] That's what he, Dengar, the space mummy?

[14:33] Oh, man, if the space mum's on your trail.

[14:36] And a Boba Fett.

[14:37] Did he say Boba Fett?

[14:38] I didn't say Boba Fett.

[14:38] Boba Fett.

[14:39] Boba Fett.

[14:39] He's too cool to make fun of.

Dan McCoy

[14:40] Yeah.

[14:41] You don't want Boba Fett coming after you.

[14:43] Nope.

Elliott Kalan

[14:43] No, because then you'll say, Boba Fett, Boba Fett where?

[14:45] And you'll hit him with a pole and knock him into a giant round mouth.

Dan McCoy

[14:50] Yeah.

[14:51] So.

[14:51] Big old sand vagina.

Elliott Kalan

[14:52] But she manages to find.

[14:54] I was going to go toothed anus, but I'm glad that you picture a vagina.

Stuart Wellington

[14:59] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[14:59] Sounds like, like, if you, like a teen.

Stuart Wellington

[15:03] So we're going to talk about the Sarlacc kids.

Elliott Kalan

[15:05] I was going to say, like, a teen.

[15:06] Just clear my mind.

[15:07] Tooth anus sounds like the name of, like, a punk in, like, an 80s teen comedy.

[15:13] And there's our drummer, Tooth Anus.

[15:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[15:15] But he turns out to be an okay guy.

[15:17] Oh, yeah.

[15:17] Like, everyone just scared him for no reason.

Elliott Kalan

[15:19] Yeah, but it turns out at the end he's the guy who helps.

[15:21] His dad's, like, the chief of police or something, and he helps him get out of a jam.

Dan McCoy

[15:24] Yeah.

[15:25] Not a bad guy, Tooth Anus.

Elliott Kalan

[15:28] From the desk of T. Anus.

[15:31] So, anyway, Stephanie Plum manages to find Morelli very easily for a guy that all the bounty hunters are after.

[15:37] But she loses him again.

[15:40] And so the rest of the movie, while she's looking for other bounties to get easy cash along the way, she is going after Morelli.

[15:46] She finds, like, two, right?

Dan McCoy

[15:48] Yeah, one is a naked man who lives in her building.

[15:51] Yeah, a naked elderly man who had given her newspapers for her hamster cage before.

[15:55] So it feels kind of like a betrayal of trust for her to take him into the police.

[15:59] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:59] I mean, I don't think it's any different than her chasing down the guy who gave her the gift of losing her virginity, though.

[16:05] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[16:05] Gave her the gift of losing her virginity.

[16:09] That's what you think of.

[16:10] That's one gift.

[16:10] All of the women you've despoiled in your time, Stuart.

[16:14] That's the way you feel about it.

[16:14] That's one gift you can return.

Stuart Wellington

[16:17] And I could have used, I don't know about you guys, I could have used a really great montage of her just, like, catching crooks.

[16:23] Yeah, that would have been nice.

[16:23] But, like, sassy.

[16:24] Like, hitting one with a baguette.

[16:26] Choking one with a submarine sandwich.

Elliott Kalan

[16:29] Like France to catch one.

Stuart Wellington

[16:31] These are all, like, bread-based.

[16:35] Tripping a guy with a loaf of bread.

Elliott Kalan

[16:38] I think you think this movie was called Bread for the Money.

[16:41] It was not.

[16:41] It was called One for the Money.

[16:44] I don't know if she's some kind of bread-based superhero.

[16:48] I think it works, though.

[16:49] The superheroine baguette.

[16:54] Nice.

[16:55] She takes down that and, like, a hillbilly type.

[16:58] And along with the help of it, she's kind of taught the ropes of being a bounty hunter by handsome, hunky bounty hunter Ranger.

Dan McCoy

[17:06] Who, she said, was like the Michelangelo's David dipped in chocolate or something.

[17:11] Dipped in caramel.

[17:11] Caramel, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:13] And packing heat.

[17:14] Mm-hmm.

[17:15] Brown, ladies.

[17:15] And he's, basically, he's there to set up a love triangle.

[17:19] Yeah, can I do it?

[17:20] And will they, won't they?

[17:21] Because there's also Morelli.

[17:22] And the whole movie is basically them running around.

[17:25] Katherine Heigl is trying to catch Morelli, but then ends up getting caught up in trying to catch the man, it looks like, may have actually committed the murder.

Dan McCoy

[17:33] Yeah, she has a little sympathy for him because there's still attraction there.

[17:36] And she thinks...

[17:37] He's got amazing blue eyes.

[17:38] Yeah.

[17:39] And he looks like a young age.

[17:40] I'm not the Quinn.

[17:40] I'm not the...

Elliott Kalan

[17:41] Super cut.

[17:42] Yeah.

[17:42] Like I said, he's got abs like a ninja turtle.

[17:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:45] And she doesn't 100% believe that he's guilty.

[17:48] She's just maybe a little bit better.

[17:48] I mean, she doesn't want to believe it.

Elliott Kalan

[17:50] Yeah.

[17:50] Yeah, those eyes.

[17:51] How could they be guilty?

[17:52] Mm-hmm.

[17:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:54] He might be guilty, but his body isn't.

[17:56] That's the thing.

[17:57] If there was only a way where you could take his brain out of his body and just use his body for some kind of crazy carnal thing.

Elliott Kalan

[18:03] Oh, but there is, Stuart.

[18:04] Okay.

[18:04] Follow me into the lab.

[18:07] A man with no brains.

[18:09] Dr. Sexton Stein over here.

[18:11] Is that a funk musician?

[18:13] I hope so.

[18:14] So, but along the way, Katherine Heigl starts racking up a pretty big body count.

[18:21] She leads to a lovable pothead getting thrown to his death.

[18:25] Mm-hmm.

[18:26] Who's in...

[18:26] There are a couple likable characters who are in one scene and then get killed.

Stuart Wellington

[18:29] Yeah, well, there were a bunch of characters who were, like, who just happened to be witnesses to the crime that Morelli committed, I guess.

[18:38] That Morelli was accused of committing.

[18:39] Yeah, and it seems like there's a lot of people there.

Elliott Kalan

[18:42] Yeah, for an abandoned building or wherever it was.

[18:47] Sure.

[18:47] There were, like, 15 people in that room.

[18:50] Yeah.

[18:52] But, so...

[18:53] People start dying.

[18:54] Sherry Shepard is a prostitute, part of a prostitute duo who she goes to for information.

[18:59] Sherry Shepard gets totally beaten up and has to go to the hospital.

[19:03] Fisher Stevens appears for one scene and then gets blown up in a car bomb.

Dan McCoy

[19:07] Yeah.

[19:07] It's a real cock tease when it comes to Fisher Stevens.

Elliott Kalan

[19:09] We saw his name in the credits and we were like, yes, Fisher Stevens!

[19:13] Doesn't appear until, like, the last third of the movie and then gets blown up.

[19:16] Yeah.

[19:16] Almost instantly.

Stuart Wellington

[19:18] We spent about 10 minutes trying to come up with scenarios that he might have survived the explosion.

[19:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:23] So, for all you fish heads out there, don't even bother watching this movie.

[19:26] Yeah.

[19:27] For Mr. Skin, Fisher Stevens edition.

[19:31] Wait, is that for when Fisher Stevens is naked in a movie?

[19:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:35] Turtling, it's called.

Elliott Kalan

[19:37] When it's naked.

[19:39] And finally, we find out who did the whole thing after another couple people get killed.

[19:45] Should I reveal who it was?

[19:46] Yeah, sure.

[19:47] It doesn't matter.

[19:47] It turns out to be boxing gym owner John Leguizamo.

[19:52] The pest?

[19:53] Yes, the pest.

[19:55] The violator himself.

[19:57] Yep.

[19:57] In league with a mixed martial arts fighter named Ramirez.

[20:02] And in the end, Katherine Heigl is at gunpoint.

[20:06] She's being held at gunpoint.

[20:07] Her and Morelli in a meat truck in the middle of a swamp or something.

[20:11] And John Leguizamo is holding them off.

[20:14] And then, like, what, does Morelli pretend to be sick?

[20:17] And John Leguizamo is like...

Stuart Wellington

[20:18] No, Morelli is handcuffed to something.

[20:21] Yeah.

[20:22] And then Katherine Heigl pretends to be sick, I guess.

[20:25] Oh, she pretends.

[20:25] So John Leguizamo is like, okay, she's sick.

[20:28] I won't point my gun at her anymore.

[20:30] That's probably what's making her sick.

[20:32] He's like, what's wrong, honey?

Elliott Kalan

[20:33] And she pushes him over and then shoots him in the chest like four times.

[20:37] Case closed.

[20:39] For real.

Stuart Wellington

[20:40] And Morelli, I guess, and they clear Morelli's name.

[20:43] I mean, she was wearing a wire, right?

[20:45] It's not a lethal weapon, too, sort of thing.

[20:47] I don't know if she was still wearing the wire.

Dan McCoy

[20:49] She hands it over at the end to her friend that, as we were saying, looks like a cross between Steve Buscemi and Will Arnett.

[20:56] She's like, oh, you know, he's innocent, by the way.

[20:59] But let him cool his heels for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[21:00] She's friends with one of the policemen in Trenton.

[21:03] Yeah.

[21:03] Who, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[21:04] Yeah, she turns in the love interest for the bounty, but then is like, oh, by the way, he's innocent.

[21:09] But keep him in jail for a bit.

Elliott Kalan

[21:11] Yeah, because he's mad at me.

[21:13] And so she's got the job.

[21:15] Sherry Shepard gets a job as a file firm.

[21:16] She got to shoot a guy.

Stuart Wellington

[21:17] No, there's nothing on her.

[21:19] She got to kill a guy.

Elliott Kalan

[21:20] Well, because it's justified.

[21:21] She has to fill the paperwork.

Stuart Wellington

[21:22] Yeah, she got to hunt the most dangerous game.

[21:24] Leguizamo.

[21:26] No payback at all.

Elliott Kalan

[21:29] Yeah.

[21:30] She got to hunt the most dangerous game of sexaholics.

[21:35] That's a stage show that John Leguizamo did a while back.

[21:39] So, guys.

[21:40] The most dangerous game of pyromaniac love story.

[21:43] And so, case closed.

[21:45] Stephanie Plum is off on her off.

[21:47] She's got a new job as a bounty hunter.

[21:49] And now it's time for more Stephanie Plum adventures.

[21:51] So we can expect 27 more movies in the series.

[21:54] This was a huge hit, right?

[21:56] It was actually a huge not hit.

[21:58] What's the opposite of a hit?

[21:59] Wait, how much did this thing cost?

[22:01] It cost, the budget of the film was about $40 million.

[22:04] Okay.

[22:04] Not counting marketing distribution.

[22:06] So, and it made like, what?

[22:08] $40 million?

[22:08] Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[22:09] That is not on the screen.

[22:11] Well, a lot of it's Katherine Heigl's.

[22:12] Katherine Heigl, Fisher Stevens, does it come to you?

Stuart Wellington

[22:15] In this day and age, Katherine Heigl is still drawing down enough of a...

[22:20] It was $40 million, and it, what, took in like $10 zillion?

Elliott Kalan

[22:24] It made roughly, according to Wikipedia, it made about $26 million in America.

Stuart Wellington

[22:29] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[22:29] And $10 million...

Stuart Wellington

[22:31] But the international box office was huge, right?

[22:33] $10 million overseas.

[22:35] That's just per country, right?

Elliott Kalan

[22:37] In the world.

[22:38] For every country.

[22:39] All of them put together.

Dan McCoy

[22:40] They didn't, they, I mean, they didn't...

[22:42] Abrado was called, of course, Plum, Finder of Lost Persons, which was huge.

Stuart Wellington

[22:47] I think it was called Lady Dick.

[22:49] I think if it was called Lady Dick, it would have made way more money.

[22:54] At least in Thailand.

[22:55] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:56] So, go on.

[22:56] But it was not a success.

[22:58] And, well, here's the thing.

[23:00] Heigl's other movies usually cost in like $27 to $30 million range.

[23:04] Right, right.

[23:05] So, for a movie like this, that's a Katherine Heigl movie that also has like explosions and gunshots,

[23:11] I could see it, why it would cost a little bit more.

[23:13] $40 million is a...

Dan McCoy

[23:14] Well, $40 million, that is a lot of money for what we just saw.

[23:18] Yeah, I mean, it's not Last Airbender.

Stuart Wellington

[23:19] They're also paying for Leguizamo.

[23:22] Uh-huh.

[23:22] I mean, he's not cheap, I don't think.

[23:24] Yeah, well, he's cheap-ish.

[23:25] And they had to pay for Leguizamo's stuntman to wear the squib vest or whatever.

[23:29] Yeah, Sean Leguizamo.

Elliott Kalan

[23:32] Stuntman and Sean.

[23:34] They worked together in every movie.

[23:36] They had to pay for...

[23:38] Stunt hamsters.

[23:39] I mean, there's a lot of actors in this movie.

[23:41] It's a very big cast.

[23:42] Katherine Heigl's body double.

Stuart Wellington

[23:44] Yeah.

[23:44] For that sex scene.

Dan McCoy

[23:45] There was no sex scene.

[23:46] Oh, okay.

[23:47] For the nude scene through the semi-opaque, mostly opaque...

Stuart Wellington

[23:52] Is that another Mr. Skin tagline?

Elliott Kalan

[23:55] Semi-opaque.

[23:56] For a movie that is...

[23:59] Really, this is a lady movie, let's be honest.

[24:02] Wait, what?

[24:02] What's a lady movie?

[24:03] Yeah, movie for ladies.

[24:04] Okay.

[24:05] There's a fair amount of Katherine Heigl's skin.

[24:08] Like the bow?

Dan McCoy

[24:09] Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, like that was...

[24:12] You know, I think that's what's supposed to draw the man in.

[24:16] You know, she's...

[24:17] There's action, and most of that action is done in tight jeans and low-cut top.

[24:24] So that gets the boyfriend in the seats.

[24:26] Mm-hmm.

[24:27] What about the girlfriend?

[24:27] In the seats.

[24:28] He's a very large boyfriend.

[24:29] Yeah, multiple seats.

[24:31] He has to buy a couple.

[24:32] So it's really inflated.

[24:34] The totals are inflated.

[24:34] I thought you just rent it.

Elliott Kalan

[24:36] No, you bring your own seat.

[24:38] That's weird.

[24:39] These movie theaters are very...

[24:40] They're trying to cut down on overheads.

[24:41] They don't have seats.

[24:42] They don't have seats.

[24:42] They don't have seats home.

Dan McCoy

[24:43] They've got, you know, like they've got grease stains on them.

[24:45] They probably have some bed bugs in them.

[24:46] They don't have to pay for seat storage.

[24:48] No, it's a bad deal.

[24:50] You should not go see a movie in the theater.

Elliott Kalan

[24:52] So, yeah, I don't know why it cost $40 million, okay?

[24:54] But that's what Wikipedia says.

[24:55] Okay.

[24:56] And it was a big flop, which is strange considering...

Dan McCoy

[24:59] So we're not going to see two for the money.

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] I don't...

[25:01] Well, that's...

[25:02] I think the second one is two for the road or something like that.

[25:05] Okay.

[25:06] Two to get ready.

Dan McCoy

[25:07] Yeah.

[25:07] Like the each...

[25:08] Three to...

[25:08] No, it's three to get ready.

[25:10] Go, Cat, Go.

[25:11] Oh, okay.

[25:11] But there's 23 of them.

[25:12] No, you're thinking Go, Dog, Go.

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] Which is the fifth of the Genet of Angelops.

[25:18] Go, Dog, Go.

[25:19] But each of the titles has a number.

[25:20] It's about a dog that has a nice hat.

[25:21] But when they get to like 23, is it like...

[25:23] That's Dog Sheffo.

Stuart Wellington

[25:24] When they get to 23, are they like 23 dead bodies or something like...

[25:29] I mean, I don't know.

[25:30] They might just call it Stephanie Plum number 23.

Elliott Kalan

[25:32] Ten Little Indians.

[25:33] Thank you.

[25:35] The 23rd book, Ten Little Indians.

Dan McCoy

[25:38] It's very confusing, the numbering system.

[25:40] It's like a base 12 thing.

Elliott Kalan

[25:43] Base 12, yeah.

[25:45] So, um...

[25:46] And this is a movie that, much like Cowboy and Indians...

[25:49] Cowboys and Aliens.

[25:50] Cowboys and Aliens.

[25:51] I would have paid to see that.

Stuart Wellington

[25:52] Much like Cowboys and...

[25:53] Cowboys and Indians?

[25:54] Who would have thought?

[25:54] Together?

Elliott Kalan

[25:55] In the same movie?

[25:57] Together, finally at last.

[25:59] Much like Cowboys and Aliens.

[26:00] Do they even exist at the same time?

[26:02] This is another...

[26:04] This is another movie where the...

[26:07] They optioned the source material many years before they actually made the movie.

[26:12] So this was in development for about 13 years in various stages.

[26:15] Yeah.

[26:15] They're probably just waiting for the perfect Katherine Heigl to come along and step into

[26:18] Stephanie Plum's famous shoes and do what she does.

Stuart Wellington

[26:22] I wonder what other actresses were attached.

[26:25] Eliza Dushku's...

[26:29] Who's that one with the face in the Bridget Jones movies?

[26:32] Renee Zellweger?

[26:33] Yeah.

[26:33] That would be a weird choice.

[26:35] With the face?

[26:36] She's got that weird face.

[26:37] Yeah.

[26:37] She's all squinty.

Elliott Kalan

[26:38] I don't...

[26:39] I'm not...

[26:39] I mean, I don't know who else was up for it.

[26:41] But it's...

[26:42] I will say this for the movie.

[26:44] It moves pretty fast.

[26:45] Yeah.

[26:46] And it is not...

[26:48] It's dumb, but it's not super painful.

[26:51] You know, it's not...

Dan McCoy

[26:52] Here are my primary problems with the movie.

[26:54] Oh, boy.

[26:55] Oh, man.

[26:56] Mr. Cabueno.

[26:57] The direction is...

[26:59] Lacks at best.

[27:00] Like the...

[27:01] Yeah, well, it's almost non-existent.

[27:02] The director seems to want to plonk someone down in the center of the screen and maybe have

[27:07] them sit there while they say something.

[27:09] And then they'll cut to another person who's sitting in the middle of the screen.

[27:12] A little more arty, like, off-center.

[27:15] Yeah, well, occasionally put them to the side of the screen.

[27:18] Okay.

[27:18] And maybe have someone walking for once.

[27:20] So that was a problem.

[27:23] And it just...

[27:25] Like, there's...

[27:25] As you said, Elliot, people seem to not get that confused by her becoming a bounty hunter.

[27:33] There didn't seem to be anything at stake at any point.

Elliott Kalan

[27:35] It's the danger...

[27:36] And because it's a light movie or whatever, but, like, the danger of the fact that she's

[27:40] a bounty hunter never really seemed to feel real.

[27:43] Or, like, the characters knew what they were doing or knew what they were in for.

[27:47] And it made it hard to basically give a shit if Katherine Heigl's gonna solve this case.

[27:53] If her life just seems to be, like, it's gonna be fine, whatever happens.

Dan McCoy

[27:55] But also, like, there's a light movie about a bounty hunter who's...

[27:58] It's called Midnight Run.

[27:59] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[28:00] There's a light movie about a bounty hunter who's conflicted about what he's gonna do.

[28:04] And it's called Midnight Run.

[28:05] Yeah.

[28:05] And that case, like, there's a real sort of sense of stakes.

[28:09] Like, okay, well, this person may or may not deserve what they're getting, but I want this money.

[28:14] And the conflict of that actually feels like a legitimate push and pull inside a person...

[28:22] Like, a person who has a moral sort of quandary.

[28:25] Whereas this movie, it's just like...

[28:27] Oh, well, he's kinda handsome.

[28:28] Let's buy the numbers.

[28:29] I mean, this is about as disposable as a movie gets.

Stuart Wellington

[28:31] And it feels a little bit like a...

[28:34] You know, that trope of...

[28:36] You have the female character who's kind of stuck in a somewhat dangerous position.

[28:41] And she's got two different possible hunky male love interests that are opposed for whatever reason.

[28:49] And I don't know where I'm going with it.

Dan McCoy

[28:51] No, I mean, like, you know, it's not big problems.

[28:55] In Little China.

[28:57] I mean, my, like...

[28:58] Sequel.

[29:00] My objections tended to come down, like, on a scene-by-scene basis of just, like, that's stupid.

[29:04] Like, there's a scene where, as we discussed, Katherine Heigl gets handcuffed naked to the shower curtain rod.

[29:12] Sounds awesome.

[29:14] Yeah, it sounds super sexy, except for it's not.

[29:16] But she's handcuffed naked to the shower curtain rod, and the guy leaves.

Stuart Wellington

[29:19] Are you talking about the shower curtain rod?

Dan McCoy

[29:21] Yeah, just like, well, she has to call her friend to unlock her from the handcuffs.

[29:26] Whereas anyone who has ever taken a shower knows that you can yank down a shower curtain rod from the walls.

[29:33] Check out fucking muscles galore over here.

[29:34] Yeah, look at Samson and Hercules over here.

[29:36] No, like, I mean, like, as you said, Stu, like, Katherine Heigl, small lady, all she has to do is put her weight on the shower curtain rod, and it's gonna crash down.

[29:44] We're not all twin sitters, okay?

Elliott Kalan

[29:45] We can't all just rip shower curtain rods from the wall.

[29:48] Some of us are normal human beings.

[29:50] Possibly for comedic effect, maybe not.

Dan McCoy

[29:52] Maybe there's a, like, boing sound effect.

[29:55] It's not like King Arthur drawing the shower curtain rod from the wall.

[29:57] I understand.

[29:58] That would be a very weird reading of King Arthur.

[30:02] But no, like, just like on a micro level, there are things that just don't ring true.

[30:08] Like the fact that she's always snacking.

Elliott Kalan

[30:10] But how does she keep that rock and bod?

[30:12] But they bring that up.

[30:14] He says, Morelli says, how do you eat the way you do and look the way you look?

[30:18] Yeah, but what does she say?

[30:21] Something.

[30:22] She's handcuffed to a shower curtain rod.

[30:23] She's some bullshit.

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] Work out a lot?

Dan McCoy

[30:24] Or what's going on?

[30:24] She says, I'm a character in a movie, and I don't actually eat like this.

[30:28] I spit out the thing I was chewing moments after chewing.

Elliott Kalan

[30:31] See, the thing, it seems like you're asking for a little bit more realism.

[30:33] Whereas I would actually want the movie to go the other way.

[30:36] I agree with you.

[30:37] Be a little more exaggerated, a little more fun, and over the top.

Dan McCoy

[30:41] More of a little bit, get shorty.

Elliott Kalan

[30:42] Now, have you ever seen...

[30:43] Kind of.

[30:44] And the best characters, or the most fun characters in the movie are like the druggy guy who gets killed,

[30:50] the prostitutes, like the very goofy, over the top characters.

Stuart Wellington

[30:53] Have you ever seen the movie...

Dan McCoy

[30:54] Tracy Morgan's character, character's wife on 30 Rock.

[30:57] Well, Sherry Shepard.

Stuart Wellington

[30:57] Sherry Shepard.

[30:58] Have you ever seen The Last Action Hero?

[31:00] Oh, that's funny.

[31:01] Now, if it was a lot more like The Last Action Hero, I would be on board.

[31:04] With a guy with like a...

[31:06] A cartoon cat, a guy with a...

[31:07] The last eye that has like...

Elliott Kalan

[31:08] The first thing I was going to say was cartoon cat.

[31:10] Yeah, we're pretty sympathetic.

[31:11] Anthony Quinn farting in a tar pit.

[31:14] All the things you want, like in Last Action Hero.

[31:18] Oh, man.

[31:19] What is that?

[31:20] Death from the Seventh Seal.

[31:21] Yeah, William Sadler.

[31:23] Yeah.

[31:24] Actor William Sadler from Tales from the Crypt.

[31:27] Oh, that'd be awesome, right?

[31:29] Such a literate reference from it.

[31:31] It's so weird to see an action movie where they can take it for granted that the audience

[31:34] is at least familiar with the fact that this famous movie has death in it as a character.

[31:39] That is a movie...

[31:40] I mean, like...

[31:40] That's a movie that...

[31:41] And shows a scene from Laurence Olivier's Hamlet early on.

[31:44] Like, that's a movie that...

[31:45] That movie could have been good.

[31:47] It just was handled wrong.

[31:49] Like...

[31:49] Well, there's some good moments in it.

[31:50] Could have been.

[31:51] I think the whole sequence where they're in the movie is great.

[31:55] Yeah.

[31:55] Where they're actually in the action movie.

[31:58] But then all the other stuff is kind of blah.

[32:00] I do like when he's in the real world.

Stuart Wellington

[32:01] Tom Noonan's really great.

[32:03] Wait, is that Tom Noonan?

[32:04] In which part?

[32:05] In that movie.

[32:05] Isn't he one of the bad guys?

[32:07] Is he the tall bad guy?

[32:09] With the bald head?

[32:10] Let's just assume that he is.

[32:11] It's probably...

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] Is he just saying that Tom Noonan's always good?

[32:13] Yeah.

[32:13] He is always good and he's almost always a tall bad guy.

Dan McCoy

[32:17] It's rare that he's playing a short saint.

[32:20] Sometimes he's a tall good guy.

[32:22] Like in the Monster Squad?

[32:23] Yeah.

[32:24] In Siddhartha Key, New York?

[32:25] Well, he's kind of a...

[32:27] Well, it's a weird guy.

Elliott Kalan

[32:28] I would call him chaotic neutral.

[32:31] In Siddhartha Key, New York.

[32:32] Go on.

[32:34] But this, I think, One for the Money would have been better.

[32:37] I agree that like those scenes in Last Action here at least like go for broke and they're

[32:42] not afraid to be a movie.

[32:45] Wait, we're actually saying that it should be more like Last Action here?

[32:48] Yeah.

[32:49] Awesome.

[32:49] Okay.

[32:49] You're a facetious thing.

[32:50] I'm taking that face value.

[32:52] No, I agree.

[32:52] It's awesome.

[32:53] But I think this would have been a funnier or a more fun movie.

[32:55] It had a little bit more looseness and energy and went farther with its jokes and its

[33:04] scenes.

[33:04] It plays it very safe.

[33:05] Like even when the characters bump into each other, they just kind of like, oh, you again.

[33:10] Well, blah, blah, blah.

[33:11] Like they don't react to each other very much.

Stuart Wellington

[33:13] I think they could have improved it by at somewhere in the development process realized that they

[33:19] should have just turned it into a TV show and gone from there.

[33:24] Because it feels like it should be a TV show.

[33:25] It feels like I'm watching a TV show and I just saw the first episode.

Dan McCoy

[33:29] I'm like, eh.

Stuart Wellington

[33:31] Maybe they'll figure this out later on.

Dan McCoy

[33:33] Maybe they'll iron out all the crap.

[33:35] Like episode four, it might be something.

Elliott Kalan

[33:37] Yeah, you're right.

[33:38] This does feel like the pilot to an okay weekly show.

Dan McCoy

[33:42] Like a USA show where characters are welcome.

Elliott Kalan

[33:47] That's the thing they say.

[33:48] What was the show where the detective woman had a hat?

Dan McCoy

[33:53] Prime Suspect.

[33:54] Prime Suspect.

[33:55] Based on, of course, the very good English show, Prime Suspect.

[33:58] But I'm not talking about that.

[33:59] I'm just saying that kind of show.

[34:00] You're talking about the hat show.

[34:00] That kind of show.

Stuart Wellington

[34:01] Does the person in Prime Suspect in England wear a hat?

[34:04] No.

[34:05] It's Helen Mirren, right?

[34:06] Yeah.

[34:06] Helen Mirren.

[34:07] He doesn't wear a hat.

Elliott Kalan

[34:08] What the fuck's the show about then?

[34:12] It was actually originally called Hat Police.

[34:15] Hat cop.

Dan McCoy

[34:19] You have the right to remain hatless.

Stuart Wellington

[34:21] How do I get one of those hats?

Elliott Kalan

[34:23] You'll have to ask your lawyer.

[34:26] You have the right to a hat.

[34:27] If you do not have a hat, a hat will be assigned to you.

[34:31] I think this could have been.

[34:33] So I say, take this movie.

[34:35] Cast somebody else in every role, except for Fisher Stevens and Sherry Shepard.

[34:41] And Barrett and all the other ones.

Stuart Wellington

[34:43] And the guy who played Will Arnett and Steve Buscemi's son in the story of their love together.

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] This is the guy who looks kind of like Steve Buscemi and Will Arnett has son.

[34:52] If you took this and made it the one-hour pilot to a TV series and gave that series some time to get with it,

[34:59] then it reminds me of what that show Maximum Bob should have been like if it had stayed on for a while.

[35:04] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[35:05] Maybe let Jonathan Frakes direct an episode or two.

Elliott Kalan

[35:08] Two takes Frakes?

[35:09] Yeah, of course.

[35:10] He moves fast and he works quick.

[35:13] Then, yeah, it makes a better show than movie.

[35:16] All right.

[35:19] I think we're almost there already.

[35:21] Great movie.

Dan McCoy

[35:21] I think we're almost there already, but we should get into our final judgments.

[35:24] This is a good, bad movie.

[35:25] A bad, bad movie.

[35:26] A movie you kind of like.

[35:27] Stu, what do you say?

[35:29] Oh, man.

Stuart Wellington

[35:30] I think it's tough.

[35:32] I think I'm going to have to say it's a rare middle ground in between two categories.

[35:38] It's not fun enough to be a good, bad movie, but I didn't hate it enough to really say it's a bad, bad movie.

[35:45] I guess it's not really good in any way, but it does move fast.

[35:50] Oh, sorry.

[35:51] And I'm not going to remember it forever as something I hated.

Elliott Kalan

[35:54] Yeah.

[35:55] I think I'm going to sit on this fence with Stu that, yeah, I didn't hate it, but I didn't like it.

[36:01] But, like, I could see my mom passing away an hour and a half on a rainy day watching this.

[36:06] You know.

[36:07] Your mom?

[36:08] Yeah.

[36:09] The same mom who likes the books.

Dan McCoy

[36:11] I'm going to.

[36:11] So, there's room on this fence, Dan.

[36:13] No, I'm going to.

[36:13] It's a big fence.

[36:14] It's like the great fence of China.

[36:16] I'm going to.

[36:16] I'm basically going to be with you.

[36:17] I'm going to say that this is one of the best of the bad, bads.

[36:21] Like, it was inoffensive.

[36:24] I kind of enjoyed watching it because I was in the company of you guys.

[36:29] And I'll say this about it, too.

[36:30] Like, I think Katherine Heigl was miscast.

[36:32] I don't think that she, like, sells herself as being tough in any way.

[36:36] But she is not brittle and unlikable in this movie like she normally is.

[36:41] She's much more likable than she is in, like, 27 Dresses.

[36:44] She's much more likable.

[36:44] Like, I remember a time when I'm like, oh, I like Katherine Heigl.

[36:48] Toward the beginning of her career, when she was first coming out, I'm like, oh, she's good at what she does.

[36:53] And she doesn't nag as much in this one.

[36:56] She never says, Tartanian.

[36:59] But she shows a bit of, like, a comedic flair in this that I think has been squelched for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[37:05] The ideal casting, if they had made this movie, like, 18 years ago with Marissa Tomei in the lead role, like, that would have been basically perfect casting.

[37:13] Yeah, I agree.

[37:13] And you would have believed her as someone, one, who is tough enough to become a bounty hunter if she had to.

[37:19] But, two, you believe her as naive enough to not know what to do as a bounty hunter and be in crazy situations.

[37:28] But Katherine Heigl is just not quite there.

Dan McCoy

[37:30] And also to have a cousin Vinny.

Elliott Kalan

[37:32] Yeah.

[37:32] Well, no, she doesn't have a cousin Vinny.

[37:34] She's actually engaged to Vinny.

[37:36] Wait a minute.

[37:37] If there were cousins, it would be very weird.

[37:37] I totally misunderstood that movie.

[37:39] No, no.

[37:39] Ralph Macchio is Vinny's cousin.

Stuart Wellington

[37:41] But she won the award for it.

Elliott Kalan

[37:43] Not every, no.

[37:44] Not everyone.

Dan McCoy

[37:45] She won the award for being the best cousin of Vinny.

Elliott Kalan

[37:48] Not everyone in that movie had the title relationship with the character.

[37:53] Wait a minute.

[37:53] Like, for instance, the judge played by Herman Munster was not Vinny's cousin.

[37:58] Oh, my God.

[37:59] And Perry White from The New Adventures of Superman was not Vinny's cousin.

[38:01] So we're going to watch this again, right?

[38:03] What?

[38:04] My cousin Vinny.

[38:05] After this episode.

[38:07] It's on TBS or something, right?

[38:08] Well, it is very funny.

[38:10] Like TBS.

[38:11] Or is that, wait, what's TNT?

[38:13] That knows drama, right?

[38:14] TNT does know drama and basketball matches.

[38:18] And USA is characters are welcome?

[38:19] Mm-hmm.

[38:20] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[38:22] This has been the Basic Cable Taglines podcast.

[38:27] IFC.

[38:27] Always on.

[38:28] A little off.

[38:29] Yeah.

[38:30] Logo.

Stuart Wellington

[38:32] Shows RuPaul's Drag Race.

[38:33] My favorite show.

Elliott Kalan

[38:34] And I think it's bra...

[38:35] It's...

[38:35] No, VH1's tagline now is just, it's trending.

Stuart Wellington

[38:38] Which is horrible.

[38:40] That's almost as good as Time Warner's tagline, enjoy better.

[38:46] They're like, well, we like enjoy and we like the word better.

[38:49] Just smash them together.

[38:50] Yeah.

[38:51] Put them together.

[38:52] I'm Mr. Time Warner.

Dan McCoy

[38:53] I don't have a lot of time or Warner.

[38:54] It's a mash in a lot.

[38:56] So now it's time for the Flophouse movie mailbag.

[39:00] Yeah!

[39:00] Elliot's favorite part of the show.

Elliott Kalan

[39:02] Letter time.

[39:04] It's Flophouse letter time.

[39:06] Time for letters to the Flophouse.

[39:09] With Dan and Stu.

[39:10] And letters from you.

[39:12] Flophouse letters.

[39:13] Wow.

[39:14] You didn't even put yourself in your own song.

[39:16] You didn't get better.

[39:16] No, that's...

[39:17] Well, you're right.

[39:17] Oh.

[39:18] And Elliot's here.

[39:19] Hey, who's this guy?

[39:21] Elliot Kalin.

[39:22] Glad you asked.

[39:23] I'm not too much.

[39:24] Born in 1981 in New York, but he grew up in New Jersey.

[39:29] Went to Milburn High School.

[39:31] Graduated 1999.

[39:31] I feel like I fell right into his trap.

[39:33] You really were kind of asking for it.

[39:34] For three and a half years.

[39:36] I'm just singing my resume.

Dan McCoy

[39:37] Okay.

[39:38] Well, this letter is from Bob Mackie.

[39:41] He says, I withhold nothing.

[39:43] Wait, Bob Mackie?

[39:44] Mm-hmm.

[39:45] The costume designer?

[39:46] I can only assume.

[39:48] He says, I come to you with shocking news.

[39:50] Make sure you're sitting or have a reliable fainting mattress by your side.

[39:55] Both.

[39:56] Yes.

[39:56] Check and check.

[39:57] Another podcast.

[39:57] Don't drink it.

[39:58] Don't do a spit take.

[39:59] Oh, too late.

[40:00] Another podcast has completely copped your style, and though it may lack the raw sensuality

[40:06] of the flop house, I thought you should all know.

[40:10] And unfortunately, that podcast is my own.

[40:13] Oh, wow.

[40:14] I host 1up.com's old school video game podcast, Retronauts, which has recently entered its

[40:20] sixth year.

[40:21] In a callow attempt to mix things up, I recently decided to borrow the formula of your very podcast.

[40:26] We have a formula?

[40:26] What?

[40:27] Of which I have recently become a major fan.

[40:29] Thank you.

[40:29] So far, we've covered Super Mario Brothers, Street Fighter, and Resident Evil, and we'll soon

[40:34] wrap things up with Mortal Kombat before we anger the notorious, litigious Stuart Wellington.

[40:40] Wait, what?

[40:41] He has a lot of lawsuits in process right now.

[40:43] I did plug all...

[40:44] Mainly against Seth Rogen.

[40:46] Stop stealing my voice.

[40:48] I did plug your podcast at the beginning of our movie month.

[40:52] That's good.

[40:52] Yeah.

[40:53] Very Rogany.

[40:53] And I will do so again during the finale.

[40:55] Thanks.

[40:55] If your listeners would like to listen in, just search for Retronauts on the iTunes Music

[41:00] Store.

[41:00] Plus, let me know if you'd like to be sister podcast.

[41:03] If you visit the 1up offices, you'll have diplomatic immunity, and we'll be able to murder

[41:07] anyone you want, as long as it's with your bare hands.

Elliott Kalan

[41:09] Yeah, until Danny Glover goes, diplomatic immunity was just revoked.

[41:13] He shoots us.

[41:14] He shoots you.

[41:14] Yeah.

[41:15] And then the money explodes.

Dan McCoy

[41:19] By the way, please see to it that Stuart is fully hydrated for all your podcasts.

[41:24] He was not the delightful scoundrel I expect him to be on the Conan the Barbarian podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[41:29] Oh my God.

[41:30] I was drinking Pedialyte.

[41:31] It just didn't work yet.

[41:33] Pedialyte takes like a day to work.

Dan McCoy

[41:36] So I just wanted to give a shout out to the Retronauts podcast, since they were so kind.

[41:42] Yeah, thanks for giving us a shout out.

[41:43] Nice to do so for us.

Elliott Kalan

[41:44] Glad you enjoy ours.

[41:45] Ours?

[41:46] Ours.

[41:47] Ours.

Dan McCoy

[41:48] So if there's anyone out there who enjoys...

[41:50] Don't give that a shout out.

[41:51] Oh, sorry.

[41:52] If there's a listener to our Flophouse podcast that enjoys retro gaming, I'm sure there would

[41:56] not be anyone in our...

Stuart Wellington

[41:58] Not much of a crossover there.

[41:59] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[42:00] Our demographic is very different.

Stuart Wellington

[42:01] Our listeners are really awesome studs that like to party, hang out with babes.

[42:06] Super cool dudes.

[42:06] Or are babes.

Elliott Kalan

[42:07] Yeah.

[42:08] They might are be babes, too.

[42:10] And babe on each arm.

[42:10] And they do enjoy Tetro Gaming, which is gaming based on the later works of Francis Ford

[42:16] Coppola.

[42:17] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[42:18] Well, all of my plum jokes, in retrospect, seem pretty good now.

[42:23] Nope.

[42:24] Still bad.

[42:26] No, you can tell yourself that.

Stuart Wellington

[42:28] And they get to do this mailbag faster.

Dan McCoy

[42:30] This next letter...

[42:31] Thanks, Mr. Mackey.

[42:32] ...is from David, last name withheld.

[42:35] This better not me, I remember.

[42:35] Oh, my God.

[42:36] He says, I've become troubled by something that only you can help me with.

[42:40] Oh, good.

[42:41] Okay.

[42:41] This is not my brother.

[42:42] I've recently learned that someone I know likes the movie Old Dogs.

[42:45] What can I do in this situation?

[42:47] Has medical science advanced enough that I can cure this condition, or will I have to shut

[42:51] them in my basement for decades until they eventually break free and go on some kinds

[42:56] of old dogs-related rampage?

[42:58] Yeah.

[42:58] Unfortunately, I do not have a castle to lock them up in.

[43:00] Or a freak.

[43:01] Though I've heard somewhere that's the best way of dealing with freaks.

[43:04] No!

[43:06] Thank you for your help in this matter.

[43:07] Oh, man.

[43:08] And if you please turn up, I promise to keep your names out of this.

[43:10] Thanks.

Stuart Wellington

[43:11] Now, I need to ask...

[43:13] We need more information.

[43:13] Yeah.

[43:14] Is the person who likes old dogs either a really old person...

[43:18] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[43:18] Or a really young dog.

Stuart Wellington

[43:19] Or a really young dog.

Elliott Kalan

[43:21] Or a really young...

[43:22] Or like a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[43:23] Yeah.

[43:23] Like, babies like all kinds of shit if it's flashing in front of their faces.

[43:26] Yeah.

[43:27] They just like colors and shapes.

Elliott Kalan

[43:29] Yeah.

[43:29] That's what old dogs has in spades.

[43:31] Mm-hmm.

[43:31] Colors and shapes.

[43:32] Well, what...

[43:32] You were going to say old person or...

[43:34] Or like a baby, right?

[43:35] Oh, okay.

[43:36] Yeah.

[43:36] Yeah, no, you're one step ahead of me.

[43:37] You're one step ahead, Kalen.

[43:40] That's what they call me.

[43:41] That's your detective character.

[43:41] The nickname that's longer than my name.

[43:46] Yeah, I would say if it's a child, that's okay.

[43:48] They'll grow out of it.

[43:49] If it's an old person, there's only one cure, and that's death, and they'll get it.

[43:54] But...

[43:54] So, Elliot's encouraging you to kill them.

[43:56] No, no.

[43:57] The cold hand of nature will do that for you.

Stuart Wellington

[43:58] Elliot's old words, kill him.

[44:00] No.

[44:01] Not what I said.

[44:02] And they'll be judged by whatever gods they hold dear.

[44:05] Anubis, probably.

Elliott Kalan

[44:06] Or crom.

[44:07] Possibly crom.

[44:08] Anubis takes your taste in movies and weighs it on a scale against a feather, and if you

[44:13] love old dogs, it's much heavier than the feather, and you're cast into whatever the Egyptian

[44:17] version of hell is.

[44:18] Yeah.

[44:19] But your ca is unsettled.

[44:22] I hope that helps.

[44:23] So, hopefully you...

[44:24] Or get a castle and just stick your freak in it, you know?

[44:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:28] Just stick your freak in it.

[44:30] Don't...

[44:31] I'm going to surprise you guys.

[44:32] Stick your freak right in there.

Elliott Kalan

[44:34] Please don't, ever.

Stuart Wellington

[44:36] I'm going to shock everybody and say, I'm going to go with Castle Freak this time, guys.

[44:41] Okay.

[44:42] You should go and watch Castle Freak.

Dan McCoy

[44:44] Thanks.

[44:44] Yeah.

[44:44] If they like old dogs, show them Castle Freak.

[44:46] That should cure them.

[44:49] So, this next email is from Heather, last name withheld.

[44:52] Locklear.

[44:54] It says, congratulations on your 100th podcast.

[44:57] I honestly just found your podcast through the uproar over not knowing that Olivia Wilde

[45:02] was the mom in End Time.

Elliott Kalan

[45:04] Well, I guess any publicity is good publicity.

[45:06] Yeah.

[45:06] Sure.

[45:07] In this case...

[45:07] We're going wild over it.

Dan McCoy

[45:09] You get it?

[45:10] Yeah.

[45:10] I get it.

[45:11] I'm writing that Elliot, 1L, 1T, and Dan...

[45:16] Incorrect.

[45:17] ...in describing a costume of Superman that fits a circle of friends with different body

[45:21] types, didn't notice that you experienced in real life the basic concept of the Sisterhood

[45:25] of the Traveling Pants, parts 1 and 2.

[45:27] That's a good point.

[45:28] It was the Brotherhood of the Traveling Superman costume.

[45:31] Hoped it would set up a classic flophouse tangent of the Brotherhood of the Traveling

[45:36] Superman costume.

[45:37] And how the Superman costume helps resolve your various cliched coming-of-age dramas.

[45:42] Hope Olivia Wilde was involved in at least one plot line.

Elliott Kalan

[45:46] Yeah.

[45:46] Well, that's when I wore the suit under my clothes to make it look like I had muscles so

[45:49] that Olivia Wilde would go out with me.

[45:51] Yeah.

[45:51] Turned out at the end, she just liked my personality.

[45:54] I thought she was your fucking mom.

[45:55] I thought that was the twist-em-up, right?

[45:57] Oh, yeah, that's the big twist at the end, too.

Stuart Wellington

[45:59] But she still goes to prom with Haley.

[46:01] Yeah, why not?

Elliott Kalan

[46:02] She's somebody's mom.

[46:03] Moms can go to prom.

[46:04] Everybody's somebody.

[46:05] Every prom.

[46:05] There's an O and an M in both of them.

[46:07] Well, there's the mom prom.

[46:07] Every prom is a mom.

[46:09] Wait, what?

[46:10] It was a hillbilly prom, too.

[46:11] There were a lot of guys there with their moms.

[46:13] So I hope that answers your question.

[46:15] Stan, how did the Superman costume help you save your life?

[46:18] I mean, I, you know.

Dan McCoy

[46:21] I looked pretty good in it.

Elliott Kalan

[46:24] No, I agree.

[46:25] You looked pretty good.

[46:26] And, Stuart, what would you do if you had a Superman costume?

Stuart Wellington

[46:30] I'd probably go into stores and see if they give me free coffee.

Dan McCoy

[46:35] I'm a celebrity.

[46:37] You may know me as S-Man.

[46:39] You may want to take a picture with me and then I'll sign it.

Stuart Wellington

[46:42] And I'll be like, no, no, no.

[46:44] No bullets, please.

[46:45] I'll die.

[46:45] Wait, I won't die.

[46:47] I mean, don't try.

[46:48] It'll bounce off and kill you.

Dan McCoy

[46:50] Don't try and pull a Houdini on me because I will surely rupture my...

Elliott Kalan

[46:54] Yeah, because Houdini was shot in the gut.

[46:56] While wearing a Superman costume.

[46:58] No, this is when I was going under a different thing.

Dan McCoy

[46:59] While wearing a Superman costume.

[47:00] I was saying, don't punch me in the stomach because I have super...

[47:06] Yeah, we didn't let him get it out.

[47:07] I have super appendicitis.

[47:10] So this last...

[47:11] Super appendicitis.

[47:13] This last...

[47:14] It's the Estation.

Elliott Kalan

[47:15] Oh, your yellow...

[47:16] The rays from your yellow sun have given me super appendicitis.

[47:18] Your yellow appendix.

Dan McCoy

[47:22] This is from Kristen, last name.

[47:23] I think that means you have jaundice.

[47:25] It's Kristen, another lady.

[47:27] This is ladies night here on the Flophouse.

[47:29] It is.

[47:30] Welcome.

[47:31] Catherine Heigl.

[47:32] Heather, Kristen.

[47:33] And we're feeling nice.

[47:34] Bob Mackey.

[47:35] Mm-hmm.

[47:36] It says, hi, floppers.

[47:37] Hello.

[47:38] Hey.

[47:39] What's up?

[47:39] Some time ago.

[47:40] Stuart is coming on to a letter.

Stuart Wellington

[47:42] You have nice eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[47:45] Is that your pick-up line?

[47:47] Go to.

Stuart Wellington

[47:48] That's the first page, dude.

[47:49] First page of picking up ladies.

[47:51] Compliment their eyeballs.

[47:52] All right.

Dan McCoy

[47:53] You got really sweet eyeballs.

[47:54] Your eyes aren't bulgy at all.

[47:56] And then you neg them by calling them eyeballs.

[47:57] You don't look like a deep one or anything.

[47:59] A deep one.

[48:00] You don't have the Innsmouth look.

[48:02] Yeah.

[48:03] You're not like the last scene of Total Recall.

[48:08] Anyway.

[48:09] Kristen says, some time ago, you put out a call for Flophouse babies, which you defined

[48:13] as children conceived while listening to the show.

[48:15] Oh, my God.

[48:16] That didn't happen.

[48:17] I don't think I can meet that requirement, but I can tell you that.

[48:21] When I awoke to my first labor pains, I was delighted to see my phone automatically downloading

[48:25] episode 94, Dreamhouse.

[48:27] Oh.

[48:28] I'm sorry.

[48:29] Your witty banter and amusing anecdotes helped me to get through a very long day as I waited

[48:33] for active labor to kick in.

[48:35] At least I imagine your banter was witty and your anecdotes amusing.

[48:38] I can never listen to that episode again as I will forever associate it with the extreme

[48:42] pain of natural childbirth.

[48:44] Anyway, spoiler alert.

[48:46] I eventually delivered a beautiful baby boy whom I have named after none of you.

[48:51] Oh.

[48:52] You didn't name him Flop?

[48:52] Flop.

[48:53] Flop.

[48:53] Thanks for making a difficult day a little brighter and congratulations on 100 episodes.

Elliott Kalan

[48:59] I am so touched by that story that I am not going to even point out that Dan, when he meant

[49:04] to say, child, said gave birth to a trial.

[49:07] And I'm not going to go on a tangent about a woman giving birth to a full court.

Dan McCoy

[49:10] Sometimes when you're talking over me, I get so flustered that my mouth won't say the words

[49:15] that I want to say.

[49:16] That I'm...

Elliott Kalan

[49:16] That one vein on his forehead.

[49:19] I'm really glad that we could be there to help you in your time.

[49:21] I feel like this was the Flophouse version of the sitcom where a woman is in labor in

[49:25] an elevator and like Zach Morris is stuck there with him.

[49:27] Alf does it, dude.

[49:28] It was an Alf episode.

[49:29] Zach Morris did it too.

[49:30] We can all imagine.

Stuart Wellington

[49:31] Wait, was it...

[49:32] Oh my God.

Elliott Kalan

[49:33] The three of us...

[49:33] That actually makes a lot of sense.

[49:34] Zach Morris is Alf.

[49:36] Yeah.

[49:36] That's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[49:37] The three of us delivered this baby in an elevator somewhere.

[49:39] They both have the same haircut, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[49:41] Yeah.

[49:41] And Zach can stop time.

[49:43] Alf's from Outer Space.

[49:45] The girl from Outer This World's from Outer Space and can stop time.

[49:47] Hello.

[49:49] Saved by the Alf.

Dan McCoy

[49:50] So you're saying that that girl's the child of Alf and Zach Morris?

Elliott Kalan

[49:54] That's exactly what I'm saying.

[49:57] Well, we're very happy that the boy was born healthily and that everyone's okay now.

[50:03] And I guess the next baby will be a little Danuerteliet.

[50:09] Yeah.

[50:11] Or Alf.

[50:11] You could name it.

[50:12] Or Alf.

[50:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:14] Stansomalian life form.

[50:16] All right.

[50:17] Well, this is the final segment on the show.

[50:20] This is where we recommend some movies that we actually liked.

[50:23] In contrast to say, one for the money.

[50:27] Which got a...

[50:28] Which got a marginal...

[50:30] It's like a one and a half star movie.

[50:32] It got a C-.

[50:34] Yeah.

[50:35] On the flap house scale.

Elliott Kalan

[50:36] Yeah.

[50:37] Okay.

[50:37] On the scale where Bratz is an A-plus.

[50:40] And 10,000 BC is an F-minus minus.

[50:42] Yeah.

[50:43] Yeah.

[50:44] I think this was a C-minus.

[50:45] That sounds about right.

Stuart Wellington

[50:47] Solid C-minus though.

[50:48] Yeah.

[50:48] I mean, it got points for having no spear tooths.

[50:50] But it did have plenty of manics.

[50:52] So C-minus.

Elliott Kalan

[50:53] It didn't have any manics.

[50:55] I guess I fell asleep during the scene when Catherine Heigl hunted a man with...

Dan McCoy

[50:58] Read between the lines, Elliot.

[51:00] So Elliot, what movie would you like to recommend?

Elliott Kalan

[51:04] I would like to recommend a movie called The Missouri Breaks.

[51:07] It is a western from the mid-70s starring Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando.

[51:12] Directed by Arthur Penn.

[51:14] Who you've known from other movies.

[51:16] I'm not going to go into it right now.

[51:16] Little Big Man.

[51:17] Little Big Man among others.

[51:19] Yeah.

[51:19] Bonnie and Clyde and all that.

[51:20] Sure.

[51:21] And it's about Jack Nicholson and Harry Dean Stanton and Randy Quaid are a couple members

[51:27] of a horse thief gang.

[51:29] The horniest Quaid.

[51:30] The craziest Quaid.

[51:32] They're a horse thief gang.

[51:34] And one of their gang is killed by a rancher.

[51:38] And they decide to get revenge on him by opening a ranch next door and stealing his horses.

[51:42] And the rancher hires this kind of legendary but very eccentric gunman played by Marlon Brando

[51:51] to stop them.

[51:52] And Marlon Brando basically decides he doesn't really care about stopping them from stealing

[51:56] the horses but he does want to kill these men.

[51:58] And it becomes a hunt.

[52:01] Marlon Brando hunting these people down.

[52:03] And Jack Nicholson has to kind of figure out what's going on and stop him.

[52:07] And it's really good.

[52:09] The acting is really good in it.

[52:10] And this is around the time Marlon Brando really started going nuts with his performances

[52:15] and like doing crazy accents, wearing crazy costumes.

[52:18] It's basically like this is a couple years before making Apocalypse Now.

[52:23] So he's like not super fat but he's heavier but he's really good in it.

[52:27] And his eccentricity really works for the character in a way that if anyone who may have read Blood Red Meridian,

[52:33] the Cormac McCarthy book, the villain in that...

[52:36] Blood Meridian.

[52:36] Oh, sorry.

[52:37] Not Blood Red Meridian.

[52:38] Sorry.

[52:41] Marlon Brando reminds me of that character a lot.

[52:44] This just kind of evil spirit who is very puckish.

[52:47] But there's something sinister about him even when he's like taking a bubble bath.

[52:51] And it's just a lot of...

[52:52] And it's...

[52:53] Marlon Brando, you're like, oh if only you could have stayed right there on the edge, Marlon Brando.

[52:57] You would have had a number of great movies left in you.

[52:59] But instead he just kind of toppled over.

[53:01] But it's a very good movie and it's a very good 70s western.

[53:05] And you said Randy Quaid's in it, right?

[53:07] Randy Quaid is in it, yes.

[53:09] And Harry Dean Stanton.

Dan McCoy

[53:11] That is a twofer, friends.

[53:13] That is a twofer of great character actors.

Elliott Kalan

[53:16] And also Jack Nicholson.

[53:18] Let's talk about Randy Quaid.

[53:19] And Marlon Brando.

[53:20] Like two of the best actors ever are in it.

Dan McCoy

[53:22] Yeah, but they're in a lot of movies.

[53:23] But Randy Quaid and...

[53:25] Yeah, because Randy Quaid's only been in a handful of films.

[53:27] So I would like to recommend...

[53:29] So the Missouri Breaks, that's what that's called.

[53:31] Randy Quaid presents the Missouri Breaks.

[53:35] I'm starring Randy Quaid.

[53:37] I think my recommendation is appropriate for a week where we talked about One for the Money with Katherine Heigl.

Elliott Kalan

[53:47] Your recommendation is One for the Money with Katherine Heigl.

[53:51] It's fun.

[53:52] Watch it on a plane.

Dan McCoy

[53:54] A movie that has an unconvincing female action lead.

[53:58] I would like to recommend a movie that has a convincing female action lead, which was...

[54:03] Aliens?

[54:04] Haywire.

[54:05] Oh.

[54:05] Which I watched.

[54:06] The Steven Soderbergh film starring Gina Carano.

[54:12] Or Carano.

[54:14] I don't know how you say it.

[54:14] You've got to pronounce it right around her, man.

[54:16] She's talking.

[54:16] Carano.

[54:17] UFC fighter, Gina Carano, who Steven Soderbergh saw, I believe, on a plane doing UFC fighting.

Elliott Kalan

[54:25] He was trying to watch Sherlock Holmes 2, per your recommendation.

[54:29] Couldn't find it.

Dan McCoy

[54:31] Punched the UFC button and said, this woman needs to be in a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[54:34] There's a UFC button?

Dan McCoy

[54:36] Yeah.

[54:36] It's right next to the stewardess button.

[54:37] It's where the ashtrays used to be.

[54:39] But it's a lot of fun.

[54:41] You know, it's kind of a sister film to The Limey.

[54:45] It's like Lim Dobbs, the guy who wrote The Limey, wrote Haywire.

[54:51] And it's like The Limey, except for all the significance of The Limey has been removed.

[54:57] And it's just a straight ahead sort of action thriller.

Stuart Wellington

[55:00] So, if you swap out Terrence Stamp for a badass female MMA fighter.

[55:06] And she just beats a bunch of dudes' asses.

[55:07] Yeah.

[55:08] That's basically the movie.

[55:09] Sounds pretty awesome.

[55:10] Do they use old footage of Terrence Stamp in it?

[55:12] They do not.

[55:13] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[55:13] Well.

[55:14] But they do have, like, weird.

[55:16] Unfortunately, Ken Loach didn't make too many UFC movies.

[55:19] It is a Steven Soderbergh movie.

[55:21] So, there is weird, like, out of chronological order editing.

[55:25] And is it David Holmes who does the scores?

[55:29] Sherlock Holmes.

[55:30] Like, the guy.

[55:30] I think Elliot's right.

[55:32] The guy did the score for, like, Out of Sight did the score for this.

Elliott Kalan

[55:34] Did he do the score for Contagion?

Dan McCoy

[55:37] That's a great score.

[55:38] It's got that, like, weird, like, sort of throwback jazz score.

[55:41] Oh.

[55:42] Then I don't think so.

[55:43] And it's the sort of Steven Soderbergh film I like.

[55:45] Like, where he's just taking on, like, a genre movie but making it really fun.

[55:49] What's the kind of Steven Soderbergh film you don't like?

Elliott Kalan

[55:52] Um.

[55:55] Che?

[55:57] Oh, I haven't seen that yet.

[55:58] I wanted to see that.

Dan McCoy

[55:59] But this movie is a trim 90 minutes, unlike Che.

[56:02] Which is a fat four hours.

[56:04] Yeah.

[56:04] So, uh, I enjoyed it.

Stuart Wellington

[56:06] Go see it.

[56:07] Stu, what do you have to say?

[56:09] Uh.

[56:09] I'm going to recommend a movie that is both, uh, is my two favorite things.

Elliott Kalan

[56:13] Both freaky and takes place in a castle.

[56:16] It's called Invisible Maniac.

Dan McCoy

[56:17] It's called Freaky Castle Friday.

Stuart Wellington

[56:21] Uh.

[56:22] This is a movie that's both a found footage movie, which I totally love.

[56:26] Right, dudes?

[56:27] And a, uh.

[56:29] I don't.

[56:29] You don't.

[56:30] No, I'm going to recommend the movie Chronicle, um, which is, like, a mishmash of both the,

[56:36] like, found footage style movie and a superhero movie.

[56:40] And for some reason, it manages to work.

[56:42] Um.

[56:43] Even, it's a movie where you have a bunch of high, uh, three high school kids.

[56:48] You know, you got one creepy kid who's going to be Tetsuo later on.

[56:52] You got one kid who's, like, the cool, nice guy.

[56:54] And then you got, like.

[56:55] So, uh, Kaneda.

[56:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[56:57] And then, uh, one guy who's, like, you know, the cool, like, he's like a jock, but, you

[57:02] know, he's pretty cool.

[57:03] And then he's played by Michael Jordan.

[57:05] Uh.

[57:05] Wait.

[57:06] Wait.

[57:06] The basketball player?

[57:08] No, the guy who played Wallace in The Wire and was on Friday Night Lights.

[57:12] Oh.

[57:12] Not.

[57:12] His name's Michael Jordan.

[57:13] Not pro basketball.

[57:14] He should change that name.

[57:15] Not Space Jam's Michael Jordan.

[57:18] I mean, I'd have to watch Space Jam again.

[57:20] Um.

[57:21] Not.

[57:21] You forgot who Michael Jordan is.

[57:23] Not Michael Jordan walking on air as Michael Jordan.

[57:25] Yeah.

[57:26] I don't know what that is.

[57:27] I think it's a Sports Illustrated video they put out years ago.

[57:29] So, um.

[57:31] You got these three dudes.

[57:32] They touch this weird magical geode that's down in a hole somewhere.

[57:36] And then they get, like, superpowers.

[57:38] And they totally, they try and keep it cool for a while.

[57:41] And then they totally start abusing their powers and blowing shit up.

[57:44] Um.

[57:45] Now, the thing is that the whole, like, found footage element actually kind of works for it.

[57:50] And the special effects and the powers and everything seem a little more real and a little more, um.

[57:55] And they can let their budget stretch a little farther.

[57:57] So, um.

[57:58] Yeah, it's good.

[57:59] So, Chronicle.

[58:00] Chronicle.

[58:01] Of Riddick.

Dan McCoy

[58:02] The Chronicles of Narnia is what you're recommending.

[58:05] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[58:05] Bought Legos Bionicles.

[58:08] Uh.

[58:08] Never was allowed to buy Bionicles.

Dan McCoy

[58:11] The Chronic.

[58:11] To.

[58:12] The album.

[58:13] The Chronic is what you're recommending.

[58:14] Yeah.

[58:14] Why not?

[58:15] Sure.

[58:15] Chrono Trigger.

[58:16] For the Super Nintendo.

[58:18] I mean, that's a great game.

Stuart Wellington

[58:20] Do we want to keep going?

[58:21] Or do we want to sign off?

[58:23] Let me think if I can think of another one.

[58:24] Chronos.

[58:25] The movie.

[58:25] Sure.

[58:26] Chronos.

[58:27] The Greek god thing.

[58:29] He's a titan.

[58:30] I mean, he's still a god thing.

[58:32] Yeah, he's a titan.

[58:33] Titans are god things.

[58:34] Cone Heads.

[58:35] Cone Heads.

Elliott Kalan

[58:35] The movie.

Stuart Wellington

[58:37] No.

[58:37] Yep.

[58:38] Uh.

[58:38] That's.

[58:38] I recommend that, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[58:39] David Cone.

[58:40] The baseball player.

Stuart Wellington

[58:41] I don't know that guy.

[58:42] Coney Island.

[58:43] The island.

[58:43] Yeah.

[58:44] Probably.

[58:44] No.

Elliott Kalan

[58:44] Waffle Cone.

[58:45] Best way to eat ice cream.

Stuart Wellington

[58:47] I mean, it's better than Spun Sugar.

[58:50] So Chronicle.

[58:51] Yes.

[58:52] All right.

[58:52] Well, I think that's it, guys.

[58:54] Wait, you guys got any more?

Dan McCoy

[58:55] You good?

[58:56] No.

[58:56] I think.

[58:57] You look good.

[58:57] I think are words that sound like other words quoted as been met.

[59:01] Oh, exceeded.

[59:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[59:02] We don't even have to do any next week.

[59:04] Though we will.

[59:04] Raleigh.

Dan McCoy

[59:06] Oh, how's cat?

[59:07] What are you doing here?

[59:10] Okay.

[59:10] Well, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[59:13] Stuart Wellington is me.

[59:15] And there he goes, Elliot Kalin.

[59:18] Good night, everyone.

Stuart Wellington

[59:21] It's hot.

[59:22] Stuart Wellington is me.

[59:30] Uh-oh.

[59:32] Rawr.

[59:33] Uh, dude.

[59:36] Nice Al Madrigal impression.

[59:38] Thank you.

[59:38] Al Madrigal?

Elliott Kalan

[59:39] Yeah, Al Madrigal is Al Madrigal's animal friend.

[59:42] Who is a correspondent on The Daily Show?

[59:45] Mm-hmm.

[59:45] Because I will say who.

Dan McCoy

[59:46] Okay.

[59:47] I get it.

Stuart Wellington

[59:48] No, I got it.

Elliott Kalan

[59:48] Like the hit band, the guess who.

Dan McCoy

[59:50] Uh, let's do this shit show.

Stuart Wellington

[59:53] Yeah, man.

Elliott Kalan

[59:53] I was hoping to do a good show today.

[59:55] Mm.

[59:55] Nope.

[59:56] Meow.

[59:56] Came to the wrong part.

[59:57] I'm outvoted two to one.

Dan McCoy

[59:59] Let me drink.

[1:00:00] You're outvoted meow to one.

The Flop House: Episode #103 - One For the Money

Transcript

In this episode

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