FH Mini 126 - Impressionable Peaches

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] Hey! Welcome to another Flophouse mini, a mini episode of the Flophouse podcast, a podcast that's normally about bad movies.

[0:13] But tonight, we're doing a mini. That's a shortened episode where we're going to be doing something else.

[0:19] Tonight, I'm going to be your host. My name is Stuart Wellington, and joining me are...

[0:23] Dan McCoy.

[0:24] Elliot Charles Kalin.

[0:26] Lovely. So, if you're a long-time listener...

Elliott Kalan

[0:29] I guess I'm the only one brave enough to reveal my middle name.

Stuart Wellington

[0:31] Okay, what's your middle name?

[0:32] Kirk.

[0:33] Mine is Lenton. No fake, it's Lenton.

[0:36] Yeah.

[0:37] Stuart Lenton Wellington.

[0:38] So, Stuart Lenton Wellington is talking, and I'm going to continue.

[0:42] So, if you're a long-time listener of the Flophouse, you know that we've been around a while, and it might be time for a change.

[0:48] My co-hosts have been pushing me. They say, you know what?

[0:51] It's time for us to shift over to a more popular form of entertainment.

[0:55] Time to turn into a sketch comedy show.

[0:58] Ooh.

[0:59] Sketch comedy show, and what every good sketch comedy show...

[1:02] Very popular. That's why there's so many of them.

[1:03] Yep, and they're all successful and never have stinker seasons or episodes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08] So...

[1:08] Even the most successful sketch comedy show of all time is, I would say, mostly stinkers.

[1:13] The Ben Stiller show is mostly stinkers?

Stuart Wellington

[1:15] Okay, well...

[1:16] Okay, I guess in your America.

[1:18] Now, an essential element of every sketch comedy show is impressions, right?

[1:26] People love impressions, whether it's...

[1:27] Yeah, Monty Python's pretty impression-based.

[1:29] Rich Little?

[1:31] Michael Winslow?

[1:32] The impression of Rich Little?

[1:33] Oh.

[1:33] These are not sketch performers, necessarily.

[1:35] People love impressions.

[1:38] So, one of the things the Flop House needs to brush up on...

Elliott Kalan

[1:40] I thought you didn't have a third example.

[1:43] Rob Brydon...

Stuart Wellington

[1:43] Michael Winslow does impressions of sounds, I guess?

[1:46] Rob Brydon and Steve Cooges.

[1:48] Okay, fair.

[1:49] Fair.

[1:49] I got it.

[1:50] It's true.

[1:50] And I got...

[1:51] That's a twofer.

[1:51] It is a twofer.

[1:52] It's a twofer.

[1:53] It's two people.

[1:53] Twofer.

[1:55] So, what we're going to do tonight is we're going to work on our impressions, because I

[2:00] think the Flop House needs to up its game.

[2:02] And the way we're going to do it...

[2:03] It's funny that I say game, because we're going to be doing an impressions game.

[2:07] Oh, dear Lord.

[2:09] That's why I insisted we all get alcoholic beverages for this episode.

[2:13] Yeah.

[2:14] Just to break down the walls, to loosen up, you know, get nasty.

[2:22] Okay, so, in front of me are two stacks of cards.

[2:28] One of them is a stack of cards that are the names of celebrities or characters from movies.

[2:35] This was a list that was collected by my wife, Charlene.

[2:39] So, if they're bad or wrong, she's to blame.

[2:42] Not me.

[2:42] I'm off scot-free.

[2:44] The other is a...

[2:45] And that, I'm going to hand you a card.

[2:47] Okay.

[2:47] And that's going to be the celebrity or character you're going to have to do an impression of.

[2:53] Normal charade rules apply.

[2:54] You can't just, like, say the name.

[2:56] So, not like the usual impressions we do?

[2:58] Not Saturday Night Live impression.

[2:59] My impressions.

[2:59] Or your impressions.

[3:01] The other card is going to be a card that you have to...

[3:04] That we reveal before you attempt your impression.

[3:06] And that is the scenario that you are doing the impression for.

[3:10] Wow.

[3:10] So much more work than I wanted to do on this episode.

[3:12] Guess what?

[3:12] It's a lot of work.

[3:13] I helped.

Dan McCoy

[3:16] So, um...

[3:17] You seem like you did the most work.

[3:18] You had to write out cards.

[3:19] I had to write a bunch of cards.

Stuart Wellington

[3:21] You did my work.

[3:22] And I also...

[3:22] I'm not just making you guys do it.

[3:24] I'm playing as well.

[3:25] Oh, okay.

[3:26] Which means I am exposing myself.

[3:27] I'm revealing my inner self.

[3:30] Yeah.

[3:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:31] Exposing ourselves.

[3:32] Yeah.

[3:33] Nope.

Stuart Wellington

[3:34] So, um...

Elliott Kalan

[3:35] You get a lot of good card.

Stuart Wellington

[3:37] So, you do the impression.

[3:39] Whichever of the two of us who get the...

[3:43] Get it...

[3:43] We'll make a guess.

[3:44] If we get it right, we get the card to represent a point.

[3:49] You get a point.

[3:49] And if somebody gets the impression you do, you get a point.

[3:53] So, you keep the other card.

[3:54] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[3:54] Oh, get it right.

[3:56] So, sorry.

[3:57] We're going to guess who the people are.

[3:58] Yes.

[3:58] Yeah.

[3:58] Okay.

[3:59] Yeah.

[3:59] That seems...

Elliott Kalan

[4:00] When he said charade rules, that kind of...

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Yeah, charade rules.

[4:02] It wasn't the movie charade.

Stuart Wellington

[4:03] Just call out...

[4:04] Yes.

[4:05] Which has no rules.

[4:06] Just right.

[4:07] Nope.

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:07] Uh-huh.

[4:08] It was the original, what?

[4:09] Applebee's?

[4:10] Outback?

[4:10] I don't remember.

[4:11] Okay.

[4:12] The movie charade.

[4:13] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] Yeah.

[4:14] It was the original Outback Applebee's.

[4:16] They said, you know what would be better?

[4:18] If this movie wasn't kind of like a Hitchcock-type thriller, it was instead a family restaurant

[4:21] that was a chain.

Dan McCoy

[4:22] It was like a...

[4:23] It had like a William Castle-style gimmick.

[4:25] There was a Bloomin' Onion in every seat.

[4:28] Every seat.

[4:29] Yeah.

[4:29] Wow.

[4:29] Okay.

[4:30] Be careful.

Elliott Kalan

[4:31] Cary Grant's doing his...

[4:32] He's doing the trailer.

[4:33] He goes, why don't you...

[4:33] You see my new movie, Charade.

[4:35] Just be careful when you sit down because there's going to be a Bloomin' Onion under

[4:38] the seat.

[4:40] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[4:41] I feel like I'm playing the game already.

[4:43] It's fucking crazy, by the way.

[4:43] When you go to Outback Steakhouse, you go to sit down at your table.

[4:48] Yeah.

[4:48] And they've already placed an appetizer that you've paid for on your chair.

[4:53] On the seat.

[4:54] So like...

Elliott Kalan

[4:55] That's what's called Australian style.

Stuart Wellington

[4:56] You have to be careful because like you paid for that and you might not want to eat

[5:00] it after your corduroy pants smush it into...

[5:03] Because it's another race.

[5:03] I paid for the cold feet and I'm only going to be using the edge that does not have a Bloomin' Onion

Elliott Kalan

[5:07] on it.

[5:08] I will say this.

[5:08] It's an Australian style restaurant and they eat down under back down there, which means

[5:12] through their butt.

[5:13] Yeah.

[5:13] So that's why.

[5:13] Yeah.

[5:14] You know...

[5:15] That's what Outback means.

[5:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:17] I'm sorry to all of our Australian listeners.

Stuart Wellington

[5:20] Uh-huh.

[5:21] Good day is what I would say.

[5:23] Because it's nighttime here, but it's daytime there.

[5:25] Yeah.

[5:25] That's the joke of it.

[5:26] So since Elliot is the visiting team...

[5:30] Oh, okay.

[5:30] He's going to be going first.

[5:32] Oh, man.

[5:32] So let me pass you...

[5:33] This is the name of the character or celebrity.

[5:36] Okay.

[5:36] The scenario is listing side effects.

[5:42] Listing side effects.

[5:43] You have to list side effects as this celebrity or character.

[5:46] And I'm making up the side effects.

[5:48] Yeah.

[5:48] Or you can look up...

[5:49] I don't know.

[5:50] It's an improv game.

[5:51] Okay.

[5:51] You can Google, what, lorazepam or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[5:56] Well, you know what?

[5:56] This reminds me...

[5:57] I won't get...

[5:58] This isn't this...

[5:58] I'll get into this one in a minute.

[6:00] Later, remind me to do the character which fits into this game that I was doing for my

[6:04] younger son earlier today.

[6:05] I'll just tell you his name was General William Tecumseh Kermit.

[6:10] I'll do him for you later in the game.

[6:12] Sure.

[6:12] Yeah.

[6:13] Okay.

[6:13] Unless he's on one of these cards.

[6:15] Unless Charlene...

[6:16] Unless the name is Kermit and the scene is fighting the Civil War.

[6:21] All right.

[6:22] I'll do this one.

[6:23] Oh, gosh.

[6:25] High blood pressure.

[6:26] Goofy.

[6:27] Yeah, you got it.

[6:28] Yay.

Stuart Wellington

[6:30] So, I'm going to keep one of these.

[6:31] That's on my little stack.

[6:32] You keep that one.

[6:33] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[6:34] I didn't even get to gambling addiction.

[6:37] Which is...

[6:38] There's a number of medications where there's increased risk of gambling addiction, which

[6:42] I think is a very interesting side effect.

Stuart Wellington

[6:44] Hey, let's get real, everybody.

[6:45] If you're having trouble quitting gambling addiction, seek help.

[6:48] Yes.

[6:49] Yeah, please.

[6:50] Thanks for getting real there, Stu.

[6:53] Okay, Dan.

[6:54] Dan, since Dan biffed that last one, and that is your character and your scenario, cast

[7:01] a spell.

Dan McCoy

[7:03] Right.

[7:03] I'm...

[7:04] Jesus.

[7:06] Okay.

[7:08] Jimmy Stewart.

[7:09] No, I'm sounding like Jimmy Stewart.

[7:10] I'm not who I want to be.

[7:12] Because he did sound like Jimmy Stewart.

[7:13] Sylvester Stallone.

Stuart Wellington

[7:16] Tom Brokaw.

Dan McCoy

[7:18] I'm so bad at this.

[7:20] Walter Cronkite.

[7:24] Wait, hold on.

[7:25] I got a...

[7:26] Richard Nixon.

[7:27] I got a set up.

[7:27] Nicolas Cage.

[7:28] Yes.

[7:29] Fucking...

[7:30] I could not...

[7:31] I could not hit upon the right amount of like...

[7:34] I still don't think it was Nicolas Cage.

[7:36] No, I know.

[7:36] It was terrible.

[7:37] I was like trying to hit...

[7:38] I was trying to find the right drawl.

Elliott Kalan

[7:39] The secret with Nicolas Cage is that he's swallowing his own voice all the time.

[7:42] Yes.

[7:42] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[7:43] Okay.

[7:44] So what does Charlene have?

[7:45] Oh, this is for you.

[7:46] This is for me.

[7:46] I'm in the game, baby.

Dan McCoy

[7:49] I can't believe I biffed that so hard.

[7:51] Telling us the plot of your favorite movie.

[7:54] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[7:56] Well, there's this...

[7:58] Oh, wait.

[7:58] Okay.

[7:58] Wait.

Dan McCoy

[7:59] Okay.

[8:00] There's going to be a lot of okay, wait in this episode.

Stuart Wellington

[8:03] Should we go, okay, wait, wait, I'll tell you.

[8:06] I mean, I don't want to like just steal a bit I saw on the internet.

[8:09] So I'm like...

[8:09] Yeah.

[8:10] Well, my horse named Seabiscuit.

[8:14] Uh-huh.

[8:15] Tobey Maguire?

[8:17] No.

[8:17] When you said my horse.

[8:19] Well, it's my favorite movie.

[8:20] Yeah.

[8:21] There's...

[8:22] When you said my horse named Seabiscuit.

[8:23] Damn it.

[8:24] I feel like Charlene wrote this one with me in mind because I love it so much.

[8:28] Uh-huh.

[8:29] Oh, homie.

[8:30] Oh, Marge Simpson.

[8:31] Thank you.

[8:31] Or Julie Tanner.

[8:33] It's like we're saying, like, Huelhauser?

[8:38] I'm like, I don't want to just do the Marge Simpson as Marlon Brando in The Godfather.

[8:44] But it makes me so happy.

[8:46] Oh, that's great.

[8:47] Okay.

[8:47] So, Elliot, you're next.

[8:48] Let's do this.

[8:49] We're so good at this.

[8:51] Okay.

[8:51] I don't even know why we're doing this game because we're already really good at this.

[8:54] We're already superstars.

[8:56] Elliot.

[8:56] Dan, how many cards do you have?

[8:57] Of disguise.

[8:58] Elliot, your character is consoling Bambi after Bambi's mom's death.

Dan McCoy

[9:03] Oh, wow.

[9:04] Well, it's a cycle of life, Bambi.

Stuart Wellington

[9:06] This is Tom Brokaw.

[9:08] Yes, you're right.

[9:09] It's Tom Brokaw.

[9:10] Okay.

[9:11] Man has entered the forest.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] Oh, man.

[9:15] Oh, yeah.

[9:15] That was a good pull for Elliot.

[9:18] That was a layup.

[9:19] That was not fair that I got that one.

[9:20] Okay.

[9:21] It's like, we're doing talents today.

[9:23] Michael Jordan, slam dunks.

[9:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[9:26] Yeah.

[9:26] Michael Jordan, gambling addiction.

[9:28] Oh, no.

[9:29] Please, seek help.

[9:31] Dan, you got to deliver a pickup line.

[9:35] Okay.

[9:35] He's like, pick up lines.

Elliott Kalan

[9:38] Are you tired?

[9:39] Because you've been running through my hair all day.

[9:43] Is that, is that, is that Gonzo?

Dan McCoy

[9:46] No, Gonzo would be a lot gentler.

[9:48] I can actually do a Gonzo.

[9:50] Like, I can't.

[9:52] Is that Mark McKinney's chicken lady?

[9:55] Are you an angel?

Stuart Wellington

[10:00] No, yeah, no.

[10:01] You're Anakin Skywalker.

[10:02] No, it is a, no, no.

[10:03] It's not.

[10:06] Yeah.

[10:07] Is it Marge Simpson again?

[10:08] You're so, you're so beautiful.

Dan McCoy

[10:10] You've got my head spinning.

[10:12] Gilbert Godfrey.

[10:14] No.

[10:14] Well, that's a good guess.

[10:15] I, uh, uh, I'm starting to put subtle clues in the.

[10:19] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[10:20] That's thing.

[10:21] Uh, Rick Mile.

[10:22] Uh, you're, uh.

[10:24] Oh, God.

[10:26] Rick Mile.

[10:27] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[10:29] The Crypt Keeper.

[10:30] How about this one?

[10:32] I was going to guess, Beelge is stupid.

[10:33] It doesn't sound like him at all.

[10:34] No, I can't do that.

[10:36] Uh.

[10:37] Remember, he's got to be delivering a pick, or she has to be delivering a pickup line.

[10:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:41] Uh, I wanted to do one, but I'm like, well, this person, their age is not appropriate for

[10:47] what I wanted to do.

[10:48] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[10:49] So it's a, a child.

[10:51] Child or an old man.

[10:53] Mm-hmm.

[10:54] Uh.

[10:56] Is this felt?

[10:59] Now it is.

[11:00] I can't.

[11:01] I couldn't even understand what you were saying.

[11:02] Okay.

[11:03] Dan, do you want to give up?

Dan McCoy

[11:04] I want to give up on this.

[11:05] Okay.

[11:05] Dan, who was your celebrity?

[11:07] It was Reagan from The Exorcist.

[11:09] Oh, yeah.

[11:10] That's pretty hard.

[11:10] That was a very hard one.

[11:12] That's a hard one.

[11:12] It was a character, not, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[11:14] Yeah, that is a character, unlike Goofy, who's a real person.

[11:17] Oh, yeah.

[11:17] Who's a real character.

[11:19] That Reagan is a real character.

[11:20] Have you seen what she did?

[11:20] That Reagan, yeah.

[11:21] With that goose face?

[11:23] Only a real character would do that.

[11:24] Yeah.

[11:25] Zany stuff.

[11:26] You see when she's vomited all over that priest?

[11:28] What character?

[11:28] No, that's for you.

[11:29] You got that one right.

Stuart Wellington

[11:30] Okay, let's see.

[11:31] How am I doing?

[11:33] Oh, and touch.

[11:34] Okay.

[11:36] Because he said, how am I doing?

[11:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[11:40] Speak another language.

[11:41] Poor lady.

[11:42] All right.

[11:43] Okay.

[11:43] Oh, wow.

[11:44] Oh, wow.

[11:45] Je ne parle pas français.

Elliott Kalan

[11:49] It's not Gerard Depardieu, because he speaks it very well.

Dan McCoy

[11:52] He speaks it perfectly.

[11:53] Sounds like Tom Brokaw again to me.

Stuart Wellington

[11:55] He does a little bit.

[11:56] Je ne parle pas français.

[12:00] He says, no, nein, nein, uh.

[12:06] Someone who has a lot of trouble talking, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[12:09] Ich boxen gern.

[12:11] Barack Obama?

[12:12] He says, uh, a lot.

[12:15] He doesn't have trouble talking, but he says, uh, a lot.

[12:18] Uh.

Stuart Wellington

[12:19] Uh.

Elliott Kalan

[12:21] Uh.

[12:22] Now it just sounds like Edie McClure doing the principal in Ferris Bueller when she picks

[12:27] up the phone.

[12:28] Just goes going, oh, oh, oh.

Stuart Wellington

[12:31] You're going to find out who it is, and you're going to feel like a real fool.

[12:33] I'm sure I'll feel terrible.

[12:36] It's Keanu Reeves.

[12:38] The Tostitos.

[12:41] Oh, Sylvester Stallone.

[12:42] Yeah.

[12:43] Oh.

[12:43] Nope.

[12:45] So it's thrown as Rocky?

[12:46] Yes, thank you.

[12:47] Oh, okay.

[12:48] Nailed it.

[12:49] Thank you.

[12:50] Guess so.

[12:50] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[12:53] Well, you mentioned Tostitos.

[12:54] Yeah.

[12:55] Anyone would understand this is a reference to Rocky Balboa.

Stuart Wellington

[12:58] Man, we're doing really good here, guys.

[12:59] Elliot, you are attempting to pay for your books at the library.

[13:03] Attempting to pay for them?

Elliott Kalan

[13:04] Yeah.

[13:05] I'd like to buy this stack of volumes.

[13:08] James Lynch.

[13:09] You got it.

[13:09] R.I.P.

[13:10] You go, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[13:11] I had to lean back from the mic because I knew I was going to yell.

[13:16] Oh, man.

[13:16] I can't stress enough.

[13:17] This season of RuPaul's Drag Race had a snatch game where somebody went.

[13:21] I think it was Lydia Butthole Collins went as David Lynch, and it was such a bummer.

[13:27] Did not even do the voice.

[13:29] It was not cool.

[13:29] Very disappointing.

[13:30] Thumbs down.

[13:31] But Lydia Butthole Collins, great drag queen.

[13:34] Yeah, but David deserves better.

[13:35] Yeah.

[13:36] Truly a great artist.

[13:37] Okay, Dan.

[13:40] You are requesting medicine from your doctor for a sprained penis.

Dan McCoy

[13:48] Like Doc, I don't, like, uh...

[13:51] It's kind of hippie, I guess.

[13:53] Like it.

[13:54] I don't know.

[13:55] Like Doc, man.

[13:57] It's so weird.

[13:58] It's just like...

[13:59] Oh, like John Travolta.

[14:00] Yeah.

[14:00] When you say weird, it means John Travolta.

Elliott Kalan

[14:02] Yeah, there you go.

[14:03] So weird.

[14:04] Never has...

[14:05] It's rarely that I feel like an actor is identified with one word that I don't know if he's ever

[14:09] actually said on film.

Stuart Wellington

[14:11] This one's gonna be tough because I don't think Elliot has seen this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[14:15] This is gonna be hard, yeah.

[14:17] Is it from the last 20 years?

[14:18] Because I may not have then, yeah.

[14:20] Putting on a show for your parents.

Stuart Wellington

[14:23] So I'd be putting on a show for your parents.

Dan McCoy

[14:26] For my parents?

[14:27] It better be pretty...

[14:28] Pretty tame.

[14:29] Clean.

Stuart Wellington

[14:30] Yep, it's gotta be...

[14:31] Your parents don't like a really raw comedy set.

[14:35] I mean, like I said...

Dan McCoy

[14:36] Dan gets up there, he's smoking a cigarette in front of a brick wall, and he's like...

[14:39] They did watch a bunch of fucking Are You Being Served,

[14:41] which is all pussy jokes.

[14:44] Even classy ones.

[14:45] Yeah, because it's British.

[14:47] Because it's British, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[14:49] So, Mom and Dad, I am doing a show for you.

[14:55] This is going to be difficult because he's not a character with a big name.

Dan McCoy

[15:02] Is it the...

[15:02] It's the guy from Anora.

[15:04] It is!

Stuart Wellington

[15:07] Dan is correct.

[15:08] It is Igor from Anora.

[15:10] Good job, Dan.

[15:11] Thank you.

[15:11] Elliot, have you seen Anora?

[15:12] I have seen Anora.

Elliott Kalan

[15:13] I thought it was one of the few Best Picture nominees that I saw,

[15:16] and I was glad it won because I liked it a lot.

[15:17] Yeah.

[15:17] Okay.

[15:18] I know the backlash to it instantly happened as soon as it won Best Picture,

[15:22] but I liked it.

[15:23] That happens.

Stuart Wellington

[15:24] Elliot, there you go, buddy.

[15:26] Okay.

[15:28] And you are talking about snakes.

[15:30] I love it.

[15:31] I love it.

Elliott Kalan

[15:33] Now, this is a rattlesnake.

[15:35] And it'll make you go, ooh.

[15:37] And then, this ear is a cottonmouth snake.

[15:40] It'll make you make the same sound.

[15:42] Ooh.

Stuart Wellington

[15:42] And then...

[15:43] Wait, Tim the Tool Man Taylor?

Elliott Kalan

[15:45] Well, Tim Allen, I'll give it to you.

[15:46] Yeah.

[15:47] Okay.

[15:48] All he does is that one sound, basically.

[15:50] I've never seen Last Man Standing.

[15:52] Maybe he introduced a new sound for that show.

[15:53] He introduced a new sound.

[15:54] Yeah.

[15:54] I've been working on a new sound.

[15:55] He's got another one.

Stuart Wellington

[15:56] He's got another show?

[15:57] He's got another one.

[15:57] The premise is that he's a...

[15:59] Oh, his daughter moved back or something?

[16:02] Yes.

[16:02] He's an aging boomer who's got everything set up,

[16:04] and, you know, he's got, like, everything all figured out.

[16:07] And then his younger daughter...

[16:09] Is it Kat Dennings?

[16:10] Kat Dennings.

[16:10] Yeah.

[16:11] Who probably has a kid, has to move back in with him,

[16:13] so he has that boomer fantasy of being in charge still.

[16:17] Yeah.

[16:17] And dispensing wisdom, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[16:19] So every season, there is a new show

[16:21] where someone has to move back in with their parents.

[16:23] Yes.

[16:24] And it's nice to know that Tim Allen pulled that card this time.

[16:26] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[16:27] Oh, jeez, Louise.

[16:29] Okay.

[16:30] That's who it was?

[16:31] You told us the name already?

Stuart Wellington

[16:35] You're on Shark Tank pitching your newest invention.

Dan McCoy

[16:38] Okay.

[16:38] Hold on.

[16:39] I'm going to stand up for this.

[16:41] Oh, wow.

[16:41] Okay.

[16:42] I'll try and still be good for the microphone.

[16:44] Slowly.

Stuart Wellington

[16:46] Ooh.

[16:47] Ooh.

[16:49] Ooh.

[16:49] The guy who gets his penis shot off in Robocop?

[16:52] The Castle Freak?

Elliott Kalan

[16:53] Yes.

[16:53] The Castle Freak.

[16:54] Dan was just gesturing towards his penis and grunting.

[16:56] Yeah.

[16:57] So it's Giorgio, the Castle Freak.

[16:59] You hold on.

[16:59] Okay.

[17:00] Thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[17:01] Man, that was pretty good.

[17:02] I'm disappointed that I didn't get that one.

[17:04] I feel like I would have nailed it, but Dan did a great job.

[17:06] He did a great job.

[17:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:08] I don't remember the Castle Freak gesturing to his penis as much in the movie.

[17:11] Because I was pitching my Shark Tank invention.

[17:13] Oh, what was your invention?

[17:14] Protect your...

[17:15] Oh, like a cage.

Stuart Wellington

[17:16] For your penis.

[17:17] Okay, I'm next, and mine is...

[17:19] Doing Shakespeare.

[17:26] Like sexually.

[17:28] Yeah.

[17:28] Okay, give me one second.

[17:30] Let me get into character.

[17:31] Yeah, yeah.

[17:31] Become the character.

[17:33] Alas, poor Yorick, y'all.

[17:34] I knew him, Horatio.

[17:36] I may just be a single mom who works too hard, loves her kids, and will never stop.

[17:43] Is this Reba?

[17:43] Sandra Bullock in the blind side?

[17:44] Damn it, no.

[17:46] What did you say?

[17:46] Did you say Reba?

[17:47] It is definitely Reba McIntyre, baby.

[17:49] Oh, it is Reba McIntyre.

Stuart Wellington

[17:49] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[17:50] This is...

[17:51] The funny thing is, like, I only know that through you, Stuart.

[17:54] That's what...

[17:55] You're referencing Reba, the show Reba, a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[17:59] You know, there's a thing about playing games that sometimes you, like, sometimes gotta...

[18:06] Well, you gotta play the player.

[18:07] Yeah, play the player, yeah.

[18:09] It's true, yeah.

[18:10] Elliot, you are attempting to give instructions to your barber.

[18:13] Okay.

[18:14] Oh, I don't want it too short on the sides!

Elliott Kalan

[18:18] I want it real long on the sides.

[18:21] We'll make it short on the back.

[18:22] That's Mr. Al Pacino?

[18:24] You got that right, it's Al Pacino.

[18:25] The loudest man in Hollywood.

[18:29] I saw him, I think I've said this before, I saw him on stage in Merchant of Venice, and

[18:34] I was like, his acting style makes total sense for this.

[18:36] He's in a theater, he's on stage, it's Shakespeare, he's real big, yeah.

[18:40] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[18:41] Yeah, they're like, do we need to give you one of those mics that comes down your forehead?

[18:46] He's like, no!

[18:47] Oh, no!

Elliott Kalan

[18:48] And it's also, it's like in the movie Heat, it makes sense when you realize, oh, this character

[18:51] is high the whole movie.

[18:52] Yes.

[18:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:53] Dan, you are begging for your life.

[18:57] Like, I don't, like, why do you want to kill me?

[19:01] Like, I, I...

[19:02] Brad Pitt.

Dan McCoy

[19:04] Fuck, I, like, I'm trying, I, like, have an idea in my head that is just, like, not translating

[19:08] to, this is why usually impressions are worked out, you know, in front of the mirror.

[19:12] Yeah.

[19:13] You know, sort of like, okay, and like...

Stuart Wellington

[19:14] Not at the spur of the moment in front of a live studio audience.

Dan McCoy

[19:18] How about this?

[19:18] Okay, this is better.

[19:19] I mean, in Whose Line Is Anyway?

[19:20] I'll do it better now.

[19:21] That's true.

[19:21] I'll do it better, I promise.

[19:22] Yeah.

[19:22] Couldn't have done it worse, so.

[19:24] Hey, man, like, what's, what's the problem?

[19:29] Like, we, like, why do you, why are you so mad at me?

[19:32] Like, I don't, I don't understand, like...

[19:34] Owen Wilson?

[19:35] We just, uh...

[19:36] No, he would say wow.

[19:37] He would say wow a lot, yeah.

[19:38] Look, I'm not, it's very scary.

[19:42] I don't, um...

[19:43] Uh, man.

[19:44] I really don't know how to do this person.

[19:46] Like, he's got weird tics, but it's like...

[19:49] Crispin Glover?

[19:50] Jay Baruchel.

[19:51] Maud's a tongue.

[19:54] Look, just cause I...

[19:56] Timmy Shaleman.

[19:57] I'm gonna resort, I'm gonna resort to the coward's way of clues and the things I say.

[20:01] Yes, it's Saoirse Ronan.

[20:03] It's Saoirse Ronan.

[20:03] Is it Saoirse Ronan?

Stuart Wellington

[20:04] Is it Jack Loudon?

[20:05] Hey, just cause I'm your doctor and I stalked you.

[20:09] I don't want you to...

[20:09] Stalked by my doctor.

[20:11] Uh, wait, Eric Roberts?

[20:12] Yes.

[20:13] Yes.

[20:13] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[20:14] Yeah, that was...

[20:15] I was trying to do that kind of, like, louche sort of, like...

[20:18] He's got, like, this weird, like...

[20:19] Yeah.

[20:20] Like, suave mumbliness.

[20:22] Yeah, he does so.

[20:22] Cause he wants to be Marlon Brando, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[20:24] Yeah.

[20:25] What if I was a cat who was talking?

[20:28] Hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[20:29] That really would have said it was...

[20:31] Nailed it.

[20:31] That it was Eric Roberts, yeah.

[20:38] Hi, is this Kelly?

[20:39] Yes, this is Kelly.

Jesse Thorn

[20:40] Hi, Kelly, this is Jesse Thorne, co-host of Jordan Jesse Go.

[20:43] Hi, Jesse.

[20:44] I'm calling because you were just named Max Fund's Member of the Month for April.

S5

[20:48] Oh, wow.

[20:50] This is so surreal.

Jesse Thorn

[20:51] How long have you been a Jordan Jesse Go listener?

S5

[20:54] Probably eight years.

[20:55] I actually saw you guys at the Bell House in Brooklyn in 2019.

Jesse Thorn

[21:01] Was seeing us the reason that you started listening to the show?

S5

[21:04] I didn't know.

[21:05] I had been listening for a while.

Jesse Thorn

[21:06] Why did you end up becoming a member?

S5

[21:08] It's really just been such a dependable source of laughter and joy.

[21:13] I just appreciated that and I didn't want to take it for granted.

[21:16] So I wanted to contribute and show my support because I don't want it to ever end.

Jesse Thorn

[21:21] Kelly, thank you so much for talking with me and thank you so much for being a member of Max Fund.

S5

[21:27] Absolutely.

[21:28] It's my pleasure.

[21:29] It's totally worth it.

Elliott Kalan

[21:30] If you're a Max Fund member, you can become the next Max Fund member of the month.

[21:34] Support us at Maximofun.org slash join.

S6

[21:39] This season on the Adventure Zone, Abnimal's.

[21:42] Get ready for a brand new crime-fighting trio.

[21:45] Here to protect the anthropomorphic muscular animal citizens of River City.

[21:50] Featuring Justin McElroy as Axol Isle, the firefighting axolotl.

[21:55] Clint McElroy as Roger Moore, the debonair cow of mystery.

[21:59] Griffin McElroy as Navy SEAL, the raw SEAL that has never served in the Armed Forces.

[22:04] And Travis McElroy as every other swole critter in River City.

[22:08] This swear-free Saturday morning cartoon-inspired story airs every Thursday on MaximumFun.org

[22:14] or wherever you get your podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[22:20] Greetings and salutations.

[22:22] This is Dan breaking in with a late-breaking ad from Factor.

[22:28] Hey, why not make this your best season yet?

[22:31] Seems unlikely, but perhaps you can do it with nutritious two-minute meals from Factor.

[22:37] Eating this well has never been this easy.

[22:40] Just heat up and enjoy giving you more time to do what you want.

[22:44] You can get outside.

[22:45] Get outside for once instead of prepping and cooking indoors.

[22:49] Factor meals arrive fresh and ready to eat.

[22:53] Perfect for any active lifestyle and with 45 weekly menu options.

[22:58] That's a lot of options.

[23:00] You can pick gourmet meals that fit your goals.

[23:02] Factor powers your day with satisfying breakfast, on-the-go lunches, and premium dinners.

[23:08] That's right, all of the meals.

[23:10] And guilt-free snacks and desserts.

[23:13] And look, you may be able to tell from my voice or may not,

[23:17] I'm a little sick right now.

[23:18] You know what?

[23:19] You don't want to do when you're sick.

[23:21] A lot of cooking.

[23:23] You just want to have things brought to you on a tray.

[23:26] Factor does not provide that tray service, but it does provide a meal that you don't have to fuss over.

[23:32] It can be in you, devoured, deliciously devoured, very quickly without having to worry about,

[23:40] I gotta get up when I'm feeling like this.

[23:43] So, get started at factormeals.com slash flop50off and use code flop50off to get 50% off plus free shipping.

[23:53] That's the numeral 50.

[23:55] On your first box, that's code flop50off at factormeals.com slash flop50off for 50% off plus free shipping.

Stuart Wellington

[24:07] Yes.

[24:09] Stuart does a little fist pump.

[24:12] I am explaining to a kid that there is no Santa.

Dan McCoy

[24:15] So, I hope no one's listening to this with their family.

[24:18] Stuart's true life favorite occupation.

[24:22] Accupation?

[24:23] Yeah, he does acupressure.

Stuart Wellington

[24:25] He does acupuncture while he tells them they're Santa.

[24:28] Okay.

[24:29] Look, Sean.

[24:30] Sean Connery.

Elliott Kalan

[24:34] Sean, you gotta stop believing in this Santa shit.

[24:38] Junior.

Stuart Wellington

[24:39] Junior, yeah.

[24:41] Before the entire word had come out, it would have been over.

[24:45] Yeah.

[24:47] Okay, that was a good one.

[24:49] You had Santa, but you lost it.

[24:52] Should have mailed Santa to the Mox Plus.

[24:56] See, I feel like everyone would have gotten that one.

Elliott Kalan

[24:59] They bring milk, you bring cookies.

[25:02] That's the Santa way.

Stuart Wellington

[25:05] Elliot, you are low-key talking shit about a friend's house.

Elliott Kalan

[25:09] Now, I don't want to say that vinyl siding's a bad choice.

[25:14] Is this Mr. Walken?

[25:15] Yes, this is Mr. Walken.

[25:16] All right.

[25:17] I got him there somewhere.

[25:19] Bowls.

[25:19] Oh, wait, no, I keep that one.

[25:20] Keep that one.

[25:21] Bowls.

[25:22] He clearly hired someone else to decorate.

[25:27] No one decides to put a vase with a sprig of wheat.

[25:30] My first walk-in is so close to my Woody Allen.

[25:32] It's the only problem because I'm Jewish.

Stuart Wellington

[25:34] What's up with that smell?

[25:38] There you are, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[25:39] There's so much contact paper on the counters.

Elliott Kalan

[25:44] You walk into the bathroom, kitty litter all over the floor.

[25:49] I put my shoes on before I walk into his bathroom.

[25:53] It is shocking how close it gets to Leo.

Stuart Wellington

[25:56] It's my bathroom you're talking about now.

[25:58] Yeah.

[25:59] Dan, you got yours?

[26:00] Yeah, I got it.

[26:01] I'm glad that, like, as we get deeper into the episode.

[26:06] I don't want to say drunker.

[26:07] I want to say deeper into the episode.

[26:09] We all, like, all of a sudden we get emboldened to do impressions.

[26:15] Okay, Dan, you are, this just says four score and seven years ago.

[26:21] Oh, God.

[26:24] I still got, I'm still in love here.

[26:25] I'm in love with you.

[26:26] You're walking into this one.

[26:29] Yeah, you need a power cleanser.

[26:32] Yeah, hold on.

[26:32] Do another impression.

[26:33] I mean, is this time for me to do General William Tecumseh?

[26:37] Yeah, please do it.

[26:38] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[26:38] This is what I was doing for my younger son earlier today.

[26:40] Because we walked by the statue of Sherman next to the Central Park.

Stuart Wellington

[26:44] I was going, war is hell.

Elliott Kalan

[26:46] And the meaning of that is you have to make it as hard as possible for the other side.

[26:53] So we cut a swath through the south.

[26:56] We left nothing for them to eat.

[26:57] We burned their towns.

[26:58] That kind of stuff.

[26:59] You know, I was doing better earlier when I was less drunk.

[27:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:03] Okay, we love this.

[27:04] Hold on.

[27:06] Now, man, like, four score in, like, seven years.

[27:10] Man, do we come in?

[27:10] Hey.

[27:10] Yeah.

[27:11] Thank you.

[27:11] I was going to guess.

Elliott Kalan

[27:12] We'll do that one.

[27:13] I thought it was, what's his name?

[27:15] Who's the singer?

[27:16] Who sounds kind of like this.

[27:17] He's in Iron Giant.

[27:18] Harry Connick Jr.

[27:19] I was starting to lock in.

Stuart Wellington

[27:22] Every time I think of Harry Connick Jr., I think of that scene in Copycat where he refers

[27:26] to panties and squirrel covers.

Dan McCoy

[27:28] He's playing, like, the most crazed hillbilly in that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[27:34] It's like a pretty good movie.

[27:36] And then he's going so far over the top in it.

[27:40] This one, I feel, again, I feel like Charlene picked this one for me because she wants me

[27:45] to fail at it, but that's okay.

[27:50] Doing basketball play by play.

[27:52] She does want you to fail.

[27:53] Oh, shit, man.

[27:54] Okay.

[27:57] To Jordan, then to Scottie Pippen, I'm a very important actress.

[28:04] Nancy Gross?

[28:04] Terry Gross, I'm sorry.

[28:06] I am a chameleon of an actress.

[28:08] Meryl Streep?

[28:09] That cannot stop telling you what's happening in this basketball game.

[28:14] Now, Jordan, a three-pointer.

[28:18] Oh, my.

[28:19] Tilda Swinton.

[28:20] Thank you.

[28:21] Okay.

[28:22] Oh.

[28:23] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[28:23] It took me a while to get there.

Stuart Wellington

[28:24] I mean, Dan, Dan, do you have a Tilda Swinton?

[28:27] You said you had a Tilda Swinton.

[28:29] I don't have a Tilda Swinton.

[28:29] Dan, earlier today, I probably thought you were bragging about your Tilda Swinton.

Dan McCoy

[28:32] I'm not saying you did anything wrong.

[28:34] I'm just, like, sitting back thinking, like, how does one do Tilda Swinton?

[28:38] Yeah, it's very hard.

[28:39] It's very hard, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:40] I think that kind of, like, kind of slightly alien quality was good.

Dan McCoy

[28:42] I see what you're doing with, like, the clipped sort of.

Elliott Kalan

[28:44] Yeah, like, you saw what I was, listeners at home, write in.

[28:49] Write in.

[28:49] How do you do your Tilda Swinton?

[28:50] How do you do your Tilda Swinton?

[28:52] Don't tell me, don't tell us about Tilda Swinton, the Spanish equivalent.

Stuart Wellington

[28:57] It's too, I don't like the accent on that one.

[29:00] Boom.

[29:01] Okay.

[29:01] You're ordering iced cream.

[29:05] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[29:08] How do I do this to make it clear that I'm not just doing this voice,

[29:11] that it's actually this person?

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] I mean, this person has this voice.

[29:15] It's William Toon's a Sherman.

Elliott Kalan

[29:17] So, yeah.

[29:18] So.

Stuart Wellington

[29:20] Now, the butter-covered fly ice cream.

Elliott Kalan

[29:24] No, it's not Kermit.

[29:27] Let's see.

[29:28] I want to have vanilla ice cream.

[29:31] I want to have sprinkles on it.

[29:32] I want another scoop of Rocky Road ice cream.

[29:38] I can't really do it.

[29:39] I can't really do it.

[29:41] The nanny.

[29:42] Not too far away.

[29:44] Okay.

[29:45] Okay.

[29:46] You want me to give you the nanny?

Stuart Wellington

[29:47] Debbie Mazur?

[29:48] No.

Elliott Kalan

[29:49] Not too far away.

Stuart Wellington

[29:51] Lady Gaga?

[29:53] No.

Dan McCoy

[29:55] Stewart's just reading his crush list.

Stuart Wellington

[29:58] Marissa Tomei?

[29:59] Yes, Marissa Tomei.

Dan McCoy

[30:00] Exactly.

[30:01] Wow.

[30:01] I provided the clue that I'm locked.

Elliott Kalan

[30:04] I was waiting to have to do the biological clock line about ice cream.

Stuart Wellington

[30:08] If you got closer, I would propose.

[30:12] All right.

[30:13] What do we got?

[30:15] I feel like Dan's had some bad luck.

[30:19] He's had a run of bad luck here.

[30:20] Oh, boy.

[30:22] Okay.

[30:22] Are you ready for your scenario, Mr. McCoy?

[30:24] Yeah.

[30:26] You're explaining Transformers.

Dan McCoy

[30:33] There's the Decepticons, baby.

[30:36] And the Autobots are good.

[30:38] You know, you know they're gonna shoot each other with lasers.

[30:43] Madonna?

[30:44] Yes.

[30:45] I just went sheep.

[30:46] Yeah, you just did a song.

[30:48] No, you deserve it.

Elliott Kalan

[30:50] I mean, you could kind of do the same voice I did for Marissa Tomei, I think, probably.

[30:53] Yeah, it's fair.

[30:55] Okay.

[30:56] You made a face to it as if you were gonna throw that card away.

Stuart Wellington

[30:59] Well, it was a thing where I'm like, I feel like you guys wish you had gotten that one.

Dan McCoy

[31:03] It's like an animal crackers.

[31:05] Harper just rips out the card.

[31:06] And throw it away.

Stuart Wellington

[31:08] Yeah, that's a good part, man.

[31:09] No spades.

[31:10] I'm delivering a wedding toast.

[31:14] So, uh...

[31:15] This guy's a real wiseacre.

[31:20] He's a real potty animal.

Dan McCoy

[31:23] Curly.

[31:23] Moe.

[31:26] Harley Quinn.

[31:27] Great.

Stuart Wellington

[31:29] They're all the same, yeah.

[31:33] So, uh...

[31:34] What's up, Doc?

[31:35] Bugs Bunny.

[31:36] Okay, well...

[31:40] That was the cheapest of cheap moves, yeah.

[31:42] But I feel like the first part, I was...

Elliott Kalan

[31:44] Now that I know that it's Bugs Bunny, that all made sense to me, yeah.

[31:48] Okay.

[31:49] Elliot?

Stuart Wellington

[31:51] I'm trying to remember what this character sounds like.

[31:55] You're trying to get someone to switch seats with you on a long airplane flight.

[31:59] Oh, okay.

[31:59] Oh, dear Lord.

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] Let's see.

[32:01] What does this character sound like?

[32:02] I'm trying to remember.

[32:04] Hard to say.

[32:05] Yeah.

[32:06] No one knows.

[32:07] Since you don't know the name.

[32:08] Mm-hmm.

[32:10] Uh...

[32:10] Eh, would you give me that?

[32:13] The window.

Stuart Wellington

[32:16] It's not Peter Lorre.

[32:18] No, it's not Peter Lorre.

[32:18] It sounds Peter Lorre, right?

[32:20] Because, um...

[32:22] Is it Emo Phillips?

[32:24] Yeah.

[32:25] Is it the, like, Honey Smacks thing?

[32:28] Yeah.

[32:29] That's that.

[32:30] No.

Elliott Kalan

[32:31] Oh, it's a character.

[32:32] It's a character.

[32:33] So, uh...

[32:34] Is it Igor?

[32:35] No.

[32:36] Is it a different Igor than Igor 2?

[32:39] Is it Fritz?

[32:40] The character that people...

[32:41] Is it Igor's ass?

[32:44] Is it Igor then sues later?

[32:45] Yeah.

[32:47] Eh.

[32:48] That sounds more like Gonzo, I think.

[32:50] Yeah.

[32:51] But, like, a perverted Gonzo.

[32:53] Is it Marge Simpson?

[32:55] Um...

[32:55] Uh...

[32:58] Oh, no.

[32:58] He...

[32:58] No.

[32:58] I know none of this character's voice.

[33:00] It's more like...

[33:00] No, this can't do it either.

[33:02] Um...

[33:02] Is Igor gonna tap out?

[33:11] Well, yeah.

[33:12] You know what?

[33:12] I will tap out.

[33:13] Okay, reveal it.

[33:14] What is it?

[33:15] It's Gollum.

[33:15] That's who it is.

[33:16] Gollum.

[33:16] I couldn't really remember what he sounds like.

[33:20] Although...

[33:20] No, you were...

[33:21] Yeah, you were...

[33:23] I think he does a lot of, like...

[33:24] And I couldn't make my throat do it.

Stuart Wellington

[33:26] Yeah, you should have been like...

[33:27] Trixie.

Elliott Kalan

[33:28] Trixie Hobbit stole my seat.

[33:30] Yeah, you should have been like, I want to sit next to my precious, you know.

[33:33] Yeah, yeah.

[33:33] But that felt too cheap.

[33:34] That felt like a real what's up doc move.

[33:37] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[33:39] Wow.

[33:39] Elliot's turning the tables on the Game Master.

[33:41] Mm-hmm.

[33:42] Uh, you're calling customer service to complain.

[33:47] I'm terribly disappointed with you.

[33:48] Michael Caine.

Elliott Kalan

[33:50] I'm familiar.

[33:51] I've heard that one before.

Stuart Wellington

[33:54] Okay, yeah.

[33:55] That's fine.

[33:56] Yeah, yeah.

[33:57] Fuck it.

[33:57] Yeah, whatever.

Dan McCoy

[33:58] You know, you only live once, huh?

Stuart Wellington

[34:01] Only live once.

[34:02] So some of these scenarios I wrote down, and I feel like I've hoisted myself by saying...

[34:10] Do a wrap.

[34:12] Oh, fuck off.

[34:13] It's only fitting karmic test that you got that one.

Elliott Kalan

[34:15] Yeah, I'm glad.

[34:17] You deserve to get it.

[34:18] If I had gotten Golem do a wrap, I would have left the game.

Stuart Wellington

[34:25] Okay.

[34:27] Now I have to do a wrap.

[34:29] Yeah, you're required to by law.

[34:33] Everybody, just let everyone know.

[34:36] I have to do a wrap.

[34:38] When I wrote it down, I showed it to Charlene, and I had this look at my face like, so pleased with myself.

[34:44] Yeah.

[34:45] And now, hours later, I'm like, what the fuck?

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] You have been served the poisoned goblet that you prepared for your enemy.

[34:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:54] So you come to me.

[34:56] Mylon Randall.

Elliott Kalan

[34:57] Or Vito Corleone.

[34:58] Thank you.

[34:59] I love it.

[35:00] Keep you from having to do the wrap.

[35:02] Wait, I was like, that was just what he says in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[35:04] So you come to me on my daughter's day.

[35:09] Hanging out with me.

[35:10] To say you love Fruity Pebbles in a major way.

Elliott Kalan

[35:14] That wasn't what I was going to say.

[35:15] He's wrapping in a commercial for Fruity Pebbles.

[35:18] Or is this the in-canon, in-universe love that Vito Corleone has for Fruity Pebbles?

Stuart Wellington

[35:23] Yeah, it's uncovered in the text, but it's assumed.

[35:26] Yeah, no, you can, you can, all the pieces are there.

[35:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:30] It's more in the novel than in the film, but yeah.

[35:34] That's one of the things called a cutout.

Dan McCoy

[35:36] Puzo was eating a lot of Fruity Pebbles when he was writing.

[35:38] Oh, fuck.

[35:39] It found its way into the work.

Stuart Wellington

[35:43] Okay, Elliot, there you go.

[35:45] Me again?

[35:46] Yeah, enjoy.

[35:48] Okay, Elliot, you're doing some dirty talk.

[35:51] Oh, boy.

Elliott Kalan

[35:53] I am going to paint you like one of my custom Nintendo controllers.

Dan McCoy

[35:59] Timothy Shelby.

[36:00] You got that right.

[36:01] Stuart was just a little bit faster.

Stuart Wellington

[36:03] Oh, hell yeah.

[36:06] Do you think he talks to his girlfriend about that?

[36:09] He must, yeah.

[36:09] I imagine he keeps a lot of them.

[36:11] He's really proud of them.

[36:11] Yeah, why not?

[36:12] He should be.

[36:13] Dan, that's you.

[36:18] This is going to be a challenge.

[36:20] Hosting a podcast.

Dan McCoy

[36:22] I'd like, let's see.

[36:26] Hold on.

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] I love, I love, this is, I feel like 90% of impressions are someone going, wait, hold on,

[36:31] hold on, hold on.

[36:32] I know I can do it.

[36:32] That's not it.

[36:33] I know I can do it.

Stuart Wellington

[36:34] That's what the episode, that's the name of this episode is Hold On.

[36:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:38] I'd like to talk to you about MailChimp.

[36:43] MailChimp.

[36:44] Brian Cox.

[36:44] Is a way that one can deliver messages through the, I'm getting.

[36:52] Gary, Gregory Peck.

[36:53] I'm getting more flowery when he's not actually that way.

[36:58] Someone who's not flowery.

[36:59] James Earl Jones.

[37:01] And now, let's turn to the next commercial, which is about Squarespace.

[37:10] Squarespace.

[37:11] I'm close on this one.

Elliott Kalan

[37:12] Mr. Belvedere?

Dan McCoy

[37:13] Yeah.

[37:13] It's the all-in-one platform.

Stuart Wellington

[37:17] All in one.

[37:18] There's a gravitas there.

[37:19] Yeah.

[37:20] I used to have an Apple one.

[37:21] That classic Mr. Belvedere.

[37:22] Oh, okay.

[37:23] Oh, Patrick Stewart.

[37:24] Yes.

[37:25] Oh, damn it.

[37:25] That was a good one.

[37:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:28] I feel like I got closer towards the end.

[37:30] Yeah, as I guess what was going on, it sounded more and more like him.

[37:32] If you had called yourself Sejanus, I would have understood his character from my Claudius.

Stuart Wellington

[37:38] Okay, I feel like a lot of these are Char cherry-picked voices that sounds like her.

[37:45] Okay.

[37:46] Debbie Mazar.

[37:48] Harley Quinn.

[37:51] Explaining to your Uber driver that you accidentally tipped more than you meant to.

[37:55] So, so, so.

[37:57] Well, the thing is, I gave you too much tip when-

[38:06] Sarah Jessica Parker.

[38:07] Jesse Eisenberg.

[38:08] It's in the ballpark of what you're suggesting, but it's like-

Elliott Kalan

[38:15] Let's put more New York on it.

Stuart Wellington

[38:16] I got to get raspier.

[38:18] Oh, Natasha Lyonne.

[38:19] Thank you.

[38:20] Oh, there you go.

[38:20] Okay.

[38:22] Okay, these are the- this is the last one each.

[38:24] Oh, wow.

[38:25] Oh, wow.

[38:26] Okay, Elliot, this is your last one.

[38:28] You are-

[38:29] It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday, you know?

[38:33] Leaving a voicemail for your friend's birthday.

Elliott Kalan

[38:36] I'm sorry, I couldn't be there.

[38:38] Current, Current.

[38:39] No, it's not Current.

[38:40] Ray Romano?

[38:42] It sounds more like them.

[38:43] Hold on.

[38:43] They're like, I wish I could have been there at your birthday.

[38:46] If I could turn my time.

[38:47] Chair, chair, chair.

[38:48] Yes, chair.

[38:49] There you go.

Stuart Wellington

[38:50] I'm surprised Elliot didn't go like lick his lips and be like-

[38:53] That's what I should have done.

Elliott Kalan

[38:54] I should have put my fishnet body stocking for that one.

Stuart Wellington

[38:57] Dan, this is your last one.

[38:59] Oh.

[39:01] You are delivering a public apology.

Elliott Kalan

[39:05] Oh, which we all will be doing after this episode.

[39:09] Miss Piggy.

[39:11] Greta Gremlin?

[39:11] Yes.

[39:13] My guess was going to be Audrey too.

[39:15] That's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[39:16] I got all bricked up over here, so I knew what it was.

[39:18] Bricked up.

[39:22] Okay, well, I'm going to probably cheat on this one a little bit.

[39:26] We'll find out.

[39:27] Damn it.

[39:28] She wrote so much fucking text on this one.

[39:31] Explaining to a waitress why you can't have a certain food,

[39:34] and it's not because you're allergic.

Dan McCoy

[39:37] No, I like the specificity.

[39:39] It adds an extra little, you know, zing.

[39:42] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[39:44] Look, I just don't prefer that.

[39:48] There's nothing with an allergy.

[39:49] The thing is, you can't, you've already sat me in the corner,

[39:53] and nobody sits Johnny in the corner.

[39:55] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[39:57] Oh, why did I forget his name?

[39:59] Patrick Swayze.

[40:00] No.

[40:00] Thank you.

[40:01] Oh, okay.

[40:03] Wow.

[40:03] I was actually trying to think of, what's his name?

[40:06] Who plays the dad?

[40:07] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:08] Jerry Horvath?

[40:09] Yeah, Jerry Horvath.

[40:11] Obviously, the listener is the winner.

[40:12] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

[40:16] eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,

[40:19] seventeen, eighteen, nineteen.

[40:20] Nineteen for Stuart.

[40:22] I have twenty.

[40:24] Elliot's in the lead.

Dan McCoy

[40:25] I only have seventeen.

Elliott Kalan

[40:27] That is, Elliot wins the game.

[40:29] And after doing a relatively poor job on my William Tecumseh Kermit character.

Stuart Wellington

[40:34] Well, that's going to be for the listeners aside.

[40:36] I'm assuming they're going to say that Stuart had these.

Elliott Kalan

[40:39] We had to break their spirit, not just.

[40:42] They just capture their cities.

[40:43] You know, that's when it comes to Kermit.

[40:44] So, who's the.

[40:45] This looks familiar.

Dan McCoy

[40:47] Oh, you wanted to show you could do an impression.

[40:50] Familiar.

[40:50] I had one in my back pocket that never came out.

Stuart Wellington

[40:53] Yeah.

[40:54] I don't think I have a Muppet impression.

[40:57] Let's see.

[40:58] Let me see.

[41:00] Kermit.

[41:01] Yeah, that's it.

[41:02] Yeah, that was it.

[41:02] You did it.

[41:02] Beaker.

[41:03] Great.

[41:06] Meep.

[41:07] Okay.

[41:07] So, yeah.

[41:08] So, this has been a mini episode of The Flophouse.

[41:10] You heard us workshopping.

[41:12] You're going to hear all these characters from now on.

[41:14] All these characters are going to be popping up.

[41:17] Killing the airwaves.

[41:19] In our new sketch comedy show, The Flophouse, a podcast about bad movies.

[41:24] But that's going to be more for next week.

[41:26] This week, we're wrapping it up.

[41:28] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[41:29] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[41:30] I've been Elliot Kalin.

[41:31] Or have I been?

[41:32] Or have I been?

[41:32] Ah, 5D.

[41:34] Oh.

[41:35] What?

[41:36] And that's been me, Elliot.

[41:37] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:37] And I just want to thank our producer, Alex Smith, for hopefully editing this thing down.

[41:43] You will find him on the internet as Howell Doughty.

[41:46] He makes music.

[41:47] He produces podcasts.

[41:49] He's the best dude out there.

[41:51] You can find him on Twitch doing all kinds of great stuff.

[41:54] We are on MaxFun, which is a podcast network.

[41:56] You can check out a bunch of cool shows there.

[41:59] And thank you again for, I don't know, putting up with this.

[42:02] Okay.

[42:02] My name's Stuart.

[42:03] Bye.

[42:06] Maximum Fun.

Elliott Kalan

[42:12] A worker-owned network.

[42:14] Of artist-owned shows.

[42:16] Supported.

[42:16] Directly.

[42:17] By you.

FH Mini 126 - Impressionable Peaches

Transcript

In this episode

Description