FH Mini #25 - Stuart Telly-ton

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] so hey welcome to the flop house now normally here on this podcast we talk about movies usually

[0:10] bad ones that we've watched and we give like a cheeky little review and have some laughs but

[0:15] we're doing something a little different tonight that's right you have tuned into a flop house

[0:20] mini episode which means it's probably gonna still be like an hour long uh i'm your host

[0:26] tonight stewart wellington and joining me for this very special episode are my co-hosts uh dan mccoy

Elliott Kalan

[0:33] and elliot kalen no lack of confidence about my name well i was just waiting to see who would go

Dan McCoy

[0:40] first and yet i i mean i seem to still pick up on my cue faster than you did so uh dan you're the one

Elliott Kalan

[0:47] who goes first you're the lead you're if this was the three amigos you'd be whichever one of those

[0:52] guys was the leader steve martin i'm guessing or no probably chevy chase he's the one he's the bossy

Dan McCoy

[0:56] uh this this raises a good point which is um now stewart's in the driver's seat this time around so

[1:03] uh uh sure be mistaken by uh me butting in but i this is the second flop house recording in the last

[1:12] couple weeks and uh i had very bad hay fever the last time and then i was fine and now i have a big

[1:21] attack today again um so as i was saying to elliot off microphone i'm probably allergic to the podcast

[1:29] that's fine you know like i have to live with it that's mike rostabere but um i also am i took some

[1:37] new allergy medicine today so the energy i'm gonna be bringing is new allergy medicine uh side effects

[1:48] unknown so i just want to but the thing is your new allergy medicine is cocaine so i think we're

Elliott Kalan

[1:54] gonna see something a little interesting in terms of energy levels yeah that's the thing you might

[1:58] think that all the josh gondelman powder there yeah he got it he got a he got a prescription from dr

[2:03] gondelman for for for for for 30 cc's of josh powder bolivian laughing powder yeah

Dan McCoy

[2:10] okay so i mean for people wait hold on now i don't want to for people who are not on twitter

[2:18] all the time and just know the very nice josh gondelman from uh appearing on our show uh let us be

[2:26] clear that that's what he's best known for a bit that our our friend matt cough started uh one of the

[2:32] other writers of the daily show uh asking people if he if he should try cocaine ironically he doesn't

[2:39] he's not doesn't you know he was never going to try the cocaine let's make that clear but asking a lot

[2:43] yeah yeah officers somehow detached from him and parasitically attached itself to josh gondelman and

[2:51] now the twitter bit is that josh gondelman a very nice man who to my knowledge does not

[2:58] constantly engage or ever in cocaine uh is is known as uh twitter's number one cocaine fiend

Stuart Wellington

[3:05] um yeah yeah he's the white line demon so as i mentioned normally we talk about a movie usually

[3:11] a bad one but tonight we're going to do a little thing that i like to call that's right two boy

[3:17] talking tube to two dudes tonight that's right wait hold on no i love it it made perfect sense that

Dan McCoy

[3:24] was perfectly clear and coherent i know exactly what it is more time maybe slower and and clearer i mean

Stuart Wellington

[3:30] normally i would just assume that our listeners being tech savvy uh coolios will just go and then

[3:36] play it at super slow speed so they can hear all my all the little easter eggs there's a listener

Elliott Kalan

[3:42] you are also you are also the man let's let's just say you he has that he has the same confidence in

[3:47] the listener's technical ability as he had in the podcast search engine ability to find a web a podcast

[3:53] called till deaf do we paparty the hardest to spell deaf leopard podcast title in the history of audio

Stuart Wellington

[4:01] entertainment yeah i mean it's definitely the second hardest to spell deaf leopard podcast in the

[4:07] history of podcasts so um the once again this is the this is an episode of the show that i like to call

[4:13] two boy talking tube to two dudes tonight that's right uh two boy of course being me stewart wellington

[4:23] and talking tube means that instead of talking about movies guys we're going to talk about the small

[4:28] screen and what we're watching on it and two dudes well that's you guys and tonight well we're recording

[4:34] at night that's right wait why are you you say stew boy or two boy okay now we're getting uh well no it's

[4:45] uh to i'm i gotta correct you both you're both incorrect it's two boy uh because i um when i was a kid

[4:53] i had difficulty pronouncing the s at the beginning of my name uh so i would call i would i would say that

[5:00] my name was tuart and my father thought it was very funny to make fun of that so he would call me two boy

[5:06] instead okay well uh that would be his nickname so stewart we'll talk about that off air but i i uh i

[5:13] i mean we can't if we can talk about it on air but i think right now we're focusing on talking about

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] the small screen that's right first i wanted to first i want to butt in just a i owe dan an apology

[5:22] i thought that stewart was calling himself tube boy playing off of his famous character tube man from the

[5:27] psycho gore man feature film franchise uh and i thought that dan not getting that was being foolish

[5:32] but if it's two boy a reference to a childhood nickname for stewart that i have never heard

[5:37] then i have to owe dan an apology you're right we need an explanation that title made no sense until

[5:42] now so i'm glad we finally got the annotated version i was ready to let stew just kind of

[5:47] bust through it and not explain it thank you dan i appreciate it i apologize you know what well that's the

Stuart Wellington

[5:52] thing like the thank you for being the bigger man my podcasting guys my podcasting is similar to

[5:58] some of the uh the the near future speculative fiction of william gibson where he just starts

[6:04] writing and you gotta follow along and assume you know that he knows what he's talking about

[6:08] so uh as i said we're talking about tv tv the new movies etc so we're going to be talking about the

[6:14] the what tv that we're watching that's right us the flop house and uh i am taking a i you know i have

[6:23] plenty of segments there's going to be scoring involved i hope you're all very excited it's going to

Elliott Kalan

[6:28] go along with like music or scoring like there's carbon scoring on this droid that i bought there's

Stuart Wellington

[6:33] it's actually a third type of scoring ellen i think i'm glad that you brought up the first two yep

[6:38] yep well in a way it's the sex of scoring points um and so uh there will be points awarded and uh

[6:49] in honor of uh what i think you have told me in confidence is your favorite of the awards programs

[6:55] the golden globes i have broken i've broken the television categories down into a couple different

[7:00] categories here so the first one we're going to talk about i hear that police siren it's arresting

Elliott Kalan

[7:05] you for implying that either of us respects the golden globes

Stuart Wellington

[7:08] we're uh we're going to be talking about dramas so dan what kind of dramas are you watching lately

Dan McCoy

[7:16] um okay uh i wasn't aware that dan remember he is he is scoring you on this i wasn't aware that

[7:25] that i was supposed to come bearing this information uh you got wait you guys didn't get the email i

Stuart Wellington

[7:32] sent you explaining what we're doing on two boy talking to the two dudes tonight that's right

[7:36] i you know what i think the only dramas okay dan okay dan i'm gonna take the pressure off you

[7:44] i'm gonna i'm gonna give you an example of how you're supposed to do this so i'll say hey so

[7:50] charlene and i just yep follow along just it's cool uh so charlene and i have been uh doing a

[7:55] sopranos rewatch we're like uh i think about halfway through season two and you know it's fun

[8:01] uh we're enjoying it i haven't watched it uh since i guess since it first came out and certainly

[8:07] uh since before i moved to new york so that adds a whole new layer to like sopranosness although it

[8:14] did make me look up on the internet uh what sopranos character are you based on your zodiac sign and of

[8:21] course i'm fucking christopher maldasanti i could have told you that buddy i could have told you you're

[8:26] christopher all the way yeah yeah i know it's written on my face uh so i have i that is the

[8:33] show that i uh have been watching i now have to rate it so you guys are going to have to do the same

[8:38] thing i'm going to have to rate it is it a very i hope you're taking notes i said it this was all in

[8:44] email i sent you uh you're it was it a very compelling b am i not ready for a commitment

[8:55] with this drama or c this is just background noise and i'm gonna say you know what the sopranos you're

Dan McCoy

[9:01] very compelling oh so that's the way right so that was an example of the way i'm supposed to do it

[9:09] i'm supposed to sort of not i'm supposed to mention that i've been watching a show not really say

[9:15] anything about the show maybe digress into something else and then i mean you're supposed to rate it

[9:20] you're supposed to rate it pretty okay um yeah okay following that form as precisely as i can

Elliott Kalan

[9:28] only only a games only a gamester like stewart could come up with a competition so intuitive that

[9:34] it's just you instantly know how to play it the interface to the gameplay mechanics just they just

Dan McCoy

[9:41] trip off the top i watched uh i watched the flight attendant uh uh on hbo max which i i suppose is

[9:48] more of a a dramedy sort of a thriller with drama and comedy elements that's a camel with one hump

Stuart Wellington

[9:57] uh and uh yeah we watched it actually dan i'll i checked it we're gonna we'll count it as a

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] drama so i watched that wait dan how long is it is it one hour long or 30 minutes long well you know

Dan McCoy

[10:08] it's it's direct to streaming so i would say it's 45 minutes long oh dramedy length yeah that's right

Elliott Kalan

[10:14] halfway between 30 minutes comedy length and an hour drama length yeah they didn't take advantage of the

Stuart Wellington

[10:20] time to make it a full hour um i i hate to interrupt you dan but i i'm gonna have to chime in here i also

[10:27] watch that show so i get a point for also watching it okay continue okay that's how it works all right

Elliott Kalan

[10:32] um and uh to sort of digress this is this is like playing every game that my every game my son has made

[10:40] up is like this where he's just coming up with the reasons why he gets points and i'm like i didn't

Dan McCoy

[10:45] know that okay uh um and so to digress to like sort of a personal like note about it i guess uh

[10:53] it you know the star kaylee cuoco uh audrey and i watched all of the harley quinn show and uh thought

[11:02] she was uh very good we've really come around on her i think i think she's a really funny actor and i

[11:08] so i give it um a what is it i'm gonna i'm gonna very compelling are you not ready yep very compelling

Stuart Wellington

[11:18] yeah you married the show yeah i like it a lot do you think she has some kind of develop does she have

[11:23] like a development deal with hbo is that how uh with between flight attendant and harley quinn like

Dan McCoy

[11:28] uh it's possible because i just remember i actually listened to she was on the conan o'brien podcast

[11:35] let's you know let's throw some publicity to the podcast that's huge and massive and much bigger than

[11:41] ours sure but uh she was on that and she said that she acquired the source material of that the flight

[11:49] attendant just she saw the the cover of the book and it was like something about this compels me and had

[11:56] uh them acquire it and she didn't actually really know all about what it was about and so uh that

[12:02] suggests that maybe she was the person who put it into development yes yeah that sounds a little bit

Stuart Wellington

[12:07] like alex garland and uh and annihilation but whatever that sounds cool uh and alohandro and

[12:14] yodorovsky and dune yeah yeah uh so dan uh i forgot there's one more step to this process

[12:23] oh okay i'm sorry you now uh one thing uh you oh no you need to do you need to perform an impression

[12:32] of one of the characters on the show oh man of that show

[12:39] yes on specifically the flight attendant the show that you rated very compelling

Dan McCoy

[12:46] uh there's the there's the one's working through his characters i mean i haven't seen the flight

Elliott Kalan

[12:56] attendant is there a character that sounds like this like a character who's kind of not sure what to

Dan McCoy

[12:59] say and this is kind of like figuring it out out loud uh i'll be the hey i'm the fbi agent who's

[13:09] wrong about everything but i'm confident about being wrong about everything because i'm a dude

[13:16] how about that wait okay and see now elliot now you now have to you're gonna have to rank you're

Stuart Wellington

[13:23] gonna have to rank uh dan's performance is he a a chameleon b a body snatcher or c madame tussauds

Elliott Kalan

[13:31] okay so they're a little different in that madame tussauds i assume you mean like lifeless like a wax

[13:38] dummy not that he has the ability to craft copies yeah like like yeah of course dude what's wrong

[13:45] with you just double checking okay then i'm gonna i'm gonna go with uh i'm gonna say a a chameleon

[13:51] i didn't quite believe i was watching this character from a show i haven't seen but i did believe that dan

Dan McCoy

[13:57] had seen it uh-huh well isn't that the goal of great acting to convince you that i saw a show that i

Stuart Wellington

[14:06] said i saw let me put a point down for dan okay great uh so elliot i think it's your turn to talk

[14:13] about a drama give me a drama what drama are you watching oh well uh i'm watching one of them is an

Elliott Kalan

[14:18] hbo drama but you already mentioned that one so i'll i'll set it aside we're re-watching an old

Stuart Wellington

[14:22] hbo drama but i a show oh so you get a point for also watching it okay let me make that a wife a

Elliott Kalan

[14:31] a drama that my wife was a big fan of that i never watched is one downtown abbey which is the story of

[14:37] you know the the downtown art scene in a in an in an old british house and starring downtown julie

[14:43] brown starting downtown julie brown not julie brown the american julie brown downtown julie brown

[14:48] the british julie brown uh not not earth girls are easy julie brown and the i i had never watched

[14:53] downtown abbey before because two reasons one i was worried it was i would had watched a later episode

[14:59] and i didn't know the characters and i couldn't get into it and two i do not like the video format that

[15:04] british television shows use i'm sorry i don't like the video the way it looks it's just a peccadillo

[15:09] of mine but we started watching it from the beginning and now i'm really getting into it and i want to see

[15:14] it we're very early in the first season so i'm like is thomas gonna get bates fired i know he's not

[15:18] gonna get bates fired but i don't like i'm always like oh thomas what are you doing and uh so that's

[15:24] what we're watching right now and i'm finding it compelling i want to find out whether bates is

Stuart Wellington

[15:29] gonna get blamed for thomas stealing the wine that's that's great now elliot of course you know

[15:34] the next step of this process since you've already nailed the uh the ratings the rating process

[15:39] give us an impression of one of the characters of downton abbey now this is very personal to me i'm

Elliott Kalan

[15:44] gonna do an impression of uh lady old lady downton as played by maggie smith because she reminds me a

[15:50] lot of my late grandmother who passed a couple years ago not in terms of being a rich snooty person my my

[15:56] late grandmother was kind of the socialist jewish version of this character and so if if i will i'll try

[16:02] to to to disappear as much as i can into maggie smith's character of uh lady dowager downton crowley

[16:09] whatever their name is yeah uh-huh oh no

Stuart Wellington

[16:12] oh and scene okay dan you're gonna have to rank this is elliot a chameleon a body snatcher or madame

Dan McCoy

[16:20] tussaud well uh okay i i will um i will say that i i'm not sure if i uh believe with the improvisation

[16:31] he did uh because i think that uh that character if if i recall uh accurately is more of a sort of a

[16:39] withering remark character and less of a monocle get shattered sort no no that was this she was about

Elliott Kalan

[16:47] to let loose with a withering remark but i was i figured hey brevity is the soul of maggie smith

[16:52] let me just not not overload everybody the way you did with a very long description of the character

[16:57] much in the way the character would never actually say yeah in a scene that's true but if you'd like i

[17:02] could do one of those i'm a i'm a i'm an old-fashioned dowager and i don't like all these modern things oh

[17:09] dear and this is oh well if you're going to look like that then perhaps we should all die in a

[17:14] revolution well i never that kind of stuff you know i it's great so here's this is the tough thing i was

Dan McCoy

[17:20] i was gonna like i was like elliot's making a good point i was gonna bump his grade up and then he

[17:26] started making fun of me and i was tempted to bump his grade back down but then no no no this is the

[17:33] test of a true judge here's the thing through yeah through therapy i've realized that when presented

[17:40] with one of my own shortcomings i shouldn't lash out in anger at the person who presents it to me

[17:48] uh i should uh uh listen to them and and hear what they're saying and elliot that was a fair criticism

[17:55] of my impression so i give you whatever the highest bullshit rating there is oh thank you dan you know

Stuart Wellington

[18:02] what you are also a chameleon yeah yeah that's great chameleon okay guys so you know what follows

[18:08] drama of course that's comedies and i'm gonna we're gonna do uh we're gonna do a snake draft on this one

[18:13] so that means elliot you're back up again what comedies are you watching right now buddy what

[18:18] makes you laugh uh well i watched uh i watched the first episode of the great north and i laughed a

Elliott Kalan

[18:26] bunch of times at that what's uh what's the deal there what's the great north that's a new fox animated

[18:31] show it's a family that's in alaska all right and they live in alaska and they are relentlessly

Stuart Wellington

[18:36] upbeat and positive well you're working on a you you are working on a on a animated show right were

[18:44] you wait were you watching that for like uh research purposes or merely because i enjoy animated comedy

Elliott Kalan

[18:50] and but actually that's a good point housebroken they just announced it's gonna start its premiere

[18:55] may 31st that's the show i've been working on uh also on fox so if you want a show about dogs

[19:00] that's the show to watch because it's about dogs that are the westminster dog show and that only

[19:05] happens once a year so yeah it's the puppy bowl again an annual event so if you want dogs you are

[19:11] shit up a greek if you don't watch this show uh but so yeah uh yeah great north yeah it was funny

[19:17] but i haven't been watching that many other television comedies lately although i should watch more of

Stuart Wellington

[19:23] them because i live to laugh uh-huh now elliot would you describe the great north would you say

[19:29] it is chock full of nuts would you say it made you crack a smile or did it take you to frown town oh

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] no i think it's certainly chock full of nuts there's a hot these are some very talented people working on

[19:40] the show very talented voice actors and writers and animators there's a lot of laughs if you like to

Stuart Wellington

[19:45] laugh you could do worse now it it sounds like you uh it sounds like you've only watched one episode

[19:50] so this next part's going to be a bit of a challenge but ellie give us an impression of your

Elliott Kalan

[19:54] favorite character from that show um uh i mean there was a moose in the show very briefly i don't know

[20:02] if it's going to be a recurring character but uh but you know me i've always loved megafauna

[20:06] and so it's hard for me not to immediately choose that as my favorite we have so many

[20:11] lost megafauna you know and there was that big die off about 40 to 60 000 years ago or so

[20:17] and it really bothers me that we don't have elephants on every continent so seeing that was

[20:22] uh that was caused by craven the hunter right yes exactly sergey craven off i believe is his name

[20:27] he was the world's greatest hunter and he just went around killing killing all those megafauna

[20:30] until he eventually set his sights on the greatest game spider-man uh specifically spider-man uh maximum

[20:37] carnage for the super nintendo that was the greatest game now uh so i guess i'm gonna do an impression

[20:42] of that moose which goes like this oh okay dan let me give me give me your hot take on this one

Dan McCoy

[20:50] chameleon body snatcher madam jussaudo boy you know what like the the problem here is really that i

[20:57] have very little sense of what a moose sounds like you know so i don't know whether there's a strategy on

[21:04] elliot's part um you know i'm gonna pick a character that dan cannot confirm in any possible way but i i'll

[21:14] give him the benefit of the doubt and give him uh whatever that high thing is again

Elliott Kalan

[21:18] perfect you're a chameleon again now dan chameleon a known cohort of craven the hunter

[21:24] so there's a little tie-in right there too yeah dimitri smertikov yeah he's a little criminal guy with a

[21:31] little hat right he wears a little trench coat so dan i mean he does wear a trench coat i don't know

[21:34] the hat is not really like a trademark part of him he's he's change his face but dan when you're

Stuart Wellington

[21:40] looking to tickle your funny bone what what have you been putting on the old uh on the old tv

Dan McCoy

[21:45] uh am i just i like i feel like i watch things but i'm looking at like a literal list i keep so that

[21:54] we don't lose track and forget that we're in the middle of like a series or something and um

[22:01] it's pretty sparse here man well you said you were going through a big tosh rewatch right no

Stuart Wellington

[22:07] no you know like here's i mean uh that's gonna that's a later category called late night topical

Dan McCoy

[22:12] comedy slash variety i uh i have been watching uh mr mayor i wouldn't say i think it has its feet yet

[22:21] uh uh but i have enough faith in like a tina fey robert carlock show that uh our friend our mutual

[22:29] friend sam means also worked on and like it's got ted dance and holly hunter like i figure eventually

Stuart Wellington

[22:35] it's gonna find something uh i'm i'm uh i'm gonna take a little point there because i'm also watching

[22:41] that and i think bobby moynihan is uh is really great in it if like it feels like they're letting him uh

[22:47] they're taking taking the handcuffs off him and letting him just go crazy yeah i think i think uh

Dan McCoy

[22:52] once they figure out that um these are maybe not like like that the political takes are not necessarily

[23:02] the best on the show and and they should just focus on it as a workplace but comedy i think uh

Stuart Wellington

[23:08] i think it'll figure itself out yeah oh i was i was nervous you were gonna say that they should put

[23:12] the handcuffs back on bobby moynihan oh no he's already served his time dan i think you're right

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] dan that i think i think the more it covers the workplace and the personalities the stronger it is

[23:22] although i think it is it is it is it now is a time for finally for a tv show that takes down

[23:28] those non-white people who are always trying to keep rich idiots from running the show yep

Stuart Wellington

[23:34] so dan what do you say uh mr mayor is chock full of nuts did it make you crack a smile or did it take

Dan McCoy

[23:42] you to frown town uh i right now it's a it's a good uh smile cracker uh-huh smile cracker sweet yeah

Stuart Wellington

[23:49] with the yeah with the potential of being chock full of nuts i like it so that's like a ritz with

Dan McCoy

[23:54] just a dab of chocolate on it yep yeah oh yummy that's a treat uh well guys i've been watching a

Stuart Wellington

[24:03] show that is uh that's on the same comedy block as mr mayor that's right i'm watching super stores in

[24:09] its final season uh it's been pretty consistent it started off you know kind of like a like an office

[24:15] clone and i feel like it's kind of become much more than that uh it's got a great cast uh and it is

[24:23] also a very pro uh organized labor which is nice uh or at least in general it is i mean i think this

[24:32] current season takes some weird twists but whatever um and uh all the cast is great i would say i would

[24:38] say chock full of nuts check it out it's uh it's pretty funny and uh an impression i will do

[24:46] mark mckinney playing the character of glenn

[24:49] hmm well hmm okay guys am i a chameleon a body snatcher or madame tussauds i mean it's i haven't

Elliott Kalan

[24:59] seen superstore but it certainly seems like the kind of character that mark mckinney could play he

Dan McCoy

[25:03] himself is kind of a chameleon he can do anything you know yeah uh yeah i i i did give it a shot wasn't

[25:11] quite for me i think that's accurate though yay so i'm a chameleon thank you

S4

[25:18] maximum fun is a network by and for cool popular people but did you know it also has an offering

Elliott Kalan

[25:27] designed to appeal to nerds a show for nerds on maximum fun the devil you say it's true it's called

S4

[25:35] the greatest generation and they review episodes of a television program for nerds called star trek

[25:41] they've reviewed tng ds9 and are now reviewing voyager hey star trek my daughter enjoys that

[25:48] program well if she enjoys that and she enjoys humor of the flatulent variety might i recommend

[25:54] she subscribe to the greatest generation hey are you calling my kid a nerd why i oughta well gotta go

[26:01] become a friend to de soto by subscribing to the greatest generation on maximum fun.org today

S5

[26:06] does our podcast deep dive into the weirdest wikipedia pages we can find yes do we learn

[26:13] about scam artists remote islands horrible mascots beautiful diseases and mythical monsters yes yes yes

[26:20] absolutely and yes do we retain any of this knowledge probably not i'm emily heller i'm lisa

[26:26] hannah walt we make art and comedy and tv shows and also the podcast baby geniuses

[26:31] for the past eight years we've been trying to learn new things about the world and each other

[26:35] every episode but let's be honest this podcast is mostly about two friends hanging out shooting the

[26:40] breeze and making each other laugh we're horny we like gardening and horses and we get real stupid

[26:45] on here but like in a smart way yeah join us every other week on maximum fun

Elliott Kalan

[26:50] now now i noticed that dan did not do an impression of anyone on mr mayor uh that's true

Stuart Wellington

[26:59] oh man uh i gave dan a little bit of extra time to cook one up let's see if it's ready to come out of the

Dan McCoy

[27:05] mostly uh unfortunately this is mostly a visual impression uh perfect doesn't work for the podcast but um

[27:14] i'm gonna give you a little bit of uh of ted danson the mayor like here's a little

[27:19] uh-huh

Elliott Kalan

[27:19] okay dance yeah he's kind of pointing with his finger uh-huh yep and that is a really good

[27:26] to be honest that was really good he really captured like a ted danson mannerism or danerism as we call it

[27:32] uh that was really good yeah i that's that's chameleon-esque sure yeah i love that uh guys

Stuart Wellington

[27:38] it looks like we have a brief interruption here we have a mini game that's right a mini game that

[27:45] i like to call like an ever-flowing stream that's right there's so many streaming services out there

[27:51] and there's so many original programs on those streaming services i'm going to list a a the name of a

[27:57] program and you're going to have to tell me which of the big three streaming services it is an original

[28:04] for is it amazon prime okay netflix or hulu that's right so the first one guys remember your the

Dan McCoy

[28:13] possible answers are do we netflix do we buzz in what's the how do we indicate whether we're

Elliott Kalan

[28:21] uh just just shout it out real glad dan that you're you're making sure we have all the mechanics of

Stuart Wellington

[28:27] this bs game it's important bs means uh i didn't want to be disqualified on a train

[28:34] smart this brilliantly smart game okay okay so this is the name of the first uh television program

[28:42] is it on amazon prime netflix or hulu the name is shut eye netflix elliott do you have an answer

[28:52] shutter it is on hulu now i will give you bonus points if you can tell me anything about the show

Elliott Kalan

[28:59] i can't i think it's the story nope hold on it's the story of a guy whose eyes refuse to shut the

[29:05] title is ironic all he wants is a little shut eye uh no no no it's loosely based on nikolai goggles the

[29:13] nose but they realized they found early audiences did not like the idea of a nose that has a mind of

[29:17] its own so they changed it to eyes that have minds of their own and the eyes are voiced by uh two of

[29:22] the wayans brothers oh yeah marlin and uh and and damon damon's back oh wow jeffrey donovan's on this

Dan McCoy

[29:32] yeah i is this this is the this is the bird notice guy right and it's he's like uh

[29:39] it's like they're like grifters they're like grifter fortune tellers but he actually gets like

Stuart Wellington

[29:44] some sort of second sight i think yep yep good job dan you get some extra you get some bonus points

[29:50] there you get a bonus point for knowing that okay so number two light as a feather

[29:57] i believe that's one of these that on amazon prime

Dan McCoy

[30:00] netflix or i think that's one of those hulu fright things they did those like

[30:06] one-off like sort of scare things i'm gonna say

Stuart Wellington

[30:11] dan you are right again it is on hulu two seasons 26 episodes can you tell me uh i guess

[30:18] you actually and you already said it's a supernatural thriller anything else can you tell me any other

[30:24] anything else i'm gonna say netflix

[30:29] close okay uh dan you're doing pretty well on this actually you are a streaming demon

[30:34] so the final one is is this final show going to be on was it on netflix amazon prime or hulu

[30:42] the show is called reprisal

Dan McCoy

[30:47] crackle

[30:48] i'm i'm gonna say amazon because i don't think we've had one of those

Stuart Wellington

[30:54] nope it's on hulu by the way guys this segment like an ever-flowing stream is brought to you by hulu

[30:59] apparently

[31:01] you're giving it away for free i know so uh can you tell me anything about reprisal dan

Dan McCoy

[31:08] uh i assume that someone is taking some sort of revenge for something that's true and that somebody

Stuart Wellington

[31:15] is abigail spencer

[31:16] okay

[31:18] thanks

[31:20] okay

[31:22] back to the normal game guys so

[31:24] it has some sort of like

Dan McCoy

[31:27] disbelieving laugh

[31:28] that is one of my favorite like

[31:31] it's sort of like grudging

[31:33] but also sort of like

[31:36] like like it's like the laugh version of okay i guess that's what we're going with

Elliott Kalan

[31:41] it's basically

[31:42] that it's the laugh that says i don't like it but damn it i respect it

[31:47] yeah

[31:49] oh man i can't believe i tricked that lady to do it

[31:52] that it's like that it's like a made-up game show that we were not notified about ahead of time

[31:57] and that steward has set up mini games that have

Dan McCoy

[32:04] he really isn't like an insidious game master he's uh

[32:08] yeah i just it's it's one of those it's it's one of those things where you're waiting at any

Elliott Kalan

[32:12] moment for scoops to be like anyway that's all but there's more

Stuart Wellington

[32:17] okay we're on to the reality television

[32:19] category

[32:22] dan what kind of reality tv are you you know it's uh

[32:26] you know ever since the real world took the took the tv world by storm reality tv has been

[32:33] this format is

[32:34] this is a big part of

[32:37] now steward is just auditioning to be a host at the emmys

Dan McCoy

[32:45] what okay what am i watching in the realities like zone like something i liked

[32:49] uh-huh yeah that i watch yeah or not um no because um

[32:55] steward uh our mutual friends john and mary uh i do like a a group watch night with them and audrey

[33:04] uh and where we've just been sort of running down uh reality shows and the you you either need

[33:12] something that's really genuinely good or like really like dumb as shit like that those are your sweet

[33:19] spots anything in the middle i find kind of unbearable but um i did like uh

[33:25] encore on disney plus where they reassemble uh high school musical casts

[33:32] of of of real life you know like it's like a high school reunion of this cast and they put the show

[33:37] on after like a week of rehearsal uh mostly playing their old roles when possible uh

[33:44] some episodes are way better than others but it's a lot of by old roles do you mean like

Stuart Wellington

[33:48] the roles they played as high school like who they were in high school as opposed to who they

Elliott Kalan

[33:53] were in the performance the popular kids the loser yeah the door no no i meant yeah no

Dan McCoy

[33:58] obviously not obviously i meant their old roles not in the in the show um but but do they fall into

[34:06] their old behaviors as well no i mean that's the thing about it is like watching it you see what the

[34:13] experience is like when i went back to my high school reunion i had this i saw this chip on my shoulder

[34:19] i realized where i was just like because i like every other human in the world like felt like he had a

[34:27] shitty high school experience you know i came back being like oh show everyone and then i'm like

[34:34] what am i showing them like everyone's like really happy to see me they're all very nice like everyone's

[34:38] nice everyone like gets past it so so much and like i think it's mostly like and dan dan

[34:45] akroyd didn't show up and try no no i i just liked seeing yeah like people had sort of like gotten past

[34:51] it mostly uh it was like the people who were still hanging on to the high school drama were the most

[34:58] insufferable like the worst episodes had people who were like still upset about something that happened

[35:04] to them back then and it's like look that stuff sticks with you i'm not saying it doesn't but come on

Stuart Wellington

[35:10] you have to move past past it like you're on tv man chill out just enjoy it you know just sing that

[35:17] song do you think the producers were like getting them all liquored up before they went on to perform

[35:21] and uh i don't know like the music man what what shows are they doing uh they did like uh godspell

Dan McCoy

[35:29] was one of course they did like day by day yeah probably oak halcata uh ragtime

Elliott Kalan

[35:39] uh i don't know there's a bunch of stuff about a lot of it's all it's all a whole night of a night of

[35:45] spalding gray and eric baghose and monologues yeah yeah no it is all musicals you got to get the

Dan McCoy

[35:50] singing in there these days uh-huh yeah that makes sense uh okay dan well you're gonna have to give me

Stuart Wellington

[35:57] a rating here let me just pull up our uh ratings uh would you say this uh this show is who needs actors

[36:05] actors or if it's on okay that's fine or what is wrong with the world

Dan McCoy

[36:17] it's the real spectrum of human emotion uh yeah i think you know even though i liked it i i think

Stuart Wellington

[36:23] i'll still go with if it's on okay that's fine okay yeah not a bad one uh we'll forego impressions

[36:30] on this one since uh it's gonna be uh you know it's a reality show elliot uh what kind of reality

[36:38] shows are you watching i'm guessing some kind of a competition where somebody uh you know uh

[36:44] tries to perform jeopardy questions and win the day i mean that's just jeopardy i mean i don't know if i

Elliott Kalan

[36:50] call that a reality show that's a game show are you saying that you're not real but they're not like

[36:54] playing that's a good that's true i wasn't playing the character of elliot kalen jeopardy contestant

[37:01] i mean i was but i was not i was so focused on my character and that's why i was so late on the

Dan McCoy

[37:04] buzzer constantly yeah only the sense that we're all playing characters every moment of the day

Elliott Kalan

[37:10] exactly that life you know the world's a stage all the world's a stage exactly uh ironically as we

[37:15] record this actually i haven't seen last night's episode a friend of mine uh as of last week was the

[37:20] current jeopardy champion and each episode i couldn't help but being petty and be like well

[37:25] if that was my episode i would have won on that one like he's won two episodes in a row by losing

[37:30] less than everyone else when nobody knew the final jeopardy answer and both times i was like i knew

Stuart Wellington

[37:34] that question i would have won on that if i'd gotten the category elliot's favorite pizza toppings i

Elliott Kalan

[37:40] would have won mm-hmm yeah pepperoni all the way pepperoni and none uh there's a thing called

[37:46] caramelized onions dan i'm not sure you're aware of it you do like no i'm just

Dan McCoy

[37:50] i am i am extrapolating from what i know of your picky eating habits which uh to be fair

[37:56] i've gotten way better over the course of uh the time i've known you we all we all grow up guys

Elliott Kalan

[38:02] yeah as i get older i find my tastes expand in every direction uh musically food wise entertainment

[38:09] wise sexually in every different way and so i'm just it's part of growing up is introducing new

[38:15] things into your life yeah speaking of new things i don't watch reality tv i don't really like it very much

[38:20] so the closest i come to reality tv is like we're big top chef viewers in in this house but i think

[38:28] see that more as a competition show they have kind of squeege they've kind of filtered out a lot of

[38:33] the reality-ish elements over the years to make it a more respectable show uh and so the only thing that

[38:38] really applies otherwise is like finding your roots because we're big genealogy heads over here we love

[38:43] finding out who famous people's ancestors were but otherwise you know nothing much uh i well i'm gonna mark down an

Stuart Wellington

[38:50] point for myself because i also watch top chef uh dan what about you i watched top chef when it was on

Dan McCoy

[38:57] still on i just yeah i'm not currently watching uh did you guys did you guys watch

Stuart Wellington

[39:03] did you guys watch padma's show the i did i liked a lot of it yeah it was great right yeah i thought it

Elliott Kalan

[39:09] was really good i didn't see the whole season but what i was i saw most of it and i really liked it yeah

[39:14] the one thing i it was it was so but it was one of the things where it was like i'm not as interested

[39:20] in food as i am in human beings and how they live so every time they would go into the kitchen to cook

[39:25] something i'd be like okay fine i don't need to see close-ups of every ingredient just tell me more

Stuart Wellington

[39:30] about the people huh the and it it was one of those things where i think i mean it it came out like

[39:36] shortly after the start of the pandemic right yes i think so and so a lot of the episodes i was like

[39:43] oh man i want to go and support that restaurant and of course we can't and i'm hoping that they'll be

[39:49] around when uh you know i can go to those towns yeah yeah on a lighter note it was nice to see

Elliott Kalan

[39:56] padma's sillier side on the show sometimes it was a serious show but we got to see her joke around a

[40:01] little bit more i feel like on top chef sometimes she's in a joking mode sometimes she is very much

[40:06] not in a joking mood and for those contestants they must just live in fear of what kind of day it's

[40:11] going to be because tom at this point is always in a joking mood he's always he's kind of like the

[40:14] class clown these days but you never know whether she's going to be a stern headmistress or the fun

[40:20] teacher who's willing to laugh it up with the students yeah uh so elliot would you say

Stuart Wellington

[40:26] watching top chef it made you think who needs actors or if it's on okay that's fine or what is

Elliott Kalan

[40:33] wrong with the world uh i mean i guess the first one because i like this show a lot i've been watching

[40:38] it for years but it's i it's not like i would want all the shows i watched to be top chef that i didn't

[40:44] even want to watch that top chef dessert spin-off even though i did you know oh yeah charlene uh

Stuart Wellington

[40:49] charlene's childhood friend was in like uh the first did they do multiple seasons i think they

Elliott Kalan

[40:54] only did one season because that show was did not work very well and there was one episode of that

[40:59] show that was one of the most amazing one of the most um profound hours of television i think i've ever

[41:06] seen because uh first that you know the way the top chef is set up people are not aware there's a

[41:11] quick fire uh quick competition and then there's an elimination competition later on and someone is

[41:18] cut from the competition after that in this episode during the quick fire one of the people involved

[41:23] had like a medical emergency and had to be removed from the show and then during the elimination they

[41:29] were about to kick off one chef and then one of the other chefs was like you know what this is too

[41:34] much pressure for me i don't like it i'm just gonna leave the show i don't really want to do this and

[41:38] the judges you could tell did not know how to handle this they were like uh but you did really well

[41:43] we were going to keep you on she's like you know what this is just not the way i want to spend my time

[41:46] i just want to focus on my work and so they're like uh okay i guess we can't kick off two people

[41:52] and we can't force you to stay here like we don't have the legal power to force you to be in this

[41:55] competition and it was seeing the judges so at a loss to control their own show i was like yeah

[42:01] that's life you can't prepare for everything like sometimes things just happen i like it hit me on a

[42:06] level that no uh that very few other shows have but otherwise it was not a very good show and it didn't work

Stuart Wellington

[42:11] that well you know yeah and and didn't uh didn't one of the hosts uh like johnny usini turn out to be a

[42:18] creep i don't know i don't really remember that also helped i mean it's not i don't think it surprised

[42:22] anybody um okay so uh it's uh it's now my turn of course guys talking about reality tv i cannot talk

[42:29] about uh any show other than catfish that's right catfish uh you love catfish i watch so much

[42:38] fucking catfish and you know at first i thought it was going to be you know the premise of it is these

[42:43] uh uh hosts are investigating uh potential fraudulent uh internet relationships uh whether it's a fake

[42:53] internet relationship that's set up by somebody who's just lonely or if it's a scammer and at first i

[42:59] thought it was going to be uh a lot of like gotcha moments and a lot of like laughing at people that

[43:06] uh you know are uh you know are presenting themselves differently or whatever but it turned

[43:11] out it turns out to be a show where like the hosts are very understanding when uh they seem to be very

[43:17] understanding even when somebody is like clearly lying about who they are and misrepresenting themselves

[43:23] the hosts are still like trying to help that person get to the bottom of why they have to

[43:29] do that and what's missing in their life and i find it to be a really charming show uh and obviously i

[43:36] watched a ton of it uh all at once so it all has blurred together but there's some really intense

[43:41] episodes and this most recent season they managed to do uh like the quarantine episodes uh which

[43:48] unsurprisingly there's a lot of people catfishing other people yeah this must be a gold mine era for the

Elliott Kalan

[43:55] for the catfishers out there because you never have to meet the person you know yeah and i i figured the

Stuart Wellington

[44:01] i i thought that the episodes might not be as good because part of the charm is watching neve go up to

[44:06] the front door and knock and have to like actually like confront the person but there there's something

[44:11] even more nerve-wracking about knowing that the person is about to like when you see the little box and

[44:17] it's like so and so is joining the zoom call and you're like who the fuck is it gonna be

[44:23] did you start watching it because you thought it was gonna be about catfish or stevens

[44:27] i did actually that's i i miss i thought it was uh well what had happened was i went on my uh mon hulu

[44:35] of course once again the sponsor of like an ever flowing stream and i had uh i clicked on catfish

[44:43] because i thought i was ordering my dinner of catfish oh that makes sense and i yeah that was i mean you

[44:50] know who knows what's going on in my head to be to be fair the name hulu does not tell you this is a

Dan McCoy

[44:55] television entertainment service it could be anything like this is not stewart's first time using hulu

Elliott Kalan

[45:01] right maybe it was i don't know we don't know that but look at it netflix it tells you what you're getting

[45:05] you're getting a net full of flicks uh amazon prime less less clear that you'd be getting it makes

[45:12] you think you're getting meat from south america which is delicious they've unfortunately destroyed

[45:17] the rainforest but the result is grade a beef for the rest of us uh but hulu what does that even

Stuart Wellington

[45:22] mean you know it's a net full of flicks makes me think of the time uh shortly after we reopened the

[45:28] bar for uh out like you know uh like pickup service i saw michael actor michael shannon walking down the

[45:36] street with a big crazy beard carrying a net full of beers like he had just like fished them out of the

Dan McCoy

[45:43] river it was really awesome i just had an idea for a future mini that i am writing to myself and putting

[45:50] in a sealed email oh okay okay because you want to you want to keep the post date on it in case

Stuart Wellington

[45:57] someone tries to steal the idea you can sue them copyright baby uh okay so i will of course give catfish

[46:05] the rating of who needs actors uh and i will earn some bonus points for myself by doing an impression

[46:13] that's right uh i'll be neve from the show catfish uh hello hey this is neve i have a show called

[46:26] catfish you might have seen it it's on mtv well uh i'm been talking to uh dan i you know each other on

[46:34] the internet uh and he i was hoping that we could maybe set up a meet uh do you think that's possible

[46:45] scene so guys am i thank you uh now based on you've never seen the show before right i've seen i saw

[46:53] the movie oh okay that also features neve the actually the real reason i started watching is because

[47:00] uh neve's co-host for quite a while uh was this guy max the director of the movie

[47:04] we are your friends which we reviewed on the podcast and is a an acquaintance of my wife

[47:09] charlene they like went on a study abroad program to uh saint petersburg russia together

Dan McCoy

[47:15] well uh you should i wish you had disclosed this conflict of interest at the time i'm afraid that

Elliott Kalan

[47:22] and and also that your wife is a potential uh national intelligence yeah we're gonna have to

Dan McCoy

[47:26] turn you made a russian asset talk to fluff house hr about this but um yeah we'll handle that i mean i

Stuart Wellington

[47:32] feel like you should go higher than hr now normally normally we would touch on the final category here

Elliott Kalan

[47:38] actually could i could i get a bonus point real quick can i i'll do my impression of the music they

[47:43] play on top chef when they when the contestants that are on the bottom are waiting to hear how much

[47:48] they screwed up in their dishes yes okay that's my impression of that

Stuart Wellington

[48:03] dan what are you thinking is elliot a chameleon is he a body snatcher or a madame tussauds um

Dan McCoy

[48:09] well you know i feel like we need some more like musical categories i'm gonna call him

[48:16] i'll say he's uh the the the john williams of this game

Elliott Kalan

[48:22] wow that's i was i was hoping just to get bobby mcfareran of this game but thank you that's not

[48:27] bad one of the things i do like about top chef is they've been using the same music cd for

[48:32] every season for years and they almost and every every now and then there's a new song and i'll be

[48:36] like new song and then i'll never hear it again i'm like i guess it didn't make friends with the old

Stuart Wellington

[48:40] songs like it yeah yeah uh so let me uh let me just so normally we would go into the final category

[48:51] of normally we've never done before and we'll never do again yeah no on the normal uh episode of

[48:59] two boy talking tube to two dudes tonight that's right we would uh we would hit the the final

[49:05] final category which is late night topical comedy slash variety but i feel like uh we'll give that

[49:11] we'll have to save that for the next uh next episode uh guys let me tally up the points

[49:17] up it looks like i won whoops uh sorry i beat you guys at my own game

[49:24] i mean if that's really an accident there was oops all points there was a thing that you could

Elliott Kalan

[49:28] have done to prevent that from happening but i mean it's it's rare i will say in steward's defense

[49:35] it's rare that the host of a show is also a contestant on the show not since when ben stein's

[49:40] money and even then ben stein wasn't asking the questions when he was answering them during that

Dan McCoy

[49:44] also i mean another if we're talking about flawed game game mechanics uh having uh us uh rank our

[49:52] competitors might be a problem i think yeah it's like it's true it's it was like that moment on that uh

Stuart Wellington

[50:00] that game on that show instant hotel where the owners of australian airbnbs uh stay at each

[50:06] other's airbnbs and then rank each other uh yeah the moment when they realize that not only do they

[50:12] get to rank the person's airbnb but the hosts of the airbnb get to rank the other people as guests

[50:18] is the like silliest point score thing i've ever seen yeah i that also that show is wild i you know i

Dan McCoy

[50:26] usually hate any show that has anything to do with real estate it stresses me out and but audrey was

[50:33] watching like binging this over the course of a day and it has really you know all said and done

[50:38] very little to do with real estate everything to do with how like weird all these people are and the

[50:44] one person yeah that first season is so good like like uh gives the guests like bad points because

Stuart Wellington

[50:50] like one of them didn't have a margarita or something yep that's totally fair it's in the rule book

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] i feel like i feel like i'm miss right now i'm between seasons on a show and i am really missing

[51:03] learning about these shows through my co-workers because like i didn't have to watch love is blind

[51:07] because i would just get the update from my co-workers and i feel like i didn't even know about

[51:11] this hotel show and if only i had co-workers they'd be telling me about it every day and i'd get the

[51:16] i'd get the fast facts yeah you know which would leave time for me to do things like watch

[51:21] fitz carraldo which is how i spent the last few dishwashings

Dan McCoy

[51:27] well i guess we're gonna do fitz carraldo on the flop house guys uh the secret's out

Stuart Wellington

[51:33] yeah yeah i guess you just teased everybody tease the next movie uh well thanks so much for playing

[51:41] guys uh this has been the flop house this has been the flop house uh mini mini episode that's right

[51:49] two boy talking tube to two dudes tonight that's right uh i'll see you the next time we record one

[51:56] of these but until then i'll sleep in my grave not that it's the i'm ellie cale and that's dame

Elliott Kalan

[52:01] mccoy not that it's the not not that's the only flaw with the title but i feel like the that's right

Stuart Wellington

[52:06] is a little tactile uh i don't know i mean so elliot would you say the okay you guys both you guys can

[52:17] answer this i think i'm ready to open myself up would you say the the title for this episode was

[52:24] super good let's change the official name of the podcast is it be okay it's fine for a mini but that's

[52:31] it or c throw it out of there jordan edit this shit out uh oh no it's a i mean dan you go first i

[52:38] i you know honestly wait wait wait wait let me just i gotta get prepared for this okay okay wait

Dan McCoy

[52:46] okay okay i'm right honestly i think it's super good the only problem i could foresee with changing the

[52:51] name of our podcast to that is that everyone else would see that there is no better title possible then

[52:59] they'll start naming all of their stuff the same thing and then yeah yeah the the whole idea of

Elliott Kalan

[53:06] titles is useless and yeah and now someone someone walks into a store and is like i'll have two boys

[53:12] talking to with two guys that tonight that's right and they'll be like do you mean the cereal the

[53:17] toothpaste the animal uh the movie i don't the magazine it's the book i don't i don't know what

[53:23] you're asking for the cement brand the ice brand uh the brand of pipe cleaner i don't know what that

[53:29] scotch tape uh prescription medicine five hour energy i supplement i don't know what it is out here

[53:36] are you asking are you asking for the the tube boy talks to two guys uh brand of condoms or are you

[53:42] talking about the chewing gum or are you talking about those little toys that come in the balls that

[53:46] you get at the grocery store when you put 25 cents in it's probably 75 cents now are you talking about

[53:51] the soda the energy drink maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

FH Mini #25 - Stuart Telly-ton

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