Ep. #384 - Marmaduke (2022)

[0:00] this episode we discuss Marmaduke the other one what did we do to deserve this

[0:09] dear God what did we do

[0:30] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house I'm Dan McCoy oh I'm Stuart

[0:40] Wellington I'm Elliot Kalin here to bring you an episode during the

[0:44] spookiest part of the year December early December

[0:48] oh I thought it was still November we're recording this November but it's

[0:54] gonna be released the last episode is still non-stop masturbating for non-stop

[1:07] not November you know it's being released in don't speak December the

[1:12] month dedicated to the No Doubt song don't speak oh no kidding okay well

[1:15] finally the song is gonna get some credit in addition to airplay I don't

[1:20] imagine yeah finally yeah okay well this is actually not a podcast about

[1:25] gross things like jism or don't speak yeah I guess don't listen to the back

[1:33] catalog this is about bad movies a podcast where we watch a bad movie then

[1:40] we talk about it in this case Dan why did we do that why did we give

[1:44] ourselves this friend no I mean it's it's had one words let's not pretend it

[1:50] has her but several years on it's just a time there's a time when it when a

[1:54] grown man finds himself shortly before his 41st birthday watching the Marmaduke

[1:58] animated film and wondering why why it how is the possibly the best of all

[2:01] possible world just like the doughboys premises you know ground them down

[2:05] physically this has ground us down emotionally yeah only consume garbage so

[2:12] this is not which is also what the doughboys is about yeah this is not the

[2:16] Marmaduke starring the live-action one quote live-action with CGI animals

[2:22] sorry I guess this is also CGI but it was a man or two years CGI but um we did

[2:31] that one you might remember we already did talked about Marmaduke starring Owen

[2:34] Wilson did that back in 2013 that was that was episode was almost 10 years ago

[2:39] I probably don't go back and listen I'm probably not I mean it's episode 131 so

[2:47] by that point I felt like I feel like we were starting to become human beings

[2:50] yeah yeah but grew up a little bit um yeah this is as I said you know I was

[2:55] keen on doing this so we complete the MCU the Marmaduke cinematic universe the

[3:02] Marmaduke crappy universe this one I mean you gotta say though this this one

[3:07] makes the other one look like a work of genius yeah just looking when I was like

[3:13] when I was going to log this shit on letterbox I saw the poster for the other

[3:17] one which features Marmaduke wearing sunglasses and I'm like oh to have

[3:21] watched that movie yeah speaking of letterbox I sent you a screenshot of the

[3:27] score and out of like almost 2,000 reviews of this Netflix Marmaduke the

[3:33] average score is 0.9 that's the average score that is insane that means there's

[3:41] that means there's one score that says 10 stars perfect and then almost 2,000

[3:46] other scores that say negative 10 what's the maximum star rating on letterbox

[3:50] then five star oh I don't know yeah you know they got hackers in their payroll

[3:59] so do we do we need to talk about our history with Marmaduke okay so I let me

[4:10] give you a little behind-the-scenes backstory of the Kaelin household my

[4:14] kids have lately been very nostalgic for when my older son Sammy guest starred on

[4:18] the boss baby episode they wanted to listen to it a lot so when I said I was

[4:21] doing Marmaduke a kid's movie they ostensibly even though there's one joke

[4:25] about a man's wife hating him that was it was a little rough for a kid's movie

[4:28] but uh the they but Sammy was like I want to do that episode to explain to me

[4:33] who's this Marmaduke guy and I was like well he's a big dog and they were like

[4:37] like Clifford I was like not that big he's just like a regular size large dog

[4:42] and they're like but how big is he the best size of a house no he's just like a

[4:45] dog he's just a regular large dog there's nothing he's not monstrously big

[4:50] and so the phrase monstrously big became the way that we were describing things

[4:53] and Sam was like oh I thought he was gonna be monstrously big I was like no

[4:56] he's not monstrously big he's just regular big and long story short I told

[5:01] Sammy if he did if he did his chores then he could watch the movie with me he

[5:05] did not and so he was unable to watch the movie and while I stopped I was

[5:09] gonna have the movie and I went to him and I said Sammy you should not watch

[5:14] this movie I was like yeah I would this would be like if I poured garbage in

[5:17] your eyes and ears you said you're better off not watching this but he kept

[5:21] wandering into the room where I was watching it to ask me questions about it

[5:24] so now Sammy has this this strange kind of fetishistic fixation on the forbidden

[5:29] Marmaduke movie I was trying to explain but I was trying to explain Marmaduke to

[5:33] them and they like couldn't understand they couldn't understand the humor

[5:36] implicit in a slightly large dog getting in the way and being clumsy and to be

[5:41] honest guys I can't I mean I guess at this point you know this is in the

[5:44] tradition of sort of like soft observational like down-home humor I

[5:49] guess you know it's a it's yeah it's it's a it's a it's not a strip it's a

[5:53] one single panel comic I guess for that's that's the fucking trick just do

[5:58] a single panel for owners of big dogs take a nap like other people who own

[6:04] large dogs and like they get so hilarious their travails owning a big

[6:08] dog probably have a Marmaduke comic on their fridge. This is a comic strip that's been

[6:13] going straight going on for almost 70 years straight started in 1954 this

[6:18] comic is all is only a couple months younger than my mom and yet it is

[6:21] somehow I don't it's I it's made 70 years out of this dog's big and doesn't

[6:26] realize how big he is like yeah it's I guess is it the way that is it the way

[6:31] that like Funky Winker Bean lasted for a long time off of band teachers I think

[6:35] just flipping out the marching band comic strips yeah I'm up on classroom

[6:38] walls mm-hmm and how Dilbert still survived despite the creator being a

[6:43] horrible human because there are office workers out there in the world who need

[6:47] a calendar he's also really horrible he's not just horrible he's also an

[6:52] idiot also dumb yeah he's also done not since Johnny Hart stopped being an

[6:57] alcoholic and became religious has a comic strip that lost its humor and the

[7:01] and the guy behind it lost his lost his love ability let's say mind yeah

[7:05] lovability yeah yeah not not until not since Johnny Hart started doing comics

[7:08] heavily implying that Christianity was the replacement for Judaism has the

[7:13] creator gone from hero to zero okay let's get into this movie so of course

[7:19] we wake up before we get into it where's the Fred where's the Fred Bassett movie

[7:23] huh where's that where is for the comic strips if we're doing unfunny comic

[7:27] strips about dogs you're living in fucking Holly weird why don't you ask

[7:30] all your neighbors you're right physician heal thyself I should be out

[7:33] pitching this right now yeah so we got five production logos that's a good sign

[7:38] right guys one of them is Netflix okay so we get a little animated one of the

[7:45] production logos is a publisher you know you're in you know you're gonna watch a

[7:48] good movie so we get a little bit of an animated title sequence it's kind of

[7:51] like lightly animated kind of in the spirit of like an 80s comedy and there's

[7:56] a funky Marmaduke song that I think is a horrifying precursor of what's to come

[8:03] later on it is foreshadowing you're like oh a funky original Marmaduke song what's

[8:08] this gonna mean well it foretells something even more horrifying before we

[8:13] get too far in I just want to say that one of the production companies is one

[8:18] cool animation part of one cool group limited and a a production company whose

[8:24] first film in 2014 was naked ambition to which is a you know it looks like a

[8:32] it's a Hong Kong movie with a busty lady on the front so that's like this this

[8:39] production company seems to mostly specialize in non animated films to no

[8:44] one's surprise based on the quality of the animation in this well would it with

[8:50] what it's what it make you feel any better about it to know that this movie

[8:52] is being is was directed by mark tippe director of the live-action spawn yes

[8:56] 1997 kidding yeah he directed the live-action spawn and then also after

[9:01] that mostly a bunch of straight-to-video animated things that look even worse

[9:04] than Marmaduke yeah I mean he's well he's well involved with comic strip

[9:09] movies because he made Garfield gets real Garfield's fun fest and Garfield's

[9:12] pet force so so after the opening credits we do get the actual animation

[9:17] style this movie and how do you define that Dan because you've already alluded

[9:21] it is let's say unappealing to the eye it is not as bad as food fight but I it

[9:28] looks like what I suspect food fight the faintest of praise the faintest

[9:31] possible praise for animated film it looks like what I suspect food fight

[9:35] looked like before the hard drives were stolen a lot of the assets in the

[9:40] background are clearly just like pre-made things that have been bought

[9:43] and like shuffled around like trees place to place or a house and everyone

[9:48] about the character design for us yeah how do these how do you design is I

[9:52] would say that like most the humans are blobs with like stick arms and many of

[9:59] them have stick

[10:00] legs other than the mom who is fucking dragging a wagon, baby.

[10:04] Yeah, yeah.

[10:05] Anthony Lane broke into the into the design room being like,

[10:09] Elastigirl is not enough.

[10:11] Yeah, let's add some more junk to that trunk.

[10:14] She looks like she's about to go on a girls weekend of Miami,

[10:17] you know.

[10:17] Also, I don't want to focus too much on this, but it's it is

[10:21] impossible to ignore.

[10:22] She's wearing these like terrycloth shorts that have more

[10:26] cameltoe than I am comfortable with for a children's movie.

[10:30] And if Dan's uncomfortable, okay, well, great.

[10:35] Well, they're really like you said, they're really going for

[10:37] that positive Anthony Lane review.

[10:38] Yeah.

[10:39] So let's wait, so you mentioned you mentioned this funky

[10:42] Marmaduke song.

[10:43] Let's just say one thing.

[10:44] The soundtrack of this movie is not good, but it is working

[10:46] hard.

[10:47] Yeah, the soundtrack of this movie is constantly working so

[10:49] hard to suggest to you that this is the funky, fresh, cool

[10:53] for the 90s Marmaduke that we've all been waiting for.

[10:56] Yeah, with the voice of Pete Davidson on the Marmaduke as

[10:59] Marmaduke, you know, everyone thought like who could capture

[11:02] Marmaduke, only the power of Pete Davidson, a man famous for

[11:07] dating people as far as I've been able to discern.

[11:09] Pete Davidson doing a voice performance that I would describe

[11:13] as, I would not know it was Pete Davidson unless his name was

[11:17] clearly listed in the credits.

[11:18] It's not necessarily a distinctive voice.

[11:21] And only the minorest amount of shade being thrown here.

[11:24] But if I were to, I would just not assume that a professional

[11:27] actor did this performance.

[11:29] No, I was surprised that the father is played by David

[11:34] Koechner, like the head of the household Marmaduke.

[11:38] It's a heavily restrained performance by David Koechner.

[11:40] Yeah, he does not sound like anything.

[11:42] He sounds like he just, you know, we joked about Eric Roberts

[11:48] recording from the bathtub.

[11:50] Like I think this these sound like voice memos he put on his

[11:53] phone.

[11:54] It's the weirdest thing is when you're watching a clearly kind

[11:57] of, I assume, low-budget animated direct-to-Netflix movie.

[12:01] I think it was supposed to be released in theaters, but I don't

[12:03] know if it ever was.

[12:04] I guess there's a box office total on Wikipedia, so maybe it

[12:07] was. And the most energetic voice performance by a little bit

[12:11] is coming from J.K.

[12:12] Simmons as an Academy Award-winning actor, who I don't know

[12:17] why he's involved in this at the moment.

[12:19] He's the one person not entirely phoning it in. Probably money.

[12:23] Ori likes Marmaduke a lot.

[12:26] Maybe he loves Marmaduke.

[12:28] Yeah, it was not released theatrically in the U.S.

[12:30] It was released in other markets theatrically.

[12:33] Okay, so just to give a little bit of background. Much the way

[12:35] the t-shirts for losing Super Bowl teams are sent to other

[12:38] countries to be worn by those who don't have enough

[12:41] first-world rights. Losing Marmaduke films, of the two Marmaduke

[12:45] films, and we're sitting there.

[12:46] So a little bit of background.

[12:49] Marmaduke is a Great Dane who is large and clumsy and poorly

[12:54] behaved, and he lives with a family, whose name I do not

[12:59] remember, who are kind of fed up with him.

[13:01] They live in the suburbs, and it's a suburban neighborhood

[13:05] that kind of looks like the suburbs level from Hitman 2, if

[13:09] you had to dial the resolution down so that you didn't

[13:13] have a lot of lag in the game.

[13:16] So Marmaduke is not allowed to go to Billy, the son's birthday

[13:20] party, due to some past indiscretions that we are kind of

[13:24] lightly suggested. Something about a bone, etc. Marmaduke is

[13:30] trapped upstairs, and he has to watch all the kids have fun

[13:34] in the pool, and he gets to watch the father, Phil, cooking

[13:40] meat, which he describes as cooking my favorite, which is

[13:44] hilarious. It was a very good voice read. Also, Marmaduke is

[13:48] being treated as if he's going to understand the cause and

[13:52] effect between this punishment and previous problems

[13:57] that he's caused. And Marmaduke is a dog. He's being punished

[14:01] for doing dog things. With the voice of a man. But it's also

[14:05] never totally clear whether other characters can hear him

[14:07] talking, and he's a dog who learns martial arts. So I think

[14:11] they could legitimately expect him to understand consequences

[14:14] for his actions in this universe. Now, Dan, you're our cartoon

[14:17] expert. Does Marmaduke normally talk in the comic strip? No,

[14:21] Marmaduke is just a dog. He is a force of nature. He is some

[14:27] kind of a natural constant. Yeah, any talking is done about

[14:31] Marmaduke, by Marmaduke. So he's kind of like Godot, is what

[14:35] you're saying. So Marmaduke gets distracted. He falls asleep

[14:38] on a bed. He has a weird dream, and then a bee attacks him,

[14:42] and it forces him to jump out the window, where he lands in

[14:44] a swimming pool, which causes a massive tsunami.

[14:49] Man, I just pulled up Marmaduke. It causes this massive tidal wave.

[14:55] It like drowns everybody at the party and floods the interior

[14:59] of their home. Well, they're like surfing on it. It's amazing.

[15:03] Okay, so this is like a big inflatable pool at a party, roughly

[15:07] the size of a bounce house, let's say. Yes. And there's enough

[15:10] water in it to flood a town. It's crazy. Yeah, they're

[15:13] surfing on it. It's a huge wave. It takes cartoon

[15:18] physics and takes it into the realm of biblical miracles. I am

[15:21] so glad that you mentioned cartoon physics, because I wanted

[15:24] to bring this up, Elliot, where I'm a little dispirited

[15:28] by the fact that Pixar, a great company that's made

[15:33] many masterpiece level cartoons. What are we going to have

[15:38] to disavow from what Dan's about to say? Their style has

[15:43] become largely, people are breaking out of it now, but for

[15:47] a long time, it was largely the default style for animation,

[15:51] and it has cartooniness in it, obviously, but

[15:57] the idea of like wacky cartoon physics kind of got eliminated.

[16:02] Part of that's because of how computer animation

[16:06] works. It's hard to do the sort of distortions that you

[16:09] can do in 2D animation and make it look not horrifying,

[16:14] but like, you know, so I'm not against wacky cartoon

[16:18] physics. You're right, that a lot of a lot of a lot of

[16:21] CGI animation has become about how real can you make

[16:23] it look, as opposed to how funny can you make it look. Exactly,

[16:26] and so I would love more wacky cartoon physics, but

[16:29] the cartoon physics in Marmaduke bear like so little

[16:32] relation to how any two objects would interact that any

[16:37] possible comedy is smothered under like the weight of it.

[16:41] I'm just glad I wasn't there when Isaac Newton was watching

[16:43] this movie, just like with his head in his hands being

[16:45] like, no, no, no, no, that's, I spent so much of my life

[16:49] understanding the rules of the universe. Torn his eyeballs

[16:52] out. He just pulled an apple from a tree and hit himself

[16:56] over the head with it. Well, that rant was not as bad

[16:59] as I expected. I thought Dan was going to be like, I wish

[17:01] more movies were like Wicked City and **** and I'm like,

[17:04] whoa, that's crazy. Even the kid movies? Look this up.

[17:11] So, let's see. So, footage of Marmaduke. Have you ever seen

[17:15] Wicked City, Dan? So, there's this spider lady, okay, and

[17:19] she is not a very good first date. Okay. Just hit Wicked

[17:23] City GIF and you're going to get some good stuff. Adding to

[17:25] watch list on Letterboxd. So, the footage of him falling

[17:30] out of the window goes viral and draws the attention of

[17:33] the world's greatest dog trainer. Guy, I think his name

[17:36] is. I want to say, it doesn't just draw the attention. This

[17:39] is a hilarious setup because like the news cast on the

[17:43] fact that this video has gone viral, like starts out just

[17:47] as like a news report on this video and then the news

[17:51] reporter is like, well, this dog is clearly untrainable.

[17:55] Even the world's greatest dog trainer who has retired

[17:58] from training dogs because there are no challenges, couldn't

[18:01] do this and the guy's sitting there watching it. I kind of

[18:04] respected the movie for going that far and the fakeness of

[18:08] the setup. The news reporters are not just, they're not

[18:12] just reporting on the news but they are inciting and taunting

[18:15] real people to get the movie going. Welcome to INN,

[18:19] Inciting News Network, the news channel that makes movie

[18:22] plots happen. Yeah. Now, I want to talk about Guy for a

[18:24] moment. Guy is set up as if he's going to be the villain

[18:27] of the movie, right? Like he's, he seems like he's scheming.

[18:31] He has some sort of, he's using Marmaduke for his own ends

[18:34] and the movie seems to lose interest in that characterization

[18:36] of Guy fairly quickly. He also seems to be maybe a match

[18:41] for Marmaduke. Like when he first introduced himself to

[18:44] the family, he shows that he is fast enough to keep Marmaduke

[18:47] from eating treats off of a plate and he is, he forces

[18:52] Marmaduke to do all this training. A lot of that training

[18:56] cuts into his time running around pretending to be a horse

[19:00] so that the son of Billy can ride around and they can

[19:02] chase King Tut the cat who is in the role of Black Bart,

[19:06] a outlaw. Sorry, now that we brought up the cat, I just

[19:11] want to ask like what's Marmaduke's relationship to the

[19:14] cat at the beginning of this movie because at the, towards

[19:17] the end, the cat becomes an ally and I was like, did I

[19:20] miss something where a change of heart occurred or like

[19:25] yeah, there's the cat. It's again, similarly, it seems like

[19:29] they're setting up a classic rivalry, dog and cat. But yeah,

[19:32] the cat turns out to be Marmaduke's biggest supporter and

[19:35] biggest champion and in the end, spoiler alert, we'll get to

[19:38] it. The cat later explains Marmaduke would never do, allow

[19:42] any harm to come to the family, which is kind of a wild

[19:45] thing to say. Since Marmaduke's constantly harming the family

[19:49] by accident. And also like his powers ultimately are limited.

[19:53] Like he, it's not like he can like prevent financial ruin

[19:57] or like some kind of horrible medical condition.

[20:00] I was like, you never know.

[20:02] The cat becomes an integral part of Marmaduke's later show-stopping dog show performance,

[20:11] as we'll see when we get to it.

[20:12] A show-stopping performance that is never scored.

[20:15] They received no scores whatsoever.

[20:17] I guess it's just implied, but it's perfection.

[20:19] Yeah.

[20:20] But at a certain point during that performance, we'll get to it, I guess,

[20:23] the cat is doing all the work, and Marmaduke is doing none of the work.

[20:26] But anyway, this cat, I guess what you're saying, Dan Elsling,

[20:29] is the character motivations and dynamics are a little mushy in Marmaduke.

[20:33] Yeah.

[20:34] This has real second draft problems in that I think there was no second draft of the show.

[20:40] It has real, we need to start making the movie in four hours energy.

[20:45] That's kind of what it's got.

[20:47] Yeah, and very little narrative thrust because there is a point, we'll get to it,

[20:51] partway through the movie where I'm like, I guess the main part of the movie is over

[20:56] and we're moving on to something else now.

[20:58] It turns out that's not true, but I felt that way for a second.

[21:01] Anyway.

[21:02] Yeah, so the first day of training where they're training out in the park,

[21:06] it basically devolves into this martial arts battle where Marmaduke becomes obsessed

[21:11] with the promise of learning a magical kick technique from his trainer.

[21:18] And then we get like a montage where he's getting trained in posture, impulse control, and agility.

[21:24] And the montage involves him failing at all these things,

[21:27] but then all of a sudden he can just do them all.

[21:29] Yeah.

[21:30] He gets whacked with a lot of tree branches along the way.

[21:33] Including in the nuts, and he reacts particularly to that, which here's the problem.

[21:38] If Marmaduke hasn't been fixed, not that I'm huge with taking body parts out of animals.

[21:44] That's not something I'm normally about.

[21:45] Unless that animal is dead, I'm going to eat that body part.

[21:47] But if you really want to control Marmaduke's energy, you've got to get him fixed.

[21:53] Winslows, this is on you.

[21:54] Yeah, that's the issue.

[21:56] Marmaduke is entering Pon Far constantly and just going wild.

[22:01] He's entering Kemmer or something.

[22:02] Yeah.

[22:03] Okay.

[22:04] So at the completion of his training, he manages to earn his name back

[22:09] because his name was taken from him by his trainer at the beginning of their training.

[22:13] He was simply Dog.

[22:14] Now he has a name, Marmaduke.

[22:16] Yeah.

[22:17] This is a real nine-and-a-half-weeks move on the part of the trainer to be like,

[22:21] you don't have a name anymore.

[22:22] You're just Dog.

[22:23] You'll get the name back when you prove yourself.

[22:25] Just like nine-and-a-half-weeks.

[22:26] Super fucking hot.

[22:27] Yeah.

[22:28] Just like nine-and-a-half-weeks.

[22:29] I'm going to eat all of this food off you, Marmaduke, and you have to control yourself.

[22:32] You can't have any control.

[22:34] Yeah.

[22:35] Okay.

[22:36] So we then have a local dog show where we're introduced to JK Simmons.

[22:41] A local dog show that is also one of the two levels of dog shows.

[22:44] Yeah.

[22:45] This local dog show and then the world's dog show is the only two levels.

[22:49] Which is funny because though the sound of the crowd at this dog show sounds immense,

[22:56] seeing the stands, there's maybe 24 people there.

[22:59] Yeah.

[23:00] Well, one of those people though is Michael Winslow who came to see the Winslow family's dog.

[23:05] That's true.

[23:06] And he's doing the sounds of a crowd.

[23:07] Yeah.

[23:08] Yeah.

[23:10] So we are introduced to JK Simmons who is in the role of Zeus who is some kind of like

[23:15] an Afghan or like wolfhound dog.

[23:17] Yeah.

[23:18] And he has the shiniest coat.

[23:21] His trainers are these two like vaguely European twins.

[23:25] Yeah.

[23:26] They're like the – was it Nelson?

[23:28] Was that the band?

[23:29] Yes.

[23:30] Similar to Nelson.

[23:31] Yeah.

[23:32] And his coat is so shiny and shimmery we get multiple shots of people just like obsessively

[23:38] wanting to fuck this dog.

[23:40] Humans, other dogs, everybody.

[23:42] Every single member of the cast gets sparkles in their eyes from this dog's coat and are

[23:47] almost hypnotized as later they will be hypnotized by the sheer beauty of Zeus on the outside

[23:53] because inside Zeus is a really ugly character.

[23:55] What is it – I want to ask these two Nelson-esque trainers who are kind of like Euro-stylish,

[24:02] what is it about that persona that seems to keep popping up in kids' movies especially?

[24:08] It feels like that was a 90s joke to me.

[24:10] It was kind of like, oh, what is this?

[24:12] Oh, so fancy, like that kind of thing.

[24:14] But like the Ferdinand movie has characters like that also.

[24:17] And later on this movie indulges in a series of stereotypes.

[24:22] But like what is it about these things that are kind of like outdated adult comedy things

[24:29] that end up in kids' movies and kids have no frame of reference for them as far as I know?

[24:32] I would chalk that up to you.

[24:33] As a comedy writer who is occasionally lazy in this way himself, it is lazy comedy writers

[24:42] recycling things that they saw and putting them into their scripts because they don't

[24:49] respect the assignment that they're on.

[24:51] And they're like –

[24:52] All right, that's fair.

[24:53] Kids will eat this crap up.

[24:56] Give them some slop.

[24:58] It does remind me of something I was told at the Who Was show when I was working there

[25:02] where the head writer was like, kids don't know it's hacky for us to do a comedy rap sketch.

[25:09] They've never seen it before.

[25:10] Let's do one.

[25:11] We could trick them.

[25:12] So because this is a –

[25:14] So maybe that's it.

[25:15] Due to them.

[25:16] Because this is a smaller dog show and because Guy has retired and he doesn't want to draw

[25:22] undue attention to Marmaduke, Guy has to go undercover.

[25:26] He dresses up kind of like an abusive hipster boyfriend type character.

[25:31] I was going to say his disguise was like Matthew McConaughey in the beginning of Dallas Buyers Club.

[25:37] That's what he reminded me of.

[25:39] Similar vibes.

[25:40] Zeus sabotages Marmaduke by tempting him with the awards banquet, which Marmaduke devours

[25:46] all of the food that was laid out, which first off it's like there's no caterers around.

[25:51] There's so much food.

[25:52] There's no chafing dishes.

[25:54] This is a cartoon thing.

[25:55] With cartoon catering, they just leave all the food out for hours with no one touching it.

[26:00] And there's also all kinds of foods.

[26:02] There's like a wedding cake.

[26:03] There's a whole turkey, which –

[26:05] There's a bunch of macarons.

[26:06] Which is bonkers.

[26:07] I don't know if these are dog macarons or just like regular poor human –

[26:11] It's unclear who this banquet is for.

[26:14] He eats all this food and he gets like comically fat.

[26:17] But his body, the rest of his body is very skinny and bony.

[26:21] So he kind of looks like the flea women from the castle level in Bloodborne, which is not cool.

[26:26] Like this is levels of body horror that like David Cronenberg would see and be like,

[26:30] oh yeah, that's real great, Marmaduke.

[26:32] Good job.

[26:33] I do want to – yeah, I want to –

[26:35] I've been working on that Cronenberg impression.

[26:37] I agree with Stewart here.

[26:38] That was a great – you really captured the Canadian aspect of Cronenberg and also that he likes to approve of things.

[26:44] That's something that I think.

[26:46] Oh, boy.

[26:47] That sure is disgusting.

[26:50] I'm sorry if existence is a little too much for you, that kind of thing.

[26:54] I don't care.

[26:55] I just like orifices.

[26:58] He calls them orifices.

[26:59] I want to assure you guys I understand Marmaduke is not real.

[27:03] It's a cartoon character.

[27:05] Okay, good.

[27:06] That's the first step towards accepting the reality around you.

[27:08] Recognizing what is not part of the reality.

[27:10] Distressed by the scene because Marmaduke's belly is so distended.

[27:15] Oh, he's in such pain.

[27:16] He's, like, writhing around, and there's one point where, like, the camera gets really close up.

[27:20] So we, like, really see, like, the short hair fur texture, the computer fur texture just takes over.

[27:27] And it looks like, I don't know, like rustling, like, parts of, like, a brother's quay, short or something.

[27:34] It's gross.

[27:35] There's a brief moment where he lets out an enormous fart and his body gets skinny again, and you're like, oh, maybe the troubles have passed.

[27:43] Yeah, maybe this is a last king of Scotland's moment.

[27:46] He just had a huge fart.

[27:47] Maybe all the mass inside him has somehow been absorbed.

[27:51] Unfortunately, that is not the case.

[27:54] He kind of blows up again, and he just can't stop farting.

[28:00] And he looks at the camera, and there's a moment where he looks at the camera and says, uh-oh, and then runs toward the doggy bathroom area only to stop at the first place trophy.

[28:11] And he takes a horribly bad shit that stops time, covers the entire grounds in, like, a greenish gas, and enough birds are falling out of the sky dead, I can assume, so that they form, like, a mountain of them.

[28:28] Yeah.

[28:29] Yeah, that was the last flock of passenger pigeons, unfortunately.

[28:32] Yeah, has murdered several birds at least, possibly human onlookers.

[28:37] We don't see the aftermath.

[28:39] What we see is because everyone's frozen in time as we pan past them as they experience this gas fog.

[28:45] And I have to admit, this was a moment where I was like, okay, this is a funny – I don't find this funny.

[28:50] I don't find the idea of Marmaduke taking a huge shit funny.

[28:53] But passing by everybody frozen in time with this very dramatic music, that was a funny idea for it.

[29:00] And then, yeah, then it ends on a huge pile of dead birds.

[29:03] I can only assume that you ran over and you dragged your son into the room to watch this sequence.

[29:08] Yeah.

[29:09] No, if only because if my son was watching this, he would have loved it.

[29:13] He would have loved – because my kids think nothing is funnier than poop, farts, butts.

[29:17] Again, the height of comedy for my kids is the Minions' pants fall off, and then a real turd falls out of their butt.

[29:24] That would be the most – the funniest thing they could imagine.

[29:26] Like a real, real turd?

[29:27] Like a live-action turd?

[29:30] Like as if Terry Gilliam snuck in and clipped a poop out of a magazine and then added that to the animation.

[29:36] Interesting.

[29:37] Okay, because I thought it would be like much like dog training.

[29:40] You would be coming in and rubbing Sammy's face in Marmaduke's shit being like, see, this is what you wanted.

[29:46] This is what you wanted.

[29:47] You got it.

[29:48] Was it worth it?

[29:49] Yeah.

[29:50] That's bad dog training.

[29:51] That's bad dog training.

[29:52] I want to make it clear to anyone listening.

[29:54] Elliot's sons are going to like steal a phone, and they're going to start their own like poop and farts.

[30:00] art-based TikTok channel just to drive Elliot crazy.

[30:03] I mean, it's driving me crazy until they monetize it.

[30:06] Suddenly they're superstars

[30:07] and I can afford to redo my bathroom.

[30:09] Yeah, that'd be great.

[30:09] And then Elliot will become their cool agent guy

[30:12] or an ascot, yeah.

[30:14] Okay, so.

[30:15] Yeah, that always works great

[30:15] when a parent becomes the representation for his kid.

[30:18] There's all of history and it's never been a problem.

[30:21] As they reach the levels of fame that I always wanted

[30:24] and now I'm both proud of them and resentful of them

[30:26] for being more successful than me.

[30:28] Oh yeah, that's a good,

[30:29] that's a good emotional stew, yeah.

[30:31] So the kids are now social pariahs because they're-

[30:35] So Marmaduke shat all over the trophy.

[30:37] Yeah, he shat all over the trophy.

[30:39] He didn't win, big surprise.

[30:42] The kids are now social pariahs because their dog is gross,

[30:45] which feels like a stretch.

[30:46] Yeah.

[30:47] It does.

[30:48] Well, this is a viral video.

[30:49] Again, this is a viral, this goes viral also.

[30:51] And all the kids are making fun of them.

[30:52] Your dog is gross.

[30:53] But again, if these kids,

[30:55] they're a little older than my kids,

[30:56] but if they're anything like my kids,

[30:57] my kids will want nothing more than to be friends

[30:59] with the kid whose dog poops all over everything.

[31:02] Like they'd have so many questions about the dog's poop.

[31:04] They'd want to see it pooping.

[31:06] The other day, Sammy out of nowhere, he goes,

[31:09] Daddy, didn't you say once that you saw a video

[31:12] of a chimpanzee peeing in its own mouth?

[31:14] And my wife was like, don't talk, we're at the dinner table.

[31:17] She goes, don't talk about that.

[31:18] That's not real, don't say that.

[31:20] And he was like, but Daddy mentioned it.

[31:21] I was like, well, I did once see a video

[31:23] of a chimpanzee peeing in his own mouth.

[31:24] And he had so many questions about it.

[31:26] It was the thing he wanted to hear

[31:27] about more than anything else.

[31:29] I'll be like, Sammy, let me tell you about this holiday

[31:32] that we celebrate as Jews.

[31:33] It's a part of our heritage.

[31:34] I'm not interested.

[31:35] Tell me about the chimpanzee peeing in his own mouth.

[31:37] Wait till he finds out about the guy

[31:39] that was in the fucking mosh pit.

[31:40] I think it was at like an origin show.

[31:42] Who's like in the middle of the pit

[31:43] and he just whips his dick out and pees in his own face.

[31:46] It's crazy, you gotta look at this video.

[31:47] I don't wanna look.

[31:48] It's crazy.

[31:49] I mean, that sounds like something I should see.

[31:50] I understand it is crazy, but I don't wanna look at it.

[31:53] I don't want my kids to see that.

[31:55] For instance, another example.

[31:57] They've never seen it,

[31:57] but they've heard many tales of the videos I've seen

[32:00] of hippopotamuses swinging their tails

[32:02] around like a propeller while they poop.

[32:04] So the poop flings everywhere.

[32:05] I learned recently why they do that.

[32:06] That was not a trick that one hippo did.

[32:08] That's a thing all male hippos do.

[32:09] Okay, fucking spilled.

[32:10] Yeah, yeah, what's the detail?

[32:11] It's just a way of spreading their scent

[32:13] in order to attract mates and kind of mark their territory.

[32:19] And honestly, if you had a tail that you could whip around

[32:20] like a helicopter blade, you'd do it, right?

[32:23] Yeah, of course.

[32:24] So at this point, Marmaduke's pretty depressed.

[32:27] The family's pretty depressed.

[32:28] There's like a kind of like sad, depressed dinner scene

[32:31] that feels like something out of the middle of hereditary.

[32:33] And this is the point of the movie

[32:34] that I referred to before where like,

[32:37] look, I've seen movies before.

[32:38] I know that this is not over.

[32:39] I know that there has to be some,

[32:41] but like it really seems like the way that the movie is done

[32:45] somehow makes it seem like, okay,

[32:46] we've abandoned the idea that Marmaduke

[32:48] is gonna be a star.

[32:50] Like, and I'm like, that can't be right.

[32:52] We're 40 minutes in.

[32:54] Guys, I'm looking briefly at the Wikipedia entry

[32:57] from Marmaduke, and I just wanted to give a shout out

[32:58] to whoever wrote the plot summary

[33:00] because I wanna read two sentences for you

[33:02] about the previous scene we were just talking about.

[33:04] It says, before one lap around the field,

[33:06] Marmaduke releases voluminous clouds of noxious flatus,

[33:09] which envelopes the entire field.

[33:11] Marmaduke soars through the air

[33:12] and lands backside down in the winner's trophy,

[33:14] releasing his innards to the great dismay of all present.

[33:20] I don't know if H.P. Lovecraft or Harry Steven Heeler

[33:22] stepped in to write that part of the Wikipedia entry,

[33:24] but excellent work.

[33:26] Poetic.

[33:27] Okay, so they also receive a huge bill

[33:30] from Guy the trainer, which Phil the father had suggested

[33:34] they were expecting to pay out of Marmaduke's winnings,

[33:37] which is like, oh man, you got scammed, brother.

[33:40] And also the winnings are a million dollars.

[33:42] I don't know if you guys saw the numbers on this bill.

[33:44] It easily adds up to over $20 million.

[33:46] Like, it's crazy.

[33:48] At one point, it charges them like $400,000

[33:52] for one aspect and over a million for other aspect.

[33:54] It's like, Guy is really inflating these bills.

[33:57] This is, it's all this hidden fees.

[33:59] I thought Biden was gonna take care of that stuff.

[34:02] That's the real dog shit in this movie.

[34:04] It's not what came out of Marmaduke.

[34:05] It's this guy's bill.

[34:07] So Marmaduke runs away from the family

[34:09] because he feels like he has let everybody down.

[34:12] He's hearing all the naysayers voices in his head

[34:15] as he runs through the rain,

[34:17] only to be stopped by King Tut,

[34:19] the cat who convinces him to-

[34:21] King Tut the mummy.

[34:22] Yep, King Tut the mummy.

[34:24] King Tut the cat that-

[34:27] What a left turn.

[34:28] He says to Marmaduke-

[34:29] If King Tut the mummy showed up,

[34:30] Marmaduke, I need your help recovering my heart

[34:33] from the British Museum.

[34:35] Okay, sounds like a caper, King Tut.

[34:40] So Marmaduke decides that he is going to try

[34:42] and convince Guy to come back and train him again.

[34:46] Guy's not having it.

[34:47] He is sick of Marmaduke.

[34:49] Marmaduke has ruined his career.

[34:51] So Marmaduke decides to run around the world

[34:54] like Forrest Gump, kinda.

[34:56] And-

[34:57] He does the only thing he can do

[34:58] to prove that he has what it takes to be a champion dog.

[35:00] And in a very short montage,

[35:02] runs around the entire earth.

[35:04] Including swimming under the ocean

[35:06] and being chased by a giant shark.

[35:09] This is the point-

[35:10] Yeah.

[35:10] Well, all right.

[35:11] There are a couple of things in this montage.

[35:12] Okay.

[35:13] Number one, like, he's shown running towards Alaska-

[35:15] He runs up a pyramid.

[35:15] You don't think it's realistic.

[35:16] Okay.

[35:17] He's being shown running to Alaska

[35:19] and there's a sign that points to Siberia,

[35:21] which is in Russia.

[35:23] And he never goes to Siberia in Russia.

[35:24] At no point during this whole thing,

[35:27] is he going to-

[35:28] We see-

[35:28] Well, we see him go from Alaska to Russia briefly.

[35:32] You know?

[35:33] We don't see him in Siberia, like a scene of it.

[35:35] We see him on the map.

[35:36] He walks across-

[35:37] I don't think he-

[35:38] I assume the land bridge that was there

[35:40] when the earliest humans came to the North American continent.

[35:43] I assume it's still there in the Marmaduke universe.

[35:45] I don't think he does.

[35:45] I think he goes over to, like,

[35:47] we see him cross over to, like, Korea

[35:52] and then go down through China

[35:55] because he goes on the Great Wall of China.

[35:57] We'll put this in the Goose version,

[35:58] that it's promised that Marmaduke goes to Siberia,

[36:00] but we don't actually see it.

[36:01] It is a montage.

[36:02] Either way, this is like a nutty montage.

[36:06] Like, chased by sharks, on the Great Wall.

[36:08] It comes out of nowhere.

[36:10] And this is a part of the movie where I'm like,

[36:13] okay, the movie's been wild up until this point,

[36:15] but surely this is a dream sequence.

[36:18] As we've had Marmaduke dream sequences before.

[36:20] No, this literally happens in the movie.

[36:22] He wins back the respect of his dog trainer

[36:24] by running solo around the world.

[36:27] It's funny because the trainer is still resistant

[36:29] until the family basically humiliates him

[36:32] into taking Marmaduke back.

[36:34] This was the moment when I, to be honest,

[36:36] up to this point, I found this movie pretty boring.

[36:38] It seemed like it was, they hadn't,

[36:40] but then suddenly he runs around the world

[36:42] and I was like, okay, this movie is getting,

[36:44] this movie's getting a little strange,

[36:46] that Marmaduke, one, can accomplish this,

[36:48] two, thinks it's gonna solve his problem,

[36:50] and three, that it's tossed off so quickly

[36:53] as almost nothing.

[36:55] Like, yeah, of course, Marmaduke runs around the world.

[36:57] The kind of thing that you might find in folklore.

[36:59] Like, if Marmaduke was Paul Bunyan and they'd be like,

[37:01] well, then he ran around the world and up the pyramids,

[37:04] but that they then just, they reject it so quickly

[37:07] so it can go back to the larger plot

[37:09] about Marmaduke as a dog show contestant,

[37:11] which is not, it's like the movie briefly became a movie

[37:14] and stopped being an episode of the Marmaduke TV show.

[37:16] But then, yeah, they go to the,

[37:17] the trainer is still not convinced

[37:19] until Billy calls him a failure,

[37:21] and he is so overjoyed to finally be called a failure

[37:25] that he has this weird change of heart.

[37:26] Yeah, he has a humiliation fetish.

[37:29] Is that what it is?

[37:29] Because I like, I could not anatomize this.

[37:32] I was like, trying to figure out where in his speech

[37:36] that he gives, it made any sense,

[37:38] what he was talking about.

[37:39] But if he has a humiliation fetish,

[37:41] then it makes more sense. Yeah, clearly.

[37:42] Like, he's just not, he's so used to winning

[37:43] that he just needs somebody.

[37:45] It's, you know, like when you're dealing with somebody

[37:47] who's as powerful and has so much charisma as Guy,

[37:51] the world's greatest dog trainer,

[37:52] like, he just wants somebody to knock him down a peg.

[37:55] That's the only way he can get off.

[37:56] I mean, this made sense logically to me.

[37:58] Like, they're making the point that like,

[38:00] it's basically a poor workman blames his tools point

[38:03] of like, you're calling Marmaduke a failure.

[38:05] But if you're really the greatest dog trainer,

[38:07] like, you failed.

[38:08] And like, you have to show that.

[38:10] That makes sense, that makes sense to me.

[38:11] But instead of him vocalizing that,

[38:12] he's kind of like, finally, I've been called a failure.

[38:16] Thank you.

[38:17] Thank you, little boy, for calling me a failure.

[38:21] Thank you for being the person who called me a failure.

[38:25] For by calling me a failure, you've reminded me failure.

[38:30] That's the failure.

[38:31] And it was like, it felt like the Vatican scene in Aline

[38:34] where it was like, how many times is he gonna say

[38:36] the word failure?

[38:37] But it just, it just feels like a,

[38:39] it's especially the one-two punch of this scene

[38:42] after the Marmaduke running around the world scene.

[38:44] I was just so, I was so mind boggled by the fact

[38:47] that the movie was like, well, there's only one solution.

[38:50] Marmaduke's got to run around the whole world.

[38:52] And you know what?

[38:53] We're not gonna spend that much time on it.

[38:54] Yeah.

[38:55] So Guy pulls some strings and gets them entered

[38:58] into the World Dog Championships.

[39:01] We now flash forward to the big city.

[39:03] Pulls some strings by, wait, this is why,

[39:04] it's the thing I wanna, hold on just for a second,

[39:06] is he calls, I guess, the head of the World Dog Championship

[39:09] who's this woman who seems to have a crush on him.

[39:12] Seems to.

[39:14] Well, she's like, anything for you, Guy.

[39:16] Yes.

[39:17] And keep your schedule open.

[39:17] Remember that dinner place I took you to?

[39:19] Oh yes, well, I'd love to.

[39:21] But then a couple scenes later, Guy sees her

[39:23] and is very nervous about talking to her

[39:25] and is like, it seems like their dynamic

[39:28] has suddenly shifted entirely.

[39:29] Yeah.

[39:30] He's just good over, he's way better over the phone.

[39:32] You know?

[39:33] Well, no, I mean, but that first,

[39:34] I do think it's set up as if like,

[39:36] this is a manipulation he's going to do

[39:38] on this totally lovelorn person.

[39:40] But instead, they're both like bashful

[39:43] in love with each other, I guess.

[39:44] I don't know.

[39:45] Yeah, yeah.

[39:46] Yeah, I really, he has kind of an almost heel turn

[39:50] very early in the movie.

[39:51] But then he's, I guess he's a pretty boy

[39:53] when it comes down to it.

[39:54] Yeah, he becomes a baby face.

[39:55] Okay, so.

[39:56] Baby face, yeah.

[39:57] That's what I meant when I said pretty boy.

[39:58] I meant baby face.

[40:00] I mean, he's also a pretty boy.

[40:02] I was thinking of Pretty Boy Nelson, the gangster.

[40:04] We then we then get a we get the arrival of all the other dogs that are competing.

[40:10] These are dogs from other countries.

[40:12] These are dogs that in many cases are racist stereotypes.

[40:16] Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah.

[40:18] Hey, there's a chihuahua for Mexico.

[40:19] Guess what his favorite food is.

[40:21] Hey, guys. Oh, no.

[40:23] Guess what the talent of guess what the talent of the Chinese dog is.

[40:26] Kung fu and mysticism.

[40:28] Yeah. And apparently rapping.

[40:29] Although that doesn't get mentioned.

[40:29] Rapping is the best part.

[40:31] The French dog.

[40:32] I looked on Chanterelle.

[40:34] Yeah. I looked up who did it.

[40:36] And it's a professional voice actor.

[40:38] And I I don't know.

[40:41] I looked it up because I'm like, this French accent is so bad.

[40:45] I'm sorry to the voice actor who did it.

[40:48] I think it's probably less an indication on her talent

[40:51] because she appears to be highly in demand and more an indication

[40:55] of she correctly clocked the amount of effort she needed to put into this movie.

[40:59] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[41:00] But yeah, these are all pretty bad, like ethnic stereotypes.

[41:05] Yeah. We get some scenes of like Zeus talking shit to all the other dogs.

[41:11] We're also introduced to a really cool muscle dog from England.

[41:15] Vinny, I'm a big fan.

[41:18] So we actually get to the the competition itself.

[41:22] And we I think the first category is they have the dogs have to show their self-control.

[41:30] So they are presented with their favorite food that has bacon added to it.

[41:35] So Juan Pedro, the dog from Mexico.

[41:38] And that's another case.

[41:39] They say the word bacon so many times throughout this sequence.

[41:41] And it's another case where it feels like kids are getting kind of leftover jokes.

[41:45] We all remember the period about, what, 10 years ago

[41:48] where bacon was suddenly the funniest food.

[41:50] And it was around like I feel like there was a hipster joke catalog that was like

[41:54] unicorns, bacon, handlebar mustaches and pirates.

[41:58] And Chuck Norris.

[41:59] And now kids get that stuff.

[42:01] Yeah. And what? Chuck Norris.

[42:03] Yeah. Chuck Norris. Yeah. All that stuff.

[42:05] Yeah. I also like look, I realize it's a cartoon, but I'm like,

[42:08] this is not something that happens in a dog show where they don't.

[42:12] They don't get food.

[42:14] They don't get their favorite food that has additional bacon added to it.

[42:19] So Juan Pedro is presented with a bacon taco,

[42:23] which he is, of course, unable to resist.

[42:25] He bites it and is, I guess, cast into limbo.

[42:28] He is disqualified for the competition.

[42:30] Yeah. He's sent to the Phantom Zone.

[42:32] I will give the I will give the movie credit for not having him say Kiro

[42:36] taco as like as a nod to the old Taco Bell commercials.

[42:39] That's kind of reference to an old thing.

[42:40] Kids won't know about that.

[42:42] You might see in a in a kind of second or third, except for otherwise.

[42:46] He is that character, but he is that character otherwise entirely.

[42:49] Yeah. After getting some inspirational words from G, the magical dog,

[42:55] Marmaduke is able to resist the slice of bacon pizza.

[42:58] He is presented with magical.

[43:00] What is it? Yeah. Tell us what the magical advice is

[43:03] that he has to be become the bacon or be the bacon, I believe.

[43:06] So the bacon has to become the bacon.

[43:08] Yeah. He imagines that his own face is coming out of a portal,

[43:12] a magical portal that is in the middle of the slice of pizza

[43:17] that's presented to him.

[43:18] And weirdly enough, the portal goes extends to the rear side

[43:22] of the pizza slice where Marmaduke's tail is sticking out.

[43:25] You might be wondering, is Stuart making this up?

[43:28] He is not. This is what happens in the film.

[43:30] No, and this is not a whimsical flight of fancy.

[43:33] No, this and this hallucinatory simulacrum of of Marmaduke.

[43:38] He he tells Marmaduke, I'm the bacon. I'm you.

[43:41] I wouldn't eat me. Would you eat me?

[43:43] Would you eat yourself? Yeah.

[43:44] And it's like with the I think it was just so funny.

[43:49] I'd eat me. Would you eat me?

[43:51] Yeah. Then Ray Liotta comes out, not not notching on his own brain.

[43:55] Oh, wow. Don't knock until you try it.

[43:57] Yeah. And but it's one of those things where

[44:02] what we're seeing doesn't make sense.

[44:03] But in this case, they go so far to explain the reasoning to Marmaduke

[44:07] so that he won't eat this piece of pizza.

[44:10] But I guess it works.

[44:11] You can't knock success because Stuart, what happens?

[44:13] He doesn't eat the pizza and hooray.

[44:16] He, I guess, survives to the next round.

[44:19] And who and who does eat the pizza?

[44:22] Oh, yeah. His trainer eats the pizza, right?

[44:24] Got there's this weird running gag of guy eating all the food

[44:27] that Marmaduke wants to eat and eating it the way that a snake would eat it.

[44:30] He just drops the whole thing into his mouth and his throat just pulls it down.

[44:34] He's he's showing off his throat game for this woman that he's interested in.

[44:39] Oh, God.

[44:41] So during the agility competition, Zeus Stewart,

[44:45] how would how would Game of Thrones be different?

[44:47] It was called Game of Throats.

[44:48] Oh, that already exists.

[44:50] It's on the Brazzers network.

[44:52] OK, forget that. Forget I asked.

[44:54] OK, so during the agility competition, Zeus, who performs quite well,

[44:59] attempts to sabotage Marmaduke by using some of the Zeus Zeus's brand of shampoo.

[45:06] At both of these dog shows, Zeus has had a setup of shampoo to sell

[45:10] his own brand of shampoo.

[45:11] That seems like a conflict of interest that he's both a contestant

[45:14] and also has a merchandising table right in the in the competition area.

[45:19] Well, that sounds like it's there's something wrong with that.

[45:22] Perhaps that there's some corruption at the higher levels, which we I mean,

[45:25] maybe there's just a clue.

[45:27] So he squirts some of his shampoo and Marmaduke gets it all over his feet.

[45:32] And but somehow his natural clumsiness works out perfectly.

[45:37] And Marmaduke is able to complete the skills, the agility competition perfectly,

[45:41] except at the end, he accidentally injures his trainer guy

[45:46] and guy has to go to the hospital and Marmaduke won't be able to compete anymore.

[45:50] Now, I want to say when he slips and slides his way at great speed

[45:53] through this obstacle course because he's got he has stepped in shampoo

[45:57] like this shampoo seems to be like self generating.

[46:00] Like he keeps having more shampoo come out of his paws as if like,

[46:04] you know, he's on like a sketch comedy show where he has to like throw up

[46:07] and they have like a tube to do this.

[46:09] He's like, there's a lot.

[46:12] This is amazing shampoo.

[46:13] It's ninety nine dollars and ninety nine cents.

[46:16] Yeah, that's a dress expensive dog shampoo.

[46:18] And also, I think there was a missing scene where where in order to defeat Thor,

[46:23] Loki gifted Marmaduke with the ability to absorb elements

[46:27] and then also make them part of his body.

[46:30] And so he this he's using that tool here to absorb the shampoo

[46:34] and thus generate more shampoo. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

[46:36] But I think I think there was because Thor was going to be part of this movie

[46:39] and then Marvel pulled out of the last minute

[46:41] of making the Marmaduke Cinematic Universe part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[46:44] And so they had to replace Thor with the mom with the huge butt. Yeah.

[46:48] But with a trainer in the hospital, they yeah, they can't compete,

[46:52] which I was like, really?

[46:54] They can't.

[46:54] And as as we see through the movie, like that is dispensed with pretty

[46:58] very quickly.

[46:59] The family's like, oh, we'll just do it.

[47:01] And they're like, OK, that's fine.

[47:03] So the dad has had a real, we'll say emotionally,

[47:06] the dad has had a real turnabout.

[47:07] The dad was always the one who was like Marmaduke needs training.

[47:10] Marmaduke's a big problem.

[47:11] Now he recognizes, you know what, Marmaduke's great.

[47:14] And he does have a trainer now.

[47:15] Team Winslow, which I don't know if you can have a family as your

[47:20] as your trainer.

[47:21] Yeah, he's the expert on dog shows.

[47:23] Can you have a family as trainers?

[47:25] I think my expertise ends at knowing that you don't just put food

[47:28] in front of them and say, can you resist it?

[47:31] But yeah, I can't.

[47:33] Let's talk about the talent.

[47:35] Oh, yeah, the talent show.

[47:36] OK, so the talent competition is where things get good, guys.

[47:40] My favorite dog, the muscle dog, manages to deadlift the entire building

[47:45] and one pitch gives him a fucking eight out of ten.

[47:47] It's crazy. Yeah.

[47:49] These judges are bonkers. That's so much weight.

[47:51] It's that that dog is not just the strongest dog.

[47:54] The dog is the strongest organism that has ever existed on Earth.

[47:58] And yet eight out of ten, eight out of ten.

[48:00] It's wild, especially lifting the building that he's in.

[48:03] Yeah. Talk about physics.

[48:05] That should be impossible.

[48:06] The next the next talent is Chanterelle, the French dog,

[48:11] doing as they describe a seductive dance.

[48:15] They do say people lose their fucking minds and she gets a nine out of ten.

[48:19] Well, they're so horny for this dog story.

[48:21] You don't understand. You were there.

[48:23] Oh, man, I guess.

[48:25] And then she, the Chinese dog, does this like dance battle

[48:30] that also kind of turns into a rap, but not really.

[48:33] And there's magic and there's spears flying around.

[48:36] Now, here's I had to rewind this part because there's a rap on the soundtrack

[48:40] and she's mouth is kind of moving, but it's not exactly timed

[48:43] and it's not super clear.

[48:44] So it's like, is she supposed to be rapping?

[48:47] Whereas and I guess he is. Yeah.

[48:49] It's just like it's the whole thing ends in a yin yang symbol.

[48:55] It's pretty it's pretty cool.

[48:56] And his and he was performing with his surprisingly scantily clad trainer.

[49:01] Everyone else is wearing just regular clothes, regular everyday clothes.

[49:04] But this trainer is always is in kind of looks like a soul caliber character.

[49:08] Yes. Yeah, exactly.

[49:09] We're you know, in like a like, you know, martial arts bathing suit

[49:12] or something like that.

[49:14] It's a weird choice.

[49:15] The whole this whole moment is a strange talent.

[49:17] It's and I would say I'd be like, gee, pick one lane and stick with it

[49:20] because you're trying to combine too many. Yeah, I don't know.

[49:22] I still think it was pretty cool.

[49:24] OK, before you deliver this meal to the judges, take one element off the plate.

[49:27] You got too much. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess you're right.

[49:29] But it's at least it's well-seasoned. That's the thing.

[49:32] The worst is when they bring the food out and it isn't fucking seasoned.

[49:34] Like, come on. No, no, it's like it's cooked.

[49:36] Yeah, it's it's cooked perfectly.

[49:38] The seasoning is spot on.

[49:39] I'm just not sure. What is this dish telling me?

[49:41] And the other thing is, it's like if if the main element of the dish is the wrap,

[49:46] you got to respect the wrap.

[49:48] You got to put more. That has to be the star of the dish.

[49:51] This is a rap challenge.

[49:52] And yet you're giving me a martial arts dish with a little bit of rap.

[49:56] And I've got to dock you points no matter how delicious the dish is.

[50:00] It's not meeting the challenge.

[50:01] I'm sorry, G, pack your knives and go to the next round.

[50:04] Well, yeah, G, I didn't like your performance.

[50:08] I loved it.

[50:10] Okay, so Zeus then performs,

[50:14] and his talent is basically hypnotizing everybody

[50:18] in the audience using the luster of his hair.

[50:21] Yeah. Yes.

[50:23] And he kind of hypnotized everybody.

[50:24] And making them flap themselves.

[50:25] Yeah. And making them act like dogs.

[50:27] It's very sadistic.

[50:29] Okay, here's an issue that I have with Zeus.

[50:32] Zeus is convinced he's the best.

[50:35] Yeah, well, one, where's Roxanne?

[50:36] And two, Zeus, that was not okay for you

[50:38] to appear before all those women as different animals

[50:40] and weather and things like that.

[50:42] I was gonna say.

[50:42] And make them have your babies.

[50:43] That's not okay.

[50:44] Zeus, you're canceled.

[50:46] Why in modern pop culture,

[50:47] like in this movie, at No Holds Barred,

[50:50] is Zeus portrayed as a bad guy,

[50:52] when in Greek mythology, he's only a good dude, right?

[50:56] No, that's not.

[50:57] Even in Greek mythology, he's often a bad guy.

[50:59] I think that's something I admire about the Greeks.

[51:01] He doesn't cause problems.

[51:02] I don't, and don't admire.

[51:04] The ancient Greeks, they were like,

[51:05] gods, yeah, they're just like us, but they're worse.

[51:07] Like, gods are just bigger jerks

[51:09] because they're bigger people.

[51:11] Whereas they didn't have truck with

[51:14] our modern notions of morality.

[51:15] They're gods.

[51:16] Look, you'd see a picture of Zeus

[51:18] carrying a big thing of kitty litter in the parking lot

[51:21] and it would say, Zeus, he's just like us.

[51:22] The gods, they're no different than we are.

[51:24] Anyway, Zeus is convinced that he's gonna win.

[51:27] He knows he's the best dog.

[51:28] So why does he have to bother sabotaging Marmaduke,

[51:32] hypnotizing the audience,

[51:33] because his last command to the audience from his trainer

[51:36] is you're gonna give Zeus a perfect score.

[51:38] And also, as we're about to see,

[51:40] that they've gotten in with the judges.

[51:42] There's one judge who's giving every dog zeroes,

[51:45] except for Zeus, who she gives a 100

[51:48] and then sheepishly takes the extra zero away.

[51:50] It's just a 10.

[51:51] You gotta have redundancies, Elliot.

[51:53] You gotta.

[51:54] That's so many redundancies.

[51:55] It shows a lack of confidence to me.

[51:57] Yeah, that's true.

[51:58] But you're right.

[51:59] I guess in case the hypnotism plan fails,

[52:01] you've got your person on the inside.

[52:03] And in case that fails, you can sabotage Marmaduke,

[52:05] who is already the clumsiest, dumbest of the dogs.

[52:08] In this case, that means you can

[52:09] just be the prettiest dog already.

[52:13] Yeah, it's almost like Zeus,

[52:15] the only reason to sabotage Marmaduke

[52:16] is if you know Marmaduke is the name

[52:18] of the movie that you're in.

[52:19] Otherwise, sabotage Xi,

[52:21] this amazing dog that can rap and also do martial arts.

[52:24] Sabotage the seductive Chanterelle.

[52:26] Yeah.

[52:27] So speaking of Marmaduke,

[52:29] he is able to reenter the competition

[52:32] because his family are his trainers.

[52:34] And he does this like Wild West-themed stunt show

[52:37] where King Tut the cat,

[52:39] who says, where they're like shooting bullets at him

[52:42] as he is playing the outlaw Black Bardigan.

[52:45] But every time he dodges a bullet, he says meow,

[52:48] which I thought was very cool.

[52:50] So yes, so this is playing off.

[52:52] Earlier, we saw there's a game

[52:53] that Billy likes to play with Marmaduke,

[52:56] where he rides Marmaduke and pretends he's a cowboy

[52:58] and King Tut is an outlaw they're chasing.

[53:00] So they do this stunt show

[53:02] where he's riding on a Marmaduke.

[53:03] And there's a full section of the stunt show

[53:05] that is just Billy shooting real bullets at King Tut

[53:08] as King Tut dodges them.

[53:10] It says meow.

[53:11] And it says meow.

[53:12] And Marmaduke is just standing there.

[53:13] And if I was the judges, I would say disqualified.

[53:15] The cat is doing all the work.

[53:16] Marmaduke is not doing any work.

[53:18] But Marmaduke realizes that, I guess,

[53:20] because that's when it turns into an epic dance party.

[53:22] It does turn into an epic dance party,

[53:24] which obviously is great.

[53:25] Everybody's into it.

[53:26] Even Zeus can't help himself.

[53:29] He has to dance along despite himself.

[53:32] And we've all been there.

[53:33] You hear a song where you're like, I hate this song.

[53:35] And by the end of the thing, you're like,

[53:37] since you've been gone, you know.

[53:40] Or that Saturday night's gonna get it.

[53:41] What's that song from a-

[53:42] Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting?

[53:44] No, no, the one, Uptown Funk.

[53:46] That's the one I'm thinking of.

[53:47] Uptown Funk, which is an objectively bad song.

[53:50] It's an objectively bad song,

[53:51] but you can't help but dance to it

[53:53] because it taps into the amygdala, I guess.

[53:56] But otherwise-

[53:56] I like it less than Since You've Been Gone.

[53:58] I know that Stewart probably just pulled

[54:00] the first thing out of his mind.

[54:00] He doesn't actually wanna-

[54:01] I kind of pulled the first thing out of my mind.

[54:03] I mean, Since You've Been Gone's

[54:04] not really like a dance song.

[54:05] It's not really a dance song.

[54:06] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[54:07] Yeah.

[54:08] But a song like YMCA, which-

[54:10] Thanks for covering my bases, Dan.

[54:11] Yeah, well, I just, I can't, I cannot,

[54:13] I cannot truck with any insult to that great diddy.

[54:18] And the dance, the great diddy.

[54:20] You're like, that great, great, great-

[54:22] A great diddy, a grandpa, a grandma and grandpa.

[54:25] Here's to Charleston, too.

[54:26] Since you've been gone.

[54:28] You're like, what's the word that could possibly

[54:30] do justice to this magnificent opus?

[54:31] I wish the Kaiser would go.

[54:33] So, Marmaduke's performance, everybody loves it.

[54:36] It ends with indoor fireworks in a very small arena.

[54:40] The fireworks are literally going off in people's faces.

[54:43] This is-

[54:43] Which animals are known for being very cool with.

[54:47] Yeah, animals love fireworks.

[54:48] So, and we rewound this multiple times to make sure.

[54:53] At no point do they show Marmaduke's score.

[54:56] No, they don't.

[54:58] There's a standing ovation,

[54:59] but we don't actually know what his score is, so.

[55:01] Because to give it a number value would be to insult.

[55:04] The lesson, yeah.

[55:05] The integrity and the beauty of it, yeah, yeah.

[55:06] Yeah, exactly.

[55:08] Yeah, it's why I prefer review sites

[55:10] that stop giving records or movies a star rating,

[55:14] and instead are just like, here's what it's all about.

[55:16] Like, you make up your own mind.

[55:19] So, we do the final judging.

[55:22] Zeus wins, of course, uh-oh.

[55:24] But Marmaduke realized that one of the judges

[55:26] is just one of Zeus's trainers in disguise.

[55:30] Reveals that, and Zeus is disqualified, uh-oh.

[55:34] So, Xi wins, that's crazy.

[55:36] Okay, he's not even the main character, but he is magic.

[55:40] And then Zeus tries to steal the trophy.

[55:41] And they want this movie to be shown in Chinese theaters,

[55:43] I assume, so you gotta have the Chinese dog win, yeah.

[55:45] So, Zeus tries to steal the trophy,

[55:47] only for Marmaduke to use the magical kick technique

[55:50] that he had wanted to learn and he was obsessed with.

[55:52] But wait, did we ever mention

[55:53] that Xi has telekinesis also?

[55:55] Uh, I mean, I mentioned, said magic a couple times.

[55:58] I guess telekinesis is a little different.

[56:00] Yeah, it's like he is the force.

[56:02] Yeah.

[56:02] Yeah, it's never really explained other than the fact

[56:04] that he is generally Chinese mystic type.

[56:07] So, it's like, it's just assumed that he can,

[56:10] he has magic and can control objects from afar.

[56:12] And instead of removing the judge's fake wig,

[56:15] he instead uses his telekinesis to make a shampoo bottle.

[56:18] That's a good point.

[56:19] Go over to Marmaduke, so Marmaduke can, what, throw it?

[56:22] Yeah, throw it so the wig comes off.

[56:23] So he can trip on it?

[56:24] It's like a butterfly effect.

[56:25] That's right, yeah.

[56:26] So, Marmaduke stops, Marmaduke manages to stop Zeus,

[56:32] but in the ensuing chaos, a cameraman on a platform

[56:36] is about to come crashing down

[56:38] and Marmaduke pushes Billy out of the way,

[56:40] only to be crushed by the falling cameraman.

[56:44] What?

[56:45] Marmaduke is dead?

[56:46] Everyone surrounds him?

[56:48] Bill does a eulogy over Marmaduke's dead body

[56:51] and everyone starts to fucking cry?

[56:52] Sort of saying this as if he's making it up

[56:54] as he goes along, but this is exactly

[56:56] what's happening in the movie.

[56:56] Yeah.

[56:57] Even Guy is watching this on TV

[56:59] and despite being covered in bandages like an invisible man,

[57:03] he is crying his little eyes out.

[57:05] But it turns out Marmaduke-

[57:06] I like the implication that the invisible man can't cry.

[57:09] Yeah.

[57:11] If he can't see his tears, is he really crying?

[57:14] Uh-huh, yep.

[57:15] Oh, that's a good point.

[57:16] This is another, so not to talk about my kids too much,

[57:19] they've been really into the Invisible Man lately.

[57:20] We watched the original Claude Rains movie, they loved it.

[57:23] And they find it hilarious that the Invisible Man

[57:25] is naked all the time.

[57:26] And I think now they have something to aspire to.

[57:30] He said he watched Hollow Man, is what you said,

[57:33] you watched with your kids.

[57:34] Yeah, I showed them Hollow Man.

[57:36] I said, you gotta see the original.

[57:40] Okay, so-

[57:41] And my kids were like,

[57:41] we thought we were watching the Elizabeth Moss Invisible Man.

[57:44] I was like, no, no, no, you gotta watch them in order.

[57:46] Yeah, Elliot's like, too woke for you guys.

[57:49] So Phil does this eulogy over Marmaduke,

[57:52] Marmaduke actually is not dead.

[57:52] And then I'm watching Hollow Man, I'm going,

[57:54] this isn't based on the T.S. Eliot poem,

[57:56] hold on a second.

[57:57] Yeah.

[57:59] So Marmaduke wakes up, everyone is happy,

[58:01] except for Zeus, of course.

[58:04] And then, so Marmaduke wins the day, everybody loves him.

[58:07] Okay, now we get end credits, guys.

[58:09] So speaking of plot threads that aren't resolved,

[58:11] I guess we are to believe that the trainer

[58:14] just forgives the debt because now he loves Marmaduke,

[58:17] because as we said, Marmaduke didn't win the big prize,

[58:21] so that is just left hanging.

[58:23] I mean, we could only assume he's going to get

[58:25] some kind of sponsorships and they can pay that bill.

[58:28] I guess, but you know, put like a line in the movie.

[58:32] I mean, Marmaduke goes on to become a huge movie star,

[58:35] so I feel like it's, yeah.

[58:37] As we mentioned, there's like a funky Marmaduke song,

[58:40] which is how these end credits began,

[58:43] until the song changes to a Marmaduke rap by Pete Davidson,

[58:50] and it is one of the worst things I've ever heard,

[58:54] and I can only assume it's some kind of like

[58:56] elaborate fucking troll of Kanye West or something,

[59:00] that he's like, I'm going to do the shittiest rap possible,

[59:03] and he is going to have to listen to it

[59:05] because he hates me so bad,

[59:07] and he's going to have to listen to this whole fucking thing

[59:09] and it is the worst.

[59:11] Guys.

[59:12] Yeah.

[59:12] Yeah, I think that's a good theory, I think.

[59:15] Because he approaches this rap with the level of energy

[59:19] that like, I don't know, that I make like ordering something

[59:24] at a fucking Shake Shack or something, I don't know.

[59:26] Oh look, online.

[59:27] I mean, in Pete Davidson's defense,

[59:30] how much energy should he bring to the Marmaduke rap

[59:32] in the end credits of the Marmaduke movie?

[59:34] I was trying to find the lyrics to the Marmaduke rap,

[59:37] which I couldn't find, but I did find,

[59:39] I can get the chords to the Marmaduke rap,

[59:42] if you want me.

[59:43] Oh yeah, the fucking guitar tablature.

[59:45] Learn how to play.

[59:47] Okay, so that was Marmaduke, everybody.

[59:50] Hooray, we did it.

[59:51] Yeah.

[59:51] And wait, wait, and during the credits,

[59:52] during the credits, there is a series of fake movie posters

[59:57] for Marmaduke movies.

[59:59] And he's a.

[1:00:00] He's a big movie star and there's not exactly an end credit scene

[1:00:03] There's just a little bit of footage of him eating I think but watching this on Netflix Netflix

[1:00:08] Anytime the credits start it's like you want to watch a trailer for another movie, right?

[1:00:12] Let me skip right to it. So I had to keep rewinding in order to finally catch the most

[1:00:17] Almost non-existent end credits scene ever. Thanks Netflix for doing that. I appreciate it and it's also brought it

[1:00:23] I want to point out that all of like the movies in

[1:00:26] For the movie posters are all movies that are at least 20 years old like there's no yeah new movie that Marmaduke has been so

[1:00:32] They're like parodies of existing movie. Yeah, it's like Jaws is pause, etc, etc, etc

[1:00:39] There's a spider spider Marmaduke

[1:00:42] I think that's I think there's fast and furious which is a joke that predates the fast and furious movies because that was the name

[1:00:48] Of a yeah, but Wile E. Coyote Roadrunner cartoon, you know in the 1950s

[1:00:52] so and

[1:00:54] Arguably inspired the Fast and Furious franchise. Yeah

[1:00:58] So yeah, so that's I will say though

[1:01:01] There was part of me that as the rap was going on was like, well, you know what Pete Davidson?

[1:01:06] I guess is earning his money here because there's no way that anyone is enjoying doing this and it's a long rap

[1:01:11] It goes on for a while. Yes. No, I

[1:01:14] Feel like it's a bit. I did have that thought that like wow

[1:01:18] They actually convinced him to do this because I bet Pete Davidson could have put his foot down saying no

[1:01:22] I'm not gonna do a rap about Marmaduke. They already have a

[1:01:25] Marmaduke song. Yeah, I mean, but also I have to assume that once you've got Pete Davidson signs to do your Marmaduke movie

[1:01:32] He's a broken shell of a man. He's gonna do whatever you tell him to do, you know

[1:01:37] His mistake was saying hey, yeah, I'll do the voice for that Marmaduke movie. Yeah

[1:01:42] Okay. Well final judgments. This is a good bad movie a bad bad movie a movie kind of like, you know, what?

[1:01:48] Wait a second. Do you think this is why?

[1:01:51] Do you think this is why he why Kate Beckinsale was dating him to get him to do the

[1:02:00] Maybe that was it to get close to Mara Duke must love dog. She says mm-hmm. Was she in that? I can't even remember

[1:02:06] I'm gonna say I don't probably not

[1:02:09] Anyway

[1:02:12] Probably not like look it up. If you know scope that shit and you just like

[1:02:15] That shit and you just like

[1:02:19] It's Diane Lane was the

[1:02:26] John Cusack I

[1:02:28] Think because serendipity serendipity was Jack you sack Kate Beckinsale. I that was my six degrees of Marmaduke

[1:02:36] But yeah, it makes perfect sense. I'm an idiot. Sure. Sure. I get it now. Anyway, I don't know how now

[1:02:42] I'd understand how anyone doesn't make that mistake final judgments

[1:02:45] I'm gonna say look if this if this occurred way earlier in our flophouse career when I was less beaten down

[1:02:51] I might say this is a good bad movie because it is legitimately

[1:02:55] very strange and like

[1:02:58] So for Netflix to put this out with some name actors like it is wild that it is as bad as it is

[1:03:07] but

[1:03:08] Even at 88 minutes, it's just too much. I would say if you're curious

[1:03:13] Maybe watch some highlights you have Netflix already. I'm pretty sure

[1:03:18] Just fast-forward through

[1:03:20] Watch a little bit. Maybe the tsunami maybe the farting. I don't know and then go about your day

[1:03:27] But what do you guys?

[1:03:30] Go about your day. Yeah

[1:03:34] First thing in the morning, yeah, you're doing start the day off right with a little barbecue. Yeah, I mean, this is a bad bad movie

[1:03:41] I mean, I've this obviously I'm not the target demographic. I'm not I don't know what child

[1:03:48] Sick

[1:03:51] Monstrous freak

[1:03:54] But yeah, so

[1:03:57] Some sort of a hideous thing a warning

[1:04:03] Say I'm gonna say bad bad movie

[1:04:05] This is I didn't find it as as

[1:04:08] Goofy as as Dan did and there this is one of those movies where there were many times during it where I was like, I

[1:04:13] Can't I cannot believe that I'm spending my time watching this but you know what on a holiday weekend on a holiday weekend

[1:04:20] Yeah for the flophouse listeners that this I'm spending my post Thanksgiving is is watching this movie

[1:04:25] but at their time I go back and forth these movies all the time because I'm like I

[1:04:29] Don't like that. They exist at the same time

[1:04:32] It's work for people like they're making money off of it

[1:04:35] Like there's somebody needed the work that this created but on the other hand like many animated movies

[1:04:39] I'm sure that they push the animators to deliver things at an unrealistic deadline. Yeah, and maybe that's the reason why it looks so crappy

[1:04:46] But and for a too low a budget, so I don't know. I'm a real mixed

[1:04:50] I'm a real mixed bag on this movie except I agree that it's terrible

[1:04:53] I think that these 0.9 rating on Letterboxd high. Yes

[1:04:58] Like I I was at my bar and I was leaving and I bumped into a podcast listener

[1:05:06] Well, sorry, I couldn't stay and talk

[1:05:08] But I had to leave because I had to run home to watch this thing

[1:05:12] So I missed an opportunity for actual human connection with another person in exchange and instead I got Marmaduke

[1:05:19] Yeah, I think

[1:05:22] That's true, this is yeah

[1:05:25] No, will I I can only I can only congratulate myself

[1:05:29] I'm earning that world's greatest dad mug by not letting my son watch this movie with me

[1:05:34] Yeah, much as I also didn't let him watch the Munsters with me. Although he was less interested in that one

[1:05:39] Um

[1:05:44] Hi, I'm looking for a movie. Oh, I got you. There's that new foreign film with the time travel

[1:05:50] There's an amazing documentary about queer history on streaming

[1:05:52] Have I told you about this classic where giant robots fight or there's that one that most critics hated?

[1:05:58] But I thought was actually pretty good

[1:05:59] Oh, I know the one with the huge car chase and then there's that scene where the car jumps over the submarine Wow

[1:06:06] Who are you eclectic movie experts? Well, I'm if you why do I I'm Dre Clark and I'm Alonso Duralde

[1:06:12] And together we host the movie podcast maximum film new episodes every week on maximum fun org

[1:06:18] And you actually just walked into our recording booth. Oh weird. Sorry. I thought this was a video store

[1:06:23] You seem like a lady with a lot of problems

[1:06:28] Hey, it's John Moe inviting you to listen to depress mode with John Moe where I talk about mental health and the lives

[1:06:34] We live with all kinds of people famous writers David Sedaris. Welcome to depress mode

[1:06:40] Thanks so much for having me movie stars. Jamie Lee Curtis. Welcome to depress mode. I am happy to be here

[1:06:46] Musicians, I am in st. Paul, Minnesota

[1:06:49] I'm talking to Amy man great to talk to you and song exploders Rishi case here way. Welcome to depress mode

[1:06:55] Thanks so much for having me

[1:06:57] Everyone's opening up on depress mode on maximum fun

[1:07:01] Hey

[1:07:03] The podcast the flop house the one you're listening to that's the podcast I'm referring to is sponsored

[1:07:08] Is is made possible in large part by listeners like you who have joined the entirely fun network?

[1:07:15] Well, but we also get a little bit from

[1:07:18] sponsors, oh, yeah, you're right sponsors the other thing that I'm trying the idea of trying to introduce and

[1:07:26] Our sponsor this week is

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[1:08:30] I think that there are a few plugs including Stuart. Let's start off with this one. Yay

[1:08:36] So it's that time of year. That's right the holiday season, baby. Whoo

[1:08:42] and to celebrate

[1:08:44] We're gonna be doing

[1:08:45] Mainly me and Dan are gonna be doing a little party over on my twitch channel on

[1:08:51] Wednesday night

[1:08:52] What December 14th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time?

[1:08:57] And we are going to be hanging out in Dan's kitchen. Dan is gonna be cooking up a feast. Well, I don't know about with him

[1:09:05] We're gonna be making cocktails. We're gonna be goofing around

[1:09:09] And we invite you to join us. My twitch channel is Stuart Wellington over at twitch and you can also

[1:09:15] I'm sure we'll put a link to it in the show notes for this episode

[1:09:19] And it's just gonna be you know, like an hour or so of us hanging out and answering questions and goofing off

[1:09:24] Yeah, if you ever if you like the flop house, but you're like I wanted to be a cooking show

[1:09:28] Now's your chance exactly

[1:09:30] The thing is I've been pushing Dan to do more cooking based content on various platforms and he fights me

[1:09:36] So this is my chance me tricking him into doing it bite his hand and maybe a special guest might show up

[1:09:42] Special guests might be Elliot possibly if we can get the technology to work, that'll be an exciting cooking show

[1:09:50] For a spin-off the cook has you know, it's a it's just a free little extra show as a

[1:09:57] holiday

[1:09:58] Thank you to listeners

[1:10:00] Anything else to plug, guys?

[1:10:04] I have a temporary de-plug, unfortunately.

[1:10:08] I've been mentioning on the last few episodes that my new comic book, Maniac of New York,

[1:10:12] Don't Call It a Comeback, number one, comes out December 7th.

[1:10:15] I've received the unfortunate news that the publication is being pushed slightly to a

[1:10:19] later date.

[1:10:20] I don't know when yet, so if you go on December 7th to your local comic book store and they

[1:10:25] don't have this book, do not get mad, do not get sad, just stay glad, because it will be

[1:10:31] coming at some point.

[1:10:32] It'll still be rad.

[1:10:33] I'll let you know.

[1:10:34] It'll still be rad.

[1:10:35] I'll let you know at some point when it's coming out, but that publication date is TBD,

[1:10:42] which means to be Dan.

[1:10:45] So Dan, I guess you're the publication date.

[1:10:47] Congratulations.

[1:10:48] Oh, thanks.

[1:10:49] Which means you're my date to the publication party.

[1:10:53] That's when we have a party next to the printing press where it's being printed.

[1:10:56] It's very loud.

[1:10:57] It hurts your ears.

[1:10:58] But you're my date.

[1:10:59] You gotta come with me.

[1:11:00] Okay.

[1:11:01] Why don't you wear that slinky backless number you know I like so much?

[1:11:04] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:05] Okay.

[1:11:06] Not gonna fight it.

[1:11:07] I mean, the printing press is hot.

[1:11:10] You're gonna want no back on your dress.

[1:11:12] Yeah, just don't back up onto the press.

[1:11:14] Yeah, of course not.

[1:11:15] You don't want to get burns and whatnot.

[1:11:17] It's a general just good idea just not to touch a printing press when it's working.

[1:11:22] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:23] Is that it?

[1:11:24] Or should we move?

[1:11:25] Can we move on?

[1:11:26] I think we can move on.

[1:11:27] Okay.

[1:11:28] This next part of the show is letters from listeners like you.

[1:11:31] Like us?

[1:11:32] Well, I mean, you're not...

[1:11:34] I guess...

[1:11:35] Do you listen to the show?

[1:11:36] Sometimes.

[1:11:37] Okay.

[1:11:38] Well, I guess...

[1:11:39] Yeah, occasionally.

[1:11:40] ...if you wrote a letter in, maybe I would read it.

[1:11:41] But mostly non-host listeners.

[1:11:42] What if I write one right now?

[1:11:43] Dear Dan, this is Elliot, your co-host on the show.

[1:11:45] I have a question for you and the other floppers because I'm such a big fan.

[1:11:48] Send it through the proper channels.

[1:11:49] Yep.

[1:11:50] Oh, so you want to take it now?

[1:11:51] All right.

[1:11:52] I'll send you my letter off the air then, I guess.

[1:11:53] Yeah.

[1:11:54] Okay.

[1:11:55] Well, this first one is from...

[1:11:56] It's going to be a really good question.

[1:11:57] Matthew, last name with L.

[1:11:58] By the way, I want to say I'm not very good at it a lot of the time.

[1:12:03] I try and get the letters out to...

[1:12:05] And by it, you mean everything?

[1:12:06] Yeah.

[1:12:07] I try to get the letters out...

[1:12:08] Just get it.

[1:12:09] Dan's good at a lot of things.

[1:12:10] ...to Stuart and Elliot a little bit before we actually tape so they can think about any

[1:12:16] questions that may be in it.

[1:12:18] I forgot this time because I was on break and too busy not doing anything.

[1:12:25] Dan was so not busy that he forgot to do it.

[1:12:29] I think that people understand.

[1:12:30] I mean, if you have a schedule, it's easier to...

[1:12:31] He's a vacation brain, dude.

[1:12:32] Yeah.

[1:12:33] Sure.

[1:12:34] Yeah.

[1:12:35] I mean, there's something that I was once told by a famous person, you get better service

[1:12:39] in a busy restaurant.

[1:12:40] Yeah.

[1:12:41] So when there's a lot going on, it's easier to stay on task.

[1:12:44] Yeah.

[1:12:45] I apologize that maybe these won't be as...

[1:12:49] I haven't given enough time to reflect, but we'll see.

[1:12:52] The first question is, Stuart and Elliot, can you write me a five-paragraph essay explaining

[1:12:56] this thing?

[1:12:57] Yeah.

[1:12:58] Right now, off the top of my head?

[1:12:59] Oh, okay.

[1:13:00] Wow.

[1:13:01] This is from Matthew, last name withheld, who writes, ahoy, peaches.

[1:13:03] I have to assume Matthew Lesko, famous for sending out books about free money you can

[1:13:07] get from the government.

[1:13:08] Oh, does he have a suit that looks like money?

[1:13:10] He has a suit with question marks.

[1:13:13] Oh.

[1:13:14] Like a Riddler.

[1:13:15] Oh, no, maybe it's money on it.

[1:13:16] You know, it's question marks.

[1:13:17] It's question marks.

[1:13:18] Yeah.

[1:13:19] Yeah.

[1:13:20] Yeah.

[1:13:21] Maybe to him, questions are money.

[1:13:22] Yeah.

[1:13:23] You know the old saying, it takes questions to make money.

[1:13:29] Yeah.

[1:13:30] This is from...

[1:13:31] Because the question is usually, how do I make money?

[1:13:33] Yet again, Matthew says, ahoy, peaches.

[1:13:36] I had a great time listening to your recent episode about the Munsters, because I'm slightly

[1:13:41] younger than you guys.

[1:13:42] I used to watch my old Munsters returns on TV Land rather than Naked Knight.

[1:13:46] In those days, the channel ran promos for the Munsters that poked fun at the show's

[1:13:49] premise by way of explanatory lyrics set to the tune of the show's theme song.

[1:13:55] On reflection, I realize that my memories of these promos are much more vivid than my

[1:13:59] memories of the show itself.

[1:14:01] Which brings me to my question, what are some examples of movie advertising that struck

[1:14:06] you as particularly clever or memorable?

[1:14:10] This could include trailers, posters, or anything else.

[1:14:14] Bonus points if it was much better than the movie deserved.

[1:14:17] Properly yours, Matthew, last name withheld.

[1:14:20] I wanna...

[1:14:21] Mordecai, right?

[1:14:22] Mordecai?

[1:14:23] Where all the cats have little mustaches?

[1:14:24] People love that shit.

[1:14:25] Yeah, mustaches.

[1:14:26] Yeah.

[1:14:27] People went crazy for that little mustache.

[1:14:29] Just mustache fever swept the nation, yeah.

[1:14:31] This actually...

[1:14:32] You know, this was not a movie...

[1:14:33] Mustache fever!

[1:14:34] Bow-now-now!

[1:14:35] That was the hit song from Mordecai.

[1:14:37] Yeah.

[1:14:38] Uh-huh.

[1:14:39] The day before I was around, I'm gonna look it up, the actual date, 1978, okay, the year

[1:14:47] of my birth, Magic.

[1:14:49] I did not see it at the time, but this is famously a television ad that is scarier than

[1:14:57] the movie, I would argue.

[1:14:58] Magic's a fun movie.

[1:14:59] It's fine.

[1:15:00] It's an okay movie.

[1:15:01] Anthony Hopkins' performance, William Goldman wrote it, but the...

[1:15:07] Look up the Magic TV ad and see why it traumatized a generation.

[1:15:14] That's the one I thought of.

[1:15:16] That's a good one.

[1:15:17] That is a much...

[1:15:18] It promises a much scarier movie than what actually results.

[1:15:21] Similarly, this won't come as a surprise since I've now written three volumes of a comic

[1:15:28] book, roughly based on the promise of this ad, third volume, of course, coming out, TVD.

[1:15:32] The Jason Takes Manhattan advertisements, they just promised Jason taking Manhattan

[1:15:37] in a way that he didn't in the movie, Jason Takes Manhattan.

[1:15:41] And so...

[1:15:42] Yeah.

[1:15:43] I mean, spoiler alert, but that's okay.

[1:15:44] Spoiler alert, the movie's not very good.

[1:15:48] But those ads really, like, when I was younger, yeah, they really burrowed into my head.

[1:15:54] There's a...

[1:15:55] I feel like there's a...

[1:15:56] I'll think of some other ones.

[1:15:57] Stuart, what else have you got?

[1:15:58] Oh, man, I gotta do something other than Mordecai?

[1:16:01] I mean, that's such a fucking banger.

[1:16:03] If you want to go with the joke answer, sure, that's fine.

[1:16:07] I wasn't gonna...

[1:16:08] Remember this, Stuart, that I wasn't the one who gave you a hard time for once.

[1:16:14] This one's from Duncan, last name with L.

[1:16:17] Duncan, Idaho.

[1:16:18] Duncan Hines.

[1:16:19] Yeah.

[1:16:20] That's crazy.

[1:16:21] Duncan, Idaho.

[1:16:22] Duncan Hines.

[1:16:23] You put Hines on Idaho potatoes.

[1:16:25] Oh, my Lord.

[1:16:26] Whoa.

[1:16:27] Whoa.

[1:16:28] We're through the looking glass, everybody.

[1:16:29] What?

[1:16:30] This is Wheels Within Wheels.

[1:16:31] I thought you were gonna construct a name called Hines, Idaho.

[1:16:34] And I was like, I don't know what that means.

[1:16:37] Yeah, that's Duncan, Idaho's German cousin, Hines, Idaho.

[1:16:42] Yeah.

[1:16:43] Against my better judgment...

[1:16:45] Why do I not also become a giant kind of clone worm?

[1:16:50] Against my better judgment, I've continued to watch the Marvel movies, and as a result,

[1:16:57] driven insane with confusion, with the confusion that's now arisen with the whole multiverse

[1:17:03] concept.

[1:17:04] I can no longer tell which, quote, version of a character it is I'm seeing.

[1:17:08] And I frankly can't see how any action that takes place in these movies has any consequence

[1:17:12] since it can be easily retconned by bringing back dead characters or objects or worlds.

[1:17:18] I know the point is probably just...

[1:17:19] Welcome to comics.

[1:17:20] Yeah.

[1:17:21] I know the point is probably just to stop thinking and watch the glowy things go boom.

[1:17:24] But I thought since you guys seem to have a very special set of comic-related skills,

[1:17:28] I'd put the question to you, how do I make sense of this nonsense in my mind?

[1:17:33] And if you were in charge of the MCU, what would you signpost to viewers to help them

[1:17:38] with what they're seeing, i.e., would one parallel universe have a prefix to their titles

[1:17:42] like Dark World or something?

[1:17:44] Well, not that.

[1:17:45] They already use it.

[1:17:46] Much love, wasting brain space in Australia, Duncan.

[1:17:49] I mean, my response is what Elliot has already hinted at.

[1:17:53] This is just what comics are.

[1:17:55] They've been retconned so many times.

[1:17:57] You just can't...

[1:17:59] The longer something goes on, the bigger the world gets, the more unwieldy.

[1:18:04] So you can't...

[1:18:06] That stuff's all just fun stuff to have in the back of your head if you want it.

[1:18:10] But you should live in the moment, dude.

[1:18:12] Live in the moment, dude.

[1:18:15] I think that's a big part of it.

[1:18:17] Live in the moment, dude.

[1:18:18] I think part of the problem is...

[1:18:19] I think there is a real issue, I think, with people who are not used to those concepts

[1:18:24] now being confronted with them.

[1:18:26] And the movie is, I agree, not doing enough of a job of differentiating those multiverses.

[1:18:31] In the comics, there's always the evil universe.

[1:18:34] There's the version where somebody else has the costume.

[1:18:37] A different member of the supporting cast has become the hero.

[1:18:39] They've hinted at that a little bit.

[1:18:41] But I think part of the problem is that, especially in, like, Multiverse of Madness,

[1:18:46] most of those multiverse characters that we're seeing

[1:18:48] rely on knowledge from previous iterations of these characters.

[1:18:52] Like, if you're watching Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness,

[1:18:54] you only know things from Marvel movies.

[1:18:56] It's not going to be fun to you that

[1:18:58] Patrick Stewart comes out to the X-Men theme song from the 1990s

[1:19:01] in the yellow floaty wheelchair.

[1:19:04] It's not going to be fun to you that Reed Richards,

[1:19:06] a character you have never encountered before,

[1:19:08] shows up.

[1:19:09] The smartest man in the world being played by

[1:19:11] John Krasinski.

[1:19:15] I mean, it's fine.

[1:19:17] But I think that there's a level of this concept that

[1:19:22] I think they are not doing a great job of, like,

[1:19:24] making the most of it in a simple way

[1:19:26] that doesn't require a lot of extra knowledge.

[1:19:28] But you're right. This is what being a comics fan is all about.

[1:19:30] And what's amazing to me is that

[1:19:32] the Marvel Universe has existed for 14 years

[1:19:34] in the movie world with the first Iron Man.

[1:19:36] And in 14 years, they've managed to get to the point

[1:19:38] that the Marvel Comics Universe took 30 years to get to.

[1:19:41] The 1990s, when there were too many books,

[1:19:44] too many different versions of characters,

[1:19:46] the continuity was too thick,

[1:19:48] and people started losing interest

[1:19:50] because the overall quality was going down

[1:19:52] and there was just too much to keep track of.

[1:19:54] And it's like, oh man, movies are so much more efficient

[1:19:56] than comic books. It took them half as long

[1:19:58] to get to a point of incomprehensibility

[1:20:00] to the casual viewer, but I think that if I was in charge of the Marvel movies, what I would do is

[1:20:06] simplify it quite a bit. I think they're forgetting that one of the things that made them so successful

[1:20:11] was getting us invested in the characters before the characters started interacting and getting

[1:20:17] all put together. What's the first kind of Easter egg nod to someone? Is that when Captain America's

[1:20:25] shield shows up for a second in Iron Man 2 or something? Those things were handled as like,

[1:20:31] wink, you don't need to know about this, but wink, whereas now when Star Fox and Pip the

[1:20:36] Troll show up at the end of Eternals, it's incomprehensible. Or like when Patrick Stewart

[1:20:44] shows up, not even as the Professor X from the X-Men movies, but as the Professor X from the

[1:20:48] cartoon show from the 90s. It's just so you're in the thicket when you could just be not putting as

[1:20:55] much plot weight on that and not treating it like the important thing in each movie is not the plot

[1:21:00] or what happens with the characters, but instead what new character from the Marvel universe is

[1:21:05] going to be introduced. I feel like now once I found out that Namor was in Wakanda Forever,

[1:21:11] part of the interest in seeing it went down for me because I was like, okay, well, I know the next

[1:21:14] building block that's being introduced. I don't trust that those movies are going to give me a

[1:21:22] full character story anymore. Maybe that's a bad example. I haven't seen it. I heard it's good.

[1:21:26] Yeah, well, I liked Wakanda Forever quite a bit, but I wouldn't. Namor, like I don't care so much

[1:21:32] because he's like given full villain weight, you know, like sure, introduce him in this as the new

[1:21:37] villain and then he can be in future movies. The thing that more people have had problems with,

[1:21:42] I didn't have so much because I liked performance, but like they're introducing the character of

[1:21:47] Ironheart in it as well. And I think the new thing with these Marvel movies is let's introduce

[1:21:54] a character that's going to then have their own thing as a supporting character in a established

[1:22:02] thing. And I understand the thinking about that, especially when it's these characters that have

[1:22:06] less general name recognition. But if you look back at like Guardians of the Galaxy,

[1:22:11] like they just introduced them in their own movie, gave them their own time and just trusted that the

[1:22:16] thing is, if it's a good enough movie, then people will love the characters by the end of it.

[1:22:22] I'm going to go back even farther, Dan. If you go back to every single movie before Iron Man,

[1:22:27] almost every single movie introduced new characters in that movie, got the audience

[1:22:32] to care about them and then told a story with it. Like the idea that you need to introduce,

[1:22:37] especially now that the Marvel Universe is such a brand, you can just release a Marvel movie and I

[1:22:41] don't think you need to do it interlocking jigsaw style. But it's the thing I've talked

[1:22:46] about before that I'm always amazed about. The original Star Wars is like when Star Wars,

[1:22:49] A New Hope came out and was just called Star Wars. They didn't call it A New Hope because

[1:22:52] they didn't know they were going to make. There weren't like annoying nerds.

[1:22:56] Exactly. Well, there were annoying nerds, but they're talking about Star Trek. Why isn't it

[1:23:00] on the air anymore? We only have the same three seasons or whatever to look over over and over

[1:23:04] again. But when that movie came out, it's not like people are like, oh, great, the new Luke

[1:23:11] Skywalker movie is out or like the new Han Solo movie. They're just like, what is this movie?

[1:23:15] And the characters get introduced to you. And within two hours, you're like, I love these

[1:23:18] characters. I hope that they're able to defeat the empire and that I hope there's a ton more of

[1:23:22] these movies and then that they kind of lose sight of what the movies were about. And then

[1:23:25] they kind of become offensive at a certain point just in the way they deal with the audience and

[1:23:29] with their love for the characters. And then that a bigger company buys this property and then makes

[1:23:34] too much of it. And it proliferates like a cancer. And then Star Wars metastasizes until

[1:23:39] it becomes unpleasant. I can't wait. But that the magic of that eventually, eventually they'll make

[1:23:44] a TV show that everybody seems to universally like. So it's all worth it, you know, that they

[1:23:50] that that this magic of that movie is that it's just a movie that tells a story and you love it.

[1:23:55] And Marvel could be doing more of that, especially now that they have the audience's buy in that

[1:24:00] they like Marvel stuff. But I agree, like Guardians of the Galaxy. That's the smartest

[1:24:03] thing about that is that even though at the end of that Thor movie, they did do that thing where

[1:24:07] they go to the collector for some reason. But the even Guardians of the Galaxy, there's like,

[1:24:13] hey, let's introduce these characters. They're fun. Let's have an adventure. OK, the adventure

[1:24:16] is over. Goodbye. And that's a nice way to do movies. Yeah, you don't need to. So I would say

[1:24:22] if you're having and here's the ultimate thing. If you're finding the Marvel movies confusing and

[1:24:27] complicated and you're having trouble keeping track of who's who in them, there's thousands,

[1:24:32] if not hundreds of thousands of other movies that you can watch stand on their own. You don't have

[1:24:37] to watch them if you're having trouble. Remind yourself it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[1:24:42] Also, well, I had a conversation with I had a conversation with John Hodgman recently where

[1:24:46] he was like he's like, you don't have to watch it. You don't have to watch Ms. Marvel. It's fun,

[1:24:51] but it's not essential. And I was like, John, none of them are essential. Like we can live

[1:24:56] without any of them. And so I think the I think the Marvel what I think what will fix the Marvel

[1:25:03] movies is if the audience starts to understand they don't need to service the Marvel Cinematic

[1:25:08] Universe and they kind of say, well, I'll come back and watch some of these when you get back

[1:25:11] to the level of kind of like excitement and thinking about it and thoughtfulness and care

[1:25:17] that you put into the first what, like two, maybe three phases of this this thing or maybe

[1:25:22] what phase are they on now? Is it phase four that they're in or I don't know if it makes

[1:25:27] sense. One of them, it doesn't make it made up. Yeah, that's true. They face it's all made up.

[1:25:33] Yeah, well, it is all made up. Even the good ones are made up, Dan. Yeah,

[1:25:36] they're not based on our true story. And even reality is a story that we write day by day.

[1:25:40] So but I think if you break yourself out of the prison of feeling like, oh, I owe it to see all

[1:25:46] these things. I'm one of the greatest decisions I ever made in my life was when I didn't go see

[1:25:50] Man of Steel in the theaters because I was like, oh, I've got to go see this movie, but I know I'm

[1:25:55] not going to like it. And I was like, wait a minute. I don't have to go see this movie if I

[1:25:59] know I'm not going to like something or even that there's something I'm going to like more than this.

[1:26:03] Why don't I do that instead? And I never looked back and I never saw Man of Steel. And just

[1:26:07] knowing how much Stewart didn't like it has been a joy forever. It is true to break it out of just

[1:26:12] this. Like, I think that as a human being, sometimes I get trapped in in ruts where I

[1:26:20] like I'm doing things without really examining why. Like if there's a thing that you're thinking

[1:26:27] you're dreading or isn't giving you the joy that you think it should, you know, you can take a

[1:26:31] break from it, maybe come back later. Your passion you want to might reignite, but you don't have to

[1:26:38] do something else. Do something in this podcast. Yeah, I should probably keep,

[1:26:42] you know, your membership on that. In fact, I feel like there's a number of things about being

[1:26:48] a nerd that used to be kind of badges of honor and have now when nerds were outsiders and now

[1:26:55] they have infected society at large. Superiority complexes, resentment of other people, anger

[1:27:02] at feeling left out of stuff, even when you're at the center of culture. And I think one of

[1:27:06] the things that's infected modern culture is completism. As a nerd, I always feel the urge

[1:27:11] to like, I like this author. I better read every single book they've ever written. I like this

[1:27:15] this movie. I better watch every single movie in the series or every single episode of this TV show.

[1:27:19] And I think if we can break the idea that completism is good or virtue or even necessary,

[1:27:26] and we can just treat entertainment as stuff that we can dip into whenever we want,

[1:27:30] then media will be healthier in general. One thing that my therapist told me that I found

[1:27:35] very helpful was she said, just ask yourself, what is going to make me happy today? Like,

[1:27:41] and that's like a powerful idea. Like, you don't have to, you know, construct these plans and like

[1:27:48] be trapped by what you think is is necessary. Like, sure, obviously do the things you need to

[1:27:54] do to live and be responsible, but also think about today and and what will make you happy.

[1:28:01] Don't feel like a weird obligation about your entertainment to your free time.

[1:28:06] Yeah. And and because because if you do, you might make a bad decision and suddenly end up

[1:28:11] 15 years later watching the animated Marmaduke when you could be watching something that would

[1:28:16] bring you happiness. And instead, you're just trying to shield your children

[1:28:20] from Pete Davidson farting and shitting in a trophy.

[1:28:27] I mean, to be clear, it's not Pete Davidson shitting in a trophy.

[1:28:30] That shit. I have to assume that happens in his movie. Yeah. Speaking of Judd Apatow and the reason

[1:28:37] that this is a connection will will come to light later. Let's talk about recommendations, movies

[1:28:45] that we kind of like. I love that you're like speaking of Judd Apatow. Now, let me put that

[1:28:49] segue on hold. Well, I just want to clarify ahead of time, like to prevent you from jumping on me

[1:28:56] as you are want to do to be like that. No, no. Judd Apatow. No, no. But but I know exactly. I

[1:29:00] think I know exactly what you're what you're getting at because of a conversation we had

[1:29:04] earlier outside. That's true. Recommendations, movies that we liked that actually might be

[1:29:09] worth your time and perhaps your movie going dollar. I saw The Fableman's recently and I saw

[1:29:17] it at a it was a guild screening where Tony Kushner and Steven Spielberg were there being

[1:29:25] being interviewed by Judd Apatow as the moderator for the Q&A. I will get back to that.

[1:29:32] Elliot's favorite filmmakers. Moving down to Judd Apatow. Won't you take me to Judd Apatow?

[1:29:38] Won't you take me to Judd Apatow? It's a town that's roughly 20 minutes too long.

[1:29:45] Uh, I yeah, I really liked The Fableman's. I was kind of a little leery of it because sometimes

[1:29:56] movies about the magic of the movies. You don't like magic.

[1:30:00] The magic of cinema movies can be a little self-congratulatory and schmaltzy, and...

[1:30:06] You're like, hmm, Cinema Paradiso? More like Cinema Paradickish.

[1:30:11] I mean, there are a lot of...

[1:30:12] Zero stars. Thumbs down.

[1:30:13] There are a lot of wonderful movies about movies, but it also can be a license to...

[1:30:17] Singing in the rain? More like stinking in the rain.

[1:30:19] Indulge.

[1:30:20] Donnie Darko? More like Donnie Dorko.

[1:30:23] Donnie Darko's not exactly a movie about the magic of movies.

[1:30:26] I think you understand what I'm saying.

[1:30:28] You're making fun of me, but I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.

[1:30:31] And Spielberg, who is a filmmaker of great skill and who's made many wonderful films,

[1:30:39] also can indulge his sentimental side, certainly.

[1:30:42] Cinema-mental side.

[1:30:45] I've seen Minority Report.

[1:30:47] It's both sentimental films.

[1:30:48] What a sentimental movie.

[1:30:51] But I also think that Spielberg is a filmmaker that, in a weird way...

[1:30:57] Audrey brought this up recently.

[1:30:58] I think she's right that he's become so big, he's circled around to being underrated in a way

[1:31:04] where people are dismissive of him because he's the great crowd pleaser or whatever.

[1:31:11] I mean, even though he's done a lot weirder stuff in the latter half of his career.

[1:31:15] I think it's a combination of him becoming the establishment favorite.

[1:31:18] I think you're right.

[1:31:19] Once someone becomes universally acclaimed, then there's a backlash against them.

[1:31:23] Much as Martin Scorsese has been backlash now for daring to have an opinion about movies

[1:31:29] that people on the Internet don't like.

[1:31:32] How dare he?

[1:31:33] How dare this man who's dedicated his life to cinema?

[1:31:36] How dare he have an opinion?

[1:31:37] Not only his own movies, but world cinema getting in front of people.

[1:31:41] And preserving old cinema.

[1:31:43] There's a reason that we have a viewable copy of Vertigo.

[1:31:46] And it's in large part because of his efforts.

[1:31:48] I'm sorry.

[1:31:49] How many of Martin Scorsese's movies have a Deadpool in them?

[1:31:53] Thank you.

[1:31:54] Good point.

[1:31:55] Good point.

[1:31:56] Almost none of them.

[1:31:57] Yeah.

[1:31:58] But yeah.

[1:31:59] And also that Steven Spielberg in the latter half of his career has made up.

[1:32:03] He's still an incredibly prolific filmmaker.

[1:32:05] And his movies are not always at the high average that he achieved.

[1:32:09] Yeah.

[1:32:10] So I think that's why people start to underrate him.

[1:32:13] Yes.

[1:32:14] As you said, this was probably my favorite movie of his going back to at

[1:32:19] least Lincoln, maybe earlier, maybe Catch Me If You Can.

[1:32:23] I really enjoyed it.

[1:32:25] And it is far more unsparing than you would expect.

[1:32:30] Like the trailers make it like focus on the magic of cinema schmaltz.

[1:32:34] But it is much more actually kind of a clear-eyed excavation of some of the

[1:32:41] more painful moments in his upbringing.

[1:32:44] And I kind of admired how honest it was, how open-hearted it was to a bunch

[1:32:50] of like flawed people from his youth, including his parents, primarily his

[1:32:56] parents.

[1:32:57] And I liked it quite a bit.

[1:33:00] And to circle back around to Judd Apatow, I enjoyed the part in the Q&A

[1:33:07] where Tony Kushner was talking about how he was worried that Seth Rogen was

[1:33:14] going to come in.

[1:33:16] He's a supporting actor in the movie.

[1:33:18] He was going to come in.

[1:33:19] He was going to do a bunch of improv because Tony Kushner is a writer, a

[1:33:23] very respected writer, Angels in America, many other things.

[1:33:27] He was like, Seth Rogen is going to come in and improvise all over it.

[1:33:31] And Seth came in and was like, oh, this is great.

[1:33:35] I can do it as written.

[1:33:36] I don't have to make it funny.

[1:33:38] It's a great script as written.

[1:33:40] And they're like, Judd Apatow is right there on the stage, man.

[1:33:45] Yeah, what a slap in the face.

[1:33:47] But to Judd Apatow's-

[1:33:49] Oh, I'm used to being presented pages of shit that I have to put a gloss on.

[1:33:53] Well, to Apatow's credit, he immediately jumped in and was like, yeah,

[1:33:57] Seth's used to my shit.

[1:33:59] Seth will make this funny.

[1:34:02] For all the things that I don't-

[1:34:04] I feel like I don't love Judd Apatow's work, but I feel like he's never been a

[1:34:08] guy who's going to put on airs and be like, I'm just as good as Tony Kushner,

[1:34:11] the author of Angels in America.

[1:34:13] You look a very good-spirited-

[1:34:14] I'm just as good as the man who made E.T.

[1:34:17] Yeah, he was a very good moderator.

[1:34:19] It was a fun time, and the movie's great.

[1:34:21] So go out and see it.

[1:34:23] Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing it.

[1:34:25] I am going to recommend what is currently my favorite movie of the year.

[1:34:29] I'm going to recommend Bones and All, the new Luca Guadagnino movie.

[1:34:34] And you know me, I'm a big Luca stan.

[1:34:36] Uh-oh.

[1:34:37] I love all his movies.

[1:34:38] I'm a super freak for it.

[1:34:39] I would devour them.

[1:34:40] You're a real Guano.

[1:34:41] Yep.

[1:34:42] You watched Luca, the Pixar movie, under the misapprehension that it was-

[1:34:46] Daring.

[1:34:47] I'm like, is that Tilda Swinton in makeup?

[1:34:49] What's going on?

[1:34:50] So-

[1:34:51] How did they make her look like a CGI character?

[1:34:54] It's astounding.

[1:34:55] She's incredible.

[1:34:57] So, Bones and All is kind of like an outsider love story set in the 80s,

[1:35:03] where these two kids who just happen to be cannibals manage to find some connection.

[1:35:10] Are they fine and young?

[1:35:12] They are fine and young.

[1:35:14] One of them is Timothy Chalamet.

[1:35:16] Oh, does he get finer or younger with the time being?

[1:35:18] He will get old eventually.

[1:35:20] It is a beautiful movie.

[1:35:23] It is a fucking gross movie.

[1:35:26] And it's also a super sad movie.

[1:35:28] I read an interview with Luca Guadagnino over at Film Freak Central,

[1:35:33] where the interviewer, Walter Chaw,

[1:35:36] described Luca Guadagnino's movies as having a desperate romanticism.

[1:35:42] And I think this movie totally exemplifies that,

[1:35:45] this yearning for connection.

[1:35:47] And it uses the scenery and kind of backdrop of the American Midwest

[1:35:52] as kind of like a perfect palette for this.

[1:35:55] And, yeah, it's great.

[1:35:57] I found it very moving.

[1:35:59] There's also a very unexpected but very thematically appropriate sequence

[1:36:06] where Timothy Chalamet dances around to the song,

[1:36:09] Lick It Up by Kiss, which was very welcome.

[1:36:13] So, yeah, I love it.

[1:36:14] It's great.

[1:36:15] And speaking of a late period Spielberg, Mark Rylance is in it.

[1:36:18] Mark Rylance is incredible in it.

[1:36:20] Yeah.

[1:36:21] Always good.

[1:36:22] And Spielberg.

[1:36:23] Oh, man.

[1:36:24] It's great.

[1:36:25] Two thumbs up.

[1:36:26] Elliot, your turn.

[1:36:27] Hey, guys.

[1:36:28] What would you do if a life-changing amount of cash

[1:36:31] literally fell into your lap one night?

[1:36:33] Would you become so determined to hold on to it

[1:36:35] that you'd embark on a trail of destruction?

[1:36:37] Is he recommending blisters fucking millions?

[1:36:39] No.

[1:36:41] That's the choice Elizabeth Scott makes in Too Late for Tears,

[1:36:44] a 1949 film noir directed by Byron Haskin

[1:36:47] and written by Roy Huggins, creator of The Rockford Files, Maverick, and The Fugitive.

[1:36:51] Elizabeth's Jane Palmer is hell-bent on achieving the post-war ideal of financial security,

[1:36:55] and she doesn't care who she has to kill or kiss to get it.

[1:36:58] But is this miracle money merely a harbinger of her own doom?

[1:37:01] It's a film noir, so probably, but find out for sure

[1:37:05] by watching The Enjoyably Tawdry Too Late for Tears,

[1:37:08] currently streaming on Tubi.

[1:37:10] Wow, that was nice and tight.

[1:37:12] Yeah, that was nice and tight.

[1:37:13] Did you write that one down?

[1:37:14] Maybe.

[1:37:15] Maybe I wrote it down ahead of time,

[1:37:17] because I know I can get pretty rambly and loose.

[1:37:19] Uh-huh.

[1:37:20] Well, uh...

[1:37:21] Much like what Marmaduke put into that trophy,

[1:37:24] sometimes my recommendations can get too rambly and loose.

[1:37:26] Oh, yeah, that's fair, yeah.

[1:37:27] This has been great.

[1:37:28] Before we go, I want to...

[1:37:30] Has it been?

[1:37:31] I want to mention yet again,

[1:37:33] in case people skip over the stuff in the middle,

[1:37:36] our promos,

[1:37:38] Stuart...

[1:37:39] Yeah, we're doing a Twitch stream,

[1:37:41] me and Dan with special guest Elliot, hopefully.

[1:37:44] We're going to do a Twitch stream over at my channel, Stuart Wellington,

[1:37:47] on December 14th.

[1:37:49] It's a Wednesday night at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time,

[1:37:51] where we're going to be cooking up a storm,

[1:37:53] having some drinks, answering questions, goofing around.

[1:37:56] Please join us.

[1:37:58] And I also wanted to remind people

[1:38:02] that the Sexy Xenomorph...

[1:38:04] Oh, yeah.

[1:38:05] ...contest is still going on.

[1:38:07] That is to do a music video for the song Sexy Xenomorph

[1:38:12] by our producer Alex Smith and the three of us.

[1:38:16] The song of the fall.

[1:38:18] The contest rules are available on the website

[1:38:23] under the Musters episode and show notes.

[1:38:27] I'll try and put them also separately on a blog section as well.

[1:38:33] But if you want to be part of that,

[1:38:36] get your entry in, put it on YouTube,

[1:38:39] email us about it before New Year's.

[1:38:42] Again, all the rules are on the website.

[1:38:45] And I want to thank our network, Maximum Fun.

[1:38:48] Go over to MaximumFun.org.

[1:38:50] Look at all the great podcasts they have there.

[1:38:53] And then once you're done looking at them, listen to one of them.

[1:38:56] And also thank you.

[1:38:58] It's more of an audio thing.

[1:39:00] But, you know.

[1:39:01] Yeah.

[1:39:02] And then I also wanted to thank Alex Smith,

[1:39:05] the aforementioned Alex Smith who did Sexy Xenomorph.

[1:39:08] But more importantly for us, at least, is our great producer.

[1:39:13] And puts all this stuff together.

[1:39:16] And he's like a good friend of mine.

[1:39:18] He was the best man at my wedding, Dan.

[1:39:20] Yeah, yeah.

[1:39:21] I'm saying for the entity, the Flophouse.

[1:39:23] That's how listeners know him.

[1:39:25] But anyway, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:39:29] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:39:31] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:39:34] See ya.

[1:39:38] Ruff, ruff.

[1:39:40] Way to tie it together.

[1:39:45] How about, guys, how about if I just drop in and I'm not there the whole time?

[1:39:48] He'll be like, what, David Bowie dropping by to sing Little Drummer Boy?

[1:39:53] Exactly. And that's what I'll do.

[1:39:57] What a terrible song that is.

[1:40:00] I mean, their version is probably what I like the best, but it's not a good song.

[1:40:04] Anyway...

[1:40:05] Just because someone has no gifts to bring, Dan is not interested in their song.

[1:40:08] Yeah.

[1:40:09] Maximumfun.org

[1:40:11] Comedy and culture.

[1:40:12] Artist owned. Audience supported.

Ep. #384 - Marmaduke (2022)

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