Ep. #384 - Marmaduke (2022)

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Marmaduke.

[0:03] The other one.

Stuart Wellington

[0:05] What did we do to deserve this?

[0:09] Dear God, what did we do?

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:39] Oh, I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] I'm Elliot Kalin, here to bring you an episode during the spookiest part of the year.

[0:46] December.

[0:47] Early December.

[0:48] Ooh.

[0:50] I thought it was still November.

[0:52] Well, we're recording this November, Stu, but it's going to be released in early December.

Stuart Wellington

[0:56] Okay, because I'm still nutting.

Elliott Kalan

[0:59] In case anyone didn't listen to the last episode, Stuart is still nonstop masturbating for nonstop nut November.

[1:08] But Stuart, this episode is being released in Don't Speak December, the month dedicated to the No Doubt song Don't Speak.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14] Oh, no kidding.

[1:15] Okay, well, finally, the song is going to get some credit in addition to airplay, I'd imagine.

Dan McCoy

[1:21] Yeah.

[1:21] Finally, yeah.

[1:22] Okay, well, this is actually not a podcast about gross things like Jism or…

[1:29] Or Don't Speak, the hit song from No Doubt.

[1:31] Or Don't Speak, the hit song from No Doubt, which is…

Stuart Wellington

[1:32] Yeah, I guess don't listen to the back catalog then.

Dan McCoy

[1:35] This is about bad movies.

[1:38] A podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:41] In this case…

[1:42] Dan, why did we do that?

Elliott Kalan

[1:43] Why did we give ourselves this premise?

[1:45] I don't know.

[1:46] I mean, it's had its rewards.

Dan McCoy

[1:48] Let's not pretend it hasn't.

[1:50] But several years on…

Elliott Kalan

[1:52] There's just a time when a grown man finds himself shortly before his 41st birthday watching the Marmaduke animated film and wondering,

[1:59] how is this possibly the best of all possible worlds?

Dan McCoy

[2:02] Just like the Doughboys premise has ground them down physically, this has ground us down emotionally.

[2:08] Yeah.

[2:09] Only consume garbage.

[2:12] So this is not…

[2:13] Which is also what the Doughboys is about.

[2:14] Yeah.

[2:15] This is not the Marmaduke starring…

[2:19] The live-action one.

[2:20] Quote live-action with CGI animals starring Owen Wilson.

[2:23] That dog was CGI?

[2:25] Well, I guess this is also CGI.

[2:27] But it was a cartoonier CGI.

[2:30] We did that one.

[2:31] You might remember, we already talked about Marmaduke starring Owen Wilson.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] We did that back in 2013.

[2:37] Wow.

[2:37] That episode was almost 10 years ago.

[2:40] Yeah.

[2:40] We watched the live-action Marmaduke.

Dan McCoy

[2:41] I'd probably say, don't go back and listen to that one.

Elliott Kalan

[2:44] I'm probably not.

[2:45] I mean, it's episode 131.

[2:47] So by that point, I feel like we were starting to become human beings.

[2:50] Oh, okay.

[2:51] Yeah.

[2:51] Grew up a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[2:53] Yeah.

[2:53] And this is, as I said, I was keen on doing this.

[2:57] So we complete the MCU, the Marmaduke cinematic universe.

[3:02] The Marmaduke crap universe.

[3:04] This one.

[3:05] I mean, you got to say, though, this one makes the other one look like a work of genius.

Stuart Wellington

[3:11] Yeah.

[3:12] Just looking when I was like, when I was going to log this shit on Letterboxd, I saw the

[3:16] poster for the other one, which features Marmaduke wearing sunglasses.

[3:19] And I'm like, oh, to have watched that movie instead.

Dan McCoy

[3:23] Speaking of Letterboxd, I sent you a screenshot of the score.

[3:29] And out of like almost 2,000 reviews of this Netflix Marmaduke, the average score is 0.9.

[3:36] That's the average score.

[3:39] Wow.

[3:40] That is insane.

Elliott Kalan

[3:41] That means there's one score that says 10 stars perfect.

[3:44] And then almost 2,000 other scores that say negative 10.

Dan McCoy

[3:48] What's the maximum star rating on Letterboxd, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] Five star.

[3:52] Oh, okay.

[3:53] Five star system.

Dan McCoy

[3:54] So 0.9 out of five.

[3:54] I wonder if they hacked the system to do 10 stars.

[3:57] Yeah.

[3:57] They got hackers in their payroll.

Stuart Wellington

[3:59] So do we need to talk about our history with Marmaduke?

Dan McCoy

[4:04] I mean, Marmaduke, you know, Marmaduke is a big dog.

[4:06] That's the whole premise.

Elliott Kalan

[4:07] He's a big dog.

[4:08] This is – okay.

[4:09] So let me give you a little behind-the-scenes backstory of the Kalen household.

[4:13] My kids have lately been very nostalgic for when my older son Sammy guest starred on the Boss Baby episode.

[4:19] They've been wanting to listen to it a lot.

[4:21] So when I said I was doing Marmaduke, a kid's movie, they ostensibly – even though there's one joke about a man's wife hating him that was a little rough for a kid's movie.

[4:29] But Sammy was like, I want to do that episode too.

[4:33] Explain to me who's this Marmaduke guy.

[4:35] And I was like, well, he's a big dog.

[4:36] And they were like, like Clifford?

[4:38] I was like, not that big.

[4:39] He's just like a regular-sized large dog.

[4:42] And they're like, but how big is he?

[4:43] The big size of a house?

[4:44] No.

[4:44] He's just like a dog.

[4:46] He's just a regular large dog.

[4:47] There's nothing – he's not monstrously big.

[4:50] And so the phrase monstrously big became the way that we were describing things.

[4:53] And Sammy was like, oh, I thought he was going to be monstrously big.

[4:56] I was like, no, he's not monstrously big.

[4:57] He's just regular big.

[4:59] And long story short, I told Sammy if he did his chores, then he could watch the movie with me.

[5:05] He did not.

[5:06] And so he was unable to watch the movie.

[5:08] And while I stopped – I was at a half hour and I stopped the movie.

[5:12] And I went to him and I said, Sammy, you should not watch this movie.

[5:14] I was like – this would be like if I poured garbage in your eyes and ears.

[5:19] You're better off not watching this.

[5:20] But he kept wandering into the room where I was watching it to ask me questions about it.

[5:24] So now Sammy has this strange kind of fetishistic fixation on the movie.

[5:29] Like a forbidden Marmaduke movie.

[5:30] I was trying to explain Marmaduke to them and they couldn't understand the humor implicit in a slightly large dog getting in the way and being clumsy.

[5:41] And to be honest, guys, I can't humor at this point.

Dan McCoy

[5:43] This is in the tradition of sort of soft, observational, down-home humor, I guess.

[5:50] It's not a strip.

[5:53] It's a single-panel comic, I guess, for –

[5:55] That's the fucking trick, man.

[5:57] Just do a single-panel.

[5:58] For owners of big dogs.

[6:00] Bang that bitch out.

[6:01] Big dogs.

[6:01] Take a nap.

[6:02] Like other people who own large dogs and are like – they get so hilarious.

[6:07] Their travail is owning a big dog.

[6:08] Probably have a Marmaduke comic on their fridge.

Elliott Kalan

[6:11] This is a comic strip that's been going straight – going on for almost 70 years straight.

[6:16] It started in 1954.

[6:18] This comic is only a couple months younger than my mom.

[6:21] Yeah.

[6:21] And yet it is somehow – I don't – it's made 70 years out of this dog's big and doesn't realize how big he is.

[6:28] Yeah.

[6:28] I guess – is it the way that – is it the way that like Funky Winker Bean lasted for a long time off of band teachers?

[6:35] I think so.

[6:35] Just clipping out the marching band comic strips and putting them up on classroom walls?

[6:39] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[6:39] And how Dilbert still survived despite the creator being a horrible human because there are office workers out there in the world who need a calendar.

Stuart Wellington

[6:48] He's also very dumb.

[6:49] He really became a horrible person.

[6:50] Oh, he's awful.

[6:50] He's not just horrible.

[6:51] He's also an idiot.

[6:52] No, he's also dumb.

[6:53] Yeah.

[6:53] He's also dumb.

Elliott Kalan

[6:55] Not since Johnny Hart stopped being an alcoholic and became religious as a comic strip.

[7:00] Lost its humor and the guy behind it lost his –

[7:02] Lovability?

[7:04] Let's say mind.

[7:05] Yeah, lovability.

[7:05] Yeah.

[7:06] Yeah.

[7:06] Not until – not since Johnny Hart started doing comics heavily implying that Christianity was the replacement for Judaism.

[7:12] Has a comic strip creator gone from hero to zero so fast?

[7:16] All right.

[7:17] We need to get into Marmaduke.

[7:17] Yeah, let's get into this movie.

[7:19] So, of course –

[7:19] Wait, wait.

[7:20] Before we get into it, I just want to ask, where's the Fred – where's the Fred Bassett movie, huh?

[7:23] Where's that?

[7:24] Yeah.

[7:24] Where is Fred Bassett, man?

[7:25] If we're doing comic strips – if we're doing unfunny comic strips about dogs, where's Fred Bassett?

[7:28] Ellie, you're the one living in fucking Hollywood.

[7:29] Why don't you ask all your neighbors?

[7:32] You're right.

[7:32] Physician, heal thyself.

[7:33] I should be outpitching this right now.

[7:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:35] So, we got five production logos.

[7:38] That's a good sign, right, guys?

[7:39] Five of them.

[7:40] Always.

[7:41] One of them is Netflix.

[7:42] Okay.

[7:43] So, we get a little animated title sequence.

Elliott Kalan

[7:44] When one of the production logos is a publisher, you know you're going to watch a good movie.

Stuart Wellington

[7:49] So, we get a little bit of an animated title sequence.

[7:51] It's kind of like lightly animated, kind of in the spirit of like an 80s comedy.

[7:56] And there's a funky Marmaduke song that I think is a horrifying precursor of what's to come later on.

[8:04] It is foreshadowing.

[8:05] You're like, oh, a funky original Marmaduke song.

[8:08] What's this going to mean?

[8:09] Well, it foretells something even more horrifying.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] Before we get too far in, I just want to say that one of the production companies is one cool animation, part of one cool group limited.

[8:22] A production company whose first film in 2014 was Naked Ambition 2, which is a Hong Kong movie with a busty lady on the front.

[8:37] So, that's like this production company seems to mostly specialize in non-animated films to no one's surprise based on the quality of the animation in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] Would it make you feel any better about it to know that this movie was directed by Merck Dippe, director of the live-action Spawn from 1997?

[8:57] No kidding.

Dan McCoy

[8:58] Yeah, he directed the live-action Spawn and then also after that mostly a bunch of straight-to-video animated things that look even worse than Marmaduke if that's possible.

Elliott Kalan

[9:06] Yeah, I mean, he's well involved with comic strip movies because he made Garfield Gets Real, Garfield's Fun Fest, and Garfield's Pet Force.

Stuart Wellington

[9:13] So, after the opening credits, we do get the actual animation style of this movie.

[9:18] And how would you define that, Dan?

[9:19] Because you've already alluded it as, let's say, unappealing to the eye.

Dan McCoy

[9:24] It is not as bad as Food Fight, but it looks like what I suspect Food Fight looked like.

[9:30] The faintest of praise.

Elliott Kalan

[9:30] The faintest possible praise for an animated film.

Dan McCoy

[9:33] It looks like what I suspect Food Fight looked like before the hard drives were stolen.

[9:38] A lot of the assets in the background are clearly just pre-made things that have been bought and shuffled around, like trees place to place or a house.

Elliott Kalan

[9:48] Describe the character design for us.

[9:49] Yeah, how do these characters work?

Dan McCoy

[9:51] The character design is, I would say that most of the humans are blobs with stick arms, and many of them have stick legs other than the mom who is...

[10:02] Fucking dragging a wagon, baby!

[10:04] Yeah, Pixar style.

[10:05] Anthony Lane broke into the design room being like, Elastigirl's not enough.

[10:11] Yeah.

[10:12] Let's add some more junk to that trunk.

Stuart Wellington

[10:14] She looks like she's about to go on a girls' weekend to Miami, you know?

Dan McCoy

[10:17] She also, I don't want to focus too much on this, but it is impossible to ignore.

[10:22] She's wearing these, like, terrycloth shorts that have more camel toe than I am comfortable with for a children's movie.

[10:30] And if Dan's uncomfortable with it...

Elliott Kalan

[10:33] Okay, well, great.

[10:35] Well, like you said, they're really going for that positive Anthony Lane review.

[10:38] Yeah.

[10:39] So let's...

[10:40] Wait, so you mentioned this funky Marmaduke song.

[10:43] Let's just say one thing.

[10:44] The soundtrack of this movie is not good, but it is working hard.

[10:47] Yeah.

[10:47] The soundtrack of this movie is constantly working so hard to suggest to you that this is the funky, fresh, cool-for-the-90s Marmaduke that we've all been waiting for.

[10:56] Yeah, with the voice of Pete Davidson as...

Dan McCoy

[10:58] Sunglasses on the Marmaduke.

[10:59] As Marmaduke.

[11:00] You know, everyone thought, like, who could capture Marmaduke?

[11:03] Only the power of Pete Davidson, a man famous for dating people, as far as I've been able to discern.

Elliott Kalan

[11:10] Pete Davidson doing a voice performance that I would describe as...

[11:14] I would not know it was Pete Davidson unless his name was clearly listed in the credits.

[11:18] It's not necessarily a distinctive voice.

Stuart Wellington

[11:21] And only the minorist amount of shade being thrown here.

[11:24] But if I were to...

[11:25] I would just not assume that a professional actor did this performance.

[11:29] No.

Dan McCoy

[11:29] I was surprised that the father is played by David Koechner, like the head of the household.

[11:37] Marmaduke.

[11:38] It's a heavily restrained performance by David Koechner.

[11:40] And yeah, he does not sound like anything.

[11:42] He sounds like he just, you know...

[11:45] We joked about Eric Roberts recording from the bathtub.

[11:50] Like, I think these sound like voice memos he put on his phone.

Elliott Kalan

[11:54] The weirdest thing is when you're watching a clearly kind of, I assume, low-budget,

[11:59] animated, direct-to-Netflix movie.

[12:01] I think it was supposed to be released in theaters, but I don't know if it ever was.

[12:04] I guess there's a box office total on Wikipedia, so maybe it was.

[12:08] And the most energetic voice performance by a little bit is coming from J.K. Simmons.

[12:13] Yes.

[12:14] Yes, as Zeus, yeah.

[12:15] An Academy Award-winning actor, who I don't know why he's involved in this at the moment.

Dan McCoy

[12:19] He is the one person not entirely phoning it in.

[12:22] Probably money.

Stuart Wellington

[12:23] Ori likes Marmaduke a lot.

Dan McCoy

[12:26] It was not.

[12:26] Maybe he loves Marmaduke, yeah.

[12:28] It was not released theatrically in the U.S.

[12:30] It was released in other markets theatrically.

Elliott Kalan

[12:32] Okay.

[12:33] So just to give a little bit of background.

[12:34] Much the way the t-shirts for losing Super Bowl teams are sent to other countries to be worn

[12:39] by those who don't have enough first world rights to the winning teams.

Dan McCoy

[12:43] Marmaduke films of the two Marmaduke films when we were sitting there.

Stuart Wellington

[12:46] So a little bit of background.

[12:49] Marmaduke is a Great Dane who is large and clumsy and poorly behaved, and he lives with

[12:56] a family whose name I do not remember, who are kind of fed up with him.

[13:01] They live in the suburbs.

[13:02] They're the Winslow family.

[13:04] And it's a suburban neighborhood that kind of looks like the suburbs level from Hitman 2

[13:09] if he had to dial the resolution down so that you didn't have a lot of lag in the game.

[13:16] So Marmaduke is not allowed to go to Billy, the son's birthday party, due to some past

[13:22] indiscretions that we are kind of lightly suggested.

[13:26] Something about a bone, yeah, et cetera.

[13:30] Marmaduke is trapped upstairs, and he has to watch all the kids have fun in the pool,

[13:35] and he gets to watch the father, Phil, cooking meat, which he describes as cooking my favorite,

[13:43] which is hilarious.

[13:45] It was a very good voice read.

Dan McCoy

[13:47] And also, Marmaduke is being treated as if, like, he's going to understand the cause and

[13:52] effect between, like, this punishment and previous, you know, problems that he's caused.

[13:58] And Marmaduke is a dog.

[14:00] Like, he's being punished for doing dog things.

[14:01] With the voice of a man.

Elliott Kalan

[14:03] But it's also never totally clear whether other characters can hear him talking, and

[14:08] he's a dog who learns martial arts.

[14:09] It's true.

[14:10] So I think they could legitimately expect him to understand consequences for his actions

[14:14] in this universe.

[14:15] Now, Dan, you're our cartoon expert.

Stuart Wellington

[14:18] Does Marmaduke normally talk in the comic strip?

Dan McCoy

[14:21] No, Marmaduke is just a dog.

Stuart Wellington

[14:23] He is a force of nature.

[14:25] He is some kind of a natural constant.

Dan McCoy

[14:29] Yeah, any talking is done about Marmaduke, not by Marmaduke.

Stuart Wellington

[14:33] So he's kind of like Godot, is what you're saying.

[14:36] So Marmaduke gets distracted.

[14:38] He falls asleep on a bed.

[14:39] He has a weird dream.

[14:40] And then a bee attacks him, and it forces him to jump out the window where he lands in

[14:44] a swimming pool, which causes a massive tsunami.

[14:48] Tsunaminy.

[14:48] What?

[14:49] Man, I just pulled a Marmaduke.

[14:51] Yeah, boy.

[14:52] It causes this massive tidal wave that drowns everybody at the party and floods the interior

[14:59] of their home.

[14:59] Well, they're surfing on it.

[15:00] It's amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[15:01] It's amazing.

[15:03] Okay, so this is like a big inflatable pool at a party, roughly the size of a bounce house,

[15:08] let's say.

[15:09] Yes.

[15:09] And there's enough water in it to flood a town.

[15:12] It's crazy.

[15:13] Yeah, they're surfing on it.

[15:14] It's a huge wave that it's like it takes cartoon physics and takes it into the realm of biblical

[15:20] miracles.

Dan McCoy

[15:21] I am so glad that you mentioned cartoon physics because I wanted to bring this up, Elliot, where

[15:25] like I have, I'm a little dispirited by the fact that like Pixar, that, you know, a great

[15:32] company that's made many like masterpiece level cartoons, but like.

[15:37] Yeah, what are we going to have to disavow from what Dan's about to say?

[15:39] I'm just like their style has been, has become largely, people are breaking out of it now,

[15:46] but for a long time it was largely the default style for animation and it has cartooniness

[15:54] in it, obviously.

[15:55] But it, you know, like the idea of like wacky cartoon physics kind of got eliminated because

[16:02] of the part of that's because of how, uh, like computer animation works.

[16:06] It's hard to do the sort of distortions that, uh, you know, you can do in 2d animation and

[16:11] make it look not horrifying, but like, you know, so I'm not against wacky cartoon physics.

Elliott Kalan

[16:19] That's that a lot of, a lot of C, a lot of CJ animation has become about how real can

[16:23] you make it look as opposed to how funny can you make it look?

Dan McCoy

[16:26] Exactly.

[16:26] And, and so I would love more wacky cartoon physics, but the cartoon physics and Marmaduke

[16:31] bear, like so little relation to how any two objects would interact that any possible comedy

[16:38] is smothered under like the weight of it.

Elliott Kalan

[16:41] I'm just glad I wasn't there when Isaac Newton was watching this movie, just like with his

[16:44] head in his hands being like, no, no, no, no.

[16:47] That's, I spent so much of my life understanding the rules of the universe.

Stuart Wellington

[16:51] He's torn his eyeballs out.

[16:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] He just pulled an apple from a tree and hit himself over the head with it.

[16:57] Yeah, exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[16:58] Well, that rant was not as bad as I expected.

[17:00] I thought Dan was going to be like, I wish it all more movies were like Wicked City and

[17:04] shit.

[17:04] And I'm like, whoa, that's crazy.

[17:06] What's Wicked City?

[17:07] Even the kid movies?

[17:09] Look this up.

[17:11] So, uh, let's see.

[17:13] So footage of Marmaduke causing this.

[17:15] Have you ever seen Wicked City, Dan?

[17:17] So there's this spider lady.

[17:18] Okay.

[17:18] And she is not a very good first date.

[17:21] Okay.

[17:22] Just, just hit Wicked City GIF and you're going to get some good stuff.

Dan McCoy

[17:25] Adding to watch lists on Letterboxd.

Stuart Wellington

[17:28] Uh, so the footage of him falling out of the window goes viral and draws the attention of

[17:32] the world's greatest dog trainer, uh, Guy, I think his name is.

[17:37] I want to say, it doesn't just draw the attention.

Dan McCoy

[17:39] This is a hilarious setup because like the news cast on the fact that this, this video

[17:44] has gone viral, like starts out just as like a, a, a news report on this video.

[17:50] And then the news reporter's like, well, this dog is clearly untrainable.

[17:55] Even the world's greatest dog trainer who has retired from training dogs because there

[17:59] are no challenges could, couldn't do this.

[18:01] And the guy's sitting there watching it.

[18:03] And I kind of respected the movie for going that far and the fakeness of the setup.

Elliott Kalan

[18:09] That, that, that, the news reporters are not just, uh, they're not just reporting on the

[18:12] news, but they are inciting and taunting real people to get the movie going.

[18:17] They welcome to INN inciting news network, the news channel that makes movie plots happen.

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:23] Now I want to talk about Guy for a moment.

[18:25] Guy is set up as if he's going to be the villain of the movie, right?

[18:28] Like he's, he's seems like he's scheming.

[18:31] He has some sort of, he's using Marmaduke for his own ends.

[18:34] And the movie seems to lose interest in that characterization of Guy fairly quickly.

Stuart Wellington

[18:38] And he also seems to be maybe, uh, a match for Marmaduke.

[18:42] Like when he first introduced himself to the family, he shows that he is fast enough to

[18:46] keep Marmaduke from eating treats off of a plate.

[18:49] Uh, and it, and he is, he forces Marmaduke to do all this training.

[18:54] Uh, a lot of that training cuts into his time, uh, running around pretending to be a horse

[19:00] so that the son of Billy can ride around and they can chase King Tut the cat who is in

[19:05] the role of Black Bart, a outlaw.

Dan McCoy

[19:08] Uh, and sorry.

[19:09] Now that we've brought up the cat, I just want to ask like, what's Marmaduke's relationship

[19:13] to the cat at the beginning of this movie?

[19:15] Because at the, towards the end, the cat becomes an ally.

[19:19] And I was like, did I miss something where a change of heart occurred?

[19:24] Or like, why is this?

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] There's, there's the cat.

[19:27] It's again, similarly, it seems like they're setting up a classic rivalry, dog and cat.

[19:31] But yeah, the cat turns out to be Marmaduke's biggest supporter and biggest champion.

[19:35] And, uh, and in the end, we'll get to it.

Stuart Wellington

[19:38] The cat later explains Marmaduke would never do allow any harm to come to the family, which

[19:44] is kind of a wild thing to say.

Elliott Kalan

[19:47] Since Marmaduke's constantly harming the family by accident.

Stuart Wellington

[19:50] And also like his, his powers ultimately are limited.

[19:53] Like he, it's not like he can like prevent financial ruin or like some kind of horrible

[19:58] medical condition arise.

[20:00] Like you never know.

Elliott Kalan

[20:02] The cat is, becomes, uh, it becomes, uh, an integral part of Marmaduke's later, uh, show

[20:08] stopping, uh, dog show performance as we'll see when we get to it.

[20:12] A show stopping performance that is never scored.

Stuart Wellington

[20:14] They've received no scores whatsoever.

[20:16] I guess it just implied that it's perfection.

Elliott Kalan

[20:19] Yeah.

[20:19] And, uh, but at, at a certain point during that performance, we'll get to it, I guess

[20:22] the cat is doing all the work and Marmaduke is doing none of the work.

[20:26] But anyway, this cat, it's a, I guess what you're saying, Dan, ultimately is the character

[20:30] motivations and dynamics are a little mushy.

[20:32] Yeah.

[20:32] Marmaduke.

[20:33] So this, this is real, this is real, uh, second draft problems in that I think there

[20:38] was no second draft of the script.

[20:41] It has, it has real, it has real.

[20:43] We need to start making the movie in four hours energy.

[20:45] That's kind of what, what it's got.

Dan McCoy

[20:47] Yeah.

[20:47] And very little narrative thrust because there is a point we'll get to it like partway through

[20:52] the movie where I'm like, I guess the main, the main part of the movie is over and we're

[20:56] moving on to something else now.

[20:57] It turns out that's not true, but I felt that way for a second.

[21:00] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[21:01] Yeah.

[21:01] So, uh, the, the first day of training where they're training out in the park, it basically

[21:06] devolves into this like martial arts battle where Marmaduke becomes obsessed with the

[21:11] promise of learning a magical kick technique from, uh, from his trainer.

[21:17] Um, he then, and then we get like a montage where he's getting trained in posture.

[21:22] Impulse control and agility.

[21:24] And there, the montage involves him failing at all these things, but then all of a sudden

[21:28] he can just do them all.

Dan McCoy

[21:29] Yeah.

[21:29] He gets whacked with a lot of tree branches along the way.

Elliott Kalan

[21:33] Uh.

[21:33] Including in the, in the nuts.

[21:34] And he reacts particularly to that, which here's the problem.

[21:37] If Marmaduke hasn't been fixed, not that, not that I, not that I'm huge with, with,

[21:42] uh, taking body parts out of animals.

[21:43] That's not something I'm normally about.

[21:45] Unless that animal is dead, I'm going to eat that body part.

[21:47] But if you really want to control Marmaduke's energy, you gotta,

Dan McCoy

[21:51] you gotta get them fixed.

[21:52] Come on, Winslows, this is on you.

Elliott Kalan

[21:54] Like, that, that Marmaduke is entering Ponfar constantly.

[21:59] Sure, yeah.

[22:00] And just going wild.

[22:00] He's entering Kemmer or something.

Stuart Wellington

[22:02] Um, okay.

[22:03] So, uh, at the completion of his training, he manages to earn his name back because he,

[22:09] his name was taken from him by his trainer at the beginning of their training.

[22:13] He was simply dog.

[22:14] Now he has a name.

[22:16] Marmaduke.

Elliott Kalan

[22:16] Yeah.

[22:16] This is a, this is a real nine and a half weeks move on the part of the, of the trainer

[22:20] to be like, you don't have a name anymore.

[22:22] You're just dog.

[22:23] You'll get the name back when you prove yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[22:25] Just like nine and a half weeks.

[22:26] Super fucking hot.

[22:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[22:27] Just like nine and a half weeks.

[22:28] I'm going to eat all of this food off of you, Marmaduke.

[22:31] And you can't, you have to control yourself.

[22:32] You can't have any of it.

[22:34] Control.

[22:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:35] Um, okay.

[22:36] So, uh, we then have a local dog show where we're introduced to JK Simmons.

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] A local dog show that is also one of the two levels of dog show.

[22:44] Yeah.

[22:45] There's only two.

[22:45] This local dog show.

[22:46] And then the world dog show.

[22:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:47] There's the only two levels.

[22:49] Which, which is funny because, uh, though the, the, the sound of the crowd at this dog

[22:54] show sounds immense.

[22:56] Sounds huge.

Dan McCoy

[22:56] In the stands, there's maybe 24 people there.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] Uh, so.

[23:01] Yeah.

[23:01] Well, one of those people though is, is Michael Winslow who came to see the Winslow family's

[23:05] dog and he's doing the sounds of a crowd.

[23:07] Yeah.

[23:08] He's.

Stuart Wellington

[23:08] Yeah.

[23:09] Uh, so we are introduced to JK Simmons who is in the role of Zeus, who is some kind of

[23:14] like an Afghan or like wolf hound dog.

[23:16] Yeah.

[23:17] Uh, and he has the shiniest coat.

[23:20] His trainers are these two like vaguely European twins.

[23:25] Uh.

[23:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:25] They're like the, was it Nelson?

Stuart Wellington

[23:27] Was that the band?

[23:28] Yes.

[23:28] Similar to Nelson.

[23:29] Yeah.

[23:30] Uh, and the, his, his coat is so shiny and shimmery.

[23:34] We get multiple shots of people just like obsessively wanting to fuck this dog.

[23:40] Hmm.

[23:40] Humans, other dogs, everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[23:41] Every single member of the, of the cast gets sparkles in their eyes from this dog's coat

[23:45] and are almost hypnotized as later they will be hypnotized by the beauty, sheer beauty of

[23:51] Zeus, uh, on the outside.

[23:53] Cause inside Zeus is a really ugly character.

[23:55] What is it?

[23:55] I want to ask these two Nelson-esque, uh, trainers who are kind of like Euro stylish, you know,

[24:01] like, uh, what is it about that persona that is, that seems to keep popping up in kids

[24:08] movies, especially?

[24:08] It feels like that was a nineties joke to me.

[24:10] It was the kind of like, Oh, what is this?

[24:12] Oh, so fancy.

[24:13] Like that kind of thing.

[24:14] But it like the Ferdinand movie has a characters like that also.

[24:17] It's the, and later on this movie indulges in a series of, of, of stereotypes.

[24:22] But the, but like, what is it about this thing, these things that are kind of like outdated

[24:27] adult comedy things that end up in kids movies and kids have no frame of reference for them as far as I know.

Dan McCoy

[24:31] I would chalk that up to you.

[24:33] As a comedy writer who is occasionally lazy in this way himself, uh, it is lazy comedy

[24:41] writers recycling things that they saw and, uh, putting them into their scripts because they

[24:48] don't respect the assignment that they're on.

[24:51] And they're like, all right, that's fair.

[24:52] Kids lead this crap up.

Elliott Kalan

[24:56] You know, it does remind me of something I was told at the, at the who was show, uh, when I was

[25:02] working there where, uh, with the head writer was like, was like, kids don't know it's hacky for us to do a comedy rap

[25:08] sketch.

[25:09] They've never seen him before.

[25:10] Let's do one.

[25:11] We could trick him.

Stuart Wellington

[25:13] So because this is a, so maybe that's it.

[25:15] New to them.

[25:16] Because this is a smaller dog show and because, uh, Guy has retired and he doesn't want to draw undue

[25:22] attention to Marmaduke, Guy has to go undercover.

[25:26] He dresses up, uh, kind of like an abusive hipster boyfriend type character with like, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[25:31] I was going to say, I was going to say his disguise was like Matthew McConaughey in the

[25:35] beginning of Dallas Buyers Club.

[25:36] Like that's what he reminded me of.

Stuart Wellington

[25:38] Similar vibes.

[25:39] Uh, Zeus sabotages Marmaduke by tempting him with the awards banquet, uh, which Marmaduke

[25:45] devours all of the food that was laid out, which first off, it's like the, there's no caterers

[25:50] around.

[25:51] There's so much food.

Elliott Kalan

[25:52] I, I, there's no chafing dishes.

[25:54] This is a cartoon thing.

[25:55] With cartoon, cartoon catering, they just leave all the food out for hours with no one touching

[26:00] it.

[26:00] And there's also all kinds of foods.

[26:02] There's like a wedding cake.

[26:03] There's a whole turkey, which the uncarved, which is bonkers.

[26:07] You know, I, I don't know if these are dog macarons or just like regular.

Dan McCoy

[26:10] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:11] It's unclear who this, who this banquet is for.

[26:13] He eats all this food and he gets like comically fat, but his body, the rest of his body is

[26:19] very skinny and bony.

[26:21] So he kind of looks like the flea women from the castle level in Bloodborne, which is not

Dan McCoy

[26:25] cool.

Stuart Wellington

[26:26] Like this is levels of body horror that like David Cronenberg would see and be like, okay,

[26:30] this is.

[26:30] Oh yeah.

[26:31] That's real great.

[26:31] Good job.

[26:33] I do want to.

[26:33] Yeah.

[26:33] I want to.

[26:34] I like, I've been working on that Cronenberg impression.

[26:37] I agree with Stuart here.

Elliott Kalan

[26:38] No, that was a great, you really captured the Canadian aspect of Cronenberg and also the,

[26:43] that he likes to approve of things.

[26:44] That's something that I, that I think.

[26:46] Oh boy.

[26:46] That's, that sure is disgusting.

[26:49] Well, I'm sorry if, I'm sorry if existence was a little too much for you.

[26:54] That kind of thing.

[26:54] I don't care.

[26:54] I just like orifices.

[26:56] No, I, I.

Dan McCoy

[26:58] He calls them orifices.

[26:59] I want to, I want to assure you guys, I understand Marmaduke is not real.

[27:03] It's a cartoon character.

[27:05] Okay, good.

[27:05] That's the first step towards accepting the reality around you.

[27:08] I was still very distressed by this scene because Marmaduke's belly is so distinct.

[27:14] Oh, he's in such pain.

[27:16] He's like writhing around.

[27:17] And there's one point where like the camera gets really close up.

[27:20] So we like really see like the short hair fur texture, the, the computer fur texture just

[27:26] takes over.

[27:27] And it looks like, I don't know, like rustling, like parts of like a brother's quay short or

[27:33] something.

[27:34] It's gross.

Stuart Wellington

[27:35] There's a brief moment where he lets out an enormous fart and his body gets skinny again.

[27:39] And you're like, oh, maybe the, uh, maybe the troubles have passed.

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:43] Unfortunately.

[27:43] Maybe this is a last King of Scotland's moment.

Dan McCoy

[27:45] And he just had a huge fart.

[27:46] Maybe all the mass inside him has been absorbed.

Stuart Wellington

[27:51] Well, unfortunately that is not the case.

[27:54] Uh, he, uh, he kind of, he blows up again.

[27:57] Uh, and he just can't stop farting.

[28:00] And he looks at the camera and, uh, there's a moment where he looks at the camera and says,

[28:04] uh-oh.

[28:05] Uh, and then runs toward the doggy bathroom area only to stop at the first place trophy.

[28:10] And he takes a horribly bad shit that stops time, covers the entire grounds in like a greenish

[28:18] gas.

[28:19] And enough birds, enough birds are falling out of the sky dead.

[28:23] I can assume.

[28:24] Yeah.

[28:25] So that they form like a mountain of them.

[28:28] Yeah.

[28:28] Marmaduke.

[28:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:29] That was the last flock of passenger pigeons, unfortunately.

[28:31] Yeah.

[28:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:32] Has murdered several birds at least.

[28:34] Possibly human onlookers.

[28:36] We don't see the aftermath.

Elliott Kalan

[28:38] I will say, I will, well, you, what we see is because everyone's frozen in time as we pan

[28:42] past them, as they experience this gas fog.

[28:45] And I have to admit, this was a thing, this was a moment where I was like, okay, this is

[28:48] a funny, I don't find this funny.

[28:50] I don't find the idea of Marmaduke taking a huge shit funny.

[28:53] Like, but the passing pot by everybody frozen in time with this very dramatic music.

[28:57] That was a funny idea for it.

[28:59] And then, yeah, then it ends on a huge pile of dead birds.

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] I can only assume that you ran over and you dragged your son into the room to watch

[29:07] this sequence.

Elliott Kalan

[29:09] No, if only because if my son was watching this, he would have loved it.

[29:13] He would have loved it because my kids think nothing is funnier than poop, farts, butts.

[29:17] Again, the height of comedy for my kids is the minion's pants fall off and then a real

[29:22] turd falls out of their butt.

[29:24] That would be the funniest thing they could imagine.

[29:25] Like a real, real turd?

[29:27] Like a live action turd?

[29:28] Yeah, like as if Terry Gilliam snuck in and clipped a poop out of a magazine and then

[29:34] added that to the animation.

[29:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:36] Interesting.

[29:36] Okay.

[29:36] Cause I thought it would be like, you know, much like dog training, you would be coming

[29:40] in and rubbing Sammy's face in Marmaduke's shit being like, see, this is what you wanted.

[29:45] This is what you wanted.

[29:47] You got it.

[29:48] Was it worth it?

[29:48] Yeah.

[29:49] That's bad dog training.

[29:50] I feel like in a few years.

Stuart Wellington

[29:51] I feel like in a few years, like Elliot's sons are going to like steal a phone and they're

[29:58] going to start their own like poop and fart based TikTok channel just to drive Elliot crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[30:03] I mean, I'm driving crazy until they monetize it.

[30:06] Suddenly they're superstars and I can afford to redo my bathroom.

Stuart Wellington

[30:09] Yeah.

[30:09] That'd be great.

[30:09] And then Elliot will become their like cool agent guy or an ascot.

[30:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:14] Okay.

[30:14] Yeah.

[30:14] That always works great.

[30:15] When a parent becomes the representation for his kids.

[30:18] There's all of history.

[30:19] There's never been a problem.

[30:21] As they reach the levels of fame that I always wanted and now I'm both proud of them and resentful

[30:26] of them for being more successful than me.

[30:28] Oh yeah.

[30:28] That's a good, that's a good emotional stew.

[30:30] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[30:31] Um, so, uh, the kids are now social pariahs because they're.

Elliott Kalan

[30:35] So Marmaduke, so Marmaduke shat all over the trophy.

Stuart Wellington

[30:37] Yeah, he shat all over the trophy.

[30:39] Uh, he didn't win.

[30:40] Big surprise.

[30:41] Uh, the kids are now social pariahs because their dog is gross, which feels like a stretch.

[30:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:47] It does.

[30:47] Well, this is a viral video.

[30:48] Again, this is a viral.

[30:49] This goes viral also.

[30:51] And all the kids are making fun of them.

[30:52] Your dog is gross.

[30:53] But again, if they, if these kids, they're a little older than my kids, but if they're

[30:56] anything like my kids, my kids will want nothing more than to be friends with the kid whose

[31:00] dog poops all over everything.

Dan McCoy

[31:02] Like they'd have so many questions about the dog's poop.

Elliott Kalan

[31:04] They'd want to see it pooping.

[31:05] The other day, uh, Sammy out of nowhere, he goes, daddy, didn't you say once that, uh,

[31:11] you saw a video of a chimpanzee peeing in its own mouth?

[31:14] And my wife was like, don't talk.

[31:16] We're at the dinner table.

[31:17] She goes, don't talk about that.

[31:18] That's not real.

[31:19] Don't say that.

[31:20] And he was like, but daddy mentioned.

[31:21] I was like, well, I did once see a video of a chimpanzee peeing in his own mouth.

[31:24] And he had so many questions about it.

[31:26] It was the thing he wanted.

[31:26] He wanted to hear about more than anything else.

[31:29] I'll be like, I'll be like, Sammy, let me tell you about this holiday that we celebrate

[31:33] as Jews.

[31:33] It's a part of our heritage.

[31:34] I'm not interested.

[31:35] Tell me about the orangutan, the chimpanzee peeing in his own mouth.

Stuart Wellington

[31:37] Wait till he finds out about the guy that was in the fucking mosh pit.

[31:40] I think it was at like an origin show.

[31:42] Who's like in the middle of the pit and he just whips his dick out and pees in his own face.

[31:46] It's crazy.

[31:46] You got to look at this video.

[31:47] I don't want to look at it.

[31:48] It's crazy.

Dan McCoy

[31:49] I mean, that sounds like something I should see.

[31:51] But I don't want to look at it.

[31:52] I don't.

[31:52] I don't want my kids to see that.

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] Or for instance, another example.

[31:57] They've never seen it, but they've heard many tales of the videos I've seen of hippopotamuses

[32:01] swinging their tails around like a propeller while they poop.

[32:03] So the poop flings everywhere.

[32:05] I learned recently why they do that.

[32:06] That was not a trick that one hippo did.

Dan McCoy

[32:08] That's a thing all male hippos do.

[32:10] Yeah, yeah.

[32:10] What's the details?

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] It's just a way of spreading their scent in order to attract mates and kind of mark their

[32:16] territory.

[32:18] And honestly, if you had a tail that you could whip around like a helicopter blade, you'd

[32:22] do it, right?

Stuart Wellington

[32:23] Yeah, of course.

[32:24] So at this point, Marmaduke's pretty depressed.

[32:26] The family's pretty depressed.

[32:28] There's like a kind of like sad, depressed dinner scene that feels like something out

[32:32] of the middle of hereditary.

Dan McCoy

[32:33] And this is the point of the movie that I referred to before where like, look, I've seen movies

[32:38] before.

[32:38] I know that this is not over.

[32:39] I know that there has to be something.

[32:41] But like it really seems like the way that the movie is done somehow makes it seem like,

[32:46] okay, we've abandoned the idea that Marmaduke is going to be a star.

[32:50] And I'm like, that can't be right.

[32:52] We're 40 minutes in.

Elliott Kalan

[32:53] Yeah.

[32:54] Guys, I want to, I'm looking briefly at the Wikipedia entry from Marmaduke.

[32:57] And I just wanted to give a shout out to whoever wrote the plot summary because they, I want

[33:01] to read two sentences for you about the previous scene we were just talking about.

[33:03] It says, before, before one lap around the field, Marmaduke releases voluminous clouds

[33:08] of noxious flatus, which envelopes the entire field.

[33:11] Marmaduke soars through the air and lands backside down in the winner's trophy, releasing his innards

[33:15] to the great dismay of all present.

[33:17] And there's, I don't know, I don't know if H.P.

[33:21] Lovecraft or Harry Stephen Heeler stepped in to write that part of the Wikipedia entry,

[33:24] but excellent work.

Dan McCoy

[33:26] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[33:27] So, uh, they also receive a huge bill from Guy the trainer, which, uh, Phil the father

[33:33] had suggested, uh, they were expecting to pay out of Marmaduke's winnings, which is like,

[33:38] oh man, you got scammed brother.

Elliott Kalan

[33:40] And also, and also the winnings are a million dollars.

[33:42] I don't know if you guys saw the numbers on this bill.

[33:44] It equally, it easily adds up to over $20 million.

[33:46] Like, it's crazy.

[33:48] At one point, at one point it charges them like $400,000 for, for one aspect and over a million

[33:53] for another aspect.

[33:54] It's like, Guy is really inflating these bills.

[33:56] Yeah.

[33:56] You know, this is, it's all those hidden fees.

[33:58] I thought Biden was going to take care of that stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[34:01] That's the, that's, that's the real dog shit in this movie.

[34:04] It's not what came out of Marmaduke.

[34:05] It's this, uh, it's this guy's bill.

[34:07] So Marmaduke runs away from the family because he feels like he has let everybody down.

[34:12] He's hearing the, all the naysayers voices in his head as he runs through the rain only

[34:17] to be stopped by King Tut, the cat who convinces him to, that no.

[34:21] Not the mummy.

[34:21] Yep.

[34:22] King Tut the mummy.

[34:23] Uh, King Tut the cat, uh, that, uh.

[34:27] What a left turn.

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] He, he sets Marmaduke.

[34:29] If King Tut the mummy showed up, Marmaduke, I need your help recovering my heart from the

[34:33] British Museum.

[34:35] Okay.

[34:36] Sounds like a caper, King Tut.

Stuart Wellington

[34:37] Uh, so Marmaduke, uh, decides that he is going to try and, uh, convince Guy to come

[34:45] back and train him again.

[34:46] Guy's not having it.

[34:47] He is, uh, he is sick of Marmaduke.

[34:49] Marmaduke has ruined his career.

[34:51] Uh, so Marmaduke decides to run around the world like Forrest Gump, kinda.

[34:56] And, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[34:56] He does the only thing he can do to prove that he has what it takes to be a champion

[35:00] dog.

[35:00] And in a very short montage, runs around the entire earth.

Dan McCoy

[35:04] Mm-hmm.

[35:05] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[35:05] Including swimming under the ocean and being chased by a giant shark.

[35:09] This is the point.

[35:09] Yeah.

[35:10] Well, all right.

[35:10] There are a couple things in this montage.

[35:12] Okay.

[35:12] He's the one, like, he's shown running towards Alaska.

[35:14] He runs up a pyramid.

[35:15] You don't think it's realistic.

[35:17] Okay.

[35:17] He's being shown running to Alaska and there's a sign that points to Siberia, which is in

[35:22] Russia.

[35:22] And he never goes to Siberia in Russia.

[35:24] At no point during this whole thing is he going to.

Elliott Kalan

[35:27] Well, we see him go from Alaska to Russia briefly, you know.

[35:33] We don't see him in Siberia, like a scene of it.

[35:35] We see him on the map.

[35:36] I don't think.

[35:36] He walks across.

[35:37] I assume the land bridge that was there when the earliest humans came to the North American

[35:43] continent.

[35:43] I assume it's still there in the Marmaduke universe.

Dan McCoy

[35:45] I don't think he does.

[35:45] I think he goes over to, like, he, like, we see him cross over to, like, Korea and then

[35:52] go down through China because he goes on the Great Wall of China.

Elliott Kalan

[35:56] We'll put this in the goose section that it's promised that Marmaduke goes to Siberia,

[36:00] but we don't actually see it.

[36:01] It is a montage.

Dan McCoy

[36:02] Either way, this is, like, a nutty montage, like, chased by sharks on the Great Wall.

[36:08] It comes out of nowhere.

[36:09] And this is a part of the movie where I'm like, okay, the movie's been wild up until this

[36:15] point, but surely this is a dream sequence as we've had Marmaduke dream sequences before.

[36:19] Yeah, yeah.

[36:20] No, this literally happens in the movie.

[36:22] He wins back the respect of his dog trainer by running solo around the world.

[36:26] Kind of.

Stuart Wellington

[36:27] It's funny because the trainer is still resistant until the family basically humiliates him into

[36:32] taking Marmaduke back.

Elliott Kalan

[36:34] This was the moment when I, to be honest, up to this point, I found this movie pretty boring.

[36:38] It seemed like it was, but then suddenly he runs around the world and I was like, okay,

[36:43] this movie is getting, this movie's getting a little strange, like, that Marmaduke, one,

[36:47] can accomplish this, two, thinks it's going to solve his problem, and three, that it's

[36:51] tossed off so quickly as like a, as a, almost nothing.

[36:55] Like, yeah, of course Marmaduke runs around the world.

[36:56] The kind of thing that you might find in folklore.

[36:59] Like if Marmaduke was Paul Bunyan, and they'd be like, well, then he ran around the world

[37:03] and up the pyramids, but that they, then just, they reject it so quickly so it can go back

[37:08] to the larger plot about Marmaduke as a dog show contestant, which is not, it's like the

[37:12] movie briefly became a movie and stopped being an episode of the Marmaduke TV show.

[37:16] But then, yeah, they go to the, the trainer is still not convinced until Billy calls him

[37:21] a failure.

[37:21] And he is so overjoyed to finally be called a failure.

[37:25] Yeah.

[37:25] He has this weird change of heart.

[37:26] He has a humiliation fetish.

[37:28] Is that what it is?

[37:29] Because I like, I could not anatomize this.

[37:32] I was like trying to figure out where that, where in his, in his speech that he gives,

[37:37] it made any sense what he was talking about.

[37:39] But it, but if he has a humiliation fetish, then that makes more sense.

Stuart Wellington

[37:41] Like he's just not, he's so used to winning that he just needs somebody.

[37:45] It's, you know, like when you're dealing with somebody who's as powerful and has so much

[37:49] charisma as Guy, the world's greatest dog trainer, like he just wants somebody to knock him down

[37:54] a peg.

[37:55] That's the only way he can get off.

Dan McCoy

[37:56] I mean, this made sense logically to me.

[37:58] Like they're making the point that like, it's basically a poor workman blames his tools

[38:02] point of like, you're calling Marmaduke a failure.

[38:05] But if you're really the greatest dog trainer, like you failed.

[38:09] Like that makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[38:10] That makes sense to me.

[38:11] But instead of him vocalizing that, he's kind of like, finally, I've been called a failure.

Dan McCoy

[38:16] Thank you.

[38:17] Thank you, little boy for calling me a failure.

Elliott Kalan

[38:21] Thank you for being the person who called me a failure.

[38:25] Yeah.

[38:25] But by calling me a failure, you've reminded me failure.

[38:30] That's the failure.

[38:31] And it was like, it felt like the Vatican scene in Aline where it was like, how many times

[38:35] is he going to say the word failure?

[38:37] But, but it just, it just feels like it's especially the one, two punch of this, this scene after

[38:42] the Marmaduke running around the world scene.

[38:44] I was just so, I was so mind boggled by the fact that the movie was like, well, there's

[38:49] only one solution.

[38:50] Marmaduke's got to run around the whole world.

[38:52] And you know what?

[38:52] We're not going to spend that much time on it.

[38:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[38:55] So, uh, Guy pulls some strings and gets them entered into the world dog championships.

[39:00] Uh, we now flash forward to the big city.

Elliott Kalan

[39:03] Pull some strings by, wait, this is something I want to hold on just for a second is he calls,

[39:07] I guess, the head of the world dog championship.

[39:09] Who's this woman who seems to have a crush on him.

[39:12] And he's like, well, she's like anything for you guy.

[39:16] And he's like, and keep your schedule open.

[39:17] Remember that dinner place I took you to?

[39:19] Oh yes.

[39:20] Well, I'd love to.

[39:21] But then a couple scenes later, Guy sees her and is very nervous about talking to her.

[39:25] And is like, it seems like their dynamic has suddenly shifted entirely.

[39:29] Yeah.

[39:30] Yeah.

[39:30] He's just good over, he's way better over the phone, you know?

Dan McCoy

[39:32] Well, no, I mean, but at first I do think it's set up as if like, this is a manipulation

[39:37] he's going to do on this totally lovelorn person.

[39:40] But instead they're both like bashful in love with each other, I guess.

[39:45] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:46] Yeah.

[39:46] I really, he, he, he, he has, he has kind of an almost heel turn very early in the movie.

[39:51] But then he's a, but then he's, I guess he's a pretty boy when it comes down to it.

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:54] It becomes a baby face.

[39:55] Okay.

[39:55] So.

[39:56] Baby face.

[39:56] Yeah.

[39:57] That's what I meant when I said pretty boy.

[39:58] I meant baby face.

[39:59] So then we get, I mean, he's also, he's also a pretty boy.

[40:02] I was thinking of pretty boy Nelson the gangster.

Stuart Wellington

[40:04] We then, we then get a, we get the arrival of all the other dogs that are competing.

[40:10] These are dogs from other countries.

[40:12] These are dogs that in many cases are racist stereotypes.

[40:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:16] Oh boy.

[40:17] Yeah.

[40:17] Hey, there's a Chihuahua from Mexico.

[40:19] Guess what his favorite food is.

[40:21] Hey guys.

[40:22] Oh no.

[40:22] It's a taco.

[40:23] Hey, guess what the talent of, guess what the talent of the Chinese dog is.

[40:26] Kung fu and mysticism.

[40:28] Yeah.

[40:28] And apparently rapping, although that doesn't get mentioned as part of the description.

[40:30] The rapping part was the best part.

[40:31] Yeah.

[40:31] The French dog.

[40:33] I looked up.

Dan McCoy

[40:33] Chantreau.

[40:34] Yeah.

[40:34] I looked up who did it and it's a professional voice actor.

[40:38] And I, I don't know.

[40:41] I looked it up because I'm like, this French accent is so bad.

[40:45] I'm sorry to the voice actor who did it.

[40:47] Um, I think it's probably less an indication on her talent because she appears to be highly

[40:53] in demand and more an indication of she correctly clocked the amount of effort she needed to put

[40:58] into this Marmaduke movie.

[40:59] Yeah.

[41:00] Yeah.

[41:00] But, uh, yeah, these are all pretty bad, like ethnic stereotypes.

Stuart Wellington

[41:05] Uh, yeah, we get some scenes of like Zeus, uh, talking shit, uh, to all the other dogs.

[41:11] We're also introduced to a really cool muscle dog from England.

[41:15] Vinny.

[41:16] I'm a big fan.

[41:17] Uh, so we actually get to the, uh, the competition itself.

[41:22] Um, and we, uh, and I think the first category is they have, the dogs have to show their self

[41:29] control.

[41:29] So they are presented with their favorite food that has bacon added to it.

[41:35] So Juan Pedro, the dog from Mexico.

Elliott Kalan

[41:38] And this is another case.

[41:39] They say the word bacon so many times throughout this sequence.

[41:41] And this is another case where it feels like kids are getting kind of leftover jokes.

[41:45] We all remember the period about what, 10 years ago where bacon was suddenly the funniest

[41:49] food.

[41:50] And it was around the, like, I feel like there was a hipster joke catalog that was like

[41:54] unicorns, bacon, handlebar mustaches, and, uh, pirates.

[41:59] And now kids get that stuff.

[42:01] Yeah.

[42:01] And what?

[42:02] Chuck Norris.

[42:03] Yeah.

[42:04] Chuck Norris.

[42:04] Yeah.

[42:04] All that stuff.

[42:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:05] Sure.

[42:06] Also like, look, I realize it's a cartoon, but I'm like, this is not something that happens

[42:10] at a dog show where dogs can resist food.

Stuart Wellington

[42:14] They don't present each dog with their favorite food that has additional bacon added to it.

[42:19] So Juan Pedro is presented with a bacon taco, which he is, of course, unable to resist.

[42:25] He bites it at his, I guess, cast in limbo.

[42:28] He is disqualified for the competition.

[42:30] Yeah.

[42:31] Yeah.

[42:31] He's sent to the Phantom Zone.

Elliott Kalan

[42:32] I will give the, I will give the movie credit for not having him say Kiero taco as like as

[42:37] a nod to the old Taco Bell commercials.

[42:39] That's kind of referenced to an old thing kids won't know about that you might see in a,

[42:43] in a kind of second or third.

Dan McCoy

[42:44] Except for otherwise he is that character, but.

[42:47] He is that character otherwise entirely.

[42:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:49] After getting some inspirational words from Xi, the magical dog, Marmaduke is able to resist

[42:57] the slice of bacon pizza he is presented with.

[42:59] What is his magical?

[43:00] What is his magical advice?

[43:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:00] Tell us what the magical advice is.

[43:03] That he has to be, become the bacon or be the bacon, I believe.

Dan McCoy

[43:06] To defeat the bacon, he has to become the bacon.

Stuart Wellington

[43:08] Yeah.

[43:08] He imagines that his own face is coming out of a portal, a magical portal that is in the

[43:15] middle of the slice of pizza that's presented to him.

[43:18] And weirdly enough, the portal goes, extends to the rear side of the pizza slice where Marmaduke's

[43:24] tail is sticking out.

Dan McCoy

[43:26] You might be wondering, is Stuart making this up?

[43:28] He is not.

[43:29] This is what happens in the film.

[43:30] No, no.

[43:30] This is not a whimsical flight of fancy.

Elliott Kalan

[43:33] No.

[43:34] And this hallucinatory simulacrum of Marmaduke, he tells Marmaduke, I'm the bacon.

[43:40] I'm you.

[43:41] I wouldn't eat me.

[43:42] Would you eat me?

[43:43] Would you eat yourself?

[43:44] Yeah.

[43:44] And it's like, I think it's so funny.

[43:49] I'd eat me.

[43:50] Would you eat me?

[43:51] Yeah.

[43:52] Then Ray Liotta comes out, noshing on his own brain.

[43:55] Oh, wow.

[43:56] Don't knock it until you try it.

[43:57] Layers and layers, yeah.

[43:59] And, but it's one of those things where what we're seeing doesn't make sense.

[44:03] But in this case, they go so far to explain the reasoning to Marmaduke so that he won't

[44:08] eat this piece of pizza.

[44:09] But I guess it works.

[44:11] You can't knock success because Stuart, what happens?

Stuart Wellington

[44:13] He doesn't eat the pizza.

[44:15] And hooray, he, I guess, survives to the next round.

[44:19] And who does eat the pizza?

[44:22] Oh, yeah.

[44:22] His trainer eats the pizza, right?

Elliott Kalan

[44:24] There's this weird running gag of guy eating all the food that Marmaduke wants to eat and

[44:28] eating it the way that a snake would eat it.

[44:30] Where he just drops the whole thing into his mouth and his throat just pulls it down.

[44:34] Yeah, yeah.

[44:34] He's showing off his throat game for this woman that he's interested in.

Stuart Wellington

[44:38] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[44:41] So, during the agility competition, Zeus...

[44:45] Stuart, how would Game of Thrones be different if it's called Game of Throats?

Stuart Wellington

[44:48] Oh, that already exists.

[44:50] It's on the Brazzers Network list.

Elliott Kalan

[44:52] Okay, then forget I asked.

[44:54] Never mind.

Stuart Wellington

[44:54] Okay, so, during the agility competition, Zeus, who performs quite well, attempts to sabotage

[45:00] Marmaduke by using some of the Zeus's brand of shampoo.

Elliott Kalan

[45:06] Now, at both of these dog shows, Zeus has had a setup of shampoo to sell his own brand

[45:11] of shampoo.

[45:11] Yeah, yeah.

[45:11] That seems like a conflict of interest, that he's both a contestant and also has a merchandising

[45:15] table right in the competition area, right?

Stuart Wellington

[45:19] Well, that sounds like there's something wrong with that.

[45:22] Perhaps that there's some corruption at the higher levels, which we...

[45:25] I mean, maybe this is just a clue.

[45:27] So, he squirts some of his shampoo and Marmaduke gets it all over his feet.

[45:32] But somehow, his natural clumsiness works out perfectly and Marmaduke is able to complete

[45:38] the agility competition perfectly, except at the end, he accidentally injures his trainer,

[45:45] Guy, and Guy has to go to the hospital and Marmaduke won't be able to compete anymore.

Dan McCoy

[45:50] Now, I want to say, when he slips and slides his way at great speed through this obstacle

[45:54] course because he's got...

[45:55] He has stepped in shampoo.

[45:57] Like, this shampoo seems to be, like, self-generating.

[46:00] Like, he keeps having more shampoo come out of his paws as if, like, you know, he's on,

[46:05] like, a sketch comedy show where he has to, like, throw up and they have, like, a tube

[46:08] through the sleeves.

[46:09] Yeah.

[46:10] Hitting his sleeves.

[46:10] Like, there's a lot.

[46:12] This is amazing shampoo.

[46:13] It lasts.

Stuart Wellington

[46:14] I mean, it's $99.99.

[46:16] Yeah.

[46:16] And it's a dress.

Elliott Kalan

[46:17] It's expensive dog shampoo.

[46:18] And also, I think there was a missing scene where, in order to defeat Thor, Loki gifted

[46:24] Marmaduke with the ability to absorb elements.

[46:27] That makes sense.

[46:27] And then also make them part of his body.

[46:30] And so he's using that tool here to absorb the shampoo and thus generate more shampoo.

[46:35] Yeah, yeah.

[46:36] Yes.

[46:36] And I think there was...

[46:38] Because Thor was going to be part of this movie and then Marvel pulled out of the last

[46:41] minute of making the Marmaduke cinematic universe part of the Marvel cinematic universe.

[46:44] And so they had to replace Thor with the mom with the huge butt.

[46:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:48] But with a trainer in the hospital, they, yeah, they can't compete.

[46:52] Which I was like, really?

[46:54] They can't?

[46:54] And as we see through the movie, like, that is dispensed with pretty quickly.

Stuart Wellington

[46:58] Very quickly.

[46:59] The family's like, oh, we'll just do it.

Elliott Kalan

[47:01] And they're like, okay, that's fine.

[47:03] So then...

[47:04] The dad has had a real...

[47:05] We'll say, emotionally, the dad has had a real turnabout.

[47:07] The dad was always the one who was like, Marmaduke needs training.

[47:10] Marmaduke's a big problem.

[47:11] Now he recognizes, you know what?

[47:13] Marmaduke's great.

[47:14] And he does have a trainer now.

[47:15] Team Winslow, which I don't know if you can have a family as your trainer.

[47:21] Yeah, Dan, you're the expert on dog shows.

Dan McCoy

[47:23] Can you have a family as trainers?

[47:24] Can you do that?

[47:25] I think my expertise ends at knowing that you don't just put food in front of them and say,

[47:29] can you resist it?

[47:31] But yeah, I can't.

[47:33] Let's talk about the talent.

[47:35] Oh yeah, the talent show.

Stuart Wellington

[47:36] Okay.

[47:36] So the talent competition is where things get good, guys.

[47:40] My favorite dog, the muscle dog, manages to deadlift the entire building.

[47:45] And one pitch gives him a fucking eight out of ten.

[47:47] It's crazy.

[47:48] Yeah.

[47:49] These judges are bonkers.

[47:51] That's so much weight.

Elliott Kalan

[47:52] That dog is not just the strongest dog.

[47:54] The dog is the strongest organism that has ever existed on earth.

[47:58] And yet, eight out of ten.

[47:59] That's all he gets.

[48:00] Eight out of ten.

Stuart Wellington

[48:00] It's wild.

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] Especially...

[48:01] He's lifting the building that he's in.

[48:03] Yeah.

[48:04] Talk about cartoon physics.

[48:05] That should be impossible.

Stuart Wellington

[48:06] The next talent is Chantrelle, the French dog, doing, as they describe, a seductive dance.

[48:14] They do say seductive, which is weird.

[48:16] And people lose their fucking minds.

[48:18] And she gets a nine out of ten.

Dan McCoy

[48:19] Well, they're so horny for this dog, Stuart.

[48:21] You don't understand.

[48:22] You were there.

Stuart Wellington

[48:23] Oh man, I guess.

[48:25] And then, uh, Xi, uh, the Chinese dog, does this, like, dance battle that also kind of

[48:31] turns into a rap, but not really.

[48:33] And there's magic, and there's spears flying around.

[48:36] No.

Elliott Kalan

[48:36] Here's, I had to rewind this part, because there's rap on the soundtrack, and Xi's mouth is kind

[48:41] of moving, but it's not exactly timed, and it's not super clear.

[48:44] So I was like, is Xi supposed to be rapping?

[48:47] Or is...

Stuart Wellington

[48:47] And I guess he is.

Elliott Kalan

[48:49] Yeah.

[48:49] It's just like...

Stuart Wellington

[48:50] And the whole thing ends in a yin-yang symbol.

Elliott Kalan

[48:55] It's pretty, it's pretty cool.

[48:56] And his, and he was performing with his surprisingly scantily clad trainer.

[49:01] Everyone else is wearing just regular clothes.

[49:03] Yeah.

[49:03] Regular everyday clothes.

[49:04] But this trainer is always, is in kind of like a...

[49:06] Looks like a soul caliber character.

[49:08] Yes, yeah, exactly.

[49:09] We're, you know, in like a, like, you know, a martial arts bathing suit or something like

[49:13] that.

[49:13] Mm-hmm.

[49:14] It's a weird choice.

[49:15] This whole moment is a strange talent.

[49:17] But it was still...

[49:18] And I would say, I'd be like, Xi, pick one lane and stick with it, because you're trying

[49:21] to combine too many things.

[49:22] Yeah, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[49:22] I still think it was pretty cool.

[49:24] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] Before you deliver this meal to the judges, take one element off the plate.

[49:27] You got too much going on on the plate.

Stuart Wellington

[49:29] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[49:29] But it's, at least it's well seasoned.

[49:31] That's the thing.

[49:32] The worst is when they bring the food out and it isn't fucking seasoned.

[49:34] Like, come on.

[49:35] No, no.

[49:35] Respect your protein.

[49:36] It's cooked.

Elliott Kalan

[49:36] Yeah.

[49:36] It's cooked.

[49:37] It's cooked perfectly.

[49:38] The seasoning is spot on.

[49:39] I'm just not sure.

[49:40] What is this dish telling me?

[49:41] What's the philosophy behind this dish?

Stuart Wellington

[49:43] And the other thing is, it's like, if the main element of the dish is the wrap, you got

[49:46] to respect the wrap.

[49:48] You got to put more.

[49:49] Exactly.

[49:49] That has to be the star of the dish.

Elliott Kalan

[49:51] Okay.

[49:51] This is a wrap challenge.

[49:52] And yet you're giving me a martial arts dish with a little bit of wrap in it.

[49:56] And I've got to dock you points no matter how delicious the dish is.

[49:59] It's not meeting the challenge.

[50:01] I'm sorry.

[50:02] G, pack your knives and go to the next round.

[50:04] Well, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:05] G, I didn't like your performance.

[50:08] I loved it.

[50:10] Okay.

[50:10] So, Zeus then performs.

[50:14] And his talent is basically hypnotizing everybody in the audience using the luster of his hair.

[50:21] Yeah.

[50:22] Yes.

[50:23] And he kind of hypnotizes everybody.

[50:25] And making them slap themselves.

[50:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:26] And making them act like dogs.

[50:27] It's very sadistic.

[50:28] And here's, okay, here's an issue that I have with Zeus.

[50:32] Zeus is convinced he's the best.

[50:34] Okay.

[50:34] Yeah.

[50:35] Well, one, where's Roxanne?

[50:36] And two, Zeus, that was not okay for you to appear before all those women as different animals and weather and things like that.

[50:42] I was going to say.

[50:42] And make them have your babies.

[50:43] That's not okay.

[50:44] Zeus, you're canceled.

Stuart Wellington

[50:46] Why in modern pop culture, like in this movie and No Holds Barred, is Zeus portrayed as a bad guy when in Greek mythology, he's only a good dude, right?

Elliott Kalan

[50:56] No, that's not.

[50:57] Even in Greek mythology, he's often a bad guy.

[50:59] I think that's something I admire about the Greeks.

[51:00] He doesn't cause problems.

[51:02] And don't admire.

[51:03] The ancient Greeks, they were like, gods?

[51:06] Yeah, they're just like us, but they're worse.

[51:07] Yeah.

[51:08] Gods are just bigger jerks because they're bigger people.

[51:11] Whereas they didn't have truck with our modern notions of morality.

[51:15] They're gods.

[51:16] Look, you'd see a picture of Zeus carrying a big thing of kitty litter in the parking lot and it would say, Zeus, he's just like us.

[51:22] The gods, they're no different than we are.

[51:24] Anyway, Zeus is convinced that he's going to win.

[51:27] He knows he's the best dog.

[51:28] So why does he have to bother sabotaging Marmaduke, hypnotizing the audience?

[51:33] Because his last command to the audience from his trainer is, you're going to give Zeus a perfect score.

[51:38] And also, as we're about to see, that they've got an in with the judges.

[51:42] There's one judge who's giving every dog zeros except for Zeus, who she gives a 100 and then sheepishly takes the extra zero away.

[51:50] It's just a 10.

Dan McCoy

[51:51] You've got to have redundancies, Elliot.

[51:53] You've got to.

Elliott Kalan

[51:53] That's so many redundancies.

[51:55] It shows a lack of confidence to me.

[51:56] So many redundancies.

[51:57] Yeah, that's true.

[51:58] But you're right.

[51:59] I guess in case the hypnotism plan fails, you've got your person on the inside.

[52:03] And in case that fails, you can sabotage Marmaduke, who is already the clumsiest, dumbest of the dogs.

Dan McCoy

[52:08] In case that fails, you can just be the prettiest dog already.

Elliott Kalan

[52:13] Yeah, it's almost like Zeus.

[52:15] The only reason to sabotage Marmaduke is if you know Marmaduke is the name of the movie that you're in.

[52:19] Otherwise, sabotage Xi, this amazing dog that can rap and also do martial arts.

[52:24] Sabotage the seductive Chantrelle.

[52:26] Yes, you would think.

[52:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:27] So speaking of Marmaduke, he is able to reenter the competition because his family are his trainers.

[52:34] And he does this like Wild West themed stunt show where King Tut the Cat, who says – where they're like shooting bullets at him as he is playing the outlaw Black Bart.

[52:44] But every time he dodges a bullet, he says meow, which I thought was very cool.

Elliott Kalan

[52:50] So this is playing off – earlier we saw there's a game that Billy likes to play with Marmaduke where he rides Marmaduke and pretends he's a cowboy.

[52:58] And King Tut is an outlaw they're chasing.

[53:00] So they do this stunt show where he's riding around on Marmaduke and there's a full section of the stunt show that is just Billy shooting real bullets at King Tut as King Tut dodges them.

[53:10] And says meow.

[53:11] And says meow.

[53:12] And Marmaduke is just standing there.

[53:13] And if I was the judges, I would say disqualified.

[53:15] The cat is doing all the work.

[53:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:16] Marmaduke is not doing any work.

[53:18] But Marmaduke realizes that I guess because that's when it turns into an epic dance party.

Stuart Wellington

[53:22] It does turn into an epic dance party, which obviously is great.

[53:25] Everybody's into it.

[53:26] Even Zeus can't help himself.

[53:29] He has to dance along despite himself.

[53:32] And we've all been there.

[53:33] You hear a song where you're like, I hate this song.

[53:35] And by the end of the thing, you're like, since you've been gone.

[53:39] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[53:40] Or that Saturday Night's Gonna Get It.

[53:41] What's that song from –

[53:43] Saturday Night's All Night from Fighting.

[53:44] No, no.

[53:45] The one – Uptown Funk.

[53:46] That's the one I'm looking at.

[53:47] Uptown Funk.

[53:48] Uptown Funk, which is an objectively bad song.

[53:50] It's an objectively bad song.

[53:51] But you can't help but dance to it because it taps into the amygdala, I guess.

[53:56] But otherwise –

Dan McCoy

[53:56] I mean, I like it less than Since You've Been Gone.

[53:58] I know that Stewart probably just pulled the first thing out of his mind.

[54:01] He doesn't actually want to insult Since You've Been Gone.

[54:01] I kind of pulled the first thing out of my mind.

[54:03] I mean, Since You've Been Gone is not really like a dance song.

[54:05] It's not really a dance song.

[54:06] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[54:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[54:08] But a song like YMCA, which my children are obsessed with.

Dan McCoy

[54:11] I cannot truck with any insults.

[54:14] I can't tell you what's called to that great, great Diddy.

Elliott Kalan

[54:18] And the dance – that great, great, great –

[54:22] That great Diddy.

[54:23] That could possibly –

Dan McCoy

[54:24] Grandma and grandpa used to Charleston too.

[54:26] Since You've Been Gone.

Elliott Kalan

[54:28] You're like, what's the word that could possibly do justice to this magnificent opus?

[54:31] I wish the Kaiser would go.

[54:33] So, Marmaduke's performance –

[54:35] Everybody loves it.

[54:36] Marmaduke's performance, it ends with indoor fireworks in a very small arena.

[54:40] The fireworks are literally going off in people's faces.

[54:43] This is –

[54:43] Which animals are known for being very cool with.

[54:47] Yeah, animals love fireworks.

Stuart Wellington

[54:49] So –

[54:49] And we rewound this multiple times to make sure.

[54:53] At no point do they show Marmaduke's score.

[54:56] No, not so.

[54:58] There's a standing ovation, but we don't actually know what his score is.

Elliott Kalan

[55:00] Because to give it a number value would be to insult the integrity and the beauty of it.

[55:06] Yeah, yeah.

[55:06] Yeah, exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[55:08] Yeah, it's why I prefer review sites that stop giving records or movies a star rating and instead are just like, here's what it's all about.

[55:16] You make up your own mind.

[55:18] Okay, so we do the final judging.

[55:22] Zeus wins, of course.

[55:23] Uh-oh.

[55:24] But Marmaduke realized that one of the judges is just one of Zeus' trainers in disguise.

[55:30] Reveals that.

[55:31] And Zeus is disqualified.

[55:33] Uh-oh.

[55:34] So, Xi wins.

[55:35] That's crazy.

[55:36] Okay, he's not even the main character, but he is magic.

[55:40] And then Zeus tries to steal the trophy.

Elliott Kalan

[55:42] And they want this movie to be shown in Chinese theaters, I assume.

[55:44] Yeah, that's true.

[55:44] So you've got to have the Chinese dog win.

[55:45] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[55:45] So Zeus tries to steal the trophy, only for Marmaduke to use the magical kick technique that he had wanted to learn and he was obsessed with.

[55:52] Oh, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[55:52] Did we ever mention that Xi has telekinesis also?

[55:55] Uh, I mean, I mentioned – said magic a couple times.

[55:58] I guess telekinesis is a little different.

Dan McCoy

[56:00] Yeah, it's like he is the force.

Elliott Kalan

[56:01] Yeah.

[56:02] Yeah, it's never really explained other than the fact that he is generally Chinese mystic type.

[56:07] Yeah.

[56:07] So it's like – it's just assumed that he can – he has magic and can control objects from afar.

[56:12] And instead of removing the judge's fake wig, he instead uses his telekinesis to make a shampoo bottle.

[56:18] That's a good point.

[56:19] Go over to Marmaduke.

[56:20] So Marmaduke can, what, throw it?

[56:22] Yeah, throw it so the wig comes off.

[56:24] It's like a butterfly effect.

[56:25] That's right, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[56:25] Yeah.

[56:26] So Marmaduke stops.

[56:30] Marmaduke manages to stop Zeus.

[56:32] But in the ensuing chaos, a cameraman on a platform is about to come crashing down,

[56:38] and Marmaduke pushes Billy out of the way only to be crushed by the falling cameraman.

[56:44] What?

[56:45] Marmaduke is dead?

[56:46] Everyone surrounds him?

[56:48] Bill does a eulogy over Marmaduke's dead body?

[56:51] And everyone starts to fucking cry?

Elliott Kalan

[56:53] Stuart is saying this as if he's making it up as he goes along,

[56:55] but this is exactly what's happening in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[56:57] Even Guy is watching this on TV, and despite being covered in bandages like an invisible man,

[57:03] he is crying his little eyes out.

[57:05] But it turns out Marmaduke –

Elliott Kalan

[57:06] I like the implication that the invisible man can't cry.

[57:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:11] The –

[57:12] If he can't see his tears, is he really crying?

[57:14] Uh-huh, yeah.

[57:15] Oh, that's a good point.

Elliott Kalan

[57:16] I – my – this is another – so not to talk about my kids too much.

[57:18] They've been really into the invisible man lately.

[57:20] We watched the original Claude Rains movie.

[57:22] They loved it.

[57:23] And they find it hilarious that the invisible man is naked all the time.

[57:27] And they – I think they have something to aspire to.

[57:30] You said –

[57:30] Is to be invisible so they can not –

Stuart Wellington

[57:31] You said you watched Hollow Man is what you said you watched with your kids.

Elliott Kalan

[57:34] Yeah, yeah.

[57:35] I showed them Hollow Man.

[57:36] I said, you've got to see the original.

[57:38] Mm-hmm.

[57:39] Uh, okay, so –

[57:40] And my kids were like,

[57:41] we thought we were watching the Elizabeth Moss invisible man.

[57:44] And I was like, no, no, no.

Stuart Wellington

[57:45] You've got to watch them in order.

[57:46] Yeah, Elliot's like too woke for you guys.

[57:48] Uh, so, uh, Phil does this eulogy over Marmaduke.

[57:52] Marmaduke actually is not good.

[57:53] And then I'm watching Hollow Man and I'm going,

Elliott Kalan

[57:54] this isn't based on the T.S. Eliot poem.

[57:56] Hold on a second.

[57:57] Uh-huh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[57:58] Um, so, Marmaduke wakes up.

[58:00] Everyone is happy except for Zeus, of course.

[58:03] Um, and then, uh, so Marmaduke wins the day.

[58:06] Everybody loves him.

[58:07] Okay, now we get end credits, guys.

Dan McCoy

[58:09] Although, speaking of plot threads that aren't resolved,

[58:11] I guess we are to believe that the trainer just forgives the debt

[58:15] because now he loves Marmaduke.

[58:17] Because, as we said, Marmaduke didn't win the big prize.

Stuart Wellington

[58:21] So, that is just left hanging.

[58:23] I mean, we can only assume he's going to get some kind of sponsorships

[58:26] and they can pay, they can pay that bill.

[58:28] I guess, but you know, put like a line in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[58:32] I mean, Marmaduke goes on to become a huge movie star.

[58:35] So, I feel like it's, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[58:36] So, speaking, as we mentioned, there's like a funky Marmaduke song,

[58:40] which is how these end credits began until the song changes

[58:46] to a Marmaduke rap by Pete Davidson.

[58:50] And it is one of the worst things I've ever heard.

[58:53] And I can only assume it's some kind of like elaborate fucking troll

[58:58] of Kanye West or something that he's like,

[59:01] I'm going to do the shittiest rap possible

[59:03] and he is going to have to listen to it because he hates me so bad.

[59:06] And he's going to have to listen to this whole fucking thing

[59:09] and it is the worst.

[59:11] Guys.

Elliott Kalan

[59:12] Yeah.

[59:12] Yeah, I think that's a good theory, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[59:15] Because he approaches this rap with the level of energy that like,

[59:21] I don't know that I make like ordering something

[59:24] at a fucking Shake Shack or something.

Elliott Kalan

[59:26] Oh, look.

[59:27] I mean, in Pete Davidson's defense, how much energy should he bring

[59:31] to the Marmaduke rap in the end credits of the Marmaduke movie?

Dan McCoy

[59:34] I was trying to find the lyrics to the Marmaduke rap,

[59:37] which I couldn't find, but I did find,

[59:39] I can get the chords to the Marmaduke rap if you want me.

[59:43] Oh, yeah.

[59:43] The fucking guitar tablature.

[59:45] Learn it on guitar and play.

Stuart Wellington

[59:47] Okay.

[59:48] So that was Marmaduke, everybody.

[59:49] Hooray, we did it.

[59:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[59:51] And wait, wait.

[59:52] And during the credits, during the credits,

[59:53] there's a series of fake movie posters for Marmaduke movies.

[59:59] He's a big movie star.

[1:00:01] And there's not exactly an end credits scene.

[1:00:03] There's just a little bit of footage of him eating, I think.

[1:00:06] But watching this on Netflix,

[1:00:07] Netflix, anytime the credits start,

[1:00:09] it's like, you want to watch a trailer for another movie, right?

[1:00:12] Yeah.

[1:00:12] Let me skip right to it.

[1:00:13] So I had to keep rewinding in order to finally catch

[1:00:16] the most almost non-existent end credits scene ever.

[1:00:20] Thanks, Netflix, for doing that.

[1:00:21] I appreciate it.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:22] And it's also brought out,

[1:00:23] I want to point out that all of the movies for the movie posters

[1:00:27] are all movies that are at least 20 years old.

[1:00:30] There's no new movie that Marmaduke has been.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:32] So they're like parodies of existing movies.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:34] Yeah.

[1:00:35] It's like Jaws is Paws, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

[1:00:39] There's Spider Marmaduke.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:42] I think there's Fast and Furious,

[1:00:44] which is a joke that predates the Fast and Furious movies

[1:00:47] because that was the name of a Wile E. Coyote Roadrunner cartoon

[1:00:50] in the 1950s.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:52] So what's arguably inspired the Fast and Furious franchise?

[1:00:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:58] Let's argue with it.

[1:00:59] So that's, I will say, though,

[1:01:01] there was part of me that as the rap was going on was like,

[1:01:04] well, you know what?

[1:01:06] Pete Davidson, I guess, is earning his money here

[1:01:07] because there's no way that anyone is enjoying doing this.

[1:01:10] And it's a long rap.

[1:01:11] It goes on for a while.

[1:01:12] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:13] No, I did.

[1:01:15] I feel like it's a bit.

[1:01:16] I did have that thought that like,

[1:01:18] wow, they actually convinced him to do this

[1:01:20] because I bet Pete Davidson could have put his foot down

[1:01:22] and said, no, I'm not going to do a rap about Marmaduke.

[1:01:24] They already have a fucking Marmaduke song.

[1:01:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:27] I mean, but also I have to assume that

[1:01:29] once you've got Pete Davidson signed

[1:01:31] to do your Marmaduke movie,

[1:01:32] he's a broken shell of a man.

[1:01:33] He's going to do whatever you tell him to do.

[1:01:35] I don't know.

[1:01:35] He seems like he's doing okay.

[1:01:37] His mistake was saying, hey, yeah,

[1:01:39] I'll do the voice for that Marmaduke movie.

[1:01:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:42] Okay, well, Final Judgments,

[1:01:44] is this a good, bad movie?

[1:01:45] A bad, bad movie?

[1:01:46] A movie kind of like, you know what?

[1:01:49] Wait a second.

[1:01:49] Do you think this is why...

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:50] We're so close.

[1:01:53] Do you think this is why Kate Beckinsale was dating him

[1:01:57] to get him to do the Marmaduke movie?

[1:02:00] To get closer to Marmaduke?

[1:02:01] Or maybe that was it.

[1:02:02] To get closer to Marmaduke.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:04] Must love dog, she says.

[1:02:06] Was she in that?

[1:02:06] I can't even remember.

[1:02:07] I'm going to say probably not.

[1:02:11] Anyway.

[1:02:13] Probably not?

[1:02:14] Let's look it up.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:14] If you no-scope that shit and you just like...

Dan McCoy

[1:02:17] Oh.

[1:02:19] That was Diane Lane was the...

[1:02:21] Yep.

[1:02:22] Oh, I see.

[1:02:23] Oh, remember when she and Pete Davidson dated?

[1:02:26] John Cusack.

[1:02:28] I think because serendipity was John Cusack,

[1:02:32] Kate Beckinsale,

[1:02:33] that was my six degrees of Marmaduke that I was doing.

[1:02:36] Yeah.

[1:02:36] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:37] Okay.

[1:02:37] Yeah, it makes perfect sense.

[1:02:38] I'm an idiot.

[1:02:39] Sure, sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:39] I get it now.

[1:02:40] Anyway.

[1:02:41] I don't know how anyone...

[1:02:42] Now I don't understand how anyone doesn't make that mistake.

[1:02:44] Final judgments.

[1:02:45] I'm going to say,

[1:02:46] look,

[1:02:46] if this occurred way earlier in our Flophouse career,

[1:02:50] when I was less beaten down,

[1:02:51] I might say,

[1:02:52] this is a good,

Dan McCoy

[1:02:53] bad movie because it is legitimately very strange.

[1:02:57] And like,

[1:02:58] for Netflix to put this out with some name actors,

[1:03:02] like,

[1:03:03] it is wild that it is as bad as it is.

[1:03:07] But even at 88 minutes,

[1:03:10] it's just too much.

[1:03:11] I would say if you're curious,

[1:03:13] maybe watch some highlights.

[1:03:15] You have Netflix already,

[1:03:16] I'm pretty sure.

[1:03:18] Just fast forward through,

[1:03:20] watch a little bit,

[1:03:21] maybe the tsunami,

[1:03:23] maybe the farting,

[1:03:24] I don't know.

[1:03:25] And then go about your day.

[1:03:28] But what do you guys have to say?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:30] Go about your day.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:03:32] After saving this curiosity.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:33] This is what you're doing first thing in the morning.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:35] This is what you're doing.

[1:03:36] Start the day off right with a little marmaduke.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:39] Yeah, I mean,

[1:03:40] this is a bad,

[1:03:40] bad movie.

[1:03:41] I mean,

[1:03:41] this is obviously,

[1:03:43] I'm not the target demographic.

[1:03:44] I'm not,

[1:03:45] I don't know,

[1:03:45] a child?

[1:03:47] Some sort of sick child?

[1:03:50] Some monstrous freak?

[1:03:54] But yeah,

[1:03:55] so no,

[1:03:56] this is a bad,

[1:03:57] No thanks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:57] Am I some sort of hideous thing of warning?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:59] Yeah.

[1:04:00] Slouching towards Bethlehem?

[1:04:03] Elliot,

[1:04:03] what do you think?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:03] I'm going to say,

[1:04:04] I'm going to say bad,

[1:04:05] This is,

[1:04:06] I didn't find it as,

[1:04:07] as goofy as,

[1:04:08] as Dan did.

[1:04:09] And there were,

[1:04:10] this is one of those movies where there were many times during it where I was like,

[1:04:12] I can't,

[1:04:14] I cannot believe that I'm spending my time watching this.

[1:04:17] But you know what?

[1:04:18] On a holiday weekend.

[1:04:19] On a holiday weekend.

[1:04:20] Yeah.

[1:04:20] For the Flophouse listeners.

[1:04:21] This time I'm spending my post Thanksgiving,

[1:04:24] uh,

[1:04:24] is,

[1:04:24] is watching this movie.

[1:04:25] But there are times,

[1:04:27] I go back and forth with these movies all the time because I'm like,

[1:04:29] I don't like that they exist.

[1:04:31] But at the same time,

[1:04:32] it's work for people.

[1:04:33] Like,

[1:04:33] they're making money off of it.

[1:04:35] Like,

[1:04:35] there's,

[1:04:35] somebody needed the work that this created.

[1:04:37] But on the other hand,

[1:04:38] like many animated movies,

[1:04:39] I'm sure that they push the animators to deliver things at an unrealistic deadline.

[1:04:43] Yeah.

[1:04:43] And maybe that's the reason why it looks so crappy.

[1:04:46] Uh,

[1:04:46] but,

[1:04:47] and for a too low budget.

[1:04:48] So I don't know.

[1:04:49] I'm re,

[1:04:49] I'm a real mixed,

[1:04:50] I'm a real mixed bag on this movie,

[1:04:51] except that I agree that it's terrible.

[1:04:52] And I think that the 0.9 rating on Letterboxd was a bit high.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:57] Yeah.

[1:04:58] I mean,

[1:04:58] generous.

[1:04:59] Like I,

[1:04:59] I was at my bar and I was leaving,

[1:05:03] uh,

[1:05:03] and I bumped into a podcast listener.

[1:05:06] Well,

[1:05:06] sorry,

[1:05:06] I couldn't stay and talk.

[1:05:08] Uh,

[1:05:08] but I had to leave because I had to run home to watch this thing.

[1:05:12] So I missed an opportunity for actual human connection with another person.

[1:05:16] And instead I got Marmaduke.

[1:05:18] Wow.

[1:05:19] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:19] you got,

[1:05:19] I think,

[1:05:20] I think,

[1:05:20] you got all this human connection with us as a result.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:22] Oh,

[1:05:22] that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:23] This is,

[1:05:23] yeah,

[1:05:23] this is the real.

[1:05:25] Yeah.

[1:05:25] We're no will.

[1:05:26] I can only,

[1:05:27] I can only congratulate myself.

[1:05:29] I'm earning that world's greatest dad mug by not letting my son watch this movie with me.

[1:05:34] Yeah.

[1:05:35] Much as I also didn't let him watch the monsters with me,

[1:05:37] although he was less interested in that one.

Alonso Duralde

[1:05:44] Um,

[1:05:45] hi,

[1:05:45] I'm looking for a movie.

[1:05:46] Oh,

[1:05:47] I gotcha.

[1:05:47] Uh,

[1:05:47] there's that new foreign film with the time travel.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:50] There's an amazing documentary about queer history on streaming.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:53] Have I told you about this classic where giant robots fight?

[1:05:56] Or there's that one that most critics hated,

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:58] but I thought was actually pretty good.

Alonso Duralde

[1:05:59] Ooh,

[1:06:00] I know the one with the huge car chase.

[1:06:02] And then there's that scene where the car jumps over the submarine.

[1:06:06] Wow.

[1:06:06] Who are you eclectic movie experts?

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:09] Well,

[1:06:09] I'm Evie Waddyway.

[1:06:10] I'm Drea Clark.

[1:06:10] And I'm Alonzo Duralde.

[1:06:12] And together we host the movie podcast Maximum Film.

Alonso Duralde

[1:06:15] New episodes every week on MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:18] And you actually just walked into our recording booth.

Alonso Duralde

[1:06:21] Oh,

[1:06:21] weird.

[1:06:21] Sorry.

[1:06:22] I thought this was a video store.

[1:06:24] You seem like a lady with a lot of problems.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:28] Hey,

Alonso Duralde

[1:06:29] it's John Moe inviting you to listen to Depresh Mode with John Moe,

[1:06:32] where I talk about mental health and the lives we live with all kinds of people.

[1:06:37] Famous writers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:38] David Sedaris.

[1:06:39] Welcome to Depresh Mode.

[1:06:40] Thanks so much for having me.

Alonso Duralde

[1:06:41] Movie stars.

[1:06:42] Jamie Lee Curtis.

[1:06:43] Welcome to Depresh Mode.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:44] I am happy to be here.

Alonso Duralde

[1:06:47] Musicians.

[1:06:47] I am in St. Paul, Minnesota.

[1:06:49] I'm talking to Amy Mann.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:50] Great to talk to you.

Alonso Duralde

[1:06:51] And song exploders.

[1:06:53] Rishi K.

[1:06:54] Sherway, welcome to Depresh Mode.

[1:06:55] Thanks so much for having me.

[1:06:57] Everyone's opening up on Depresh Mode on Maximum Fun.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:03] Hey,

[1:07:04] the podcast,

[1:07:05] the Flophouse,

[1:07:05] the one you're listening to,

[1:07:06] that's the podcast I'm referring to,

[1:07:08] is sponsored,

[1:07:09] is made possible in large part by listeners like you who have joined the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:07:17] Well,

[1:07:17] but we also get a little bit from sponsors.

[1:07:21] Oh,

[1:07:22] yeah,

[1:07:22] you're right.

[1:07:22] Sponsors.

[1:07:23] Which is the other thing that I'm trying,

[1:07:24] the idea I'm trying to introduce.

[1:07:26] Oh.

[1:07:27] And our sponsor this week is Microdose Gummies.

[1:07:33] You've probably heard about microdosing.

[1:07:34] If not,

[1:07:35] know that all sorts of people are microdosing daily to feel healthier and perform better.

[1:07:39] Our show is sponsored by Microdose Gummies,

[1:07:41] which deliver perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good.

[1:07:47] If you want sort of the mood elevating effect,

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[1:07:54] the sleep help that THC gummy can give you,

[1:07:58] but you don't want to be,

[1:08:00] let's say,

[1:08:01] a little too addled.

[1:08:04] Maybe a microdose gummy is good for you.

[1:08:07] I like them.

[1:08:08] They're available nationwide.

[1:08:09] Microdose is available nationwide.

[1:08:11] To learn more about microdosing THC,

[1:08:14] go to microdose.com

[1:08:15] and use code FLOP,

[1:08:17] F-L-O-P,

[1:08:18] that spells FLOP,

[1:08:20] to get free shipping

[1:08:21] and 30% off your first order.

[1:08:24] Links can be found in the show description,

[1:08:25] but again,

[1:08:26] that's microdose.com,

[1:08:28] code FLOP.

[1:08:30] I think that there are a few plugs,

[1:08:33] including Stuart.

[1:08:34] Let's start off with this one.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:36] Yay!

[1:08:36] So,

[1:08:37] it's that time of year.

[1:08:38] That's right.

[1:08:38] The holiday season,

[1:08:40] baby.

[1:08:40] Woo!

[1:08:42] And to celebrate,

[1:08:44] we're going to be doing,

[1:08:45] mainly me and Tan,

[1:08:47] are going to be doing a little party

[1:08:48] over on my Twitch channel

[1:08:49] on Wednesday night,

[1:08:52] what,

[1:08:53] December 14th

[1:08:54] at 8 p.m.

[1:08:55] Eastern Standard Time,

[1:08:57] and we are going to be

[1:08:59] hanging out in Dan's kitchen.

[1:09:01] Dan is going to be

[1:09:02] cooking up a feast

[1:09:03] while I fuck with him.

[1:09:05] We're going to be making cocktails.

[1:09:07] We're going to be goofing around,

[1:09:09] and we invite you to join us.

[1:09:11] My Twitch channel is

[1:09:12] Stuart Wellington

[1:09:13] over at Twitch,

[1:09:15] and you can also,

[1:09:15] I'm sure we'll put a link to it

[1:09:17] in the show notes

[1:09:18] for this episode,

[1:09:19] and it's just going to be,

[1:09:21] you know,

[1:09:21] like an hour or so of us

[1:09:22] hanging out

[1:09:23] and answering questions

[1:09:24] and goofing off.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:25] Yeah,

[1:09:25] if you like the Flophouse,

[1:09:26] but you're like,

[1:09:27] I want it to be a cooking show,

[1:09:28] now's your chance.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:29] Exactly.

[1:09:30] The thing is,

[1:09:30] I've been pushing Dan

[1:09:31] to do more cooking-based content

[1:09:33] on various platforms,

[1:09:34] and he fights me.

[1:09:36] So this is me tricking him

[1:09:38] into doing it.

[1:09:38] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:38] fight his hand.

[1:09:39] And maybe a special guest

[1:09:41] might show up.

[1:09:42] Special guest might be Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:44] Possibly,

[1:09:45] if we can get the technology

[1:09:46] to work,

[1:09:47] that'll be an exciting

[1:09:48] cooking show

[1:09:49] for our spinoff,

[1:09:51] The Cookhouse.

[1:09:52] Yeah,

[1:09:52] it's,

Dan McCoy

[1:09:53] you know,

[1:09:53] it's a,

[1:09:54] just a free little extra show

[1:09:55] as a holiday.

[1:09:58] Thank you to listeners.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:01] Anything else to plug,

[1:10:03] guys?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:03] I have an,

[1:10:04] I have a temporary

[1:10:06] de-plug,

[1:10:07] unfortunately.

[1:10:08] I've been mentioning

[1:10:08] on the last few episodes

[1:10:09] that my new comic book,

[1:10:11] Maniac of New York,

[1:10:11] Don't Call It a Comeback,

[1:10:12] number one,

[1:10:13] comes out December 7th.

[1:10:15] I've received the unfortunate news

[1:10:16] that the publication

[1:10:17] is being pushed slightly

[1:10:18] to a later date.

[1:10:20] Oh, no.

[1:10:20] I don't know when yet.

[1:10:21] So,

[1:10:22] if you go on December 7th

[1:10:23] to your local comic book store

[1:10:25] and they don't have this book,

[1:10:26] do not get mad,

[1:10:28] do not get sad,

[1:10:30] just stay glad

[1:10:30] because it will be coming

[1:10:32] at some point.

[1:10:32] It'll still be rad.

[1:10:33] I will let you know.

[1:10:34] It'll still be rad.

[1:10:37] I'll let you know

[1:10:38] at some point

[1:10:38] when it's coming out,

[1:10:39] but that publication date

[1:10:40] is TBD,

[1:10:42] which means

[1:10:43] to be Dan.

[1:10:45] So, Dan,

[1:10:45] I guess you're

[1:10:46] the publication date.

[1:10:47] Congratulations.

[1:10:48] Oh, thanks.

[1:10:50] Which means you're my date

[1:10:51] to the publication party.

[1:10:53] That's when we have a party

[1:10:54] next to the printing press

[1:10:55] where it's being printed.

[1:10:56] It's very loud.

[1:10:57] It hurts your ears,

[1:10:57] but you're my date.

[1:10:58] You gotta come with me.

[1:10:59] Okay.

[1:11:00] Why don't you wear that

[1:11:01] slinky backless number

[1:11:03] you know I like so much?

[1:11:04] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:05] Okay.

[1:11:08] I'm not gonna fight it.

[1:11:09] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:09] the printing press is hot.

[1:11:10] You're gonna want

[1:11:10] no back on your dress.

[1:11:12] Yeah, just don't back up

[1:11:13] onto the press.

[1:11:14] Yeah, of course not.

[1:11:15] You don't want to get

[1:11:15] burns back.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:17] I mean,

[1:11:17] it's a general

[1:11:18] just good idea

[1:11:19] just not to touch

[1:11:20] a printing press

[1:11:21] when it's working.

[1:11:22] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:23] Is that it?

[1:11:24] Or should we move on?

[1:11:26] I think we can move on.

[1:11:26] Okay.

[1:11:27] This next part of the show

[1:11:29] is letters from listeners

[1:11:30] like you.

[1:11:31] Like us?

[1:11:32] Well, I mean,

[1:11:33] you're not...

[1:11:34] I guess...

[1:11:34] Do you listen to the show?

[1:11:35] Sometimes.

[1:11:36] Okay.

[1:11:36] Well, I guess

[1:11:37] if you wrote a letter in,

[1:11:38] maybe I would read it.

[1:11:39] But mostly non-host listeners.

[1:11:41] I'll let it if I write one right now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:42] Dear Dan,

[1:11:43] this is Elliot,

[1:11:43] your co-host on the show.

[1:11:44] No.

[1:11:45] I have a question for you

[1:11:46] and the other floppers

[1:11:46] because I'm such a big fan.

[1:11:48] Yep.

[1:11:49] Oh, so you won't take it now?

[1:11:51] All right.

[1:11:51] Yeah.

[1:11:52] I'll send you my letter

[1:11:52] off the air then, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:54] Yeah.

[1:11:54] Okay.

[1:11:54] Well, this first one

[1:11:55] is from...

[1:11:55] It's going to be a really good question.

[1:11:57] Matthew, last name with help.

[1:11:58] By the way,

[1:11:58] I want to say,

[1:12:00] I'm not very good at it

[1:12:02] a lot of the time.

[1:12:03] I try and get the letters out to...

[1:12:05] And by it,

[1:12:06] you mean everything?

[1:12:07] Yeah.

[1:12:08] I try and get the letters out...

[1:12:08] Dan's good at a lot of things.

[1:12:09] to Stuart and Elliot

[1:12:12] a little bit

[1:12:13] before we actually tape

[1:12:14] so they can think about

[1:12:15] any questions

[1:12:16] that may be in it.

[1:12:18] I forgot this time

[1:12:20] because I was on break

[1:12:21] and too busy

[1:12:22] not doing anything.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:24] Dan was...

[1:12:25] Dan was so not busy

[1:12:26] that he forgot to do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:29] Yeah.

[1:12:29] I think that people understand.

[1:12:30] I mean,

[1:12:30] if you have like a schedule,

[1:12:33] it's easier to...

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:33] He's in vacation brain, dude.

[1:12:34] Sure, sure.

[1:12:35] Yeah.

[1:12:35] I mean,

[1:12:35] there's something that

[1:12:36] I was once told

[1:12:37] by a famous person.

[1:12:38] You get better service

[1:12:39] in a busy restaurant.

[1:12:41] Yeah.

[1:12:41] So,

[1:12:42] when there's a lot going on,

[1:12:43] it's easier to stay on task.

[1:12:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:44] Yeah.

[1:12:44] I apologize that,

[1:12:46] you know,

[1:12:46] maybe these won't be as...

[1:12:49] I haven't given enough time

[1:12:50] to reflect,

[1:12:50] but we'll see.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:52] The first question is,

[1:12:53] Stuart and Elliot,

[1:12:54] can you write me

[1:12:54] a five-paragraph essay

[1:12:56] explaining this thing?

Dan McCoy

[1:12:57] Yeah.

[1:12:57] Ugh,

[1:12:58] right now,

[1:12:58] off the top of my head,

[1:12:59] oh, okay, wow.

[1:13:00] This is from Matthew,

[1:13:02] last name withheld,

[1:13:02] who writes,

[1:13:03] ahoy, peaches.

[1:13:03] I have to assume,

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:04] Matthew Lesko,

[1:13:05] famous for sending out books

[1:13:06] about free money

[1:13:07] you can get from the government.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:08] does he have a suit

[1:13:09] that looks like money?

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:11] He has a suit

[1:13:11] with question marks.

[1:13:12] Yeah.

[1:13:13] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:14] Like a Riddler.

[1:13:15] Oh, no,

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:15] maybe it's money on a...

[1:13:17] You know,

[1:13:17] it's question marks.

[1:13:17] It's question marks.

[1:13:18] Yeah.

[1:13:18] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:19] Yeah.

[1:13:20] Maybe to him,

[1:13:21] questions are money.

[1:13:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:25] You know the old saying,

[1:13:26] you can't...

[1:13:27] it takes questions

[1:13:27] to make money.

[1:13:28] Yeah.

[1:13:29] This is from...

[1:13:30] Because the question is usually,

[1:13:31] how do I make money?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:33] Yet again,

[1:13:34] Matthew says,

[1:13:35] ahoy, peaches.

[1:13:36] I had a great time

[1:13:37] listening to a recent...

[1:13:38] Oh, he's the ship's captain.

[1:13:39] ...episode about the Munsters.

[1:13:40] Because I'm slightly younger

[1:13:41] than you guys,

[1:13:42] I watched my old Munsters returns

[1:13:43] on TV land

[1:13:44] rather than Nick at Night.

[1:13:46] In those days,

[1:13:46] the channel ran promos

[1:13:47] for the Munsters

[1:13:48] that poked fun

[1:13:49] at the show's premise

[1:13:50] by way of explanatory lyrics

[1:13:52] set to the tune

[1:13:53] of the show's theme song.

[1:13:55] On reflection,

[1:13:55] I realized that

[1:13:56] my memories of these promos

[1:13:58] are much more vivid

[1:13:59] than my memories

[1:13:59] of the show itself.

[1:14:00] Which brings me

[1:14:01] to my question,

[1:14:03] what are some examples

[1:14:03] of movie advertising

[1:14:05] that struck you

[1:14:06] as particularly clever

[1:14:08] or memorable?

[1:14:10] This could include

[1:14:10] trailers, posters,

[1:14:12] or anything else.

[1:14:13] Bonus points

[1:14:14] if it was much better

[1:14:15] than the movie deserved.

[1:14:17] Probably yours,

[1:14:17] Matthew,

[1:14:18] last name withheld.

[1:14:20] I want a...

[1:14:21] Mordecai, right?

[1:14:22] Mordecai?

[1:14:22] Where all the cast

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:24] have little mustaches?

[1:14:25] People love that shit.

[1:14:26] Mustaches, yeah.

[1:14:27] People went crazy

[1:14:28] for that little mustache.

[1:14:29] Just mustache fever

[1:14:30] swept the nation, yeah.

[1:14:31] This actually,

[1:14:32] you know,

[1:14:32] this was not a movie.

[1:14:33] Stache fever.

[1:14:34] Now, now.

[1:14:36] That was the hit song

[1:14:36] from Mordecai.

[1:14:37] Yeah, uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:38] This is a movie

[1:14:38] that was made

[1:14:39] before I was around.

[1:14:41] I'm gonna look it up.

[1:14:44] The actual date,

[1:14:46] 1978.

[1:14:47] Okay, the year of my birth.

[1:14:49] Magic.

[1:14:49] I did not see it

[1:14:50] at the time.

[1:14:51] Oh, yeah.

[1:14:52] But this is, like,

[1:14:52] famously a television ad

[1:14:56] that is scarier

[1:14:57] than the movie,

[1:14:58] I would argue.

[1:14:59] Magic's a fun movie.

[1:15:01] It's fine.

[1:15:01] It's an okay movie.

[1:15:02] Anthony Hopkins' performance,

[1:15:03] Colleen Goldman,

[1:15:03] uh, wrote it.

[1:15:05] But the,

[1:15:07] look up the Magic TV ad

[1:15:09] and see why it

[1:15:11] traumatized a generation.

[1:15:13] Uh, that's the one

[1:15:14] I thought of.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:15] That's a good one.

[1:15:16] That is a much,

[1:15:17] it promises a much

[1:15:18] scarier movie

[1:15:19] than what actually results.

[1:15:21] Yeah.

[1:15:21] Uh, similarly,

[1:15:22] uh,

[1:15:23] this won't come as a surprise

[1:15:24] since I've now written,

[1:15:25] uh,

[1:15:26] three volumes

[1:15:27] of a comic book

[1:15:28] roughly based on

[1:15:29] the promise of this ad.

[1:15:30] Third volume,

[1:15:31] of course,

[1:15:31] coming out,

[1:15:31] TBD.

[1:15:32] Uh,

[1:15:32] the Jason Takes

[1:15:33] Manhattan advertisements.

[1:15:34] They just promised

[1:15:35] Jason taking Manhattan

[1:15:37] in a way that he didn't

[1:15:39] in the movie

[1:15:40] Jason Takes Manhattan.

[1:15:41] Yeah,

[1:15:41] I mean,

[1:15:42] spoiler alert,

[1:15:42] but that's okay.

[1:15:45] Spoiler alert,

[1:15:46] the movie's not very good.

[1:15:47] Uh,

[1:15:48] but the,

[1:15:48] those ads really like,

[1:15:50] when I was younger,

[1:15:50] yeah,

[1:15:51] they really,

[1:15:51] um,

[1:15:52] burrowed into my head.

[1:15:53] There's a,

[1:15:54] I feel like there's a,

[1:15:55] I'll think of some other ones.

[1:15:56] Stuart,

[1:15:57] what else have you got?

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:58] Oh man,

[1:15:59] I gotta do something

[1:15:59] other than Mordecai?

[1:16:01] I mean,

[1:16:01] that's such a fucking banger.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:03] You don't have to,

[1:16:04] if you want to go

[1:16:04] with a joke answer,

[1:16:05] sure,

[1:16:05] that's fine.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:06] Fine.

[1:16:07] I wasn't gonna,

[1:16:08] I remember this,

[1:16:09] Stuart,

[1:16:09] that I wasn't the one

[1:16:10] who gave you a hard time

[1:16:11] for once.

[1:16:12] Yeah.

[1:16:13] Um,

[1:16:14] this one's from

[1:16:15] Duncan,

[1:16:16] last name with hell.

[1:16:17] Okay,

[1:16:17] Duncan Idaho.

[1:16:18] Duncan Hines.

[1:16:19] Yeah.

[1:16:19] Uh,

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:19] that's crazy.

[1:16:22] Duncan Idaho,

[1:16:23] Duncan Hines.

[1:16:23] You put Hines on Idaho potatoes.

[1:16:25] Oh my lord.

[1:16:27] Whoa,

[1:16:27] whoa,

[1:16:27] we're through the looking glass,

[1:16:28] everybody.

[1:16:29] What?

Dan McCoy

[1:16:30] This is wheels within wheels.

[1:16:31] I thought you were gonna

[1:16:32] construct a name

[1:16:33] called Hines Idaho

[1:16:34] and I was like,

[1:16:35] I don't know what that means.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:37] Yeah,

[1:16:37] that's,

[1:16:37] that's a,

[1:16:38] that's Duncan,

[1:16:40] Duncan Idaho's

[1:16:41] German cousin,

Dan McCoy

[1:16:41] Hines Idaho.

[1:16:42] Yeah.

[1:16:43] Uh,

[1:16:44] against my better judgment.

[1:16:45] Why,

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:45] why do I,

[1:16:46] why do I not also become

[1:16:48] a giant kind of clone worm?

Dan McCoy

[1:16:51] Against my better judgment,

[1:16:53] I've continued to watch

[1:16:54] the Marvel movies

[1:16:55] and as a result,

[1:16:56] been steadily driven insane

[1:16:58] with confusion,

[1:16:59] with the confusion

[1:17:00] that's now arisen

[1:17:01] with the whole

[1:17:01] multiverse concept.

[1:17:03] I can no longer tell

[1:17:04] which,

[1:17:05] quote,

[1:17:05] version of a character

[1:17:06] it is I'm seeing

[1:17:07] and I frankly can't see

[1:17:09] how any action

[1:17:10] that takes place

[1:17:10] in this movies

[1:17:11] has any consequence

[1:17:12] since it can be

[1:17:13] easily retconned

[1:17:14] by bringing back

[1:17:15] dead characters

[1:17:16] or objects

[1:17:17] or worlds.

[1:17:18] I know the point

[1:17:18] is probably just,

[1:17:19] yeah,

[1:17:20] I know the point

[1:17:21] is probably

[1:17:21] just to stop thinking

[1:17:22] and watch the glowy

[1:17:23] things go boom

[1:17:24] but I thought

[1:17:25] since you guys

[1:17:25] seem to have

[1:17:26] a very special set

[1:17:27] of comic related skills

[1:17:28] I'd put the question

[1:17:29] to you,

[1:17:30] how do I make sense

[1:17:30] of this nonsense

[1:17:31] in my mind?

[1:17:33] And if you were

[1:17:33] in charge of the MCU

[1:17:34] what would you sign

[1:17:36] post to viewers

[1:17:36] uh,

[1:17:38] uh,

[1:17:38] to help them

[1:17:38] with what they're seeing

[1:17:39] i.e.

[1:17:40] would one parallel universe

[1:17:41] have a prefix

[1:17:41] to their titles

[1:17:42] like Dark World

[1:17:43] or something?

[1:17:44] Well,

[1:17:44] not that,

[1:17:45] they already used it.

[1:17:45] Much love,

[1:17:46] wasting brain space

[1:17:47] in Australia,

[1:17:48] Duncan.

[1:17:49] I mean,

[1:17:50] my response is

[1:17:51] what Elliot

[1:17:51] has already hinted at,

[1:17:52] like this is just

[1:17:53] what comics are.

[1:17:54] They've been retconned

[1:17:55] so many times.

[1:17:56] You just can't,

[1:17:58] like,

[1:17:59] the longer something

[1:18:00] goes on,

[1:18:01] the bigger the world

[1:18:02] gets more unwieldy

[1:18:04] so you can't,

[1:18:06] like that stuff's

[1:18:07] all just fun stuff

[1:18:07] to have in the back

[1:18:08] of your head

[1:18:08] if you want it

[1:18:09] but you should

[1:18:10] live in the moment,

[1:18:11] dude.

[1:18:12] Live in the moment,

[1:18:14] dude.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:14] Yeah.

[1:18:15] I think that's

[1:18:15] a big part of it,

[1:18:16] live in the moment,

[1:18:17] dude.

[1:18:17] I think part of

[1:18:18] the problem is,

[1:18:19] I think there is

[1:18:19] a real issue,

[1:18:20] I think,

[1:18:20] with people

[1:18:21] who are not used

[1:18:22] to those concepts

[1:18:23] now being confronted

[1:18:25] with them

[1:18:25] and the movie is,

[1:18:27] I agree,

[1:18:27] not doing enough

[1:18:28] of a job

[1:18:28] of differentiating

[1:18:30] those multiverses.

[1:18:31] In the comics,

[1:18:32] there's always

[1:18:33] the evil universe,

[1:18:34] there's the version

[1:18:35] where somebody else

[1:18:36] has the costume,

[1:18:37] a different member

[1:18:37] of the supporting cast

[1:18:38] has become the hero.

[1:18:39] They've hinted at that

[1:18:40] a little bit

[1:18:40] but I think part of

[1:18:42] the problem is that,

[1:18:43] especially in

[1:18:44] like Multiverse

[1:18:45] of Madness,

[1:18:46] a bunch of those

[1:18:46] multiverse characters

[1:18:47] that we're seeing

[1:18:48] rely on knowledge

[1:18:49] from previous iterations

[1:18:51] of these characters.

[1:18:52] Like if you're watching

[1:18:53] Doctor Strange

[1:18:53] and the Multiverse

[1:18:54] of Madness,

[1:18:54] you only know things

[1:18:55] from Marvel movies,

[1:18:56] it's not going to be

[1:18:57] fun to you

[1:18:58] that Patrick Stewart

[1:18:59] comes out to the

[1:19:00] X-Men theme song

[1:19:01] from the 1990s

[1:19:02] in the yellow

[1:19:02] floaty wheelchair.

[1:19:04] it's not going to be

[1:19:05] fun to you

[1:19:05] that Reed Richards,

[1:19:06] the character you

[1:19:06] have never

[1:19:07] encountered before,

[1:19:09] shows up.

[1:19:09] The smartest man

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:10] in the world

[1:19:10] being played

[1:19:11] by John Krasinski.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:14] I mean,

[1:19:15] it's fine

[1:19:15] but I think

[1:19:17] that there's a

[1:19:17] level of

[1:19:19] this concept

[1:19:21] that I think

[1:19:22] they are not

[1:19:23] doing a great job

[1:19:23] of making the most

[1:19:25] of it in a simple way

[1:19:26] that doesn't require

[1:19:27] a lot of extra knowledge

[1:19:28] but you're right,

[1:19:28] this is what being

[1:19:29] a comics fan

[1:19:29] is all about

[1:19:30] and what's amazing

[1:19:31] to me is that

[1:19:31] so the Marvel Universe

[1:19:32] has existed for 14 years

[1:19:33] in the movie world

[1:19:35] with the first Iron Man

[1:19:36] and in 14 years

[1:19:37] they've managed

[1:19:37] to get to the point

[1:19:38] that the Marvel Comics

[1:19:39] Universe took

[1:19:40] 30 years to get to.

[1:19:41] The 1990s

[1:19:42] when there were

[1:19:43] too many books,

[1:19:44] too many different

[1:19:45] versions of characters,

[1:19:46] the continuity

[1:19:46] was too thick

[1:19:47] and people

[1:19:48] started losing interest

[1:19:50] because the overall

[1:19:51] quality was going down

[1:19:52] and there was just

[1:19:52] too much to keep track of

[1:19:53] and it's like,

[1:19:54] oh man,

[1:19:54] movies are so much

[1:19:55] more efficient

[1:19:55] than comic books.

[1:19:56] It took them

[1:19:56] half as long

[1:19:57] to get to a point

[1:19:58] of incomprehensibility

[1:19:59] to the casual viewer

[1:20:01] but I think that

[1:20:02] if I was in charge

[1:20:03] of the Marvel movies,

[1:20:04] what I would do

[1:20:04] is like simplify it

[1:20:06] quite a bit.

[1:20:07] I think they're forgetting

[1:20:09] that one of the things

[1:20:10] that made them

[1:20:11] so successful

[1:20:11] was getting us

[1:20:13] invested in the characters

[1:20:14] before the characters

[1:20:15] started interacting

[1:20:16] and getting all put together

[1:20:18] and that the first kind,

[1:20:20] what's the first kind

[1:20:21] of nod to,

[1:20:23] an Easter egg nod

[1:20:24] to someone?

[1:20:24] Is that when like

[1:20:24] Captain America's shield

[1:20:25] shows up for like a second

[1:20:27] in,

[1:20:27] was it Iron Man 2

[1:20:28] or something?

[1:20:29] That like,

[1:20:30] those things were handled

[1:20:30] as like,

[1:20:31] wink,

[1:20:31] you don't need to know

[1:20:32] about this,

[1:20:33] but wink,

[1:20:34] whereas now when

[1:20:35] Star Fox and Pip the Troll

[1:20:37] show up at the end

[1:20:37] of Eternals,

[1:20:38] it's incomprehensible.

[1:20:40] Or like when,

[1:20:41] like I was saying,

[1:20:42] stuff with like,

[1:20:44] Patrick Stewart shows up

[1:20:45] not even as the Professor X

[1:20:46] from the X-Men movies,

[1:20:47] but as the Professor X

[1:20:48] from the cartoon show

[1:20:49] from the 90s.

[1:20:50] It's just so,

[1:20:51] you're in the thicket

[1:20:53] when you could just be

[1:20:54] not putting as much

[1:20:55] plot weight on that

[1:20:56] and not treating it

[1:20:57] like each movie

[1:20:58] is the important thing

[1:20:59] in each movie

[1:20:59] is not the plot

[1:21:00] or what happens

[1:21:01] with the characters,

[1:21:02] but instead,

[1:21:03] what new character

[1:21:04] from the Marvel Universe

[1:21:04] is going to be introduced.

[1:21:06] I feel like now the,

[1:21:07] once I,

[1:21:07] it was like once I found out

[1:21:08] that Namor was in

[1:21:10] Wakanda Forever,

[1:21:11] part of the interest

[1:21:12] in seeing it went down

[1:21:13] for me because I was like,

[1:21:13] okay,

[1:21:14] well I know the next

[1:21:14] building block

[1:21:15] that's being introduced.

[1:21:17] That's,

[1:21:17] you know what,

[1:21:18] I don't,

[1:21:19] I,

[1:21:19] the,

[1:21:20] I don't trust that those

[1:21:21] movies are going to give me

[1:21:22] like a full character story

[1:21:23] anymore.

[1:21:24] Maybe that's a bad example.

[1:21:25] I haven't seen it

[1:21:25] and I heard it's good.

[1:21:26] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:21:26] well I liked Wakanda

[1:21:27] Forever quite a bit,

[1:21:28] but I,

[1:21:29] I,

[1:21:29] I wouldn't,

[1:21:30] Namor,

[1:21:31] like I don't care so much

[1:21:32] because he's like

[1:21:32] given full villain weight,

[1:21:34] you know,

[1:21:34] like sure,

[1:21:35] introduce him in this

[1:21:37] as the new villain

[1:21:38] and then he can be

[1:21:39] in future movies.

[1:21:40] The thing that more people

[1:21:41] have had problems with,

[1:21:42] I didn't have so much

[1:21:43] because I liked performance,

[1:21:44] but like they're introducing

[1:21:46] the character of Ironheart

[1:21:48] in it as well.

[1:21:49] And I think the new thing

[1:21:52] with these Marvel movies

[1:21:53] is let's introduce

[1:21:54] a character that's going to

[1:21:56] then have their own thing

[1:21:58] as a supporting character

[1:21:59] in a established thing.

[1:22:02] And I understand

[1:22:03] the thinking about that,

[1:22:04] especially when it's

[1:22:05] these characters

[1:22:05] that have less

[1:22:06] general name recognition.

[1:22:08] But if you look back

[1:22:10] at like Guardians

[1:22:10] of the Galaxy,

[1:22:11] like they just introduced

[1:22:12] them in their own movie,

[1:22:14] gave them their own time

[1:22:15] and just trusted

[1:22:16] that the thing is

[1:22:16] if it's a good enough movie,

[1:22:19] then people will love

[1:22:21] the characters

[1:22:21] by the end of it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:22] I'm going to go back

[1:22:23] even farther, Dan.

[1:22:24] If you go back

[1:22:24] to every single movie

[1:22:26] before Iron Man,

[1:22:27] almost every single movie

[1:22:29] introduced new characters

[1:22:30] in that movie,

[1:22:31] got the audience

[1:22:32] to care about them

[1:22:33] and then told a story

[1:22:34] with them.

[1:22:35] Like the idea

[1:22:36] that you need

[1:22:36] to introduce,

[1:22:37] especially now

[1:22:37] that the Marvel Universe

[1:22:38] is such a brand,

[1:22:39] you can just release

[1:22:40] a Marvel movie

[1:22:40] and I don't think

[1:22:41] you need to do it

[1:22:42] interlocking jigsaw style.

[1:22:45] But it's the thing

[1:22:46] I've talked about before

[1:22:46] that I'm always amazed

[1:22:47] about the original Star Wars

[1:22:48] is like when Star Wars

[1:22:49] A New Hope came out

[1:22:50] and it was just called

[1:22:51] Star Wars,

[1:22:51] they didn't call it

[1:22:52] A New Hope

[1:22:52] because they didn't

[1:22:53] know they were going

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:53] to make...

[1:22:54] There weren't

[1:22:54] like annoying nerds.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:57] Exactly.

[1:22:57] Well, there were

[1:22:58] annoying nerds

[1:22:58] but they were talking

[1:22:59] about Star Trek

[1:22:59] and why isn't it

[1:23:00] on the air anymore?

[1:23:01] We only have

[1:23:02] the same three seasons

[1:23:03] or whatever

[1:23:04] to look over

[1:23:04] over and over again.

[1:23:05] But when that movie

[1:23:07] came out,

[1:23:08] it's not like people

[1:23:09] were like,

[1:23:10] oh great,

[1:23:10] the new Luke Skywalker

[1:23:11] movie is out

[1:23:12] or like the new

[1:23:13] Han Solo movie.

[1:23:13] They're just like,

[1:23:14] what is this movie?

[1:23:15] And the characters

[1:23:15] get introduced to you

[1:23:16] and within two hours

[1:23:17] you're like,

[1:23:18] I love these characters.

[1:23:19] I hope that they're able

[1:23:19] to defeat the Empire

[1:23:20] and then I hope

[1:23:21] there's a ton more

[1:23:22] of these movies

[1:23:22] and then that they

[1:23:23] kind of lose sight

[1:23:24] of what the movies

[1:23:24] were about

[1:23:25] and then they kind of

[1:23:26] become offensive

[1:23:27] at a certain point

[1:23:27] just in the way

[1:23:28] they deal with the audience

[1:23:29] and with their love

[1:23:30] for the characters

[1:23:31] and then that

[1:23:32] a bigger company

[1:23:32] buys this property

[1:23:33] and then makes

[1:23:34] too much of it

[1:23:35] and it proliferates

[1:23:36] like a cancer

[1:23:36] that Star Wars

[1:23:38] metastasizes

[1:23:38] until it becomes unpleasant.

[1:23:40] I can't wait.

[1:23:41] But the magic

[1:23:42] of that movie is that

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:43] But eventually

[1:23:44] they'll make a TV show

[1:23:45] that everybody

[1:23:45] seems to universally like

[1:23:47] so it's all worth it.

[1:23:49] You know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:49] But the magic

[1:23:52] of that movie

[1:23:52] is that it's just

[1:23:53] a movie that tells

[1:23:54] a story

[1:23:54] and you love it

[1:23:55] and Marvel

[1:23:56] could be doing more

[1:23:57] of that

[1:23:57] especially now

[1:23:57] that they have

[1:23:58] the audience's

[1:23:59] buy-in

[1:23:59] that they like

[1:24:01] Marvel stuff.

[1:24:01] But I agree

[1:24:01] like Guardians of the Galaxy

[1:24:02] that's the smartest

[1:24:03] thing about that

[1:24:04] is that even though

[1:24:05] at the end of that

[1:24:06] Thor movie

[1:24:06] they did do that thing

[1:24:07] where they go to

[1:24:08] the collector

[1:24:09] for some reason

[1:24:10] but even Guardians of the Galaxy

[1:24:13] there's like

[1:24:13] hey let's introduce

[1:24:14] these characters

[1:24:15] they're fun

[1:24:15] let's have an adventure

[1:24:16] okay the adventure's over

[1:24:17] goodbye

[1:24:17] and that's

[1:24:18] a nice way to do movies

[1:24:20] yeah

[1:24:20] you don't need to

[1:24:21] so I would say

[1:24:22] if you're having

[1:24:23] and here's the ultimate thing

[1:24:24] if you're finding

[1:24:26] confusing and complicated

[1:24:27] and you're having trouble

[1:24:28] keeping track of

[1:24:29] who's who in them

[1:24:30] there's

[1:24:31] thousands

[1:24:32] if not

[1:24:32] hundreds of thousands

[1:24:33] of other movies

[1:24:34] that you can watch

[1:24:35] that stand on their own

[1:24:36] you don't have to watch them

[1:24:38] if you're having trouble

[1:24:39] remind yourself

[1:24:40] it doesn't matter

[1:24:41] it doesn't matter at all

[1:24:43] also

[1:24:43] well there's

[1:24:44] I had a conversation

[1:24:45] with John Hodgson

[1:24:46] recently where he was like

[1:24:47] he's like

[1:24:48] you don't have to watch

[1:24:49] you don't have to watch

[1:24:50] Ms. Marvel

[1:24:51] it's fun

[1:24:51] but it's not essential

[1:24:52] and I was like

[1:24:53] John

[1:24:53] none of them are essential

[1:24:54] we can live

[1:24:56] without any of them

[1:24:57] and so I think

[1:24:59] the

[1:24:59] I think

[1:25:00] the Marvel

[1:25:01] I think what will fix

[1:25:03] is if the audience

[1:25:04] starts to understand

[1:25:05] they don't need to

[1:25:06] service

[1:25:07] the Marvel Cinematic

[1:25:08] universe

[1:25:08] and they kind of say

[1:25:09] well I'll come back

[1:25:10] and watch some of these

[1:25:11] when you get back

[1:25:12] to the level of

[1:25:12] kind of like

[1:25:13] excitement

[1:25:14] and thinking about it

[1:25:15] and thoughtfulness

[1:25:16] and care

[1:25:17] that you put into

[1:25:17] the first

[1:25:18] what like

[1:25:19] two

[1:25:19] maybe three

[1:25:20] phases of this

[1:25:21] this thing

[1:25:22] or maybe

[1:25:22] what phase are they on now

[1:25:23] is it phase four

[1:25:24] that they're in

[1:25:25] or

[1:25:25] I don't know

[1:25:26] none of it makes any sense

[1:25:27] one of them

[1:25:28] it doesn't make any sense

[1:25:28] the phases are made up

[1:25:30] yeah that's true

[1:25:31] the phases are made up

[1:25:32] it's all made up

Dan McCoy

[1:25:33] yeah well I know

[1:25:34] it is all made up

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:35] even the good ones

[1:25:35] are made up Dan

[1:25:36] yeah

[1:25:36] they're not based on

[1:25:37] our true story

[1:25:37] and even reality

[1:25:38] is a story

[1:25:39] that we write

[1:25:39] day by day

[1:25:40] so

[1:25:41] but I think

[1:25:42] if you

[1:25:42] break yourself

[1:25:44] out of the prison

[1:25:44] of feeling like

[1:25:45] oh I owe it

[1:25:45] to see all these things

[1:25:47] one of the greatest

[1:25:47] decisions I ever made

[1:25:48] in my life

[1:25:48] was when

Dan McCoy

[1:25:49] I didn't go see

[1:25:50] Man of Steel

[1:25:51] in the theaters

[1:25:51] because I was like

[1:25:52] oh

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:53] I've got to go

[1:25:54] see this movie

[1:25:54] but I know

[1:25:55] I'm not going to like it

[1:25:56] and I was like

[1:25:56] wait a minute

Dan McCoy

[1:25:57] I don't have to go

[1:25:58] see this movie

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:58] if I know

[1:25:59] I'm not going to

[1:25:59] like something

[1:26:00] or even that

[1:26:00] there's something

[1:26:01] I'm going to like

[1:26:02] more than this

[1:26:02] why don't I do that

[1:26:04] instead

[1:26:04] and I never looked back

[1:26:05] and I never saw

[1:26:06] Man of Steel

[1:26:07] and just knowing

[1:26:08] how much Stuart

[1:26:08] didn't like it

[1:26:09] has been a joy

[1:26:09] forever

[1:26:10] it is true

Dan McCoy

[1:26:10] to break it out

[1:26:12] of just this

[1:26:13] I think that

[1:26:14] as a human being

[1:26:16] sometimes I get

[1:26:17] trapped in

[1:26:19] ruts

[1:26:19] where I'm doing things

[1:26:21] without really

[1:26:22] examining why

[1:26:23] if there's a thing

[1:26:25] that you're thinking

[1:26:27] you're dreading

[1:26:27] or isn't giving you

[1:26:29] the joy

[1:26:30] that you think it should

[1:26:30] you know

[1:26:31] you can take a break

[1:26:32] from it

[1:26:32] maybe come back later

[1:26:33] your passion

[1:26:35] if you want to

[1:26:35] might reignite

[1:26:36] but you don't have to

[1:26:37] do something else

[1:26:38] do something

[1:26:39] even this podcast

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:39] yeah

[1:26:41] just probably keep

Dan McCoy

[1:26:42] you know

[1:26:43] your membership

[1:26:43] keep on that

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:44] in fact pay more

[1:26:45] but I feel like

[1:26:47] there's a number of things

[1:26:48] about being a nerd

[1:26:48] that used to be

[1:26:50] kind of badges of honor

[1:26:51] and have now

[1:26:52] when nerds were

[1:26:53] outsiders

[1:26:53] and now they have

[1:26:55] infected society at large

[1:26:56] superiority complexes

[1:26:59] resentment of other people

[1:27:01] anger

[1:27:01] at feeling left out

[1:27:03] of stuff

[1:27:04] even when you're

[1:27:04] at the center of culture

[1:27:05] and I think

[1:27:06] one of the things

[1:27:07] that's infected

[1:27:07] modern culture

[1:27:08] is completism

[1:27:09] as a nerd

[1:27:10] I always feel the urge

[1:27:11] to like

[1:27:11] I like this author

[1:27:12] I better read

[1:27:13] every single book

[1:27:14] they've ever written

[1:27:14] I like this movie

[1:27:16] I better watch

[1:27:16] every single movie

[1:27:17] in the series

[1:27:18] or every single episode

[1:27:19] of this TV show

[1:27:19] and I think

[1:27:20] if we can break

[1:27:20] the idea that

[1:27:21] completism is

[1:27:22] good or virtue

[1:27:25] or even necessary

[1:27:26] and we can just

[1:27:27] treat entertainment

[1:27:28] as stuff that we can

[1:27:29] dip into

[1:27:29] whenever we want

[1:27:30] then media

[1:27:31] will be healthier

[1:27:32] in general

Dan McCoy

[1:27:33] one thing that my therapist

[1:27:34] told me that I found

[1:27:35] very helpful

[1:27:35] was she said

[1:27:36] just ask yourself

[1:27:38] what is going to make me

[1:27:39] happy today

[1:27:40] like

[1:27:41] and that's like

[1:27:42] a powerful idea

[1:27:43] like you don't have to

[1:27:44] you know

[1:27:45] construct

[1:27:46] these plans

[1:27:47] and like

[1:27:48] be trapped by

[1:27:49] what you think

[1:27:50] is necessary

[1:27:51] like

[1:27:52] sure

[1:27:52] obviously

[1:27:53] do the things

[1:27:54] you need to do

[1:27:54] to live

[1:27:55] and be responsible

[1:27:56] but also

[1:27:57] think about

[1:27:58] today

[1:27:59] and

[1:28:00] and what

[1:28:00] will make you happy

[1:28:01] don't feel

[1:28:01] like a weird

[1:28:03] obligation

[1:28:03] about your

[1:28:03] entertainment

[1:28:04] your free time

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:05] yeah

[1:28:06] and and

[1:28:06] because

[1:28:07] because if you do

[1:28:08] you might make a bad

[1:28:09] decision

[1:28:10] and suddenly end up

[1:28:11] 15 years later

[1:28:12] watching the animated

[1:28:14] Marmaduke

[1:28:14] when you could be

[1:28:15] watching something

[1:28:16] that would bring you

[1:28:16] happiness

[1:28:17] and instead

[1:28:18] you're just trying

[1:28:19] to shield your children

[1:28:20] from Pete Davidson

[1:28:22] farting and shitting

[1:28:23] in a trophy

[1:28:24] I mean

Dan McCoy

[1:28:27] to be clear

[1:28:27] it's not

[1:28:28] Pete Davidson

[1:28:28] shitting in a trophy

[1:28:30] what a movie

[1:28:30] they didn't mocap

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:30] that shit

[1:28:31] I have to assume

[1:28:33] that happens

[1:28:33] in his Judd Apatow

[1:28:34] movie

[1:28:34] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:28:34] speaking of Judd Apatow

[1:28:37] and the reason

[1:28:37] that this is a connection

[1:28:38] will

[1:28:39] will come to light

[1:28:41] later

[1:28:41] let's talk about

[1:28:42] recommendations

[1:28:43] movies

[1:28:44] that we kind of like

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:46] I love that you're like

[1:28:47] speaking of Judd Apatow

[1:28:48] now let me put that

[1:28:49] segue on hold

[1:28:50] well

Dan McCoy

[1:28:51] I just want to clarify

[1:28:52] ahead of time

[1:28:53] like to prevent you

[1:28:54] from jumping on me

[1:28:56] as you want to do

[1:28:57] to be like

[1:28:57] that has to do

[1:28:58] with Judd Apatow

[1:28:58] no no

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:59] but I know exactly

[1:29:00] I think I know exactly

Dan McCoy

[1:29:01] what you're getting at

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:02] because of a conversation

[1:29:03] we had earlier

[1:29:04] outside of the podcast

[1:29:05] that's true

Dan McCoy

[1:29:07] movies that we liked

[1:29:08] that actually might be

[1:29:09] worth your time

[1:29:10] and perhaps

[1:29:11] your movie going dollar

[1:29:12] I saw

[1:29:14] The Fablemans

[1:29:15] recently

[1:29:16] and I saw it

[1:29:17] at a

[1:29:18] it was a guild

[1:29:20] screening

[1:29:21] where

[1:29:22] Tony Kushner

[1:29:23] and Steven Spielberg

[1:29:24] were there

[1:29:24] being interviewed

[1:29:26] by Judd Apatow

[1:29:27] as the moderator

[1:29:28] for the Q&A

[1:29:30] I will get back

[1:29:32] to that

[1:29:32] Elliot's favorite

[1:29:33] filmmakers

[1:29:33] moving down

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:34] to Judd Apatown

[1:29:35] won't you take me

[1:29:38] won't you take me

[1:29:42] it's a town

[1:29:43] that's roughly

[1:29:43] 20 minutes too long

Dan McCoy

[1:29:45] I

[1:29:47] yeah I really liked

[1:29:49] The Fablemans

[1:29:49] I

[1:29:50] was kind of

[1:29:52] a little leery

[1:29:54] of it

[1:29:54] because

[1:29:55] sometimes

[1:29:56] movies about

[1:29:57] the magic

[1:29:58] of the movies

[1:29:59] you don't like

[1:29:59] magic of cinema

[1:30:00] magic of cinema

[1:30:01] movies can be

[1:30:01] a little

[1:30:02] self-congratulatory

[1:30:04] and schmaltzy

[1:30:05] and

[1:30:05] you're like

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:06] cinema paradiso

[1:30:07] more like

[1:30:08] cinema paradickish

Dan McCoy

[1:30:10] zero stars

[1:30:12] thumbs down

[1:30:12] there are a lot

[1:30:13] of wonderful

[1:30:13] movies about movies

[1:30:14] but it also

[1:30:15] can be

[1:30:16] a license to

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:17] singing in the rain

[1:30:18] more like

[1:30:18] stinking in the rain

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:19] Donnie Darko

[1:30:20] more like

[1:30:21] Donnie Dorko

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:22] Donnie Darko

[1:30:23] is not exactly

[1:30:24] a movie about

[1:30:25] the magic of movies

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:25] I think you understand

Dan McCoy

[1:30:25] what I'm saying

[1:30:27] you're like

[1:30:28] making fun of me

[1:30:28] but I think you know

[1:30:29] exactly what I'm

[1:30:30] talking about

[1:30:30] and Spielberg

[1:30:32] who is a

[1:30:33] filmmaker

[1:30:34] of great

[1:30:35] skill

[1:30:37] and who's made

[1:30:38] many wonderful films

[1:30:38] also can indulge

[1:30:40] the sentimental

[1:30:40] side

[1:30:41] certainly

[1:30:41] cinema mental

[1:30:44] side

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:44] I've seen

[1:30:45] Minority Report

Dan McCoy

[1:30:46] what a sentimental

[1:30:49] movie

[1:30:49] but I also

[1:30:51] think that

[1:30:52] Spielberg is

[1:30:53] a filmmaker

[1:30:54] that in a

[1:30:55] weird way

[1:30:56] like Audrey

[1:30:57] brought this up

[1:30:57] recently

[1:30:58] I think she's

[1:30:58] right that

[1:30:59] like he's

[1:31:00] become so big

[1:31:01] he's circled

[1:31:01] around to being

[1:31:02] like underrated

[1:31:03] in a way

[1:31:03] where people

[1:31:04] are like

[1:31:04] dismissive of

[1:31:06] him because

[1:31:06] he's

[1:31:07] you know

[1:31:08] the great

[1:31:09] crowd pleaser

[1:31:10] or whatever

[1:31:10] I mean even

[1:31:11] though he's

[1:31:11] done like a lot

[1:31:12] weirder stuff

[1:31:12] in the latter

[1:31:13] half of his

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:13] career

[1:31:14] I think it's

[1:31:15] a combination

[1:31:15] of him becoming

[1:31:16] the establishment

[1:31:17] favorite

[1:31:17] I think you're

[1:31:18] right

[1:31:18] once someone

[1:31:19] becomes universally

[1:31:20] acclaimed

[1:31:21] then there's a

[1:31:22] backlash against

[1:31:22] them

[1:31:22] much as

[1:31:23] Martin Scorsese

[1:31:24] has been

[1:31:25] backlash now

[1:31:26] for daring

[1:31:26] to have an

[1:31:27] opinion about

[1:31:27] movies

[1:31:28] that people

[1:31:29] on the internet

[1:31:30] don't like

[1:31:30] how dare he

[1:31:33] how dare this man

[1:31:33] who's dedicated

[1:31:34] his life to cinema

[1:31:36] not only his

Dan McCoy

[1:31:37] own movies

[1:31:37] but like

[1:31:38] world cinema

[1:31:39] getting in front

[1:31:40] of people

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:40] and preserving

[1:31:42] old cinema

[1:31:42] there's a reason

[1:31:43] that we have

[1:31:44] a viewable

[1:31:45] copy of

[1:31:45] Vertigo

[1:31:46] and it's

[1:31:47] because of

[1:31:47] his efforts

[1:31:48] I'm sorry

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:49] how many

[1:31:49] of Martin Scorsese's

[1:31:51] movies have a

[1:31:52] Deadpool in them

[1:31:53] thank you

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:54] good point

[1:31:55] almost none

[1:31:57] of them

[1:31:58] yeah

[1:31:58] but yeah

[1:31:59] and also

[1:32:00] Steven Spielberg

[1:32:00] in the latter

[1:32:01] half of his

[1:32:01] career

[1:32:01] he's still

[1:32:04] an incredibly

[1:32:04] prolific

[1:32:05] filmmaker

[1:32:05] and his

[1:32:06] movies are

[1:32:07] not always

[1:32:07] at the high

[1:32:07] average

[1:32:08] that he

[1:32:08] achieved

[1:32:09] so I think

[1:32:11] that's why

[1:32:11] people start

[1:32:12] to underrate

[1:32:12] him

Dan McCoy

[1:32:13] yes

[1:32:13] but that being

[1:32:14] said

[1:32:14] this was

[1:32:15] probably my

[1:32:16] favorite movie

[1:32:16] of his

[1:32:17] going back

[1:32:18] to at least

[1:32:20] Lincoln

[1:32:20] maybe earlier

[1:32:21] maybe catch

[1:32:22] me if you

[1:32:22] can

[1:32:22] I really

[1:32:23] enjoyed it

[1:32:24] and it is

[1:32:26] far more

[1:32:28] unsparing

[1:32:29] than you would

[1:32:29] expect

[1:32:30] like the

[1:32:30] trailers

[1:32:31] make it

[1:32:31] like focus

[1:32:32] on the

[1:32:33] magic of

[1:32:33] cinema

[1:32:33] schmaltz

[1:32:34] but it

[1:32:34] is much

[1:32:36] more

[1:32:36] actually

[1:32:36] kind of

[1:32:37] a

[1:32:37] clear-eyed

[1:32:39] excavation

[1:32:40] of some

[1:32:41] of the

[1:32:41] more painful

[1:32:42] moments

[1:32:42] in his

[1:32:43] upbringing

[1:32:44] and I

[1:32:45] kind of

[1:32:46] admired

[1:32:46] how

[1:32:47] honest

[1:32:48] it was

[1:32:49] how

[1:32:49] open-hearted

[1:32:49] it was

[1:32:50] to a bunch

[1:32:50] of like

[1:32:51] flawed

[1:32:52] people

[1:32:52] from his

[1:32:53] youth

[1:32:53] including

[1:32:54] his

[1:32:54] parents

[1:32:54] primarily

[1:32:56] his

[1:32:56] parents

[1:32:57] and

[1:32:58] I liked

[1:33:00] it quite

[1:33:00] a bit

[1:33:00] and I

[1:33:01] to circle

[1:33:02] back around

[1:33:02] to Judd

[1:33:03] Apatow

[1:33:03] I

[1:33:04] enjoyed

[1:33:05] the part

[1:33:05] in the

[1:33:06] Q&A

[1:33:07] where

[1:33:09] was talking

[1:33:09] about how

[1:33:10] he was

[1:33:10] worried

[1:33:11] that

[1:33:12] Seth

[1:33:13] Rogan

[1:33:14] was going

[1:33:14] to come

[1:33:14] in

[1:33:15] you know

[1:33:16] he's a

[1:33:16] supporting

[1:33:17] actor in

[1:33:17] the movie

[1:33:17] he was going

[1:33:18] to come

[1:33:18] in

[1:33:18] he was

[1:33:18] going to

[1:33:18] do a

[1:33:19] bunch

[1:33:19] of

[1:33:19] improv

[1:33:19] because

[1:33:22] is a

[1:33:22] writer

[1:33:22] a very

[1:33:23] respected

[1:33:25] writer

[1:33:25] angels in

[1:33:26] America

[1:33:26] many other

[1:33:27] things

[1:33:27] he was

[1:33:28] like

[1:33:28] Seth

[1:33:28] Rogan

[1:33:29] is going

[1:33:29] to come

[1:33:29] in

[1:33:30] and improvise

[1:33:30] all over

[1:33:31] it

[1:33:31] and Seth

[1:33:32] came in

[1:33:32] and was

[1:33:33] like

[1:33:34] oh this

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:35] is great

[1:33:35] I can

[1:33:35] do it

[1:33:35] as written

[1:33:36] I don't

[1:33:36] have to

[1:33:37] make it

Dan McCoy

[1:33:38] funny

[1:33:38] it's a

[1:33:39] great script

[1:33:39] as written

[1:33:40] and I'm

[1:33:41] like

[1:33:41] Judd Apatow

[1:33:42] is right

[1:33:43] there on

[1:33:43] the stage

[1:33:44] man

[1:33:45] what a

[1:33:45] slap in

[1:33:46] the face

[1:33:46] I'm used

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:49] to being

[1:33:50] presented

[1:33:50] pages of

[1:33:51] shit

[1:33:51] that I

[1:33:52] have to

[1:33:52] put a

[1:33:53] gloss on

Dan McCoy

[1:33:53] well to

[1:33:54] Apatow's

[1:33:55] credit

[1:33:55] he immediately

[1:33:56] jumped in

[1:33:56] and was

[1:33:57] like

[1:33:57] yeah

[1:33:57] Seth

[1:33:58] used

[1:33:58] to my

[1:33:58] shit

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:59] Seth

[1:34:00] will make

[1:34:01] this

[1:34:01] funny

[1:34:01] for all

[1:34:02] the things

[1:34:03] that I

[1:34:03] don't

[1:34:03] I feel

[1:34:04] like I

[1:34:04] don't

[1:34:05] love

[1:34:05] Judd

[1:34:06] Apatow's

[1:34:06] work

[1:34:06] but I

[1:34:06] feel like

[1:34:07] he's

[1:34:07] never

[1:34:07] been a

[1:34:08] guy

[1:34:08] who's

[1:34:08] going to

[1:34:08] put on

[1:34:09] ears

[1:34:09] and be

[1:34:09] like

[1:34:09] I'm

[1:34:10] just

[1:34:10] as

[1:34:10] good

[1:34:10] as

[1:34:10] Tony

[1:34:11] Kushner

[1:34:11] the author

[1:34:11] of

[1:34:11] angels

[1:34:12] in

[1:34:12] America

Dan McCoy

[1:34:12] I'm

[1:34:14] just

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:14] as

[1:34:15] good

[1:34:15] as

[1:34:15] the

[1:34:15] man

[1:34:15] who

[1:34:15] made

[1:34:15] E.T.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:16] he was

[1:34:17] a very

[1:34:18] good

[1:34:18] moderator

[1:34:18] it was

[1:34:18] a fun

[1:34:19] time

[1:34:19] and the

[1:34:19] movie

[1:34:20] is

[1:34:21] great

[1:34:21] so go

[1:34:21] out

[1:34:21] and see

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:22] it

[1:34:22] I'm

[1:34:23] looking

[1:34:23] forward

[1:34:24] to seeing

[1:34:24] it

[1:34:24] I'm

[1:34:25] going to

[1:34:25] recommend

[1:34:25] what is

[1:34:26] currently

[1:34:27] my favorite

[1:34:27] movie of the

[1:34:28] year

[1:34:28] I'm going to

[1:34:29] recommend

[1:34:30] Bones and

[1:34:31] All

[1:34:31] the new

[1:34:32] Luca

[1:34:32] Guadagino

[1:34:33] movie

[1:34:33] and you

[1:34:34] know me

[1:34:34] I'm a

[1:34:35] big

[1:34:35] Luca

[1:34:35] stan

[1:34:36] I love

[1:34:37] all his

[1:34:37] movies

[1:34:38] I'm a

[1:34:38] super

[1:34:38] freak

[1:34:38] for it

[1:34:39] I would

[1:34:39] devour

[1:34:40] them

[1:34:40] you watch

Dan McCoy

[1:34:42] Luca

[1:34:42] the Pixar

[1:34:43] movie

[1:34:43] under the

[1:34:45] misapprehension

[1:34:45] daring

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:46] I'm like

[1:34:47] is that

[1:34:47] Tilda Swinton

[1:34:48] in makeup

[1:34:48] what's going

[1:34:49] on

[1:34:49] so

Dan McCoy

[1:34:50] how did

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:52] they make

[1:34:52] her look

[1:34:53] like a

[1:34:53] CGI character

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:54] it's astounding

[1:34:54] she's

[1:34:55] incredible

[1:34:55] so

[1:34:57] Bones and

[1:34:58] All

[1:34:58] is

[1:34:59] kind of

[1:34:59] like an

[1:34:59] outsider

[1:35:00] love story

[1:35:01] set in

[1:35:02] the 80s

[1:35:02] where these

[1:35:04] two kids

[1:35:05] who just

[1:35:05] happen to

[1:35:06] be cannibals

[1:35:07] managed to

[1:35:08] find some

[1:35:09] connection

[1:35:09] and

[1:35:10] are they

[1:35:11] fine and

[1:35:11] young

[1:35:12] they are

[1:35:13] fine and

[1:35:13] young

[1:35:13] one of

[1:35:14] them

[1:35:14] is

[1:35:14] Timothee Chalamet

[1:35:15] doesn't get

[1:35:17] finer or

[1:35:17] younger

[1:35:17] for the time

[1:35:18] being

[1:35:18] he will

Dan McCoy

[1:35:18] get old

[1:35:19] eventually

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:19] it is

[1:35:20] a

[1:35:21] beautiful

[1:35:22] movie

[1:35:23] it is

[1:35:24] a

[1:35:24] fucking

[1:35:24] gross

[1:35:25] movie

[1:35:25] and

[1:35:26] it's

[1:35:26] also

[1:35:27] a

[1:35:27] super

[1:35:27] sad

[1:35:27] movie

[1:35:28] I read

[1:35:28] an interview

[1:35:30] with Luca

[1:35:30] Guadagino

[1:35:31] over at

[1:35:31] Film Freak

[1:35:33] Central

[1:35:33] where

[1:35:34] the interviewer

[1:35:35] Walter

[1:35:35] Shaw

[1:35:35] described

[1:35:36] Luca

[1:35:38] Guadagino's

[1:35:38] movies as

[1:35:39] having a

[1:35:40] desperate

[1:35:41] romanticism

[1:35:42] and I

[1:35:42] think

[1:35:42] this

[1:35:42] movie

[1:35:43] totally

[1:35:44] exemplifies

[1:35:45] that

[1:35:45] this yearning

[1:35:46] for connection

[1:35:46] and it

[1:35:47] uses the

[1:35:48] scenery

[1:35:48] and backdrop

[1:35:49] of the

[1:35:50] American

[1:35:51] Midwest

[1:35:51] as

[1:35:52] a perfect

[1:35:54] palette

[1:35:54] for this

[1:35:55] and

[1:35:56] yeah

[1:35:56] it's

[1:35:57] great

[1:35:57] I found

[1:35:58] it very

[1:35:58] moving

[1:35:58] there's

[1:36:00] also

[1:36:00] a

[1:36:01] very

[1:36:02] unexpected

[1:36:03] but very

[1:36:03] thematically

[1:36:04] appropriate

[1:36:05] sequence

[1:36:06] moments

[1:36:06] where

[1:36:06] Timothee

[1:36:07] Chalamet

[1:36:07] dances

[1:36:08] around

[1:36:08] to the

[1:36:08] song

[1:36:09] Lick It Up

[1:36:09] by Kiss

[1:36:10] which

[1:36:10] was

[1:36:11] very

[1:36:12] welcome

[1:36:12] so yeah

[1:36:13] I love

[1:36:14] it

[1:36:14] it's great

Dan McCoy

[1:36:14] and speaking

[1:36:15] of a

[1:36:16] late period

[1:36:16] Spielberg

[1:36:17] Mark Rylance

[1:36:18] is in it

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:18] Mark Rylance

[1:36:19] is incredible

[1:36:19] in it

[1:36:20] yeah

[1:36:20] always good

[1:36:21] and Stuhlbarg

[1:36:22] Stuhlbarg

Dan McCoy

[1:36:23] oh man

[1:36:23] it's great

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:24] two thumbs up

[1:36:25] Elliot

[1:36:26] your turn

[1:36:27] hey guys

[1:36:28] what would you do

[1:36:29] if a life changing

[1:36:30] amount of cash

[1:36:30] literally fell

[1:36:31] into your lap

[1:36:32] one night

[1:36:32] would you become

[1:36:33] so determined

[1:36:34] to hold on to it

[1:36:35] that you'd embark

[1:36:35] on a trail

[1:36:36] of destruction

[1:36:36] is he recommending

[1:36:37] Brewster's

Dan McCoy

[1:36:38] fucking millions

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:39] no

[1:36:40] that's the choice

[1:36:41] Elizabeth Scott

[1:36:42] makes in

[1:36:42] Too Late for Tears

[1:36:44] a 1949 film noir

[1:36:45] directed by Byron Haskin

[1:36:46] and written by

[1:36:47] Roy Huggins

[1:36:48] creator of

[1:36:48] The Rockford Files

[1:36:49] Maverick and

[1:36:49] The Fugitive

[1:36:50] Elizabeth's

[1:36:51] Jane Palmer

[1:36:51] is hell bent

[1:36:52] on achieving

[1:36:53] the post-war

[1:36:53] ideal of financial

[1:36:54] security

[1:36:54] and she doesn't

[1:36:55] care who she

[1:36:56] has to kill

[1:36:56] or kiss

[1:36:57] to get it

[1:36:57] but is this

[1:36:58] miracle money

[1:36:59] merely a harbinger

[1:37:00] of her own doom

[1:37:00] it's a film noir

[1:37:02] so probably

[1:37:03] but find out for sure

[1:37:04] by watching

[1:37:05] Enjoyably Tawdry

[1:37:06] Too Late for Tears

[1:37:07] currently streaming

[1:37:08] on Tubi

[1:37:09] wow that was

[1:37:10] nice and tight

[1:37:11] yeah that was

[1:37:12] nice and tight

[1:37:12] did you write

[1:37:13] that one down

[1:37:13] my long

[1:37:14] maybe

[1:37:15] I wrote it

[1:37:16] down ahead of

[1:37:16] time

[1:37:16] because I know

[1:37:17] I can get

[1:37:17] pretty rambly

[1:37:18] and loose

[1:37:18] well

[1:37:20] much like

[1:37:21] much like

[1:37:21] what Marmaduke

[1:37:22] put into that

[1:37:23] trophy

[1:37:23] sometimes my

[1:37:24] can get too

[1:37:25] rambly and loose

[1:37:26] that's fair

[1:37:26] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:37:26] this has been

[1:37:28] great

[1:37:28] before we go

[1:37:29] I want to

[1:37:31] mention yet again

[1:37:32] in case people

[1:37:33] skip over the

[1:37:34] stuff in the

[1:37:35] middle

[1:37:35] where we

[1:37:36] our promos

[1:37:37] Stuart

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:38] yeah we're

[1:37:39] doing a

[1:37:39] we're doing

[1:37:40] a twitch

[1:37:40] stream

[1:37:41] me and

[1:37:41] Dan

[1:37:42] with special

[1:37:42] guest

[1:37:42] Elliot

[1:37:43] hopefully

[1:37:43] we're going

[1:37:44] to do a

[1:37:44] twitch stream

[1:37:45] over at my

[1:37:45] channel

[1:37:46] Stuart

[1:37:46] Wellington

[1:37:46] on December

[1:37:48] 14th

[1:37:48] it's a

[1:37:48] Wednesday night

[1:37:49] at 8pm

[1:37:50] eastern standard

[1:37:50] time

[1:37:51] where we're

[1:37:52] going to be

[1:37:52] cooking up a

[1:37:53] storm

[1:37:53] having some

[1:37:54] drinks

[1:37:54] answering

[1:37:54] questions

[1:37:55] goofing

[1:37:55] around

[1:37:56] please

[1:37:57] join us

Dan McCoy

[1:37:58] and I

[1:37:59] also

[1:37:59] wanted to

[1:38:00] remind people

[1:38:01] that the

[1:38:02] sexy xenomorph

[1:38:03] contest is

[1:38:05] still going

[1:38:06] on

[1:38:06] that is

[1:38:07] to do

[1:38:08] a

[1:38:08] music video

[1:38:10] for the

[1:38:11] song sexy

[1:38:11] xenomorph

[1:38:12] by our

[1:38:13] producer

[1:38:13] Alex Smith

[1:38:14] and the

[1:38:14] three of

[1:38:15] us

[1:38:15] the

[1:38:17] song of

[1:38:17] the fall

[1:38:17] the

[1:38:18] contest

[1:38:19] rules

[1:38:20] are available

[1:38:21] on the

[1:38:22] website

[1:38:22] under the

[1:38:24] monsters

[1:38:24] episode

[1:38:25] and

[1:38:26] show

[1:38:26] notes

[1:38:27] I'll

[1:38:28] try and

[1:38:29] put them

[1:38:29] also

[1:38:30] separately

[1:38:30] on a

[1:38:30] blog

[1:38:31] section

[1:38:32] as well

[1:38:33] but if

[1:38:35] you want

[1:38:35] to be

[1:38:35] part of

[1:38:35] that

[1:38:36] get your

[1:38:37] entry in

[1:38:38] put it

[1:38:38] on

[1:38:38] YouTube

[1:38:38] email us

[1:38:39] about it

[1:38:40] before

[1:38:40] New Year's

[1:38:41] again all

[1:38:42] the rules

[1:38:42] are on

[1:38:43] the website

[1:38:44] and I

[1:38:45] want to

[1:38:45] thank our

[1:38:46] network

[1:38:46] Maximum

[1:38:47] Fun

[1:38:47] go over

[1:38:48] to

[1:38:48] Maximum

[1:38:48] Fun

[1:38:49] dot org

[1:38:49] look at

[1:38:50] all the

[1:38:50] great

[1:38:50] podcasts

[1:38:51] they have

[1:38:52] there

[1:38:52] and then

[1:38:53] once you're

[1:38:53] done

[1:38:53] looking at

[1:38:53] them

[1:38:54] listen to

[1:38:54] one of

[1:38:54] them

[1:38:55] and

[1:38:56] also

[1:38:57] thank you

[1:38:57] it's more

[1:38:58] of an

[1:38:58] audio

[1:38:58] thing

[1:38:59] but you

[1:39:00] know

[1:39:00] yeah

[1:39:00] and then

[1:39:02] I also

[1:39:03] wanted to

[1:39:03] thank

[1:39:04] the aforementioned

[1:39:06] who did

[1:39:07] sexy scene

[1:39:08] more but

[1:39:08] more importantly

[1:39:09] for us

[1:39:10] at least

[1:39:11] is our

[1:39:12] great producer

[1:39:13] and puts

[1:39:15] all this

[1:39:15] stuff together

[1:39:16] and he's

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:16] like a good

[1:39:17] friend of

[1:39:17] mine

[1:39:17] he was

[1:39:17] my best

[1:39:18] man

[1:39:18] at my

[1:39:18] wedding

[1:39:18] yeah

[1:39:19] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:39:19] I'm

[1:39:19] saying

[1:39:19] for the

[1:39:20] the

[1:39:20] entity

[1:39:21] the

[1:39:21] flop

[1:39:22] house

[1:39:22] that's

[1:39:23] how

[1:39:23] listeners

[1:39:24] know

[1:39:24] him

[1:39:24] but

[1:39:25] anyway

[1:39:25] for the

[1:39:27] flop house

[1:39:27] I've been

[1:39:28] Dan McCoy

[1:39:29] hey

[1:39:29] I'm

[1:39:30] Stuart

[1:39:30] Wellington

[1:39:31] and I'm

[1:39:33] Ellie

[1:39:33] Kalin

[1:39:34] see ya

[1:39:36] rough

[1:39:37] rough

[1:39:38] way to

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:40] tie it

[1:39:40] together

[1:39:41] how about

[1:39:45] guys

[1:39:45] how about

[1:39:45] if I

[1:39:45] just drop

[1:39:46] in and

[1:39:46] I'm

[1:39:46] out there

[1:39:46] the whole

[1:39:47] time

[1:39:47] he'll

[1:39:47] be like

[1:39:48] uh

Dan McCoy

[1:39:48] what

[1:39:50] David Bowie

[1:39:50] dropping by

[1:39:51] to sing

[1:39:52] Little

[1:39:52] Dropper

[1:39:52] Boy

[1:39:52] exactly

[1:39:53] and that's

[1:39:54] what I'll

[1:39:54] do

[1:39:55] what a

[1:39:56] terrible

[1:39:57] song

[1:39:57] that is

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:58] I mean

Dan McCoy

[1:40:01] their version

[1:40:01] is probably

[1:40:01] the one I

[1:40:02] like the best

[1:40:03] but it's not

[1:40:03] a good song

[1:40:04] anyway

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:04] just because

[1:40:05] someone has

[1:40:05] no gifts

[1:40:06] to bring

[1:40:06] Dan is not

[1:40:07] interested in

[1:40:07] their song

[1:40:08] yeah

[1:40:08] maximumfun.org

[1:40:11] comedy and culture

S5

[1:40:12] artist owned

[1:40:13] audience supported

Ep. #384 - Marmaduke (2022)

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