mini Jan 21, 2023 00:53:06

Transcript

[0:00] Hey everyone and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And
[0:10] I'm Elliot Kaelin. Dan, what are we doing today on The Flophouse? Well, the numbered
[0:15] episodes of The Flophouse are ones where we talk about a bad movie. Uh-huh. But the mini-sodes.
[0:22] The mini-sodes which also have numbers. You're right. The ones with bigger numbers because
[0:27] we've been doing them longer. Hold on, let me start over again. So, the ones that with...
[0:32] The ones labeled FH Mini which stands for Flophouse Mini. The ones with big numbers
[0:37] like the unfinished Alan Moore, Bill Sienkiewicz mini-series of the same name. That one is...
[0:42] Those are the movie ones. Uh-huh. And the ones with little numbers like the never even
[0:46] conceived Alan Moore, Bill Sienkiewicz mini-series of the same name. Those are the minis. What
[0:50] do we do on the minis, Dan? Yeah, and when you get into little murders, you're talking
[0:54] Jules Feiffer. Um, on the mini-sodes, uh, there are many of them now and there are theoretically
[1:01] smaller although not frequently. The only thing that makes the mini smaller is the extreme
[1:07] epic length of our normal episodes. And the numbers that we've already addressed. And
[1:13] those numbers, yeah. That's true. Um, on these mini-sodes, uh, we usually sort of take turns
[1:18] driving these, uh, with different ideas. Um, and I'm... What I'm bringing to the table
[1:24] tonight, boys. Yep. Um, as you know... Something hot, tasty, and fresh. Mm-hmm. Sounds like
[1:28] goulash to me. Stuart, you... Mm, delicious. Now, I know your new best friend, of course,
[1:35] is the doll Megan. Uh-huh, yeah. From the film Megan. Mm-hmm. She's never gonna leave
[1:39] me. Yeah. And, uh, Megan is tearing up the box office. Everyone loves this dancing spooky
[1:47] doll that murders. Yeah. And, of course, when you talk about a dancing, uh, spooky
[1:54] murdering doll like Megan, you know that she's part of a story tradition of other films.
[2:01] And I'm not talking about movies about evil dolls. Mm-hmm. Or even movies about evil robots.
[2:06] I'm talking about movies where numerals replace a letter in the title. Oh, okay. So the movie
[2:12] versions of the TV show Numb Threers, for instance. Mm-hmm, exactly. And so what I wanna
[2:18] do, boys, uh, is to go through a list of films I've compiled with a number in the title.
[2:24] Like Rocky IV? And, uh, I'm gonna tell... Well, no, no. I will... A number... A numeral
[2:30] that replaces a letter. Okay. And I cast a wide net. So Iron Eagles 2? Mm-hmm. You'll
[2:37] hear some examples later on when we get to the actual examples. Okay. But right now...
[2:42] So, like, Saw IV? Well, one would be Megan, say. Oh, okay. Uh, where the 3 of Megan is
[2:49] the E of Megan. Okay. I want that to be... I want that to be... That's what's carved
[2:54] on your tombstone, Dan. The 3 of Megan is the E of Megan. And it just says a Zen proverb.
[3:01] Because I loved... Because... I loved watching you start that sentence the opposite of the
[3:06] way you intended. And then... Yeah. You kind of do a K-turn to get in the direction you
[3:12] wanted to go. With nothing but complete confidence. Finish the sentence anyway. Yeah, I'm assuming
[3:20] that's the kind of sentence you'd see at the beginning of an episode of The Wire. And
[3:26] you'd be like... And you'd be like, they're quoting their own characters at the top of
[3:30] the episode? How... This is the most pretentious thing the show can do. But there's always
[3:34] that little thrill when the character says the line and you're like, that's what they
[3:37] said at the beginning of the episode. Still works. Yeah, still works. Great show. Great
[3:41] show. Yeah. So, as you may have noticed, if you read Western characters, the capital E...
[3:50] Wait, like the Ringo kid? Yeah. The capital E looks like the numeral 3 only in reverse.
[3:58] And so, obviously, the designers, the clever designers of Megan thought of this too. And
[4:05] they put a 3 in there. Which is, to Megan's credit, that is actually addressed in the
[4:09] film. That it's canonical that there's a 3 in Megan's name. It's not just for the title. But
[4:16] anyway. So, other movies like this cast a wide net. People can argue whether some of these
[4:22] canonically have a number in the title or not. Okay. But I'm less interested in what the
[4:28] official title of the movies are than whether any poster or advertising at any point had a
[4:34] numeral replacing a letter. So, what you're telling me, the note behind the note here is
[4:37] that you're not afraid of controversy. Yeah. Yeah. And so, how this is gonna work out,
[4:44] we are going to tonight decide which is the top number titled movie. Okay. After we discuss each
[4:51] of them, I'm gonna ask you to rank each of these movies 1 out of 10 in two categories.
[4:57] One, this is conceptual. Do I need a 20-sided die for this? Yes. How complicated is this game?
[5:07] You'll be playing our mage. And Stuart is, of course, our ranger. Yeah.
[5:14] One, the overall quality of the movie. I can tell the spell is a treat.
[5:19] And two, how successful you think the number replacement is in the title. Okay. Now,
[5:25] here are some possible criteria. I don't wanna tell you. I mean, you can have your own personal
[5:28] one. Does it work visually? Does it make sense? Does it sound right? Does it sound right? Is the
[5:35] choice to use numbers for letters motivated by anything, like saying Megan, where there's a
[5:41] reason why there's a number there? Any criteria you want, those are a few suggestions. Okay. Okay.
[5:47] And one last quick word for a very long windup. I'm semi-arbitrarily eliminating movies where two
[5:54] is used print style as a replacement for the word two, because I don't think it's in the spirit of
[5:59] the exercise. That you invented. Well, in this exercise, these are instances where the numbers
[6:08] are replacing letters visually and not just homonyms. And not just whole words. And not
[6:13] soundalikes. Okay. So that's no step up to the streets. That's no too fast, too furious, or
[6:20] okay. Back to the hood. None of that. Yeah, you're right. No, don't jungle to jungle. Okay.
[6:25] But if it was called jungle of three to jungle, and there's a three instead of that first D,
[6:30] or alternately jungle to jungle three, and there's a three in the last one,
[6:34] or I'll give you a third option. Jungle three to jungle three. You would be okay with that.
[6:40] So that was, it sounded like you were explaining some sort of old phone freak.
[6:45] That's when you blow on the, on the captain crunch whistle, and you get a free call
[6:49] only to Singapore. You can't call anywhere else. So I hope you know something about jungle three.
[6:55] Okay. So starting off, we we've talked about it already. You just got to start off with Megan,
[7:02] M three G A N a little discussion, and then some ratings. What do you, what do you guys,
[7:09] do you know anything? Elliot, I presume you haven't seen it yet.
[7:13] Yeah, I haven't seen Megan. So I don't want to, I can't, I can't really talk about the
[7:20] full appropriateness. All right. You know what? Is it because you're Elliot? Is it because you
[7:24] don't like women or gay people? I mean, I'm sure you could, you could read that into my actions,
[7:31] but I would say a better explanation would be that I've just been very busy and I have not
[7:35] been able to go to the theaters. I'm going to change. I'm going to change this exercise in
[7:41] midstream. Oh, good. Cause we barely understood it for two reasons. No, wait, is this two,
[7:46] the number two or is it the word? Good question. I've already forgotten the shoot. No, I'm going
[7:54] to change it because number one, as you have shown, you probably haven't seen a lot of these
[8:02] movies. And that was something that I really should have anticipated. Don't judge me. And
[8:06] number two, uh, if we do the quality thing, I feel like there's a couple of films out here
[8:14] that we'll just dominate and quality over. Like it might surprise you to learn that this is a
[8:19] trick that mostly, uh, not so great movies. It's strange how usually quality movies don't have to
[8:27] do title gimmicks to get you through the door. So I'm going to change it up. You only have to give
[8:32] one score, one to 10. Totally. I'm giving two scores, which is better, a 10 or a one. That's
[8:40] very good question. Very good question. Uh, I want to make, let's make it easy on myself. Well,
[8:45] I mean, it's pretty easy either way, but let's, uh, 10 is the top 10 is top. Okay. Okay. Now I
[8:50] will say this, Megan, haven't seen the movie. Can't judge the movie. It's not for the reason
[8:54] that Stuart mentioned it is merely because I've been very busy and have not gotten to the theaters,
[8:58] but I think it looks great in the title. She's a robot. Why not put a number in there?
[9:02] Uh, I, I don't know if the twist is that there's three of her, but go ahead, go for it. You know,
[9:07] uh, I like it. I think it works and it means people can say Mithrigan or Mthrigan or, or just
[9:14] any, any sort of thing like that, which I'm totally okay with. So what do you think? So I give it,
[9:17] I give it a 10 out of 10. Stuart, what do you say? 10 out of 10. Yeah. I was going to say nine
[9:22] out of 10 for the title. Yeah. Uh, no, it's great. It's, it's a real fun time in the movies. Highly
[9:29] recommend. Yeah. I'm looking forward to maybe a sequel where they swap out the A for a four,
[9:34] but you know, who knows? Um, the, or an ad symbol or an ad symbol. Yeah, that's true.
[9:41] Now she's a future, a future. Now she's a creature of pure virtuosity. She only exists
[9:47] in the, on the online world. Yeah. Now I want to, you know, uh, name spoilers. I just want to,
[9:52] I looked it up. Megan stands for, you got this model three generative Android. So the A N
[10:00] Both come from and yeah, but you know, they you know, they just made that up to fit Megan
[10:05] It's not like Jack Kirby was like a strategic hazard initiative enforcement. Hey, that sounds like shield. That's pretty good
[10:13] He just filled in some letters
[10:17] It could have gone either way he might have said I like the sound modak or he might have said this is a mental organism
[10:23] Designed only for killing. No, you know what? Yeah, then he would be Madoff if he was just going by that
[10:28] It shouldn't be Madoff
[10:30] So yeah, I feel like Megan Megan is looking pretty good right now. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Megan's high score
[10:37] Top of the box office. Yeah right now top of the box. Is it top of the box office? No, it's still underneath
[10:46] And I'll say avatar way of water a movie that I haven't heard many people talking about recently still burning up the charts though
[10:52] It's it's gonna it's passing spider-man. No way home is the sixth
[10:56] What biggest movie ever so?
[10:58] Yeah, Cameron, you proved me wrong again
[11:00] I said you couldn't make a movie out of true lies and you did it and now I said
[11:04] This one wasn't gonna be as big a success and it was
[11:06] No eyes was is based. What on uh, what a Kipling novel. Yeah. Yeah, it's
[11:13] It's it's merely as racist as a Kipling novel, but it's loosely based
[11:17] Yeah, I was I was never the doubter that you were but I will say that avatar
[11:22] I think has really benefited from the fact that like because the pandemic they're not throwing as many big movies at the screen as they
[11:29] Used to all
[11:31] It is very much benefiting. I feel like from the general
[11:35] Dissolving and collapse of the motion picture and television industry and that it's out and people. Yeah
[11:43] And that it's a thing that's and and I'm sure he'll say this like it's a thing that
[11:47] See in theater. I haven't seen it
[11:49] But I know that seeing in the theaters is gonna be a different experience than watching a television
[11:52] You know or on like your phone or something while you're taking like a three hour long shit
[11:56] well
[11:57] I mean at that point you got to talk to your doctor because if you're if you can watch all of avatar the way of
[12:00] Water while you're well, it's just a constant poop stream. Then something's wrong either either
[12:06] Your intestines have become
[12:09] Stream that's from Peepee Lang. These are the jokes my children would love if they knew who Katie Lang was
[12:19] It's the
[12:23] First let me tell you about a trailblazing lesbian performer. Anyway, now that I've done that listen to this
[12:36] But the I think I think either either you're eating too much fiber or perhaps there's a portal in your intestines
[12:42] That is allowing an alien species to ram its waste out of your system
[12:46] You want to get it looked at by a licensed professional
[12:50] Okay, well that that's Megan for you now
[12:57] Number two
[13:00] Probably the most famous example of this. The first one that I remember of course is seven. Yes
[13:07] Glad we're getting it out of the way early is the seven of the titles. So it's like it's like it's actually saying 77 or
[13:15] So seven
[13:18] And that's why I'm gonna give it a I'm gonna give it a one for title
[13:23] I've never liked that seven in there. It doesn't sound right. It doesn't look right. It really bugs me
[13:28] There's it's already called seven if you're gonna go all that way just name it the number seven
[13:33] Just use the numeral and not have a not have a full title and I'm gonna carry movie
[13:39] No, that's a number
[13:42] 23 yeah, but there's why not just call it seven the number that would really stick out and
[13:47] top of the listings of movie titles pretty it kind of looks like
[13:51] like the the seven replaces a V so it looks like the
[13:55] Like the the V is just kind of off-kilter, right and the credits are backwards dudes
[14:01] So I feel like this whole is just a little bit twisted if you know what I mean
[14:06] It is pretty
[14:09] Kevin Spacey's off-kilter twisted view of the world
[14:16] And so and this is gonna be controversial I think seven it's a quality movie I've never really liked it very much
[14:22] So I'm torn between giving it like a four and giving it an eight
[14:26] Basically for quality. It just doesn't do it for me too. Grim too. Grim by the time it's over
[14:31] I'm like, yeah, I did I did just slog through
[14:35] Miles of I don't know what kind of foul excrement to get out of this prison shawshank
[14:41] Experiences over Elliot at the risk of diluting the hate mail that you were gonna get
[14:46] I feel much the same way about seven a part of it is like a lot of the impact has been diluted by the bad
[14:52] Seven imitators, but also even at the time when I saw it, I'm like, this is a little too grim for me
[14:57] Like I like other David Fincher movies
[15:00] Okay, when you compare it to I mean, I love Zodiac I think Zodiac yeah an amazing move
[15:06] Oh, yeah, you love his best movie that he ever made and I'm saying I'm saying it's it
[15:11] They're not exactly the same thing
[15:12] But well, maybe it's that he needed to make seven before he could make Zodiac
[15:15] He had to crawl before he could walk or walk before he could fly. I don't know. The thing is like I like I I
[15:21] Like the paperback thrillers that he has made since seven. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[15:28] Panic rooms a lot of fun the game like I like girls
[15:33] To is like a really underrated one. I think great and and of course you guys love Benjamin Button, but the
[15:41] The I think but maybe what maybe it's also the fact that we were all around the same age when seven came out and I
[15:46] Don't know you but I was surrounded by guys my age
[15:48] Who thought seven was just the most amazing movie ever made?
[15:52] Yeah
[15:52] until fight club came out and then they thought that was the most amazing movie ever made until
[15:56] Magnolia came out and then they thought that was the most amazing movie and it was like I think it just got hyped up a
[16:01] Little too much. These are all movies that I
[16:04] Have enjoyed I mean terrible movies. Yeah, but it's just movies when it's it's a very specific snapshot of a specific type of
[16:13] Movie-watching dudes. Yes. Yeah, I feel like it's the only it was only the
[16:17] it's only the lack of the
[16:19] social media at the time that stopped those movies from becoming like the Rick and Morty of movies where
[16:25] People just went it went to an extreme of
[16:28] Let's call it reckless behavior in there in their love of the product
[16:33] But yeah
[16:35] Yeah in a different world if you go into any
[16:38] New York City weed bodega, it would be filled with like
[16:42] drawings of the characters of
[16:44] Seven and shit just hanging out smoking weed. Yeah, there's a strain called like crotch crotch knife or something like that, you know
[16:52] Okay, so now let's move on to
[16:54] Wait, let me just say the one thing the one thing about seven that always got to me is how the heroes run out of clues
[16:59] So the bad guy just shows up and it was like movie. Did you run out of ideas?
[17:04] Did you not want to do the hard part of having that having to figure out how the detectives would solve the case?
[17:08] Stewart you haven't given seven an official number that I recall. Oh, yeah. I think it's pretty clear. I'm giving it a seven
[17:16] He did it, okay, so moving on to the next movie
[17:23] You're multiplying the number in the title by the number that we give it to get the ultimate score, right? Yeah
[17:30] Yeah, yeah, those are the secret hidden scores that unlock the ARG
[17:38] From the second episode of the rehearsal would listen to this episode his head would
[17:46] Okay, well this this movie is a little movie called 13 ghosts or third 13 in
[17:55] ghosts
[17:58] Thir 1 3 e n ghosts
[18:05] You know what Dan I got I owe seven an apology because that actually works much worse
[18:10] You
[18:13] Always have the the numeral zero
[18:18] Unfair no, I think it is. I think it is perfectly fitting with the like super hammy goofy source material
[18:26] Thumbs up to 13 ghosts thumbs up Jeffrey Abraham's amazing performance
[18:33] Yeah, great movie. Mm-hmm. It's a fun one. It's you know, what's that?
[18:38] What was that ghost house with like where the idea was originally like we're just gonna make it remake a bunch of William Castle movies
[18:44] Yeah, make them also silly
[18:48] Yeah, it was that Dark Castle productions was which one was oh, yeah Dark Castle that was what it was
[18:55] Yeah, and they did that. I also did a couple others, right? I mean on one level. It's the same old like recycling of IP that
[19:03] You know destroys everything eventually on the on another level it's at least IP that no one would have thought otherwise to
[19:10] Recycle, that's the thing
[19:11] It's I've always felt that it doesn't really except in a few circumstances where you've you've made a new version of something
[19:18] That's really cool. It doesn't really make sense to remake a good movie
[19:21] But why not remake a bad movie like come on remake the William Castle movies go for it
[19:26] Like that sounds like a great idea. They can't you can't
[19:29] Get worse, you know at worst it's gonna be level with the old. Yeah, you know if they announce tomorrow
[19:35] They're like, oh we're going in big on the tingler cinematic universe. I'd be like go for it. Try it out
[19:43] Yeah, see if you can do it man if you can more power to you, yeah
[19:49] Elliot what number you gonna give 13? Yes. I mean, I may can I give the title a negative number?
[19:54] It's just it's so unwieldy it doesn't really have like the numbers that it's replacing
[20:00] I guess the three looks like an E, as we've established with Megan.
[20:04] And the movie, I know I saw, but I barely remember it, so I guess I'm going to give
[20:07] it a 10.
[20:08] It's a glass house that's like a puzzle box.
[20:12] Oh, right.
[20:14] That's right.
[20:15] It's like a real super modern house, right?
[20:17] Yeah.
[20:18] And Matthew Lillard's in it.
[20:19] Yeah.
[20:20] But it's not Glass House with Lili Sobieski.
[20:22] That was her role.
[20:23] No, it's a different Glass House.
[20:24] It is not with Lili Sobieski.
[20:25] And it's not the Glass Castle, the harrowing memoir about growing up with the children
[20:29] of abusive...
[20:30] Well, abusive, some of my parents.
[20:31] Yeah.
[20:32] I guess I'll call them abusive.
[20:33] Sure.
[20:34] Anyway, it's not the Glass Castle.
[20:35] Okay.
[20:36] Well, if you disagree with Elliot on whether or not the parents were abusive, you're right
[20:40] into the blood.
[20:41] I mean, clearly, they were traumatized, the children.
[20:44] Is it the Glass Menagerie?
[20:45] Is it that one?
[20:46] It is.
[20:47] Yeah.
[20:48] I put you down for negative one.
[20:50] Okay, negative one.
[20:51] Stuart.
[20:52] Yeah.
[20:53] I guess I'll give...
[20:54] I'll give it an eight.
[20:55] An eight.
[20:56] Okay.
[20:57] There you go.
[20:58] Very scientific experiment that we're engaged in.
[21:03] It'll be back in a moment.
[21:04] But before that, I'm going to take the break here, actually, even though I've got more
[21:08] movies on the other side, because we had a long wind up and that was because of me.
[21:17] And we have ads.
[21:18] That's what I'm trying to say.
[21:21] The theme of this episode is long wind ups.
[21:24] Again, I had it open in another tab, and yet it took me that long.
[21:30] Dan, are you trying to keep the mini going longer because the FBI needs to trace the
[21:34] call to us?
[21:36] Yeah.
[21:37] Well, Stuart won't tell me where he lives.
[21:39] Yeah, I like to keep a little air of mystery.
[21:45] This show is sponsored in part by LumiLabs Microdosing.
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[21:59] Sometimes maybe even it might help to think up premises based on numbers in movie titles.
[22:07] Oh, what a peek behind the curtain at Dan's creative process.
[22:10] For sure.
[22:11] I'm just saying that that could be one of the side effects.
[22:14] Talking points?
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[23:01] Stuart.
[23:02] Now, if you know me, you know that there's a few things that are very important to me
[23:07] in my life.
[23:08] Working out.
[23:09] I don't know.
[23:10] Playing with my little...
[23:11] Slamming brews.
[23:12] Playing with my little...
[23:13] Slamming brews.
[23:14] Playing with my little...
[23:15] Slamming brews.
[23:16] And my two little kitties, Muscles and Meatball Wellington.
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[24:44] Hey guys, we also have a special personal message.
[24:47] That's right.
[24:48] It's a Jumbotron.
[24:49] What size is this Tron?
[24:51] It's Jumbo.
[24:52] What size is this Tron?
[24:54] It's Jumbo.
[24:55] Hey, who's that elephant?
[24:57] He's Jumbo.
[24:58] Not Jumbo.
[24:59] A different elephant.
[25:00] So this Jumbotron message is for Lucy, Mary, and Pippin, and the message is from Ben and
[25:04] Chip.
[25:05] It says, happy, parenthesis, late, birthday.
[25:08] I'm so lucky to have a big sister that I genuinely love to hang out with.
[25:11] You have always been one of the coolest people I know, and I have you to thank for my great
[25:15] taste in music, movies, and podcasts.
[25:18] To show how much I appreciate you, I bought this podcast episode like you would a star.
[25:23] Now we each have our own.
[25:24] Oh, that's very sweet.
[25:26] That's a real great message.
[25:27] Happy late birthday from us too.
[25:29] And if you would like a message of your own on a Flophouse episode, why not considering
[25:33] buying a Jumbotron message?
[25:36] Why not considering that indeed?
[25:38] Why not considering buying Jumbotron?
[25:40] Yes, uh-huh, very much so.
[25:42] Let's go.
[25:43] Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron for cool times.
[25:47] Yes, it's $200 for a promotional message and $100 for a personal message.
[25:51] So just go to Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron.
[25:54] And hey guys, I've got a promotional message, and I didn't pay for a Jumbotron.
[26:00] Kids, don't be like me.
[26:01] You guys are taking money out of my pocket.
[26:03] Kids, don't be like me.
[26:04] Pay for it.
[26:05] I just want everybody to know, hey, Maniac of New York, don't call it a comeback.
[26:08] Number one, the latest first issue in the latest season, let's call it, of Maniac of
[26:13] New York, my comic book series, it's in stores right now.
[26:16] If it didn't sell out last week when it came out, go to your store.
[26:20] Say, do you still have copies of Maniac of New York?
[26:22] Don't call it a comeback, number one.
[26:24] If they say, no, we don't, then tell them.
[26:26] Slam your fist onto the counter.
[26:28] Knock aside the stack of other comics.
[26:31] Don't do that.
[26:33] Be nice to the people there.
[26:35] When you see a pile of hero clicks, you push it aside, and you say, hey, get me a copy
[26:39] of that book.
[26:40] Get it for me.
[26:41] Now, the issues are going to be released.
[26:42] It's a four-issue series.
[26:43] It's going to be released, not quite monthly, maybe a month and a half late schedule.
[26:47] If we can't meet that schedule, because everyone knows Aftershock Comics has been having a
[26:50] little bit of problems lately.
[26:51] If we can't meet that schedule, it may take a little longer, but stick with us and bear
[26:55] with us, because this series will be released.
[26:57] Me and the artist, Andrew Moody, we're very excited about it, and we just want to make
[27:01] sure it gets into your greedy hands.
[27:04] By greedy, I mean greedy for thrills, chills, and satire.
[27:06] So that's Maniac from New York.
[27:08] Don't call it a comeback, number one.
[27:10] First issue is out now.
[27:11] More issues to come.
[27:12] It's exciting.
[27:13] Guys, that's the end of my unpaid-for ad.
[27:16] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
[27:20] Oh my God.
[27:21] It's running away.
[27:22] I see the dollars slipping through my fingers.
[27:25] Mm-hmm.
[27:26] Like Sam's in the hourglass.
[27:27] Yeah.
[27:29] Parenting, it's hard.
[27:30] But don't worry, you're not alone.
[27:31] Belly up to the low bar with one bad mother, and let us remind you that fine is good enough.
[27:32] They want to climb on different things.
[27:33] And how am I supposed to keep them both from dying?
[27:34] There is a right way to do this.
[27:35] And if I can figure out that right way, I'm going to be a good parent.
[27:36] So that is not a thing.
[27:37] So join us each week, and let's get over it.
[27:38] There is a right way to do this.
[27:39] And if I can figure out that right way, I'm going to be a good parent.
[27:40] So that is not a thing.
[27:41] So join us each week, and let's get over it.
[27:58] And let us tell you that you are doing a good job.
[28:02] You can listen to One Bad Mother on Maximum Fun, or wherever you get your podcasts.
[28:08] This week on Bullseye, Tom Hanks, as you've never heard him before, mad.
[28:14] You moron.
[28:16] Thank you for the use of the turn signal.
[28:19] Way to use your blinker, idiot.
[28:22] That's Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR.
[28:26] And I just wanted to also mention that the Flophouse will be returning to the live stages,
[28:32] at least the stages of the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York, our most frequently played venue,
[28:39] because two of us live in Brooklyn still.
[28:43] On April the 2nd, we are looking into touring more to other cities later in the year, as
[28:51] well as doing a couple of streaming shows again.
[28:55] People really seem to like them, so we don't want to stop them just because people are
[28:58] coming out to more live events as well.
[29:03] But for now, the only live event where you can see our faces in person will be at the
[29:08] Bell House on April the 2nd.
[29:12] That is a Sunday at the most convenient time for a show, you know, with Monday coming up
[29:20] Hot on his heels, but that is what we could work out because Elliot happens to be in town.
[29:28] And we are happy to have it.
[29:29] I think personally, you know, on Sunday, it's nice to have something to do, because then
[29:35] it feels like you're cheating the week.
[29:38] You know, you're not letting the weekend end.
[29:41] You're getting something in there before the weekend is over.
[29:45] But that's just me.
[29:48] The cost will be $20.
[29:51] You can get tickets through the Bell House site.
[29:56] If you go to our Flophouse site.
[30:00] clubhousepodcast.com.
[30:02] We'll have it up there as well.
[30:05] And yeah, we're not exactly sure
[30:07] what movie we're gonna do right now.
[30:10] We're doing a Twitter poll to see.
[30:12] We're gonna do an older one.
[30:13] It's either going to be Hackers, Battlefield Earth,
[30:17] or Willow.
[30:19] When I last checked, Battlefield Earth was a little ahead,
[30:23] but Hackers was very close.
[30:25] I don't know where we're gonna land.
[30:27] Anyway, we're excited to do that.
[30:30] We hope to see you there.
[30:33] Let's move on to the next movie.
[30:37] The next movie ever made.
[30:39] Well, now we're gonna go into a mini subsection
[30:42] of this mini, which is three movies in a row
[30:48] that are all sequels that are working the sequel number
[30:54] into the title.
[30:57] Number one in this, of course, we got Scream 4,
[31:02] where the A in Scream is replaced with a four.
[31:06] Got it.
[31:07] Yeah, that is the Scream with Emma Roberts in it.
[31:14] We got Taken 3 with, again, the E is replaced by a three.
[31:21] Is Emma Roberts also in that one?
[31:23] I believe that Liam Neeson is returning
[31:28] in the role of the guy who's mad about things being taken.
[31:33] I believe it's Lee Forum Ne3 Threeson is playing the role.
[31:40] And then we've got Final Destination,
[31:43] or Five-Null Destination, which, when written out,
[31:48] looks more like Anal Destination, I gotta be honest.
[31:54] A movie that would do great at the box office,
[31:56] gotta admit it.
[31:57] Yeah, so in that case, this is one case
[32:00] where it's not really a visual sort of replacement,
[32:04] it's Five-Null.
[32:06] So they're leaning in, I guess, to people's tendency
[32:08] to make a joke out of saying the number.
[32:11] Now, here's the problem,
[32:12] is it sounds like Five-Null Destination,
[32:14] this is finally the movie where Five-Null gets killed
[32:16] in the American Tales series,
[32:18] and you don't wanna put an adorable little mouse
[32:21] getting murdered into the minds of your audience.
[32:24] I thought, but by the time he dies,
[32:26] he's become kind of bitter and twisted by age.
[32:30] Well, yeah, it's true, it takes place much later,
[32:33] and like many immigrants,
[32:35] he has now become anti-immigrant himself
[32:37] because he sees it as a zero-sum game.
[32:39] And so he's now an old man, he runs a store,
[32:42] and he's like, oh, oh, they shouldn't let him in,
[32:44] they don't understand America, what for?
[32:46] And his grandchildren are like,
[32:48] granddad, granddad, tell us the story
[32:49] how you came to America.
[32:50] And he goes, I always lived here,
[32:52] ha, buh, buh, he's very mad about it.
[32:54] You kids don't understand.
[32:55] Oh, Five-Null, what happened to you?
[32:56] Yeah.
[32:57] Yeah, it sounds horrible.
[32:58] Yeah.
[32:59] Yeah, I don't wanna watch that movie.
[33:00] So, Dan, why'd you make that movie?
[33:02] Bring me back to Anal Destination, please.
[33:04] Oh, the number of times I've said,
[33:09] bring me back to Anal Destination.
[33:12] To a genie who has shown you a horrible future
[33:15] that you wish you had wished about.
[33:17] Yeah, yeah, Dan just watched Wishmaster,
[33:19] he knows all about that.
[33:21] I did just watch, which watch?
[33:23] Which watcher?
[33:23] Wishmaster.
[33:24] Watchmaster.
[33:25] Oh, shit.
[33:27] Wishmaster, I was texting Stu about it
[33:31] while I was watching it because I knew
[33:32] that he had just watched it for our friend Jim's podcast.
[33:37] What's the name of it?
[33:38] It's slipping my mind right now.
[33:40] This may hurt a bit.
[33:40] Yeah.
[33:41] Yep, it is.
[33:43] And so I saw that he was on the Wishmaster episode.
[33:47] I'm like, well, now this gives me something
[33:51] to text Stu about.
[33:52] And I was like, this is-
[33:52] Because you needed a reason.
[33:53] You need a reason.
[33:54] Otherwise, this is how friendship works.
[33:57] You just need a series of excuses to interact.
[34:00] Wishmaster's really the glue holding this bond together.
[34:03] Yeah.
[34:04] But the genie in that movie really plays fast
[34:07] and loose with what constitutes a wish.
[34:09] Like, he'll be like, wouldn't you like it
[34:12] if this thing happened?
[34:13] And they're like, yeah, I guess.
[34:15] And he's like, done, idiot, I got you again.
[34:21] Anyway, so let's just lightning round.
[34:24] Scream 4, Taken 3, Five and Old Destination.
[34:27] Elliot, give me three numbers.
[34:31] No, what's funny is when you first announced this,
[34:32] I thought there were gonna be three movies
[34:33] in the same series, not three totally different movies.
[34:38] Scream with a four for the A,
[34:40] I'm gonna give that a low grade.
[34:41] Taken with a three for the E, yes, high grade.
[34:45] Threes replacing Es almost always works in my book
[34:47] unless it's a 13.
[34:48] So one, and I'm gonna put a seven.
[34:51] Sure, and Five and Old Destination,
[34:52] I'm gonna give that a 10 for sheer chutzpah.
[34:55] It is such a, it's like, yeah, five starts with F-I,
[34:59] final starts with F-I, just do it.
[35:01] And that's the one that has the best sequence
[35:03] of any Final Destination movie, right?
[35:07] In the gymnasium?
[35:10] Oh, where you keep thinking it's gonna happen
[35:12] and then it, and then, yeah.
[35:13] Yeah, it is in five, yes.
[35:14] Yeah, man, that's a fucking disaster.
[35:15] That is the best scene.
[35:16] Yeah.
[35:17] Scream four, that's not the one
[35:20] where Courtney Cox has the most tragic bangs
[35:22] ever committed to Phil.
[35:26] Yeah.
[35:26] Is that three?
[35:27] Yeah, that's three, they're incredible, it's amazing.
[35:30] That was on the tagline for the poster, it says,
[35:32] you'll never get a load of these bangs,
[35:34] you'll never believe these bangs.
[35:35] It's wild, they're wild.
[35:37] Miss Miss bangs bangs.
[35:39] Yeah.
[35:41] That was the New York Post headline that you pitched
[35:43] on the release of that movie.
[35:47] Oh man, so Scream four, fairly straightforward.
[35:51] I will give that a five.
[35:55] Taken three, I'm gonna give that a two,
[35:58] just because of the three franchises listed,
[36:01] Taken is the worst one.
[36:03] And five, yeah, five null destination is,
[36:07] that's a 10, 10 out of 10, no doubts.
[36:10] Okay, so now we're gonna go to a controversial one.
[36:15] This is Fantastic Four, the Josh Trank Fantastic Four
[36:20] has the A in the middle of Fantastic is the four,
[36:25] and then there's no other four on the poster.
[36:29] So the title on the poster is-
[36:29] So it's Fan-Four-Tastic.
[36:31] Is it Fan-Four or is it Fah-Four-In-Tastic?
[36:34] Oh, it's the second A.
[36:35] Oh no, no, it's Fans-Four-Tastic, sorry.
[36:37] Oh, Fans-Four-Tastic, that's what it is,
[36:39] it's the second A, okay, Fans-Four-Tastic.
[36:42] Yeah.
[36:44] So, wow, we did that one for the podcast.
[36:48] Yeah, I'm gonna give, I mean, the quality of the movie,
[36:50] I'm gonna give it a real low grade.
[36:51] Yeah, we did that one for the podcast.
[36:52] It's the movie where it takes them like an hour and a half
[36:55] to get their powers, and then the last half hour
[36:58] is them fighting CGI with Dr. Doom,
[37:01] and it doesn't really work.
[37:04] But I'm gonna, so the movie quality,
[37:07] I'm gonna give it like a two.
[37:10] Okay.
[37:11] For the title, Fans-Four-Tastic,
[37:14] and there's no four afterwards, right?
[37:15] No, there's no second four to finish it off, really.
[37:17] So it's basically just Fantastic.
[37:19] Yeah, and so I'm gonna give it a two
[37:22] because a lot of people, they're just not that familiar
[37:24] with the Fantastic Four.
[37:25] They're the cornerstone of the Marvel universe.
[37:27] Everything in the House of Ideas
[37:28] is built on the foundation of the FF.
[37:30] But people don't know them, so there are a lot of old people
[37:32] who went in thinking that was a movie version
[37:34] of the Fantastics, the longest running off-Broadway show,
[37:37] and about star-crossed lovers, or are they,
[37:41] that uses only three pieces of props for scenery
[37:44] and almost no costumes.
[37:46] It's a beautiful show.
[37:47] But a lot of old people were like, I don't understand.
[37:50] Where's the crescent that takes the place of the moon?
[37:53] That man's all stretchy.
[37:54] Why does that guy have rocks on him?
[37:56] I'm tired, I don't get it.
[37:58] So I feel for those old people.
[38:00] So I'm gonna give it a two, I guess.
[38:02] Okay, sounds good.
[38:04] Which is only half a four.
[38:05] That's actually true.
[38:08] Stuart, I don't think you gave a number here.
[38:09] I'll give it a three.
[38:10] I like the number placement
[38:12] in the exact middle of the title,
[38:14] but the fact that you don't have
[38:15] the entire actual title of the movie anymore
[38:18] doesn't make any sense to me.
[38:20] So a three.
[38:23] Do you think, they wouldn't have done four Avengers,
[38:26] right, for Endgame?
[38:27] That would have been bonkers.
[38:29] That would have been bonkers, yep.
[38:31] Or like Avenged Threers for Infinity War?
[38:35] Again, I don't know.
[38:37] Maybe it would have worked, who knows?
[38:39] Yeah, we got a tasty one coming up, boys.
[38:41] Now this one is, of course,
[38:44] this is Simone, or S1M0Ni.
[38:52] So now, this is a movie about a simulated actress.
[38:57] And I assumed that Simone,
[39:00] the pun of it was that it stood for Simulation One.
[39:04] And that is true.
[39:05] I confirmed that, but that doesn't explain
[39:06] why you would put numbers in that name.
[39:09] Well, here's what I like about it,
[39:11] is she's just made of ones and zeros.
[39:13] So that's why, she's all binaries, it's right there.
[39:15] On the other hand, it is a weird-looking title.
[39:18] It does look like, yeah, it's S1M0Ni.
[39:23] It looks like the title of like,
[39:25] if you download a file from the internet
[39:27] and they didn't bother giving it like an easy title.
[39:30] Yeah.
[39:31] A non-searchable title.
[39:35] I think maybe that's a mistake,
[39:37] leading into the streaming world that we now live in,
[39:39] is giving your title a non-searchable title.
[39:41] That's a mistake.
[39:42] Don't do that.
[39:43] Yeah, like, I've told this story before,
[39:46] but when I was looking for images to make a PowerPoint
[39:50] for the Vin Diesel movie, Triple X,
[39:54] and I was like, Googling XXX Explosion,
[39:59] and I was like,
[40:00] painted very close to my computer monitor and was a little bit surprised by what I found yeah
[40:07] but just a little bit yeah just a little yeah it's always just a little um
[40:15] what do you what do we think about s1m zero have either of you seen this movie i never saw
[40:22] uh this is this has got pacino in it right that one yes i do think i saw this and it's
[40:29] really not much of anything like it's a it styles itself a little smarter than
[40:35] movies of that kind i think andrew nickel may have written it and he's you know pretty good
[40:41] usually but what else did he do it was kind of boring he's gattaca okay i think that that's
[40:45] right that's another one though where i think the movie thinks it's smarter than it is yeah
[40:50] no i yeah this is all true the things i've been saying okay that's good i will say i'm gonna give
[40:58] budsman was factory i'm gonna produce the trim and show i'll give it a six okay you know what
[41:04] i'm gonna go with stew on this i'm gonna give it well maybe i'm gonna give it a five actually
[41:08] because it's wow no wait or maybe get a seven forge your own path buddy you know you know what
[41:14] i'm not i'm vacillating between five and seven i can't tell if i like it more or less than steward
[41:18] does you know what i'm gonna put it as a sixth then um so now we gotta we got a real treat and
[41:27] that treat is in the form of cake a layer cake in fact uh we got l4 your cack three and now i
[41:35] want to make it clear in the poster they cheat it they turn the three around turn the three around
[41:43] so it looks more like an e but it is clearly a three especially because there's also again that
[41:49] four based on the place that makes me believe they didn't do it on purpose and they just ran
[41:54] out of a's and e's at the printing shop yeah they had to use fours and threes so you're saying
[41:59] this is like one of those signs outside like say a 7-eleven yeah yeah like a marquee where they have
[42:06] a limited number of letters yeah where it says like one day only but it's clearly a zero for
[42:11] the o and one because they ran out of o's yeah the thing is layer cake doesn't have any robots in it
[42:17] and no no it doesn't really have i mean it has a little bit to do with money which is numbers
[42:24] right money and numbers are the same thing they're not exactly i mean in this digital
[42:28] world yeah they are pretty much ever since ever since nixon took us off the gold standard yeah
[42:32] monies and numbers that's what crypto is it's also the realization that monies and numbers are the
[42:37] same man money's just numbers when you think about it yeah there's no justification for why
[42:44] those numbers in there you're right because it's a crime movie right get your money for numbers
[42:51] right yeah yeah yeah that's early daniel craig uh very young kind of hardy
[42:58] the michael cain get carter it's got a similar vibe yeah yeah and now get carter that was g3t
[43:05] c hat sign rt38 it was it was yeah g3 plus sign
[43:13] yeah oh man they had to get him because he was a robot uh so layer cake i'm gonna give this one
[43:21] depends if it was a printer's error if they ran out of those letters i'm gonna give it a 10 for
[43:25] ingenuity but if it wasn't if it was deliberate i'm gonna give it a i give it a three i think
[43:31] yeah well that's i mean okay so i'll put down the signal for first signal i'll put down the
[43:36] signal for schrodinger's cat okay great because uh because we're not going it's in flux until we
[43:43] call the print shop that made the posters yeah um and okay so schroder and a cat i thought he just
[43:52] played the piano okay nice that's a good one that's a good one i'll wait for the audience to
[44:01] applaud oh they're throwing throwing uh bouquets at me there's a room key another room key oh oh
[44:12] now the crowd is turning oh no oh no now here comes i gotta get out of here okay here's the
[44:17] hook they're pulling you off the stage as you as you get run off the stage yell your number behind
[44:23] you oh uh two two okay and now the audience loves it the audience loves that they're going back on
[44:29] stage and they're they're mopping up the tomatoes they threw and uh here's good news for everyone
[44:35] this is the last uh movie thanks and it is i kind of thought we would be doing this for the rest of
[44:41] my life this is here it is it's lucky number seven but the v is a seven now indicating that
[44:50] it sounds eleven sounds like seven so it's lucky number sluh seven in now when you announced this
[44:58] dan i knew seven was gonna be one of them and i in my head i was like did lucky number slevin do
[45:02] this too because i thought maybe it was enough of a gimmick that people were confused already about
[45:07] whether it was seven or slevin but no that wasn't confusing enough i guess some of the ads uh i i
[45:13] saw the seven so oh i see i saw the seven yeah in some of the ads i saw the seven and you're talking
[45:21] so just some of the slevin ads i saw the number seven
[45:30] yesterday you're saying uh i was i was just recounting the release of the movie
[45:35] uh part of the gimmick was that it was uh it was released on july 11th right
[45:41] yeah yes yeah the president of the time i forget which one it was
[45:46] george w bush sold his soul for it yeah he officially changed the date to slug yeah
[45:55] he had a degree of slug in executive order yeah
[46:00] uh so guys what do you give lucky number sluff now here guys guys have you seen that movie
[46:05] have you seen i've never actually seen lucky number and you know what and i always get it
[46:11] mixed up with the one that's called like project 40 something where it's samuel jackson is supposed
[46:15] to be scottish what's that very very different movie yeah i always get them mixed up i see them
[46:20] i feel like dan saw lucky numbers 11 right yeah it's one of those post-tarantino like
[46:25] crime like there's a bunch of like competing hitmen yeah okay yeah it was back back when
[46:34] america was still was still wildly in love with hitmen who wear suits a thing that has
[46:39] maybe never existed
[46:43] yeah uh why is that guy wearing a suit and calling attention to himself why why is this
[46:49] hitman so stylish i feel like who who committed this crime well i'll tell you who i definitely
[46:55] wasn't the bald man with a barcode tattooed on the back of his neck who is wearing a black suit
[47:00] and gloves if you are talking shit about agent 47 while i'm here
[47:10] agent 47 stewart i know you love i know you love that guy because he
[47:13] hits people and then steals their clothes steals their clothes drowns them in toilets
[47:19] it's great that's why stewart loves it i like to imagine a world where every person's clothes will
[47:26] fit me agent 47 yeah it's just a world of traveling pants yeah it's great i love it um
[47:34] yeah so lucky number slevin okay okay i have a i have a serious okay i can do it
[47:39] i'm gonna pick a number okay i'm gonna give it a slevin okay so dan is there is there a
[47:47] character named slevin like what is like what is slevin i think that there's a guy whose
[47:51] name is slevin if i even as a character's name that sounds ridiculous let alone of course
[47:58] let alone to hang a pun on i mean like better off it's not even a pun you made up a word
[48:02] definitely better off ted that ted is a real name better off dead is a is a thing yeah
[48:07] slevin it's not like people are gonna be like oh yes of course slevin is a name for a human being
[48:17] uh so i'm gonna give a i'm gonna give it uh you gave it a slevin
[48:20] yep stewart yeah i'm gonna give it a slicks that's like a six
[48:25] like because it got again chutzpah it takes such chutzpah to be like we're gonna make up a name
[48:29] we're gonna stick it in the title and and i it's like when um a movie comes out like uh
[48:35] that movie mumford when that was the trailer was just people going mumford mumford mumford and then
[48:40] they say everybody's talking about mumford it may always makes me so mad that they're like
[48:44] guess what in this movie the main character must be cool everyone says his name a bunch of times
[48:50] yeah okay so they should have done they should have done an ad for downfall where they said like
[48:55] everybody's talking about hitler and they just have one shot for another of characters going
[48:59] hitler hitler hitler hitler yeah that's yeah that's that's why aren't you in charge of the
[49:05] marketing for the movie downfall that came out a long time ago it's only in my mind because i saw
[49:11] a because someone brought back the uh the old habit of taking the scene the meme scene and they
[49:16] did uh it was about kevin mccarthy trying to get the votes for his first speakership so uh it's and
[49:22] i was like you know what i remember loving that meme every time a new a new subtitle batch came
[49:27] out we all gather around the screen at the office and just watch it and laugh and laugh when hitler
[49:32] got mad at everybody it's just it's just a show when life gives you lemons make lemonade and when
[49:38] life gives us lemons makes lemonade yep normally i would try to break in but uh that was actually
[49:45] useful i was able to calculate scores so um these are not going to be in order oh pardon me but i
[49:52] will but i will say cool cool no no no i'm not usually do scores when they announce them for
[49:57] sporting events let me finish let
[50:00] finish like the lower the lower scoring ones are not going to be in order i will give you our top
[50:05] two at the end but uh so uh the movie seven ironically got an eight uh ironically whereas
[50:17] 13 ghosts got a seven no uh scream everything's crazy in this one everything's cool upside down
[50:25] scream i guess i guess black is white cats are dogs
[50:30] scream four got a six and taking taking three got a nine
[50:36] i hope science figures out how to understand these numbers fantastic four got a five
[50:44] um
[50:54] layer cake because your number was in flux uh we could not calculate that
[51:01] and and as you uh know uh slevin plus slicks equals 13
[51:07] yeah yeah uh so uh at the top megan came close to dominating this game like she dominated the
[51:18] box office with a 19 but five and old destination pulled it out with a perfect score of 20.
[51:29] that was a podcast yeah well that technically is considered a podcast well we we solved a
[51:35] lot of arguments tonight i think we're gonna i think this is the this is the one to submit for
[51:38] the nobel prize yes in math um so uh this has been a flop house mini um we belong to the maximum fun
[51:50] network go to maximumfun.org check out the other great shows on the network um if you want to
[51:56] spread word about this show i don't know maybe this is the worst or the best episode uh tell
[52:01] people to listen to who knows but if you like it uh tell people on social media or in person
[52:08] write us under a review on the podcast listening thing of your choice yeah we would love that uh
[52:14] well we would mostly love it was a good review if it's a bad review like why do you keep it to
[52:17] yourself yeah there's got others you got other things to do that's the kind of you know you
[52:21] already wasted time listening to our podcast why do you want to review it why compound that save
[52:26] those thoughts for your hate journal yeah um and also our podcast is edited and uh mixed and
[52:34] everything by our producer alex smith he goes by howell dotty on twitter and elsewhere and i hope
[52:41] he can make something of this uh but we've kept you all and us all long enough so for the flop
[52:48] i've been dan mccoy i've been steward wellington and i've been three leot k4 la for
[53:00] maximumfun.org comedy and culture artists owned audience supported

Description

This is one of the zanier minis we've done -- so much so, that we kind of don't even want to spoil it for you. Just take a number, and dive right in!

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Come see us at The Bell House, on April 2! We've picked the movie by now: we'll be discussing BATTLEFIELD EARTH!

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