The Flop House: Episode #73 - Devil

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Devil, the scariest elevator-themed horror movie since The Lift.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[0:38] And here he comes, your pal and mine, Elliot Kalin.

[0:41] So Elliot, you're back. You were gone last week.

[0:44] I was gone last week.

[0:45] I assume you were overcome with excitement because of NBC's The Cape.

[0:49] Oh, I was so excited.

[0:50] That was why you missed it.

Elliott Kalan

[0:51] I was excited about the show. I was excited about their marketing campaign where they draped capes over statues in New York.

[0:57] Is that true?

[0:58] Yeah.

[0:58] Wow.

[0:59] I was livid when upon walking past Prospect Park in Brooklyn, there on the stately statue of Mr. Stranahan,

[1:06] the man who made the park possible, was a cape cloaked over him.

Dan McCoy

[1:12] And then you went and you beat Christo to death.

[1:14] And it was only later that you discovered that it was not him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17] Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

[1:19] Oh, that's a shame.

[1:20] Luckily, you went into Christo's history and you were like, you know what?

[1:25] He committed some kind of a crime and he deserved being murdered by you.

[1:30] That's what happened.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] He killed people with umbrellas.

[1:32] Yep.

[1:32] He did kill one person with an umbrella.

[1:34] No, I'm not joking.

[1:35] So he's the – in a way, Christo is the closest the real world has come to the penguin.

Dan McCoy

[1:41] Yes, that's true.

[1:42] Because he accidentally killed someone with an umbrella once.

[1:44] Notify the art world and write a thesis about that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] Salvador Dali was obviously the Joker.

[1:51] Okay.

[1:53] Yeah.

[1:53] The Riddler, I'm going to say Jasper Johns.

[1:55] Who was Clayface?

[1:56] Clayface was Auguste Rodin.

[1:59] Okay.

[1:59] Who was Killer Croc?

[2:01] Killer Croc was Jackson Pollock.

[2:03] The Riddler?

[2:04] The Riddler.

[2:05] I think Jasper Johns.

[2:07] Or maybe Renee McGree.

[2:10] I said that's what we started with.

Stuart Wellington

[2:14] Okay.

[2:15] Poison Ivy was George O'Keefe.

[2:17] Okay.

[2:17] Ra's al Ghul?

Elliott Kalan

[2:18] Ra's al Ghul probably – ooh, that's a tough one.

[2:21] Two-Face.

[2:23] Two-Face was a really hideous-looking artist.

[2:26] Dracula.

Stuart Wellington

[2:27] Not really a Batman villain, though they did fight.

[2:32] All right.

[2:33] Okay.

[2:33] So we had some laughs tonight.

[2:34] See you later.

Elliott Kalan

[2:36] Wait.

[2:37] Wait.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] Hold on.

[2:39] We have to talk about a movie that we watched.

Elliott Kalan

[2:40] G.E.

[2:40] Smith, strike up the closing music because it's the goodbye credits.

[2:43] No, no, no, no.

[2:43] So we can all hug each other.

Dan McCoy

[2:44] No, guys.

[2:45] Guys, we watched a movie together.

[2:46] Did we?

[2:47] Yeah.

[2:48] I mean –

[2:48] What?

[2:49] You've probably forgotten it already because it was a sleek 80 minutes long.

Elliott Kalan

[2:53] Yeah.

[2:54] Less than that if you don't count the credits.

[2:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:56] It was like a Masters of Horror episode.

Elliott Kalan

[2:59] Except there was no mastery and no horror.

Dan McCoy

[3:02] It was a movie about a devil on the elevator.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] And it should have been called –

[3:06] Devil on the elevator.

[3:07] It was – this was a movie called Devil.

[3:09] It should have been called either Hell-a-Vator or Devil-Vator.

[3:14] Or Ella-Devil or something.

Stuart Wellington

[3:16] Like Devil-Vator, like Darth Vader?

Dan McCoy

[3:17] Yeah, the devil.

[3:18] Ella-Devil is like a cartoon character, like the daughter of the devil.

[3:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] That's a good point.

[3:23] But it should have been called Hell-a-Vator.

Stuart Wellington

[3:25] I think that would have let people guess who – the identity of which elevator occupant was the devil.

Dan McCoy

[3:31] But doesn't that imply that the elevator is Hell?

[3:34] It's just an elevator is taking them to Hell.

[3:37] Oh, OK.

Stuart Wellington

[3:38] Yeah.

[3:38] It's like that movie.

[3:40] Angel Heart.

[3:41] Yeah, that one.

[3:42] Yeah, exactly.

[3:43] The movie.

[3:44] Elevator to Hell.

Elliott Kalan

[3:45] Well, there's Elevator to the Gallows, the French crime movie.

[3:49] There's Exit Through the Gift Shop.

[3:51] Exit Through the Gift Shop.

[3:53] There's If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium or whatever that movie is called.

[3:58] These are all –

[3:58] There's Casablanca.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] These are all movies with places in them.

Elliott Kalan

[4:03] There's – let's see.

[4:04] City Lights has city.

[4:06] Public Enemies.

[4:07] Public Enemies and Public Enemy.

[4:09] OK.

Dan McCoy

[4:10] That's two list-making digressions in the first ten minutes of this episode of the Flop House.

[4:14] Obviously, we loved the film.

[4:17] So, Ellie, you're back from your vacation.

[4:20] I am.

[4:20] And ready to synopsize.

Elliott Kalan

[4:22] Let me tell you, I listened to the Killers podcast and was horrified at – what did it take

[4:29] you, a half hour to summarize that movie?

Dan McCoy

[4:31] Well, that's not bad mouth, our fine guest, King Lou Fernandez.

[4:35] I'm not blaming the guest.

Stuart Wellington

[4:36] You guys have been doing this for years.

[4:38] OK.

[4:39] I don't – wait.

[4:40] Did we do a podcast without Elliot?

[4:42] Yeah.

[4:43] You did, yeah.

[4:43] What was it about?

[4:44] It was Killers with Ashton Kutcher and –

Elliott Kalan

[4:46] Catherine Hagel.

[4:48] I think you're making this up.

[4:49] And also – who was it?

[4:52] Burt Reynolds?

[4:53] Tom Selleck?

[4:53] Tom Selleck.

[4:54] Tom Selleck.

[4:55] The other one.

[4:56] The other mustache.

[4:57] Yeah.

[4:58] OK.

[4:58] Devil.

[4:59] Here's the thing.

[5:00] It's a very simple plot, so hopefully this won't take too long.

[5:02] Yeah.

[5:03] Five people get on an elevator.

[5:06] Sounds like a hilarious joke.

[5:07] All business.

[5:08] Look at – watch him go, dude.

[5:10] Three men, two women.

[5:11] There's a security guard, a mysterious, quiet, tough guy man, and an irritating – talk-a-mile-a-minute

[5:17] mattress salesman.

[5:18] Of the women, there's an old woman and a young woman.

[5:21] That's the extent of their character.

[5:23] You got a nice mix.

Stuart Wellington

[5:24] You got a mix of people.

[5:25] And the security guard's black, so it's like –

[5:27] It's a nice –

Elliott Kalan

[5:27] It's a real Whitman sampler of an elevator.

[5:28] It's a cross-section of America.

[5:30] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:30] Oh, well, Philadelphia at least.

Elliott Kalan

[5:32] Yeah, that's true.

[5:33] And it takes place in Philadelphia.

Stuart Wellington

[5:34] I was hoping for the Philly Fanatic.

Elliott Kalan

[5:38] Rocky.

[5:39] Ben Franklin.

[5:42] It would be such a better movie.

[5:43] It would be such a better movie.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] An elevator where Rocky, the Philly Fanatic, and Ben Franklin are trapped.

[5:49] Ben Franklin's trying to invent his way out of it.

[5:51] Rocky's trying to punch his way out.

[5:53] The Philly Fanatic's just trying to keep them going.

[5:55] And he climbs onto a novelty-sized, like, tractor and rides around.

[6:00] But we know it's Philadelphia because the opening credits show us a cityscape of Philadelphia upside down.

[6:07] What does that mean, Dan?

[6:08] Yeah, what does it mean, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[6:09] It means that they got Tak Fujimoto to do the cinematography.

[6:14] And that's one thing I have to say for this movie is that it looks much better than the movies we usually watch.

[6:19] That's true.

[6:20] It's a bad movie, but it looks nicer.

[6:22] The cinematography level is crisp and sharp and atmospheric.

Elliott Kalan

[6:26] And do you think that was helped at all by the fact that M. Night Shyamalan did not direct this movie but instead produced it, right?

Dan McCoy

[6:32] It's possible.

[6:33] The length is certainly helped by that.

[6:35] Like, he would have stretched this out to two hours easy.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] And this was produced by M. Night Shyamalan's company, which is what's called, what, The Night Chronicles?

Dan McCoy

[6:43] I don't know whether that's the name of his company or that's just what he's decided to call this series of movies that he has come up with the stories for.

[6:54] This is apparently the first in, like, three of them, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[6:57] Well, let me tell you.

[6:58] They are off with a bang, starting with the winner, not...

[7:02] Oh, wow.

[7:03] Copyright Wayne's World.

[7:05] So these five people are in an elevator.

[7:09] The elevator stops.

[7:10] Cha-chunk.

[7:11] Oh, no.

[7:11] They're trapped.

[7:12] They immediately lose their shit.

[7:15] Let me tell you a true story.

[7:17] Monday morning, I was trapped in a subway tunnel for almost two hours.

[7:21] I was on a train, my regular ride to work.

[7:24] The train left the station, got not all the way to the next station, stopped.

[7:29] Someone must have pulled the emergency brake or the emergency brake went off by accident.

[7:33] Train was knocked a little bit off the tracks, couldn't get pulled back.

[7:36] They had to bring another train in to pull it back into the last station so we could all get out.

[7:41] This took almost two hours.

[7:43] At no point during that time did anyone scream at anybody else, try to kill anyone.

[7:48] There were no blows traded.

[7:50] Nobody revealed any dark secrets about themselves.

Dan McCoy

[7:53] Now, Elliot, I'm going to back you up on this story.

[7:56] This Monday was Martin Luther King Day.

[8:00] So what you're saying is that you are a racist.

[8:02] No, I'm saying that my bosses are racist.

Elliott Kalan

[8:04] And I had to work on Martin Luther King Day.

[8:07] Okay.

[8:07] Well, you heard it here first.

[8:09] Perhaps it was the ghost.

[8:10] The Daily Show is racist.

[8:11] Maybe it was the ghost of NLK pushing the train off the tracks.

Dan McCoy

[8:15] Anger that you were not honoring him appropriately.

[8:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:18] Anyhoo.

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] So let me just say these people are –

[8:22] Wait.

[8:23] I'm going to stop you right here, Elliot.

[8:25] Okay.

[8:25] Was there a devil on your subway train?

Elliott Kalan

[8:28] If there was, we never found out because –

[8:30] He was probably irritated because he was trying to get to an elevator somewhere uptown.

[8:34] I've got people I'm supposed to be killing because of their sins.

[8:38] In a roundabout way.

[8:40] So there's five people in this elevator.

[8:42] The elevator stops.

[8:43] They instantly turn on each other.

[8:45] Suddenly the lights go out and one of the women, the young woman, when the lights go on, her back is all bloody.

[8:51] She thinks something bit her.

[8:53] Oh, no.

[8:53] She's been attacked.

[8:54] Which one of the people in the elevator did it, they don't know.

[8:57] Suddenly the people in the elevator start dying one by one.

[9:00] Meanwhile, we saw a person – before the credits, someone jumps to their death out of this very building.

[9:07] And there's a police officer investigating that.

[9:09] He gets pulled into the investigation of this elevator, which the maintenance crew of the building and the security guards of the building, one, take incredibly not seriously.

[9:18] They're literally watching people go crazy on the security monitor in a stuck elevator, and they're like, I guess they're really going nuts in there.

[9:24] Yeah.

[9:25] Okay.

[9:25] Well, that's what happens.

[9:27] People get scared in elevators.

[9:28] Anyhoo.

[9:29] And they've got one maintenance guy who apparently runs everything for this at least 39-story building.

[9:35] Yeah, well, there's like at least three security guards.

[9:39] They have two security guards on the front desk, two in the monitor room, and then one maintenance man for a skyscraper.

[9:47] Yeah.

[9:47] A building that literally is scraping the sky, bloody and raw.

Dan McCoy

[9:51] Yeah, there are whole floors on this skyscraper that have not been cleaned.

[9:57] Yes.

[9:57] They've not been – computers have been down.

[10:00] You know, it's a mess of a skyscraper.

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] Here's what usually happens, I feel like, when an elevator shuts down.

[10:07] They open the doors for the floor above the elevator.

[10:10] Everyone gets out of the top of the elevator, and they climb out through those open doors.

Stuart Wellington

[10:13] Yeah, Die Hard taught us anything.

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] Yeah, in this one, that is not – apparently not possible.

[10:18] Apparently, there are no elevator doors between the 38th floor and like what, the second floor?

[10:23] So the firefighters have to come in and start literally drilling through the walls.

Dan McCoy

[10:27] Well, they do address this.

[10:28] It's an express elevator.

[10:30] So they don't – there are no entrances apparently.

[10:33] Oh, I missed that part.

[10:34] Yeah.

[10:34] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[10:35] But it is still –

[10:36] You were probably talking about the day you had.

Elliott Kalan

[10:39] I was probably just – I was biting into a Madeline at the time.

[10:42] So I was just remembering things that happened in my past when my family was younger.

Dan McCoy

[10:46] It is strange, however, how they do open the top of the elevator, but then like that's abandoned.

[10:54] Like they could –

[10:55] Climb out.

[10:56] Climb out.

[10:57] And they decide that's not worth their time.

[10:58] They decide that's not the way they're going to go.

Elliott Kalan

[10:59] Anyway, the – one of the security guards is Hispanic, so that means he's a devout Catholic.

[11:05] And he believes that the devil is –

Stuart Wellington

[11:07] He believes in El Diablo.

[11:08] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[11:09] He saw on the security monitor there was a flickering –

Stuart Wellington

[11:12] Isn't that like a sandwich that gives you heartburn?

Elliott Kalan

[11:15] At participating realtors, yes.

[11:17] Sure.

[11:18] Or retailers.

[11:19] The participating realtors probably also give you sandwiches, I guess, at their open houses.

[11:25] It's part of our Century 21 spicy sandwich program.

[11:29] You buy a house and you get a free sandwich.

Dan McCoy

[11:31] Six-inch sub?

Elliott Kalan

[11:33] Or you buy a six-inch sub and you get a house.

[11:35] Wow.

[11:35] In this housing market, listen.

[11:38] Yeah.

[11:39] Anyhoo.

[11:41] So he saw a flickering image on one of the screens of what appeared to be, I don't know what, a yelling face?

[11:45] Like a bloody face?

[11:46] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[11:47] Yeah, it's a face.

[11:49] Cranky face.

[11:49] I think it's Sam Neill from –

[11:51] From Event Horizon after he rips his eyes out?

Elliott Kalan

[11:53] Spoiler alert.

[11:55] Spoiler alert to a movie from 1997 that you're not going to see.

Dan McCoy

[11:58] It might be Bob from Twin Peaks.

[12:00] It's not clear.

[12:01] Yeah, it could be anybody.

[12:03] Bob from Twin Peaks.

[12:05] You're mixing universes.

Elliott Kalan

[12:07] Come on.

[12:08] I thought we were doing out-of-date references.

[12:09] Oh, okay.

[12:10] Yeah, that makes sense.

[12:13] Where was it?

[12:13] Oh, so the security guard assumes the devil is at play.

[12:16] There's been this kind of –

[12:18] In the fields of the Lord.

[12:20] This occasional narration from that character, but we don't know it at first, explaining that when he was a kid, his mom told him the devil would sometimes toy with people before taking their souls to hell.

[12:30] He would wear Prada.

[12:32] Every choice we make leads us to this moment when the devil takes us and blah, blah, blah.

[12:37] So anyway, guess what?

[12:39] Yeah, it's the devil in the elevator.

[12:40] That's what happens.

[12:41] It turns out everyone in the elevator has a sinister crime they committed.

[12:45] And the police officer who's involved is a recovering alcoholic because years ago his mother – his wife and son were killed in a hit-and-run accident.

[12:55] And so he's overcoming that.

[12:58] Is the guy who committed the hit-and-run in the elevator?

[13:01] Spoiler alert, yes.

[13:03] And it is – the people in the elevator die one by one.

[13:08] Which one of the people in the elevator is the devil?

[13:10] Could it be the black security guard?

[13:12] Could it be the young guy?

[13:13] Could it be the old woman?

[13:15] Well, which one is it going to be if you were making a movie?

Dan McCoy

[13:18] If I was going to make the movie Legion, the devil would be the old woman.

Elliott Kalan

[13:22] Well, also in the movie Devil.

[13:24] So – and at the last minute after much non-scary horror.

Stuart Wellington

[13:30] I'd normally assume it was going to be the security guard because that would be a role reversal because he's supposed to be protecting us.

[13:38] He's the security guard.

Dan McCoy

[13:40] Well, Elliot also guessed the security guard because he's a racist because he didn't go to – he didn't stay home on MLK Day.

Elliott Kalan

[13:46] Yep, that's exactly what happened.

[13:48] Yep.

[13:49] Yikes.

[13:49] Anyway, this is a good meme to run with that I'm a racist.

Dan McCoy

[13:52] You tried to make me out to be some sort of militia terrorist.

[13:56] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[13:57] I forgot.

[13:57] You were an anti-government militia nut with hooks for hands.

Dan McCoy

[14:02] Anyway.

[14:04] What sauce for the goose?

Elliott Kalan

[14:08] I've never heard that one.

[14:09] Okay.

[14:10] So everybody dies.

[14:11] Everyone dies except one guy.

[14:13] The granny?

[14:14] No.

[14:15] The granny is the devil.

[14:15] Okay.

[14:16] Except the guy who killed the cop's family.

Stuart Wellington

[14:18] Granny's the devil would be a better title for the movie too.

[14:21] I think that title is already taken.

Elliott Kalan

[14:22] The guy who killed the cop's family confesses his sins over a walkie-talkie so the devil can't take him anymore.

[14:28] He's being taken away by the cop who – he's being taken to the police station by the cop whose family killed.

[14:33] And the cop says, that was my family.

[14:35] And you know, all these years I've been thinking of what I was going to say to you.

[14:38] But you know what?

[14:39] I forgive you.

[14:41] And the narration reminds us that if the devil exists, that means God also exists.

[14:47] Oh, and also we see some of the worst police work in the history of movies.

[14:50] Good night, everyone.

[14:51] Good night.

[14:51] That's devil.

[14:52] A trim 78 minutes of crap.

Stuart Wellington

[14:55] So this was a horror movie, right?

Dan McCoy

[14:57] Yeah.

[14:58] It's supposed to be, but it's not –

Stuart Wellington

[14:59] So it's a horror movie that begins with a Bible quote.

Dan McCoy

[15:02] Always a bad sign.

Stuart Wellington

[15:03] If you're watching a movie and you see a Bible quote open up the movie, probably a bad sign.

[15:09] Yeah.

[15:10] Especially a horror movie.

[15:12] Hmm.

[15:13] Well, I'm also –

[15:13] It must be something, but I can't think of any.

Dan McCoy

[15:15] I'm not against –

[15:16] If it's a Western, it might be okay.

[15:18] Okay, yeah.

[15:18] But if it's a horror movie, automatically going to be bad.

Stuart Wellington

[15:22] Then there's a whole bunch of this fucking – as you were mentioning, narration.

[15:25] Like you have this narrator telling us all about Jesus magic and shit and telling us what we're going to see, like why we should be scared of an elevator.

[15:37] And it's so irritating and not scary.

[15:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:40] Sorry.

[15:40] It's not scary when a movie tells you why you should be scared.

Dan McCoy

[15:43] No, I was just going to say, like, also I don't mind a horror movie ending with some hope.

[15:49] Like, it should be hard one hope.

[15:52] But I like a horror movie where people actually come out on the other side.

[15:55] There's, like, too many nihilistic horror movies, I feel like.

[15:58] But I don't like horror movies where it's kind of like, oh, well, you know, you've actually been sort of – a benevolent force has been looking out for you this entire time.

[16:10] Or like something like ghost stories where it's like, oh, you know what?

[16:14] The ghosts are just confused souls who need to be laid to rest.

[16:18] Like anything where it's like –

Elliott Kalan

[16:19] On footprints on the sand.

[16:20] I was carrying you.

[16:21] Yeah.

[16:23] The horror story of walking on a beach with Jesus.

Dan McCoy

[16:26] Like, you shouldn't walk away, I think, from a horror story being like, oh, that's a nice Sunday school message for me.

Elliott Kalan

[16:34] Yeah.

[16:34] You made me – I forgot about the part where you reminded me about – to help back up his case, the security guard notes that kids fall down all the time and almost hit their heads on tables.

[16:45] Why don't they hit their heads on tables more often?

[16:47] Yeah.

[16:48] And also he drops a piece of toast on the ground and it lands jam side down.

[16:52] So he says, oh, no.

[16:53] Look at the jam, by the way.

[16:54] I assume it's part of – there's a mini kitchen.

[16:56] We didn't really find out about that.

[16:58] Smuggers has an office in the building.

[16:59] Well, that's like the most interesting part of the movie for me was the maintenance guy is going through like the tunnels underneath the building and he sees a raccoon for a minute.

[17:07] I was like, how did that raccoon get in there?

[17:08] Yeah.

[17:09] And I really would have loved to just –

[17:10] Part of Philly.

[17:11] I wish the camera had then panned over to the raccoon and then the next hour was just that raccoon going about his business, washing his food, knocking over trash cans.

[17:20] That would be adorable.

Stuart Wellington

[17:21] Would he have like a little raccoon-style house down there?

[17:25] I would love that.

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] Like the Fantastic Mr. Fox, but better.

Stuart Wellington

[17:27] Yeah, and there's like a little rat that has like a newsstand that he sells.

Dan McCoy

[17:32] And he could be like a – his job could be a robber because raccoons are the robbers of the animal kingdom.

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] And there's a cranky old possum who funds his robber.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:42] And they steal from trash cans.

Stuart Wellington

[17:44] Oh, yeah.

[17:45] I just thought it was apparel-based.

[17:48] It's partly apparel.

[17:49] What's that apparel?

[17:50] I mean, it's not –

Elliott Kalan

[17:51] They're not wearing masks for real.

Stuart Wellington

[17:53] No, that's not –

[17:54] It's the coloration around the eyes.

[17:56] Okay.

[17:57] I thought that was a mask they wore.

[17:58] They can't sew.

[17:58] I was wondering who's putting those masks on.

Dan McCoy

[18:01] Yeah, they don't have opposable thumbs.

Elliott Kalan

[18:04] I thought they did.

[18:04] They got them little hands.

[18:06] Anyhoo.

[18:07] So he drops his toast and it falls jelly-side down.

[18:10] He goes, oh, no.

[18:11] It never falls jelly-side down.

[18:13] So the movie –

[18:14] That's not true.

[18:14] The movie's proof as to why there is a god and the devil is now in effect is, one, kids never hit their heads on tables when they fall, which is not true.

[18:23] It happened to me.

[18:24] Two –

[18:24] Well, that's good.

[18:25] But the devil was around when that happened.

[18:26] I must have – well, I'm not a believer, so that must have been it.

[18:29] And two, toast never falls with the jam-side down.

Dan McCoy

[18:34] Yeah, well, this is just a test.

[18:36] This is – it looks like – you know, it's like in Ghostbusters.

[18:41] They have the –

[18:42] P.K.E.

[18:44] P.K.E.

Dan McCoy

[18:44] meters?

[18:44] P.K.E.

[18:45] Meters.

[18:45] Sure.

[18:46] And so like the similar thing for the devil is you get the toast.

[18:50] You jam it up.

[18:51] Jam it up.

[18:52] You drop it.

[18:53] Just jam that sucker out.

[18:55] Just jam the shit out of it.

Elliott Kalan

[18:56] If it lands jam-side down –

[18:59] The devil.

[19:00] At least the P.K.E.

[19:01] is the thinnest veneer of science.

[19:05] Like just dropping jam on –

[19:07] but it's also – it's based on a fallacy,

[19:08] the idea that toast never lands jam-side down,

[19:11] which it does all the time.

Dan McCoy

[19:12] Well, but that's when the devil is around.

[19:15] Where –

[19:16] Elliot, you should have had some jam and some toast

[19:18] when you were stuck on that train.

[19:20] Just to test and see if the devil is there?

[19:22] The devil is probably behind all that.

Stuart Wellington

[19:24] Yeah.

[19:24] There was someone wearing Prada.

[19:26] Yep.

[19:26] Where do you get the whole jam toast thing?

[19:29] Is that in the Bible?

Elliott Kalan

[19:30] I think it's in – yeah, I think it's in Matthew.

[19:32] Sure.

[19:33] Matthew 10 jam.

[19:35] It's in –

[19:36] It's in Contiments 2, 24.

[19:38] Chapter 10 verse jam.

[19:39] Yeah.

[19:42] That's weird.

[19:42] But it's a dumb movie.

Stuart Wellington

[19:45] Yeah, there's a lot of the security guards

[19:48] telling the maintenance guy to go up and down and up and down.

Elliott Kalan

[19:51] It feels so bad for the maintenance guy.

Stuart Wellington

[19:54] It's a movie where –

Elliott Kalan

[19:55] Whose name is Dwight.

[19:57] Dwight, yeah.

[19:58] And I know it is because they call him by his name

[20:00] every time they talk to him.

Stuart Wellington

[20:01] Now, if you were going to tell me that I was going to watch a movie

[20:04] about a bunch of people stuck in the elevator

[20:07] and the devil haunting them,

[20:10] I would imagine more of the movie would be shot in the elevator.

[20:13] You'd try and build up the claustrophobia

[20:15] of being stuck in this space

[20:18] and basically getting to know every inch of their confines.

[20:21] But any chance of this claustrophobia is taken out by, like, you know,

[20:26] going to see what this police officer is doing outside of the building

[20:29] or what are these security guards doing

[20:32] watching this amazingly high-definition security camera?

Elliott Kalan

[20:35] What's going on in the lobby?

[20:36] You never feel trapped.

[20:38] Yeah.

[20:38] Which would be the first thing you think you'd do exactly, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:42] Speaking of the lobby, I was very distressed by the fact that

[20:45] the police officer tells them to evacuate the entire building

[20:49] but not to let anyone leave.

[20:52] So we are to believe that the entire populace of this skyscraper,

[20:56] again, scraping skies, as you said, fits within the lobby.

[21:00] Fits comfortably in the lobby.

[21:02] Comfortably in the lobby.

Elliott Kalan

[21:02] That's the thing.

[21:02] Even if you had, like, the elevator's getting crowded

[21:05] and then you at least move to the lobby, oh, good.

[21:08] Then the lobby is filled with people and people in the lobby start getting,

[21:11] feeling claustrophobic.

[21:12] You could have had different kind of levels of claustrophobia moving,

[21:15] like, no area is safe, you're enclosed.

[21:17] A riot almost breaks out in the lobby.

[21:20] Exactly.

[21:20] But everyone's very docile and it's one of those movies where

Stuart Wellington

[21:23] They're docile until the old security guard who accidentally electrocuted himself

[21:28] Stumbles in.

[21:30] Stumbles in, like, trailing like a smoke cloud.

Elliott Kalan

[21:33] But even then they deal with it pretty easily.

[21:35] Like, everyone's like, oh, my God!

[21:36] Oh, well, that's over.

[21:38] Like, well, his smoking body is still there.

[21:40] And he's smoking hot.

Dan McCoy

[21:42] Well, they were excited because they knew that they were going to have a luau.

[21:45] They were going to just pull some meat right off the bone.

Elliott Kalan

[21:48] Long pig?

[21:50] But, like, it's a movie, it's one of these movies where

[21:53] there's never any complication that's caused by the plot.

[21:56] The only thing that stops everyone from solving the problem

[21:59] is their own incompetence.

[22:01] Over and over again.

Dan McCoy

[22:02] The devil is the antagonist.

[22:04] Magic helps.

Elliott Kalan

[22:05] And he has magic.

[22:06] But, like, you never get the feeling that, like, this cop is really good at his job

[22:10] and there's just too much complication and too much difficulty.

[22:14] It's always like, this is a bad cop.

[22:16] He's not very good at his job.

[22:17] Like, they should have just sent people to get these guys out of the elevator earlier.

[22:22] And also, all the scares are of the lights go out and you hear a lot of, like, smashing sounds

[22:28] and then the lights go on and someone's dead.

Dan McCoy

[22:30] You know?

[22:30] Yeah.

[22:30] Well, I want to address that in a moment.

[22:32] But the converse of the bad cop, though, is, like, the ridiculousness of this highly religious...

[22:41] Security guard?

[22:41] Security guard.

[22:42] Where he's the character who's there to make huge leaps that no one would.

[22:47] You know?

[22:47] He's like, okay, there's a face on this security tape and people are getting mad at each other.

[22:52] So the devil must be around.

[22:55] And obviously the way to combat the devil is to get these people to face up to their own flaws

[23:01] and maybe become better people.

[23:04] And I don't know.

[23:06] I don't think the security guard saw anything to support these wild surmises.

Elliott Kalan

[23:10] Well, again, this is the guy who thinks that the jam, toast falling jam side up,

[23:14] is a sign that God is watching out for us.

[23:17] I have to say, and if, like, if God is really looking out for most pieces of toast with jam on them,

[23:24] just give it...

[23:24] We don't need it that bad.

[23:25] Elliot, his eye is on the sparrow.

Dan McCoy

[23:28] So I know he watches toast.

Elliott Kalan

[23:29] But there are huge problems, like in Haiti or, you know, the Sudan,

[23:34] that he could go help with instead of watching out for the toast.

[23:36] He's busy with toast.

[23:39] And kids and tables.

Stuart Wellington

[23:40] And kids and tables, yeah.

[23:41] It's everyday miracles, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[23:43] That's just another ordinary miracle today.

Stuart Wellington

[23:45] It's like Anne Getty's calendar.

Elliott Kalan

[23:50] Everyday miracles.

[23:52] Kids magically transmuted into fruit.

[23:55] And bugs.

[23:56] It's beautiful.

[23:57] It's amazing.

[23:59] Yeah.

[24:00] I always imagine them doing it like in a TV show about Anne Getty's and, like,

[24:07] it's very mysterious the whole time.

[24:09] And then they reveal at the end, Anne Getty's is a giant baby.

[24:11] Yeah.

[24:16] You've learned the horrible secret of Anne Getty's.

Dan McCoy

[24:19] I would like to see a calendar where the insect babies are feeding off of the fruit babies.

Elliott Kalan

[24:27] It's a scary calendar because the idea that you could just crack open a watermelon and find a sleeping baby inside.

[24:33] It's frightening.

Dan McCoy

[24:35] Yeah.

[24:35] What are you supposed to do in that situation?

Elliott Kalan

[24:37] I, well.

[24:38] Well, you throw it out.

[24:41] The first thing you do is you get rid of it.

[24:43] Yeah.

[24:44] Maybe take it back to the market and ask for a refund.

[24:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:46] You can't take that baby to the police because they're not going to.

[24:50] It's going to be like a devil situation.

[24:51] They're not going to buy your story.

[24:53] Yeah, exactly.

[24:53] Sure, you found it in a watermelon, did you?

[24:56] Oh, tell me another one.

Elliott Kalan

[24:58] Who the other one, O'Malley, had?

[25:00] Yep.

[25:01] Because the guy who found the watermelon is also Irish.

Stuart Wellington

[25:05] Because, you know, watermelon is a very common Irish fruit.

[25:09] Yeah.

[25:09] Well, I've got to assume that, like, the farmer's son was masturbating in the field.

Elliott Kalan

[25:13] And that somehow impregnated the watermelon.

[25:16] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[25:17] It's like a Brothers Grimm sort of thing.

[25:19] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[25:23] A woman pulled a watermelon.

[25:26] She landed on a watermelon.

[25:28] Okay.

[25:29] It had gone up inside her.

[25:32] An egg had somehow made its way into the watermelon.

Elliott Kalan

[25:35] Well, the eggs are like one cell.

[25:37] Yeah.

[25:38] And they start, so it could easily slip in through the cracks of the shell of a watermelon.

Dan McCoy

[25:41] And then the baby just fed on the sweet watermelon juice.

[25:44] I don't think it's called a shell.

[25:46] Yeah, right.

Elliott Kalan

[25:47] You don't call it a watermelon shell?

[25:51] Crack that shell open.

[25:53] Let's have some watermelon.

[25:54] Oh, baby!

Stuart Wellington

[25:56] Some hard-boiled watermelon.

[25:58] I think the next Night Chronicles movie should be about babies and watermelons.

[26:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:04] Melon babies.

[26:05] I mean, we've basically described the Cabbage Patch Kids, guys.

[26:09] Yes, you're right.

[26:10] But that was babies with cabbages on them.

[26:12] Yeah.

[26:13] Completely different.

[26:14] Do you think they're...

[26:15] Legally different.

[26:17] Anyway.

[26:18] No, what I was going to say about the lights going at it and up, it's...

[26:21] I don't know what the...

[26:22] Like, the devil's M.O. is so strange to me in this movie, because it's like...

[26:25] It causes trouble.

[26:26] He seems to be really keen on killing them.

[26:29] He's like Michael Moore.

Elliott Kalan

[26:30] He just goes in and, like, goes into a building and messes things up for the business.

Dan McCoy

[26:34] But he's like killing them Agatha Christie, Tim Little Indian style, I guess.

[26:38] I guess, you know, like the devil's getting off on sewing discord among the...

Elliott Kalan

[26:42] He likes to toy with mortals.

Dan McCoy

[26:43] Yeah.

[26:44] But then at the end, as we pointed out...

[26:47] She?

Elliott Kalan

[26:47] Really?

[26:47] Yeah.

[26:48] Oh, yeah.

[26:48] The devil in the movie is a woman.

[26:50] Yeah.

[26:50] And there's that movie, The Devil is a Woman.

Dan McCoy

[26:52] But at the end, as we pointed out, she reveals herself to the last survivor, giving him a

[26:57] chance to redeem himself by asking the devil to take him instead of the woman.

[27:02] And then confessing his sins.

[27:03] And then confessing his sins.

[27:05] Which, you know, like later gives the sin against a chance to forgive him.

[27:11] And I don't know why the devil would do that if the devil was perfectly happy just killing

[27:15] everyone earlier in the film.

Elliott Kalan

[27:17] Because the devil realizes the movie is almost over.

[27:20] Okay.

[27:21] And he's got to do something...

[27:22] She's got to do something different.

[27:23] This is part of the elaborate chess game.

[27:25] Well, they even like...

[27:25] The devil is playing with God.

[27:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:26] But there's even that, like, voiceover point where they're like...

[27:29] Why can't they play, like, ping pong?

[27:30] And the last victim is always murdered in front of the person they love the most.

Dan McCoy

[27:34] Oh, yeah.

[27:36] So maybe...

[27:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[27:38] They totally did that voiceover.

[27:39] Yeah, to make cynics out of us.

Stuart Wellington

[27:40] That's why they explained why that, like, the guy's fiancee showed up right at the very

[27:45] end.

[27:45] Yeah.

[27:46] Right.

[27:46] You know, the one with all the tattoos on her neck?

[27:48] Yeah, the girl who played with fire.

Dan McCoy

[27:49] So what you're saying...

[27:51] So what you're saying is that voiceover was just there to paper over holes in the plot.

[28:00] Yes.

[28:00] I would say yes, yeah.

[28:01] Explain arbitrary rules so that the movie could exist.

Stuart Wellington

[28:06] Yeah.

[28:07] I mean, that's the...

[28:08] I'm assuming the main point of the voiceover is, A, to cover over any plot holes, and B,

[28:15] try and tell us why we're scared and, like, try and build up the tension of certain scenes

[28:20] that otherwise would be really boring.

Elliott Kalan

[28:21] And to explain the rules of this universe.

[28:23] I mean, that's papering over the holes, but a more positive spin to put on that would

[28:27] be just to explain the rules of the game, you know?

[28:30] Yeah.

[28:30] Directed by Gene Romo.

[28:32] But they, like...

[28:33] But yeah, it's...

[28:35] He's supposed to be...

[28:36] At first, it seems like he's just building the tension up, like, my mama told me the devil

[28:41] comes for people.

[28:42] And it's like, yawn.

Dan McCoy

[28:44] And also...

Elliott Kalan

[28:45] That's like the beginning of Legion, too, right?

[28:47] Wasn't there a voiceover?

[28:48] Yeah.

[28:48] Like, my mama always said, magic devils will kill me if I'm...

[28:51] Yeah, that's right.

[28:51] Someday God will decide to get rid of all the people and wipe them out, and I said, okay,

[28:55] and then it did, and then it didn't, because it's movie Legion.

[28:59] That's another movie that took itself way too seriously.

[29:02] This one takes itself very seriously.

[29:05] Yeah.

[29:05] For as silly as it is.

[29:07] It is a movie about the devil killing people in an elevator.

[29:11] That's the other thing.

[29:11] It is a silly premise.

[29:13] It is a gold elevator.

[29:14] At first, it seems like it's going to be a movie about how quickly we turn against each

[29:18] other.

Dan McCoy

[29:19] But it isn't.

[29:21] Yeah.

[29:21] The devil seems pretty powerful, just magic-wise, in this movie.

[29:25] And yet, it needs to draw people together into a confined space for easy slaughter.

Elliott Kalan

[29:31] Yeah, well, he...

[29:32] He can't just pick off people.

[29:33] It's just more convenient that way.

[29:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:35] It's like, oh, if I can make an excuse for all these people to come to this one building,

[29:39] my afternoon will be off.

[29:41] It's like, well, if I can...

[29:41] It doesn't have to travel as much.

Elliott Kalan

[29:43] It's like, I can go to all these stores, or I can go to Target and get all the stuff I

[29:47] need in one stop.

[29:48] That'll take less time.

Dan McCoy

[29:49] Yeah, this is why the mom-and-pop devils are getting killed off.

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] It is a movie that tells you that the devil needs to trap you before it can get to you.

[30:01] They're very powerful with...

[30:03] Maybe there's...

[30:04] Maybe...

[30:04] Okay.

[30:05] Maybe I'm reading too much into the mythology of the movie Devil.

[30:08] Okay.

[30:09] Maybe it's...

[30:09] That's not hard to believe.

[30:10] It's postulating a universe with many different kinds of devils, with powers or controls over

[30:15] different areas.

[30:16] This is the devil...

[30:17] Maybe different elements.

[30:18] Exactly.

[30:19] One of those elements, elevators.

[30:21] Okay.

[30:21] Or perhaps vertical travel.

Stuart Wellington

[30:23] So that would be an elevator bender.

Elliott Kalan

[30:25] Yes.

[30:26] He's an elevator bender.

[30:28] Exactly.

[30:28] Which gives him the power to stop elevators and kill people in elevators.

[30:32] Yeah.

[30:33] All right.

Dan McCoy

[30:35] Elevastopolies.

[30:36] So it's like that book, The God of Small Things, but the reverse.

Elliott Kalan

[30:41] Yeah.

[30:41] The devil of elevators.

[30:42] Yeah.

[30:44] All right.

[30:44] The devil of small spaces.

[30:45] Parentheses.

[30:46] Particularly elevators.

[30:48] So...

[30:48] And what was the significance of the suicide at the very beginning?

[30:52] That they never really explained.

Dan McCoy

[30:54] Oh, yeah.

[30:55] I want to talk a moment about this because...

Elliott Kalan

[30:58] So...

[30:59] That's also...

[31:00] Wait.

[31:00] There's a...

[31:01] The movie opens with someone jumping to their death out of this building.

[31:03] They jump through a window.

[31:04] There's a big hole in the window.

[31:07] Huge.

[31:08] Size of a person.

[31:09] And the maintenance guy is like, I'm just up here fixing this hole in the window.

[31:12] They don't put two and two together that someone jumped through the window until later.

[31:16] Even though there's a suicide note right there.

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:20] That they find...

[31:20] That they read later in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[31:22] Well, speaking of that suicide note, I wanted to say...

[31:24] So there's an actress in this film, Caroline DeVerna, who I have a crush on from the...

[31:29] She was on the show Wonderfalls.

[31:31] And she has...

[31:32] Eesh.

[31:33] Literally three lines in the whole film.

Elliott Kalan

[31:37] But she's in...

[31:38] But she's in...

[31:39] She does a couple different things.

[31:40] One...

[31:40] She stands around the corner.

[31:41] She walks by.

[31:42] Uh-huh.

[31:42] Another time, she's standing there drinking coffee.

[31:44] Yep.

[31:44] And the third time, she finds that letter.

[31:46] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[31:47] I kind of understand your crush now.

Dan McCoy

[31:49] But, uh...

[31:50] Sure.

[31:50] She's good at finding letters.

Stuart Wellington

[31:51] She only gives you little bits.

[31:53] Like...

[31:54] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:54] She doesn't overstay her welcome.

[31:55] Teases you.

[31:56] But, um...

[31:57] But her character talks to the main detective about this...

[32:03] Uh...

[32:03] Suicide note.

[32:03] And she's like...

[32:04] Sure.

[32:04] Eyebrows.

[32:05] Widow's peak guy.

[32:06] Isn't this weird?

[32:08] This, uh...

[32:09] This note ends with...

[32:10] I can hear the devil's footsteps behind me.

[32:14] Isn't that strange?

[32:15] Usually, uh...

[32:16] Suicide notes are either rational all the way through or crazy all the way through.

[32:19] And...

[32:20] But she somehow thinks that...

[32:22] Ending a suicide note with...

[32:24] I can hear the devil's footsteps behind me is a crazy way to end a suicide note.

[32:28] Someone who's going to kill themselves...

[32:30] Uh...

[32:30] And presumably feels bad about something.

[32:32] Ending their suicide note in that way.

[32:34] And that...

[32:35] That...

[32:36] That piques her interest somehow.

Elliott Kalan

[32:37] She...

[32:37] She seems to think that...

[32:39] She takes it literally instantly.

[32:41] Yeah.

[32:41] Like, if you read a suicide note...

Dan McCoy

[32:43] This is a world where everyone believes the devil except for our main, uh...

[32:45] Hero.

Elliott Kalan

[32:47] Uh...

[32:47] That if you...

[32:48] If you...

[32:48] He starts believing it in, like, halfway through, though.

[32:51] He starts picking it up eventually.

[32:52] If you read a note like that...

[32:54] Or, like, even if you read...

[32:55] If someone sent you an email and was like, oh, like...

[32:58] Gotta go.

[32:58] Devil's footsteps are behind me.

[32:59] Or, like, you know, God willing, this will happen.

[33:01] You're not going to be like, that's weird.

[33:04] Like, why would she start talking about God in this email?

[33:07] Like, people use metaphorical language all the time, you know?

Dan McCoy

[33:12] But...

[33:12] Especially if it's their last words on this earth.

[33:14] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[33:15] People never try to be overly flowery or creative in their final moments.

Elliott Kalan

[33:18] There's more than one way to skin a cat.

[33:20] What are you doing taking the skin off of cats?

[33:22] No, no, no.

[33:23] I'm just...

[33:24] I'm just...

[33:24] It's just an expression I was using.

[33:25] Oh, okay.

[33:26] Oh.

[33:26] Never mind then.

[33:27] I'm a forensic scientist.

[33:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[33:29] She has a disease where she takes everything literally is what you're saying.

[33:32] Yes, I think so.

[33:33] But, yeah, I don't know that we...

[33:34] Unless...

[33:34] How's that communicated?

[33:36] Uh...

[33:37] Kissing.

[33:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:38] Like mono?

[33:39] Yeah.

[33:40] Okay.

[33:40] Or tongues.

[33:41] Gross.

[33:42] Tongues are communicated through kissing.

[33:43] Gross.

[33:44] Gross.

[33:45] Ew, with a girl?

[33:47] Stewart doesn't care for kissing.

Stuart Wellington

[33:49] I only do it through a dental dam.

Dan McCoy

[33:51] He only does it Eskimo style.

[33:53] Only does it through a Hoover dam.

Stuart Wellington

[33:55] What's that with...

[33:56] By only eating meat or...

[33:58] Yeah, there's Tennikin involved.

Elliott Kalan

[34:00] You have to be very cold.

Dan McCoy

[34:04] You lay down...

[34:05] Only on a dog's load.

[34:06] You lay down a thick...

[34:07] Thick layer of whale blubber.

[34:09] Okay.

[34:10] I'm with you.

[34:11] And slide towards each other.

Elliott Kalan

[34:14] It involves using a spear and scrimshaw.

Dan McCoy

[34:17] Okay.

[34:18] These are all stereotypical Eskimo-y things.

[34:20] Wait, we're not done.

[34:21] And they have 400 words for it.

Elliott Kalan

[34:23] Yeah.

[34:25] And done.

[34:26] Well, the...

[34:27] Yeah, we never find...

[34:28] I don't think we ever found out why that person committed suicide.

[34:30] It was like...

[34:30] They needed a shocking...

[34:32] Like a shock to start the movie.

[34:34] So they have someone plummet to their death.

[34:35] But then it was like...

Dan McCoy

[34:36] It was left over from the happening.

Elliott Kalan

[34:37] Kind of.

[34:38] Yeah.

[34:39] They just...

[34:39] It just...

[34:40] Forget about it.

[34:41] It didn't feel like...

Stuart Wellington

[34:42] They just got done watching the happening and were like, I'm done with this shit.

[34:45] This is the height of human creativity.

[34:49] I don't need to see anything else.

[34:50] It'll all be downhill from here.

Elliott Kalan

[34:54] Yeah.

[34:54] Have you guys seen the internet video on YouTube where it's that scene from the happening and

[34:59] every time a body falls, it's Rainy Men plays for like a couple seconds?

Dan McCoy

[35:04] That's pretty good.

[35:06] Thank you, YouTube.

Elliott Kalan

[35:07] Nice work, YouTube.

[35:08] Right up there with the Different Strokes video where they put scary music over the opening

[35:12] credits.

[35:13] So it looks like Conrad Bane is kidnapping two children.

[35:17] It's the best video on YouTube.

Stuart Wellington

[35:19] I saw this one where...

[35:22] Was there a cute cat involved?

[35:25] Oh, wait.

[35:26] You already saw that one?

[35:26] Yeah.

[35:27] Okay.

[35:27] That was good.

[35:30] So, guys.

Dan McCoy

[35:32] I think we might have covered it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:33] What else is there to say about Devil?

[35:36] I would say M. Night Shyamalan stick to your day job of directing, except he makes bad movies

[35:40] as a director, too.

Stuart Wellington

[35:42] This felt like an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

[35:44] Yeah, it did.

[35:47] I don't know what else to say.

[35:48] There's a twist, kind of.

Elliott Kalan

[35:49] I will say that movies where the point of the movie is that everything is part of a larger

[35:54] plan and every choice you make is leading you up to a predetermined moment, I'm not a

[35:59] big fan of those.

Stuart Wellington

[36:00] I don't find them that scary because, I don't know, like...

[36:07] Like, the idea of, like, I'm only being killed because I did something bad, like, that's stupid.

[36:12] Like, I didn't do anything bad, so I'm not worried about a devil coming and murdering me.

Elliott Kalan

[36:15] You know you're blameless and innocent as the newborn driven lamb smell.

[36:19] Yeah, absolutely.

Dan McCoy

[36:19] The rain should fall upon the good and bad equally, is what you're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[36:25] Yeah, yeah.

[36:26] And by rain, I mean devil elevators.

Dan McCoy

[36:29] Devil-vators.

[36:29] Devil-vators, yeah.

[36:30] Okay, so let's do our final judgments.

[36:32] Hella-vators.

[36:33] A good-bad movie, a bad-bad movie, or a movie you actually kind of like?

[36:37] Hella-devils.

Stuart Wellington

[36:38] Stuart, what are your final words on this?

[36:41] Well, the movie was really fast.

[36:44] No, I didn't like this at all.

[36:47] I particularly don't care for horror movies that seem to actively try to make itself not

[36:53] scary, and this movie was that type of movie.

[36:56] So, not scary, not good, bad.

Dan McCoy

[36:59] I'm gonna, we've seen so many bad, bad movies lately.

[37:03] I might be grading on a curve, but I'm gonna say that for me this was a good, bad movie

[37:07] because it did zip along.

[37:11] Except for all the boring parts, which there were legion.

[37:13] Yeah, but it was like 70 minutes.

[37:15] Except for the movie, it's very short.

[37:17] And, you know, the cinematography was nice, so it wasn't a pain to look at.

[37:23] That's true.

[37:23] And you had a crush on that one chick.

[37:25] Yeah, and she was around on the corners, and there were ridiculous things like,

[37:28] uh, the jam test for devils.

[37:30] Yeah, that sounds way funnier than it is in the movie, though.

[37:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:34] And there was a raccoon.

[37:35] You thought that was cool?

[37:37] You liked that part?

[37:37] That was me.

[37:38] Oh, I got you both wearing glasses tonight.

[37:40] Sure.

[37:42] Elliot, what do you have to say?

Elliott Kalan

[37:43] Uh, I, yeah, I don't know.

[37:46] It's a, yeah, it's a bad, bad movie, but not quite as bad as some of the other ones we've

[37:50] seen recently.

[37:51] Uh, I'd rather, rather watch this than The Last Airbender, but, uh, it's still a bad,

[37:56] bad movie.

[37:57] You know.

[37:58] I was, I had high hopes that it would be a crazy, silly movie, but it turned out to

[38:02] be kind of boring, and, like, there's a few silly things, but not enough of them, and

[38:05] maybe we should have done, maybe we should have done Gooby after all.

Dan McCoy

[38:08] Yeah.

[38:09] We were talking about doing Gooby.

[38:10] Look up the trailer for that, people.

[38:12] Um.

[38:13] Maybe next time.

[38:13] What's a Gooby?

[38:14] Maybe we'll still do Gooby.

[38:15] It's a six-foot bear with the voice of Robbie Coltrane.

[38:18] Yeah.

[38:27] Hi, it's Dan here.

[38:29] If you like listening to The Flophouse, why not visit us on the web at www.flophousepodcast.com,

[38:37] where you can find show notes, videos, fan art, and links to Wikipedia synopses of all the

[38:43] Flophouse films, so you can play along at home.

[38:46] If you're looking for more Flophouse stuff, check out our Facebook page, where you can

[38:50] discuss the show with other fans, or subscribe to our Twitter feed at TheFlophousePod.

[38:56] Your support helps us build an audience, so if you like the show, why not vote for us at

[39:01] Podcast Alley, or subscribe to the show on iTunes.

[39:04] And while you're there, take a moment to write a review.

[39:07] Links for everything can be found on the webpage.

[39:10] Lastly, we love hearing from you, so if you have thoughts, feedback, or suggestions, let

[39:15] us know at theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[39:20] Now back to the show.

[39:26] There's a couple of letters here.

[39:29] Letters.

[39:30] We get letters.

[39:32] They're not...

[39:33] Letters.

[39:35] This one is in regard to, I believe, the...

[39:42] Which one was it?

[39:43] Which one was it?

Elliott Kalan

[39:44] I don't know, man.

[39:45] You're the one with the letter.

Dan McCoy

[39:45] Hold on.

[39:46] We don't read these ahead of time.

[39:48] Before Killers, what did we do?

[39:49] Oh, that wasn't Airbender, was it?

[39:51] Maybe it was.

[39:52] I think this is in response to the Airbender episode.

[39:54] This is M. Night Shyamalan again.

[39:57] Shlaminam.

[39:58] Which included the...

Stuart Wellington

[39:59] I said Mead things about him that one time, and I think he's about running his kids over.

[40:02] M. Night Shyamalan.

Dan McCoy

[40:03] Yeah.

[40:04] Yeah.

[40:04] But this is, I believe, in regard to that podcast, which was one of our crazier, and he's...

[40:12] Mark, last name withheld, says,

[40:14] Love this one, guys.

[40:15] There have been times I've wanted to send email on many occasions, but the rambling and

[40:18] side combos were great.

[40:21] I know others probably hate it, but the nutty mind of your friend Mark loved every second.

Elliott Kalan

[40:25] Great.

[40:25] I don't remember what we did.

[40:26] I think we were all high on life.

Dan McCoy

[40:28] I think that was the one that involved a long side conversation about Bryce Dallas Howard,

[40:35] nude in the Banner Bay Casino.

[40:39] That's right.

[40:41] That didn't make any sense.

[40:44] I mean, this brings up a good point, because I think we enjoy the craziness, the digressions.

[40:51] There's some out there, I've heard from some people who wish we would stay more on target.

[40:57] To me, I've always thought of this as a...

Elliott Kalan

[41:00] Well, we just talked about devil for a half hour, so...

Dan McCoy

[41:03] I've always thought of this as a podcast that's mainly about stupid comedy, and we watch a movie

[41:08] to give as an excuse to talk about something.

[41:11] I think the people that can...

[41:12] But I think people can weigh in on this, maybe.

[41:14] Yeah.

[41:14] Send in your letters.

[41:15] Let us know what you think.

Stuart Wellington

[41:16] I think the people that complain about our silly moments are the same sort of people who

[41:19] need an entire hour and a half of a movie to be convinced that all they need is a little

[41:24] bit of laughter to make their life better.

[41:26] Like a magical fairy has to show up and make that person enjoy life, because they're too

[41:31] busy.

[41:31] It's quite a leap.

Elliott Kalan

[41:35] You're saying like...

[41:36] They're like a stodgy accountant.

[41:37] A working man who doesn't leave enough time for his family.

[41:39] Yep.

[41:40] Right.

[41:40] He's just got to be silly for once, not care what his neighbors think.

Dan McCoy

[41:43] But it's really tough for him to get over that.

[41:45] Like...

[41:46] He can't...

[41:46] He should not care about his high-powered job that's providing for him and for the wellness

[41:51] of his loved ones.

[41:53] And maybe he needs a legacy.

[41:54] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[41:54] And maybe the people involved in his organization.

[41:57] Like maybe because he's so good at his job, he's helping these people pay their bills.

[42:01] Yeah.

[42:01] He should make sure to go to his child's recital instead.

Dan McCoy

[42:05] But it's really tough with his schedule.

Stuart Wellington

[42:07] Yeah.

[42:07] Or like help out at their ball game.

[42:09] Or go to Neverland and fight Captain Hook.

[42:12] Wait a minute.

[42:13] Wait a minute.

[42:14] That was a different...

[42:15] Oh, shit.

Elliott Kalan

[42:15] That was the same...

[42:16] Or was it...

[42:18] That's the movie where...

[42:19] Just keep reading that.

[42:20] That's the movie where children are taught that if you have enough imagination, you don't

[42:24] need real food.

[42:25] You can imagine food and you won't die of starvation.

[42:29] Yeah.

[42:29] Terrible lesson.

[42:30] Thank you, Spielberg.

[42:33] What have you done for us lately?

[42:35] What has he done lately?

Dan McCoy

[42:38] What was his last movie?

[42:38] What happened to that kid who played Rufio?

[42:40] His last...

Stuart Wellington

[42:40] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[42:44] This one's...

[42:45] There's only two letters.

[42:47] They're both very brief.

[42:48] This one's from Jen, last name withheld, who has been with us from the beginning.

[42:52] A big fan.

[42:53] Thanks.

Elliott Kalan

[42:54] Thanks, guys.

[42:54] I hope this is not the letter telling us, I've had enough and I'm leaving.

[42:57] No, no.

[42:57] Bang-a-rang.

[42:58] But it is saying...

[42:59] What?

[43:00] For what...

Stuart Wellington

[43:00] Another hook reference.

Dan McCoy

[43:05] Jen is saying, for what it's worth, my favorite Ninja Turtle was Leonardo.

[43:10] Boo.

[43:11] He's noble and stuff and he wears blue, which is the best color.

[43:14] That's true.

[43:14] So, Dan, tell everyone to lay off.

[43:17] So, lay off, guys.

[43:18] That's what I say.

[43:19] I like blue, but is blue the best color?

Elliott Kalan

[43:22] Purple, Donatello is the color of royalty.

[43:24] Sure.

[43:24] Red, for Raphael, is the color of passion.

[43:27] Yeah.

[43:27] And orange, for Michelangelo, is the color of pizza.

[43:29] So, I don't know.

[43:31] Is it the color of pizza?

[43:32] Blue is only the best color of pupils, of eyeballs.

[43:38] Ah, racist.

[43:39] Wow, that is racial, yeah.

[43:40] Oh, I'm sorry.

[43:41] Orange is the color of night.

[43:42] Okay.

[43:43] What?

[43:47] Orange, you glad I didn't say banana again.

[43:50] Jen, you have my permission to stop listening now.

[43:54] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[43:55] So, thanks for the letters, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[43:56] Thanks.

[43:57] Send more letters.

Dan McCoy

[43:58] Keep them pouring in.

[43:59] And write in on the group.

[44:00] At theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

Elliott Kalan

[44:03] Theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

Dan McCoy

[44:05] Or theflophousehousecat.

[44:06] No.

[44:07] Flopcast.flop.

[44:09] Dot meow.

[44:09] If you want to write to theflophousehousecat, the non-existent character that's your...

[44:14] Non-existent.

[44:16] Where's the...

[44:16] He exists in the hearts of fucking children everywhere, dude.

[44:19] You can also send those...

[44:20] Non-existent, you asshole.

[44:21] You can send those as well to theflophousepodcast.com.

[44:24] Where's the flophousehousecat been on this show?

Stuart Wellington

[44:26] He's so tired.

[44:28] He's been working like a dog.

[44:30] One of us has got to pay the bills, but I'm not doing it.

Elliott Kalan

[44:33] What's...

[44:34] And weigh in on the great silly tangents or non-silly tangents debate.

[44:38] Do you like to hear more about the movies?

[44:40] Or do you like to hear us say crazy things about Teddy Grahams and the porthole of time?

[44:45] Yep.

[44:46] Chopin Goatables.

[44:47] And Chopin Goatables.

[44:50] So, guys...

[44:51] Classics.

[44:52] Classics all.

[44:53] Let's...

[44:54] The pantheon.

Dan McCoy

[44:55] Let's move on to...

[44:56] Okay, what's next?

[44:58] Recommendations.

[44:59] Movies that you may have seen recently, but not if you haven't had time.

[45:02] Can we recommend movies we haven't seen?

[45:04] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] In which case, I'd like to recommend it's called Rocket Crocodile in the World of Tomorrow.

[45:09] It's a movie that doesn't exist, and I'm making it up as I go along.

[45:13] It involves a crocodile astronaut.

[45:15] He accidentally falls through a time machine warp and becomes a rock star in the world of the future, which also has dinosaurs.

Dan McCoy

[45:22] I don't know how I'm going to link to that on the website.

[45:25] Oh, yeah.

[45:26] Usually I link to...

Elliott Kalan

[45:27] And Gina Gershon is nude in, like, every scene.

[45:29] Okay.

[45:30] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[45:31] So, like, any Gina Gershon.

Elliott Kalan

[45:33] Oh, yeah, you're right.

[45:35] Also, Carla Gugino is nude in every scene.

[45:38] Like, half of her role.

[45:40] Rocket Crocodile is fully clothed.

Stuart Wellington

[45:42] Do they have speaking roles, or are they just naked in the background?

Elliott Kalan

[45:45] I mean, there's a little bit of that.

[45:46] Okay.

[45:46] There's a little bit of speaking, you know.

[45:48] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[45:48] Yeah, just to make it not exploitative.

[45:50] And to set up the nudity, like, oh, man, it's so hot in here.

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] I'm going to take a shower now, but I'll just stand around first.

Stuart Wellington

[45:56] Or, who put all these ants in my clothing?

[45:59] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:02] I would love to see that.

[46:04] So, Rocket Crocodile.

[46:05] They run into the room.

Stuart Wellington

[46:05] I haven't seen it yet, but, you know, keep your eyes peeled at the Cineplex.

[46:08] I'm giving it five out of five amazings.

[46:11] So, go to Netflix.

[46:12] There's a lot of scenes.

[46:13] Put save.

[46:14] Go to, put save so that it goes in your queue.

Dan McCoy

[46:18] Whatever movie comes up on the autofill.

[46:21] Just take it.

Elliott Kalan

[46:22] It's closest to Rocket Crocodile and the World of Tomorrow.

[46:26] Probably his doll, man.

[46:28] Soundtracked by Talking Heads.

[46:30] They got back together to do the soundtrack.

[46:31] Wow.

[46:32] Sure.

[46:32] And Danzig.

[46:33] You got them together.

[46:34] Glenn Danzig and David Byrne finally working together.

Dan McCoy

[46:37] Well, I'm amazed that Rocket Crocodile solved the Byrne-Weymouth rift that has kept Talking

[46:43] Heads from reading.

[46:44] Oh, yeah.

[46:45] Well, it's the World of Tomorrow.

[46:47] All right.

[46:47] Well, that's your recommendation, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[46:49] He has to stop the clothing bandit who's stealing clothing from all the beautiful women in the

[46:54] world.

[46:54] I think I've seen this movie in my dreams.

Dan McCoy

[46:58] You're thinking of The Devil Wears Nada.

[47:01] Oh, okay.

[47:01] Which you should also watch instead of Devil.

Stuart Wellington

[47:03] I thought I was thinking of The Invisible Maniac again.

[47:06] No.

Elliott Kalan

[47:07] You have like three movies that you recommend in rotation.

Stuart Wellington

[47:11] I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but he kills a guy with a submarine sandwich.

Elliott Kalan

[47:16] You mentioned it many times.

[47:17] Stuart, do you have an actual recommendation or should I pass you?

Stuart Wellington

[47:20] I do have a recommendation this time, dude.

[47:23] It's called Castle Freak.

[47:25] It's a little movie called Centurion.

[47:28] Oh.

[47:28] It's Neil Marshall's follow-up to the much maligned Doomsday.

[47:35] Which I enjoy.

[47:37] In Centurion, you have a group of Roman soldiers.

[47:42] Centurions, if you will.

[47:43] Up in north of Britain and they end up – they get caught behind enemy lines and they have

[47:50] to make their way back to Roman territory.

[47:54] A bunch of Picts are out.

[47:55] Yeah, hunted by a bunch of Picts.

[47:56] So it's like a remake of The Warriors.

[47:58] A lot like The Warriors, but instead of gangs, you have Pictish tribesmen.

[48:03] Ah.

[48:04] And the main reason I want to recommend it is because having recently watched The Expendables,

[48:10] which had a ton of bad CGI gore, Centurion clearly had a much smaller budget.

[48:17] They managed to fill that movie beginning to end with like chopped off limbs, smashed in faces,

[48:23] all kinds of gore.

[48:25] Al Gore.

[48:25] It never looks super fake.

[48:27] Like it never –

[48:29] Leslie Gore.

[48:29] They're much better at hiding any of the CGI that they use to make some dude's arm get whacked off.

[48:37] I saw the realization on your face of the phrase you had used.

[48:43] So Centurion, if you want to watch a bunch of dudes get their arms whacked off.

[48:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:52] Netflix watch instantly.

Stuart Wellington

[48:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[48:55] So drag it into your queue.

[48:57] Hit the watch button.

[48:59] Okay, so –

[49:00] It's an actual recommendation and it's not one of my go-tos.

[49:04] Like Castle Freak or Invisible Man.

Elliott Kalan

[49:06] Did I mention that Rocket Crocodile's sidekick is a wisecracking zebra?

[49:09] No.

[49:10] Is it animated or a guy in a zebra suit?

[49:13] It's a guy in a zebra suit, but the mouth is animated.

Dan McCoy

[49:15] Is the zebra afraid that Rocket Crocodile is going to eat him or her?

Elliott Kalan

[49:19] No, no.

[49:19] He's wisecracking.

[49:20] He's cynical.

[49:21] He's seen it all.

[49:22] Okay.

[49:23] And he's a girl.

[49:24] Okay.

[49:25] So there's a romance.

Stuart Wellington

[49:26] Like an Eddie Murphy type?

[49:27] Exactly, yeah.

[49:29] You know, like Osmosis Jones.

[49:30] Like a bromance but with girls.

Elliott Kalan

[49:32] Sweet.

[49:34] Yeah.

[49:34] A bromance.

Dan McCoy

[49:35] So I saw a couple movies that I liked recently.

[49:38] I saw Exit Through the Gift Shop, which I referenced earlier in one of our popular Flophouse lists earlier in the program.

[49:47] I call them free associatins.

[49:48] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:49] And I call it wasting time.

Dan McCoy

[49:51] I don't have a lot to say about the movie because I feel like it's been said.

[49:56] It's a movie that's shown up on a lot of best of the year lists.

[50:02] So it doesn't need me throwing my limited weight behind it.

[50:05] But it's also on watch instantly.

[50:07] So you should watch that.

[50:08] It's very enjoyable.

[50:10] And where should you exit?

[50:12] Through the Gift Shop.

[50:13] Oh, okay.

[50:14] And I watched The Square, the Australian thriller that a lot of people compared to Blood Simple.

[50:22] And it's not as good as Blood Simple, but it shares with Blood Simple the kind of like noir thriller.

[50:28] Something that should be a very simple plan goes wrong.

[50:33] Like a simple plan.

[50:34] Yes.

[50:35] It goes wrong early and often.

[50:38] A single man?

[50:39] Yeah.

[50:40] Yeah.

[50:40] A solitary man.

[50:42] A man for all seasons.

[50:44] Leslie man.

Stuart Wellington

[50:46] So.

[50:47] Manimal.

[50:47] I'm not going to keep this up.

[50:48] Okay.

[50:50] Me and Dingo.

[50:54] So.

[50:55] A man, a man.

Elliott Kalan

[50:56] The character who's in the background of the Java, the Hutt scenes in the Jedi.

[50:59] Ram man?

Dan McCoy

[51:00] Ram man.

[51:01] So while we keep this going, I'm just going to sign off.

Elliott Kalan

[51:04] No, no.

[51:04] I got a recommendation to make.

[51:05] A real one?

[51:07] Sure.

[51:07] Well, it's like.

[51:08] A sequel to Rocket Crocodile.

[51:09] It's called Rocket Crocodile Goes to the Past.

[51:12] He has to go to the 50s.

[51:13] Rocket to the Past.

[51:14] Rocket.

[51:14] No.

[51:15] Rocket Crocodile has to go to the 50s to get his parents together.

[51:18] Because otherwise he won't be born.

[51:20] Antirite rocket around the clock.

[51:24] I wanted to recommend a very weird Swedish movie called You the Living.

[51:30] Which is.

[51:31] Which is.

Elliott Kalan

[51:31] It's kind of a semi-sequel to a movie called.

[51:34] Was it Songs from the Second Floor?

[51:36] And it's.

[51:37] Like.

[51:38] And it's kind of dozens of these very short scenes.

[51:42] That are alternately.

[51:43] Kind of funny.

Elliott Kalan

[51:44] Or just kind of off.

[51:45] Or don't make any sense at all.

[51:47] Of interconnected people.

[51:50] In different types of situations.

[51:52] It's a little hard to describe.

[51:53] But it's very.

[51:54] I liked it a lot.

[51:55] And it's shot in a way that is.

[51:58] Like.

[51:59] Stylized without feeling very stylized.

[52:02] That just kind of feels unreal the whole time.

[52:04] And there's a sequence on a house that seems to also be a train.

[52:07] That I find particularly beautiful.

[52:09] But.

[52:10] It was this very.

[52:11] It's this very good kind of baffling.

[52:13] Comedy drama.

[52:14] Deadpan comedy drama.

[52:16] Of Swedes.

[52:17] Being unhappy.

Dan McCoy

[52:19] So.

[52:20] It's.

[52:20] It's exactly like.

[52:21] The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

[52:22] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[52:23] Yeah.

[52:23] If you like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

[52:25] You'll love.

[52:26] The.

[52:27] Deadpan.

[52:27] Philosophizing of You the Living.

[52:29] All right.

[52:30] Also if you like Dixieland music.

[52:32] There's a fair amount of Dixieland jazz in the movie.

[52:34] So.

[52:36] So.

[52:37] Guys.

[52:37] Is that a euphemism?

[52:39] It's a euphemism for a style of jazz music.

[52:41] Okay.

[52:42] From the south.

[52:43] I think we should sign off.

Dan McCoy

[52:45] Probably a good idea.

[52:46] Before the devil decides to murder us.

[52:48] Oh no.

Elliott Kalan

[52:49] Which one of us is the devil?

[52:51] Stuart.

[52:51] Yeah.

[52:52] I'm guessing Stuart.

[52:54] Because you committed a hit and run.

Stuart Wellington

[52:56] Yeah.

[52:57] And.

[52:58] That's what sparked off your racism.

[53:00] And you are.

[53:03] Dan's a counterfeiter.

[53:05] Nice.

[53:06] That's pretty cool.

[53:07] Yeah.

[53:07] Okay.

[53:08] But.

[53:09] That doesn't mean he needs to get killed.

[53:11] Right?

[53:11] I mean.

[53:11] It's just counterfeiting money.

Elliott Kalan

[53:12] Well.

[53:13] His counterfeiting led to.

Stuart Wellington

[53:14] Blood is the ink in my.

Elliott Kalan

[53:16] Oh.

[53:17] It's like a delicatessen type thing.

[53:18] And he's a cannibal.

[53:19] Did I mention that?

[53:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:21] I did talk about eating that fried.

[53:24] He's a cannibal?

Stuart Wellington

[53:25] Yeah.

[53:26] All right.

[53:26] What did he say?

[53:26] A cannibal?

[53:27] He's a cantaloupe.

Dan McCoy

[53:29] With a baby inside.

[53:31] Anyway.

[53:32] For the Flophouse.

[53:33] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[53:34] Rawr rawr.

[53:35] Rawr.

[53:37] The Flophouse house cat.

Stuart Wellington

[53:39] Yeah.

[53:39] And me too.

[53:40] Stuart Wellington.

[53:41] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[53:43] Good night everyone.

[53:45] Worst one ever.

[53:51] And I found out that the kid who plays his son.

[53:54] Has a mild case of cerebral palsy.

[53:56] And has to play it up for the show.

Elliott Kalan

[53:58] Oh.

[53:58] So he's minstrel-y.

[53:59] Is what you're saying.

[54:00] They hit him in the head a couple times.

[54:02] To make it worse.

[54:04] It's okay kid.

[54:05] It's the part of a lifetime.

[54:06] It's a show on AMC.

[54:09] You like that con man bank robbery?

[54:11] Whatever show they did was Robert Vaughn.

[54:12] Right?

[54:13] What was the name of that show?

Dan McCoy

[54:14] Hustle.

[54:15] That was a British import.

Elliott Kalan

[54:18] Ah.

[54:18] Like Kelly Brooke.

[54:19] Yes.

[54:20] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[54:21] Charming Kelly Brooke.

[54:23] Charming.

[54:23] I mean attractive.

[54:25] She was married to Billy Zane for a while.

[54:28] Yeah.

[54:28] Yep.

[54:29] It was weird.

Elliott Kalan

[54:30] Oh.

[54:30] He's a real cool dude.

Dan McCoy

[54:32] He's got that bullet-headed masculinity.

[54:35] And he knows how to slam evil.

The Flop House: Episode #73 - Devil

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