Ep. #178 - 50 Shades of Grey

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we subject ourselves to the pain and punishment of Fifty Shades of Grey.

[0:30] Hey everyone, it's the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:36] Yeah, we are. We are the Flophouse and I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:39] And I complete the trio of flavors known as the Flophouse. Elliot Kalin is the name.

Dan McCoy

[0:44] The Neapolitan ice cream that is the Flophouse.

[0:46] From Annapolis.

[0:47] I call chocolate.

[0:48] I'll be vanilla and you...

[0:51] Yeah, how gracious of you to take the one everyone knew you were going to be.

[0:55] No, I mean, I'm not. I mean, I know there are connotations to vanilla.

[0:58] I just don't want to get stuck with strawberry.

[1:01] Strawberry?

[1:01] Strawberry.

[1:02] Strawberry.

[1:03] Strawberry.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] Okay, I'll take it.

Dan McCoy

[1:07] Okay, so what do we do on this ice cream-based podcast?

[1:10] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then, for the enjoyment of your ears, we talk about it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17] And maybe, or unless you're one of those people who listens by putting something against their jaw and feeling the vibrations that way.

Dan McCoy

[1:23] It's called synesthesia.

[1:24] And that's not what that means.

[1:26] Perhaps, like the people in this movie we watched, you wrap the earbuds tightly around your genitals.

[1:33] Yep.

[1:33] I don't remember anyone wrapping...

[1:35] It's called rap music and it's catching on.

[1:38] In a big way.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39] I tried this rap music and I did not enjoy it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42] Whatever, grandma.

Dan McCoy

[1:46] So this is a...

[1:47] Wait, so I thought all grandmas were rap and granny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51] No, the rap and granny actually passed away recently.

Dan McCoy

[1:53] Well, there was more than one.

[1:54] I mean...

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] In our hearts, there's only the one from Billy Mann.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57] We were going to wait until the end to do an in memoriam section, but I guess we'll do it now.

[2:02] Yeah.

[2:02] Dear rap and granny, you touched our hearts.

[2:06] And their funny bones.

[2:07] And occasionally our funny bones, yeah.

[2:11] Is that it?

[2:12] That's it.

[2:12] That's a whole...

[2:13] Is that it?

Dan McCoy

[2:14] Is that...

[2:14] Yeah.

[2:15] I thought there was going to be some sort of...

[2:17] No, that was my little thought on that.

Stuart Wellington

[2:18] Save that little joke for my eulogy, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[2:22] And I...

[2:22] As I look at Stuart's body, I just think, is that it?

[2:27] We don't get more.

Dan McCoy

[2:28] Is that all there is to a Stuart?

[2:30] Is that all there is?

[2:32] Is a soul only seven-pound is?

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] I totally want to see Dan...

[2:36] I don't want to see you die, Stuart, but I do want to see Dan's celebrity all-star eulogy of Stuart Wellington.

[2:43] He's just standing next to the casket and he's like, well, who's this to talk about Stuart?

[2:49] It's Michael Caine, everybody.

[2:52] I told Stuart to blow the bloody doors off.

[2:57] And he just breaks down crying.

Dan McCoy

[3:01] By all accounts, Stuart was terrible, but the house that he paid for was beautiful.

[3:08] So Stuart is Jaws 4.

[3:10] Stuart is Jaws 4 in this scenario.

[3:13] So, Dan, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[3:16] Tonight we watched a little movie called Fifty Shades of Grey.

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] Boop, boop, boop, boop, ow, ow, ow, bah, bah, bah, bah.

[3:26] Spank, spank, spank sounds, sex sounds.

[3:29] Let me just tell you how I felt about this movie.

[3:31] Fifty Shades of Great is not how I would describe it.

[3:36] Maybe I should have finished that sentence or not phrased it.

[3:39] I would say Fifty Shades of Grey.

Dan McCoy

[3:41] I was counting the shades and there were 47 at most.

[3:44] Well, one of the problems was the lack of shades.

[3:46] It promised a certain number of shades.

[3:48] We didn't see them all.

Stuart Wellington

[3:49] Okay.

[3:50] Well, let's get to the meat of this meat pie.

Elliott Kalan

[3:53] A whole crust.

[3:55] Now, as we all know.

Stuart Wellington

[3:56] Let's get past the peas and the, I'm guessing, some kind of starch.

[4:00] Yeah.

[4:00] Yeah, the crust and potatoes.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Well, yeah, like those little blocks of potatoes, like little potato cubes.

[4:04] Yeah, potato blocks.

[4:05] It's a toy that kids get.

[4:07] Stack them, whack them, put them in a box.

[4:10] Potato blocks.

[4:11] Jack them.

[4:13] Shellack them.

Elliott Kalan

[4:16] Potato blocks.

[4:17] Yep, crack them.

[4:18] You can't crack a potato block.

Stuart Wellington

[4:20] Not on my watch.

Elliott Kalan

[4:22] Potato blocks, the only toy that'll be...

[4:23] You're under arrest.

Stuart Wellington

[4:27] Wait, was that police car, like, laughing?

Elliott Kalan

[4:30] It was a British police car.

[4:32] It was a police car being driven by Muttley from Wacky Racers.

[4:38] I'm just going to say my tagline.

[4:39] Potato blocks, the only toy that'll be covered in ants in a week.

[4:44] Now, everyone knows Fifty Shades of Grey, the inspiring true story behind it,

[4:49] how a little underdog piece of Twilight S&M fan fiction took the world by storm

[4:56] and became a publishing bestseller.

[4:58] And I think...

Dan McCoy

[4:59] Introduced bored ladies across the world to the pleasures of spanking.

[5:04] Of being tied up and spanked.

[5:06] I'm always bored.

[5:07] I think...

[5:07] I think mostly bored.

[5:09] Okay.

[5:09] I think non-bored ladies already knew about the pleasures of spanking.

Elliott Kalan

[5:12] Oh, okay.

[5:13] Well, Dan's making an assumption.

Dan McCoy

[5:15] Now...

[5:16] I'm making an ass out of you and me.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] Which is great, because this is all about butts, this movie.

[5:21] It's Dan's favorite film.

[5:22] Now, Dan, do you...

[5:24] I was going to say, I think the world's reaction to the book can be summed up by my sister's

[5:29] experience.

[5:29] My sister, I remember saying, well, I read the first two books and I didn't like them,

[5:34] but I guess I'll read the third one, too.

Dan McCoy

[5:36] See, I will go one better than that, which was my wife was like, I read the first book,

[5:42] didn't like it, but it's got to get hot in the second book, right?

[5:45] Read the second book and was like, okay, well, that's where I stop.

Elliott Kalan

[5:48] They must be saving the hot stuff for book three.

Dan McCoy

[5:50] Fool me twice.

[5:52] Shame on, I guess, the person who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey.

Elliott Kalan

[5:56] Let's say Jenny Grey.

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:58] Now, and of course, the really hot stuff.

[6:00] Lady Grey.

Stuart Wellington

[6:01] Lady Grey.

[6:02] Jennifer Grey should not be ashamed of anything, especially her nose.

Elliott Kalan

[6:05] It was written by her father, Earl Grey.

[6:08] Oh, no kidding.

[6:09] Of the British nobility.

Dan McCoy

[6:10] We were on vacation.

[6:11] I distinctly remember my wife being like, okay, so when does it get sexy?

[6:16] It's got to get sexy any moment now, right?

Elliott Kalan

[6:17] And you were like, skip to the end.

Dan McCoy

[6:20] Well, I think that she was like, I mean, she found it compelling.

[6:23] On the last page, it just says, then we did it.

[6:25] The end.

[6:26] The writing was super terrible, but she found it compelling enough to just keep going,

[6:30] but it never got transgressive in the way that she kind of assumed it would.

[6:36] Grandmas and badgers, that kind of thing?

[6:38] No, I just never, like, the reputation of it, I think, is greater than the actual material.

[6:44] Well, because here's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[6:45] I think, like you're saying, it was for a lot of people who are very non-

[6:48] Vanilla?

[6:50] Yeah, very vanilla lives.

[6:51] To borrow my flavor?

[6:52] Very Dan McCoy lives.

[6:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6:54] And not the lives that maybe we follow, which is as sophisticated New York perverts.

[6:58] Yeah.

[6:59] You know, we're a bunch of cosmopolitan.

[7:01] Pansexual.

[7:02] Yeah, we're attracted to pans.

[7:04] We have sex with all sorts of pans.

[7:05] Cookie pans.

Dan McCoy

[7:07] Yeah, we usually go to nightclubs that are frequented by businessmen, and women step on scorpions

Stuart Wellington

[7:13] for our amusement.

Elliott Kalan

[7:15] Yep, yep.

[7:16] If it's.

[7:17] They pierce them with their high heels.

[7:19] Yeah, it's just geishas throwing hedgehogs at each other.

[7:23] Basically, if Chris Claremont would send Storm of the X-Men there, that's where we go in

[7:27] our spare time.

[7:29] Some place where someone will control our mind and force us to dress up in leather and

[7:32] then, I guess, fight each other.

[7:35] And then, but then we all have really terribly done ethnic accents from different parts of

[7:41] the world.

[7:41] Yep.

[7:42] Cajun, Irish, that's what we're doing.

Stuart Wellington

[7:43] Speaking of great accents, this movie has one in space.

[7:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:47] So let's, I'm going to, we'll do the plot in a minute, but let's talk about the strengths

[7:50] and weaknesses.

[7:51] Strengths, butts.

Dan McCoy

[7:52] Yeah, there's a lot of butts in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:54] Weaknesses, very bad accent on the main character's part.

Dan McCoy

[7:57] Yeah.

[7:57] I got a, our, our, our.

Elliott Kalan

[8:00] Also, the movie is about as sexy as like a driver's ed film, but continue.

Dan McCoy

[8:04] But there's a, you know, one of our sister podcasts on the Max Fund Network, Jordan Jesse

[8:09] Goh actually has talked a lot about how the, the accent that European people put on when

[8:16] they try and do an American accent.

[8:20] And this.

Elliott Kalan

[8:21] It's kind of their version of the, hello, governor, ah, ah, oh, that we do when we try to do an

[8:25] English accent.

[8:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:25] And this film has a doozy because Christian Gray is an Irishman who's trying to sound American.

[8:31] And he would say, he would talk kind of like this.

[8:34] This is the way he talks.

[8:36] He's very, he's very American.

Elliott Kalan

[8:38] It's, it's similar to in Monty Python episodes, whenever they're playing American characters,

[8:42] they would over enunciate all their R's and other letters at the end of words.

[8:48] And I remember watching that as a teenager and be like, ah, so that's what we sound like

[8:51] to British people, huh?

[8:52] We're just over enunciating the shit out of all of our letters.

Dan McCoy

[8:56] Which is weird because I would assume that the Brits are the over enunciators.

[9:00] Except at the ends of their words, they don't.

[9:02] Yeah.

[9:02] They just drop it off.

[9:03] They get bored by the end.

[9:04] They almost never say.

[9:05] Yeah.

[9:06] Like, I know where this sentence is headed.

Elliott Kalan

[9:08] We all know what this word sounds like.

[9:10] Let's just cut to the chase.

[9:11] Save a little time.

[9:12] Yeah, we're so busy over here.

[9:14] That's how we can stop for tea every day.

Dan McCoy

[9:17] We have to get to tea.

[9:18] There's scones that need to be buttered and marmalotted.

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] Speaking of buttered, Dan, so let's rate it on a Dan scale of butts.

Dan McCoy

[9:25] Yeah, I get this movie on a scale of one to butts.

[9:28] Five butts.

[9:30] Look, as someone who enjoyed the-

[9:32] Ass someone.

[9:33] As someone who enjoyed the sitcom Ben and Kate.

[9:36] As someone who enjoyed the sitcom Butthouse.

[9:38] And thought that-

Elliott Kalan

[9:39] A family of butts just trying to make it in the big city.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] Dakota Johnson was very charming in Ben and Kate.

[9:44] I was like, yeah, sure.

[9:45] I enjoy that her butt is in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[9:47] And boy, is there a lot of it.

[9:49] And there's one scene in particular that I find-

Stuart Wellington

[9:50] You take a trip to South Dakota.

[9:53] That's her butt.

Elliott Kalan

[9:55] That's what it's labeled as on the maps.

Stuart Wellington

[9:57] Clever.

[9:58] You're welcome.

[10:00] You get the Pulitzer Prize for butt jokes.

[10:04] Okay.

[10:04] 2015.

[10:05] I guess I'll dedicate this to Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] Thank you.

[10:10] Dan was the favorite, too.

[10:11] That's the thing.

[10:12] You pulled through in the end.

[10:13] Yeah, you know.

Dan McCoy

[10:14] I'm more of an aficionado than-

[10:16] I respect it too much to make light of this.

[10:19] I see.

Elliott Kalan

[10:19] There's one shot in the movie where-

[10:21] Yeah.

[10:23] Where the main-

[10:24] Anastasia, the main Dakota Johnson's character-

[10:26] Anastasia Steele.

[10:28] Anastasia Steele is tied up and about to be hit with-

[10:32] Describe the sex act, Elliot.

[10:33] She's about to be hit on the butt with a riding crop.

[10:35] Slower.

[10:35] And the way the shot is framed, her butt is enormous.

[10:38] And Kristen Grey is in the somewhat background.

[10:41] It's a very forced perspective.

[10:42] And it looks like a tiny man is being confronted by a giant butt.

[10:47] It's like, it's supposed to be sexy, but again, it seemed like something out of a Terry Gilliam movie.

[10:52] It seems like a dream of how I might die someday.

Stuart Wellington

[10:56] Yeah.

[10:56] Like, this is the kind of forced perspective that I used to make.

[10:59] Like a butt's gonna start blowing like a smoked fucking airship or something.

Elliott Kalan

[11:03] Or just like a tiny spaceship with land on it, you know?

[11:06] Anyway, gives a whole new meaning to the word, moon.

[11:08] Anyway, moving on.

[11:10] So let's talk, tell the story of this sexual tale of sexual sex.

[11:13] It won't take that long.

[11:14] It's surprising this was an over two hour movie, and yet there's not a lot of story in it.

[11:18] So, Anastasia Steele is your normal literature student.

[11:21] Your normal mousy college student.

[11:23] Kind of a mousy brown haired college student.

[11:25] And her roommate, Kate-

[11:26] Never been kissed.

[11:28] Yep, yep.

Dan McCoy

[11:29] And by kissed, I mean fucked.

[11:32] But no, she's a virgin in this before she engages in all a manner of deviant sexual acts.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] Yeah, well it's her very innocence that probably attracts the sexual predator known as Christian

[11:44] Gray.

[11:45] Because you see, her roommate Kate, who is supposed to interview the 27-year-old billionaire Christian

[11:51] Gray, or I assume he was a billionaire.

[11:53] He's just supposed to be like, he's one of those wealthy businessmen.

[11:56] He's a zillionaire.

[11:56] Okay.

[11:57] And leave it at that.

Stuart Wellington

[11:58] Because he's got zillions of dollars.

Elliott Kalan

[12:00] He's one of those wealthy businessmen in movies who can just buy whatever.

[12:03] Like, it's never quite clear what he does for a living, but he has all the money he needs

[12:07] at any moment.

Dan McCoy

[12:09] I mean, that's, I think, the way, like, truly rich people are, though.

[12:13] I mean, like, they can buy whatever.

[12:15] I don't think that's weird.

Elliott Kalan

[12:16] No, but it would have been nice to get some sense of, like, what he does.

[12:20] Yeah.

[12:20] Other than just being in business.

[12:21] He's a rich guy, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[12:23] Yeah, like Dan suggested, he probably invented masturbation.

[12:26] Masturbation and is making millions of dollars out of it.

Dan McCoy

[12:28] He's got the patent on masturbation, and whoever masturbates has to, you know, kick him back

[12:32] a few bucks.

[12:33] It made me think of the...

[12:34] A few bucks?

[12:35] Every time.

[12:36] Are you saying it's not worth it, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[12:39] I mean, I guess.

[12:41] I'm not very good.

[12:42] Maybe I'll watch this movie.

[12:44] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[12:45] Stuart, I've been watching you, and I'd like to take you under my wing.

[12:49] Okay.

[12:49] Come into my playroom.

[12:50] It's a place where we can masturbate.

Stuart Wellington

[12:51] Stuart, I'll do it, as long as I don't have to sign some super long contracts.

Elliott Kalan

[12:55] No, the contract is necessary.

[12:57] Oh, man.

[12:58] Because we need to have rules about when we can look at each other, not while we're masturbating.

[13:02] I like the idea that...

Dan McCoy

[13:03] Also, who can borrow whose magazines and videotapes?

Stuart Wellington

[13:07] Okay, but when I borrow them, I'm going to give it back to you.

[13:10] Paused right at the moment when I finished, so you're going to know exactly what I'm into.

Dan McCoy

[13:14] Totally okay.

[13:15] That's a joke from our mutual friend, Bill Hickey, who I believe based that off of...

[13:20] Inventor of the kiss of the same hand.

[13:22] Yes.

[13:22] Me giving him back a porn movie that had not been rewound.

[13:27] Yep.

[13:27] And so he knew exactly what scene tickled my fancy.

[13:31] Which weird was it was one of the dialogue scenes.

[13:35] Now, what was that movie, Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[13:36] Do you remember?

[13:36] I don't recall.

[13:37] It was Jane Bond 0069 versus Thunderballs.

[13:41] That is exactly what it is.

[13:42] I remember.

[13:43] I'm not familiar with that one.

[13:46] And what was the scene?

Dan McCoy

[13:48] I don't want to get into it.

Stuart Wellington

[13:50] It might have been the scene with Odd Joint, but I'm not sure.

[13:54] That's the Irish cabbie who, early on, seems to have some kind of rubber thing on the end of his penis.

[13:59] But as soon as they actually start having sex, that rubber thing is gone.

Elliott Kalan

[14:02] Now, we've said more about the plot of this James Bond porn you watched, what, 20 years ago?

[14:07] 20 years ago?

[14:08] Yeah.

[14:08] Than this movie.

[14:10] So let's just talk about it a little more.

[14:12] So she goes to...

[14:13] Her roommate is sick.

[14:14] Can't interview this wealthy entrepreneur.

[14:16] So she goes.

[14:17] And there is an instant sexual attraction between the two that is noticeably unnoticed by the viewer of the movie.

[14:23] I mean, it's noticeable because she bites her lip.

Dan McCoy

[14:26] She does that all the fucking time.

Stuart Wellington

[14:28] Her dentist has got to be going crazy.

Dan McCoy

[14:30] I mean, this might be like a version of Deep Throat where her clitoris, instead of being in her throat, is on her lip.

[14:35] She just keeps biting.

Elliott Kalan

[14:37] This movie is so listless.

[14:38] Gross.

[14:38] I assume she just keeps biting her lip to stay awake.

[14:42] Like, the way you would, like, pinch yourself.

[14:45] It's just like, oh, God, I've got to make my way through this scene.

[14:47] I'll just bite my lip real hard.

[14:49] But that's her main way of expressing arousal, is by biting her lip.

Stuart Wellington

[14:54] Or by, like, slamming a pencil that says gray on it up against that lip.

[14:59] Yes.

[15:00] A pillowy, gnocchi-like lip she has.

Elliott Kalan

[15:03] Now, Christian takes an interest in her and follows her to her place of work, a hardware store.

[15:07] Emphasis on the hard in hardware.

[15:10] And he says, okay, you know what?

[15:13] Let's get together and I'll do a photo shoot for the article you wrote about me.

[15:17] And then he invites her out.

[15:19] They have coffee and they talk about how she reads books.

[15:21] He sends her a gift, first edition copy of Tessa the Gerbervilles.

[15:27] No, alas.

[15:28] But that does mean that we've seen two movies now where a guy tries to win over a girl by giving her a first edition of a book.

[15:34] What do you think?

[15:35] Is that a new trend in Hollywood?

Dan McCoy

[15:36] Look, man.

[15:37] Girls like books, man.

[15:38] I'll allow it.

[15:40] Like, if we're thinking that literary is the new sexy guys, huh?

[15:46] Yeah, thanks, Game of Thrones.

[15:48] Let's do it.

[15:49] I mean, we all like books.

[15:52] Yeah, I guess.

[15:52] We're all nerdlingers.

Elliott Kalan

[15:54] We are nerdlingers.

[15:55] The department store that sells nerds.

Dan McCoy

[16:00] After gimbals went out of business across the street.

Elliott Kalan

[16:02] Yeah, gumballs.

[16:04] Well, we sell those gumballs here.

[16:06] Why don't we rent out the entire Woolworth building?

Dan McCoy

[16:09] We saw the M&M store and we thought that that business model's got to work.

[16:13] Turns out it doesn't.

Stuart Wellington

[16:15] It's terrible.

[16:16] I mean, it's a high street location.

[16:17] They expect to lose money but to raise the M&M brand, right?

Elliott Kalan

[16:21] Well, no.

[16:22] They sell tigers and other endangered animals out the back.

Dan McCoy

[16:24] Those gumballs are actually a loss leader for the LCD televisions that they sell in the back.

[16:34] The M&M's get them inside.

Elliott Kalan

[16:35] But the TV is the money maker.

[16:37] It's just a loss leader for the LCD sound systems that they sell in the back.

[16:42] And the Miami sound machines.

Stuart Wellington

[16:43] That is a contemporary music reference from Elliot Kalin, everybody.

[16:47] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[16:47] Write it down.

[16:48] Write it down in the journal.

[16:49] I did it, everybody.

[16:51] So Anna goes out on a date with her friend Kate and drinks too much, calls Christian and is kind of a jerk to him, which he is totally intrigued by.

[17:03] He tracks her to the bar she's at.

Stuart Wellington

[17:05] I've never had a girl be a jerk to me.

Elliott Kalan

[17:08] That's kind of what he sounds like.

[17:09] As an American man, I don't understand this experience.

[17:15] She throws up in front of him, then passes out.

[17:18] She wakes up at his hotel room.

Stuart Wellington

[17:19] It's like, no, no, no.

[17:19] Save your throw up for my chest hair.

Elliott Kalan

[17:24] That is a waste.

[17:26] He's becoming the Swedish chef over time.

Stuart Wellington

[17:28] I am a wild and crazy guy.

[17:31] How much better would this movie have been if it was the Swedish chef?

Elliott Kalan

[17:34] It was called 50 Shades, 50 Chefs of Grey.

[17:38] Or 50 Swedes of Chef.

Dan McCoy

[17:43] He's just spanking her with spatulas.

Elliott Kalan

[17:47] It's just, it's clearly just Jim Henson's hands operating the hands of the chef.

Dan McCoy

[17:53] I mean, I read that Henson biography.

[17:55] He was a lady killer.

[17:56] Yeah.

[17:57] And then he murdered seven ladies.

[17:59] They called it the Muppet Murders.

[18:01] But I also like what we've discovered, which is that Irish guy trying to do American action equals Swedish accent.

Elliott Kalan

[18:10] He has a little bit of accent math for you.

[18:13] Send it to the Journal of Accent Mathematics, or JAMA.

Stuart Wellington

[18:19] So, do they start dating now?

Elliott Kalan

[18:22] I don't remember.

[18:23] So they kind of start dating.

[18:24] Besties?

[18:25] She finds, she wakes up in his hotel room and he says, no, we didn't do anything last night.

[18:29] I didn't sleep here.

[18:30] I don't sleep in beds with girls.

[18:32] And then there's all this like.

[18:34] Gross.

[18:35] It constantly, everything.

[18:36] Too much farting.

[18:37] Everything.

[18:39] There's TMF going on here.

[18:41] Too much farting.

[18:42] Maybe it's because after making love, I always feed the woman I'm with a full bean dinner.

[18:49] For energy.

[18:50] For energy.

[18:50] To regain the energy they just lost.

Dan McCoy

[18:53] Yeah.

[18:53] You've lost your precious bodily fluids.

[18:55] I take a Gatorade bottle.

Elliott Kalan

[18:57] I take a Gatorade bottle, empty half of it, fill it up with beans.

[18:59] Beans?

[19:00] Then shake it up.

[19:01] I call it beanerade.

[19:02] Beans, kimchi, and Brussels sprouts.

[19:04] It gives you the post-sex electrolytes you need.

Dan McCoy

[19:08] Sprinkle a little spirulina on top and add a little almond milk.

[19:11] Then I have them do a whole bunch of squats.

[19:14] It's basically like kelp dust.

[19:17] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[19:19] What?

[19:19] Then I give you an ab massage to really get the gas working up.

[19:25] Anyway, it's at that point that I learned that spanking is kind of like a fart release valve.

[19:31] So anyway, long story short, I don't sleep in beds with girls.

[19:34] Christian Grey has been kind of, they've been doing a lot of what I would call non-nuendo,

[19:39] which is like, it's supposed to be double entendres and innuendo, but it just comes off as stupid.

[19:45] And then he tells her something like, about how like, if she was his, he'd have control over her.

[19:52] And then he bites, he takes a bite out of the piece of toast she's holding in her hand.

[19:57] Like he says she wouldn't be able to sit down or something.

[19:59] Oh yeah, that's what it is.

[20:00] He says if he had had sex with her, she wouldn't be able to sit down.

Stuart Wellington

[20:02] Because we've seen the trailer and we're like, he means spanking or something else.

[20:07] Is it like butt stuff?

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] Is that what he's talking about?

[20:09] Yeah, probably some butt stuff.

[20:10] The buttest of stuff.

[20:12] The most butt stuff.

[20:16] So they start going out and he reveals to her that he has a room full of,

[20:22] like whips and stuff and harnesses and clamps and like,

[20:27] Yeah, which as he said, it looks like a weird like museum of stuff.

Dan McCoy

[20:32] Yeah, it's an evidence dungeon without the evidence.

Stuart Wellington

[20:34] Yeah, speaking of evidence, like I was hoping there was going to be like a bunch of pictures

[20:37] of Nicki Minaj or like other butt models.

Dan McCoy

[20:41] Is that what she is, a butt model?

[20:43] Is that how she wrote?

[20:44] I said other butt models.

[20:46] She's a recording artist.

[20:48] You know that famous butt model J-Lo?

Stuart Wellington

[20:52] I mean, she probably could be if she wanted to.

Dan McCoy

[20:55] No, I'm aware that it's within her power.

[20:59] But that's not her primary.

[20:59] Like the girl who played Six on Blossom?

Stuart Wellington

[21:02] She was a butt model, right?

Dan McCoy

[21:03] I don't know what that means.

[21:05] No, it's true.

[21:06] Is she model butts?

[21:06] The girl who became, it was Six on Blossom.

[21:08] The girl who became Six.

[21:09] The girl who became, the man who was Thursday, the girl became Six.

[21:13] No, later in life, she was a butt model for butt-focused magazines.

Stuart Wellington

[21:19] Like what magazines would those be?

[21:20] Like butt fancy?

[21:21] King magazine.

[21:24] I think it was King.

[21:25] Booties.

Dan McCoy

[21:26] National buttographic?

[21:28] Cheeks.

[21:29] With a Z.

[21:30] Yeah.

[21:33] Split hams.

[21:34] Oh, stop, please.

Stuart Wellington

[21:37] I thought this was a foodie magazine.

[21:40] I bought it at Whole Foods after all.

Elliott Kalan

[21:44] Whole Foods has a surprisingly large porn selection.

[21:49] All softcore.

[21:50] Okay.

[21:51] Come on, this is a wholesome foods.

[21:53] Very tasteful.

[21:54] For the freshest produce and the freshest softcore porn magazines.

[21:58] Hey, like sexy ladies but are afraid of nipples, pick up Maxim.

Dan McCoy

[22:02] Like great taste in food and your pornography?

Elliott Kalan

[22:05] Come down to Whole Foods.

[22:06] Come down to Whole Foods.

[22:07] We spell whole without the W, though.

[22:12] Gross.

[22:13] This is the grossest episode yet.

Dan McCoy

[22:15] Oh, yeah.

[22:16] It's not our fault.

[22:16] I mean, I think that everyone-

[22:16] We are earning our explicit rating.

[22:18] I think everyone assumed that when they saw the title.

[22:21] Yeah, like people-

[22:21] Fifty Shades of Sex.

Stuart Wellington

[22:22] People saw it on their downloads and they're like, gross.

Dan McCoy

[22:25] They were like, skip, delete, Marcus played.

[22:27] No, they were like, all right, I'm going to save this one until midnight.

[22:31] Yep.

[22:31] When I'm all alone in my bed.

[22:34] Yep.

[22:34] Just me and three dudes.

Elliott Kalan

[22:36] Just me being sad.

[22:38] Now, they start-

[22:40] He shows her his playroom where he has all his stuff.

[22:44] And he says, I want to start seeing you, but first you have to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

[22:50] You can't tell anybody about this, and it puts limits on what we can do in the bedroom.

[22:55] And there is-

[22:57] And she reveals that she's a virgin.

[22:59] And so he-

[23:00] Which drives him crazy.

[23:02] Which drives him mad with lust.

Dan McCoy

[23:03] He kindly deigns to have regular sex one time.

Elliott Kalan

[23:08] Because she would not stop for sex, he kindly stopped for her.

[23:12] It's that kindly there.

[23:15] Kindly.

[23:17] Did you just try to make a sexy word out of kindly?

[23:19] Richard kind.

Dan McCoy

[23:22] But the point is, he was like, oh, okay, you're a virgin.

[23:26] Let's do it regular style at least once.

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:28] Just so you know what that is.

[23:30] So you know how freaky the stuff I'm going to do is.

[23:31] You know the baseline.

[23:32] Yeah.

[23:34] Otherwise she wouldn't be that into it.

[23:35] He could have just tricked her.

[23:35] He could have been like, oh yeah, this stuff, this is normal.

[23:38] This is normal sex.

[23:39] This is just sex.

Stuart Wellington

[23:39] It's like raising your kids to think salt's pepper and pepper is salt.

[23:42] So they go to their friend's house and they freak out.

[23:44] What kind of weird dog tooth experiment is that?

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] Why would you do that?

Stuart Wellington

[23:48] It's hilarious.

Elliott Kalan

[23:51] Doesn't make any sense.

[23:52] You should never have children.

Stuart Wellington

[23:54] Well, you know.

[23:55] After the accident, I don't think I can have children.

[23:58] Oh, right.

[23:59] The accident.

[23:59] Yeah.

[24:00] With the visas.

[24:01] Gamma radiation blasted my ball sack.

Dan McCoy

[24:03] That's why you now have the Incredible Hulk balls.

Stuart Wellington

[24:05] Don't make me angry or my balls will kill you.

[24:09] Your balls are wearing these purple pants and then shred into purple ball shorts.

[24:18] I bought them on Etsy.

[24:19] Sadly, they get destroyed every time I get angry.

Elliott Kalan

[24:22] And because they're handmade on Etsy, they cost $55 a pair.

Stuart Wellington

[24:25] And they're very small.

[24:27] I'm very popular when I wear them around Brooklyn.

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] So they have sex regular style for the first time.

[24:38] And she is enamored of it.

[24:39] She's loving it.

[24:40] But she decides to play hard to get.

[24:42] And they have the one funny scene in this movie.

[24:46] And this is where I'm going to take a moment before I mention the funny scene to talk about.

[24:49] It was surprising to me to see in the credits as the movie started that Danny Elfman did the score for this.

[24:54] And it is Danny Elfman at his least inspired.

[24:56] And I love Danny Elfman's classic scores.

[24:58] Spiderman.

[25:00] Nope.

[25:01] Tales from the Crypt.

[25:02] Batman.

[25:02] Even his theme for Perversions of Science, I think, is a fun.

[25:06] Danny Elfman's song, P.S. Big Adventure.

[25:08] He's one of the top movie scorers, as far as I'm concerned.

[25:10] He's right up there with, like, Neil Morcone and Bernard Herrmann and those guys.

Stuart Wellington

[25:14] Angelo Badalamente.

[25:16] Yeah.

[25:16] Marco Beltrani.

Elliott Kalan

[25:18] All your favorite Italians.

[25:21] But this is the laziest score.

[25:23] Danny Elfman.

[25:23] But they're...

[25:24] Danilo Elfman.

Dan McCoy

[25:28] Clothes by Danny Elfman.

[25:31] Those famous red-headed Italians.

Elliott Kalan

[25:34] Danny Elfman's suits provided by Jenna Elfman.

Dan McCoy

[25:38] She just drives them over.

[25:40] He doesn't even know where to come from.

[25:41] Provided by Oingo Bongoni.

Elliott Kalan

[25:45] All right.

[25:46] But there's a part during this...

[25:48] There's a scene where she treats their negotiation over their sex contract like a business meeting.

[25:53] And the music is like...

Dan McCoy

[25:55] But it's also like...

[25:57] It's like goofy music.

[25:58] But it's also like...

[26:00] It's genuinely...

[26:01] It's a genuinely funny scene.

[26:04] It's like the one...

Elliott Kalan

[26:05] Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Dan McCoy

[26:08] Yeah.

[26:09] Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Elliott Kalan

[26:12] You hear the blues a-colling, tall salad and scrambled eggs.

[26:16] Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[26:22] Thank you for being a gray and so forth.

[26:26] Yeah, but...

[26:27] This is...

[26:29] We're just going to do...

[26:33] I got to say, though.

[26:34] Do, do, do, do, do, do.

[26:35] Do, do, do, do.

[26:37] Do, do.

Dan McCoy

[26:39] X-Files.

[26:40] Yeah, it took me a while, too.

[26:41] X-Files.

[26:42] Okay, then what about this one?

[26:43] What about this one?

Elliott Kalan

[26:44] How does the Millennium theme song go?

Dan McCoy

[26:48] How does Harsh Realm go?

[26:49] Yes.

[26:50] It's got to be...

Elliott Kalan

[26:51] How does the VR5 theme go?

Dan McCoy

[26:54] So, no, but this is genuinely...

Elliott Kalan

[26:57] How does Space Above and Beyond's theme go?

Dan McCoy

[27:01] Misfits of Seinf...

[27:02] Anyway, this is...

[27:03] This is actually...

[27:05] Misfits of Seinfeld.

[27:06] Genuinely.

Stuart Wellington

[27:07] What's with all these misfits?

[27:10] We have the government running after us.

Dan McCoy

[27:13] I got to say, this is a genuinely funny scene, though,

[27:15] because this is her being like,

[27:17] all right, clause four, anal fisting.

[27:21] We're going to strike that out.

[27:22] It's like, okay.

[27:23] And it's like, what about vaginal fisting?

[27:25] Definitely not.

[27:27] She's like, section three, genital clamps, remove.

[27:30] Yeah.

[27:31] And it's like a funny scene.

[27:32] It's clever.

Elliott Kalan

[27:33] I mean, it's no night at the opera contract scene.

Dan McCoy

[27:36] No, but if you're going to do like...

Elliott Kalan

[27:38] Eh, there's a no-sexity clause.

[27:41] That's what he would say.

Dan McCoy

[27:41] If you're going to do like this bondage,

[27:43] like this bondage sex movie,

[27:45] like I think a little like levity,

[27:47] like a little enjoyment of it.

[27:48] Sure.

[27:49] Like it's funny.

[27:50] People forget the most erogenous zone

[27:52] is the funny bone.

[27:54] I don't think that's true.

[27:55] It acknowledges...

[27:56] Well, penis is kind of a funny bone.

[27:58] It acknowledges that there's something inherently funny

[28:00] about having to like negotiate these different like sexual things.

[28:04] And like a genuinely sexy movie

[28:07] about a dominant submissive relationship,

[28:11] Secretary,

[28:11] is a funny movie too.

[28:14] Like it's got a lot of humor.

Stuart Wellington

[28:15] Leave it to comedian James Spader

[28:17] to bring the laughs.

[28:19] Jimmy Spades

Elliott Kalan

[28:19] and Maggie G. Hall.

[28:21] But that movie recognizes that

[28:24] even if something titillates you,

[28:26] there's something absurd and ridiculous about what...

[28:29] Sexuality is just...

[28:30] About sexuality.

[28:31] It's genuinely silly.

[28:32] If nobody's laughing,

Stuart Wellington

[28:33] you're not doing it right.

[28:35] I don't know if...

[28:36] That's what I told my parents.

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] While they were having sex,

[28:39] when you were sex coaching them?

Dan McCoy

[28:42] So we're watching sex coach.

[28:45] They hired a sex...

[28:46] You've got like a timer around your neck.

Elliott Kalan

[28:48] And a saxophone.

[28:49] You're talking for some reason.

[28:49] I liked it.

[28:50] It's one of two scenarios.

Stuart Wellington

[28:51] You have a saxophone so you can...

Elliott Kalan

[28:53] Set the mood, yeah.

[28:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[28:55] That one of two scenarios,

[28:56] either you set them down,

[28:57] you're like,

[28:57] Mom, Dad,

[28:58] I noticed something's not working.

[29:00] We gotta get your game up.

[29:01] Or they hired a sex coach...

[29:03] Put my sunglasses on.

[29:04] They hired a sex coach through Craigslist

[29:06] and you showed up

[29:06] and it was like,

[29:07] uh,

[29:08] well,

[29:09] I'm a professional.

[29:10] Let's just do this thing.

Stuart Wellington

[29:12] I had to pretend I was somebody else.

[29:13] I put on a fake mustache.

[29:15] Yeah,

[29:15] you called yourself

[29:16] Gwert Booington.

[29:18] But it's also...

[29:19] Like,

[29:20] that's a terrifying last name.

[29:21] It's also...

[29:22] Oh yeah,

[29:22] ghost,

[29:23] I'm like,

[29:23] my parents were ghosts.

Elliott Kalan

[29:25] I don't...

[29:26] I'm part...

[29:26] I'm a ghost American.

[29:28] I don't want to get too much into it.

[29:30] Oh, boy,

[29:30] so...

[29:31] But we were saying

[29:32] that there's something,

[29:33] like,

[29:34] absurd about

[29:35] the way people act

[29:36] when they're having sex,

[29:37] what turns them on,

[29:38] and the secretary gets that.

[29:39] This movie,

[29:40] for the most part,

[29:40] does not.

Stuart Wellington

[29:41] Exit to Eden gets that.

[29:43] Yeah.

[29:44] Hilarious.

Elliott Kalan

[29:45] It's less...

[29:46] It's a less sexy movie

[29:47] as a result of being so,

[29:48] like,

[29:49] super serious.

[29:50] But what were you gonna say?

[29:50] You don't want to what?

[29:51] Well,

Dan McCoy

[29:51] but I'll...

[29:52] Also,

[29:52] I would say that,

[29:53] like,

[29:54] I don't want to get...

[29:54] I don't want to get too deep

[29:56] into,

[29:56] like,

[29:57] the politics of...

[29:58] You're in too deep.

[29:59] I don't want to get in too deep.

[30:00] Fifty shades.

[30:01] There's no turning back now.

[30:02] Yeah,

[30:02] but I...

[30:03] There's...

[30:04] There's controversy

[30:05] over Fifty Shades of Grey

[30:06] from a number of sources,

[30:08] like,

[30:08] from some people

[30:09] who are,

[30:09] like,

[30:10] bondage people

[30:10] who are angry

[30:11] that this stupid book

[30:14] has been used

[30:15] as a bondage handbook

[30:16] like,

[30:17] when it should not be

[30:18] because it's obviously

[30:19] not for that

[30:20] or where...

[30:21] where it treats bondage

[30:23] and S&M

[30:24] as a pathology

[30:25] that has to be cured,

[30:27] which is not...

[30:27] that Christian

[30:29] has a...

[30:29] I mean,

[30:29] we only get a taste

[30:30] of that from...

[30:30] has a psychological problem

[30:32] and that's what I said.

[30:32] But also,

[30:33] like,

[30:33] there's,

[30:33] you know,

[30:33] like,

[30:34] people have problems

[30:34] with the idea

[30:35] that,

[30:35] like,

[30:36] this woman

[30:37] has to sign

[30:37] this contract

[30:38] and that,

[30:40] you know,

[30:40] like,

[30:41] there's,

[30:41] like,

[30:41] there are feminist critiques

[30:43] of this,

[30:43] even though this was

[30:44] a largely,

[30:44] like,

[30:44] feminist,

[30:45] or not feminist,

[30:46] but largely female,

[30:47] like,

[30:48] sensation as erotica.

[30:50] But I will say,

[30:51] like,

[30:51] this is one of the few

[30:52] scenes in the movie

[30:53] where,

[30:53] like,

[30:54] the female character

[30:55] shows her own agency

[30:56] where she's,

[30:57] like,

[30:57] Yeah,

[30:58] she opens up

[30:58] the Anna Steele agency.

[30:59] I will not do this thing.

[31:02] This thing I'm into,

[31:03] but let's strike this thing.

[31:05] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[31:05] it's all that,

[31:06] like,

[31:06] she is showing

[31:07] I am entering into this

[31:09] as a consensual partner.

[31:09] As an equal,

Dan McCoy

[31:10] like,

[31:10] consensual partner.

[31:11] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[31:11] and that you have a hold over me,

[31:13] but the game we're playing

[31:14] is that you have a hold over me.

[31:16] I have a hold over you

[31:17] and that I am providing to you.

[31:19] I'm allowing you

[31:20] the thing you want.

[31:21] Yeah,

[31:21] and that the only,

[31:22] the fun of this

[31:23] is that it is

[31:24] a fake temporary thing

[31:26] that I'm agreeing to.

[31:27] Right.

[31:27] And that later on

[31:28] when she says

[31:29] that,

[31:31] well,

[31:31] anyway,

[31:31] they have entered

[31:32] this relationship

[31:32] and they do that,

[31:33] they hit it,

[31:34] he hits her a lot

[31:35] and they have sex

[31:36] and,

[31:36] like,

[31:37] they go on a glider trip

[31:38] and a helicopter trip.

Stuart Wellington

[31:39] The longest glider trip.

Elliott Kalan

[31:41] Half the movie is them,

[31:42] is him hitting her

[31:43] with riding crops

[31:44] and the other half

[31:44] is them in different forms

[31:45] of aviation,

[31:46] just,

[31:47] like,

[31:47] flying around

[31:47] and visiting each other's parents.

Stuart Wellington

[31:49] Shots of them

[31:49] smiling in a glider.

Elliott Kalan

[31:52] So,

[31:52] but by the end of it,

[31:53] she's like,

[31:54] she's mad at him

[31:55] because he's not going

[31:56] as far as he wants to go

[31:57] and he finally does

[31:58] and he's just hitting her

[31:59] so hard

[32:00] and she doesn't enjoy it

[32:01] and it ruins their relationship

[32:02] until the cliffhanger ending.

[32:04] But it's like,

[32:05] that,

[32:06] it's,

[32:06] fun for her

[32:08] and that this is a fake game.

[32:10] If she was actually

[32:11] at the mercy of a man

[32:12] who was hurting her,

[32:13] it's not,

[32:14] there's no pleasure

[32:15] for her in that.

Dan McCoy

[32:16] And I didn't read the books

[32:17] because,

[32:18] mostly,

[32:19] not because I was not interested in it.

[32:19] You just don't have a lot of time,

[32:20] you know.

[32:21] Yeah,

[32:21] you know,

[32:21] he's a busy man,

[32:22] professional.

[32:23] No,

[32:23] no,

[32:23] I'm just,

[32:23] yep,

[32:24] look.

[32:24] If he's going to get through

[32:25] Dance of Dragons,

[32:25] come on,

[32:26] he doesn't have time.

[32:26] I like sex stuff

[32:28] more than most people.

[32:29] We all know this about me.

[32:30] But,

[32:31] it was mostly because

[32:32] they were terribly,

[32:33] terribly written.

[32:34] Like,

[32:34] they gave me a fucking headache

[32:35] to read a paragraph.

[32:37] But,

[32:37] it is my understanding.

[32:38] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[32:38] that's exactly,

[32:39] and there's a thin line

[32:40] between head pleasure

[32:41] and head pain.

[32:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:42] But,

[32:42] it's my understanding

[32:43] that the books,

[32:44] even though they were written

[32:45] by,

[32:46] like,

[32:46] a female author,

[32:47] were much less,

[32:48] sort of,

[32:49] like,

[32:49] sensitive to that

[32:50] distinction.

[32:52] And,

[32:53] maybe that the movie,

[32:54] like,

[32:55] corrected a little bit

[32:56] in terms of,

[32:56] like,

[32:56] making them a little

[32:57] more equal.

Elliott Kalan

[32:59] There's a lot of this movie,

[33:00] though,

[33:00] that just comes down to,

[33:01] like,

[33:01] a men are from Mars,

[33:02] women are from Venus

[33:03] type thing.

[33:03] It's like,

[33:04] he doesn't want to get

[33:05] emotionally involved

[33:06] and she wants more

[33:06] of a regular relationship.

[33:08] And,

[33:08] like,

[33:09] that's the tension

[33:09] in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[33:10] He wants to spank her,

[33:11] she wants to dance.

Elliott Kalan

[33:12] All silly.

[33:13] Yeah.

[33:14] Like,

[33:14] you could tell

[33:14] when he's spanking her,

[33:15] like,

[33:16] she's turned on,

[33:16] but she'd really rather

[33:17] watch Top Chef with him

[33:18] while eating a pint of ice cream.

Stuart Wellington

[33:20] Yeah.

[33:21] And he wants to wear sweatpants,

[33:22] but only,

[33:23] no,

[33:23] he only wears weird

[33:25] fucking cut off jeans

[33:26] or,

[33:27] like,

[33:27] fucked up jeans.

[33:28] Over no underpants.

[33:29] Of course not.

[33:30] He wants to feel

[33:31] the denim against his election.

Dan McCoy

[33:33] So we can see the root

[33:34] of his penis once.

[33:36] Yep.

[33:38] There's not really,

[33:38] like,

[33:39] a nudity parody here.

[33:40] No.

[33:41] Oh,

[33:41] no,

[33:41] of course.

[33:41] Well,

[33:41] it's the same way that...

[33:42] We see his butt

[33:43] a couple times,

[33:43] I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[33:44] It's similar to,

[33:45] on the show The Americans,

[33:46] which is a great show

[33:47] that I love.

[33:47] There's a scene where

[33:48] Kerry Russell and the actor

[33:49] who plays the male lead.

[33:51] I always forget his name.

[33:52] Matthew Reese.

[33:53] Matthew,

[33:53] let's just say,

[33:54] let's just say

[33:54] Jonathan Reese Davies.

[33:55] Jonathan Reese Davies.

[33:56] So Jonathan Reese Davies

[33:58] and Kerry Russell,

[33:58] they have a sex scene

[33:59] and the next scene is

[34:01] he is still fully clothed

[34:03] but, like,

[34:03] his pants are undone.

[34:04] She is fully nude

[34:05] lying on the bed

[34:07] with her,

[34:07] on her belly,

[34:09] just completely naked.

Stuart Wellington

[34:10] And it's such a...

[34:10] That's how they do it

[34:10] in Russia, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[34:11] I guess so.

[34:12] But it was such a,

[34:13] it was such a startling moment

[34:14] of, like,

[34:15] we know our fans

[34:16] are not interested

[34:17] as much in seeing

[34:18] the naked guys

[34:18] and the naked ladies.

[34:19] So we're just gonna go with that.

Stuart Wellington

[34:20] In Mother Russia,

[34:22] sex has you.

[34:24] Right?

Elliott Kalan

[34:24] Yeah.

[34:25] Yeah, that's

[34:25] Jakov Smirnoff.

[34:26] The, uh,

Dan McCoy

[34:27] the Russian sex

[34:29] comedian.

[34:30] The guy who jacks off

[34:31] into vodka.

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] He's Russia's

[34:34] number one

[34:35] most wanted criminal.

Dan McCoy

[34:39] We must find

[34:40] this man

[34:41] who has sullied

[34:42] our national

[34:42] in Russia.

[34:44] Criminals want you.

[34:46] I mean,

[34:46] they do, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[34:47] They want to steal from you.

Dan McCoy

[34:48] If vodka you drink

[34:49] is cloudy at all,

[34:51] please return to factory.

Elliott Kalan

[34:53] I, so...

[34:54] Report,

[34:55] report the point

[34:55] of purchase.

[34:57] So we will know,

[34:58] we know that

[34:58] Jakov Smirnoff

[35:00] has probably

[35:00] been in the area.

[35:02] All points bulletin.

[35:05] sighting

[35:05] in,

[35:07] we believe

[35:08] he has resettled

[35:09] to Branson, Missouri.

[35:12] Sounds weird

[35:13] in a Russian accent.

[35:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:15] tried briefly

[35:16] Broadway show,

[35:18] but not,

[35:18] not interested.

[35:19] No,

[35:20] not interested.

[35:21] Wanted.

[35:23] No one wanted

[35:24] to pay $60

[35:25] to see

[35:26] Man Jakov

[35:27] into

[35:27] bottle of vodka.

Elliott Kalan

[35:29] In Russia,

[35:29] Calcutta,

[35:30] oh,

[35:30] you.

Dan McCoy

[35:32] So do you think

[35:33] the...

[35:34] Vodka.

Stuart Wellington

[35:35] Do you think

[35:35] Christian Grey

[35:36] buys all

[35:37] the sex toy shit

[35:38] through like

[35:39] a international

[35:40] mail catalog

[35:41] or is there

[35:41] like a salesman

[35:42] in a store

[35:43] who's like...

[35:44] He probably

Elliott Kalan

[35:44] goes to Macy's

[35:45] and gets it.

[35:46] He's so excited

Stuart Wellington

[35:46] and it's his biggest

[35:47] customer.

Elliott Kalan

[35:48] I mean,

[35:50] I don't know

[35:50] where you buy that.

[35:51] I mean,

[35:51] there's sex shops

[35:52] all over New York,

[35:52] I guess that's

[35:53] where you'd buy

[35:53] that stuff.

[35:54] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[35:54] but he's probably

[35:55] got like a specialty

Elliott Kalan

[35:55] one where there's

[35:57] like one salesman.

[35:58] He probably sends

[35:58] his chauffeur

[35:58] to go buy him

[35:59] like he sends

[35:59] his chauffeur

[36:00] to go buy

[36:00] her some clothes

[36:01] at one point.

Dan McCoy

[36:02] And to go

[36:02] have sex

[36:03] with her roommate.

[36:04] That's his brother.

[36:05] Oh,

[36:05] okay.

Elliott Kalan

[36:06] That's his chauffeur?

[36:07] His chauffeur

[36:07] is his brother?

[36:08] They have a weird

[36:08] dynamic.

[36:09] Okay.

[36:10] He lost a bet

[36:11] to him

[36:12] and now he's

[36:12] chauffeur forever.

Dan McCoy

[36:15] You get to be

[36:16] the billionaire,

Stuart Wellington

[36:18] fine.

[36:19] His brother's

[36:20] a genie

[36:20] and he tricked him

[36:21] by rubbing his bottle

[36:23] backwards

[36:24] three times.

Elliott Kalan

[36:25] Which,

[36:26] wait,

[36:26] I don't understand.

[36:27] If you rub it backwards

Stuart Wellington

[36:28] it makes a genie

[36:29] your servant.

Elliott Kalan

[36:30] No,

[36:31] that happens anyway.

[36:32] That's what a genie does.

Stuart Wellington

[36:33] But if you do it right,

[36:34] if you ask for more wishes,

[36:36] If you rub it backwards

Dan McCoy

[36:37] it just sucks

[36:37] the genie back in.

Elliott Kalan

[36:40] But what is backwards?

[36:41] There's no,

[36:42] like there's an arrow

[36:43] pointing the way

[36:43] to rub the lamp?

[36:44] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[36:44] frontwards is that way.

Elliott Kalan

[36:47] Towards the spout.

[36:48] You gotta do it

[36:48] both ways

[36:49] so that your hand

[36:50] gets back to where

[36:50] it was to rub forward again.

[36:52] Yeah,

[36:52] you won't get enough

[36:52] friction to coax out

[36:54] a genie.

[36:55] Come on.

[36:55] This is genie rubbing

[36:57] 101.

Dan McCoy

[36:58] You're jacking

[36:58] the genie out of there.

Elliott Kalan

[36:59] Look,

[37:00] but I guess that's what

[37:01] Christina Aguilera

[37:02] was saying.

[37:02] If you wanna be with her

[37:03] you gotta rub her

[37:05] the right way.

[37:05] It means

[37:06] frontwards

[37:06] not backwards.

[37:07] Both ways.

Dan McCoy

[37:10] Sidewards

[37:11] not topwards.

Stuart Wellington

[37:12] I wish that

[37:13] It's not like

[37:14] around the spout

[37:15] that'd be weird.

[37:16] I wish that

Dan McCoy

[37:17] That doesn't work.

Elliott Kalan

[37:19] Just teasing it.

[37:20] Just teasing the genie lamp.

[37:21] I mean,

[37:23] that sounds pretty good.

[37:23] That's not it.

[37:24] What I understand

[37:24] is why don't they just

[37:25] there's always that lid

[37:27] at the top.

[37:27] Just open that up.

Dan McCoy

[37:28] Enough with the lamp rubbing.

Elliott Kalan

[37:29] Just open it

[37:30] and let him out.

[37:31] Oh no.

[37:32] So anyway,

[37:33] they break up basically.

[37:34] She's horrified

[37:35] by the punishment

[37:35] that he gives her

[37:37] and they break up

[37:38] and it's clear

Stuart Wellington

[37:39] And boy does he punish her.

[37:41] It's clear they still have a wall.

[37:41] He's like the star

[37:43] of the movie

[37:43] Silent Night,

[37:44] Deadly Night.

[37:45] He wits her like six times.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] Real hard though.

[37:47] Well,

[37:48] he pulls a punisher

[37:50] on her

[37:51] and brings her

[37:52] into a one man war

[37:53] against the mob.

[37:54] I mean,

[37:54] that's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[37:55] The sex in this movie

[37:57] is certainly not

[37:58] particularly transgressive

[38:00] at all

[38:01] through most of the movie

[38:02] and then when it's supposed

[38:03] to get super like crazy

[38:04] at the end,

[38:05] it's just him like

[38:06] He goes down on her

[38:08] like slightly harder

[38:09] than he did

[38:09] harder than before.

[38:11] Before.

Stuart Wellington

[38:12] When he pulls out

[38:12] the cat of nine tails.

Elliott Kalan

[38:14] Well,

[38:15] that's what his Irish accent

[38:16] for the nine tails to.

[38:19] Nothing to see here.

[38:20] Just hitting you

[38:20] with a cat of nine tails.

Stuart Wellington

[38:22] This is for taking

[38:24] double rations of grog.

Dan McCoy

[38:27] I'm just saying

[38:27] this movie is going

[38:28] to be a sex movie.

[38:29] Let's fucking do it.

[38:31] Whoa,

[38:31] are you?

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] It's too intense, Dan.

[38:34] Let's do it.

[38:34] Let's go all out.

Stuart Wellington

[38:35] I mean,

[38:36] it's like a sex movie

[38:36] in that they have

[38:37] like songs with singing

[38:39] in every sex scene.

Elliott Kalan

[38:40] Every,

[38:40] as I was saying,

[38:41] you guys were watching it.

[38:42] And glider scene.

[38:42] All the,

[38:43] the soundtrack feels like

[38:44] a 17 year old girl

[38:46] made like a

[38:47] this is the music

[38:48] I'm going to listen to

[38:48] when I have sex

[38:49] with my boyfriend mix.

[38:50] And it's all songs

[38:51] that are like

[38:52] vaguely like R&B

[38:53] sexy or like

[38:54] adult contemporary

[38:55] music sexy.

Dan McCoy

[38:57] Fade into you.

Elliott Kalan

[39:01] Like a

[39:02] hey,

[39:03] hey,

[39:04] hey,

[39:05] hey,

[39:05] return to innocence.

[39:09] In my dreams,

[39:12] never quite has it seemed.

[39:14] Sail away,

[39:15] sail away,

[39:16] sail away.

Stuart Wellington

[39:16] These wicked games are.

Dan McCoy

[39:21] Wait,

[39:22] no,

[39:22] you're combining

[39:23] Foolish Games

[39:24] by Joel

[39:25] with Wicked Games

[39:26] by Chris Isaac.

Elliott Kalan

[39:29] It's a mashup

[39:30] of the century.

[39:30] It would be a great mashup

Dan McCoy

[39:31] for a teenage girl

[39:32] to have sex to.

[39:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:34] It would be great though

[39:35] if she's,

[39:36] for me to poop on.

[39:36] She's about,

[39:37] no.

[39:38] The,

[39:39] the,

[39:39] she's,

[39:40] they're about to have,

[39:41] they're about to have this.

Stuart Wellington

[39:42] I mashed up these two songs

[39:43] as we're about to mash

[39:44] our genitals up together.

Elliott Kalan

[39:45] She puts it in her contract

[39:46] that,

[39:47] that she controls the music.

[39:49] So as he's about,

[39:50] he's like tying her up

[39:51] and he's undressing her

[39:51] but they're listening

[39:52] to like Jewel.

Dan McCoy

[39:54] These hands are small,

[39:56] I know.

[39:57] Yep.

[39:57] They're like,

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] I went to see

[39:59] the doctor of philosophy.

[40:02] Throw me

[40:03] into shallow water.

[40:05] I almost,

[40:06] Once there was

[40:06] a cornflake girl.

[40:08] Thought there was

[40:09] a real solution.

Dan McCoy

[40:11] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[40:12] And I say,

[40:13] yeah,

[40:14] yeah,

[40:14] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:14] Walk on the water.

[40:16] I'm a bitch,

Stuart Wellington

[40:16] I'm a lover,

[40:17] I'm a child,

Elliott Kalan

[40:19] I'm a mother.

[40:20] Step on the stone.

[40:21] It's like her,

[40:22] her sophomore year

[40:23] in college power mix.

Dan McCoy

[40:25] Earth becomes,

[40:26] wait,

[40:26] no.

[40:27] For all the listeners,

[40:28] we're,

[40:29] we're aware that

[40:29] guy music is stupid too.

Elliott Kalan

[40:31] Yeah,

[40:31] but we like it,

[40:32] so.

Dan McCoy

[40:33] Um,

[40:34] so.

[40:35] The hardest to learn

Elliott Kalan

[40:36] was the least complicated.

[40:39] Bah,

[40:39] bah,

[40:40] bah.

[40:40] He's like,

[40:40] all right,

[40:41] I gotta stop.

[40:41] You know what,

[40:42] forget it.

[40:42] I cannot achieve

[40:43] an erection

[40:44] listening to the

[40:45] Indigo Girls.

[40:46] I'm sorry.

[40:47] Um.

[40:48] No,

[40:48] no,

[40:48] but,

[40:49] but,

[40:50] but at least

[40:50] the Loeb song

[40:51] is about to come on.

[40:52] That'll be okay,

[40:52] right?

[40:53] Nope.

[40:54] Yes,

[40:55] sir.

Stuart Wellington

[40:55] I didn't even see

[40:56] a CD player

[40:57] in that room.

Elliott Kalan

[40:58] I mean,

[40:59] it means that.

Stuart Wellington

[40:59] It's probably hidden.

[41:00] He's very wealthy.

[41:01] Oh,

[41:01] yeah,

[41:01] he has a whole

[41:02] sound system there.

Dan McCoy

[41:03] So,

[41:04] uh,

[41:04] time to move on

[41:05] to final judgments

[41:06] on this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[41:07] I feel like we

[41:07] haven't gotten across

[41:11] multiple sex scenes

Stuart Wellington

[41:13] involved us all

[41:15] looking at our phones.

[41:16] Not a pornography

[41:18] or anything,

[41:18] just like Twitter.

[41:19] No.

[41:20] Whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[41:20] I have,

[41:21] I think I have,

[41:21] whatever was not the movie.

[41:22] I think I have never

[41:23] felt less interested

[41:25] in watching people

[41:26] have sex

[41:27] than I have in

[41:28] watching this movie.

[41:28] I'm gonna say,

[41:29] like,

[41:29] and there's a lot of

[41:30] reasons for that.

[41:30] And you've seen

[41:31] your parents have sex.

[41:32] And they were

[41:32] very good at it.

[41:33] That's the thing.

[41:34] They made it a show.

[41:35] They put on a show.

[41:36] That's,

[41:37] they had a sense of

[41:37] there's an audience here,

[41:39] let's make it worth

[41:39] their while.

[41:40] There was Verve.

[41:41] What were you gonna say?

[41:42] No, I was just gonna.

[41:42] Yeah, the band Verve was there.

Dan McCoy

[41:44] Is that a band?

[41:45] Probably.

[41:45] I was gonna talk about

[41:46] whether this was a good,

[41:47] bad movie,

[41:47] a bad, bad movie,

[41:48] or a movie we kinda liked.

[41:49] And I honestly,

[41:51] the cat is really

[41:52] wanting attention from me.

[41:54] I honestly.

[41:54] The cat's like,

Elliott Kalan

[41:55] I liked it.

Dan McCoy

[41:56] I honestly feel like this.

Elliott Kalan

[41:58] I thought it was meowing.

[41:58] I was like,

Dan McCoy

[41:59] exists beyond our

[42:01] categorization.

[42:02] Because I wasn't,

[42:03] I was not bored necessarily

[42:05] because it was about sex,

[42:07] but I was not amused enough

[42:10] to make it a bad,

[42:11] bad movie,

[42:11] but I did not like it enough

[42:13] to recommend it.

Elliott Kalan

[42:14] Yeah,

[42:14] it's,

[42:14] well,

[42:15] I was,

[42:15] I was fairly bored by it.

[42:17] There was certainly

[42:17] a large chunk near the end where.

[42:18] I would say certainly

[42:19] less bored during the sex scenes,

[42:21] but still pretty bored.

[42:22] There's a large chunk

Stuart Wellington

[42:23] near the end where you're like,

[42:24] what's,

[42:25] why is this still a movie?

Dan McCoy

[42:26] Yeah.

[42:26] It feels very much like

[42:27] there's no plot in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[42:29] Well,

[42:29] it feels like somebody knew

[42:30] they were not gonna tell

[42:31] an entire story,

[42:32] so they're like,

[42:33] we're just gonna give you a little,

[42:34] we're gonna give you

[42:35] a taste of this shit.

Elliott Kalan

[42:35] Yeah,

[42:36] and also,

[42:36] but that they knew,

[42:37] it's like they knew

[42:38] while they're making it,

[42:40] we don't,

[42:40] these stars have no chemistry.

[42:42] Well,

[42:42] they hated each other.

[42:43] They hate each other.

[42:43] They seem to hate

[42:44] being in the movie,

[42:45] but it's not like,

[42:46] like Sean Young

[42:48] and Harrison Ford

[42:49] hated each other

[42:49] and Blade Runner

[42:50] still has a sense of attraction

[42:51] between the two of them,

[42:52] you know?

[42:53] I don't know about that.

[42:53] The,

[42:54] I mean,

[42:55] they're both sex robots

[42:56] or whatever,

[42:57] but the,

[42:58] let me,

[42:59] I'm gonna reveal

[42:59] a little bit too much

[43:00] about,

[43:00] about porn I've seen.

[43:02] Yeah,

[43:02] no,

[43:03] there's this,

[43:03] there's a Cinemax show,

[43:05] I think it's the one

[43:06] called Best Sex Ever.

[43:07] Sure.

[43:08] And there's this,

[43:08] it just,

[43:09] where the woman takes

[43:10] radio call-ins

[43:11] and there's a scene

[43:12] where this,

[43:13] and people are supposed

[43:13] to call in

[43:14] and tell their stories

[43:14] and it's hilarious

[43:15] because like,

[43:16] I guess they're just

[43:16] describing sex

[43:17] that they had,

[43:18] but there's one

[43:19] that starts with,

[43:20] the story opens

[43:21] with two women

[43:22] having sex

[43:22] in a bathroom

[43:23] and then the host goes,

[43:25] whoa,

[43:26] you can't just start there,

[43:27] start from the beginning

[43:28] and they start the story

[43:29] and the moment when

[43:30] you didn't know

[43:31] how those women

[43:32] got to that point

[43:33] had more suspense in it

[43:34] than this whole movie.

[43:35] Okay.

[43:35] Like this professional movie

[43:36] had less suspense

[43:37] than the opening moments

[43:38] of like a Cinemax TV show.

Dan McCoy

[43:40] By the way,

[43:41] I like that.

[43:42] Smash cut.

[43:43] Smash cut to ancient Rome.

[43:45] I like that,

[43:46] by the way,

[43:47] Stuart,

[43:47] your course light

[43:49] has a legend

[43:51] around the top of it

[43:52] that says,

[43:52] the silver bullet,

[43:53] the world's most

[43:54] refreshing camp.

Elliott Kalan

[43:57] I wish you could use it

[43:58] that it had a real legend

[43:59] around the top of it.

[44:00] Like about a guy

[44:01] who stole gold

Dan McCoy

[44:02] from a winch or something.

[44:03] It was a legend

[44:04] of Alan Ruck.

Elliott Kalan

[44:05] He's everywhere,

[44:06] even on Coors Cans.

[44:08] Who do you think

[44:08] tapped the Ruckies?

Dan McCoy

[44:12] Stu,

[44:12] what do you say

[44:13] about this movie?

[44:13] Oh wait,

[44:14] it's Final Judgments?

[44:15] Yeah,

[44:15] Final Judgments.

Stuart Wellington

[44:16] Yeah,

[44:19] I guess it's bad,

[44:20] bad.

[44:20] It's hard to say.

[44:22] You never got erect

[44:23] is what you're saying.

[44:24] I wouldn't go that far.

[44:26] Danny Elfman was involved.

[44:30] What do you think,

[44:31] Dan?

[44:31] No,

Dan McCoy

[44:31] I said that it was

[44:33] out of time.

[44:33] I already said bad,

[44:34] bad.

[44:34] I found it very dull.

[44:37] So Stuart

[44:38] abstains.

[44:41] Yeah,

[44:41] so it's...

[44:42] He's an abstainance.

S4

[44:50] Hi,

Justin McElroy

[44:51] I'm Justin McElroy.

[44:52] I'm Travis McElroy.

[44:54] I'm Griffin McElroy.

[44:55] We're brothers

[44:56] and we host a podcast

[44:57] called My Brother,

[44:57] My Brother and Me.

[44:58] It's a comedy advice show

[44:59] and if you like podcasts

[45:01] and when I see me do,

[45:01] you can still see one right now.

[45:03] You gotta come see us live

[45:04] at the Pacific Northwest

[45:05] area of America

[45:06] and also Canada.

[45:07] Yeah,

[45:08] we're coming to Portland.

[45:09] We're coming to Seattle.

[45:10] We're coming to Vancouver.

[45:11] We're gonna be there

[45:12] August 28th,

[45:13] 29th and 30th.

[45:14] I wanna buy tickets

[45:15] to the Portland show.

[45:17] Tough.

[45:17] They're sold out.

[45:18] Pretty good.

[45:19] Pretty good advertisement

[45:20] so far.

[45:21] But there are tickets

[45:22] still available

[45:22] for the Seattle show

[45:23] and for the Vancouver show

[45:24] if you go to

[45:25] bit.ly forward slash

[45:27] mbmbam seattle

[45:28] and bit.ly forward slash

[45:30] van mbmbam

[45:32] tickets are still available there.

[45:34] They are assigned seating

[45:35] and they're going fast

[45:36] so don't miss your chance

[45:37] to get them.

[45:37] Go right now.

[45:38] Go.

[45:38] Do it.

[45:39] Don't wait.

[45:39] And also,

[45:40] the medical history podcast

[45:41] I do with my wife Sawbones,

[45:42] another max fun show,

[45:43] is gonna be there as well.

[45:45] It's a big show.

[45:46] It's gonna be a huge show

[45:47] full of fun,

[45:47] full of excitement.

[45:48] You won't wanna miss it.

[45:49] Gosh, we hope you've heard

[45:51] of our shows before.

[45:53] Or else this is just

[45:54] very weird for you.

[45:56] We're brothers.

[45:57] We're experts.

[45:58] And we're live, baby.

S6

[46:01] Hey, you like t-shirts, right?

[46:04] How about a mug?

[46:06] Are your walls looking a little bare?

[46:09] Visit maxfunstore.com

[46:11] and cover all of these bases

[46:12] and more.

[46:13] We just added some amazing

[46:15] new shirts and posters.

[46:16] So visit today and outfit

[46:18] your home and torso

[46:19] with the freshest

[46:21] Max Fun merch.

[46:23] maxfunstore.com.

Dan McCoy

[46:25] We do have a

[46:27] letter.

[46:28] Sponsor.

[46:29] Sponsor.

[46:30] For the program.

[46:32] And that is Squarespace.

[46:33] And that is

[46:33] Fifty Shades of Grey.

[46:34] Uh-oh.

[46:35] The Flophouse is brought to you by

[46:37] Squarespace.

[46:40] The all-in-one website platform

[46:41] that makes it fast and easy

[46:44] to create your own

[46:45] professional website.

[46:47] Squarespace offers

[46:47] beautiful templates,

[46:49] integration with Google Apps

[46:50] and Getty Images,

[46:51] and a feature called

[46:52] Cover Pages.

[46:54] For a free trial

[46:55] with no credit card required

[46:57] and to start building

[46:58] your website,

[46:59] go to squarespace.com

[47:01] and use the code

[47:02] LOP

[47:03] and get 10% off

[47:06] your first purchase.

[47:09] Build it beautiful.

Elliott Kalan

[47:10] Now, Dan,

[47:10] what does it say

[47:11] that I was more turned on

[47:12] just now thinking about

[47:13] the possibilities

[47:14] of getting a domain name

[47:15] from Squarespace

[47:16] and setting a website

[47:17] than I was while watching

Dan McCoy

[47:18] Fifty Shades of Grey?

[47:18] You are a genuine pervert.

[47:20] That's what it says.

Elliott Kalan

[47:21] Just like,

[47:22] there's so much potential there.

[47:23] So much potential.

Stuart Wellington

[47:25] Mm-hmm.

[47:25] It's like a blank sheet

[47:27] of gray paper.

[47:29] Yeah.

[47:29] So many shades

[47:30] of possibility.

Elliott Kalan

[47:31] You know what?

[47:32] I look at Squarespace

[47:32] and yeah,

[47:33] I think I'm like

[47:34] the artist at the end

[47:35] of Sunday in the Park

[47:36] with George.

[47:36] So many possibilities.

Dan McCoy

[47:38] So,

[47:39] it's time for letters.

[47:42] Letters from listeners.

[47:43] And this first letter

[47:45] has a...

[47:46] Right into the letters.

[47:48] What?

[47:48] Has a title.

[47:49] Right in there.

[47:51] What would we do

[47:51] before we got to letters?

[47:52] Stop probably.

[47:53] There's nothing I can think of.

[47:54] Stop teasing it.

[47:56] This first letter.

Elliott Kalan

[47:57] Hey everyone,

[47:58] it's letters time.

[48:00] Sexy this time.

[48:01] Sexy letters time.

[48:03] Spanking a letter.

[48:06] It's kind of weird.

[48:07] It's paper,

[48:08] so it gives really easily.

[48:11] But try it.

[48:13] Do you like it?

[48:15] You don't.

[48:16] Ooh,

[48:16] paper cut.

[48:17] That's gotta hurt.

[48:19] Don't touch any salt.

[48:20] That'll make it hurt worse.

[48:22] Unless you're into that.

[48:23] I'm not,

[48:24] personally,

[48:25] but maybe you are.

[48:27] Write us about it

[48:28] in your letter.

[48:30] Like one of those

[48:30] R. Kelly joints.

[48:32] You mean a goose bump?

Stuart Wellington

[48:33] R. Kelly's goose bumps.

[48:39] Don't look in the closet

[48:40] because R. Kelly's there.

Elliott Kalan

[48:43] Scary.

[48:43] R. Kelly and R. L. Stein

[48:45] finally work together.

[48:46] They've been looking

[48:47] for a project

[48:47] for a long time

[48:48] to work together on.

[48:50] All right.

[48:50] Sexy letters segment.

[48:54] Letters for sex.

[48:55] Sex for letters.

[48:57] Have you had sex

[48:58] with a letter lately?

[49:00] You can't have sex

[49:01] without S-E-X.

[49:03] And those are letters.

[49:03] That's enough.

[49:04] Okay.

[49:05] This first.

[49:06] Letters is brought to you

Dan McCoy

[49:07] by sex.

[49:09] This first letter.

Elliott Kalan

[49:10] Also,

[49:10] all people in the world

[49:11] brought to you by sex.

[49:13] At the beginning.

[49:14] You need it

[49:14] to make people.

Dan McCoy

[49:16] At the beginning

[49:16] of this letter,

[49:17] it says,

[49:18] brace yourselves,

[49:20] it says,

[49:20] please read on

[49:21] or before March 2nd,

[49:23] 2015.

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] Wow.

[49:25] Dan,

[49:26] did someone die

[49:26] because of your

[49:27] negligence?

[49:29] Is this letter bad?

[49:30] Are we gonna get sick

[49:31] after we read it?

Dan McCoy

[49:32] We had a backlog

[49:33] of so many letters.

[49:35] I apologize

[49:35] to this listener.

[49:37] We're not reading it

[49:38] on or before

[49:39] March 2nd,

[49:40] 2015.

[49:40] I have three weeks

[49:41] to live.

[49:42] No,

[49:42] but here we go.

[49:43] Here we go.

[49:44] Let's try and make it up

[49:45] to them.

[49:46] Dear Floppers,

[49:48] I'm writing this letter

[49:49] in honor of my

[49:49] second wedding anniversary

[49:50] to my lovely wife,

[49:51] Bethany.

[49:53] I practically forced her

[49:54] to become a Flophouse fan

[49:55] in her first year of marriage.

[49:56] In a Fifty Shades of Grey

[49:58] type situation.

[49:59] And thanks to

[50:00] Stockholm Syndrome,

[50:01] she now loves the show.

[50:02] Her favorite cast member

[50:03] is Elliot.

[50:04] And her favorite part

[50:05] of the show

[50:06] is always the letter jingle.

[50:07] There you go.

[50:08] Elliot,

[50:08] if Dan isn't already

[50:09] screwing this letter up,

[50:11] double screwed it up

[50:12] by reading it too late,

[50:14] Yep.

[50:15] Then can you sing a jingle

[50:19] about my wife

[50:20] as part of my gift to her?

[50:21] Here's some info

[50:22] for the jingle.

[50:23] She's a personal trainer

[50:24] with a great caboose,

[50:25] so hands off Dan.

[50:26] She loves her cat and dog,

[50:28] and her favorite band

[50:29] is Hall and Oates.

Stuart Wellington

[50:29] Hands off Dan

[50:30] is another nickname

[50:32] for Dan.

[50:32] Thanks,

[50:32] and keep lopping.

[50:33] He doesn't have hands.

Dan McCoy

[50:34] He is books.

[50:35] Chris,

[50:36] last name without P.S.

[50:37] Stewart is great.

[50:37] So this is their

[50:38] wedding anniversary?

[50:39] Well,

[50:39] it was on and before

Elliott Kalan

[50:42] March 2nd.

[50:43] Happy belated

[50:44] anniversary,

[50:45] Bethany.

[50:45] Sorry we missed you.

[50:47] Blame it on Dan.

[50:49] Dan was too busy

[50:50] thinking about

[50:51] cabooses

[50:52] on mooses.

[50:55] I've heard things

[50:56] that are about you.

[50:57] Like, for instance,

[50:58] tell me again.

Dan McCoy

[50:59] She loves our cat and dog,

[51:01] and her favorite band

[51:02] is Hall and Oates.

Elliott Kalan

[51:03] Hall and Oates.

[51:04] Give them your votes

[51:05] in the best band election.

[51:08] And Dan has an erection

[51:10] thinking of cabooses.

[51:13] But hands off Dan,

[51:14] she's married.

[51:16] two years,

[51:16] as of March.

[51:18] So congratulations.

[51:20] Sorry.

[51:20] Sorry I sullied

[51:21] your wedding anniversary

[51:22] jingle with talk

[51:23] of Dan's erection.

Dan McCoy

[51:23] And sorry I buried

[51:24] this letter.

[51:27] I mean,

[51:28] you know,

[51:28] it's a couple months late.

[51:29] It could be worse.

Elliott Kalan

[51:31] Oh yeah,

[51:31] I mean,

[51:31] if you gave your wife

[51:32] an anniversary present

[51:33] for better or worse.

[51:34] Three months late,

[51:35] you know,

[51:35] she'd be totally okay with it.

[51:37] So basically,

[51:38] your best excuse is that

[51:39] you wanted to make

[51:40] a letter kimchi,

[51:41] and so you buried this

[51:41] underground for months

[51:43] until it fermented.

Dan McCoy

[51:44] It's fermented.

Elliott Kalan

[51:45] Bethany,

[51:46] we're sorry we missed you.

[51:48] Man,

[51:48] hope that your husband

[51:49] kissed you

[51:51] on your anniversary

[51:53] with him

[51:54] and you

[51:55] and me.

[51:56] All right.

[51:58] You were there?

[51:59] According to the song,

[52:00] yeah.

[52:00] I have no memory of it.

[52:02] Probably because of

[52:03] Project X.

Dan McCoy

[52:05] The next letter

[52:06] goes like this.

[52:08] I am writing in response

[52:09] to your query

[52:10] regarding the rights

[52:11] to a certain

[52:11] Mr. The Crypt Keeper.

[52:14] My fiancee

[52:14] is the granddaughter

[52:15] of William Gaines

[52:16] of Easy Comics

[52:17] and creator of Tales

[52:18] of the Crypt.

[52:20] I think that once

[52:21] we're married,

[52:22] that technically

[52:22] makes her my legal property,

[52:24] so I'm sure

[52:25] I'll just automatically

[52:25] get the rights

[52:27] to the comic book version

[52:28] of The Crypt Keeper.

[52:29] I was thinking

[52:29] we could cast

[52:30] The Vault Keeper

[52:31] and the Old Witch

[52:32] alongside him.

[52:33] Hmm.

[52:34] Maybe we need a fourth

[52:35] to run out of the main cast.

[52:36] How about

[52:36] The Crypt Keeper's

[52:39] less attractive,

[52:39] less charismatic brother?

[52:41] He can keep his

[52:42] Stan Crypt Keeper.

[52:43] He can keep his

[52:43] disgruntled cab driver persona.

[52:46] Sounds perfect.

[52:47] I know, right?

[52:48] I think that they should be single

[52:49] and still looking for love

[52:50] in their twilight years.

[52:51] We'll call it

[52:51] The Golden Ghouls.

[52:53] It can't mess.

[52:55] All I ask is

[52:56] an executive producer

[52:56] credit on it

[52:57] and a job

[52:58] as writer

[52:59] on Radio Zork.

[53:01] Sincerely,

[53:01] Ben Lastname with Hub.

[53:02] P.S.

[53:03] My 18-month-old nephew

[53:05] wanted to investigate

[53:06] the curious figure

[53:07] in the corner

[53:07] of my fiancé's

[53:08] parents' basement,

[53:09] but as I carried him

[53:10] closer

[53:11] and he realized

[53:11] it was a life-sized

[53:12] Crypt Keeper,

[53:13] he was suddenly terrified,

[53:15] covered his eyes,

[53:15] and just kept repeating,

[53:16] no, no, no,

[53:17] until I took him

[53:18] back upstairs.

[53:19] I laughed and laughed.

[53:20] Good old Crypty.

Elliott Kalan

[53:23] So you traumatized that kid.

Dan McCoy

[53:25] That's what I would

[53:25] laugh at, too.

[53:27] Yes.

[53:29] Then you go downstairs.

[53:30] Kids need it

[53:30] to make some stronger.

Elliott Kalan

[53:31] No, it doesn't.

[53:32] Yeah, it does.

[53:33] It reminds me,

[53:33] I think I might have

[53:34] told this story

[53:34] about when I was a kid

[53:35] and there was a big

[53:36] cardboard display

[53:36] for Child's Play

[53:37] in the video store

[53:39] and I was terrified

[53:40] by it.

[53:40] I thought it was

[53:41] so frightening.

[53:42] This enormous

[53:42] Chucky doll.

[53:44] Why?

[53:45] He's just a doll.

[53:46] He looks really mean

[53:47] and evil.

[53:47] He's got blood

[53:48] all over him.

[53:49] Yes.

[53:49] Was he holding

[53:49] a knife?

[53:50] He was holding

[53:51] a knife, too.

[53:52] Yeah, there you go, Stu.

Stuart Wellington

[53:53] Yeah, it's not like

[53:54] he was holding

[53:54] a chicken dinner

[53:55] or something.

[53:56] Then he was holding

[53:56] a knife.

[53:57] Well, then it would

Elliott Kalan

[53:57] be delicious.

[53:58] I'd say,

[53:58] thank you very much,

[53:59] Chucky.

[53:59] You're a great doll.

Stuart Wellington

[54:00] You're gross,

[54:00] but give me that chicken.

Elliott Kalan

[54:02] It was also because

[54:03] when I was a kid,

[54:03] maybe you guys had this,

[54:04] when you were a kid.

Stuart Wellington

[54:05] I feel like Chucky's scarier

[54:06] because he's small.

[54:07] When he's bigger,

[54:08] he becomes less scary.

Elliott Kalan

[54:10] Well, if it's like a guy

[54:11] in a big Chucky costume,

[54:12] then yeah.

[54:13] But when you're a kid,

[54:14] your imagination is somehow

[54:16] much more horrific

[54:17] than when you're an adult.

[54:18] So I imagined that horror movies

[54:20] were way worse

[54:21] than they were

[54:21] and that Chucky was just

[54:23] cutting people's eyes out

[54:25] or just putting knives

[54:30] across people's tongues.

[54:31] Eyes.

[54:31] Eyes and stuff.

[54:32] There's a lot of face stuff.

[54:33] But like,

[54:34] I didn't really know

[54:36] what the limits were

[54:37] in horror movies.

[54:37] So when I finally saw them

[54:38] as an adult,

[54:39] I was like,

[54:39] oh, they're just like

[54:40] stabbing people mostly.

[54:41] Like occasionally

[54:41] there's an axe in the head,

[54:43] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[54:44] Or like you trick somebody

[54:45] to fall down

[54:46] an elevator shaft.

[54:47] Yeah.

[54:47] And at the bottom

[54:48] of the elevator shaft,

[54:49] there's a bunch of broken glass

[54:50] so they also get all cut up.

[54:52] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[54:54] Anyway,

[54:54] why would you traumatize

[54:55] your,

[54:56] what was it,

[54:56] nephew?

Dan McCoy

[54:57] Just for Fonzies,

[54:58] I think.

Elliott Kalan

[54:58] Just for Fonzies.

Dan McCoy

[55:00] Next letter goes like this.

[55:02] A, etc.

[55:03] In a recent episode,

[55:06] Dan mentioned

[55:06] he would like to learn

[55:07] how to play P-Knuckle.

[55:09] I was conscripted

[55:10] into learning P-Knuckle.

[55:11] You put P's on your knuckles.

Elliott Kalan

[55:11] I thought we talked about this.

[55:12] We talked about it.

[55:13] He tried to balance them.

[55:14] The secret is

[55:14] glue them on there.

Dan McCoy

[55:15] Into learning P-Knuckle

[55:16] as a small child

[55:17] when my grandfather

[55:18] needed an extra person

[55:20] to round out his table.

[55:22] I live now

[55:22] as a broken person

[55:23] with an encyclopedic knowledge

[55:25] of strategies

[55:26] to maximize

[55:26] meld and card decks

[55:27] that can't be used

[55:28] for any other game

[55:29] except bridge

[55:30] but fuck that shit.

[55:32] P-Knuckle games

[55:32] can last for hours

[55:33] and require the addition

[55:34] and subtraction

[55:35] of negative points.

[55:36] Trying to find people

[55:37] to play with you

[55:38] is a losing game

[55:39] against mortality.

[55:40] It is, in short,

[55:41] the forlorn sigh

[55:42] of a card game.

[55:43] Congratulations on your

[55:44] new hobby, Mr. McCoy.

[55:45] Don't feel bad

[55:46] about card counting.

[55:47] It's the only way to win.

[55:48] In complimentary

[55:49] question mark news,

[55:50] I was listening

[55:51] to your podcast

[55:51] while helping my mom

[55:52] recover from surgery.

[55:53] The following

[55:54] is a direct quote.

[55:56] Is that that guy

[55:57] from that movie?

[55:58] They sound stupid

[55:58] but it's actually funny.

[56:00] I don't know

[56:01] what guy

[56:01] or which movie

[56:02] but thanks for

[56:03] a hilarious

[56:04] and bright spot

[56:05] in my day.

[56:05] Yours truly,

[56:06] JJ last name withheld.

[56:08] JJ Abrams.

[56:09] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[56:10] JJ Jameson.

[56:12] Like he knows

[56:12] how to play Pinochle.

[56:14] JJ Hunsecker.

[56:15] Uh-huh.

[56:18] So thanks.

[56:19] I feel like that's

[56:19] the kind of thing

[56:20] that people say

[56:20] about this podcast a lot.

[56:22] Yeah.

[56:22] It sounds stupid

[56:23] but it's funny.

[56:24] Except this episode.

[56:25] Just stupid.

Dan McCoy

[56:26] And sexy.

[56:27] Yeah.

[56:28] Well, this is the sexiest episode.

Elliott Kalan

[56:29] This is the most erotic episode.

[56:32] Call this one the,

[56:33] wait, what's an erotic pun

[56:34] on Flophouse?

[56:35] Stick it in your ears.

Dan McCoy

[56:37] Oh, damn.

[56:38] Jam it right in your ears.

[56:39] No.

[56:40] Gross.

[56:40] No.

[56:40] Please don't ever do that.

[56:42] It's invading your brain.

Stuart Wellington

[56:44] Invading your brain.

[56:46] Oh, the romantic invasion.

[56:48] So what is this?

[56:48] Like brain scan or something?

[56:50] Yep.

[56:51] Where you put a CD-ROM

[56:52] into your, I guess, video player.

[56:54] It's sexy like a David Cronenberg movie.

Dan McCoy

[56:58] Yeah, yeah.

[56:58] David Cronenberg.

[56:59] Real sexy, yeah.

[57:00] Last letter of the evening.

Elliott Kalan

[57:02] Hey, do you like oozing tendrils?

Dan McCoy

[57:04] Then you'll love David Cronenberg.

[57:05] Do you like orifices?

[57:08] Last letter.

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] I recently.

[57:11] Orifice and Eurydice.

[57:12] The classic Greek myth

[57:14] of the two lovers

[57:16] who had real gross goopy orifices

[57:18] with like videotapes and stuff.

Dan McCoy

[57:20] I recently had the pleasure

[57:22] of catching a rare showing

[57:23] of Robert Altman's

[57:24] long lost masterpiece,

[57:26] Korns a-poppin',

[57:27] during a special gathering

[57:29] at the MoMA.

[57:30] Featuring incestual overtones

[57:32] so strong they just become tones,

[57:34] more songs than actual plot,

[57:36] and literally every single character

[57:37] screaming their lines

[57:38] at the top of their lungs,

[57:39] it was quite possibly

[57:40] the worst movie

[57:41] I've ever had the pleasure

[57:42] of laughing at

[57:43] while being so feverish

[57:45] I thought I might die.

[57:46] Great title, though.

[57:47] Have any of you ever

[57:48] experienced the same?

[57:49] Watching a movie

[57:50] by a veritable master,

[57:51] one of your favorite directors

[57:53] or writers,

[57:54] and being incredibly disappointed,

[57:56] or even not disappointed,

[57:58] but just deeply

[57:59] and sincerely confused.

[58:01] Keep on flopping

[58:03] the house down.

[58:04] Sincerely,

[58:05] John,

[58:06] last name withheld.

[58:08] So,

[58:09] big swings and misses

[58:11] by favorite directors.

[58:14] This is a tough one.

[58:16] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[58:16] I mean,

[58:16] every director

[58:17] has their disappointments.

Dan McCoy

[58:19] Yeah,

[58:19] I mean,

[58:19] like,

[58:20] Hitchcock had a bunch of them,

[58:21] but they're mostly just boring.

[58:23] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[58:23] but also I feel like

[58:24] there's something about

[58:25] an older director

[58:26] where it's like,

[58:27] as soon as you're done

[58:28] with one of their bad movies,

[58:30] you can go watch

[58:31] one of their good movies.

[58:32] There's something about

[58:32] when a director,

[58:33] you're really looking forward

[58:34] to a movie from a director

[58:35] you like a lot,

[58:36] and it comes out

[58:37] and it's not good.

[58:38] Like,

[58:38] David Fincher

[58:39] is not one of my favorites,

[58:40] but I loved Zodiac.

[58:42] So I was like,

[58:42] on board for whatever was next,

[58:44] and then he came out

[58:44] with Benjamin Button.

[58:46] Oh, man.

[58:47] And I just remember,

[58:48] after the first half hour,

[58:49] I'm like,

[58:49] what the hell is this?

[58:50] And there's the movie

[58:51] and I'm like,

[58:52] seriously,

[58:52] this,

[58:52] wait,

[58:53] what?

[58:53] Like,

[58:53] this is the same guy?

Stuart Wellington

[58:56] For me,

[58:56] I think it was when I saw

[58:58] Lovely Bones.

Dan McCoy

[59:01] Oh,

[59:01] yeah,

[59:02] it was one of your favorites,

[59:03] too.

[59:03] That is such a bad movie.

[59:05] Like,

Stuart Wellington

[59:06] King Kong.

[59:07] Bafflingly bad.

[59:07] King Kong is not great,

[59:09] but it has some great moments.

[59:10] I like King Kong a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[59:11] But I feel like,

[59:12] the Peter Jackson version.

Stuart Wellington

[59:13] Oh, man,

[59:13] Lovely Bones is just so bad.

[59:14] I never actually saw

[59:15] Lovely Bones,

Dan McCoy

[59:15] I have to admit.

[59:16] I do not.

[59:16] It is comically bad.

[59:19] I like comics.

[59:20] Do not want.

[59:20] Is Spider-Man in it?

[59:22] Imagine a movie

[59:23] that is,

[59:24] like,

[59:25] based on,

[59:25] like,

[59:26] the abuse

[59:27] and murder

[59:27] of a young girl.

[59:28] Keep talking.

[59:29] But then it's,

[59:30] like,

[59:30] shot like a Hallmark card,

[59:32] and then it has,

[59:33] like,

[59:33] Stanley Tucci

[59:34] as,

[59:35] like,

[59:36] the most,

[59:37] like,

[59:37] he's like a cartoon

[59:38] serial killer,

[59:39] basically.

[59:40] So,

Elliott Kalan

[59:40] Freddy from that

[59:41] Nightmare on Elm Street cartoon.

[59:43] Like,

Dan McCoy

[59:43] he's a clown,

[59:44] but he's also,

[59:45] like,

[59:46] a dude in the neighborhood

[59:47] who,

[59:47] like,

[59:48] kills children.

[59:50] Yeah,

[59:50] it's not,

[59:51] it's not,

Elliott Kalan

[59:51] he's a cartoon serial killer,

[59:52] like,

[59:53] what,

[59:53] Fenwick from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

[59:55] Yeah.

[59:56] You have to assume he was killing people in his spare time,

Dan McCoy

[59:58] right?

[59:58] I mean,

[59:58] my experience has just been mostly disappointment,

[1:00:01] not like,

[1:00:02] this is comically bad.

[1:00:03] Like,

[1:00:03] I remember watching Intolerable Cruelty and being like,

[1:00:06] okay,

[1:00:06] well,

[1:00:06] this is not a good Coen Brothers movie.

[1:00:08] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:08] I mean,

[1:00:08] when the Coen Brothers have failed the few times they have,

[1:00:10] it's not comically bad,

[1:00:11] it's just,

[1:00:12] like,

[1:00:12] painfully bad.

[1:00:13] Like that and Lady Killers.

[1:00:14] There was a,

[1:00:16] I was not expecting anything of it,

[1:00:17] but I remember when I was like,

[1:00:19] 13,

[1:00:19] I think,

[1:00:20] my grandmother and I went to the Museum of Modern Art,

[1:00:23] and they had some,

[1:00:25] I think the movies that were showing were all,

[1:00:26] like,

[1:00:27] writers who directed movies.

[1:00:29] And we just went to whatever was playing that day,

[1:00:31] and it was,

[1:00:33] was it Dead Men Don't Dance,

[1:00:34] or whatever it's called,

[1:00:35] the Norman Mailer movie.

[1:00:37] And I remember we're watching it,

[1:00:39] and it was so bad,

[1:00:40] and there's a part,

[1:00:40] they're at this party where everyone is doing cocaine,

[1:00:43] and this woman goes,

[1:00:45] this doorbell rings,

[1:00:46] and this woman goes,

[1:00:47] oh,

[1:00:47] it's my boyfriend,

[1:00:48] and she takes off all her clothes,

[1:00:49] and then walks to the door,

[1:00:51] and it's somebody else,

[1:00:51] and she's like,

[1:00:52] oh,

[1:00:52] forget it.

[1:00:53] And then,

[1:00:53] something else stupid happened,

[1:00:56] and my grandmother just goes,

[1:00:57] this movie is not for us,

[1:00:58] and walked out and left,

[1:01:00] and I was like,

[1:01:00] was it because she thought it was inappropriate?

[1:01:02] No,

[1:01:02] it was just terrible.

[1:01:03] Like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:04] it's,

[1:01:04] it means we walked out before the great moment of,

[1:01:07] oh,

[1:01:08] man,

[1:01:09] oh,

[1:01:09] geez,

[1:01:10] oh,

[1:01:10] God,

[1:01:10] whatever it is that Ryan O'Neill has.

[1:01:12] Yeah.

[1:01:13] It's like the acting moment where he begged,

[1:01:15] Norman Miller to cut it out of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:17] And I also find that,

[1:01:18] like,

[1:01:19] often with,

[1:01:19] like,

[1:01:20] directors I like,

[1:01:21] it's not so much that they had,

[1:01:22] like,

[1:01:23] this one,

[1:01:23] like,

[1:01:24] crazy outlier,

[1:01:25] liar,

[1:01:25] it's they had,

[1:01:26] like,

[1:01:26] a depressing slow decline,

[1:01:28] like,

[1:01:29] I don't know,

[1:01:29] like,

[1:01:29] John Carpenter,

[1:01:30] or Joe Dante,

[1:01:31] or something,

[1:01:31] where it's just like,

[1:01:32] okay,

[1:01:32] well,

[1:01:33] each successive movie I like less than the last.

[1:01:36] Thank you for sort of making me sad.

[1:01:42] You're welcome.

[1:01:43] Yep.

[1:01:44] Yeah.

[1:01:47] We're bringing it down on a bleak note.

[1:01:49] Ending letters.

[1:01:49] Okay,

[1:01:50] so that was the last letter,

[1:01:51] huh?

[1:01:51] Wow.

[1:01:51] I thought the worst part of the letters thing was going to be my sex song.

[1:01:54] Yeah.

[1:01:55] Nope.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:55] That was the best part.

[1:01:57] Happy anniversary,

[1:01:58] Bethany.

[1:01:58] Let's wrap it up then.

[1:02:00] Sex letters segment,

[1:02:01] it's over now.

[1:02:03] Sex letters segment,

[1:02:04] oh,

[1:02:05] and how.

[1:02:06] Fifty Shades of Grey,

[1:02:07] it's the sixth episode of the Flophouse.

[1:02:12] Nope.

[1:02:12] Don't,

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:13] don't talk into the microphone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:15] Don't do that.

[1:02:16] You ruined my song.

[1:02:17] Censored,

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:17] censored.

[1:02:18] Sexy.

[1:02:19] Redacted.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:21] Find someone you love,

[1:02:22] and hit them lightly on the butt.

[1:02:25] That's sex.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:27] In the movies.

[1:02:28] I guess,

[1:02:29] technically.

[1:02:30] It's real groovy.

[1:02:31] According to the contract,

[1:02:32] it is.

[1:02:32] Yeah,

[1:02:32] they might be into it.

[1:02:33] Yeah.

[1:02:34] So,

[1:02:35] what do we do now,

[1:02:36] Dan?

[1:02:36] Say goodbye?

[1:02:37] No,

[1:02:37] no,

Dan McCoy

[1:02:37] the final segment.

[1:02:38] Burn this thing?

[1:02:38] No,

[1:02:38] our purgatory is not yet over.

[1:02:41] Is to recommend a movie that we liked.

[1:02:43] I'll go first.

[1:02:44] In opposition to the movie that we just made fun of.

[1:02:47] It's called Fifty Shades of Grey.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:48] No.

[1:02:49] It's called Fifty Shades of Gravy.

[1:02:50] I'm going to recommend a little movie that's also

[1:02:52] starring Mike Huckabee.

[1:02:54] Pretty sexy.

[1:02:56] It's about a freak.

[1:02:57] It's from a,

[1:02:58] in a castle.

[1:03:00] It's from a tiny little country called New Zealand.

[1:03:05] New Zealand.

[1:03:09] It's called What We Do in the Shadows.

[1:03:12] Oh,

[1:03:13] I want to see that movie.

[1:03:14] It's what I would file in my video store under Vampire Comedy.

[1:03:19] So,

[1:03:20] what else is in that?

[1:03:20] Next to Embrace of the Vampire.

[1:03:22] And,

[1:03:23] uh,

[1:03:23] what?

[1:03:23] What,

Dan McCoy

[1:03:23] Vampire's Kiss?

[1:03:25] Yeah.

[1:03:25] There's,

[1:03:25] uh,

[1:03:25] Love at First Bite.

[1:03:26] Love at First Bite.

[1:03:27] Once bitten.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:28] Dracula Dead and Loving It.

[1:03:30] Transylvania 657.

[1:03:32] This place understaffed picks in the Vampire Comedy section.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:35] It's a,

[1:03:36] this is a huge category.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:38] My best friend is a vampire.

[1:03:40] Avid Costello meet,

[1:03:41] uh,

[1:03:41] Frankenstein.

[1:03:42] Yep,

[1:03:42] that's in there.

[1:03:43] Which has Dracula in it.

[1:03:44] Mm-hmm.

[1:03:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:45] Okay,

[1:03:46] so,

[1:03:46] what we do in the shadows,

[1:03:48] uh,

[1:03:48] it's a New Zealand comedy.

[1:03:50] Um,

[1:03:51] it is a,

[1:03:52] Dracula Spring Break.

[1:03:53] It is a mockumentary,

[1:03:55] I guess,

[1:03:56] about a group of vampires

[1:03:58] who live together in a house in New Zealand.

[1:04:02] Uh,

[1:04:02] how is it pronounced?

[1:04:05] To,

[1:04:05] to quote Lobo Morunga.

[1:04:08] Lobo Morunga.

[1:04:09] And,

[1:04:09] uh,

[1:04:10] they're preparing for some kind of,

[1:04:12] I don't know,

[1:04:12] some kind of like dance or get together of other vampires.

[1:04:15] Oh,

[1:04:16] Fearless Vampire Killers.

[1:04:17] Yes.

[1:04:17] It's another comedy.

[1:04:18] And,

[1:04:18] uh,

[1:04:19] it,

[1:04:19] or pardon me,

[1:04:20] it features Jermaine Clement from,

[1:04:23] uh,

[1:04:24] Flight of the Conchords.

[1:04:25] I'll tell you what's Jermaine to this situation.

[1:04:27] Jermaine.

[1:04:27] There's no R.

[1:04:28] It's weird.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:28] I'm gonna say it normal.

[1:04:30] It's Jermaine Clement.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:31] Uh,

[1:04:32] but it's very,

[1:04:32] very funny,

[1:04:33] uh,

[1:04:34] and it's great,

[1:04:36] and it's funny,

[1:04:37] and you should watch it,

[1:04:38] because it'll make you laugh.

[1:04:39] Uh,

[1:04:40] weirdly.

[1:04:40] Reese Darby's in it,

[1:04:42] and that guy can say,

[1:04:43] that guy's super funny.

[1:04:43] whatever the fuck he wants,

Dan McCoy

[1:04:44] and I will laugh.

[1:04:45] Yeah,

[1:04:46] we're werewolves,

[1:04:46] not werewolves.

[1:04:47] Exactly.

[1:04:48] But,

[1:04:48] um,

[1:04:49] I,

[1:04:50] I watched,

[1:04:52] I went on a train trip this weekend,

[1:04:53] and I watched two movies.

[1:04:54] Oh,

Dan McCoy

[1:04:54] you're watching movies on different modes of transportation.

[1:04:57] Trains and planes.

[1:04:57] I watched two movies,

[1:04:59] and one of them was What We Do in the Shadows.

[1:05:01] Trains,

[1:05:02] planes,

[1:05:02] and automobie bills.

[1:05:03] That's why I went first,

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:03] because I was worried Dan was gonna snake my bacon.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:06] I gotta say,

[1:05:07] I,

[1:05:08] you know,

[1:05:08] I enjoyed What We Do in the Shadows.

[1:05:11] I did not laugh as much as I expected to.

[1:05:13] I don't know.

[1:05:14] I,

[1:05:14] I think I might be a little,

[1:05:15] here's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:16] Because your funny bone got broke.

[1:05:18] I think I might.

[1:05:19] I thought it was your knee that got injured.

[1:05:20] I might be.

[1:05:21] Not your laugh parts.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:22] I might be a little,

[1:05:23] um,

[1:05:25] tired of semi,

[1:05:27] laughing?

[1:05:27] semi,

[1:05:28] semi,

Dan McCoy

[1:05:28] semi,

[1:05:28] semi-improvised comedy documentaries.

[1:05:31] Okay.

[1:05:32] Like,

[1:05:32] I think that the,

[1:05:33] I found it more droll than I found funny.

[1:05:36] But I did think it was good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:37] Droll man versus the demonic toys?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:39] I'm not gonna argue that it wasn't good.

[1:05:41] And now I'm gonna,

[1:05:42] he has no chance against us demonic toys.

[1:05:44] And now I'm going to,

[1:05:45] he doesn't have a blaster or anything?

[1:05:47] He's just got witty bon mots.

[1:05:48] Yeah.

[1:05:49] Yes.

[1:05:49] And now I'm going to totally,

[1:05:51] uh,

[1:05:51] get rid of any credibility after saying that I didn't find that as funny as I thought it would be by recommending the movie I'm about to recommend,

[1:05:58] which is the other movie I watched on the train was Lucy,

[1:06:03] which I enjoyed a surprising amount.

[1:06:04] I've been hearing that's a fun movie.

[1:06:05] I was gonna save that for the flop house,

[1:06:06] but that's okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:07] Is that Lucy the movie you wouldn't let us watch?

Dan McCoy

[1:06:08] Because you thought we might enjoy it?

[1:06:09] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:06:09] because I thought we would like it.

[1:06:10] And turns out,

[1:06:11] I'm recommending it.

[1:06:13] So,

[1:06:13] we could have done an episode on that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:15] Elliot and I have to watch it together now.

[1:06:17] Yeah.

[1:06:18] We're in our pajamas.

[1:06:19] Yeah.

[1:06:19] In our jammies.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:21] Cuddling?

[1:06:21] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:22] No,

[1:06:22] we're each gonna be...

[1:06:23] Weird.

[1:06:24] He didn't put that in the contract.

[1:06:25] We're gonna be sitting cross-legged in front of the TV with big bowls of cereal.

[1:06:29] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:30] I feel like,

[1:06:30] uh,

[1:06:31] a lot of people have recommended Lucy for us to watch on the show,

[1:06:34] and,

[1:06:34] for the show,

[1:06:35] and,

[1:06:37] I don't know,

[1:06:37] like,

[1:06:37] I feel like,

[1:06:38] there's a certain,

[1:06:39] there's like levels of sophistication,

[1:06:41] and there's a level of sophistication where you're like,

[1:06:43] that movie's stupid.

[1:06:45] And there's a level of sophistication above that level where you're like,

[1:06:48] that movie is delicious.

[1:06:49] It's deliberately stupid,

[1:06:50] and I feel like...

[1:06:52] Yeah,

[1:06:52] which category does it fit in loosely?

[1:06:54] I think that loosely,

[1:06:56] it fits in the second category.

[1:06:57] So,

[1:06:58] where I was like...

[1:06:58] Lucy fits that category loosely.

[1:06:59] I feel like that movie...

[1:07:00] Lucy,

Dan McCoy

[1:07:00] Lucy.

[1:07:01] ...

[1:07:02] is deliberately,

[1:07:03] extravagantly,

[1:07:04] exuberantly dumb.

[1:07:05] Okay.

[1:07:06] And that's what I liked about it.

[1:07:08] It was...

[1:07:08] A lot of adverbs for one movie,

[1:07:10] Dan.

[1:07:11] I feel like a lot of people took that movie on because of the stupid 10% of your brain...

[1:07:16] Yeah,

[1:07:16] the limitless bullshit.

[1:07:18] Bullshit.

[1:07:18] And that is bullshit,

[1:07:19] but they just use it...

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:20] Imagine a future of limitless bullshit.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:22] Does she drink any limitless blood to get super powerful?

[1:07:25] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:07:25] she drinks some limitless AIDS.

[1:07:29] But I just think that...

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:30] I don't think you took my question seriously.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:34] People looked at that...

[1:07:35] Question rescinded.

[1:07:36] People looked at this stuff and they're like,

[1:07:38] oh,

[1:07:38] this movie's stupid.

[1:07:39] Whereas,

[1:07:39] I feel like they would have accepted that bullshit if they're just like...

[1:07:43] If they just use more of their brain.

[1:07:45] I get it.

[1:07:45] No,

[1:07:45] no,

[1:07:45] no.

[1:07:46] They would have accepted the bullshit if they're just like...

[1:07:47] If they delimited themselves.

[1:07:48] If they were just straightforward,

[1:07:51] like,

[1:07:51] this is a superhero movie.

[1:07:53] I'm like,

[1:07:53] oh,

[1:07:53] okay.

[1:07:54] This is a superhero movie.

[1:07:55] I will accept whatever bullshit you throw at me.

[1:07:57] As opposed to like a super gyro.

[1:07:59] superhero movie.

[1:08:00] But you know what I mean.

[1:08:01] Like,

[1:08:02] I feel like there are people out there who will be like,

[1:08:05] this is stupid.

[1:08:06] Because that doesn't make any sense.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:08] If Liam Neeson used more of his brain,

[1:08:10] I'd believe it.

[1:08:11] But not Scarlett Johansson.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:12] But they'll totally accept it if they're like,

[1:08:14] okay,

[1:08:15] this is a crazy comic book world.

[1:08:17] I take that.

[1:08:18] That's fine.

[1:08:19] And I think this is just a movie where it's a crazy comic book world.

[1:08:22] And it goes in crazy weird directions that you didn't expect.

[1:08:25] Where Lucy literally,

[1:08:27] like,

[1:08:27] basically becomes God by the end of the movie.

[1:08:28] So,

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:29] wait,

[1:08:29] spoiler alert.

[1:08:30] So what you're saying is,

[1:08:32] Lucy is Dan's pick for best picture of 2015?

[1:08:35] Yeah,

[1:08:35] that's what I'm saying.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:36] That's,

[1:08:36] you've not paraphrased me in any way.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:39] Lucy in the sky with Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:41] No,

[1:08:41] I'm just saying like,

[1:08:42] it's a fun,

[1:08:43] dumb movie.

[1:08:44] Like,

[1:08:44] it's dumb,

[1:08:44] but it's dumb in like,

[1:08:47] a way that is smart visually.

[1:08:50] Fun,

[1:08:50] dot,

[1:08:51] dot,

[1:08:51] smart,

[1:08:51] says Dan McCoy of the Flopass.

[1:08:53] It's fast.

[1:08:55] It's less than not furious.

[1:08:58] Dot,

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:58] dot,

[1:08:58] Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:59] It's fewer than 90 minutes.

[1:09:00] It's enjoyable.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:01] Fewer than 90 minutes.

[1:09:03] Raves Dan McCoy of the Flopass.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:06] I mean,

[1:09:07] you're,

[1:09:07] you're acting as if you're making fun of me,

[1:09:09] but it is a qualified recommendation.

[1:09:11] I'm not saying it's like fucking Citizen Kane.

[1:09:13] I'm just saying it's like Citizen Kane,

[1:09:17] All right,

[1:09:18] go fuck yourselves.

[1:09:18] Dot,

[1:09:18] dot,

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:18] dot,

[1:09:19] like Citizen Kane.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:21] Go fuck yourselves,

[1:09:22] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:23] Go,

[1:09:24] dot,

[1:09:24] to Lucy,

[1:09:25] says Dan McCoy.

[1:09:27] That wasn't the end of the sentence.

[1:09:31] Go,

[1:09:31] dot,

[1:09:32] dot,

[1:09:32] end of the sentence,

[1:09:36] I'm going to recommend a movie that is maybe the exact opposite of Lucy,

[1:09:40] and that is a,

[1:09:41] in some ways,

[1:09:43] semi-document.

[1:09:43] It's called Busey.

[1:09:44] It's called,

[1:09:45] it's called Busey.

[1:09:47] And it's a story about Gary Busey using 100% of his brain to make the movie Ginger Dead Man.

[1:09:58] Anyway,

[1:09:59] it's called,

[1:10:00] uh,

[1:10:01] whatever.

[1:10:02] Anyway,

[1:10:02] so,

[1:10:03] and it is a,

[1:10:04] this is,

[1:10:04] the movie I'd like to recommend is called Downhill Racing.

[1:10:06] Busey,

[1:10:06] sir.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:07] Uh,

[1:10:07] it's a movie from the 60s.

[1:10:09] Michael Ritchie.

[1:10:09] Right,

[1:10:10] Michael Ritchie film.

[1:10:10] Michael Ritchie,

[1:10:11] who has had,

[1:10:12] had one of the strangest careers in,

[1:10:14] in filmmaking.

[1:10:14] Brother of Lionel Ritchie,

Dan McCoy

[1:10:15] right?

[1:10:16] Uh,

[1:10:16] yes,

[1:10:16] exactly.

[1:10:17] Bad News Bears,

[1:10:18] uh,

[1:10:18] Smile,

[1:10:19] Yeah.

[1:10:19] Prime Cut.

[1:10:20] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:20] He made a bunch of,

[1:10:21] a ton of,

[1:10:21] The Candidate,

[1:10:22] like he made a ton of good movies,

[1:10:23] and then he also made a ton of terrible movies,

[1:10:26] like Cops and Robbersons,

[1:10:27] you know.

[1:10:27] Yeah.

[1:10:28] But,

[1:10:28] uh,

[1:10:28] it's a Michael Ritchie film with,

[1:10:30] uh,

[1:10:30] Robert Redford and Gene Hackman,

[1:10:32] about the exciting world of competitive,

[1:10:34] competitive downhill skiing racing,

[1:10:36] which,

[1:10:37] ask me,

[1:10:38] am I interested in skiing?

[1:10:39] No,

[1:10:39] I am not.

[1:10:40] I find it stupid,

[1:10:41] and I'm not interested in it.

[1:10:43] But,

[1:10:43] the movie managed to make it,

[1:10:45] It took my knee from me,

[1:10:46] yeah,

[1:10:46] Dan.

[1:10:47] Yeah,

[1:10:47] Dan has a,

[1:10:48] has a particular hatred for it.

[1:10:50] But,

[1:10:50] but this is a movie that manages to make it seem,

[1:10:53] interesting and exciting,

[1:10:55] less so for the,

[1:10:56] the characters.

[1:10:57] It's about a young guy who is a very talented skier,

[1:10:59] and kind of,

[1:11:00] finds himself turning his back on,

[1:11:02] It's the only way that he can,

Dan McCoy

[1:11:02] he can save the rec center?

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:04] Yeah,

[1:11:04] exactly.

[1:11:05] He finds himself turning his back on,

[1:11:07] basically everyone else in his life,

[1:11:08] in his drive to,

[1:11:11] get to the Olympics,

[1:11:12] and win a gold medal in,

[1:11:13] downhill skiing.

[1:11:14] And,

[1:11:15] he's,

[1:11:16] not a likable character,

[1:11:17] he's not supposed to be a likable character.

[1:11:18] It's one of these late 60s movies about,

[1:11:20] an unlikable guy.

[1:11:21] But,

[1:11:21] the scenes of,

[1:11:23] them preparing for skiing,

[1:11:24] and the life of these guys,

[1:11:25] as they travel around to different ski tournaments,

[1:11:27] in Europe,

[1:11:28] and everything,

[1:11:28] becomes really fascinating,

[1:11:30] and it feels,

[1:11:31] like a thinly,

[1:11:32] fictionalized documentary,

[1:11:34] in a lot of ways.

[1:11:35] And the skiing scenes are really,

[1:11:36] amazing,

[1:11:37] especially for the time,

[1:11:38] like the way they were able to get certain shots,

[1:11:40] and the way they mixed the sound,

[1:11:42] to get the experience across.

[1:11:44] So,

[1:11:44] I would recommend it for anyone who,

[1:11:46] doesn't want to go skiing,

[1:11:48] but wants to vaguely know,

[1:11:49] what it's like to go skiing.

[1:11:50] Downhill Racer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:52] Also,

[1:11:53] the sequel,

[1:11:53] Downhill Eraserhead.

[1:11:54] Three completely,

[1:11:55] non-qualified recommendations.

[1:11:57] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:58] I thought mine,

[1:11:59] it was a really good movie,

[1:12:00] you loved yours,

[1:12:01] and of course,

[1:12:01] Dan referred to Lucy as,

[1:12:02] dot dot dot,

[1:12:03] like Citizen Kane.

[1:12:04] Go,

[1:12:05] end of sentence.

[1:12:08] Dot dot dot,

[1:12:08] fewer than 90 minutes.

[1:12:10] Go,

[1:12:18] Go,

[1:12:19] yourselves.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:22] To see Lucy.

[1:12:23] I was supposed to take someone else.

[1:12:26] Did I specify?

[1:12:28] I wasn't telling them,

[1:12:29] that other people should go.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:31] Other people should go,

[1:12:34] Go.

[1:12:36] Glad I was.

[1:12:38] That's the part where you sound like Yoda.

[1:12:39] Glad I was.

[1:12:41] That Lucy I saw.

[1:12:43] All right,

[1:12:43] well,

Dan McCoy

[1:12:45] this has been a very sexy episode of The Flophouse.

[1:12:48] Maybe the sexiest.

[1:12:49] Actually,

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:50] it's maybe one of the less sexy episodes of The Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:52] I hope that you've achieved climax by the time that we sign off,

[1:12:57] which is now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:58] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:12:59] You should have begun masturbating at the start of the episode,

[1:13:02] and now you may come at the sound of the beep.

[1:13:05] Beep.

[1:13:05] Oh,

[1:13:06] that's gross.

[1:13:08] Should I have said release?

[1:13:10] Yes.

[1:13:10] Oh,

[1:13:11] sorry.

[1:13:11] Full release.

[1:13:13] Uh,

[1:13:13] yeah,

[1:13:13] I guess I'm,

[1:13:14] oh man,

[1:13:15] I'm Stuart.

[1:13:16] And ashamed as always,

[1:13:18] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:13:19] Good night,

[1:13:19] everyone.

[1:13:20] Stuart wouldn't even say his last name.

[1:13:22] Cheers.

[1:13:22] Jizz.

[1:13:23] Tons of jizz.

[1:13:23] How are you doing?

[1:13:24] Squirting all over my dick.

[1:13:26] Horrible.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:30] So I was,

[1:13:31] I was watching,

[1:13:32] uh,

[1:13:32] I was watching the daily show yesterday.

[1:13:34] So I says to Mabel,

[1:13:35] I says,

[1:13:35] I says.

[1:13:35] And,

[1:13:36] uh,

Dan McCoy

[1:13:36] I'll finish this story later.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:38] And I liked how you guys had Tom Brokaw on.

[1:13:41] Oh wait,

[1:13:42] he's here right now.

[1:13:43] It's me,

[1:13:44] Tom Brokaw.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:45] It's not bad.

[1:13:46] It's not a bad.

[1:13:47] It's not good.

[1:13:48] It's not,

[1:13:48] but.

[1:13:49] Greatest generation.

[1:13:51] Compared to the other.

[1:13:52] Mike.

[1:13:54] The fleecing of America.

[1:13:56] That's me,

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:58] The greatest generation.

[1:14:00] No,

[1:14:00] that's more than.

[1:14:01] Took me forever to get here.

[1:14:03] I had to walk.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:03] This is Jimmy Stewart.

[1:14:05] It's higher pitched.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:06] It's good to meet you.

[1:14:07] I'm Tom Brokaw.

[1:14:08] I had to walk the whole way.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:10] I don't take the subway train.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:11] You got deeper Jimmy Stewart with a little bit more strong confidence.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:14] It's me,

Dan McCoy

[1:14:16] It's Tom Brokaw.

[1:14:17] Welcome to NBC.

[1:14:18] I'm really new.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:20] If God wanted me to travel in tunnels in the ground,

[1:14:24] he would have made me shy halloud.

[1:14:27] It's just like that scene in The Trip.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:31] Just like every scene in The Trip.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:33] I just read Dune.

[1:14:35] It's great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:36] I consider myself kind of a morn jib of NBC News.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:43] The greatest generation.

[1:14:46] You do a good Tom Brokaw.

[1:14:48] Oh,

[1:14:49] thanks.

[1:14:49] Thanks.

[1:14:49] I'll add that to my.

[1:14:50] I was on it,

[1:14:51] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:52] You have two voices you do now.

[1:14:54] What if Tom Brokaw was on a date with Michael Caine?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:58] I think it would end in disappointment.

[1:15:01] Oh,

[1:15:02] all right.

[1:15:02] Because they're both straight gentlemen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:04] I was thinking because Michael Caine would,

[1:15:06] would not be able to last very long.

[1:15:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:09] Mm-hmm.

[1:15:10] Yeah.

[1:15:13] I'm used to a longer lasting lover.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:17] I'm afraid that you were just too erotic for me.

[1:15:20] I'm sorry,

[1:15:20] Tom.

[1:15:21] I spilled my seed almost immediately.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:24] It's all in my hair.

[1:15:30] Do you have,

[1:15:31] do you have some kind of comb to cut it out of my head?

[1:15:36] My hair.

[1:15:37] No,

[1:15:37] please leave.

[1:15:38] Maybe,

[1:15:39] maybe,

[1:15:39] maybe peanut butter.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:41] This is not,

[1:15:42] this is not,

[1:15:43] this is not a serious relationship,

[1:15:45] Tom.

[1:15:45] This is a one night stand.

[1:15:46] Would you just take your things and go,

[1:15:48] but I didn't even get a nut.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:52] The ad said no names,

[1:15:54] except we're both quite famous.

[1:15:56] It was very hard to avoid us knowing each other's names.

[1:15:59] you

Ep. #178 - 50 Shades of Grey

Audio Player

Save Bit

Bits in This Episode (1)

Transcript