Ep. #250 - The Apple

[0:00] On this episode we discuss the apple and the natural desire to meet an actual vampire.

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] And the second head of this Comedy Cerberus is me, Stuart Wellington.

[0:41] And I'm Elliot Kalin, once again the middle head on the Comedy Cerberus, even though I'm

[0:46] announced third, here's the problem, it's like those movie posters where the faces don't

[0:51] line up with the order of the names, just look at the poster for Jumanji, the new one,

[0:55] you get the idea.

[0:56] Anyway, I'm the middle head, but I get named third.

[0:58] Wait, that happens?

[1:00] Am I here or am I not?

[1:01] Am I in Cerberus?

[1:02] Oh wait, I'm not.

[1:03] Oh god.

[1:04] Damn.

[1:05] And riding the back of this three-headed Cerberus hound is?

[1:09] You're like Pecos Bill of this Cerberus hound.

[1:14] I kind of see you as more like the Persephone who's like trapped here because she ate part

[1:21] of a pomegranate.

[1:22] I want to talk about my favorite Greek myth of Pecos Bill.

[1:26] Hi, I'm Travis McElroy or whatever.

[1:30] Anyways, what do we do on this show?

[1:32] Yeah, Dan, what do we do on this show?

[1:34] But what do we do on the show?

[1:37] Dan.

[1:38] Cutting right to the chase.

[1:39] Dan.

[1:40] Dan.

[1:41] Dan.

[1:42] How are his levels?

[1:43] Dan.

[1:44] Dan.

[1:45] What do we do on the show?

[1:46] Okay.

[1:47] Dan.

[1:48] Dan.

[1:49] Dan.

[1:51] Is this too much pressure?

[1:52] Dan.

[1:53] Dan.

[1:54] Dan, you were beta-cucked by Travis so fast.

[1:55] Dan.

[1:56] Dan.

[1:57] Dan.

[1:59] Dan.

[2:00] We watch a bad movie.

[2:01] Uh-huh.

[2:02] And then we talk about it.

[2:03] Oh, okay.

[2:04] And tonight, we watched a movie that Travis inflicted upon us.

[2:06] Hell yeah.

[2:07] Travis, uh...

[2:08] McElroy, I said it.

[2:09] Travis McElroy.

[2:10] Okay, sure.

[2:11] Hi, Stuart.

[2:12] We've just been friends for three years.

[2:13] No, it's fine.

[2:14] Just clarifying for the audience.

[2:15] Okay.

[2:16] No, whatever.

[2:17] It's okay.

[2:18] Could have been...

[2:19] You may know Travis from being more popular than us.

[2:20] Could have been...

[2:21] Yeah, that's right.

[2:22] Yeah.

[2:23] Travis Tritt, country music star?

[2:24] No, it could not have been.

[2:25] One of the odds that you guys could pull...

[2:27] From The Taxi Driver, played by Robert De Niro?

[2:29] Yeah, it could have been a fictional character, Travis Bickle.

[2:31] Maybe he told us a video to watch.

[2:33] Do y'all pull Robbie De Niro on your regular pulls or whatever?

[2:37] Wait, are you trying to do a Robert De Niro impression?

[2:39] No.

[2:40] I would never.

[2:41] Because, well, would that sound like Dan?

[2:44] Dan.

[2:45] Dan.

[2:46] Come on, Master Impressionist Dan McElroy, give us your Bobby De Niro.

[2:50] You talking to me?

[2:52] Oh, my God.

[2:54] Wait, is Robert De Niro over there?

[2:56] Whoa.

[2:57] In California.

[2:58] Did you guys get Robert De Niro?

[2:59] We did.

[3:00] No.

[3:01] Robbie, tell us about...

[3:02] That's what his friends call him.

[3:04] Robbie?

[3:05] Robbie?

[3:06] I think that...

[3:07] I share with Robert De Niro the reticence that makes me also a bad interview subject.

[3:15] If there's two things I know, it's that Dan and Robert De Niro are both very quiet men.

[3:22] I'm going to guess knee pain at his age.

[3:28] Yeah, like you saw the movie poster for...

[3:31] What is it?

[3:32] Horny Grandpa?

[3:33] What fucking movie was he in?

[3:34] Yeah.

[3:35] Off-putting Grandpa.

[3:36] Yeah.

[3:37] Where he's...

[3:38] It looks like he's putting Zac Efron in the fucking Spinneroonie.

[3:42] Like his knees don't look like they're doing good.

[3:44] No, those are Photoshopped knees.

[3:46] Really?

[3:47] Yeah, those are a younger man's knees.

[3:49] Oh, wow.

[3:50] They Photoshopped in Pan's knees.

[3:51] Hey, if you work in the special effects world, why don't you write in and let me know if

[3:58] they're right or not?

[4:00] Just write into the Flophouse at...

[4:02] Special effects world?

[4:03] Sorry.

[4:04] If they're right or not?

[4:05] Like, two right knees?

[4:06] No, it's Robert De Niro waist up, Zac Efron waist down.

[4:11] Oh, wow.

[4:12] What a sexy centaur.

[4:13] So, like, Rick Baker, if you're listening, send us the info.

[4:18] Also, Rick Baker, do you share a timeshare ponytail with Julian Sands?

[4:29] Oh, boy.

[4:30] Any other explanation?

[4:31] That's going to wrap it up, folks.

[4:33] Thank you so much for this thing.

[4:35] Dan, maybe you should remind people what we do on this podcast.

[4:38] I already did.

[4:39] We watch a bad movie.

[4:40] What do we do, Dan?

[4:41] It's been a while.

[4:42] Dan.

[4:43] Dan.

[4:44] Dan, I love you.

[4:46] Thank you.

[4:48] Dan, I'm going to be aggressive and complimentary at the same time.

[4:51] Dan, you're so fucking great.

[4:53] Dan.

[4:54] Those are the two things that Dan likes least.

[4:59] It's like the theory of, like, working out where you do muscle confusion.

[5:04] Yeah, Dan.

[5:05] That's a great joke, Dan.

[5:07] Oh, boy.

[5:08] Dan, that was a good joke.

[5:10] That's a fucking great joke, Dan.

[5:13] I'm negging Dan.

[5:16] No, you're pausing me.

[5:18] He's pro-negging you.

[5:20] Yeah.

[5:21] He's pros-negging you.

[5:22] If only we had a word for that.

[5:25] Neg-lamenting?

[5:26] Is that anything?

[5:28] Dan, what do we do?

[5:30] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[5:33] You said that so well, Dan.

[5:35] Guys, I'm not comfortable being in this position, but I'd like to steer us back on track for a month.

[5:39] Okay.

[5:40] The movie we watched was a movie at Travis Picks, and that's The Apple from 1980, which is a musical of a certain type.

[5:48] It's a movie, I think.

[5:49] What first drew you to this tale?

[5:51] Well, this is—so I first watched this movie the night of my little brother Griffin's bachelor party.

[5:58] Uh-huh.

[5:59] And Griffin—

[6:00] Oh, wow.

[6:01] Wild times.

[6:02] Yeah, it was the night before his wedding, and he was a little nervous.

[6:05] And my older brother said—

[6:08] As seen in the Tim Burton film, The Nightmare Before Griffin's Wedding.

[6:12] Uh-huh.

[6:13] And Justin said, I know what will take your mind off of this.

[6:16] And I think Justin had come to it through Riff Trax.

[6:19] Uh-huh.

[6:20] And so we first watched the Riff Trax version of The Apple.

[6:25] And since then, I have probably watched The Apple 20 times.

[6:29] It is like my go-to, oh, you think you like bad movies?

[6:34] Challenge yourself with this movie.

[6:38] Because, listen, The Room is bad, but I think the people making it didn't know it was bad.

[6:46] Birdemic is bad.

[6:47] Faithful Findings is, of course, bad.

[6:50] Uh-huh.

[6:51] But I think The Apple—

[6:52] You're just listing classic bad movies.

[6:54] That's what I'm saying.

[6:55] Troll 2.

[6:56] But this is what makes The Apple stand out for me, is I guarantee not a single soul that

[7:03] worked on The Apple finished it and thought, we did it.

[7:07] Yeah, we stuck the landing.

[7:09] Yeah, they all knew, I think, before it aired, except for the writer, which we can talk about

[7:16] in a second.

[7:17] One of the creators of the movie did, gets a little dark here, write a suicide note after

[7:24] it got booed a bunch and was going to kill himself until the other writer stopped him.

[7:28] He took the audience critique very harshly.

[7:31] He took it to heart.

[7:33] I mean, was this Golan who was going to kill himself?

[7:35] I think so, yeah.

[7:36] Oh, boy.

[7:37] Yes, yeah.

[7:38] He—

[7:39] Robbing us of so many future canon pictures.

[7:42] It was direct—it may be the only movie directed by Menachem Golan.

[7:46] No, no, no.

[7:47] I looked it up, actually.

[7:48] He directed a bunch of—

[7:49] Did he direct other ones?

[7:50] Yeah, including Over the Top.

[7:52] Oh!

[7:53] I didn't realize he directed Over the Top, so he had made amends for The Apple.

[7:56] Yeah.

[7:57] Also, the choreographer—and now I don't have my foot in front of me, but the name of

[8:03] the choreographer is the same dude from So You Think You Can Dance.

[8:06] The Judge.

[8:07] I'm pretty sure—

[8:08] Well, we'll get into this when we talk about it.

[8:11] I think the choreography is the saving grace of this movie in some ways.

[8:15] Oh, when we get to, like, the BIM hour?

[8:18] Yeah, yeah.

[8:19] When we actually get into the meat of this movie.

[8:21] What meat there is.

[8:22] Which is strange, because it's an apple, which is a fruit.

[8:24] That's not meat.

[8:25] I know.

[8:26] It's fleshy, yeah.

[8:27] But here's the thing.

[8:28] I personally, in the way that I think people feel about their favorite Bat movie, love

[8:32] this movie.

[8:33] Like, I get pumped watching it.

[8:36] Yeah.

[8:37] And you actually, I think you managed a feat in that you picked a movie that I don't know

[8:43] if any of us had seen before.

[8:45] Elliot, have you ever seen this?

[8:46] Yeah, I've seen it once before.

[8:48] Okay, so I retract my statement.

[8:50] Alright, so fuck off, Derek.

[8:52] But no, Dan and I used to have a coworker who was—I mean, Dan still does.

[8:58] I don't anymore, because I don't work there anymore, because it's full of losers now.

[9:00] But we used to have a coworker who loved this movie, and she kind of forced it on me.

[9:06] And the thing that always stuck with me is my favorite bad line from a song, which is

[9:11] the line, like a baby watching magic, it's so gullible, it's tragic.

[9:15] Uh-huh!

[9:16] Is playing on that everyday experience we've all been through of being a baby watching magic.

[9:23] Wait, that's better than, it's a natural, natural, natural desire to meet an actual,

[9:27] actual, actual vampire, a thing that does not happen in the movie?

[9:31] Except, no, the vampire shows up for just a second.

[9:35] Another thing that's not necessarily relatable, like, oh, of course, yeah, everyone knows

[9:39] that common desire to meet an actual vampire.

[9:41] You know!

[9:42] It's just like in Fellowship of the Ring, when Tolkien describes Goldberry coming to

[9:49] the door as if an elf maiden had come to the door, and at this point, no elves had even

[9:52] shown up.

[9:53] I have no point of context.

[9:55] Now, hold on a second.

[9:57] Travis, I don't know you as well as I know Dan Stewart.

[10:00] Dan's right. Can you honestly tell me you do not want to meet an actual vampire?

[10:04] One of those Dracula's gonna suck my blood wait, hold on

[10:08] I will say like it is a natural desire that if someone said to you right now

[10:12] You could or could not meet an actual vampire. Do you really think you'd be like, yeah, I mean, all right

[10:20] Like I'll be honest Dan. No, let's say Dan Dan Dan look in the mirror

[10:25] Oh, I'm gonna I'm like a vampire. Uh-huh and tell yourself that you wouldn't want to be a vampire

[10:31] But if I if I said there's a vampire behind that door and they want to meet you, are you really gonna say?

[10:36] Mmm, I'm not interested. Oh, this is what I was gonna say if it's behind the door to my

[10:41] Apartment and I can did you let them in the other side of the door?

[10:45] Oh, so I can avoid inviting them in like if I have that mystical barrier between a threshold

[10:51] Definitely meet an actual actual actual vampire. Okay, so mystical barrier called etiquette. Yeah

[10:59] vampires very polite

[11:02] So really plate throws we have not even started on the movie on it. You'll get away

[11:06] I mean we talked about some of the music. So this is a musical, right?

[11:11] Yeah, yeah about the plot or should we talk about the you can try musical?

[11:17] Yeah, try to talk about the plot this is a movie that when I introduce it to people

[11:22] I often say like you at many points are going to feel lost in this movie

[11:26] You're going to feel like you've missed something you have not the movie just failed

[11:32] To tell you about this thing that's happening. Mm-hmm as evidenced by where it starts

[11:40] The if this movie is kind of like it's someone saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show and they were like

[11:47] Yeah, they couldn't do it

[11:51] This movie I think was shot four years after Rocky Horror Picture Show came out

[11:56] So I think it is very much trying to do

[12:00] That where they were like, what if it was like a campy?

[12:04] Whether like hey, right your picture shows great. But what if it was campy? Yeah

[12:11] It's also it's a it's a campy musical

[12:15] Made by people who seem to be very afraid of gay people

[12:20] There's a strong strain of homophobia running through it it's like they saw Rocky Horror Picture Show and they're like, hmm

[12:25] What if it was this but it was about how evil gay people are. Okay, so

[12:31] The year is 1994 not we open in outer space

[12:35] Neither right now nor when this movie was made is at 1994, but the movie

[12:40] You're making a movie like this, why don't you just set it in like

[12:44] 3200 why is that it's so near why not just like shoot for the stars. It's

[12:51] 3200. Yeah

[12:53] Long time ago galaxy far far. Yeah

[12:56] TM swing for the fences

[12:59] Anyways, I have to assume that they were already working on that concept for the movie. Was it your hunter from the year 5000?

[13:07] Pluto Nash, yeah, they were like, let's save that idea for Pluto Nash

[13:13] This Pluto Nash script has been kicking around Hollywood for 40 years now, I think it's finally time to make it

[13:18] It's in the blacklist every year for some reason. Okay, so Elliot, it's

[13:24] 1994 movie it's it's the far-off future year of 1994 and we go right into the middle of the song vision world competition

[13:32] which is like the Eurovision Song Competition, but for the whole world and

[13:36] Right off the bat we're dropped into what looks like it's gonna be the big winner the a song that I think it's called

[13:41] It's either called BIM or BIM is the power. It's about BIMs on the way. We're called BIM. Yeah BIMs. Hey, hey, hey

[13:48] BIM is on the way BIM is the way BIM and BIM. I thought they're saying BIMs the only way it's been no

[13:54] No, no BIM is on the way and BIM is bigaloo

[13:59] International music. Uh-huh. It's it's as if they were singing Sony's on the way

[14:05] But that isn't made clear until later on like at when it's first introduced out I was just like

[14:12] Maybe they don't like maybe they just don't speak English

[14:16] Like they're not singing in English well enough for me to understand what they're saying

[14:20] Because I don't know it feels like a very European production

[14:23] Well the way that it's staged and the costumes and the song make it sound like BIM is an alien power

[14:29] That is about the man and conquer humanity, which I'm all for yes buckle up

[14:34] Let me see some BIM power, but it's actually about a music label

[14:38] They do a very poor job of ever saying hey movie

[14:41] Let's stop and explain what BIM is because it's a word you're gonna be hearing a lot throughout the film

[14:46] Then is this thing they just kind of drop you in and I mean it's better

[14:49] I guess than a Star Wars spending a couple minutes telling you about midichlorians or something

[14:54] Explanation of what this BIM is there, but yeah, well the whole movie

[14:58] there's a lot of like so imagine if a

[15:02] Music company was like a government. Yeah, okay

[15:07] Scene well, it's it's one of these many

[15:11] dystopias that is music based

[15:14] like in popular culture

[15:16] There's a lot more popular music based dystopias than I think you know science would you know?

[15:22] Project as a possible reality

[15:23] Well, it's also important to note that in this land

[15:26] Not only is it unclear the power music has time is also unclear in this thing

[15:33] Because in this beginning right there they do this song BIM's on the way and then as he's getting interviewed. It's like so

[15:40] The government has just picked this song

[15:44] To be the exercise song or whatever

[15:48] I

[15:53] Mean it's it's this is this is the end of the long rollout I guess of the song they've been yeah

[15:59] They've been releasing song trailers with just a couple little clips of it on YouTube

[16:05] You could get you could get a ringtone of them for a while now people are really horny

[16:11] So

[16:13] So BIM is run by as you mentioned it's it's Boogaloo's corporation, that's mr. Boogaloo

[16:22] Yeah, he's played by an actor who was clearly chosen for his singing ability I

[16:28] Think he was chosen for his goatee. Yeah, so is he so he has a dog in the race

[16:33] He is backing the two very sexy singers and their backup dancers singing the BIM candy and

[16:41] dandy dandy dandy who comes a villain in the movie and

[16:46] He looks so much like he reminds me so much of the bad guy from top secret

[16:51] Okay, see I was gonna say the dude Richard from top gear. Maybe if the two of them had a baby

[16:58] Evil well, it's like they said, okay

[17:00] So I think what we have is the dude the lead singer of the who whose name is escaping me

[17:07] Daltrey. Yeah, and

[17:10] Richie who uh-huh and then

[17:14] Alfie seems modeled after

[17:18] after George Michael

[17:20] Okay, right. There's literally based on the chest hair. Well, there's one scene where he's in like bleached white

[17:27] Jeans and a white t-shirt and like a gold necklace

[17:30] Yep, and he straight-up looks like he's off the cover of a wham album. That's cool

[17:36] Let's explain who let's explain who let's define our terms here

[17:39] So, okay, the BIM song is about to win by measure of heartbeats

[17:44] Boogaloo and his effeminate major Domo are already celebrating when this kind of folky rock duo to a man or woman Alfie and BB

[17:52] They sang a love song and it really wins

[17:56] everyone over and it looks like they're gonna win until everything is sabotaged by the BIM guys and

[18:01] Let's just let's acknowledge the sabotage, right? So it's already surpassed

[18:06] It's not like they stop it just before it has surpassed the heartbeats the BIM song hit 150

[18:12] They hit like 152 and then they put on this weird BP

[18:17] And everyone's like yeah, this seems it makes

[18:21] I also love how the guy who's sabotaging it hands over the tape and broad daylight

[18:28] Like in a room full of people and he says don't let anyone see you using this. Yeah

[18:34] And yeah, as soon as the beeping starts like the audience who were loving it a moment before

[18:39] Immediately start jeering and like rushing the stage. Yeah, I think like wouldn't that make their hearts beat faster?

[18:46] Yes, but not only that

[18:48] It seems like Boogaloo is in control when I'm just be like nah wasn't successful and then we're like, okay cool

[18:56] Yeah, I mean, he's the only one who has access to that heartbeat monitor

[18:59] Just slip some dollars to the heartbeat monitor guy and just be right less. Okay, cool the end

[19:07] The end like okay cool people like them. I'm gonna sign them now

[19:13] Yeah, which is what he tries to do he's like, okay

[19:16] There's this power this like music power that I don't have control over. I have to you know, suck it into my

[19:23] Vortex into my orbit. Mm-hmm

[19:25] And so his the group that he is fronting BIM is the way or whatever

[19:31] They're there. They represent and Andy

[19:34] Yeah, and Andy represent like a very modern slick pop music sheen

[19:40] whereas

[19:41] Alfie and BB are kind of like

[19:45] Kind of like a folksy. They're like the Carpenters. Okay, exactly. Yeah

[19:49] Well, this this is where this is where I want to I want it. This is more coding for me of

[19:55] kind of ant up the Alfie and BB are very much like it feels like

[20:00] even more than Carpenters, they're like Heartland,

[20:02] straight white America, whereas the BIM guys are disco.

[20:06] And disco is the music of women, of people of color,

[20:10] and of queer people.

[20:12] And it's very much like, the BIM presentation

[20:16] is this big, futuristic, campy disco thing.

[20:18] And then you've got these like,

[20:20] just these like straight from the heart,

[20:22] American folk songsters.

[20:23] And the fact that their song is maybe one billionth

[20:27] as catchy as the BIM song, which I find genuinely catchy,

[20:30] maybe just because they repeat the same phrase

[20:31] over and over again.

[20:32] Yeah.

[20:33] Hey, hey, hey, BIM's on the way.

[20:35] It sets the stage.

[20:36] BIM's on the way.

[20:37] But can I say-

[20:37] I was like, oh, finally.

[20:39] I do wanna say, because this is a movie

[20:42] I've watched a ton of times, and now I have a platform.

[20:46] The first line of the BIM song, they say,

[20:50] there is no, what is it?

[20:52] There is no happy, or there is no sad.

[20:57] But they don't rhyme, there is no, like, there's no good.

[21:02] Oh no, there's no rhymes, yeah.

[21:03] They say, there's no good, there's no bad,

[21:06] there's no happy, and everything's not okay, or whatever.

[21:09] But they don't say, there is no bad.

[21:11] And it will always, it's like literally the first,

[21:15] the first thing they say-

[21:16] Wait, you're saying they don't rhyme bad with sad,

[21:19] is what you're hoping for?

[21:20] Yes.

[21:21] It's something that a four-year-old would do.

[21:23] They say, like, there is no good, there is no bad,

[21:27] there is no happy, there is no pain.

[21:29] You set up the expectation, and you just knock it down.

[21:32] I like to imagine they had, like,

[21:33] Stephen Sondheim doing the lyrics,

[21:35] and he's like, I can't crack it.

[21:37] There's no rhyme here.

[21:40] What is it?

[21:41] Damn it.

[21:43] Let me open up my rhyming dictionary at bad,

[21:45] and it's just a blank page.

[21:48] A young Lin-Manuel Miranda

[21:50] just beating down the door, like, let me in, I've got it!

[21:54] Correct it, there is no rad!

[21:59] Anyways, so they sing a song.

[22:01] The BIM song, the BIM song has all these, like,

[22:04] nihilistic slogans, and it's like,

[22:06] they're just hurling the anti-life equation at the audience.

[22:09] There's something very Jack Kirby's Fourth World

[22:11] about it that I like.

[22:13] But then, okay, after the song convention,

[22:16] BIM has been named the winner, BIM for the win.

[22:18] There's a big party.

[22:19] They all get in their Ghostbusters Ecto-1s,

[22:22] and they head off to the party.

[22:24] Yeah, the design on those limousines

[22:27] is very much like Ecto-1, basically.

[22:30] Yes, yeah, they all look like

[22:31] they're driving away in Ghostbusters ambulances.

[22:35] And so they go to this party, and they go,

[22:36] look at all this BIM merchandise.

[22:38] We have our BIM glasses, and they hand out

[22:40] the most unwieldy drinking glasses I think I've ever seen.

[22:44] They're vases!

[22:45] They are vases!

[22:46] They're square vases.

[22:48] You're holding a vase.

[22:49] Don't they drink a BIM and tonic out of it?

[22:51] They're having a BIM and tonic in a vase!

[22:55] Guys, I could go for a vase full of BIM and tonic right now.

[22:59] BIM is becoming what, Ellen?

[23:00] Like, BIM is the Apple version of the word smurf,

[23:03] where it just means anything.

[23:06] Is this when the fellow starts giving out,

[23:08] well, when they're like, we gotta start,

[23:09] we gotta start talking about BIM merchandise.

[23:11] He's like, how about a T-shirt?

[23:13] Like, no shit, dude!

[23:16] I love it!

[23:16] He says T-shirt, and everyone shits on it so hard!

[23:20] Like, T-shirt, get the fuck out, Ashley!

[23:23] And then he gives out the BIM stickers,

[23:25] and they're loving that shit.

[23:27] Well, that's the thing, T-shirt is not it,

[23:29] but BIM stickers, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.

[23:33] And this is one of those moments

[23:34] where the Apple starts bringing in its biblical roots,

[23:39] because much as when the Antichrist comes,

[23:41] all followers of the Antichrist will bear his mark,

[23:44] the BIM sticker, it becomes more and more enforced

[23:48] that you have to wear it,

[23:49] because that's the mark of Mr. Boogaloo, the Antichrist.

[23:53] Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, Elliot.

[23:56] Are you saying that the Apple might have biblical allegories?

[24:00] Yeah, just bear with me.

[24:03] Maybe you'll see Elton John God

[24:06] descend in a magic limousine.

[24:08] And not only that, here's the thing.

[24:10] You might think, oh, does the Apple have

[24:12] an biblical allegory?

[24:14] No, no, no, my friends.

[24:17] The Apple has about seven biblical allegories.

[24:21] The biblical allegory in this

[24:23] is only slightly less subtle than in Mother.

[24:29] Wait, I don't get it, I haven't seen Mother yet.

[24:31] Oh, boy, don't spoil it for Stuart.

[24:33] Okay, so-

[24:36] Have you seen Arrested Development?

[24:38] Yeah.

[24:39] Oh, I get it.

[24:41] I also haven't seen Mother.

[24:45] So we flash forward to a part of the movie I don't remember.

[24:50] So Alfie and Bebe, they're at the party,

[24:53] and Bebe is seduced by the male singer of the BIM group.

[24:56] Now, is the male one Tandy or Dandy?

[24:58] Dandy. I think that's Dandy, yes.

[25:00] Dandy.

[25:01] And he seduces her to kiss him

[25:04] while everybody looks up through a skylight

[25:06] and laughs at them.

[25:07] So sexy.

[25:09] Yeah, oh, it's just like,

[25:10] it's like, you remember the smooth moves

[25:12] of the fake boyfriend in Carrie,

[25:15] who takes Carrie to the prom?

[25:17] That's what this is all about.

[25:19] Yeah, so there's a-

[25:20] But it wins.

[25:20] Now Bebe wants to sign with Mr. Boogaloo as their agent,

[25:24] but Alfie is like, no way.

[25:26] And when they go to the signing ceremony,

[25:30] after they, after the song,

[25:33] everything is, what is it?

[25:34] Everything is Entertainment in 1994,

[25:36] something like that?

[25:37] Everything is like show business,

[25:38] which is the weirdest dystopian.

[25:40] Oh, that's what it is.

[25:41] Because it's like, hey, it makes sense,

[25:45] because there's this group of show business people here

[25:48] and they break into song.

[25:50] And it's like, yeah, but they don't.

[25:52] Yeah, but also they don't, this is nothing.

[25:54] Is that the dance number that happens in that airport?

[25:59] Uh-huh, yeah.

[26:00] Yes.

[26:01] The airport waiting room.

[26:02] In the airport waiting room,

[26:03] where Mr. Boogaloo has his office?

[26:05] The one where they surprise the choreographer

[26:07] on the day of, and they're like,

[26:08] you gotta choreograph something, buddy.

[26:11] Yeah, you, strut this direction.

[26:13] You, strut the other direction.

[26:15] There, it's done.

[26:16] What we are hitting on now, just to touch on it,

[26:19] is the most amazing thing about the Apple to me,

[26:22] which is in these numbers, there are easily 60 extras.

[26:29] Like, this is not, this is not the room

[26:32] where there's like four people in every scene.

[26:35] This is like, the budget for this movie was $5 million.

[26:40] Wow.

[26:40] Yeah.

[26:41] Is this like, this looks like a big production.

[26:43] I mean, like, it's cheap in certain ways,

[26:46] but it has like, lighting, big, crazy sets.

[26:49] People, costumes.

[26:50] And it has like costumes and like,

[26:52] a cast of thousands sort of thing.

[26:54] And design, like, every set has some element

[27:00] of design to it, yeah.

[27:02] And every dancer has a crazy costume.

[27:05] Like, they are, they're, even.

[27:06] I don't know, dude, they're in Germany.

[27:08] Like, this was shot, this was shot in Berlin, Germany.

[27:11] I'm sure you can just go to any store

[27:13] and buy one of those outfits.

[27:14] Well, that's what, at this point, in 1979,

[27:18] what West Germany was known for was it to whimsy.

[27:21] So, where.

[27:24] The thing is, Germany really took,

[27:26] that Germany really took its cue, style-wise,

[27:28] from the Apple.

[27:29] It was, in Germany, what, like, Annie Hall was

[27:33] for a generation of women in America,

[27:34] they all started wearing ties.

[27:36] And then you would talk about how,

[27:37] oh, that person has the Apple look.

[27:39] That's why they have bands of silver fiberglass

[27:42] all over their arms.

[27:43] Yeah, that's why that fellow's beard is covered in glitter

[27:46] and he's wearing a leather jumpsuit

[27:49] with the pointiest shoulders.

[27:51] That's why that guy is dressed like Mork from Ork.

[27:54] Yeah.

[27:56] So, at roughly this point,

[27:59] this is where BB's gonna sign the contract

[28:02] and Alfie starts having, they're in the office

[28:05] and they're being pushed to sign the contract,

[28:07] and Alfie starts having these, like, hallucinations

[28:10] of this situation as, like, a biblical, like,

[28:14] devil situation.

[28:15] Well, but, hold on.

[28:16] Well, there's a false start.

[28:18] Earthquakes and storms.

[28:19] Yeah.

[28:20] There's a false start where he has that vision

[28:22] and then everybody looks at him like,

[28:24] oh, what was that?

[28:25] And then.

[28:26] They all make fun of him and he's like,

[28:28] what did I say, something about T-shirts?

[28:30] And they.

[28:34] And then he dreams that they're Adam and Eve in hell

[28:37] being tempted by a magic apple.

[28:39] Which is not how that scene went down,

[28:42] in case anyone was wondering.

[28:44] Yeah, quite the opposite.

[28:45] They were in a very, very nice place at the time.

[28:47] They didn't take him to hell,

[28:47] like, what about this apple, though?

[28:49] Yeah.

[28:50] I think that kind of chips off the bad consequences

[28:54] of eating the apple if you take him down to hell for that.

[28:56] He's a vampire.

[28:58] A tasty apple, magic apple, juju apple.

[29:02] Even the lyrics that Dandy is singing

[29:05] make it sound like it would be terrible to eat the apple.

[29:08] He's like, mystify you, destroyify you, enslaveify you,

[29:14] that kind of stuff.

[29:15] It's all about how bad it's gonna be.

[29:17] And here's the thing.

[29:18] What's amazing about this is,

[29:20] and honestly, like I said,

[29:22] I've watched this movie 20 times.

[29:25] I think Alfie might have the shining, right?

[29:28] Because he sees this all going down, right?

[29:33] And BB is just like, okay, whatever.

[29:36] Like, BB is not, so this is not happening real time, right?

[29:41] No, I'm assuming it's a vision.

[29:43] Well, yes.

[29:44] It's tough to say because the costuming decision

[29:46] was basically like, hey, costume designer,

[29:50] I already had you create a terrifying world

[29:54] for this to take place in.

[29:55] Now I need you to take it a couple steps up.

[29:58] Well, what's great about this and.

[30:00] What makes it so genius in its storytelling is BB before this number about being tempted takes place

[30:09] has already signed. So this is not about Alfie trying to protect BB's soul. That's done. This

[30:18] is just about ramifications of the thing she has already done. It might as well just be

[30:27] Alfie going, oh no, really? Oh, shit. It's a great movie. To be honest, that giant apple

[30:36] looks pretty good, right? No, it doesn't. It looks like it's carved out of wood.

[30:42] The green apples are the best. Let me give credit where credit is due.

[30:45] The one person who has the double face makeup, amazing. Yeah. I think they got an actual

[30:53] deformed person to play that part. That's what the makeup was. Also, the apple is being presented

[30:59] by Dandy, who is wearing almost no clothes, but it's not like he's the most beautiful man in the

[31:05] world. He's just kind of like an average looking guy, but now he's next to naked. You're like,

[31:09] this is kind of awkward for everybody. First off, I think you sound insane right there. He's

[31:14] amazing looking. The best part about it is you see him in this tiny little outfit and this tiny

[31:19] little pair of shorts, but it isn't until about halfway through the song that all your fears are

[31:24] confirmed. When he turns around, you're like, that is a whole butt. That is not covering up his butt

[31:31] in the least. The apple is an amazing movie. Go on. It's a little something for the ladies.

[31:39] At this point, Alfie storms out. He refuses to sign. Bebe is trained to be a rock star

[31:45] Boogaloo style. Boogaloo sings a song about how it's great to be a dominating master.

[31:53] I will say the most upsetting song of perhaps the whole movie where the two people of color

[31:59] in the movie do sing about how great it is to have a master. I have said that I enjoy this movie.

[32:09] It is bad. In that way, I will say that is not good.

[32:14] They'll give up some ground over here, guys.

[32:16] I will say, listen, sometimes movies are bad in various ways. Sometimes it's the writing,

[32:22] sometimes it's the costumes, and sometimes it is the incredibly problematic themes.

[32:31] But it's saved because at this point, Bebe essentially becomes Dazzler from the X-Men.

[32:36] She's just like kind of a disco metal pop singer, and she sings this song that is a very confusing

[32:42] metaphor about America as a kind of drug, or maybe America's the drug addict. And honestly,

[32:48] it feels like a song Meat Loaf might have sang, and I genuinely like it a lot.

[32:52] Oh, it's so good. It's the best song.

[32:54] It is the best song. The best thing about it, and I think it is a super creative,

[32:59] incredibly interesting choice, is the half hitch that it is like when she says speed,

[33:07] it always comes a little sooner than it musically should. Right?

[33:12] Yes. And I love how all of her backup dancers...

[33:16] It's like she's bellowing it at you.

[33:18] Oh, it's so good.

[33:20] I feel like all the homophobic former Judas Priest fans just needed to see this sequence to be like,

[33:27] wait a minute. Those backup dancers are dressed exactly like Rob Halford.

[33:36] But which is awesome. I mean, they got the moves. They got the goods.

[33:39] I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. That's all stuff I like about it. This is the one song where

[33:43] I was like, maybe I'll buy the Apple soundtrack and I'll just put this one song on my iPod.

[33:49] It is. Honestly, this song, I'm coming. Are the two, in my opinion, best songs.

[33:55] I'm a child of love fan, but we'll get to that later.

[33:59] So now we come to Alfie who wakes up in a soundstage.

[34:06] Well, before that, Bibi is so successful that now everyone has to wear a BIM sticker and we see

[34:14] Alfie's Jewish landlady get a ticket from a police officer who looks like one of the space balls for

[34:20] not wearing a BIM sticker. It's like Alfie is renting a room in a Clifford Odette's play. It's

[34:29] like this rundown stage set of a crappy apartment and his landlady is like, no, so you want to cause

[34:35] trouble? It does look like they're about to cut over a stage left to where his therapist's office

[34:43] is. And when she's asking for the rent, his only response is to sneak up behind her,

[34:53] grab her breasts and then start playing a song on his guitar for her. Now, classic Dan move,

[34:59] am I right? Stuart, please share with us the observation that you made and how it evolved

[35:04] into your understanding of this person. I mean, obviously, as soon as this character is introduced,

[35:10] I'm like, this is the nurse from Romeo and Juliet. And in fact, she did play the nurse in Romeo plus

[35:16] Juliet. And as Professor Sprout in the Hogwarts movies starring Harry Potter,

[35:26] with Harry Potter. So somebody made it big out of this movie is what I'm saying.

[35:32] I will say when I watched this movie and I was like, oh, there's no names in this,

[35:37] except for Professor Sprout from the Hogwarts movie. When I look at the ruins and devastation

[35:44] of this movie and I'm like, wow, this earth is barren and salted. No life will grow. No? Nay?

[35:51] What's that sprout of green in the corner? Yeah, yeah. It's this actress whose name I don't

[35:57] remember. The wreckage of the apple. Yeah. So Alfie sings another song. This is about

[36:04] a what how BB has left him for evil. I think, frankly, yeah, another one of the better songs

[36:09] in the movie. But it does it does have the wonderful reaction. It has the wonderful reaction

[36:14] that happens that happens a couple of times in the movie where people are like love songs are out,

[36:20] which has never been a thing in all of human history ever. Oh, love. Was that the one subject

[36:29] there will always be songs about? Is there like a reactionary movement

[36:34] in like the late 70s where they're like modern music isn't about love enough?

[36:40] Never. To answer that question, Stuart, never. People are like love,

[36:44] that's a hundred million dollars right there. We don't like songs that use the word baby anymore.

[36:51] Yeah. So, yeah, my favorite part of the song is when they say no to Alfie, they do say,

[37:04] take a listen to what's on the radio and just write that where I'm like,

[37:07] he wrote a fucking love song. I don't know what else you want.

[37:11] Like, what are you hoping for, dude? Yeah, he's trying to sell his song to alternate

[37:16] a song publishing thing, I guess. But I'm like, who in this world that is controlled by BIM,

[37:23] how is there any other alternate music venues that he could go to?

[37:28] Well, do you think they just leave a couple of competing music businesses out there,

[37:35] music labels to keep them fresh? Just so they feel alive.

[37:37] Yeah, yeah. So they can squash them under their boot anytime they want, but they don't.

[37:43] Yeah. It's not the killing, it's the knowing that you can kill.

[37:48] Exactly. So what happens next, Elliot? So, next, so Alfie's song is rejected

[37:52] and then he gets a ticket for not having a BIM sticker. Uh-oh, time for the BIM hour.

[37:57] Guys, real quick. You gotta stop in your tracks.

[37:59] How does the cop not, why does he just tell the cop that the BIM sticker's up his butt?

[38:06] Yeah, the cop does say expressly that you can wear the sticker anywhere you want.

[38:11] Yeah. I mean, I think, big letter of the law, you could trick a cop. Unless, theoretically,

[38:18] they might check, in which case, then you'd be busted. However...

[38:21] Well, then you just fart in their face and run away giggling.

[38:25] Travis, that's a good point.

[38:26] What, with your pants around your ankles?

[38:27] Yeah! Listen, they just had a fart in their face. They're not up for a chase.

[38:30] Yeah, don't tell me you haven't done that, Elliot.

[38:33] I forgot the famous saying, fart in the face, not up for a chase.

[38:37] Yes, thank you. Now, here's my favorite thing about this movie.

[38:39] It started with the red sky at dawn, sailor take, uh, dawn.

[38:44] Sailor take pawn 12.

[38:45] Yeah.

[38:47] That classic chess move. You can't beat it. Now, here's the thing I love about this movie.

[38:51] Yeah, red light at dawn, sailor take pawn.

[38:54] Here's the thing I love about this movie. When BIM hour comes, everyone is taken by surprise.

[39:01] Like, they scheduled a surgery to happen during BIM hour.

[39:06] During BIM hour?

[39:08] Schedule around that shit!

[39:10] Now, do we make clear what BIM hour is? It's the state-mandated...

[39:14] No, we haven't.

[39:14] ...exercise break in the middle of the day, where everyone, uh...

[39:18] Where you do fitness exercises to the BIM song.

[39:21] Yeah.

[39:22] Yeah, but...

[39:22] I mean, it's basically just everyone dances.

[39:24] It's basically just everyone dances.

[39:26] But it's like a put-on for everyone, like, ugh, BIM hour, as though this has not happened.

[39:33] This is where time becomes a real sticky wicket, because, like,

[39:37] maybe BIM hour has been going on for, I don't know, eight years?

[39:42] Maybe this is the first time BIM hour has happened. It is unclear.

[39:47] But everyone is, like, surprised by it.

[39:49] Everyone, yeah, everyone's taken by surprise. Some are pretty happy about it, but, uh...

[39:55] Like the, like the firefighters who are like...

[39:57] The firefighters get a nice break from...

[40:00] They are fighting.

[40:02] I mean, that's my one.

[40:03] That's the one joke in the movie that I like

[40:05] is that Ben Mauer comes and they stop fighting the fire

[40:07] and exercise in front of a burning building.

[40:09] I'm like, the Apple, I'll give it to you.

[40:11] That's a pretty good joke.

[40:12] I really wish they'd cut to like people inside the building

[40:16] who were like crying out for help

[40:17] and instead they start dancing as well.

[40:20] We have a similar joke where the person on the slab

[40:23] of being operated upon tries to dance

[40:25] and then has a heart attack and dies.

[40:27] Well, you assume he dies.

[40:30] Well, yes.

[40:31] Show me the grave.

[40:33] Show it to me.

[40:37] It's the exact, that scene is the mirror opposite

[40:40] of the scene in Break Into Electric Boogaloo

[40:42] where they dance so hard

[40:43] that someone gets brought back to life.

[40:45] Mm-hmm.

[40:46] They actually film those back to back.

[40:49] They only have the set for the one day.

[40:51] Yeah.

[40:52] Yeah, just reverse the film in this movie.

[40:55] It does make me think that Golden Globe

[40:57] is really have a thing for the word boogaloo.

[41:01] This between this and Break Into.

[41:04] Yeah.

[41:05] They're big boogaloo fans.

[41:07] Boogaloo is a great word.

[41:07] Yeah.

[41:08] It's a great word.

[41:09] It was like how there was that time

[41:13] where every comedy was like,

[41:14] a character needs to be named Chuck.

[41:17] That's really funny, right?

[41:19] Well, it rhymes with fuck.

[41:20] No, but Dan, it rhymes with what?

[41:21] It can't get any funnier than that.

[41:22] Boogaloo?

[41:23] It rhymes with what, Dan?

[41:25] Fuck, Travis.

[41:27] It rhymes with what?

[41:28] I'm sorry, Travis.

[41:29] Say it with confidence, Dan.

[41:31] Dan, Dan, say it.

[41:34] Dan, say it, Dan.

[41:36] Travis is bringing a real interesting energy to this one.

[41:39] Say it, Dan.

[41:41] I didn't think we were gonna have more of a bully

[41:43] than Hodgman on the show.

[41:47] Fuck.

[41:49] Yeah.

[41:51] Yeah, Dan, I like that.

[41:52] Part of Travis was like Dan's older brother, Chet.

[41:56] Say it into my phone while I record my new ringtone.

[42:01] Okay.

[42:02] Say it for Stuart, Dan.

[42:03] I feel like this episode should just be titled Dan.

[42:07] Dan.

[42:08] Okay, so the BIM workout is done.

[42:13] The BIM workout goes forever.

[42:15] BB's going for a song. An hour.

[42:16] She's super confident. Possibly an hour.

[42:18] Oh yeah, the BIM workout goes exactly an hour.

[42:20] That hour somehow, it's almost like it's in real time.

[42:23] Like we experienced that full hour during the movie.

[42:26] But nobody cares about Dandy and Tandy anymore

[42:29] and they're pretty unhappy about it.

[42:31] And Alfie tries to go save BB,

[42:33] but he's beaten up by a bunch of thugs with fangs.

[42:36] That's right.

[42:37] We got a couple of Brightworks working for Boogaloo.

[42:40] One of them is literally named Bulldog.

[42:43] In the most like spot, it is though they said,

[42:47] what should we name this character?

[42:49] And they said, well, what does he look like?

[42:51] Yeah, these thugs,

[42:55] it feels very much like they're Gamorreans.

[42:58] Elliot, thoughts?

[43:00] Yes, no, I would agree completely.

[43:03] If I would say that maybe George Lucas stole the design

[43:05] for the, or the idea for the Gamorrean guards

[43:08] from these characters, it's possible.

[43:09] Those, yeah, those characters' masks

[43:12] are just life casts of these two gentlemen.

[43:14] There is a scene where they're wearing

[43:16] what looks like a paperclip,

[43:20] but like a paperclip harness

[43:22] that is exactly like a Gamorrean.

[43:24] Like it is literally like the same harness.

[43:27] Yeah, like if I was a kid

[43:29] and I wanted to be the Gamorrean guard

[43:32] when I'm playing Star Wars with my friends

[43:34] and they're all like,

[43:35] why the fuck do you want to be a Gamorrean?

[43:37] I'm like, oh, but it's cool, right?

[43:38] And I take my shirt off and try and make a harness.

[43:40] Yeah.

[43:41] I'd make it out of paperclips.

[43:42] That's exactly how I would look.

[43:43] It kind of looks like the Gamorrean guard outfit

[43:46] that they would sell.

[43:48] It's not name brand Gamorrean guard,

[43:50] but you could buy it at like the costume store.

[43:52] Yeah, green pig guard.

[43:55] When you're buying a costume to be a Gamorrean guard.

[43:58] Yeah, it's just called angry pig man.

[44:04] Rancor handler.

[44:07] I mean, they're more like rancor food, to be honest.

[44:11] Okay, rancor buddies.

[44:15] Little rancor buddies.

[44:16] I love that show, Rancor Buddies.

[44:18] Oh, it's so good.

[44:19] It's right up there with Rancor Babies.

[44:24] Tom Hanks and Peter Scurrleri pretend to be rancors

[44:26] to get into the rancor sorority.

[44:28] So sexy.

[44:30] That house that only, sorority.

[44:32] Do you know what Boots and Buddies is about, Dan?

[44:33] I don't know.

[44:36] What is it about?

[44:38] They are, it is not a sorority.

[44:40] They are grown men.

[44:42] The apartment building they live in is demolished

[44:44] and there are no other apartment buildings

[44:46] in the entire city of, I think, Chicago.

[44:48] And so they pretend to be women

[44:50] to live in a women's only apartment building.

[44:52] Wait, hold on, it's not a sorority?

[44:55] I also thought it was a sorority, Dan.

[44:59] You guys were thinking of the hit film Sorority Boys

[45:02] starring, what's his name?

[45:04] That comedian who was in every movie for a little bit.

[45:06] No, you are wrong.

[45:07] I was actually thinking of the Jason.

[45:11] Oh no, no, no.

[45:11] Who's the dude?

[45:12] Jason Voorhees?

[45:13] No, the dude from the single guy.

[45:16] Silverman?

[45:17] Jason Sudeikis?

[45:18] Jonathan Silverman.

[45:19] Jonathan Silverman.

[45:20] He did a movie called Sorority Brother?

[45:23] No, Sorority,

[45:26] that's what I was thinking of.

[45:27] No, you're thinking of Soul Man.

[45:28] No, I was not, and I never will be, too.

[45:32] See Thomas Howell do what?

[45:36] Mr. Wazowski?

[45:40] I imagine that Stuart has been waiting for years

[45:43] for someone to mention see Thomas Howell.

[45:46] My curse is lifted.

[45:47] How did you not say see Thomas Howell,

[45:51] which was his college radio name?

[45:55] I'm calling on all the Flophouse listeners,

[45:58] someone with Photoshop skills to make a children's primer

[46:02] that says, see Thomas Howell, see Thomas run.

[46:06] And I'd like to see that.

[46:10] Okay, you got me.

[46:12] You got me with that one.

[46:12] That was a good one.

[46:15] So what's going on in this movie?

[46:18] Oh shit, yeah.

[46:19] We're talking about.

[46:20] Well, in the movie.

[46:21] We know all the movie.

[46:22] Back to the movie.

[46:23] Cut to the movie.

[46:25] Smash cut.

[46:26] Now, cut to the movie.

[46:27] Now, B.B. sings a song.

[46:30] This is kind of the somewhere out there of the movie

[46:32] where B.B. and Alfie both sing a duet from different places.

[46:35] Oh yeah, that's when we did our-

[46:36] Oh, with the Vegas rain, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[46:38] Yeah, that's when we did a big hug here at Flophouse Manor.

[46:42] Yeah, it's true.

[46:43] When Alfie was singing in the rain.

[46:45] Yeah, there's a lot more snuggling involved in this.

[46:47] Flophouse East, there was a lot of snuggling.

[46:50] It took a lot of coaxing to get Dan into that snuggle.

[46:53] And he was in the middle too,

[46:54] so you can imagine how that went.

[46:56] Yeah.

[46:57] Yeah, we're not a small headed trio over here.

[47:01] You were there, Elliot, don't worry.

[47:03] Yeah, we printed out a picture of you

[47:05] and we snuggled back.

[47:06] Meanwhile, Alfie's landlady nurses him back to health

[47:09] with chicken soup because she's Jewish.

[47:11] And Alfie goes to, this is when he goes

[47:13] to the big drag party at Mr. Boogaloo's

[47:15] to try to three Bebe, but he gets drunk

[47:18] and he's confused by what he's seeing,

[47:20] all these men who don't look quite like men

[47:22] and gets seduced by Tandy,

[47:25] who sings the Coming For You song.

[47:28] Which is, in my opinion, the best song in the movie.

[47:32] Yeah?

[47:33] These are the most explicit lyrics, I think,

[47:36] of any song maybe ever written.

[47:38] Yeah, no, no, no, no.

[47:40] I'll steal a joke from Buffy here,

[47:42] they call it a single entendre.

[47:44] It is the most direct, like, sex,

[47:47] it's as though they said, well, we wanna write a sex song.

[47:51] But what if people don't get it?

[47:52] Don't worry.

[47:54] They're gonna get it.

[47:54] We've got it.

[47:56] The lyrics are like, when you think you can't,

[47:59] you don't have anymore, you're like,

[48:00] then I'll go deeper and tighter and wetter.

[48:03] And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

[48:05] come on.

[48:07] Let's run these lyrics by the boys over at ZZ Top,

[48:09] who brought us Pearl Necklace and Tube Snake Boogie.

[48:14] The first line might as well have been,

[48:15] put your penis inside me.

[48:20] Wait, what's this song about?

[48:22] I'm really glad that we now have Travis singing that on tape.

[48:26] I just love this song so much.

[48:28] This and Speed, I think, are the two best songs ever

[48:32] by humans.

[48:33] So this is where he, yeah, this is where he goes on his,

[48:37] this is where he goes on his literal descent.

[48:40] This is Alfie's lowest point,

[48:43] where he has a descent into hell,

[48:46] his vision blurs, he is surrounded by leering faces.

[48:51] But he never undresses in this whole sequence.

[48:55] There is one point that I still love

[48:57] because of the imagery of it,

[48:58] I'm trying so hard to understand,

[49:01] where Tandy is laid on her back

[49:04] with her head hung over the bed,

[49:07] and she's singing, and she seems to be climaxing,

[49:09] and then she and Alfie both set up.

[49:12] So they've both been laying on their backs,

[49:16] and it makes it unclear to me

[49:19] how they might have been engaging in any kind of coitus.

[49:22] Yeah, like, what is this,

[49:23] some kind of Alan Moore comic book?

[49:25] What's going on?

[49:26] It seems as though they were both just staring at the ceiling

[49:29] where they have stuck glow-in-the-dark stars

[49:32] to somehow imitate constellations.

[49:34] I loved her in that sex song,

[49:36] where it has those shots of,

[49:39] it looks like a constellation, to use your word again,

[49:42] because you said it, and I can't not say it now,

[49:45] of beds where almost naked men

[49:48] are writhing around with women in pretty covering teddies.

[49:54] 90s, yes, yes, yes.

[49:55] Yeah.

[49:56] Simulating sex, kind of, like.

[50:00] basically performing the moves that, say, somebody who's never had sex before would be like,

[50:04] yeah, this is probably how it works. It more seems like they're simulating Greco-Roman wrestling.

[50:09] Yeah, I mean, it looks, yeah, well, it looks kind of like, I don't know, paintings of sex that you

[50:14] see on the outside of an urn. Yes, it does seem like they've just cut to Xanadu. Yes, what is

[50:19] going on? It looks like what happens if you hit the right button combinations for King in the

[50:24] Tekken video games and he starts performing some kind of complicated throw.

[50:30] It's a great movie. That reminds me of my favorite moment from that sequence, which is when

[50:36] Tandy is wearing, like, a dress and she takes it off to reveal a kind of jumpsuit that is so much

[50:43] less sexy than the dress she was wearing over it. She is wearing a pink singlet underneath the dress,

[50:49] once again, as though she is ready to wrestle. Is she, like, does she sleep in that? What's

[50:55] going on with that thing? What's her deal? Is she made out of silly putty? What's going on?

[51:00] Yeah, so she is Clayface.

[51:05] So at this point, he has seduced her, right?

[51:10] Like, she seduced him. Much as in the Steven Soderbergh film Traffic,

[51:15] rock bottom is illustrated by someone having sex with a black person,

[51:19] which is, again, a plot point I'm not crazy about.

[51:22] Well, and also you get the added shittiness of, like, he has just slept with another woman,

[51:28] and then he walks into a room to find Bebe clearly drugged up, having sex with another man.

[51:34] And his reaction is so judgmental, as though he has not also just been drugged up having sex with

[51:42] another person. Like, how do you not in that moment be like, yes, I'm here too. I'm getting

[51:47] you out of here. And the thing that I find the most traumatic about this situation, the thing

[51:52] that I just don't understand, and almost made me throw up when I tried to contemplate the mysteries

[51:56] of it, is he walks into this room, nothing up to this point would indicate that these people

[52:02] wouldn't just want to have a threesome. Fair enough. Well, that's the thing. It's like,

[52:08] he looks at her having sex with him as though this is the first kind of thing. Like, he hasn't

[52:18] braced himself for, yes, in this sexual romp I've been engaged in in the last six minutes,

[52:25] she might maybe be having sex. Like, he has not braced himself for this particular moment

[52:34] in any way. Like, he was going to walk in and they were playing backgammon. Like,

[52:39] I don't know what he thought was going on. But he was like, and then he just leaves.

[52:46] It's like, I thought they were just singing partners.

[52:50] That's my Elfie impression.

[52:51] Oh, no, I did see you guys making out, but 45 minutes ago.

[52:55] Yeah. So yeah, he peaces out.

[52:58] He leaves. This terrifying situation has cleansed him. And he leaves and then wakes up in a park

[53:04] full of refugee hippies. They're just kind of like leftover hippies.

[53:08] Yeah, this guy who's clearly wearing heavy stage makeup wakes him up, this elderly man with a

[53:17] putty nose.

[53:18] Wonderful jump of like, oh, she's having sex with Tandy or whatever.

[53:24] A dandy?

[53:24] On a bench. And they were like, you were calling out her name in a dream. And he's like,

[53:29] no, I wasn't dreaming. I was like, okay, we were just watching the scene.

[53:33] Are you trying to convince us that that was the dream? And maybe he didn't sleep?

[53:36] What's going on? What is this?

[53:40] Yeah, the stage makeup on this Gandalf fellow looks like what would happen if Gandalf was one

[53:46] of the vampires on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

[53:48] Why did you keep saying Gandalf as though he wasn't Tom Bombadil?

[53:51] What the fuck? He was Tom Bombadil!

[53:54] He is carrying a dagger like Tom Bombadil would.

[53:58] So I assumed he was the old man with all the cats from Logan's Run, but Tom Bombadil was a better-

[54:03] He was actually old man Logan, strangely. That's why the claws came out of his hands.

[54:09] He's the head of this hippie enclave, and there's supposed to be these peaceful,

[54:13] wonderful people, but he always has a huge knife strapped to his waist.

[54:16] Well, and what's great then is he's hanging out with Alfie, and then the cops show up,

[54:21] and they're all like, okay, bye. And they leave their fires burning in the middle of this park.

[54:27] It's clearly a park. There are no woods.

[54:29] There are no woods. And they're just like, find us under the bridge.

[54:32] And it's like, Alfie, just go. Just go with Alfie.

[54:37] You see everyone, literally everyone else is running away from the police,

[54:41] and you just sit there.

[54:42] And then the cops literally said like, hey, get out of here.

[54:47] There is, it's not like he gets arrested, and when he frees himself,

[54:50] he has to go find them. The cops are just like, hey, go.

[54:55] Did you hear what they said about the bridge? Go there.

[54:58] Shoot. Go to the bridge.

[54:59] Go on, get. Get along.

[55:02] But this is also, this is, so let's for a second, let's take a moment and just look

[55:06] at what the hero of the movie has done throughout the film.

[55:08] He grabs his landlady's boobs as a joke, which is enough to get you kicked out of the Senate.

[55:16] He slept with a woman and then just left and was like, I hate you, you suck.

[55:20] And then he's just sitting there while campfires are burning around him.

[55:24] Abandoned fires in a public park, and he's just like, I'll just let this burn.

[55:27] I don't care. He's a bad dude. I don't like him.

[55:30] Well, not only that, but he reacts to the police showing up to this

[55:34] as though he has not had a run in with the cops up to this point,

[55:40] as though the cop showing up was OK. The way that the hippies react good for him.

[55:46] The way the hippies react is like a ghost hunter and they are ghosts and they're like,

[55:51] oh, we'll ban it. And he's like, what's going on?

[55:55] And it's like, it's the police. You know what this, you know,

[55:59] it's going to happen. They're going to come and ask you where your mark is.

[56:01] And you say up my butt and they're going to look at it right in their face.

[56:06] And you're going to run away. That's how it works.

[56:13] So then they're like, hey, find me at the bridge.

[56:16] And the cops are like, hey, go to the bridge.

[56:20] Bebe decides that she wants to leave. And Tandy, the female singer,

[56:26] helps her escape because sex with Alfie has changed her and made her a good person again.

[56:31] And Bebe is like, come with me. And she goes, no, it's too late for me.

[56:35] And they sing a duet about how their heart has changed.

[56:37] And Bebe has finally found her. I do want to acknowledge that moment

[56:42] in all of this movie, maybe the least explained moment of the entire movie,

[56:47] where Tandy is in the elevator with her and says it's too late for me.

[56:56] Yeah, she's escaping with with Bebe.

[57:00] Bebe's like, come with me. It's too late for me.

[57:04] You are in the elevator. You are not.

[57:07] We have not seen you in any way controlled by this.

[57:11] She meant literally too late. It was, you know, it was 9 p.m.

[57:15] And she just, you know, she's getting older.

[57:16] She doesn't like to leave her apartment when she's already there.

[57:18] Now fuck that and press the door close button.

[57:21] Yeah, exactly.

[57:22] Nah, shut up. Door close.

[57:25] And the what I loved about this scene is the majordomo character,

[57:31] who I think if you looked up in a dictionary, an image of a majordomo,

[57:36] I think this guy just totally fits the bill.

[57:39] He is wearing a tiny over his face, just bikini briefs,

[57:44] the tiniest bikini briefs and a robe that let's talk about this robe.

[57:48] It looks it looks pretty impressive from the front.

[57:51] And then he spins around and on the back,

[57:53] there's a large image and it says amazing stories.

[57:56] Yes, it is the best.

[57:59] This guy is and what's great, like, was he part of the crew on Amazing Stories?

[58:04] Was that their crew gift?

[58:06] I wish that this was challenged because there is a moment where that majordomo says,

[58:10] no, let her go.

[58:12] And Bebe leaves and then they don't ever get Bebe back.

[58:16] And I want to see a scene with Boogaloo where he's like, where's Bebe?

[58:19] And he's like, well, I thought this would go differently.

[58:24] But I did say, let her go.

[58:26] And you know what?

[58:27] In retrospect, boss, that's on me.

[58:30] That's my fault.

[58:31] I was I was playing hard to get.

[58:34] I said the guy in Star Wars was like, I'm just letting go.

[58:37] Reverse psychology on her.

[58:40] I thought she would be back.

[58:40] And that's of course what Mr. Boogaloo would say.

[58:42] But I want my Bebe back, Bebe back, Bebe back.

[58:44] I want my Bebe back.

[58:46] Bebe back ribs barbecue sauce.

[58:49] My daughter's name is Bebe.

[58:50] And Stewart numerous times throughout this movie looked at me and said,

[58:54] so you named her after this movie.

[58:57] And I can't refuse that.

[58:59] I don't think I did, but I have seen this movie a lot.

[59:03] So maybe.

[59:04] Yeah, you did.

[59:06] You did name your daughter one in ayahuasca trance.

[59:09] So you can confirm how you named her.

[59:12] Me and the woman from Romeo plus Julia.

[59:16] Oh, my God.

[59:17] It all makes so much sense now.

[59:19] You're right.

[59:20] So they're going to be out.

[59:22] Bebe Neuwirth is going to be listening to this episode and be like, not after me.

[59:26] Just crush her.

[59:27] No, it's Bebe Neuwirth.

[59:28] Don't even try.

[59:29] So have you seen Chicago?

[59:31] Well, forget about it.

[59:33] Yeah, it's a windy city.

[59:34] Great.

[59:34] So the Bebe goes running off.

[59:37] Alfie and Bebe both make their way to the Zardoz like hippie enclave that they all live in a cave.

[59:44] And it's fine because as their leader says, these people don't like television.

[59:49] OK, now I want to talk about my favorite thing in this movie.

[59:53] Child of Love.

[59:54] Child of Love is incredible.

[59:56] But one, Alfie grows.

[1:00:00] fake as big as beard but then they have a child their child listen uh elliot you and i are both

[1:00:07] fathers how old is that child so yeah as travis is saying there is a well no i mean what does the

[1:00:16] baby look like like yeah so after you have a child in the final scene of the movie how old

[1:00:20] is that child oh at least 32 okay there's another one of those three years old all right

[1:00:30] there's their newborn baby looks like it is it is past toddler age like their newborn baby is

[1:00:36] walking and talking guys is this a backdoor pilot for travis and elliot guess the age of babies

[1:00:42] yes it's going that well and so this baby full hair uh three feet tall uh and then yeah he's like

[1:00:52] hey he's like hey ma ma can i get some milk and then john bombadil says to the cops my baby's

[1:00:59] been with us for a year a year that's nine months of baby gestation that baby is maybe three months

[1:01:09] old in your timeline john bombadil i mean it's i mean follow the breadcrumbs travis that baby is

[1:01:18] obviously dandy's baby well that's what i'm saying wouldn't it be so much better exactly

[1:01:23] oh wait but even then maybe a year yeah maybe a year doesn't match up

[1:01:33] it's like how in a superman returns lois lane's boyfriend thinks that her child is

[1:01:38] his when it's clearly superman's and the whole time i was like did you two have sex with her on

[1:01:43] the same night like how could he think this they did i mean yeah i don't know i don't remember that

[1:01:50] movie that much but i do remember when they revealed that the kid has magic powers and i'm

[1:01:54] like yeah no shit movie well the kid has magic powers but also asthma oh right if i remember

[1:02:01] correctly so i assume because i've been watching a lot of smallville that asthma inhaler has

[1:02:06] kryptonite rocks and it means as they say and he developed it from that or it's been

[1:02:12] he gets his asthma from the earth's yellow sun what do you guys not want to talk about smallville

[1:02:19] because i will who is who is the bald fellow on that show on smallville yeah that was michael

[1:02:25] rosenbaum no who's the character lex luther williams no right it's alexander luther so but

[1:02:34] wait that's strange because in the comics lex luther is a man he's like an old man but imagine

[1:02:40] okay okay so you know how superman wasn't always superman but at one point was a super boy

[1:02:47] is that true it is true well not according to current continuity okay ellie could you stay

[1:02:53] out of this the comic book nerds are talking okay now imagine super boy okay yeah i can imagine it

[1:03:01] now imagine lex boy a character i have created lex boy come home it is a whole new ip

[1:03:11] and it's young lex luther and he's sexy so sexy oh and he's got a great voice

[1:03:18] and yeah he's bald but he is fucking elliot elliot i am talking about comics do you stick to sports

[1:03:29] sir this is my time yeah you meathead you're right i gotta stay in my lane gotta say okay

[1:03:36] so okay lex is so sexy lex sex boy and he's a young vampire oh okay he's a child of the night

[1:03:45] elliot elliot please so lex is a young vampire and superman is a young vampire and they kiss a lot

[1:03:54] okay i think i've read this fan uh-huh and also isn't that elliot elliot please

[1:04:03] and also green lanterns there and he's sexy and a vampire and they're kissing

[1:04:09] and then they're in space can can sephiroth from final fantasy 7 show up and sonics there too

[1:04:16] oh wow but they're mortal enemies travis how would that shake out they fight so hard they kiss

[1:04:22] that happens when they're both going after those rings yes but then they're going after

[1:04:26] each other's rings okay okay elliot what were you saying about football

[1:04:32] anyway i think maybe uh since we have i think a minute left in the movie let's just finish that

[1:04:37] up okay uh so they're in the park it's been a year later they have a three-year-old baby

[1:04:42] and boogaloo shows up with the cops he says we're gonna sue you for breach of contract because i

[1:04:48] guess there was a clause in the contract that says she couldn't go run off and live in a cave

[1:04:52] with a bunch of stone caveman hippies uh but then uh-oh mr tops is coming now mr tops you may think

[1:04:59] is a cartoon rabbit that's what i thought at first the first time i saw this but no mr tops is a kind

[1:05:06] of uh elton john looking god character who flies in in a magic limousine and what's amazing about

[1:05:12] this is let's give it to give credit where credit is due to how ridiculous this movie is

[1:05:17] there this is one of those many moments where you think i must have missed something because

[1:05:23] alfie yeah there must have been a reference right but there is not alfie out of nowhere says

[1:05:28] he is going to come mr tops and i will say in one of the few cogent moments of this movie

[1:05:38] bb says who's mr tops and we the audience are left wondering yes i also agree with that question

[1:05:47] and he says don't worry mr tops is coming in what must have been 45 minutes of cut footage

[1:05:55] yeah and then a 100 realistic car comes flying into this into the through the sky and a man

[1:06:04] exits that vehicle midair and walks down to the ground the whole thing looks amazing i should say

[1:06:12] right now seamless and this is very late spoiler alert but watch this movie because what we are

[1:06:18] describing now to you're like oh they've skipped so much no no no no my friends join us on this

[1:06:25] metaphysical journey yeah this is this is the moment where i'm like this is weird because if

[1:06:30] neil breen had made this movie he would be this character but he would have also been all the

[1:06:36] other characters yeah this is the prince of egypt moment in which he is both moses and also god so

[1:06:45] mr tops he comes by and he it's kind of like if god was a a middle-aged porn producer on his way

[1:06:53] adult video awards

[1:06:57] like he's just wearing like a gold tuxedo and he has this kind of puffy uh like middle-aged albert

[1:07:03] finney look and i will say the actor playing mr tops i think does a great job in his few moments

[1:07:08] of time as as as god he brings a certain gravity to the role because he he's essentially doing the

[1:07:14] same thing that ralph richardson does at the end of time bandits and he's kind of almost as good

[1:07:19] i'll say hot take well that's the thing is here i will say if there had been three references to

[1:07:27] mr tops before this moment yeah if there had been any passing reference this this actor would be

[1:07:37] like oh shit give that guy like a golden globe and a golden globus a daytime something and uh

[1:07:47] and he says uh so mr tops comes down and he says all you hippies go i'm gonna start a new planet

[1:07:53] for you somewhere without mr boogaloo and mr boogaloo says but the world can't exist without

[1:07:57] me and mr tops says let's give it a try now here what's great here's what's great about that

[1:08:04] this does not adhere to a single goddamn religion that exists in the world

[1:08:12] because there is not a religion that's like comet guys okay yeah okay that's fair because

[1:08:19] listen i wouldn't call myself an expert but i don't think there is a single may yes the hill

[1:08:24] bob comet the uh the heavens gate people but everyone else is like i don't think god just

[1:08:30] bops from planet to planet this is looking for a place without the devil this is what i turned to

[1:08:35] travis at the end of the movie and i'm like so wait and travis could anticipate my objection

[1:08:42] which was okay this is god like why can't he just get rid of mr boogaloo on earth

[1:08:49] rather than just being like peace out we're going to a different planet that's not god's way damn

[1:08:54] damn tell me about god damn i guess i guess god does uh allow uh for free will god works in

[1:09:02] mysterious ways dan yeah hey guys what if god was one of us name one time god

[1:09:09] maybe like just a stranger on the bus where's he going

[1:09:15] no answer you reacted as though you had a delay with dan and not just

[1:09:21] elliot i can't ask you a direct question stewart and you just didn't respond i'm like

[1:09:27] wait i have something really exciting on my phone going on oh an update might as well get on this

[1:09:35] wait was it is it okay is it a software update or is it like an update from like the new york

[1:09:40] times or something a software update okay you can get updates from the new york times

[1:09:47] push notifications they say hi dan just check it out how's your day

[1:09:51] dan when the new york times says stop writing to us we're not interested that's not an update

[1:09:56] okay hey don't be mean to dan but anyway

[1:10:00] In this scenario, what am I sending the New York Times that they're not saying this is between me and Elliot, I'm going to guess poems.

[1:10:15] OK, you're beautiful, beautiful poems, Dan, and they're like, sorry, sir, but the title Dan in real life has already been taken by a movie about pancakes.

[1:10:25] Beautiful, sir. And that's the end of the apple, the good people all go off into the into into another planet, limousine heaven, and Mr.

[1:10:37] Boogaloo is left to enjoy running the world of disco and amazing dancing.

[1:10:43] Listen, I don't think we're doing it justice.

[1:10:45] How much the end of this movie is literally like the joke end of a movie for someone in a movie who can't figure out how to end their movie.

[1:10:54] This is literally like and then God shows up, they all get in a car and float off into space.

[1:11:01] Yeah, it is the most it is the most like joke, but serious ending.

[1:11:08] Yeah. I have ever seen in my entire life.

[1:11:13] Yeah. We were saying, you know, it's a literal day of sex mockery.

[1:11:16] Yeah. Yes.

[1:11:17] Yeah. Stephen King's like thumbs up to this ending.

[1:11:21] Wraps it up with a bow, a garden machine and the machine is a Lincoln Continental.

[1:11:29] All right. Oh, God, we've gone long.

[1:11:31] There's something great about that shot of the ghost walking through the sky.

[1:11:35] And I'm like, I think the filmmakers assume this is supposed to, like, capture everybody's imagination.

[1:11:43] But it just looks really bad.

[1:11:45] Well, it's like they know it's 1979.

[1:11:48] They called a young M. Night Shyamalan and said, what's a twist we might put in this movie?

[1:11:55] And he said, get this.

[1:11:57] Yeah, I go.

[1:11:58] Hey, I'm British boy.

[1:12:00] I'm not, you know, that movie ending you've been looking for.

[1:12:03] Well, listen to this boy.

[1:12:05] Maybe make me God.

[1:12:09] I love I like this character.

[1:12:12] Now, I'm just with the endings.

[1:12:15] What I what I like about this ending is the movie ends on the image of a crowd of people shuffling off to nowhere,

[1:12:23] looking pretty depressed, much like the audience of the Apple, I assume, walked out of the original screening.

[1:12:29] Just like, oh, it was like the filmmakers like, let me give you a little taste of your future.

[1:12:33] You're going to walk out in a row and you're going to be real unhappy about it.

[1:12:36] That audience, after hurling copies of the complimentary, the Apple soundtrack they were given,

[1:12:43] hurling enough of them that it apparently damaged the screen.

[1:12:47] That is true. That is real.

[1:12:50] There are so many wonderful facts.

[1:12:52] This movie was a tax shelter.

[1:12:55] It got booed of its first screening.

[1:12:57] As Stewart said, they damaged the screen.

[1:13:01] Before we do final judgments, I want to list some of the taglines for this movie that you might see on a poster or something.

[1:13:08] Go through those. A funky fantasy that'll rock your world.

[1:13:11] Nice. It's 1994.

[1:13:13] The future is music and music is their future.

[1:13:17] What? This one's confusing.

[1:13:18] Eat it. Oh, wait.

[1:13:21] Oh, yeah.

[1:13:23] Not just not just big fans of Weird Al.

[1:13:26] This one's weird. Not just the go fuck yourself.

[1:13:30] Hey, fuck off.

[1:13:32] This one will get you in the theater.

[1:13:34] The Power of Rock in 1994.

[1:13:37] That is actually still on the DVD, which I will present to both of you at the end of this evening.

[1:13:43] Oh, wow. Thanks.

[1:13:44] The power of the magic of space.

[1:13:47] The Power of Rock in 1994 is a pretty great tagline because you're like, yeah, Nirvana, that sounds awesome.

[1:13:54] Well, what I love about this movie is Stewart.

[1:13:58] Well, I love many things about this movie, but Stewart texted me a couple of days ago to say, hey, have you checked your copy?

[1:14:04] Because Elliot's copy that you sent him does not work.

[1:14:09] No, it's just very telling to me.

[1:14:12] Like a movie in general.

[1:14:14] Elliot's DVD player is like, no, I'm looking out for you on this one, buddy.

[1:14:20] I put it in the DVD player multiple times.

[1:14:22] Each time it said no disc.

[1:14:25] Come on, the DVD players like cannot violate the rules, cannot violate the laws of robotics.

[1:14:32] They wish there was a button to allow you to come to harm.

[1:14:35] I wish there was just a button that said yes, disc, no disc.

[1:14:39] Yes, so we should do final judgments.

[1:14:44] The best is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie or movie.

[1:14:48] You kind of like a good, bad.

[1:14:51] Did I do that right? Yeah, it's perfect.

[1:14:54] Wow. Travis is right on the gate.

[1:14:56] I will say I'll agree with Travis.

[1:14:58] This is a good, bad movie.

[1:15:00] It's kind of like it's it's the perfect movie to watch with a bunch of people and make jokes.

[1:15:06] Yeah, I agree. It's a good, bad movie.

[1:15:09] You'll be transfixed by there's always something weird going on.

[1:15:12] And I love, OK, that's why that tickled me.

[1:15:18] You could have just said, I agree, it's a good, bad movie.

[1:15:20] But then you spun into this like Siskel and Ebert-esque review, like there's always something weird going on.

[1:15:28] That's the fucking pull quote. Put it on the DVD.

[1:15:32] Elliot? And yeah, I'd say also a good, bad movie.

[1:15:36] If it's a movie that still manages to entertain, despite, as I say, being like it has a message that I don't agree with.

[1:15:44] Because to be honest, I think I'd much rather stay on Boogaloo's world than go up into limousine heaven with with Mr.

[1:15:52] Topps. But it's a good, bad movie to watch.

[1:15:54] Like I said, it has a bunch of songs where the lyrics are nonsensical and then one super sexy song that's not very good.

[1:16:00] And then one song that's genuinely a meatloaf level rocker.

[1:16:05] I actually have now been convinced this is a shitty movie.

[1:16:10] It has many problematic moments that I do not adhere to.

[1:16:13] No one should watch this movie.

[1:16:17] Thank you, Elliot, for ruining a movie that I used to enjoy, but now I realize is bad.

[1:16:24] Wow. This is the first full on flip flop on the flop house.

[1:16:27] I thought this was a good movie, a good, bad movie.

[1:16:30] But now I realize it is bad.

[1:16:33] Thank you so much, Elliot, for ruining a brief moment of joy that I found in this dark world.

[1:16:41] But now I find is bad.

[1:16:44] And I never now, in retrospect, enjoyed a moment of my life.

[1:16:48] Sure. Thank you. Yeah.

[1:16:49] Yeah. Travis calls Elliot out for virtue signaling.

[1:16:52] Dan, what's the next?

[1:16:55] Yeah, Mark. Hey, buddy.

[1:16:57] Oh, hey, what's up, man? So I'm at this Mafia restaurant.

[1:17:01] What? I'm going to go in and ask these guys what they think the best pasta shape is.

[1:17:06] Mark, they're probably eating. I have a hunch that it's probably ravioli.

[1:17:10] But I mean, you know what? That's a good idea.

[1:17:12] Whatever they're eating. I'll just take a look in their bowls.

[1:17:14] Why don't you do what they have? Maybe it's supposed to be a big meeting there today.

[1:17:17] He's saying he's going to take a look in their bowls and see what they have.

[1:17:21] Why don't you do what they have? Maybe it's supposed to be a big meeting there today.

[1:17:23] Can you see it from the street?

[1:17:25] That sounds really dangerous.

[1:17:26] I'm just going to go inside and ask.

[1:17:27] Don't don't bother them.

[1:17:29] They're probably eating, you know.

[1:17:30] I'm not threatened by them.

[1:17:31] How about we tell them what the best pasta is on our podcast?

[1:17:34] We got this with Mark and Hal.

[1:17:36] Oh, that's a great idea.

[1:17:37] Thank God. Tuesdays at nine on MaximumFun.org.

[1:17:40] Hey, I love that show.

[1:17:48] Following the news is hard and it sucks.

[1:17:50] How do you know which stories are important?

[1:17:52] Which sources do you trust in this post-truth world of reactionary journalism?

[1:17:56] I'm Brett Black.

[1:17:57] And I'm Travis McElroy.

[1:17:59] And we host a podcast called Trends Like These.

[1:18:01] We cover trending news stories.

[1:18:03] We debunk misleading clickbait headlines.

[1:18:05] And we always try to throw in a little bit of good news.

[1:18:08] In our quest for truth.

[1:18:10] So join us every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found.

[1:18:18] Now we thank our sponsors.

[1:18:20] What do we do now, Dan?

[1:18:22] Well, we talk about our sponsors.

[1:18:26] Oh, great.

[1:18:27] And one of them is Blue Apron.

[1:18:30] Oh, Blue Apron. I love Blue Apron.

[1:18:33] Well, you want to hear me talk about Blue Apron, Dan?

[1:18:37] Sure. Why don't you talk about them a little bit?

[1:18:39] Do you guys like food?

[1:18:40] Yep. Sure.

[1:18:41] Be honest.

[1:18:42] I mean, OK, you got me. I'm honest.

[1:18:44] OK. You know, I can only be me, baby.

[1:18:47] You know how you like food, but you don't know where it comes from.

[1:18:50] Yeah. Right.

[1:18:51] And you just like wake up and food's there.

[1:18:53] Comes from Blue Apron.

[1:18:55] Wow. It's the only place to get food, you guys.

[1:18:59] In this post-apocalyptic world that we live in,

[1:19:04] Blue Apron is the only option left to us.

[1:19:07] Yep. You got to put a Blue Apron mark on your forehead.

[1:19:09] That's true.

[1:19:10] And you wear that Blue Apron mark, that blam mark.

[1:19:14] Yep. And it comes and the food comes and you don't question it.

[1:19:18] Well, not quite. Dan, don't question it.

[1:19:22] It's pre-portioned ingredients with all the instructions right there.

[1:19:27] It is, listen, good food.

[1:19:28] You don't have to know how to cook.

[1:19:30] It just comes to you and you don't question it.

[1:19:33] And you make the food and you don't question it.

[1:19:39] What do you have to do, Dan?

[1:19:40] Well, I also want to mention that for eight weeks

[1:19:46] and that's ending on February the 26th, Blue Apron is teaming

[1:19:49] with Whole30 to bring you delicious recipes.

[1:19:53] The menu will feature two Whole30 approved recipes each week,

[1:19:57] like chicken and kale, orange salad with spicy.

[1:20:00] Tahini dressing

[1:20:01] sounds delicious kick start your new year with a blue apron and whole 30 and

[1:20:07] Flop house listeners can get $20 off their first order by visiting blue apron blue apron

[1:20:14] Calm yep, slash flop house say it again, Dan

[1:20:17] Check out this week's menu. I gave you $30 off

[1:20:21] Yeah with free shipping at blue apron comm slash flop house blue apron a better way to cook

[1:20:27] I think the first time I said $20 off. It is $30. You know what I like about that damn

[1:20:32] Can I tell you what when you said tahini and remind me of tahani like from good place? Yeah?

[1:20:38] It's not a fun. Joke is I'm just saying no. I just reminded you of a thing that

[1:20:44] Place yeah, that's good. I liked about it. I liked anyways

[1:20:49] Uh-huh, Dan. I like that you misread a number that was right in front of you

[1:20:54] Uh

[1:20:57] It's damn in this room

[1:21:02] And twos look a lot like threes I get it it's okay. There's a curve uh

[1:21:06] We've got another sponsor

[1:21:09] And it's called zip recruiter. Oh, I'd love zip recruiter

[1:21:12] Can I tell you about the super craters sure in this post-apocalyptic world when you need people to guard your gates from?

[1:21:19] You know wasteland zombies yep, but you don't know how to hire those people no right no

[1:21:25] So you go to zip recruiter you put in like mean?

[1:21:28] zombie snipers

[1:21:29] Calm yeah, and zip recruiter is gonna provide those for you. No questions asked

[1:21:35] Don't know why you put that's my favorite thing about a recruiter. No questions asked

[1:21:41] Yeah, damn go on well zip recruiter does all this by posting your job to over 100 job boards with just one click

[1:21:48] No questions

[1:21:51] They actively look for the most qualified candidates and invite them to apply no

[1:21:56] Questions asked no wonder 80% of employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate to the site in just one day

[1:22:04] one question asked

[1:22:06] Zip recruiter the smartest way to hire and right now our listeners can post jobs on zip recruiter for free

[1:22:13] That's right. The cost is free. Yep. Just go to a zip recruiter comm

[1:22:18] Slash flop house that's zip recruiter.com. How much does that cost slash flop house? It's free

[1:22:27] Interrupted me right in the middle of my ad read

[1:22:34] Twice

[1:22:40] Twice okay

[1:22:43] House or slash froth house

[1:22:45] Actually

[1:22:48] Both will take you there. I was watching him right now. He just bought the URL

[1:22:53] Yeah

[1:22:55] So I think the next part of this podcast is juju jumbo

[1:23:03] Okay, and we got the jumbotron it is jumbotron

[1:23:09] It's weird you're the one who has a lag yeah talking to Elliot over Skype why I wasn't paying attention

[1:23:15] Okay, guys, hey guys. Hey guys, when are we gonna do the jumbotron? Oh boy

[1:23:21] Yeah, it's coming up cuz there's a lag on this end, okay

[1:23:27] Cage match cast is a podcast for people who wish cage miss was year-round

[1:23:33] Each week a new movie steps into our audio steel cage to face slash off

[1:23:41] against a Nicolas Cage movie

[1:23:43] Cage match cast a Nick cage podcast for your ears and your mind

[1:23:49] So why don't you guys go subscribe to cage match cast on?

[1:23:53] iTunes today

[1:23:56] Sounds like a good choice. I love me some Nicolas Cage

[1:24:01] Elliot I believe you also have a message I

[1:24:04] Do I have a personal message?

[1:24:06] This is a personal message Dan if you could please be quiet because this is kind of personal

[1:24:10] Mm-hmm, and I need a moment. So Dan if you could Dan if you could not but in this is pretty personal

[1:24:16] This message is for okay. I won't but in and oh

[1:24:20] boy

[1:24:22] This message is for Tacoma and the message is from some husband and the message goes like this

[1:24:28] This isn't revenge for the time

[1:24:30] You paid the Mackle boys a hundred dollars to shame me about finding out what all of my Xmas presents were a few years ago

[1:24:35] It's to shame you for not liking the new Mario you monster and also happy b-day happy V day

[1:24:42] That's the V as in Valentine's and happy

[1:24:45] haberdashery

[1:24:46] That's I'm so close to some husband. I'm so glad I can be here at Tacoma

[1:24:52] We're even

[1:24:55] Coma no questions asked

[1:24:58] We're even

[1:25:01] I'm coming for you

[1:25:03] Wow, the weird thing is Travis is making eye contact with Dan the whole time when he said that

[1:25:09] Tacoma I'm gonna kill Dan because of the thing you did

[1:25:20] I've had a good run

[1:25:26] Have you really I don't know let's ask

[1:25:29] Named Emmy

[1:25:34] Yeah, I mean I'd say up until like, you know two or three years ago I had a pretty good

[1:25:39] Actually, I would say when you were 12, you were doing great. Yeah, and then it all went downhill

[1:25:44] Mm-hmm. Oh boy back when you're 12 and everyone was like that kids got knees for days

[1:25:48] So

[1:25:56] What's the knees you were looking for well listen to this

[1:26:02] So, what's the bees what do we what do we do now Danny?

[1:26:07] Now we've got some letters from listeners

[1:26:10] listeners like you

[1:26:12] Um

[1:26:14] No, not you Stuart letters

[1:26:16] We do it's not a listener Stewart's the host. I was gonna do a song but

[1:26:21] Yeah. Yeah, what's what's stopping you? LA just bulldozes over. Yeah. No now I was gonna do

[1:26:28] That when like letters no, no go for it

[1:26:36] It was gonna be great it was gonna be like

[1:26:39] Into the woods kind of thing

[1:26:43] With like a whole motif about how letters are scary, but the way is clear but letters

[1:26:50] Yeah, that's weird. I got a message. Yeah, I'm not done. I have a message from your brothers

[1:26:55] They say you would totally chicken out of doing a song if you met the letter resistance. We've got letters

[1:27:02] God damn it Elliot

[1:27:05] No, how about Elliot you just do it if you're such a big man, oh, you're so brave Dan stay out of it

[1:27:12] Dan this is between me and Elliot prove yourself

[1:27:16] Look Travis. Hey, we could fight about this

[1:27:19] And yeah, I'd win that fight

[1:27:20] But I think I want to show you that you've got the strength and you've got the confidence

[1:27:25] You've got the ability inside you so I'm gonna give you a second chance at life love and song about letters

[1:27:31] Well, should we sing a letter song together with 30 seconds lag

[1:27:35] I would love to accept occasionally the Skype call has been blipping out, but we can try our best

[1:27:41] Okay, let's call this duet. Let's go. Let's call this duet

[1:27:45] Skype lag for letters. Okay on three one two three

[1:27:52] Letters, we've got letters

[1:27:56] And we're so excited to bring letters to you

[1:28:02] the listener and you and you and us and I

[1:28:07] And it's the letters and it's time for Dan to read

[1:28:19] Guys I just I just got a message the audience's heartbeat reached over a hundred and fifty

[1:28:25] It's a boogaloo

[1:28:30] This letter hey, hey, hey letters on the way

[1:28:35] This letter is from Sarah last name withheld

[1:28:39] Who writes my husband is a huge fan of your show has been following you for years and years and years

[1:28:44] He's turned several of his friends into fans. One of them was once referenced on your show bumping into Elliot's on a Popeye's run

[1:28:51] We both loved another his friends into a jack-in-the-box and then wished him to the cornfield

[1:28:57] You both love your humor wit and whimsy my husband's 35th birthday is on February 26th

[1:29:03] Yes, I'd love to make him a flop house themed birthday party

[1:29:07] Okay, I'm not quite sure what that would entail

[1:29:09] But I was wondering if you had any suggestions or merchandise available that I could purchase to make it seem more official much love

[1:29:15] Much love Sarah last name withheld. Well, we do have merchandise, but I don't feel smarter. We would have merchandise

[1:29:21] I didn't hear my name in that at all. Oh

[1:29:25] But this is where Travis you can suggest flop house related birthday. No stuff. Okay. Here's what you do

[1:29:32] Popeye's

[1:29:34] Yeah, that's Elliot. Mm-hmm. I go bit of beer and that's steward and maybe you feel bad about those

[1:29:40] And that's death. Yeah regret those choices

[1:29:43] Correct me if I'm wrong

[1:29:45] Correct me if I'm wrong. This letter was written by a wife. Yes, that wife probably has a butt and that's part of the party

[1:29:52] Hey, here we are. Do you have a

[1:29:56] Do you have a

[1:30:00] Well, let's not assume they have a butt.

[1:30:02] Yeah, many millions of Americas each year

[1:30:05] are tragically born without butts.

[1:30:08] Come with me, Mo, won't you?

[1:30:10] Really, millions?

[1:30:13] Most people don't have butts.

[1:30:16] I'm very passionate about this charity, Elliot,

[1:30:18] because it really speaks to me.

[1:30:21] I suffer as much as the victim.

[1:30:24] It really sinks up behind you.

[1:30:27] Yeah.

[1:30:29] Now I like to believe, Dan, that you're

[1:30:31] like one of those celebrities who suddenly becomes

[1:30:34] a conspiracy theorist.

[1:30:35] You're like, are people losing their butts

[1:30:37] because of these chemtrails?

[1:30:39] Oh, my god.

[1:30:40] Elliot, what you don't see, Dan just

[1:30:42] stood up and pulled a prosthetic butt out of his pants.

[1:30:48] The weird thing was-

[1:30:48] He has been without a butt this whole time.

[1:30:50] That's why he's been so focused on butts.

[1:30:51] That's why I'm so covetous of other butts.

[1:30:53] Now he's pulling a second prosthetic butt out

[1:30:56] of the front of his pants?

[1:30:57] Wait, and a third?

[1:30:59] From the side?

[1:31:01] And a fourth from his back?

[1:31:03] Dan!

[1:31:04] He said it's to protect him against Travis attacks?

[1:31:08] Too late.

[1:31:10] Ow.

[1:31:12] Should have kept that butt.

[1:31:14] Yeah.

[1:31:15] I told you not to lose that butt.

[1:31:16] I kind of wish that bit had gone to the point

[1:31:19] where Dan takes off his overcoat,

[1:31:21] and it's just two children, one standing

[1:31:23] on the shoulders of the other.

[1:31:24] This is avarice, and this is butts.

[1:31:28] Yeah, so I guess that answers your question, Sarah.

[1:31:32] Thanks for listening.

[1:31:33] Thanks to your husband.

[1:31:34] Thank your husband for listening.

[1:31:35] I don't know, just put some crepe paper up

[1:31:37] and put Neil Breen's face on it or something.

[1:31:43] Nicolas Cage.

[1:31:43] Put on a Nicolas Cage movie, pop some corn, you know.

[1:31:47] Leave your brain at the door.

[1:31:49] Yeah.

[1:31:50] Hey, just take something bad, and then turn it around

[1:31:52] and make it something good, and that's the Flophouse way.

[1:31:56] This letter is from Patrick, last name with Held,

[1:31:59] who writes, one of my favorite comedic scenes.

[1:32:01] Patrick McGowan from The Prisoner?

[1:32:03] Yeah.

[1:32:05] One of my favorite comedic scenes

[1:32:06] used to be the classic bit from Bruce Almighty,

[1:32:09] where the now omnipotent Jim Carrey messes around

[1:32:11] with the smug newsman Steve Carell

[1:32:14] by forcing him to pass gas, speak in a high-pitched voice,

[1:32:17] scream gibberish, et cetera.

[1:32:19] 11-year-old me found this riotous.

[1:32:22] However, recently watching that clip on YouTube

[1:32:25] only conjured up feelings of disgust

[1:32:26] towards that film and myself.

[1:32:28] It's not funny that Jim Carrey is using Steve Carell

[1:32:31] as a flesh puppet.

[1:32:32] That's some badass, rogue, show-gun,

[1:32:36] Stu Wellington voice.

[1:32:37] Fucked up shit, bro-heme.

[1:32:40] That's pretty close.

[1:32:41] My question, what's the scene from a film

[1:32:46] that you loved slash found hilarious as a child,

[1:32:49] but as an adult now find crude, insufferable, or depressing

[1:32:52] that you even liked it in the first place?

[1:32:55] Can I answer?

[1:32:56] Yeah.

[1:32:57] I will say along those same lines,

[1:32:58] basically anything from Ace Ventura is like,

[1:33:02] I feel like I was right in the wheelhouse

[1:33:07] of thinking Jim Carrey was very, very funny

[1:33:11] for like the mask, Ace Ventura,

[1:33:14] that I was like, this is gold.

[1:33:16] But now when I think about it.

[1:33:17] Yeah, like when he says, somebody stop me,

[1:33:19] you're like, no, no one's stopping.

[1:33:21] No, don't stop him, this is great.

[1:33:24] But now-

[1:33:25] You are smoking, sir.

[1:33:26] Yes, ah, P-R-A-T-Y, because I love it.

[1:33:32] But no, they're so, oh, it's just,

[1:33:35] it's heinous not only in like, it's not funny,

[1:33:39] but also in that like 90s way of like,

[1:33:42] ah, so much of this is homophobic, transphobic,

[1:33:46] blah, blah, fatphobic, all of these things

[1:33:49] that like, it makes me sad for like 10-year-old Travis

[1:33:53] that laughed at that shit.

[1:33:56] Yeah, I mean, like mine is sort of similar along the line.

[1:33:59] I mean, I would say about half of Animal House

[1:34:02] hasn't aged well, and-

[1:34:06] All of it, all of it hasn't aged well.

[1:34:08] And, you know, I found it very-

[1:34:10] That's because Elliot's not a party dude.

[1:34:11] That's how I like, why Elliot feels that way.

[1:34:13] I found it funny as a kid.

[1:34:15] No, I like the elitists.

[1:34:19] When they're trying to shut down Animal House,

[1:34:21] they're like, yeah, yeah, shut down Animal House.

[1:34:24] Put them on triple-seeker probation, who cares?

[1:34:27] Yeah, I think they are doing bad shit.

[1:34:31] I will argue.

[1:34:32] The fraternity that's breaking the rules

[1:34:33] and hurting people and misleading women

[1:34:35] to make them sleep with them, yeah, shut that house down.

[1:34:37] Shut that shit down.

[1:34:38] And while you're at it, shut down that PCU house.

[1:34:43] And how about those nerds?

[1:34:45] I mean, no, shut those guys down.

[1:34:47] They're totally rapists.

[1:34:49] No, they're also bad.

[1:34:50] Listen, you know what?

[1:34:51] Maybe they're all bad?

[1:34:54] And also the zapped guys, fuck them.

[1:34:57] I mean, if you're given the powers of a god,

[1:34:59] you can't be expected to play by the rules of mortals.

[1:35:01] I actually, I think there's a window of time

[1:35:05] from like 1981 to 1995 when those movies,

[1:35:10] all of them should be burned and never watched again.

[1:35:15] They should all be fed into a pyre

[1:35:17] because they are pretty much all misogynists.

[1:35:22] And this is not Travis McElroy virtue signaling.

[1:35:25] This is literally me saying,

[1:35:26] I don't think there's anything redeemable about the,

[1:35:30] whichever one of us is the last one to get laid.

[1:35:34] Like that shit, that can go right out the window.

[1:35:39] Yeah, yeah, you're probably right.

[1:35:41] Whichever one of us is the last one to get laid

[1:35:45] has to write a whole dissertation

[1:35:47] about women's voting rights.

[1:35:50] What I love is it sounds like Ray Romano

[1:35:53] is in a teen sex comedy.

[1:35:54] Yeah, bro, I gotta get laid

[1:35:57] or I'm gonna get drunk on The Simpsons.

[1:36:01] No, no, no, no.

[1:36:05] It's all Barney Gumbel, right?

[1:36:07] Yep.

[1:36:09] It's him, Barney was on Everybody Loves Barney.

[1:36:15] Barney's more like this.

[1:36:17] Okay, shut up, Dan.

[1:36:18] All right.

[1:36:19] No, I mean, that was pretty good.

[1:36:20] Can we have fun for two fucking seconds, Dan,

[1:36:22] without you jumping in and policing this shit?

[1:36:26] Anyways, what's the next question?

[1:36:27] All right, so basically like 80s and early 90s comedies.

[1:36:31] Yeah, I mean, this has nothing to do with that,

[1:36:35] but it reminds me of,

[1:36:38] I can't watch the movie Wayne's World anymore

[1:36:40] because I loved it so much.

[1:36:43] And when I was in sixth grade,

[1:36:44] a friend of mine and I were jealous

[1:36:47] that our other friend had a girlfriend,

[1:36:48] our friend Casey Crowe had a girlfriend.

[1:36:50] So we thought it would be fun to like mess with them

[1:36:55] by doing the like foxy woman thing from Wayne's World.

[1:37:01] Just talking about it makes me embarrassed.

[1:37:03] So we tried to do some kind of like thing in the hallway,

[1:37:06] like referencing the movie.

[1:37:08] And like my personal hell is being trapped

[1:37:10] in those seconds of doing this weird,

[1:37:12] poorly choreographed bit.

[1:37:16] And I can't even, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

[1:37:20] It makes my stomach hurt.

[1:37:23] I haven't ever seen someone

[1:37:24] give themselves post-traumatic stress.

[1:37:26] Yeah, you can watch my-

[1:37:27] I'm enjoying watching Stuart's face.

[1:37:29] My once bouncy hair has now flattened.

[1:37:34] Sweat is pouring off my forehead.

[1:37:37] Ugh, I can't watch Wayne's World ever again.

[1:37:41] This next letter's from Heather Lastname Withheld,

[1:37:43] who writes-

[1:37:44] Locklear.

[1:37:45] Wow, it's a big star.

[1:37:47] I'm currently working my way through your back catalog.

[1:37:51] I recently listened to episode 153, G.I. Joe Retaliation.

[1:37:55] That's cool, she could probably stop around there

[1:37:57] and not go back any further.

[1:37:59] I laughed depressingly at minute 540

[1:38:03] when Stuart mentions Jonathan Pryce

[1:38:06] and says,

[1:38:07] there is no way a guy with that crazy haircut

[1:38:09] would be elected president of the United States

[1:38:12] if only 2014 floppers knew what was coming in 2016.

[1:38:17] Sigh, such innocent loss.

[1:38:19] Do you guys remember any other suggestions

[1:38:21] or beliefs you had based on movie fiction?

[1:38:24] Can't believe she fucking pulled out the receipts

[1:38:26] on that one.

[1:38:26] Or was shattered by reality?

[1:38:29] Sincerely, Heather Lastname Withheld.

[1:38:32] I will say, I think it goes back

[1:38:34] a little bit further than that,

[1:38:36] but my introduction to The Flop House was Labor Day,

[1:38:42] in which you guys revealed what would end up

[1:38:45] being the truth about Alan Ruck.

[1:38:49] And it seemed like a goof at the time,

[1:38:51] but now his tell-all book has come out,

[1:38:54] and that was all true.

[1:38:56] And it blows my mind how prophetic,

[1:38:59] to the letter, you all were about Alan Ruck.

[1:39:03] Yeah, you know, sometimes we knock it out of the park.

[1:39:07] I had no idea, but somehow, now tell me,

[1:39:11] as Hollywood insiders, all three of you,

[1:39:14] did you just know that about Alan Ruck,

[1:39:15] or was it a lucky guess?

[1:39:17] Yeah, Dan's been hanging out with Alan Ruck for a while.

[1:39:20] He's been, Alan Ruck invites Dan over,

[1:39:23] Dan shows up with a little typewriter,

[1:39:25] and Alan Ruck in his, he's wearing like,

[1:39:28] what is that, you said like a kimono?

[1:39:29] Yeah, well, I'm basically the Dr. Watson

[1:39:31] to his Sherlock Holmes.

[1:39:33] Okay, yeah.

[1:39:34] And you guys go on adventures together,

[1:39:35] and he solves crimes and shit?

[1:39:38] More of the boring biography stuff.

[1:39:41] Oh, so you're just writing a book about Alan Ruck?

[1:39:43] Yeah, exactly.

[1:39:44] Okay, so it's not like Sherlock Holmes,

[1:39:45] it's more just like you're writing a book about Alan Ruck?

[1:39:48] He said, I like the way I put it, but he said,

[1:39:50] Dan, you have five nights to record my story,

[1:39:54] and at the end of night five, I will be dead.

[1:39:57] And I'll kill you too.

[1:39:58] And potentially you'll die.

[1:40:00] I'm the process to that was I mean an implied threat. I can't guarantee you'll die, but when I die

[1:40:06] I'm gonna try to take you with me and Dan you said you've done four nights with him, huh?

[1:40:13] It's pretty chilling

[1:40:15] And on the fifth night when I lost track of you together

[1:40:20] Whatever folktale you're spitting. I just sort of spaced out on it. I have to be honest

[1:40:25] Yeah

[1:40:28] After we're done recording tonight, right

[1:40:31] Yeah, sure

[1:40:33] Checks how long the recordings been going and then he adds up in his head how much memory that takes

[1:40:39] Takes up on our little recording device and then he goes he's Alan Rock. They are not connected at all

[1:40:46] ideas

[1:40:48] Does anyone have a real answer to this or

[1:40:51] Yeah, well similar to a similar to what they were saying about Stewart's comment

[1:40:57] I would say that

[1:40:58] decades and decades of movies have taught us that like

[1:41:02] the goodness of people and what and brings us all together and we can we can band together to

[1:41:08] Stop bad things from happening and there's a sense of justice in the world. And I feel like that has been proven untrue

[1:41:17] Bleak sentiment from Elliot

[1:41:20] That's true realism, dude

[1:41:22] I also learned that if I like I don't know if I'm driving through the country and my car breaks down and I'm wandering through

[1:41:28] The woods cuz I need to get a part and the closest house. I saw was that farm a couple clicks back

[1:41:35] And I instead of walking on the road. I decided to walk through the woods

[1:41:39] Movies have taught me that I would be hunted and killed by hillbilly cannibals. That never happens to me

[1:41:46] So, yeah

[1:41:50] Well, there was that one time but we'll have to save that for another day

[1:41:56] That's the thing the courts have said that hillbilly cannibal is just a regular person and I shouldn't have used a spear gun on him

[1:42:02] But don't give it away

[1:42:04] another

[1:42:06] So we talk about it

[1:42:08] Another time I have one really quick last letters from Claire last name withheld

[1:42:14] One sentence it says

[1:42:16] How can there be like a million spider-man movies, but they can't make the spider webbing not look like jizz

[1:42:26] Looks like yes spider webbing is jizz

[1:42:30] Yeah, it is out of there and they're little out of their little jizz hole spinnerets. Hey guys guys, what if when?

[1:42:37] with huge is

[1:42:39] an ultra strong compound

[1:42:44] Is this hypothetical?

[1:42:46] Why does that happen?

[1:42:48] Dan I would say

[1:42:50] Dan I would say when you when you an ultra strong compound does come out because it has the power of life in it

[1:42:56] And I would say without men. What is life really?

[1:43:01] No

[1:43:02] Guys, I've been doing a little bit of research into erotic cakes lately

[1:43:07] Okay

[1:43:07] And I like where this keeps on most erotic bakeries that I've found that make a cake or cupcake featuring an erect penis

[1:43:15] Almost always have like spider webs have like jizz shooting out of it and I'm like, is that what people want?

[1:43:25] Part of a group that hired an erotic that

[1:43:28] Steward as someone who was part of a group that ordered an erotic cake to be sent to somebody. Yes

[1:43:33] That is exactly what we wanted

[1:43:35] I

[1:43:36] Guess to answer your question. Why do spider webs in?

[1:43:41] spider-man movies look like jizz

[1:43:43] It's hard to think what else they look like it is hard for me to imagine a different version

[1:43:51] Like picture right now spider. I'm shooting from a man's wrist. Yeah, what would it look like?

[1:43:57] That's not jizz, you know, I was about to say or imagine imagine spider webs shooting from a man's penis

[1:44:04] Okay, well that would make it a little harder Elliot for my example, but okay

[1:44:09] I was about to say I could imagine it looking like silly string, but that just looks like jizz to that

[1:44:14] I'm saying is like picture picture a webbing

[1:44:18] And tell me what it look like that doesn't look like jizz. I

[1:44:24] Can't do it. Dan. Dan, are you stumped?

[1:44:27] well, I'm just imagining the idea that like a spider's web like

[1:44:33] It's just like just very delicately woven. Yeah, Dan. Mm-hmm

[1:44:38] Just like in real life a spider uses jizz to catch flies while her a man's penis

[1:44:44] Well, so catch more flies with to get flies to honey

[1:44:47] I've always said you think this is the most we've ever said on the jizz jizz jizz. Oh

[1:44:54] now

[1:44:55] Now Stewart Stewart. I have I just want to spin a fantasy for you

[1:45:00] Spins a web out of jizz

[1:45:02] When you said you were researching erotic cakes

[1:45:04] Yeah

[1:45:05] I imagined that much like Daniel Day-lewis quit acting for a while and apprenticed with a cobbler

[1:45:10] They dropped out of your professional life to apprentice with like a master erotic cake baker in Italy somewhere. Yeah

[1:45:18] No, that's I mean, that's pretty close. I just kept saying too erotic

[1:45:24] erotic and I

[1:45:26] Kept saying mama Mia, and he kept shaking his head at me. He's like no you're not ready for that yet

[1:45:35] So, what's the next part of this podcast dude, the next segment is the final segment that's where we recommend my old judgents

[1:45:43] No, I think it's a good bad movie. Okay, cool. Well, we're done me too

[1:45:49] Now we do

[1:45:50] Recommendations Travis, do you have a movie to recommend you actually like it's gonna sound like a joke. Okay

[1:45:57] But okay Kingsman, okay and Kingsman to the golden circle. Okay, I

[1:46:02] Launched Kingsman to the golden circle on an arrow aeroplane. Okay, the Dan special

[1:46:09] Dan's favorite place. Yeah, I watched it recently and I

[1:46:13] Enjoyed it non ironically cinema the skies Dan and non

[1:46:19] Aeroplane Lee and

[1:46:21] Then I went back and purchased on iTunes

[1:46:26] the original Kingsman which I had not seen before I watched the second one and

[1:46:30] I just watched it today. Uh-huh. I

[1:46:34] Enjoyed those movies. I think that they are fun in a way that I'm reminiscent of

[1:46:41] early James Bond

[1:46:44] But like a like a James Bond jr. Type thing well, they both have very very interesting bad guys

[1:46:51] Okay, we're in the first one. The bad guys thing is trying to save the planet, but he is evil

[1:46:58] Yeah, and then the second one the bad guys thing is a war on drugs and trying to make drugs not a

[1:47:05] Bad thing, but they're evil and it's a really interesting take on what a super villain is

[1:47:12] Okay, and they have a really fun

[1:47:15] kind of take on spy

[1:47:18] Thing where it's like they don't take themselves too seriously, but it's not

[1:47:22] silly to the point of like I

[1:47:26] Love the Fast and the Furious movies, but they've reached a point where it's like they know what they're doing

[1:47:31] They're being kind of silly with how out of bounds it is and how?

[1:47:35] Unrealistic. I don't know what's unrealistic about a man racing a car away from a submarine

[1:47:41] Okay

[1:47:45] That same kind of feel of like we know that this is silly

[1:47:49] But still taking itself seriously in a silly way. Yeah. Anyways, I was surprised to find that I enjoyed them in a legitimate way

[1:47:56] Yeah, I remember I haven't seen the second one yet, but I thought the first one was pretty fun

[1:48:01] Yeah, and Samuel Jackson is really great in it

[1:48:04] Well, that's the thing the first one's very fun. And I think the second one is more but in the same vein

[1:48:10] Okay, so I jokingly said today on Twitter that they are to Austin Powers

[1:48:17] What the Daniel Craig movies are to the later Pierce Brosnan's. Okay, where it's like what if we did this but good

[1:48:26] Okay, yeah, anyway, I follow the Kingsman movies they're surprisingly good. Mm-hmm Dan

[1:48:33] Yeah, they're good I

[1:48:36] Watch them. I'm like the Kingsman movie recommendation from Clint McElroy who said they are good

[1:48:40] Even though we're like no, but fucking part at the end of the first one. Okay, we get over that I talked I I

[1:48:48] Talked to my mom about that and she was like what?

[1:48:52] She didn't remember

[1:48:55] And she's she's like I've been recommending it to so many patrons at the library. I didn't even remember that happened

[1:49:02] I

[1:49:04] Am just proud of you like proud. I don't know if prods the right word

[1:49:07] But like for like bringing up the anal sex scene with your mom

[1:49:12] Anal sex. Oh, yeah

[1:49:15] There's no implied anal sex, but that's the same as every James Bond movie where it's like we are going to need a few minutes

[1:49:22] Yeah

[1:49:24] Certainly that's the yeah with the referencing. Yeah, there's sex in James Bond. Okay, deal with it, Dan

[1:49:32] Yeah, Dan. What do you recommend? What what movie you recommending Dan? Uh, I

[1:49:38] saw recently

[1:49:40] In the theater probably my favorite movie of the last year, which is Phantom Thread. Oh cool

[1:49:47] It's

[1:49:49] You know, it's a PT Anderson movie I've liked pretty much everything Paul Thomas did

[1:50:00] Sanderson has done to a greater or lesser degree.

[1:50:03] And his even though

[1:50:07] his previous one, Inherent Vice, was kind of challenging.

[1:50:11] Like, I feel like he's recently, you know,

[1:50:14] entered this new stage in his career, like everything sort of.

[1:50:18] I mean, not that new, because you see it sort of punched

[1:50:21] drunk love and onward, like where he's just a complete original,

[1:50:25] I feel like in the sort of things he's he's doing.

[1:50:28] And I don't really want to talk that much about the plot of the movie,

[1:50:31] because I went in fairly blind.

[1:50:35] And I think that that's the best way of seeing the film.

[1:50:38] It's a love.

[1:50:41] Wait, Dan, the best way to see the film is if you're blind.

[1:50:44] Yeah, because it's a P.T.

[1:50:47] Anderson is working in synaesthesia.

[1:50:50] Yeah, he's got an odorama.

[1:50:53] Oh, I see.

[1:50:54] Um, no, I went in without knowing anything about the movie,

[1:50:59] other than that, it was a sort of a contentious love story between a

[1:51:05] dressmaker and his paramour.

[1:51:09] And that was about all I needed to know going in.

[1:51:12] It was great.

[1:51:12] And Daniel Day-Lewis is predictably good.

[1:51:15] I love his cobbling in that movie.

[1:51:17] His cobbling is top notch, but peach apple.

[1:51:22] But I think even better for me was the female lead in the movie

[1:51:28] who is much less well-known.

[1:51:30] And I'm going to butcher her last name.

[1:51:32] I mean, you know her name, right?

[1:51:34] You know what her name is because you love her so much.

[1:51:36] Well, it's Vicky.

[1:51:38] I think the last name is probably pronounced Creeps, but it's hard to tell.

[1:51:41] It's K.R.I.E.P.S.

[1:51:43] Is that Vicky the robot from Small Wonder?

[1:51:46] Yeah. Yeah. Grown up.

[1:51:48] Cool. It's weird that a robot.

[1:51:51] She's a big wonder.

[1:51:52] Her last name is Christina Barcelona.

[1:51:54] OK, but Phantom Thread.

[1:51:58] You go see it.

[1:51:59] It's all over the place now.

[1:52:01] And I'm going to recommend

[1:52:04] I'm going to recommend a movie that I assumed I'd recommended before.

[1:52:08] But thanks to the Flophouse recommends website, it says I didn't.

[1:52:12] So I'm going to trust in that.

[1:52:14] Castle Freak.

[1:52:15] It's called Castle Freak.

[1:52:17] And boy, whatever happens to this ding dong?

[1:52:20] I'm going to recommend an early movie by David Cronenberg.

[1:52:26] It's a movie called Rabid.

[1:52:28] It's about a young woman who is injured in a motorcycle accident

[1:52:35] and undergoes an experimental treatment

[1:52:39] to handle the like severe skin damage and burns that she's received.

[1:52:44] But the the treatment has some side effects.

[1:52:48] And it basically becomes a vampire movie.

[1:52:53] And it's like a great, creepy take on a vampire movie

[1:52:57] and kind of what you like.

[1:52:59] I don't know.

[1:53:00] Like it's an early David Cronenberg movie.

[1:53:02] Like it's going to be have some weird ass body horror in it.

[1:53:06] So expect that.

[1:53:08] So, yeah, check it out if you like him and or you like

[1:53:12] you like weird vampire movies.

[1:53:14] Oh, can I can I recommend another one that is not The King's Son?

[1:53:18] Sure.

[1:53:20] Just popped in my head that you mentioned that the movie High Tension.

[1:53:24] Yeah. Yeah.

[1:53:25] Yeah. I was working in movie theater when I was

[1:53:29] fresh out of college and that movie came on.

[1:53:31] It was one of those ones like I stood in the back of the movie theater

[1:53:34] and watched straight through.

[1:53:36] And I am not usually one for like horror scary movies.

[1:53:40] It really caught my attention of like, wow,

[1:53:43] this is a really weird way to tell this story.

[1:53:45] And I was really caught up in it.

[1:53:47] So if you're looking for like a weird tension, a movie.

[1:53:51] Yeah. Yeah.

[1:53:52] No, that's the movies.

[1:53:54] Those French movies are intense.

[1:53:56] Let me tell you.

[1:53:59] Jules and Jim and tense.

[1:54:02] I like it.

[1:54:03] Well, I'll recommend a movie, too.

[1:54:05] I recently saw a movie that I really liked a lot, and I recommend it to you now.

[1:54:10] And that movie is called Columbus.

[1:54:13] He's explaining the idea of recommendations.

[1:54:16] Sorry. Yeah, I love how you explain the notion of Columbus.

[1:54:19] It's it stars John Cho and Haley Lou Richardson.

[1:54:24] Uh huh. Hmm. Wait, I didn't hear you.

[1:54:26] And a ghost.

[1:54:27] We're just making up the stars of your movie.

[1:54:30] We're just purposely fucking with you. Go on.

[1:54:33] Well, I mean, it's helpful because my

[1:54:36] Alex, I used to people interrupting him cutting out.

[1:54:39] No, like Peter Falk, like Columbo was the thing I was saying.

[1:54:43] You know, it's like one more thing.

[1:54:45] You know how he says, you know what he does.

[1:54:47] You know that old thing?

[1:54:48] Yeah. It's called Columbo.

[1:54:50] Uh huh. One more thing.

[1:54:53] One more thing, ma'am.

[1:54:54] I just have another thing I'd like to ask you about.

[1:55:01] Dead air.

[1:55:03] I'm just waiting to make sure

[1:55:07] is the Columbo bit over or is it still going on?

[1:55:10] I think it's still going on in all of our minds.

[1:55:13] I have just one more question, ma'am.

[1:55:15] One more thing.

[1:55:16] I could not help but notice, ma'am, how you you said he had brown hair.

[1:55:21] But ma'am, just one more thing, if I could, if you don't mind.

[1:55:25] That's that's what Matlock, ma'am, it's a murder.

[1:55:28] She wrote, ma'am, please. Why are you walking away?

[1:55:31] I have just one more question.

[1:55:33] Please come back. No, no, ma'am.

[1:55:37] Ma'am, don't be angry at me.

[1:55:39] I just have one more question.

[1:55:40] That's a cold check. The Night Stalker.

[1:55:43] Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am.

[1:55:45] If I could, please don't cry.

[1:55:48] Why are you so sad, ma'am?

[1:55:50] Mary Mason, ma'am, please.

[1:55:51] It's Jake. Jake and the fat man, please, please, please, ma'am.

[1:55:55] Please.

[1:55:55] Like my wife.

[1:55:56] Just from this prison jail, like a diagnosis, murder.

[1:56:00] Jack, if you don't answer this question, I'll be trapped in the fire forever.

[1:56:04] Ma'am, ma'am, please.

[1:56:07] Elementary, please.

[1:56:08] Let me let me free.

[1:56:10] Ma'am, kill me.

[1:56:12] Ma'am, just kill me now.

[1:56:13] God, please.

[1:56:14] Is this the mentalist?

[1:56:17] Ma'am, I'm trapped.

[1:56:18] I'm trapped in this room.

[1:56:20] Just lie to me with Tim Roth.

[1:56:21] Ma'am, please. Please, ma'am.

[1:56:24] Please. I'm so sorry for everything I've done.

[1:56:26] I've done my ninety nine voyages and I've done ninety nine good.

[1:56:31] Remington Steel.

[1:56:32] Is this that one is like called like the noticer or something like that?

[1:56:35] Ma'am, ma'am.

[1:56:37] What's that one where Maria Bella wears a hat?

[1:56:40] Oh, hat.

[1:56:43] Yeah, that's right.

[1:56:44] It's hat cop.

[1:56:45] Anyways, you were saying.

[1:56:47] Now do the recommendation.

[1:56:48] Here's the thing, guys.

[1:56:49] I don't want to seem like a spoiled sport party pooper or or a stick in the mud.

[1:56:55] We're having trouble with this with the Skype signal today.

[1:56:58] So every time I'm talking, I can't hear that you're talking until I stop

[1:57:02] and I just catch the last little bit of a word that you guys have.

[1:57:05] And it's that's why I was throwing me off a little bit with that

[1:57:08] with that otherwise wonderful bit.

[1:57:11] And now on to my recommendation.

[1:57:14] Now, Webster's Webster's Dictionary defines recommendation

[1:57:18] as a word of encouragement or

[1:57:23] or sharing.

[1:57:26] It is literally

[1:57:28] to commend is to compliment and to recommend

[1:57:32] is to be so taken by a product that you will compliment it to another.

[1:57:35] And that's what I'd like to do for you tonight.

[1:57:37] And my recommendation, Travis is taking off his headphones is for

[1:57:46] my recommendation tonight is for a movie called Columbus.

[1:57:49] Pause for Peter Falk joke.

[1:57:52] And are you kidding me?

[1:57:54] OK, I'm done.

[1:57:56] Anyway, it stars John Cho and Haley Richardson.

[1:57:58] And it's the story of two people who find themselves in Columbus, Ohio,

[1:58:03] which is a, you know, a midsize city that happens to have a surprising number

[1:58:07] of buildings by modernist architects, a very wide renown and big names.

[1:58:13] And there's a girl who lives there who is

[1:58:18] held back because she feels like she has to take care of her mom.

[1:58:21] Her mom has had some trouble with drugs in the past,

[1:58:23] even though she really needs to get out of that town and make more of her life.

[1:58:26] And John Cho plays the son of a architecture professor

[1:58:30] who is in the hospital.

[1:58:32] There was there to give a lecture and ended up

[1:58:36] asking out having to go to the hospital.

[1:58:37] Now he's kind of waiting around to see if his father is going to survive or not.

[1:58:40] And the two of them are both lost.

[1:58:42] And they're both looking for another person to confide in and

[1:58:46] find a connection with each other.

[1:58:47] And it's just a really like strong,

[1:58:50] just like a solid, good, strong, emotional movie.

[1:58:53] John Cho is really great in it.

[1:58:54] And the way I describe it is almost like if you liked Lady Bird,

[1:58:58] but you felt Lady Bird was a little bit too Hollywood glamour,

[1:59:02] then Columbus is the movie for you.

[1:59:04] It's a beautiful looking movie, but it's it's

[1:59:07] it's got a similar feel in some ways to Lady Bird, but without the kind of like.

[1:59:13] Kind of.

[1:59:14] There's there was watching.

[1:59:16] I really liked Lady Bird and then I watched Columbus and it made me be like,

[1:59:19] Lady Bird has a lot of like jokes in it.

[1:59:21] It feels more like a movie.

[1:59:23] And this felt more like I was kind of seeing these characters interacting.

[1:59:27] And there was something pure about that that I really liked.

[1:59:29] So Columbus, I recommend it.

[1:59:30] You're hoping for more of a like full mumblecore experience.

[1:59:35] Well, it's not mumblecore because the characters have spoken dialogue

[1:59:39] that is recorded well and you can understand what they're saying.

[1:59:42] But it was like a like when you see like I loved Lady Bird, I still love it.

[1:59:45] But it's like sometimes when you see a movie that feels real to you

[1:59:49] and then you see a movie that's similar but feels realer.

[1:59:52] And that's what this was like to me, like how when I was a kid

[1:59:55] and I saw Carnasaur, I was like, that's what it's going to be like

[1:59:58] when they bring dinosaurs back.

[1:59:59] And then I saw.

[2:00:00] And I was like, oh no, wait a minute, that's what it's going to be like.

[2:00:04] Yeah.

[2:00:06] So what do we do now, Dan?

[2:00:07] Now we blessedly sign off.

[2:00:11] Okay.

[2:00:12] Of life.

[2:00:13] We all go to bed together in one giant bed.

[2:00:15] Yeah, that's true.

[2:00:16] Yeah, one giant sardine can that you just roll up the top.

[2:00:20] I lay it skips in next to us.

[2:00:22] With his avatar.

[2:00:24] Yeah.

[2:00:26] His avatar, which is weirdly enough Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7 again.

[2:00:31] But with the head of Knuckles.

[2:00:34] I was going to say the exact same thing, the head of Knuckles.

[2:00:39] Wow, that's a really tough character.

[2:00:41] Oh God, we're in the drift.

[2:00:44] Which one of us is Travis and which one is Ellie?

[2:00:46] There's no telling now.

[2:00:49] Yeah.

[2:00:50] You know, I dreamed last night that I was Travis McElroy.

[2:00:53] And now that I woke up, I don't know if I'm Elliot Kaelin who dreamed he was Travis McElroy or Travis McElroy who's now dreaming he's Elliot Kaelin.

[2:00:59] It's both.

[2:01:00] Yeah, you're like a swamp thing.

[2:01:02] So, Dan, what do we do now?

[2:01:04] A swamp thing.

[2:01:07] We sign off.

[2:01:08] You're a swamp something.

[2:01:11] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:01:14] Heyo, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[2:01:16] I'm Elliot Kaelin or perhaps I'm...

[2:01:19] I'm Travis McElroy or maybe Elliot Kaelin.

[2:01:24] I left a dot dot dot for Travis, but I think it was hard since I literally pointed to the phone as if to say, now you go.

[2:01:33] But I forgot that you can't see me because I'm 3,000 miles away.

[2:01:37] On that sad note, I guess, let's sign off.

[2:01:41] Bye.

[2:01:42] Good night, everyone.

[2:01:53] Yeah, tell me.

[2:01:56] Give me a word picture of Dan since I can't see him.

[2:01:58] Well, his face looks a little concerned.

[2:02:00] You know, a white guy.

[2:02:02] OK, white guy.

[2:02:04] Keep talking.

[2:02:05] Now, imagine he has a beard and he's kind of sad.

[2:02:08] Yeah.

[2:02:09] Kind of?

[2:02:10] But now imagine he's very sad and you've got Dan.

[2:02:14] I was building up to it.

[2:02:16] Would you describe him as pretty fly for a white guy?

[2:02:20] Oh, one percent.

[2:02:23] Yeah.

[2:02:24] Wow.

[2:02:25] Only one percent flyness.

[2:02:27] That's not great.

[2:02:28] But I would describe him as an original prankster if we're going to be referring to Osprey songs.

[2:02:34] Maybe the clown prince of crime.

[2:02:38] Maximumfun.org

[2:02:40] Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

[2:02:42] Listener supported.

Ep. #250 - The Apple

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