Ep. #250 - The Apple

S1

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the apple.

[0:03] And the natural desire to meet an actual vampire.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[0:34] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] And the second head of this comedy Cerberus is me, Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:43] Once again, the middle head on the comedy Cerberus, even though I'm announced third.

[0:47] Here's the problem.

[0:48] It's like those movie posters where the faces don't line up with the order of the names.

[0:52] Just look at the poster for Jumanji, the new one, and you get the idea.

[0:55] Anyway, I'm the middle head, and I get named third.

S1

[0:59] Wait, am I here or am I not?

[1:01] Am I in Cerberus?

[1:02] Oh, wait, I'm not.

[1:03] Oh, God.

[1:03] Oh, Jesus.

[1:04] No, you can be here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] And riding the back of this three-headed Cerberus hound is?

[1:09] You're like Pecosville of this Cerberus hound.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13] I kind of see you as more of like the Persephone who is trapped here because she ate part of a pomegranate.

S1

[1:21] I want to talk about my favorite Greek myth of Pecosville.

[1:25] Oh, yeah.

[1:28] Hi, I'm Travis McElroy or whatever.

[1:30] Anyways, what do we do on this show?

[1:33] Yeah, Dan, what do we do on this show?

[1:34] Oh, we're getting there.

[1:35] But what do we do on the show?

[1:37] Ah.

[1:38] Dan.

[1:38] Cutting right to the chase.

[1:39] Dan.

[1:40] Dan.

[1:41] Dan.

[1:41] How are his levels?

[1:42] Dan.

[1:42] Yeah.

[1:42] Dan.

[1:43] Dan.

S1

[1:43] What do we do on the show?

[1:44] Okay.

[1:44] Dan.

[1:45] Dan.

[1:46] Dan.

[1:47] Dan.

[1:48] Dan.

[1:48] Is this too much pressure?

[1:49] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50] Dan, you were beta cucked by Travis so fast.

[1:55] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:57] Dan.

[1:58] We watch a bad movie.

[1:59] Uh-huh.

[2:00] And then we talk about it.

[2:01] Oh, okay.

[2:02] And tonight, we watched a movie that Travis inflicted upon us.

[2:06] Uh-huh.

[2:06] Hell yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:07] Travis.

[2:10] McElroy.

[2:10] I said it.

S1

[2:10] Travis McElroy.

[2:11] Okay, sure.

[2:12] Hi, Stuart.

[2:12] We've just been friends for three years.

[2:14] No, it's fine.

[2:15] Just clarifying for the audience.

[2:16] Okay.

[2:17] No, whatever.

Dan McCoy

[2:18] It's okay.

[2:18] You may know Travis from being more popular than us.

Stuart Wellington

[2:21] Could have been Travis Tritt, country music star.

[2:23] No, it could not have been.

Elliott Kalan

[2:25] What are the odds that you guys could pull?

[2:27] The taxi driver played by Robert De Niro?

S1

[2:29] Yeah, it could have been a fictional character, Travis Bickle.

[2:31] Maybe he emailed us a video to watch.

[2:34] You pull Robbie De Niro on your regular pulls or whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[2:37] Wait, are you trying to do a Robert De Niro impression?

[2:40] No.

[2:40] I would never.

[2:41] You sound like Dan.

[2:44] Dan.

[2:45] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[2:46] Come on, master impressionist Dan McCoy.

[2:48] Give us your Bobby De Niro.

[2:50] You talking to me?

[2:52] Oh, my God.

[2:54] Wait, is Robert De Niro over there?

[2:56] I'm in California.

S1

[2:57] Did you guys get Robert De Niro?

[2:59] We did.

[3:00] Robbie, tell us about...

[3:02] That's what his friends call him.

[3:04] Robbie?

Dan McCoy

[3:04] I think that I share with Robert De Niro the reticent,

[3:11] that makes me also a bad interview subject.

S1

[3:16] If there's two things I know,

[3:18] it's that Dan and Robert De Niro are both very quiet men.

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] And I'm going to guess knee pain at his age.

[3:25] You also probably share it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:27] Yeah, like you saw the movie poster for,

[3:31] what is it, Horny Grandpa?

[3:33] What fucking movie was he in?

[3:34] Yeah, Off-Pudding Grandpa.

[3:36] Something like that.

[3:36] Yeah, where he's...

[3:38] It looks like he's putting Zac Efron

[3:40] and the fucking Spinner Rooney.

[3:42] Like, his knees don't look like they're doing good.

S1

[3:44] No, those are Photoshopped knees.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] Really?

S1

[3:46] Yeah, those are a younger man's knees.

Stuart Wellington

[3:48] Oh, wow.

[3:49] We should...

[3:50] They Photoshopped in Pan's knees.

[3:52] Hey, if you work in the special effects world,

[3:56] why don't you write in and let me know

[3:58] if they're right or not?

[4:00] Just write in to the flop house.

[4:02] The special effects world?

[4:02] All right.

Dan McCoy

[4:04] If they're right or not?

[4:05] Like, two right knees or...

S1

[4:07] No, it's Robert De Niro waist up,

[4:10] Zac Efron waist down.

[4:11] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] What a sexy centaur.

[4:14] So, like, Rick Baker, if you're listening,

[4:16] send us the info.

Stuart Wellington

[4:18] Also, Rick Baker...

[4:19] Are those Bakers the babies?

[4:20] Rick Baker, do you share a timeshare ponytail

[4:24] with Julian Sands?

[4:26] Right in.

[4:29] Oh, boy.

[4:30] Anyways.

[4:30] No other explanation.

Elliott Kalan

[4:32] That's gonna wrap it up, folks.

[4:33] Thank you so much for listening.

[4:35] Dan, maybe you should remind people

[4:37] what we do on this podcast.

Dan McCoy

[4:39] I already did.

[4:39] We watch a bad movie.

[4:40] What do we do, Dan?

[4:41] No, but it's been a while.

[4:42] But it's been a while.

[4:42] Dan.

[4:43] Dan.

S1

[4:45] Dan, I love you.

[4:46] Thank you.

[4:47] Dan, I'm going to be aggressive

[4:49] and complimentary at the same time.

[4:51] Dan, you're so fucking great.

Stuart Wellington

[4:53] Dan.

[4:54] Those are the two things that Dan likes least.

Dan McCoy

[4:56] It's like the theory of working out

[5:02] where you do muscle confusion.

[5:04] Yeah, Dan.

[5:05] That's a great joke, Dan.

[5:07] Oh, boy.

S1

[5:08] Dan.

[5:08] That was a good joke.

[5:10] That's a fucking great joke, Dan.

[5:12] I'm negging, Dan.

[5:16] No, you're pausing me.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] He's pro-negging you.

[5:20] Yeah.

[5:20] He's pausing-negging you.

S1

[5:21] If only we had a word for that.

[5:25] Documenting, is that anything?

Dan McCoy

[5:28] Dan, what do we do?

[5:30] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[5:33] You said that so well, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[5:35] Guys, I'm not comfortable being in this position,

[5:37] but I'd like to steer us back on track for a moment.

[5:39] Okay.

[5:41] The movie we watched was a movie at Travis Picks,

[5:44] and that's The Apple from 1980,

[5:46] which is a musical of a certain type.

[5:48] It's a movie, I think.

[5:50] What's the movie that first drew you to this tale?

S1

[5:52] Well, this is...

[5:53] So, I first watched this movie,

[5:55] The Night of My Little Brother Griffin's Bachelor Party.

[5:59] Uh-huh.

[5:59] And Griffin, it was the night...

[6:01] Oh, wow. Wild times.

[6:01] Yeah, it was the night before his wedding,

[6:04] and he was a little nervous.

[6:05] And my older brother said...

Elliott Kalan

[6:08] As seen in the Tim Burton film,

[6:10] The Nightmare Before Griffin's Wedding.

[6:12] Uh-huh.

[6:12] And Justin said,

S1

[6:14] I know what will take your mind off of this.

[6:16] And I think Justin had come to it through Riff Trax.

[6:19] Uh-huh.

[6:20] And so, we first watched the Riff Trax version of The Apple.

[6:25] And since then,

[6:26] I have probably watched The Apple 20 times.

[6:29] It is like my go-to,

[6:32] oh, you think you like bad movies?

[6:34] Challenge yourself with this movie.

[6:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6:38] Because, listen, The Room is bad,

[6:42] but I think the people making it didn't know it was bad.

[6:46] Birdemic is bad.

[6:47] Faithful Findings is, of course, bad.

[6:49] Uh-huh.

[6:50] But I think the Apple...

Stuart Wellington

[6:52] Now you're just listing classic bad movies.

[6:54] That's what I'm saying.

[6:54] Troll 2.

S1

[6:55] But this is what makes the Apple stand out for me,

[6:59] is I guarantee not a single soul that worked on the Apple

[7:04] finished it and thought, we did it.

[7:07] Yeah, we stuck the landing.

[7:09] Yeah, they all knew, I think, before it aired,

[7:12] except for the writer,

[7:14] which we can talk about in a second.

[7:17] One of the creators of the movie did,

[7:21] gets a little dark here,

[7:23] write a suicide note after it got booed a bunch

[7:26] and was going to kill himself

[7:27] until the other writer stopped him.

Stuart Wellington

[7:29] He took the audience critique very harshly.

[7:31] He took it to heart.

[7:32] Yes, he did.

Dan McCoy

[7:33] I mean, was this Golan who was going to kill himself?

[7:35] I think so, yeah.

[7:36] Oh, boy.

[7:37] Yes, yeah.

[7:38] Robbing us of so many future canon pictures.

Elliott Kalan

[7:41] It may be the only movie directed by Menachem Golan.

[7:46] No, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[7:47] I looked it up, actually.

[7:48] He directed a bunch of-

[7:48] Did he direct other ones?

[7:50] Yeah, including Over the Top.

Elliott Kalan

[7:52] Oh, what?

[7:52] I didn't realize he directed Over the Top,

[7:54] so he had made amends for the Apple.

[7:56] Yeah.

S1

[7:58] Also, the choreographer,

[7:59] and now I don't have my foot in front of me,

[8:01] but the name of the choreographer

[8:02] is the same dude from So You Think You Can Dance.

[8:05] The Judge.

Elliott Kalan

[8:06] I'm pretty sure we'll get into this.

[8:09] When we talk about it,

[8:10] I think the choreography is the saving grace

[8:12] of this movie in some ways.

S1

[8:14] Oh, when we get to the BIM hour?

Elliott Kalan

[8:17] Yeah, yeah.

[8:18] When we actually get into the meat of this movie,

[8:20] what meat there is,

[8:21] which is strange because it's an apple,

[8:23] which is a fruit.

[8:23] That's not me.

[8:24] I know.

[8:24] It's fleshy, yeah.

S1

[8:25] I love, I legitimately,

[8:28] in the way that I think people feel

[8:31] about their favorite Bette movie,

[8:32] love this movie.

[8:33] Like, I get pumped watching it.

Stuart Wellington

[8:36] Yeah.

[8:37] And you actually,

[8:38] I think you managed a feat in that

[8:41] you picked a movie that,

[8:43] I don't know if any of us had seen before.

[8:45] Ellie, have you ever seen this?

Elliott Kalan

[8:47] Yeah, I've seen it once before.

Stuart Wellington

[8:49] Okay.

[8:49] So I retract my statement.

[8:51] All right, so fuck off, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[8:53] But no, Dan and I used to have a co-worker

[8:55] who is, I mean, Dan still does.

[8:57] I don't anymore because I don't work there anymore

[8:59] because it's full of losers now.

[9:00] But we used to have a co-worker

[9:02] who loved this movie

[9:04] and she kind of forced it on me.

[9:06] And the thing that always stuck with me

[9:07] is my favorite bad line from a song,

[9:10] which is the line,

[9:12] like a baby watching magic,

[9:13] it's so gullible it's tragic.

[9:15] Uh-huh.

[9:16] Is playing on that everyday experience

[9:19] we've all been through

[9:20] of being a baby watching magic.

S1

[9:22] Wait, that's better than

[9:23] it's a natural, natural, natural desire

[9:26] to meet an actual, actual, actual vampire.

[9:28] A thing that does not happen in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[9:31] Except, no, the vampire shows up

S1

[9:33] for just a second.

Dan McCoy

[9:34] And also, yeah, another thing

[9:35] that's not necessarily relatable.

[9:37] Like, oh, of course, yeah,

[9:38] everyone knows that common desire

[9:39] to meet an actual vampire.

[9:40] You know.

Stuart Wellington

[9:41] It's just like in,

[9:42] it's just like in Fellowship of the Ring

[9:44] when Tolkien describes

[9:47] Goldberry coming to the door

[9:49] as if an elf maiden

[9:50] had come to the door.

[9:51] And at this point,

[9:52] no elves had even shown up.

[9:54] I have no point of context.

Elliott Kalan

[9:56] Now, hold on a second.

[9:58] Travis, I don't know you

[9:59] as well as I know Dan Stewart.

[10:00] Dan Stewart,

[10:00] can you honestly tell me

[10:01] you do not want to meet

[10:02] an actual vampire?

Dan McCoy

[10:04] I'm one of those

[10:05] Dracula's gonna suck my blood.

[10:07] Wait, hold on.

[10:08] I will say,

S1

[10:09] it is a natural desire

[10:11] that if someone said to you right now,

[10:12] you could or could not

[10:14] meet an actual vampire,

[10:16] do you really think

[10:17] you'd be like,

[10:18] meh?

Dan McCoy

[10:19] I mean,

[10:19] all right.

[10:20] No, be honest, Dan.

S1

[10:21] No, let's say.

[10:22] Dan.

[10:23] Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[10:23] Dan.

[10:24] Dan, look in a mirror.

[10:25] No, I'm gonna.

[10:26] Unlike a vampire.

[10:27] Uh-huh.

[10:28] And tell yourself

[10:29] that you wouldn't want

[10:30] to meet a vampire.

[10:31] Dan, what if I,

Elliott Kalan

[10:32] if I said there's a vampire

[10:33] behind that door

[10:34] and they want to meet you,

[10:35] are you really gonna say,

[10:36] hmm, I'm not interested?

Dan McCoy

[10:38] Oh, this is what I was gonna say.

[10:39] If it's behind the door

[10:40] to my apartment

[10:42] and I can.

[10:42] Did you let them in, Dan?

[10:43] Well, no, that's the other side

[10:44] of the door.

[10:45] Okay.

[10:45] So I can avoid

[10:46] inviting them in.

[10:48] Like, if I have that mystical barrier

[10:49] between me.

[10:50] Uh-huh, a threshold.

[10:51] I would definitely

[10:52] meet an actual,

[10:53] actual, actual vampire.

[10:54] Okay, so.

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] It's a mystical barrier

[10:56] called etiquette.

[10:58] Yeah.

S1

[10:59] Vampires,

[11:00] very polite.

Elliott Kalan

[11:02] So.

[11:02] Extremely polite.

[11:03] Throw some ice cream around you.

[11:04] We have not even started

[11:05] on the movie.

[11:05] If you have to count it,

[11:06] you'll get away.

Stuart Wellington

[11:07] I mean, we talked about

[11:08] some of the music.

[11:08] So, this is a musical, right?

[11:11] Yeah.

[11:12] Well, should we talk about

Elliott Kalan

[11:13] the plot,

[11:14] or should we talk about

[11:15] the elements ahead of the movie?

[11:15] You can try.

[11:16] It's a musical.

S1

[11:17] Yeah.

[11:18] You can try to talk about

[11:19] the plot.

[11:19] This is a movie that,

[11:20] when I introduce it to people,

[11:22] I often say, like,

[11:23] you, at many points,

[11:24] are going to feel lost

[11:25] in this movie.

[11:26] You're going to feel

[11:27] like you've missed something.

[11:29] You have not.

[11:30] The movie just failed

[11:32] to tell you about

[11:34] this thing that's happening.

[11:35] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[11:35] As evidenced by

[11:37] where it starts.

[11:40] This movie is kind of like,

[11:42] someone saw

[11:43] the Rocky Horror Picture Show,

[11:45] and they were like,

[11:46] I can do that.

[11:47] Yes.

[11:48] But they couldn't do it.

S1

[11:50] They just couldn't do it.

[11:51] This movie,

[11:52] I think,

[11:52] was shot four years

[11:54] after Rocky Horror Picture Show

[11:55] came out.

[11:56] So,

[11:57] I think it is very much

[11:58] trying to do

[11:59] that.

[12:01] Where they were like,

[12:02] what if it was like

[12:02] a campy musical?

Stuart Wellington

[12:04] Yeah.

[12:04] where they're like,

[12:05] hey,

[12:06] Rocky Horror Picture Show

[12:06] is great,

[12:07] but what if it was

[12:08] campy?

[12:09] Yeah.

[12:09] Yeah,

[12:09] I mean,

[12:10] there's also like.

Elliott Kalan

[12:11] It's also,

[12:12] it's a campy musical

[12:14] made by people

[12:16] who seem to be

[12:17] very afraid

[12:17] of gay people.

[12:19] Yeah,

[12:19] yeah,

[12:20] yeah.

[12:20] There's a strong strain

[12:22] of homophobia

[12:22] running through it.

[12:23] It's like they saw

[12:23] Rocky Horror Picture Show

[12:24] and they're like,

[12:25] hmm,

[12:26] what if it was this,

[12:27] but it was about

[12:28] how evil gay people are?

[12:29] Okay,

[12:30] so,

[12:31] the year is 1994.

Dan McCoy

[12:33] We open in outer space.

[12:35] Neither right now

[12:37] nor when this movie was made

[12:39] is it 1994,

[12:40] but the movie is set.

[12:40] How when you're making

[12:41] a movie like this,

[12:42] why don't you just set it

S1

[12:43] in like 3200?

[12:45] Why set it so near?

[12:47] Why not just like

[12:49] shoot for the stars,

[12:50] it's 3200?

[12:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:53] Long time ago,

[12:54] galaxy far,

[12:55] far away.

[12:55] Yeah.

[12:56] TM.

[12:57] Swing for the fences.

[12:59] Anyways.

Elliott Kalan

[12:59] I have to assume

[13:00] that they were already

[13:01] working on that concept

[13:02] for the movie,

[13:03] what is it,

[13:04] Your Hunter from the Year 5000?

[13:06] Whatever it's called.

[13:07] Pluto Nash.

[13:08] Yeah,

[13:09] they were like,

[13:09] let's save that idea

[13:10] for Pluto Nash.

[13:13] This Pluto Nash script

[13:15] has been kicking around

[13:16] Hollywood for 40 years now.

[13:17] I think it's finally

[13:18] time to make it.

Stuart Wellington

[13:19] It's in the blacklist

[13:20] every year for some reason.

[13:21] Okay,

[13:22] so,

[13:22] Elliot.

[13:23] It's 1994.

[13:24] So, in the movie,

Elliott Kalan

[13:25] it's the far off

[13:27] future year of 1994

[13:28] and we go right

[13:29] into the middle

[13:29] of the Song Vision

[13:31] World Competition,

[13:32] which is like

[13:32] the Eurovision

[13:33] Song Competition

[13:34] but for the whole world.

[13:35] And right off the bat,

[13:36] we're dropped into

[13:37] what looks like

[13:38] it's going to be

[13:38] the big winner,

[13:39] a song that I think

[13:40] is called,

[13:41] it's either called

[13:41] Bim or Bim is the Power.

[13:43] It's about the

[13:44] importance of a power

[13:45] called Bim.

S1

[13:45] Yeah.

[13:46] Bim's on,

[13:46] hey, hey, hey,

[13:48] Bim is on the way.

[13:49] Oh, Bim is the way.

[13:49] And Bim,

[13:50] and Bim.

Elliott Kalan

[13:51] Oh, I thought they were

[13:52] saying Bim's the only way.

[13:53] It's Bim is on the way.

S1

[13:54] Bim is on the way.

[13:56] And Bim is

[13:56] Bigaloo International Music.

[14:00] Uh-huh.

[14:01] It's as if they were singing

[14:02] Sony's on the way.

Stuart Wellington

[14:05] But that isn't made clear

[14:06] until later on.

[14:08] Like, when it's first introduced,

[14:10] I was just like,

[14:12] maybe they don't,

[14:13] like, maybe

[14:14] they just don't speak English.

[14:16] Like, they're not singing

[14:17] in English well enough

[14:18] for me to understand

[14:19] what they're saying.

[14:20] Because it, I don't know,

[14:21] it feels like

[14:21] a very European production.

S1

[14:23] Well, the way that it's staged

[14:24] and the costumes

[14:25] and the song

[14:25] make it seem like

[14:26] Bim is an alien power

[14:28] that is about to land

[14:30] and conquer humanity.

Stuart Wellington

[14:32] Which, I'm all for it.

[14:33] Yes.

[14:33] Buckle up.

[14:34] Let me see some Bim power.

[14:35] But it's actually about

[14:36] a music label.

Elliott Kalan

[14:37] Yeah.

[14:38] They do a very poor job

[14:40] of ever saying,

[14:41] hey, movie,

[14:41] let's stop and explain

[14:42] what Bim is.

[14:43] Because it's a word

[14:44] you're going to be hearing

[14:44] a lot throughout the film.

[14:46] Bim is this thing.

[14:47] They just kind of drop you in

[14:48] and, I mean,

[14:49] it's better, I guess,

[14:50] than Star Wars

[14:51] spending a couple minutes

[14:52] telling you about

[14:52] midichlorians or something.

[14:53] But they need a little bit

[14:55] more explanation

[14:55] of what this Bim is

[14:56] that everybody loves.

S1

[14:57] Well, the whole movie,

[14:58] there's a lot of like,

[15:00] so imagine if

[15:01] a music company

[15:03] was like a government.

[15:05] Yeah.

[15:06] Okay.

[15:06] Okay, yeah, yeah.

[15:07] Scene.

Dan McCoy

[15:08] Go.

[15:08] It's one of these

[15:10] many dystopias

[15:12] that is music-based.

[15:14] Like, in popular culture,

[15:16] there's a lot more

[15:16] popular music-based dystopias

[15:19] than I think, you know,

[15:20] science would, you know,

[15:22] project as a possible reality.

S1

[15:24] Well, it's also important

[15:25] to note that in this land,

[15:26] not only is it unclear

[15:27] the power music has,

[15:29] time is also unclear

[15:31] in this thing.

[15:33] Because in this beginning,

[15:35] right, they do this song,

[15:36] Bim's on the way,

[15:37] and then as he's getting

[15:38] interviewed, it's like,

[15:39] so the government

[15:41] has just picked this song

[15:44] to be the exercise song

[15:47] or whatever.

[15:48] Yeah, you gotta strike

[15:49] all the iron top.

[15:49] The song just debuted?

[15:50] What's going on?

Elliott Kalan

[15:53] I mean...

[15:54] It's, uh, it's, this is,

[15:55] this is the end of the long

[15:56] rollout, I guess,

[15:58] of the Bim song.

Stuart Wellington

[15:59] They'd been, yeah,

[15:59] they'd been releasing

[16:01] song trailers

[16:02] with just a couple

[16:03] little clips of it

[16:04] on YouTube.

S1

[16:05] You could get, uh, you could get, uh,

[16:06] you could get a ringtone

[16:07] of Bim for a while now,

[16:09] and people are really horny

[16:10] for Bim.

Elliott Kalan

[16:13] So, so Bim is run by,

[16:15] as you mentioned,

[16:16] it's, uh, it's Boogaloo's

[16:17] corporation, that's Mr. Boogaloo,

[16:19] who is your basic,

[16:20] anti-Christ devil guy.

[16:22] Yeah, he's, he's played

Dan McCoy

[16:23] by an actor who was clearly,

[16:25] uh, chosen for his singing ability.

S1

[16:28] I think he was chosen

[16:29] for his goatee.

Stuart Wellington

[16:30] Yeah.

[16:31] So is he, so he has a dog

[16:33] in the race.

[16:33] He is backing the two

[16:35] very sexy singers

[16:37] and their backup dancers

[16:38] singing the Bim song.

S1

[16:39] Dandy and...

[16:41] Dandy.

Stuart Wellington

[16:41] Dandy, thank you.

[16:42] Dandy, who becomes

[16:44] a villain in the movie,

[16:45] and he looks so much like,

[16:48] he reminds me so much

[16:49] of the bad guy

[16:49] from Top Secret.

[16:51] Okay, see, I was gonna say

[16:52] the dude Richard

[16:53] from Top Gear.

[16:54] Maybe if the two of them

S1

[16:56] had a baby,

[16:57] that was evil.

[16:59] Well, it's like they said,

[17:00] okay, so I think what we have

[17:02] is the dude,

[17:03] the lead singer of The Who,

[17:05] whose name is escaping me.

[17:07] Daltrey?

[17:08] Yeah.

[17:09] And...

[17:10] Richie Who.

[17:11] Uh-huh.

[17:12] And then...

[17:13] Cindy Lou Who.

[17:14] Alfie seems modeled

[17:16] after, uh,

[17:18] after George Michael.

[17:20] Okay.

[17:21] Right, there's literally a scene...

[17:22] Based on the chest hair?

[17:24] Well, there's one scene

[17:24] where he's in, like,

[17:25] bleached white jeans

[17:27] and a white t-shirt

[17:29] and, like, a gold necklace.

[17:30] Yep.

[17:31] And he straight up looks like

[17:32] he's off the cover

[17:33] of a Wham album.

[17:35] That's cool.

Elliott Kalan

[17:36] But so...

[17:36] Let's explain who...

[17:37] Let's explain who...

[17:38] Let's define our terms here.

[17:39] Okay.

[17:40] The Bim song is about to win

[17:42] by Measure of Heartbeats.

[17:44] Uh,

[17:44] Boogaloo and his effeminate

[17:45] Major Domo

[17:46] are already celebrating

[17:47] when this kind of

[17:49] folky rock duo

[17:50] to a man and a woman,

[17:51] Alfie and Bebe,

[17:52] they sing a love song

[17:54] and it really wins

[17:56] everyone over.

[17:57] And it looks like

[17:57] they're gonna win

[17:58] until everything is sabotaged

[18:00] by the Bim guys.

S1

[18:01] And let's just...

[18:02] Let's acknowledge

[18:03] the sabotage, right?

[18:04] So it's already surpassed.

[18:06] It's not like they stop it

[18:07] just before.

[18:08] It has surpassed

[18:09] the heartbeats.

[18:10] The Bim song hit 150.

[18:12] They hit, like, 152.

[18:14] And then they put on

[18:15] this weird beepy tape

[18:17] and everyone's like,

Dan McCoy

[18:18] yeah, this seems...

[18:20] It makes them mad.

[18:21] Normal?

[18:22] I also love how

[18:23] the guy who's sabotaging

[18:25] hands over the tape

[18:26] in broad daylight,

[18:28] like, in a room full of people

[18:29] and he says,

[18:30] don't let anyone see you

[18:31] using this.

[18:32] Yeah.

[18:34] And, yeah,

[18:35] as soon as the beeping starts,

[18:36] like, the audience

[18:37] who were loving it

[18:38] a moment before

[18:39] immediately start jeering

[18:41] and, like,

[18:42] rushing the stage.

[18:43] But I think, like,

Stuart Wellington

[18:44] wouldn't that make

[18:44] their hearts beat faster?

S1

[18:46] Yes, but not only that,

[18:47] it seems like...

[18:48] Yeah, you would think so.

S1

[18:49] It seems like Boogloo's

[18:50] in control when I'm just

[18:51] be like, nah,

[18:52] wasn't successful.

[18:53] And then we're like,

[18:54] okay, cool.

Stuart Wellington

[18:56] Yeah, I mean,

[18:56] he's the only one

Elliott Kalan

[18:57] who has access

[18:58] to that heartbeat monitor.

[18:59] Just slip some BIM dollars

[19:01] to the heartbeat monitor guy

[19:02] and just be like,

[19:03] hey, they got less.

[19:04] Okay.

S1

[19:05] Cool.

[19:06] The end.

[19:07] The end of the apple.

[19:08] Or just say, like,

[19:09] okay, cool.

[19:09] People like them.

[19:11] I'm gonna sign them now.

Dan McCoy

[19:13] Yeah, which is what

[19:14] he tries to do.

[19:15] He's like,

[19:16] okay, there's this power,

[19:17] this, like, music power

[19:18] that I don't have control over.

[19:20] I have to, you know,

[19:21] suck it into my vortex,

[19:23] into my orbit.

[19:24] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[19:25] And so his,

[19:27] the group that he is fronting,

[19:29] Bim is the way,

[19:30] or whatever,

[19:31] they're,

[19:32] they're,

[19:32] they represent like,

[19:33] Tandy and Dandy.

[19:34] Thank you.

[19:35] Yeah, Tandy and Dandy

[19:35] represent like,

[19:36] a very modern,

[19:38] slick,

[19:39] pop music sheen,

[19:40] whereas,

[19:41] Alfie and Beebe

[19:43] are kind of like,

[19:44] kind of like a folksy.

Elliott Kalan

[19:47] They're like the Carpenters.

Stuart Wellington

[19:48] Okay, exactly.

[19:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:49] Well, this,

[19:50] this is where,

[19:50] this is where I want to,

[19:52] I want it,

[19:52] this is more coding for me

[19:54] of kind of,

[19:56] the Alfie and Beebe

[19:57] are very much like,

[19:59] it feels like,

[19:59] even more than Carpenters,

[20:00] they're like Heartland,

[20:02] straight white America,

[20:03] whereas the Bim guys are disco,

[20:06] and disco is the music of women,

[20:08] of people of color,

[20:10] and of queer people.

[20:12] And it's very much like,

[20:14] the Bim presentation

[20:15] is this big,

[20:16] futuristic,

[20:17] campy disco thing,

[20:18] and then you've got these like,

[20:20] this is like straight from the heart,

[20:22] American folk songsters,

[20:23] and the fact that their song is,

[20:25] maybe one billionth as catchy

[20:27] as the Bim song,

[20:28] which I find genuinely catchy,

[20:30] maybe just because they repeat

[20:31] the same phrase over and over again.

[20:32] Yeah.

[20:33] Hey, hey, hey,

[20:34] Bim's on the way.

S1

[20:35] It sets the stage.

Elliott Kalan

[20:36] Bim's on the way.

[20:36] But can I say,

S1

[20:37] I was like,

[20:37] oh, finally.

[20:39] I do want to say,

[20:40] because this is a movie

[20:41] I've watched a ton of times,

[20:43] and now I have a platform.

[20:46] The first line of the Bim song,

[20:49] they say,

[20:51] there is no,

[20:51] what is it?

[20:52] There is no happy,

[20:54] or there is no,

[20:55] sad,

[20:56] but they don't rhyme,

[20:58] there is no,

[21:00] like,

[21:01] there is no good.

[21:02] Oh, no,

[21:02] there's no rhymes,

[21:03] yeah.

[21:03] They say,

[21:04] there is no good,

[21:05] there's no bad,

[21:06] there is no happy,

[21:07] and everything's not okay,

[21:08] or whatever,

[21:09] but they don't say,

[21:10] there is no bad,

[21:11] and it will always,

[21:13] it's like literally,

[21:14] the first,

[21:15] the first thing they say.

Stuart Wellington

[21:16] rhyme,

[21:17] bad with sad,

[21:19] is what you're hoping for?

[21:20] Okay.

[21:20] A thing that a four-year-old would do.

[21:23] They say,

Elliott Kalan

[21:24] like,

[21:24] there is no good,

[21:25] there is no bad,

[21:27] there is no happy,

[21:28] there is no pain.

[21:29] You set up the expectation,

[21:30] and you just knock it down.

Dan McCoy

[21:32] I like to imagine they had,

[21:33] like,

[21:33] Stephen Sondheim doing the lyrics,

[21:35] and he's like,

[21:35] I can't crack it.

[21:37] There's no rhyme here.

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] What is it?

[21:41] Damn it.

[21:43] Let me open up my rhyming dictionary at bad,

[21:45] and it's just a blank page.

[21:47] Oh, boy.

[21:48] A young Lin-Manuel Miranda was just beating down the door,

Stuart Wellington

[21:51] like,

[21:52] let me in,

[21:52] I've got it.

[21:54] Correct it.

[21:55] There is no rad.

S1

[21:59] Anyways,

Elliott Kalan

[22:00] so they sing a song.

[22:01] the BIM song,

[22:02] the BIM song is all these,

[22:03] like,

[22:04] nihilistic slogans,

[22:05] and it's like,

[22:06] they're just hurling the anti-life equation,

[22:08] at the audience.

[22:09] There's something very,

[22:10] Jack Kirby's fourth world about it,

[22:12] that I like.

[22:12] Yep.

[22:13] But then,

[22:13] okay,

[22:14] after the,

[22:14] after the song convention,

[22:16] BIM has been named the winner,

[22:17] BIM for the win,

[22:18] there's a big party,

[22:19] and they all get in their Ghostbusters Ecto-1s,

S1

[22:22] and they head off to the party.

Stuart Wellington

[22:24] Yeah,

[22:24] the design on those,

[22:26] those limousines is very much like,

[22:28] Ecto-1,

[22:29] basically.

Elliott Kalan

[22:30] Yes.

[22:30] Yeah,

[22:31] they all look like they're driving away in Ghostbusters ambulances.

[22:33] Mm-hmm.

[22:34] And so they go to this party,

[22:36] and they go,

[22:36] look at all this BIM merchandise.

[22:37] We have our BIM glasses,

[22:39] and they hand out the most unwieldy drinking glasses,

[22:42] I think I've ever seen.

Stuart Wellington

[22:44] They're vases.

[22:45] Yeah.

[22:45] They are vases.

[22:46] Yeah,

[22:47] they're square vases.

[22:47] You're holding a vase.

[22:49] Don't they drink a BIM and tonic out of it?

S1

[22:51] They're having a BIM and tonic in a vase.

[22:55] As I could go for a vase full of BIM and tonic right now.

Dan McCoy

[22:59] BIM is becoming what I like.

[23:00] Like,

[23:00] like,

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] BIM is the Apple version of,

[23:01] of the word Smurf,

[23:03] where it just means anything.

Stuart Wellington

[23:05] Is this when the fellow starts giving out?

[23:08] Well,

[23:08] when they're like,

[23:08] we gotta start,

[23:09] we gotta start talking about BIM merchandise,

[23:11] and he's like,

[23:12] how about a t-shirt?

[23:13] Like,

[23:13] no shit,

[23:14] dude.

S1

[23:15] I love it.

[23:16] I love it.

S1

[23:16] He says t-shirt,

[23:17] and everyone shits on it so hard.

[23:20] Like,

[23:20] t-shirt,

[23:21] get the fuck out,

[23:22] Ashley.

Stuart Wellington

[23:23] And then he,

[23:24] uh,

[23:24] they gives out the BIM stickers,

[23:25] and they're loving that shit.

[23:27] Well,

[23:27] that's the thing.

S1

[23:27] T-shirt is not it,

[23:29] but BIM stickers.

[23:30] Yeah.

[23:31] Whoa,

[23:31] whoa,

[23:31] whoa.

[23:32] Slow down.

[23:33] And this is one of those moments where,

Elliott Kalan

[23:34] uh,

[23:35] the apple starts bringing in,

[23:37] uh,

[23:37] its biblical roots,

[23:39] because much as when the Antichrist comes,

[23:41] all followers of the Antichrist will bear his mark,

[23:44] the BIM sticker,

[23:45] it becomes more and more,

[23:47] uh,

[23:48] enforced that you have to wear it,

[23:49] because that's the mark of Mr. Boogaloo,

[23:51] the Antichrist.

[23:53] Wait,

S1

[23:53] hold on.

[23:54] Hold on.

[23:54] Hold on,

[23:55] Elliot.

[23:55] Yeah.

[23:56] Are you saying that the apple might have biblical allegories?

[24:01] Yeah.

[24:01] Just bear with me.

[24:02] Biblical allegory.

[24:03] Maybe you'll see,

Elliott Kalan

[24:04] maybe,

[24:04] maybe you'll see Elton John God descend in a magic limousine.

[24:08] And not only that,

[24:09] here's the thing.

S1

[24:10] You might think,

[24:11] oh,

[24:11] does the apple have an biblical allegory?

[24:14] No,

[24:15] no,

[24:15] my friends.

[24:17] The apple has about seven biblical allegories.

Dan McCoy

[24:21] The biblical allegory in this is only slightly less subtle than in mother.

[24:29] Wait,

Stuart Wellington

[24:29] I don't,

[24:30] I don't get it.

[24:30] I haven't seen mother yet.

Elliott Kalan

[24:31] Oh boy.

[24:32] Don't spoil it for Stuart.

[24:33] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[24:35] Uh,

[24:35] so.

[24:35] Have you seen Arrested Development?

[24:38] Yeah.

[24:39] Oh,

[24:39] I get it.

[24:41] I,

[24:42] I also haven't seen mother.

[24:44] Uh,

[24:45] so we,

[24:46] uh,

[24:47] we flash forward to a part of the movie.

[24:49] I don't remember.

Elliott Kalan

[24:50] So,

[24:50] so,

[24:50] so Alfie and BB are,

[24:52] they're at the party and BB is seduced by the male singer of the,

[24:55] of the BIM group.

[24:56] Now is the male one Tandy or Dandy?

[24:58] Dandy.

[24:59] I think that's Dandy.

[24:59] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[25:00] Dandy.

[25:01] Uh,

[25:01] and,

[25:01] and he seduces her to kiss him while everybody looks up through a skylight and laughs at them.

[25:07] So sexy.

[25:08] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[25:09] Yeah.

[25:09] Oh,

[25:09] it's just like,

[25:10] it's like,

[25:10] you remember,

[25:11] uh,

[25:11] the smooth moves of the,

[25:12] of,

[25:13] uh,

[25:13] the,

[25:13] the fake boyfriend in Carrie who takes Carrie to the prom.

[25:17] That's what this is all about.

[25:18] Mm-hmm.

S1

[25:19] Yeah.

[25:19] So there's a,

[25:20] but it wins.

Elliott Kalan

[25:20] Now BB wants to sign,

[25:22] wants to sign with Mr.

[25:23] Boogaloo as their agent.

[25:24] But Alfie is like,

[25:25] no way.

[25:26] And when they go to the signing ceremony,

[25:29] uh,

[25:30] after they,

[25:31] after the song,

[25:32] uh,

[25:32] everything is,

[25:33] what is it?

[25:34] Everything is entertainment in 1994.

[25:36] Something like that.

S1

[25:36] nothing is like show business,

[25:38] which is the weirdest dystopian.

[25:40] that's what it is.

[25:41] Because it's,

[25:42] it's,

[25:42] it's like,

[25:43] Hey,

[25:43] I'm at,

[25:44] like,

[25:44] it makes sense.

[25:45] Cause there's this group of show business.

[25:47] Business people here and they break into song.

[25:50] And it's like,

[25:50] yeah,

[25:51] but they don't.

[25:52] Yeah.

[25:52] But,

[25:52] but also they don't.

[25:53] This is nothing.

Stuart Wellington

[25:54] Is that the,

[25:55] uh,

[25:56] is that the dance number that happens in that,

[25:58] uh,

[25:58] airport?

[25:59] Uh huh.

[25:59] Yeah.

[26:00] Yeah.

[26:00] The airport waiting room.

[26:01] The airport where the,

Elliott Kalan

[26:02] uh,

[26:03] where Mr.

[26:03] Boogaloo has his office.

Stuart Wellington

[26:05] The one where they surprise the choreographer on the day of,

[26:08] and they're like,

[26:08] you gotta choreograph somebody.

Dan McCoy

[26:10] Yeah.

[26:11] You strut this direction.

[26:13] You strut the other direction.

S1

[26:15] There it's done.

[26:16] What we are hitting on now,

[26:17] just to touch on it,

[26:19] is the most amazing thing about the apple to me,

[26:22] which is in these numbers,

[26:24] there are easily 60 extras.

[26:29] Like,

[26:29] yeah,

[26:30] this is not,

[26:31] they're normal.

[26:31] This is not the room where there's like four people in every scene.

[26:34] This is like this,

[26:36] the,

[26:37] the budget for this movie was $5 million.

[26:39] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[26:40] Yeah.

[26:41] Cause this like,

[26:41] this looks like a big production.

[26:43] I mean,

[26:43] like it's,

[26:44] it's,

[26:44] it's cheap in,

[26:45] in certain ways,

[26:46] but it has like lighting,

Stuart Wellington

[26:48] big,

[26:48] crazy sets.

Dan McCoy

[26:49] Costume.

[26:50] And it has like costumes and like a cast of thousands sort of thing.

Stuart Wellington

[26:54] And design,

[26:55] like every,

[26:56] every set is,

[26:58] has some element of design to it.

[27:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:02] And,

[27:02] and every dancer has a crazy costume.

[27:05] Like they,

[27:05] they're even,

[27:06] I don't know,

[27:07] dude,

[27:07] they're in Germany.

[27:08] Like this was shot.

Stuart Wellington

[27:09] This was shot in Berlin,

[27:11] Germany.

[27:11] I'm sure you can just go to any store and buy one of those.

[27:14] Well,

[27:14] that's what,

S1

[27:15] at this point in 1979,

[27:18] what West Germany was known for was it's whimsy.

[27:23] So,

[27:23] uh,

[27:23] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[27:24] the thing is Germany really took the Germany really took its cue style wise from the apple.

[27:28] It was,

[27:29] it was in Germany.

[27:30] What like,

[27:31] uh,

[27:32] Annie Hall was for a generation of women in America.

[27:34] And then you would talk about how,

[27:37] Oh,

[27:37] that person has the apple look.

[27:39] That's why they have bands of silver fiberglass all over their arms.

Stuart Wellington

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:43] That's why that fellow's beard is covered in glitter.

[27:46] And he's wearing a leather,

[27:47] leather jumpsuit with the pointiest shoulders.

[27:50] Oh,

S1

[27:51] that's,

[27:51] that's why that guy is dressed like Mork from Ork.

[27:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:56] So at roughly this point,

[27:58] this is where BB,

[27:59] BB is going to sign the contract.

[28:02] And Alfie starts having,

[28:04] they're in the office and they're being pushed to sign the contract.

[28:06] And Alfie starts having these like hallucinations of this situation as like a biblical,

[28:13] like devil situation.

S1

[28:15] Well,

[28:15] but hold on.

[28:16] Well,

[28:16] there's,

[28:16] there's a false start.

[28:18] Earthquakes and storms.

[28:19] Yeah.

[28:20] There's a false start where he has that vision.

[28:22] And then everybody looks at him like,

[28:24] Oh,

[28:24] what was that?

[28:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[28:26] They all make fun of him.

[28:27] And he's like,

[28:28] what did I say?

[28:28] Something about t-shirts?

[28:32] Uh,

[28:33] and they,

[28:33] then he,

Elliott Kalan

[28:34] he dreams that they're Adam and Eve in hell being tempted by a magic apple.

[28:39] And,

S1

[28:40] which is not how that scene went down.

[28:42] In case anyone was wondering.

Dan McCoy

[28:43] Yeah.

[28:44] Quite the opposite.

[28:45] They were in a very,

[28:45] very nice place at the time.

[28:46] They didn't take him to hell.

[28:47] They're like,

[28:48] what about this apple though?

[28:49] Yeah.

[28:50] I think that kind of tips off the bad,

[28:53] the bad consequences of eating the apple.

[28:55] If you take him down to hell for that.

[28:56] And there's a vampire.

[28:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[28:58] A tasty apple,

[29:00] magic apple,

[29:01] juju apple.

Elliott Kalan

[29:02] Even the lyrics that,

[29:04] that Dandy is singing,

[29:05] make it sound like it would be terrible to eat the apple.

[29:08] He's like,

[29:09] it's like mystify you,

[29:11] destroy-ify you,

[29:13] enslave-ify you,

[29:14] that kind of stuff.

[29:14] It's all about how bad it's going to be.

S1

[29:17] And here's the thing.

[29:18] What's amazing about this is,

[29:20] and honestly,

[29:21] like I said,

[29:22] I've watched this movie 20 times.

[29:25] I think Alfie might have the shining,

[29:28] right?

[29:28] Sure.

[29:29] Okay.

[29:30] Because he sees this,

[29:31] like he sees this all going down,

[29:33] right?

[29:33] And BB is just like,

[29:35] okay,

[29:35] whatever.

[29:36] Like BB is not,

[29:37] so this is not happening real time,

Stuart Wellington

[29:40] right?

[29:41] No,

[29:41] I'm assuming it's a vision.

[29:43] Well,

[29:43] yes.

[29:43] It's tough to say because the costuming decision was basically,

[29:47] like,

[29:48] hey,

[29:48] I already,

[29:49] hey,

[29:49] costume designer,

[29:50] I already had you create a terrifying world for this to take place in.

[29:55] Now I need you to take it a couple steps up.

S1

[29:58] Well,

[29:58] what's great about this and what makes it so genius in its storytelling is BB,

[30:05] before this number about being tempted takes place,

[30:09] has already signed.

[30:11] Yeah.

[30:11] So this is not about Alfie trying to protect BB soul.

[30:16] That's done.

[30:18] This is just about ramifications of the thing she has already done.

[30:24] Yeah.

[30:25] It might as well just be BB,

[30:27] uh,

[30:27] Alfie going,

[30:28] oh no,

[30:29] really?

[30:29] Oh shit.

[30:30] Mm.

[30:31] Mm.

[30:32] Anyways,

[30:33] it's a great movie.

Stuart Wellington

[30:34] To be honest,

[30:34] that giant apple looks pretty good,

[30:37] right?

[30:38] No,

[30:38] no,

[30:39] it doesn't.

[30:39] It looks like it's carved out of wood.

[30:41] Oh,

S1

[30:42] the green apples are the best.

[30:43] Let me give credit where creditors do.

[30:45] The one person who has like the double face makeup.

[30:48] Amazing.

[30:49] Yeah.

[30:50] That looks great.

Elliott Kalan

[30:51] I thought that I,

[30:52] I think they got an actual deformed person to play that part.

[30:54] That's how good the makeup was.

[30:56] But then also this,

[30:57] the apple is being presented by Dandy,

[30:59] who is wearing almost no clothes,

[31:02] but it's not like he's the most beautiful man in the world.

[31:05] He's just kind of like an average looking guy,

[31:07] but now he's next to naked.

[31:09] And you're like,

Stuart Wellington

[31:09] I think it's kind of awkward.

[31:10] I think,

[31:11] I think first off,

[31:12] I think you,

[31:12] you're,

[31:12] you sound insane right there.

[31:14] He's amazing looking.

[31:15] And the best part about it is you see him in this tiny little outfit and this

[31:19] tiny little pair of shorts,

[31:20] but it isn't until about halfway through the song that you're all your fears

[31:24] are confirmed.

[31:25] And when he turns around,

[31:26] you're like,

[31:27] that is a whole butt that is not covering up his butt in the least.

S1

[31:33] So the apple is an amazing movie.

[31:35] It's a little something for the ladies.

[31:37] Yeah.

[31:37] Okay.

[31:38] So the,

[31:38] or the gentlemen,

Elliott Kalan

[31:39] uh,

[31:39] at this point,

[31:40] Alfie storms out.

[31:42] Uh,

[31:42] he refuses to sign and BB is trained to be a rock star,

[31:45] uh,

[31:45] boogaloo style.

[31:46] Boogaloo sings a song about how it's great to be a dominating master.

[31:50] And then maybe the most,

S1

[31:53] I will say the most upsetting song of perhaps the whole movie where the two

[31:58] people of color in the movie do sing about how great it is to have a master.

[32:03] I will say this movie that I,

[32:06] I have said that I enjoy this movie.

[32:09] It is bad in that way.

Stuart Wellington

[32:11] I will say that is,

[32:13] Oh,

[32:13] wow.

[32:13] You'll,

[32:14] it'll give up some ground over here.

[32:15] I will say,

[32:17] listen,

S1

[32:18] sometimes movies are bad in various ways.

[32:21] Sometimes it's the writing.

[32:22] Sometimes it's the costumes and sometimes it is the incredibly problematic

[32:27] themes.

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] Uh,

[32:31] but it's saved because at this point,

[32:33] BB essentially becomes Dazzler from the X-Men.

[32:36] Uh,

[32:36] she's just like kind of a disco metal pop singer.

[32:39] And she sings this song that is a very confusing metaphor about America as a

[32:44] kind of drug,

[32:45] or maybe America is the drug addict.

[32:47] And honestly,

[32:48] it feels like a song meatloaf might have sang.

[32:50] And I genuinely like it a lot.

[32:52] Oh,

[32:52] it's so good.

[32:53] It's the best song.

[32:54] I genuinely enjoy.

S1

[32:55] It is the best song.

[32:56] My,

[32:56] the best thing about it.

[32:57] And I think it is a super creative,

[32:59] incredibly interesting choice is the half hitch that it is.

[33:04] Like when she says speed,

[33:07] it always comes a little sooner than it musically should.

[33:11] Right.

[33:12] Yeah.

[33:12] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[33:13] And I love how all of her backup dancers.

Elliott Kalan

[33:16] It's like,

[33:17] she's bellowing it at you.

Stuart Wellington

[33:18] Oh,

[33:19] I feel like all the homophobic former Judas priest fans just needed to see

[33:25] this sequence to be like,

[33:27] wait a minute,

[33:28] those backup dancers are dressed exactly like Rob Halford.

[33:36] But which is awesome.

[33:37] I mean,

[33:38] they got the moves,

[33:39] they got the goods.

Elliott Kalan

[33:40] I mean,

[33:40] I'm not going to lie to you.

[33:41] That's all stuff I like about it.

[33:42] This is the one song where I was like,

[33:43] maybe I'll buy the Apple soundtrack and I'll just put this one song on my

[33:47] iPod.

S1

[33:48] It is that I honestly,

[33:50] this song and I'm coming.

[33:51] I,

[33:52] I,

[33:52] the two,

[33:53] in my opinion,

[33:54] best songs.

Stuart Wellington

[33:55] I'm a child of love fan,

[33:56] but we'll get to that later.

[33:59] So now we cut to Alfie who wakes up in a soundstage.

Elliott Kalan

[34:06] Well,

[34:06] before that,

[34:07] before that,

[34:08] uh,

[34:08] BB,

[34:09] BB is so successful that now,

[34:11] uh,

[34:12] everyone has to wear a BIM sticker and we see Alfie's Jewish landlady get a

[34:16] ticket from a police officer who looks like one of the space balls for not

[34:20] wearing a BIM sticker.

[34:22] And that,

[34:22] and that landlady.

[34:24] It's like Alfie.

[34:24] It's like Alfie is renting a room in a Clifford Odette's play.

[34:29] It's like this rundown stage set of a crappy apartment.

[34:32] And his landlady is like,

[34:33] no.

[34:34] So you want to cause trouble?

[34:36] Eh,

[34:36] fair.

S1

[34:37] It does look like they're about to cut over stage left to where his

[34:41] therapist's office is.

[34:43] Yeah.

[34:44] And there's,

Stuart Wellington

[34:45] and when she's,

[34:48] when she's asking for the rent,

[34:49] his,

[34:49] his only response is to sneak up behind her,

[34:53] grab her breasts.

[34:54] And then start playing a song on his guitar for her.

[34:57] Now,

[34:57] classic Dan move.

[34:59] Am I right?

[35:00] Now Stuart,

S1

[35:01] please share with us the observation that you made and how it evolved into

[35:05] your understanding of this person.

Stuart Wellington

[35:07] I,

[35:07] I mean,

[35:07] obviously as soon as this character is introduced,

[35:10] I'm like,

[35:10] this is the nurse from Romeo and Juliet.

[35:12] And in fact,

[35:13] she did play the nurse in Romeo plus Juliet and as professor sprouting,

[35:18] uh,

[35:18] the Hogwarts movies starring Harry Potter.

[35:21] I mean,

[35:22] I mean,

[35:24] I mean,

[35:25] I mean,

[35:26] Harry Potter.

[35:27] So somebody,

[35:28] somebody made it big out of this movie is what I'm saying.

S1

[35:32] I will say when I watched this movie and I was like,

[35:34] Oh,

[35:34] there's no names in this,

[35:36] except for professor sprout.

[35:39] Yeah.

[35:39] From the Hogwarts movies.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] Yeah.

[35:40] And when I look at the,

[35:42] the ruins and devastation of this movie and I'm like,

[35:46] wow,

[35:46] this earth is barren and salted.

[35:48] No life will grow.

[35:49] No.

[35:50] Nay.

[35:51] What's that sprout of green in the corner.

Elliott Kalan

[35:55] Yeah.

[35:56] She is this actress whose name I don't remember.

[35:58] Wreckage of the apple.

[35:59] Yeah.

[36:00] Uh,

[36:01] so Alfie sings another song.

[36:03] This is about,

[36:03] uh,

[36:05] what,

[36:05] how BB has left him for evil.

[36:07] I think frankly,

[36:07] yeah.

[36:08] Another one of the better songs in the movie.

[36:10] Uh,

[36:10] but it does,

[36:10] it does have the wonderful reaction.

S1

[36:13] It has the wonderful reaction that happens.

[36:15] That happens a couple of times in this movie where people are like,

[36:18] love songs are out,

[36:19] which has never been a thing in all of human history ever.

[36:25] Oh,

[36:26] love.

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] Was that a one,

[36:29] the one subject there will always be songs about.

Stuart Wellington

[36:31] Yeah.

[36:31] Is there like a reactionary movement at what,

[36:34] in like the late seventies where they're like,

[36:37] modern music isn't about love enough.

S1

[36:40] Never.

[36:41] To answer that question,

[36:42] Stuart,

[36:42] never.

[36:43] People were like,

[36:44] love,

[36:44] that's a hundred million dollars right there.

[36:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:48] We don't like songs that use the word baby anymore.

[36:55] Yeah.

[36:56] So,

[36:56] uh,

[36:57] yeah.

S1

[36:58] My favorite part about that song is.

[37:01] When they say no to Alfie,

[37:02] they do say,

[37:03] take a listen to what's on the radio.

[37:05] And just write that.

[37:07] We're like,

[37:07] he wrote a fucking love song.

[37:09] I don't know what else he wants.

[37:11] Like,

[37:11] what are you hoping for,

[37:13] dude?

Dan McCoy

[37:13] Yeah.

[37:13] He's trying to sell his song to this alternate,

[37:16] uh,

[37:17] you know,

[37:18] song,

[37:18] like publishing thing,

[37:20] I guess.

[37:20] But I'm like,

[37:21] who in this world that is controlled by BIM?

[37:23] Like,

[37:24] how is there any other alternate music venues that he could go to?

Stuart Wellington

[37:28] Well,

[37:28] do you think they just leave a couple of competitive,

[37:30] competing,

[37:31] uh,

[37:31] like music,

[37:32] like music businesses out there to like music labels to like,

[37:36] just so they feel alive.

[37:37] Keep them fresh.

[37:37] Yeah.

[37:38] Yeah.

[37:39] So they can like squash them under their boot anytime they want,

[37:42] but they don't.

[37:43] Yeah.

[37:43] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[37:44] It's not,

[37:45] it's not the killing.

[37:46] It's the knowing that you can kill.

[37:48] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[37:48] So what happens next,

[37:49] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[37:50] So next,

[37:51] uh,

[37:51] so Alfie's song is rejected and then he gets a ticket for not having a BIM

[37:54] sticker.

[37:54] Uh-oh.

[37:55] Time for the BIM hour.

[37:57] Guys,

[37:57] real quick.

[37:58] You gotta stop in your tracks.

Stuart Wellington

[37:59] How does it,

[38:00] how does the cop not,

[38:01] not,

[38:01] uh,

[38:03] why does he just tell the cop that the BIM stickers up his butt?

[38:08] Yeah.

[38:09] He,

Dan McCoy

[38:09] the cop does say expressly that you can wear the sticker anywhere you want.

Stuart Wellington

[38:13] Yeah.

[38:14] I mean,

[38:14] I think,

[38:14] I think letter of the law,

[38:16] you could trick a cop unless theoretically they might check in which case

[38:21] then you'd be busted.

[38:23] However,

[38:23] well,

S1

[38:23] then you just fart in their face and run away.

[38:26] Travis has a good point.

[38:28] Yeah.

[38:29] Listen,

[38:30] they just had a fart in their face.

[38:31] They're not up for a chase.

[38:32] Yeah.

[38:32] Don't tell,

Stuart Wellington

[38:33] don't tell me you haven't done that,

[38:34] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[38:35] I forgot the famous saying fart in the face,

[38:37] not up for a chase.

S1

[38:38] Yes.

[38:38] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[38:39] Now here's my favorite thing about this movie.

[38:41] It's right up there with the red sky at dawn,

[38:42] sailor take,

[38:43] uh,

[38:44] dawn.

S1

[38:45] Sailor take pawn 12.

[38:47] Yeah.

[38:48] That classic chess booth.

[38:50] You can't beat it.

[38:51] Now here's the thing I love about this movie.

[38:53] Yeah.

[38:53] Red light at dawn,

Elliott Kalan

[38:54] sailor take pawn.

[38:55] Here's the thing I love about this movie.

S1

[38:58] When BIM hour comes,

[39:00] everyone is taken by surprise.

[39:03] Like they scheduled a surgery to happen during BIM hour.

[39:08] During BIM hour.

Elliott Kalan

[39:10] Schedule around that shit.

Dan McCoy

[39:12] Now,

[39:12] do we make clear what BIM hour is?

[39:14] It's the state mandated exercise,

[39:17] uh,

[39:17] break in the middle of the day where everyone,

Elliott Kalan

[39:20] uh,

[39:20] fitness exercises to the BIM song.

S1

[39:23] Yeah.

[39:24] It's basically just everyone dances.

[39:25] It,

[39:26] but it's,

[39:26] it's,

[39:27] it's like a put on forever.

[39:29] I'm like,

[39:29] uh,

[39:30] BIM hour as though this is not happening.

[39:33] This is where time becomes a real sticky wicket because like maybe BIM hour has been going on for,

[39:41] eight years.

[39:42] Maybe this is the first time BIM hours happen.

[39:45] It is unclear,

[39:46] but everyone is surprised by it.

Elliott Kalan

[39:51] Everyone.

[39:51] Yeah.

[39:52] Everyone's taken by surprise.

[39:53] Some are pretty happy about it,

[39:54] but like the,

S1

[39:55] like the firefighters who are like firefighters get a nice break from fire fighting.

Elliott Kalan

[40:01] I mean,

[40:02] that's my one.

[40:02] That's the one joke in the movie that I like is that BIM hour comes and they stop fighting the fire and exercise in front of a burning building.

[40:09] I'm like the apple.

[40:10] I'll give it to you.

[40:11] That's a pretty good joke.

Stuart Wellington

[40:12] I really wish they'd cut to like people inside the building who were like crying out for help.

[40:17] And instead they start dancing as well.

[40:19] Well,

S1

[40:19] we have a similar joke where the person on the slab of being operated upon tries to dance and then has a heart attack and dies.

[40:27] Well,

[40:27] another solid goof.

Stuart Wellington

[40:28] Well,

[40:29] you assume he dies.

[40:30] Well,

[40:31] yes.

S1

[40:31] We are left to believe.

[40:32] Show me the grave.

Stuart Wellington

[40:33] The cues.

[40:34] Show it to me.

Elliott Kalan

[40:36] It's the exact,

[40:37] I would say he's dead.

[40:39] That scene is the mirror opposite of the scene in Break into Electric Boogaloo where they dance so hard that someone gets brought back to life.

[40:45] Mm-hmm.

[40:46] They actually film those back to back.

S1

[40:49] They only have to set for the one day.

[40:51] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:52] Yeah.

[40:53] I mean.

[40:53] They just reversed the films in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[40:55] It did make me think that Golden Globes really have a thing for the word Boogaloo.

[41:02] It's between this and Breaking 2.

[41:04] Yeah.

[41:05] They're big Boogaloo fans.

[41:07] Boogaloo and it's a great word.

[41:07] Yeah.

[41:08] It's a great word.

Stuart Wellington

[41:09] It was like how there was that time where every comedy was like,

[41:14] a character needs to be named Chuck.

[41:17] That's really funny,

[41:18] right?

[41:19] Well,

[41:19] it rhymes with fuck.

S1

[41:20] No,

[41:20] but Dan,

[41:21] it rhymes with what?

[41:21] It rhymes with what,

[41:24] Dan?

[41:25] Fuck,

[41:26] Travis.

[41:26] It rhymes with what?

[41:28] I'm sorry,

[41:29] Travis.

[41:29] Say it with confidence,

[41:30] Dan.

[41:31] Dan.

[41:32] Dan.

[41:33] Say it.

[41:34] Dan.

[41:35] Say it,

[41:36] Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[41:36] Travis is bringing a real interesting energy to this one.

[41:39] Say it,

[41:40] Dan.

[41:41] I didn't think we were going to have more of a bully than Hodgman on the show.

Dan McCoy

[41:45] Say it,

[41:45] Dan.

[41:47] Fuck.

[41:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:50] Yeah,

[41:51] Dan.

[41:51] Part of Travis,

[41:52] we played by Dan's older brother,

[41:54] Chet.

[41:54] Say it into my phone while I record my new rhyming tone.

[42:00] Say it,

[42:01] Dan.

[42:01] Okay.

[42:01] Say it for Stuart,

[42:02] Dan.

[42:02] I feel like this episode should just be titled Dan.

[42:07] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] Say it,

[42:08] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] Okay,

[42:09] so,

[42:10] the BIM hour is done.

[42:11] So,

[42:11] after the BIM workout,

[42:13] the BIM workout goes forever.

[42:15] BB's the one who's in the song.

[42:16] Possibly an hour.

[42:18] Oh yeah.

[42:18] The BIM workout goes exactly an hour.

[42:20] That hour somehow,

[42:21] it's almost like it's in real time.

[42:23] Like,

[42:23] we experience that full hour during the movie.

[42:26] But nobody cares about Dandy and Tandy anymore,

[42:29] and they're pretty unhappy about it.

[42:31] And Alfie tries to go save BB,

[42:33] but he's beaten up by a bunch of thugs with fangs.

[42:36] That's right.

[42:37] We got a couple of bright orcs working for Boogaloo.

S1

[42:39] One of them is literally named Bulldog.

[42:43] In the most,

[42:44] like,

[42:44] spot,

[42:45] it is though they said,

[42:47] what should we name this character?

[42:49] And they said,

[42:49] well,

[42:49] what does he look like?

Stuart Wellington

[42:52] Yeah,

[42:53] they,

[42:53] these thugs,

[42:55] it feels very much like they're Gamorreans.

[42:58] Elliot,

[42:59] thoughts?

Elliott Kalan

[43:00] Yes.

[43:01] No,

[43:01] I would agree completely.

[43:03] If I would say,

[43:04] maybe George Lucas stole the design for the,

[43:06] or the idea for the Gamorrean guards from these characters,

Stuart Wellington

[43:08] it's possible.

[43:09] those,

[43:10] yeah,

[43:10] those characters,

[43:11] masks are just life casts of these two gentlemen.

S1

[43:14] There is a scene where they're wearing,

[43:16] what looks like,

[43:17] looks like a paperclip,

[43:20] but like a paperclip harness that is exactly like a Gamorrean.

[43:24] Like,

[43:25] it is literally like the same harness.

Stuart Wellington

[43:27] Yeah,

[43:27] like if I was a kid,

[43:29] and I wanted to be the Gamorrean guard when I'm playing Star Wars with my friends,

[43:34] and they're all like,

[43:35] why the fuck do you want to be a Gamorrean?

[43:37] I'm like,

[43:37] oh,

[43:38] but it's cool,

[43:38] right?

[43:38] And I take my shirt off and try and make a harness.

[43:40] Yeah.

[43:41] I'd make it out of paperclips.

[43:42] That's exactly how I would look.

S1

[43:43] It kind of looks like the Gamorrean guard outfit that they would sell.

[43:47] Like,

[43:48] it's not name brand Gamorrean guard,

[43:50] but you could buy it at like the costume store.

[43:52] Yeah.

[43:53] Green pig guard.

Elliott Kalan

[43:55] When you're buying a costume to be a Gamorrean guard.

Dan McCoy

[43:58] Yeah.

[43:59] Yeah.

[43:59] It's just called angry pig man.

S1

[44:04] Rancor handler.

Stuart Wellington

[44:07] I mean,

[44:07] they're more like Rancor food,

[44:10] to be honest.

[44:10] Yeah.

S1

[44:11] Okay.

[44:12] Rancor buddies.

[44:15] Little Rancor buddies.

[44:16] I love that show Rancor buddies.

[44:18] Oh,

[44:19] It's,

[44:19] it's right up there with Rancor babies.

Dan McCoy

[44:22] It's like Tom Hanks and Tom Hanks and Peter Skirleri pretend to be Rancors to get into the Rancor sorority.

[44:28] So sexy.

Elliott Kalan

[44:30] That,

[44:30] that,

[44:30] that house that only sorority.

[44:32] Do you know what bosom buddies is about?

[44:33] I don't know.

[44:36] What is it about?

[44:37] They are,

[44:38] they are,

[44:39] it is not a sorority.

[44:40] They are grown men.

[44:42] The apartment building they live in is demolished and there are no other apartment buildings.

[44:46] the entire city of,

[44:47] I think Chicago.

[44:48] And so they have to pretend to be women to live in a women's only apartment building.

[44:53] Wait,

[44:53] hold on.

[44:53] It's not a sorority.

[44:54] Come on.

[44:55] I also thought it was a sorority,

[44:56] Dan.

[44:58] Yeah.

[44:58] Well,

[44:59] you guys were thinking of the hit film sorority boys starring,

[45:03] uh,

[45:03] what's his name?

[45:04] That comedian who was in every movie for a little bit.

S1

[45:06] No,

[45:06] you are wrong.

[45:07] I was actually thinking of the Jason.

[45:11] Oh no,

[45:11] no,

[45:11] no.

[45:11] Who's the dude?

[45:12] Jason Voorhees.

[45:13] No,

[45:13] the dude from the single guy.

Stuart Wellington

[45:15] Silverman.

[45:16] Jason Sudeikis.

S1

[45:18] Jonathan Silverman.

[45:20] Jonathan Silverman.

[45:20] He did a movie called sorority brother.

[45:23] No,

[45:23] sorority.

[45:25] Uh,

[45:26] no,

[45:26] you're thinking,

[45:26] you're thinking of soul man.

Stuart Wellington

[45:29] No,

[45:29] I was not.

[45:30] See Thomas.

[45:31] Howell.

[45:32] See Thomas.

[45:33] Howell do what?

S1

[45:36] Mr.

[45:37] Wasansky.

Dan McCoy

[45:39] I imagine that.

Dan McCoy

[45:42] Stuart has been waiting for years for someone to mention.

[45:44] See Thomas.

[45:45] Howell.

S1

[45:45] Oh,

[45:46] my curse is lifted.

[45:47] How did you not say?

[45:49] See Thomas.

[45:49] Howell.

[45:51] Which was his college radio name.

Elliott Kalan

[45:55] I'm,

[45:56] I'm calling on all the flop house listeners.

[45:58] Someone with Photoshop skills to make a children's primer.

[46:02] That says,

[46:03] see Thomas.

[46:03] Howell.

[46:04] See Thomas.

[46:05] Run.

[46:06] And I,

[46:06] I'd like to see that.

S1

[46:10] Okay.

[46:11] You got me.

[46:12] You got me with that one.

[46:13] That was a good one.

Stuart Wellington

[46:14] Um,

[46:14] so.

[46:16] What's going on in this movie?

[46:18] Oh shit.

[46:19] Yeah.

[46:20] While in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[46:21] I mean,

[46:21] while in the movie.

[46:22] Back to the movie.

[46:23] Cut to the movie.

[46:25] Smash cut.

[46:26] Now cut to the movie.

[46:27] Now,

[46:28] uh,

[46:28] BB has a,

[46:29] a sings a song.

[46:30] This is kind of the somewhere out there of the movie where BB and Alfie both sing a duet from different places.

[46:35] Oh yeah.

[46:36] That's when we did our.

[46:36] Oh,

[46:36] with the Vegas range.

[46:37] Yeah,

[46:37] yeah,

[46:38] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:38] Yeah.

[46:38] That's when we did a big hug here at,

[46:40] uh,

[46:40] Flophouse Manor.

Dan McCoy

[46:42] Yeah,

[46:42] it's true.

[46:43] When,

[46:43] when,

[46:43] when Alfie was singing in the rain.

[46:45] Yeah.

[46:45] There was a lot more snuggling involved in this,

[46:47] uh,

[46:47] watching the.

S1

[46:48] There was a lot of.

Stuart Wellington

[46:50] It took a lot of coaxing to get Dan into that snuggle.

S1

[46:53] And he was in the middle too.

[46:54] So you can imagine how that went.

[46:56] Yeah.

[46:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:57] We're not a,

[46:58] we're not a small headed trio.

[47:01] No,

Dan McCoy

[47:01] you were there,

[47:02] Elliot.

[47:02] Don't worry.

[47:03] Yeah.

[47:03] We got a,

[47:04] we printed out a picture of you and we,

[47:05] we've struggled.

[47:06] Meanwhile,

Elliott Kalan

[47:07] uh,

[47:07] Alfie's landlady nurses him back to health with chicken soup because she's Jewish.

[47:10] And Alfie goes to,

[47:12] this is when he goes to the big drag party at Mr.

[47:15] Boogaloo's to try to three BB,

[47:17] but he gets drunk and he's confused by what he's seeing.

[47:20] All these,

[47:20] all these men who don't look quite like men and gets seduced by Tandy.

[47:25] And who sings,

[47:26] uh,

[47:26] that they're coming for you song.

S1

[47:28] Which is,

[47:29] I,

[47:29] in my opinion,

[47:30] the best song in the movie.

[47:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] These are the most explicit lyrics I think of any song.

[47:37] It may be ever written.

S1

[47:38] Yeah.

[47:39] No,

[47:39] no,

[47:39] no.

[47:39] I,

[47:40] I,

[47:40] I'll steal a joke from Buffy here.

[47:42] They call it a single entendre.

[47:44] It is the most direct,

[47:45] like sex.

[47:47] It is though they said,

[47:49] well,

[47:49] we want to write a sex song,

[47:51] but what if people don't get it?

[47:53] They're going to get it.

[47:54] We've got it.

Elliott Kalan

[47:55] The lyrics are like,

[47:57] I'll get you when you,

[47:57] when you think you can't,

[47:59] you don't have any more.

[48:00] You're like,

[48:00] then I'll go deeper and tighter and wetter.

[48:03] And you're like,

[48:03] Whoa,

[48:04] Whoa,

[48:05] Whoa,

[48:05] Whoa.

[48:05] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[48:06] Let's run these lyrics by the boys over at ZZ top who brought us pearl

[48:10] necklace and tube snake boogie.

S1

[48:13] The first line might as well have been put your penis inside me.

[48:20] Wait,

[48:20] what's this song about?

Stuart Wellington

[48:22] I'm really glad that we now have Travis singing that on tape.

S1

[48:26] I just love this song.

[48:28] This and speed.

[48:29] I think are the two best songs ever by humans.

Stuart Wellington

[48:33] So this is where he,

[48:35] yeah,

[48:35] this is where he goes on his,

[48:36] this is where he goes on his like literal descent.

[48:40] This is Alfie's like lowest point where he has like a descent into hell.

[48:46] His like vision blurs.

[48:48] He is surrounded by like leering faces,

S1

[48:51] but he never undresses in this whole sequence.

[48:54] There is one point that I still love because of the imagery of it.

[48:58] I'm trying so hard to understand where,

[49:01] uh,

[49:02] Tandy is laid on her back with her head hung over the bed and she's singing and

[49:08] she seems to be climaxing.

[49:09] And then she and Alfie both set up.

[49:12] So they've both been laying on their backs and it makes it unclear to me how they might have been engaging in any kind of coitus.

[49:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:23] Like,

[49:23] what is this?

[49:23] Some kind of Alan Moore comic book?

S1

[49:26] It seems as though they were both just staring at the ceiling where they have stuck glow in the dark stars to somehow imitate constellations.

Stuart Wellington

[49:34] I love,

Stuart Wellington

[49:34] I love during that sex song where it has those shots of,

[49:38] it looks like a constellation to use your word again,

[49:42] because you said it and I can't not say it now,

[49:44] uh,

[49:45] of beds where almost naked men are writhing around with women in pretty covering teddies.

[49:54] 90s.

[49:54] Yes.

[49:55] Yeah.

[49:56] Uh,

[49:56] simulating sex,

[49:58] kind of like basically performing the moves that say somebody who's never had sex before would be like,

[50:04] yeah,

[50:05] this is probably how it works.

S1

[50:06] It more seems like they're simulating Greco Rowan wrestling.

[50:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:09] I mean,

[50:09] it looked,

[50:10] yeah,

[50:10] it,

[50:10] well,

[50:10] it looks kind of like,

[50:13] paintings of sex that you see on the outside of an urn.

S1

[50:16] Yeah.

[50:16] Yes.

[50:16] It does seem like they've just cut to Xanadu.

[50:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:19] It looks like what happens if you hit the right button combinations for King in the Tekken video games and he starts performing some kind of complicated throw.

Elliott Kalan

[50:30] It's a great movie.

[50:31] That reminds me of my favorite moment from that sequence,

[50:34] which is when,

[50:35] uh,

[50:36] Tandy is wearing like a dress and she takes it off to reveal a kind of jumpsuit.

[50:42] It's so much less sexy than the dress she was wearing over it.

S1

[50:45] She is wearing a pink singlet.

[50:48] Underneath the dress.

[50:49] Once again,

[50:50] as though she is ready to wrestle.

[50:52] I'm like,

S1

[50:52] is she,

Stuart Wellington

[50:53] like,

[50:53] does she sleep in that?

[50:55] What's going on with that thing?

S1

[50:56] What's her deal?

[50:57] Is she made out of silly putty?

Stuart Wellington

[51:00] Uh,

[51:01] yeah,

[51:01] so she is clay face.

S1

[51:05] So at this point,

[51:06] he is,

[51:06] he has seduced her,

[51:08] right?

[51:08] They have,

Elliott Kalan

[51:09] he has,

[51:10] like she seduced.

[51:11] And much as in the film,

[51:12] much,

[51:13] much as in the Steven Soderbergh film traffic,

[51:15] rock bottom is,

[51:16] is,

[51:17] uh,

[51:17] illustrated by someone having sex with a black person,

[51:19] which is again,

[51:20] a plot point.

[51:21] I'm not crazy about.

[51:22] Well,

S1

[51:22] and also you get the added,

[51:23] the added shittiness of like,

[51:25] he has just slept with another woman.

[51:28] And then he walks into a room to find BB clearly drugged up,

[51:32] having sex with another man.

[51:34] And his reaction is so judgmental as though he has not also just been drugged up,

[51:41] having sex with another person.

[51:43] Like,

[51:43] how do you not in that moment be like,

[51:45] yes,

[51:45] I'm here too.

[51:46] I'm getting you out of here.

Stuart Wellington

[51:48] And I,

[51:48] the thing that I find the most traumatic about this situation,

[51:51] the thing that I just don't understand and almost made me throw up when I try to contemplate the mysteries of it is he walks into this room.

[51:59] Nothing up to this point would indicate that these people wouldn't just want to have a threesome.

[52:05] Fair enough.

S1

[52:07] Well,

[52:07] that's the thing.

[52:07] It's like,

[52:08] he,

[52:09] he,

[52:09] he looks at her having sex with,

[52:11] with her,

[52:12] with him as though this is the first kind of thing.

[52:17] like,

[52:17] he hasn't braced himself for,

[52:19] yes,

[52:20] in this sexual romp,

[52:21] I've been engaged in in the last six minutes.

[52:24] Then she might maybe be having sex.

[52:28] Like he has not braced himself for this particular moment in any way.

[52:36] Like he was going to walk in and they were playing backgammon.

[52:38] Like,

[52:39] I don't know what he thought was going on,

[52:42] but he was like,

[52:43] whoa,

[52:44] and then he just leaves.

Stuart Wellington

[52:46] It's like,

[52:47] I thought they were just singing partners.

[52:50] That's my,

[52:51] that's my Alfie impression.

[52:52] I didn't see you guys making out,

Elliott Kalan

[52:53] but 45 minutes ago.

[52:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:56] So yeah,

[52:56] he peaces out.

Elliott Kalan

[52:57] He leaves.

[52:58] This terrifying situation has cleansed him and he,

[53:02] he leaves and then wakes up in a park full of refugee hippies.

[53:06] They're just kind of like,

[53:07] yeah,

Dan McCoy

[53:08] this,

[53:09] uh,

[53:09] this guy who's clearly wearing heavy,

[53:11] uh,

[53:12] stage makeup wakes him up.

[53:14] This,

[53:14] uh,

[53:15] this elderly man.

[53:16] Well,

[53:17] I mean,

[53:17] just to get a wonderful jump of like,

S1

[53:20] oh,

[53:21] she's having sex with Tandy or whatever.

[53:24] And then he's on a bench and he's like,

[53:26] and they were like,

[53:26] you were calling out her name in a dream.

[53:29] no,

[53:29] I wasn't dreaming.

[53:30] I was like,

[53:31] okay,

[53:31] we were just watching the scene.

[53:33] Are you trying to convince us that that was the dream?

[53:35] And maybe he didn't sleep.

[53:38] What is this?

[53:39] Like,

Stuart Wellington

[53:39] yeah,

[53:41] the,

[53:41] the stage makeup on this Gandalf fellow looks like what would happen if,

[53:45] uh,

[53:45] Gandalf was one of the vampires on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

S1

[53:48] Why do you keep saying Gandalf as though he wasn't Tom Bombadil?

Stuart Wellington

[53:52] Oh,

[53:53] well,

[53:53] he is carrying a dagger like Tom Bombadil would.

Elliott Kalan

[53:57] So I assumed he was the old man with all the cats from Logan's run,

[54:01] but I,

[54:02] Tom Bombadil was a better.

[54:03] He was actually old man Logan.

S1

[54:05] Um,

[54:06] strangely,

[54:06] that's why the claws came out of his hands.

Elliott Kalan

[54:09] He's the head of this hippie,

[54:11] like enclave.

[54:12] And there's supposed to be these peaceful,

[54:13] wonderful people,

[54:13] but he always has a huge knife strapped to his waist.

[54:16] Well,

S1

[54:16] and what's great then is he's hanging out with,

[54:18] uh,

[54:18] with Alfie.

[54:19] And then the cops show up and they're all like,

[54:22] okay,

[54:22] bye.

[54:23] And they leave their fires burning in the middle of this park.

[54:27] It's clearly a park.

[54:28] There are no woods.

[54:29] There are no woods.

[54:30] And they're just like,

[54:31] find us under the bridge.

[54:33] Alfie,

[54:34] just go.

[54:35] Just go with them.

[54:36] Just go with Alfie.

Dan McCoy

[54:37] You see everyone,

[54:38] literally everyone else is running away from the police and you just sit there.

S1

[54:42] And then the cops literally said like,

[54:44] Hey,

[54:44] get out of here.

[54:46] It's not like he gets arrested.

[54:49] And when he frees himself,

[54:50] he has to go find them.

[54:51] The cops are just like,

[54:52] Hey,

[54:53] go.

[54:54] Hey,

[54:55] did you hear what they said about the bridge?

[54:57] Go there.

Elliott Kalan

[54:58] Shoot.

[54:59] Go to the bridge.

[54:59] Go on,

[55:00] kid.

[55:01] Get along.

[55:02] But this is also,

[55:03] this is,

[55:04] so let's,

[55:04] for a second,

[55:05] let's take a moment and just look at what the hero of the movie has done throughout the film.

[55:08] He grabbed his landlady's boobs as a joke.

[55:12] Yeah.

[55:12] Which is enough to get you kicked out of the Senate.

[55:15] He,

[55:15] uh,

[55:16] he slept with a woman and then just left and was like,

[55:19] I hate you.

[55:19] You suck.

[55:20] And then he's just sitting there while campfires are burning around him.

[55:24] Abandoned fires in a public park.

[55:25] And he's just like,

[55:26] I'll just let this burn.

[55:27] I don't care.

[55:28] He's a bad dude.

[55:29] I don't like him.

S1

[55:30] not only that,

[55:31] but he reacts to the police showing up to this as though he has not had a run in with the cops up to this point.

[55:40] As though the cops showing up was okay.

[55:44] The way that the hippies react.

[55:45] It's good for him.

[55:46] Well,

[55:46] the way the hippies react is like a ghost hunter and they are ghosts.

[55:50] And they're like,

[55:51] Oh,

[55:51] we're banning.

[55:53] what's going on?

[55:55] it's the police.

[55:57] You know what this,

[55:58] you know,

[55:58] what's going to happen.

Stuart Wellington

[55:59] They're going to come and ask you where your bin mark is.

[56:02] And you say,

[56:02] up my butt.

[56:03] And they're going to look at it.

[56:05] Right here.

[56:05] You're going to fart in their face.

[56:06] And you're going to run away.

[56:06] You fart on their face.

S1

[56:09] That's how it works.

[56:10] Save them.

[56:11] Save them.

[56:12] It's inevitable.

[56:13] So then they're like,

[56:14] Hey,

[56:15] find me at the bridge.

[56:16] And the cops are like,

[56:17] Hey,

[56:17] go to the bridge.

Elliott Kalan

[56:19] Yeah.

[56:20] BB decides that she wants to leave.

[56:23] And Tandy,

[56:25] the female singer helps her escape because sex with Alfie has changed her and made her a good person again.

[56:31] And BB is like,

[56:32] come with me.

[56:33] And she goes,

[56:33] no,

[56:34] it's too late for me.

[56:35] And they sing a duet about how their heart has changed.

[56:37] And BB has finally found her.

S1

[56:38] I do want to acknowledge that moment.

[56:41] Cause it is in all of this movie,

[56:43] maybe the least explained moment of the entire movie where Tandy is in the elevator.

[56:50] With her and says,

[56:52] it's too late for me.

Dan McCoy

[56:56] Yeah.

[56:57] She's escaping with,

[56:58] with,

[56:59] with BB.

S1

[57:00] BB's like,

[57:01] come with me.

[57:02] It's too late for me.

[57:04] You are in the elevator.

[57:06] You are not,

[57:07] we have not seen you in any way controlled by this.

[57:11] She meant literally too late.

Dan McCoy

[57:12] It was,

[57:13] you know,

[57:13] it was not 9 PM.

[57:14] And she just,

[57:15] you know,

[57:15] she's getting older.

[57:16] She doesn't like to leave her apartment.

[57:18] She's already there.

S1

[57:19] Fuck that.

[57:19] And press the door close button.

[57:21] Yeah,

[57:21] exactly.

[57:22] Nah,

[57:22] shut up.

[57:23] Door close.

[57:25] And the,

Stuart Wellington

[57:26] what I loved about this scene is the major Domo character,

[57:30] uh,

[57:31] who I think if you looked up in a dictionary,

[57:34] an image of a major Domo,

[57:36] I think this guy just totally fits the bill.

[57:38] He is wearing a tiny,

Elliott Kalan

[57:41] tiny over his face.

[57:43] Just bikini briefs.

Stuart Wellington

[57:44] The tiniest bikini briefs and a robe that looks,

[57:46] let's talk about this robe.

[57:48] It looks,

[57:49] it looks pretty impressive from the front.

[57:50] And then he spins around and on the back,

[57:53] there's a large image and it says amazing stories.

[57:56] Yes.

[57:57] Across the back.

S1

[57:58] It is the best.

[57:59] This guy is,

[58:00] and what's great about this.

[58:01] Like,

Stuart Wellington

[58:01] was he part of the crew on amazing stories?

[58:04] Was that their crew gift?

S1

[58:06] I wish that this was challenged because there was a moment where that major

[58:09] Domo says,

[58:10] no,

[58:11] let her go.

[58:12] And BB leaves.

[58:14] And then they don't ever get BB back.

[58:16] And I want to see a scene with Boogaloo.

[58:18] It's like,

[58:18] where's BB?

[58:20] well,

[58:21] I thought this would go differently,

[58:24] but I did say,

[58:26] let her go.

[58:26] And you know what?

[58:27] In retrospect,

[58:28] boss,

[58:29] that's on me.

[58:30] That's my fault.

[58:31] I was,

[58:32] I was playing hard to get.

[58:34] I said,

[58:35] the guy in Star Wars was like,

[58:36] oh,

[58:36] it's an empty paw.

[58:37] Just let it go.

[58:37] Reverse psychology on her.

Elliott Kalan

[58:39] I thought she would be back.

[58:41] And that's,

[58:41] of course,

[58:41] what Mr. Boogaloo would say,

[58:42] but I want my BB back,

[58:43] BB back,

[58:44] BB back.

[58:44] I want my BB back.

[58:46] BB back ribs,

[58:47] barbecue sauce.

S1

[58:48] My daughter's name is BB.

[58:50] And Stuart,

[58:51] numerous times,

[58:52] got this movie,

[58:53] looked at me and said,

[58:54] so you named her after this movie.

[58:56] And I can't refute that.

[58:59] I don't think I did,

[59:00] but I have seen this movie a lot.

[59:03] So maybe?

Stuart Wellington

[59:05] Yeah,

[59:05] you did.

[59:06] You did name your daughter while in an ayahuasca trance,

[59:09] so you can't confirm how you named her.

S1

[59:12] Me and the woman from Romeo plus Julia.

[59:16] Oh my God.

[59:17] It all makes so much sense now.

[59:19] You're right.

[59:20] So it's either going to be Alfie or BB.

Elliott Kalan

[59:22] BB Newworth is going to be listening to this episode and be like,

[59:24] not after me.

[59:26] Just crush her.

[59:27] No,

S1

[59:27] it's BB Newworth.

[59:28] Don't even fright.

[59:29] Oh my God.

[59:30] Have you seen Chicago?

[59:31] Whoa.

[59:32] Forget about it.

Stuart Wellington

[59:33] Yeah,

[59:33] it's a windy city.

[59:34] Great.

[59:35] So the BB goes running off.

Elliott Kalan

[59:37] So Alfie and BB both make their way to the Zardoz like hippie enclave that they all live in a cave.

[59:44] And it's fine because as their leader says,

[59:46] these people don't like television.

S1

[59:49] Okay.

[59:49] Now I want to talk about my favorite thing in this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[59:53] Child of love.

S1

[59:54] Child of love is incredible.

[59:55] But one,

[59:58] Alfie grows the fakeest,

[1:00:00] biggest beard,

[1:00:01] but then they have a child,

[1:00:04] their child.

[1:00:05] Listen,

[1:00:06] Elliot,

[1:00:07] you and I are both fathers.

[1:00:08] How old is that child?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:11] So,

[1:00:12] yeah,

[1:00:12] as Travis is saying,

Dan McCoy

[1:00:13] there is a,

[1:00:14] well,

[1:00:14] no,

[1:00:15] I mean,

[1:00:15] what does the baby look like?

[1:00:17] Like,

[1:00:17] yeah.

[1:00:17] So after you have a child in the final scene of the movie,

S1

[1:00:20] how old is that child?

[1:00:22] Oh,

[1:00:22] at least 32.

[1:00:25] Okay.

[1:00:25] This is another one of those.

[1:00:26] So this child is like three years old.

[1:00:28] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:29] No,

[1:00:29] yeah,

[1:00:29] there's,

[1:00:30] their newborn baby looks like a,

[1:00:32] is a,

[1:00:32] is past toddler age.

[1:00:33] Like,

S1

[1:00:34] their newborn baby is walking and talking.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:37] Guys,

[1:00:37] is this a backdoor pilot for Travis and Elliot?

[1:00:40] Guess the age of babies.

[1:00:42] Yeah.

[1:00:43] Guess that.

[1:00:43] I don't think it's going that well.

S1

[1:00:45] And so this baby,

[1:00:46] full head of hair,

[1:00:48] uh,

[1:00:48] three feet tall.

[1:00:50] Uh,

[1:00:50] and then.

[1:00:51] Yeah.

[1:00:52] He's like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:52] he's like,

[1:00:53] Hey,

[1:00:53] ma,

[1:00:54] ma,

[1:00:54] can I get some milk?

S1

[1:00:55] And then John Bombadil says to the cops,

[1:00:59] why baby's been with us for a year,

[1:01:02] a year.

[1:01:04] That's nine months of baby gestation.

[1:01:07] Baby is maybe three months old in your timeline.

[1:01:12] John Bombadil.

[1:01:13] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:13] it's,

[1:01:14] I mean,

[1:01:15] follow the breadcrumbs,

[1:01:17] Travis.

[1:01:17] That baby is obviously Dandy's baby.

S1

[1:01:20] Well,

[1:01:20] that's what I'm saying.

[1:01:21] Wouldn't it be so much better?

[1:01:23] Oh,

[1:01:24] wait.

[1:01:24] But even then,

[1:01:26] maybe a year.

[1:01:27] Yeah.

[1:01:28] Maybe a year old.

[1:01:29] Doesn't match up.

[1:01:31] At most of the baby's a year old.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:33] It's like how in a Superman Returns,

[1:01:35] Lois Lane's boyfriend thinks that her child is his when it's clearly Superman's.

[1:01:40] And the whole time I was like,

[1:01:42] did you two have sex with her on the same night?

[1:01:44] Like,

[1:01:44] how could he think this?

[1:01:46] They did.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:48] I mean,

[1:01:48] yeah,

[1:01:49] I don't know.

[1:01:49] I don't remember that movie that much,

[1:01:51] but I do remember when they revealed that the kid has magic powers and I'm like,

[1:01:55] yeah,

[1:01:55] no shit movie.

S1

[1:01:56] Well,

[1:01:56] the kid has magic powers,

[1:01:58] but also asthma.

[1:02:00] Oh,

[1:02:00] right.

[1:02:01] If I remember correctly,

[1:02:02] so I assume,

[1:02:03] because I've been watching a lot of Smallville,

[1:02:05] that asthma inhaler has kryptonite rocks in it,

[1:02:07] meteor rocks,

[1:02:08] as they say,

[1:02:09] and he developed it from that,

[1:02:11] or it's been,

[1:02:12] somehow,

[1:02:13] asthma from the earth's yellow sun.

[1:02:15] What?

[1:02:17] Do you guys not want to talk about Smallville?

[1:02:19] Because I will.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:21] Who is,

[1:02:21] who is the bald fellow on that show?

S1

[1:02:24] On Smallville?

[1:02:24] Yeah.

[1:02:25] Well,

[1:02:25] that was Michael Rosenbaum.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:27] No,

[1:02:27] who's the character?

[1:02:29] Lex Luthor.

[1:02:30] Motel Williams.

[1:02:31] No,

[1:02:32] right,

[1:02:32] it's Lex Luthor.

[1:02:32] Alexander Luthor.

[1:02:34] So,

[1:02:34] but wait,

[1:02:35] that's strange because in the comics,

[1:02:37] Lex Luthor is a man.

[1:02:38] He's like an old man.

[1:02:39] But imagine.

[1:02:40] Okay.

[1:02:41] Okay.

S1

[1:02:42] So,

[1:02:42] you know how Superman wasn't always Superman,

[1:02:44] but at one point was a Superboy.

[1:02:47] Is that true?

[1:02:48] It is true.

[1:02:49] Well,

[1:02:49] not according to current continuity.

[1:02:51] Okay.

[1:02:52] Hey,

[1:02:52] could you stay out of this?

[1:02:53] The comic book nerds are talking.

[1:02:56] Okay.

[1:02:57] Now,

[1:02:57] imagine Superboy,

[1:03:00] right?

[1:03:00] Okay.

[1:03:00] Yeah,

[1:03:00] I can imagine it.

[1:03:01] Now,

[1:03:01] imagine Lex Boy.

[1:03:04] A character I have created.

[1:03:07] Lex Boy,

[1:03:07] come home.

[1:03:08] It is a whole new IP.

[1:03:11] And it's young Lex Luthor.

[1:03:13] And he's sexy.

[1:03:14] So sexy.

[1:03:16] Oh,

[1:03:16] and he's got a great voice.

[1:03:18] And yeah,

[1:03:18] he's bald,

[1:03:19] but he is fucking Elliot.

[1:03:23] Elliot.

[1:03:24] I am talking about comics.

[1:03:27] You stick to sports,

[1:03:29] sir.

[1:03:30] This is my time.

[1:03:32] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:32] you meathead.

[1:03:33] You're right.

[1:03:33] I got to stay in my lane.

[1:03:34] Got to stay in my lane.

[1:03:35] Okay.

[1:03:36] So.

[1:03:36] Okay.

S1

[1:03:37] Lex is so sexy.

[1:03:38] Lex sex boy.

[1:03:39] And he's a young vampire.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:41] Oh,

[1:03:42] okay.

[1:03:43] He's a child of the night.

[1:03:44] You get to meet him.

[1:03:45] Elliot.

S1

[1:03:47] Elliot,

[1:03:48] please.

[1:03:49] So,

[1:03:50] Lex is a young vampire,

[1:03:51] and Superman is a young vampire,

[1:03:53] and they kiss a lot.

[1:03:56] Okay.

[1:03:56] I think I've read this fanfic.

[1:03:58] Uh-huh.

[1:03:59] And also,

[1:04:00] isn't that Elliot?

[1:04:01] Elliot,

[1:04:01] please.

[1:04:03] And also,

[1:04:03] Green Lantern's there,

[1:04:05] and he's sexy,

[1:04:05] and a vampire.

[1:04:06] And they're kissing.

[1:04:09] And then they're in space.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:11] Can,

[1:04:11] can Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII show up?

[1:04:14] Yeah,

S1

[1:04:14] he can,

[1:04:15] and Sonic's there,

[1:04:16] too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:16] Oh,

[1:04:17] wow.

[1:04:17] But they're mortal enemies,

[1:04:18] Travis.

[1:04:19] How would that shake out?

[1:04:20] I know,

S1

[1:04:20] but they fight so hard they kiss.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:22] That happens when they're both going after those rings.

S1

[1:04:25] Yes,

[1:04:25] but then they're going after each other's rings.

[1:04:27] Okay.

[1:04:28] Okay.

[1:04:29] Elliot,

[1:04:29] what were you saying about football?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] Anyway,

[1:04:33] I think maybe,

[1:04:34] since we have,

[1:04:35] I think,

[1:04:35] a minute left in the movie,

[1:04:36] let's just finish that up.

[1:04:37] Okay.

[1:04:38] So,

[1:04:39] they're in the park.

[1:04:40] It's been a year later.

[1:04:41] They have a three-year-old baby,

[1:04:42] and Boogaloo shows up with the cops.

[1:04:44] He says,

[1:04:45] we're going to sue you for breach of contract,

[1:04:47] because I guess there was a clause in the contract that says

[1:04:49] she couldn't go run off and live in a cave

[1:04:52] with a bunch of stone caveman hippies.

[1:04:54] But then,

[1:04:56] uh-oh,

[1:04:56] Mr.

[1:04:57] Topps is coming.

[1:04:58] Now,

[1:04:58] Mr.

[1:04:59] Topps,

[1:04:59] you may think,

[1:05:00] is a cartoon rabbit.

[1:05:01] That's what I thought at first,

[1:05:02] the first time I saw this.

[1:05:04] But no,

[1:05:04] Mr.

[1:05:05] Topps is a kind of,

[1:05:06] uh,

[1:05:07] Elton John-looking god character

[1:05:09] who flies in a magic limousine.

[1:05:10] And what's amazing about this,

S1

[1:05:12] give it,

[1:05:14] give credit where credit is due to how ridiculous this movie is.

[1:05:18] There,

[1:05:18] this is one of those many moments where you think,

[1:05:20] I must have missed something,

[1:05:22] because Alfie,

[1:05:23] out of-

[1:05:23] Yeah,

[1:05:24] there must have been a reference.

[1:05:25] Right.

[1:05:26] But there is not.

[1:05:27] Alfie,

[1:05:27] out of nowhere,

[1:05:28] says,

[1:05:29] he is going to come,

[1:05:31] Mr.

[1:05:32] Topps.

[1:05:33] And I will say,

[1:05:34] in one of the few cogent moments of this movie,

[1:05:38] BB says,

[1:05:39] who's Mr.

[1:05:40] Topps?

[1:05:42] And we,

[1:05:42] the audience,

[1:05:43] are left wondering,

[1:05:44] yes,

[1:05:45] I also agree with that question.

[1:05:47] And he says,

[1:05:48] don't worry,

[1:05:50] Mr.

[1:05:50] Topps is coming,

[1:05:52] in what must have been 45 minutes of cut footage.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:55] Yeah.

[1:05:56] And then a 100% realistic car comes flying into this,

[1:06:01] into the,

[1:06:02] through the sky,

[1:06:03] and a man exits that vehicle midair,

[1:06:06] and walks down to the ground,

[1:06:08] the whole thing,

[1:06:09] looks amazing.

S1

[1:06:11] I should say,

[1:06:12] right now,

[1:06:13] seamless.

[1:06:13] And this is very late,

[1:06:14] spoiler alert,

[1:06:15] but watch this movie.

[1:06:17] Because,

[1:06:17] what we are describing now,

[1:06:19] to you're like,

[1:06:20] oh,

[1:06:20] they've skipped so much.

[1:06:22] No,

[1:06:22] no,

[1:06:22] no.

[1:06:23] No,

[1:06:23] my friends,

[1:06:24] join us on this metaphysical journey.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:26] Yeah,

[1:06:27] this is,

[1:06:27] this is the moment where I'm like,

[1:06:29] this is weird,

[1:06:30] because if Neil Breen had made this movie,

[1:06:32] he would be this character,

[1:06:34] but he would have also been all the other characters.

[1:06:37] Yeah.

S1

[1:06:38] This is the Prince of Egypt moment,

[1:06:41] in which he is both Moses,

[1:06:43] and also God.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:45] So Mr.

[1:06:46] Tops,

[1:06:46] he comes by,

[1:06:47] and he,

[1:06:47] it's kind of like,

[1:06:48] if God was a,

[1:06:50] a middle-aged porn producer,

[1:06:52] on his way to the Adult Video Awards.

[1:06:57] Like,

[1:06:57] he's just wearing like,

[1:06:58] a gold tuxedo,

[1:06:59] and he has this kind of puffy,

[1:07:01] like,

[1:07:02] middle-aged Albert Finney look.

[1:07:03] And I will say,

[1:07:04] the actor playing Mr.

[1:07:05] Tops,

[1:07:05] I think,

[1:07:06] does a great job,

[1:07:07] in his few moments of time,

[1:07:09] as,

[1:07:10] as God.

[1:07:10] He brings a certain gravity to the role.

[1:07:12] He's hard to do,

[1:07:12] because he,

[1:07:13] he's essentially doing the same thing that Ralph Richardson does at the end of Time Bandits.

[1:07:17] And he's kind of almost as good,

[1:07:19] I'll say.

[1:07:20] Hot take.

[1:07:20] Well,

[1:07:20] that's the thing,

[1:07:21] is here,

S1

[1:07:22] I will say,

[1:07:23] if there had been,

[1:07:25] hmm,

[1:07:26] three references to Mr.

[1:07:28] Tops,

[1:07:28] before this moment.

[1:07:30] Yeah.

[1:07:30] If there had been,

[1:07:32] any,

[1:07:33] passing,

[1:07:34] or reference,

[1:07:36] this,

[1:07:36] this actor would be like,

[1:07:38] oh shit,

[1:07:39] give that guy,

[1:07:39] like a,

[1:07:40] golden globe,

[1:07:41] and,

[1:07:42] a,

[1:07:42] a golden globus.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:43] A daytime,

[1:07:44] something.

[1:07:46] And,

[1:07:46] and he says,

[1:07:47] so Mr.

[1:07:48] Tops comes down,

[1:07:49] and he says,

[1:07:50] all you hippies,

[1:07:51] go,

[1:07:52] I'm gonna start a new planet for you somewhere,

[1:07:54] without Mr. Boogaloo.

[1:07:55] And Mr. Boogaloo says,

[1:07:56] but the world can't exist without me.

[1:07:58] And Mr.

[1:07:58] Tops says,

[1:07:59] let's give it a try.

S1

[1:08:01] Now,

[1:08:01] here what's great,

[1:08:02] here's what's great about that.

[1:08:04] This does not adhere to,

[1:08:06] a single,

[1:08:08] goddamn religion,

[1:08:10] that exists in the world.

[1:08:12] Because there is not a religion that's like,

[1:08:14] Yeah, it does the Hellmoth Comet,

[1:08:15] guys.

[1:08:16] Okay,

[1:08:17] yeah,

[1:08:17] okay,

[1:08:17] that's fair.

[1:08:18] Because,

[1:08:19] listen,

[1:08:19] I wouldn't call myself an expert,

[1:08:21] but I don't think there is a single,

[1:08:23] yes,

[1:08:24] the Hellmoth Comet,

[1:08:25] the,

[1:08:26] the Heavens Gate people,

[1:08:28] but everyone else is like,

[1:08:29] I don't think God just bops from planet to planet,

[1:08:32] looking for a place without the devil.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:34] This is what I turned to Travis at the end of the movie,

[1:08:37] and I'm like,

[1:08:38] so,

[1:08:38] wait,

[1:08:39] and Travis could anticipate my objection,

[1:08:42] which was,

[1:08:44] okay,

[1:08:44] this is God,

[1:08:45] like,

[1:08:45] why can't he just get rid of Mr.

[1:08:47] Boogaloo on Earth,

[1:08:49] rather than just being like,

[1:08:50] peace out,

[1:08:51] we're going to a different planet.

S1

[1:08:52] That's not God's way,

[1:08:53] Dan.

[1:08:54] Dan,

[1:08:55] no,

[1:08:55] that's not God.

[1:08:55] Tell me about God,

[1:08:57] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:58] I guess,

[1:08:59] I guess God does allow for free will.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:02] God works in mysterious ways,

[1:09:03] Dan.

[1:09:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:05] Hey guys,

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:05] what if God was one of us?

[1:09:07] Dan,

[1:09:07] name one time God,

[1:09:09] what do you mean,

[1:09:10] like,

[1:09:10] just a stranger on the bus?

[1:09:11] Mm-hmm.

[1:09:12] Where's he going?

S1

[1:09:15] No answer to the class.

[1:09:16] I like how you reacted as though you had a delay with Dan,

Dan McCoy

[1:09:19] and not just Elliot.

[1:09:22] Like,

[1:09:22] Dan asked you a direct question,

S1

[1:09:24] Stuart,

[1:09:25] and you just didn't respond to him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:27] I'm like,

[1:09:27] wait,

[1:09:28] I have something really exciting on my phone going on.

[1:09:30] Oh,

[1:09:31] an update.

[1:09:31] Might as well get on this.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:35] Wait,

[1:09:35] is it a software update,

[1:09:38] or is it like an update from like the New York Times or something?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:41] A software update.

[1:09:42] Okay.

[1:09:43] You can get updates from the New York Times?

[1:09:46] Directly.

[1:09:46] What do they say?

[1:09:47] Push notifications.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:48] They say,

[1:09:49] hi,

[1:09:49] Dan,

[1:09:49] just check it in.

[1:09:50] No,

[1:09:50] Dan.

[1:09:50] How's your day?

[1:09:51] Dan,

[1:09:52] when the New York Times says,

[1:09:53] stop writing to us,

[1:09:54] we're not interested.

[1:09:55] That's not an update.

[1:09:56] Okay.

[1:09:58] Hey,

[1:09:58] don't be mean to Dan.

[1:09:59] But anyway.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:01] In this scenario,

[1:10:02] what am I saying?

S1

[1:10:03] Don't be mean to Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:05] In this scenario,

[1:10:06] what am I sending the New York Times?

[1:10:08] Shut up,

[1:10:09] Dan.

S1

[1:10:09] Oh,

[1:10:09] God.

[1:10:10] This is between me and Elliot,

[1:10:12] Dan.

[1:10:13] I'm going to guess poems.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:15] Okay.

S1

[1:10:16] Your beautiful,

[1:10:17] beautiful poems,

[1:10:18] Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:18] And they're like,

[1:10:19] sorry,

[1:10:19] sir,

[1:10:20] but the title,

[1:10:21] Dan in real life has already been taken by a movie about pancakes.

[1:10:25] Your poems are too beautiful,

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:25] sir.

[1:10:29] And that's the end of the apple.

[1:10:31] That's the end of the apple.

[1:10:32] The good people will go off into another planet,

[1:10:35] limousine heaven,

[1:10:36] and Mr.

[1:10:37] Boogaloo is left to enjoy running the world of disco and amazing dancing.

S1

[1:10:43] Listen,

[1:10:43] I don't,

[1:10:45] I don't,

S1

[1:10:45] I don't think we're doing it justice.

[1:10:47] How much the end of this movie is literally like the joke end of a movie for someone in a movie who can't figure out how to end their movie.

[1:10:54] This is literally like,

[1:10:56] and then God shows up.

[1:10:58] Yep.

[1:10:58] And they all get in a car and float off into space.

[1:11:01] It is the most,

[1:11:02] it is the most like joke,

[1:11:07] but serious ending.

[1:11:08] Yeah.

[1:11:09] I have ever seen in my entire life.

[1:11:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:13] We were saying,

[1:11:14] you know,

[1:11:15] it's a literal deus ex machina.

[1:11:16] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:17] Yeah.

[1:11:18] Stephen King's like,

[1:11:19] hmm,

[1:11:19] thumbs up to this ending.

S1

[1:11:21] It is literally a god and a machine and the machine is a Lincoln continental.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:30] God,

[1:11:30] we've gone long.

[1:11:31] There's something great about that shot of the ghost hippies walking through the sky.

[1:11:35] And I'm like,

[1:11:36] like,

[1:11:37] I think the filmmakers assume this is supposed to like capture everybody's imagination,

[1:11:42] but it just looks really bad.

S1

[1:11:44] Well,

[1:11:45] it's like they,

[1:11:46] no,

[1:11:46] it's 1979.

[1:11:48] They called a young M night Shyamalan and said,

[1:11:52] what's a twist we might put in this movie.

[1:11:55] And he said,

[1:11:56] get this.

[1:11:57] Hey,

[1:11:57] go.

[1:11:58] Hey,

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:59] British boy.

[1:12:00] M night.

[1:12:00] You know,

[1:12:01] that movie ending you've been looking for.

[1:12:03] Well,

[1:12:03] listen to this.

S1

[1:12:05] Oh,

[1:12:05] maybe make me.

[1:12:07] I like this character.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:12] Now here's what the ending.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:15] What I,

[1:12:15] what I like about this ending is the movie ends on the image of a crowd of people shuffling off to nowhere,

[1:12:23] looking pretty depressed,

[1:12:25] much like the audience of the apple.

[1:12:26] I assume walked out of the original screening.

[1:12:29] It was like,

[1:12:30] Oh,

[1:12:30] it was like the filmmakers.

[1:12:31] Like,

[1:12:32] let me give you a little taste of your future.

[1:12:33] You're going to walk out in a row and you're going to be real unhappy about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:36] That audience,

[1:12:37] after hurling copies of the complimentary,

[1:12:40] the apple soundtrack,

[1:12:41] they were given hurling enough of them that it apparently damaged the screen.

[1:12:46] That is true.

S1

[1:12:48] That is real.

[1:12:49] There are so many wonderful facts about this movie was a tax shelter.

[1:12:54] Um,

[1:12:55] it got booed at its first screening.

[1:12:57] As Stuart said,

[1:12:58] they,

[1:12:58] they damaged the screen.

[1:13:01] Dan,

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:01] before we do final judgments,

[1:13:03] I want to list some of the,

[1:13:04] uh,

[1:13:05] taglines for this movie that you might see on a poster or something.

[1:13:08] Go through those.

[1:13:08] A funky fantasy that'll rock your world.

[1:13:11] Nice.

[1:13:12] It's 1994.

[1:13:13] The future is music and music is their future.

[1:13:17] What?

[1:13:17] This one's confusing.

[1:13:18] Eat it.

[1:13:20] Wait,

[1:13:21] what?

[1:13:21] Oh,

[1:13:22] cause it's an apple.

[1:13:22] Yeah.

[1:13:23] Okay.

[1:13:23] Not just,

[1:13:24] not just big fans.

[1:13:25] Hands of weird Al.

[1:13:26] This one's weird.

[1:13:27] Not just go fuck yourself.

[1:13:30] Hey,

[1:13:31] fuck off.

[1:13:32] This,

[1:13:32] this one will get you in the theater.

[1:13:34] The power of rock in 1994.

S1

[1:13:37] That is actually still on the DVD,

[1:13:39] which I will present to both of you at the end of this evening.

[1:13:42] Oh,

[1:13:43] wow.

[1:13:43] Thanks.

[1:13:44] Uh,

[1:13:44] the power of rock.

[1:13:45] The magic of space.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:47] The power of rock in 1994 is a pretty great tagline.

[1:13:50] Cause you're like,

[1:13:51] yeah,

[1:13:51] Nirvana.

[1:13:51] That sounds awesome.

[1:13:53] Perfect.

S1

[1:13:54] Well,

[1:13:55] what I love about this movie is,

[1:13:56] uh,

[1:13:57] Stuart.

[1:13:58] Well,

[1:13:58] I love many things about this movie,

[1:13:59] but Stuart texted me a couple of days ago to say,

[1:14:02] Hey,

[1:14:02] have you checked your copy?

[1:14:04] Because Elliot's copy that you sent him does not work.

[1:14:09] No,

[1:14:10] which is very telling to me.

[1:14:12] Like movie in general,

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:14] Elliot's DVD players.

[1:14:15] Like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:16] no,

[1:14:16] I'm looking out for you on this one,

[1:14:18] buddy.

[1:14:20] Um,

[1:14:20] I put it in the DVD player multiple times.

[1:14:22] Each time it said no disc.

[1:14:24] And I'm like,

[1:14:25] come on,

[1:14:25] DVD.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:26] The DVD players like cannot violate the rule.

[1:14:29] Cannot violate the laws of robotics.

S1

[1:14:32] I wish that there was a button that said yes.

[1:14:34] It'll allow you to come to harm.

[1:14:35] I wish there was just a button that said yes disc.

[1:14:38] So I was like,

[1:14:38] no disc.

[1:14:39] Yes.

[1:14:40] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:42] Um,

[1:14:42] so we should do final judgments.

[1:14:44] The best.

[1:14:46] Uh,

[1:14:46] this is a good,

[1:14:47] bad movie,

[1:14:47] a bad,

[1:14:48] bad movie or movie.

[1:14:48] You kind of like,

[1:14:49] uh,

[1:14:50] really good.

[1:14:50] Bad.

[1:14:51] Did I do that?

[1:14:52] Right.

[1:14:52] Yeah.

[1:14:53] That was perfect.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:54] Wow.

[1:14:54] Travis is a right out of the gate.

[1:14:55] I will say,

[1:14:56] I'll agree with Travis.

[1:14:57] This is a good,

[1:14:58] bad movie.

[1:15:00] It's kind of the,

[1:15:01] like it's,

[1:15:02] it's the perfect movie to watch with a bunch of people and make jokes.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:06] Yeah,

[1:15:07] I agree.

[1:15:07] It's a good,

[1:15:08] Uh,

[1:15:09] you'll be transfixed by,

[1:15:10] there's always something weird going on.

S1

[1:15:12] And I love,

[1:15:15] okay.

[1:15:16] That's why that tickled me so much.

[1:15:18] Sure.

[1:15:18] You could have just said,

[1:15:19] I agree.

[1:15:20] It's a good,

[1:15:21] but then you spun into this,

[1:15:22] like Siskel and Ebert.

[1:15:23] I'd be like,

[1:15:24] there's always something weird going on.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:28] That's the fucking pull quote.

[1:15:30] Put it on the DVD.

[1:15:31] Mm hmm.

[1:15:32] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:33] And yeah,

[1:15:33] I,

[1:15:34] uh,

[1:15:34] I'd say also a good,

[1:15:36] If it's,

[1:15:36] it's a movie that,

[1:15:37] uh,

[1:15:38] still manages to entertain despite as,

[1:15:40] as I say,

[1:15:41] being like,

[1:15:42] it has a message that I don't agree with because to be honest,

[1:15:45] I think I'd much rather stay on Boogaloo's world,

[1:15:47] uh,

[1:15:48] then go up into limousine heaven with,

[1:15:51] uh,

[1:15:51] with Mr.

[1:15:52] Tops,

[1:15:52] but it's a good,

[1:15:53] bad movie to watch.

[1:15:54] Like I said,

[1:15:54] it has a bunch of songs where the,

[1:15:56] where the lyrics are nonsensical.

[1:15:57] And then one super sexy song.

[1:15:59] That's not very good.

[1:16:00] And then one song that's genuinely,

[1:16:02] um,

[1:16:02] a meatloaf level rocker.

S1

[1:16:05] I,

[1:16:05] I actually have now been convinced.

[1:16:07] This is a shitty movie.

[1:16:09] Um,

[1:16:10] it has many problematic moments that I do not adhere to.

[1:16:13] No one should watch this movie.

[1:16:16] Um,

[1:16:17] thank you,

[1:16:18] Elliot,

[1:16:18] for ruining a movie that I used to enjoy,

[1:16:21] but now I realize it's bad.

[1:16:23] Um,

[1:16:24] wow.

[1:16:24] This is the first full on flip flop on the flop house.

[1:16:27] I thought this was a good movie,

[1:16:29] a good,

[1:16:30] but now I realize it is bad.

[1:16:33] Um,

[1:16:33] thank you so much,

[1:16:34] Elliot,

[1:16:34] for ruining a brief moment of joy that I found in this,

[1:16:39] uh,

[1:16:40] dark world,

[1:16:40] but now I find is bad.

[1:16:44] Um,

[1:16:44] and I never now in retrospect,

[1:16:47] enjoyed a moment of my life.

[1:16:48] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:48] Thank you.

[1:16:49] Yeah.

[1:16:49] Travis calls Elliot out for virtue signaling.

[1:16:52] Uh,

[1:16:52] Dan,

[1:16:53] what's the next podcast?

[1:16:54] Dan.

[1:16:55] Yeah,

[1:17:02] Mark.

[1:17:03] Hey buddy.

[1:17:04] Oh,

Dan McCoy

[1:17:04] Hey,

[1:17:04] what's up,

[1:17:04] man?

[1:17:05] Um,

[1:17:05] so I'm at this mafia restaurant.

[1:17:08] What?

[1:17:08] I'm going to go in and ask these guys what they think the best pasta shape is.

[1:17:13] Mark,

[1:17:13] they're probably eating.

[1:17:14] I have a hunch that it's probably ravioli,

[1:17:17] but I mean,

[1:17:18] you know what?

[1:17:18] That's a good idea.

[1:17:19] Whatever they're eating,

[1:17:19] I'll just take a look in their bowls.

[1:17:21] Why don't you?

[1:17:21] And see what they have.

[1:17:22] Maybe.

[1:17:22] There's supposed to be a big meeting there today.

S1

[1:17:23] Can you see it from the street?

[1:17:25] That sounds really dangerous.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:26] I'm just going to go inside and ask.

S1

[1:17:27] Don't,

[1:17:28] don't bother them.

[1:17:29] They're probably eating,

[1:17:30] you know,

[1:17:30] I'm not threatened by them.

[1:17:31] How about we tell them what the best pasta is on our podcast.

[1:17:34] We got this with Mark and how?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:36] Oh,

[1:17:36] that's a great idea.

S1

[1:17:37] Thank God.

[1:17:38] Tuesdays at nine on maximum fun.org.

[1:17:40] Hey,

[1:17:41] I love that show.

[1:17:48] Following the news is hard and it sucks.

[1:17:50] How do you know which stories are important?

[1:17:52] Which sources do you trust in this post truth world of reactionary journalism?

[1:17:56] I'm Brett Black and I'm Travis McElroy.

[1:17:59] And we host a podcast called trends like these.

[1:18:01] We cover trending news stories.

[1:18:03] We debunk misleading clickbait headlines.

[1:18:05] And we always try to throw in a little bit of good news in our quest for truth.

[1:18:10] So join us every week on maximum fun.org or wherever podcasts are found.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:17] Uh,

[1:18:18] now we,

[1:18:18] uh,

[1:18:19] thank our sponsors.

[1:18:20] What do we do now,

[1:18:21] Dan?

[1:18:22] Well,

[1:18:23] Dan,

[1:18:23] we talk about our sponsors.

[1:18:26] Oh,

[1:18:26] great.

[1:18:27] Um,

[1:18:28] and one of them is blue apron.

S1

[1:18:30] Oh,

[1:18:31] blue apron.

[1:18:31] I love blue apron.

[1:18:33] Well,

[1:18:34] you want to hear me talk about blue apron,

[1:18:36] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:18:36] Sure.

[1:18:37] Sure.

[1:18:37] Why don't you talk about them a little bit?

[1:18:39] do you guys like food?

S1

[1:18:40] Yep.

[1:18:40] Sure.

[1:18:41] Be honest.

[1:18:42] I mean,

[1:18:43] okay,

[1:18:43] you got me.

[1:18:43] I'm honest.

[1:18:44] Okay.

[1:18:45] You know how you like food?

[1:18:46] I can only be baby.

[1:18:47] You know how you like food,

[1:18:48] but you don't know where it comes from.

[1:18:50] Right.

[1:18:51] And you just like wake up and foods there.

[1:18:53] Mm hmm.

[1:18:53] Yeah.

[1:18:54] That's from blue apron.

[1:18:55] Oh,

[1:18:55] wow.

[1:18:56] It's the only place to get food.

[1:18:57] You guys.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:59] In this post-apocalyptic world.

S1

[1:19:02] Yep.

[1:19:03] That we live in.

[1:19:04] Yep.

[1:19:04] Blue apron is the only option left to us.

[1:19:07] Yep.

[1:19:07] You got to put a blue apron mark on your forehead.

[1:19:09] That's true.

[1:19:10] And you wear that blue apron mark,

[1:19:12] uh,

[1:19:12] that blam mark.

[1:19:14] Yep.

[1:19:15] And it comes and the food comes and you don't question it.

[1:19:18] Well,

[1:19:18] not quite Dan.

[1:19:20] Okay.

[1:19:20] Don't question it.

[1:19:22] It's pre portion ingredients with all the instructions right there.

[1:19:26] Um,

[1:19:27] it is.

[1:19:27] Listen,

[1:19:28] good food.

[1:19:28] You don't have to know how to cook.

[1:19:30] It just comes to you and you don't question it.

[1:19:33] And you make the food and you don't question it.

[1:19:38] Uh,

[1:19:38] what do you have to do,

[1:19:40] Dan?

[1:19:40] Well,

[1:19:41] I also want to mention,

Dan McCoy

[1:19:42] instead of questioning,

[1:19:42] I also want to just mention that for eight weeks,

[1:19:45] uh,

[1:19:46] and that's ending on February the 26th,

[1:19:48] blue apron is teaming with whole 30 to bring you delicious recipes.

[1:19:52] Uh,

[1:19:53] the menu will feature two whole 30 approved recipes each week,

[1:19:56] like chicken and kale,

[1:19:58] orange salad with spicy tahini dressing.

[1:20:01] Sounds delicious.

[1:20:03] Kickstart your new year with blue apron and whole 30 and,

[1:20:06] uh,

[1:20:07] flop house listeners can get $20 off their first order by visiting blue apron,

[1:20:12] blue apron.com.

[1:20:14] Yep.

[1:20:15] Slash flop house.

[1:20:16] Say it again,

[1:20:17] Dan.

[1:20:17] So check out this week's menu.

[1:20:19] Uh,

[1:20:20] get your $30 off.

[1:20:21] Yeah.

[1:20:22] Uh,

[1:20:22] with free shipping at blue apron.com slash flop house,

[1:20:26] blue apron,

[1:20:27] a better way to cook.

[1:20:27] I think the first time I said $20 off,

[1:20:29] it is $30.

[1:20:30] You know what I like about that,

[1:20:31] Dan?

[1:20:32] Can I tell you what?

[1:20:33] When you said tahini,

S1

[1:20:34] it reminded me of tahini,

[1:20:36] like from good place.

[1:20:37] Yeah.

[1:20:38] It's not a fun joke.

[1:20:39] It's just,

[1:20:40] I'm just saying,

[1:20:41] no,

Dan McCoy

[1:20:41] it just reminded you of a thing that it just reminded me of how much I like the good place.

[1:20:44] Yeah,

[1:20:45] that's good.

[1:20:46] You know what I like?

[1:20:46] I just liked about that.

[1:20:47] Dan is I liked anyways.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:50] Uh,

[1:20:50] Dan,

[1:20:51] I liked that you misread a number that was right in front of you.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:56] Uh,

[1:20:57] it's,

[1:20:57] it's damn in this room.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:00] Uh,

[1:21:01] no,

[1:21:02] yeah.

[1:21:02] And twos look a lot like threes.

[1:21:03] I get it.

[1:21:04] It's okay.

[1:21:04] There's a curve.

[1:21:06] Uh,

[1:21:06] we've got another sponsor and it's called zip recruiter.

S1

[1:21:11] Oh,

[1:21:11] I'd love zip recruiter.

[1:21:12] Can I tell you about the recruiter?

[1:21:13] Sure.

[1:21:14] In this post-apocalyptic world,

[1:21:16] when you need people to guard your gates from,

[1:21:19] you know,

[1:21:20] wasteland zombies.

[1:21:21] Yep.

[1:21:22] But you don't know how to hire those people.

[1:21:24] No.

[1:21:24] Right?

[1:21:25] No.

[1:21:25] So you go to zip recruiter and you put in like,

[1:21:27] need zombie snipers.com.

[1:21:30] Uh huh.

[1:21:31] And zip recruiter is going to provide those for you.

[1:21:34] No questions asked.

[1:21:36] Don't know why you put those.

[1:21:37] That's my favorite thing about zip recruiter.

[1:21:41] Yeah.

[1:21:42] Dan,

Dan McCoy

[1:21:43] go on.

[1:21:43] Well,

[1:21:44] a zip recruiter does all this by posting your job to over 100 job boards with just one

[1:21:48] click.

[1:21:51] They actively look for the most qualified candidates and invite them to apply.

S1

Dan McCoy

[1:21:58] No wonder 80% of employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate through the

[1:22:03] site in just one day.

[1:22:04] One question asked.

[1:22:07] Zip recruiter,

[1:22:08] the smartest way to hire.

[1:22:10] And right now our listeners can post jobs on zip recruiter.

[1:22:12] Zip recruiter for free.

[1:22:14] That's right.

[1:22:14] The cost is free.

[1:22:16] Yep.

[1:22:16] Just go to zip recruiter.com slash flop house.

[1:22:20] That's zip recruiter.com.

[1:22:21] And how much does that cost?

[1:22:22] Slash flop house.

[1:22:23] It's free.

[1:22:24] That's zero dollars.

[1:22:25] Two.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:25] Two.

[1:22:25] Prop house or four.

[1:22:26] Two.

[1:22:26] Well,

[1:22:27] you had interrupted me right in the middle of my ad read.

[1:22:30] Is I just wait.

[1:22:32] So my question that has been answered twice.

S1

[1:22:38] How many questions asked,

[1:22:40] Dan?

[1:22:40] Twice.

[1:22:41] Okay.

[1:22:42] Is it slash flop house or slash flop house?

[1:22:45] Because you said both.

[1:22:47] Actually,

[1:22:48] that's what we'll take you there.

[1:22:49] Dan,

[1:22:50] I was watching him right now.

[1:22:51] I just bought the URL.

[1:22:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:55] So I think the next part of this podcast is Jumbo Tron.

[1:23:03] Okay.

[1:23:03] And we got a Jumbo Tron.

S1

[1:23:04] It is Jumbo Tron.

[1:23:07] Thank you.

[1:23:07] Sorry.

[1:23:07] I had a delay.

[1:23:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:09] It's weird that you're the one who has lag.

[1:23:11] Yeah.

[1:23:12] Talking to Elliot over Skype.

[1:23:13] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:13] I wasn't paying attention.

[1:23:15] Okay.

[1:23:15] Okay,

[1:23:16] guys.

[1:23:16] Hey guys.

[1:23:17] Hey guys.

[1:23:17] When are we going to do the Jumbo Tron?

[1:23:19] Oh boy.

[1:23:19] Is that coming up?

[1:23:20] Oh man.

[1:23:21] Yeah.

[1:23:21] It's coming up.

[1:23:22] Cause there's a lag on this end.

[1:23:23] Okay.

[1:23:24] Do you have lag?

[1:23:26] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:27] Cage match cast is a podcast for people who wish cage miss was year round.

[1:23:33] Each week,

[1:23:34] a new movie steps into our audio steel cage to face slash off against a Nicholas Cage movie.

[1:23:43] Cage match cast,

[1:23:45] a Nick Cage podcast for your ears.

[1:23:48] And your mind.

[1:23:49] So why don't you guys go subscribe to cage match cast on iTunes today.

[1:23:56] Sounds like a good choice.

[1:23:58] I love me some Nicholas Cage.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:01] Elliot,

[1:24:02] I believe you also have a message.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:04] I do.

[1:24:05] I have a personal message.

[1:24:06] This is a personal message.

[1:24:07] Dan,

[1:24:08] if you could please be quiet,

[1:24:09] cause this is kind of personal and I need a moment.

[1:24:12] Damn.

[1:24:12] So Dan,

[1:24:13] if you could,

[1:24:13] Dan,

[1:24:14] if you could not butt in,

[1:24:15] this is pretty personal.

[1:24:16] This message is for.

[1:24:18] Okay.

[1:24:18] I won't butt in.

[1:24:19] And.

[1:24:20] Oh boy.

[1:24:22] It's a,

[1:24:23] this message is for Tacoma.

[1:24:24] And the message is from some husband.

[1:24:27] And the message goes like this.

[1:24:28] This isn't revenge for the time you paid the Mackle boys a hundred dollars to shame me about finding out what all of my Xmas presents were a few years ago.

[1:24:36] It's to shame you for not liking the new Mario,

[1:24:38] you monster.

[1:24:39] And also happy B day.

[1:24:41] Happy V day.

[1:24:42] That's the V as in Valentine's and happy.

[1:24:45] That's a coma to some husband.

S1

[1:24:49] I'm so glad I can be here.

[1:24:50] Tacoma.

[1:24:52] We're even.

[1:24:55] Tacoma.

[1:24:58] We're even.

[1:25:01] I'm coming for you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:03] Wow.

[1:25:04] The weird thing is Travis is making eye contact with Dan the whole time when he said that.

S1

[1:25:09] Tacoma.

[1:25:10] I'm going to kill Dan because of the thing you did.

[1:25:15] Dan's dead.

[1:25:17] Seems fair.

[1:25:18] I guess.

[1:25:18] Yeah.

[1:25:18] I mean,

[1:25:19] that's the way I go.

[1:25:19] I was in the wasteland.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:21] I've had a good run.

S1

[1:25:22] You haven't.

[1:25:24] I'm sorry,

[1:25:25] Dan.

[1:25:26] Have you really?

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:27] I don't know.

[1:25:28] Let's ask Dan's two friends,

[1:25:29] both named Emmy.

[1:25:31] When we come back next week,

S1

[1:25:32] how's Dan had a good run?

Dan McCoy

[1:25:34] Yeah.

[1:25:35] I mean,

[1:25:35] I'd say up until like,

[1:25:36] you know,

[1:25:37] two or three years ago,

[1:25:38] I had a pretty good run.

S1

[1:25:39] Actually,

[1:25:40] I would say when you were 12,

[1:25:41] you were doing great.

[1:25:42] Yeah.

[1:25:43] And then it all went downhill.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:44] Oh boy.

[1:25:45] Back when you were 12 and everyone was like,

[1:25:46] that kid's got knees for days.

[1:25:48] That kid's knees are going to take him forever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:56] So what's the next part of this?

[1:25:56] Hey,

[1:25:56] you know those knees you were looking for?

[1:25:58] Well,

[1:25:58] listen to this.

[1:25:59] Look at this kid's knees.

[1:26:00] I can't hear anything.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:03] So what's the next part of this?

[1:26:04] My knees are the bees.

[1:26:05] What do we do now,

[1:26:06] Danny?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:07] Now we've got some letters from listeners.

[1:26:10] Listeners like you.

[1:26:13] Me?

[1:26:14] Well,

[1:26:15] not you,

[1:26:15] Stuart.

[1:26:16] Letters.

S1

[1:26:17] Stuart's not a listener.

[1:26:18] Stuart's a host.

[1:26:19] I was going to do a song,

[1:26:21] but.

[1:26:22] Yeah.

[1:26:23] What's,

[1:26:23] what's stopping you?

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:24] LA just bulldozes over.

[1:26:25] Yeah.

[1:26:25] No,

[1:26:26] now I was going to do it.

S1

[1:26:27] Oh,

[1:26:27] now you're embarrassed.

[1:26:29] That went like letters.

[1:26:30] No,

[1:26:30] no,

[1:26:31] go for it.

[1:26:31] Go for it.

[1:26:32] Fuck.

[1:26:34] It was going to be great.

[1:26:37] It was going to be like.

[1:26:39] Into the woods.

[1:26:40] Into the woods kind of thing.

[1:26:43] With like a whole motif about how letters are scary,

[1:26:46] but the way is clear,

[1:26:48] but letters.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:50] Yeah.

[1:26:50] That's weird.

[1:26:51] Cause I got a message.

[1:26:52] Yeah.

[1:26:52] I'm not done.

[1:26:53] I have a message from your brothers.

[1:26:55] They say you would totally chicken out of doing a song.

[1:26:58] If you met the resistance.

[1:27:00] We've got letters.

[1:27:02] God damn it.

[1:27:03] Elliot.

S1

[1:27:05] No.

[1:27:06] How about Elliot?

[1:27:07] You just do it.

[1:27:07] If you're such a big man.

[1:27:09] You're so brave.

[1:27:10] Dan,

[1:27:11] stay out of this.

[1:27:12] Dan,

[1:27:12] this is between me and Elliot.

[1:27:15] Prove yourself.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:16] Look,

[1:27:16] Travis.

[1:27:17] Hey,

[1:27:18] we could fight about this.

[1:27:19] And yeah,

[1:27:19] I'd win that fight.

[1:27:21] But I think I want to show you that you've got the strength and you've got the

[1:27:25] confidence.

[1:27:25] You've got the ability inside you.

[1:27:27] So I'm going to give you a second chance at life,

[1:27:29] love,

[1:27:30] and song about letters.

S1

[1:27:32] Well,

[1:27:32] should we sing a letter song together with 30 seconds lag?

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:36] I would love to accept.

[1:27:37] Occasionally,

[1:27:37] the Skype call has been blipping out,

[1:27:40] but we can try our best.

[1:27:42] Okay.

[1:27:42] On three.

[1:27:43] Let's call this duet.

[1:27:44] Let's call,

[1:27:44] let's call this duet.

[1:27:45] Skype lag for letters.

S1

[1:27:47] Okay.

[1:27:48] On three.

[1:27:49] One,

[1:27:50] two,

[1:27:51] three.

[1:27:52] Letters.

[1:27:53] We've got letters.

[1:27:55] It's time for letters.

[1:27:57] And we're so excited to bring letters to you.

[1:28:02] The listener.

[1:28:04] And you.

[1:28:05] And you.

[1:28:06] And us.

[1:28:07] And us.

[1:28:07] And you.

[1:28:08] And it's the letters.

[1:28:10] And it's time for Dan to read the letters.

[1:28:14] Dan,

[1:28:15] Dan,

[1:28:18] take it away.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:19] Guys,

[1:28:19] I just,

[1:28:20] I just got a message.

[1:28:21] The audience's heartbeat reached over 150.

[1:28:25] Mr.

[1:28:26] Boogaloo.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:30] This letter.

[1:28:31] Hey,

[1:28:31] hey,

[1:28:31] hey.

[1:28:32] Letters on the way.

[1:28:33] Oh,

[1:28:34] God.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:35] This letter is from Sarah,

[1:28:37] last name withheld.

[1:28:39] Who writes,

[1:28:39] my husband is a huge fan of your show.

[1:28:42] I've been following you for years and years and years.

[1:28:45] He's turned several of his friends into fans.

[1:28:47] One of whom was once referenced on your show,

[1:28:48] bumping into Elliot's on a Popeye's run.

[1:28:51] Uh,

[1:28:53] we both love your,

[1:28:54] we both love your,

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:54] we both love your humor,

Dan McCoy

[1:29:01] wit and whimsy.

[1:29:02] My husband's 35th birthday is on February 26th.

[1:29:05] Gross.

[1:29:05] And I'd love to make him a flop house themed birthday party.

[1:29:09] Okay.

[1:29:10] I'm not quite sure what that would entail,

[1:29:11] but I was wondering if you had any suggestions or merchandise available that I could purchase to make it seem more official.

[1:29:17] Much love.

[1:29:18] Sarah,

[1:29:19] Well,

[1:29:19] we do have merchandise,

[1:29:20] but I don't feel like we should.

[1:29:21] If we were smarter,

S1

[1:29:21] we would have merchandise.

[1:29:23] I didn't hear my name in that at all.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:27] Oh,

[1:29:27] but this is where Travis,

[1:29:29] you can suggest flop house related birthday stuff.

S1

[1:29:32] Okay.

[1:29:32] Here's what you do.

[1:29:34] Have some Popeyes.

[1:29:35] Yeah.

[1:29:36] That's Elliot.

[1:29:37] Greg open a beer and that's Stuart.

[1:29:40] And maybe you feel bad about those.

[1:29:42] And that's Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:42] Yeah.

[1:29:43] Regret those choices.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:47] It's a whole themed thing.

[1:29:49] Correct me if I'm wrong.

[1:29:50] Correct me if I'm wrong.

[1:29:52] This letter was written by a wife.

[1:29:53] Yes.

[1:29:54] That wife probably has a butt and that's the part of the party.

S1

[1:29:57] Hey,

[1:29:58] there we are.

[1:29:59] Do you have,

[1:29:59] well,

[1:30:00] let's not assume they have a butt.

[1:30:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:02] Many millions of Americans each year are tragically born without butts.

[1:30:07] Come with me.

S1

[1:30:08] Really millions?

[1:30:13] Most people don't have butts.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:16] I'm,

Dan McCoy

[1:30:16] I'm very passionate about this charity,

[1:30:18] Elliot,

[1:30:18] because it really speaks to me.

[1:30:21] I,

[1:30:22] I suffer as much as the,

[1:30:24] it really sneaks up behind you.

[1:30:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:29] Now I like to believe Dan that you're like a,

[1:30:31] you're like one of those celebrities who suddenly becomes a conspiracy

[1:30:34] theorist.

[1:30:35] Like you're like,

[1:30:36] are people losing their butts?

[1:30:37] Cause of these chem trails.

S1

[1:30:39] Oh my God.

[1:30:40] Elliot.

[1:30:41] Wait,

[1:30:41] wait,

[1:30:41] you don't see Dan just stood up and pulled a prosthetic butt out of his

[1:30:46] pants.

[1:30:47] The weird thing was without a butt this whole time.

[1:30:50] That's why he's been so focused on,

[1:30:51] but that's why I'm so covetous of other butts.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:53] Now he's pulling a second prosthetic,

[1:30:56] but out of the front of his,

[1:30:57] wait,

[1:30:57] and a third from the side and a fourth from his back.

[1:31:03] Dan,

[1:31:04] he said it's to protect him against Travis attacks.

[1:31:08] Too late.

[1:31:10] Ow.

S1

[1:31:12] That was my,

[1:31:12] that butt.

[1:31:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:14] I told you not to lose that,

[1:31:16] but I kind of wish all that,

[1:31:17] that bit had gone to the point where Dan takes off his overcoat and it's

[1:31:21] just two children,

[1:31:22] one standing on the shoulders of the other.

S1

[1:31:24] This is avarice and this is butts.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:27] Yeah.

[1:31:28] So I guess that answers your question,

[1:31:30] Sarah.

[1:31:31] Uh,

[1:31:32] thanks for listening.

[1:31:33] Thanks to your husband.

[1:31:34] I think your husband for listening.

[1:31:35] I don't know.

[1:31:36] Just,

[1:31:36] just put some great paper up and,

[1:31:38] you know,

[1:31:39] put,

[1:31:39] put Neil Breen's face on it or something.

[1:31:42] Uh,

[1:31:42] Nicholas Cage,

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:43] put on Nicholas Cage movie,

[1:31:45] pop some corn,

[1:31:46] you know,

Dan McCoy

[1:31:46] leave your brain at the door.

[1:31:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:49] Yeah.

[1:31:50] Hey,

[1:31:50] just take something bad and then turn it around and make it something good.

[1:31:53] And that's the flop house way.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:55] Uh,

[1:31:56] this letter is from Patrick last name withheld who writes one of my favorite

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:01] comedic Patrick McGowan from the prisoner.

[1:32:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:04] One of my favorite comedic scenes used to be the classic bit from Bruce

[1:32:08] almighty where the now omnipotent Jim Carrey messes around with a

[1:32:11] smug newsman,

[1:32:13] Steve Carell by forcing him to pass gas,

[1:32:16] speak in a high pitch voice,

[1:32:17] scream gibberish,

[1:32:18] et cetera.

[1:32:19] 11 year old me found this riotous.

[1:32:22] However,

[1:32:23] recently watching that clip on YouTube only conjured up feelings of disgust

[1:32:26] towards that film and myself.

[1:32:28] It's not funny that Jim Carrey is using Steve Carell as a flesh puppet.

[1:32:32] That's some bad-ass rogue shogun,

[1:32:36] Stu Wellington voice.

[1:32:37] Fucked up shit,

[1:32:38] bro.

[1:32:39] Heem.

[1:32:40] That's pretty close.

[1:32:41] My question.

[1:32:42] What's my question.

[1:32:45] What's the scene from a film that you loved slash found hilarious as a child,

[1:32:48] but as an adult now find crude,

[1:32:51] inseparable or depressing that you even liked it in the first place?

[1:32:54] I,

[1:32:54] can I answer?

[1:32:56] Yeah.

S1

[1:32:56] I will say along those same lines,

[1:32:58] basically anything from Ace Ventura is like,

[1:33:02] I feel like I,

[1:33:04] I was right in the,

[1:33:05] the wheelhouse of like,

[1:33:07] uh,

[1:33:08] thinking Jim Carrey was very,

[1:33:10] very funny for like the mask Ace Ventura that I was like,

[1:33:14] this is gold.

[1:33:16] But now when I think about,

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:17] like when he says somebody stopped me,

[1:33:19] you're like,

[1:33:20] no,

[1:33:20] no one's right.

[1:33:21] No,

S1

[1:33:21] don't stop him.

[1:33:22] This is great.

[1:33:24] Um,

[1:33:24] but now are smoking,

[1:33:26] sir.

[1:33:26] Yes.

[1:33:27] Ah,

[1:33:27] P R A T Y.

[1:33:29] Because I love it.

[1:33:31] Um,

[1:33:31] but no,

[1:33:32] there's so,

[1:33:34] oh,

[1:33:34] it's just,

[1:33:35] it's heinous.

[1:33:35] Not only in like,

[1:33:36] it's not funny,

[1:33:37] but also in that like nineties way of like,

[1:33:41] ah,

[1:33:42] so much of this is homophobic,

[1:33:44] transphobic,

[1:33:46] blah,

[1:33:47] fat phobic,

[1:33:48] all of these things that like,

[1:33:50] I,

[1:33:50] it,

[1:33:50] it makes me sad for like 10 year old Travis that laughed at that shit.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:55] Yeah.

[1:33:56] I mean,

[1:33:56] like mine is sort of similar along the line.

[1:33:58] I mean,

[1:33:59] I would say about half of animal house,

[1:34:01] hasn't aged.

[1:34:02] Well,

[1:34:04] uh,

[1:34:04] and all of,

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:06] all of it,

Dan McCoy

[1:34:07] all of it hasn't aged.

[1:34:08] Well,

[1:34:08] and,

[1:34:08] uh,

[1:34:09] you know,

[1:34:10] I thought it's not a party dude.

[1:34:11] That's how I like,

[1:34:12] why it feels that way.

[1:34:13] I found it funny as a kid.

[1:34:15] No,

[1:34:15] I like,

S1

[1:34:15] I like,

[1:34:16] I like the elitists.

[1:34:18] Although,

[1:34:19] um,

[1:34:19] when,

[1:34:19] when they're trying to shut down animal house,

[1:34:21] you're like,

[1:34:22] yeah,

[1:34:23] yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:23] shut down animal.

[1:34:24] Put them on triple secret probation.

[1:34:26] Who cares?

[1:34:26] I mean,

[1:34:27] yeah,

[1:34:27] they are doing bad shit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:31] I will.

[1:34:32] I fraternity.

[1:34:32] That's breaking the rules and hurting people and misleading women to make them sleep with

[1:34:36] them.

[1:34:36] Yeah.

[1:34:36] Shut that house down.

[1:34:37] Shut that shit down.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:38] And while you're at it,

[1:34:39] shut down,

[1:34:40] uh,

[1:34:40] that PCU,

[1:34:41] PCU house.

[1:34:43] And how about those nerds?

[1:34:45] I mean,

[1:34:46] no,

[1:34:46] shut those guys down.

[1:34:47] They're totally rapists.

S1

[1:34:49] No,

[1:34:49] they're also bad.

[1:34:50] Listen,

[1:34:50] you know what?

[1:34:51] Maybe they're all bad.

[1:34:53] And also the zapped guys,

[1:34:56] fuck them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:57] I mean,

[1:34:57] if you're given the powers of a God,

[1:34:59] you can't be expected to play by the rules of mortals.

S1

[1:35:01] I actually do.

[1:35:02] I think there's a window of time from like 1981 to 1995,

[1:35:08] when those movies,

[1:35:10] all of them should be burned.

[1:35:12] Okay.

[1:35:13] Never watched again.

[1:35:14] They should all be fed into a pyre because they are pretty much all misogynist.

[1:35:22] And I'm,

[1:35:23] this is not Travis McElroy virtue signaling.

[1:35:25] This is literally me saying,

[1:35:26] I don't think there's anything redeemable about the,

[1:35:30] whichever one of us is the last one to get laid.

[1:35:34] Like that shit that can go right out the window.

[1:35:39] Yeah.

[1:35:40] You're probably right.

[1:35:41] That voice is horrifying.

[1:35:41] Whichever one of us is the last one to get laid,

[1:35:44] has to write a whole dissertation about women's voting rights.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:49] What I love is it sounds like,

[1:35:51] it sounds like Ray Romano is in a teen sex comedy.

S1

[1:35:54] Yeah,

[1:35:55] bro.

[1:35:55] I gotta get laid.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:57] I'm going to get drunk on the Simpsons.

[1:36:01] No,

[1:36:02] no,

[1:36:02] no.

[1:36:04] It's all Barney,

[1:36:06] Barney Gumbel,

[1:36:07] right?

[1:36:07] Yep.

S1

[1:36:09] It's if Barney was on,

[1:36:11] everybody loves Barney.

[1:36:15] Barney's more like this.

[1:36:17] Okay.

[1:36:17] Shut up,

[1:36:18] Dan.

[1:36:19] No,

[1:36:20] I mean,

[1:36:20] that was pretty good.

[1:36:20] I'm going to do fucking Second Stan without you jumping in and policing this shit.

[1:36:26] Anyways,

Dan McCoy

[1:36:27] what's the next question?

[1:36:27] So basically like 80s and early 90s comedies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:31] Yeah,

[1:36:32] I mean,

[1:36:33] this has nothing to do with that,

[1:36:35] but it reminds me of,

[1:36:38] uh,

[1:36:38] I can't watch the movie Wayne's World anymore because I loved it so much.

[1:36:43] And when I was in sixth grade,

[1:36:44] a friend of mine and I were jealous that our other friend had a girlfriend,

[1:36:48] our friend Casey Crowe had a girlfriend.

[1:36:50] So we thought it would be fun to like mess with them by doing the,

[1:36:57] uh,

[1:36:58] like Foxy woman thing from Wayne's World.

[1:37:01] Just talking about it makes me embarrassed.

[1:37:03] So we tried to do some kind of like thing in the hallway,

[1:37:05] like referencing the movie.

[1:37:07] And like my personal hell is being trapped in those seconds of doing this weird,

[1:37:12] poorly choreographed bit.

[1:37:15] Uh,

[1:37:16] and I can't even,

[1:37:18] I don't want to talk about it anymore.

[1:37:20] It makes me,

[1:37:21] it makes my stomach hurt.

[1:37:22] I haven't ever seen someone give themselves post-traumatic,

Dan McCoy

[1:37:25] traumatic stress.

[1:37:26] Yeah.

[1:37:26] You can watch my,

[1:37:27] I'm enjoying Stuart's face.

[1:37:29] My,

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:29] my once,

[1:37:30] once bouncy hair has now flat,

[1:37:33] sweat is pouring off my forehead.

[1:37:38] Uh,

[1:37:38] I can't watch Wayne's World ever again.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:40] Uh,

[1:37:41] this next letter is from Heather,

[1:37:43] last name withheld who writes,

[1:37:44] Locklear.

[1:37:45] Oh,

[1:37:45] wow.

[1:37:46] It's a big star.

[1:37:47] I'm currently working your way,

[1:37:49] my way through your back catalog.

[1:37:50] I recently listened to episode 153,

[1:37:53] G.I.

[1:37:54] Joe retaliation.

[1:37:55] That's cool.

[1:37:55] She could probably stop around there and not go back any further.

[1:37:59] I laughed depressingly.

[1:38:01] I laughed depressingly at minute five 40.

[1:38:03] when Stuart mentions Jonathan price and says,

[1:38:06] there is no way a guy with that crazy haircut would be elected president of the United States.

[1:38:11] If only 200,

[1:38:13] 2014 floppers knew what was coming in 2016.

[1:38:17] So I,

[1:38:17] such innocent lost.

[1:38:19] Do you guys remember any other suggestions or beliefs you had based on movie fiction?

[1:38:24] I can't believe that I've either pulled out the receipts on that one or were shadowed,

[1:38:27] was shadowed by reality.

[1:38:29] Sincerely,

[1:38:30] Heather,

S1

[1:38:31] I will say,

[1:38:33] I think it goes back a little bit further than that,

[1:38:35] but my introduction to the Flophouse was Labor Day.

[1:38:40] Uh-huh.

[1:38:41] In which you guys revealed what would end up being the truth about Alan Ruck.

[1:38:47] Uh-huh.

[1:38:48] And it seemed like a goof at the time,

[1:38:51] but now his tell-all book has come out.

[1:38:53] Uh-huh.

[1:38:54] And that was all true.

[1:38:56] Yeah.

[1:38:56] And it blows my mind how prophetic to the letter.

[1:39:01] Yeah.

[1:39:01] You all were about Alan Ruck.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:03] Yeah.

[1:39:03] You know,

[1:39:04] sometimes we,

[1:39:05] uh,

[1:39:05] sometimes we knock out of the park.

S1

[1:39:07] I had no idea,

[1:39:08] but somehow you,

[1:39:09] now tell me,

[1:39:10] as Hollywood insiders,

[1:39:12] all three of you.

[1:39:13] Sure.

[1:39:13] Yep.

[1:39:13] Did you just know that about Alan Ruck or was it a lucky guess?

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:17] Yeah.

[1:39:17] Dan's been hanging out with Alan Ruck for a while.

[1:39:20] Uh,

[1:39:20] he's been,

[1:39:21] uh,

[1:39:21] Alan Ruck invites Dan over.

[1:39:23] Dan shows up with a little typewriter and Alan Ruck in his,

[1:39:26] uh,

[1:39:27] he's wearing like,

[1:39:28] what is that?

[1:39:28] He said like a kimono.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:29] Yeah.

[1:39:30] Well,

[1:39:30] I'm basically the Dr.

[1:39:31] Watson to his Sherlock Holmes.

S1

[1:39:33] Oh,

[1:39:33] wow.

[1:39:33] Okay.

[1:39:33] Yeah.

[1:39:34] And you guys go on adventures together and he solves crimes and shit.

Dan McCoy

[1:39:38] Uh,

[1:39:38] more of the boring biography stuff.

S1

[1:39:41] Oh,

[1:39:41] so you're just writing a book about Alan Ruck.

[1:39:43] Yeah,

[1:39:43] exactly.

[1:39:43] Okay.

[1:39:43] So it's not like,

[1:39:44] yeah,

[1:39:45] he said,

[1:39:45] it's more just like you're writing a book about Alan Ruck.

[1:39:48] He said,

[1:39:48] I like the way I put it,

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:49] but he said,

[1:39:50] Dan,

[1:39:51] uh,

[1:39:51] you have five nights to record my story.

[1:39:54] And at the end of night five,

[1:39:55] I will be dead.

[1:39:57] And I'll kill you too.

[1:39:58] And potentially you'll die in the process too.

[1:40:00] That was,

[1:40:01] I mean,

[1:40:01] an implied threat.

[1:40:02] I can't guarantee you'll die,

S1

[1:40:04] but when I die,

[1:40:06] I'm going to try to take you with me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:08] And Dan,

[1:40:08] you said you've done four nights with him,

[1:40:12] huh?

[1:40:13] It's pretty chilling.

S1

[1:40:16] And on the fifth night,

[1:40:17] when the face put you together.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:20] Whatever folktale you're spinning,

[1:40:22] I just sort of spaced out on it.

[1:40:23] I have to be honest.

S1

[1:40:25] Yeah.

[1:40:26] Anyways,

[1:40:26] you're going to go hang out with Alan Ruck after we're done recording tonight,

[1:40:29] right?

[1:40:31] Uh,

[1:40:31] yeah,

[1:40:32] sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:32] Dan's doing this thing where he checks how long the recording's been going.

[1:40:35] And then he adds up in his head,

[1:40:37] how much,

[1:40:38] uh,

[1:40:38] memory that takes,

[1:40:39] uh,

[1:40:39] takes up on our little recording device.

S1

[1:40:42] And then he goes and sees Alan Ruck.

[1:40:43] They are not connected at all.

[1:40:45] The two ideas.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:47] Um,

[1:40:48] does anyone have a real answer to this or should we just move on?

Elliott Kalan

[1:40:51] Yeah.

[1:40:52] I,

[1:40:52] well,

[1:40:52] similar to,

[1:40:53] uh,

[1:40:53] similar to,

[1:40:54] uh,

[1:40:54] what they were saying about Stuart's comment.

[1:40:57] I would say that,

[1:40:58] uh,

[1:40:58] decades and decades of movies have taught us that like,

[1:41:01] uh,

[1:41:02] the goodness of people and what,

[1:41:04] and brings us all together.

[1:41:05] And we can,

[1:41:06] uh,

[1:41:06] we can band together to stop bad things from happening.

[1:41:10] And there's a sense of justice in the world.

[1:41:11] And I feel like that has been proven untrue.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:17] Bleak sentiment from Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:21] I also,

[1:41:21] realism,

[1:41:22] dude.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:22] I also learned that if I like,

[1:41:25] I don't know if I'm driving through the country and my car breaks down and I'm wandering through the woods cause I need to get a part.

[1:41:31] And the closest house I saw was that farm a couple of clicks back.

[1:41:35] Uh,

[1:41:35] and I,

[1:41:36] instead of walking on the road,

[1:41:37] I decided to walk through the woods.

[1:41:39] Um,

[1:41:39] movies have taught me that I would be hunted and killed by hillbilly cannibals.

[1:41:43] That never happens to me.

[1:41:46] So yeah.

[1:41:47] Not even once.

[1:41:49] Not,

S1

[1:41:49] not even once.

[1:41:51] Well,

Stuart Wellington

[1:41:51] there was that one time,

[1:41:53] but we'll have to save that for another day.

[1:41:56] That's the thing.

[1:41:56] The courts have said that hillbilly cannibal is just a regular person and I shouldn't have used a spear gun on him.

[1:42:02] But.

S1

[1:42:02] Well,

[1:42:03] don't give it away.

[1:42:04] I said another,

[1:42:06] said we'd talk about it another time.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:09] I have,

[1:42:10] uh,

[1:42:10] one really quick,

[1:42:11] uh,

[1:42:12] last letter.

[1:42:12] It's from Claire.

[1:42:13] Last name withheld.

[1:42:14] It's,

[1:42:14] uh,

[1:42:14] one sentence.

[1:42:15] It says,

[1:42:15] how can there be like a million Spider-Man movies,

[1:42:19] but they can't make the spider webbing not look like jizz?

S1

[1:42:24] Not so much.

[1:42:25] Because that's what spider webbing looks like.

[1:42:27] Yes.

[1:42:28] Spider webbing is jizz.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:30] Yeah.

[1:42:31] It is.

[1:42:31] Out of their,

[1:42:32] out of their little,

[1:42:33] out of their little,

[1:42:34] uh,

[1:42:34] jizz hole spinnerets.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:35] Hey guys,

[1:42:36] guys,

[1:42:36] what if when,

[1:42:37] when you jizz,

[1:42:39] an ultra strong compound came out?

[1:42:42] Wait,

[1:42:43] slow down.

S1

[1:42:44] Is this hypothetical?

[1:42:45] Or are you saying,

[1:42:46] why does that happen?

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:48] Yeah,

[1:42:48] what?

[1:42:48] Dan,

[1:42:49] I would say,

[1:42:50] Dan,

[1:42:50] I would say when you,

[1:42:51] when you,

[1:42:51] an ultra strong compound does come out because it has the power of life in it.

[1:42:56] And I would say without men,

S1

[1:42:58] what is life really?

[1:42:59] Okay.

[1:43:00] Oh no.

[1:43:01] Oh no.

[1:43:02] Um,

[1:43:03] guys,

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:03] I've been doing a little bit of research into erotic cakes lately.

[1:43:07] Okay.

[1:43:07] And I like where this is headed.

[1:43:09] Keep talking.

[1:43:09] Most erotic bakeries that I've found that make a cake or cupcake featuring an erect penis almost always have like,

[1:43:17] spider webs,

[1:43:17] have like jizz shooting out of it.

[1:43:19] And I'm like,

[1:43:20] is that what people want?

[1:43:23] As someone who was once part of a group that hired an erotic that,

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:28] uh,

[1:43:28] Stuart,

[1:43:28] as someone who was part of a group that ordered an erotic cake to be sent to somebody.

[1:43:33] Yes.

[1:43:33] That is exactly what we wanted.

[1:43:35] Okay.

S1

[1:43:36] I guess to answer your question,

[1:43:39] why do spider webs in Spider-Man movies look like jizz?

[1:43:43] It's hard to think what else they would look like.

[1:43:47] It is hard for me to imagine a different version.

[1:43:51] Like picture right now,

[1:43:53] spider webs shooting from a man's wrist.

[1:43:55] Yeah.

[1:43:56] What would it look like?

[1:43:57] That's not jizz.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:59] You know,

[1:43:59] I was about to say.

[1:44:00] Or imagine,

[1:44:01] imagine spider webs shooting from a man's penis.

S1

[1:44:04] Okay.

[1:44:04] Well,

[1:44:05] that would make it a little harder,

[1:44:07] Elliot,

[1:44:07] for my example,

[1:44:08] but okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:09] I was about to say,

[1:44:10] I could imagine it looking like silly string,

[1:44:13] but that just looks like jizz to me too.

S1

[1:44:15] That's what I'm saying is like,

[1:44:16] picture,

[1:44:16] picture a webbing and tell me what it looks like.

[1:44:21] That doesn't look like jizz.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:23] I can't do it.

[1:44:24] Dan,

[1:44:25] Dan,

[1:44:25] are you stumped?

Dan McCoy

[1:44:27] Well,

[1:44:27] now I'm just imagining the idea that like a spider's web,

[1:44:31] like is jizz.

[1:44:34] Like just very delicately woven jizz.

[1:44:36] Oh no,

Dan McCoy

[1:44:36] we broke Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:37] Mm-hmm.

[1:44:38] Just like in real life,

[1:44:40] a spider uses jizz to catch flies,

[1:44:42] while a man's penis squirts out jizz.

[1:44:44] Well,

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:44] you catch more flies with jizz than honey,

Dan McCoy

[1:44:47] as I've always said.

[1:44:49] Do you think this is the most we've ever said jizz on the show?

[1:44:51] Jizz,

[1:44:51] jizz,

[1:44:52] jizz.

[1:44:52] Oh,

[1:44:52] seriously.

[1:44:53] I think jizz.

[1:44:54] Now,

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:55] now,

[1:44:56] Stuart,

[1:44:57] I have a,

[1:44:57] I just want to spin a fantasy for you.

[1:44:59] Sure.

[1:44:59] Like a spider spins a web out of jizz.

[1:45:02] When you said you were researching erotic cakes,

[1:45:04] I imagined that much like Daniel Day Lewis quit acting for a while and apprenticed with a cobbler,

[1:45:10] that you dropped out of your professional life to apprentice with like a master erotic cake baker in Italy somewhere.

[1:45:17] Yeah.

[1:45:18] No,

[1:45:18] that's,

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:19] I mean,

[1:45:20] that's pretty close.

S1

[1:45:21] And they just kept saying,

[1:45:22] too erotic,

[1:45:23] too erotic.

[1:45:25] And I,

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:25] and I kept saying,

[1:45:28] mama mia.

[1:45:28] and he kept shaking his head at me.

[1:45:31] He's like,

[1:45:32] no,

[1:45:32] you're not ready for that yet.

[1:45:35] So what's the next part of this podcast,

[1:45:37] do you?

Dan McCoy

[1:45:38] The next segment is the final segment.

[1:45:40] Okay.

[1:45:40] That's where we recommend movies.

[1:45:41] Final judgments.

[1:45:43] No.

S1

[1:45:43] I think it's a good,

[1:45:45] Okay,

[1:45:46] cool.

[1:45:47] Well,

[1:45:47] we're done.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:47] Me too.

[1:45:49] Now we do recommendations.

[1:45:51] Travis,

[1:45:51] do you have a movie to recommend?

[1:45:53] I do.

[1:45:53] Actually,

S1

[1:45:53] this is going to sound like a joke.

[1:45:55] Okay.

[1:45:57] But Kingsman.

[1:45:59] Okay.

[1:45:59] And Kingsman to the golden circle.

[1:46:01] Okay.

[1:46:02] I watched Kingsman to the golden circle on an arrow,

[1:46:06] aero plane.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:07] Okay.

[1:46:07] The Dan special.

S1

[1:46:08] Uh,

[1:46:08] Dan's favorite place.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:10] Yeah.

S1

[1:46:10] I watched it recently and I,

[1:46:13] enjoyed it.

[1:46:14] Non ironically cinema,

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:16] the skies,

[1:46:17] Dan.

S1

[1:46:17] And,

[1:46:17] and non area.

[1:46:19] Plain.

[1:46:21] And then I went back and purchased on iTunes,

[1:46:25] the original Kingsman,

[1:46:27] which I had not seen before I watched the second one.

[1:46:30] And I just watched it today.

[1:46:33] I enjoyed those movies.

[1:46:35] I think that they are fun in a way that I'm reminiscent of early James Bond.

[1:46:42] Uh-huh.

[1:46:43] Um,

[1:46:44] but it's like a,

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:45] like a James Bond Jr.

[1:46:46] type thing.

S1

[1:46:47] Well,

[1:46:47] they both have very,

[1:46:49] very interesting bad guys.

[1:46:51] Okay.

[1:46:52] Where in the first one,

[1:46:54] the bad guys thing is trying to save the planet,

[1:46:57] but he is evil.

[1:46:58] Yeah.

[1:46:59] And then the second one,

[1:47:00] the bad guys thing is a war on drugs and trying to make drugs,

[1:47:04] not a bad thing,

[1:47:06] but they're evil.

[1:47:08] And it's a really interesting take on what a super villain is.

[1:47:12] Okay.

[1:47:12] And they have a really fun,

[1:47:14] um,

[1:47:15] kind of take on spy thing where it's like,

[1:47:19] they don't take themselves too seriously,

[1:47:21] but it's not silly to the point of like,

[1:47:25] uh,

[1:47:26] I love the fast and the furious movies,

[1:47:28] but they've reached a point where it's like,

[1:47:29] they know what they're doing.

[1:47:30] They're being kind of silly with how out of bounds it is and how

[1:47:35] unrealistic.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:36] I don't know.

[1:47:37] What's unrealistic about a man racing a car away from a submarine.

[1:47:41] Okay.

S1

[1:47:42] Um,

[1:47:42] but,

[1:47:42] um,

[1:47:43] Kingsman kind of has that,

[1:47:45] that same kind of feel of like,

[1:47:47] we know that this is silly,

[1:47:48] but still taking itself seriously in a silly way.

[1:47:52] Yeah.

[1:47:53] Anyways,

[1:47:53] I was surprised to find that I enjoyed them in a legitimate way.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:56] Yeah.

[1:47:57] I remember I haven't seen the second one yet,

[1:47:58] but I thought the first one was pretty fun.

[1:48:01] Yeah.

[1:48:02] And Samuel Jackson is really great in it.

S1

[1:48:04] Well,

[1:48:04] that's the thing.

[1:48:05] The first one's very fun.

[1:48:06] And I think the second one is more,

[1:48:09] but in the same vein.

[1:48:10] Okay.

[1:48:11] So,

[1:48:11] uh,

[1:48:12] I jokingly said today on Twitter that they are to Austin powers.

[1:48:17] What the Daniel Craig movies are to the later Pierce Brosnan's.

[1:48:21] Okay.

[1:48:22] Where it's like,

[1:48:22] what if we did this,

[1:48:24] but good.

[1:48:25] Oh,

[1:48:26] okay.

[1:48:27] Yeah.

[1:48:28] Anyways,

[1:48:28] I follow the Kingsman movies.

[1:48:30] They're surprisingly good.

[1:48:32] Mm-hmm.

[1:48:32] Dan,

[1:48:33] uh,

[1:48:34] Dan.

[1:48:36] Yeah,

[1:48:36] they're good.

[1:48:37] I watched them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:38] Your mom liked the Kingsman movies.

S1

[1:48:40] Recommendation from Clint.

[1:48:40] McElroy who said they are good.

[1:48:42] And I said,

[1:48:43] no.

[1:48:43] Even the weird,

[1:48:43] like,

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:44] butt fucking part at the end of the first one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:46] Okay.

[1:48:46] We get over that.

[1:48:47] I talked to,

[1:48:48] I,

[1:48:48] I talked to my mom about that and she was like,

[1:48:51] what?

[1:48:53] And she didn't remember.

[1:48:55] She like,

[1:48:55] she's like,

[1:48:57] I've been recommending it to so many patrons at the library.

[1:49:00] I didn't even remember that happened.

[1:49:03] Awesome.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:06] I'm,

[1:49:07] I'm,

Dan McCoy

[1:49:07] I'm,

Dan McCoy

[1:49:07] I'm,

[1:49:08] I'm just proud of you.

[1:49:09] Like proud.

[1:49:10] I don't know if proud is the right word,

[1:49:11] but like,

[1:49:12] for like bringing up the anal sex scene with your mom.

S1

[1:49:15] There's not an anal sex.

[1:49:16] Oh yeah.

[1:49:17] I had to tell her about it.

[1:49:18] Well,

Dan McCoy

[1:49:19] there's no implied anal sex,

S1

[1:49:20] but that's the same as every James Bond movie where it's like,

[1:49:23] we are going to need a few minutes.

[1:49:25] Yeah.

[1:49:26] Well,

[1:49:26] that's the joke that they're making.

[1:49:28] Certainly.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:29] Certainly.

[1:49:29] That's the,

[1:49:30] uh,

[1:49:31] yeah.

[1:49:31] What they're referencing.

[1:49:32] Um,

[1:49:33] yeah.

S1

[1:49:34] There's sex in James Bond.

[1:49:35] Okay.

[1:49:36] Deal with it,

[1:49:37] Dan.

[1:49:37] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:49:37] Dan,

[1:49:38] what do you recommend?

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:39] What?

[1:49:40] What movie are you recommending,

[1:49:41] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:49:41] Uh,

[1:49:42] I saw recently,

[1:49:44] uh,

[1:49:45] in the theater,

[1:49:46] probably my favorite movie of last year,

[1:49:48] which is Phantom Thread.

[1:49:50] Oh,

[1:49:50] cool.

[1:49:51] Um,

[1:49:52] it's,

[1:49:53] uh,

[1:49:54] you know,

[1:49:54] it's a PT Anderson movie.

[1:49:56] Uh,

[1:49:57] I've liked pretty much everything Paul Thomas Anderson has done to a greater or lesser degree.

[1:50:02] Um,

[1:50:03] and his,

[1:50:05] uh,

[1:50:05] even though his previous one,

[1:50:08] inherent vice was kind of challenging.

[1:50:10] Like,

[1:50:11] I feel like he's recently,

[1:50:13] you know,

[1:50:14] entered this new stage in his career.

[1:50:16] Like everything sort of,

[1:50:17] I mean,

[1:50:19] I'm not that new.

[1:50:19] Cause it,

[1:50:20] you see it sort of punch drunk love and onward,

[1:50:22] like where he's just a complete original,

[1:50:25] I feel like in the sort of things he's,

[1:50:26] he's doing.

[1:50:27] And,

[1:50:28] uh,

[1:50:28] I don't really want to talk that much about the plot of the movie because I went in fairly

[1:50:34] blind.

[1:50:35] And I think that that's the best way of seeing the film.

[1:50:39] It's a love.

[1:50:41] Wait,

[1:50:41] wait,

[1:50:41] Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:41] the best way to see the film is if you're blind.

[1:50:44] Mm hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:50:44] Yeah.

[1:50:45] Because it's,

[1:50:46] uh,

[1:50:46] PT Anderson is,

[1:50:48] uh,

[1:50:48] he's working in synesthesia.

[1:50:50] Yeah.

[1:50:51] He's got odorama.

[1:50:53] Oh,

[1:50:53] I see.

[1:50:54] Um,

[1:50:56] no,

[1:50:56] I went in without knowing anything about the movie other than that.

[1:50:59] It was a sort of a contentious love story between a,

[1:51:04] uh,

[1:51:05] dressmaker and his,

[1:51:07] uh,

[1:51:08] paramour.

[1:51:09] And that was about all I needed to know going in.

[1:51:12] It was great.

[1:51:12] And Daniel day Lewis is predictably good.

S1

[1:51:15] I love his cobbling in that movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:17] His cobbling is top notch,

S1

[1:51:20] but each apple,

Dan McCoy

[1:51:22] but I think even better for me was the female lead in the movie,

[1:51:27] uh,

[1:51:28] who is much less well known.

[1:51:30] And I'm going to butcher her last name.

[1:51:32] I,

Dan McCoy

[1:51:33] but you know her name,

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:34] right?

[1:51:34] You know her,

[1:51:35] what her name is.

[1:51:35] Cause you love her so much.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:37] Well,

[1:51:37] it's Vicky.

[1:51:38] I think the last name was probably pronounced creeps,

[1:51:40] but it's hard to tell.

[1:51:41] It's K R I E P S.

[1:51:43] Is that Vicky the robot from small wonder?

[1:51:46] Yeah.

[1:51:47] Yeah.

[1:51:47] We're grown up.

[1:51:48] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:48] cool.

[1:51:51] Her last name is Christina Barcelona.

Dan McCoy

[1:51:54] Okay.

[1:51:56] Uh,

[1:51:56] but fan of thread,

[1:51:57] uh,

[1:51:58] you go see it.

[1:51:59] It's all over the place now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:01] And I'm going to recommend,

[1:52:04] uh,

[1:52:04] I'm going to recommend a movie that I assumed I'd recommended before,

[1:52:08] but thanks to the flop house recommends website,

[1:52:11] it says I didn't.

[1:52:12] So I'm going to trust in that.

[1:52:15] Castle freak.

[1:52:15] It's called castle freak.

[1:52:17] And boy,

[1:52:17] whatever happens to this ding dong,

[1:52:19] uh,

[1:52:20] I'm going to recommend,

[1:52:21] uh,

[1:52:22] an early movie by,

[1:52:23] uh,

[1:52:24] David Cronenberg.

[1:52:25] Uh,

[1:52:26] it's a movie called rabid.

[1:52:28] It's about a young woman.

[1:52:30] Oh yeah.

[1:52:30] Who,

[1:52:30] uh,

[1:52:31] is,

[1:52:32] uh,

[1:52:32] injured in a motorcycle accident and undergoes an experimental treatment,

[1:52:38] uh,

[1:52:39] to handle the likes of your skin damage and burns that she's received.

[1:52:44] But the,

[1:52:45] uh,

[1:52:45] the treatment has some side effects and it basically becomes a vampire movie.

[1:52:53] Uh,

[1:52:53] and it's like a great creepy take on a vampire movie and kind of what you like.

[1:52:59] I don't know.

[1:53:00] Like it's a early David Cronenberg movie.

[1:53:02] Like it's going to be,

[1:53:04] have some weird ass body horror in it.

[1:53:06] So expect that.

[1:53:07] Um,

[1:53:08] so yeah,

[1:53:08] check it out.

[1:53:09] If you like him and,

[1:53:11] or you like,

[1:53:12] uh,

[1:53:12] you like weird vampire movies.

S1

[1:53:14] Oh,

[1:53:15] can I,

[1:53:15] can I recommend another one that is not the King's son?

[1:53:18] Sure.

[1:53:19] Yeah.

[1:53:19] Um,

[1:53:19] it just popped in my head that you mentioned that,

[1:53:22] uh,

[1:53:22] the movie high tension.

[1:53:24] Yeah.

[1:53:25] Yeah.

[1:53:25] I,

[1:53:26] I was working at movie theater when I was,

[1:53:28] uh,

[1:53:29] fresh out of college and that movie came on and it was one of those ones.

[1:53:32] Like I stood in the back of the movie theater and watch straight through.

[1:53:36] And I am not usually one for like horror,

[1:53:39] scary movies.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:40] And it really caught my attention of like,

S1

[1:53:42] wow,

[1:53:43] this is a really weird way to tell this story.

[1:53:45] And I was really caught up in it.

[1:53:47] Um,

[1:53:47] so if you're looking for like a weird tension,

[1:53:50] any movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:51] Yeah.

[1:53:52] Yeah.

[1:53:52] No,

[1:53:52] that's that movies.

[1:53:54] Those French movies are intense.

[1:53:56] Let me tell you.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:59] Jules and Jim and tense.

[1:54:02] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:03] Well,

[1:54:04] I'll recommend a movie too.

[1:54:05] Uh,

[1:54:05] I recently saw a movie that I really liked a lot and I'll recommend it to you now.

[1:54:10] And,

[1:54:10] uh,

[1:54:10] that movie is called Columbus.

[1:54:13] He's explaining the idea of recommendations.

[1:54:16] Sorry.

[1:54:16] Yeah.

[1:54:16] I love how you explain the notion of Columbus.

[1:54:19] It's,

[1:54:19] it stars,

[1:54:21] uh,

[1:54:22] John Joe and Haley Lou Richardson.

[1:54:24] Uh huh.

[1:54:25] Hmm.

[1:54:25] Wait,

[1:54:25] I didn't hear you guys.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:26] And a ghost.

[1:54:27] We're just making up,

[1:54:28] uh,

[1:54:29] the stars of your movie.

[1:54:30] We're just purposely fucking with you.

[1:54:32] Go on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:33] Wow.

[1:54:33] No,

[1:54:34] no.

[1:54:34] I mean,

[1:54:34] it's helpful because my,

S1

[1:54:36] Elliot's not used to people interrupting him.

[1:54:38] He's cutting out.

[1:54:39] No,

[1:54:40] like Peter falls.

[1:54:40] Every time I was the thing I was saying,

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:43] you know,

[1:54:44] it's like one more thing,

[1:54:45] you know,

S1

[1:54:45] how he says,

[1:54:46] you know what he does,

[1:54:47] you know,

Elliott Kalan

[1:54:48] that old thing.

[1:54:49] Yeah.

[1:54:49] It's called Columbo.

[1:54:51] Uh huh.

S1

[1:54:52] One more thing.

[1:54:53] Uh,

[1:54:53] one more thing,

[1:54:54] ma'am.

[1:54:55] I just have another thing I'd like to ask you about.

[1:55:01] Dead air.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55:03] I'm just waiting to make sure.

[1:55:07] Is the Columbo bit over or is it still going?

S1

[1:55:10] I mean,

[1:55:11] it's still going on in all of our minds.

[1:55:12] I have just one more question,

[1:55:14] ma'am.

[1:55:15] One more thing.

[1:55:16] I could not help but notice,

[1:55:17] ma'am,

[1:55:18] how you,

[1:55:19] you said he was,

[1:55:21] had brown hair,

[1:55:22] but ma'am,

[1:55:22] just one more thing.

[1:55:23] If I could,

[1:55:24] if you don't mind.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55:25] That's a,

[1:55:26] that's what Matlock.

[1:55:28] Ma'am.

[1:55:28] It's a murder.

[1:55:29] She wrote,

S1

[1:55:29] please.

[1:55:30] Why are you walking away?

[1:55:31] I have just one more question.

[1:55:33] Please come back.

[1:55:34] No,

[1:55:34] no.

[1:55:35] Where are you going?

[1:55:36] Ma'am.

[1:55:37] Ma'am.

[1:55:37] Don't be angry at me.

[1:55:39] I just have,

[1:55:39] but one more question.

[1:55:40] That's a Colchack,

[1:55:41] the night stalker.

[1:55:42] I could,

[1:55:43] ma'am,

[1:55:44] ma'am,

[1:55:45] ma'am.

[1:55:45] If I could,

[1:55:47] please don't cry.

[1:55:48] Why are you so sad?

[1:55:49] Ma'am.

[1:55:50] Perry Mason.

[1:55:51] Ma'am,

[1:55:51] please.

[1:55:51] This Jake,

[1:55:52] Jake and the fat man.

[1:55:53] Please,

[1:55:54] please,

[1:55:54] ma'am,

[1:55:55] please.

[1:55:55] McMillan and wife.

[1:55:57] Is this Jag?

[1:55:57] Is this a real,

[1:55:59] like a diagnosis murder?

[1:56:01] Ma'am,

[1:56:01] if you don't answer this question,

[1:56:02] I'll be trapped in this game forever.

[1:56:03] Simon and Simon?

[1:56:05] Ma'am,

[1:56:05] ma'am,

[1:56:06] please.

[1:56:07] Elementary?

[1:56:08] Please,

[1:56:08] let me,

[1:56:09] let me free,

[1:56:10] ma'am.

[1:56:11] Kill me.

[1:56:12] Ma'am,

[1:56:12] just kill me now.

[1:56:13] Oh,

[1:56:13] God.

[1:56:14] Is this,

[1:56:14] is this the mentalist?

[1:56:16] The eternal pain.

[1:56:17] Ma'am,

[1:56:17] I'm trapped,

[1:56:18] I'm trapped in this prison.

[1:56:19] Just lie to me with Tim Roth.

[1:56:21] Ma'am,

[1:56:22] please,

[1:56:23] ma'am,

[1:56:23] please.

[1:56:24] I'm so sorry for everything I've done.

[1:56:26] I've done my 99 voyages,

[1:56:29] and I've done 99 good deeds for people.

[1:56:31] Remington Steel.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:32] Is this that one that's like called like the noticer or something like that?

S1

[1:56:35] Ma'am,

[1:56:36] ma'am.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56:37] What's that one where Maria Bella wears a hat?

[1:56:40] Ma'am.

[1:56:41] Hat cup?

[1:56:42] Ma'am.

[1:56:43] Yeah,

[1:56:43] I think it's hat cup.

[1:56:44] It's hat cup.

[1:56:45] Anyways,

[1:56:46] you were saying?

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:47] Now I'll do the recommendation.

[1:56:48] Now,

[1:56:48] here's the thing,

[1:56:49] guys.

[1:56:49] I don't want to seem like a spoil sport,

[1:56:51] a party pooper,

[1:56:52] or,

[1:56:53] or a stick in the mud.

[1:56:55] We're having trouble with this,

[1:56:56] with the Skype,

[1:56:57] uh,

[1:56:57] signal today.

[1:56:58] So every time I'm talking,

[1:57:00] I can't hear that you're talking until I stop and I just catch the last little bit of a word that you guys have.

[1:57:05] And it's,

[1:57:06] uh,

[1:57:06] that's why it was throwing me off a little bit with that,

[1:57:08] with that otherwise wonderful bit.

[1:57:11] And now onto my recommendation.

[1:57:14] Now,

[1:57:15] Webster's,

[1:57:15] Webster's Dictionary defines recommendation as a word of encouragement or,

[1:57:22] or sharing.

[1:57:26] It is literally,

[1:57:27] to commend is to compliment and to recommand is to be so taken by a product that you will compliment it to another.

[1:57:35] And that's what I'd like to do for you tonight.

[1:57:36] And my recommendation.

[1:57:38] Travis is taking off his headphones.

[1:57:40] Is for,

[1:57:41] uh,

[1:57:45] my recommendation tonight is for a movie called Columbus.

[1:57:49] Pause for Peter Falk joke.

[1:57:52] And.

[1:57:52] Are you fucking kidding me?

[1:57:54] Okay,

[1:57:55] I'm done.

[1:57:56] Anyway,

[1:57:56] it stars,

[1:57:56] uh,

[1:57:57] John Cho and Haley Lou Richardson.

[1:57:58] And it's the story of,

[1:58:00] uh,

[1:58:00] two people who find themselves in Columbus,

[1:58:02] Ohio,

[1:58:03] which is a,

[1:58:04] you know,

[1:58:04] mid-sized city that,

[1:58:05] happens to have a surprising number of buildings by,

[1:58:08] uh,

[1:58:10] modernist architects,

[1:58:11] a very wide renown in big names.

[1:58:14] And,

[1:58:14] uh,

[1:58:15] the,

[1:58:15] there's a girl who lives there who is,

[1:58:17] uh,

[1:58:18] held back because she feels like she has to take care of her mom.

[1:58:21] Her mom has had some trouble with drugs in the past,

[1:58:23] even though she really needs to get out of that town and,

[1:58:25] and make more of her life.

[1:58:26] And John Cho plays the son of a,

[1:58:29] an architecture professor who is in the hospital there,

[1:58:32] was there to give a lecture and ended up passing out and having to go to the hospital.

[1:58:37] Now he's kind of waiting around to see if his father's going to survive or not.

[1:58:40] And the two of them are both lost and they're both looking for another person to confide in and find a connection with each other.

[1:58:47] And it's just a really,

[1:58:48] like,

[1:58:49] strong,

[1:58:50] just like a solid,

[1:58:51] good,

[1:58:52] strong,

[1:58:52] emotional movie.

[1:58:53] John Cho's really great in it.

[1:58:54] And the way I describe it is almost like if you liked Lady Bird,

[1:58:58] but you felt Lady Bird was a little bit too Hollywood glamour,

[1:59:01] then Columbus is the movie for you.

[1:59:04] It's a beautiful looking movie,

[1:59:06] but,

[1:59:06] uh,

[1:59:06] it's,

[1:59:07] it's a,

[1:59:08] it's,

[1:59:08] it's got a similar feel in some ways to Lady Bird,

[1:59:10] but without the kind of like,

[1:59:12] uh,

[1:59:13] kind of,

[1:59:14] there's,

[1:59:15] there was watching,

[1:59:16] I really liked Lady Bird and then I watched Columbus and it made me be like,

[1:59:19] uh,

[1:59:19] Lady Bird has a lot of like jokes in it.

[1:59:21] It feels more like a movie.

[1:59:23] And this felt more like I was kind of seeing these characters interacting.

[1:59:26] And there was something pure about that that I really liked.

[1:59:29] So Columbus,

[1:59:30] I recommend it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59:31] You're hoping for more of a,

[1:59:32] like full mumblecore experience.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59:35] Well,

[1:59:36] not,

[1:59:36] it's not mumblecore because the characters have spoken dialogue that is

[1:59:39] recorded well.

[1:59:40] And you can understand what they're saying.

[1:59:42] But it was like,

[1:59:42] uh,

[1:59:43] like when you see,

[1:59:44] like I loved Lady Bird.

[1:59:45] I still love it.

[1:59:45] But it's like sometimes when you see a movie that feels real to you,

[1:59:49] and then you see a movie that's similar,

[1:59:51] but feels realer.

[1:59:52] And that's what this was like to me.

[1:59:54] Like how,

[1:59:54] when I was a kid and I saw carnosaur,

[1:59:56] I was like,

[1:59:57] that's what it's going to be like when they bring dinosaurs back.

[1:59:59] And then I saw Jurassic Park and I was like,

[2:00:01] oh no,

[2:00:02] wait a minute.

[2:00:02] That's what it's going to be like.

[2:00:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:00:06] So what do we do now,

[2:00:07] Dan?

[2:00:07] Now we,

[2:00:08] uh,

[2:00:09] blessedly,

[2:00:10] uh,

[2:00:10] sign off.

[2:00:11] Okay.

[2:00:12] Of life.

[2:00:12] We all go to bed together in one giant bed.

[2:00:15] Yeah,

[2:00:15] that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:16] Yeah.

[2:00:17] One giant sardine can that you just roll up the top.

[2:00:20] Elliot skypes in next to us.

Stuart Wellington

[2:00:23] With his avatar.

[2:00:24] Yeah.

[2:00:25] His avatar,

[2:00:27] which is weirdly enough,

[2:00:28] Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII again.

[2:00:31] But with the head of Knuckles.

[2:00:33] Yeah,

[2:00:33] but he's got,

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:33] I was going to say the exact same thing,

[2:00:36] the head of Knuckles.

Stuart Wellington

[2:00:39] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00:39] That's a really tough character.

[2:00:41] Oh God,

[2:00:42] we're in the drift.

[2:00:44] Which one of us is Travis and which one is Elliot?

[2:00:46] There's no telling now.

[2:00:49] Yeah.

[2:00:49] I,

[2:00:50] you know,

[2:00:50] I dreamed last night that I dreamed last night that I was Travis McElroy.

[2:00:53] And now that I woke up,

[2:00:54] I don't know if I'm Elliot Kalin who dreamed he was Travis McElroy or Travis McElroy is now dreaming.

[2:00:59] He's Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[2:01:00] It's both.

[2:01:01] Yeah.

[2:01:01] You're like a swamp thing.

[2:01:02] So,

[2:01:03] uh,

[2:01:03] Dan,

[2:01:03] what do we do now?

[2:01:05] I hate swamp things.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:07] We sign off.

[2:01:09] So.

[2:01:09] You're a swamp something.

[2:01:11] For the Flophouse,

[2:01:13] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:14] Heyo,

[2:01:14] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[2:01:17] I'm Elliot Kalin,

[2:01:18] or perhaps I'm.

[2:01:19] I'm Travis McElroy,

[2:01:21] or maybe Elliot Kalin.

[2:01:24] I was gonna,

[2:01:24] I was,

[2:01:25] I left a,

[2:01:25] I left a dot,

[2:01:26] dot,

[2:01:26] dot for Travis,

[2:01:27] but I think it was hard since I literally pointed to the phone as if to say,

[2:01:32] now you go.

[2:01:33] But I forgot that,

[2:01:34] uh,

[2:01:34] you can't see me because I'm 3000 miles away.

Dan McCoy

[2:01:38] Uh,

[2:01:38] on that sad note,

[2:01:40] I guess let's sign off.

[2:01:41] Bye.

[2:01:42] Good night,

[2:01:42] everyone.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01:55] Yeah,

[2:01:55] tell me,

[2:01:56] give me a,

[2:01:56] paint me a word picture of Dan since I can't see him.

[2:01:58] Well,

S1

[2:01:59] his face looks a little concerned.

[2:02:00] You know,

[2:02:00] a white guy.

[2:02:03] Okay,

[2:02:03] white guy,

[2:02:04] keep talking.

[2:02:04] Uh-huh.

[2:02:05] Now imagine he has a beard and he's kind of sad.

[2:02:08] Yeah.

[2:02:09] Kind of?

[2:02:10] But now imagine he's very sad and you've got Dan.

[2:02:14] I was building up to it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:17] Would you describe him as pretty fly for a white guy?

[2:02:20] Oh,

[2:02:21] one,

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:22] well,

[2:02:22] 1%.

[2:02:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:25] Wow.

[2:02:25] Only 1% flyness.

[2:02:27] That's,

[2:02:28] that's not great.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02:29] But I would describe him as an original prankster.

[2:02:32] If we're going to be referring to.

[2:02:34] Maybe the clown prince of crime.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:38] Maximumfun.org.

Elliott Kalan

[2:02:40] Comedy and culture.

[2:02:41] Artist owned.

Dan McCoy

[2:02:42] Listener supported.

Ep. #250 - The Apple

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