Ep. #319 - Alita Battle Angel LIVE

[0:00] hey everyone uh you know on one of these off weeks we'd normally deliver you one of our

[0:09] patented uh very long minis a patented piping hot piece of podcast yep that's a lot of peas

[0:18] in there i call them maxi minis you know pickled piece of podcast but now we're going to give you

[0:24] a really pickled piece of podcast because it's uh from long ago and we've been sell it dan sell it

[0:29] Hype it up.

[0:30] Make it sound desirable.

[0:31] Old and moldy.

[0:32] We brined it for your pleasure.

[0:35] Hey, I mean, like, you don't like pickles, Elliot?

[0:38] This is something we should dive into.

[0:39] I do like pickles.

[0:41] But how many products, when they're being hyped up, are described as pickled?

[0:46] Well, pickles is the number one.

[0:49] Like, if we were doing Family Feud, you know, it would be, show me pickles.

[0:54] And that would be number one on the board.

[0:56] But it's rare that when a movie comes out or a song, they're like, hey, get ready for this old thing from the vaults.

[1:01] It's been pickled.

[1:02] So we packed this in salt so it would last the winter, and now we're going to dump it on your plate.

[1:09] Okay.

[1:09] Well, the point is this is coming right after the Maximum Fun drive has technically ended.

[1:15] The technical end of the drive was one day prior to the release of this.

[1:21] But, you know, we are a bunch of rule breakers, and we think this basically counts as part of the drive.

[1:28] So if you want to go to Maximum Fun—

[1:29] And also, not just basically counts, but there is a grace period after the official end of the drive.

[1:34] We should say you can still go to MaximumFun.org slash join, and you will be becoming a new or upgrading member.

[1:42] It's not just—you don't have to petition them that the Flophouse said it's okay.

[1:45] It'll happen.

[1:46] I mean, Elliot, you could become a member of Maximum Fun at any time during the year.

[1:52] Normally when there's a grace period, it's because we're trying to reach sort of a target.

[1:57] But there is no target this year due to the pandemic and other associated disruptions in our lives.

[2:04] Wait a minute.

[2:04] No, no, I have a target.

[2:06] What's that target?

[2:07] And we're very close to reaching it.

[2:08] That target?

[2:09] Your heart.

[2:10] And it's a hard target.

[2:12] It is a very hard target because you've got a very hard heart.

[2:15] He's a hard-hearted man.

[2:16] Yeah, so you've got to take a chance, Boudreaux, on Dan's hard target.

[2:21] That's a heart.

[2:22] Point is, guys.

[2:24] By the way, rest in peace, Wilford Brimley.

[2:26] What a man.

[2:27] What a man in the movie Hard Target.

[2:28] Hard Target star.

[2:30] What a mustache.

[2:31] Wilford Brimley.

[2:32] A man, a mustache, oats, Panama.

[2:35] The great thing about that is it's not a palindrome.

[2:38] Not at all.

[2:38] Nope, it's not.

[2:39] I mean, everybody's made the joke, but when I found out that Wilford Brimley had passed away,

[2:44] obviously I was sad.

[2:46] And then I saw that he passed away at the age of 85, and I'm like, what?

[2:51] Wasn't he 85 my whole life?

[2:56] Yeah.

[2:56] Well, he was like 49 or 50 when Cocoon was out.

[3:02] No, no, Canoon.

[3:02] Like you were going to say it the first time.

[3:04] Canoon.

[3:04] The movie about the magic canoe that makes you young.

[3:07] So did somebody fashion Wilford Brimley out of clay?

[3:15] And as Paul Rudd normally would have gotten older, he just stayed the same age.

[3:19] But then Wilford Brimley got older.

[3:20] You're right.

[3:21] Wilford Brimley and Paul Rudd are in a Dorian Gray type situation, yes, where all of Paul Rudd's age and sins were heaped onto Wilford Brimley.

[3:30] Guys.

[3:31] I forgot about the sins part.

[3:33] That's the crazy part of that story.

[3:36] It's also the sins.

[3:37] It's not just the age.

[3:39] Although you have to imagine Dorian Gray was like hurling himself off buildings to break his portrait's bones.

[3:44] And then he'd just walk away and go, see you around, poor tree.

[3:46] He called his portrait poor tree.

[3:48] Guys, what normally happens to minis is what is happening to this introduction to this live episode.

[3:55] The point of what we're trying to say is as a thank you to all who gave to the MaxFunDrive supporting us.

[4:03] And as a final encouragement to those who may be still on the fence, we are taking this opportunity to release one of our live shows.

[4:14] One of the best of our live shows, I think.

[4:15] The shows we did in Boston were very good,

[4:18] and we've been hanging on to these for God knows what reason,

[4:22] but now we are releasing them into the wild.

[4:24] If they come back to us, they love us.

[4:27] And this one is the Alita Battle Angel episode

[4:30] where we learn of my purported love for backstory,

[4:37] which is not actually a thing that exists,

[4:42] but has been referenced several times on the show despite this episode not having come out before now.

[4:48] Let's let the listeners make that judgment when they listen to the tapes.

[4:52] Yeah, I'm looking forward to Dan re-listening to this one and being like,

[4:56] oh my god, they've been right all along.

[4:59] Time to make amends to my two friends, Stuart and Elliot, who I have slandered all this time.

[5:04] So if you wouldn't mind, while listening to this episode,

[5:08] Why don't you become a battle angel of your own and go to MaximumFun.org slash join.

[5:13] The battle, of course, being the battle against podcasters not making enough to keep their podcast going.

[5:19] And the angel being you, an angel investor who has decided to give us upwards of $100,000, who knows, per month from you.

[5:29] So there's lots of good levels that you can donate at from as little as $5 a month to as much as –

[5:37] I mean, if you're going to offer us $100,000 a month, we're not going to turn it down.

[5:40] The prizes stop at a certain level, but you can keep going if you want.

[5:45] But we really appreciate it.

[5:47] We are, as always, very humbled that so many of our listeners have decided to show us their appreciation.

[5:53] This has been a really great MaxFunDrive, and we know, again, as we've said many times, this is a hard time for everybody, a hard target time, not just for Wilford Brimley's family, but for all of us.

[6:04] And we appreciate every ounce of support we've gotten from you guys and gals and also non-binary gender identifying people and listeners.

[6:13] You've been really, really wonderful to us.

[6:17] And we hope you enjoy this episode for now.

[6:21] On this episode, we discuss Alita Battle Angel live in Boston, Massachusetts.

[6:34] too much we were in danger of breaking the fire code but you guys were doing great

[6:47] i have to admit i'm guilty of egging them on a little bit

[6:51] you said that as if it was a pun or something i don't know what all right boston is famous for

[6:58] its eggs hey everyone welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy oh i'm stewart wellington over here

[7:05] elliot kalin at the end of the table what table is this dan where are we what's going on what's

[7:09] happening i mean we are in boston as stewart said literally moments before whether in person or on

[7:16] the podcast you would have heard i was that's for people who like they started the podcast playing

[7:21] and then they were like i gotta use the bathroom i'll just let it play and i'll miss the theme song

[7:25] and they didn't hear the part where he said in Boston.

[7:26] Okay.

[7:27] Or people who start the podcast, they're like,

[7:29] I want the movie that they watch to be a surprise.

[7:31] So they put fingers in their ears and they go,

[7:33] yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[7:34] So it doesn't, that's the exact sound

[7:37] that counteracts the sounds of our voice.

[7:39] It doesn't.

[7:39] Yeah, scientifically, we had a study done.

[7:41] We had a study done at MIT.

[7:43] A regional place.

[7:46] Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[7:50] Do I normally pander about MIT?

[7:52] or is this something we don't usually do?

[7:55] I don't know about your personal life,

[7:57] but on the show, I've never heard you pander about MIT.

[7:59] We are in Boston.

[8:00] We are doing a live show where we talk about a bad movie

[8:03] that we watched or maybe not so bad.

[8:06] We'll see at the end of the night.

[8:08] We watched Alita Battle Angel.

[8:10] That's right.

[8:10] We're going to be here all night, everybody,

[8:12] until we hash out whether this was a good movie or not.

[8:14] Lock the doors.

[8:15] No, Dan, you just started a WTF episode.

[8:18] Oh, no.

[8:19] Down, down, down, down, down, down, down.

[8:22] Something about coffee and crap in my pants?

[8:25] I don't know.

[8:25] Yeah, Stamps.com.

[8:26] Yeah.

[8:27] Cats.

[8:28] Who are your guys?

[8:29] Where are you from?

[8:30] Who are your guys?

[8:31] What did your dad do for a living?

[8:32] Why doesn't Lorne like me?

[8:34] Just kidding.

[8:36] I love his show.

[8:37] Stuart.

[8:37] Wow.

[8:38] Stuart, now you took notes on the show.

[8:39] Oh, man.

[8:40] I did.

[8:40] So the movie begins with a logo, a production company logo.

[8:45] Yeah.

[8:46] We're digging in deep, apparently.

[8:47] Now you're waiting for it.

[8:48] No one loves production company logos more than Stuart Wellington.

[8:52] It looks like the 20th century Fox logo, but it's slightly different.

[8:57] That's right, because it's 26th century Fox.

[9:00] This isn't your daddy's Fox logo.

[9:02] No, it's your great-great-great-great-great-grandson or daughter's Fox logo.

[9:08] Unless your daddy is James Cameron, in which case it would be.

[9:12] What if your daddy was Kang the Conqueror and brought it back from the future to you?

[9:17] But there's only one guy whose daddy is Kang the Conqueror,

[9:20] And that's that weirdo who messed with Captain Marvel

[9:23] I don't like him

[9:24] Let's not even talk about him anymore

[9:26] I didn't know why you brought him up in the first place

[9:29] The year is

[9:31] 2,563

[9:33] Year of our Lord

[9:35] It is 300 years

[9:38] It's a movie about an angel, okay, yeah, sure

[9:39] It is 300 years after the fall

[9:41] Of course not after the fall of Lucifer

[9:43] Which happened much, much before this

[9:45] Or after the movie The Fall, Elliot

[9:47] One of my favorites

[9:48] Nor is this a legend of the fall, as I think we've already covered.

[9:51] It might be 300 years after the last ever fall.

[9:55] Climate change, everybody.

[9:56] Am I right?

[9:56] Oh, yeah.

[9:57] Days get shorter.

[9:58] Like you did that as if I, by speaking the idea, I've made it appear.

[10:03] Uh-huh.

[10:03] Be with it, everybody.

[10:06] So we open on a giant scrap heap that is underneath a floating city.

[10:11] And we see a scientist digging through that scrap.

[10:14] and he finds like the half of a lady robot, a young woman robot.

[10:20] Like the head and neck area.

[10:21] And he's like, it's still alive.

[10:23] And he hoists it up in the air, and it's kind of like our title card, right?

[10:27] Even though we don't have a title card.

[10:29] This is like the opening shot.

[10:30] Yeah, and who's the scientist?

[10:31] The scientist is a fellow named Ido.

[10:33] He's played, of course, by Christoph Waltz, who is a fine actor.

[10:38] He's fine.

[10:38] He's not here, right?

[10:41] Stuart had a lot of anti-Christoph Waltz words

[10:44] while we were watching it.

[10:45] He's fine.

[10:47] Why are you mad?

[10:49] I said he's fine.

[10:50] Why are you so, like, pugilist, like, belligerent

[10:54] with the audience about Christoph Waltz?

[10:56] Are you afraid they're going to rush the stage?

[10:58] I'm being belligerent with you.

[10:59] You're texting him.

[11:01] So he takes this living robot back to his house,

[11:07] and he and his assistant build a body for this robot.

[11:11] She wakes up and checks all of her parts.

[11:13] The natural thing you do when you find a head.

[11:16] She wakes up and like...

[11:16] Take it home.

[11:17] I mean, if you're a robotic scientist and you find a robot's head, you would probably take it home.

[11:21] Would you?

[11:22] Now, you've opened up an interesting question.

[11:25] Now I have to put myself in the situation of a robotics scientist in the future.

[11:32] Okay, I'm Christoph Waltz.

[11:33] I feel like you can play that role.

[11:34] Yeah, okay, I'm thinking I want a very deserved Academy Award

[11:37] and then a not-quite-as-deserved other Academy Award

[11:40] for playing kind of the same character.

[11:42] He's fine. He's great.

[11:43] Then, okay, I'm digging through a trash heap.

[11:47] It's the future.

[11:47] It's like WALL-E, but live-action.

[11:49] Floating City, you don't see that every day,

[11:51] except you do these days, because it's the future.

[11:53] And I found this thing.

[11:55] This is weird.

[11:56] It's like a person's head.

[11:57] I better call the police.

[11:58] No, wait.

[11:58] It's got wires coming out of it.

[12:00] It's a robot's head.

[12:01] If only I knew someone who knew how to build robots.

[12:03] I know how to build robots.

[12:05] Yeah, I think I would take it home.

[12:06] All right, well.

[12:07] I guess I've been

[12:09] schooled. So this young

[12:12] robot wakes up in a little

[12:13] kid's room and starts

[12:15] examining her body. She

[12:17] rushes downstairs. She's force-fed

[12:19] an orange what? Lifts up her

[12:21] blankets as if to check that she has

[12:23] all the parts or maybe just her legs. It was weird.

[12:25] It was a little weird. Hey, I mean

[12:27] I'm not a robot.

[12:28] So she

[12:31] talks with Ido and Ido starts to fill in

[12:33] some of the blanks. That is just what a robot would

[12:35] say though it is except the robot would have been like i'm not a robot beep boop give me some oil

[12:41] dudes maybe he's saving the beep boop for later yeah so ito begins to fill in the blanks for her

[12:47] and he also she doesn't remember anything she doesn't even have a name of course he jumps at

[12:53] that opportunity and names her alita and we're like whoa did you already have that just sitting

[12:57] there in the front of your memory bank at this point it's clarified that like she has a human

[13:01] brain, right? Which I guess was somehow

[13:03] preserved in the junk heap

[13:05] that she was in? In her magic robot.

[13:07] And let's talk a little bit about this robot.

[13:09] Oh, Stuart just stood up. He's going to

[13:11] school this audience on...

[13:13] I don't know on what, actually. I don't want to spend

[13:15] too much time talking about the design

[13:17] of this robot. It is

[13:19] clearly digitally enhanced.

[13:21] She has very accentuated

[13:24] features. You might call her a

[13:25] brattle angel. I don't know.

[13:27] You're welcome.

[13:31] scattered applause uh so she's she's striking by that you're saying that she has large eyes

[13:40] in her head yeah her eyes are digitally larger than a person's eyes would be yeah and which is

[13:45] at first unnerving but you get used to it's like if you met a disney princess on the street at

[13:49] first you'd be like oh your eyes take up two-thirds of your head but over time as you got to know her

[13:54] maybe fall in love with her you'd come to not just get used to and tolerate that but come to love it

[13:59] as something that's special to her

[14:01] and only her and her race, Disney princesses.

[14:04] And eventually you'd be like, you know what?

[14:06] I just hope that my children get this when they're born.

[14:10] And when they do, they'll have one regular eye

[14:12] and one giant Disney princess eye.

[14:14] And you're like, no, it's the worst

[14:15] of all possible combinations.

[14:17] Why'd you do this to us, Gregor Mendel?

[14:19] That's one for the college students in the audience.

[14:23] Again, we don't have much time.

[14:29] Okay, so, she's named Alita, she wanders around with Ido as he introduces her to this place, Iron City, part of the, like, scrap heap that is underneath a floating city called Zalem, which is kind of like this beautiful paradise in the clouds that they all wish they could be part of, but instead they live in Iron City, which is actually pretty nice.

[14:49] Iron City is supposed to be, like, kind of this, like, junkyard slum, but to be honest, it's like...

[14:54] It's pretty, it's as bright as a Fanta commercial.

[14:57] It's like a part of Brooklyn that is most of the way gentrified, but not totally gentrified.

[15:03] And so in the background, you have a few people who have robot parts, and they look really

[15:08] futuristic.

[15:09] Just like Brooklyn.

[15:09] Yeah.

[15:10] But then you've got mostly people with T-shirts and jeans who are just kicking it, walking

[15:14] around.

[15:14] There are great sidewalk cafes.

[15:16] I'm sure there's a used bookstore.

[15:18] Oh, I'm sure.

[15:19] Yeah.

[15:19] There's a lot of crowd shots in this movie where you'll see, it'll be just like a guy

[15:24] in a regular jersey, just like hanging out

[15:26] watching motorball, but we'll get to that.

[15:28] So he gives her quite an

[15:30] info dump. He explains all about this

[15:32] situation. He introduces her

[15:34] to a young, handsome scamp

[15:36] named Hugo, who's

[15:38] like your regular urchin, right?

[15:40] A regular urchin boy.

[15:41] A regular urchin. Yeah, lives in the sea,

[15:44] spiny, his eggs are delicious,

[15:46] a lot of umami.

[15:48] Drives a motorized

[15:50] unicycle, just like Brooklyn.

[15:52] I mean, to be honest,

[15:54] or he wears a top hat and encourages you to pick pockets that's the other that's the other kind of

[15:59] urchin basic urchin yeah basic urchin he's real basic bitch urchin yeah he's like he's like a

[16:04] he's like a handsome little bit bad boy who who sells robot parts and yeah rides that motorized

[16:09] unicycle yeah yeah and we're like we're also introduced that the only police force in this

[16:13] town are these like giant robot things called centurions uh we're introduced to a character

[16:20] named Kyron, I believe,

[16:22] who is a medical professional

[16:24] who is Ido's ex-wife.

[16:25] And they talk a little bit

[16:27] about how they lost a child,

[16:29] they lost a daughter together.

[16:30] What was...

[16:31] Wait, what was her name?

[16:33] Her name was also Alida.

[16:36] What a coincidence.

[16:37] What a strange coincidence.

[16:39] It must be a pretty common name.

[16:41] And it's not at all weird

[16:42] to name a robot after your...

[16:44] And what...

[16:45] I don't know about

[16:46] how people deal with trauma.

[16:47] And what other surprisingly

[16:48] common profession

[16:50] do we learn about?

[16:50] we learn about the hunter warriors is that what you're talking about yes i believe so

[16:55] so instead in lieu of a police force if people commit crimes of i guess a pretty extreme nature

[17:01] uh they're they get a little wanted poster and then people can take out a contract to go and

[17:05] murder them and chop off their head and make money like the bounty the bounty is only collectible

[17:09] with death and you take your head to a little talking like soda can robot who's like why are

[17:14] you here like it's the most wizard of oz moments in the whole movie and then you drop the head in

[17:18] a slot and they're like here are your credits like that's pretty much it do you think people

[17:22] ever like you know like how on like old cartoons they have like a little slug that they put on

[17:26] like on a string yeah yeah and like uh get get sodas that way like people have like a head on

[17:31] a string they pull the head back out afterwards they like people been getting credits on one head

[17:35] for you uh have you ever tried that trick uh me yeah i mean i'm not from the 20s no but okay

[17:43] Or, I mean, with a head.

[17:44] Oh, with a head.

[17:45] Yes, I have.

[17:47] Yeah, put a head on a string, yeah.

[17:48] Just trying to get you to yes and this bit.

[17:50] Here's the thing you need to know about Dan.

[17:53] He's the only one of the three of us who has had improv training, I think,

[17:55] and yet he never yes ands.

[17:57] Because, frankly, the things you say are absurd.

[18:01] You're right.

[18:02] Only a lunatic would say yes to the things you say.

[18:05] You're right, I apologize.

[18:07] So, Ido is talking to Kyron, who is his ex-wife, and she's played by Jennifer Connelly, and she's great.

[18:14] And she is apparently trying to buy her way into Zalem, which Ido doesn't believe is possible.

[18:20] And she's trying to buy her way through the help of a fellow named Vector, who runs Motorball.

[18:28] There's a lot of information here.

[18:31] I've waved through it all.

[18:33] We also learn of a dude named Zapan, and we learn that there's no guns.

[18:37] Sounds kind of nice, actually.

[18:39] And more about the hunter-warriors.

[18:41] This no-guns thing will make more sense of what happens later,

[18:46] which is all of the weapons seem to be either sword-based

[18:49] or chains that people throw at people based.

[18:51] Yeah, it's like an entire world that only knows Samurais and Ghost Rider.

[18:56] Oh, man, that's pretty cool.

[18:59] It's pretty cool.

[19:01] So Alita goes running off through the streets, and she bumps into her pal, Hugo, who he and his pals are playing a game called Motorball, which involves riding around on rocket-powered roller skates.

[19:13] I think rocket-powered is a bit much.

[19:15] Motorized.

[19:15] Yeah, they're like pushing a button in their hand, and it shoots them around.

[19:19] Now, how does this motorball compare to, say, a roller ball?

[19:22] It's pretty similar.

[19:24] I mean, there's a ball, and they roll, and there's only one robot that I know of involved.

[19:29] But later on, there's a lot of robots.

[19:31] So did I answer your question?

[19:32] Case closed, counselor.

[19:35] So we get a scene that's like a little bit of a romantic courtship.

[19:38] Because Alita clearly, from the first moment she laid her giant eyes on him, is in love with Hugo.

[19:45] I mean, he's a dreamboat.

[19:46] And he kind of is interested in her.

[19:48] But, you know, he's a little girl.

[19:49] But he's also kind of like the first non-dad dude she sees.

[19:53] Like, she kind of imprints upon him like a beta duck.

[19:56] Like, a little bit.

[19:58] Yeah, that's a good point.

[19:59] Yeah.

[19:59] And so she sees him, she goes, oh, I want that.

[20:02] Yeah, uh-huh, yeah.

[20:03] And that all, I mean, that kind of drives your narrative

[20:06] for the rest of the movie, but we'll get to that.

[20:07] So she rides around.

[20:09] She is much better at motorball than anyone else.

[20:11] And she, let's see, what other things do we learn?

[20:16] We learn that there is somebody going around Iron City

[20:18] murdering people.

[20:19] She suspects that it's her father

[20:22] because he's covered in blood at one point.

[20:24] I mean, come on, who is it?

[20:28] It's inside all of us.

[20:29] Yeah, that's the thing, Stuart.

[20:31] It usually stays inside.

[20:33] If it's covering the outside of you,

[20:35] it's not a problem.

[20:36] It's very rare that you just spring a leak

[20:40] and it just gets on you,

[20:41] like a pen broke or something.

[20:42] So Edo dons the garb of what we will later learn

[20:49] to be a hunter-warrior,

[20:51] which is a cool black leather duster

[20:54] and a giant preacher's hat.

[20:56] And he's got this enormous, unwieldy reaper.

[20:59] Yeah, I mean, he's like a rocket-powered hammer.

[21:01] A reaper hammer that's basically the size of Ronan the Accuser's hammer.

[21:06] And he's just Christoph Waltz walking around with it, like a normal dude.

[21:09] It's crazy.

[21:10] Yeah, it's like if you were going to a store and you're like,

[21:13] I need a weapon to go kill evil cyborgs.

[21:17] I think you would choose something that you could wield easily.

[21:20] Something that wasn't twice your height.

[21:22] Exactly.

[21:22] So that you could get it through doorways.

[21:24] Exactly.

[21:25] Like, let's say this.

[21:26] You're a hunter-killer.

[21:27] You know there's a bounty on a guy...

[21:30] Hunter-warrior.

[21:30] Hunter-warrior, sorry.

[21:31] You're a hunter-warrior.

[21:32] Sorry, I denobilized it.

[21:34] You find a bounty on a guy

[21:37] who's, like, four T-stops away.

[21:39] Local.

[21:40] And...

[21:42] Thank you.

[21:42] You know what?

[21:44] You're not gonna make it there in time if you walk.

[21:47] You're gonna have to take the train.

[21:49] How are you gonna get that thing through the doors?

[21:50] The doors keep closing on your big scythe hammer.

[21:52] Everyone on the train is like,

[21:54] come on can we speed it up let's go guys it reminds me of a time yeah i was on the new york

[22:01] city subway a crowded train and yeah boo boo oh the mta boo i mean actual city i mean no

[22:09] wow he'll turn he'll turn he'll turn the uh a guy brought on an entire uh an entire bookcase

[22:21] made out of, you know, those

[22:23] like a rector set type

[22:25] metal pieces. Uh-huh, yeah. Took up a lot of space

[22:27] and this other guy standing next to him was

[22:29] going, hey, what are you thinking, pal?

[22:31] Come on! What are you doing?

[22:33] Hey! And then

[22:35] That guy was one of the Ninja Turtles.

[22:37] Yeah. And at the

[22:39] next stop, the heckler got off and he goes, this is

[22:41] going to be the best part. And as he walks

[22:43] off the train, I hear him say, hey, check out the

[22:45] numbnuts with the shelves.

[22:46] And that is New York

[22:49] in a nutshell.

[22:51] So he hype-manned his own closing remark.

[22:54] Yes, he said, this is going to be the best part.

[22:56] And he was getting the most joy out of announcing to the people who are about to get on the train

[23:01] that there's some idiot, a numbnuts in his word, a man whose nuts have no feeling.

[23:06] They are numb, whether through cold or nerve damage, I don't know.

[23:11] To the point that it's affected his thinking, and he doesn't know that it's stupid to bring a whole set of shelves

[23:17] onto a crowded subway train.

[23:19] And so, I would say to Christoph Waltz, try a smaller weapon.

[23:23] So, uh...

[23:27] Thank you.

[23:27] Unearned.

[23:29] Totally unearned.

[23:30] And that's the weapon monologue.

[23:33] So, yeah, it turns out that Alita's fears were for naught,

[23:38] because her father figure, Ito, is not a murderer.

[23:41] No, no, no.

[23:42] He just kills people as a hunter-warrior.

[23:45] And she interrupts his attempt to catch some prey,

[23:47] which is a bunch of all metal people with human faces and they have a cool fight and she kills

[23:56] them all and has a kills all but one of them and has this triggered memory where she's on the moon

[24:02] and she's fighting people and jumping around and it's crazy and then the she's obviously some kind

[24:08] of battle bot yeah she's clearly a battle bot she kicks the arm off of comedy central battle bot

[24:13] Yeah, she's just like a flat disc with one saw on it.

[24:16] And she's just bumping into a wall over and over again

[24:19] while the play-by-play announcers try desperately to make it seem entertaining.

[24:23] Now, how does she feel about yanking cranks?

[24:25] Here's the thing.

[24:26] She is pro-crank yanking when it's done by a puppet or artificial human.

[24:30] Okay.

[24:30] When done by a meat puppet, a biological human, she can seem defensive.

[24:34] Okay.

[24:34] Yeah.

[24:35] Checks out.

[24:36] Anyway, Stuart?

[24:36] By the way, if anyone has seen any cranks that are in need of yanking,

[24:40] contact Comedy Central, Kara, Viacom Entertainment.

[24:43] care of Dan McCoy.

[24:45] Show's coming back, baby,

[24:47] for some reason.

[24:48] What's better?

[24:52] What better time

[24:53] for a prank call show

[24:54] than an era where

[24:54] nobody picks up their phone

[24:56] if they don't recognize

[24:57] the number?

[24:57] It's calling out for it.

[25:00] Caller ID says,

[25:03] crank yankers.

[25:05] That can't be right.

[25:07] It says, rude puppet.

[25:09] I better pick it up.

[25:10] At this point,

[25:11] every time I answer a call,

[25:13] My crank is being yanked by someone who wants to sell me some sort of vehicle insurance

[25:17] for a vehicle I don't own.

[25:18] So I've been yanked.

[25:20] I've been yanked.

[25:22] I'm Dan McCoy.

[25:23] For the yanked, it's me.

[25:25] My caller ID says boys comma jerky.

[25:28] That's the Nessun Orson Scott Cardbook speaker for the yanked.

[25:29] Sorry, you were saying Stuart.

[25:32] So what I was saying is there's one giant weird looking robot named Grewishka.

[25:40] Grewishka.

[25:41] Who gets his arm kicked off and he's like,

[25:43] oh, I'll never forget you, and then jumps down a hole.

[25:46] Now, this is something Gruishka is going to continue to do,

[25:49] is get his ass handed to him and then yell,

[25:51] Gruishka will remember this and run away.

[25:53] Okay, so at this point, we then cut back into a beautiful high rise

[26:00] where we see Vector and Kyron having a conversation.

[26:03] Vector, of course, is played by Mahershala Ali, another Oscar winner.

[26:06] This is a very stacked cast, by the way.

[26:09] Yeah, the cast is very good.

[26:11] I mean, for a movie with a big budget, they could afford great actors.

[26:15] And he has a performance we'll get to later in the movie that I think is a genuinely great scene on his part.

[26:20] So, Groishka shows up.

[26:22] His arm's been kicked off.

[26:23] He ain't happy about it.

[26:24] He's like, oh, I'm going to kill that Alita.

[26:26] Meanwhile, all of a sudden, he starts acting weird.

[26:29] And it appears like he is being controlled by someone else.

[26:32] And we're introduced to yet another character named Nova.

[26:36] That's it.

[26:38] Your eyes go blue and Nova can control you.

[26:40] He also can control Vector.

[26:42] Okay, I guess that's that.

[26:46] He seems to be like the big bad guy.

[26:48] And everybody can't stop talking about Alita.

[26:50] Alita and Hugo go on a date to the motorball stadium

[26:55] where a bunch of robots ride around on a track

[26:58] and break each other and try and carry a ball somewhere.

[27:01] The ball is not that important.

[27:03] Now, when you say robots, I just want to clarify,

[27:05] They are mostly cyborgs, human heads, but entirely robot bodies.

[27:09] And their arms have, like, big blades and buzz saws, which makes me wonder,

[27:13] what are these guys doing when it's not motorball time?

[27:16] Like, what are they doing with all those buzz saws when it's not time to fight?

[27:20] Do you think they stick their head on a different body?

[27:22] Like, normally when I'm not motorballing, I like my head to be on a gardener body.

[27:27] Yeah, maybe. I could see that.

[27:30] I like to be in a body that's a saw blade or just like a triangle of wood that can flip other bots over.

[27:37] Oh, you're saying so they get more battle body.

[27:40] By the way, those streets are tough, Elliot.

[27:43] By the way, for anyone who did not watch Alita before the show, like having watched Alita, I flash on when Stuart is telling about the movie to like, this must be how anyone who does not care about science fiction feels when someone tries to explain a science fiction thing.

[27:58] And they're like, because then Vector is in charge of the motorball.

[28:01] And Alita goes there.

[28:02] Like, oh, God, just stop it.

[28:04] Whatever.

[28:05] Whatever you're selling to me, I'll buy it.

[28:07] It reminds me of the time Tom Brokaw wouldn't stop talking to me about Dune.

[28:11] Elliot, here's the gist of the story.

[28:17] It's the tale of Paul Atreides, young heir to House Atreides,

[28:25] and how he manages to win the war for Arrakis,

[28:29] not by dominating the planet,

[28:32] but by losing himself in the culture of the Fremen.

[28:37] It's spelled Fremen, and so for quite some time,

[28:40] I thought it was pronounced Fremen.

[28:43] Now, the interesting thing about the book,

[28:48] although all of it is interesting, is...

[28:51] Tom, we have another show tonight.

[28:53] I'll be happy to tell them about Dune as well.

[28:56] Greatest hits.

[29:02] Stu, take it away.

[29:04] So.

[29:06] Hugo has a conversation with Vector at the Motorball Arena,

[29:13] and Vector gets him and his crew of buddies to don masks

[29:18] and attack another motorball guy and chop off his arm

[29:23] so they can get his precious grind cutter.

[29:25] We'll be seeing more of that later.

[29:27] Which is like blades at the end of chains.

[29:30] He has finger chain blades that fly out.

[29:33] His fingers turn into chain blades that fly out.

[29:35] I mean, everybody knows what a grind cutter is.

[29:37] Sorry. I'm sorry. I forgot this was Boston.

[29:40] Thank you.

[29:40] But I'm sure a grind cutter is a kind of sandwich.

[29:43] So yeah, they jump this dude and chop his arms off.

[29:49] It's really messed up.

[29:50] Okay, the next day, Hugo and his friends, including Alita, go on a date into the Badlands,

[29:58] where they find an Urm warship that has been crash-landed.

[30:02] Now, you're probably wondering, what's this Urm Stewart's talking about?

[30:07] The whole time, Dan was like, tell me more about Urm.

[30:10] It's making my worm squirm.

[30:12] This was a big argument we had during the thing, because it becomes clear that Alita

[30:18] is one of these

[30:19] erm who

[30:20] It's like the

[30:21] United Republic of Mars

[30:22] or something.

[30:22] Yeah, they were the ones

[30:23] Yeah, erm, dude.

[30:24] They were the ones

[30:25] that Earth was fighting

[30:26] that led to the fall

[30:28] and I'm like

[30:28] all through the movie

[30:29] I'm like this is going

[30:30] to be addressed

[30:30] at some point, right?

[30:31] That she's one of these erm?

[30:32] Like this is going to happen?

[30:33] It's going to cause

[30:34] a conflict, yeah.

[30:35] This is because

[30:36] as I was saying to Dan

[30:37] it's like he was

[30:37] watching Star Wars

[30:38] and Luke says

[30:39] you fought with my father

[30:40] in the Clone Wars

[30:41] and Dan was like

[30:41] why won't they stop

[30:42] and tell me more

[30:43] about the Clone Wars?

[30:43] I'm enjoying this

[30:45] adventure too much.

[30:45] I want a history lesson.

[30:47] It would make sense if Luke had fought in the Clone Wars and they never mentioned it again.

[30:52] Our main character is part of the enemy combatants, and it's never addressed!

[30:56] Dan, okay, let's say this.

[30:59] Let's say we're less than 300 years from the Revolutionary War, Boston.

[31:04] And let's say, out of hibernation, a British soldier, a Tory or somewhat, appeared.

[31:12] People would be like, get the fuck out of here, dude.

[31:14] We fought you away.

[31:15] Take off that bearskin cap

[31:18] They'd be like hey what's going on

[31:20] We don't hold 300 year grudges

[31:22] What if that Tori was from another planet

[31:24] And they were the last one

[31:25] How about that Elliot

[31:26] I'd want to meet them even more Dan

[31:29] So this is what you're saying

[31:30] You are William Goldman watching the Big Lebowski

[31:33] And going I can't wait to see this bowling championship

[31:36] That's not what I'm saying

[31:38] I just want one line

[31:40] Addressing like either like

[31:42] Oh you know what I was an erm

[31:44] but like your earthways have converted me

[31:46] or being, I forget what the other thing is.

[31:49] I don't care.

[31:49] The point is we were watching it

[31:51] and we argued about it

[31:52] and it was like the closest I've come

[31:54] to being actually angry at everything.

[31:56] I thought Dan was going to quit the show.

[31:58] He was so mad that I did not agree with him

[32:00] and that there should have been more erm talk.

[32:02] The thing was, Dan, Dan, Dan.

[32:03] Comically dismissive of me.

[32:05] Dan, the thing is,

[32:06] you're not the only person

[32:07] who's interested in the erm stuff

[32:09] because Alita is also interested

[32:11] as she sneaks aboard the URM ship

[32:14] and finds a robot body,

[32:17] which we learn is a berserker body,

[32:19] an ultimate killing machine body,

[32:20] which her father is like,

[32:22] I'm not putting your fucking head on that thing.

[32:24] That's crazy.

[32:24] Which, to be fair, if my son came to me and said,

[32:27] hey, I found this cool robot monster body,

[32:30] will you put my brain in?

[32:31] I would be like, no.

[32:32] When you turn 18,

[32:35] what you want to do with your body is your business.

[32:37] But as long as you live under my roof,

[32:39] you are not putting your brain in a monster body.

[32:41] I mean, again, to be fair, you're primarily known for writing for The Daily Show, writing for Mystery Science Theater, the upcoming Saloon.

[32:49] You are not really known for putting brains in anybody's.

[32:52] That's true.

[32:52] I would also say I'm not qualified to do this work.

[32:55] But when you turn 18, if you want me to do it, I will do my best because I love you and I respect your life choices when you turn 18.

[33:02] Okay.

[33:03] If you want to body mod yourself like crazy, get one of those lizard tongues.

[33:07] When you're 18.

[33:08] And Alita's basically a teenager, so she runs off, puts on a cool-ass duster,

[33:14] goes to the Hunter Killer Academy or wherever the fuck it is.

[33:19] It's like a church.

[33:20] It's like the city hall and also the building where Vector has his offices.

[33:24] It's the one nice skyscraper in town.

[33:26] Yeah, so she goes there and she signs up.

[33:28] She becomes a hunter warrior, and then she and with Hugo in tow

[33:34] head to a bar called Kansas Bar.

[33:36] I don't know why, that's filled with

[33:38] hunter warriors, including

[33:40] a fellow named Zapan, who has

[33:42] a human face and a little metal

[33:44] beard, and a sword that

[33:46] Alita likes. There's also

[33:48] actor Jeff Fahey is playing

[33:50] a bounty hunter who has a metal beard

[33:52] as well, and a bunch of metal dogs.

[33:54] He's dressed up like a cowboy.

[33:56] And he disappears from the movie way too fast,

[33:58] because he's fucking Jeff Fahey.

[33:59] You want to watch a movie about him, I get it.

[34:02] I mean, it's hard to see a character who is

[34:04] a cyborg sheriff with cyborg

[34:06] dogs in your movie and not be like we found the star of the movie everybody the same way that in

[34:12] bright that centaur mounted policeman cop shows up and you're like finally the movie and then he

[34:18] just walks off screen or whatever so alita goes there and she antagonizes all the hunter warriors

[34:24] she's like you got to help me find this guy gruishka and they're like who he's not there's

[34:29] not even a bounty on his head and she's like wow somebody's protecting him they don't care it's a

[34:32] weird moment she's like who stands with me in this fight and they're like i don't even know what the

[34:36] fight is and i've been watching you since you woke up like yeah so uh ito shows up as well and then

[34:42] of course grew wish shows up and just like jason x he's gotten an upgrade because he's got a grind

[34:49] cutter for an arm and i think his body is painted slightly different and he uses grind cutter to

[34:54] kill the only really cool character in the movie that's right the tiny little dog who followed

[34:59] alita you don't see it it's off camera but it's still sad alita's alita takes it well by smearing

[35:05] the dog's blood's face on her yeah she takes the dog's blood and smears under her eyes like put me

[35:09] in coach yeah uh so she uh she's like okay grishka let's battle and he's like i got this new thing

[35:17] and they're like wow and then he he opens a hole in the ground he's like i'll remember you always

[35:23] and jumps in the hole and she's like well i'm coming after you dude and then he tells her the

[35:26] story about how he was like down and he like he lives in the hole and he loves being a hole

[35:30] and this this dude novo found him and like brought him out of the hole and he's like cool

[35:38] uh so they battle and lead us that's entirely accurate by the way it's pretty much the story

[35:44] he tells and so like chases are throwing these fingers at her i just realized if you if you want

[35:51] to imagine grishka here's a common cultural reference it's overt kill the cyborg with a

[35:56] human head from spawn okay done now you know what he looks like so she's running away from these

[36:01] fingers he keeps throwing them at her and eventually she's like i'm done running i'm gonna

[36:04] beat you up so she jumps at him and she's doing this cool corkscrew thing that's part of her

[36:09] cyborg martial arts called panzer kunst i forgot to mention that but it's okay

[36:12] and she's flying through the air and there's all these fingers flying at her and all of a sudden

[36:17] her body just comes apart because she got caught in the razor fingers yeah you're like whoa elita's

[36:22] dead and the movie's going to be over? Not

[36:24] so fast, because she throws herself up in the air

[36:26] and punches him in the eyeball and breaks

[36:28] her own arm off. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

[36:30] It's awesome. She's a torso with one

[36:32] arm, and she lands on that arm and

[36:34] holds herself up by it and then

[36:36] just goes wham!

[36:38] I used to think...

[36:39] That was a little physical stuff for the

[36:42] people at home. I used to think that

[36:44] Waro in Street Fighter 3

[36:46] Third Strike was cool because he was able to fight

[36:48] against guys like Ryu and all those guys with

[36:50] only one arm, but she doesn't even have legs.

[36:52] it's crazy okay so her body's totally destroyed ito takes her and he's like i guess i got only

[36:58] one option and he sticks her head in the berserker body which uh conforms uh to like the shape that

[37:04] she wants i guess because it's full of nano machines or something there's a there's a whole

[37:09] there's a whole fake made-up science thing with all her brain is psychically turning changing it

[37:14] to her image nanobots and it's like you just have to imagine christoph waltz looking at the lines

[37:18] in the script and being like, how do I make this

[37:20] work? How do I act this

[37:22] nonsense gibberish? I'm going to

[37:24] fight back against Elliot's

[37:26] libel that I want more

[37:28] gibberish exposition,

[37:30] which is to say... You said it with your own

[37:32] mouth. You wanted more

[37:34] talk about this 300-year-ago

[37:36] war that no one cares about.

[37:38] It's a character thing. I wanted a character...

[37:41] But the point is, I'm just

[37:42] going, hmm, about

[37:44] the urm.

[37:45] I'm just saying, one of the best movies

[37:48] Because I think of last year, or was that earlier this year, The Favorite, they don't even tell you what war she's fighting.

[37:53] And that was a real war.

[37:54] They could have filled you with Spanish succession facts.

[37:57] And yet they said, we don't need it.

[37:59] This is a story about the characters, not about the history.

[38:01] Not actually an accurate analogy.

[38:03] But anyway, the point is, I would like, for the people who are staying for both shows, God bless you and God keep you.

[38:09] Godzilla bless you, second show.

[38:11] And you're maniacs.

[38:13] But, like, Godzilla, that movie is a movie where they waste way, way, way too much time on, like, science gibberish.

[38:21] And you would like to visit the same plague upon the house of Alita.

[38:24] No, I'm saying that, like, by and large, Alita's very good at being like, I don't know, nanomachines, whatever.

[38:29] And then we just keep on rolling.

[38:31] That's true.

[38:33] So in this new body, Alita seems to be a little more confident.

[38:36] She wears cooler outfits.

[38:37] You know, like a flash dance shirt that's off one shoulder.

[38:41] Yeah, and she and Hugo kind of, I don't want to say consummate their romance, but they

[38:46] like kiss and touch, and it's cool.

[38:47] Is this when she's sitting in his window watching him sleep?

[38:50] I need to really clearly state that she is way too good for him.

[38:54] Oh, yeah.

[38:54] It's clear from the beginning that he's trash, and she's a smash.

[38:59] Did you write that down before the show?

[39:03] I did not, but I should have, because I would have come up with a better rhyme.

[39:06] Okay.

[39:07] So as I said before, everybody can't stop talking about Alita.

[39:10] If she's not on screen, people are talking about her.

[39:12] And so Vector is talking about it.

[39:14] He's like, I need to kill Alita.

[39:16] Nova wants me to do it.

[39:17] So he decides to put the squeeze on Hugo, who works for him, chopping up robots, to do something.

[39:24] We don't know exactly what.

[39:25] But Hugo believes that if he gives Vector enough money, he'll be able to buy his way into Zalem.

[39:31] Buy his way into heaven.

[39:32] It's crazy.

[39:33] And we know that's silly.

[39:34] Everybody, multiple people have this same fantasy that if they pay this guy enough money, they'll get to go up and live in heaven.

[39:40] I mean, it's a fantasy that many real-life people have, which is crazy, because the heaven book they read is exceedingly clear that that is not the way to get into heaven.

[39:50] I don't know, maybe they got a secret heaven book that says, money, money, money, please.

[39:54] So Alita wakes Hugo up, who is sleeping off a hangover, and he's looking pretty smoking, I guess.

[40:00] Oh, shirt off, trail, you know, everything.

[40:03] So she is sitting in his windowsill like a bird of prey.

[40:06] And they hatch a scheme together.

[40:08] She's like, here, you can just sell my heart.

[40:10] And he's like, for a rare moment, he's like, wait a minute.

[40:14] I'm not going to sell your robot heart.

[40:16] Let's find a different way.

[40:18] And she's like, I'll just kill a bunch of people for you,

[40:20] and you can take the money.

[40:20] He's like, no, no, no.

[40:21] Why don't you earn the money for both of us by playing motorball?

[40:26] And we, the audience, are like, fuck yeah.

[40:31] Let's make it clear, I'm not asking for more exposition, Elliot.

[40:33] But this movie does bring up a lot of stuff about human-robot relationships that it does not make clear.

[40:44] Dan kept saying throughout the movie, while we were watching it, how do they have sex?

[40:49] Dan, they've got to...

[40:52] I said the same thing when I was watching Cars.

[40:53] And I'll tell you the same thing I said about Cars, they have attachments for that.

[40:58] All right.

[41:01] So

[41:03] Check my notes

[41:06] You wanted the scene where she says

[41:09] Warning to anyone who's listening with children

[41:11] You wanted the scene where she says

[41:13] She says to him

[41:15] Hugo, I can only do mouth stuff

[41:17] And that scene

[41:20] Oh and also let me tell you about

[41:21] You're going to clear it up a lot for me

[41:23] Hugo, let me go over the sex rules for me

[41:26] Also here's what erm was all about

[41:27] And how I feel about it

[41:28] Anyway, I guess we don't have time for me to play motorball anymore.

[41:32] Give me the DVD with the deleted scenes.

[41:35] I'll eat them up.

[41:35] So Alita suits up to play some motorball.

[41:39] Meanwhile, Vector is setting her up.

[41:43] He's got a team of people to murder her instead of worrying about the ball,

[41:46] which seems to be everybody's case.

[41:48] Her father, though disapproving, supports her and gives her some cool roller skate feet.

[41:54] Meanwhile, while she's riding around on the track receiving phone calls from everybody,

[41:59] Hugo goes to find his scrapper crew, and they're ripping the arms and legs off of some poor guy.

[42:09] And a rival bounty, what, hunter-warrior, Zapan, who was made fun of and mocked for his little metal beard, shows up.

[42:19] He's the one with the super cool sword.

[42:20] Yep, he shows up.

[42:22] She frames Hugo for murder and then kills Hugo's friend and chases him around.

[42:27] Alita, finding out that Hugo's in trouble, leaves the motorball track and kills a bunch of motorball people.

[42:34] And then she shows up, saves Hugo for a second, and then Zapan, the evil hunter warrior, is like, you've got to kill Hugo.

[42:42] He's a criminal.

[42:43] There's a bounty on his head.

[42:44] And, of course, she can't do that because she loves him.

[42:48] So Zapan just stabs him, which Dan's like, why did you let that happen, Alita?

[42:53] He was so mad at Alita.

[42:54] He was like, Alita, just take care of it before he kills him.

[42:59] Just kill Zapan.

[43:00] And I was like, Dan.

[43:01] That's part of the learning process.

[43:03] Everybody has to watch their first boyfriend get stabbed in the stomach.

[43:05] It's clear this guy's the bad guy who's going to stab him.

[43:08] Dan is so falling for the trap the movie has set.

[43:11] I was like, Dan, you are reacting exactly the way Dan's like, this movie is busted.

[43:16] And I'm like, you're busted, Dan.

[43:18] You're doing exactly what the movie wants you to do.

[43:20] You're a puppet of the movie.

[43:21] Elliot, if Alita had only listened to me through the movie,

[43:25] none of the sad stuff would have happened.

[43:28] He is the guy in the movie theater who's yelling,

[43:30] don't go in there,

[43:31] not knowing that if the character takes his advice,

[43:34] the movie is over and the fun will be gone.

[43:36] You lost your childish sense of wonder, sir.

[43:38] So Alita runs off with a...

[43:41] Is that what it is?

[43:41] My childish sense of wonder about what happened in the Urn War.

[43:48] And if you were wondering about what's happened to Hugo now that he's been stabbed,

[43:52] well, Alita carries him off, and then she runs into Kyron, who shows up for some reason,

[43:56] and surgically removes Hugo's head and connects his head to Alita's heart,

[44:01] which I think is symbolism, guys.

[44:03] But that allows Alita to reveal to the robots that she chopped his head off,

[44:09] and they're like, oh, bounty accumulated.

[44:11] And then the evil hunter warrior's like, oh, but wait, what, what?

[44:16] And he tries to stop her, and the robots are like, oh, you can do whatever you want to this dude.

[44:20] And she's like, thanks, and takes his sword and chops half his face off.

[44:23] And she keeps his sword.

[44:25] Okay, boom, we're almost done.

[44:27] We're in the home stretch.

[44:29] Okay, so Alita goes after Vector, and then Gruishka shows up, and she just totally smokes him.

[44:38] He's a total wimp.

[44:38] And Vector's like, oh, I hope I have another robot.

[44:41] But it also, hold on, it also, I know I'm doing what you hate, but it also turns out that Jennifer Connelly, who wanted to get up to the Sky City, has been harvested for organs.

[44:51] Apparently that's the only way you can actually get up.

[44:52] Well, and she, that she was supposed to turn in Alita to get there, but in fact, her being a mother herself once upon a time, she couldn't do it.

[45:01] And so she has turned on her evil captors and now had her organs pulled out of her body.

[45:06] Now she's a brain in a jar.

[45:07] And Vector keeps them in a case in his office.

[45:10] This is also when Alita is fighting

[45:13] all these bad guys on the ground floor

[45:15] and Vector's like, uh-oh, what do I do?

[45:16] And then Alita bursts through the ceiling

[45:18] and it was like, did she run up all the stairs?

[45:21] He's like, you might think that with a name like Vector,

[45:25] I would understand angles.

[45:26] A math joke.

[45:31] So, yeah, so she murders that robot

[45:36] and then, like, all of a sudden,

[45:37] Vector starts talking with Nova's voice.

[45:40] Nova's the big bad, remember?

[45:41] And he starts talking some sass, and she sasses back.

[45:44] And then eventually she stabs him in the belly.

[45:46] And then we get a great scene where Mahershala Ali has to play a guy whose body is dying but is controlled by someone.

[45:52] His body is dying, but he has the voice and personality of this confident villain who is taunting the hero.

[45:58] And I was like, this is really good work, what he's doing here.

[46:02] Not a joke.

[46:02] It turns out he's a great actor.

[46:05] I don't know, guys.

[46:05] Have you heard about this?

[46:07] Now I guess I've got to go see Moonlight.

[46:10] so we uh we find out that in in his dying well i guess not dying moments but nova has sent robots

[46:17] after uh after hugo who in fact isn't dead he's been attached to a robot and hugo has gone running

[46:23] off and we learned that hugo is trying to climbing a pipe to the sky yeah he's trying to climb his

[46:29] way to zalim there's these big space elevator cables up up to zalim and uh there earlier we

[46:35] saw a flashback where

[46:36] Alita, or is that, no,

[46:38] there's Alita's fighting her way up the cables

[46:40] to Zolom, and there's like a big spinning

[46:42] blade that comes down, cutting things up,

[46:44] and now Hugo's climbing up there. Uh-oh.

[46:46] Alita chases after him. She's like, don't do it,

[46:49] dude. And he's like, I'll do whatever I want.

[46:51] And then... That's Hugo.

[46:52] The giant spinning blade...

[46:55] I died and came back.

[46:56] The giant spinning blade comes flying

[46:58] down, and he's like, I can jump over

[47:00] this super easy. Not so fast,

[47:02] sir. And he gets chopped into little pieces.

[47:05] She jumps after him.

[47:06] She catches him, but his arm breaks, and he falls.

[47:09] Turns out there's nothing funnier than seeing a limbless head fall.

[47:16] Like, arms waving.

[47:20] Not endorsed.

[47:21] This opinion is not endorsed by the rest of the Womb House.

[47:24] I'm not making fun of any real thing that has happened in the world.

[47:28] Making it worse.

[47:29] I'm making fun of a robot man who has been chopped up, who's falling.

[47:34] This is not going to age well in our post-human future.

[47:37] What have I done?

[47:39] So Alita survives, and she vows vengeance.

[47:41] She's going to find a way to Zalem,

[47:44] and the only way she can do it is by, I guess, playing more motorball.

[47:47] So she shows up to the motorball stadium.

[47:49] She does some, she, you know, strikes a pose.

[47:52] She points her sword at the floating city,

[47:54] and on the floating city, we see why Nova was so confident.

[47:59] That's right, because he's played by Edward Norton

[48:01] with a white mullet.

[48:04] It is interesting how fully putting little steampunk glasses and a bleach job on Edward Norton disguises him.

[48:16] Because it is not until he takes the glasses off that we're like, holy shit.

[48:19] It's the original Incredible Hulk.

[48:23] Not at all, Dan.

[48:24] Not at all.

[48:26] Not at all.

[48:28] He's not even the original Incredible Hulk in the movies, Dan.

[48:32] That's Eric Bana.

[48:34] Lou Ferrigno predates both of them.

[48:38] I knew that would anger you.

[48:41] Yeah.

[48:42] Now I know what it's like

[48:44] when someone doesn't tell me enough about Irm.

[48:46] And they're clearly setting this movie up for a sequel.

[48:50] So now this is where we close the book

[48:53] on Alita colon paddling.

[48:55] The big leather-bound volume.

[48:57] That's right, because it was based on books.

[48:59] Books that I read some of in preparation for this.

[49:03] And what did you learn from those books?

[49:04] Yeah, let's talk about Final Judgments now.

[49:06] This is where we make Final Judgments on whether this was a good movie, bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked.

[49:10] I, you know, I like the books quite a bit.

[49:14] I think they're a little, they're certainly a little weirder.

[49:17] They're filled with a lot of cyborgs that clearly have made strong life choices.

[49:21] And I kind of like the, in the movie, like a big part of the movie is the relationship between Hugo and Alita.

[49:31] And they make him a little redeemable in this.

[49:33] Like, he's a jerk idiot, but he's not, like, a murderer.

[49:37] And in the comics, he's basically a murderer and doesn't care about her at all.

[49:42] But her, like, wide-eyed love for him is so, like, it feels so real because, like, when you're young, you're dumb and you make bad decisions.

[49:50] And you love people who don't deserve it.

[49:52] But I, all that aside.

[49:56] Yeah, you okay, Stu?

[49:59] Is there anything you want to talk about?

[50:01] Oh, buddy.

[50:03] Can I tell you who my guys are?

[50:06] Tell me about the beef we had at the Laugh Factory.

[50:11] But we've, I mean, it's fast.

[50:13] There's a lot of information in there,

[50:15] and there's probably too much information,

[50:18] except the Irm stuff.

[50:19] I don't want to talk about that.

[50:20] But, I mean, the motorball stuff's great,

[50:22] and the actors are fun,

[50:25] and Christoph Waltz is fine.

[50:27] So I would say, I'd say this is a movie I like.

[50:30] Like, this is, I mean, yeah, this is definitely a movie I like.

[50:33] Yeah, the...

[50:34] Yeah, I mean, this is a movie I love!

[50:36] Yeah, yeah, people loved it, people loved it.

[50:38] I was, I'll admit it, I was ready to go into this movie not liking it

[50:42] because I found the giant eyes so off-putting.

[50:46] And I was like, this movie's not big eyes, what's going on?

[50:49] Or Big Fish, a big fish would have big eyes too.

[50:53] Or Big with Tom Hanks.

[50:55] Uh-huh.

[50:56] go on his eyes didn't really get that much bigger when he got big well yeah because your eyes are

[51:00] just kind of the same size throughout your life i guess but anyway so uh but after i got over the

[51:06] fact that alita doesn't have a whole lot of personality at first uh i also really liked it

[51:11] in the end at the uh i found that there are a lot of good action scenes in it uh i liked some of the

[51:17] characters that in the design work looks real cool here's and it's and it's brightly colored

[51:21] It's, like, not gray and, like, grim and dark looking.

[51:25] You're not watching, I don't know, giant monsters fight in dark, snowy cities.

[51:30] Save it for the late show.

[51:31] But I will say this.

[51:33] So I did like this movie, but Hollywood, I'm going to throw down the gauntlet.

[51:36] I want you to find me a new set of iconographies for future cities.

[51:42] Let's put Blade Runner aside.

[51:44] It's beautiful.

[51:44] It doesn't really work for me as a movie, but it works for me very well as a coffee table book.

[51:48] Let's put Blade Runner aside.

[51:49] Let's set Road Warrior aside with all the letter and the spikes and chains.

[51:52] That's great, but let's set it aside.

[51:53] I want you to think about a new vision of the future,

[51:56] because as much as I like Toledo, there were times where I'd be like...

[51:57] Aside from Wakanda, right?

[51:59] Wakanda's a step in the right direction, because at least it moves away.

[52:02] We've had a solid 30 years of future equals Asian, which is great,

[52:06] but I've seen a lot of it.

[52:07] Wakanda's like future equals Africa.

[52:10] Great, I love it. Let's see more of that.

[52:11] But hey, what about like a really crazy future?

[52:14] It's supposed to be 300 years in the future,

[52:17] And the people's phones, they don't look that cool.

[52:19] And I know in 300 years, people are going to have super cool phones.

[52:22] So Hollywood, next time you make a future movie, think about how cool the phones should be.

[52:27] But that aside, I liked it.

[52:29] You've been Elliot Kalin.

[52:30] For The Flophouse, I'm Elliot Kalin.

[52:33] Good night, everybody.

[52:34] No, Dan, you have to talk, right?

[52:35] That could be the name of the podcast.

[52:40] Dan, you have to talk, right?

[52:46] Yeah, I liked it.

[52:47] It was good.

[52:47] So on a scale from 0 to 10 erms, how many erms would you give it?

[52:51] Seven erms.

[52:53] I gave it seven erms.

[52:54] It was a little too convoluted, a little too long, but I liked it.

[52:57] But let's move on.

[52:59] We usually take some questions from the audience to close out the show.

[53:04] We have to be a little more tight-assed about shutting it down this time.

[53:09] Keep it quick.

[53:10] There's a microphone there.

[53:11] Right there.

[53:12] So we're going to need to see a mad dash scramble to get over there.

[53:15] If you want to ask your questions, because we don't have a lot of time to waste.

[53:19] We've got about 15 minutes.

[53:19] We don't have a lot of time to eat up.

[53:21] And you know what that means.

[53:22] We don't have time for a song tonight.

[53:25] We don't have time for a rhyme tonight.

[53:29] We don't have time to eat limes tonight.

[53:32] I'm sorry.

[53:33] There's just no time.

[53:35] If I had the time, I'd sing you a song so loud and so long, so proud and so strong.

[53:41] I've got an email about checking in for my flight tomorrow.

[53:42] I'd sing you that song, but we just don't have time.

[53:45] Is that Delta or is that Blue?

[53:46] Oh, JetBlue?

[53:47] I wish we had hours and hours of time.

[53:51] I wish we had hours to be together.

[53:55] But we don't.

[53:57] Question number one, please.

[53:58] All right, let's hear it.

[53:59] Thank you.

[54:00] Oh, thanks.

[54:02] Well, hey, people seem to like that song.

[54:06] No, no.

[54:07] Okay, question number one, please.

[54:09] My name is Carl, last name withheld.

[54:12] Hi, Carl, thanks for being here.

[54:13] Hey, one of my favorite old Flophouse bits was in ATM when Elliot made a joke about those old X-Files bumpers that went,

[54:21] The X-Files is brought to you by rolled gold pretzels.

[54:24] That guy was the quickest voice changer in the biz.

[54:27] He is.

[54:28] And I think I mentioned I had arguments with my former roommate, Brian Chan, who lives in Boston now,

[54:33] about whether it was two different guys or the same guy.

[54:36] Yes.

[54:37] Clearly the same guy. Yes?

[54:39] My favorite thing about that, not only is it funny, but it sort of, like, I thought I was the only guy in the world who remembered how weird those were.

[54:47] So, in your life, what are your favorite jokes that are extra funny because it seems like they were made for you and only you?

[54:54] Jokes that were made only for us.

[54:59] I mean, like, I don't know.

[55:02] It's taken me, at the time, I felt like when I first started watching.

[55:05] Dan, are you okay?

[55:07] I'm just taking a thinking stroll.

[55:09] A thinking stroll?

[55:11] I will say, there's an episode of Mystery Science Theater 2000 where, yep, great show,

[55:16] where something laughs, and then I think it's Bill Corbett as Crow goes,

[55:20] Ha ha ha, Raceway Park!

[55:22] And those are commercials that aired in my local area.

[55:25] And I was like, how did they know about that?

[55:28] And every time I hear the laughter at the beginning of Wipeout,

[55:31] I always think it's the Raceway Park jingle.

[55:36] Yeah, I was telling my wife, this has nothing to do with it, but I was telling my wife when we were driving up, we were listening to Sharp Dressed Man by C.C. Topp, and every time I hear the scat lines where he's like, black tie, I always think it's like the Mason Verger actor from the TV show Hannibal.

[55:54] but don't let's move on um uh i would say i at the time when i saw like uh like venture brothers

[56:02] it felt like at the time it felt like oh wow this made for me and then i'm like oh wait i'm just a

[56:07] boring white guy from a certain age um but uh like i think it was it was an episode of rick

[56:13] and morty where they had the character scary terry who kept saying bitch all the time i'm like oh

[56:19] yeah i feel like that's a flop ass bit yeah he's a freddy krueger parody that's

[56:23] uh dan was thinking of the joke i don't have like a good like i think that this

[56:30] this mostly comes up less with like um with pop culture of course as it does with like

[56:36] friends like with you elliot or the tv show friends or or when i'm with my brother like

[56:43] just, like, talking about stuff

[56:45] and making references to nonsense

[56:47] that, like, yesterday

[56:49] we were basically doing lines

[56:51] from Animal Crackers verbatim.

[56:53] Yeah, we were talking about

[56:54] where they're looking in the shots.

[56:55] Oof, the Marx Brothers.

[56:56] Sorry I missed that.

[56:58] Marx Brothers movie.

[56:59] And I told you my new favorite line

[57:04] from Duck Soup,

[57:04] which I didn't realize

[57:05] until I watched again recently

[57:06] as part of my and my son's

[57:08] Every Marx Brothers Movie

[57:09] Chronologically project.

[57:10] We're in the bad ones right now.

[57:13] When Chick goes on trial and they go, when were you born?

[57:16] And he goes, I don't remember.

[57:17] I was just a little baby.

[57:18] And he says it so seriously.

[57:20] Yeah, it's nice to remember things with friends.

[57:23] Question number two, please.

[57:25] Hi, guys.

[57:26] Norman, last name, what hell?

[57:28] Bates, got it.

[57:29] Exactly.

[57:29] So ever since Elliot talked about his unproduced script with Robert Moses as the bad guy,

[57:35] I was curious to get your guys' insight on.

[57:36] Yeah, surreal estate it was called.

[57:38] Well, it's dead now, but all right.

[57:40] Well, I was curious to get your guys' insight on what little-known villain

[57:42] would make a good Flophouse villain and a good Blockbuster villain.

[57:46] Oh, a little-known villain.

[57:47] Like a real-life villain?

[57:49] Yeah, like a historical villain.

[57:51] John Landis.

[57:52] Wow.

[57:53] Wow.

[57:54] Shots fired.

[57:56] Shots fired.

[57:56] Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow.

[57:57] He killed people.

[57:59] Not legally.

[58:03] It's not approved in court.

[58:05] I can't believe that supernatural comedy you wrote about Robert Moses

[58:08] never went anywhere.

[58:09] It wasn't just about Robert Moses.

[58:11] It was also about Jane Jacobs.

[58:13] Let's see.

[58:16] There's so many good ones.

[58:17] I mean, this is not as obscure,

[58:20] but I'm watching a podcast that John Hodgman and I are doing

[58:24] for Maximum Fun as a donor's thing.

[58:26] We're watching iClaudius together.

[58:27] And I'm like...

[58:28] Boo, yeah.

[58:29] And I'm getting really into ancient Rome,

[58:32] and I'm like, oh, there's so many weirdos in ancient Rome.

[58:35] Like, it's such a weird...

[58:36] And when I was young, I thought Rome was so boring.

[58:38] And now the more I read about it,

[58:39] more i'm like this is the craziest time there ever was everyone's a weirdo uh i'm a lot dumber

[58:47] than elliot so oh well i'll also say okay charles guto the man who shot james garfield who was a

[58:52] real also a real weirdo okay yeah i'm like trying to think of like history and i'm like oh wait i

[58:57] don't know history so let's just say what if there were more movies about golems okay i mean there

[59:04] been a few but i guess for a guy who thinks the hulk is a new character okay that's he was

[59:11] originated the role of the hulk there's not uh okay there's never been one called the golem right

[59:16] there is i don't know why you're berating me because it's fun that's our bed

[59:21] uh i hope that satisfies you if it doesn't i'm sorry next question please

[59:26] uh hi i'm erica last name withheld um i was gonna ask a question about the ermic wars but

[59:33] since that's kind of like let's not let's not open that bandage thank you um i would i was

[59:40] gonna ask um christoph waltz in this movie is fine we've covered that i mean and not to dunk on him

[59:47] more but he's this is now the second movie that he's been in where he's like played a character

[59:52] that's involved with a character with big eyes so what's all that about he's typecast by hollywood

[59:58] Because this character is involved with big-eyed characters.

[1:00:00] Now, I think part of it is that he does kind of look like the way the character is drawn in the comics.

[1:00:06] Like he's got that kind of, I don't know, Mac Tonight type quality.

[1:00:09] Mac Tonight.

[1:00:12] Why didn't they just go get Jay Leno then?

[1:00:15] I don't understand.

[1:00:15] That's true.

[1:00:16] Why didn't they get famed actor, box office draw, Jay Leno?

[1:00:21] Ever since he teamed up with Pat Morita, he's been a box office legend.

[1:00:24] You see this, Leo?

[1:00:25] You see this?

[1:00:26] So I would say, I just want to say something about Christoph Waltz here.

[1:00:29] I like Christoph Waltz a lot.

[1:00:30] I don't think, I think he's really great, but for some reason, uh, they've been putting

[1:00:34] him in roles that are just like not the right ones for him.

[1:00:37] And the fact that the main character, that this character's last name is Ido, tells me

[1:00:41] that this should probably be a Japanese character with a Japanese actor, not a famously Austrian

[1:00:46] actor.

[1:00:47] It's not even like they could be like, we didn't know where he was from.

[1:00:50] I don't know.

[1:00:51] Is he known for playing Germano-Austrian characters?

[1:00:54] I don't know.

[1:00:55] So he maybe wasn't right for this one,

[1:00:57] but hey, Kristoff, you know what?

[1:00:58] I still like you.

[1:00:59] Save the last waltz for me.

[1:01:01] Can't say anything after that.

[1:01:06] Yeah.

[1:01:06] Ryan, last name withheld.

[1:01:10] Is you or someone you're looking for?

[1:01:12] You might be a hunter warrior.

[1:01:15] A lot of movies become cult classics,

[1:01:19] but only a few become midnight movie showings

[1:01:23] where you shout at the screen

[1:01:25] and there's like a shadow cast

[1:01:27] and you throw things at the screen and stuff.

[1:01:28] Like The Room and Rocky Horror.

[1:01:31] What movie that's a cult classic

[1:01:34] would you guys elevate

[1:01:35] to a midnight madness sort of thing?

[1:01:38] And what would you shout at the screen?

[1:01:40] What would you throw at it?

[1:01:41] Like, for example,

[1:01:42] would you throw like a hostess ding-dongs

[1:01:44] at the screen during a certain scene

[1:01:46] of a certain movie, Stewards?

[1:01:47] Interesting.

[1:01:49] I'm picking up what you're putting down.

[1:01:53] I just remembered that from our last live show

[1:01:58] we had some audio problems,

[1:01:59] so we should probably start repeating questions

[1:02:02] after people ask them, by the way.

[1:02:04] Great time to remember it, Dan.

[1:02:07] Spot on.

[1:02:10] Earning the producer credit once again.

[1:02:13] So, Dan, do you remember the question

[1:02:15] or were you too busy thinking about that part?

[1:02:18] What would elevate a mirror...

[1:02:21] What movie would we...

[1:02:22] Midnight movie smash.

[1:02:23] What movie would, yes.

[1:02:24] Would we elevate?

[1:02:25] And I think it's kind of obvious for me.

[1:02:27] There's a little guy.

[1:02:29] He goes by the initials NB.

[1:02:31] And he's got a little movie called Fateful Findings.

[1:02:34] That's right.

[1:02:34] It's Neil Breen.

[1:02:35] And that movie is a strange work of maniac outsider art.

[1:02:41] And I think I would throw laptops at the screen every time he hurls his laptops off the desk in anger.

[1:02:49] Or also in any of the scenes where he is kissing a woman and it pans down and a shirt falls on the ground, which signifies in his unique artistic iconography sex, I would throw a shirt at the screen.

[1:03:00] But I think he beat you to the punch because he doesn't let any theater screen his movies past 7 p.m.

[1:03:07] For exactly this reason.

[1:03:09] For that exact reason.

[1:03:10] Yeah, he does not want to be a figure of fun.

[1:03:12] Too late.

[1:03:12] Neil Breen.

[1:03:14] I don't know.

[1:03:15] I would say one of my favorite Halloween movies

[1:03:18] is a movie called Night of the Demons,

[1:03:19] and it's a great horror movie, great Halloween movie,

[1:03:23] and I feel like it'd be a blast to watch as a midnight movie

[1:03:26] where you throw candy or apples with razor blades in them

[1:03:29] at the screen or something.

[1:03:30] You have to make those yourself or you get them at the theater.

[1:03:33] Well, you have to make them yourself

[1:03:35] or else you don't get the love.

[1:03:36] So that's what I would say.

[1:03:38] Night of the Demons.

[1:03:39] Daniel?

[1:03:41] You know, I am a big proponent of my favorite zombie film is Return of the Living Dead, which is popular amongst horror comedy folk, but not necessarily huge in the world.

[1:03:54] It's not on the AFI list, yeah.

[1:03:55] Well, I was looking at best bad horror movie list because I was going to do a screening of some bad horror movies.

[1:04:02] And there are all these lists with movies that are clearly meant to be tongue in cheek.

[1:04:06] And that was one of them on there.

[1:04:07] And it made me very angry.

[1:04:08] But Return of the Living Dead, punk rock version of a zombie film.

[1:04:12] And I think you should throw a Merkin screen.

[1:04:14] Yeah, Merkins.

[1:04:15] Yeah, we both have the same joke.

[1:04:16] Merkins.

[1:04:17] In honor of the scene where...

[1:04:19] So you've got to buy a Merkin?

[1:04:20] Yeah.

[1:04:21] You've got to buy a Merkin.

[1:04:22] No, they have them in the fucking movie theater lobby.

[1:04:25] If you're a true fan, Elliot, you've got to commit.

[1:04:26] I guess that's true.

[1:04:28] You've got to go to the Merkin warehouse.

[1:04:30] I'm sure it's Merkin.com.

[1:04:33] You've got to go down to Merkinit.

[1:04:34] Merkinit?

[1:04:36] I don't know.

[1:04:38] All right.

[1:04:39] Maybe do another pass at that one.

[1:04:40] I hope that answered your question.

[1:04:41] I hope what you wanted to hear was that.

[1:04:43] So thank you very much.

[1:04:44] Okay, coming up next.

[1:04:46] Next questioner.

[1:04:47] Hey, I'm Matt.

[1:04:48] First time, long time.

[1:04:48] Matt, last name is first time, long time.

[1:04:51] It's a family name.

[1:04:53] So this movie was released...

[1:04:55] They all are.

[1:04:56] Dan, sometimes you do tickle me.

[1:05:03] I'll see myself out.

[1:05:07] So this movie was released as Alita Battle Angel,

[1:05:09] but the manga it's based on is Battle Angel Alita.

[1:05:13] Well, they read backwards in Japan.

[1:05:15] And I thought of this question

[1:05:18] when the Friendly Fire episode in the donor feed

[1:05:20] reviewed Edge of Tomorrow,

[1:05:22] which has its name changed to Live, Die, Repeat,

[1:05:24] and it's now officially known as Live, Die, Repeat.

[1:05:26] So were there any movies

[1:05:27] that you would officially change the title of

[1:05:30] to something else?

[1:05:31] Are there any movies

[1:05:32] we would officially change the title of to something else?

[1:05:35] There's a movie...

[1:05:37] So there's a movie starring Guy Pearce

[1:05:39] where he has to break into a jail

[1:05:42] that's in outer space.

[1:05:44] Yeah!

[1:05:45] Any sane person would have called it Space Jail.

[1:05:50] What do they call it, The Breakout?

[1:05:53] It's like The Great Escape.

[1:05:55] Lockout.

[1:05:56] Lockout, lockdown, terrible.

[1:05:58] Space Jail, I can't forget it.

[1:06:00] That's like there's a movie with,

[1:06:05] It's at The Rock and some other dude,

[1:06:08] and it's called, I think, The Roundup or something like that?

[1:06:10] The Rundown.

[1:06:10] Yeah, The Rundown.

[1:06:11] The Roundabout?

[1:06:12] And the original title was Hell Dorado,

[1:06:15] which is a much better name.

[1:06:16] I mean, I think we talked about it when we did Devil,

[1:06:20] that it should be Hell-evator.

[1:06:22] It should be called Hell-evator, yeah.

[1:06:23] An obvious name.

[1:06:24] Or are we done with Devil-vator?

[1:06:27] I thought that was pretty good, too.

[1:06:28] Devil-vator, I don't...

[1:06:29] Let me explain to you backstage why that's worse.

[1:06:31] I mean, it's still better than Devil.

[1:06:33] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:06:34] Don't get me wrong, which doesn't get across the most salient point, which is that elevator.

[1:06:38] But again, even elevator is not a good name for that, because as George Carlin pointed out, it goes down as well as up.

[1:06:44] The name only tells half the story.

[1:06:45] That's a George Carlin joke.

[1:06:47] So I guess that, an elevator should be called like a vertical people mover or a vert-poov.

[1:06:52] All right, well, moving on.

[1:06:55] Yeah, we can get through this whole line and then go.

[1:07:00] Okay, two more questions.

[1:07:02] Two more questions.

[1:07:02] Dan, you sound like you've got a place to be, and that place is setting up for our next show.

[1:07:06] All right.

[1:07:06] Hey, guys.

[1:07:07] Andrew, last name withheld.

[1:07:08] Hey, Andrew.

[1:07:09] Thanks for being here.

[1:07:10] Hey.

[1:07:10] So tomorrow's Rosh Hashanah, getting the podcast.

[1:07:13] You said that like you were accusing us.

[1:07:15] Tomorrow's Rosh Hashanah.

[1:07:16] You should be at home preparing for the new year.

[1:07:19] With your family.

[1:07:19] You have challahs to bake.

[1:07:21] I'm going to be late.

[1:07:21] You've got brisket to roast.

[1:07:23] Tomorrow's Rosh Hashanah.

[1:07:24] After that, in the days before Yom Kippur, we're supposed to apologize to people for our sins.

[1:07:29] Would you guys like to apologize to each other

[1:07:31] for what you've done to each other over the past year?

[1:07:32] Okay.

[1:07:34] Yeah, guys, would you like to apologize to me?

[1:07:36] That's a good question.

[1:07:37] Thank you for reminding me of my sacred obligation

[1:07:40] as a member of the Hebrew race.

[1:07:42] Dan, I would like to apologize to you

[1:07:45] for making fun of your, in retrospect,

[1:07:48] not super crazy wish to see more information

[1:07:53] about the Urm War.

[1:07:54] I realize that while it is a strange choice

[1:07:58] and would bog down the movie unnecessarily.

[1:08:01] Your desire to learn more

[1:08:03] is merely, as I mentioned before,

[1:08:05] the movie acting upon you

[1:08:06] in the way it is meant to

[1:08:07] by making you curious

[1:08:09] about what's going to happen,

[1:08:10] much as the Jewish people

[1:08:11] are curious about many things.

[1:08:13] And so I apologize

[1:08:16] for making fun of you so much

[1:08:17] about that

[1:08:18] specific thing.

[1:08:21] And nothing else.

[1:08:23] Uh, Elliot?

[1:08:28] I would like to apologize to you

[1:08:31] for making our private argument so public.

[1:08:37] And I would like to say

[1:08:41] that even though we have differing opinions on dramaturgy,

[1:08:44] I still count you one of my greatest friends.

[1:08:47] Same here, Dan.

[1:08:49] Stuart, we haven't talked to you yet.

[1:08:52] I would like to apologize to you for that.

[1:08:57] I'd also like to apologize to you

[1:08:59] for getting so angry at you

[1:09:01] for your inability to respond

[1:09:03] to any of my emails.

[1:09:04] Tan.

[1:09:13] Tomorrow is Rosh Hashanah.

[1:09:24] Now, I would like to apologize about the love that your cat, Archie, clearly seems to have for me.

[1:09:33] When I come in the room, he ignores you.

[1:09:38] In fact, pushes you out of the way to rush into my arms and try and stick his entire head up my nostril.

[1:09:46] This is all accurate.

[1:09:47] I don't know what I did to bring that on.

[1:09:53] And for that, I'm sorry.

[1:09:55] Thank you.

[1:09:56] And Elliot, after you moved away,

[1:09:58] I'm sorry that I made a little tiny Elliot in my apartment.

[1:10:01] And I yelled at it every time I was mad that you had moved away.

[1:10:07] I made it out of Play-Doh and cat hair.

[1:10:13] And a fair amount of my spit.

[1:10:18] And for that, I'm sorry.

[1:10:23] I appreciate the apology and the news about that.

[1:10:26] Well, we've all been through something.

[1:10:32] That would be a perfect way to end the show.

[1:10:33] We've got one more question.

[1:10:35] Hi.

[1:10:37] First name, Emma.

[1:10:38] Last name, take your pick.

[1:10:40] Watson, Stone, Thompson.

[1:10:42] Wow, okay.

[1:10:43] Multiple choice, last name.

[1:10:44] Cool, that's the future.

[1:10:45] Very post-human.

[1:10:45] I like it.

[1:10:46] So to circle back around to the wonderful presentation on Boston that you started with,

[1:10:51] i was wondering what your favorite movie set in the city of boston is favorite boston movie so uh

[1:10:57] she referenced my presentation before the show which was about beans in the movies

[1:11:01] in honor of bean town which is not technically about the none of those movies are about boston

[1:11:07] well if you want to hear my thoughts on movies about boston come to the late show uh but so uh

[1:11:13] but i don't know maybe uh i mean here's the thing the thing is there's a lot of movies that are set

[1:11:17] in boston and there's a lot of great movies set in boston uh it is surprising that such a teeny

[1:11:22] tiny itty bitty little city has so many movies set in it so many great movies it's just a we

[1:11:30] don't put it in your pocket city but uh i know it's a tough one because like you got movies like

[1:11:36] the verdict is set in boston like paper chase is set in boston i got mine yeah i'm gonna say

[1:11:42] the book Johnny Tremaine.

[1:11:43] I mean, I think they made a movie of that

[1:11:47] at some point.

[1:11:48] Maybe.

[1:11:49] I'm Googling, so.

[1:11:51] You're like, Ben Affleck movies.

[1:11:56] Yeah.

[1:11:57] Is Ben and Me the one about the mouse

[1:12:02] and Benjamin Franklin boss?

[1:12:03] No, Philadelphia.

[1:12:04] So I'm going to say The Friends of Eddie Coyle.

[1:12:07] I think it's my favorite Boston movie.

[1:12:10] Because I love old Robert Mitchum.

[1:12:12] He's so sad.

[1:12:13] Dan, do you just want to name a movie?

[1:12:18] No one's going to tell you you're wrong.

[1:12:19] Unless you say like Ted 2, I guess.

[1:12:24] But maybe that's your favorite.

[1:12:27] You know what, Dan?

[1:12:28] I'm criticizing your choices too much.

[1:12:30] If you want to say Ted 2, go right ahead and I will not judge.

[1:12:33] I think we can just go ahead and say Dan loves Ted 2.

[1:12:37] He loves Ted 2.

[1:12:37] It's his favorite awesome movie.

[1:12:39] I'll say The Departed, which I remember is set in Boston

[1:12:42] because that goddamn Dropkick Murphy song

[1:12:45] is played every five minutes.

[1:12:47] Sounds like you've got some issues with that movie, Dan.

[1:12:50] No, it's good. It's good.

[1:12:52] And that's the show!

[1:12:54] Thank you very much for the questions, yeah.

[1:12:56] Thank you very much for being here with us.

[1:12:59] Thank you to the venue. Thank you, WBR, Sane Space.

[1:13:01] Thank you, Boston. Thank you for coming. Good night.

[1:13:03] Good night. Thank you.

[1:13:09] Oh man, that was so much fun.

[1:13:12] Can you believe we said all that stuff?

[1:13:14] I certainly can't, especially because I've forgotten all of it.

[1:13:17] Uh-huh.

[1:13:18] Wouldn't that make it harder to believe?

[1:13:21] I mean, if you play me a tape of myself talking, I'm going to be pretty credulous, I've got to say.

[1:13:31] You know, if it sounds like me, I'll be like, oh yeah, I probably did that.

[1:13:35] Officer?

[1:13:36] That's why you're known as the credulous Hulk, because of your buff bod and also that you'll believe anything.

[1:13:41] Well, that was our live episode of Alita colon Battle Angel, where we learned that Dan loves backstory.

[1:13:52] Do not love backstory.

[1:13:54] Shovel it into his mouth, all the backstory.

[1:13:56] Tell him about all the grandparents and great-grandparents of the characters, all the stuff they did.

[1:14:00] He wants to know it all.

[1:14:01] How did Han Solo get that jacket?

[1:14:02] He wants to know.

[1:14:04] Dan will clean that plate and then ask for more.

[1:14:07] And then ask you where the plate came from,

[1:14:10] and he wants to go to the factory and watch them make it.

[1:14:12] The sand that this plate was made from,

[1:14:15] which desert or quarry was that mined from?

[1:14:20] Is that what you do with sand?

[1:14:22] Actually, tell me the history of sand.

[1:14:24] Well, I hate it.

[1:14:26] It gets in your butt.

[1:14:27] Smoking like a true Jedi.

[1:14:30] So that was Alita Battle Angel.

[1:14:34] We hope that everybody who has been listening has enjoyed it.

[1:14:37] Once again, we remind you that you can still go to MaximumFun.org, slash join, become a member if you're not already a member, upgrade your membership.

[1:14:45] There's lots of great levels and things, but you heard all about it during the pledge drive.

[1:14:49] Come on.

[1:14:50] But we appreciate, again, any support you give.

[1:14:53] If you happen to have a battle angel who maybe got some extra money in the roller combat ring, what did they do in this movie again?

[1:15:00] Maybe toss some of that money our way.

[1:15:04] And this show is, as we mentioned, is part of Maximum Fun, the Maximum Fun podcast network.

[1:15:10] There's plenty of other great shows.

[1:15:12] Just head over to MaximumFun.org.

[1:15:15] It's produced by Jordan Cowling, who makes us sound much better than we are.

[1:15:21] You wouldn't want to hear the raw audio, let me tell you.

[1:15:24] Much better than cooked audio.

[1:15:28] I've been.

[1:15:30] Cooked audio instead of raw audio.

[1:15:32] Get it?

[1:15:32] That's the kind of stuff Jordan usually cuts out.

[1:15:35] But Jordan, leave that joke in so they have a taste of the crap that they're saved from.

[1:15:39] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:15:44] I've been Stuart.

[1:15:45] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:15:49] And I'm Elliot Kalin, Battle Angel.

[1:15:53] That's right, guys.

[1:15:54] I'm a Battle Angel.

[1:15:55] I can just call myself that, right?

[1:15:57] Yep.

[1:15:57] Bye.

[1:15:59] Bye.

[1:16:02] ♪ ♪

Ep. #319 - Alita Battle Angel LIVE

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